Speaker 1: Hey, they're Crimeless fans and David stands. If you have
Speaker 1: arrived here looking for mister Knoxville and more chapters of
Speaker 1: the hilarious tale about David and Mike and all those
Speaker 1: other bumbling thieves from Hillbilly Heist. I'm sorry to tell
Speaker 1: you that this particular story has come to an end.
Speaker 1: Johnny had to get back to his regular life. All
Speaker 1: is not lost, However, the Crimeless train doesn't stop rolling
Speaker 1: just because we had to drop Johnny off. It has
Speaker 1: only stopped for refueling and to allow some new passengers
Speaker 1: to get on, like me, Josh Dean and my friend
Speaker 1: in Denver, Rory Scoville.
Speaker 2: Hello, everybody, and welcome to Crimeless.
Speaker 1: Coming up here in just a few moments, we have
Speaker 1: a treat to play for you, episode one of our
Speaker 1: new weekly show Crimeless, a podcast that celebrates, as we
Speaker 1: will say many times, the amazing creativity of the world's
Speaker 1: dumbest criminals. Would you say that sums it up, Rory?
Speaker 2: I think that absolutely sums it up.
Speaker 1: I'm a journalist and I'll handle the storytelling duties. It's
Speaker 1: my job to find the ridiculous tales and relay them
Speaker 1: to Rory. He's a comedian, he will crack jokes and
Speaker 1: also do some accents.
Speaker 2: Sometimes well the pressure's on now, yeah I will. I
Speaker 2: will participate with you the audience in having my mind
Speaker 2: blown at how absolutely absurd the criminals of this country
Speaker 2: and world can.
Speaker 1: Be, and do a little Scottish for us.
Speaker 2: There these criminals in the breaking into what if. I
Speaker 2: hope this is a make or break. I hope this
Speaker 2: doesn't mean I break people to say to actually listen
Speaker 2: to the show. Is that close? That's close, that's pretty good.
Speaker 2: That was not that's not gonna get me a gig,
Speaker 2: but it's not gonna not get me another audition for
Speaker 2: something else later without an accent.
Speaker 1: I agree. I give that a solid B plus.
Speaker 2: So nice work.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Every week, together we will unpack a new
Speaker 1: crime story that is too ridiculous to believe, joined occasionally
Speaker 1: by our trustee producer Lane Rose, who moves more often
Speaker 1: than someone in witness protection. Which, come to think of it, Lane,
Speaker 1: are you in hiding?
Speaker 3: Why didn't you like to know?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I'll never reveal my secret.
Speaker 1: In addition to make us look good by editing out
Speaker 1: our worst jokes, Lane will cap off every episode with
Speaker 1: a quiz, puzzle test or trivia challenge in a segment
Speaker 1: that Rory.
Speaker 2: Has named Lane's Games.
Speaker 1: Stay tuned for that just as soon as we spend
Speaker 1: our first side splitting tail. And with that, I present
Speaker 1: episode one of Crime.
Speaker 2: Less, your new favorite weekly show.
Speaker 1: Please like and follow us on your favorite app and
Speaker 1: tell all your friends.
Speaker 2: Think of it as a pyramid scheme, but instead of money,
Speaker 2: we ask only for your laughs. Just do it. Let's go,
Speaker 2: Gampsite media charge Rory. Yes, Josh, have you ever wanted
Speaker 2: to Have you ever wanted to kill somebody? I mean,
Speaker 2: this feels is like such a setup. Uh sure, in
Speaker 2: that fantastical I'm really mad at you kind of way,
Speaker 2: but would never do it and would instantly regret it.
Speaker 1: Okay, good, good, Because I'm not your lawyer yet, so
Speaker 1: anything you tell me it is technically admissible in court.
Speaker 2: I know, I know, I know.
Speaker 1: And we don't want to have to start recording these
Speaker 1: remotely from prison, or maybe we do.
Speaker 2: It could be fun, our a new bit, a lot
Speaker 2: of face time me.
Speaker 1: So let me start up and rephrase the question, do
Speaker 1: you believe that hip men are real? I?
Speaker 2: Do you do? Okay? I think they're real?
Speaker 1: Could because there's a school of thought that they're like
Speaker 1: unicorns are undecided voters, something we.
Speaker 2: Made up for movies. That is, I will say though
Speaker 2: every time someone contacts a hit man it is an
Speaker 2: undercover cop. Look at you, You're always so far ahead
Speaker 2: of my storytelling, Well, it's always a cop. The reason
Speaker 2: I say that is you might be right. They might
Speaker 2: be a mythical creature that doesn't actually exist, and yet
Speaker 2: people still try to contact them via Craigslist.
Speaker 1: Well exactly because today and crime List, we have a
Speaker 1: hilariously tragic tale of spoiler alert, a failed murder for
Speaker 1: higher scheme. We'll tell you how not to hire a hitman,
Speaker 1: and we will finally answer the question do they even exist?
Speaker 2: That's after break.
Speaker 1: Hello would welcome back to crime List, the podcast that
Speaker 1: celebrates the amazing creativity of the world's dumbest criminals while
Speaker 1: also obeying all traffic laws and never cutting the tags
Speaker 1: off our pillows or mattresses. I'm Josh Dean.
Speaker 2: And I am Rury's skifful good citizen of this world.
Speaker 1: Today, our story takes us to South Rockwood, Michigan, a
Speaker 1: town south of Detroit that, according to niche dot com
Speaker 1: renowned review sight of towns has a night life scene
Speaker 1: that's a solid B minus. And if that hasn't convinced
Speaker 1: you to move there, maybe this will. Back in July
Speaker 1: twenty twenty, aged divorce, a named Wendy Wine was pissed off.
Speaker 1: She was sure their ex husband, who'd bolted for Tennessee,
Speaker 1: had stolen twenty grand, and the distance provided by divorce
Speaker 1: and all those state lines was just not enough.
Speaker 2: She needed her.
Speaker 1: Ex husband six feet under.
Speaker 2: Wow, this is COVID time too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, maybe a little extra on edge, right, So.
Speaker 2: We're all turned up to eleven at this point, just
Speaker 2: to set the scene.
Speaker 1: So divorce she thinks he's taking twenty grand. Clearly the
Speaker 1: only option at this point is to have him murder, right, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean she can't even go outside. She's not supposed
Speaker 1: to even go outside. I guess that explains why she
Speaker 1: couldn't kill him herself, because how would she get to Tennessee?
Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: So anyway, she's not a killer herself. She's a mother
Speaker 1: of two. And if Wendy's gonna do this, she's gonna
Speaker 1: need some help. She's gonna need a hit man. How
Speaker 1: do you go about finding a hitman?
Speaker 2: Rory hitman dot com. You're this is actually how we
Speaker 2: do one of our plugs for one of our sponsors
Speaker 2: if you're looking to off so, but don't be afraid
Speaker 2: of hitman dot com.
Speaker 1: I mean, I feel like sometimes someone's leaking these scripts
Speaker 1: to you because you're getting a little bit ahea off
Speaker 1: my money.
Speaker 2: If this is even remotely true, oh my god, hold tight.
Speaker 1: In the past, you might have tried asking the bartender
Speaker 1: at the Divius Bar in town, or maybe your friend
Speaker 1: who's always got a guy for that. But this is
Speaker 1: the twenty first century. We have the Internet, and naturally
Speaker 1: Wendy turns to Google. I just love I love engaging
Speaker 1: with the bartender.
Speaker 2: Like you know anybody who like, how many times does
Speaker 2: the bartender be?
Speaker 4: Like?
Speaker 2: Why does everybody come in here and think I know
Speaker 2: who the murderers are? Bartender knows everything. Man, I'll do
Speaker 2: another course light and uh, you know anybody in town
Speaker 2: who kills people for money?
Speaker 1: So we will know exactly what Wendy typed into her
Speaker 1: Google machine. But it must have been something like hit
Speaker 1: man near me. Regardless, she comes across a website called
Speaker 1: rent a Hitman.
Speaker 2: Do oh shut the no?
Speaker 1: Well, yes, I did not make that up Rennehitman dot com.
Speaker 1: You can actually go there right now and you'll find
Speaker 1: a website that looks totally legit and not at all
Speaker 1: like a trap.
Speaker 2: Do you want to know what it makes me think of?
Speaker 2: It makes me think of like this is the police
Speaker 2: version of you know, when you take a kid fishing
Speaker 2: with their like shitty little kid fishing pole and the
Speaker 2: bait that's plastic but looks like a fish, and that
Speaker 2: Wendy is a fish. That was like, I think that's
Speaker 2: actual bait. I'm actually gonna bite. I'm gonna bite. I'm
Speaker 2: gonna eat that.
Speaker 1: Totally, because I'm sure Renne Hitman dot com is not
Speaker 1: a yet definitely not a trap. It's gotta be a
Speaker 1: legit thing because like it's on the open. We're not
Speaker 1: talking four Chan of the dark web here, We're talking
Speaker 1: this is the Internet.
Speaker 2: Hoigpace, so in the open. That's what Wendy was like, Oh,
Speaker 2: I appreciate this so easy? Who knew it was so convenient?
Speaker 2: Good lord?
Speaker 1: And it's not some janky website. It's a thorough resource
Speaker 1: advertising that its creators have seventeen thou nine and eighty
Speaker 1: five field operatives who have been quote whacken woes since prohibition.
Speaker 2: Yeah, also that's a that's also a lot of hitmen
Speaker 2: like we have seventeen thousand. I feel like maybe they
Speaker 2: over overplayed it there. Oh, I gotta say, if this
Speaker 2: is a undercover cop scheme, they probably were like, hey,
Speaker 2: you don't make it seventeen thousand, and then someone's like,
Speaker 2: who is going to this website? Anyways? Wendy might be
Speaker 2: them having to buy the website at them having to
Speaker 2: get it designed, them having to pay for that. For
Speaker 2: that dot com, they maybe put more money into catching
Speaker 2: one person.
Speaker 1: An elaborate sting, just waiting waiting for a fly to
Speaker 1: fly into that trap exactly.
Speaker 2: They even have a welcome video.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, hey you Yeah, you're looking for a hit man.
Speaker 4: You got an issue that needs resolving, Look no further
Speaker 4: than rent a hit Man your pointing click solution. Yeah,
Speaker 4: we're on the world Wide Web, not the Deep Web,
Speaker 4: not the dark Web, the world wide Web, and tell
Speaker 4: them Guido sent you and we are one hundred compliant.
Speaker 5: With hip hop the hit Man Information Privacy and Protection
Speaker 5: Act of nineteen sixty four. So check us out rent
Speaker 5: a Hitman dot com.
Speaker 2: Okay, yep, I would I would rent from here. It
Speaker 2: felt like an SNL sketch.
Speaker 1: Well, just you wait, there's twists coming Rory Man. So
Speaker 1: Wendy's no dummy and she's not gonna trust just anything
Speaker 1: she finds on the internet. Come on. So she writes
Speaker 1: an email to rent a Hipman's chief consultant, who you
Speaker 1: heard there, Guido Finelli, saying this is kind of weird
Speaker 1: that your company's not on the dark web. I prefer
Speaker 1: not going to jail. Thanks for your time. And then
Speaker 1: she tells Guido she's in need of one of those consultants.
Speaker 1: She's willing to pay her hard earned American dollars to
Speaker 1: have her ex husband taken care of. And he guesses
Speaker 1: what they're going to charge her to solve this little problem.
Speaker 2: I'm not gonna lie. I cannot even guess. I don't
Speaker 2: even have a baseline jumping up. I have no idea.
Speaker 1: Five grand Okay doesn't feel like enough.
Speaker 2: Right, it doesn't feel like enough. But it also you
Speaker 2: gotta know your your clients. You gotta know what their
Speaker 2: income might be. Right. It's probably not like someone in
Speaker 2: the one percent isn't coming to deal with a website.
Speaker 2: They have someone on retainer for this kind of thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I kind of feel like five grand was a
Speaker 1: bit of a red flag. So the next day she
Speaker 1: gets a response asking if she still requires their services
Speaker 1: and if she would like to be connected with a
Speaker 1: field operative. She says yes, absolutely, her husband is still
Speaker 1: a problem in need of solution, and she ranges to
Speaker 1: meet this chosen operative at a cafe. We talked about
Speaker 1: this earlier, but this is July twenty twenty. Rory, what
Speaker 1: else is happening?
Speaker 2: I mean COVID, So what's going on with this cat? Actually,
Speaker 2: now I'm worried what this cafe thinks they're doing. Open
Speaker 2: that's right.
Speaker 1: If firing a hitman for on the internet isn't bad enough,
Speaker 1: this woman is making plans to meet a stranger in public,
Speaker 1: in the middle of the pandemic crimes piled on crimes here.
Speaker 2: Sure, some of the piled on crimes are less critical
Speaker 2: than the crime underneath the pile, but yes, still a crime.
Speaker 1: So on July twenty first, twenty twenty, Wendy waits for
Speaker 1: her hip man at the Dixie Cafe, a homy joint that,
Speaker 1: according to one review, has the best bean soup and
Speaker 1: fish around.
Speaker 2: I believe him, I for sure believe him. I'm not
Speaker 2: a big bean soup guy, though, that's because you haven't
Speaker 2: had the best.
Speaker 1: So the hip man approaches. We don't know what he
Speaker 1: looks like. I like to imagine a ponytail, and he's
Speaker 1: named Snake. Wendy tells him everything he needs to know
Speaker 1: in order to kill her ex husband, what he looks
Speaker 1: like when he drives, where he works. Then she meets
Speaker 1: up with him a second time later that day and
Speaker 1: gives him two hundred bucks for travel because he's not
Speaker 1: covering expenses. Wendy, Yeah, that's right, you gotta cover from gas.
Speaker 2: He's got a gass hotel, per diem. I mean he's
Speaker 2: going down to Nashville or what do you say?
Speaker 1: Tennessee's Tennessee. We're not sure where.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then.
Speaker 1: Well, I mean, I feel like you've already answered this,
Speaker 1: But can you predict what the plot twist is here?
Speaker 2: I mean, I want it to be so extreme and
Speaker 2: insane that the hit man is actually her husband in disguise,
Speaker 2: and this whole time he's been a cop like Arnold
Speaker 2: Schwarzenegger in True Lies. But I know that that isn't
Speaker 2: going to be what you say.
Speaker 1: No, it's sadly what you said at the top, it's
Speaker 1: a sting. Wendy got arrested.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that makes sense.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think we're both shocked, absolutely gobsmacked by this twist.
Speaker 2: I mean, the cops had bids going at the station.
Speaker 2: Who is going to fall for this? And that you know,
Speaker 2: someone was like it will we will get one person.
Speaker 2: We're going to get one person.
Speaker 1: So yeah, I mean I had How on earth does
Speaker 1: a lady as careful as Wendy get caught for trying
Speaker 1: to hire it on the internet from the world's most
Speaker 1: trust murder for hire site. Obviously, Rennahitman dot com, I
Speaker 1: feel like is the gold standard. So here's what actually happened.
Speaker 1: I have the whole full backstory for you, because I'm
Speaker 1: sure you want to know. Yes, So, Rennehitman dot com
Speaker 1: is run by a guy named Bob Innis and he's
Speaker 1: originally he's just a normal dude who originally made the
Speaker 1: website for his internet security business a while back, and
Speaker 1: that didn't work out. I don't totally understand how that worked.
Speaker 1: But it was meant to be a demonstration of something.
Speaker 1: It was never meant to be a trap. But he
Speaker 1: puts it up and it's left dormant, and then one day,
Speaker 1: Bob he's bored and he checks the site's email box.
Speaker 1: Oh wow, and he finds there are quite a few
Speaker 1: messages from people asking to have their wife or husband,
Speaker 1: or brother or uncle or second cousin murders.
Speaker 2: Oh my god.
Speaker 1: So he mostly ignored them until he got one that
Speaker 1: looked serious enough. It was a woman saying she wanted
Speaker 1: three people killed, and she even sent their names and addresses.
Speaker 1: So Bob shifts into good Samaritan mode, sent the ladies
Speaker 1: information to a cop friend of his, and she gets arrested.
Speaker 1: So Wendy not the only person. Many, in fact, many people.
Speaker 1: So shocking to know that there are numerous people out
Speaker 1: there who are just googling how to have someone killed,
Speaker 1: finding a website, looking at that and thinking this is legit.
Speaker 2: That's the cops must have thought that too. The cops
Speaker 2: must have been like, wait, what, Bob, what do you have?
Speaker 2: I just I made the jokey website. And people really
Speaker 2: want to kill people and they think it's real. They're like, oh,
Speaker 2: oh my god. It's like literally going, what are we
Speaker 2: having for dinner? And then someone going, oh, someone set
Speaker 2: up a bunch of fishing poles and said we could
Speaker 2: just have we could just have whatever they catch. Oh
Speaker 2: oh yeah, I like that. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Bob's like, I guess I'll keep it up, and now
Speaker 1: I'll just use it as a trap. So he's a
Speaker 1: fair guy. He decides to keep it up, but he
Speaker 1: gives it a redesign to make it even more obvious
Speaker 1: that it's a fake, so that he can't be accused
Speaker 1: of entrapment.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I think you can now vouch for it being really obvious.
Speaker 2: Right, thought it was a joke, which I guess it was.
Speaker 1: You said that looked like an SNL schedule.
Speaker 2: I thought satura in life. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: And if you remember when we both chuckled at the
Speaker 1: reference to hippa, If you missed it, that referred to
Speaker 1: the quote hit Man Information Privacy and Protection Act of
Speaker 1: nineteen sixty four. It's an oath they make you take
Speaker 1: when you graduate from Hitman.
Speaker 2: You you have to take it. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So the website is also riddled with mafia references in
Speaker 1: addition to the head of the company being Guido Finelli, who,
Speaker 1: according to the website wait for this, has been working
Speaker 1: at Rena Hitman since nineteen twenty. Yeah, assuming you have
Speaker 1: to be at least ten to be a hit man.
Speaker 1: That would make him one hundred and fifteen years old.
Speaker 2: That's right, Wendy. Wendy just wanted to I think that's
Speaker 2: the world we live in. We live in such a
Speaker 2: world of convenience with our smartphones, we just assume that
Speaker 2: even this could just be a convenience. Right, this is
Speaker 2: door somebody thought of it. This is DoorDash for Wendy.
Speaker 1: The website also uses the word kapiche a lot, which
Speaker 1: is that offensive to Italian?
Speaker 2: I don't know, but definitely a giveaway that it's not
Speaker 2: a real thing.
Speaker 1: I think we may still be allowed to make fun
Speaker 1: of Italian? Is that one accent we're still allowed to do?
Speaker 1: Can you say, do you want to do you do one?
Speaker 2: For us? People? Do? They debate it? They debate it,
Speaker 2: They debate the the freedom, I'll say, the freedom to
Speaker 2: make fun of an Italian accent? Where do you come down?
Speaker 2: Are you comfortable? Hey? I just did he like you want?
Speaker 2: This is my favorite. I don't know what this is,
Speaker 2: but I love it plays great on podcasts, But really
Speaker 2: I just as I did it. Let me just say,
Speaker 2: Rory is doing a great Italian impression. With his hands.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, and and honestly every listener just pictured the
Speaker 2: same thing, tiny little crab claws yep, like facing upward
Speaker 2: and like like two crabs fighting. Yeah, not even a
Speaker 2: stereotypical uh impersonation. You watch any soccer game, You're going
Speaker 2: to see this one hundred thousand times.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, when they get up from being fake fauve, Yes,
Speaker 1: let's just keep doing gestures. That'll be great for the pod.
Speaker 1: So not only is renta hitman dot com obviously fake
Speaker 1: if you do even the tiniest bit of poking around,
Speaker 1: there are a lot of articles written about it. So
Speaker 1: clearly these want to be killers aren't even doing a
Speaker 1: second dual search, like is Renne hitman dot com a prank,
Speaker 1: a trap, a joke? The absolute bare minimum amount of
Speaker 1: research I would argue you should do before hiring a hitman.
Speaker 2: Yes, I do like that Wendy message like, uh nice,
Speaker 2: try but I'm not trying to get arrested. And he's like, yeah,
Speaker 2: but do you want our services? And she goes I
Speaker 2: absolutely do. Like she was on the right path of
Speaker 2: suspicion until someone was like, no, I swear, I'm real,
Speaker 2: what do you need?
Speaker 1: She just asked the guy like, she didn't do a search,
Speaker 1: like have there been previous incidents? Like yeah, nope, just
Speaker 1: asked Yeah. She's a very trusting lady, that Wendy. So
Speaker 1: according to Bob, he received four hundred hitman hiring her questions,
Speaker 1: by the way, and at least ten percent of them
Speaker 1: more serious enough that the cops took them on. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so he hands over the contact to the police. So
Speaker 1: usually have an officer who steps in and finishes the job.
Speaker 1: So the guy who went to the cafe after she
Speaker 1: was arrested, Wendy confessed immediately. I mean, I think what
Speaker 1: else was she going to do? Yeah? And she was
Speaker 1: sentenced to seven to twenty years for quote, solicitation of
Speaker 1: murder and using a computer to commit a crime, which
Speaker 1: I did not know was the second charge. Okay, so
Speaker 1: she's still serving time today at the women's Huron Valley
Speaker 1: Correctional Facility in Ipsilanti, Michigan.
Speaker 2: What happened to the kids?
Speaker 1: I do not have resolution for the kids. You've asked
Speaker 1: a question I cannot answer. Rarely happens.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I don't mean they kind of don't give
Speaker 2: the kids to the dad. If the dad up and
Speaker 2: left you got to assume he's not in it to
Speaker 2: win it. Oh, man, this just took a sad turn.
Speaker 2: Want her to consider these things, Josh, when you find
Speaker 2: these stories.
Speaker 1: I know you're thinking, this website sounds fantastic if you
Speaker 1: want to hire a hitman. But what if I want
Speaker 1: to be a hitman. So there's also a hiring section
Speaker 1: on the web page. It's a job page where you
Speaker 1: can apply to become a field operative for the most
Speaker 1: prestigious problem resolution organization in the world. Surely no one
Speaker 1: will fall for that one, Roy right, Oh no, no
Speaker 1: one's gonna apply for a job.
Speaker 2: Man, it's in the thousands.
Speaker 1: Allow me to introduce you to Josiah, Ernesto Garcia and
Speaker 1: Air National Guardsman.
Speaker 2: Ugh, this is the gift that keeps on giving. He's
Speaker 2: from Hermitage, Tennessee.
Speaker 1: Tennessee plays a big role in today's episode, even though
Speaker 1: the website's based in Michigan. I don't know why. So
Speaker 1: in early twenty twenty three, Josiah struggling to find a job.
Speaker 1: We've all been there, yep. So he starts looking for
Speaker 1: murder for hire gigs. We've all been there, I know,
Speaker 1: I mean, I just can't imagine how many rejections Josiah
Speaker 1: got before he makes that. Well, I mean I was
Speaker 1: in the military. I could kill people.
Speaker 2: So Josiah, like Wendy, comes up on rentehitman dot com
Speaker 2: and he finds the career page. What a break career.
Speaker 1: So remember we've established the website's a trap. It's very
Speaker 1: clunky on purpose. It's designed to be really obviously fake. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so that only the laziest aspiring murderers would fall for us.
Speaker 2: Yeah, who you wouldn't want to hire anyways, They clearly
Speaker 2: have no intuition.
Speaker 1: So the career page says join the family, capiche, and
Speaker 1: it describes the onboarding processes as as simple as whipping
Speaker 1: up a Sunday gravy. Yeah and yeah, which is not
Speaker 1: none novil. I'd like to note that's it. They don't
Speaker 1: serve it all week for a reason. You gotta dice
Speaker 1: the carrots real fine. So still none of this phases Josiah.
Speaker 1: He fills out the application, which includes questions, I shit
Speaker 1: you not, can you keep your yap shut?
Speaker 2: And if you needed to vanish? Could you?
Speaker 1: And do you crumble or do you stay cool like
Speaker 1: a canoli in the fridge?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Could you imagine getting the butterflies, Like, just hoping
Speaker 2: you're answering these questions correctly because you really want this
Speaker 2: gig Ah, did I I was too honest? I'm more
Speaker 2: of a tira missou the best Italian dessert.
Speaker 1: The site advises you to be honest in your application
Speaker 1: and or and I quote forget about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and Josiah, he.
Speaker 1: Sends a resume, a headshot, and a copy of his ID.
Speaker 1: He even brags he's been given the nickname Reaper for
Speaker 1: his military experience and marksmanship. Then he had send and
Speaker 1: presumably waits to hear from someone from the HR department.
Speaker 1: Doesn't have to wait long?
Speaker 2: Yeah, how long do you think he waited? Like how
Speaker 2: long do you think they they because surely they don't.
Speaker 2: They try to like sell it even though they don't
Speaker 2: even need to.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they don't even need to try. He's refreshed. They're
Speaker 1: not like any refresh on their email, Like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: we got one.
Speaker 2: Josiah is driving to the police station, going, hey, I
Speaker 2: haven't heard back about this application, and I'd like them arrested.
Speaker 1: So finally or shortly, we don't actually know. He gets
Speaker 1: a reply from a field operative who is Rory, who
Speaker 1: is the operative?
Speaker 4: Who?
Speaker 2: Who do you think? Writes back? Is it actually Guido?
Speaker 1: It's an undercover FBI?
Speaker 2: Well I knew that. But does he say I'm actually
Speaker 2: Guido Finelli?
Speaker 1: He probably does me or I'm Ricardo his cousin head
Speaker 1: of HR.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So the FBI agent says.
Speaker 1: They need to meet in person in order for him
Speaker 1: to get the assignment. He gives Josiah a twenty five
Speaker 1: hundred dollars advance and the four one one on his target,
Speaker 1: who is the fictional abusive husband of a fictional woman.
Speaker 1: And then Josiah is arrested on charges of the use
Speaker 1: of interstate facilities and the commission of murder for hire.
Speaker 2: Okay, I would like to point out this undercover cop
Speaker 2: should also be convicted for technically hiring a hit man.
Speaker 2: I think they're allowed to Maybe they're allowed to hire hitman.
Speaker 1: Or like, because I think money has to change hands
Speaker 1: in order for the bee, because otherwise the guy could
Speaker 1: be like I was joking.
Speaker 2: I would also like to point out Josiah was gonna
Speaker 2: go kill an abusive husband, and I think we can
Speaker 2: all agree that you're gonna kill somebody. If you're gonna
Speaker 2: kill someone, make it so that you're the good guy.
Speaker 1: So he pleads guilty to the charges, and in April
Speaker 1: of twenty twenty five a sentenced to five years oh
Speaker 1: of probation. So maybe they were like, oh, you're gonna
Speaker 1: kill an abusive guy. That's okay.
Speaker 2: I would love to see the judge and I hope
Speaker 2: for all of these The judge during sentencing just crushed
Speaker 2: for five minutes, rip roasting, like, I can't believe you
Speaker 2: fell for this website. I cannot even believe that this
Speaker 2: case is in front of.
Speaker 1: Me right now, like that we're sitting in this sto
Speaker 1: I can't.
Speaker 2: Believe we are wasting oxygen in this room to discuss
Speaker 2: the outcome of this situation.
Speaker 1: I mean, how do you mentioned how stupid Josiah felt
Speaker 1: or maybe doesn't even still get it. He's like, I
Speaker 1: hope when I get out I can find a real one.
Speaker 2: Yeah, He's like, I don't know why that website turned
Speaker 2: me in that they needed help. It still doesn't know
Speaker 2: it's a fake website.
Speaker 1: Uh, And that is the end of our story. Runahitman
Speaker 1: dot Com, I'm sorry to say was always fake, but
Speaker 1: it did make me wonder do any hit man actually exists.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I believe they do.
Speaker 1: I want to believe they do, and we're gonna tackle
Speaker 1: that question.
Speaker 2: You would make no sense if we knew about it,
Speaker 2: then they are not doing a good job exactly.
Speaker 1: So we're gonna dig into this and more after the break.
Speaker 2: Do do do? Okay?
Speaker 1: After hearing those sad tales, has your answer changed? Are
Speaker 1: Hitman real?
Speaker 2: I believe they are still real? Okay?
Speaker 1: I also want to believe that they are, so, like,
Speaker 1: we do know that there really are Capo's mafia assassins,
Speaker 1: people in the mafia who kill other people in the
Speaker 1: mafia for the most part, but I think it's pretty
Speaker 1: strictly that like you don't kill civilians.
Speaker 2: I hope that's true.
Speaker 1: I think that's bad for business, That's what I hope
Speaker 1: that's bad for business. But my question is, are there
Speaker 1: John Wicks and killing Eves like professional assassins and expensive
Speaker 1: suits who fly around the world killing people with piano
Speaker 1: wire and handguns with silencers on them. Yeah, some experts
Speaker 1: say yes, But as I believe you said a few
Speaker 1: minutes ago, if these people really do exist, they're probably
Speaker 1: too good to get caught.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we wouldn't know about it makes sense I mean,
Speaker 2: there's some deep level military training that we don't even
Speaker 2: know about, you know what I mean? Like we hear
Speaker 2: about Seal Team six, what about seven and eight? You
Speaker 2: know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Or nine, ten, or even.
Speaker 2: Who knows how high up the ladder we could climb.
Speaker 2: These other seals will never even know actual some of
Speaker 2: them might actually be seals, no idea.
Speaker 1: The Russian Navy, and this is true, like trains, like dolphins,
Speaker 1: and like walruses, things exactly like attack sweetish submarines, and
Speaker 1: they're so.
Speaker 2: Good at it they don't even know that they're they're
Speaker 2: doing it. They don't even know that it's violence. Dolphins.
Speaker 2: He's like, what, I'm just a walrus. I don't know
Speaker 2: what I'm doing. I just bumped into that submarine, bumped
Speaker 2: into it, and they taught me how to eat the
Speaker 2: side of it so it would implode and everyone would drown.
Speaker 2: That's all I o. This bomb tied to my back,
Speaker 2: I don't know I put that there? Can't. I don't
Speaker 2: have arms. How would I put this on?
Speaker 1: That's gonna get you out of court every time.
Speaker 2: Always, It'll always if you say I don't have arms,
Speaker 2: you're you're in a different category. Than everyone else. No,
Speaker 2: your honor, Literally, how did I put it all? You
Speaker 2: tell me. You tell me, if you're so smart, how
Speaker 2: did I type in that website? If I don't have
Speaker 2: fingers to answer that.
Speaker 1: Not guilty, sir, I mean whatever you call it a dolphin.
Speaker 1: So yeah, we do know that the majority of murder
Speaker 1: for higher cases are one off. It's basically you call
Speaker 1: up the sketches guy you know, and ask if you'll
Speaker 1: kill your ex wife's hot new boyfriend for two hundred bucks.
Speaker 1: That guy always gets caught, right. It is literally someone
Speaker 1: you met at the bar and he's like, eh, all right, yeah,
Speaker 1: I don't got any work. It's Josiah after he gets out.
Speaker 1: I mean, I mean in theory, the theoretical Josiah is
Speaker 1: of the world. I don't want to accuse Joseph.
Speaker 2: I guess the only ones we really know of is
Speaker 2: in the Tanya Harding Nancy Kerrigan situation. Is that the
Speaker 2: most famous hit man, but then he just clubbed her.
Speaker 1: In the knee, didn't he? Yes, As far as I
Speaker 1: can tell, most hipmn as we imagine in the movies,
Speaker 1: are cops basically like undercover cops pretending to be killers.
Speaker 1: As we saw in.
Speaker 2: The first act of our story. So that's the crime
Speaker 2: less PSA.
Speaker 1: If you ask your local bartender if he knows any
Speaker 1: hit man and he introduces you to a guy to
Speaker 1: Bandana and Oakley's that guy is an undercover cop.
Speaker 2: Probably yeah.
Speaker 1: In fact, the most prolific fake tip man we're aware
Speaker 1: of is a guy named Gary Johnson. Maybe you've heard
Speaker 1: of him or there was a movie about him. Glenn
Speaker 1: Powell played him in a movie last year called hit Man.
Speaker 1: Oh I think it was on Netflix, ieve, so yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: Gary worked for one of the DA offs DA's offices
Speaker 1: in Houston as a staff investigator cop here this he
Speaker 1: raised this earlier, so this will be the answer to
Speaker 1: that question. Cops need money to change hands in order
Speaker 1: to make an arrest and a murder for higher case,
Speaker 1: so that's why the cop had to like say, I'm
Speaker 1: going to pay you twenty five hundreds to accept the money.
Speaker 1: Therefore he's going to go and commit the murder. In Houston,
Speaker 1: when they would get wind of a person looking to
Speaker 1: have someone killed, they'd call Gary up and Gary would
Speaker 1: go undercover. And he was chosen a sort of at
Speaker 1: random at first, but when that worked, the word spread
Speaker 1: and eventually he became the go to fake hit man
Speaker 1: in Houston.
Speaker 2: And he's so good that Texas.
Speaker 1: Monthly writes a profile about him by the Great Skip
Speaker 1: Holland's Worth, a fantastic magazine writer. He describes him as
Speaker 1: quote the Lawrence Olivier of the field oh Man. On
Speaker 1: the first couple stings, he dressed up as a biker,
Speaker 1: but then he starts crafting as hipman personas based on
Speaker 1: the client. He might be a clean cut gentleman for
Speaker 1: a high society woman who hates her husband, or I
Speaker 1: don't give a ship, just give me the money, tough
Speaker 1: guy routine he'd use on certain guys.
Speaker 2: He even did accents like you, oh, which I'm knowing.
Speaker 1: Maybe this this is our fake crime for the season finale.
Speaker 1: You're a fake hit man. We send you out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and we document the whole thing, no matter, no
Speaker 2: matter how bad it goes, now, how much how much
Speaker 2: trouble I get in, We record everything.
Speaker 1: And we're gonna start at ours will be rente hitman.
Speaker 1: Dot org Yeah, dot gov.
Speaker 2: Everyone's like, well, the government's got the government's backing it.
Speaker 2: It's probably legal. Or dot edu it's a university. Yeah,
Speaker 2: it's educational.
Speaker 1: It would be basically improv which is I mean, that's
Speaker 1: partly your lane. This is this is perfect. So it's like,
Speaker 1: what would your hit man?
Speaker 2: What would your persona, your hitman persona be? What do
Speaker 2: you think?
Speaker 1: You know? I don't know.
Speaker 2: I uh, I always do this sort of chicagoy New
Speaker 2: York kind of voice. So maybe I'd be a cab driver.
Speaker 2: And as people got into the cab and the how
Speaker 2: hard I'm fishing people get And that's right, that was
Speaker 2: a third fishing metaphor, you guys, people get into the
Speaker 2: cab and I'm always just like you have a you
Speaker 2: need anybody, You need me to kill anybody? What's going on?
Speaker 2: It's actually becoming rocky killing by or something like that,
Speaker 2: a box room the death. It's not as messy as
Speaker 2: you think. It takes longer, yes, and it's very tiring.
Speaker 2: Sometimes it doesn't work, and sometimes they beat the shit
Speaker 2: out of me. But it's fun. I get a workout,
Speaker 2: you pay a little bit of scratch. Nobody cares. Hey
Speaker 2: where were you? Where were you going together? Yeah? Yeah,
Speaker 2: sorry at the airport? Okay? What sorry? What what airline? Terminal? Yeah? Okay, terminal?
Speaker 2: See all right, let me know, if you needbody, me
Speaker 2: kill anybody for you.
Speaker 1: So eventually Gary becomes local celebrity. A lot of people
Speaker 1: know about him. Obviously, we said, the press covers his things.
Speaker 1: And yet because people are God bless.
Speaker 2: Them, often really stupid. Yeah, they keep falling for it.
Speaker 2: That is so insane to me.
Speaker 1: I know, he's profiled in magazines, he's in the newspapers.
Speaker 1: I mean, is it any dumber than Renahman dot com?
Speaker 2: I guess I know.
Speaker 1: So. One is a teenager who paid Gary seven atari
Speaker 1: computer games, three dollar bills and two dollars and thirty
Speaker 1: cents and nickels and dimes to take out another kid
Speaker 1: in class who liked the same girl as him.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's unfortunate, it is. I think I hope we
Speaker 2: let that kid off with a slap on the hand, well,
Speaker 2: or you know, something a little more aggressive, just so
Speaker 2: he doesn't actually kill anybody, you know, really turn him around.
Speaker 1: Another one was a drug store employee who hired Gary
Speaker 1: to kill his family and a car crash so that
Speaker 1: they could use their life insurance payout money to quote
Speaker 1: start a career as a private detective who travels the
Speaker 1: world solving crimes.
Speaker 2: Everyone has a vision board, okay, and the way that
Speaker 2: you get from A to Z is not going to
Speaker 2: be the same for everybody. It's not going to be logical.
Speaker 1: How can I get the money to start my globe
Speaker 1: trotting private eyebea.
Speaker 2: Do you think the moment he was hired to do that,
Speaker 2: this hit man was like, wait, is it am I being?
Speaker 2: Is this a sting on me? This seems so crazy
Speaker 2: that maybe I'm in trouble.
Speaker 1: A third was a former vice president of the Houston
Speaker 1: area Republican Women who gave Gary a two hundred thousand
Speaker 1: dollars down payment and jewelry to murder her oil air husband.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, so I mean that's pretty legit. Two under
Speaker 1: grand Yeah, she's vice president of the local Ladies Republican Club.
Speaker 1: There was even a cop who got trapped in this
Speaker 1: scheme after he hired a quote a supposed convicted murderer
Speaker 1: to kill his ex wife, and then that guy in
Speaker 1: turn hired Gary.
Speaker 2: He's a subcontractor. He farmed it out. Gary was like, Oh,
Speaker 2: I know this guy. I work with this guy.
Speaker 1: So he had quiet years and busy years, which he
Speaker 1: theorized was thanks to the economy. When the economy is
Speaker 1: good as it was, then people don't get so frantic,
Speaker 1: he told the writer hollins Worth. But when it starts
Speaker 1: going bad as it's doing now, everyone gets a little
Speaker 1: bit crazier and starts thinking about knocking someone else off.
Speaker 2: Actually good and tell you why it's important for the
Speaker 2: economy to thrive.
Speaker 1: So it's yeah, murder friar rates may be a recession indicator. Yeah,
Speaker 1: keep that in mind, bartenders and guidos of the world.
Speaker 2: The Fernelli family.
Speaker 1: So I think I mean, sell your stocks if people
Speaker 1: start hiring him men, Is that right?
Speaker 5: Yep?
Speaker 1: Okay, So dump your portfolio. And that is the I'm
Speaker 1: not sure I answered the question exactly, but I think
Speaker 1: they may be real. We can't prove it. If you
Speaker 1: meet one, he's almost certainly fake.
Speaker 2: I think you are more than likely in trouble. In fact,
Speaker 2: the moment you meet one, you should try to reverse
Speaker 2: it and act like you're undercover arresting them. I got you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: After the break, we build a website offering our own
Speaker 1: scheme to provide assassination consultations.
Speaker 2: Either that or we'll just play game.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to cryme List, your one stop shop for
Speaker 1: legal advice. Improv comedy and hit men for hire. We've
Speaker 1: reached the point in the show where I must prove
Speaker 1: yet again that I'm smarter than yours.
Speaker 2: Lane's game, Lane, do you have a game for us?
Speaker 3: I have a quiz today.
Speaker 2: It's always a quiz.
Speaker 3: Well, this is a personality quiz. I pulled it straight
Speaker 3: from Cosmo, the Hitman edition. Just kidding. I figured since
Speaker 3: we were talking about fake Hitman, we should decide what
Speaker 3: type of hitmen are you guys going to be? You know, yeah,
Speaker 3: real personality quiz.
Speaker 1: Okay, so there's no winner. There's no winner or a
Speaker 1: loser in this.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: This this is all introspection.
Speaker 2: Okay. You know that eats Josh up, takes him alive.
Speaker 3: He really wants to win.
Speaker 1: Crack through my shell.
Speaker 3: Yeah, today's about having fun.
Speaker 1: Okay, let's have some fun.
Speaker 3: So first question, you've been hired to eliminate a threat.
Speaker 3: What are you wearing? I've got some multiple choice. A
Speaker 3: A tailored black suit. B a wig and a mustache,
Speaker 3: see khaki shorts and a Grateful Dead T shirt.
Speaker 2: Or d all white. I mean I kind of want
Speaker 2: to look like John Travolta from pulp fiction. Black suit. Yeah,
Speaker 2: him and Samuel Jackson. I kind of want that very
Speaker 2: formal attire. Maybe I want to combine wig in a
Speaker 2: mustache with a nice suit.
Speaker 1: Oh some more like Samuel Jackson from.
Speaker 2: So Mostly I want to be Samuel Jackson.
Speaker 1: I'm going to go in honor of Rory, resident of
Speaker 1: Colorado who summers in Burlington. I'm going grateful, dead shirt. Cool.
Speaker 3: What would your weapon of choice be? I've got a
Speaker 3: a gun with a silencer, be untraceable poison, but only
Speaker 3: after courting your victim for weeks, see a bowling ball,
Speaker 3: or d your bare hands.
Speaker 2: Okay, if anyone picks c you're off the podcast. I
Speaker 2: think probably for good.
Speaker 1: Was that bowling ball?
Speaker 2: That was bowling ball?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I feel like a little aggressive. I gotta say the
Speaker 2: move should be the poison. But a gun with a
Speaker 2: silencer does feel like it's the uniform. It fits your uniform.
Speaker 1: And I was gonna say for me poison because I'm
Speaker 1: wearing a dead T shirt. It could I could pretend
Speaker 1: that it's like acid that I'm putting on sugar cubes
Speaker 1: for people. So I'm going with poison.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're right, and.
Speaker 3: Roy, you're going with gun?
Speaker 2: Oh? I think he has to where would he keep
Speaker 2: the bowling ball? Yeah, I can't go bowling ball. There's
Speaker 2: too much.
Speaker 3: Al Right, what's what's your rate? A one hundred thousand
Speaker 3: dollars per kill wired to your offshore account. B one
Speaker 3: thousand dollars per hour, and a five thousand dollars retainer.
Speaker 3: See whatever your rent and electric bill is that month?
Speaker 3: Or D twenty bucks in a Panera bread gift card.
Speaker 2: I mean, I like a I'd like to think I'm
Speaker 2: worth it, like I'd like to think I'm really good
Speaker 2: at it.
Speaker 1: I'm charging by the hour. My time is very valuable. Okay,
Speaker 1: what I'm curious what the resolution of this is going
Speaker 1: to be?
Speaker 2: What do we get?
Speaker 1: You're gonna and well you have a a profile, but okay.
Speaker 2: We'll each get an avatar and we have to use
Speaker 2: it for one year.
Speaker 1: All right.
Speaker 3: How are you nourishing yourself before a big day of murder?
Speaker 2: A bars? Obviously fruit?
Speaker 3: Okay, well there's no right in rory. A fruit and yogurt.
Speaker 3: B a perfect french omelet, C leftover pizza or d.
Speaker 2: Milk frend JOm let, yogurt and granola. I'm just sticking
Speaker 2: I'm sticking on you're sticking with you're crunchy yepny all right?
Speaker 3: And finally, what what song are you listening to while
Speaker 3: doing the job?
Speaker 2: Ay, you were going to go music? I knew music
Speaker 2: was next.
Speaker 3: A No music? You work best in silence. B Beethoven's
Speaker 3: Fifth See any Doobie Brothers song or D twist and
Speaker 3: shout see Doobies.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Josh, I feel like you have to go Doobies.
Speaker 2: Just the profile you've built, it wouldn't make go Beethoven.
Speaker 1: I also got to go Doobies.
Speaker 2: It's true.
Speaker 3: Okay, this is interesting.
Speaker 2: I would love to know that this is what you
Speaker 2: have to fill out on renta hitman dot com, Like
Speaker 2: when when you hit the hire me section you have
Speaker 2: to write all out how you'd like to look and be.
Speaker 2: Pick your hit Man?
Speaker 3: All right, Ror, you got mostly a's. That means you're
Speaker 3: the savant. You're precise, clean efficient. If awards were for Hitman,
Speaker 3: you'd have an egot like John Wick and Dexter combined.
Speaker 3: You're the best of the best.
Speaker 2: Oh, I love just to hear that feels so good
Speaker 2: and feel free to use that out of context whenever
Speaker 2: you're on a bad day.
Speaker 1: Just use that little clip in your headphone.
Speaker 2: Yes, you the best of the.
Speaker 3: Best, best of the best, Josh, you have a BC split,
Speaker 3: which means you're a cross between the chill guy and
Speaker 3: the cold blooded killer who kind of.
Speaker 2: Dual personality contain multitudes.
Speaker 3: If you're feeling chill today, you're you're kind of like
Speaker 3: if the dude had a lust for blood. You got
Speaker 3: into the gig because it pays, It pays you and
Speaker 3: you only have to work a few hours. Yeah, you
Speaker 3: don't care about the craft at all. You just want
Speaker 3: to get the job done and go back to bed.
Speaker 3: Or if you're feeling particularly artistic, you're the artist. You
Speaker 3: love crossword puzzles almost as much as you love murder.
Speaker 3: To you, every kill is a puzzle. This is your art.
Speaker 3: So you're really good at it. But maybe you're just
Speaker 3: not motivated.
Speaker 2: You know, I'm kind of surprised with your big Lebowski lifestyle.
Speaker 2: You didn't go bowling ball.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just it's hard to conceal it though it is.
Speaker 1: You're right, and you do at Yeah, it's heavy. It's
Speaker 1: meaning I would you sneak up on anybody because I
Speaker 1: and I what I learned from cartoons that i'd have
Speaker 1: to drop it from a very high floor onto someone's head.
Speaker 2: You'd have to really coyote it out.
Speaker 1: Right, very hard. The level of difficulty for the bowling
Speaker 1: ball very high because I'd have to drop it. And
Speaker 1: then I think, like it like you have to calculate
Speaker 1: the amount of distances. That's physics involved.
Speaker 2: I think that's what I'm saying.
Speaker 3: Maybe maybe you're a hitman for bowling leaks only, so
Speaker 3: you're just committing these crimes in the alley, the bowling alley.
Speaker 1: Yeah, not a dark alley, No, No, a fun one.
Speaker 2: Cigarettes.
Speaker 3: You have cigarettes out there, cigarettes inside a lot of witnesses.
Speaker 1: So in closing, no one wins or we all win.
Speaker 2: We all win.
Speaker 3: You learned a little bit about yourself, you know, Yeah
Speaker 3: I did that.
Speaker 2: Rory's great, and I'm you're an artistic child and you
Speaker 2: are suggest passing the class.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but you know you're fun to have in class.
Speaker 2: Your fun guy. Yes, your fun guy, your joyed half.
Speaker 1: Inclosing, everyone wins except the people who email run a
Speaker 1: hitman dot com. Oh those people, see you guys, next week,
Speaker 1: next week. Crimeless is a production of SmartLess Media, Campside Media,
Speaker 1: and Big Money Players in partnership with iHeart Podcasts. It's
Speaker 1: hosted by Rory Scobel and me Josh Deen. Our senior
Speaker 1: producer is Lane Rose. Emma Simonoff is our associate producer.
Speaker 1: This episode was written by m Simonoff and me Josh Deen.
Speaker 1: We're sound designed and engineered by Blake Brook with support
Speaker 1: from Ewan letramwen Mark McAdam composed our theme song. The
Speaker 1: executive producers at Campside Media are Vanessa Gregoriatis, Matt Cher
Speaker 1: and me Josh Dean. The executive producers for iHeart Podcasts
Speaker 1: and Big Money Players are Jack O'Brien, Lindsay Hoffman, and
Speaker 1: Matt Abadaca. For Smartlow's Media, the executive producers are Will Arnette,
Speaker 1: Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, and Richard Quarson. Bernie Kaminski is
Speaker 1: head of production. The associate producer is Mattie McCann. A
Speaker 1: special thanks to our operations team, Ashley Warren and Sabina Marra.
Speaker 1: Do you have a question, comment, or confession for the
Speaker 1: Crimeless team? Email us at crime Liss at campsidmedia dot
Speaker 1: com and if you enjoyed Crimeless, please rate and review
Speaker 1: the show wherever you get your podcasts.
Speaker 2: It helps people find the show and also makes us
Speaker 2: feel validated, unless you're mean, in which case keep it
Speaker 2: to yourself.
Speaker 1: We'll see you next week.
Speaker 2: Crime list nations,