1 00:00:00,880 --> 00:00:01,640 Speaker 1: Kubbooms. 2 00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:05,560 Speaker 2: If you thought four hours a day, twelve hundred minutes 3 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:09,320 Speaker 2: a week was enough, think again. He's the last remnants 4 00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:12,639 Speaker 2: of the old republic, a sol fashion of fairness. He 5 00:00:12,760 --> 00:00:15,680 Speaker 2: treats crackheads in the ghetto cutter the same as the 6 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:17,639 Speaker 2: rich pill poppers in the penthouse. 7 00:00:18,239 --> 00:00:18,479 Speaker 1: Wow. 8 00:00:18,600 --> 00:00:22,440 Speaker 2: It's the clearinghouse of hot takes. Break free for something special. 9 00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:30,800 Speaker 2: The Fifth Hour with Ben Maller starts right now. 10 00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:34,200 Speaker 1: In the air everywhere The Fifth Hour with Me, Ben 11 00:00:34,280 --> 00:00:37,320 Speaker 1: Mahler and Danny g Radio A Happy Friday to you. 12 00:00:37,440 --> 00:00:42,839 Speaker 1: It is February twentieth, twenty twenty six. I have just 13 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:45,600 Speaker 1: walked back into the remote studio. I know you're very 14 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:49,440 Speaker 1: excited about that for this episode of the Fifth Hour 15 00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:53,440 Speaker 1: podcast me and Danny g And it is just me 16 00:00:53,560 --> 00:01:00,840 Speaker 1: today celebrating National Muffin Day. That's right, National muffin Day. Congratulations, 17 00:01:00,880 --> 00:01:05,280 Speaker 1: Go eat a muffin, the muffin, the English style muffy. 18 00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:08,600 Speaker 1: Here's a fun fact for Alf thealon opiner and for 19 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:14,480 Speaker 1: you as well. English style muffins originated in Wales and 20 00:01:14,520 --> 00:01:17,520 Speaker 1: they contained yeast and were crooked in a pan that's 21 00:01:17,560 --> 00:01:22,160 Speaker 1: in the tenth century. Do you realize that we are 22 00:01:22,400 --> 00:01:28,880 Speaker 1: in the line of generation after generation that enjoyed the muffin. Now, 23 00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:34,720 Speaker 1: in seventeen o three, the first found printed reference to 24 00:01:34,959 --> 00:01:40,319 Speaker 1: a muffin was spelled not muff i n. It was 25 00:01:40,360 --> 00:01:46,959 Speaker 1: spelled moofn muffin, which became muffin. And then in the 26 00:01:47,040 --> 00:01:52,840 Speaker 1: nineteenth century muffin mania. The world became in. It became 27 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:58,000 Speaker 1: one with the muffin. The muffin became very popular in Britain. 28 00:01:58,280 --> 00:02:02,160 Speaker 1: There were muffin factories set up all over England. I'm 29 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:04,440 Speaker 1: sure Terry and England knows the history of the muffin. 30 00:02:05,200 --> 00:02:08,760 Speaker 1: Being a proud Englishman, I'm sure he knows all all 31 00:02:08,800 --> 00:02:11,520 Speaker 1: about that. So there you go. Celebrate National Muffin Day. 32 00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:16,000 Speaker 1: On this edition of The Fifth Hour Podcast, we have 33 00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:23,280 Speaker 1: gleaming like a Faberge egg and foody fun. Those two 34 00:02:23,320 --> 00:02:28,120 Speaker 1: things not related, not related, however, we will combine them 35 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:31,400 Speaker 1: together on this the Fifth Hour Podcast. Pretty good week 36 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:36,400 Speaker 1: on the radio, had some fun, unique callers, some fun moments, 37 00:02:36,639 --> 00:02:40,120 Speaker 1: great snoring, and just a good time had by all. 38 00:02:40,680 --> 00:02:43,440 Speaker 1: So I wanted to begin though a little ditty, a 39 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:48,519 Speaker 1: little story, and you know in your own journey. I've 40 00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:51,920 Speaker 1: got my journey, You've got your journey. There are certain 41 00:02:52,240 --> 00:02:57,800 Speaker 1: defeats that happen in life, that arrive and they make 42 00:02:57,919 --> 00:03:04,240 Speaker 1: headlines and and they get a lot of attention. And 43 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:09,200 Speaker 1: then there are those day to day quiet humiliations that 44 00:03:09,960 --> 00:03:14,440 Speaker 1: you don't anticipate. They sneak up on you, and sometimes 45 00:03:15,639 --> 00:03:17,560 Speaker 1: even in your own kitchen. Now, this is not a 46 00:03:17,639 --> 00:03:20,560 Speaker 1: tale of Benny the Baker. It is not about that. 47 00:03:20,600 --> 00:03:24,240 Speaker 1: But the other day, after a long drive back from 48 00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:28,840 Speaker 1: Sherman Oaks to the north Woods at a secret location 49 00:03:29,080 --> 00:03:33,359 Speaker 1: off the grid, which in southern California parlance counts as 50 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:39,120 Speaker 1: a rugged frontier country unless it doesn't, I return to 51 00:03:39,240 --> 00:03:41,840 Speaker 1: what I affectionately have called for years the Malar Mansion. 52 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:44,360 Speaker 1: It's the place I live. I've lived in a few 53 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:46,720 Speaker 1: Malar mansions. This I believe will be the final Malar 54 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:49,320 Speaker 1: mansion that I live in, But who knows. You never know, 55 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:52,840 Speaker 1: I might end up somewhere else. Now, if you ever visit, 56 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:57,800 Speaker 1: know that you're not invited. Number One, it's my private home. 57 00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:02,400 Speaker 1: You're not invited. Two Two, it is less the taj 58 00:04:02,520 --> 00:04:07,240 Speaker 1: Mahal or some have called it the taj Mamalar and 59 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:14,880 Speaker 1: more practical suburban enclave. It's got a dishwasher, and in 60 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:21,200 Speaker 1: modern America, that makes me a duke, Benny the Duke. 61 00:04:21,839 --> 00:04:25,640 Speaker 1: I have a dishwasher. Now I wash the dishes. The 62 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:29,200 Speaker 1: dishwasher is the final step. I've explained that my backup 63 00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:31,520 Speaker 1: plan for years was to get a job at Costco, 64 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:34,680 Speaker 1: and somebody who works in management here the radio show 65 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:37,640 Speaker 1: and told me to get a real job. I've given 66 00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,719 Speaker 1: up the Costco dreams for now. I've decided that I 67 00:04:39,720 --> 00:04:43,479 Speaker 1: will be a professional dishwasher. That's my new gig. I 68 00:04:43,560 --> 00:04:45,160 Speaker 1: might go back to Costco at some point, but I 69 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:48,680 Speaker 1: enjoy washing dishes. And then the final step is to 70 00:04:48,720 --> 00:04:52,480 Speaker 1: put the dishwasher into use. I wash the dishes. I 71 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:54,760 Speaker 1: then put them in the dishwasher. That's the final step 72 00:04:54,800 --> 00:04:58,600 Speaker 1: to desanitize or to sanitize the dishes. And in the 73 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:03,839 Speaker 1: way this works. On this particular day, I parked the 74 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:13,039 Speaker 1: malamobile and I trudged inside from the audio sweatshop, disheveled, frazzled. 75 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:18,159 Speaker 1: I shuffled some papers like I was Rush Limbaugh or 76 00:05:18,279 --> 00:05:21,880 Speaker 1: some low rent bookkeeper. And I followed the ancient rituals 77 00:05:21,920 --> 00:05:25,760 Speaker 1: of my people. When I say my people gas bags, 78 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:30,119 Speaker 1: I filled up the water jug. I wrote down some 79 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:33,119 Speaker 1: chicken scratch. I say, wrote it down. I actually typed 80 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:39,040 Speaker 1: it in my phone. Some notes the Malther radio database 81 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:44,920 Speaker 1: update update. Now more importantly, I let my beloved dog, 82 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:49,560 Speaker 1: my companion, my cuddle buddy while my wife's working, Moxie. 83 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,359 Speaker 1: Moxie had to go potty. It was potty time. But 84 00:05:52,360 --> 00:05:55,960 Speaker 1: she's also my patrol dog, which means she goes out 85 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:59,280 Speaker 1: and lays down and watches the rabbits and the squirrels 86 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:03,480 Speaker 1: and all the other critters run by, and doesn't give 87 00:06:03,480 --> 00:06:06,200 Speaker 1: a crap, doesn't care, just wants to take a nap. 88 00:06:06,839 --> 00:06:09,960 Speaker 1: Any kind of animal can be out there, don't matter. Now, 89 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:12,520 Speaker 1: if you toss a ball out there, turn on a vacuum, 90 00:06:12,640 --> 00:06:15,080 Speaker 1: she will become the most ravenous beast you've ever seen. 91 00:06:15,920 --> 00:06:19,480 Speaker 1: Other than that, he just chills out. That's Moxie's game, 92 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:24,159 Speaker 1: That's how she operates. She's a cool dog. Now. We 93 00:06:24,240 --> 00:06:26,200 Speaker 1: all love being creatures of habit. I think we're all 94 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:30,320 Speaker 1: creatures of habit. I don't know anyone that's not. And 95 00:06:30,920 --> 00:06:34,359 Speaker 1: mine are so fixed that you could set your sun 96 00:06:34,400 --> 00:06:38,120 Speaker 1: dial by them. So I place my wallet and my 97 00:06:38,240 --> 00:06:42,320 Speaker 1: keys in their appointed spot every day, same spot. I 98 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:46,039 Speaker 1: started doing this when I used to lose my wallet 99 00:06:46,080 --> 00:06:48,160 Speaker 1: and my keys, and I thought, well, that's like five 100 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:52,440 Speaker 1: or ten minutes a day where I am searching around 101 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:54,599 Speaker 1: for my wallet my keys. That's a waste of time. 102 00:06:55,480 --> 00:06:59,039 Speaker 1: It was ten minutes a day. That's it adds up. Yeah, 103 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:01,800 Speaker 1: that's that's all for an hour a week that you're 104 00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:04,120 Speaker 1: just wasting your time trying to find your keys. So 105 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:07,200 Speaker 1: I figured out a spot, and that's what a grown 106 00:07:07,240 --> 00:07:09,360 Speaker 1: up does. I put my keys and my wallet down there, 107 00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:13,080 Speaker 1: and it's as reliable as a postman in a Norman 108 00:07:13,240 --> 00:07:15,760 Speaker 1: Rockwell painting when I was a kid, and those were big. 109 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:19,320 Speaker 1: And so later I decided that I needed to retrieve 110 00:07:19,360 --> 00:07:22,960 Speaker 1: something from the car, and I went to this sacred 111 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:27,720 Speaker 1: altar of leather and metal and I grabbed my wallet 112 00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,440 Speaker 1: it was present and accounted for, and then reached over 113 00:07:30,480 --> 00:07:32,840 Speaker 1: to grab my keys where I always put my keys 114 00:07:34,280 --> 00:07:38,800 Speaker 1: squad douche, as a tillo would say in Florida, squad doushe. 115 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:43,320 Speaker 1: Now I thought I must have just put them a 116 00:07:43,360 --> 00:07:44,880 Speaker 1: little off to the right. So I moved my hand 117 00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:47,400 Speaker 1: a little the right, and then I started making a circle. 118 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:52,280 Speaker 1: I'm I'm widening my hand and I'm making circles like 119 00:07:52,360 --> 00:07:55,960 Speaker 1: I'm making circles and crops back in the day, and 120 00:07:56,680 --> 00:08:00,280 Speaker 1: or like a hunter trying to find trying to find gold. 121 00:08:01,560 --> 00:08:04,320 Speaker 1: I'm searching like the gold rush, trying to find my gold. 122 00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:07,880 Speaker 1: So nothing like, oh, man, okay, they must have dropped, 123 00:08:08,000 --> 00:08:10,800 Speaker 1: no problem, I'll check the floor. I went down, I 124 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:14,200 Speaker 1: checked the floor. Nothing. I said, well, they must have 125 00:08:14,280 --> 00:08:16,760 Speaker 1: just dropped on the counter, that I probably should check 126 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:19,680 Speaker 1: that first. What a dumb dumb So then I checked 127 00:08:19,680 --> 00:08:23,760 Speaker 1: the counter, and I checked the counter again, because hope 128 00:08:23,760 --> 00:08:27,640 Speaker 1: spring's eternal when you're foolish, bupkis. So then I thought, well, 129 00:08:27,680 --> 00:08:30,400 Speaker 1: maybe there's not enough light. You know, it's dark, it's 130 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:33,000 Speaker 1: come back. It's like four in the morning, you know whatever, 131 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:36,040 Speaker 1: five in the morning. So I turned the lights on. 132 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:42,080 Speaker 1: And at this point a lesser man might just shrug. 133 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:45,120 Speaker 1: And I am not a lesser man. I want you 134 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:46,480 Speaker 1: to know. I am not a lesser man. I am 135 00:08:46,520 --> 00:08:51,000 Speaker 1: a practitioner of malor math. I do the arithmetic, and 136 00:08:51,040 --> 00:08:56,880 Speaker 1: I retraced my steps with the determination of a hound 137 00:08:56,880 --> 00:09:00,720 Speaker 1: dog or a detective wearing a trench coat like movies 138 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:02,760 Speaker 1: back in the day, and I mapped the crime scene. 139 00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:06,160 Speaker 1: I had it all taped off, the crime scene, the foyer, 140 00:09:06,920 --> 00:09:12,640 Speaker 1: the kitchen, the remote studio, the back patio, the dog root. 141 00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:18,120 Speaker 1: And I even went outside scanning the driveway as if 142 00:09:18,160 --> 00:09:21,360 Speaker 1: I thought, well, maybe maybe I just dropped the keys 143 00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:26,400 Speaker 1: in some shrubbery and they're they're having a sip of 144 00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:30,760 Speaker 1: lemonade off to the side or something like that. It felt, 145 00:09:31,160 --> 00:09:32,480 Speaker 1: and I'm sure this has happened to you. I think 146 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:38,080 Speaker 1: it's happened everybody. But it felt like a how do 147 00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:43,760 Speaker 1: I describe it, Like a demon portal that opened the 148 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:49,080 Speaker 1: same vortex that devours socks, remote controls, and on some 149 00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:54,840 Speaker 1: level your dignity. And at this point the narrating voice 150 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:59,960 Speaker 1: in my head became Rod Serling. I could hear Rod 151 00:10:00,760 --> 00:10:04,400 Speaker 1: narrating my plight with his iconic pipes, and you might 152 00:10:04,400 --> 00:10:07,080 Speaker 1: not know who Rod Serling is. That's a turn of reference, Boomer. 153 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:13,160 Speaker 1: You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of 154 00:10:13,240 --> 00:10:19,200 Speaker 1: sight and sound, but of mind, a journey into a 155 00:10:19,320 --> 00:10:25,840 Speaker 1: wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That signposts 156 00:10:25,920 --> 00:10:31,880 Speaker 1: up ahead your next stop, the twilight zone. Do do 157 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,480 Speaker 1: do do do do do do do do Yeah. Of course, 158 00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:41,000 Speaker 1: this would be the middle aged radio blowhard who believes 159 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:46,440 Speaker 1: in routine, now undone by the disappearance of a small 160 00:10:46,640 --> 00:10:52,480 Speaker 1: electronic keyfob. Now I retrace my steps. I know I 161 00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:56,040 Speaker 1: did that. I retrace my steps again, indoors, outdoors, in 162 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:59,240 Speaker 1: and out lifestyle, under the cushions behind the doors. Now 163 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:01,960 Speaker 1: I know, I know I did not go to that sofa. 164 00:11:03,080 --> 00:11:05,160 Speaker 1: I know I didn't go there. Yet for some reason, 165 00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:08,840 Speaker 1: I was like, well, maybe somehow I ended up here abercadaver. 166 00:11:09,440 --> 00:11:13,880 Speaker 1: So at this point I had decided I had lost 167 00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:16,720 Speaker 1: the race. I was ready to give a concession speech, 168 00:11:17,720 --> 00:11:19,680 Speaker 1: and that was now the voice. I went from Rod 169 00:11:19,720 --> 00:11:24,440 Speaker 1: Sterling to failed presidential candidate. And you know, I just 170 00:11:24,520 --> 00:11:29,160 Speaker 1: realized the electoral map is a cruel mistress. And I 171 00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:33,160 Speaker 1: conceded defeat to the invisible key syndicate. I'd given up. 172 00:11:34,720 --> 00:11:36,840 Speaker 1: So I mentioned this to my wife as she was 173 00:11:37,720 --> 00:11:40,560 Speaker 1: She's working the day shift now, so we're ships passing 174 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:44,040 Speaker 1: in the early morning hours. And my wife woke up 175 00:11:44,080 --> 00:11:47,960 Speaker 1: and I said, I got bad news. What's the bad news. 176 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:51,520 Speaker 1: I said, well, I apologize, I've let the family down, 177 00:11:51,559 --> 00:11:55,559 Speaker 1: I've lost the key. And she's very optimistic, cock eyed optimist. 178 00:11:55,640 --> 00:11:59,280 Speaker 1: She said, don't worry, it's gonna turn off, so I 179 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,760 Speaker 1: explained gently because my wife had just woken up, but 180 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:04,720 Speaker 1: very firmly, I said, listen, I have done the mouth 181 00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:08,480 Speaker 1: or Maath again. And the probability, based on the percentage 182 00:12:08,559 --> 00:12:12,120 Speaker 1: chance that we find it, the probability is roughly the 183 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:15,400 Speaker 1: equivalent of discovering go in the backyard, getting a shovel 184 00:12:16,040 --> 00:12:18,800 Speaker 1: and you know, moving away the kiddie pool and discovering 185 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:24,839 Speaker 1: buried pirate gold bouyon. Under that, I said, the key's going. 186 00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:28,640 Speaker 1: That's it. It's vanished. I don't know what happened. Vaporize. 187 00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:31,000 Speaker 1: And then she went to work and I went to bed, 188 00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:35,720 Speaker 1: and I'm envisioning the walk of shame to the hardware store, 189 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:40,680 Speaker 1: hat in hand, asking for a replacement key that could 190 00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:46,040 Speaker 1: cost roughly the GDP of a small republic. So I 191 00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:48,240 Speaker 1: went to bed, but for me it was morning. So 192 00:12:48,320 --> 00:12:52,080 Speaker 1: I woke up, which was actually afternoon for most mortal people. 193 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:56,920 Speaker 1: And I wandered the same blueprint of my previous day, 194 00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:01,680 Speaker 1: like a treasure hunter with a a faulty map. And 195 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:09,160 Speaker 1: I wandered around and zippo, zippo. So now I crank 196 00:13:09,240 --> 00:13:12,440 Speaker 1: things up a couple of notches. I opened drawers, I 197 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:18,920 Speaker 1: started to stare at things I shouldn't stare at, just countertops. 198 00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:22,680 Speaker 1: I then went back to the room with the sofa. 199 00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:27,400 Speaker 1: I now accused the furniture, the sofa, and the side 200 00:13:27,400 --> 00:13:32,720 Speaker 1: table of malfeasance. And then that's it. I started then 201 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:35,920 Speaker 1: doing some work, and then later that day, while engaged 202 00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:44,120 Speaker 1: in the noble pursuit of dishwashing my backup jobs. Even 203 00:13:44,160 --> 00:13:46,959 Speaker 1: though you're a duke for having a dishwasher, you still 204 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:49,840 Speaker 1: have to you have to rinse the plates, as I said, 205 00:13:49,840 --> 00:13:52,600 Speaker 1: and all that. So I did that. I opened up 206 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:57,520 Speaker 1: the dishwasher to insert a couple of items and wai 207 00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:01,960 Speaker 1: la prestow. There it was ding ding ding ning ning, 208 00:14:02,720 --> 00:14:07,000 Speaker 1: nestled among the plates and the bowls like ex caliber, 209 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:12,440 Speaker 1: and the stone was the key to the malormobile. And 210 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,679 Speaker 1: I stopped. I did it seemed like I stopped for 211 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,080 Speaker 1: ten minutes. I probably stopped for about five seconds, but 212 00:14:17,160 --> 00:14:20,560 Speaker 1: I stood there, frozen for five seconds, and I stared 213 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,840 Speaker 1: at it. And at this point I was like, well, 214 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:26,400 Speaker 1: maybe they'll talk to me. I feel like I've gone 215 00:14:26,440 --> 00:14:29,600 Speaker 1: out of my way. I've spent pretty much a day 216 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:34,040 Speaker 1: of my life trying to find this and that demon 217 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:38,560 Speaker 1: portal from another dimension had not swallowed the keys. I 218 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:43,680 Speaker 1: had dumb, dumb numb nuts, or more precisely, I had 219 00:14:43,760 --> 00:14:48,080 Speaker 1: dropped them into the dishwasher. And then this is the 220 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:52,920 Speaker 1: cruel detail the rest of the story. As Paul Harvey 221 00:14:52,920 --> 00:14:56,720 Speaker 1: would say, I turned it on to the maximum Dante's 222 00:14:56,800 --> 00:15:03,640 Speaker 1: Inferno setting while tracing my steps. I had failed in 223 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:07,600 Speaker 1: this search to inspect the one place no sane man 224 00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:12,880 Speaker 1: would look for a car key, the whirlpool. There it 225 00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:19,000 Speaker 1: was freshly laundered, gleaming like a Faberge egg. And I 226 00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:24,240 Speaker 1: am now the proud owner of the cleanest car key 227 00:15:25,960 --> 00:15:28,520 Speaker 1: west of the Mississippi. If the people are at the 228 00:15:28,760 --> 00:15:33,000 Speaker 1: Smithsonian in DC, if they are listening, I will consider 229 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:36,440 Speaker 1: loaning this. You can't have it, it's mine, but I 230 00:15:36,480 --> 00:15:38,800 Speaker 1: will loan it out for the SMITHSONI if they want 231 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:44,840 Speaker 1: to look at this key fob So. Then the joy 232 00:15:45,680 --> 00:15:51,240 Speaker 1: gave way to absolute dread as I realized while I 233 00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:55,320 Speaker 1: had found the key, that's the good news. The bad 234 00:15:55,440 --> 00:16:00,800 Speaker 1: news is, yeah, the modern car key is not simply 235 00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:04,760 Speaker 1: a piece of metal like Rob Manford would call the 236 00:16:04,880 --> 00:16:10,000 Speaker 1: championship trophy in baseball. They are miniature computers. They have 237 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:14,840 Speaker 1: the buttons, the chips. There's this sorcery to them, this 238 00:16:14,920 --> 00:16:19,120 Speaker 1: mysterious sorcery. So then I realized that even though I 239 00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:22,680 Speaker 1: had won, I had still lost. Surely a couple of 240 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:29,280 Speaker 1: hours boiling in the steamy dish cauldron would reduce this 241 00:16:29,400 --> 00:16:33,160 Speaker 1: to a useless item, that it would just be electronic confetti. 242 00:16:34,280 --> 00:16:38,640 Speaker 1: It looked good. So this is what I assumed, again, 243 00:16:38,760 --> 00:16:42,080 Speaker 1: was a furic victory where you had won the battle, 244 00:16:42,080 --> 00:16:47,320 Speaker 1: but you'd lost the war, and so the key had reappeared, 245 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:52,040 Speaker 1: and you know, like a night returning from battle, it 246 00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:55,040 Speaker 1: would be mortally wounded. That would be it. So I'd 247 00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:56,760 Speaker 1: still had to make the walk of shame and go 248 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:59,960 Speaker 1: to the hardware store, and that would be there terrible. 249 00:17:01,160 --> 00:17:03,560 Speaker 1: So to move ahead in the story, I walked outside. 250 00:17:04,119 --> 00:17:05,920 Speaker 1: I was very tented. If you don't even make that walk, 251 00:17:05,960 --> 00:17:08,360 Speaker 1: you're like, oh, this is not gonna go well. And 252 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:11,480 Speaker 1: I was like I was approaching some kind of wild 253 00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:17,119 Speaker 1: beast out in the serengetti. And I got kind of 254 00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:19,960 Speaker 1: close to my car. I held the key at arm's length, 255 00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:22,480 Speaker 1: like many people these days would hold the phone up 256 00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:26,359 Speaker 1: like they're doing the Statue of Liberty, and I slowly 257 00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:33,000 Speaker 1: pressed the button convinced I'm getting porked. So I pressed 258 00:17:33,000 --> 00:17:39,919 Speaker 1: the button. Click the car unlocked. Sweet baby Jesus, the 259 00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:46,359 Speaker 1: car unlocked. I press it again, click the car locked. 260 00:17:47,240 --> 00:17:50,240 Speaker 1: At that moment, at that moment, one of the great 261 00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:53,920 Speaker 1: miracles of the modern world took place, and very few 262 00:17:53,920 --> 00:17:55,720 Speaker 1: people know about it. And I'm sharing this story with you, 263 00:17:56,200 --> 00:18:00,960 Speaker 1: and not many people know about this. The key worked perfectly, perfectly, 264 00:18:01,960 --> 00:18:07,040 Speaker 1: not a hiccup, not a wheeze. It had endured a 265 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:15,199 Speaker 1: mechanical purgatory, and it appears it emerged stronger, cleaner, like 266 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:19,280 Speaker 1: a prize fighter with the perfect bill of health. Now 267 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:23,240 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna sit here behind these microphones and pretend 268 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:28,959 Speaker 1: to understand the science. I don't get it. There's no 269 00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:33,080 Speaker 1: reason it should have worked. Perhaps these keys are forged 270 00:18:33,119 --> 00:18:39,080 Speaker 1: with the laboratory, the science that they use in submarines. 271 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:45,800 Speaker 1: Perhaps the engineers who make these keys had anticipated the 272 00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:49,560 Speaker 1: folly of being human. They'd built them to withstand a dishwasher, 273 00:18:49,600 --> 00:18:56,000 Speaker 1: a monsoon, or a clumsy radio host. All I know 274 00:18:56,200 --> 00:18:59,440 Speaker 1: is this. I had written the oh bit, I had 275 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:05,639 Speaker 1: written the obituary for the keys. I had prepared for 276 00:19:05,800 --> 00:19:08,600 Speaker 1: the fiscal hit that I was going to take and 277 00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:14,919 Speaker 1: yet there it was sanitized, operational, good to go. So 278 00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:18,160 Speaker 1: there's some kind of lesson here, I would think, right, 279 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:21,359 Speaker 1: there's a lesson like the watch your thing, the what 280 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:26,080 Speaker 1: you mccally. So I will attempt to deliver it with 281 00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:30,520 Speaker 1: all the gravitas of a man who has stared into 282 00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:35,600 Speaker 1: the abitiness of his own absent mindedness. Yet again. And 283 00:19:36,040 --> 00:19:38,120 Speaker 1: just to repeat for those of you in the back 284 00:19:38,119 --> 00:19:41,280 Speaker 1: of the room, we're all creatures of habit. We put 285 00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:44,280 Speaker 1: things in the same place. We do that every day. 286 00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:48,320 Speaker 1: We convince ourselves that we are in control of our 287 00:19:48,359 --> 00:19:50,840 Speaker 1: own world, our own universe, and all that stuff. And 288 00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:55,840 Speaker 1: when things don't line up, we of course have issues. 289 00:19:55,880 --> 00:20:00,320 Speaker 1: We assume the worst. We draft the concession speech, We 290 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:06,520 Speaker 1: prepare for the humiliation, or a costly humiliation. However, sometimes 291 00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,480 Speaker 1: for no rhyme or reason, the solution is hiding in 292 00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:14,320 Speaker 1: plain sight, tucked among the dinner plates, the knife, the forks, 293 00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:19,480 Speaker 1: the bowls, through a cycle we never even considered. The 294 00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:24,359 Speaker 1: key to victory, as it were, is this, When in doubt, 295 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:27,480 Speaker 1: clean out the dishwasher. That's it. When in doubt clean 296 00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,840 Speaker 1: out the dishwasher. Is it elegant? 297 00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:29,960 Speaker 2: No? 298 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:34,120 Speaker 1: Is it profound? No? It will not appear in any 299 00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:38,760 Speaker 1: of those self help books or videos you watch on YouTube, 300 00:20:38,920 --> 00:20:43,879 Speaker 1: but in the grand scheme of the Malar Mansion, it 301 00:20:44,040 --> 00:20:48,600 Speaker 1: counts as a win. And in a world that we 302 00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:53,879 Speaker 1: all share here that really delights in gobbling up things, gobble, gobble, 303 00:20:54,320 --> 00:20:58,880 Speaker 1: whether it's our socks or our sanity, I will take 304 00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:06,280 Speaker 1: the small victory of a sparkling, fully functional keyfob as 305 00:21:06,359 --> 00:21:11,439 Speaker 1: a triumph of old fashioned good fortune, even if it 306 00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:15,920 Speaker 1: did require a trip through the rent cycle to get there. 307 00:21:17,440 --> 00:21:20,040 Speaker 1: Let's get to We have food E fun, all right, 308 00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:22,800 Speaker 1: for food e fun, get me the mood food e fun. 309 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:27,080 Speaker 1: Some by request, I got a couple of emails. All 310 00:21:27,080 --> 00:21:29,280 Speaker 1: it takes is one or two emails, and I'll do 311 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:32,440 Speaker 1: whatever you want. I don't care. I mean, I don't 312 00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:35,280 Speaker 1: care what the f you want. Just request something, I'll 313 00:21:35,320 --> 00:21:37,639 Speaker 1: do it. I used to do this every week. I 314 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,879 Speaker 1: stopped doing foody Fun and we brought it back and 315 00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:42,720 Speaker 1: some of you liked it, and then I'd stopped it, 316 00:21:42,800 --> 00:21:44,600 Speaker 1: and now you're saying, why didn't you bring it back? 317 00:21:45,119 --> 00:21:47,880 Speaker 1: So these are actual food stories that we all got 318 00:21:47,880 --> 00:21:50,880 Speaker 1: to eat. And that's the mantra of FOODI Fun. There's 319 00:21:50,920 --> 00:21:55,000 Speaker 1: always new items to try to convince you to spend 320 00:21:55,200 --> 00:22:00,920 Speaker 1: your money at various fast food restaurants. It's not cheap 321 00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:03,960 Speaker 1: anymore to eat fast food. When I back in my day, 322 00:22:04,119 --> 00:22:08,880 Speaker 1: when I was a killed, it was very inexpensive. First off, 323 00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,320 Speaker 1: we'll go to Popeyes. Now. When I think of Popeyes, 324 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,760 Speaker 1: I think of fried chicken. I think of those chicken 325 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:17,320 Speaker 1: sandwiches and Popeyes. I think of the biscuits of Popeyes. 326 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:22,880 Speaker 1: You know what, I don't think seafood. However, Popeyes bringing 327 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:25,399 Speaker 1: back I know they have. There was a viral video 328 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:31,280 Speaker 1: about the Popeye shrimp and all that. Remember the yeah, yeah, anyway, 329 00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:36,640 Speaker 1: Popeyes is getting back into the fish, the fish game. Yeah, 330 00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:40,720 Speaker 1: I know you're excited. Try not to try. Yeah, the 331 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:45,920 Speaker 1: butterfly shrimp. Remember that viral clip that was big right 332 00:22:46,600 --> 00:22:50,000 Speaker 1: where the guy reviewed the Cheddar bay biscuit. It was 333 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:54,160 Speaker 1: with the Cheddar biscuit butterfly shrimp thing and he said, 334 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:59,159 Speaker 1: my disappointment is immeasurable and my day is ruined. Okay, anyway, 335 00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:04,760 Speaker 1: popular sea food items for all new dry rub options 336 00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:08,639 Speaker 1: to kick your a la carte shrimp order, and a 337 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:14,080 Speaker 1: tackle box. So they got that at Popeye's Windy's Hello, 338 00:23:14,960 --> 00:23:17,200 Speaker 1: they're closing a bunch of restaurants, but they are introducing 339 00:23:17,359 --> 00:23:23,119 Speaker 1: the new thin Mint Frosty Fusion for Girl Scout Cookie season. 340 00:23:24,119 --> 00:23:28,600 Speaker 1: So that's exciting. A return to the fan favorite. They 341 00:23:28,640 --> 00:23:34,640 Speaker 1: have the thin Minty Frosty Fusion. It doesn't sound bad. 342 00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:38,120 Speaker 1: I gotta tell you, it doesn't sound bad, but there 343 00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:43,359 Speaker 1: you go. They've got that available at participating locations. It 344 00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:47,640 Speaker 1: is available right now. Thin Mint Frosty Fusion. Thin Mint 345 00:23:47,680 --> 00:23:53,200 Speaker 1: Frosty Swirl the other option there, so check that out. 346 00:23:54,280 --> 00:24:00,440 Speaker 1: Burger King, they've got the Maple Bourbon Barbecue Whopper was 347 00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:03,800 Speaker 1: introduced to the Million Dollar Whopper Contest a couple of 348 00:24:03,880 --> 00:24:07,440 Speaker 1: years ago, and Burger King has announced that it's back, 349 00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:13,199 Speaker 1: is it. They're mic rib participating locations. You can get 350 00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:18,600 Speaker 1: your hands on the Maple Bourbon Barbecue Whopper, and the 351 00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:22,679 Speaker 1: price points may vary. The sweet smoky burger expected to 352 00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:26,560 Speaker 1: cost around eight dollars and fifty cents. Eight dollars and 353 00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:31,399 Speaker 1: fifty cents. It's got the They debut this the Barbecue 354 00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:36,000 Speaker 1: Brisket Whopper and the Crispy Onion Whopper. Those were fan 355 00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:41,120 Speaker 1: creations in their series and so this one is coming back. 356 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:46,800 Speaker 1: So it doesn't sound bad. Substitute the bacon. What else 357 00:24:46,840 --> 00:24:49,399 Speaker 1: do we have another Wendy's Out of Wendy's unveiling the 358 00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:55,480 Speaker 1: new cheesy Bacon cheeseburger and chicken tender ranch Wrap. I'm 359 00:24:55,480 --> 00:25:00,960 Speaker 1: good on that. Available participating locations, So you can go 360 00:25:00,960 --> 00:25:04,639 Speaker 1: to Wendy's, get your cheesy bacon cheeseburger, get a side 361 00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:08,199 Speaker 1: of chicken tender ranch wrap if you're into that kind 362 00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:13,119 Speaker 1: of thing, and then a thin mint frosty fusion. So 363 00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:15,840 Speaker 1: there is that's been available for a couple of days. 364 00:25:17,080 --> 00:25:21,240 Speaker 1: And they say that the cheesy bacon cheeseburger features a fresh, 365 00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:28,160 Speaker 1: never frozen, quarter pound beef patty topped with melti American cheese, 366 00:25:28,720 --> 00:25:33,560 Speaker 1: three strips of applewood smoked bacon, and cheddar cheese sauce, 367 00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:38,880 Speaker 1: all served on a premium lightly toasted bun. Sounds all right, 368 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,960 Speaker 1: I think I'm hungry. Well this one blew me away. 369 00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:46,800 Speaker 1: This one blew me away Costco with no fanfare, no 370 00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:54,280 Speaker 1: announcement from Costco. They just quietly dropped a new item. Hello, 371 00:25:55,400 --> 00:26:01,000 Speaker 1: the food court at Costco just dropped a new item. Yes, yes, yes, 372 00:26:01,240 --> 00:26:08,040 Speaker 1: what is it? Well, it is the double chocolate mint Sunday. Yeah. 373 00:26:08,119 --> 00:26:12,400 Speaker 1: It's a mint soft serve layered with chocolate cookie crumble 374 00:26:13,119 --> 00:26:17,800 Speaker 1: and chocolate sauce gently swirled into a mint green and 375 00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:23,240 Speaker 1: brown tie dyed delight. It has a two to ninety 376 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:28,760 Speaker 1: nine price tag. That is the suggested retail price. And 377 00:26:28,800 --> 00:26:31,320 Speaker 1: we're told, I guess this is not widely available. Some 378 00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:35,080 Speaker 1: locations have soft launched it. I guess they did some 379 00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:38,240 Speaker 1: free samples at some locations. But from what we're told, now, 380 00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:42,480 Speaker 1: boots on the ground, boots on the ground. It is 381 00:26:42,840 --> 00:26:45,280 Speaker 1: good to go. Now, if you're on a diet, this 382 00:26:45,359 --> 00:26:51,000 Speaker 1: is a slight problem. This thing has seven one hundred 383 00:26:51,119 --> 00:26:59,000 Speaker 1: and ninety calories. Seven one hundred and ninety calories for 384 00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:11,400 Speaker 1: this thing, so good now, just for comparison's sake, that's great. Uh. 385 00:27:12,560 --> 00:27:14,840 Speaker 1: You want to take a guess how many calories? I 386 00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:20,560 Speaker 1: don't know. Let's pick a popular a popular item. I 387 00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:24,359 Speaker 1: about a big mac? How many calories in a big mac? 388 00:27:25,720 --> 00:27:29,399 Speaker 1: Let's see here, take a you got a number. Okay, 389 00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:32,879 Speaker 1: there are approximately five hundred and forty calories in a 390 00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:36,640 Speaker 1: big mac. So you could eat a big mac and 391 00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:42,119 Speaker 1: a half and you'd just be slightly over the cal 392 00:27:42,119 --> 00:27:45,439 Speaker 1: rey count. Yeah, listen, if you're going into Costco, it's 393 00:27:45,480 --> 00:27:49,520 Speaker 1: an impulse purchase. You gotta live a little bit. Why 394 00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:51,800 Speaker 1: not just get your fat ass on the treadmill. You'll 395 00:27:51,840 --> 00:27:53,920 Speaker 1: be good to go. Go out for a walk, go 396 00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:57,520 Speaker 1: see the great outdoors. What else do we have? Well, 397 00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:59,480 Speaker 1: this is I wish I lived in Canada. I gotta 398 00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:02,119 Speaker 1: get my Canadian brothers and sisters here. I gotta go 399 00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:04,840 Speaker 1: see Canada again. I gotta go back to Vancouver or 400 00:28:04,880 --> 00:28:09,440 Speaker 1: Toronto or something because McDonald's Canada just launched a collab 401 00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:15,960 Speaker 1: with Drake and his brand featuring a night sprite. It's 402 00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:22,639 Speaker 1: called The Afters Meal and it's again a partnership with 403 00:28:22,640 --> 00:28:27,720 Speaker 1: with Drake. And what is this all about? Oh like 404 00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:30,399 Speaker 1: let me explain, all right, So the and again this 405 00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:34,040 Speaker 1: is we need this in America. We we we definitely, 406 00:28:34,119 --> 00:28:36,480 Speaker 1: we definitely need this in America. I have to check 407 00:28:36,520 --> 00:28:38,800 Speaker 1: with my guy Nico on this. He'll have to beat 408 00:28:38,800 --> 00:28:41,719 Speaker 1: my boots on the ground and taste it. So McDonald's Canada, 409 00:28:42,680 --> 00:28:45,800 Speaker 1: this is it was mostly recently, I guess said in Toronto. 410 00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:47,880 Speaker 1: I think it's all over Canada now based on what 411 00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:52,840 Speaker 1: I'm I'm reading. Night sprite, Uh, it's sprite mixed with 412 00:28:52,880 --> 00:28:57,280 Speaker 1: blueberry raspberry syrup, served in a black paper cup stamp 413 00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:02,000 Speaker 1: with the Drake brand and his owl low Go and 414 00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:06,520 Speaker 1: the rollout apparently low key, much like Costco popped up 415 00:29:06,640 --> 00:29:10,720 Speaker 1: around Toronto, so I might not be available in Vancouver. 416 00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:14,239 Speaker 1: There's also a meal that just kind of popped up, 417 00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:17,680 Speaker 1: also quietly out of nowhere, out of left field. There 418 00:29:17,720 --> 00:29:21,560 Speaker 1: wasn't a big marketing campaign. Drake didn't do a cameo. 419 00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:27,640 Speaker 1: Who so let's see here the cups were already being 420 00:29:27,640 --> 00:29:32,680 Speaker 1: sold for forty dollars. For forty dollars, they were being sold. 421 00:29:32,720 --> 00:29:36,040 Speaker 1: But that's to me, that's not the story here. To me, 422 00:29:36,240 --> 00:29:42,200 Speaker 1: it's the poutine. They have the Junior Chicken or mcdouble, 423 00:29:42,920 --> 00:29:46,160 Speaker 1: and that's the meal. So you got to drink the 424 00:29:46,280 --> 00:29:52,520 Speaker 1: Night's sprite the poutine. Does McDonald's Canada send me an email, Nico, 425 00:29:52,560 --> 00:29:54,160 Speaker 1: or send me a text or something. Did they have 426 00:29:54,400 --> 00:29:57,400 Speaker 1: poutine at McDonald's. I should have gone of McDonald's when 427 00:29:57,400 --> 00:30:01,160 Speaker 1: I was there. Assays available now participate many locations across Canada, 428 00:30:01,160 --> 00:30:03,200 Speaker 1: so it is all over Canada. After meals that you 429 00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:06,160 Speaker 1: choose between the Junior Chicken sandwich and the mcdouble paired 430 00:30:06,200 --> 00:30:11,240 Speaker 1: with a regular sized poutine that is solid. We gotta 431 00:30:11,320 --> 00:30:14,640 Speaker 1: make poutine more mainstream in America. I'm gonna die on 432 00:30:14,680 --> 00:30:19,560 Speaker 1: that mountain. Well. Frosted Flakes has decided that they need 433 00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:24,600 Speaker 1: to change their iconic hey Tony jingle, So they did 434 00:30:24,600 --> 00:30:30,200 Speaker 1: what any business would do. They brought in a rapper. Yeah, 435 00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:33,560 Speaker 1: they're trying to get kids to enjoy frosted flakes, and 436 00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:35,920 Speaker 1: what better way to get kids to enjoy frosted flakes 437 00:30:35,960 --> 00:30:39,080 Speaker 1: than a rapper? I am not familiar with this gentleman's work. 438 00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:45,120 Speaker 1: J I D. People at Kellogg's announced their first ever 439 00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:54,200 Speaker 1: culture collab. Is this something that we need? Is this? Yeah? Anyway, 440 00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:57,520 Speaker 1: apparently this guy was big in the nineties. I don't 441 00:30:57,560 --> 00:31:04,040 Speaker 1: I don't remember. And hey Tony jingle fresh dose of coolness. 442 00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:07,120 Speaker 1: There in the press release they say fresh cos fresh 443 00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:13,640 Speaker 1: freshness and all that. So they are reuniting with the 444 00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:19,200 Speaker 1: brand to recreate the Haye Tony jingle. So we'll we'll 445 00:31:19,200 --> 00:31:22,520 Speaker 1: see how that goes well. This sounds like a terrible 446 00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:25,360 Speaker 1: idea and early results are it is not going well. 447 00:31:25,400 --> 00:31:31,680 Speaker 1: Walmart is testing a new food item in Jacksonville, Florida. 448 00:31:33,080 --> 00:31:37,760 Speaker 1: The newest Walmart supercenter. And this is a trial store, 449 00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:39,880 Speaker 1: so if you're in Jacksonville, check this thing out and 450 00:31:39,960 --> 00:31:44,920 Speaker 1: see if it's It's their new adventure. They are testing 451 00:31:45,080 --> 00:31:51,640 Speaker 1: fresh sushi bars. Yeah yeah, yeah yeah. Walmart superstent of location. 452 00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:55,560 Speaker 1: The company's plan is to build or convert more than 453 00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:57,840 Speaker 1: one hundred and fifty stores over the next couple of 454 00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:03,960 Speaker 1: years in a tempt they're going to modernize the retail experience. 455 00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:09,320 Speaker 1: According to one of the business websites they conducted the 456 00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:15,280 Speaker 1: American Customer Satisfaction Index. Based on all these surveys, Walmart 457 00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:20,600 Speaker 1: was seventeen out of nineteen in the supermarket category. The 458 00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:24,280 Speaker 1: quality and freshness of the meat and the produce was 459 00:32:24,440 --> 00:32:27,480 Speaker 1: one of the metrics and all this so they are 460 00:32:27,520 --> 00:32:31,600 Speaker 1: trying to modernize their stores and they have upgraded the 461 00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:35,080 Speaker 1: grocery section and they do have the first ever fresh 462 00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:42,080 Speaker 1: sushi bar, and it is not going well. They're not 463 00:32:42,200 --> 00:32:48,200 Speaker 1: getting good reviews. It's not a good idea. We're gonna die. 464 00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:52,480 Speaker 1: The next pandemic will be because of sushi at Walmart. 465 00:32:52,480 --> 00:32:56,560 Speaker 1: Those kinds of things should come with a care package 466 00:32:56,560 --> 00:33:00,920 Speaker 1: of toilet paper, that kind of stuff. Who knows what 467 00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:02,440 Speaker 1: else do we have on FOODI phone. We'll do a 468 00:33:02,480 --> 00:33:07,120 Speaker 1: couple more. Costco has finally changed to the digital world. 469 00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:11,280 Speaker 1: They're letting customers now order cakes in their Costco app. 470 00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:13,800 Speaker 1: Before you had to fill out the paper, which was ridiculous. 471 00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:18,280 Speaker 1: And we'll leave you on this one. The CEO of 472 00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:24,600 Speaker 1: Chipotle is public enemy number one. This douche nozzle, if 473 00:33:24,600 --> 00:33:29,120 Speaker 1: this story is accurate, on an earnings call, decided to 474 00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:32,440 Speaker 1: brag they keep raising the prices at Chipotle. That stopped 475 00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:34,680 Speaker 1: going there a couple of years ago because it was ridiculous. 476 00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:37,720 Speaker 1: I'm like, dude, it's not that good. It was very 477 00:33:37,760 --> 00:33:41,080 Speaker 1: popular for a while, but all these companies they get 478 00:33:41,120 --> 00:33:45,800 Speaker 1: so big and eventually they destroy themselves with the price 479 00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:47,960 Speaker 1: of the food and all that. So we learned that 480 00:33:48,120 --> 00:33:55,200 Speaker 1: sixty This is according to a conference call with franchisese 481 00:33:56,280 --> 00:33:58,680 Speaker 1: the CEO said, we learned that sixty percent of our 482 00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:01,120 Speaker 1: core users are over a hundred thousand dollars a year 483 00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:05,240 Speaker 1: in income, in average household income. That gives us confidence 484 00:34:05,320 --> 00:34:07,600 Speaker 1: that we can lean into that group in a more 485 00:34:07,680 --> 00:34:12,560 Speaker 1: meaningful way, whether it's a solo occasion or a group occasion, 486 00:34:12,640 --> 00:34:17,640 Speaker 1: to really drive meaningful transaction performance in the year, which 487 00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:21,080 Speaker 1: is let me decode that we are going to continue 488 00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:26,200 Speaker 1: to stick it to our customers and we only really 489 00:34:26,320 --> 00:34:29,800 Speaker 1: care about the people that have a lot of money. 490 00:34:30,760 --> 00:34:34,040 Speaker 1: That's it. And we're gonna keep raising prices up, up 491 00:34:34,160 --> 00:34:37,480 Speaker 1: and away, and that's how we're gonna do it. That's it. 492 00:34:38,200 --> 00:34:40,960 Speaker 1: So screw everyone else, screw everyone else. That's what we're 493 00:34:40,960 --> 00:34:44,759 Speaker 1: gonna do. All right, got good luck on that. Let 494 00:34:44,800 --> 00:34:46,480 Speaker 1: me know when your prices go down, or let me 495 00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:49,200 Speaker 1: know when you get a new CEO. Then maybe I'll 496 00:34:49,239 --> 00:34:53,080 Speaker 1: be back on that note. Have a great rest of 497 00:34:53,080 --> 00:34:58,279 Speaker 1: your Friday. We've got two more episodes this weekend original content. Yes, 498 00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:00,120 Speaker 1: I think I did about twenty minutes on a key, 499 00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:02,680 Speaker 1: but it doesn't matter. I had to tell that story, 500 00:35:03,080 --> 00:35:06,480 Speaker 1: and you know that's it. So we will have the 501 00:35:06,520 --> 00:35:08,759 Speaker 1: mail bag on Sunday. You can send a letter in 502 00:35:09,120 --> 00:35:12,200 Speaker 1: via email obviously for the mail bag Real fifth Hour 503 00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:16,240 Speaker 1: at gmail dot com. That's Real fifth Hour at gmail 504 00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:18,920 Speaker 1: dot com. If you'd like to be part of the 505 00:35:18,920 --> 00:35:22,480 Speaker 1: mail bag, and we'll see about Danny possibly being with 506 00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:24,400 Speaker 1: me on the Saturday one. I don't know about that. 507 00:35:24,440 --> 00:35:27,040 Speaker 1: We'll find out. But have a great day today and 508 00:35:27,120 --> 00:35:33,720 Speaker 1: we will catch you next time. Later skater asta pasta 509 00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:37,520 Speaker 1: is that the line? Is the mic working? Danny is? 510 00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:41,960 Speaker 1: I don't it's working? Yes, I am such a radio loser. 511 00:35:43,080 --> 00:35:47,040 Speaker 1: It this freakin thing better be working. I was impressed 512 00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:48,719 Speaker 1: by the size, but I'm not gonna lie, Danny. That 513 00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:52,880 Speaker 1: was a big cock. What got a murder? I gotta go.