1
00:00:00,640 --> 00:00:01,280
Speaker 1: And you're here.

2
00:00:01,440 --> 00:00:04,000
Speaker 2: Thanks for choosing the iHeartRadio and Coast to Ghost Day

3
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:09,240
Speaker 2: and Paranormal Podcast Network. Your quest for podcasts of the paranormal, supernatural,

4
00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:12,319
Speaker 2: and the unexplained ends here. We invite you to enjoy

5
00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:15,160
Speaker 2: all our shows we have on this network, and right now,

6
00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:18,120
Speaker 2: let's start with Chase of the Afterlife with the Sanatra

7
00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:18,680
Speaker 2: Channa Plain.

8
00:00:21,960 --> 00:00:25,239
Speaker 3: Welcome to our podcast. Please be aware the thoughts and

9
00:00:25,320 --> 00:00:29,280
Speaker 3: opinions expressed by the host are their thoughts and opinions

10
00:00:29,320 --> 00:00:34,480
Speaker 3: only and do not reflect those of iHeartMedia, iHeartRadio, Coast

11
00:00:34,520 --> 00:00:38,960
Speaker 3: to Coast AM employees of Premiere Networks, or their sponsors

12
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:42,199
Speaker 3: and associates. We would like to encourage you to do

13
00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:51,520
Speaker 3: your own research and discover the subject matter for yourself. Hi, everybody,

14
00:00:51,920 --> 00:00:54,880
Speaker 3: Sandra here. I'm on a short break this week, so

15
00:00:55,080 --> 00:01:02,240
Speaker 3: please enjoy this best of episode.

16
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:03,360
Speaker 1: Hi.

17
00:01:03,640 --> 00:01:07,679
Speaker 3: I'm Sandra Champlain. For over twenty five years, I've been

18
00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:11,319
Speaker 3: on a journey to prove the existence of life after death.

19
00:01:11,959 --> 00:01:15,319
Speaker 3: On each episode, we'll discuss the reasons we now know

20
00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:19,440
Speaker 3: that our loved ones have survived physical debt and so

21
00:01:19,959 --> 00:01:24,240
Speaker 3: will we. Welcome to Shades of the Afterlife. Have you

22
00:01:24,360 --> 00:01:28,560
Speaker 3: ever wondered what your life purpose is. I want to

23
00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:32,520
Speaker 3: ask you three questions just for you to ponder. You

24
00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:35,240
Speaker 3: don't need to give a response, as it may take

25
00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:37,560
Speaker 3: you a little while to come up with the answer.

26
00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:41,200
Speaker 3: I will revisit this at the end of the episode

27
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:46,160
Speaker 3: and you'll know why then. The first question is if

28
00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:50,440
Speaker 3: I knew I couldn't fail, what would I do or

29
00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:55,960
Speaker 3: who would I be? Second question, if I knew I

30
00:01:56,080 --> 00:02:00,640
Speaker 3: had one hundred million dollars in the bank, what would

31
00:02:00,640 --> 00:02:05,560
Speaker 3: I do or who would I be? And number three,

32
00:02:05,640 --> 00:02:10,200
Speaker 3: if I knew I only had six months left to live,

33
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:16,120
Speaker 3: what would I do or who would I be? Good questions. Right,

34
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:20,720
Speaker 3: our guest today has come up with his life purpose

35
00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:24,919
Speaker 3: a different way, and I think many of us our

36
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:28,320
Speaker 3: hearts get cracked wide open when we go through the

37
00:02:28,320 --> 00:02:32,919
Speaker 3: grieving process. As difficult as grief may be, it may

38
00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:37,000
Speaker 3: have us asking these important questions of who am I

39
00:02:37,520 --> 00:02:41,200
Speaker 3: and what is my life? For our guest today is

40
00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:45,519
Speaker 3: a berieved father, a bereaved son, a bereaved brother, and

41
00:02:45,639 --> 00:02:50,320
Speaker 3: a bereaved friend. You'll meet Tom Bender, creator and host

42
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:55,160
Speaker 3: of the Heroes and Grief podcast. On each episode, you

43
00:02:55,280 --> 00:03:00,160
Speaker 3: meet inspiring folks who turn their grief into purpose. You

44
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:04,560
Speaker 3: can find out more at Heroes in Grief dot com.

45
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:08,520
Speaker 3: Let's meet Tom now hear his story through grief and

46
00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:12,000
Speaker 3: his belief in the afterlife.

47
00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:14,160
Speaker 1: Now presently in Niagara Falls, New York. I'm a native

48
00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:17,480
Speaker 1: Western New Yorker born in Buffalo, and there's been a

49
00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:19,200
Speaker 1: lot of things in my life, a lot of different

50
00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:22,800
Speaker 1: things to pull from varied background. I was a pastor

51
00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:26,480
Speaker 1: for fifteen years in the Christian Church. I was spiritual

52
00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:29,520
Speaker 1: care director at Niagara Hospice for three and a half years.

53
00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:33,520
Speaker 1: I worked ambulance for a long time. I was back

54
00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:35,960
Speaker 1: in the as you were, the food industry for a

55
00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:38,800
Speaker 1: while and did all kinds of different things. I also

56
00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:41,560
Speaker 1: had been involved in music almost all my life, and

57
00:03:41,760 --> 00:03:44,960
Speaker 1: so my past fifteen years or so has been a

58
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:47,720
Speaker 1: full time musician here in Western New York. And I

59
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:50,840
Speaker 1: played in nursing homes and things like that during the daytimes,

60
00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:54,360
Speaker 1: and then clubs and other things at night, and bands

61
00:03:54,760 --> 00:03:57,680
Speaker 1: and everything else, the whole gamut. But I was very

62
00:03:57,680 --> 00:04:01,440
Speaker 1: privileged to be full time, and so was nice. And

63
00:04:01,480 --> 00:04:05,720
Speaker 1: then in February twenty third of twenty twenty three, my

64
00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:09,920
Speaker 1: son Jeff passed. He was twenty seven years old, and

65
00:04:10,080 --> 00:04:12,640
Speaker 1: he was living with us. He had come to us

66
00:04:12,680 --> 00:04:15,160
Speaker 1: to get out of the lifestyle that he had been

67
00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:18,839
Speaker 1: in involving drugs and things, and so he came to

68
00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:20,680
Speaker 1: live with us two and a half years prior to that,

69
00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:25,440
Speaker 1: and everything was going relatively well, and as that sometimes happens,

70
00:04:25,560 --> 00:04:27,920
Speaker 1: it has gripped him and did grip him, and so

71
00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:31,640
Speaker 1: he finally succumbed to that on the twenty third, and

72
00:04:31,880 --> 00:04:35,160
Speaker 1: that was horrific, of course, and changed my life dramatically.

73
00:04:35,800 --> 00:04:38,800
Speaker 1: I'm still changing and evolving as a person since that time.

74
00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:42,040
Speaker 1: It's not that long, of course, but I found amazing

75
00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:45,720
Speaker 1: resources right away. I knew I needed help and tapped

76
00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:51,200
Speaker 1: into resources that helped me online and searching out podcast books,

77
00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:54,880
Speaker 1: just searching for something to grab onto, and I found

78
00:04:54,920 --> 00:04:58,159
Speaker 1: immediate help through some of those. I began to progress

79
00:04:58,279 --> 00:05:01,320
Speaker 1: in my grief, which I think everybody has to do.

80
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,920
Speaker 1: Early stages are tough because you're just trying to live

81
00:05:05,200 --> 00:05:09,560
Speaker 1: and survive, of course, and so what it did is

82
00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:14,120
Speaker 1: it started moving me onward to wanting to realize what's

83
00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:16,400
Speaker 1: happening within me, first of all, and that was that

84
00:05:16,480 --> 00:05:18,960
Speaker 1: I was changing. You can't help but be changed in

85
00:05:19,360 --> 00:05:23,479
Speaker 1: many ways, but internally it really worked in me and

86
00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:27,479
Speaker 1: I realized some things that I'm still trying to process

87
00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:30,880
Speaker 1: and better myself in. But I wanted to help people,

88
00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:35,239
Speaker 1: and I wanted to help them through if I could,

89
00:05:35,279 --> 00:05:37,359
Speaker 1: the pain that I was going through. I didn't know

90
00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:38,919
Speaker 1: what that was going to look like. I didn't know

91
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:41,479
Speaker 1: how that was going to happen. I quickly took a

92
00:05:41,480 --> 00:05:44,240
Speaker 1: grief educator course through David Kessler that I was on

93
00:05:44,320 --> 00:05:48,680
Speaker 1: a grief group's online with his organization, and again I

94
00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:50,599
Speaker 1: didn't know exactly what I was going to do with that,

95
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,480
Speaker 1: but I thought, maybe I don't know, maybe one on

96
00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:56,719
Speaker 1: ones who knows. So I took that. I ended that

97
00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:59,880
Speaker 1: in June of last year, relatively quick again into everything,

98
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,200
Speaker 1: and then the idea for the podcast came around that

99
00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:06,920
Speaker 1: time actually, but it just wasn't time. I could tell

100
00:06:06,960 --> 00:06:09,840
Speaker 1: through the summer months and things got busy, and it

101
00:06:09,920 --> 00:06:12,919
Speaker 1: was good because we were being occupied and that helps

102
00:06:12,960 --> 00:06:15,400
Speaker 1: pad the grief process, you know, as you're going on

103
00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:18,440
Speaker 1: and being amongst friends and all those things. Really what

104
00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:21,280
Speaker 1: stirred it was that I heard other people's stories and

105
00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:23,840
Speaker 1: they meant a lot to me. It didn't matter the

106
00:06:23,839 --> 00:06:27,600
Speaker 1: circumstances of their grief. It was what came out of it,

107
00:06:27,640 --> 00:06:30,000
Speaker 1: and it seemed like there was something that came out

108
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:33,640
Speaker 1: of every story that was applicable to my grief. But

109
00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:36,960
Speaker 1: that is what really spurred me on when I saw

110
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:40,480
Speaker 1: what people were doing with their grief and so many

111
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:44,000
Speaker 1: people then turned it into purpose, and I thought, first

112
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,440
Speaker 1: of all, the stories should be getting out there for people,

113
00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:51,159
Speaker 1: because different people relate to different people's stories, so the

114
00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:53,200
Speaker 1: more we can get that out there, the better it

115
00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:57,960
Speaker 1: is for everybody. And then to highlight the things that

116
00:06:58,000 --> 00:07:01,040
Speaker 1: people are doing through their grief and the remarkable things.

117
00:07:01,040 --> 00:07:04,919
Speaker 1: There's so many resources available for people in grief that

118
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:09,159
Speaker 1: are from other people who have experienced grief, and there's

119
00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:12,040
Speaker 1: nobody better, I think, to do that than those who

120
00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:15,040
Speaker 1: who know what you're going through. So that's where the

121
00:07:15,040 --> 00:07:17,840
Speaker 1: whole idea of heroes and grief came from. I struggled

122
00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:20,920
Speaker 1: with the name heroes initially, and then I looked up

123
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:24,040
Speaker 1: and saw that there's part of the definition of heroes

124
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:26,400
Speaker 1: that fit perfectly, and I put that in the intro

125
00:07:26,600 --> 00:07:30,160
Speaker 1: to it, and it's those who are doing remarkable things,

126
00:07:30,680 --> 00:07:34,480
Speaker 1: encourage and it doesn't matter we've made heroes into these

127
00:07:34,520 --> 00:07:36,920
Speaker 1: superheroes and all these other things, and of course it

128
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:40,040
Speaker 1: applies to military and things like that, but most people,

129
00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:42,520
Speaker 1: the common person, would not think themselves a hero in

130
00:07:42,560 --> 00:07:46,360
Speaker 1: any way. But I found through that definition that it applied,

131
00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:49,960
Speaker 1: and they are heroes and certainly heroes for those who

132
00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:54,320
Speaker 1: receive something effective for them in their walk with Greece.

133
00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:57,920
Speaker 1: I've been on a spiritual journey that now has changed

134
00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:02,800
Speaker 1: and explore meditation and those things. I don't do it

135
00:08:02,800 --> 00:08:05,240
Speaker 1: as much as I should and as well as I should,

136
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:09,000
Speaker 1: but the benefits are incredible. I believe I'm being guided

137
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:12,600
Speaker 1: from the universe and from spirit and from Jeff and

138
00:08:12,760 --> 00:08:15,320
Speaker 1: spirit guides and all those type of things that people

139
00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:18,880
Speaker 1: may be familiar with. I believe Jeff is present right

140
00:08:18,880 --> 00:08:21,640
Speaker 1: here with me right now, and he's shown that in

141
00:08:21,680 --> 00:08:25,800
Speaker 1: so many ways. I have signs that could fill a

142
00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:30,800
Speaker 1: law book of evidence for me personally. So all I

143
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:33,920
Speaker 1: do is share that as well. And it's very freeing

144
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:36,320
Speaker 1: to be in the grief community. I've found people in

145
00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:39,679
Speaker 1: the grief community are genuine and wanting help, and those

146
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:43,280
Speaker 1: who are giving the help are genuine. So it's been

147
00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:47,679
Speaker 1: really refreshing to be part of something that is not competitive.

148
00:08:48,080 --> 00:08:51,720
Speaker 1: People are genuine and real and that's where you really

149
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:54,520
Speaker 1: came in for me. And I'll share this story now

150
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:58,000
Speaker 1: how Sandra and I got connected here to do the podcasts.

151
00:08:58,880 --> 00:09:03,160
Speaker 1: I did a podcast with Roseanne Norris. She heads up

152
00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:06,640
Speaker 1: Helping Parents Heal chapter in Binghamton, New York, and I'm

153
00:09:06,679 --> 00:09:09,800
Speaker 1: part of Helping Parents Heal as well. It's an organization

154
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:12,760
Speaker 1: that is all for parents who have lost children. And

155
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:15,599
Speaker 1: so I had her on the podcast a couple of

156
00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:18,640
Speaker 1: weeks ago. I knew she was acquainted with you, but

157
00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:21,839
Speaker 1: we didn't get too deep into that. And so after

158
00:09:21,880 --> 00:09:24,959
Speaker 1: the podcast, I sent her an email. And as I

159
00:09:25,000 --> 00:09:28,800
Speaker 1: have with several other different people who very initially when

160
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:32,360
Speaker 1: I was in my throes of grief and just clutching

161
00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:36,400
Speaker 1: for things. And so that's why I sent the message

162
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:40,840
Speaker 1: to Roseanne for you, is because I found your podcasts

163
00:09:40,880 --> 00:09:45,640
Speaker 1: and things early on. You're very inviting in your conversation

164
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:49,280
Speaker 1: and things. I connected with that, and I just wanted

165
00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:51,920
Speaker 1: to send you a message to say that you had

166
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:55,160
Speaker 1: a positive role in my process and moving forward. So

167
00:09:55,400 --> 00:09:57,880
Speaker 1: that was my intention, and I sent an email to

168
00:09:57,920 --> 00:09:59,920
Speaker 1: her and said, what do you think is the best

169
00:10:00,080 --> 00:10:03,800
Speaker 1: way to contact Sandra so that she would see the message,

170
00:10:03,880 --> 00:10:05,959
Speaker 1: because I didn't know if you actually do your social

171
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:09,080
Speaker 1: media and those types of things, and so that's all

172
00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:11,920
Speaker 1: I center. And so then she sends me back a

173
00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:15,320
Speaker 1: message and says, I contacted Sandra, and she says she

174
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:17,320
Speaker 1: wants to be on your podcast and she wants to

175
00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:21,520
Speaker 1: have you on hers. That was remarkable to me. So

176
00:10:21,640 --> 00:10:24,959
Speaker 1: I'm very very happy that you did that. And it's

177
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:26,520
Speaker 1: such a privilege to be here.

178
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:29,840
Speaker 3: Oh, thank you. My mom says, make things happen, don't

179
00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:32,240
Speaker 3: wait for them to happen. Make things happen. And I

180
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:34,760
Speaker 3: want to just highlight a few things that you said,

181
00:10:34,840 --> 00:10:37,120
Speaker 3: and then I want to ask you about your connection

182
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:41,280
Speaker 3: that ongoing with Jeff as we love to hear stories.

183
00:10:41,720 --> 00:10:46,360
Speaker 3: First of all our condolences for his passing. That is

184
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:50,200
Speaker 3: the one thing that unites all of us. Grief is

185
00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:53,880
Speaker 3: a thing that hurts worse than anything in the world,

186
00:10:54,160 --> 00:10:56,200
Speaker 3: but can actually crack us open to go on that

187
00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:59,360
Speaker 3: spiritual journey that we didn't ask for, that we didn't

188
00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:03,559
Speaker 3: think we need. But in it there's transformation. There really

189
00:11:03,679 --> 00:11:07,880
Speaker 3: is not only looking at your own spiritual beliefs the hereafter,

190
00:11:08,320 --> 00:11:10,320
Speaker 3: but also who you are as a human being. What

191
00:11:10,360 --> 00:11:15,360
Speaker 3: you're here for, and you have taken your grief and

192
00:11:15,760 --> 00:11:18,400
Speaker 3: grief and action is what you are doing. You are

193
00:11:18,480 --> 00:11:22,360
Speaker 3: making a difference. And I know for myself, everything that

194
00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:24,760
Speaker 3: I learned, I couldn't hang on too for myself, I

195
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:27,760
Speaker 3: had to just give it away. So you are in

196
00:11:27,840 --> 00:11:31,200
Speaker 3: fact a hero and grief as well as all the

197
00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:34,640
Speaker 3: people that you interview, And they say it a ton

198
00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:37,400
Speaker 3: of times. Even if you make a difference for one person,

199
00:11:37,480 --> 00:11:40,319
Speaker 3: you never know when you can breathe life back into

200
00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:43,520
Speaker 3: a person. And also sometimes we know grief is hard

201
00:11:43,880 --> 00:11:47,480
Speaker 3: prevent them from even taking their own life. So, my friend,

202
00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:50,600
Speaker 3: now if we can feel back the onion a little

203
00:11:50,640 --> 00:11:55,839
Speaker 3: bit on spiritual beliefs. Now, you mentioned hospice. There's some

204
00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:58,240
Speaker 3: great stories of things that happen in hospice. I don't

205
00:11:58,240 --> 00:12:01,120
Speaker 3: know if you've known or heard about some of those

206
00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:04,520
Speaker 3: deathbed visitors. But also I really want to hear about

207
00:12:04,559 --> 00:12:07,200
Speaker 3: your connection with Jeff, because we want to know that

208
00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:10,360
Speaker 3: our loved ones are still around and what are real

209
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:14,199
Speaker 3: signs and maybe what is our imagination? And just if

210
00:12:14,200 --> 00:12:17,360
Speaker 3: you could talk a little bit about the afterlife.

211
00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:21,559
Speaker 1: Side, probably one of my favorite subjects right now absolutely.

212
00:12:22,120 --> 00:12:24,960
Speaker 1: It's interesting. When I was a pastor, I always felt

213
00:12:24,960 --> 00:12:27,520
Speaker 1: that God was bigger. That was the biggest thing that

214
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:30,160
Speaker 1: stuck with me. You can talk a lot about the

215
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:32,400
Speaker 1: context of the church and things like that, but I

216
00:12:32,440 --> 00:12:36,160
Speaker 1: don't adhere to the dogma of religion anymore. I certainly

217
00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:39,240
Speaker 1: believe in God and Spirit in a different way, so

218
00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:42,120
Speaker 1: I don't try to get in battles with anybody in

219
00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:44,800
Speaker 1: religion or anything like that. I just knew at the

220
00:12:44,800 --> 00:12:47,599
Speaker 1: time that God was bigger, and when I went to hospice,

221
00:12:47,800 --> 00:12:50,160
Speaker 1: I experienced it. I did see some of the things

222
00:12:50,200 --> 00:12:53,440
Speaker 1: you're speaking of. I saw terminal lucidity, where a person

223
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:58,240
Speaker 1: who was not conscious or speaking or in their right

224
00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:01,720
Speaker 1: mind for a long time, sometimes up to years. And

225
00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:04,640
Speaker 1: usually these occurrences that I'm about to speak of happen

226
00:13:04,760 --> 00:13:06,920
Speaker 1: and the person passes within a couple of days.

227
00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:10,360
Speaker 3: Of as usual, friends, it's time for a quick break,

228
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:13,439
Speaker 3: and I promised we'll come right back where we left

229
00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:17,480
Speaker 3: off with Tom Bender. You're listening to Shades of the

230
00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:22,199
Speaker 3: Afterlife on the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast AM Paranormal

231
00:13:22,440 --> 00:13:42,040
Speaker 3: Podcast Network. Welcome back to Shades of the Afterlife. I'm

232
00:13:42,080 --> 00:13:46,720
Speaker 3: Sandra Champlain, and we're with Tom Bender, founder and podcast

233
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:50,920
Speaker 3: host of Heroes in Grief. He's had a varied background,

234
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:55,840
Speaker 3: including being spiritual director at a hospice. Let's continue with

235
00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:56,480
Speaker 3: his story.

236
00:13:56,800 --> 00:13:59,320
Speaker 1: And when I went to hospice, I experienced it. If

237
00:13:59,360 --> 00:14:02,840
Speaker 1: I saw turnminal lucidity where a person who was not

238
00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:07,160
Speaker 1: conscious or speaking or in their right mind for a

239
00:14:07,240 --> 00:14:11,559
Speaker 1: long time, sometimes up to years. And usually these occurrences

240
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:13,640
Speaker 1: that I'm about to speak of happen and the person

241
00:14:13,679 --> 00:14:16,760
Speaker 1: passes within a couple days of this. Usually there's a

242
00:14:16,800 --> 00:14:18,920
Speaker 1: lot of studies going on with this type of thing now.

243
00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:22,880
Speaker 1: Actually here locally, doctor for Christopher Kerr, which is at

244
00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:26,600
Speaker 1: Airy County Hospice or Buffalo Hospice, has done great studies

245
00:14:26,640 --> 00:14:30,760
Speaker 1: on this. But terminal lucidity a person comes into their

246
00:14:30,760 --> 00:14:34,000
Speaker 1: regular minds and is talking to their family members. And

247
00:14:34,400 --> 00:14:36,520
Speaker 1: I witnessed this. I saw this happen and they were

248
00:14:36,560 --> 00:14:40,920
Speaker 1: just dumbfounded, the people around this person because she knew

249
00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:43,240
Speaker 1: every name, she knew every place, she knew everything that

250
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:46,640
Speaker 1: had been happening all around her in the recent history,

251
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:50,080
Speaker 1: and everybody was shocked. Of course, it's difficult for the

252
00:14:50,120 --> 00:14:53,120
Speaker 1: family members because they feel this is a rallying point

253
00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:55,560
Speaker 1: and really what it is as a kind of a

254
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:58,800
Speaker 1: picture of the end. But yeah, I experienced that it

255
00:14:58,920 --> 00:15:02,920
Speaker 1: is markable experience, and so we knew this happened, and

256
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:06,560
Speaker 1: we saw this happen. I saw it probably physically myself

257
00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:10,040
Speaker 1: a couple times and witnessed it. I heard of it

258
00:15:10,320 --> 00:15:14,080
Speaker 1: obviously other times from the workers there. And then there's

259
00:15:14,120 --> 00:15:18,040
Speaker 1: other things where they see somebody who has passed on

260
00:15:18,920 --> 00:15:21,360
Speaker 1: before them and they talk about it, and they see

261
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:23,480
Speaker 1: it and they talk to them and they see them

262
00:15:23,480 --> 00:15:26,480
Speaker 1: in the room, or they'll see them behind somebody when

263
00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:30,000
Speaker 1: they're talking to them. These occurrences happened while I was

264
00:15:30,040 --> 00:15:33,800
Speaker 1: there too, and I witnessed that happen. So those are

265
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:37,080
Speaker 1: actual things that people see. We're just normal people. I

266
00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:40,440
Speaker 1: know you feel the same Leasander that you share these things.

267
00:15:40,880 --> 00:15:44,000
Speaker 1: We are just normal people who have witnessed these remarkable

268
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:47,120
Speaker 1: things around us and it has to be shared or

269
00:15:47,160 --> 00:15:51,120
Speaker 1: our society seems to squelch these things for some reason,

270
00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:54,560
Speaker 1: or maybe we're just desensitized where it doesn't have the

271
00:15:54,600 --> 00:16:00,320
Speaker 1: impact that it should. But they're extraordinary things. With Jeff Boy,

272
00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:03,160
Speaker 1: there's so many. One of the very early things that

273
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:06,640
Speaker 1: happened was in the immediate days and day of and

274
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,960
Speaker 1: days after Jeff passed, and he lived with us here

275
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:13,880
Speaker 1: in the house, and so I'd go into the bathroom,

276
00:16:14,360 --> 00:16:17,440
Speaker 1: and of course I'm in my acute grief phase and

277
00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:20,480
Speaker 1: you are in la la land. You don't even know

278
00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:23,600
Speaker 1: what's going on. It's hard to find the door, you know.

279
00:16:23,760 --> 00:16:26,880
Speaker 1: And so I'd walk into the bathroom and I would

280
00:16:26,880 --> 00:16:33,040
Speaker 1: hear Dad, Dad, every time it happened, and I was like, Jeff,

281
00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:35,800
Speaker 1: I know you're there, and I'm here. I hear you.

282
00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:40,520
Speaker 1: And I talked to him, you know, crying at that time,

283
00:16:40,800 --> 00:16:44,920
Speaker 1: but talking to him. And he did it probably for

284
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:49,960
Speaker 1: about maybe a month or so, just every time Dad,

285
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:53,119
Speaker 1: and it was his voice, and so it was amazing.

286
00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:57,080
Speaker 1: That was the first thing. About three weeks after he passed. Now,

287
00:16:57,920 --> 00:16:59,840
Speaker 1: as I said, he'd lived with us, and he was

288
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:03,320
Speaker 1: construction worker, a great worker, and helped around the house

289
00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:06,680
Speaker 1: and did things. We had that bad snowstorm in Buffalo,

290
00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:10,879
Speaker 1: which was around Christmas time in twenty twenty two, so

291
00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:13,840
Speaker 1: he was here for that time and we got two

292
00:17:13,920 --> 00:17:16,280
Speaker 1: or three feet of snow here, and so he was

293
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,480
Speaker 1: out shoveling one day and Jeff was like a bull

294
00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:20,720
Speaker 1: in the china shop. He was a big guy, but

295
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:23,760
Speaker 1: a tender heart, just a teddy bear, but he was

296
00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:25,320
Speaker 1: like a bull in the china shop. And we just

297
00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:27,000
Speaker 1: shake our heads and say, Jeff, what did you do?

298
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:30,399
Speaker 1: Yea that type of thing. Remember, he pulled in the

299
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:33,679
Speaker 1: driveway one time and knocked the extension cord hold her

300
00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,639
Speaker 1: off the wall, and he had to fix that, but

301
00:17:35,680 --> 00:17:38,360
Speaker 1: he could fix it, so it was ok. What he did.

302
00:17:38,359 --> 00:17:41,840
Speaker 1: This time, he was shoveling outside and all of a

303
00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:44,840
Speaker 1: sudden he came in and he's holding the shovel handle

304
00:17:44,880 --> 00:17:46,920
Speaker 1: in his hand and he goes, I broke the handle,

305
00:17:47,000 --> 00:17:50,680
Speaker 1: you know. So actually we went and replaced it that day,

306
00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:53,680
Speaker 1: or he went and got another shovel and he came

307
00:17:54,080 --> 00:17:57,680
Speaker 1: back in and he had broken another shovel, so two

308
00:17:57,720 --> 00:18:00,879
Speaker 1: of them while he was doing that. After that time,

309
00:18:01,119 --> 00:18:03,919
Speaker 1: a few days after whatever, I fixed the shovel handle

310
00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:05,840
Speaker 1: on the first one that he broke, And that was

311
00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:07,919
Speaker 1: the one we used all the time, and we had

312
00:18:08,000 --> 00:18:12,439
Speaker 1: used it several times multiple times since then. When Jeff passed,

313
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:15,280
Speaker 1: it was February twenty third, so this was two months

314
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:18,879
Speaker 1: after the snowstorm, and three weeks after that, I go

315
00:18:19,000 --> 00:18:21,600
Speaker 1: out to our porch. We didn't really have any snow

316
00:18:21,640 --> 00:18:23,399
Speaker 1: at that time, but we kept our shovel on the

317
00:18:23,440 --> 00:18:26,400
Speaker 1: porch and it really hadn't been windy that day either,

318
00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:29,159
Speaker 1: and we have a carpeted porch. I have a picture

319
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,840
Speaker 1: of this. Actually, I opened up the door just to

320
00:18:31,880 --> 00:18:34,920
Speaker 1: get some air, and the shovel's ling on the carpeted

321
00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:40,119
Speaker 1: floor and the handle is broken off. And I just

322
00:18:40,359 --> 00:18:43,680
Speaker 1: was like, Jeff, that is Jeff, you know, And how

323
00:18:43,720 --> 00:18:46,960
Speaker 1: did it break in a carpeted floor, falling from just

324
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:52,280
Speaker 1: standing And it was remarkable. So a great sign from him.

325
00:18:52,920 --> 00:18:56,119
Speaker 1: Something recently that happened. And I've really been trying to

326
00:18:56,119 --> 00:18:58,399
Speaker 1: get in touch with Jeff and in touch with the

327
00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:01,840
Speaker 1: spirit world. So sometimes I drive for a living. I

328
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,199
Speaker 1: drive for a charter company here in the Falls, and

329
00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:06,960
Speaker 1: I was driving out to a school one time. It

330
00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:08,840
Speaker 1: was in the evening and it was about an hour

331
00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:13,440
Speaker 1: long drive, and I put on meditation music. Now this

332
00:19:13,480 --> 00:19:15,919
Speaker 1: isn't advice for some people when you're driving, but I

333
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:19,000
Speaker 1: just wanted something to melow myself, to get myself in

334
00:19:19,080 --> 00:19:22,919
Speaker 1: a mindful state, and so I did that while I

335
00:19:23,040 --> 00:19:27,480
Speaker 1: was listening. You know, if you've ever seen the newer vehicles.

336
00:19:27,520 --> 00:19:31,920
Speaker 1: Sometimes they have like a holographic display on the windshield

337
00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:34,480
Speaker 1: and it goes up there and it's a little rectangle

338
00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:38,040
Speaker 1: that has holographic things on there. This is the way

339
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:41,639
Speaker 1: it came up for me. And I was just trying

340
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:43,680
Speaker 1: to get in a mindful state, and mindfulness is just

341
00:19:43,760 --> 00:19:48,520
Speaker 1: getting in the present moment, releasing everything else. And so

342
00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:53,080
Speaker 1: all of a sudden I see that just like a rectangle,

343
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:56,280
Speaker 1: and Jeff is down in the corner and he's just

344
00:19:56,400 --> 00:20:00,280
Speaker 1: like like, hey here, I am this fun kid, funny,

345
00:20:00,880 --> 00:20:04,360
Speaker 1: beautiful smile. And he was just like, hey here I am,

346
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,159
Speaker 1: I'm here. I love you, I know it. And I

347
00:20:07,200 --> 00:20:09,760
Speaker 1: acknowledged him and as I do, and I talked to him,

348
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:13,520
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden, my mother shows up.

349
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:18,639
Speaker 1: Mother passed two years before Jeff. Then my father, my

350
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:23,919
Speaker 1: dad died when I was ten. Then my brother, my

351
00:20:23,960 --> 00:20:27,760
Speaker 1: brother died about ten years agoing out maybe more. All

352
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:30,080
Speaker 1: of a sudden, all the people in my life that

353
00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:34,160
Speaker 1: I knew started showing up, and it formed like this

354
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:37,120
Speaker 1: big party of people there, and one by one I'd

355
00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:40,879
Speaker 1: remember them and they'd show up and they were like Hi, Hi,

356
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:44,560
Speaker 1: just kept saying Hi. We're all here, and it was

357
00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:48,159
Speaker 1: just such an experience and acknowledgement. Now, this is what

358
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,760
Speaker 1: happens a lot now for me. I need confirmations. We

359
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:53,480
Speaker 1: keep neeeding these knocks in the head to say this

360
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:56,720
Speaker 1: is real, this is real. They're there and they're they're

361
00:20:56,720 --> 00:21:00,520
Speaker 1: with us. And so I couldn't think of one person

362
00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:03,520
Speaker 1: that had passed in my life that it was close

363
00:21:03,560 --> 00:21:07,000
Speaker 1: to me that didn't show up there, and so that

364
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:10,520
Speaker 1: is just something that happened recently that is pretty remarkable.

365
00:21:11,080 --> 00:21:13,960
Speaker 3: I just want to ask you were continuing driving when

366
00:21:13,960 --> 00:21:14,880
Speaker 3: this is all happening.

367
00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:18,440
Speaker 1: I did notice that while I was driving. Yes, I'm

368
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:21,639
Speaker 1: thinking of it as it's happening. I was thinking, in

369
00:21:21,680 --> 00:21:25,119
Speaker 1: my head, you are totally present with what you're doing here.

370
00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:27,320
Speaker 1: I was focused on driving guests.

371
00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:30,919
Speaker 3: Right, And I know from personal experience we need to

372
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:34,040
Speaker 3: be present, we need to be in the zone, and

373
00:21:34,119 --> 00:21:39,240
Speaker 3: sometimes driving is it. I've never heard an experience like that,

374
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:44,000
Speaker 3: and I know from my own experiences when they show

375
00:21:44,080 --> 00:21:46,360
Speaker 3: up and in my mind it can be an image

376
00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:50,040
Speaker 3: not outside of me, but I can tell what they

377
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:54,480
Speaker 3: look like, what they're wearing. It's different than when my

378
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,679
Speaker 3: mind says, okay, picture my dad, because then I have

379
00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:00,720
Speaker 3: to slow down and okay, that's what he looks like,

380
00:22:00,760 --> 00:22:03,800
Speaker 3: and okay, invent what he's wearing. But it's just like,

381
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,919
Speaker 3: there they are. And so it sounds to me like

382
00:22:07,960 --> 00:22:12,720
Speaker 3: a similar thing that they just present themselves. There they are.

383
00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:15,640
Speaker 3: You wouldn't even have time to try to figure out

384
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:16,879
Speaker 3: and imagine.

385
00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:19,040
Speaker 1: Them, no, And I wouldn't have put them in the

386
00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:21,600
Speaker 1: striped shirt that he had on. People when they see

387
00:22:21,600 --> 00:22:25,440
Speaker 1: things or wonder if it's conjuring up in their own

388
00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:28,240
Speaker 1: mind or if it's the reality of some of the

389
00:22:28,280 --> 00:22:33,560
Speaker 1: spirits showing themselves that it's definite. It's definite, it's real.

390
00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:38,439
Speaker 1: It wasn't like vague. It was very clear, and you

391
00:22:38,600 --> 00:22:42,600
Speaker 1: just know it's real. It's not like some obscure thing

392
00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:45,960
Speaker 1: that's just wavering out there or something. It was very definite,

393
00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:48,439
Speaker 1: very clear. And all the rest of them that came up,

394
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:50,880
Speaker 1: they really didn't say anything. They were just like every

395
00:22:50,880 --> 00:22:52,560
Speaker 1: one of them kind of just came up and like

396
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:56,240
Speaker 1: acknowledged me, and waves said we're here, we're here, we're here.

397
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:59,520
Speaker 1: And so it's like pounding into my head, this is real,

398
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:03,720
Speaker 1: this is we are here. And so it was so awesome.

399
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:07,080
Speaker 1: To experience that, and yeah, yeah, it was exhilarating.

400
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:10,119
Speaker 3: I just got a new to me car. It's a

401
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:14,400
Speaker 3: pre owned and it has that hologram on the windshield

402
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:16,720
Speaker 3: so I can tell how fast I'm going and not

403
00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:19,760
Speaker 3: going and blinks when I'm going over the speed limit.

404
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:22,160
Speaker 3: So I love it. But now next time I get

405
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,840
Speaker 3: into my car, I'm going to think of your story.

406
00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:31,240
Speaker 3: Oh you spoke about you still talk to Jeff, which

407
00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:34,840
Speaker 3: we should because they're very much alive. But what does

408
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:37,880
Speaker 3: that look like in your day? Is it just including

409
00:23:37,960 --> 00:23:42,879
Speaker 3: him and things? And how do you Yeah, you just feel.

410
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:47,400
Speaker 1: Him, yes, yes, and yes and yes. Sometimes he reveals

411
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:52,600
Speaker 1: himself will remind me. And boy, you feel guilty sometimes,

412
00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:55,080
Speaker 1: you know, when you're not thinking of it all the time.

413
00:23:55,480 --> 00:23:57,920
Speaker 1: But we need to go on with our lives. They

414
00:23:57,920 --> 00:23:59,399
Speaker 1: want us to go on with our lives. We have

415
00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:02,359
Speaker 1: things to do. As you said, what we're doing is important,

416
00:24:02,400 --> 00:24:04,560
Speaker 1: and so we have these things to do. So you

417
00:24:04,560 --> 00:24:08,560
Speaker 1: can't beat yourself up about that. But sometimes I get

418
00:24:08,640 --> 00:24:11,040
Speaker 1: eleven eleven on the time all the time I durned,

419
00:24:11,080 --> 00:24:12,639
Speaker 1: Like I said, I drive during the days, and so

420
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,000
Speaker 1: I'll just glance at the clock. All of a sudden

421
00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:16,800
Speaker 1: it might be my arrival time, it might be the

422
00:24:16,840 --> 00:24:19,840
Speaker 1: time that it is. But one time it happened seven

423
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:23,639
Speaker 1: days in a row and unprovoked. I was like, okay,

424
00:24:23,680 --> 00:24:26,119
Speaker 1: well you're getting my attention here for something, And you know,

425
00:24:26,119 --> 00:24:29,640
Speaker 1: I just kind of used it as my internal working

426
00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:32,440
Speaker 1: on that. Dad, Remember do what you're supposed to be doing,

427
00:24:32,480 --> 00:24:35,120
Speaker 1: you know, And I need those reminders. So that's good.

428
00:24:35,760 --> 00:24:39,280
Speaker 1: But various ways, I've only had one dream with jeffin

429
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:42,320
Speaker 1: which is strange to me because I would love for

430
00:24:42,359 --> 00:24:46,359
Speaker 1: those visitations and dreams. Of course, just recently, again, it

431
00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:48,960
Speaker 1: was an acknowledgment that he's here. It was interesting. I

432
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:50,879
Speaker 1: don't know, dreams are so strange, you know, I know

433
00:24:51,000 --> 00:24:53,760
Speaker 1: his dream it wasn't a visit really, Maybe that portion

434
00:24:53,840 --> 00:24:56,800
Speaker 1: of it was a visit because I remember it specifically

435
00:24:57,040 --> 00:25:00,080
Speaker 1: and clearly, but you know, dreams going on or what.

436
00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:03,000
Speaker 1: But all of a sudden, Jeff just protruded out of

437
00:25:03,040 --> 00:25:06,560
Speaker 1: a section of the visual field, I guess is the

438
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:09,240
Speaker 1: best way I can put it. And again, I haven't

439
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:11,359
Speaker 1: had a dream for Jeff. And it was just like

440
00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:15,159
Speaker 1: pretty much that I'm here. I'm here, Dad, you know

441
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:18,480
Speaker 1: that pretty much like that with his handout I'm here, Dad,

442
00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:23,240
Speaker 1: and so when I woke up, I was distressed. I

443
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:27,800
Speaker 1: felt that that was meaningful and purposeful, and so I

444
00:25:27,960 --> 00:25:31,040
Speaker 1: just felt, thank you, you know, and I acknowledge him.

445
00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:33,600
Speaker 1: And it might be the coins I pick up. I

446
00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:35,440
Speaker 1: find the coins all the time, and I've kept all

447
00:25:35,440 --> 00:25:37,280
Speaker 1: the ones that I've found since.

448
00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:40,880
Speaker 3: Then, friends, it's time for another quick break, and when

449
00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:44,680
Speaker 3: we get back, there's more of Heroes and Grief podcast

450
00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:49,040
Speaker 3: host Tom Bender. They're listening to Shades of the Afterlife

451
00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:55,920
Speaker 3: on the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast, a paranormal podcast network.

452
00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:14,200
Speaker 3: Welcome back to Shades of the Afterlife. I'm Sandra Champlain.

453
00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:18,600
Speaker 3: We're talking to Tom Bender, host of Heroes in Grief.

454
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:23,760
Speaker 3: Tom has been a longtime professional musician who I feel

455
00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:27,719
Speaker 3: has the pause button on that career right now, and

456
00:26:27,760 --> 00:26:30,520
Speaker 3: a lot has to do with grief. So let's continue

457
00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:34,479
Speaker 3: with him talking about signs and his music and grief.

458
00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:37,560
Speaker 1: It's strange because I've been in music in my life too,

459
00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:40,000
Speaker 1: and music has not been a part of it. Really.

460
00:26:40,280 --> 00:26:43,840
Speaker 1: I'm not involved in music now, so maybe that's it.

461
00:26:43,880 --> 00:26:46,480
Speaker 1: People send me a lot of music it initially and

462
00:26:46,720 --> 00:26:49,440
Speaker 1: I did not want to listen to anything, but that's

463
00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:51,760
Speaker 1: still a place I kind of don't want to go.

464
00:26:52,200 --> 00:26:54,679
Speaker 1: I'll tell you another story that happened today though, and

465
00:26:54,720 --> 00:26:58,919
Speaker 1: this is interesting. I posted a poem on my podcast

466
00:26:58,960 --> 00:27:03,199
Speaker 1: page and it's a beautiful poem. So I posted the

467
00:27:03,240 --> 00:27:05,600
Speaker 1: poem and I had sent this actually to my daughter,

468
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:09,520
Speaker 1: to Jeff's sister, and I put the emojis on there.

469
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:11,720
Speaker 1: I put a couple of emojis. I put a heart

470
00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:13,800
Speaker 1: with stars on it, and then I put one hundred

471
00:27:13,800 --> 00:27:16,199
Speaker 1: percent thing and then I put a thumbs up and

472
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:18,800
Speaker 1: that's what I sent to her yesterday. And today I

473
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 1: put it on the podcast. Well, you know, I put

474
00:27:22,080 --> 00:27:24,200
Speaker 1: those things on there. I posted it and I looked

475
00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:28,679
Speaker 1: at it and there's a buffalo in there, and I

476
00:27:28,840 --> 00:27:31,439
Speaker 1: was like, I didn't click on the buffalo, and I

477
00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:33,320
Speaker 1: was going to change it and take it out, and

478
00:27:33,320 --> 00:27:37,400
Speaker 1: then I thought Jeff. Jeff and I were huge are

479
00:27:37,520 --> 00:27:40,959
Speaker 1: huge Buffalo Bills fans, and we watched every single game together.

480
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 1: We have his jersey up in our garage with lights

481
00:27:44,640 --> 00:27:48,240
Speaker 1: around it on a memorial wall for Jeff and everything.

482
00:27:48,600 --> 00:27:51,480
Speaker 1: I acknowledge him. Every game we do jello shots for

483
00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:53,720
Speaker 1: the Bill's touchdowns. I do one for him. Every time.

484
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:57,399
Speaker 1: You know, so, but the buffalo's in there, and I

485
00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:02,480
Speaker 1: was like, of course, I mean just crazy stuff, amazing.

486
00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:06,080
Speaker 3: It's like he has a great sense of humor. Oh absolutely,

487
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:09,480
Speaker 3: and being a young man, because you're a young man.

488
00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:15,199
Speaker 3: There's technology, there's different ways I think they'll used to

489
00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:18,760
Speaker 3: be in touch with us. You know, my grandmother died

490
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:22,720
Speaker 3: at ninety, so she probably not so much would use

491
00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:27,800
Speaker 3: the emojis. I think our personalities and our interests dictate

492
00:28:27,880 --> 00:28:30,520
Speaker 3: how people work with us and through us. So I

493
00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:35,800
Speaker 3: think as much as you're focusing on slowing down, being present,

494
00:28:35,840 --> 00:28:39,480
Speaker 3: paying attention, talking to him, he's being creative in different

495
00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:42,800
Speaker 3: ways to be in touch from his side and what works,

496
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:46,080
Speaker 3: what doesn't work. Let me knock over the shovel.

497
00:28:46,560 --> 00:28:49,440
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah. I literally did laugh then, and it was

498
00:28:49,480 --> 00:28:53,320
Speaker 1: a hurtful time, and I just shook my head like, oh, Jeff,

499
00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:58,120
Speaker 1: you know so typical. Like you said, sense of humor

500
00:28:58,200 --> 00:28:59,680
Speaker 1: for sure. Yeah.

501
00:28:59,520 --> 00:29:02,680
Speaker 3: Yeah. Talk a little bit about grief because I think

502
00:29:02,680 --> 00:29:06,600
Speaker 3: one of the reasons that we have such a difficult

503
00:29:06,680 --> 00:29:10,000
Speaker 3: time with it, well, one is that's part of our biology.

504
00:29:10,080 --> 00:29:14,200
Speaker 3: But other than that, death is kept so distant from us.

505
00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:16,840
Speaker 3: One hundred years ago people grew up in a totally

506
00:29:16,880 --> 00:29:22,360
Speaker 3: different time and funerals were in their living room. They're parlor, right,

507
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:25,840
Speaker 3: And it's funny because once they started moving out of

508
00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:28,480
Speaker 3: the house that that's when the name living room came

509
00:29:29,000 --> 00:29:31,600
Speaker 3: because before that it was parlor and that was associated

510
00:29:32,040 --> 00:29:38,320
Speaker 3: with death. And so grief normally hurts awful, But then

511
00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:42,160
Speaker 3: when it's caught out of the blue, and then we've

512
00:29:42,240 --> 00:29:45,920
Speaker 3: never had training on it as human beings, which is

513
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:51,600
Speaker 3: amazing because people are raised learning how to rear a

514
00:29:51,680 --> 00:29:54,760
Speaker 3: child or get a book on this, that and the

515
00:29:54,800 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 3: other thing, but it's not taught about before were And

516
00:30:00,840 --> 00:30:03,959
Speaker 3: so people like you and me and others and let

517
00:30:04,040 --> 00:30:05,960
Speaker 3: people know that this is a very real thing and

518
00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:08,240
Speaker 3: how to best navigate through it. Can we just talk

519
00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:13,440
Speaker 3: a little bit about grief and perhaps your recommendations If

520
00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:18,200
Speaker 3: somebody's going through a time where they're feeling extreme guilt,

521
00:30:18,360 --> 00:30:20,520
Speaker 3: you know those could as should have would have moments

522
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:25,520
Speaker 3: and replaying things in our mind and the tremendous pain. Yes,

523
00:30:25,560 --> 00:30:28,240
Speaker 3: we're going to point them to Heroes and Grief podcast.

524
00:30:29,160 --> 00:30:31,680
Speaker 3: But what can we do? What are some tools that

525
00:30:31,720 --> 00:30:33,320
Speaker 3: we can do on the court.

526
00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:36,680
Speaker 1: Yes, I'll definitely address that first First of all, you

527
00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:39,680
Speaker 1: shouldn't grieve alone. Nobody should grieve alone. I don't think

528
00:30:39,720 --> 00:30:42,440
Speaker 1: we're meant to. I think we're meant to be together.

529
00:30:42,720 --> 00:30:46,840
Speaker 1: And especially in the greeting process, so many things can

530
00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:49,800
Speaker 1: happen when you're associated with other people, and especially other

531
00:30:49,960 --> 00:30:53,440
Speaker 1: people who have been grieving. They understand things on a

532
00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:56,920
Speaker 1: level that you can relate to. And so it really

533
00:30:56,960 --> 00:31:01,360
Speaker 1: helps that those things about grief or in all of that,

534
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:06,080
Speaker 1: the troublesome scenes. I experienced that myself, the things that

535
00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:08,760
Speaker 1: pop into your head, it's a retraining of the mind.

536
00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:12,040
Speaker 1: You need to acknowledge it at the time, and you

537
00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:14,560
Speaker 1: need to feel it. Anything with grief, you need to

538
00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:17,080
Speaker 1: feel it and go through it or it's going to

539
00:31:17,120 --> 00:31:19,840
Speaker 1: come back on you at some times. So if you

540
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:24,160
Speaker 1: want to lessen and quicken the process of living with

541
00:31:24,320 --> 00:31:28,240
Speaker 1: more love than pain in your life through the grief process,

542
00:31:29,200 --> 00:31:31,240
Speaker 1: then you need to deal with it. You need to

543
00:31:31,280 --> 00:31:34,000
Speaker 1: sit down with it and go through it. So when

544
00:31:34,000 --> 00:31:38,040
Speaker 1: the pain comes, when you experience it, when it goes through.

545
00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:40,960
Speaker 1: For instance, that image came through my head. I was

546
00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:43,560
Speaker 1: at the volleyball game and that popped into my head

547
00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:47,480
Speaker 1: and I was like, what you know, and it hurt

548
00:31:47,600 --> 00:31:49,600
Speaker 1: and tears came to my eyes, and I sat with

549
00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:52,520
Speaker 1: it for a second and then I said, you know what,

550
00:31:52,600 --> 00:31:56,040
Speaker 1: I'm going to start replacing this with something else so

551
00:31:56,160 --> 00:31:59,360
Speaker 1: that can move on from my mind. So you deal

552
00:31:59,400 --> 00:32:01,800
Speaker 1: with it, you knowledge. And so what I started doing,

553
00:32:01,880 --> 00:32:04,360
Speaker 1: and this is a suggestion again that I got from

554
00:32:04,440 --> 00:32:08,320
Speaker 1: David Kessler and his sessions in Tender Hearts, the group

555
00:32:08,360 --> 00:32:10,800
Speaker 1: that he has online. You talk to somebody, and he said,

556
00:32:10,800 --> 00:32:14,240
Speaker 1: when those things come, to replace them with better images

557
00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:16,640
Speaker 1: and acknowledgment of the person and things like that. So

558
00:32:17,440 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 1: what I do is I say I love you, Jeff.

559
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:22,640
Speaker 1: I love you Jeff, and I start thinking other things

560
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:26,920
Speaker 1: about Jeff, the better things, the life things, and retraining

561
00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:30,240
Speaker 1: my mind to get away from that vision and those

562
00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:34,000
Speaker 1: things that are going on. Eventually, that process changes as

563
00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:37,000
Speaker 1: those memories come, and I deal with it a lot quicker. Now,

564
00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:39,160
Speaker 1: you know, I certainly think of it still, It's still

565
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:41,520
Speaker 1: going to come up in my mind, but it's also

566
00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:45,720
Speaker 1: dealt with differently. I am in a stronger sense with it.

567
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:48,640
Speaker 1: It's still hurts sometimes sometimes I sit in it and

568
00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:51,560
Speaker 1: I just say it's horrible, and I go through some

569
00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:54,280
Speaker 1: of the details of it and work through it. But

570
00:32:54,320 --> 00:32:56,440
Speaker 1: then I still work to come out of it. And

571
00:32:56,480 --> 00:32:58,160
Speaker 1: you need to do that. You need to look at

572
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:00,760
Speaker 1: those other things and retrain your to go in a

573
00:33:00,800 --> 00:33:05,160
Speaker 1: different direction. So you talked about being more proactive in

574
00:33:05,200 --> 00:33:10,240
Speaker 1: the grief conversation, and this is a huge passion of mine.

575
00:33:10,480 --> 00:33:14,000
Speaker 1: It's just it's come out of nowhere. But I think

576
00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:16,360
Speaker 1: that this needs to be part of wellness training, it

577
00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:19,880
Speaker 1: needs to be part of early education. We're all going

578
00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:23,520
Speaker 1: to go through grief. There's so many resources in the

579
00:33:23,640 --> 00:33:26,840
Speaker 1: underground of us grief workers. And I found this out

580
00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:29,600
Speaker 1: because I'm a good networker and on social media. You know,

581
00:33:29,640 --> 00:33:32,640
Speaker 1: there's hundreds of podcasts out there about grief. Everybody's like, Oh,

582
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:35,680
Speaker 1: you're doing such a remarkable thing. There's plenty out there,

583
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:38,240
Speaker 1: people just don't know about them. This is where our

584
00:33:38,280 --> 00:33:42,080
Speaker 1: society squelches the grief conversation and says, oh, we don't

585
00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:45,760
Speaker 1: want grief. They're okay on a reactive situation. But we

586
00:33:45,840 --> 00:33:49,560
Speaker 1: could be way more proactive than grief and the conversation.

587
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:51,600
Speaker 1: And I think it should be done in workplaces. I

588
00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:54,040
Speaker 1: think it should be done in the student settings to

589
00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:57,360
Speaker 1: help people be more equipped with grief. Whether it's for

590
00:33:57,440 --> 00:34:00,400
Speaker 1: the grieving person or the people around them. They can

591
00:34:00,440 --> 00:34:03,840
Speaker 1: be educated better how to be around a grieving person

592
00:34:04,440 --> 00:34:06,800
Speaker 1: and make it a lot easier on you and them.

593
00:34:07,120 --> 00:34:09,840
Speaker 1: So many people they'll ask the question, how are you doing,

594
00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:13,120
Speaker 1: and then you start really telling them as an honest

595
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:15,839
Speaker 1: grieving person, and they don't want to hear that. They're

596
00:34:15,840 --> 00:34:17,920
Speaker 1: not ready for that. They need to understand that they

597
00:34:17,960 --> 00:34:20,600
Speaker 1: need to receive it and be ready to receive in

598
00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:24,439
Speaker 1: love and compassion. Sometimes a grieving person, even though they're

599
00:34:24,480 --> 00:34:26,920
Speaker 1: grieving for a long time, all of a sudden, may

600
00:34:26,960 --> 00:34:30,160
Speaker 1: just start crying at work, and somebody may think that

601
00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:33,160
Speaker 1: they cause that to happen or whatever. No, it happens

602
00:34:33,200 --> 00:34:36,040
Speaker 1: and it still happens. So there's just a lot of

603
00:34:36,040 --> 00:34:38,440
Speaker 1: things that people can be enlightened to. I think I

604
00:34:38,480 --> 00:34:41,080
Speaker 1: would really love to be part of that process. I

605
00:34:41,160 --> 00:34:44,200
Speaker 1: started a thing called Grief Talks, where I'm pushing to

606
00:34:44,600 --> 00:34:46,480
Speaker 1: try to get into places to be able to do

607
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:49,000
Speaker 1: that type of thing, and of course also help in

608
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:52,480
Speaker 1: a grieving situation. If something has happened at a place

609
00:34:52,680 --> 00:34:55,400
Speaker 1: or organization, whatever it may be, it doesn't matter to

610
00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:58,759
Speaker 1: me where I go. So that's a big passion and Yeah,

611
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:01,840
Speaker 1: you struck a chord there with beyond that, and it

612
00:35:01,880 --> 00:35:03,799
Speaker 1: seems to come up again and again really for me.

613
00:35:03,960 --> 00:35:06,480
Speaker 1: So that's how I know that the universe is kind

614
00:35:06,480 --> 00:35:08,480
Speaker 1: of leading you in that way. You get these pushes

615
00:35:08,520 --> 00:35:10,279
Speaker 1: and they keep coming up again and again the same

616
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:13,840
Speaker 1: circumstances are people talking about it, So I feel that

617
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:15,640
Speaker 1: I'm headed in that direction for sure.

618
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:19,560
Speaker 3: I know my listeners know my story, and I know

619
00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:21,719
Speaker 3: you're going to be interviewing me next week, so I

620
00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:25,480
Speaker 3: won't get too much into this right now. But with me,

621
00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:29,760
Speaker 3: grief devastated me. With the death of my father causing

622
00:35:29,760 --> 00:35:33,840
Speaker 3: a breakdown of my relationships with siblings. I hit rock bottom.

623
00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:37,440
Speaker 3: And before that I knew I was going to someday

624
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:41,560
Speaker 3: share the afterlife stuff that I was learning, But it

625
00:35:41,640 --> 00:35:45,359
Speaker 3: was really learning about grief and the impact and things

626
00:35:45,400 --> 00:35:48,279
Speaker 3: we can do to move through the pain that gave

627
00:35:48,320 --> 00:35:51,520
Speaker 3: me the kick in the butt to get these words

628
00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:54,600
Speaker 3: out there. And I really did want to share what

629
00:35:54,640 --> 00:35:56,920
Speaker 3: I knew about the afterlife. So the book's titled We

630
00:35:56,960 --> 00:36:00,480
Speaker 3: Don't Die as Skeptics Discovery of Life after Death. But

631
00:36:00,520 --> 00:36:02,840
Speaker 3: I thought, like it or not, I'm going to educate

632
00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:05,200
Speaker 3: people on grief and so that's chapter ten.

633
00:36:05,360 --> 00:36:06,520
Speaker 1: So folks like.

634
00:36:06,520 --> 00:36:09,120
Speaker 3: It or not, but you do like it because you

635
00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:11,920
Speaker 3: realize that grief isn't just when a loved one dies.

636
00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:16,240
Speaker 3: It can be for so many different things that happen

637
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:19,239
Speaker 3: with relationships, and you know, so many different things. So

638
00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:23,080
Speaker 3: I think anytime we can give somebody a helping hand.

639
00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:27,000
Speaker 3: And for those people that are uncomfortable, they don't know

640
00:36:27,000 --> 00:36:29,400
Speaker 3: how to deal with it, well, it's just because grief

641
00:36:29,440 --> 00:36:34,319
Speaker 3: hasn't hit you yet, but it will. And I would

642
00:36:34,400 --> 00:36:39,080
Speaker 3: much rather hear from somebody who's experienced grief because they know.

643
00:36:39,320 --> 00:36:41,360
Speaker 3: It's like a club that we belong to that we

644
00:36:41,400 --> 00:36:44,000
Speaker 3: didn't really ask to be part of, but it really

645
00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:47,320
Speaker 3: helps people need people we don't want to be alone.

646
00:36:47,840 --> 00:36:50,040
Speaker 3: And so I applaud you for that. What else can

647
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:53,680
Speaker 3: we find on your website, Heroes in Grief dot com.

648
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:56,120
Speaker 3: There's a way to access your podcast there right.

649
00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:58,719
Speaker 1: All the informations. There are links to go to where

650
00:36:58,760 --> 00:37:00,799
Speaker 1: you need to go to. I have a couple groups

651
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:04,640
Speaker 1: that I started on Facebook. I searched resources early on,

652
00:37:04,880 --> 00:37:08,160
Speaker 1: probably in the springtime, right after Jeff passed. I searched

653
00:37:08,200 --> 00:37:11,880
Speaker 1: online for a local grief group on Facebook because I

654
00:37:11,960 --> 00:37:13,880
Speaker 1: tend to do well online, so that's why I do

655
00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:16,440
Speaker 1: that type of stuff. So I looked and there was

656
00:37:16,520 --> 00:37:19,160
Speaker 1: no group. I was shocked to find that there was

657
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:22,200
Speaker 1: no grief group for Western New York people or Buffalo

658
00:37:22,280 --> 00:37:24,600
Speaker 1: or any of the area. So I started one, and

659
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:28,320
Speaker 1: it's called Western New York Network for Grief and the Grieving.

660
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:30,440
Speaker 1: But it's for people just to have a safe place

661
00:37:30,480 --> 00:37:34,040
Speaker 1: to come and share grief with others. I have a

662
00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:37,759
Speaker 1: grief Talks Facebook page. I have Friends of the podcast

663
00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:40,640
Speaker 1: page where people could discuss things about the podcast if

664
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:44,040
Speaker 1: they wish, and the YouTube page, and now the Grief

665
00:37:44,080 --> 00:37:46,200
Speaker 1: Talks that I'm trying to get out there as well.

666
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:48,280
Speaker 1: There's a shop on there and it has the books

667
00:37:48,320 --> 00:37:51,360
Speaker 1: and resources from the guests that I've had on the podcast,

668
00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:54,520
Speaker 1: so those are available there and the links are always

669
00:37:54,560 --> 00:37:56,600
Speaker 1: in the show notes of the shows that I do too.

670
00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:59,560
Speaker 3: My friends. I'm going to stop for our break here,

671
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:02,399
Speaker 3: and why I'm doing that is because when we get back,

672
00:38:02,520 --> 00:38:06,120
Speaker 3: Tom will continue talking about some interesting things he does

673
00:38:06,160 --> 00:38:10,080
Speaker 3: as an Uber driver to engage in the conversation, and

674
00:38:10,120 --> 00:38:13,080
Speaker 3: then also we'll get back to those three questions I

675
00:38:13,200 --> 00:38:16,239
Speaker 3: asked you in the beginning. So we'll be right back.

676
00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:20,200
Speaker 3: You're listening to Shades of the Afterlife on the iHeartRadio

677
00:38:20,440 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 3: and Coast to Coast AM Paranormal Podcast Network. Welcome back

678
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:44,920
Speaker 3: to Shades of the Afterlife. I'm Sandras Champlain and we

679
00:38:44,960 --> 00:38:48,960
Speaker 3: are here with the fabulous Tom Bender, host of Heroes

680
00:38:49,080 --> 00:38:53,400
Speaker 3: in Grief podcast. Tom seems to have found one of

681
00:38:53,440 --> 00:38:57,759
Speaker 3: his life purposes helping people through grief, and you may

682
00:38:57,800 --> 00:39:04,000
Speaker 3: be surprised to learn how he engages people in conversation because,

683
00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:09,200
Speaker 3: as we know, people need people. So let's continue with Tom.

684
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:12,400
Speaker 1: You are speaking, and it struck me too that so

685
00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:15,759
Speaker 1: many people they may reach out just once and have

686
00:39:15,840 --> 00:39:18,759
Speaker 1: a bad experience or not get what they wanted. I

687
00:39:18,800 --> 00:39:20,800
Speaker 1: just want to tell people you got to keep pressing.

688
00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:22,839
Speaker 1: There's something out there for you, and the same thing

689
00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:25,719
Speaker 1: with resources, There's something for you there, and I just

690
00:39:25,760 --> 00:39:29,160
Speaker 1: want to encourage people to press on in that and

691
00:39:29,280 --> 00:39:30,439
Speaker 1: you can get help for sure.

692
00:39:31,040 --> 00:39:33,000
Speaker 3: Thank you. Can we just do a little plug for

693
00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:37,440
Speaker 3: our friends at Helpingparents Heal dot org and let us

694
00:39:37,480 --> 00:39:39,719
Speaker 3: know the difference they've made or what's available.

695
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:43,279
Speaker 1: I am passionate about helping parents heal and I'm in

696
00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:47,960
Speaker 1: helping fathers heal group. It's just dads we've lost children.

697
00:39:48,120 --> 00:39:51,200
Speaker 1: It is a Facebook group, but we have a zoom

698
00:39:51,239 --> 00:39:55,680
Speaker 1: session meeting with the men every Wednesday night. It's eight

699
00:39:55,719 --> 00:39:58,520
Speaker 1: easterns so whatever that works out in the other time zones.

700
00:39:58,640 --> 00:40:01,000
Speaker 1: You want to be there every single a week. And

701
00:40:01,239 --> 00:40:03,399
Speaker 1: every man says that in the group. They're like, oh,

702
00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:06,600
Speaker 1: I can't wait for Wednesdays. It's men sharing as men

703
00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:10,840
Speaker 1: do and that is great. So helping parents heal in general.

704
00:40:10,880 --> 00:40:13,680
Speaker 1: I got to go to the conference in August. They

705
00:40:13,719 --> 00:40:16,759
Speaker 1: have a conference every two years don a Phoenix. We

706
00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:20,719
Speaker 1: had evidential mediums there who brought out the children for

707
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:24,080
Speaker 1: certain parents there, and one gentleman his daughter came through

708
00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:26,759
Speaker 1: and he was behind me in the conference room and

709
00:40:26,800 --> 00:40:30,640
Speaker 1: it was so personal and obviously things that no way

710
00:40:30,719 --> 00:40:35,239
Speaker 1: these mediums could know from any other source. And afterwards

711
00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:37,239
Speaker 1: I said to that dad, and he's a rawnie guy,

712
00:40:37,640 --> 00:40:40,759
Speaker 1: he's military or whatever, and I said, were you like

713
00:40:40,960 --> 00:40:43,920
Speaker 1: bawling because I was when they were saying what they

714
00:40:43,960 --> 00:40:46,839
Speaker 1: were saying his daughter was coming through, and he goes,

715
00:40:46,960 --> 00:40:50,040
Speaker 1: of course, I was bawling, And so he's actually written

716
00:40:50,040 --> 00:40:53,160
Speaker 1: his story now. Mike Johnson is just paid remarkable on

717
00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:55,719
Speaker 1: helping Parents Heal. But when I was there, and you

718
00:40:55,719 --> 00:40:58,040
Speaker 1: want that and you desire that. And then I heard

719
00:40:58,080 --> 00:41:00,319
Speaker 1: one of the speakers say, if you're trying is not

720
00:41:00,360 --> 00:41:03,600
Speaker 1: coming through, don't get discouraged. It may be that possibly

721
00:41:03,680 --> 00:41:05,520
Speaker 1: you don't need it as much as somebody else, or

722
00:41:05,560 --> 00:41:08,359
Speaker 1: something like that. And I thought about that. I thought

723
00:41:08,680 --> 00:41:10,680
Speaker 1: that may be the case. I don't know. I feel

724
00:41:10,719 --> 00:41:13,200
Speaker 1: okay and strong in this, and I know Jeff's present.

725
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:16,120
Speaker 1: And then I thought about it. And as I said

726
00:41:16,120 --> 00:41:18,560
Speaker 1: to you before, if I thought about all the things

727
00:41:18,600 --> 00:41:21,920
Speaker 1: that have occurred to me through Jeff and with Jeff,

728
00:41:22,440 --> 00:41:25,560
Speaker 1: that I would have a legal binder to take into

729
00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:29,120
Speaker 1: court and show my evidence. It would be huge. I

730
00:41:29,120 --> 00:41:32,160
Speaker 1: don't document it. I should. Everybody says about your thing,

731
00:41:32,760 --> 00:41:35,279
Speaker 1: and I know it's great, but I don't. But I

732
00:41:35,320 --> 00:41:37,520
Speaker 1: would have that. I don't have to worry about it.

733
00:41:38,160 --> 00:41:41,920
Speaker 3: Thank you. Helpingparents Heal dot Org is the website and

734
00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:47,319
Speaker 3: there's somewhere around twenty thousand members, big organization. If you're

735
00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:50,759
Speaker 3: not a parent, you can still access the YouTube channel

736
00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:53,960
Speaker 3: and the website. There's lots of resources on the website itself,

737
00:41:54,719 --> 00:41:58,640
Speaker 3: but the YouTube channel is loaded with just great videos

738
00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:02,920
Speaker 3: and interviews and meet demonstrations and if people don't know,

739
00:42:03,239 --> 00:42:06,120
Speaker 3: every Sunday at two pm Eastern time, we do a

740
00:42:06,160 --> 00:42:11,279
Speaker 3: free inspirational, non denominational service on Zoom. Everybody's welcome. In

741
00:42:11,320 --> 00:42:13,239
Speaker 3: the last forty five minutes of each one is a

742
00:42:13,239 --> 00:42:17,040
Speaker 3: medium demonstration. So it occurred to me, Tom, while we're talking,

743
00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:18,799
Speaker 3: I'm going to throw this out there. Would you like

744
00:42:18,840 --> 00:42:21,640
Speaker 3: to be a guest speaker sometime on our Sunday gathering?

745
00:42:22,360 --> 00:42:25,440
Speaker 1: Wow? What an honor. I would absolutely be honored to

746
00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:27,560
Speaker 1: do that. Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome.

747
00:42:27,760 --> 00:42:30,200
Speaker 3: It just words that I know will make a difference.

748
00:42:30,239 --> 00:42:32,960
Speaker 3: So we'll talk about that after while we're here together.

749
00:42:33,040 --> 00:42:35,440
Speaker 3: You're welcome. I just you're somebody that makes a difference

750
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:38,320
Speaker 3: and I can get your words to the most amount

751
00:42:38,360 --> 00:42:41,080
Speaker 3: of people. That's what I'm here to do. I've taken

752
00:42:41,200 --> 00:42:44,759
Speaker 3: courses in medium ship. I'm not an active medium. I

753
00:42:44,760 --> 00:42:47,560
Speaker 3: don't do medium readings, but I feel like the universe

754
00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:49,719
Speaker 3: is using me as a medium in a different way

755
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:53,120
Speaker 3: to get good people's stories out to the most amount

756
00:42:53,120 --> 00:42:57,600
Speaker 3: of people, to help get through grief, look at life

757
00:42:57,800 --> 00:43:02,280
Speaker 3: the bigger picture, and to know that we're each important

758
00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:05,960
Speaker 3: in our own unique way. We're all those facets of

759
00:43:05,960 --> 00:43:09,560
Speaker 3: the diamond, all perfect hole and complete, and to know

760
00:43:09,640 --> 00:43:13,160
Speaker 3: there's just such a bigger purpose. So Tom, what else

761
00:43:13,160 --> 00:43:16,200
Speaker 3: would you like to share with our minutes together? If

762
00:43:16,200 --> 00:43:18,200
Speaker 3: there's anything I should have asked you that I didn't

763
00:43:18,239 --> 00:43:21,239
Speaker 3: any maybe last words of inspiration you have.

764
00:43:21,719 --> 00:43:26,840
Speaker 1: I continually go back to who I was, I think

765
00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:31,080
Speaker 1: and where people may be. We progress in this, and

766
00:43:31,160 --> 00:43:34,279
Speaker 1: we have this belief and trust in this now and

767
00:43:34,360 --> 00:43:37,640
Speaker 1: confidence in this. And I think of the people who

768
00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:40,279
Speaker 1: aren't there, and I can almost see it as being

769
00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:44,840
Speaker 1: something that's almost not offensive but discouraging to them. So

770
00:43:44,920 --> 00:43:47,440
Speaker 1: I'm sensitive to them, and it just keeps raising up

771
00:43:47,440 --> 00:43:48,839
Speaker 1: for me too, And I just want to tell you

772
00:43:48,880 --> 00:43:52,239
Speaker 1: that once again, we are just normal folks who have

773
00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:55,319
Speaker 1: experienced these great things and are sharing them with you.

774
00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:57,880
Speaker 1: And I tell people sometimes these discussions come up in

775
00:43:57,880 --> 00:44:00,400
Speaker 1: my car. I drive for a company here in the

776
00:44:00,400 --> 00:44:02,640
Speaker 1: Falls that does charters and things like that, but I

777
00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:05,800
Speaker 1: also drive uber and lyft during the day, and I

778
00:44:05,840 --> 00:44:08,080
Speaker 1: decided to put a placard on the back of my

779
00:44:08,200 --> 00:44:10,279
Speaker 1: seats that the people can see while they're riding in

780
00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:13,200
Speaker 1: my car, and I put in there, and I believe

781
00:44:13,239 --> 00:44:15,040
Speaker 1: I was led to put this, I put my son

782
00:44:15,120 --> 00:44:19,640
Speaker 1: Jeff passed from Fennol and then I put I'm okay

783
00:44:19,680 --> 00:44:23,239
Speaker 1: to talk about it. And I think that line has

784
00:44:23,280 --> 00:44:26,319
Speaker 1: made such a difference, And this has really brought out

785
00:44:26,360 --> 00:44:31,400
Speaker 1: conversations with people and sometimes their addicts, sometimes they're grieving people,

786
00:44:31,520 --> 00:44:34,600
Speaker 1: sometimes they know somebody else in grief, and so I

787
00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:37,279
Speaker 1: feel I was led to do that to foster this

788
00:44:37,360 --> 00:44:40,640
Speaker 1: conversation even in that context. So I just want to

789
00:44:40,680 --> 00:44:44,239
Speaker 1: tell people that there's so much available for you and

790
00:44:44,760 --> 00:44:47,560
Speaker 1: if you can share with people who maybe alone in

791
00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:50,160
Speaker 1: their grief. I did have a woman contact me recently

792
00:44:50,360 --> 00:44:53,040
Speaker 1: lost her daughter and they just sit at the dining

793
00:44:53,120 --> 00:44:55,520
Speaker 1: room table every day and don't do anything. It's been months,

794
00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:58,760
Speaker 1: and I'm like, you got to get together with people.

795
00:44:58,840 --> 00:45:02,280
Speaker 1: The community is need to get you through these things,

796
00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:05,239
Speaker 1: and so you need to do that. And there's so

797
00:45:05,400 --> 00:45:09,120
Speaker 1: many resources available. That's you know, and that's part of

798
00:45:09,160 --> 00:45:12,280
Speaker 1: the podcast too. It can fit your style for every

799
00:45:12,520 --> 00:45:15,919
Speaker 1: make or size of person. For sure, there's something out

800
00:45:15,920 --> 00:45:18,799
Speaker 1: there for you and something you could connect with. Just

801
00:45:18,920 --> 00:45:22,560
Speaker 1: start looking into it. Start explore it like you would

802
00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:26,080
Speaker 1: anything else. You'd research anything else, right, So just look

803
00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:28,640
Speaker 1: into it. We don't have to recruit you. It's not

804
00:45:28,680 --> 00:45:32,799
Speaker 1: about recruiting. We just tell our stories and what we're experiencing,

805
00:45:33,239 --> 00:45:35,680
Speaker 1: and we get excited about them because we know that

806
00:45:35,760 --> 00:45:38,879
Speaker 1: other people can experience that too, and that's the greatest thing.

807
00:45:39,600 --> 00:45:41,840
Speaker 3: Well, thank you for that. You just brought to my

808
00:45:41,960 --> 00:45:46,400
Speaker 3: mind the word inspiration. And when I was writing my book,

809
00:45:46,760 --> 00:45:50,080
Speaker 3: I got some coaching that just start writing even if

810
00:45:50,080 --> 00:45:52,799
Speaker 3: you don't know what to say, and it's like this

811
00:45:52,960 --> 00:45:57,600
Speaker 3: wind of inspiration in spirit comes to help. Last night,

812
00:45:57,719 --> 00:46:01,520
Speaker 3: I was recording a podcast and I needed some help editing,

813
00:46:01,560 --> 00:46:04,680
Speaker 3: and I just I was procrastinating. Just start and then

814
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:07,440
Speaker 3: all of a sudden, whosh, it came in. So, whether

815
00:46:07,480 --> 00:46:11,399
Speaker 3: it's researching the afterlife, grief, whatever that is in your

816
00:46:11,400 --> 00:46:14,040
Speaker 3: life that you're passionate about it, like you said, just

817
00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:17,560
Speaker 3: keep pushing, take that one step in the direction of it.

818
00:46:17,600 --> 00:46:21,520
Speaker 3: And I believe those in the unseen world that spirit

819
00:46:21,640 --> 00:46:24,560
Speaker 3: or the soul within will kick in, but it takes

820
00:46:24,640 --> 00:46:27,000
Speaker 3: us taking that very first action.

821
00:46:27,760 --> 00:46:30,240
Speaker 1: Yes, and your journey is your own. You know where

822
00:46:30,280 --> 00:46:32,239
Speaker 1: you are is all right. But I tell some of

823
00:46:32,239 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 1: these people who talk to me in the car and

824
00:46:34,160 --> 00:46:36,759
Speaker 1: they're just sometimes they just shaking their heads, like where

825
00:46:36,760 --> 00:46:41,360
Speaker 1: did this come from? And what I say is, for

826
00:46:41,440 --> 00:46:44,920
Speaker 1: one thing, I do not believe in coincidences. They were

827
00:46:44,960 --> 00:46:47,000
Speaker 1: there for a reason. They were put in my car,

828
00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:50,520
Speaker 1: We were connected for a reason. You're hearing this podcast

829
00:46:50,520 --> 00:46:53,400
Speaker 1: for a reason right now, folks out there who are listening,

830
00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:57,280
Speaker 1: and there's a reason why you've listened to it today.

831
00:46:57,480 --> 00:47:00,560
Speaker 1: And so that's what I tell you to explore, not

832
00:47:00,760 --> 00:47:04,040
Speaker 1: any particular thing that we've said or anything like that,

833
00:47:04,120 --> 00:47:08,000
Speaker 1: but they are resources for you to explore that you

834
00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:10,960
Speaker 1: were put here to listen or to receive what you've

835
00:47:11,040 --> 00:47:14,400
Speaker 1: gained from whatever you hear or listen to from somebody.

836
00:47:15,040 --> 00:47:18,759
Speaker 1: So that's the remarkable thing to me. I tell this

837
00:47:18,800 --> 00:47:20,720
Speaker 1: person in the car, don't think of me or whatever.

838
00:47:21,440 --> 00:47:23,960
Speaker 1: Think of the fact that you were in this car

839
00:47:24,000 --> 00:47:26,719
Speaker 1: and there's reason why you were there, and that's what

840
00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:27,640
Speaker 1: you need to explore.

841
00:47:28,239 --> 00:47:32,520
Speaker 3: Absolutely, yeah, absolutely, And yeah, I know it's not about you,

842
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:34,960
Speaker 3: it's not about me. We're the messengers. If it was

843
00:47:35,000 --> 00:47:37,160
Speaker 3: about us, we'd have a big egos and the world

844
00:47:37,239 --> 00:47:40,600
Speaker 3: couldn't handle it. No, no, no, So just keep staying grounded.

845
00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:43,120
Speaker 3: And also that's a really good tool for people to use.

846
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:46,160
Speaker 3: What you put on the back of your seats. We

847
00:47:46,280 --> 00:47:50,399
Speaker 3: connect when we can feel each other's humanity. And yes,

848
00:47:51,000 --> 00:47:53,239
Speaker 3: you know, people post pictures of the food they eat

849
00:47:53,280 --> 00:47:55,920
Speaker 3: on social media and all that good stuff, but it

850
00:47:55,960 --> 00:47:57,839
Speaker 3: really is when we get into these heart to heart

851
00:47:57,920 --> 00:48:01,799
Speaker 3: conversations and if we can give ourselves the permission to

852
00:48:01,840 --> 00:48:05,200
Speaker 3: share some of those things, other people feel like, hey,

853
00:48:05,560 --> 00:48:07,600
Speaker 3: if he's talking about this, I can too. And that's

854
00:48:07,640 --> 00:48:10,840
Speaker 3: where you can make the real connections with other human beings.

855
00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:12,480
Speaker 3: And people need people.

856
00:48:12,920 --> 00:48:14,640
Speaker 1: So yeah, you know that is something that came to

857
00:48:14,640 --> 00:48:16,600
Speaker 1: mind as you were saying then, is that these people

858
00:48:16,680 --> 00:48:20,719
Speaker 1: want it. They want that conversation, they've wanted it, and

859
00:48:20,760 --> 00:48:22,759
Speaker 1: that's what I feel when they leave sometimes.

860
00:48:23,800 --> 00:48:28,560
Speaker 3: Well, Tom, I need at doing what you're doing. And Tom,

861
00:48:28,640 --> 00:48:30,760
Speaker 3: thank you so much for being our guest today.

862
00:48:31,880 --> 00:48:33,800
Speaker 1: Thank you, and like I said, it's such a privilege

863
00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:36,279
Speaker 1: in looking forward to hearing more about you.

864
00:48:36,960 --> 00:48:40,880
Speaker 3: Tom and I have become friends and very soon you

865
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:45,600
Speaker 3: can find my episode with him on Heroes in Grief

866
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:51,880
Speaker 3: dot com. Tom has found a life purpose, as have I.

867
00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:57,240
Speaker 3: But is it the life purpose? Is there a purpose

868
00:48:57,440 --> 00:49:01,280
Speaker 3: to each of our lives like one? Nope, I don't

869
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:04,440
Speaker 3: think so. While we're on this planet. If you look

870
00:49:04,520 --> 00:49:08,360
Speaker 3: at the person you've been being, what you've been doing,

871
00:49:09,080 --> 00:49:12,280
Speaker 3: the people you've been with, you may see a trend.

872
00:49:13,280 --> 00:49:16,160
Speaker 3: Our life purpose does not have to be one thing.

873
00:49:16,719 --> 00:49:20,120
Speaker 3: It can be how we're being. I'm someone who likes

874
00:49:20,160 --> 00:49:22,960
Speaker 3: to make a difference. I'm someone who loves to share.

875
00:49:23,400 --> 00:49:26,680
Speaker 3: I'm someone who likes to have fun. All of those

876
00:49:26,800 --> 00:49:29,400
Speaker 3: are part of my life purpose. But if we go

877
00:49:29,520 --> 00:49:33,880
Speaker 3: back to those three questions, here they are. If I

878
00:49:33,960 --> 00:49:37,480
Speaker 3: knew I couldn't fail, what would I do or be?

879
00:49:38,640 --> 00:49:40,759
Speaker 3: If I knew I had one hundred million dollars in

880
00:49:40,800 --> 00:49:42,239
Speaker 3: the bank, what would I.

881
00:49:42,239 --> 00:49:43,319
Speaker 1: Do or be?

882
00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:47,640
Speaker 3: And the last, if I knew I had only six

883
00:49:47,719 --> 00:49:52,239
Speaker 3: months to live? What would I do or be? There's

884
00:49:52,239 --> 00:49:56,080
Speaker 3: a time of year, my friend, that people make resolutions.

885
00:49:56,800 --> 00:50:00,759
Speaker 3: Instead of looking at what's wrong, look at what's right.

886
00:50:01,320 --> 00:50:04,440
Speaker 3: Look at who you've been being and what you've been doing.

887
00:50:05,239 --> 00:50:12,240
Speaker 3: Answer those questions for yourself. Program your GPS in that direction,

888
00:50:13,080 --> 00:50:17,320
Speaker 3: and I promise you, when you take action, the invisible

889
00:50:17,320 --> 00:50:21,360
Speaker 3: forces will kick in and add wind to your sales,

890
00:50:21,960 --> 00:50:26,840
Speaker 3: bringing you towards the life of your dreams. As a reminder,

891
00:50:26,960 --> 00:50:31,000
Speaker 3: come visit me at We Don't Die Dot com. I'm

892
00:50:31,080 --> 00:50:36,280
Speaker 3: Sandra Champlain. Thank you so much for listening to Shades

893
00:50:36,320 --> 00:50:40,200
Speaker 3: of the Afterlife on the iHeartRadio and Coast to Coast

894
00:50:40,239 --> 00:50:43,440
Speaker 3: am Paranormal Podcast Network.

895
00:50:49,680 --> 00:50:52,200
Speaker 2: Thanks for listening to the iHeartRadio and Coast to Ghost

896
00:50:52,280 --> 00:50:55,239
Speaker 2: Day and Paranormal Podcast Network. Make sure and check out

897
00:50:55,280 --> 00:50:58,560
Speaker 2: all our shows on the iHeartRadio app or by going

898
00:50:58,600 --> 00:51:04,880
Speaker 2: to iHeartRadio dot com.

899
00:51:04,960 --> 00:51:05,359
Speaker 3: Mm hmm