WEBVTT - How to Stop Judging Yourself

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<v Speaker 1>You found your way here to waking up with Ryan.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm so glad that you pushed play. This is the

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<v Speaker 1>place you and I come to wake up together. So

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<v Speaker 1>let's take a deep breath and begin. When you're judging yourself,

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<v Speaker 1>it's as if the judgment that you're holding against yourself

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<v Speaker 1>is getting broadcast to the entire world. And that fear thought,

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<v Speaker 1>that judgment or that criticism that comes into your mind

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<v Speaker 1>about you causes you to feel naked, vulnerable, as if

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<v Speaker 1>everyone else is seeing the judgment that you're holding against yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>As if the reason that you're judging yourself is because

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<v Speaker 1>everyone else is as well. And this is how the

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<v Speaker 1>ego works. The ego takes your inner beliefs about yourself,

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<v Speaker 1>which were developed and established a long time ago. Perhaps

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<v Speaker 1>even when you were pre-verbal, before you could even speak,

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<v Speaker 1>developing beliefs about whether you're likable, attractive, lovable, smart enough,

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<v Speaker 1>good enough, rich enough, wantable enough, desirable enough, These beliefs

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<v Speaker 1>about yourself are so ingrained in the psyche that they

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<v Speaker 1>speak first and they speak loudly with conviction. That person

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<v Speaker 1>isn't interested in me because they don't respect me. They're

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<v Speaker 1>not giving me the promotion because they don't believe in me.

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<v Speaker 1>That person isn't going to go out with me again

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<v Speaker 1>because I'm not pretty enough. Those beliefs are so loud

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<v Speaker 1>because you've been believing them for a really long time.

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<v Speaker 1>So much so that you believe that they're true. I

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<v Speaker 1>want you to think about for a moment the judgments

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<v Speaker 1>that you carry about yourself. And even if your rational

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<v Speaker 1>mind knows that they're not true, I want you to

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<v Speaker 1>notice how much they come up for you. How much,

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<v Speaker 1>how deep those things are inside of you that arise.

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<v Speaker 1>I know for myself, this, I'm not physically attractive. I've

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<v Speaker 1>never felt like I came into the world as a

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<v Speaker 1>physically attractive person. And so walking into any room, historically

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<v Speaker 1>through my life, I was always worried about what I

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<v Speaker 1>looked like. What was I wearing? And does my hair

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<v Speaker 1>look okay? And have I, you know, made myself look

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<v Speaker 1>presentable because something, I'm going to need to do something

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<v Speaker 1>to hide the fact that I'm not physically beautiful. Or

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<v Speaker 1>another one was always, you know, when someone asks me,

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<v Speaker 1>what do you do for a living? How am I

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<v Speaker 1>going to speak about what I do in a way

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<v Speaker 1>that's impressive? Because I'm not impressive. Because I'm not enough.

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<v Speaker 1>So I need to prove to you that I am enough.

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<v Speaker 1>These are the judgments that I've held against myself. But

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<v Speaker 1>what I don't realize when I'm holding these judgments about

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<v Speaker 1>myself is that I'm the one holding them. That probably 99%

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<v Speaker 1>of the time, other people aren't thinking those things about me.

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<v Speaker 1>In fact, they're busy thinking about what I'm thinking about them.

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<v Speaker 2>And so.

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<v Speaker 1>What I want for all of us to become aware

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<v Speaker 1>of today is that the judgments that we hold against

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<v Speaker 1>ourselves are really only places inside of ourselves that are

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<v Speaker 1>calling for love. It's like in the same way that

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<v Speaker 1>darkness isn't a thing, right? Like if you walked into

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<v Speaker 1>a room that was dark, You wouldn't stand there and go, wow,

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<v Speaker 1>this darkness is so real. I don't know what to

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<v Speaker 1>do about this darkness.

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<v Speaker 2>What would you do? You'd turn on the light.

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<v Speaker 1>And suddenly the darkness vanishes. Well, in the same way,

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<v Speaker 1>these judgments that we carry against ourselves, it's like that darkness.

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<v Speaker 1>It's just a place inside of us that is asking

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<v Speaker 1>to be illuminated, that's asking to have the light turned on.

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<v Speaker 1>that's asking to have your love, pay attention to it.

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<v Speaker 1>Because it's just a part of you that wasn't loved

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<v Speaker 1>and seen in the way you needed to be loved

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<v Speaker 1>and seen by the people who were taking care of you.

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<v Speaker 1>And so what I want so much for you and

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<v Speaker 1>for me is to have some real deep compassion for

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<v Speaker 1>the ways that we judge ourselves. And recognize those judgments

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<v Speaker 1>simply as places.

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<v Speaker 2>That are asking for love and attention. Much like if

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<v Speaker 2>you were on a playground.

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<v Speaker 1>And a little child, three years old, came up to

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<v Speaker 1>you and was upset because some other kid on the

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<v Speaker 1>playground pushed them and they were feeling this upset, this pain, sadness,

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<v Speaker 1>maybe even anger, and that child came up to you

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<v Speaker 1>and pulled on your pant leg asking for your attention,

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<v Speaker 1>you wouldn't push that child away. You wouldn't ignore them.

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<v Speaker 1>You wouldn't say to them, I don't have time for you.

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<v Speaker 1>You wouldn't, certainly, you wouldn't judge them. What would you

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<v Speaker 1>do instead? If that wounded child came up to you,

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<v Speaker 1>I know That you would put all your attention on them.

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<v Speaker 1>That you would open your heart to so much love

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<v Speaker 1>and compassion and understanding. You would ask them, what's going on?

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<v Speaker 1>What do you need? Tell me everything. If they were crying,

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<v Speaker 1>you'd allow them to cry. You would just simply stay

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<v Speaker 1>in attachment. Make sure that they felt that they were

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<v Speaker 1>loved and seen and supported by you.

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<v Speaker 2>When your judgments arise.

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<v Speaker 1>I want you to know that that's just a three-year-old,

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<v Speaker 1>a two-year-old, a one-year-old. You, grabbing at your pant leg,

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<v Speaker 1>asking for your love and for your attention. And your job,

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<v Speaker 1>rather than being the responsible adult who's too busy and

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<v Speaker 1>just moves on or dissociates or tries to ignore the

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<v Speaker 1>discomfort that's arising inside of you. Your job is to

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<v Speaker 1>stop everything and to give that part of you all

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<v Speaker 1>the attention that it needs. This is how you love yourself.

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<v Speaker 1>This is self-love. Self-love is loving all the parts of you,

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<v Speaker 1>not just the parts of you you like to show

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<v Speaker 1>the world. What I want you to know this morning

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<v Speaker 1>is that you are lovable exactly as you are, even

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<v Speaker 1>and especially with all the ways that you judge and

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<v Speaker 1>you criticize yourself. You may be in the suffering of that,

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<v Speaker 1>but we're over here seeing how truly beautiful and lovable

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<v Speaker 1>you are exactly as you are without needing to change

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<v Speaker 1>a thing about yourself.

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<v Speaker 2>Loving you from right here.

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<v Speaker 1>Hi, I hope you're feeling even just a little bit

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<v Speaker 1>more prepared to take on the day. But before you go,

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<v Speaker 1>I want to share a few quick things with you.

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<v Speaker 1>I really want this show to reach the people in

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<v Speaker 1>The second thing is that I really want to hear

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<v Speaker 1>you want to go deeper on your path with me,

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<v Speaker 1>come find me on Substack. Substack is home to my

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<v Speaker 1>daily morning letter. And it's also where you can explore

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<v Speaker 1>So I know that was a lot to remember. So

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<v Speaker 1>I'll sum it up for you really quick. One, share

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<v Speaker 2>And three, go find me on Substack. Loving you from here.