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Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dim here. If you like this

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Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot

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Speaker 1: fm to get started.

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Speaker 2: On this week's episode of Cultivating her Space.

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Speaker 1: And So, when you've experienced a lot of trauma, your

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Speaker 1: body and your brain.

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Speaker 3: Have been conditioned to be hypervigilant.

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Speaker 1: It's going to be almost second nature, normal and natural

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Speaker 1: for you to always think about worst case scenario and

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Speaker 1: think about all the possible things that could potentially go wrong,

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Speaker 1: so that.

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Speaker 3: You could plan for those things, because that's.

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Speaker 2: What keeps you safe. Today's episode is sure to provide

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Speaker 2: you with motivation, inspiration, or a fresh perspective. If you

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Speaker 2: have any AHA moments or appreciate anything from this episode,

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Speaker 2: please leave us a review to let us know we're

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Speaker 2: on the right track. Also, we release episodes every Friday,

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Speaker 2: so be sure to subscribe on iTunes and visit cultivatingheirspace

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Speaker 2: dot com to access our exclusive after show and other

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Speaker 2: bonus content from the Patreon tab.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to Cultivating her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting

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Speaker 1: women like you. We're your hosts, doctor Dominique Bussard, a

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Speaker 1: college professor and psychologist.

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Speaker 4: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker. In a

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Speaker 4: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood, please

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Speaker 4: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from

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Speaker 4: five roids to fake friends, and create a safe space

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Speaker 4: where black women can just be Hey, lady, it's Terry

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Speaker 4: here from the Cultivating her Space podcast. I'm hosting a

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Speaker 4: free podcasting masterclass where I'm going to teach you how

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Speaker 4: to create your impactful podcast and how you can generate

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Speaker 4: multiple streams of income. You can visit podcast with Terry

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Speaker 4: dot com to register for free. I hope to see you.

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Speaker 5: There all right.

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Speaker 3: Our quote of the day.

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Speaker 1: Overthinking the art of creating new problems out of ones

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Speaker 1: that never existed in.

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Speaker 3: The first place.

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Speaker 1: See, I know, I know, we're just sitting here looking

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Speaker 1: at each other like, yeah.

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Speaker 2: Okay, that's an interesting one.

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Speaker 3: It is go ahead, go ahead.

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Speaker 4: I resonate with the first part where it says the

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Speaker 4: art of creating new problems, because I do find that

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Speaker 4: when I overthink, because I overthink a lot, girl, I

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Speaker 4: find that I do create new problems and I increase

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Speaker 4: my anxiety. But when it comes to the second part

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Speaker 4: and it says out of ones that never existed in

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Speaker 4: the first place, I'm like, because I feel like usually

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Speaker 4: when I'm overthinking, it is there is a current problem.

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Speaker 4: So that's the only part that I wouldn't agree with

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Speaker 4: of this quote.

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Speaker 2: What about you?

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Speaker 1: So I'm torn, right, So because I can look at

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Speaker 1: that quote and like you, it resonates right that I'm

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Speaker 1: an expert in overthinking, right. And the thing is is

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Speaker 1: that when I really stop and think about the second

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Speaker 1: part of that quote, I think what it's saying is

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Speaker 1: that we're looking at it as a problem when really

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Speaker 1: it might not be okay.

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Speaker 4: Right.

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Speaker 1: So let's say you're taking a vacation, and y'all don't

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Speaker 1: mind me. I'm just getting back from vacation, so I

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Speaker 1: think I might still be in that vacating mindset.

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Speaker 3: So let's say that you have.

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Speaker 1: A vacation plan, right, I think, what this quote is

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Speaker 1: saying about overthinking is that I have this vacation plan,

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Speaker 1: and then my overthinking causes me to wonder about, well,

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Speaker 1: what if the plane doesn't make it there, Like, what

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Speaker 1: if the plane gets delayed?

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Speaker 3: What if I can't check into my room?

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Speaker 1: What if there's no transportation available to my accommodations?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 3: What if? What if?

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Speaker 2: What if? What if?

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Speaker 3: What if?

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Speaker 1: All around me taking a vacation, And so now I

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Speaker 1: am making my vacation a problem when really my vacation

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Speaker 1: is not a problem. Douse, that makes sense.

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Speaker 4: That makes sense. Yep, yep, I'm just thinking it through.

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Speaker 4: That makes perfect sense. So you're talking about a situation

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Speaker 4: where there is no visible issue, but you're just literally

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Speaker 4: creating them for your way of overthinking. And I think,

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Speaker 4: let me know if this example makes sense for what

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Speaker 4: I was saying when I.

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Speaker 2: Talked about the quote. If let's say that there's a vacation.

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Speaker 4: Let's say, let's give an example that many of us

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Speaker 4: have probably experienced where you have a friend group going

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Speaker 4: a vacation and then y'all are getting close to the

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Speaker 4: date and like five people back out, but you got

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Speaker 4: to discount on whatever space you go and so you

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Speaker 4: need those five people in that case, you have a problem,

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Speaker 4: and now you're overthinking because you're like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 4: how I'm going to fill these spaces. So but then

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Speaker 4: you're also kind of going on and on about just

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Speaker 4: the whole situation in your mind.

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Speaker 2: So you have an issue, but you're also still creating

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Speaker 2: more issues. Does that make sense?

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Speaker 1: Yes, that is an example of how that Yes, of

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Speaker 1: how so we we each create an example just now

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Speaker 1: of how both can be right. That we could have

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Speaker 1: a situation that it's just a situation, right, there's no problem,

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Speaker 1: it's a situation, it's an event that's occurring, and then

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Speaker 1: our overthinking causes us to create problems out of a

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Speaker 1: regular situation or event, right exactly. But then there's the

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Speaker 1: other piece of it of what you're pointing out is

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Speaker 1: that there may be an actual conundrum that we're experiencing,

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Speaker 1: and instead of looking at exactly what's in front of

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Speaker 1: us with the present issue, we allow ourselves to spiral

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Speaker 1: into this space of creating additional worry on top of

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Speaker 1: the initial worry that was in place.

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Speaker 4: Exactly, And that makes me think about different situations recently

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Speaker 4: that I may have had, where I may have been overthinking.

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Speaker 4: Can you think of one personally a situation? Yeah that yeah,

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Speaker 4: h one that you can share.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, definitely, because I did say, Because I did say,

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Speaker 1: I'm an expert overthinker.

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Speaker 3: So yes, there are multiples.

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Speaker 4: Multiples, girl, When you share yours, I'm going to think

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Speaker 4: of mine in a moment, but I want to hear

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Speaker 4: what is yours?

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Speaker 2: What is the thing that you're like?

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Speaker 1: So one thing that comes up for me, and I

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Speaker 1: know that a lot of folks can resonate with this,

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Speaker 1: is overthinking about the pandemic itself. Right, Yeah, So, like

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Speaker 1: I said, I just got back from vacation, and so

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Speaker 1: one of the things that I found myself like overthinking

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Speaker 1: was around like COVID protection and safety protocols and all

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Speaker 1: of that, and thinking about, Okay, what happens when I

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Speaker 1: get on the plane, what if someone coughs near me?

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Speaker 1: What if someone I don't know? Like I just I

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Speaker 1: found myself on this what I call a worry train. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: thinking about all the possible scenarios that could happen around

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Speaker 1: potentially catching COVID while I'm taking a vacation. Right, And

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Speaker 1: I'll go into detail later on on like how you

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Speaker 1: stop yourself from being on that cycle. But initially it

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Speaker 1: really was a lot of things that I didn't necessarily

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Speaker 1: have to be worried about, And so it became a

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Speaker 1: thing of parsing out what are the realistic worries and

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Speaker 1: then what are the things that I am truly just overthinking?

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Speaker 3: Right?

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Speaker 1: So, like being in the airport and what's the likelihood

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Speaker 1: of me getting COVID from touching the what is it

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Speaker 1: called the scanner thing that you you know when you

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Speaker 1: go through TSA and you're putting your things on the

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Speaker 1: Excuse me, you're not having words today. It is like

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Speaker 1: a conveyor belt, but you know what I'm talking Everybody

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Speaker 1: knows what I'm talking about. Put your luggage on the

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Speaker 1: thing and it goes through the scanner. And like, what's

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Speaker 1: the chances of me getting COVID from putting my luggage

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Speaker 1: on the scanner and having to go through the TSA checkpoints?

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Speaker 5: Right?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: What are the chances of me getting COVID from being

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Speaker 1: on the train from the parking garage to the airport terminal?

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Speaker 1: Like all of these different scenarios. And did I pack

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Speaker 1: my gloves? Did I pack enough wipes? Should I wear

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Speaker 1: a face shield? Should I wear like full scrubs and

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Speaker 1: like just going through all of the various potential ways

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Speaker 1: to solve the issue, but then also thinking about all

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Speaker 1: the different possibilities, I just started creating worry.

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Speaker 5: Right.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that's a really good example, and I think a

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Speaker 4: lot of people can relate to that too, because we

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Speaker 4: many of us have been faced with that and then

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Speaker 4: the pandemic, trying to figure out how do we visit

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Speaker 4: with people, how do we interact? And so, yeah, that

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Speaker 4: sounds like a lot I can totally imagine and totally

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Speaker 4: understand why you would overthink about that about the situation.

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Speaker 4: The situations that came to mind for me, one is

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Speaker 4: giving birth in the pandemic. That was one where it

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Speaker 4: was like preparing for the type of birth that I

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Speaker 4: had just mentally preparing. I don't want to go into

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Speaker 4: detail just now about the things that came up for

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Speaker 4: me then, but what I realized is that over the

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Speaker 4: past year so, I've had a lot of you could say,

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Speaker 4: difficult or impactful conversations with people where that were very

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Speaker 4: uncomfortable for me, but they had they needed to be had,

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Speaker 4: And I find that when I'm preparing for one of

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Speaker 4: those interactions, I tend to overthink a lot, to the

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Speaker 4: point where I'll dream about it. I mean, that should

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Speaker 4: be all my psyche, Like I d you know, sometimes

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Speaker 4: you're up late at night and you can't sleep. I'm

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Speaker 4: just like, it's just running through my mind how the

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Speaker 4: interact is going to play out. It's like, oh, what

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Speaker 4: if they say this? What if I say that? And

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Speaker 4: it's just kind of going on and on it. See,

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Speaker 4: when I think about I'm trying to tap into the

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Speaker 4: emotion and it's so exhausting. But it's so it feels exhausting.

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Speaker 4: It was exhausting mentally when I think about just overthinking

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Speaker 4: how everything's going to play out and what's going to

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Speaker 4: happen then, and then what's going to happen after that,

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Speaker 4: and then after the conversation. It's just so much and

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Speaker 4: thinking about the points that I want to cover and

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Speaker 4: how I want to express myself and just getting up

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Speaker 4: the courage to actually say the things that need to

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Speaker 4: be said. That's the one that comes to mind, And

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Speaker 4: those are the things that happen for me when I

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Speaker 4: am overthinking. I have a lot of anxiety. Sometimes I

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Speaker 4: don't really eat well. I can't really eat if I

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Speaker 4: am in that stage of overthinking. I don't feel well rested.

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Speaker 4: I feel heavy sometimes, like I have a burden on

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Speaker 4: my shoulders. Yes, yeah, And it's hard to be present

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Speaker 4: as well. So if I'm doing something I enjoy, right,

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Speaker 4: or I'm watching a show, I find myself zoning out

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Speaker 4: and I'm just like, damn, what just happened? Or you

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Speaker 4: ever be driving, lady, you ever be driving and you're like, wait,

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Speaker 4: five minutes just past, who was driving this vehicle?

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Speaker 2: Because I sure wasn't. I was not mentally here, yes, yes,

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Speaker 2: way in another world.

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Speaker 4: I'm so glad I'm safe, But like, who was just

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Speaker 4: driving for the past five minutes? Because I was on

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Speaker 4: a whole different.

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Speaker 3: Way, differently right, totally different zone. Yes, yeah yeah.

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Speaker 4: And then don't start I was gonna say, don't start

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Speaker 4: overthinking about one issue and then you think about other

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Speaker 4: actual issues and you overthink and you go down the path.

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Speaker 2: I mean, it can, it can get deep, right, So

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Speaker 2: I'm so happy that.

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Speaker 1: We're having totally Yes, I was just thinking, like, you know,

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Speaker 1: like this the rumination, and you know, I remember in

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Speaker 1: college my friends would call me a dweller. Oh and

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Speaker 1: this was before you know, we were all psych majors.

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Speaker 1: But this was before we got into understanding those pieces

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Speaker 1: of anxiety and stuff. But like being and so I

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Speaker 1: think about that word a lot in terms of anxiety

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Speaker 1: because how they were defining it in terms of colle

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Speaker 1: that I was a dweller. That meant that I dwelled

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Speaker 1: on things a lot, right, And I would vocalize my worries,

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Speaker 1: and it would not be anything new added to it, right,

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Speaker 1: it would just be the It would just be on repeat.

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Speaker 1: So whatever the thing was that I was worried about, instead,

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Speaker 1: like I wasn't taking any action per se. I was

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Speaker 1: just sitting with the worry and just vocalizing it repeatedly. Gotcha,

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Speaker 1: And I think that a lot of folks can relate

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Speaker 1: to that, right. So you know, let's say that you're

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Speaker 1: applying for a new job.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 1: You know, we just had our episode with Kimberly Cummings

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Speaker 1: where we talked about making your career move, your next

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Speaker 1: career move, your best move, and so think about like

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Speaker 1: you're taking that advice and you're out there on the

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Speaker 1: job market and you're waiting to hear and then you

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Speaker 1: start you know, how that overthing shows up is as

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Speaker 1: you're waiting to get the news, like you've applied, you

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Speaker 1: put in your application, right, and then you start down

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Speaker 1: this down the worry train, you start wondering, okay, and

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Speaker 1: it's not always bad stuff, right, So what's.

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Speaker 3: Going to happen if I get this job?

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Speaker 1: Like?

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Speaker 3: Where am I going to live? Because it means it

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Speaker 3: might mean relocation?

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Speaker 1: So where am I going to live? How am I

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Speaker 1: going to tell my current employer that I'm leaving this job?

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Speaker 1: How am I going to make new friends in my

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Speaker 1: new city? What am I going to tell my family?

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Speaker 1: And you could just go on and on coming up

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Speaker 1: with things to worry about when you haven't even gotten

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Speaker 1: the news yet, you don't even know for sure if

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Speaker 1: this is going to be a thing.

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Speaker 2: Yes, that's a good one.

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Speaker 4: So I wanted to ask the question of like do

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Speaker 4: you think overthinking is always a negative thing or like

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Speaker 4: a bad thing? But I want to give you a

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Speaker 4: quick example when you were talking about the new job

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Speaker 4: and made me think about how oftentimes whenever I got

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Speaker 4: a new job, I would overthink about my paychecks. I'll

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Speaker 4: be calculating, I'm like, all right, how much am I

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Speaker 4: gonna make when I get paid? I'm gonna do this.

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna do that. So how

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Speaker 4: I overthink about all the things that I want to

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Speaker 4: do when I get paid? So I thought that was

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Speaker 4: that was kind of funny. That was a great example

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Speaker 4: of just overthinking. And it's not necessarily negative or bad,

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Speaker 4: but it's just you're sort of obsessive about the way

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Speaker 4: that you're thinking about these things. Right, can you positively

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Speaker 4: overthink kind enough?

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Speaker 2: You don't think so.

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Speaker 3: I do think you can.

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Speaker 1: I don't think you care, but I do think that

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Speaker 1: there is a distinction between healthy thinking and critical analysis

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Speaker 1: and overthinking.

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Speaker 2: Right, Okay, what is that? Let's dive into that part.

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Speaker 1: So think about it like this, right, So let's go

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Speaker 1: back to the example of you're being offered a new job. Okay,

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Speaker 1: critical analysis and healthy thinking says, Okay, I need to

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Speaker 1: figure out how I'm gonna relocate, like I need some

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Speaker 1: I do need to plan that out, right, And I

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Speaker 1: can't just just click my fingers and boom, I'm in

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Speaker 1: the new location. Life doesn't work like that, right, So

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Speaker 1: I do have to figure that out. However, the planning

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Speaker 1: of that will come after I get the news of

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Speaker 1: the job, not necessarily before I've even been called in

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Speaker 1: for an interview. So if I find myself ruminating on

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Speaker 1: how am I going to relocate, how am I going

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Speaker 1: to make new friends, what I'm gonna do with my

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Speaker 1: new paycheck? Right I'm ruminating on that before I even

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Speaker 1: get called for an interview, that might be overthinking versus

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Speaker 1: critical analysis that's going to come into play once I've

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Speaker 1: been offered the position. Now, I do also want to

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Speaker 1: be clear because I know that that may seem a

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Speaker 1: little confusing to some folks, because some folks might say, well,

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Speaker 1: shouldn't I think about these things before I even apply

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Speaker 1: for the job.

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Speaker 3: Yes, you should.

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Speaker 1: You should think about so I just got offered a

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Speaker 1: new position in New York and I live in Los Angeles,

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Speaker 1: or I'm thinking of applying to a job in New

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Speaker 1: York when I live in Los Angeles. Before you even

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Speaker 1: hit apply, you do need to think about is this

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Speaker 1: a move that you are going to take? Right? And

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Speaker 1: you do need to kind of think of identify will

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Speaker 1: you be able to get the support that you need?

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Speaker 1: Is this job the right move for your career? You

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Speaker 1: know there are so there are some critical questions that

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Speaker 1: you need to ask yourself before you hit apply, right,

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Speaker 1: But the difference is is that you're gonna think those

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Speaker 1: things through, have answers to your questions, and then you

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Speaker 1: will move forward. Right, We're thinking is when you're gonna

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Speaker 1: constantly ruminate on those same questions and come up with

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Speaker 1: like I quoted the day said, come up with new

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Speaker 1: problems for the things that you already solved form.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it sounds like the key difference between

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Speaker 2: healthy thinking and overthinking is that overthinking is unproductive, whereas

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Speaker 2: healthy thinking it sort of sets you up for success

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Speaker 2: because the planner and mean people like don't think about

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Speaker 2: those things.

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Speaker 4: I'm like, I'm a planner and I like to be

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Speaker 4: ahead of you know, ahead of whatever's right.

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Speaker 2: And so yeah, no, that's I think that's really good.

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Speaker 4: I'd love to dive into our tips and strategies because

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Speaker 4: I know there are things that I personally do and

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Speaker 4: I'm curious to know what strategies you share with your

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Speaker 4: clients around you know, how can they stop overthinking and

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Speaker 4: be a bit more productive in the way that they

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Speaker 4: engage with their thoughts.

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Speaker 2: So what are some of the top ways to just

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Speaker 2: cope with this allow your mind?

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Speaker 1: Well, first, I want to acknowledge that where the root

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Speaker 1: of some of this may be coming from right.

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Speaker 3: Right, So a lot of us.

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Speaker 1: Who are overthinkers may be perfectionists or in our case,

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Speaker 1: recovering perfectionists.

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Speaker 3: Recovering yes, yes, And so you may be a recovering perfectionist.

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Speaker 1: You may have anxiety in general, because that's a symptom

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Speaker 1: of anxiety that you are ruminating on thoughts.

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Speaker 5: Right.

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Speaker 1: It could also be that you've experienced a lot of trauma.

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Speaker 1: And so when you've experienced a lot of trauma, your

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Speaker 1: body and your brain have been.

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Speaker 3: Conditioned to be hypervigilant.

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Speaker 1: It's going to be almost second nature, normal and natural

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Speaker 1: for you to always think about worst case scenario and

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Speaker 1: think about all the possible things that could potentially go wrong.

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Speaker 1: You could plan for those things, because that's what keeps

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Speaker 1: you safe. M That's what allows you to feel secure

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Speaker 1: in going into unpredictable or unknown situations. Yeah, so I

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Speaker 1: want to put that out there first so that we

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Speaker 1: have an understanding of where this overthinking may be coming from.

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Speaker 4: I love that you pointed that out down because I

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Speaker 4: think that makes perfect sense. I think about just different

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Speaker 4: scenarios especially, I think also if you struggle with or

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Speaker 4: if you have PTSD and you go into an environment,

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Speaker 4: and I know there are certain times I go into

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Speaker 4: a space and I'm like, because of I think many

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Speaker 4: of us have. I forgot the word that we used before.

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Speaker 4: It's like dang dom. Okay, I'm totally drawing a blank.

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Speaker 4: But we talked about years ago on the podcast, we

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Speaker 4: talked about experiencing I think it's secondhand trauma. I think

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Speaker 4: that's the wory by carrious trauma. Vicarious trauma, yes, ycarious trauma.

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Speaker 4: And I think about going into the movie theater and

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Speaker 4: although I haven't been a victim of like a shooting

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Speaker 4: and movie theater, I'm always looking at the exercise because

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Speaker 4: I'm like, Okay, we know what happens in this world

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Speaker 4: that we live in. Unfortunately, where's the exercise so we

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Speaker 4: can get out? So examples like that. So I'm glad

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Speaker 4: that you talked about the root of where this comes from.

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Speaker 4: And then I have some tips that I want to hear,

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Speaker 4: therapist tips on what you'll be telling people.

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Speaker 1: So the first thing that I tell people, and some

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Speaker 1: of this really also is dependent upon the thing that

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Speaker 1: you're worrying about, right, and once we've identified that you

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Speaker 1: really are overthinking and it's not just a healthy level

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Speaker 1: of critical analysis. What I usually tell people is to

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Speaker 1: set aside time to worry. So, for instance, let's say

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Speaker 1: that we're going to We're going back to this the

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Speaker 1: job example, right, or we could use a vacation example.

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Speaker 3: Either one.

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Speaker 1: Right, this thing has been on your mind and you

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Speaker 1: are constantly worrying about it. Then, like you said, you

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Speaker 1: might be driving and you find yourself zoned out worried

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Speaker 1: about this one particular thing.

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Speaker 3: Once you are aware that you.

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Speaker 1: Are either zoned out or you're headed into that space,

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Speaker 1: what I tell people is to catch yourself and say, Okay, no,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to set aside time to worry about this.

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Speaker 1: So I'm going to give myself ten minutes and then

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Speaker 1: that ten minutes, I will think about only that, and

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Speaker 1: I will let myself obsess and just go all in

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Speaker 1: and then outset a timer once that ten minutes stops,

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Speaker 1: and once that alarm goes off, that's it.

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Speaker 3: I get up and I move on to the next thing.

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Speaker 1: Right, And ideally with that, what you want to do

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Speaker 1: is set aside time when you know that it's going

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Speaker 1: to be one easy to transition into your next thing,

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Speaker 1: but then also you're able to really have that space. Right,

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Speaker 1: So you don't want to set aside ten minutes when

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Speaker 1: you're driving home from work because you really need to

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Speaker 1: be focused on driving. Right, So you don't want to

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Speaker 1: intentionally zone out while.

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Speaker 3: You're driving, right. We all know that it happens.

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Speaker 1: It happens, right, but you don't want to intentionally say,

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Speaker 1: I'm a zone out while I'm driving, right, do it, but.

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Speaker 3: Set aside that time.

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Speaker 1: And the thing why I tell people to do this

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Speaker 1: is because what ends up happening is that you eventually

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Speaker 1: get to a space where you stop overthinking and you

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Speaker 1: stop having so much worry. Because when it's when you

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Speaker 1: get to that time that you've set aside to worry,

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Speaker 1: you'll find that you can't do it, that it's hard

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Speaker 1: to do it. And so what happens in this process,

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Speaker 1: what this process really looks like is let's say that

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Speaker 1: it's ten am and you start ruminating and overthinking, and

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Speaker 1: you're like, wait, all's hold on, I'm gonna set aside

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Speaker 1: ten minutes. At three o'clock. You go on about your day.

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Speaker 1: Three o'clock rolls around and you're like, all right, I

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Speaker 1: got time, I got time, I got time.

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Speaker 3: Damn.

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Speaker 1: The ten minutes have passed and I couldn't even give

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Speaker 1: myself to think about it, right, And if you keep

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Speaker 1: doing that, then eventually you're going to be in a

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Speaker 1: space where you're not even overthinking at all.

440
00:24:23,880 --> 00:24:24,520
Speaker 2: I like that tip.

441
00:24:24,560 --> 00:24:27,440
Speaker 4: I think that's a good one. Set aside time to worry.

442
00:24:27,480 --> 00:24:29,440
Speaker 4: So it's like, Okay, Paul, we're going to do this

443
00:24:30,280 --> 00:24:34,280
Speaker 4: specifically at this time. One of the things that I

444
00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:35,960
Speaker 4: think this kind of goes hand in hand with what

445
00:24:36,040 --> 00:24:37,680
Speaker 4: you just share. But I love to do like a

446
00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:41,600
Speaker 4: brain dump and journal. So sometimes I'll just write down

447
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:43,520
Speaker 4: all the things and just I still like getting it

448
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:46,080
Speaker 4: out of my head and onto paper. Yeah, it's a

449
00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:49,560
Speaker 4: great activity of sort of transferring the energy so that

450
00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:52,000
Speaker 4: it's not here and it's not like yeah, you know,

451
00:24:52,320 --> 00:24:55,320
Speaker 4: and it's litally on the paper. Yeah, some journal about

452
00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:56,840
Speaker 4: my feelings. So after I do the brain dump, I

453
00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:59,160
Speaker 4: put everything out that I want to maybe chat about.

454
00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:01,520
Speaker 4: Then I journal about like how do I feel, and

455
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:03,720
Speaker 4: I kind of do the worrying activity, but I do

456
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:05,960
Speaker 4: it on the paper because I'm just yes, I want

457
00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:08,159
Speaker 4: to touch a few and sometimes you can burn it

458
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:09,520
Speaker 4: up if you want to, but I like to do

459
00:25:09,640 --> 00:25:11,280
Speaker 4: that as well. So I think that's a really good one.

460
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:13,639
Speaker 4: That's like time to worry. You got your journaling and

461
00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:14,920
Speaker 4: bring dumping anything else.

462
00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:20,320
Speaker 3: So there is a breathing exercise that I like to do,

463
00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:22,919
Speaker 3: sell tea. You want to try it out?

464
00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,080
Speaker 2: Oh I'm damn, I'm ready. I'm ready to go. My

465
00:25:25,200 --> 00:25:28,679
Speaker 2: lung's ready. Come on, let's do it, all right.

466
00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:31,720
Speaker 1: So this one is known as the five four three

467
00:25:31,800 --> 00:25:38,240
Speaker 1: two one method. Okay, so lady, as you're listening hopefully

468
00:25:38,680 --> 00:25:40,160
Speaker 1: you know. I know y'all like to listen when y'all

469
00:25:40,200 --> 00:25:43,480
Speaker 1: are driving and cleaning up and things like that. So

470
00:25:43,680 --> 00:25:47,240
Speaker 1: if you're able to, I want you to take a

471
00:25:47,359 --> 00:25:54,320
Speaker 1: moment and pause, and I want you to get your

472
00:25:54,440 --> 00:25:59,720
Speaker 1: feet planet solid on the ground, so get connected with

473
00:25:59,840 --> 00:26:00,879
Speaker 1: the earth around you.

474
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:05,919
Speaker 5: And now what I want you to do.

475
00:26:08,000 --> 00:26:11,400
Speaker 1: Is to take a few deep breaths in in your

476
00:26:11,480 --> 00:26:17,639
Speaker 1: own time, take a few deep breaths in and slowly exhale.

477
00:26:27,440 --> 00:26:31,119
Speaker 1: You can open your eyes if you want, but I

478
00:26:31,240 --> 00:26:35,760
Speaker 1: want you to start by naming five things in your

479
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,120
Speaker 1: environment that you can see.

480
00:26:40,600 --> 00:26:46,760
Speaker 4: I see headphones, I see my webcam. I see a highlighter,

481
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:51,320
Speaker 4: a bottle of water, my wallet.

482
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:59,879
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, you're five. Now I want you to

483
00:27:00,160 --> 00:27:06,160
Speaker 1: think about or name four things that you can touch

484
00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:11,360
Speaker 1: different from the things that you would just late name

485
00:27:11,440 --> 00:27:15,760
Speaker 1: that you could see four things that you can touch.

486
00:27:18,359 --> 00:27:19,200
Speaker 2: I have slime.

487
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:21,159
Speaker 4: I don't know why the slime just came to me,

488
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:24,000
Speaker 4: and that I remember kind of. It's an as a

489
00:27:24,080 --> 00:27:29,879
Speaker 4: kid that feels really good. Slime, cotton candy, m a

490
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:34,160
Speaker 4: nice soft rug, and then a stress ball.

491
00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:38,080
Speaker 3: Okay, now, question, do you have all of those things

492
00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:39,240
Speaker 3: in your environment right now?

493
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:40,520
Speaker 2: Am I supposed to?

494
00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:41,760
Speaker 3: Yes, ma'am.

495
00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:45,080
Speaker 4: Okay, So I have the rug, I don't have no

496
00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:53,440
Speaker 4: kind can't see Okay, lady, I thought about things that

497
00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:55,320
Speaker 4: felt good, Okay, clearly I didn't.

498
00:27:55,280 --> 00:27:56,879
Speaker 3: And that's okay. That's okay.

499
00:27:57,400 --> 00:28:00,960
Speaker 1: So generally, lady, as you're listening, know that this is

500
00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:03,199
Speaker 1: how this goes sometimes, right, that.

501
00:28:05,680 --> 00:28:08,720
Speaker 3: Sometimes it doesn't go exactly as we want.

502
00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:10,680
Speaker 1: But the thing is is that what came up for

503
00:28:10,840 --> 00:28:14,560
Speaker 1: you are things that sound like they bring you peace

504
00:28:14,640 --> 00:28:19,080
Speaker 1: and joy, right, which I think that's a beautiful thing too, right,

505
00:28:19,800 --> 00:28:22,240
Speaker 1: And it still serves the purpose of getting you to

506
00:28:22,520 --> 00:28:27,119
Speaker 1: focus within and focus on the moment, right, And so

507
00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:29,480
Speaker 1: in the moment, those are the things like the cotton

508
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:32,440
Speaker 1: candy and the slime and the rug. Those are the

509
00:28:32,600 --> 00:28:36,240
Speaker 1: things that bring you joy right, that you can easily touch,

510
00:28:36,800 --> 00:28:41,320
Speaker 1: and that they do have some good tactile And that's

511
00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:43,239
Speaker 1: what I really love about that, what you name right,

512
00:28:43,680 --> 00:28:48,920
Speaker 1: those are some real tactile things that can serve as

513
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:49,680
Speaker 1: stress relief.

514
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:52,680
Speaker 3: Thank you, Yes, you will welcome.

515
00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 5: And so now.

516
00:28:57,360 --> 00:29:02,000
Speaker 3: I want you to think of three things that you

517
00:29:02,160 --> 00:29:03,080
Speaker 3: can hear.

518
00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:15,000
Speaker 2: In my environment. I can hear birds, cars, and the

519
00:29:15,200 --> 00:29:16,280
Speaker 2: fan on my computer.

520
00:29:17,480 --> 00:29:21,680
Speaker 3: That computer fan gets me every time. I can hear

521
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:25,000
Speaker 3: it too. I can hear mine too. I know for

522
00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:28,840
Speaker 3: me one of the things that is not in my environment.

523
00:29:29,040 --> 00:29:32,440
Speaker 1: But that I can still As I had the thought,

524
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:37,360
Speaker 1: the memory came to mind of being on vacation and

525
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:41,400
Speaker 1: hearing the sound of the trees rustling in the wind

526
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:44,320
Speaker 1: with the ocean water like in the background.

527
00:29:45,800 --> 00:29:47,760
Speaker 3: I can hear that in my mind right now.

528
00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:50,880
Speaker 1: So think you know the thing is you want to

529
00:29:50,880 --> 00:29:53,400
Speaker 1: think about the things that can bring you peace right

530
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:57,680
Speaker 1: and bring you some joy. So now I want you

531
00:29:57,840 --> 00:30:03,480
Speaker 1: to identify two things that you can smell. As Terry

532
00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:04,520
Speaker 1: was just sniffing.

533
00:30:04,240 --> 00:30:08,480
Speaker 4: Her wrists, I put on some oil today, so I

534
00:30:08,600 --> 00:30:11,200
Speaker 4: was like, oh, I can spell my oil, yes, And

535
00:30:11,960 --> 00:30:14,920
Speaker 4: I can smell I have a snack here, I can

536
00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:15,680
Speaker 4: smell my snack.

537
00:30:16,360 --> 00:30:18,760
Speaker 2: Okay, all right, right, and.

538
00:30:19,920 --> 00:30:24,320
Speaker 3: So right now I smell like the scented oils that

539
00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:25,240
Speaker 3: I have in my house.

540
00:30:26,280 --> 00:30:26,760
Speaker 5: And then.

541
00:30:28,640 --> 00:30:32,120
Speaker 1: There's nothing else that's coming to me in my present environment,

542
00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:39,400
Speaker 1: but something a memory is I can smell the oxtail

543
00:30:40,240 --> 00:30:44,080
Speaker 1: that I had for dinner a couple of times.

544
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:46,840
Speaker 5: Yeah, it was so good.

545
00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:56,240
Speaker 3: Yes. And then our last thing something you can.

546
00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:59,200
Speaker 2: Taste, Well, that was a good safeway right there.

547
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:01,680
Speaker 3: Yes, that can definitely takes to the box nails.

548
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:04,240
Speaker 4: Yes, you know, I'm going to have to go with

549
00:31:04,320 --> 00:31:06,520
Speaker 4: this granola bar that I was just snacking off before

550
00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:08,360
Speaker 4: we went live to record.

551
00:31:11,320 --> 00:31:15,440
Speaker 3: So yes, lady, as you are looking for a way

552
00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:18,000
Speaker 3: to get grounded, to.

553
00:31:19,640 --> 00:31:24,480
Speaker 1: Stop that worry train that's happening, you want to try

554
00:31:24,560 --> 00:31:29,160
Speaker 1: this exercise this five four, three two one so five

555
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:33,960
Speaker 1: things that you can see, four things that you can touch,

556
00:31:35,160 --> 00:31:39,680
Speaker 1: three things that you can hear, two things you can smell,

557
00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:43,000
Speaker 1: and one thing you can taste.

558
00:31:44,640 --> 00:31:47,320
Speaker 4: And I think even though we were a little silly

559
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:50,000
Speaker 4: file it's a little silly and didn't really understand the

560
00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:53,400
Speaker 4: activity fully, I will say it was a great stress

561
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:55,840
Speaker 4: reliever like the deep breaths, and even being focused on

562
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,760
Speaker 4: something else took my mind off of anything else that

563
00:31:58,800 --> 00:31:59,720
Speaker 4: I may have been thinking about.

564
00:31:59,760 --> 00:31:59,960
Speaker 2: Side.

565
00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:01,880
Speaker 4: I really love the activity down, so thank you for

566
00:32:01,960 --> 00:32:05,320
Speaker 4: sharing that with us. And let's see, I guess the

567
00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:07,800
Speaker 4: last thing that I would add to our list. I

568
00:32:07,880 --> 00:32:10,240
Speaker 4: think we have set time aside to worry. We have

569
00:32:10,480 --> 00:32:13,480
Speaker 4: journaling and brain dumping. We have doing the five fourth,

570
00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:16,040
Speaker 4: three two one exercise. I would just add like a mantra,

571
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:18,840
Speaker 4: and mine is usually everything is working out for my

572
00:32:18,960 --> 00:32:22,440
Speaker 4: good and so lady, hopefully those will help you along

573
00:32:22,520 --> 00:32:26,200
Speaker 4: your journey if you find yourself overthinking. Now, although the

574
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 4: show is over right here, it's not over for good

575
00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:34,520
Speaker 4: right because we're gonna have another conversation to sort of

576
00:32:34,880 --> 00:32:38,280
Speaker 4: wrap up this conversation on the after show. So you

577
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:41,240
Speaker 4: can be sure to either tap into Spotify. You should

578
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:43,800
Speaker 4: see a link somewhere on Spotify and you can tune

579
00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 4: into the after show there, or you can visit us

580
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:50,200
Speaker 4: on Patreon. Visit herspacepodcast dot com, click Patreon and one

581
00:32:50,200 --> 00:32:52,080
Speaker 4: of the top tabs, and you can visit us there

582
00:32:52,160 --> 00:32:54,480
Speaker 4: for the after show, and you can watch us this

583
00:32:54,640 --> 00:32:57,520
Speaker 4: full episode on Patreon as well, so we hope to

584
00:32:57,520 --> 00:32:59,320
Speaker 4: see you there. You'll see that we both have our

585
00:32:59,360 --> 00:33:01,920
Speaker 4: shoulders out. I'm trying to give off my don vacation

586
00:33:02,120 --> 00:33:03,680
Speaker 4: vibes even though I ain't been on a vacation.

587
00:33:05,320 --> 00:33:07,720
Speaker 2: And yeah, lady, we will. We'll see you on the

588
00:33:07,760 --> 00:33:08,280
Speaker 2: after show.

589
00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:12,680
Speaker 1: Hey lady, it's doctor dom here from the Cultivating her

590
00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:16,720
Speaker 1: Space podcast. Are you currently a resident of the state

591
00:33:16,760 --> 00:33:22,080
Speaker 1: of California and contemplating starting your therapy journey? Well, if so,

592
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:27,000
Speaker 1: please reach out to me at doctor Dominique Brusard dot com.

593
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:32,560
Speaker 5: That's d R D O M I N I q

594
00:33:32,880 --> 00:33:38,360
Speaker 5: U E B R O U S S r D dot.

595
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:43,200
Speaker 1: Com to schedule a free fifteen minute consultation. I look

596
00:33:43,280 --> 00:33:47,800
Speaker 1: forward to hearing from you. Thanks for joining us today.

597
00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:54,240
Speaker 1: Please note that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice,

598
00:33:54,960 --> 00:33:59,120
Speaker 1: self empowerment, and mental health, but is by no means

599
00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:03,000
Speaker 1: meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal relationship

600
00:34:03,400 --> 00:34:07,080
Speaker 1: with a trained mental health provider. If you are someone

601
00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:10,520
Speaker 1: you know is in need of mental health care, please

602
00:34:10,640 --> 00:34:15,640
Speaker 1: visit a Therapy for Black Girls directory Psychology today or

603
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:17,480
Speaker 1: contact your insurance provider.

604
00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:20,080
Speaker 4: If you liked what you heard and want to keep

605
00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:24,640
Speaker 4: the conversation going. Visit our website, cultivatinghearspace dot com, and

606
00:34:24,800 --> 00:34:27,280
Speaker 4: be sure to click the Patreon tab to get access

607
00:34:27,320 --> 00:34:32,160
Speaker 4: to video content, bonuses, and our weekly after show and

608
00:34:32,239 --> 00:34:34,400
Speaker 4: before we meet again, repete after me.

609
00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:39,560
Speaker 2: Greatness is my birthright, so I no longer ask for permission,