Speaker 1: All, my mama, the fourth trimester be worse than the
Speaker 1: whole pregnancy. Son, I will say dead ass. If I
Speaker 1: didn't know anybody, I think you've experienced the fourth trimester.
Speaker 1: The fourth trimester is ghetto dead ass. Hey, I'm Cadine
Speaker 1: and we're the ellis Is. You may know us from
Speaker 1: posting funny videos without boys and reading each other publicly
Speaker 1: as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need
Speaker 1: therapy most days. Wow. And one more important thing to mention,
Speaker 1: we're married. We are. We created this podcast to open
Speaker 1: dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most
Speaker 1: folks don't want to talk about. Do the lens of
Speaker 1: a millennium married couple. Dead ass is the term that
Speaker 1: we say every day. So when we say dead ass,
Speaker 1: we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and
Speaker 1: nothing but the truth. Were about to take Phillow Talk
Speaker 1: to a whole new level. Dead ass starts right now.
Speaker 1: This storytime is dedicated to my beautiful children. This one,
Speaker 1: I'm about to tell you it is no exaggeration. I
Speaker 1: know he's putting a hunt on ten, but this story
Speaker 1: I'm about to tell you it's so real that it
Speaker 1: made me realize that ship was getting real. Right, We're
Speaker 1: in the bathroom. Ka just just had the baby, Like
Speaker 1: the baby still got the water and stuff on, the
Speaker 1: creamy subject on them. He's just looking still looking the same, right,
Speaker 1: And Bianca brings the boys in to see you and
Speaker 1: see the baby, you know what I'm saying. And I
Speaker 1: watch as they come in. Jackson got his his Nike
Speaker 1: bag on his shoulders, right, So they go over to you,
Speaker 1: over to you, Oh mommy, blah blah blah blah. And
Speaker 1: I'm looking at Jackson. Jackson looking at me. He kind
Speaker 1: of like, not like just note. I'm like, why are
Speaker 1: he nodded? I mean, like some problems. I'm like, come mare.
Speaker 1: So he comes over to me while you're still holding
Speaker 1: the newborn baby, and he's like, hey, Bay, that what's up.
Speaker 1: I'm like, what's up? He said, what what time you're
Speaker 1: gonna be done here? And I was excuse me. He
Speaker 1: was just like, you know, I got practice at six o'clock.
Speaker 1: And I looked at him like, but this is where
Speaker 1: it gets funny. I said, bro, your mom just had
Speaker 1: a baby, and he was like, I know what she's done.
Speaker 1: It was that it was really at that moment that
Speaker 1: I realized it was gonna get real, because you know
Speaker 1: who really don't give a shit about the fourth trymester
Speaker 1: your kids this karaoke bit then I'm about to do.
Speaker 1: It's just it's dedicated to how I'll be feeling in
Speaker 1: the mornings when I wake up because I don't get
Speaker 1: no sleep. I know you don't get no sleep. Bro,
Speaker 1: this is probably the most tired we've ever looked like.
Speaker 1: I'll see this video for the struggle. De Val asked
Speaker 1: me this morning if he was giving me the signs
Speaker 1: that I should a check for a stroke, because he
Speaker 1: definitely looked at me it was like, you left, I
Speaker 1: look a little lazy, a little cocked. Um. I said,
Speaker 1: it's probably because I had my eyelashes done about six
Speaker 1: weeks so, and I've been dealing with a newborn baby
Speaker 1: after labor. Bro, Bro, I ain't gonna lie to y'all.
Speaker 1: Was worried. So he was was having a real serious
Speaker 1: conversation about scheduling and time and stuff like that, and
Speaker 1: I said, baby got headache. When the last time you
Speaker 1: check your pressure, raise your left arm out please just
Speaker 1: please hold it up there and touch your nose. But um,
Speaker 1: this song is dedicated to I'll be feeling in the mornings.
Speaker 1: I mean sitting at the edge of the bed when
Speaker 1: I wake up, and in my mind it's on place
Speaker 1: baby baby, baby, baby baby, and it's just that part
Speaker 1: baby baby, baby, baby baby. No, it just go back
Speaker 1: to the beginning, baby baby baby, because it seems like
Speaker 1: all the days just run back until the beginning of
Speaker 1: the day. It's like very groundhogs day up in this
Speaker 1: bitch like doel that I just got tired all in
Speaker 1: my throat m because I was thinking of, thank you,
Speaker 1: mama for the nine months you're carrying me through all
Speaker 1: the pain and suffering a lot of mercy. But what
Speaker 1: about the six months after those nine months? Yeah, that's
Speaker 1: that's when it gets But I need I need a
Speaker 1: follow up to that that song the nine months and
Speaker 1: then the whole year after that it takes to get
Speaker 1: back after giving birth. And yes, it takes a whole
Speaker 1: year facts. But you know we're about to take break
Speaker 1: to take a nap. That was cute, pay some bills,
Speaker 1: and we'll be right back after this. All right, So
Speaker 1: we're back, y, We're back, y'all. We are talking today
Speaker 1: about that fourth try Smester. Yes, okay, and don't try
Speaker 1: to get all technical. That's what might try to get
Speaker 1: technical about. Oh, it's not technically a trimester because it's
Speaker 1: four and four at squad, y'all know what the hell
Speaker 1: it is. It's been coined the fourth trimester because why
Speaker 1: it's that unspoken time that a lot of people tend
Speaker 1: to breathe over or glaze over, because there's so much
Speaker 1: attention that goes into the first second and the third,
Speaker 1: the delivery. The baby is here, it's like great, and
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, that's it. You're expected to
Speaker 1: keep this baby safe and sound and alive and just recover. Right.
Speaker 1: But this is something people need to realize, right. You know,
Speaker 1: a trimester, if you look up the dictionary, a trimester
Speaker 1: in the dictionary says a series of three months. Right,
Speaker 1: So people be trying to be so technical. But if
Speaker 1: you're talking about trimesters in pregnancy, you have the nine
Speaker 1: or ten months the series, then the fourth trimester would
Speaker 1: be the trimester after those three three trime stirs. So
Speaker 1: people be trying to be like super smart and sound
Speaker 1: and stupid, you know what I'm saying, And I'd be aggravated.
Speaker 1: Ill keep it aggravating. This to day because I don't
Speaker 1: get no sleep. I went to bed at four o'clock
Speaker 1: last night and had to be up this morning to
Speaker 1: do this podcast. So I'm just I'm tired. But sometimes
Speaker 1: when I try to engage with people and read comments
Speaker 1: on social media, I just closed my laptop because I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna argue with this person about the definition
Speaker 1: to try musta when I'm speaking about my wife and pregnancy, Like,
Speaker 1: I'm just not having this debate, right right semantics? Well anny,
Speaker 1: who Um, it's funny because yeah, I was just about
Speaker 1: to get back to the the story of time because it's funny.
Speaker 1: I mean, kids will be brutal to you, especially in
Speaker 1: that for try Like cats occasionally since I've had the
Speaker 1: baby has been around about what almost a month now, um,
Speaker 1: cats will occasionally come over to me and be like, Mommy, ahire,
Speaker 1: you barely still fat, Mommy, you have another baby brother
Speaker 1: in there, Mommy, when you're gonna have another baby brother.
Speaker 1: I'm like, you know what, cats, get out of my face?
Speaker 1: How about that get out of my face? Um? But yeah,
Speaker 1: it's that it's that time period where now the baby
Speaker 1: is born and there's so many things happening, right, so
Speaker 1: there's a drastic decrease in hormone, right, So that in
Speaker 1: itself is enough to throw a woman over the edge. Breastfeeding.
Speaker 1: Do you remember what my boobs look like about four
Speaker 1: days after giving birth? Yeah? It was It's kind of
Speaker 1: Jurassic Park ish. It was like scales. Yeah, it looked
Speaker 1: like what was it? It was Toronto rapped. It looked
Speaker 1: like a Toronto Toronto rapper's nipple. Because your boy was like, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: you know this is no I'm not capting. I'll tell
Speaker 1: you I'm not putting a hundred on ten on these
Speaker 1: these stories. Bro. I've watched this boy, right, Kay was
Speaker 1: trying to put him on the nipple, right, and he
Speaker 1: was like fighting, he was like and then randomly when
Speaker 1: he was ready, he just attacked the nipple and just
Speaker 1: like and then I heard, Kay, don't you don't chew
Speaker 1: it to it? And I looked over there and your
Speaker 1: nipple was just getting fucked up, and I was like, man,
Speaker 1: let me just leave a head because now I'm getting depressed.
Speaker 1: After that. You ain't gonna feel nothing nothing. What I
Speaker 1: always wondered too, It's like, you know, I've had three
Speaker 1: children before him, right, and We go through the same
Speaker 1: process every single time, and I figured by now the
Speaker 1: nipple would have developed some sort of resistance or toughness,
Speaker 1: But it just has each child, I guess because each
Speaker 1: latch is different, their mouth size is different, everything is different.
Speaker 1: That every single time there's like this learning curve for
Speaker 1: mom and baby that has to we have to go
Speaker 1: through this. The nipples they get tough, though, Yeah, because
Speaker 1: I'm thinking about college. Like like when in college, when
Speaker 1: I used to like rub against your nipple, it should
Speaker 1: be like automatic. Now I gotta like slade. When I
Speaker 1: want to get you a roused, I'd be like punching back,
Speaker 1: is there anything left in there? And then you'd be like,
Speaker 1: oh yeah, and I'd be like, yeah, let's go. Just
Speaker 1: you got you know, the nipples no longer need caressing
Speaker 1: now you got up to get that. You know what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, to get it going, to get it going. See,
Speaker 1: that's why I didn't work when I was trying to
Speaker 1: put myself or you were trying to put me into labor. Yeah,
Speaker 1: they're just like nothing exist. So there's lots of myths
Speaker 1: and facts, which I think was kind of cool. Triple
Speaker 1: found some like myths and facts about postpartum right, Um,
Speaker 1: what are some things that people think happened and what
Speaker 1: really happens? Um? The first one, you will fall in
Speaker 1: love with your baby immediately. That was you with with Dakota.
Speaker 1: That was true. That was definitely true this time around.
Speaker 1: I feel like with each of my boys, I think
Speaker 1: the one I was probably the most like struck with
Speaker 1: was Kas only because Cairo was still like a baby,
Speaker 1: and then I had Ks right after that, so I
Speaker 1: was kind of like, oh shoot, but I wasn't love though.
Speaker 1: I know. I think with Jackson, you were the most
Speaker 1: afraid because I was our first. So I remember watching
Speaker 1: you and you kind of it was almost like intimidating
Speaker 1: having your own child. So with Jackson seemed like you
Speaker 1: went through this intimidated phase like I hope I'm doing
Speaker 1: it right. With Cairo, it seems like you just knew
Speaker 1: because you already had one. With Cass he came so
Speaker 1: like so quick. After Kyle, you just like, all right,
Speaker 1: hand me the baby. Anybody got that one. There's so
Speaker 1: much time in between and a different point in our
Speaker 1: life that we're at two where I have a little
Speaker 1: bit more leisure time, I have a little bit more
Speaker 1: flexibility that I'm here, I'm president, I'm solely pretty much
Speaker 1: with the baby the entire time. So but yeah, some
Speaker 1: people don't feel that way. A friend of mine did
Speaker 1: tell me when she first had her first daughter that
Speaker 1: she would sit there and look at this baby in
Speaker 1: the bath and that like, so, sis, I'm supposed to
Speaker 1: like you and I'm supposed to love you, but I
Speaker 1: kind of don't. And she said it was almost meeting
Speaker 1: a stranger, like a weird stranger that just would stare
Speaker 1: at her in this bestnet and what am I supposed
Speaker 1: to do with this baby? You know? And she said
Speaker 1: it took it took her a couple of weeks to
Speaker 1: actually kind of develop a bond with this baby. So, um,
Speaker 1: the truth of the matter is that it can take
Speaker 1: some time. Despite all those happy scenes and movies where
Speaker 1: you see that make it seem like you should be
Speaker 1: over the moon instantly, um in love with this human
Speaker 1: that you just gave birth to. Some moms experience of
Speaker 1: delaying that, but it just like kind of hit me, right.
Speaker 1: But a woman, right, You're used to your body a
Speaker 1: certain way, You're used to things happening right like you
Speaker 1: just like say, for example, like you just so accustomed
Speaker 1: to your body the way it was in college. Not
Speaker 1: only do you have hormones and all this other stuff
Speaker 1: and you have sleep deprivation, but then also your body
Speaker 1: changes completely. I could see a woman like looking at
Speaker 1: themselves in the mirror then looking at their baby and
Speaker 1: just being like, you fucked me up, absolutely, Like like
Speaker 1: you know, that's how I look at these little big
Speaker 1: boys that we have run around. When Jackson wants to
Speaker 1: look at me and wants to give me a little
Speaker 1: backchat as we call it in the islands um, which
Speaker 1: he knows that I don't tolerate, I literally look at
Speaker 1: him and be like, I can point out the stretch
Speaker 1: marks that you cost me all my thighs. That's another
Speaker 1: thing that I want. I wanted to point out. It's
Speaker 1: like literally the way you put yourself through a microscope
Speaker 1: after children. I don't. And if you ask most men
Speaker 1: after their wives give birth, their bodies just be looking
Speaker 1: the best, y'all, just be swollen and all that. It's
Speaker 1: almost like you got worn in. Like it's like a mattress.
Speaker 1: Right at first, the mattress is kind of hard and
Speaker 1: a little firm, and then it's like after you have
Speaker 1: a couple of kids. Not she a little warning, a
Speaker 1: little softer in certain places, a little wider in certain places.
Speaker 1: Is that what you mean? No, I meant you gained
Speaker 1: ten pounds every child in all the right places. So
Speaker 1: for me, it was just like, after this baby, she's
Speaker 1: really gonna be banging like yourself. He's calling me a mattress.
Speaker 1: That's more hid. I did not say that. I did
Speaker 1: not say that. But you do, you do? You do
Speaker 1: seem to be very like in my fourth Travis said,
Speaker 1: which I've experienced at least with you, that you are
Speaker 1: very still affectionate. I think you like the softness. Meanwhile,
Speaker 1: I tend to be in the mirror like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: this is in the stretch mark. Oh my god, my
Speaker 1: stomach is still dark. My arm pits are still looking
Speaker 1: like many vaginas because my milk came in. I've never
Speaker 1: met a man saying I can't. I can't with shorty man,
Speaker 1: she got a stretched mark. I've never met that guy
Speaker 1: say that ever. Ever, I don't know what. I don't
Speaker 1: know why y'all tripping. I don't know what I one
Speaker 1: dude has said that well to an extent. I appreciate
Speaker 1: my stretch marks. I just learned to live with them
Speaker 1: at this point. I used to be the person that
Speaker 1: picked my part myself apart um. But I've learned to
Speaker 1: give myself grace because why I berthed for whole boys
Speaker 1: and grew him. So I think that there's something pretty
Speaker 1: noble about that, and I do give myself raise. However, um,
Speaker 1: people talk about the whole snapback situation. Um, I think
Speaker 1: it's gotten such a negative connotation, just especially with just
Speaker 1: social media and the portrayal of celebrities, for example, with
Speaker 1: getting back faster and that being the focus is the
Speaker 1: body image, right. But for me, it's more of a
Speaker 1: desire to just be back to my normal, just be
Speaker 1: back to feeling like myself again. Feeling like myself again
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that I have these additional weight on me either,
Speaker 1: So there's a desire for me to get back to
Speaker 1: what I wanted to be before. Um. But I think
Speaker 1: the time frame is what tends to be a you know,
Speaker 1: a little bit more misconstrued because people think in six weeks, oh,
Speaker 1: six weeks is when you're back to work because of
Speaker 1: maternity leave or lack thereof. Don't get me started on that, um,
Speaker 1: But the six weeks check up, you know. And I
Speaker 1: just learned recently the reason why they tell women it's
Speaker 1: six weeks that you have to wait in order to
Speaker 1: will a have a check up, be have sex again.
Speaker 1: Um see, go back to work in America. But it's
Speaker 1: because the placenta, when it grows in the body, when
Speaker 1: it expels itself from the body, there's like an internal
Speaker 1: wound into uterus that has to heal. And there is still,
Speaker 1: like with my postpartum preclampson, there's still in that six
Speaker 1: week time frame a chance that you can still hemorrhage,
Speaker 1: that you can still you know, have a lot of
Speaker 1: different issues based on the fact that infection. It is
Speaker 1: a lot of different things that can happen. Um, because
Speaker 1: you're not healed. So when they tell you that you
Speaker 1: should be resting for those six weeks, you legitimately should
Speaker 1: be resting. I am guilty of not doing that either,
Speaker 1: because you know, I'm up and running, I have other children,
Speaker 1: We're back to work again. Um So I do kind
Speaker 1: of tread lightly, but I kind of keep that in
Speaker 1: the back of my mind. I never really knew why
Speaker 1: it was this whole time frame. Yeah. So, um, and
Speaker 1: it makes sense you think about it. I think in
Speaker 1: diameter on average, most senses are about like eight inches.
Speaker 1: So if that's the case, once you expel that, you'll
Speaker 1: have at least that size wound inside. And if that
Speaker 1: was an external wound, people would probably be like, oh, man, Like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I just said still so, Um, that's something recently that
Speaker 1: I found out. However, UM, I know that once I
Speaker 1: get my six week check up and things are good
Speaker 1: to go, like, that's when I want to start working
Speaker 1: out again. It's moving a little bit more because I
Speaker 1: also don't want to just get settled into where I
Speaker 1: am now, um, and there is a craving to be
Speaker 1: back to my normal self. We do know that wounds
Speaker 1: internally do heal faster. For example, if you have a
Speaker 1: cut in your mouth, will cut on your tongue or
Speaker 1: cut internally does feel faster than the wound externally. So
Speaker 1: it's not exactly the same. But I also want to
Speaker 1: interject on the whole snapback thing. You know, after years
Speaker 1: of watching people interact on social media, I've started to
Speaker 1: understand that even with the snap back, when you hear
Speaker 1: like the backlash, oftentimes it's a projection from people who
Speaker 1: were not able to just get back to where they
Speaker 1: were for whatever reason. It could be health reasons, it
Speaker 1: could be time, it could be resources. But when someone
Speaker 1: puts out that they've snapped back, when you see all
Speaker 1: the backlash from people, typically it really has nothing to
Speaker 1: do with that woman wanting to be back, but everything
Speaker 1: to do with all of the people who could not
Speaker 1: get back to where they were. And I think, I
Speaker 1: think what happens is people and then internalize other people's
Speaker 1: projections as to man, maybe I shouldn't snap back. You
Speaker 1: can't tell someone how they should view the best version
Speaker 1: of themselves. If someone views the best version of themselves
Speaker 1: is then being the exact same way as before they
Speaker 1: got pregnant, that's on that person. If someone views themselves
Speaker 1: as I'm not getting back until I'm ready, that's on
Speaker 1: that person. But because of social media, we take everyone's
Speaker 1: opinion as gold, you know what I'm saying, Or if
Speaker 1: you have a mass number of opinions, that's the truth.
Speaker 1: There is no truth. The truth is we're all out
Speaker 1: here just just guessing, you know what I'm saying. So
Speaker 1: let people live, especially women who have kids, like we
Speaker 1: should refrain from projecting our issues or what we view
Speaker 1: as right or wrong on women i've actually who've actually
Speaker 1: given birth. I've kind of adopted this and I've gotten
Speaker 1: too a more peaceful place in my life when I
Speaker 1: started to realize that my opinion doesn't really matter on
Speaker 1: other people's lives. Right, if you think about dead as podcasts,
Speaker 1: what do we talk about here? This is my opinion
Speaker 1: on my life. You understand what I'm saying, right, Take
Speaker 1: what you want, listen, don't listen. My opinion on other
Speaker 1: people's lives really don't matter. So in turn, other people's
Speaker 1: opinion on my life don't matter to me, and I'll
Speaker 1: be I've been able to sit in a more peaceful
Speaker 1: place in my life because of that. Yeah, there's a
Speaker 1: less arguing, les's back and forth, let's having to debate
Speaker 1: because why people don't have their opinion regardless. And that's
Speaker 1: the point for women going through the fourth trimester, because
Speaker 1: this is a point where you have to get back
Speaker 1: to yourself. And if you're concerned about what other people
Speaker 1: think about how you get back to yourself, that's a
Speaker 1: sickness like think about. No one can physically go in
Speaker 1: your body and help you get back to yourself, So
Speaker 1: caring what other people think about how you get back
Speaker 1: to yourself. It's just and I mean, on the contrary,
Speaker 1: I've heard some women said that they liked themselves after
Speaker 1: they had baby. Baby. They liked the way their body look.
Speaker 1: They're okay with a little bit more weight. So they're like,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm in the rush to lose weight
Speaker 1: or snap back because I'm comfortable where I am right now. Um,
Speaker 1: So do you do you second myth you'll get an
Speaker 1: iron boost from eating your placenta. Let's talk about this. Um.
Speaker 1: I tried. Yes. This was after Cats, So I had
Speaker 1: the home birth with Cats back in New York, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, if I'm gonna do this whole home birth experience,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go all in and go all out. So
Speaker 1: what did I do in my placena? I didn't quite
Speaker 1: want to do the whole saving the placenta. I hear
Speaker 1: some people freeze it. They may put it in a
Speaker 1: smoothie and drink it. That was a little bit. That
Speaker 1: was a little bit too much for me to think
Speaker 1: about doing. However, I did have it um dried and
Speaker 1: put in a pill form and I would take it.
Speaker 1: And the claim was that if you do that with
Speaker 1: your placenta, you would experience, UM, increasing your milk supply,
Speaker 1: more energy, iron boost, UM. There are a lot of
Speaker 1: different benefits that they were claiming that I would feel.
Speaker 1: I can't say that that's something that I experienced. I
Speaker 1: don't know if it was mentally for me. Sometimes I
Speaker 1: felt like I did take the pill and I had energy,
Speaker 1: or I could have just had some coffee that kicked in.
Speaker 1: Who knows. So apparently the truth behind the placenta is
Speaker 1: that as trendy as it is nowadays, according to UM
Speaker 1: a study publishing the Archives of Women's Mental Health, it
Speaker 1: says that there's actually no proven health benefits to eating
Speaker 1: your after birth. All that time you have me trying
Speaker 1: to take this pac pills and I try to tell
Speaker 1: you all need to take it, and look, so let's
Speaker 1: just stick with our multi vitamins and UH somewhat balanced
Speaker 1: diet if you can, and leave the placenta for the fetus.
Speaker 1: And then this time around, we actually discarded of the placenta,
Speaker 1: but I did do delayed cord clamping with both Cats
Speaker 1: and Dakota, so they were both able to get all
Speaker 1: of their blood from the placenta before we the court
Speaker 1: or devout cut the court, I should say, snip, snip.
Speaker 1: Postpartum depression. That's a big one when it comes to
Speaker 1: the fourth trimester. I know me. I wouldn't say that
Speaker 1: I've experienced depression this time around. However, I do know
Speaker 1: that my emotions are on like super high. Yeah, because
Speaker 1: you just be sitting in a bed crying super high.
Speaker 1: Like I can literally cry like the drop of a dime.
Speaker 1: And why something I don't really know, or it could
Speaker 1: be maybe I do kind of have an inkling where
Speaker 1: I want to cry and then the tears just come.
Speaker 1: It could be happy tears. I don't really think I
Speaker 1: have postpartum depression, but I see it in my bed
Speaker 1: and I just cry and I don't know why. Um well, no,
Speaker 1: I don't think it's a depressed state. I think it's
Speaker 1: just like a heightened sense of emotion state that I'm in.
Speaker 1: So the simplest thing can make me cry. I can
Speaker 1: watch the television show and be like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: you're so sad, or oh my god, that was so happy,
Speaker 1: or oh my god, I love you so much, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna cry, or oh my god, my nipples hurts so bad,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna cry. Like there's so many different reasons why
Speaker 1: I'm gonna cry. But when it comes to postpartum depression,
Speaker 1: the myth is that it will affect your child. I
Speaker 1: would think that that's the truth. If you are depressed
Speaker 1: or feeling experienced and postpartum depression, that you will then
Speaker 1: or your child will fee the effects of it. But
Speaker 1: the truth of the matter, according to this study here,
Speaker 1: is that probably not. Postpartum depression is very real, and
Speaker 1: if you suspect that you have it, you should get help.
Speaker 1: But don't assume that the negative feelings will transfer to
Speaker 1: your baby. I was there talking about a transfer of energy,
Speaker 1: I guess, um, But a study conducted by the Norwegian
Speaker 1: Mother and Child cohort Um found that prenatal and postnatal
Speaker 1: maternal depression has very little impact on the child's psyche.
Speaker 1: I guess after the psychological development. Um, it's far more
Speaker 1: detrimental I think to the mother of course, especially during um,
Speaker 1: or the children rather during preschool years, which I don't know.
Speaker 1: If postpartum depression is something that lasts that long you
Speaker 1: think of postpartum, you think of that for at least
Speaker 1: um year after having the baby, but apparently some women
Speaker 1: experienced it longer than a year after they have their children. Um,
Speaker 1: I don't think there's a time limit on postpartum depression.
Speaker 1: I think it can. It can. Postpartum is postpartum, like
Speaker 1: you postpartum five, ten years after the baby. Um. That
Speaker 1: also goes back to like you said of not finding
Speaker 1: yourself after, you know, after you've had the child. And
Speaker 1: I think there are different things that can affect Uh. Well,
Speaker 1: I guess is there a range for that's considered now
Speaker 1: postpartum is over? I mean, I guess in the concentrated
Speaker 1: form for me at least, I'm thinking maybe the first
Speaker 1: year the first year. However, no, because you think about it,
Speaker 1: then there's also like the child goes on to like
Speaker 1: terrible tubes for example, may have elapsed you know, in
Speaker 1: feelings whatever or three. Um, So there really is no
Speaker 1: time frame, I mean, unless you want to ten years
Speaker 1: later be like I'm still experiencing it. Who knows. There
Speaker 1: may be other factors. It may not be postpartum per se,
Speaker 1: but there be maybe other levels of depression that someone's
Speaker 1: dealing with. Well. I remember when I don't know if
Speaker 1: it was a listener letter or one person in particular,
Speaker 1: said that they they had never dealt with their postpartum
Speaker 1: depression and anxiety. When the baby got here, and as
Speaker 1: the child continued to grow and go through different stages,
Speaker 1: it got worse. So in a way that postpartum depression
Speaker 1: still continue to linger through and and you know it
Speaker 1: was but it might have been in the live show.
Speaker 1: She said the child was like two three, And then
Speaker 1: as they got older and they start to separate from
Speaker 1: being in the body first and then being more independent,
Speaker 1: the moms then started to feel more depressed. And she
Speaker 1: went to go see someone and they said, you know,
Speaker 1: this is a form of postpartum depression. Yeah, because there's
Speaker 1: a separation anxiety that some moms have, you know, after
Speaker 1: you have the baby and now the baby is not
Speaker 1: in you, so you can't protect them. And as they
Speaker 1: become more independent, start to walk, start to reach different milestones,
Speaker 1: the mom starts to feel less needed and less important,
Speaker 1: and that depression and spiral. That's probably why this article
Speaker 1: is referencing maternal depression during the kids preschool years, because
Speaker 1: there's the separation. So that makes sense. Look at you
Speaker 1: remember and stuff when people sending When people talk to us,
Speaker 1: I really try to pay attention because I want to
Speaker 1: I want to help as many people. Plus, I want
Speaker 1: to be able to reference that if I notice anything
Speaker 1: with you on myself that doesn't make a lot of
Speaker 1: sense because that feeling of like, oh my god, my
Speaker 1: child is no longer. It's like a protection thing. You know.
Speaker 1: You feel like the best when the baby is inside
Speaker 1: of you because you feel like I can protect this
Speaker 1: little person, and then once the person comes earthside, you're like, Okay,
Speaker 1: this person is not in my body anymore. If the
Speaker 1: person is, if this baby is not with me all
Speaker 1: the time. I even felt that, think about it. When
Speaker 1: I went to the hospital and I had to go
Speaker 1: in for the preclamp shot, I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: completely beside myself at the idea of having to leave
Speaker 1: the baby. Um, you know which, I don't cry about
Speaker 1: leaving my kids, you know on a regular day. However, Yeah,
Speaker 1: I can totally get that myth you lose the baby.
Speaker 1: Wait if you breastfeed? Some people say they do, some
Speaker 1: people say they don't. I've heard women say that they
Speaker 1: do lose weight breastfeeding. I've heard some women say they
Speaker 1: gain weight after breastfeeding because they feel like they're required
Speaker 1: to or their body requires them to eat more, or
Speaker 1: they tend to snack more, or they crave different things.
Speaker 1: Some people crave things after the baby while they're breastfeeding
Speaker 1: versus craving during the pregnancy. So um, that's going to
Speaker 1: be something that's different for everyone. I don't think that
Speaker 1: there's like a standard, but I do know from also
Speaker 1: doing postpartum training. Remember I used to train people for
Speaker 1: ten years and studying you know from exercise physiology. People
Speaker 1: also attribute not a tribute, but they equate waste loss
Speaker 1: with weight loss. And I think some women in the beginning,
Speaker 1: once they start breastfeeding, remember your uterus still has to contract,
Speaker 1: your stomach is going to get smaller. That's not necessarily
Speaker 1: weight loss, that's waste loss. So some people may think
Speaker 1: it's a myth. While I'm breastfeeding, my waisted getting no waste.
Speaker 1: That's in your actual wast So if you think about
Speaker 1: it right, you haven't really lost any weight from the
Speaker 1: time you had the baby three weeks ago, but you've
Speaker 1: been breastfeeding and your waist has gotten smaller because your
Speaker 1: uterus is contracting. So some people coordinate the waste lost
Speaker 1: with weight loss when it's really not weight that you're losing.
Speaker 1: Your uterus is contracting and your stomach is getting smaller.
Speaker 1: And some women say, oh, while I was breastfeeding, my
Speaker 1: stomach was getting smaller, but then when I stopped, it didn't.
Speaker 1: Because I used to have women say that to me.
Speaker 1: It seemed like in the very very beginning, while I
Speaker 1: was breastfeeding, because some women only breastfeed for a month
Speaker 1: or two. And the first thing it says, while I
Speaker 1: was breastfeeding, my waist was getting smaller than the minute
Speaker 1: I stopped, my waist stops and I'm like right, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, that wasn't your waist getting smaller. That
Speaker 1: was that That wasn't your weight. You weren't losing weight,
Speaker 1: Your waist was just contracting. That might have happened with
Speaker 1: me and cats, because I feel like after I had Cats,
Speaker 1: I went down the side and then I went back
Speaker 1: up again. You see what I'm saying. And I was like,
Speaker 1: how did I get back to youre like, now you know,
Speaker 1: I'm six pounds shy of where I started this pregnancy
Speaker 1: of Dakota, and I got on the scale before delivering him,
Speaker 1: I was like, my biggest that I've ever been any
Speaker 1: pregnancy had him, I was at one s one and
Speaker 1: then just completely was like, I'm not even gonna look
Speaker 1: at the scale. I just happened to step on the
Speaker 1: scale the other morning and I was down to one eight.
Speaker 1: I'm like, wait a second, how did I get back
Speaker 1: to this so fast? You know? Fluid loss? Fluid loss, Yeah,
Speaker 1: that was a big one because I had a lot.
Speaker 1: I was retaining so much water. Yes, your your legs
Speaker 1: were swollen, your hands were swollen. And what people don't
Speaker 1: realize that when you've retained that much water, you could
Speaker 1: lose ten pounds of water in a day easily, just
Speaker 1: by fluid. And I know I have not one piece
Speaker 1: of muscle, so whatever you see here is a little bit.
Speaker 1: It's all fat. That's relative, so I know. But people
Speaker 1: need to realize the difference between weight loss and waste loss,
Speaker 1: especially after having a child, when not uterus is contracting
Speaker 1: and it's stilling to get smaller, you feeling like you're
Speaker 1: getting snatched you and lose no weight. Maybe you just
Speaker 1: you know you stomach is going back down to but
Speaker 1: god damn it. If you feel good and it makes
Speaker 1: you feel good, you feel good about it, but enjoy
Speaker 1: it and celebrated. But then I just I don't want
Speaker 1: women to think that, oh, it happened because I was breastfeeding,
Speaker 1: and then try to go to breastfeed and still eat
Speaker 1: like crap and not work out because I think that
Speaker 1: as long as our breastfeed, I'm gonna tine to lose weight.
Speaker 1: That's the myth. Yeah, you still have to be healthy.
Speaker 1: You have to treat your body right, treat your mind right. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and if your breastfeeding and you want to produce milk
Speaker 1: and quality milk, you should be eating the right things anyway.
Speaker 1: All right, one more for the road. And if you'll
Speaker 1: want sex right after the postpartum period, well, actually no,
Speaker 1: I tend to, I think because I've I've not wanted
Speaker 1: sex at all, especially during various points in the pregnancy,
Speaker 1: particularly the very beginning and the very end. Um. I
Speaker 1: look forward to the six week check up period postpartum,
Speaker 1: and I personally look forward to reconnecting with my husband,
Speaker 1: which is something that I have not been able to
Speaker 1: do in months. Um So, for me, I know that
Speaker 1: i'd be ready to get it popping. I don't know
Speaker 1: about nobody else. Um So, apparently that's the myth. But
Speaker 1: the truth is sleepless nights, constant typer changes, dryness, all
Speaker 1: the things that new mothers tend to experience, sex is
Speaker 1: usually the last thing on their mind. Um, but I
Speaker 1: think that's relative because I'm on the contrary. I can't
Speaker 1: wait to jump your bones again. I think during during
Speaker 1: all of our pregnancies after this, where you'll be looking
Speaker 1: for that six week check up, around week three or four,
Speaker 1: that's when you'd be like, how much long have we got?
Speaker 1: And I feel like it'd be all the backed up
Speaker 1: months of you not being able to get Now you're like,
Speaker 1: all right, baby, let's let's go. That's how we ended
Speaker 1: up with cast. Before we leave, I just want to
Speaker 1: talk to the gentleman a little bit about how the
Speaker 1: fourth tryn mester affects us, because it really does affect
Speaker 1: us a lot. Need to be aggravated. Ok, you've gotten
Speaker 1: so many phone calls, I think recently from friends who
Speaker 1: have had babies recently, Bro, that you have to talk
Speaker 1: off right, b Yo. I've had friends called me right
Speaker 1: and they'll really be like, BRO. If I knew she
Speaker 1: was gonna be like, and I like, Bro, it's gonna pass.
Speaker 1: But you have to understand that this is the This
Speaker 1: is the main thing that I tell people sleep deprivation
Speaker 1: for one person can be like a problem detrimental to
Speaker 1: anybody's mental health. But two people both sleep deprived, two
Speaker 1: people both sleep deprived, and then trying to exist and
Speaker 1: deal with a new person, that is a recipe for
Speaker 1: the disaster. I'll give you an example. Right. One of
Speaker 1: my homies, hard working dude, he was like, Yo, my
Speaker 1: wife crazy. I said, why your wife crazy? Bro? He's like,
Speaker 1: listen to me. I go to work so that she
Speaker 1: don't gotta rush to go back to work. I said, baby,
Speaker 1: don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. I got this.
Speaker 1: It's he gets it right. He goes and work eighteen
Speaker 1: hours a day. Sometimes he's like, I'm gonna take as
Speaker 1: much over time as possibles. Why have money coming in?
Speaker 1: While he's at work, his wife will be calling him like, oh,
Speaker 1: you're not coming home, and she got an attitude. So
Speaker 1: he's just like, I don't know what to do because
Speaker 1: I'm trying to give her an opportunity to spend time
Speaker 1: with the baby, but I need to make money. So
Speaker 1: he says, freaking, I dropped this overtime. My head home.
Speaker 1: He then heads home. When he gets home, he tries
Speaker 1: to help out. Everything he tries to do when he's home,
Speaker 1: she says is absolutely wrong. Don't touch me, don't touch
Speaker 1: the baby. You's just better off going back to work
Speaker 1: because you're no help. So he says, okay, he goes
Speaker 1: back to work. Then he goes back to work and
Speaker 1: she's like, oh, you're just gonna leave. So then he's like,
Speaker 1: you just told me to go back to work. So
Speaker 1: then he goes back home, tries to help again, don't
Speaker 1: touch me, don't touch the baby, just stay here. Then
Speaker 1: he stays in the house so he can be present,
Speaker 1: and she says, oh, so you're gonna sit here in
Speaker 1: the house and do nothing. It's like, I don't know
Speaker 1: what to do. I don't know. I don't know where
Speaker 1: to go. I don't know if I'm going to supposed
Speaker 1: to stay. I don't know whether the kiss, I don't
Speaker 1: know whether slapper. I don't even know if that baby
Speaker 1: is mine anymore. I just don't know. And I was like, bro,
Speaker 1: it's not just your wife, it's all of them. I
Speaker 1: remember the same thing when when we first had Jackson.
Speaker 1: I couldn't change in the right way. I didn't do
Speaker 1: the bottles the right way. I didn't hold in the
Speaker 1: right way. And I used to look at like it's
Speaker 1: your first baby, to how you a baby expert? Like
Speaker 1: we have to come through my from through my door
Speaker 1: before my own kids. So I was pretty much a
Speaker 1: pro by the time we had a baby. Granted, we
Speaker 1: we tend to give young women more responsibility with handle
Speaker 1: newborns than we do young men. You know, they ain't
Speaker 1: gonna bring a baby to a young eighteen year old
Speaker 1: and say hey, hold this baby, So I will give
Speaker 1: you that. But that don't mean that there's only one
Speaker 1: way to skin a cat. I took care of the
Speaker 1: kids the way I needed to. The thing is, I
Speaker 1: learned very quickly once I had to go back to
Speaker 1: work after Jackson. Remember you were at home, dad, and
Speaker 1: I was out working, because that's just where we were
Speaker 1: in our life at that point. And you found a
Speaker 1: way to make things work because I had to be
Speaker 1: out there working and you were building your business and babysitting,
Speaker 1: well not babysitting, you were taking care of your child.
Speaker 1: So you found a way, and I was I was
Speaker 1: very um quick to be like, well, if it works,
Speaker 1: it works, you gotta do what you gotta do. As
Speaker 1: long as I don't see what you're doing, as long
Speaker 1: as I don't see the way you're strapping my chat.
Speaker 1: Who was it that you tied to the bed sheets
Speaker 1: so he wouldn't crawl off the bed? It was cats.
Speaker 1: He tied my baby to a bed sheet, like literally
Speaker 1: as if he was going to like scale him down
Speaker 1: the side of the building. Tied him into the bed
Speaker 1: sheets if he would crawl away. So let me explain,
Speaker 1: he would literally podcast back. Dad lodged. Let me explain
Speaker 1: dad logic. Oh man, moms be mad that I tied
Speaker 1: my baby to me. I tied the baby to my
Speaker 1: waist so that when I felt the tug, I knew
Speaker 1: he was close to the edge of the bed. Now,
Speaker 1: shouldn't do that. But Kay and her mom both let
Speaker 1: all of our kids fall off the bed at some
Speaker 1: point in time. If you have tied them to the sheet,
Speaker 1: they would have never fell off the bed. That's false.
Speaker 1: Why we run around letting their kids fall off the bed.
Speaker 1: Sometimes somethings be crawling up by himself. If you would
Speaker 1: have tied this sheet to yourself, the baby would have
Speaker 1: never fell off the bed. Then fall. But my point
Speaker 1: is dads have their own methods, and gentlemen let me
Speaker 1: tell you something. Bro, Let me tell you something. Gentlemen,
Speaker 1: do not let your wife or your baby mother tell
Speaker 1: you that you are not a good father because you're
Speaker 1: not doing it the way they want it done. Put
Speaker 1: your foot down, start early in the fourth trimester, show
Speaker 1: her that you have the strength and the mental capacity
Speaker 1: to be a good father, because if you don't, for
Speaker 1: the rest of your life, you're gonna be questioning everything
Speaker 1: you do with that kid, like Mimi does. Every time
Speaker 1: I leave here, many be like, dudes, do you you
Speaker 1: know what you're doing? Jackson is team okay, he survived.
Speaker 1: I think I'm doing okay. That should be like, or
Speaker 1: do you like that? Does me? If I go to
Speaker 1: do something with the baby, he knows I need a break,
Speaker 1: he'd be like, down, go to sleep, Go to sleep.
Speaker 1: I got the baby. That's what I do. Sleep. So
Speaker 1: I can tell your wife is shut up some tongue,
Speaker 1: because she'd be questioning me. I go to pick up
Speaker 1: my back. I don't have to take this. I'm going
Speaker 1: to take a nap. That's all. I want you to
Speaker 1: take your nap so you don't gotta be sleep deprived.
Speaker 1: That's a fact. So other common common symptoms to look forward,
Speaker 1: just so y'all know in postpartum depression and your frustration,
Speaker 1: feeling overwhelmed, being easily exhausted, feeling insecure, repetitive, worrying, and
Speaker 1: crying spells for no reason. Wait a second, I'm checking
Speaker 1: a couple of these boxes over here. Hopelessness, struggling with
Speaker 1: an emotional connection to the baby, loss of interest and
Speaker 1: activities you've always loved. I might actually be mildly depressed, y'all,
Speaker 1: now that I think about it, Like, I just don't
Speaker 1: like people right now. I don't like to be around people,
Speaker 1: don't like company. Um, very selected with who I want
Speaker 1: around me, and devious, just like it used to be
Speaker 1: such a social butterfly. And I'm like, I'm not the
Speaker 1: less postpartum and the pandemic. Like I think a lot
Speaker 1: of people are feeling that way because for a year
Speaker 1: and a half, life hasn't been normal. We've all been
Speaker 1: in the house dealing with our own things, our own things,
Speaker 1: and our own people. So now I'm just like I
Speaker 1: can do without people. But um, having a sleep problem
Speaker 1: and feeling irritable all the time. Well, there's so much
Speaker 1: when it comes to this fourth trimester, so much I'm
Speaker 1: curious to see what listening to this we have this week.
Speaker 1: We'll see if they're gonna tell us anything or ask
Speaker 1: us anything about this pregnancy life or this baby life.
Speaker 1: Before we go there, you know, we gotta do take
Speaker 1: a break. We gotta take a break, y'all. We're gonna
Speaker 1: take a quick one now and move into a list
Speaker 1: of letters after we get into some ads. So stick around.
Speaker 1: All right, guys, we're back for listener letters. I'm going
Speaker 1: to dive right in. Al Right, here's my question. They
Speaker 1: really did dive right in like I was. I saw
Speaker 1: that for a second. I was like, wait a second,
Speaker 1: is there a part that I'm missing? So here's my question.
Speaker 1: I recently been thinking about having more kids because I
Speaker 1: finally started dating men of proper caliber. That's a good choice.
Speaker 1: I don't know what you were dating before that, But
Speaker 1: all right, um, she said, take that exactly as is. Okay,
Speaker 1: I got it. Is my last pregnancy, I was alone.
Speaker 1: I had a horrible hospital birth, was sent home twice
Speaker 1: while in labor. At exclamation point wow, I had to
Speaker 1: drive myself to my last O B G N appointment
Speaker 1: while in contractions, all while my son was drinking the
Speaker 1: amniotic fluid, got induced, gotten epidural, all to be wheeled
Speaker 1: into the o R for a C section because my
Speaker 1: son's heart rate was dropping, all while my son's father
Speaker 1: was with his new woman story for another time. Because
Speaker 1: of this, I want nothing to do with the hospital
Speaker 1: birth ever again. I would like to do a home birth,
Speaker 1: but I also have to factor in that I sorry,
Speaker 1: I just scrolled up too fast. I also have to
Speaker 1: factor in that I have herpes and may have to
Speaker 1: act for a C section. Yikes. I'm wondering if laboring
Speaker 1: at home and possibly going to the hospital last minute
Speaker 1: would be the best course of action, or maybe just
Speaker 1: opting for a C section altogether. Sweetheart, this is there's
Speaker 1: a lot of medical variables here. I don't even think
Speaker 1: I would be qu equipped enough to give her an answer.
Speaker 1: Between herpes and already having a C section, those are
Speaker 1: things that I don't know about, especially with childbirth, so
Speaker 1: I don't even feel comfortable telling her what's the best thing.
Speaker 1: I would say, consult with your O B, G Y N. Yeah,
Speaker 1: definitely trust and and have her tell you what's the
Speaker 1: best option, right because from what I understand, like it's
Speaker 1: not impossible to have a regular vaginal birth after section
Speaker 1: if you've had one before. However, I know that there's
Speaker 1: more risks involved with that, so it's not impossible. Um,
Speaker 1: but I definitely think that that's something that you would
Speaker 1: have to probably discuss with not only O, B, G,
Speaker 1: y M, but possibly a midwife if you were just
Speaker 1: thinking about a home birth, so that way they can
Speaker 1: let you know their level of comfort and what that
Speaker 1: would entail if you were to um deliver at home.
Speaker 1: But yeah, and I'm not sure how the herpes um
Speaker 1: affects the birth, so I don't know how to answer that.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure either. I believe it's if you have
Speaker 1: an outbreak at the time of delivery. There's a possibility
Speaker 1: that if the baby passes through the vaginal canal that
Speaker 1: they could potentially get it somehow. Um, maybe like on
Speaker 1: their mouths or eyes or something like that. But um,
Speaker 1: but yeah, you're right, I wouldn't know too much about
Speaker 1: that to be able to give. I will say this
Speaker 1: one thing about this listener letter right that I can
Speaker 1: greatly appreciate. She said, I finally started dating men of
Speaker 1: proper caliber. This is important for people to realize. When
Speaker 1: people make general general realizations about the opposite sex. All
Speaker 1: men ain't ship, All women ain't ship. Realistically, you just
Speaker 1: showed a lot of people the type of people you
Speaker 1: like to date. Think about it, because I don't know
Speaker 1: how many people that are in the world, probably like
Speaker 1: a trillion people. There's no way you one person can
Speaker 1: have dated all of these people. But what it is
Speaker 1: showing is a pattern of you making poor choices with
Speaker 1: the type of people that you date and then projecting
Speaker 1: that on the entire world and saying all people or
Speaker 1: all the type of people you they are like that.
Speaker 1: So what people have to do, exactly what people have
Speaker 1: to do is take accountability for the people who they
Speaker 1: give their time to before they make generalizations. Can see
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, is everybody aint ship? Or are you
Speaker 1: just dealing with a ship people? Right or not right?
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying. There's a difference. You see
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. And what I can appreciate from her
Speaker 1: is her realizing that, you know, I was making poor choices,
Speaker 1: and since I was making poor choices, that things were
Speaker 1: happening to me that I could have prevented, and it
Speaker 1: started with who I chose to date. So I want
Speaker 1: to point that out. I could appreciate her for taking
Speaker 1: some accountability, because you know, one thing, I'm big on accountability,
Speaker 1: realizing where you made some mistakes, reflecting. So alright, good
Speaker 1: luxus number two. Hey, y'all, so let's get into it. Boom.
Speaker 1: This person is from New York. Check it definitely from
Speaker 1: New York. I'm with three kids, six three months and
Speaker 1: seven months. Wasn't playing and a husband, which was a
Speaker 1: whole stretch because I had hyperremesis every pregnancy. It's like
Speaker 1: a very severe form of nausea comedy. But my husband
Speaker 1: really wanted a girl my last child. Any who. I
Speaker 1: know how that feels, buddy. Any Who. We don't want
Speaker 1: any more children due to the fact that I get
Speaker 1: so sick during pregnancy. So me and my partner have
Speaker 1: not had sex since my daughter was has been born
Speaker 1: because I'm too afraid that I will get pregnant. That's
Speaker 1: seven whole month. Damn man, he had sex or seven
Speaker 1: whole months. I have not gone on birth control because
Speaker 1: I'm afraid of what it will do to my body
Speaker 1: and how it may make me feel. I have brought
Speaker 1: to my husband attention several times they needs to get snipped,
Speaker 1: and he says he will keep uh, he will, but
Speaker 1: keeps putting it off. So after months of this sexless life,
Speaker 1: George Jaws hurt. I told him we need to use condoms,
Speaker 1: and he gets an attitude and says he doesn't think
Speaker 1: he should have to use condoms with his wife. That's
Speaker 1: the benefit of being married. Like what, I'm confused because
Speaker 1: he don't want any more children either. I feel like
Speaker 1: that's selfish because I don't make sure. Because if I
Speaker 1: don't make sure he gets his he walks around here
Speaker 1: like somebody stole his bike. So my question is, how
Speaker 1: do you go? How do y'all go the whole time
Speaker 1: having sex but not getting pregnant until you were ready? Well,
Speaker 1: somebody got to get on something because I had the
Speaker 1: I U d N at one point, I was on
Speaker 1: the pill at one point throughout the course of our life.
Speaker 1: Somebody got to do something. If if somebody don't do something,
Speaker 1: Kadine is going to get pregnant. Okay, And what I'm
Speaker 1: gonna say here a lot of men are gonna be pissed.
Speaker 1: But this is just the fucking truth. I've asked this
Speaker 1: woman to have four kids for me. She's been pregnant,
Speaker 1: oh nine months for all four kids. That's thirty six
Speaker 1: months of pregnancy. She's been on birth control all those
Speaker 1: other times, and we've tried different things. You did, the
Speaker 1: hormonal I did, You did the ring, you did everything,
Speaker 1: and they caused different things for your bodies. Like like
Speaker 1: you just went through so much. I feel like there's
Speaker 1: literally been twenty years of me being on and off something,
Speaker 1: if not pregnant on sort of birth years. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: get snipped. I'm just gonna get snipped because I don't
Speaker 1: want to have any more kids. She doesn't want to
Speaker 1: have any more kids. So right now, in this moment,
Speaker 1: and we and we haven't made a final decision if
Speaker 1: we wanted to have kids or not, but if that's
Speaker 1: the final decision at this point in our marriage, I'm
Speaker 1: just gonna get snipped because I've already asked you to
Speaker 1: do so much, and I know how pregnancy can literally
Speaker 1: be life or death at moments. I'd rather just go
Speaker 1: get snipped right and then the effects of birth control body,
Speaker 1: and we'll be doing that until the end of time,
Speaker 1: like you know what I mean. Plus, like we said before,
Speaker 1: we realize how birth control affected your sex life. We've
Speaker 1: had the best sex in our life when she's not
Speaker 1: on birth control, so fun that. And I don't like
Speaker 1: using condoms neither. So I'm gonna get snipped. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be shooting this water and I'm gonna be shooting the
Speaker 1: club up knowing that I'm good. The only thing I
Speaker 1: just want to confirm is that my nut don't change.
Speaker 1: I don't want to have a watery nut a water
Speaker 1: nut that I don't know, but from what I hear,
Speaker 1: the nuts stays the same. But what I'm saying is
Speaker 1: that my nut consistency change. That we're gonna have to
Speaker 1: reconsider this because you don't want no water every nut.
Speaker 1: Do you think I actually don't want to see what
Speaker 1: I'm saying, And I don't think it's I'm joking. Guys,
Speaker 1: we know they're not gonna get water. I'm joking. Okay,
Speaker 1: is this Joe? You know? People some time to take
Speaker 1: you too serious. I'm a little delirious cause I'm tired.
Speaker 1: But if that was the thing where I gotta wortery nothing,
Speaker 1: I'm definitely not getting snipped. But your nuts stays the same.
Speaker 1: I got four friends. About four friends is an outpatient procedure.
Speaker 1: Like another buddy of mine, he just had a child.
Speaker 1: He said, I'm done. He had this fifth child. He's
Speaker 1: just like, yo, it's wrap. So, buddy, if you really
Speaker 1: want to have the best let me talk directly to
Speaker 1: you in the camera. If you want to have the
Speaker 1: best sex of your life with your wife, you don't
Speaker 1: want to have to wear a condom. You don't want
Speaker 1: her to have to be on birth control. You don't
Speaker 1: have to worry about being pregnant. Just get snipped, bro,
Speaker 1: get snipped. Nothing happens. You don't lose no hair, you
Speaker 1: don't lose no muscles, your dick don't shrink like everything
Speaker 1: stays the same. The only thing that happens is you
Speaker 1: can't have kids seven percent of the time, right, we
Speaker 1: know somebody point three, Yes, we know somebody point three.
Speaker 1: That's because he didn't go back to get his nut checked. Um,
Speaker 1: maybe I can get a two for one deal. I'm
Speaker 1: not going to get my nuts snipped with a dude.
Speaker 1: Pause that pause. That what we're supposed to be sitting
Speaker 1: there with our joints out together, like, uh, we snipped, buddy.
Speaker 1: Women an y'all crazy, y'all crazy. We don't want to
Speaker 1: do that. Some things is personal to us. Turn anything
Speaker 1: into a little date. Women do that get lunch after no,
Speaker 1: no you. First of all, there's another thing too, ladies.
Speaker 1: This is while I got this, while I got the mic. Right, pause,
Speaker 1: don't stop setting your husband's up on dates with your friends. Yo.
Speaker 1: Some niggers don't like other niggas. Yo. We don't want
Speaker 1: to have to be sitting there with each other with
Speaker 1: matthew sweaters and ship because y'all want to do stuff together,
Speaker 1: all right, nobody wants to do that. To stop, just stop,
Speaker 1: all right. You put me on a date with one
Speaker 1: of your friends and me and it's the husband. Don't
Speaker 1: talk no more. It was it was a thing where
Speaker 1: she was hanging we were hanging together. He was corny,
Speaker 1: was wild corny. But it was the thing where I
Speaker 1: don't want to not include you either, And then you do,
Speaker 1: feel free to not include me. I'll stay home, watch TV.
Speaker 1: I'll be a better judge of corn and character in
Speaker 1: the future. That was fun. That was fun. It was
Speaker 1: some fun fun listen letters. If you want to be
Speaker 1: featured as one of our listen letters, y'all you know
Speaker 1: what to do, email us at dead s Advice at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Yes, that's d E A. D A. S. S. A.
Speaker 1: D v I C. E at gmail dot com. Moment
Speaker 1: of true time when it comes to this fourth trimester,
Speaker 1: Listen to your body, ladies. Um. I know people are
Speaker 1: throwing around the whole giving yourself grace term right now,
Speaker 1: but literally like, take your time, take your time. You
Speaker 1: figure it took nine almost ten months or sometimes longer
Speaker 1: for some women to become pregnant, grow an entire baby,
Speaker 1: deliver that baby, and then now have to take care
Speaker 1: of that baby. Right. Don't be in any rush to
Speaker 1: to bounce back in six weeks, to bounce back in
Speaker 1: three months, to bounce back in six months. Take your time,
Speaker 1: and if you want to bounce back in three months,
Speaker 1: do it. And if you don't want to bounce back
Speaker 1: in three months, don't do it. Do whatever I think
Speaker 1: being able to bring forth life. You should be able
Speaker 1: to do whatever the hell you want to do in
Speaker 1: whatever time frame you want to do it in. How
Speaker 1: about that? And don't let anybody shame you for feeling
Speaker 1: like you either want to get back or you don't.
Speaker 1: What do you want to do? Sis, that's the question.
Speaker 1: I agree with that, while also remembering to be of
Speaker 1: service to your partner, because if you're in this life together,
Speaker 1: you should always be of service to each other. So yes,
Speaker 1: do whatever you want to do SIS while being of
Speaker 1: service to him. If he is of service to you,
Speaker 1: will I will just definitely. But reciprocity, Yes, reciprocity. My
Speaker 1: moment of truth is prepare for the fourth trimester. Had
Speaker 1: a lot of buddies that felt like you, I can't
Speaker 1: wait till pregnancy over and over and the baby gets
Speaker 1: here because it needs to be easy, not realizing that
Speaker 1: when the baby gets here is when the real work starts.
Speaker 1: So everything we talked about is familiar to people who
Speaker 1: have children. At it's your first time having a child,
Speaker 1: just be prepared for it. I don't think that your
Speaker 1: child's mother is crazy. Don't think that you're going crazy.
Speaker 1: Don't think that you're not compatible. Don't think that the
Speaker 1: baby fucked up your relationship. Sleep deprivation, hormones, a new
Speaker 1: new person in this space can create a change in
Speaker 1: the environment, and that's it's going to cause both of you, right,
Speaker 1: It's gonna cause both of you to pivot. So it's normal.
Speaker 1: It's normal. Give it time, give each other what grace, grace,
Speaker 1: and keep it moving all right, y'all, So be sure
Speaker 1: to find us on social media at dead as the Podcast,
Speaker 1: and you can find me Cadine, I am and I
Speaker 1: am Devout And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be
Speaker 1: sure to wait, review, and subscribe. Dead Ass is a
Speaker 1: production of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced
Speaker 1: by the Noorapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social
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Speaker 1: Thing