1
00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:04,360
Speaker 1: This is intergalactic John, This is Alien Sam on the

2
00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:06,880
Speaker 1: International Oka Storytime podcast station.

3
00:00:06,880 --> 00:00:11,640
Speaker 2: And we have some human stories coming up, not alien.

4
00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:13,280
Speaker 1: But before we make a landing, stick around for this

5
00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:16,279
Speaker 1: two minute not alien ad break before we get to

6
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:20,800
Speaker 1: these interstellar stories. My fiance just proposed I told him

7
00:00:20,800 --> 00:00:21,680
Speaker 1: to get me a new ring.

8
00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:23,960
Speaker 3: If he liked it, he should have put a.

9
00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:26,480
Speaker 2: Good ring on it. M clarification.

10
00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:29,400
Speaker 1: So I female twenty six and my now fiance, male

11
00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:31,480
Speaker 1: twenty nine have been together for a year and a

12
00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:34,920
Speaker 1: half now. After years of trying and failing on online dating,

13
00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:37,479
Speaker 1: I was determined that I would meet someone in person

14
00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:40,680
Speaker 1: to succeed in dating. However, some friends at work convinced

15
00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:43,800
Speaker 1: me one day to make a profile on Facebook dating, oh,

16
00:00:44,000 --> 00:00:46,680
Speaker 1: which I didn't even know was a thing at the time.

17
00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:49,880
Speaker 1: As God would have it, he is the very first

18
00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:50,879
Speaker 1: person I matched with.

19
00:00:51,520 --> 00:00:55,000
Speaker 3: The first person that you match with on Facebook dating

20
00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:56,440
Speaker 3: can't be that good.

21
00:00:56,280 --> 00:00:59,520
Speaker 2: You know. What they say first is the word best,

22
00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:02,160
Speaker 2: the we're best? Yep, I don't think I've heard that one.

23
00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:05,119
Speaker 1: Yes, from the moment we started talking, things just came

24
00:01:05,200 --> 00:01:07,680
Speaker 1: so naturally between us. By the way, this comes from

25
00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:10,399
Speaker 1: Total Present seventy forty three on the r slash Charlotte

26
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:12,000
Speaker 1: de Bray YouTube subreddit, and if you want to submit

27
00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:14,679
Speaker 1: your own stories, go to the r slash Okay storytime

28
00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:16,520
Speaker 1: subreddit and send them in. So a year and a

29
00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:18,760
Speaker 1: half later, our families have met and fallen in love

30
00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:19,280
Speaker 1: with each other.

31
00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,479
Speaker 2: Families fell in love with each other, m how.

32
00:01:21,400 --> 00:01:24,000
Speaker 1: In love our friend groups have merged. I can never

33
00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:26,360
Speaker 1: see us going back to how it was before. He's

34
00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:28,440
Speaker 1: the greatest thing that's ever happened to me.

35
00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:30,680
Speaker 2: Well, that's nice. It's gonna work out for her to

36
00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:34,320
Speaker 2: get me. They're gonna get married. This is it so like,

37
00:01:34,440 --> 00:01:36,480
Speaker 2: there's there's no more. This is the person that you

38
00:01:36,600 --> 00:01:40,520
Speaker 2: spend the rest of their life with. No what. Something's

39
00:01:40,560 --> 00:01:43,200
Speaker 2: gonna happen. And something's gonna happen.

40
00:01:43,760 --> 00:01:44,640
Speaker 3: That's all I gotta say.

41
00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:48,800
Speaker 1: Now onto some content. Before addressing the issue before the

42
00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:51,440
Speaker 1: first year of our relationship, he was convinced that he

43
00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:54,840
Speaker 1: would not propose Slash get married to me without at

44
00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:56,560
Speaker 1: least two years of dating for that.

45
00:01:56,640 --> 00:01:59,760
Speaker 2: That's fair. That's fair, Jesus fair, that's very reasonable.

46
00:02:00,040 --> 00:02:02,240
Speaker 1: After talking about it further, he confessed that he had

47
00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:04,760
Speaker 1: a negative view of marriage due to how he grew up.

48
00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:07,040
Speaker 1: His mom had been through two previous marriages. She was

49
00:02:07,080 --> 00:02:08,880
Speaker 1: on the third by the time that we had started dating.

50
00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:11,400
Speaker 1: She's happily married now to her third. But in his eyes,

51
00:02:11,520 --> 00:02:15,200
Speaker 1: marriage meant that the relationship would eventually deteriorate. He said

52
00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:18,240
Speaker 1: he saw this in his biological and first stepfather. They

53
00:02:18,280 --> 00:02:20,600
Speaker 1: stopped loving and caring for his mom like they would

54
00:02:20,639 --> 00:02:23,040
Speaker 1: before they were married. So his thought was that once

55
00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:25,720
Speaker 1: we got married, he would do the same and hurt me,

56
00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:26,560
Speaker 1: slash us.

57
00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:26,799
Speaker 4: Ah.

58
00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:29,359
Speaker 3: But you see, this is kind of a causation correlation

59
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:33,560
Speaker 3: thing because the fact that the relationships failed wasn't because

60
00:02:33,560 --> 00:02:35,960
Speaker 3: they got married. It's because they were bad at the relationship.

61
00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:36,600
Speaker 2: Yeah.

62
00:02:36,639 --> 00:02:40,000
Speaker 1: This kind of feels like saying, like one time I

63
00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:44,000
Speaker 1: saw a man not have water and become dehydrated. Therefore

64
00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:48,160
Speaker 1: I am going to be dehydrated. Yes, but guess what, Sophia, No,

65
00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:51,760
Speaker 1: not today. You can hydrate, brother, So you can hydrate

66
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:55,280
Speaker 1: and you can migrate your feelings back to your partner

67
00:02:55,360 --> 00:02:56,720
Speaker 1: because you will stay in love with them.

68
00:02:56,800 --> 00:02:59,040
Speaker 2: I made it work. So it took us working through

69
00:02:59,080 --> 00:02:59,400
Speaker 2: it and.

70
00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:03,000
Speaker 1: Counseling and him seeing my parents' relationship to get him

71
00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:05,200
Speaker 1: to open up. And see that marriage can be beautiful

72
00:03:05,240 --> 00:03:07,480
Speaker 1: and a true partnership. I was thrilled when he began

73
00:03:07,639 --> 00:03:10,280
Speaker 1: opening up more and was willing to discuss our possible

74
00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:13,200
Speaker 1: wedding once slash desires, and our plans for our future

75
00:03:13,200 --> 00:03:16,040
Speaker 1: together now. During this time, we went to our state fair.

76
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:17,799
Speaker 2: Never go to a state's fair now.

77
00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:20,000
Speaker 1: It's something that he never grew up doing, whereas I

78
00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:22,120
Speaker 1: went every year as a child, so I wanted I

79
00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,840
Speaker 1: had to share it with him. This was our second

80
00:03:23,840 --> 00:03:25,920
Speaker 1: time going, so he knew the place that he wanted

81
00:03:25,919 --> 00:03:28,680
Speaker 1: to hit first, and this included the convention center. Vendors

82
00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:31,560
Speaker 1: usually set up here from local businesses. They advertise and

83
00:03:31,560 --> 00:03:35,040
Speaker 1: sell their stuff with Southern charm. As we were pursuing

84
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:37,640
Speaker 1: the stalls, we came across a jewelry stand and I

85
00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:40,280
Speaker 1: started trying on rings of every design just to get

86
00:03:40,280 --> 00:03:42,560
Speaker 1: an idea of what I liked. I told him the

87
00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:45,280
Speaker 1: whole time that if he felt uncomfortable, we could walk

88
00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:47,360
Speaker 1: away and I would not press the issue. But he

89
00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:48,920
Speaker 1: was a trooper and he let me try on all

90
00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:51,880
Speaker 1: the rings I wanted to my heart's content. After about

91
00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:54,160
Speaker 1: ten minutes, I came across a ring that reminded me

92
00:03:54,200 --> 00:03:57,960
Speaker 1: of my great grandmother's vintage style with a princess cut

93
00:03:58,000 --> 00:04:01,000
Speaker 1: in the middle and a matching wedding band see picture included.

94
00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:03,960
Speaker 1: It was only eighty five dollars since it was stainless

95
00:04:03,960 --> 00:04:07,240
Speaker 1: steel with cupid sarconium stones. This will be important later,

96
00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:11,080
Speaker 1: I promise, and also icee you, Oh, I don't think

97
00:04:11,120 --> 00:04:11,640
Speaker 1: I see you.

98
00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:15,640
Speaker 3: He's gonna get like a ten dollars ring from unnamed corporation.

99
00:04:16,040 --> 00:04:18,800
Speaker 1: Time goes on and out of the blue, A couple

100
00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:21,599
Speaker 1: of months ago, my mom starts taking me for a

101
00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:23,440
Speaker 1: girl's day every two weeks.

102
00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:24,799
Speaker 2: To get lunch and get her nails done.

103
00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:27,440
Speaker 1: I was suspicious, so I asked her and she told

104
00:04:27,520 --> 00:04:28,760
Speaker 1: me the truth.

105
00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,240
Speaker 3: Why sorry, continue.

106
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:35,159
Speaker 1: He was planning to propose some point in the near future.

107
00:04:35,279 --> 00:04:37,159
Speaker 1: He had spoken to her about getting her in my

108
00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:39,839
Speaker 1: father's blessing, and she was determined to make sure that

109
00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:42,360
Speaker 1: I had pretty nails quote unquote for when he did

110
00:04:42,400 --> 00:04:44,800
Speaker 1: pop the question. I wasn't allowed to know when it was,

111
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:47,240
Speaker 1: so we started getting our nails done in February so

112
00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:49,440
Speaker 1: that way I would not know when it was coming,

113
00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:50,560
Speaker 1: and honestly.

114
00:04:50,160 --> 00:04:51,360
Speaker 2: I wouldn't have it any other way.

115
00:04:51,440 --> 00:04:54,560
Speaker 1: Okay, this meant I got time to spend with my mom,

116
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,799
Speaker 1: just the two of us, and his proposal would still

117
00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:57,280
Speaker 1: be a.

118
00:04:57,200 --> 00:04:59,400
Speaker 2: Surprise, and boy was it now.

119
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:01,560
Speaker 1: Something to I know about my fiance is he is

120
00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:04,440
Speaker 1: a very introverted and private man whenever it comes to

121
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:06,880
Speaker 1: big emotions and talking about our feelings. It is something

122
00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:08,520
Speaker 1: to be done just the two of us, without a

123
00:05:08,520 --> 00:05:11,600
Speaker 1: crowd to see, and his proposal reflected just that. We

124
00:05:11,640 --> 00:05:14,120
Speaker 1: came home from grocery shopping, made dinner together in the

125
00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:16,360
Speaker 1: kitchen like usual, and then he went to the bedroom

126
00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,839
Speaker 1: and comes back with a big bouquet of some flowers,

127
00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:22,280
Speaker 1: my favorite, and asked if I would be his sunflower forever.

128
00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:25,480
Speaker 2: I'm where's your reaction?

129
00:05:26,279 --> 00:05:26,400
Speaker 4: Oh?

130
00:05:26,520 --> 00:05:26,680
Speaker 5: Oh?

131
00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:29,760
Speaker 3: I oh, Peace seems to like this? Does it read

132
00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:33,080
Speaker 3: like a high school prom proposal? Hey, little Peace seems

133
00:05:33,120 --> 00:05:34,640
Speaker 3: to like it, and that's all that matters.

134
00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:38,119
Speaker 1: So I of course said yes and began to cry

135
00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:40,200
Speaker 1: as he swept me in his arms and the ring

136
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,559
Speaker 1: in the box, the ring I bought at the state

137
00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:45,280
Speaker 1: fair that brought me to tears. He had gotten it

138
00:05:45,320 --> 00:05:47,520
Speaker 1: from my mom, who snuck in from my doorbox to

139
00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:49,960
Speaker 1: get it cleaned after slipping it on my hand, taking

140
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,040
Speaker 1: a few pictures and a few extra kisses. We called

141
00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,080
Speaker 1: my parents to share the news with them. They invited

142
00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:57,000
Speaker 1: us on a date night they were having the next

143
00:05:57,080 --> 00:06:00,120
Speaker 1: night to celebrate and show off the ring. Now the

144
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:02,599
Speaker 1: moment we've been waiting for now here is where the

145
00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:03,920
Speaker 1: surprise continued.

146
00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:09,560
Speaker 2: But the issue arose mom and Dad's date night. Total bs,

147
00:06:09,680 --> 00:06:11,279
Speaker 2: they're divorced. Oh god.

148
00:06:11,520 --> 00:06:13,560
Speaker 1: It turned out to be a giant gathering of my

149
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:16,240
Speaker 1: family and his and all of our friends together to

150
00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:18,240
Speaker 1: celebrate TUO lovely?

151
00:06:18,480 --> 00:06:19,240
Speaker 2: Is this good? Bad?

152
00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:19,479
Speaker 4: No?

153
00:06:19,600 --> 00:06:21,720
Speaker 2: That was nice? So far right?

154
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:23,960
Speaker 1: They've been planning this party just as long as he

155
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:26,680
Speaker 1: had been planning the proposed I walked into a receiving

156
00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:30,520
Speaker 1: line of about twenty three excited guests offering congratulations and

157
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:31,760
Speaker 1: asking to see my ring.

158
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:33,599
Speaker 2: Among them my future sister in law.

159
00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,400
Speaker 1: Now, she is a very nice girl, but I will

160
00:06:35,440 --> 00:06:39,240
Speaker 1: say she is a bit materialistic. She likes her clothes

161
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,320
Speaker 1: and her purse is high end, and she was always

162
00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:44,280
Speaker 1: looking to humble brag whenever she gets a compliment on them.

163
00:06:44,320 --> 00:06:47,520
Speaker 2: She looked at my ring and squealed, oh, it's so beautiful.

164
00:06:47,720 --> 00:06:50,000
Speaker 1: But after a couple of seconds of her looking at

165
00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:52,839
Speaker 1: it closer, she openly stated, Oh, I guess you don't

166
00:06:52,839 --> 00:06:54,800
Speaker 1: care about real diamonds, do you.

167
00:06:55,279 --> 00:06:55,800
Speaker 4: I guess you.

168
00:06:55,960 --> 00:06:58,640
Speaker 3: Don't care about keeping your mouth shut but mining your

169
00:06:58,640 --> 00:06:59,839
Speaker 3: own dang biz.

170
00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:00,800
Speaker 4: Oh.

171
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:03,839
Speaker 3: If op wants to be gifted a ring that she

172
00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:06,960
Speaker 3: already bought and was then stolen from her, that is

173
00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:07,440
Speaker 3: her right.

174
00:07:08,120 --> 00:07:11,000
Speaker 2: No comment on it. She loves it, She loved it

175
00:07:11,080 --> 00:07:12,200
Speaker 2: and cried.

176
00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:14,840
Speaker 4: Because she picked it out and bought it.

177
00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:17,680
Speaker 2: Did she fund her so fie the.

178
00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:21,440
Speaker 1: Mat, of course, So to say my flabbers were gasted

179
00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:24,400
Speaker 1: would be an understatement. Thankfully I was the only person

180
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:26,320
Speaker 1: who heard it, since we were somewhat away from the

181
00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:29,040
Speaker 1: group and thankfully away from my fiance. I explained to

182
00:07:29,080 --> 00:07:31,440
Speaker 1: her that I didn't care about an overly expensive ring

183
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:33,440
Speaker 1: with real diamonds, and that it was the ring that

184
00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:36,320
Speaker 1: made me happy. She said, well, as long as you're

185
00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:38,800
Speaker 1: happy with all the fake Southern.

186
00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:41,440
Speaker 2: Charm that I know all too well from growing up. Now.

187
00:07:41,480 --> 00:07:43,080
Speaker 1: At the time, I didn't let it get to me

188
00:07:43,120 --> 00:07:44,480
Speaker 1: and I enjoyed the rest of the evening.

189
00:07:44,520 --> 00:07:47,120
Speaker 2: But now, a week after the proposal, I don't know

190
00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:47,640
Speaker 2: what to think.

191
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:49,480
Speaker 1: I talked it over with my mom, and I guess

192
00:07:49,520 --> 00:07:52,040
Speaker 1: what irks me more than anything. Isn't the fact that

193
00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:55,520
Speaker 1: it doesn't have real diamonds. It's the fact that I

194
00:07:55,560 --> 00:07:57,480
Speaker 1: bought my own engagement rank.

195
00:07:57,640 --> 00:07:58,280
Speaker 2: Yeah.

196
00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:00,480
Speaker 3: Yeah, she'd recue a little bit.

197
00:08:00,360 --> 00:08:02,160
Speaker 2: Sophia, are you telling me? Yeah?

198
00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:06,200
Speaker 1: Is what you're saying right now is if a woman

199
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:10,760
Speaker 1: buys a ring for herself, then her partner steals that

200
00:08:10,920 --> 00:08:13,240
Speaker 1: ring and gives it back to her and making sure

201
00:08:13,320 --> 00:08:15,800
Speaker 1: not to refund her Yeah, you're telling me that night

202
00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:19,200
Speaker 1: that might not be a cash money move, and it.

203
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:21,720
Speaker 2: Just might not be. It just may not be a chance.

204
00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:25,360
Speaker 2: I'm shocked. Wow, this is so trull. I like it so.

205
00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:27,160
Speaker 1: I know that my fiance was trying to be a

206
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,760
Speaker 1: romantic and use the ring that reminded me so much

207
00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:30,800
Speaker 1: of my great grandmother's.

208
00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:32,920
Speaker 2: And to be honest, I do love this ring.

209
00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:35,400
Speaker 1: However, I picked it out and paid for it, not

210
00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:37,960
Speaker 1: thinking of it as an engagement ring. I'm a bit

211
00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:39,880
Speaker 1: of a traditional girl, and I do think that a

212
00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:41,960
Speaker 1: man should pick out the ring, even if he needs

213
00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:44,000
Speaker 1: a little help to know what designs to look for.

214
00:08:44,120 --> 00:08:46,320
Speaker 1: For context, we are currently saving money to buy a

215
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,560
Speaker 1: house after we get married in October of this year.

216
00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:50,800
Speaker 1: We have about ten thousand dollars saved so far, with

217
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:53,640
Speaker 1: my parents offering to match whatever we have by October first,

218
00:08:53,679 --> 00:08:55,440
Speaker 1: so we can put that as a down payment on

219
00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:57,199
Speaker 1: a house of our choosing. Now, if you were to

220
00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:59,360
Speaker 1: get me a new ring, I definitely would not want

221
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:01,720
Speaker 1: something that would break our savings. It could be stainless

222
00:09:01,720 --> 00:09:04,480
Speaker 1: steel in cubic zarconium, just like the one I'm wearing now,

223
00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:07,800
Speaker 1: or of course it could be white gold and moistnite

224
00:09:08,240 --> 00:09:09,000
Speaker 1: to save money.

225
00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:09,880
Speaker 2: I hope I said that right.

226
00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:13,000
Speaker 1: I'm not a materialistic girl by any means, so I

227
00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:15,360
Speaker 1: am ready to accept any and all judgment for this.

228
00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:17,839
Speaker 2: But would I be the a hole if I asked

229
00:09:17,880 --> 00:09:19,640
Speaker 2: my fiance to get a new ring. We have an

230
00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:21,800
Speaker 2: update with Sofia Ooh, we gotta talk.

231
00:09:21,920 --> 00:09:25,160
Speaker 3: The thing is, I don't think that Opee is necessarily

232
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,240
Speaker 3: the a hole for a feeling this way, because I

233
00:09:27,240 --> 00:09:28,960
Speaker 3: think a lot of people in the comments are saying, like,

234
00:09:28,960 --> 00:09:31,040
Speaker 3: why didn't she bring it up in the first place

235
00:09:31,120 --> 00:09:33,280
Speaker 3: if she was, you know, if she was feeling this way,

236
00:09:33,360 --> 00:09:35,280
Speaker 3: like she seems to have changed her mind. But I

237
00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:39,760
Speaker 3: do think probably she was overcome with emotion and was like,

238
00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:41,960
Speaker 3: oh my god, I'm getting proposed to, and she's like,

239
00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:44,840
Speaker 3: I did like the ring, but now it's reflecting on it,

240
00:09:44,920 --> 00:09:47,240
Speaker 3: which is you know, when most of our thoughts happen

241
00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:49,600
Speaker 3: is when we reflect on something, we realize, oh, actually

242
00:09:49,640 --> 00:09:51,720
Speaker 3: that does kind of irk me, Like I paid for

243
00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:52,200
Speaker 3: that ring.

244
00:09:52,600 --> 00:09:54,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, you didn't even give me money for that ring.

245
00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:58,760
Speaker 2: You know. I think that she's right to have those feelings.

246
00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:02,800
Speaker 3: I you don't know necessarily how she would approach the

247
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:04,560
Speaker 3: conversation though, because I think you would have to do

248
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:05,079
Speaker 3: it carefully.

249
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:07,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, I think you know, we've been we've

250
00:10:07,559 --> 00:10:09,440
Speaker 1: been giggling and goofing.

251
00:10:09,120 --> 00:10:11,840
Speaker 2: The whole time. But I think it's she is well

252
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:15,040
Speaker 2: within her right to to not want that.

253
00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:18,120
Speaker 1: I do not think it is an unreasonable ass And

254
00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:19,880
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, she could be she could

255
00:10:19,880 --> 00:10:22,680
Speaker 1: be honest and that like, hey, initially, maybe it's just

256
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:25,120
Speaker 1: she was so happy over the over the proposal, she

257
00:10:25,520 --> 00:10:27,640
Speaker 1: kind of didn't like really register, But now that she's

258
00:10:27,679 --> 00:10:29,600
Speaker 1: kind of had like a few days to sit in process,

259
00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:31,600
Speaker 1: it's that feeling is kind of like, I feel like

260
00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:33,440
Speaker 1: that's a fair like approach it.

261
00:10:33,440 --> 00:10:36,280
Speaker 3: I mean, even approaching it from the kind of mindset

262
00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:40,480
Speaker 3: of hey, I was so excited to Yeah, like by

263
00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:42,280
Speaker 3: the idea of marrying you that I didn't even think

264
00:10:42,280 --> 00:10:45,800
Speaker 3: about this, and I still am so excited. I just,

265
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:48,000
Speaker 3: you know, have been thinking about the ring a little

266
00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:48,400
Speaker 3: bit now.

267
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:51,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, we need more than eighty five dollars. Maybe I

268
00:10:51,920 --> 00:10:54,600
Speaker 2: just well eighty I mean, the thing is there. It

269
00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:59,040
Speaker 2: was zero dollars. Yes, more than zero dollars. More than that.

270
00:10:59,040 --> 00:10:59,760
Speaker 3: That's the problem.

271
00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:02,319
Speaker 2: You went through no money spent. But ladies and gentlemen,

272
00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:03,800
Speaker 2: we have an update.

273
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:04,520
Speaker 4: Woo.

274
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:05,840
Speaker 2: Let us get into it.

275
00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:08,240
Speaker 1: First off, I want to thank all of you for

276
00:11:08,280 --> 00:11:10,720
Speaker 1: giving me the much needed dose of reality.

277
00:11:10,800 --> 00:11:12,559
Speaker 2: Sorry for yelling. You guys were totally right.

278
00:11:12,679 --> 00:11:14,880
Speaker 1: If I loved the ring before showing it to anybody,

279
00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,320
Speaker 1: then why the heck should I care what other people think?

280
00:11:17,360 --> 00:11:20,080
Speaker 1: And why would I let a materialistic snob get inside

281
00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,959
Speaker 1: my head. I was definitely letting her get under my

282
00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,000
Speaker 1: skin with her comments when I really should have just

283
00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:25,960
Speaker 1: shut her out. I also love what a lot of

284
00:11:25,960 --> 00:11:28,560
Speaker 1: you suggested about waiting until a year or more to

285
00:11:28,640 --> 00:11:31,199
Speaker 1: replace the ring on one of our anniversaries. After all,

286
00:11:31,240 --> 00:11:33,040
Speaker 1: we have been working so hard to save up our

287
00:11:33,040 --> 00:11:34,719
Speaker 1: money for a place to live, and that is much

288
00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:37,200
Speaker 1: more important to me than having to ring. Now onto

289
00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:40,840
Speaker 1: the drama that has unfolded since the first post. After

290
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:43,280
Speaker 1: reading a lot of y'all's comments and responses, I decided

291
00:11:43,320 --> 00:11:45,360
Speaker 1: I was going to tune out my future sister in

292
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:47,040
Speaker 1: law's negativity.

293
00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:48,880
Speaker 2: And love my ring for all its beauty.

294
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:51,000
Speaker 1: I wasn't even going to bring it up to my fiance,

295
00:11:51,320 --> 00:11:53,720
Speaker 1: especially since I didn't want to cause a rift between

296
00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:55,880
Speaker 1: them and have him look at his sister in a

297
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:59,400
Speaker 1: negative light. However, he ended up coming to me about

298
00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:01,880
Speaker 1: her comments. It turns out that she ended up texting

299
00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,000
Speaker 1: him a couple of nights ago about my ring. From

300
00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:06,200
Speaker 1: what he told me, she was asking him why he

301
00:12:06,280 --> 00:12:10,520
Speaker 1: proposed too soon since he was going to wait longer originally,

302
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:13,400
Speaker 1: and why didn't he propose with the real stone, and

303
00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:16,360
Speaker 1: if he was too cheap to spoil me with the

304
00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:17,000
Speaker 1: real deal.

305
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:20,199
Speaker 3: Dang, she's got things to say.

306
00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,240
Speaker 2: And it's like, we do we need to say these things?

307
00:12:22,320 --> 00:12:24,640
Speaker 2: I known't, No, we don't need to say any things.

308
00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:28,040
Speaker 1: It's it's not our business. Yeah, come on, I couldn't

309
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:29,680
Speaker 1: believe it. I thought it was one thing to say

310
00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:31,720
Speaker 1: something to me, woman to woman, and maybe we could

311
00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:32,920
Speaker 1: just let it go from there, but.

312
00:12:33,160 --> 00:12:35,640
Speaker 2: Oh boy, I had no idea she would go to

313
00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:38,080
Speaker 2: her brother with such ugly comments.

314
00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,560
Speaker 1: Needless to say that he was fuming at this point

315
00:12:40,679 --> 00:12:43,160
Speaker 1: when retelling the story to me something to know about

316
00:12:43,200 --> 00:12:46,080
Speaker 1: my fiance. He is the least confrontational person I know.

317
00:12:46,240 --> 00:12:47,920
Speaker 1: He has always wanted to try and talk it out

318
00:12:47,920 --> 00:12:50,320
Speaker 1: with someone before it can escalate into a fight. However,

319
00:12:50,400 --> 00:12:53,360
Speaker 1: he is fiercely loyal and a protective man. Anytime anybody

320
00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,080
Speaker 1: has ever said anything negative to me or about or

321
00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:58,920
Speaker 1: our relationship, he has always been swift to defend me

322
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,480
Speaker 1: and us at any come. So he texted back, why

323
00:13:01,520 --> 00:13:04,080
Speaker 1: would you even say something like that? Since when did

324
00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:06,040
Speaker 1: it matter to you whether or not I gave her

325
00:13:06,040 --> 00:13:08,360
Speaker 1: a diamond? I don't recall you guys being best friends

326
00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,880
Speaker 1: and her sharing her opinions with you, because if she had,

327
00:13:11,200 --> 00:13:13,120
Speaker 1: you would know that she doesn't care about having a

328
00:13:13,160 --> 00:13:14,000
Speaker 1: real stone or not.

329
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:17,160
Speaker 2: She's not like you, and she doesn't need anything flashy

330
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,400
Speaker 2: or expensive to know that I love her.

331
00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:23,880
Speaker 3: He's like, yes, that's true. Mm hmmm.

332
00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:27,360
Speaker 2: Her response to this text message, sister in law says.

333
00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:29,640
Speaker 3: Wait the do the big mouth voice?

334
00:13:29,640 --> 00:13:31,480
Speaker 2: They hate the voice? They hate it. I like it.

335
00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:33,199
Speaker 2: I don't know, just do it for the Oh my gosh,

336
00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:38,720
Speaker 2: I'll do it. Oh my gosh. There's the only need to

337
00:13:38,760 --> 00:13:39,679
Speaker 2: be a sol dramatic.

338
00:13:40,559 --> 00:13:42,920
Speaker 1: I'm just saying every girl deserves to know that she

339
00:13:43,040 --> 00:13:45,360
Speaker 1: is valued in the eyes of her man. After all,

340
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:49,360
Speaker 1: I know that's what Dr David, her boyfriend of four years,

341
00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:50,760
Speaker 1: would do for me if he ever proposed.

342
00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:54,520
Speaker 2: Well, guess what he asn't d for? Dump you not.

343
00:13:55,520 --> 00:13:58,320
Speaker 2: Here's where maybe he was possibly the a hole.

344
00:13:58,360 --> 00:14:00,560
Speaker 1: He shot back, Oh really, because I seem to remember

345
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:02,600
Speaker 1: you complaining for the past year and a half about

346
00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:05,440
Speaker 1: how he's never brought up the topic of marriage.

347
00:14:06,720 --> 00:14:08,200
Speaker 5: Burns.

348
00:14:08,400 --> 00:14:10,880
Speaker 1: Seems to me you're so wrapped up in my engagement

349
00:14:10,880 --> 00:14:13,200
Speaker 1: because you know that David will never propose to you.

350
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,320
Speaker 1: You might want to think about that the next time

351
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:18,280
Speaker 1: you try to say something witchy to me or my fiatic.

352
00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:23,320
Speaker 3: Dany sister's gonna need some alovera for that burn is

353
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:24,440
Speaker 3: that's a third degree?

354
00:14:24,520 --> 00:14:26,480
Speaker 2: That is toasty skin.

355
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:30,920
Speaker 1: OUCHI, sweet baby Jesus, I could have married him right

356
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:33,960
Speaker 1: there on the spot. I was so proud of him

357
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,360
Speaker 1: for putting her in her place. Well, what happened next

358
00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:40,760
Speaker 1: was unexpected. Sister in law went silent, no responses, no comebacks.

359
00:14:40,800 --> 00:14:43,040
Speaker 1: He didn't hear back from her, But the next day

360
00:14:43,120 --> 00:14:47,120
Speaker 1: she called me and dang, did I not expect what

361
00:14:47,240 --> 00:14:47,720
Speaker 1: she said?

362
00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:52,560
Speaker 2: She apologized to me, what shock here? We are? People

363
00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:53,280
Speaker 2: are growing.

364
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:56,760
Speaker 3: Sometimes people get red the rights and they go, wow,

365
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,040
Speaker 3: shouldn't have done that.

366
00:14:58,200 --> 00:15:01,480
Speaker 1: You're correct, she said what my fiance said about her

367
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:03,760
Speaker 1: and David. She realized that she was being a witch

368
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,560
Speaker 1: and didn't mean it as a dig towards me.

369
00:15:05,760 --> 00:15:06,200
Speaker 2: She said.

370
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:08,480
Speaker 1: Before I came over, she was trying to hint at

371
00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:11,400
Speaker 1: David about now that her brother and I were engaged,

372
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:14,520
Speaker 1: that it would be their turn soon enough. Apparently David

373
00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:16,680
Speaker 1: didn't take the hint, which pissed her off, and when

374
00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:18,960
Speaker 1: I came over, she saw my ring and got even

375
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:22,360
Speaker 1: more pissed. She apologized again, saying she was pushing her

376
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:25,080
Speaker 1: jealousy and hurt onto me, and she hoped I could

377
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:25,680
Speaker 1: forgive her.

378
00:15:25,920 --> 00:15:26,280
Speaker 2: Wow.

379
00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,680
Speaker 3: Forgive or not, Sophia, Absolutely, I think if someone comes

380
00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:32,600
Speaker 3: to you with a genuine apology and says, you know,

381
00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:36,000
Speaker 3: I realized that it was my own kind of insecurities

382
00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:39,600
Speaker 3: about my relationship and I should have never done that. Absolutely,

383
00:15:39,600 --> 00:15:42,640
Speaker 3: I would forgive you know because I mean, they made

384
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:46,080
Speaker 3: some nasty comments. But we read so many stories where

385
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:48,360
Speaker 3: people make nasty comments and they get called out on.

386
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:49,640
Speaker 2: It and then they double down.

387
00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:53,119
Speaker 3: Yes, the fact that I'm owning up to your mistakes

388
00:15:53,160 --> 00:15:56,160
Speaker 3: and owning up to being wrong is so hard, Like

389
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,160
Speaker 3: that is something that I struggle with, Like it is

390
00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:00,240
Speaker 3: hard to do. So if you have a p in

391
00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:02,320
Speaker 3: your life who does that, absolutely, I think you know

392
00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:03,680
Speaker 3: I would accept that apology.

393
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:07,080
Speaker 1: By the way, if you want to forgive yourself for

394
00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:10,800
Speaker 1: not listening to every single podcast episode we've ever published,

395
00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:13,160
Speaker 1: I have one thing you need to do right now.

396
00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:13,720
Speaker 2: What is it?

397
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,120
Speaker 1: Or I will be the most furious human that has

398
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:20,640
Speaker 1: ever been birthed on this earth. Furiosa coda, Spotify, Apple

399
00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:25,000
Speaker 1: or iHeart search. Okay, story time and listen to over

400
00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:28,280
Speaker 1: two thousand episodes of our podcast. But Sofia, right before

401
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,400
Speaker 1: we get into this ending of the story, I mean, uh,

402
00:16:31,480 --> 00:16:34,120
Speaker 1: kind of cute, kind of good, so far right, wrong, Josh,

403
00:16:34,480 --> 00:16:36,760
Speaker 1: kind of great, wrong, Joe.

404
00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:41,000
Speaker 3: I think everyone in the freaking Reddit comments and also

405
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:44,680
Speaker 3: her husband's like lashing out at or her fiances lashing

406
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:48,000
Speaker 3: out at her at his sister has made op forget

407
00:16:48,120 --> 00:16:49,800
Speaker 3: what the real problem is here.

408
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:54,400
Speaker 2: It's all right, he's storring, dude. We completely forgot about it.

409
00:16:54,520 --> 00:16:57,440
Speaker 4: Just been gas lit into thinking that she was wrong

410
00:16:57,680 --> 00:16:59,880
Speaker 4: for having like doubts about that.

411
00:17:00,000 --> 00:17:01,880
Speaker 2: What this is crazy, sopey says.

412
00:17:01,960 --> 00:17:04,080
Speaker 1: I told her I'd absolutely forgive her and that I

413
00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:05,440
Speaker 1: was sorry that David.

414
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:08,159
Speaker 2: Was such a clueless dummy loll dang David catching strays.

415
00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:09,480
Speaker 2: I also suggested she sit.

416
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:12,160
Speaker 1: Down with David and have a real conversation about their

417
00:17:12,200 --> 00:17:14,800
Speaker 1: future and when slash if he thought he would propose

418
00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:16,959
Speaker 1: to her. She agreed, apologize one more time, and then

419
00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:19,080
Speaker 1: we said goodbye. So there you have it. We worked

420
00:17:19,080 --> 00:17:21,280
Speaker 1: it out with sister in law. I'm back to loving

421
00:17:21,320 --> 00:17:22,639
Speaker 1: my ring for all its beauty.

422
00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:24,119
Speaker 2: She's gassling herself.

423
00:17:24,320 --> 00:17:28,719
Speaker 1: I don't believe you and I have a fiance no

424
00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:31,879
Speaker 1: longer a boyfriend who I adore and who adores me

425
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:32,480
Speaker 1: as well.

426
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:36,040
Speaker 2: Maybe what upgrade my ring in the future. But okay, okay,

427
00:17:36,680 --> 00:17:37,200
Speaker 2: She's like.

428
00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,840
Speaker 3: Maybe maybe in the future he'll buy me a ring.

429
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:41,280
Speaker 2: I don't know. I don't care.

430
00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:46,960
Speaker 1: All that matters is that we love each other. It's true,

431
00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:47,959
Speaker 1: and we are happy.

432
00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:50,960
Speaker 2: This is true. This is true. But are you happy

433
00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:51,800
Speaker 2: are you.

434
00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:56,240
Speaker 3: My brother's wife is cheating on him. I don't know

435
00:17:56,240 --> 00:17:56,760
Speaker 3: how to tell.

436
00:17:56,720 --> 00:17:57,399
Speaker 2: Him you're cheating.

437
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,040
Speaker 3: My little bro has been married to his wife for

438
00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:05,240
Speaker 3: five years. They've been together since they were fourteen and fifteen.

439
00:18:05,359 --> 00:18:07,920
Speaker 3: The relationship has always been fairly rocky in that they

440
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:10,600
Speaker 3: fight a lot and she has quite serious, so far

441
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:14,520
Speaker 3: undiagnosed mental health issues, possibly bipolar, but not sure. They

442
00:18:14,560 --> 00:18:17,080
Speaker 3: are in huge amounts of debt because she has crazy

443
00:18:17,119 --> 00:18:20,040
Speaker 3: spending habits and basically can't afford to live because they're

444
00:18:20,080 --> 00:18:24,200
Speaker 3: paying off literally dozens of loans and credit cards. By

445
00:18:24,200 --> 00:18:27,200
Speaker 3: the way, this comes from Nymphidora eighty five, and if

446
00:18:27,200 --> 00:18:28,680
Speaker 3: you want to submit your own stories, go to the

447
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,359
Speaker 3: r slash Okay storytime Separate it.

448
00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:30,719
Speaker 4: So.

449
00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:33,480
Speaker 3: I am good friends with my sister in law. We

450
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:36,000
Speaker 3: chat a lot. She trusts me and I try to

451
00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:38,520
Speaker 3: support her in getting help for her mental health problems,

452
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:41,960
Speaker 3: but she struggles to actually get help. Slash is convinced

453
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,399
Speaker 3: that she's fine as the world around her burns to

454
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:44,919
Speaker 3: the ground.

455
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:46,600
Speaker 2: She met a colleague.

456
00:18:46,119 --> 00:18:48,280
Speaker 3: Twenty four male at a new job just under a

457
00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:51,439
Speaker 3: year ago and basically fell in love with him, and

458
00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:53,400
Speaker 3: later turned out he fell.

459
00:18:53,080 --> 00:18:55,280
Speaker 2: In love with her. Oh.

460
00:18:55,320 --> 00:18:57,600
Speaker 3: She started out saying it wasn't a problem. They could

461
00:18:57,600 --> 00:19:00,000
Speaker 3: be friends and colleagues, et cetera. It started to get

462
00:19:00,119 --> 00:19:02,560
Speaker 3: worse when they joined a gym together and basically spent

463
00:19:02,760 --> 00:19:03,960
Speaker 3: every night at the gym.

464
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,960
Speaker 2: It's Riley's worst nightmare. Then she'd go.

465
00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:08,720
Speaker 3: Back to his flat, shower and change, and they'd hang

466
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:11,280
Speaker 3: out and eventually she'd head home. It progressed to them

467
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,120
Speaker 3: spending every waking moment together while my brother works two

468
00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:16,439
Speaker 3: jobs trying to pay back all the debts. If you

469
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:19,240
Speaker 3: saw their Facebook profiles, you'd assume they were a couple.

470
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:22,080
Speaker 3: And this is just going on and no one's stopping it.

471
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:25,920
Speaker 2: Dude. Yeah, and they and the guys. He's working two

472
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:27,639
Speaker 2: jobs to try and pay off all her debts. He's

473
00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:29,840
Speaker 2: probably not even looking at Facebook. He has no time.

474
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:31,160
Speaker 2: It's too busy. Wow.

475
00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:34,360
Speaker 3: She confided in me a few months back that they'd

476
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:37,760
Speaker 3: almost had spicy sleep and she wanted to but they

477
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,720
Speaker 3: didn't have protection. Oh, I would, so I should have

478
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,760
Speaker 3: spoken to my brother back then. But the next time

479
00:19:43,840 --> 00:19:46,040
Speaker 3: I speak to her a day or so later, she says,

480
00:19:46,080 --> 00:19:48,600
Speaker 3: her and brother have had a big makeup. All is

481
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:51,119
Speaker 3: right with the world. New guy's history, et cetera. So

482
00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:51,840
Speaker 3: I drop it.

483
00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:56,119
Speaker 4: No, no, no, Dan.

484
00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:56,919
Speaker 2: I don't know.

485
00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:58,880
Speaker 3: I mean, I don't know what OP and her brother's

486
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:02,119
Speaker 3: relationship is, but but I'm not keeping If if my

487
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:04,800
Speaker 3: brother had a partner like this, I'd be like, uh no,

488
00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:08,080
Speaker 3: I've already told him. Yeah, like I told him yesterday.

489
00:20:07,680 --> 00:20:11,000
Speaker 2: Dude, Yeah, that's that is not tenable.

490
00:20:11,119 --> 00:20:13,239
Speaker 3: Then a few days ago, she tells me all that

491
00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:15,840
Speaker 3: was a lie. Her and Bro have never made up.

492
00:20:15,880 --> 00:20:18,480
Speaker 3: She literally hasn't even spoken to him about it. He's

493
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:21,400
Speaker 3: just ignoring the whole situation and hoping she'll see sense

494
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:23,280
Speaker 3: and ditch the new guy. BRO told me that he

495
00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:26,000
Speaker 3: trusts her. He just doesn't trust new guy. But I

496
00:20:26,080 --> 00:20:28,280
Speaker 3: know that it's her that he shouldn't be trusting, as

497
00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:31,800
Speaker 3: she orchestrated the whole thing, by her own admission, and

498
00:20:31,920 --> 00:20:34,480
Speaker 3: every time new guy says they should break it off

499
00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:37,280
Speaker 3: because she's married, she ropes him back in by her

500
00:20:37,280 --> 00:20:39,840
Speaker 3: own admission. I asked her if they'd had spicy sleep.

501
00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:41,840
Speaker 3: She said no, but they've done other stuff.

502
00:20:41,880 --> 00:20:45,200
Speaker 2: She's full cheated. She she's full cheated. She's full cheated.

503
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:48,439
Speaker 1: Ye, and she's being so blase about it, right And this,

504
00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:51,040
Speaker 1: and this also could be trickle truth thing too, so

505
00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:53,520
Speaker 1: it could be even more than what she's admitting to.

506
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:57,280
Speaker 3: Absolutely, and the fact that Opie is not divulging this

507
00:20:57,400 --> 00:21:00,920
Speaker 3: information immediately to her brother is mind boggling.

508
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,119
Speaker 2: We got we gotta do that asap.

509
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,760
Speaker 3: I got the impression she was lying, even if it

510
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,160
Speaker 3: were just other stuff. When I asked her what that meant,

511
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:12,040
Speaker 3: she said, oral hands kissing. Oh, He's like, I got

512
00:21:12,119 --> 00:21:14,280
Speaker 3: the impression she was lying.

513
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:17,000
Speaker 4: Who cares? Who cares?

514
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:20,800
Speaker 3: She just admitted that they did all that, but she's

515
00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:21,840
Speaker 3: she's like, oh, I didn't.

516
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:24,520
Speaker 2: I just I just did other stuff. She's like, she

517
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:27,679
Speaker 2: still didn't go all the way. So it's not cheating.

518
00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:30,119
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's just it's just other stuff, you know, Like

519
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:33,560
Speaker 1: it's just it's okay, that's crazy.

520
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:34,199
Speaker 2: I know.

521
00:21:34,440 --> 00:21:37,480
Speaker 4: My brother would still see that as cheating. Anyone would

522
00:21:37,520 --> 00:21:38,480
Speaker 4: see that with cheating.

523
00:21:38,600 --> 00:21:40,040
Speaker 2: That is literally cheating.

524
00:21:40,160 --> 00:21:42,439
Speaker 3: Anyone with eyes would see that is cheating.

525
00:21:42,600 --> 00:21:43,080
Speaker 2: Guys.

526
00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:46,120
Speaker 3: There are other major issues apart from the cheating in debt.

527
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:48,760
Speaker 3: For example, he desperately wants a family cheat is not,

528
00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:51,080
Speaker 3: but will continue to tell him in a few years

529
00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:53,360
Speaker 3: to keep him hanging on, even though she has set

530
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:56,160
Speaker 3: herself for me that she does not want children at all.

531
00:21:56,200 --> 00:21:57,200
Speaker 2: They're at a point.

532
00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:59,200
Speaker 3: In life where they will need to move houses within

533
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,760
Speaker 3: the next three to six months. From a logistics slash

534
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:04,480
Speaker 3: finance POV, if they're going to separate, it would make

535
00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:06,920
Speaker 3: sense to do so before investing in a new place

536
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:09,639
Speaker 3: to live. We have space for my bro, and he's welcome.

537
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:11,640
Speaker 3: She has already said to me that she would move

538
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:15,040
Speaker 3: in with a new guy if they did separate. I

539
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:18,320
Speaker 3: love both my brother and I did love my sister

540
00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:20,680
Speaker 3: in law. I can see that this is crushing my bro.

541
00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,800
Speaker 3: But he's not one to confide in people or share problems.

542
00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:28,440
Speaker 3: I mean, neither are you, h I can see that

543
00:22:28,520 --> 00:22:30,760
Speaker 3: I will lose my friendship with sister in law over this.

544
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:33,720
Speaker 3: Why would you want to be friends with her?

545
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:37,560
Speaker 2: But my brother comes first? Yeah, after like six to.

546
00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:41,160
Speaker 3: Ten business days, I realized over the last few months

547
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,240
Speaker 3: that my sister in law is not a nice person.

548
00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:44,840
Speaker 2: I'm not sure if I want to stay friends with

549
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:45,639
Speaker 2: her after all this.

550
00:22:45,720 --> 00:22:49,120
Speaker 3: Anyway, I just have no idea how to tell him this,

551
00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:51,840
Speaker 3: and even whether or not he'd believe me. I fear

552
00:22:51,880 --> 00:22:54,080
Speaker 3: he will withdraw and hide away once he knows that

553
00:22:54,160 --> 00:22:56,440
Speaker 3: I know about their marriage problems. I'm stuck in the

554
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:59,760
Speaker 3: middle of a situation where whatever happens, everyone's hurting, and

555
00:22:59,800 --> 00:23:02,560
Speaker 3: I don't even know if I should intervene, let alone

556
00:23:02,680 --> 00:23:04,879
Speaker 3: how I should. I think I should intervene, but I

557
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:07,119
Speaker 3: guess I need confirmation from you guys that it's the

558
00:23:07,200 --> 00:23:11,200
Speaker 3: right thing to do before I go and bugger everything up. Edit. Sorry,

559
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:13,760
Speaker 3: I don't think my post was very clear. I only

560
00:23:13,800 --> 00:23:16,520
Speaker 3: got the full picture and knew for definite she was

561
00:23:16,600 --> 00:23:19,399
Speaker 3: cheating yesterday the incident six to eight weeks ago. She

562
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,760
Speaker 3: told me that she had confessed an emotional affair to bro,

563
00:23:21,960 --> 00:23:24,760
Speaker 3: they'd made up and everything was okay. At the time,

564
00:23:24,840 --> 00:23:27,520
Speaker 3: I had no reason to think she was lying about that. Also,

565
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:30,000
Speaker 3: some relevant context that I realized I should have added

566
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:32,000
Speaker 3: to explain why this is hard for me to know

567
00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:34,639
Speaker 3: I'm doing the right thing and why I needed validation.

568
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:38,200
Speaker 3: I got personally blamed by my crazy, armful mother for

569
00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:41,040
Speaker 3: my parents' divorce, even though their issues began before I

570
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:43,760
Speaker 3: was born and it literally wasn't my fault. A part

571
00:23:43,760 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 3: of me is scared that I'm going to get accused

572
00:23:45,520 --> 00:23:47,920
Speaker 3: again of breaking up a marriage for craps and giggles.

573
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:50,359
Speaker 3: Although my brother knows our mom is crazy, he's not

574
00:23:50,440 --> 00:23:52,600
Speaker 3: very open with stuff, so I don't know for certain

575
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:54,879
Speaker 3: that a part of him doesn't believe I'm the cause

576
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:57,680
Speaker 3: of our parents' divorce. And even if only a little

577
00:23:57,680 --> 00:24:00,160
Speaker 3: part of him does, deep deep down, he might think

578
00:24:00,200 --> 00:24:02,360
Speaker 3: I'm just doing the same to him and his wife.

579
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:02,919
Speaker 2: I don't know.

580
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:05,679
Speaker 3: Growing up with a harmful parent throws out all of

581
00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:08,680
Speaker 3: your normal when it comes to relationships. Since me needing

582
00:24:08,760 --> 00:24:10,800
Speaker 3: normal people to tell me what to do, Thanks for

583
00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:15,120
Speaker 3: all the advice so far, And there is another edit

584
00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:18,560
Speaker 3: that is longer so we can add an update.

585
00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:21,880
Speaker 2: Oh but before we get into those two of my thoughts.

586
00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:25,480
Speaker 1: John oh Man, so many thoughts. Just to quickly address

587
00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:29,120
Speaker 1: what they just said. Any parents that make their child

588
00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:32,359
Speaker 1: think that the divorce was the child's fault is the

589
00:24:32,400 --> 00:24:36,000
Speaker 1: worst people ever, worst people. That's just number one. Opia

590
00:24:36,160 --> 00:24:41,360
Speaker 1: has had the misfortune of being surrounded by not good people. Yeah,

591
00:24:41,400 --> 00:24:45,600
Speaker 1: but back to the issue at hand. Yeah, like, not

592
00:24:45,640 --> 00:24:47,800
Speaker 1: only should you be talking to your brother, but it's

593
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:50,680
Speaker 1: like it seems the brother is just like okay, yeah,

594
00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:52,879
Speaker 1: I'll just like ignore it and hope it goes away.

595
00:24:52,920 --> 00:24:55,760
Speaker 1: And it's like dude, Like it's only gonna get worse.

596
00:24:56,119 --> 00:24:58,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, if you baring his head in the sand.

597
00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:00,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, And you know what I it seems like he's

598
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:04,359
Speaker 1: very you know, non confrontational, and like I do get

599
00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:06,679
Speaker 1: the it's like this isn't his mess, and you know

600
00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:09,480
Speaker 1: he's maybe like afraid to bring it up and he's

601
00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:11,800
Speaker 1: the victim in this scenario. But at the end of

602
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:14,200
Speaker 1: the day, like it's all just gonna be worse.

603
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:15,679
Speaker 2: It's all there. I don't know.

604
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:17,600
Speaker 3: You're just putting a rug over poop.

605
00:25:17,920 --> 00:25:20,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that's stinky. Yeah.

606
00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:23,400
Speaker 3: Soon she's gonna make your house smell terrible. Yeah, let's

607
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:26,000
Speaker 3: get into this edit edit too. Just want to add

608
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:28,600
Speaker 3: some further clarification as I'm getting a lot of comments

609
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:32,560
Speaker 3: misunderstanding when I knew information from my fault, not commenter's.

610
00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:35,280
Speaker 3: The timeline is confusing. Two months ago, sister in law

611
00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:37,440
Speaker 3: and I were talking and she told me the extent

612
00:25:37,480 --> 00:25:39,879
Speaker 3: of her and new guy's emotional affair. This came up

613
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 3: because Bro, I'd found text messages between them telling each

614
00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:45,680
Speaker 3: other they loved each other. Apologies for missing this fact

615
00:25:45,840 --> 00:25:48,440
Speaker 3: as it's important to the timeline. So we knew about

616
00:25:48,440 --> 00:25:50,600
Speaker 3: this before I did A day later, I ask her

617
00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:53,360
Speaker 3: what's happening, because I spent the night before telling her

618
00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:55,480
Speaker 3: she and BRO should separate if this is not what

619
00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:56,359
Speaker 3: they want, et cetera.

620
00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:58,240
Speaker 2: And she to an extent agreed.

621
00:25:58,359 --> 00:26:00,480
Speaker 3: But then she told me her and Bro had had

622
00:26:00,520 --> 00:26:02,960
Speaker 3: a big heart heart, had made up, and when I

623
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:05,480
Speaker 3: asked about New Guys, she said he was not a problem.

624
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:07,480
Speaker 3: So I took that to me and she dumped him in.

625
00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:09,679
Speaker 3: At the time, I had no reason to think she

626
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:11,960
Speaker 3: was lying. I mentioned this in a comment, but not

627
00:26:12,119 --> 00:26:14,680
Speaker 3: in the original post, as I didn't feel it was relevant,

628
00:26:14,800 --> 00:26:16,800
Speaker 3: But now I think it explains why I didn't.

629
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:17,720
Speaker 2: Take any further action.

630
00:26:17,920 --> 00:26:22,120
Speaker 3: Right then, I was massively preoccupied with losing oh oh

631
00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:25,880
Speaker 3: a pregnancy. Two now three days ago, I had massive

632
00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:28,800
Speaker 3: conversations with her that started about her health issues. She

633
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:31,640
Speaker 3: told me then that all the crazy spending was part

634
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:33,479
Speaker 3: of her issues, and it was a lot worse than

635
00:26:33,480 --> 00:26:36,480
Speaker 3: they'd ever made out before. They both said it was

636
00:26:36,600 --> 00:26:39,800
Speaker 3: just because of an educational private loan for a master's

637
00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:42,160
Speaker 3: and that she was doing it on purpose. I had

638
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:45,399
Speaker 3: no idea of this before two days ago. She also

639
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:47,760
Speaker 3: divulged all the info about new guy, and when I

640
00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 3: asked about her and bro making up two months ago.

641
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:53,159
Speaker 3: She admitted she lied and she hadn't even spoken to

642
00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:55,720
Speaker 3: him since then. Twenty four hours ago, I saw both

643
00:26:55,760 --> 00:26:58,439
Speaker 3: of them together, and something my brother said assured me

644
00:26:58,520 --> 00:27:00,560
Speaker 3: that she was not lying about what she told me,

645
00:27:00,760 --> 00:27:03,720
Speaker 3: and she was really cheating. I also realized that she'd

646
00:27:03,760 --> 00:27:07,080
Speaker 3: been using me as another risk take and playing games

647
00:27:07,080 --> 00:27:09,840
Speaker 3: with me. I am pissed. I am not on her side.

648
00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:11,800
Speaker 3: I am one hundred percent with my brother. I have

649
00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:15,000
Speaker 3: every intention of telling him. I've arranged to see him today.

650
00:27:15,160 --> 00:27:17,600
Speaker 3: I just needed advice on how to tell him, which

651
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:20,160
Speaker 3: I have got. So thanks and there is an update.

652
00:27:20,400 --> 00:27:20,640
Speaker 2: WHOA.

653
00:27:20,880 --> 00:27:23,840
Speaker 3: So I've spoken to my brother. I was literally so nervous.

654
00:27:23,880 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 3: I felt sick, but it actually was a lot more

655
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:29,040
Speaker 3: okay than I expected. He'd guess something was up. I

656
00:27:29,119 --> 00:27:31,320
Speaker 3: was worried about her being there, so I told him

657
00:27:31,359 --> 00:27:34,520
Speaker 3: I needed help with my car. Immediately apologized for basically

658
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:38,080
Speaker 3: kidnapping him under false pretenses and told him everything I knew.

659
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,440
Speaker 3: Sister in law had already told him that she'd lied

660
00:27:40,480 --> 00:27:42,199
Speaker 3: to me to see if I would betray her and

661
00:27:42,280 --> 00:27:45,080
Speaker 3: tell him She's like, I tested you and you bailed.

662
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:48,760
Speaker 3: He saw through that and knew she was lying. You

663
00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:50,960
Speaker 3: didn't know the full extent of their affairs, So I

664
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:54,320
Speaker 3: told him everything she'd told me, plus the additional info

665
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:57,000
Speaker 3: about her not wanting children and the debt stuff. He

666
00:27:57,040 --> 00:28:00,479
Speaker 3: didn't know that she didn't want children and was understandably.

667
00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:01,440
Speaker 2: By the way.

668
00:28:01,560 --> 00:28:03,960
Speaker 3: I'd be hurt if you didn't listen to full episodes

669
00:28:03,960 --> 00:28:07,000
Speaker 3: with stories just like this, so hurt. Just go to Spotify,

670
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:10,520
Speaker 3: Apple Podcasts, or iHeart Radio and search a poky story time.

671
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:12,399
Speaker 2: But let's finish this all. Go.

672
00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:14,280
Speaker 3: He's going to have a talk with her and see

673
00:28:14,280 --> 00:28:16,400
Speaker 3: what she says. He said, if she tells the truth

674
00:28:16,400 --> 00:28:18,320
Speaker 3: about everything and ends it with a new guy, he

675
00:28:18,359 --> 00:28:22,480
Speaker 3: could possibly see forgiving her and moving on. Oh, I

676
00:28:22,560 --> 00:28:24,160
Speaker 3: told him, I thought that was a mistake.

677
00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:24,920
Speaker 2: It's true.

678
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:27,320
Speaker 3: Due to the children and debts, and the fact that

679
00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:30,280
Speaker 3: she won't accept help Slash take medication for her mental

680
00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:33,360
Speaker 3: health issues means that even without the affair, his future

681
00:28:33,359 --> 00:28:36,640
Speaker 3: with her is, in my opinion, bleak and miserable. I've

682
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:38,480
Speaker 3: told him that I'm there for him one hundred percent,

683
00:28:38,600 --> 00:28:40,800
Speaker 3: and he has a room at our house from whenever

684
00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:43,120
Speaker 3: he needs it, even if it's at three am. Or

685
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:45,760
Speaker 3: very short notice, it doesn't matter. I told him that

686
00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:48,160
Speaker 3: for the meantime, I will not have any involvement with

687
00:28:48,240 --> 00:28:50,040
Speaker 3: sister in law and that there's no way I can

688
00:28:50,120 --> 00:28:52,400
Speaker 3: ever be friends with her ever again, even if they

689
00:28:52,400 --> 00:28:55,400
Speaker 3: do magically fix things and live happily ever after. Good

690
00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:56,640
Speaker 3: on UOPI I'm.

691
00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:57,000
Speaker 4: Proud of us.

692
00:28:57,080 --> 00:28:59,280
Speaker 3: He understood and agreed that she was a crap person.

693
00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:01,240
Speaker 3: Now all I can can do his weight and hope

694
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,920
Speaker 3: that he leaves her and moved on to have a happy,

695
00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:04,640
Speaker 3: healthy life.

696
00:29:04,680 --> 00:29:07,280
Speaker 4: Thanks everyone, And there is a third edito, I think

697
00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:09,640
Speaker 4: to really finish this off below.

698
00:29:09,480 --> 00:29:11,680
Speaker 3: I, my husband and older brother have all been blocked

699
00:29:11,680 --> 00:29:15,880
Speaker 3: on Facebook craps going down by the by the sister

700
00:29:15,960 --> 00:29:16,680
Speaker 3: in law, I believe.

701
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:17,120
Speaker 2: Great.

702
00:29:17,160 --> 00:29:19,720
Speaker 3: Thanks for doing honestly, Yeah, made it easier.

703
00:29:20,000 --> 00:29:22,760
Speaker 2: Didn't have to look you up. Huh wow.

704
00:29:23,280 --> 00:29:23,520
Speaker 4: Yeah.

705
00:29:23,800 --> 00:29:26,680
Speaker 3: I'm just hoping that the brother bites the bullet and

706
00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:28,280
Speaker 3: divorces her.

707
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:31,600
Speaker 1: I am because because I guess too back to the

708
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:33,200
Speaker 1: whole thing of like, oh they met when they're like

709
00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:36,560
Speaker 1: fourteen fifteen, it's like that's all you know, And I

710
00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:38,719
Speaker 1: can see the brother kind of just getting in this,

711
00:29:38,800 --> 00:29:40,800
Speaker 1: you know, the warped reality field and being.

712
00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:42,680
Speaker 2: Like, oh, well, it's like we've nothing else.

713
00:29:42,720 --> 00:29:45,120
Speaker 1: There's nothing else, and like we've known each other like

714
00:29:45,240 --> 00:29:49,360
Speaker 1: our whole like you know, adolescent to adult lives, Like oh,

715
00:29:49,360 --> 00:29:51,200
Speaker 1: I'll just I'll just stick it out and hope for

716
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:51,640
Speaker 1: the best.

717
00:29:51,640 --> 00:29:54,160
Speaker 2: But yeah, it seems like he is.

718
00:29:54,320 --> 00:29:56,640
Speaker 1: Although we've teeter her on the edge, it does seem

719
00:29:56,680 --> 00:30:01,080
Speaker 1: like ultimately he's going to land on the side of not.

720
00:30:01,120 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 2: Being with her. I am hoping, I'm hoping fingers crossed

721
00:30:04,600 --> 00:30:07,000
Speaker 2: ladys cross, but proud of ope, yes for.

722
00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:10,760
Speaker 3: Stuck in two per thoughts and uh saying I don't

723
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:11,960
Speaker 3: want to ever see that sister.

724
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:14,200
Speaker 2: In law in my town again. She had her thoughts.

725
00:30:14,040 --> 00:30:17,840
Speaker 2: She's stuck to him. Yep. Hey it's johnyog Host here.

726
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:19,200
Speaker 2: We're gonna get back to the stories. But here's a

727
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:21,080
Speaker 2: quick three minute break of ass from our sponsors.

728
00:30:21,600 --> 00:30:23,880
Speaker 5: I've been married to my husband for a month and

729
00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:26,400
Speaker 5: I just found out he's having an affair with my sister.

730
00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:28,200
Speaker 2: Short marriage, long month.

731
00:30:28,440 --> 00:30:31,240
Speaker 5: I've been in shock since I found out. We've been

732
00:30:31,320 --> 00:30:33,880
Speaker 5: married for a month. He's been having the affair with

733
00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:36,920
Speaker 5: my sister since before we got engaged back in November.

734
00:30:37,240 --> 00:30:41,040
Speaker 5: My sister is eight months pregnant. Her husband was the

735
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:43,960
Speaker 5: one who discovered the affair and he is divorcing her.

736
00:30:44,040 --> 00:30:45,920
Speaker 5: He had to get a test done on the advice

737
00:30:45,920 --> 00:30:47,800
Speaker 5: of his aunt who is this solicitor, to make sure

738
00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:51,040
Speaker 5: their one point five year old son was his child.

739
00:30:51,120 --> 00:30:53,560
Speaker 5: But my sister doesn't yet know with her husband or

740
00:30:53,680 --> 00:30:56,120
Speaker 5: my husband is the father of her baby.

741
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:58,960
Speaker 3: Mama, Mia, Mama, Mia, Here we go again.

742
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:02,360
Speaker 5: By the way, this comes from user off my Chest

743
00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:04,320
Speaker 5: Throwaway two seven to six, and if you want to

744
00:31:04,360 --> 00:31:06,480
Speaker 5: submit your own stories, go to the r slash Okay

745
00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:09,400
Speaker 5: story time subreddit. So I will be seeking a divorce

746
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:11,560
Speaker 5: even though my husband wants us to go to counseling

747
00:31:11,600 --> 00:31:12,320
Speaker 5: and stay married.

748
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:13,520
Speaker 2: Well, good job.

749
00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 5: I'm an advocate a barrister, which is some sort of

750
00:31:16,960 --> 00:31:20,600
Speaker 5: English law stuff, so I won't have any trouble finding

751
00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:23,440
Speaker 5: a solicitor. At least, the law only takes adultery into

752
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:26,320
Speaker 5: consideration as to why the marriage broke down, and not

753
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:29,800
Speaker 5: for how the assets are divided or settled. However, at

754
00:31:29,920 --> 00:31:32,480
Speaker 5: least I will not have to pay him support since

755
00:31:32,520 --> 00:31:34,960
Speaker 5: we were only married for a month before I moved

756
00:31:34,960 --> 00:31:36,640
Speaker 5: out of our flat. I will never speak to my

757
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:39,200
Speaker 5: sister again, no matter how much she begs me to

758
00:31:39,240 --> 00:31:41,800
Speaker 5: forgive her. And I'm not staying married to my husband

759
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:43,680
Speaker 5: no matter how much he begs me to stay. I

760
00:31:43,680 --> 00:31:46,360
Speaker 5: don't believe either of them when they say they are sorry,

761
00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:47,880
Speaker 5: not one bit, and.

762
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:50,440
Speaker 3: I wouldn't believe them either. I said it before and

763
00:31:50,480 --> 00:31:54,360
Speaker 3: I'll say it again. She lied to you for nine months,

764
00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:56,640
Speaker 3: nine a month.

765
00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:59,960
Speaker 2: She's been lyon Lion. Why you always lie?

766
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:02,640
Speaker 5: She's always walking around those hot pants on because they're

767
00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 5: on fire. We have some comments there before we get

768
00:32:04,800 --> 00:32:08,240
Speaker 5: into the update. Comment one, I'm so sorry for their betrayal.

769
00:32:08,280 --> 00:32:11,320
Speaker 5: I would never speak to her ever again either. Comment

770
00:32:11,320 --> 00:32:13,560
Speaker 5: to since you've only been married for a month is

771
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:16,320
Speaker 5: an annulment, an option. So sorry for what you're going through.

772
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:20,560
Speaker 5: Cisin Hubby are both trash. Commenter three, they are only

773
00:32:20,600 --> 00:32:22,640
Speaker 5: sorry they got caught OPI. This is one of the

774
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:25,000
Speaker 5: worst ways to be cheated on. F them both. You

775
00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:27,160
Speaker 5: are better than them. I hope the kid is your

776
00:32:27,240 --> 00:32:29,680
Speaker 5: husband's so that you and your ex brother in law

777
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:32,200
Speaker 5: don't have to be tied to these losers anymore.

778
00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:32,920
Speaker 2: Number four.

779
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:36,320
Speaker 5: Op The law may limit your illegal intitlens. However, the

780
00:32:36,360 --> 00:32:39,960
Speaker 5: threat of exposure in alleging adultery and the publication of

781
00:32:40,000 --> 00:32:43,400
Speaker 5: his and your sister's adulterous acts may cause his willingness

782
00:32:43,400 --> 00:32:45,880
Speaker 5: to provide you a stipend or settlement in excess of

783
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:50,360
Speaker 5: the customary entitlement absent that blow them both up with family, friends, acquaintances,

784
00:32:50,360 --> 00:32:51,120
Speaker 5: and social media.

785
00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:53,400
Speaker 2: Both merit the absolute worst. Good luck to you.

786
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:57,160
Speaker 5: Please keep us apprized and we do have an update

787
00:32:57,280 --> 00:32:58,680
Speaker 5: ten months.

788
00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:02,720
Speaker 2: Wow months later, So baby born, baby born, Ay born,

789
00:33:02,840 --> 00:33:03,480
Speaker 2: baby Bjorn.

790
00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:08,880
Speaker 3: Potentially, I'm really hoping that Opie is like doing great

791
00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:13,640
Speaker 3: in freakin' I don't know, Fiji living life has two

792
00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:17,840
Speaker 3: hotties on either arm and not even think about her

793
00:33:17,920 --> 00:33:21,760
Speaker 3: sister or that pathetic excuse of a man update.

794
00:33:22,000 --> 00:33:23,920
Speaker 5: People who say you should get over it when someone

795
00:33:24,000 --> 00:33:26,680
Speaker 5: cheats on you have no idea what it's like. Last June,

796
00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:29,640
Speaker 5: I female thirty seven found out my husband, male thirty nine,

797
00:33:29,760 --> 00:33:32,240
Speaker 5: was having an affair with my twenty seven year old sister.

798
00:33:32,760 --> 00:33:34,120
Speaker 2: I had been married for a month.

799
00:33:34,280 --> 00:33:37,160
Speaker 5: The affair began before I was engaged. My sister's husband,

800
00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:39,640
Speaker 5: Male twenty seven, was the one who first found out.

801
00:33:39,680 --> 00:33:42,000
Speaker 5: When it was discovered, my sister was about eight months

802
00:33:42,080 --> 00:33:44,200
Speaker 5: pregnant with a baby girl and it turned out my

803
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:45,480
Speaker 5: ex husband.

804
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:47,280
Speaker 2: Is the father. Yeah.

805
00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:49,760
Speaker 3: I mean they said that she was eight months pregnant,

806
00:33:49,800 --> 00:33:52,200
Speaker 3: and I think they said the fair began like nine

807
00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:56,760
Speaker 3: months ago. Yeah, that timing is is timing up not

808
00:33:57,200 --> 00:34:01,960
Speaker 3: looking good for them and clearly proven proven right. Oh,

809
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:04,680
Speaker 3: apparently he was furious when he found out because he

810
00:34:04,720 --> 00:34:06,120
Speaker 3: didn't want children.

811
00:34:05,840 --> 00:34:06,560
Speaker 2: Too freaking bad.

812
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:08,200
Speaker 3: Ope, he didn't want a cheating husband.

813
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:10,279
Speaker 5: So you know, my ex husband and I met in

814
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:12,920
Speaker 5: an online dating group for people who don't want children

815
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:15,719
Speaker 5: or to date people who have children from former relationships.

816
00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:18,360
Speaker 5: My ex husband and my sister both begged me to

817
00:34:18,440 --> 00:34:20,480
Speaker 5: forgive them. My sister said she can't help it that

818
00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:22,480
Speaker 5: she fell in love with him, and my ex husband

819
00:34:22,520 --> 00:34:24,560
Speaker 5: said he couldn't be blamed for what happened.

820
00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:28,759
Speaker 4: Wow, they're doing a really bad job at asking for forgiveness.

821
00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:31,560
Speaker 2: Yes, they're like, can you forgive us because it's entirely

822
00:34:31,600 --> 00:34:35,640
Speaker 2: not our fault, Like we couldn't help it, and it's yeah,

823
00:34:35,760 --> 00:34:38,319
Speaker 2: what was I supposed to do? Forgive me?

824
00:34:38,719 --> 00:34:40,960
Speaker 3: I'm not apologizing, but forgive.

825
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:45,759
Speaker 2: Me, I'm begging. I couldn't believe they thought what they

826
00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:46,440
Speaker 2: did could.

827
00:34:46,280 --> 00:34:49,200
Speaker 5: Be forgiven and forgot my ex husband didn't want a divorce,

828
00:34:49,320 --> 00:34:51,919
Speaker 5: and neither did my sister from my former brother in law.

829
00:34:51,960 --> 00:34:55,320
Speaker 2: Who cares what you guys want? Yeah op, says, guess

830
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:59,640
Speaker 2: I'm divorced now? WHOA yeah shock, as you should be.

831
00:35:00,040 --> 00:35:02,960
Speaker 5: I'm an advocate known as a barrister in the rest

832
00:35:02,960 --> 00:35:05,719
Speaker 5: of the UK, so I was fortunate to already know

833
00:35:05,760 --> 00:35:08,640
Speaker 5: the best solicitors who could represent me in my divorce.

834
00:35:08,800 --> 00:35:11,040
Speaker 5: Since I was only married for a month before I

835
00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:13,560
Speaker 5: saw the divorce and moved out of our flat, I

836
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:16,200
Speaker 5: did not have to pay my ex husband maintenance and

837
00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:18,640
Speaker 5: the divorce did not take long. It's a different story

838
00:35:18,640 --> 00:35:20,719
Speaker 5: from my sister and my former brother in law. They

839
00:35:20,719 --> 00:35:23,040
Speaker 5: were married for longer, they own property, and they have

840
00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:25,319
Speaker 5: a son together who was seventeen months old when the

841
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:26,400
Speaker 5: affair was discovered.

842
00:35:26,440 --> 00:35:27,320
Speaker 2: My sister may.

843
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:30,080
Speaker 5: End up having to pay spousal and child maintenance, and

844
00:35:30,200 --> 00:35:33,000
Speaker 5: she earns more. Their divorce is ongoing. I haven't spoken

845
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:35,200
Speaker 5: with my former brother in law since I first left

846
00:35:35,239 --> 00:35:37,279
Speaker 5: my ex husband, but I feel badly for him. He

847
00:35:37,320 --> 00:35:39,520
Speaker 5: was devastated when he found out about the affair and

848
00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:41,400
Speaker 5: the baby not being his child.

849
00:35:41,440 --> 00:35:42,799
Speaker 2: He didn't deserve any of that.

850
00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:46,120
Speaker 5: People who say you should just get overret When someone cheats,

851
00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:49,160
Speaker 5: you have no idea what you're talking about. I have

852
00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:52,360
Speaker 5: never felt pain like this before. It wasn't even just emotional,

853
00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:55,239
Speaker 5: it was physical as well. I'm still heartbroken over this.

854
00:35:55,440 --> 00:35:58,200
Speaker 5: I had no idea anything could hurt so much. I'm

855
00:35:58,239 --> 00:36:01,239
Speaker 5: going to start seeing a counselor it does feel like enough.

856
00:36:01,280 --> 00:36:03,359
Speaker 5: I haven't seen or spoken to my ex husband since

857
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:05,880
Speaker 5: I moved out of our flat. The only contact during

858
00:36:05,880 --> 00:36:09,520
Speaker 5: the divorce was through our solicitors. He doesn't exist to me,

859
00:36:09,760 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 5: and neither does my sister. I haven't seen or spoken

860
00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:15,600
Speaker 5: to my sisters since shortly after I left my ex husband,

861
00:36:15,640 --> 00:36:18,080
Speaker 5: and I never want to see her again. She, for

862
00:36:18,160 --> 00:36:21,239
Speaker 5: all intents and purposes, does not exist. I don't think

863
00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:24,680
Speaker 5: i'll ever heal from this. Well, we're definitely really hurt.

864
00:36:24,760 --> 00:36:27,040
Speaker 5: We're in a lot of pain and it hurts real bad.

865
00:36:27,320 --> 00:36:29,280
Speaker 2: And hope you just know you will heal.

866
00:36:29,480 --> 00:36:31,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's going to take a long time, and you're

867
00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:34,000
Speaker 3: always going to have like a part of that uh

868
00:36:34,520 --> 00:36:37,920
Speaker 3: with you, but it's it's a part that's going to

869
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:40,520
Speaker 3: protect you, and it's going to kind of help you

870
00:36:40,640 --> 00:36:44,600
Speaker 3: learn and your gandal and spot some of these red flags.

871
00:36:44,640 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 3: Maybe in the future, but it will heal just slowly.

872
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:49,840
Speaker 5: You're dan, You're just not going to be the same

873
00:36:50,080 --> 00:36:53,720
Speaker 5: person seen, just a little different. I'm fortunate my parents,

874
00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:56,360
Speaker 5: my other sister, and most of my family support me

875
00:36:56,520 --> 00:36:59,440
Speaker 5: and have disowned my traitorous sister and no longer have

876
00:36:59,520 --> 00:37:01,760
Speaker 5: contact with her. Anyone who tells me I should forgive

877
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:04,160
Speaker 5: her or chooses her over me gets removed from my

878
00:37:04,239 --> 00:37:06,480
Speaker 5: life with no second chance. I don't ever want to

879
00:37:06,520 --> 00:37:09,239
Speaker 5: hear anything about either one of them again. From what

880
00:37:09,239 --> 00:37:12,320
Speaker 5: my ex husband's solicitor said during my divorce, they the

881
00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:15,279
Speaker 5: sister and my ex husband plan to marry after she

882
00:37:15,440 --> 00:37:16,960
Speaker 5: is granted a divorce.

883
00:37:17,360 --> 00:37:22,399
Speaker 2: Okay, cool, are we not rocking with that? Right? I'm

884
00:37:22,400 --> 00:37:25,600
Speaker 2: not rocking with that? Oh man. But maybe they're like, oh,

885
00:37:25,719 --> 00:37:26,880
Speaker 2: we're having a baby.

886
00:37:27,560 --> 00:37:31,600
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, they're like, oh, it's so exciting an exciting time.

887
00:37:31,680 --> 00:37:33,400
Speaker 3: Well it might not even be like oh the excitement.

888
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:35,280
Speaker 3: It might just be like, we have to get married

889
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:36,479
Speaker 3: because we're having a baby.

890
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:39,359
Speaker 5: But can you imagine, like just like the Veneer over

891
00:37:39,400 --> 00:37:40,880
Speaker 5: it of everyone be like, we're.

892
00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 2: So excited we're having a baby. Oh, how do we

893
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:48,439
Speaker 2: get pregnant? I'll tell you later. I'll tell you when

894
00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:49,759
Speaker 2: the kids fifteen one.

895
00:37:49,800 --> 00:37:52,279
Speaker 3: You're older, like I'm thirty five, I'll tell you when

896
00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:52,760
Speaker 3: you're older.

897
00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:55,319
Speaker 5: Yeah, I haven't heard anything about either one of them

898
00:37:55,400 --> 00:37:57,799
Speaker 5: since then. I try not to even think about either

899
00:37:57,840 --> 00:37:59,479
Speaker 5: of them. They were two of the people I loved

900
00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:01,640
Speaker 5: most of the world world, and they did something.

901
00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,640
Speaker 2: That I'll never heal from. They are selfish and they

902
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:04,200
Speaker 2: destroyed me.

903
00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:06,239
Speaker 5: And anyone who says I should get over this or

904
00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:08,400
Speaker 5: forgive and forget has no idea.

905
00:38:08,440 --> 00:38:09,200
Speaker 2: What it is like.

906
00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:13,480
Speaker 5: And we have some comments here, uh comment one.

907
00:38:13,560 --> 00:38:14,520
Speaker 2: Thank you for the update.

908
00:38:14,560 --> 00:38:16,160
Speaker 5: You and your brother in law are both making the

909
00:38:16,200 --> 00:38:18,919
Speaker 5: best possible decision. You're right, your ex and your ex

910
00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:22,640
Speaker 5: sister are horrible, selfish people. They hurt so many and

911
00:38:22,920 --> 00:38:25,759
Speaker 5: do whatever you can to protect your peace and mental health.

912
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:28,080
Speaker 5: I'm so sorry they did this to you. Honestly, I'd

913
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:30,719
Speaker 5: recommend blocking anyone who says you need to forgive them

914
00:38:30,719 --> 00:38:32,920
Speaker 5: and move on. No, you don't. You may, at some

915
00:38:33,040 --> 00:38:35,920
Speaker 5: point in the future need to explore forgiveness from the

916
00:38:35,960 --> 00:38:38,520
Speaker 5: point of view of easing the weight on your heart.

917
00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:41,880
Speaker 2: Were we all paying attention, That's.

918
00:38:41,680 --> 00:38:45,720
Speaker 5: What we do, but don't you don't I mean, process

919
00:38:45,719 --> 00:38:47,800
Speaker 5: it at your own rate, but I think we should

920
00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:51,320
Speaker 5: do that like real fast, as fast as possible, lessen

921
00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:55,000
Speaker 5: the weight in your own heart space. Don't feel pressure

922
00:38:55,040 --> 00:38:58,280
Speaker 5: to offer forgiveness to either of them. Nope, I wish

923
00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:00,440
Speaker 5: you the best of luck in the future. I'm entered

924
00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:03,480
Speaker 5: two guarantee. The only reason sister's marrying the ex at

925
00:39:03,480 --> 00:39:06,160
Speaker 5: this point is because he's all she has since she's

926
00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:07,840
Speaker 5: been disowned by the entire family.

927
00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:09,480
Speaker 2: It's a marriage of convenience.

928
00:39:09,800 --> 00:39:13,040
Speaker 5: Something tells me that's going to be one toxic relationship

929
00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:16,000
Speaker 5: as I'm sure there'll be resentment there from both of them,

930
00:39:16,040 --> 00:39:18,319
Speaker 5: and they'll have no one to blame but themselves. All

931
00:39:18,360 --> 00:39:20,840
Speaker 5: I can say for the ex who never wanted kids comment,

932
00:39:20,920 --> 00:39:22,560
Speaker 5: While I feel for the kid, I hope the kid

933
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:25,040
Speaker 5: doesn't grow up with parents that resent him. They don't

934
00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:25,520
Speaker 5: deserve that.

935
00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:27,600
Speaker 2: Comment. To three, I'm so sorry.

936
00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:30,080
Speaker 5: Never mind your ex, what a betrayal from your own sister,

937
00:39:30,200 --> 00:39:34,200
Speaker 5: couldn't even imagine. Number four, Do something really special for yourself,

938
00:39:34,200 --> 00:39:37,000
Speaker 5: like a trip, an activity, a shopping spree, whatever it

939
00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:39,479
Speaker 5: is you deserve, whatever small joys you can find.

940
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:41,640
Speaker 2: As much as it hurts think about them together.

941
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:44,280
Speaker 5: Her just having had a baby, and he gets distant

942
00:39:44,360 --> 00:39:46,719
Speaker 5: or angry or aloof she will forever be looking over

943
00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:49,319
Speaker 5: her shoulder, wondering if he's cheated. She deserves to live

944
00:39:49,360 --> 00:39:52,440
Speaker 5: in that misery. They might stay together, but they'll be miserable.

945
00:39:52,520 --> 00:39:57,319
Speaker 5: And by the way, you'll never be miserable. If you

946
00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:01,920
Speaker 5: take your thumbs and you mosey on over to your

947
00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:05,560
Speaker 5: podcast platform of choice, take them over, be it Spotify

948
00:40:05,800 --> 00:40:08,160
Speaker 5: or iHeartRadio or Apple Podcasts.

949
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:09,920
Speaker 2: And you just use those little thumbs and you go.

950
00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:12,480
Speaker 3: Poo poo poo poo poo poose those little digits, and

951
00:40:12,520 --> 00:40:14,200
Speaker 3: that's me searching.

952
00:40:14,360 --> 00:40:16,759
Speaker 2: Okay, story time, it might be a little bit hard

953
00:40:16,800 --> 00:40:18,000
Speaker 2: to use just your thumbs.

954
00:40:18,120 --> 00:40:21,560
Speaker 5: I type with my thumb exclusively, with your thumbs exclusively

955
00:40:21,719 --> 00:40:22,480
Speaker 5: on my phone.

956
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:26,680
Speaker 3: Hold on, I'm genuinely blanking on how I use my phone.

957
00:40:26,880 --> 00:40:29,440
Speaker 2: I'll have to all. Do you use the secondhand to

958
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:31,480
Speaker 2: support it and you use your thumbs? Oh no, no,

959
00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:34,680
Speaker 2: I do use my thumbs. Everyone, It's fine, Yeah, I do. Sorry,

960
00:40:34,719 --> 00:40:37,040
Speaker 2: I just forgot how I do it. I use my thumbs.

961
00:40:37,040 --> 00:40:38,879
Speaker 5: I'm gonna trade you here. You can take this one.

962
00:40:38,920 --> 00:40:41,200
Speaker 5: I'll take the end of that story.

963
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:44,080
Speaker 2: Ah, that is the end of that story.

964
00:40:45,320 --> 00:40:48,880
Speaker 4: My wife walked away from her son. Now his fiance

965
00:40:49,160 --> 00:40:51,600
Speaker 4: wants to meet us. Walk back by the way trigger

966
00:40:51,640 --> 00:40:56,360
Speaker 4: warning or mentions of domestic violence. So if you know yourself,

967
00:40:56,480 --> 00:40:59,239
Speaker 4: please exit if that's gonna get to you. So I

968
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:03,200
Speaker 4: thirty two met my wife, Aisha thirty eight female, nine

969
00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:05,680
Speaker 4: years ago on the beach in a country where I

970
00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:08,320
Speaker 4: got a co op job at a software development company.

971
00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:09,040
Speaker 2: I won't lie.

972
00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:11,879
Speaker 4: I was an overconfident kid who approached her even though

973
00:41:11,920 --> 00:41:17,520
Speaker 4: she was clearly married. WHOA and they're with friends in

974
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:19,800
Speaker 4: a country where things could have gone really wrong.

975
00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:20,920
Speaker 2: Where is this going?

976
00:41:21,600 --> 00:41:25,360
Speaker 4: Is that overconfidence or is that something else? Honestly, she

977
00:41:25,560 --> 00:41:27,960
Speaker 4: was just so beautiful and had an amazing body, and

978
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:30,120
Speaker 4: maybe I was wrong, but I did go for her.

979
00:41:30,160 --> 00:41:32,480
Speaker 4: By the way, this comes from a collected glow and

980
00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:33,920
Speaker 4: if you want to submit your own stories, go to

981
00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:36,640
Speaker 4: the ur slash Okay storytime. So I only found out

982
00:41:36,680 --> 00:41:39,279
Speaker 4: months after things developed between us. The only reason that

983
00:41:39,320 --> 00:41:42,319
Speaker 4: she let them was to use me to escape from

984
00:41:42,360 --> 00:41:45,200
Speaker 4: her husband. And it made sense because she only let

985
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:47,759
Speaker 4: things get physical after she learned I would move back

986
00:41:47,760 --> 00:41:50,359
Speaker 4: home to Canada once my co op ended. She came

987
00:41:50,400 --> 00:41:53,319
Speaker 4: to Canada with me under the pretense of visiting her

988
00:41:53,360 --> 00:41:56,719
Speaker 4: aunt and pursuing the process of seeking asylum due to

989
00:41:57,160 --> 00:42:00,799
Speaker 4: domestic violence, and she stayed with me because she Long

990
00:42:00,800 --> 00:42:03,080
Speaker 4: story short, we've been married for a while now and

991
00:42:03,200 --> 00:42:05,600
Speaker 4: we've been talking about kids and she wants them. I

992
00:42:05,680 --> 00:42:08,160
Speaker 4: want them, and my parents want them. We were finally

993
00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:10,680
Speaker 4: about to start trying accept a situation with her sons

994
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:13,920
Speaker 4: Afar twenty mail from her first marriage has come up.

995
00:42:14,080 --> 00:42:17,200
Speaker 4: She has not seen Safar in person she left and

996
00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:19,839
Speaker 4: hasn't talked to him in about five years. Anyway, he's

997
00:42:19,840 --> 00:42:22,359
Speaker 4: getting married in August, and even though he hasn't reached

998
00:42:22,400 --> 00:42:25,640
Speaker 4: out to Ayisha at all, his fiance, a girl named Elena,

999
00:42:25,840 --> 00:42:28,440
Speaker 4: has and wants to meet her when she visits family

1000
00:42:28,440 --> 00:42:30,520
Speaker 4: in Canada at the end of the month. The idea

1001
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:34,279
Speaker 4: of meeting Elena has made my wife spiral. She absolutely

1002
00:42:34,280 --> 00:42:37,280
Speaker 4: refuses to even consider the idea of meeting with this girl.

1003
00:42:37,400 --> 00:42:40,279
Speaker 4: She will not go anywhere except work, she won't let

1004
00:42:40,280 --> 00:42:42,360
Speaker 4: me touch her, and she's barely talking.

1005
00:42:42,640 --> 00:42:42,960
Speaker 2: Wow.

1006
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:46,360
Speaker 4: Today I found Aisha literally holding a framed photo of

1007
00:42:46,440 --> 00:42:49,359
Speaker 4: Zafar in bed and just crying. I know she has

1008
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,040
Speaker 4: regrets and I know she hates the way that she

1009
00:42:51,160 --> 00:42:53,040
Speaker 4: left his father, but she would.

1010
00:42:52,760 --> 00:42:54,799
Speaker 2: Have been unlive to she stayed with him.

1011
00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:56,719
Speaker 4: I told her again yesterday that it wouldn't hurt to

1012
00:42:56,760 --> 00:42:58,680
Speaker 4: at least meet the girl, and I'd go with her

1013
00:42:58,760 --> 00:43:01,359
Speaker 4: if she needed, and she just yelled at me and

1014
00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:03,520
Speaker 4: said I was being an a hole about it, and

1015
00:43:03,560 --> 00:43:05,759
Speaker 4: that that part of her life is over and she

1016
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:08,160
Speaker 4: just needs to accept it. There are some comments on

1017
00:43:08,200 --> 00:43:10,640
Speaker 4: this so far opia on the culture that he and

1018
00:43:10,719 --> 00:43:13,400
Speaker 4: his wife are from. I am Egyptian, so while it

1019
00:43:13,480 --> 00:43:16,480
Speaker 4: may not directly be my culture, it's very close. Same people,

1020
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:20,160
Speaker 4: same religion, different desert. I understand the nuances well enough.

1021
00:43:20,200 --> 00:43:23,759
Speaker 4: Opion why his wife stopped contacting her son. I don't

1022
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:25,560
Speaker 4: know why my wife's son didn't reach out, but I

1023
00:43:25,600 --> 00:43:28,520
Speaker 4: suspect that he thinks she hates him for trying to

1024
00:43:28,640 --> 00:43:31,040
Speaker 4: end thing. Pretty much about five years ago, her son, Safar,

1025
00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:33,239
Speaker 4: had a huge argument with his father about her and

1026
00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:35,600
Speaker 4: it led to a fight. So Far kept trying to

1027
00:43:35,719 --> 00:43:37,920
Speaker 4: phone my wife after that, but she was on a

1028
00:43:37,960 --> 00:43:40,239
Speaker 4: flight at the time and couldn't answer. He took a

1029
00:43:40,239 --> 00:43:42,560
Speaker 4: lot of pills after that and would have passed away

1030
00:43:42,600 --> 00:43:46,000
Speaker 4: had his father not found him right away. Wow. When

1031
00:43:46,000 --> 00:43:48,440
Speaker 4: my wife phoned back, his father answered in the hospital

1032
00:43:48,560 --> 00:43:50,520
Speaker 4: and blamed her and said that the next time he

1033
00:43:50,520 --> 00:43:53,320
Speaker 4: wouldn't save him if my wife kept in contact with him. Wow,

1034
00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:55,640
Speaker 4: my wife is still terrified of her ex husbands. She

1035
00:43:55,719 --> 00:43:57,799
Speaker 4: did stop trying to contact her son. I wouldn't be

1036
00:43:57,800 --> 00:43:59,839
Speaker 4: surprised if her ex said something similar to their son

1037
00:44:00,080 --> 00:44:02,680
Speaker 4: get him to stop contacting her. But this is his

1038
00:44:02,800 --> 00:44:06,120
Speaker 4: son's fiance, so it's a loophole. Maybe her son is

1039
00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:07,879
Speaker 4: using it. I don't I hope so, but we do

1040
00:44:08,000 --> 00:44:11,279
Speaker 4: have an update, Like I need much more information. Yeah,

1041
00:44:11,320 --> 00:44:13,680
Speaker 4: I feel like that was a small story.

1042
00:44:13,880 --> 00:44:16,240
Speaker 3: I mean, like right now, all we know is that

1043
00:44:16,480 --> 00:44:18,799
Speaker 3: her son is kind of dealing with a lot, and

1044
00:44:18,880 --> 00:44:21,239
Speaker 3: OP is kind of encouraging her to get back into

1045
00:44:21,280 --> 00:44:22,080
Speaker 3: contact with him.

1046
00:44:22,160 --> 00:44:22,359
Speaker 2: Yeah.

1047
00:44:22,400 --> 00:44:25,279
Speaker 4: I don't know if Ope is necessarily like rooting for it.

1048
00:44:25,440 --> 00:44:27,960
Speaker 4: He seems to just be like an observer, yeah, port

1049
00:44:28,000 --> 00:44:30,800
Speaker 4: of either way. I guess this is a complicated situation.

1050
00:44:31,080 --> 00:44:32,120
Speaker 2: Is a complicated situation.

1051
00:44:32,239 --> 00:44:34,520
Speaker 4: Wow, But we do have an update. So my update

1052
00:44:34,600 --> 00:44:36,840
Speaker 4: is a mixed bag. I guess I didn't want to update,

1053
00:44:36,840 --> 00:44:38,640
Speaker 4: but the truth is I don't have anyone to talk

1054
00:44:38,680 --> 00:44:40,960
Speaker 4: to and just thought this might help. The first is

1055
00:44:41,000 --> 00:44:43,800
Speaker 4: that I let the matter lie at first. I figured

1056
00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:46,000
Speaker 4: that maybe we'd get back to it around the time

1057
00:44:46,040 --> 00:44:48,920
Speaker 4: that my wife's future daughter in law, Elena, had actually

1058
00:44:48,960 --> 00:44:51,360
Speaker 4: come to Canada. I mean, there's no point in stressing

1059
00:44:51,360 --> 00:44:53,439
Speaker 4: my wife about it right now, and that did help,

1060
00:44:53,480 --> 00:44:55,799
Speaker 4: So I guess you're right. Ope does think that his

1061
00:44:55,840 --> 00:44:57,120
Speaker 4: wife should meet Alena.

1062
00:44:57,200 --> 00:44:57,640
Speaker 2: Reach back.

1063
00:44:57,680 --> 00:44:59,920
Speaker 4: A week ago, we found out that my wife Ayisha

1064
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:02,520
Speaker 4: pregnant and we are both over the moon about it.

1065
00:45:02,520 --> 00:45:04,200
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, congratulations.

1066
00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:05,680
Speaker 2: A lot going on in your life right now.

1067
00:45:05,760 --> 00:45:08,520
Speaker 4: So much happening. I mean, we wanted to start trying,

1068
00:45:08,719 --> 00:45:11,040
Speaker 4: but I didn't know it already happened. Something I didn't

1069
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:13,000
Speaker 4: mention in my last post is that my wife feels

1070
00:45:13,080 --> 00:45:15,960
Speaker 4: guilt over me. There is an age gap between us,

1071
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:18,080
Speaker 4: and we got together when I was barely an adult.

1072
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:20,040
Speaker 4: To me, I don't see anything wrong with it because

1073
00:45:20,080 --> 00:45:22,759
Speaker 4: I initiated things, no matter how dangerous that could have

1074
00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:25,319
Speaker 4: turned out for me. I pursued her to her though

1075
00:45:25,360 --> 00:45:27,400
Speaker 4: she feels often that she used me and used the

1076
00:45:27,400 --> 00:45:29,480
Speaker 4: attraction I had to her to escape and it was

1077
00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:31,799
Speaker 4: wrong of us to take things further. But I don't

1078
00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:34,000
Speaker 4: feel that way, and honestly, I think she has no

1079
00:45:34,080 --> 00:45:36,640
Speaker 4: reason to feel guilty. That is a common thing though

1080
00:45:36,640 --> 00:45:39,000
Speaker 4: with people who are in relationships when they get out

1081
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:41,160
Speaker 4: of it, they kind of bill see things that are

1082
00:45:41,200 --> 00:45:43,520
Speaker 4: similar to their partner and they get nervous that like

1083
00:45:43,640 --> 00:45:46,520
Speaker 4: that's what they are doing too, you know what I mean. Absolutely,

1084
00:45:46,560 --> 00:45:50,319
Speaker 4: but obviously thinks they're complicated. I'm sure that's not the case, Opie. No,

1085
00:45:50,400 --> 00:45:52,440
Speaker 4: Obviously it's always good to be like aware and stuff

1086
00:45:52,440 --> 00:45:54,840
Speaker 4: of how you're interacting and stuff. But right just know that,

1087
00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:56,920
Speaker 4: like you don't need to feel as bad about it

1088
00:45:56,960 --> 00:46:00,920
Speaker 4: as your does. Exactly when we found now she was pregnant,

1089
00:46:00,960 --> 00:46:03,280
Speaker 4: she told me that for the first time, she feels

1090
00:46:03,320 --> 00:46:05,759
Speaker 4: like this was meant to be. It actually made me

1091
00:46:05,800 --> 00:46:08,200
Speaker 4: forget about Elena. And four days ago, when Nisha and

1092
00:46:08,239 --> 00:46:10,759
Speaker 4: I came home from work, it turns out that she

1093
00:46:10,920 --> 00:46:13,200
Speaker 4: came to visit with her aunt and my mother let

1094
00:46:13,239 --> 00:46:15,239
Speaker 4: them in. I was a bit worried that Aisha was

1095
00:46:15,280 --> 00:46:17,360
Speaker 4: going to panic or have a breakdown, but she was

1096
00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:20,920
Speaker 4: actually really calm and composed, and when Elena called her

1097
00:46:21,040 --> 00:46:23,439
Speaker 4: ummy or Arabic for mother, she got such a big

1098
00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:26,319
Speaker 4: smile on her face. I know it was genuine too,

1099
00:46:26,360 --> 00:46:28,760
Speaker 4: because I don't think she expected that kind of respect.

1100
00:46:28,880 --> 00:46:31,360
Speaker 4: It turns out that Zefar sent Elena to give my

1101
00:46:31,440 --> 00:46:34,280
Speaker 4: wife an invite to their wedding, and the only reason

1102
00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:36,640
Speaker 4: he didn't come himself is because he was very busy

1103
00:46:36,640 --> 00:46:38,680
Speaker 4: with work. But he's planning on coming with her again

1104
00:46:38,719 --> 00:46:41,520
Speaker 4: in August to do wedding shopping. Apparently Zafar is so

1105
00:46:41,600 --> 00:46:44,920
Speaker 4: busy because he's taking over the family business because his

1106
00:46:45,080 --> 00:46:47,560
Speaker 4: father had a stroke and all of his other half

1107
00:46:47,600 --> 00:46:51,160
Speaker 4: siblings are ten and under, so it's on him. Wow.

1108
00:46:51,200 --> 00:46:53,360
Speaker 4: When Elena's aunt left to take her kids somewhere, she

1109
00:46:53,480 --> 00:46:55,800
Speaker 4: had a conversation with my wife about her ex husband.

1110
00:46:56,120 --> 00:46:59,080
Speaker 4: It turns out that Zafar really is not treating him

1111
00:46:59,080 --> 00:47:01,440
Speaker 4: well at all, no matter how much his stepmother or

1112
00:47:01,480 --> 00:47:04,280
Speaker 4: aunts or even his half siblings argue with him. According

1113
00:47:04,280 --> 00:47:07,040
Speaker 4: to Elena, he's the calmest and nicest and sweetest person

1114
00:47:07,120 --> 00:47:09,839
Speaker 4: unless the topic turns to his father, and nobody can

1115
00:47:09,880 --> 00:47:10,560
Speaker 4: convince him.

1116
00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:11,280
Speaker 2: To treat him better.

1117
00:47:11,360 --> 00:47:14,440
Speaker 4: That seems pretty fair. Yeah, Like, she told my wife

1118
00:47:14,440 --> 00:47:16,239
Speaker 4: that he has so much hate for him that he

1119
00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:18,480
Speaker 4: once said that the only reason he hates that the

1120
00:47:18,480 --> 00:47:21,359
Speaker 4: stroke happened is that now he can't unlive him.

1121
00:47:21,480 --> 00:47:24,520
Speaker 3: Oh wow, But like, I'm sure he went through a

1122
00:47:24,680 --> 00:47:28,400
Speaker 3: lot being like alone with his father. Definitely, yeah, yeah,

1123
00:47:28,440 --> 00:47:30,400
Speaker 3: Like very complicated relationship.

1124
00:47:30,000 --> 00:47:33,040
Speaker 4: Totally understandable. He even threatened once to ban his half

1125
00:47:33,080 --> 00:47:35,520
Speaker 4: siblings from attending his wedding in the reception because his

1126
00:47:35,560 --> 00:47:39,360
Speaker 4: stepmother tried to get him to do better by his father. Wow, Okay,

1127
00:47:39,560 --> 00:47:41,520
Speaker 4: his stepmother tried to get him to do better, So

1128
00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:43,120
Speaker 4: I guess he remarried.

1129
00:47:42,719 --> 00:47:45,320
Speaker 3: Like try to improve the relationship between him and his father.

1130
00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:47,000
Speaker 4: I think, right. I'm just trying to think who the

1131
00:47:47,000 --> 00:47:47,680
Speaker 4: stepmother is.

1132
00:47:47,760 --> 00:47:49,240
Speaker 2: We don't know. I guess he must have been married.

1133
00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:51,359
Speaker 4: My wife and Elena tell her the things that her

1134
00:47:51,440 --> 00:47:54,000
Speaker 4: ex husband did so far, even though she didn't want to,

1135
00:47:54,120 --> 00:47:56,600
Speaker 4: and I won't say them because I just can't imagine

1136
00:47:56,680 --> 00:47:59,640
Speaker 4: somebody doing that step to their own child. Elena asked

1137
00:47:59,640 --> 00:48:01,880
Speaker 4: if my wife could talk to Zafar because she doesn't

1138
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:04,080
Speaker 4: want him so filled with hate, even if his father

1139
00:48:04,120 --> 00:48:06,760
Speaker 4: does deserve it for torturing him for his entire life.

1140
00:48:06,800 --> 00:48:09,000
Speaker 4: My wife told Elena that she doesn't feel like she

1141
00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:10,959
Speaker 4: can talk to her son on the phone after so long,

1142
00:48:11,280 --> 00:48:13,239
Speaker 4: and when he comes, he'll stay with us and she

1143
00:48:13,320 --> 00:48:16,200
Speaker 4: will talk to him about it then and that she'll

1144
00:48:16,239 --> 00:48:19,439
Speaker 4: convince him for her Elena left with her aunt soon after.

1145
00:48:19,520 --> 00:48:21,840
Speaker 4: And it's weird because even though my wife told Elena

1146
00:48:21,920 --> 00:48:24,360
Speaker 4: that when we were alone at night, she told me

1147
00:48:24,400 --> 00:48:27,200
Speaker 4: that she's happy that Zafar doing that and that his

1148
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:29,719
Speaker 4: father deserves it. She cried a lot that night and

1149
00:48:29,760 --> 00:48:32,120
Speaker 4: told me that she'd be forgiving if it was just

1150
00:48:32,239 --> 00:48:34,640
Speaker 4: her that was her by her ex husband, but that

1151
00:48:34,719 --> 00:48:37,000
Speaker 4: she can't stand that her son had to suffer so

1152
00:48:37,160 --> 00:48:39,880
Speaker 4: much under him and hopes that her ex husband keeps

1153
00:48:39,920 --> 00:48:41,000
Speaker 4: reaping what he sewed.

1154
00:48:41,080 --> 00:48:44,160
Speaker 3: Well, that's just an incredibly hard place for kind of Elena.

1155
00:48:44,320 --> 00:48:46,120
Speaker 3: I get what she was doing, but a really hard

1156
00:48:46,120 --> 00:48:49,160
Speaker 3: place for Elena to put Opie's wife in of saying like,

1157
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:51,720
Speaker 3: I need you to talk to your son to convince

1158
00:48:51,760 --> 00:48:54,239
Speaker 3: him to kind of forgive this man who has been

1159
00:48:54,280 --> 00:48:55,799
Speaker 3: awful to both you and him.

1160
00:48:56,040 --> 00:48:59,600
Speaker 4: I don't understand why she wants him to forgive him.

1161
00:48:59,640 --> 00:49:03,120
Speaker 3: I think probably what she's meaning is like, he's very angry,

1162
00:49:03,360 --> 00:49:05,920
Speaker 3: it's like affects him a lot and stuff. But the

1163
00:49:06,000 --> 00:49:09,560
Speaker 3: answer is not for his mom to convince him to,

1164
00:49:10,239 --> 00:49:12,279
Speaker 3: you know, forgive his dad, the answers for him to

1165
00:49:12,320 --> 00:49:14,760
Speaker 3: go to therapy so that he can kind of release

1166
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:17,719
Speaker 3: that anger and aggression out of his life rather than

1167
00:49:18,160 --> 00:49:20,920
Speaker 3: have a relationship with his father. Yeah, I absolutely do

1168
00:49:21,000 --> 00:49:24,000
Speaker 3: not think that, like he needs to be kinder or

1169
00:49:24,040 --> 00:49:26,000
Speaker 3: treat his father better to solve this.

1170
00:49:26,400 --> 00:49:29,480
Speaker 2: No cut off your father, honestly.

1171
00:49:29,280 --> 00:49:31,560
Speaker 4: Yeah, Like I do agree with that that like having

1172
00:49:31,600 --> 00:49:33,520
Speaker 4: that hate and anger is like, you know.

1173
00:49:33,480 --> 00:49:35,960
Speaker 3: Not good for you, not healthy, not healthy even.

1174
00:49:35,800 --> 00:49:37,640
Speaker 4: Though it's like understandable, but it's still good to like

1175
00:49:37,760 --> 00:49:41,400
Speaker 4: try to cope with it in some healthier way. But

1176
00:49:41,760 --> 00:49:43,880
Speaker 4: I really don't think he's trying to put any effort

1177
00:49:43,920 --> 00:49:46,920
Speaker 4: into that relationship is the answer at all. I admitted

1178
00:49:47,080 --> 00:49:49,359
Speaker 4: that that seemed wrong to say, but she told me

1179
00:49:49,400 --> 00:49:51,799
Speaker 4: that I'd understand when our son is born whatever. And

1180
00:49:51,840 --> 00:49:53,719
Speaker 4: now I don't know why she's so certain it'll be

1181
00:49:53,719 --> 00:49:56,080
Speaker 4: a boy. But hey, by the way, I am so

1182
00:49:56,120 --> 00:49:58,279
Speaker 4: certain that you can always find full episodes with more

1183
00:49:58,320 --> 00:50:01,080
Speaker 4: stories just like this one on SPO I heard radio,

1184
00:50:01,080 --> 00:50:02,839
Speaker 4: Apple podcasts and just search.

1185
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:05,840
Speaker 3: Okay, every time, I've never been more certain of anything.

1186
00:50:05,960 --> 00:50:08,680
Speaker 4: There is a little bit more of the story, but

1187
00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:11,200
Speaker 4: we have any final thoughts where we roll into it.

1188
00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:14,520
Speaker 3: I think, oh, Pie, you just kind of have to

1189
00:50:14,600 --> 00:50:18,360
Speaker 3: be there as support, because I mean, this is terrifying.

1190
00:50:18,560 --> 00:50:21,800
Speaker 3: Even knowing that the father is in any way around,

1191
00:50:21,880 --> 00:50:25,360
Speaker 3: in any shape or form, that must be incredibly scary

1192
00:50:25,360 --> 00:50:27,680
Speaker 3: for your wife. So just like giving her support and

1193
00:50:27,719 --> 00:50:29,880
Speaker 3: making sure that she knows that she's safe, and like

1194
00:50:29,960 --> 00:50:32,839
Speaker 3: maybe getting her into therapy if she's not already, and

1195
00:50:33,040 --> 00:50:37,040
Speaker 3: kind of just being there as she restarts this bond

1196
00:50:37,080 --> 00:50:37,839
Speaker 3: with her and her son.

1197
00:50:38,080 --> 00:50:40,120
Speaker 4: Yeah. I agree, that's really all you can do, but

1198
00:50:40,320 --> 00:50:42,640
Speaker 4: there is a little bit more so. Elena's flight home

1199
00:50:42,719 --> 00:50:45,279
Speaker 4: is today and my wife is the one dropping her off.

1200
00:50:45,440 --> 00:50:47,840
Speaker 4: In fact, they were inseparable for the last few days.

1201
00:50:48,040 --> 00:50:50,160
Speaker 4: My wife has spent hours talking with her and just

1202
00:50:50,239 --> 00:50:53,480
Speaker 4: learning about her, her studies and about her relationship with Zafar.

1203
00:50:54,000 --> 00:50:56,799
Speaker 4: She loves that girl so much already, except every time

1204
00:50:56,880 --> 00:50:58,759
Speaker 4: before she went to meet her, she had a mini

1205
00:50:58,800 --> 00:51:01,520
Speaker 4: panic attack almost. I asked about it, but she said

1206
00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:03,920
Speaker 4: that it's like she has a daughter and it's a

1207
00:51:03,920 --> 00:51:06,640
Speaker 4: good dream and she's worried that she's going to wake up.

1208
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:08,640
Speaker 4: She even said maybe it would have been better if

1209
00:51:08,680 --> 00:51:11,000
Speaker 4: she had been allowed to move on, because she's so

1210
00:51:11,120 --> 00:51:13,520
Speaker 4: afraid of getting hurt again. And there are some comments.

1211
00:51:13,719 --> 00:51:16,080
Speaker 4: You know, I just realized this, the quote that says

1212
00:51:16,120 --> 00:51:18,080
Speaker 4: he took a lot of pills after that and would

1213
00:51:18,080 --> 00:51:20,560
Speaker 4: have passed away had his father not found him right away.

1214
00:51:20,840 --> 00:51:23,319
Speaker 4: This info is from the dad, Right, Why do we

1215
00:51:23,400 --> 00:51:26,760
Speaker 4: all believe the harmful dad that told her I'm answering

1216
00:51:26,800 --> 00:51:29,480
Speaker 4: from the hospital because our son tried to commit et cetera,

1217
00:51:29,520 --> 00:51:31,560
Speaker 4: et cetera. Do you know what I mean had his

1218
00:51:31,640 --> 00:51:34,560
Speaker 4: father not found him right away. Oh what a hero.

1219
00:51:35,040 --> 00:51:38,080
Speaker 4: That's actually a good point, honestly scary point. He totally

1220
00:51:38,120 --> 00:51:40,440
Speaker 4: could be lying. Some one replies, Yeah, I wouldn't be

1221
00:51:40,440 --> 00:51:42,840
Speaker 4: surprised if there was no self harm attempt and it

1222
00:51:42,920 --> 00:51:44,480
Speaker 4: was just a lie made up by the father to

1223
00:51:44,520 --> 00:51:47,319
Speaker 4: cause maximum emotional damage to his wife. Yeah, there's so

1224
00:51:47,320 --> 00:51:48,960
Speaker 4: many different ways that he could have lied about it,

1225
00:51:49,000 --> 00:51:51,040
Speaker 4: Like it could have just not happened at all.

1226
00:51:51,280 --> 00:51:52,840
Speaker 3: He could have just been I don't know, had like

1227
00:51:52,880 --> 00:51:55,000
Speaker 3: an accident, like a car accident or something, or.

1228
00:51:54,920 --> 00:51:57,400
Speaker 4: He literally wasn't even in the hospital, maybe even employed

1229
00:51:57,440 --> 00:51:59,640
Speaker 4: to get her to come crawling back and that's the

1230
00:51:59,760 --> 00:52:03,640
Speaker 4: end of it. Yeah, that's like such a terrible position

1231
00:52:03,800 --> 00:52:04,640
Speaker 4: to be in, so.

1232
00:52:04,640 --> 00:52:06,960
Speaker 3: Difficult she got herself out of that situation and that

1233
00:52:07,200 --> 00:52:07,560
Speaker 3: you know.

1234
00:52:07,520 --> 00:52:08,720
Speaker 4: But that's the end of that story.

1235
00:52:10,040 --> 00:52:12,120
Speaker 2: Hey, it's Sam' your og host here, bring it back

1236
00:52:12,120 --> 00:52:14,280
Speaker 2: to the stories. But here's three minutes fads from our sponsor.

1237
00:52:14,960 --> 00:52:18,160
Speaker 3: My wife hid years of credit card debt, and now

1238
00:52:18,200 --> 00:52:18,960
Speaker 3: I resent her.

1239
00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:22,279
Speaker 4: I would too, Honestly, I just uncovered what I really

1240
00:52:22,320 --> 00:52:24,080
Speaker 4: really hope is everything.

1241
00:52:24,480 --> 00:52:28,080
Speaker 3: There were some red flags that I foolishly ignored. Here

1242
00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:31,280
Speaker 3: is a rough timeline. We've been together since high school

1243
00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:34,640
Speaker 3: and married young twenty one to twenty. It was pretty

1244
00:52:34,680 --> 00:52:38,000
Speaker 3: clear from the beginning, and we even had conversations specifically

1245
00:52:38,000 --> 00:52:41,040
Speaker 3: about it, that she would handle the money. Her parents

1246
00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:44,920
Speaker 3: are incredible with money. They are avid couponners, exceptional investors

1247
00:52:45,000 --> 00:52:47,879
Speaker 3: in mind boggling leaf brugal. By the way, this comes

1248
00:52:47,880 --> 00:52:50,239
Speaker 3: from Throwaway credit card debt help and if you want

1249
00:52:50,239 --> 00:52:51,919
Speaker 3: to submit your own stories, go to our slash showay

1250
00:52:51,960 --> 00:52:55,040
Speaker 3: Storytime separed it so it was logical to me that

1251
00:52:55,080 --> 00:52:57,359
Speaker 3: she would inherit at least some of this, and since

1252
00:52:57,400 --> 00:53:00,920
Speaker 3: I hated everything to do with finances, it made perfect sense.

1253
00:53:01,280 --> 00:53:02,720
Speaker 2: Pause real real quick.

1254
00:53:03,040 --> 00:53:06,759
Speaker 3: I wouldn't just assume, you know, like Sam's a terrible cook,

1255
00:53:06,800 --> 00:53:10,680
Speaker 3: and our mom's amazing at cooking, so sometimes those don't transfer.

1256
00:53:11,080 --> 00:53:14,839
Speaker 3: More backstory, I am the primary breadwinner. She makes less

1257
00:53:14,880 --> 00:53:17,200
Speaker 3: than ten k a year from a part time job.

1258
00:53:17,400 --> 00:53:20,000
Speaker 3: Shortly after we married, she got a couple of credit

1259
00:53:20,080 --> 00:53:22,920
Speaker 3: cards that had cash back or air mileage programs and

1260
00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:24,839
Speaker 3: explained to me that as long as we kept them

1261
00:53:24,840 --> 00:53:27,520
Speaker 3: paid off, they basically be giving us free money. A

1262
00:53:27,600 --> 00:53:29,960
Speaker 3: year before we were married, I started working as a

1263
00:53:30,000 --> 00:53:33,720
Speaker 3: freelance contractor. This meant I had to pay estimated taxes

1264
00:53:33,760 --> 00:53:37,840
Speaker 3: every quarter. Last year, tax year twenty thirteen, she offered

1265
00:53:37,840 --> 00:53:41,600
Speaker 3: to take over my taxes and I happily agreed. Again,

1266
00:53:41,880 --> 00:53:44,480
Speaker 3: I hate finances. I just told her every quarter I

1267
00:53:44,600 --> 00:53:48,200
Speaker 3: made X amount, so send the irs. Why i'mount four

1268
00:53:48,239 --> 00:53:51,240
Speaker 3: times she told me she would. This last tax season

1269
00:53:51,680 --> 00:53:54,600
Speaker 3: I found out she lied every single time.

1270
00:53:54,800 --> 00:53:55,399
Speaker 2: We got a.

1271
00:53:55,560 --> 00:53:58,640
Speaker 3: Massive bill and thousands of it were from the late

1272
00:53:58,680 --> 00:54:01,120
Speaker 3: fees alone. I only found out because I had to

1273
00:54:01,160 --> 00:54:04,400
Speaker 3: help and sign for the taxes. This basically wiped out

1274
00:54:04,440 --> 00:54:07,720
Speaker 3: our nest egg and left us owing five thousand dollars,

1275
00:54:07,920 --> 00:54:09,920
Speaker 3: which we had to put on a payment plan with

1276
00:54:10,000 --> 00:54:13,320
Speaker 3: the IRS. She apologized and cried a lot and said.

1277
00:54:13,080 --> 00:54:16,120
Speaker 4: She just misunderstood the estimated taxes and that this kind

1278
00:54:16,160 --> 00:54:17,560
Speaker 4: of thing would never ever happen again.

1279
00:54:17,800 --> 00:54:19,880
Speaker 2: I shrugged it off. People make mistakes.

1280
00:54:20,200 --> 00:54:22,799
Speaker 3: There is about four two hundred dollars left to pay

1281
00:54:22,800 --> 00:54:26,600
Speaker 3: the irs. Jump forward to this June. We moved into

1282
00:54:26,640 --> 00:54:29,239
Speaker 3: a new place. The city requires a credit check to

1283
00:54:29,280 --> 00:54:31,600
Speaker 3: turn on the water, sewage, et cetera. I go to

1284
00:54:31,640 --> 00:54:34,640
Speaker 3: the office to sign and finalize it, and to my surprise,

1285
00:54:34,800 --> 00:54:37,839
Speaker 3: they require a rather large deposit. I asked about it

1286
00:54:37,880 --> 00:54:39,520
Speaker 3: and they said it was due to the credit check.

1287
00:54:39,640 --> 00:54:41,600
Speaker 3: I looked over the credit report and it had a

1288
00:54:41,640 --> 00:54:44,000
Speaker 3: column that said these items.

1289
00:54:43,640 --> 00:54:46,560
Speaker 4: Negatively affect your score. Most of them were fine, like

1290
00:54:46,640 --> 00:54:49,880
Speaker 4: credit history is too short, but one line really stood

1291
00:54:49,920 --> 00:54:53,560
Speaker 4: out to me. Average balance on all accounts above thirty percent.

1292
00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:56,200
Speaker 4: When we first got the credit cards, our limit was

1293
00:54:56,239 --> 00:54:58,800
Speaker 4: two thousand dollars, so I thought, okay, six hundred dollars

1294
00:54:58,800 --> 00:55:00,759
Speaker 4: in credit debt isn't a big dal. I told my

1295
00:55:00,800 --> 00:55:03,359
Speaker 4: wife about the credit check and the latch deposit, and

1296
00:55:03,400 --> 00:55:05,640
Speaker 4: she said something like, oh, yeah, I'm sorry, I kind

1297
00:55:05,640 --> 00:55:07,799
Speaker 4: of let that slip this month. It'll be fine next month.

1298
00:55:07,920 --> 00:55:09,680
Speaker 4: What I didn't know at the time was that our

1299
00:55:09,719 --> 00:55:14,160
Speaker 4: credit limit had increased five thousand dollars and that we

1300
00:55:14,160 --> 00:55:17,400
Speaker 4: were far far past the thirty percent.

1301
00:55:17,800 --> 00:55:18,440
Speaker 2: Wow.

1302
00:55:18,600 --> 00:55:21,480
Speaker 3: Oh wait wait, so your credit limit was two thousand

1303
00:55:21,560 --> 00:55:24,400
Speaker 3: dollars and you were at five thousand dollars or you

1304
00:55:24,520 --> 00:55:26,719
Speaker 3: had increased the limit too five.

1305
00:55:26,840 --> 00:55:29,319
Speaker 4: I think the limit was increased to five thousand, and

1306
00:55:29,360 --> 00:55:32,919
Speaker 4: then they were passed over thirty percent of the five

1307
00:55:32,960 --> 00:55:35,239
Speaker 4: thousand dollars. We both know it, but we won't say

1308
00:55:35,440 --> 00:55:39,200
Speaker 4: at least like I mean, four thousand would be twelve

1309
00:55:39,320 --> 00:55:41,600
Speaker 4: hundred I think if we're going off of his not

1310
00:55:41,800 --> 00:55:44,880
Speaker 4: so they owe over fifteen hundred dollars, he said, Well

1311
00:55:44,920 --> 00:55:48,040
Speaker 4: over the thirty percent mark. That's crazy, plus the five

1312
00:55:48,080 --> 00:55:49,000
Speaker 4: thousand dollars too.

1313
00:55:49,520 --> 00:55:51,640
Speaker 3: Just over a month ago, I come home and sit

1314
00:55:51,680 --> 00:55:54,080
Speaker 3: down at the computer, which we both use. My wife

1315
00:55:54,080 --> 00:55:56,200
Speaker 3: comes over and sits next to me and starts telling

1316
00:55:56,239 --> 00:55:58,880
Speaker 3: me about her day. I closed the browser window that

1317
00:55:58,920 --> 00:56:01,440
Speaker 3: I'd been open, and behind it is a PDF statement

1318
00:56:01,560 --> 00:56:04,080
Speaker 3: for one of the credit cards. My wife screams, comes

1319
00:56:04,120 --> 00:56:06,359
Speaker 3: that and grabs the mouse and closes it. That's not

1320
00:56:06,400 --> 00:56:09,440
Speaker 3: suspicious at all, But before she does, I see at

1321
00:56:09,480 --> 00:56:10,200
Speaker 3: the top.

1322
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:14,600
Speaker 2: A massive current balance four thousand, nine hundred dollars.

1323
00:56:15,080 --> 00:56:17,239
Speaker 3: It wasn't exactly four thousand, nine hundred dollars that there

1324
00:56:17,280 --> 00:56:19,960
Speaker 3: was some change. She turns bright red and looks at

1325
00:56:20,000 --> 00:56:22,319
Speaker 3: me with a look of did you see that? I

1326
00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:25,879
Speaker 3: say something like forty nine hundred dollars. She breaks down

1327
00:56:25,880 --> 00:56:28,480
Speaker 3: and starts crying. She explains that it just got out

1328
00:56:28,480 --> 00:56:30,920
Speaker 3: of hand and she lost control and it's been snowballing

1329
00:56:30,920 --> 00:56:32,319
Speaker 3: and she didn't want to tell me about it because

1330
00:56:32,320 --> 00:56:34,360
Speaker 3: it was stressed me out and it was all her fault.

1331
00:56:34,680 --> 00:56:36,960
Speaker 3: Then she says something that still pisses me off to

1332
00:56:37,000 --> 00:56:39,560
Speaker 3: think about. It all started when you stop working from

1333
00:56:39,600 --> 00:56:41,239
Speaker 3: home and got a job. I didn't realize you were

1334
00:56:41,280 --> 00:56:43,359
Speaker 3: going to make a lot less money. Now's not the time.

1335
00:56:43,560 --> 00:56:46,040
Speaker 3: Even if that does contribute, now's not the time. Don't

1336
00:56:46,080 --> 00:56:46,759
Speaker 3: put it on him.

1337
00:56:46,880 --> 00:56:49,960
Speaker 4: This pisses me off because I got a twenty percent

1338
00:56:50,080 --> 00:56:52,759
Speaker 4: raise when I stopped freelancing. It just seemed like less

1339
00:56:52,760 --> 00:56:55,840
Speaker 4: money because of tax withholding and I was contributing to

1340
00:56:55,920 --> 00:56:58,160
Speaker 4: a four to oh one k and our health insurance

1341
00:56:58,160 --> 00:57:00,880
Speaker 4: got ten times better. So there is less cash in

1342
00:57:00,880 --> 00:57:03,360
Speaker 4: the bank every week, but I was making more money.

1343
00:57:03,440 --> 00:57:04,040
Speaker 2: Yeah, they were just.

1344
00:57:03,960 --> 00:57:07,360
Speaker 3: Spending more on stuff to improve their life. Anyway, we

1345
00:57:07,440 --> 00:57:09,880
Speaker 3: have a long talk and decide that the money needs

1346
00:57:09,960 --> 00:57:13,120
Speaker 3: to be transparent and honestly, you need to handle the

1347
00:57:13,160 --> 00:57:16,840
Speaker 3: finances or like get an accountant if you have the funds.

1348
00:57:16,560 --> 00:57:17,400
Speaker 2: Have a tax guy.

1349
00:57:17,840 --> 00:57:18,320
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1350
00:57:18,360 --> 00:57:20,840
Speaker 3: We set up you need a budget, and she went

1351
00:57:20,880 --> 00:57:24,320
Speaker 3: through and added everything in. We decided that every single

1352
00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:27,400
Speaker 3: week we'll go through our weekly expenses and neither of

1353
00:57:27,480 --> 00:57:29,800
Speaker 3: us will spend any money without telling the other. We

1354
00:57:29,880 --> 00:57:32,120
Speaker 3: plan everything out and figure out that we can pay

1355
00:57:32,120 --> 00:57:34,120
Speaker 3: off the credit card by the end of the year

1356
00:57:34,560 --> 00:57:36,840
Speaker 3: if we eat super cheap and never go out. At

1357
00:57:36,840 --> 00:57:39,440
Speaker 3: some point during this day long talk and planning session,

1358
00:57:39,640 --> 00:57:42,520
Speaker 3: I noticed she had left out the other credit card

1359
00:57:42,680 --> 00:57:46,280
Speaker 3: from nab oh No. I asked her about it directly,

1360
00:57:46,960 --> 00:57:49,160
Speaker 3: like I looked her in the eye and said, what

1361
00:57:49,280 --> 00:57:51,360
Speaker 3: about the EMIX. She looked at me and with the

1362
00:57:51,400 --> 00:57:53,480
Speaker 3: straight paste said it's like good.

1363
00:57:53,320 --> 00:57:54,959
Speaker 2: Four hundred dollars to six hundred dollars.

1364
00:57:55,080 --> 00:57:57,000
Speaker 3: I barely ever put anything on it because it doesn't

1365
00:57:57,040 --> 00:57:59,000
Speaker 3: have cash back. I'll pay it off by the month

1366
00:57:59,160 --> 00:57:59,920
Speaker 3: then just close it.

1367
00:58:00,160 --> 00:58:01,080
Speaker 2: That sounds like a lot.

1368
00:58:01,360 --> 00:58:02,600
Speaker 4: Absolutely is a lie.

1369
00:58:02,800 --> 00:58:05,880
Speaker 3: For some stupid every reason, I believed her. That's on you,

1370
00:58:06,200 --> 00:58:06,920
Speaker 3: that's so on you.

1371
00:58:07,120 --> 00:58:07,680
Speaker 2: That's on you.

1372
00:58:07,760 --> 00:58:10,880
Speaker 3: At that point, you are the freaking frog on the

1373
00:58:11,040 --> 00:58:14,440
Speaker 3: scorpions back, and the scorpion is just stinging you, and

1374
00:58:14,480 --> 00:58:17,640
Speaker 3: you're like, well, scorpion definitely won't sting me again, and

1375
00:58:17,680 --> 00:58:18,880
Speaker 3: the Scorpion's like, no.

1376
00:58:18,720 --> 00:58:21,640
Speaker 4: Way, I won't sting you, and then okay, have fun.

1377
00:58:21,880 --> 00:58:24,680
Speaker 4: Stop letting the scorpions sting you. At a certain point,

1378
00:58:24,800 --> 00:58:29,400
Speaker 4: it's like she's obviously making bad financial decisions because of

1379
00:58:29,440 --> 00:58:32,360
Speaker 4: everything that's been presented, and you are making bad financial

1380
00:58:32,400 --> 00:58:35,080
Speaker 4: decisions by trusting her with all this, literally trusting her

1381
00:58:35,080 --> 00:58:37,080
Speaker 4: in any reward. You kind of got to take some

1382
00:58:37,120 --> 00:58:37,960
Speaker 4: responsibility too.

1383
00:58:38,080 --> 00:58:40,240
Speaker 3: After the five thousand dollars instant, I would have been like,

1384
00:58:40,560 --> 00:58:43,040
Speaker 3: we're going through everything, and if she was like, no,

1385
00:58:43,080 --> 00:58:45,520
Speaker 3: it's fine, I'd be like, no, we're.

1386
00:58:45,360 --> 00:58:46,120
Speaker 2: Going through everything.

1387
00:58:46,120 --> 00:58:48,680
Speaker 3: I'm taking over on like all these finances. We're gonna

1388
00:58:48,680 --> 00:58:51,320
Speaker 3: talk every week. You're gonna run me through everything, and

1389
00:58:51,360 --> 00:58:54,960
Speaker 3: then I'm gonna have like final look through of everything.

1390
00:58:55,240 --> 00:58:57,000
Speaker 4: At least it is like your own money. She could

1391
00:58:57,000 --> 00:58:58,880
Speaker 4: look over hers, sure, and then maybe I would run

1392
00:58:58,960 --> 00:59:01,320
Speaker 4: review to help her out, but like my money staying with.

1393
00:59:01,320 --> 00:59:03,480
Speaker 3: Me, No, absolutely, And I'm not saying like you control

1394
00:59:03,480 --> 00:59:05,600
Speaker 3: all the finances. I'm just saying, you guys work together,

1395
00:59:06,000 --> 00:59:07,560
Speaker 3: and you look at everything.

1396
00:59:07,760 --> 00:59:09,320
Speaker 2: Now skip forward to this morning.

1397
00:59:09,480 --> 00:59:11,440
Speaker 4: I decide to check on everything because we had some

1398
00:59:11,560 --> 00:59:14,560
Speaker 4: minor but unexpected expenses this week and I want to

1399
00:59:14,600 --> 00:59:17,040
Speaker 4: see how it affect our long term payoff plan. I

1400
00:59:17,080 --> 00:59:19,720
Speaker 4: logged into the amex account and saw that it has

1401
00:59:19,760 --> 00:59:24,000
Speaker 4: a balance of thirty five hundred and thirty four dollars.

1402
00:59:24,480 --> 00:59:26,880
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh.

1403
00:59:27,120 --> 00:59:30,440
Speaker 3: Not only that, but I logged into the other credit

1404
00:59:30,440 --> 00:59:32,880
Speaker 3: card to find that it's one thousand dollars higher than

1405
00:59:32,880 --> 00:59:36,440
Speaker 3: what she's reporting in YNAB. She recorded two five hundred

1406
00:59:36,560 --> 00:59:40,360
Speaker 3: dollars payments in YNIB that she never actually paid. I'm

1407
00:59:40,360 --> 00:59:42,640
Speaker 3: looking through the statements and where I've been living on

1408
00:59:42,680 --> 00:59:47,000
Speaker 3: basically chicken and vegetables. She's been eating out multiple times

1409
00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:47,280
Speaker 3: a week.

1410
00:59:47,360 --> 00:59:47,920
Speaker 2: Well, how was that?

1411
00:59:48,600 --> 00:59:52,040
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, she's just been racking up seems like

1412
00:59:52,120 --> 00:59:52,680
Speaker 4: she has.

1413
00:59:52,480 --> 00:59:55,400
Speaker 3: No live skills, Like she's not able to feed herself,

1414
00:59:55,480 --> 00:59:57,800
Speaker 3: She's not able to take care of for finances without

1415
00:59:58,160 --> 01:00:02,720
Speaker 3: causing massive financial ruin for this couple. There are countless

1416
01:00:02,760 --> 01:00:04,959
Speaker 3: expenses that I can't account for and that go away

1417
01:00:04,960 --> 01:00:07,480
Speaker 3: beyond the budget. We planned our plan to have what

1418
01:00:07,600 --> 01:00:09,800
Speaker 3: I now know is only half our debt paid off

1419
01:00:09,800 --> 01:00:12,160
Speaker 3: by the end of the year. Is completely botched already

1420
01:00:12,680 --> 01:00:15,080
Speaker 3: just a month, and I feel sick. I don't think

1421
01:00:15,120 --> 01:00:17,360
Speaker 3: I'll ever be able to trust her again. My stomach

1422
01:00:17,440 --> 01:00:19,520
Speaker 3: turns every time I think about her face when she

1423
01:00:19,560 --> 01:00:21,400
Speaker 3: told me the AMEX only ad a balance of four

1424
01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:25,440
Speaker 3: hundred dollars. I'm seriously considering a divorce. Would a divorce

1425
01:00:25,480 --> 01:00:27,840
Speaker 3: be an overreaction? Is this something I should be able

1426
01:00:27,840 --> 01:00:31,200
Speaker 3: to forgive? Any advice would be greatly appreciated, thank you,

1427
01:00:31,280 --> 01:00:33,400
Speaker 3: And there are some relevant comments, But I mean, like

1428
01:00:33,440 --> 01:00:36,200
Speaker 3: to a certain extent, this is kind of financial. I mean,

1429
01:00:36,320 --> 01:00:39,440
Speaker 3: there's no animosity behind it, like a malicious way, but

1430
01:00:39,800 --> 01:00:42,280
Speaker 3: she's still doing it, and she's still kind of ruining

1431
01:00:42,320 --> 01:00:43,560
Speaker 3: your whole financial plan.

1432
01:00:43,880 --> 01:00:46,440
Speaker 4: And it's not much of an accident anymore. She was

1433
01:00:46,480 --> 01:00:47,360
Speaker 4: deliberately doing that.

1434
01:00:47,400 --> 01:00:49,960
Speaker 3: She's deliberately lying to you, regardless of how deliberate her

1435
01:00:50,120 --> 01:00:50,640
Speaker 3: actions are.

1436
01:00:50,920 --> 01:00:53,360
Speaker 4: You guys decided on a plan to how to fix

1437
01:00:53,440 --> 01:00:54,960
Speaker 4: this and how to pay off this thing, and she

1438
01:00:55,120 --> 01:00:56,880
Speaker 4: just like went against it. Sue her.

1439
01:00:57,160 --> 01:01:00,200
Speaker 3: I mean, you can, to an extent kind of do

1440
01:01:00,280 --> 01:01:02,000
Speaker 3: decide to go with the divorce. I know that all

1441
01:01:02,120 --> 01:01:05,360
Speaker 3: debts incurred during a marriage would be both of yours,

1442
01:01:05,400 --> 01:01:07,320
Speaker 3: but you might be able to say, like, hey, was

1443
01:01:07,400 --> 01:01:09,920
Speaker 3: not aware of these debts going into it. Like, I

1444
01:01:09,920 --> 01:01:11,920
Speaker 3: think there are things that you can fight for in

1445
01:01:11,960 --> 01:01:13,720
Speaker 3: a divorce where you can say that you were not

1446
01:01:13,840 --> 01:01:15,520
Speaker 3: aware that she was racking up this amount.

1447
01:01:15,640 --> 01:01:17,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's probably possible. Dude, I'm getting a prenup.

1448
01:01:18,080 --> 01:01:21,160
Speaker 3: We read so many stories that don't work out well.

1449
01:01:21,400 --> 01:01:25,000
Speaker 3: Realant comments slim Shanny says, I think you should consider

1450
01:01:25,080 --> 01:01:28,520
Speaker 3: counseling before jumping to divorce. Sometimes there is a lot

1451
01:01:28,560 --> 01:01:32,000
Speaker 3: of shame surrounding financial troubles. Also, don't let your wife

1452
01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:34,919
Speaker 3: be in charge of the finances anymore. I would give

1453
01:01:34,920 --> 01:01:37,120
Speaker 3: her one card. The both of you have an allowance

1454
01:01:37,160 --> 01:01:40,360
Speaker 3: and be meticulous about your finances. This is obviously something

1455
01:01:40,440 --> 01:01:43,040
Speaker 3: she can't handle. She got into trouble and felt too

1456
01:01:43,040 --> 01:01:45,160
Speaker 3: ashamed to come to you for help. Why doesn't she

1457
01:01:45,240 --> 01:01:45,720
Speaker 3: work more?

1458
01:01:45,840 --> 01:01:46,800
Speaker 2: Do you two have kids?

1459
01:01:47,040 --> 01:01:49,880
Speaker 3: In Opie responded, no kids. She's been off and on

1460
01:01:50,000 --> 01:01:53,080
Speaker 3: pursuing a degree. She dropped out last semester, then started

1461
01:01:53,080 --> 01:01:56,880
Speaker 3: again this semester, taking eight credit hours. So the primary

1462
01:01:56,920 --> 01:01:59,040
Speaker 3: reason she doesn't work more is because she wants to

1463
01:01:59,080 --> 01:02:02,440
Speaker 3: finish school were or I guess I am paying for

1464
01:02:02,600 --> 01:02:05,880
Speaker 3: school out of pocket? Slam Shanny says, I can hear

1465
01:02:05,960 --> 01:02:08,320
Speaker 3: the anger through your post. I think you should do

1466
01:02:08,360 --> 01:02:10,760
Speaker 3: what you can to diminish that before you talk to

1467
01:02:10,800 --> 01:02:13,160
Speaker 3: her about this again. I look at my finances about

1468
01:02:13,160 --> 01:02:14,920
Speaker 3: once a week. I figure out where our money is

1469
01:02:14,960 --> 01:02:17,640
Speaker 3: going and why we have a spreadsheet that shows expected

1470
01:02:17,680 --> 01:02:21,440
Speaker 3: savings versus expected expenses. My husband called me while I

1471
01:02:21,480 --> 01:02:23,640
Speaker 3: was at work last week because he noticed I spent

1472
01:02:23,760 --> 01:02:26,920
Speaker 3: five dollars on a protein shake. Looking at credit card statement,

1473
01:02:27,000 --> 01:02:29,920
Speaker 3: my online it shows him Instantly, he asked me if

1474
01:02:29,960 --> 01:02:31,800
Speaker 3: I lost my shaker and if he needs to prepare

1475
01:02:31,800 --> 01:02:32,480
Speaker 3: my shake for me.

1476
01:02:32,480 --> 01:02:33,360
Speaker 2: So I don't forget.

1477
01:02:33,640 --> 01:02:37,360
Speaker 3: Dang, that is maybe two intens I think that's like

1478
01:02:37,400 --> 01:02:40,520
Speaker 3: she buys one shake. Did you lose your shaker? You

1479
01:02:40,600 --> 01:02:45,000
Speaker 3: spent five dollars. That's two intense. That's pretty intense.

1480
01:02:45,240 --> 01:02:47,800
Speaker 4: It's nice that he was like, okay, maybe, like I

1481
01:02:47,840 --> 01:02:49,640
Speaker 4: can prepare it so we could save that money. The

1482
01:02:49,680 --> 01:02:51,640
Speaker 4: fact that it's a media is like, we can talk

1483
01:02:51,680 --> 01:02:52,280
Speaker 4: about it later.

1484
01:02:52,480 --> 01:02:54,800
Speaker 3: We are both on top of our finances and contributing

1485
01:02:54,840 --> 01:02:57,840
Speaker 3: to our financial goals. Never leave this in her hands. Again,

1486
01:02:58,080 --> 01:02:59,800
Speaker 3: you both need to know what is going on with

1487
01:02:59,840 --> 01:03:02,720
Speaker 3: the money. So there's the deceit you need to deal with.

1488
01:03:02,800 --> 01:03:05,280
Speaker 3: In addition to her not pulling her weight. Why did

1489
01:03:05,320 --> 01:03:08,120
Speaker 3: she drop out? What is she contributing? Does she feel

1490
01:03:08,120 --> 01:03:11,480
Speaker 3: a responsibility financially to you? Opie says she dropped out

1491
01:03:11,520 --> 01:03:13,760
Speaker 3: after she got a failing grade on one of her tests.

1492
01:03:14,040 --> 01:03:17,240
Speaker 3: She dropped out of school because she got one fail

1493
01:03:17,440 --> 01:03:20,080
Speaker 3: on a test, not even on the final, not even

1494
01:03:20,160 --> 01:03:21,040
Speaker 3: the class, on.

1495
01:03:21,040 --> 01:03:23,440
Speaker 4: A test out of the whole school. She's gone.

1496
01:03:23,560 --> 01:03:25,480
Speaker 2: She got like a D on a test. She's like, well,

1497
01:03:25,520 --> 01:03:26,000
Speaker 2: they hate me.

1498
01:03:26,200 --> 01:03:28,520
Speaker 4: She's like, well, I can't ever pick this back up.

1499
01:03:28,680 --> 01:03:32,400
Speaker 4: Impossible when I'm only doing school and like barely working.

1500
01:03:32,520 --> 01:03:34,760
Speaker 4: She decided to switch to an easier major, but has

1501
01:03:34,760 --> 01:03:37,160
Speaker 4: since switch back to the harder major. I'm honestly not

1502
01:03:37,240 --> 01:03:40,240
Speaker 4: sure what she's contributing anymore. I do all the cooking

1503
01:03:40,280 --> 01:03:42,560
Speaker 4: and have the cleaning. She goes to work and school.

1504
01:03:42,720 --> 01:03:45,000
Speaker 4: My original thought was that as soon as she finishes

1505
01:03:45,000 --> 01:03:47,840
Speaker 4: her degree, she'll make up for as her degree as

1506
01:03:47,880 --> 01:03:50,480
Speaker 4: a very high starting salary. I'm not sure I follow

1507
01:03:50,560 --> 01:03:53,240
Speaker 4: your last question. I know she's very self conscious about

1508
01:03:53,240 --> 01:03:56,560
Speaker 4: her contribution to the relationship and gets very defensive anytime

1509
01:03:56,600 --> 01:04:00,160
Speaker 4: a conversation enters the same hemisphere as contribution, there.

1510
01:04:00,320 --> 01:04:01,680
Speaker 2: Is an update.

1511
01:04:01,720 --> 01:04:04,680
Speaker 3: Wow, there's more, there's more. I don't at all blame

1512
01:04:04,720 --> 01:04:06,240
Speaker 3: you for considering divorce.

1513
01:04:06,720 --> 01:04:08,760
Speaker 4: It's not that you know she's putting you in a

1514
01:04:08,800 --> 01:04:11,960
Speaker 4: really hard place financially, but it's that she's lying over

1515
01:04:12,000 --> 01:04:12,400
Speaker 4: and over.

1516
01:04:12,720 --> 01:04:15,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, and just like using this first. A big thank

1517
01:04:15,120 --> 01:04:17,200
Speaker 3: you to everyone who gave me their thoughts and advice.

1518
01:04:17,400 --> 01:04:19,400
Speaker 3: It's been a month since I found the second half

1519
01:04:19,440 --> 01:04:22,240
Speaker 3: of the debt. Here is what has happened since we're

1520
01:04:22,240 --> 01:04:25,560
Speaker 3: still together. I've taken complete control of the finances, but

1521
01:04:25,600 --> 01:04:27,880
Speaker 3: she can still see it all and we're discussing finances

1522
01:04:27,920 --> 01:04:30,120
Speaker 3: on a regular basis, which I think that's probably not

1523
01:04:30,200 --> 01:04:32,880
Speaker 3: completely shutting her out. I also think she should go

1524
01:04:32,920 --> 01:04:35,840
Speaker 3: to classes for this. I set up mint big thanks

1525
01:04:35,840 --> 01:04:38,000
Speaker 3: to those who recommended it. It's been a huge help.

1526
01:04:38,040 --> 01:04:40,200
Speaker 3: Though the net worth column makes me a little sick

1527
01:04:40,240 --> 01:04:42,160
Speaker 3: every time I see it. I have not set up

1528
01:04:42,160 --> 01:04:45,520
Speaker 3: a separate bank account, as some people recommended. She freely

1529
01:04:45,600 --> 01:04:47,919
Speaker 3: gave up all her credit cards and I hid them.

1530
01:04:48,320 --> 01:04:51,200
Speaker 3: I figured cutting them up could potentially cause problems if

1531
01:04:51,240 --> 01:04:54,520
Speaker 3: I needed to cancel subscriptions or something, my logic.

1532
01:04:54,240 --> 01:04:55,000
Speaker 2: May be flawed.

1533
01:04:55,120 --> 01:04:58,160
Speaker 3: But since hiding them, exactly zero dollars has been spent

1534
01:04:58,200 --> 01:05:00,920
Speaker 3: on them, so I believe it it's a safe method.

1535
01:05:01,000 --> 01:05:01,440
Speaker 2: For now.

1536
01:05:01,600 --> 01:05:03,919
Speaker 3: She has a debt card she is supposed to only

1537
01:05:04,000 --> 01:05:06,480
Speaker 3: use for gas and groceries that are on our agreed

1538
01:05:06,560 --> 01:05:09,560
Speaker 3: upon list. We're now about eight hundred dollars less debt,

1539
01:05:09,640 --> 01:05:12,080
Speaker 3: which feels like a drop of the bucket, but at

1540
01:05:12,160 --> 01:05:14,720
Speaker 3: least it's a drop of the bucket in the correct direction.

1541
01:05:15,000 --> 01:05:18,880
Speaker 3: We've managed to almost follow the budget I planned out. Unfortunately,

1542
01:05:19,200 --> 01:05:21,880
Speaker 3: our relationship has suffered in a big way. I have

1543
01:05:21,960 --> 01:05:24,600
Speaker 3: to check the transactions on her card every day, and

1544
01:05:24,680 --> 01:05:26,600
Speaker 3: at least twice a week. There are things on there

1545
01:05:26,720 --> 01:05:30,520
Speaker 3: she shouldn't have fought. Wow, that's so frustrating. Like it

1546
01:05:30,640 --> 01:05:33,440
Speaker 3: still hasn't changed. When I confront her about them, she

1547
01:05:33,560 --> 01:05:34,760
Speaker 3: always has an excuse.

1548
01:05:34,840 --> 01:05:35,160
Speaker 2: Ready.

1549
01:05:35,440 --> 01:05:37,560
Speaker 3: I withdrew twenty bucks to buy girls Scout cookies from

1550
01:05:37,560 --> 01:05:39,560
Speaker 3: a client's daughter, but since I can have the cookies

1551
01:05:39,680 --> 01:05:40,960
Speaker 3: glut analogy, I.

1552
01:05:40,960 --> 01:05:42,520
Speaker 2: Told them to just take the twenty bucks.

1553
01:05:42,680 --> 01:05:45,960
Speaker 4: Actingly, she's Bill Gates, I'm sorry you gave twenty dollars

1554
01:05:46,040 --> 01:05:49,080
Speaker 4: away for cookies you can't eat. You didn't even get

1555
01:05:49,120 --> 01:05:50,760
Speaker 4: any cookies to give to Ope.

1556
01:05:51,120 --> 01:05:54,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, Opie doesn't have a gluten analogy. I think I

1557
01:05:54,080 --> 01:05:57,560
Speaker 3: can't bring myself to believe her excuses. I know she's

1558
01:05:57,640 --> 01:06:00,040
Speaker 3: lying at least some of the time. As in and

1559
01:06:00,040 --> 01:06:02,320
Speaker 3: there will be a Starbucks cup left in the car,

1560
01:06:02,480 --> 01:06:05,080
Speaker 3: see like at this point, this is where I'd be like, Hey,

1561
01:06:05,720 --> 01:06:08,000
Speaker 3: did you forget that we can make coffee at home?

1562
01:06:08,320 --> 01:06:08,560
Speaker 5: Yeah?

1563
01:06:08,640 --> 01:06:11,200
Speaker 4: Right, get that shaker thing. I'm confused, really quick. He

1564
01:06:11,240 --> 01:06:13,680
Speaker 4: hid the credit cards, and no money has been swelling those.

1565
01:06:13,840 --> 01:06:16,080
Speaker 4: So what is this money coming from? Debit or something?

1566
01:06:16,280 --> 01:06:18,160
Speaker 3: She has a debit car, She has a debit card

1567
01:06:18,160 --> 01:06:20,200
Speaker 3: she's supposed to only use for gas and groceries.

1568
01:06:20,320 --> 01:06:23,800
Speaker 4: Well, this is an agreed ubon no more card. He's peasy.

1569
01:06:23,920 --> 01:06:26,200
Speaker 3: I don't really want to start a fight over twenty bucks.

1570
01:06:26,200 --> 01:06:28,480
Speaker 3: And I can't tell the difference between when she's lying

1571
01:06:28,480 --> 01:06:30,480
Speaker 3: and when she isn't. Until a month ago, I thought

1572
01:06:30,520 --> 01:06:32,960
Speaker 3: she never lied. You wouldn't be starting a fight over

1573
01:06:33,000 --> 01:06:35,120
Speaker 3: twenty dollars. You'd be starting a fight over.

1574
01:06:35,000 --> 01:06:35,880
Speaker 2: Her lying to you.

1575
01:06:36,400 --> 01:06:39,920
Speaker 3: I should take a moment to say I like strong

1576
01:06:39,960 --> 01:06:41,840
Speaker 3: women I fell in love with this girl when I

1577
01:06:41,880 --> 01:06:44,080
Speaker 3: was eighteen and she was seventeen because she was the

1578
01:06:44,080 --> 01:06:47,080
Speaker 3: most mature, independent girl my age I had ever met,

1579
01:06:47,160 --> 01:06:50,360
Speaker 3: among other qualities, had a good job for seventeen, she

1580
01:06:50,480 --> 01:06:52,680
Speaker 3: was moving out of her parents' house. She had a

1581
01:06:52,720 --> 01:06:55,400
Speaker 3: car that one's kind of like. Her parents probably got

1582
01:06:55,440 --> 01:06:56,400
Speaker 3: her the car.

1583
01:06:56,280 --> 01:06:59,200
Speaker 4: When you're in high school. Standards are low in short

1584
01:06:59,280 --> 01:07:01,760
Speaker 4: for her age, I thought she really had her crap together.

1585
01:07:02,160 --> 01:07:04,440
Speaker 3: I have never wanted the nuclear, stay at home wife.

1586
01:07:04,480 --> 01:07:07,680
Speaker 3: I wanted a career wife. You know Claire Underwood from

1587
01:07:07,680 --> 01:07:10,320
Speaker 3: Als of Cards. That's the kind of woman I wanted

1588
01:07:10,360 --> 01:07:12,520
Speaker 3: and who I thought I found while we were dating.

1589
01:07:12,600 --> 01:07:16,040
Speaker 3: She was all about career advancement, long term plans, traveling

1590
01:07:16,080 --> 01:07:18,960
Speaker 3: the world, et cetera. I'm concerned. I had rose colored

1591
01:07:18,960 --> 01:07:21,520
Speaker 3: glasses on, and because I wanted her to be a strong,

1592
01:07:21,640 --> 01:07:25,280
Speaker 3: independent woman, I ignored her faults, and she went out of

1593
01:07:25,280 --> 01:07:27,520
Speaker 3: her way to act like the strong woman she knew

1594
01:07:27,560 --> 01:07:29,960
Speaker 3: I wanted her to be. Whenever I find her spending

1595
01:07:30,000 --> 01:07:32,080
Speaker 3: money on things she shouldn't, I either have to let

1596
01:07:32,120 --> 01:07:35,160
Speaker 3: it go that I assume, or I have to ground

1597
01:07:35,200 --> 01:07:38,760
Speaker 3: a grown woman from her debit card, which shouldn't be

1598
01:07:38,760 --> 01:07:41,880
Speaker 3: your place either, which I really hate to do. I

1599
01:07:41,960 --> 01:07:44,360
Speaker 3: hate the idea of my wife being a subordinate or

1600
01:07:44,400 --> 01:07:46,800
Speaker 3: like I have to punish or police her activity. It

1601
01:07:46,880 --> 01:07:49,320
Speaker 3: makes me feel like an able not to mention, it's

1602
01:07:49,360 --> 01:07:52,960
Speaker 3: a complete turnoff that is decimated our intimacy. It's incredibly

1603
01:07:52,960 --> 01:07:55,000
Speaker 3: difficult for me to want to have spicy sleet with

1604
01:07:55,040 --> 01:07:57,360
Speaker 3: someone I just had to scold because they broke a

1605
01:07:57,400 --> 01:07:59,960
Speaker 3: budget we both agreed on. Despite telling me, she's so

1606
01:08:00,520 --> 01:08:03,280
Speaker 3: and she feels terrible. I feel like I'm fighting alone.

1607
01:08:03,360 --> 01:08:05,720
Speaker 3: It's like, instead of being my partner and finding ways

1608
01:08:05,720 --> 01:08:08,200
Speaker 3: to help, I have to actively prevent her from doing

1609
01:08:08,240 --> 01:08:10,760
Speaker 3: further harm. A good example is that she has never

1610
01:08:10,800 --> 01:08:13,160
Speaker 3: looked for scholarships for school. I doubt she could get

1611
01:08:13,200 --> 01:08:15,360
Speaker 3: a free ride or anything, but she hasn't even looked

1612
01:08:15,560 --> 01:08:18,040
Speaker 3: because I've always been able to just pay it off immediately.

1613
01:08:18,320 --> 01:08:21,360
Speaker 3: I get that hunting down and applying for scholarships takes

1614
01:08:21,400 --> 01:08:23,320
Speaker 3: a lot of time and effort, and I have no

1615
01:08:23,400 --> 01:08:26,160
Speaker 3: idea if she get any, but she could at least look.

1616
01:08:26,560 --> 01:08:28,760
Speaker 3: I have brought it up and she just brushes it

1617
01:08:28,840 --> 01:08:30,800
Speaker 3: off as oh, look, but I won't call a fay

1618
01:08:30,840 --> 01:08:32,920
Speaker 3: for anything. Though it'll be a waste of time, and

1619
01:08:32,920 --> 01:08:35,880
Speaker 3: then she doesn't look. Another example, a number of people

1620
01:08:35,920 --> 01:08:38,840
Speaker 3: recommend marriage counseling for us and or therapy for her.

1621
01:08:39,120 --> 01:08:41,639
Speaker 3: I asked her to find a therapist, and then if

1622
01:08:41,640 --> 01:08:44,080
Speaker 3: the therapist thought after talking with her that we should

1623
01:08:44,080 --> 01:08:47,080
Speaker 3: do couple counseling, I'd be happy to I reminded her

1624
01:08:47,120 --> 01:08:49,400
Speaker 3: to find a therapist every day for the first week,

1625
01:08:49,680 --> 01:08:52,920
Speaker 3: and a month later she's still ascid. I don't mind

1626
01:08:52,960 --> 01:08:55,479
Speaker 3: reminder her, but at this point it's pretty clear she's

1627
01:08:55,720 --> 01:08:59,599
Speaker 3: deliberately avoiding it. Every day I remind her about our debt,

1628
01:08:59,720 --> 01:09:02,360
Speaker 3: which upsets me, but then I get upset at myself

1629
01:09:02,400 --> 01:09:05,519
Speaker 3: for being upset. For example, I'll turn down going out

1630
01:09:05,520 --> 01:09:08,400
Speaker 3: with friends because it costs money. Then I'll think, damn it,

1631
01:09:08,520 --> 01:09:10,280
Speaker 3: if my wife didn't put me in debt, I could

1632
01:09:10,280 --> 01:09:12,559
Speaker 3: go out with her friends. And then five minutes later

1633
01:09:12,640 --> 01:09:14,640
Speaker 3: I'll think, Wow, did I really get mad at my

1634
01:09:14,680 --> 01:09:17,080
Speaker 3: wife because I can't go out with my friends. There

1635
01:09:17,080 --> 01:09:19,600
Speaker 3: are people who can't afford food, and I'm upset that

1636
01:09:19,640 --> 01:09:22,800
Speaker 3: I can afford cocktail. I'm an ale, so I get

1637
01:09:22,800 --> 01:09:25,479
Speaker 3: trapped in a circle of resenting my wife and then

1638
01:09:25,520 --> 01:09:28,280
Speaker 3: resenting myself for resenting my wife. I would like to

1639
01:09:28,320 --> 01:09:31,280
Speaker 3: avoid giving the impression that I believe myself blameless in

1640
01:09:31,320 --> 01:09:33,880
Speaker 3: all of this. I appreciate those who pointed it out.

1641
01:09:34,160 --> 01:09:37,519
Speaker 3: I shouldn't have ignored my own finances for so long.

1642
01:09:37,800 --> 01:09:40,720
Speaker 3: I shouldn't have dumped that responsibility on anyone. I let

1643
01:09:40,720 --> 01:09:42,840
Speaker 3: myself get caught up in the fantasy that I was

1644
01:09:42,880 --> 01:09:46,639
Speaker 3: married to a perfect, strong, independent person who could do anything.

1645
01:09:46,840 --> 01:09:49,400
Speaker 3: If I were to pursue a separation or divorce, I

1646
01:09:49,400 --> 01:09:51,960
Speaker 3: wouldn't try to escape the debt, or at least half

1647
01:09:51,960 --> 01:09:54,439
Speaker 3: the debt. If I wasn't supporting her or paying for

1648
01:09:54,479 --> 01:09:56,640
Speaker 3: her school out of my pocket, I could pay it

1649
01:09:56,720 --> 01:09:59,640
Speaker 3: all off in a few months. We're still together, but

1650
01:09:59,680 --> 01:10:01,880
Speaker 3: I have and forgiven her, and I'm harboring a lot

1651
01:10:01,880 --> 01:10:04,599
Speaker 3: of resentment. I am so afraid of doing something i'll

1652
01:10:04,600 --> 01:10:07,479
Speaker 3: regret that I'm caught in a limbo. I won't forgive her,

1653
01:10:07,520 --> 01:10:09,439
Speaker 3: but I won't leave her, which isn't fair to her

1654
01:10:09,560 --> 01:10:12,080
Speaker 3: or myself. But I'm too afraid to do either. It's

1655
01:10:12,120 --> 01:10:14,760
Speaker 3: not the money. Money will come and go. It's the

1656
01:10:14,800 --> 01:10:17,240
Speaker 3: continued lying and the lack of effort to make it

1657
01:10:17,360 --> 01:10:20,519
Speaker 3: right that I am having trouble forgiving. On the other hand,

1658
01:10:20,560 --> 01:10:23,160
Speaker 3: divorce really doesn't sound very fun. I am afraid I

1659
01:10:23,160 --> 01:10:25,879
Speaker 3: can never forgive her, but I'm afraid i'd never forgive

1660
01:10:25,880 --> 01:10:29,080
Speaker 3: myself if I left her. And there are some relevant

1661
01:10:29,120 --> 01:10:31,760
Speaker 3: comments to finish this story off, But do you have

1662
01:10:31,840 --> 01:10:33,200
Speaker 3: any relevant comments of your own?

1663
01:10:33,439 --> 01:10:36,280
Speaker 4: You're so hard on yourself. I get the idea of

1664
01:10:36,400 --> 01:10:38,880
Speaker 4: being like, oh, but like other people are struggling more,

1665
01:10:39,320 --> 01:10:41,160
Speaker 4: so like I shouldn't be complaining about this. People are

1666
01:10:41,160 --> 01:10:43,720
Speaker 4: always gonna struggle more. It's good to be aware of

1667
01:10:43,760 --> 01:10:47,479
Speaker 4: that sometimes in some cases and keep that in consideration. However,

1668
01:10:47,560 --> 01:10:49,679
Speaker 4: for this, like, just because there are people in worse

1669
01:10:49,680 --> 01:10:52,760
Speaker 4: situations doesn't mean that you're not in a bad situation.

1670
01:10:52,520 --> 01:10:54,080
Speaker 3: And also doesn't mean that you have to be happy

1671
01:10:54,080 --> 01:10:55,400
Speaker 3: with the situation that you're in.

1672
01:10:55,479 --> 01:10:57,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, and put up with it. And you're so young,

1673
01:10:58,120 --> 01:11:01,640
Speaker 4: like why you're in your twenties, like early twenties. You

1674
01:11:01,720 --> 01:11:05,120
Speaker 4: will find more people. You will be okay, I promise you,

1675
01:11:05,280 --> 01:11:07,200
Speaker 4: because now this is gonna be something that you're gonna

1676
01:11:07,240 --> 01:11:10,479
Speaker 4: look for in someone, like their financial responsibilities, and then

1677
01:11:10,520 --> 01:11:13,400
Speaker 4: it'll be like even more gratifying when you find that,

1678
01:11:13,439 --> 01:11:15,519
Speaker 4: because then it's like I have this such bad like

1679
01:11:15,640 --> 01:11:19,400
Speaker 4: situation with that, so this is something I really want now.

1680
01:11:19,360 --> 01:11:22,240
Speaker 3: And also just like taking with you knowledge that you

1681
01:11:22,360 --> 01:11:24,360
Speaker 3: need to be more on top of your own finances.

1682
01:11:24,400 --> 01:11:26,599
Speaker 3: But it's just like, yeah, oh wow, I did really

1683
01:11:26,680 --> 01:11:29,240
Speaker 3: drop the ball there and someone took advantage of it.

1684
01:11:29,280 --> 01:11:30,640
Speaker 3: But you know, I need to make sure that I

1685
01:11:30,680 --> 01:11:32,800
Speaker 3: have my eye on said ball. Lots of things that

1686
01:11:32,840 --> 01:11:35,439
Speaker 3: we're learning here. Doesn't seem like she's gonna get better

1687
01:11:35,479 --> 01:11:38,200
Speaker 3: at these things anytime soon. And this is obviously something

1688
01:11:38,240 --> 01:11:40,640
Speaker 3: that you're resenting here for, which is understandable.

1689
01:11:40,840 --> 01:11:42,599
Speaker 4: So that's okay, Okay.

1690
01:11:42,720 --> 01:11:44,880
Speaker 3: See Ta says, I think you should tell her it's

1691
01:11:44,880 --> 01:11:47,000
Speaker 3: time for her to get a full time job. Her

1692
01:11:47,120 --> 01:11:49,280
Speaker 3: entire paycheck can go to the debts. I don't care

1693
01:11:49,320 --> 01:11:52,360
Speaker 3: if it's at McDonald's. She needs a job, hope, he responds.

1694
01:11:52,560 --> 01:11:54,640
Speaker 3: The problem with this is that I've already paid for

1695
01:11:54,680 --> 01:11:57,240
Speaker 3: her semester of school. She has a part time job,

1696
01:11:57,280 --> 01:11:59,120
Speaker 3: and I really don't want to just throw away the

1697
01:11:59,120 --> 01:12:02,920
Speaker 3: tuition money already spent after the semester's over. However, it's

1698
01:12:02,960 --> 01:12:05,799
Speaker 3: definitely an option, and there is a final update.

1699
01:12:05,920 --> 01:12:08,439
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, there's still more. We're about to find

1700
01:12:08,439 --> 01:12:10,559
Speaker 4: out whether Ope's stayed in this relationship or divorce.

1701
01:12:10,640 --> 01:12:11,200
Speaker 2: Let's jump in.

1702
01:12:11,360 --> 01:12:12,559
Speaker 4: I don't know how to put this.

1703
01:12:13,280 --> 01:12:17,519
Speaker 3: We're still together, stop, we're still in love, and.

1704
01:12:17,560 --> 01:12:22,519
Speaker 4: Ask if today we're debt FREEO crats Okay, you overcame it.

1705
01:12:22,840 --> 01:12:26,360
Speaker 3: We finally set aside our pride and went to counseling.

1706
01:12:26,600 --> 01:12:28,120
Speaker 3: You know what, you just needed the counseling.

1707
01:12:28,240 --> 01:12:30,720
Speaker 4: That's really a lot of the fixes here in these

1708
01:12:30,760 --> 01:12:33,240
Speaker 4: Reddit stories. But you know what your fix can be

1709
01:12:33,880 --> 01:12:36,519
Speaker 4: listening to full episodes of stories just like this. Just

1710
01:12:36,560 --> 01:12:39,479
Speaker 4: go to Spotify, Apple Podcasts, or iHeartRadio.

1711
01:12:38,920 --> 01:12:39,960
Speaker 2: And search for booking story time.

1712
01:12:40,080 --> 01:12:42,280
Speaker 3: But there is a little bit left to this story.

1713
01:12:42,400 --> 01:12:45,879
Speaker 3: She stayed in school at my insistence, but started working

1714
01:12:45,920 --> 01:12:48,559
Speaker 3: her butt off. She took more hours at work and

1715
01:12:48,600 --> 01:12:52,000
Speaker 3: took any odd job she could, babysitting, dog sitting, house sitting.

1716
01:12:52,120 --> 01:12:54,000
Speaker 3: She gave up a huge chunk of her nights and

1717
01:12:54,040 --> 01:12:57,839
Speaker 3: weekends and massively rained in her impulse purchases. Our grades

1718
01:12:57,880 --> 01:12:59,760
Speaker 3: did suffer quite a bit, but now she'll be able

1719
01:12:59,800 --> 01:13:01,880
Speaker 3: to cut way back on work and focus much more

1720
01:13:01,920 --> 01:13:04,200
Speaker 3: on school. It's been ten months, but I feel like

1721
01:13:04,280 --> 01:13:08,479
Speaker 3: we've matured ten years. We're both better at communicating and

1722
01:13:08,560 --> 01:13:11,080
Speaker 3: money management. We've learned how to go on cheap dates,

1723
01:13:11,120 --> 01:13:13,280
Speaker 3: and we're both better cooks. We drink and eat out

1724
01:13:13,320 --> 01:13:15,760
Speaker 3: a lot less, so we're both healthier. I don't think

1725
01:13:15,800 --> 01:13:17,320
Speaker 3: this could have turned out better.

1726
01:13:17,640 --> 01:13:20,679
Speaker 2: Wow, let it turnaround. Just took ten months.

1727
01:13:20,800 --> 01:13:22,960
Speaker 3: Debt free in ten months is pretty impressive.

1728
01:13:23,160 --> 01:13:26,759
Speaker 4: Yeah, with that much debt. Too good on her. Honestly,

1729
01:13:26,920 --> 01:13:30,400
Speaker 4: like she really turned around, which is really really impressive.

1730
01:13:30,560 --> 01:13:33,320
Speaker 4: Props to you guys, But that is the end of

1731
01:13:33,320 --> 01:13:33,839
Speaker 4: that story.