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Speaker 1: All, my mama, the fourth trimester be worse than the

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Speaker 1: whole pregnancy. Son, I will say dead ass. If I

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Speaker 1: didn't know anybody, I think you've experienced the fourth trimester.

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Speaker 1: The fourth trimester is ghetto dead ass. Hey, I'm Cadine

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Speaker 1: and we're the ellis Is. You may know us from

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Speaker 1: posting funny videos without boys and reading each other publicly

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Speaker 1: as a form of therapy. Wait, I'll make you need

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Speaker 1: therapy most days. Wow. And one more important thing to mention,

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Speaker 1: we're married. We are. We created this podcast to open

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Speaker 1: dialogue about some of life's most taboo topics, things most

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Speaker 1: folks don't want to talk about. Do the lens of

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Speaker 1: a millennium married couple. Dead ass is the term that

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Speaker 1: we say every day. So when we say dead ass,

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Speaker 1: we're actually saying facts, the truth, the whole truth, and

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Speaker 1: nothing but the truth. Were about to take Phillow Talk

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Speaker 1: to a whole new level. Dead ass starts right now.

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Speaker 1: This storytime is dedicated to my beautiful children. This one,

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Speaker 1: I'm about to tell you it is no exaggeration. I

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Speaker 1: know he's putting a hunt on ten, but this story

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Speaker 1: I'm about to tell you it's so real that it

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Speaker 1: made me realize that ship was getting real. Right, We're

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Speaker 1: in the bathroom. Ka just just had the baby, Like

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Speaker 1: the baby still got the water and stuff on, the

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Speaker 1: creamy subject on them. He's just looking still looking the same, right,

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Speaker 1: And Bianca brings the boys in to see you and

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Speaker 1: see the baby, you know what I'm saying. And I

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Speaker 1: watch as they come in. Jackson got his his Nike

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Speaker 1: bag on his shoulders, right, So they go over to you,

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Speaker 1: over to you, Oh mommy, blah blah blah blah. And

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Speaker 1: I'm looking at Jackson. Jackson looking at me. He kind

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Speaker 1: of like, not like just note. I'm like, why are

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Speaker 1: he nodded? I mean, like some problems. I'm like, come mare.

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Speaker 1: So he comes over to me while you're still holding

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Speaker 1: the newborn baby, and he's like, hey, Bay, that what's up.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, what's up? He said, what what time you're

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Speaker 1: gonna be done here? And I was excuse me. He

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Speaker 1: was just like, you know, I got practice at six o'clock.

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Speaker 1: And I looked at him like, but this is where

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Speaker 1: it gets funny. I said, bro, your mom just had

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Speaker 1: a baby, and he was like, I know what she's done.

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Speaker 1: It was that it was really at that moment that

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Speaker 1: I realized it was gonna get real, because you know

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Speaker 1: who really don't give a shit about the fourth trymester

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Speaker 1: your kids this karaoke bit then I'm about to do.

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Speaker 1: It's just it's dedicated to how I'll be feeling in

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Speaker 1: the mornings when I wake up because I don't get

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Speaker 1: no sleep. I know you don't get no sleep. Bro,

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Speaker 1: this is probably the most tired we've ever looked like.

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Speaker 1: I'll see this video for the struggle. De Val asked

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Speaker 1: me this morning if he was giving me the signs

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Speaker 1: that I should a check for a stroke, because he

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Speaker 1: definitely looked at me it was like, you left, I

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Speaker 1: look a little lazy, a little cocked. Um. I said,

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Speaker 1: it's probably because I had my eyelashes done about six

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Speaker 1: weeks so, and I've been dealing with a newborn baby

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Speaker 1: after labor. Bro, Bro, I ain't gonna lie to y'all.

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Speaker 1: Was worried. So he was was having a real serious

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Speaker 1: conversation about scheduling and time and stuff like that, and

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Speaker 1: I said, baby got headache. When the last time you

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Speaker 1: check your pressure, raise your left arm out please just

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Speaker 1: please hold it up there and touch your nose. But um,

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Speaker 1: this song is dedicated to I'll be feeling in the mornings.

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Speaker 1: I mean sitting at the edge of the bed when

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Speaker 1: I wake up, and in my mind it's on place

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Speaker 1: baby baby, baby, baby baby, and it's just that part

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Speaker 1: baby baby, baby, baby baby. No, it just go back

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Speaker 1: to the beginning, baby baby baby, because it seems like

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Speaker 1: all the days just run back until the beginning of

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Speaker 1: the day. It's like very groundhogs day up in this

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Speaker 1: bitch like doel that I just got tired all in

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Speaker 1: my throat m because I was thinking of, thank you,

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Speaker 1: mama for the nine months you're carrying me through all

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Speaker 1: the pain and suffering a lot of mercy. But what

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Speaker 1: about the six months after those nine months? Yeah, that's

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Speaker 1: that's when it gets But I need I need a

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Speaker 1: follow up to that that song the nine months and

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Speaker 1: then the whole year after that it takes to get

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Speaker 1: back after giving birth. And yes, it takes a whole

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Speaker 1: year facts. But you know we're about to take break

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Speaker 1: to take a nap. That was cute, pay some bills,

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Speaker 1: and we'll be right back after this. All right, So

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Speaker 1: we're back, y, We're back, y'all. We are talking today

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Speaker 1: about that fourth try Smester. Yes, okay, and don't try

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Speaker 1: to get all technical. That's what might try to get

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Speaker 1: technical about. Oh, it's not technically a trimester because it's

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Speaker 1: four and four at squad, y'all know what the hell

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Speaker 1: it is. It's been coined the fourth trimester because why

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Speaker 1: it's that unspoken time that a lot of people tend

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Speaker 1: to breathe over or glaze over, because there's so much

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Speaker 1: attention that goes into the first second and the third,

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Speaker 1: the delivery. The baby is here, it's like great, and

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Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, that's it. You're expected to

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Speaker 1: keep this baby safe and sound and alive and just recover. Right.

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Speaker 1: But this is something people need to realize, right. You know,

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Speaker 1: a trimester, if you look up the dictionary, a trimester

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Speaker 1: in the dictionary says a series of three months. Right,

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Speaker 1: So people be trying to be so technical. But if

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Speaker 1: you're talking about trimesters in pregnancy, you have the nine

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Speaker 1: or ten months the series, then the fourth trimester would

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Speaker 1: be the trimester after those three three trime stirs. So

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Speaker 1: people be trying to be like super smart and sound

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Speaker 1: and stupid, you know what I'm saying, And I'd be aggravated.

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Speaker 1: Ill keep it aggravating. This to day because I don't

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Speaker 1: get no sleep. I went to bed at four o'clock

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Speaker 1: last night and had to be up this morning to

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Speaker 1: do this podcast. So I'm just I'm tired. But sometimes

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Speaker 1: when I try to engage with people and read comments

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Speaker 1: on social media, I just closed my laptop because I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I'm not gonna argue with this person about the definition

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Speaker 1: to try musta when I'm speaking about my wife and pregnancy, Like,

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Speaker 1: I'm just not having this debate, right right semantics? Well anny,

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Speaker 1: who Um, it's funny because yeah, I was just about

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Speaker 1: to get back to the the story of time because it's funny.

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Speaker 1: I mean, kids will be brutal to you, especially in

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Speaker 1: that for try Like cats occasionally since I've had the

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Speaker 1: baby has been around about what almost a month now, um,

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Speaker 1: cats will occasionally come over to me and be like, Mommy, ahire,

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Speaker 1: you barely still fat, Mommy, you have another baby brother

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Speaker 1: in there, Mommy, when you're gonna have another baby brother.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, you know what, cats, get out of my face?

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Speaker 1: How about that get out of my face? Um? But yeah,

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Speaker 1: it's that it's that time period where now the baby

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Speaker 1: is born and there's so many things happening, right, so

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Speaker 1: there's a drastic decrease in hormone, right, So that in

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Speaker 1: itself is enough to throw a woman over the edge. Breastfeeding.

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Speaker 1: Do you remember what my boobs look like about four

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Speaker 1: days after giving birth? Yeah? It was It's kind of

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Speaker 1: Jurassic Park ish. It was like scales. Yeah, it looked

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Speaker 1: like what was it? It was Toronto rapped. It looked

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Speaker 1: like a Toronto Toronto rapper's nipple. Because your boy was like, no, no, no, no,

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Speaker 1: you know this is no I'm not capting. I'll tell

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Speaker 1: you I'm not putting a hundred on ten on these

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Speaker 1: these stories. Bro. I've watched this boy, right, Kay was

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Speaker 1: trying to put him on the nipple, right, and he

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Speaker 1: was like fighting, he was like and then randomly when

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Speaker 1: he was ready, he just attacked the nipple and just

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Speaker 1: like and then I heard, Kay, don't you don't chew

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Speaker 1: it to it? And I looked over there and your

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Speaker 1: nipple was just getting fucked up, and I was like, man,

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Speaker 1: let me just leave a head because now I'm getting depressed.

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Speaker 1: After that. You ain't gonna feel nothing nothing. What I

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Speaker 1: always wondered too, It's like, you know, I've had three

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Speaker 1: children before him, right, and We go through the same

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Speaker 1: process every single time, and I figured by now the

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Speaker 1: nipple would have developed some sort of resistance or toughness,

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Speaker 1: But it just has each child, I guess because each

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Speaker 1: latch is different, their mouth size is different, everything is different.

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Speaker 1: That every single time there's like this learning curve for

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Speaker 1: mom and baby that has to we have to go

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Speaker 1: through this. The nipples they get tough, though, Yeah, because

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Speaker 1: I'm thinking about college. Like like when in college, when

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Speaker 1: I used to like rub against your nipple, it should

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Speaker 1: be like automatic. Now I gotta like slade. When I

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Speaker 1: want to get you a roused, I'd be like punching back,

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Speaker 1: is there anything left in there? And then you'd be like,

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Speaker 1: oh yeah, and I'd be like, yeah, let's go. Just

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Speaker 1: you got you know, the nipples no longer need caressing

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Speaker 1: now you got up to get that. You know what

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Speaker 1: I'm saying, to get it going, to get it going. See,

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Speaker 1: that's why I didn't work when I was trying to

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Speaker 1: put myself or you were trying to put me into labor. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: they're just like nothing exist. So there's lots of myths

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Speaker 1: and facts, which I think was kind of cool. Triple

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Speaker 1: found some like myths and facts about postpartum right, Um,

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Speaker 1: what are some things that people think happened and what

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Speaker 1: really happens? Um? The first one, you will fall in

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Speaker 1: love with your baby immediately. That was you with with Dakota.

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Speaker 1: That was true. That was definitely true this time around.

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Speaker 1: I feel like with each of my boys, I think

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Speaker 1: the one I was probably the most like struck with

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Speaker 1: was Kas only because Cairo was still like a baby,

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Speaker 1: and then I had Ks right after that, so I

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Speaker 1: was kind of like, oh shoot, but I wasn't love though.

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Speaker 1: I know. I think with Jackson, you were the most

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Speaker 1: afraid because I was our first. So I remember watching

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Speaker 1: you and you kind of it was almost like intimidating

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Speaker 1: having your own child. So with Jackson seemed like you

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Speaker 1: went through this intimidated phase like I hope I'm doing

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Speaker 1: it right. With Cairo, it seems like you just knew

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Speaker 1: because you already had one. With Cass he came so

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Speaker 1: like so quick. After Kyle, you just like, all right,

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Speaker 1: hand me the baby. Anybody got that one. There's so

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Speaker 1: much time in between and a different point in our

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Speaker 1: life that we're at two where I have a little

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Speaker 1: bit more leisure time, I have a little bit more

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Speaker 1: flexibility that I'm here, I'm president, I'm solely pretty much

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Speaker 1: with the baby the entire time. So but yeah, some

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Speaker 1: people don't feel that way. A friend of mine did

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Speaker 1: tell me when she first had her first daughter that

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Speaker 1: she would sit there and look at this baby in

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Speaker 1: the bath and that like, so, sis, I'm supposed to

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Speaker 1: like you and I'm supposed to love you, but I

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Speaker 1: kind of don't. And she said it was almost meeting

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Speaker 1: a stranger, like a weird stranger that just would stare

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Speaker 1: at her in this bestnet and what am I supposed

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Speaker 1: to do with this baby? You know? And she said

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Speaker 1: it took it took her a couple of weeks to

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Speaker 1: actually kind of develop a bond with this baby. So, um,

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Speaker 1: the truth of the matter is that it can take

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Speaker 1: some time. Despite all those happy scenes and movies where

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Speaker 1: you see that make it seem like you should be

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Speaker 1: over the moon instantly, um in love with this human

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Speaker 1: that you just gave birth to. Some moms experience of

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Speaker 1: delaying that, but it just like kind of hit me, right.

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Speaker 1: But a woman, right, You're used to your body a

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Speaker 1: certain way, You're used to things happening right like you

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Speaker 1: just like say, for example, like you just so accustomed

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Speaker 1: to your body the way it was in college. Not

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Speaker 1: only do you have hormones and all this other stuff

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Speaker 1: and you have sleep deprivation, but then also your body

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Speaker 1: changes completely. I could see a woman like looking at

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Speaker 1: themselves in the mirror then looking at their baby and

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Speaker 1: just being like, you fucked me up, absolutely, Like like

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Speaker 1: you know, that's how I look at these little big

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Speaker 1: boys that we have run around. When Jackson wants to

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Speaker 1: look at me and wants to give me a little

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Speaker 1: backchat as we call it in the islands um, which

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Speaker 1: he knows that I don't tolerate, I literally look at

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Speaker 1: him and be like, I can point out the stretch

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Speaker 1: marks that you cost me all my thighs. That's another

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Speaker 1: thing that I want. I wanted to point out. It's

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Speaker 1: like literally the way you put yourself through a microscope

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Speaker 1: after children. I don't. And if you ask most men

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Speaker 1: after their wives give birth, their bodies just be looking

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Speaker 1: the best, y'all, just be swollen and all that. It's

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Speaker 1: almost like you got worn in. Like it's like a mattress.

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Speaker 1: Right at first, the mattress is kind of hard and

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Speaker 1: a little firm, and then it's like after you have

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Speaker 1: a couple of kids. Not she a little warning, a

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Speaker 1: little softer in certain places, a little wider in certain places.

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Speaker 1: Is that what you mean? No, I meant you gained

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Speaker 1: ten pounds every child in all the right places. So

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Speaker 1: for me, it was just like, after this baby, she's

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Speaker 1: really gonna be banging like yourself. He's calling me a mattress.

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Speaker 1: That's more hid. I did not say that. I did

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Speaker 1: not say that. But you do, you do? You do

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Speaker 1: seem to be very like in my fourth Travis said,

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Speaker 1: which I've experienced at least with you, that you are

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Speaker 1: very still affectionate. I think you like the softness. Meanwhile,

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Speaker 1: I tend to be in the mirror like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: this is in the stretch mark. Oh my god, my

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Speaker 1: stomach is still dark. My arm pits are still looking

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Speaker 1: like many vaginas because my milk came in. I've never

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Speaker 1: met a man saying I can't. I can't with shorty man,

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Speaker 1: she got a stretched mark. I've never met that guy

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Speaker 1: say that ever. Ever, I don't know what. I don't

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Speaker 1: know why y'all tripping. I don't know what I one

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Speaker 1: dude has said that well to an extent. I appreciate

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Speaker 1: my stretch marks. I just learned to live with them

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Speaker 1: at this point. I used to be the person that

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Speaker 1: picked my part myself apart um. But I've learned to

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Speaker 1: give myself grace because why I berthed for whole boys

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Speaker 1: and grew him. So I think that there's something pretty

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Speaker 1: noble about that, and I do give myself raise. However, um,

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Speaker 1: people talk about the whole snapback situation. Um, I think

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Speaker 1: it's gotten such a negative connotation, just especially with just

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Speaker 1: social media and the portrayal of celebrities, for example, with

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Speaker 1: getting back faster and that being the focus is the

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Speaker 1: body image, right. But for me, it's more of a

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Speaker 1: desire to just be back to my normal, just be

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Speaker 1: back to feeling like myself again. Feeling like myself again

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Speaker 1: doesn't mean that I have these additional weight on me either,

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Speaker 1: So there's a desire for me to get back to

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Speaker 1: what I wanted to be before. Um. But I think

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Speaker 1: the time frame is what tends to be a you know,

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Speaker 1: a little bit more misconstrued because people think in six weeks, oh,

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Speaker 1: six weeks is when you're back to work because of

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Speaker 1: maternity leave or lack thereof. Don't get me started on that, um,

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Speaker 1: But the six weeks check up, you know. And I

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Speaker 1: just learned recently the reason why they tell women it's

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Speaker 1: six weeks that you have to wait in order to

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Speaker 1: will a have a check up, be have sex again.

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Speaker 1: Um see, go back to work in America. But it's

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Speaker 1: because the placenta, when it grows in the body, when

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Speaker 1: it expels itself from the body, there's like an internal

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Speaker 1: wound into uterus that has to heal. And there is still,

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Speaker 1: like with my postpartum preclampson, there's still in that six

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Speaker 1: week time frame a chance that you can still hemorrhage,

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Speaker 1: that you can still you know, have a lot of

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Speaker 1: different issues based on the fact that infection. It is

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Speaker 1: a lot of different things that can happen. Um, because

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Speaker 1: you're not healed. So when they tell you that you

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Speaker 1: should be resting for those six weeks, you legitimately should

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Speaker 1: be resting. I am guilty of not doing that either,

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Speaker 1: because you know, I'm up and running, I have other children,

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Speaker 1: We're back to work again. Um So I do kind

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Speaker 1: of tread lightly, but I kind of keep that in

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Speaker 1: the back of my mind. I never really knew why

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Speaker 1: it was this whole time frame. Yeah. So, um, and

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Speaker 1: it makes sense you think about it. I think in

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Speaker 1: diameter on average, most senses are about like eight inches.

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Speaker 1: So if that's the case, once you expel that, you'll

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Speaker 1: have at least that size wound inside. And if that

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Speaker 1: was an external wound, people would probably be like, oh, man, Like, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I just said still so, Um, that's something recently that

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Speaker 1: I found out. However, UM, I know that once I

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Speaker 1: get my six week check up and things are good

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Speaker 1: to go, like, that's when I want to start working

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Speaker 1: out again. It's moving a little bit more because I

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Speaker 1: also don't want to just get settled into where I

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Speaker 1: am now, um, and there is a craving to be

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Speaker 1: back to my normal self. We do know that wounds

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Speaker 1: internally do heal faster. For example, if you have a

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Speaker 1: cut in your mouth, will cut on your tongue or

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Speaker 1: cut internally does feel faster than the wound externally. So

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Speaker 1: it's not exactly the same. But I also want to

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Speaker 1: interject on the whole snapback thing. You know, after years

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Speaker 1: of watching people interact on social media, I've started to

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Speaker 1: understand that even with the snap back, when you hear

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Speaker 1: like the backlash, oftentimes it's a projection from people who

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Speaker 1: were not able to just get back to where they

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Speaker 1: were for whatever reason. It could be health reasons, it

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Speaker 1: could be time, it could be resources. But when someone

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Speaker 1: puts out that they've snapped back, when you see all

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Speaker 1: the backlash from people, typically it really has nothing to

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Speaker 1: do with that woman wanting to be back, but everything

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Speaker 1: to do with all of the people who could not

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Speaker 1: get back to where they were. And I think, I

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Speaker 1: think what happens is people and then internalize other people's

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Speaker 1: projections as to man, maybe I shouldn't snap back. You

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Speaker 1: can't tell someone how they should view the best version

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Speaker 1: of themselves. If someone views the best version of themselves

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Speaker 1: is then being the exact same way as before they

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Speaker 1: got pregnant, that's on that person. If someone views themselves

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Speaker 1: as I'm not getting back until I'm ready, that's on

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Speaker 1: that person. But because of social media, we take everyone's

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Speaker 1: opinion as gold, you know what I'm saying, Or if

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Speaker 1: you have a mass number of opinions, that's the truth.

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Speaker 1: There is no truth. The truth is we're all out

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Speaker 1: here just just guessing, you know what I'm saying. So

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Speaker 1: let people live, especially women who have kids, like we

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Speaker 1: should refrain from projecting our issues or what we view

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Speaker 1: as right or wrong on women i've actually who've actually

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Speaker 1: given birth. I've kind of adopted this and I've gotten

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Speaker 1: too a more peaceful place in my life when I

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Speaker 1: started to realize that my opinion doesn't really matter on

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Speaker 1: other people's lives. Right, if you think about dead as podcasts,

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Speaker 1: what do we talk about here? This is my opinion

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Speaker 1: on my life. You understand what I'm saying, right, Take

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Speaker 1: what you want, listen, don't listen. My opinion on other

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Speaker 1: people's lives really don't matter. So in turn, other people's

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Speaker 1: opinion on my life don't matter to me, and I'll

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Speaker 1: be I've been able to sit in a more peaceful

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Speaker 1: place in my life because of that. Yeah, there's a

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Speaker 1: less arguing, les's back and forth, let's having to debate

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Speaker 1: because why people don't have their opinion regardless. And that's

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Speaker 1: the point for women going through the fourth trimester, because

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Speaker 1: this is a point where you have to get back

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Speaker 1: to yourself. And if you're concerned about what other people

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Speaker 1: think about how you get back to yourself, that's a

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Speaker 1: sickness like think about. No one can physically go in

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Speaker 1: your body and help you get back to yourself, So

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Speaker 1: caring what other people think about how you get back

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Speaker 1: to yourself. It's just and I mean, on the contrary,

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Speaker 1: I've heard some women said that they liked themselves after

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Speaker 1: they had baby. Baby. They liked the way their body look.

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Speaker 1: They're okay with a little bit more weight. So they're like,

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Speaker 1: you know what, I'm in the rush to lose weight

359
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Speaker 1: or snap back because I'm comfortable where I am right now. Um,

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Speaker 1: So do you do you second myth you'll get an

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Speaker 1: iron boost from eating your placenta. Let's talk about this. Um.

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Speaker 1: I tried. Yes. This was after Cats, So I had

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Speaker 1: the home birth with Cats back in New York, and

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Speaker 1: I'm like, if I'm gonna do this whole home birth experience,

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna go all in and go all out. So

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Speaker 1: what did I do in my placena? I didn't quite

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00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:38,479
Speaker 1: want to do the whole saving the placenta. I hear

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Speaker 1: some people freeze it. They may put it in a

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Speaker 1: smoothie and drink it. That was a little bit. That

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00:19:45,520 --> 00:19:47,240
Speaker 1: was a little bit too much for me to think

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Speaker 1: about doing. However, I did have it um dried and

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Speaker 1: put in a pill form and I would take it.

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Speaker 1: And the claim was that if you do that with

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Speaker 1: your placenta, you would experience, UM, increasing your milk supply,

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00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:03,639
Speaker 1: more energy, iron boost, UM. There are a lot of

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Speaker 1: different benefits that they were claiming that I would feel.

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Speaker 1: I can't say that that's something that I experienced. I

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00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:13,520
Speaker 1: don't know if it was mentally for me. Sometimes I

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00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,560
Speaker 1: felt like I did take the pill and I had energy,

380
00:20:15,720 --> 00:20:17,639
Speaker 1: or I could have just had some coffee that kicked in.

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Speaker 1: Who knows. So apparently the truth behind the placenta is

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Speaker 1: that as trendy as it is nowadays, according to UM

383
00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:27,119
Speaker 1: a study publishing the Archives of Women's Mental Health, it

384
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Speaker 1: says that there's actually no proven health benefits to eating

385
00:20:30,720 --> 00:20:33,880
Speaker 1: your after birth. All that time you have me trying

386
00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,760
Speaker 1: to take this pac pills and I try to tell

387
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:38,560
Speaker 1: you all need to take it, and look, so let's

388
00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:42,440
Speaker 1: just stick with our multi vitamins and UH somewhat balanced

389
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:47,000
Speaker 1: diet if you can, and leave the placenta for the fetus.

390
00:20:47,040 --> 00:20:50,920
Speaker 1: And then this time around, we actually discarded of the placenta,

391
00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:54,480
Speaker 1: but I did do delayed cord clamping with both Cats

392
00:20:54,520 --> 00:20:57,679
Speaker 1: and Dakota, so they were both able to get all

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00:20:57,720 --> 00:21:00,360
Speaker 1: of their blood from the placenta before we the court

394
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,159
Speaker 1: or devout cut the court, I should say, snip, snip.

395
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Speaker 1: Postpartum depression. That's a big one when it comes to

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Speaker 1: the fourth trimester. I know me. I wouldn't say that

397
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:16,520
Speaker 1: I've experienced depression this time around. However, I do know

398
00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:20,920
Speaker 1: that my emotions are on like super high. Yeah, because

399
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:23,200
Speaker 1: you just be sitting in a bed crying super high.

400
00:21:23,280 --> 00:21:25,960
Speaker 1: Like I can literally cry like the drop of a dime.

401
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:30,600
Speaker 1: And why something I don't really know, or it could

402
00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:32,680
Speaker 1: be maybe I do kind of have an inkling where

403
00:21:32,680 --> 00:21:34,840
Speaker 1: I want to cry and then the tears just come.

404
00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:38,040
Speaker 1: It could be happy tears. I don't really think I

405
00:21:38,040 --> 00:21:40,439
Speaker 1: have postpartum depression, but I see it in my bed

406
00:21:40,440 --> 00:21:44,680
Speaker 1: and I just cry and I don't know why. Um well, no,

407
00:21:44,760 --> 00:21:46,320
Speaker 1: I don't think it's a depressed state. I think it's

408
00:21:46,359 --> 00:21:49,359
Speaker 1: just like a heightened sense of emotion state that I'm in.

409
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:51,639
Speaker 1: So the simplest thing can make me cry. I can

410
00:21:51,640 --> 00:21:53,280
Speaker 1: watch the television show and be like, oh my god,

411
00:21:53,320 --> 00:21:55,879
Speaker 1: you're so sad, or oh my god, that was so happy,

412
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:57,199
Speaker 1: or oh my god, I love you so much, I'm

413
00:21:57,200 --> 00:21:59,359
Speaker 1: gonna cry, or oh my god, my nipples hurts so bad,

414
00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:01,480
Speaker 1: I'm gonna cry. Like there's so many different reasons why

415
00:22:01,880 --> 00:22:04,360
Speaker 1: I'm gonna cry. But when it comes to postpartum depression,

416
00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:08,800
Speaker 1: the myth is that it will affect your child. I

417
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:12,320
Speaker 1: would think that that's the truth. If you are depressed

418
00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:14,920
Speaker 1: or feeling experienced and postpartum depression, that you will then

419
00:22:15,880 --> 00:22:17,600
Speaker 1: or your child will fee the effects of it. But

420
00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:20,280
Speaker 1: the truth of the matter, according to this study here,

421
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Speaker 1: is that probably not. Postpartum depression is very real, and

422
00:22:23,359 --> 00:22:26,560
Speaker 1: if you suspect that you have it, you should get help.

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00:22:26,560 --> 00:22:28,960
Speaker 1: But don't assume that the negative feelings will transfer to

424
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Speaker 1: your baby. I was there talking about a transfer of energy,

425
00:22:31,320 --> 00:22:35,280
Speaker 1: I guess, um, But a study conducted by the Norwegian

426
00:22:35,320 --> 00:22:40,080
Speaker 1: Mother and Child cohort Um found that prenatal and postnatal

427
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:44,080
Speaker 1: maternal depression has very little impact on the child's psyche.

428
00:22:44,160 --> 00:22:47,840
Speaker 1: I guess after the psychological development. Um, it's far more

429
00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:51,800
Speaker 1: detrimental I think to the mother of course, especially during um,

430
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:55,399
Speaker 1: or the children rather during preschool years, which I don't know.

431
00:22:55,440 --> 00:22:58,359
Speaker 1: If postpartum depression is something that lasts that long you

432
00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:00,680
Speaker 1: think of postpartum, you think of that for at least

433
00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:04,280
Speaker 1: um year after having the baby, but apparently some women

434
00:23:04,320 --> 00:23:07,560
Speaker 1: experienced it longer than a year after they have their children. Um,

435
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,480
Speaker 1: I don't think there's a time limit on postpartum depression.

436
00:23:10,800 --> 00:23:14,679
Speaker 1: I think it can. It can. Postpartum is postpartum, like

437
00:23:14,720 --> 00:23:18,040
Speaker 1: you postpartum five, ten years after the baby. Um. That

438
00:23:18,119 --> 00:23:20,199
Speaker 1: also goes back to like you said of not finding

439
00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:24,320
Speaker 1: yourself after, you know, after you've had the child. And

440
00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:27,720
Speaker 1: I think there are different things that can affect Uh. Well,

441
00:23:27,760 --> 00:23:30,239
Speaker 1: I guess is there a range for that's considered now

442
00:23:30,320 --> 00:23:34,000
Speaker 1: postpartum is over? I mean, I guess in the concentrated

443
00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:36,080
Speaker 1: form for me at least, I'm thinking maybe the first

444
00:23:36,160 --> 00:23:39,199
Speaker 1: year the first year. However, no, because you think about it,

445
00:23:39,200 --> 00:23:41,639
Speaker 1: then there's also like the child goes on to like

446
00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 1: terrible tubes for example, may have elapsed you know, in

447
00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:47,560
Speaker 1: feelings whatever or three. Um, So there really is no

448
00:23:47,640 --> 00:23:50,560
Speaker 1: time frame, I mean, unless you want to ten years

449
00:23:50,600 --> 00:23:54,239
Speaker 1: later be like I'm still experiencing it. Who knows. There

450
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:56,400
Speaker 1: may be other factors. It may not be postpartum per se,

451
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:58,679
Speaker 1: but there be maybe other levels of depression that someone's

452
00:23:58,680 --> 00:24:01,000
Speaker 1: dealing with. Well. I remember when I don't know if

453
00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:03,160
Speaker 1: it was a listener letter or one person in particular,

454
00:24:03,200 --> 00:24:06,760
Speaker 1: said that they they had never dealt with their postpartum

455
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:11,920
Speaker 1: depression and anxiety. When the baby got here, and as

456
00:24:11,920 --> 00:24:15,600
Speaker 1: the child continued to grow and go through different stages,

457
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:19,440
Speaker 1: it got worse. So in a way that postpartum depression

458
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:22,679
Speaker 1: still continue to linger through and and you know it

459
00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:24,680
Speaker 1: was but it might have been in the live show.

460
00:24:24,960 --> 00:24:27,720
Speaker 1: She said the child was like two three, And then

461
00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,639
Speaker 1: as they got older and they start to separate from

462
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:35,360
Speaker 1: being in the body first and then being more independent,

463
00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:39,080
Speaker 1: the moms then started to feel more depressed. And she

464
00:24:39,119 --> 00:24:40,679
Speaker 1: went to go see someone and they said, you know,

465
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:44,240
Speaker 1: this is a form of postpartum depression. Yeah, because there's

466
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:47,960
Speaker 1: a separation anxiety that some moms have, you know, after

467
00:24:48,000 --> 00:24:49,439
Speaker 1: you have the baby and now the baby is not

468
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:51,879
Speaker 1: in you, so you can't protect them. And as they

469
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:55,280
Speaker 1: become more independent, start to walk, start to reach different milestones,

470
00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:58,639
Speaker 1: the mom starts to feel less needed and less important,

471
00:24:59,000 --> 00:25:02,359
Speaker 1: and that depression and spiral. That's probably why this article

472
00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:05,760
Speaker 1: is referencing maternal depression during the kids preschool years, because

473
00:25:05,800 --> 00:25:08,399
Speaker 1: there's the separation. So that makes sense. Look at you

474
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:12,399
Speaker 1: remember and stuff when people sending When people talk to us,

475
00:25:12,440 --> 00:25:14,879
Speaker 1: I really try to pay attention because I want to

476
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:16,560
Speaker 1: I want to help as many people. Plus, I want

477
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:19,240
Speaker 1: to be able to reference that if I notice anything

478
00:25:19,280 --> 00:25:21,359
Speaker 1: with you on myself that doesn't make a lot of

479
00:25:21,400 --> 00:25:23,320
Speaker 1: sense because that feeling of like, oh my god, my

480
00:25:23,400 --> 00:25:25,520
Speaker 1: child is no longer. It's like a protection thing. You know.

481
00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:27,479
Speaker 1: You feel like the best when the baby is inside

482
00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:29,360
Speaker 1: of you because you feel like I can protect this

483
00:25:29,720 --> 00:25:33,960
Speaker 1: little person, and then once the person comes earthside, you're like, Okay,

484
00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:36,439
Speaker 1: this person is not in my body anymore. If the

485
00:25:36,440 --> 00:25:38,160
Speaker 1: person is, if this baby is not with me all

486
00:25:38,200 --> 00:25:39,919
Speaker 1: the time. I even felt that, think about it. When

487
00:25:39,920 --> 00:25:41,880
Speaker 1: I went to the hospital and I had to go

488
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:45,280
Speaker 1: in for the preclamp shot, I was like, you know,

489
00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:48,880
Speaker 1: completely beside myself at the idea of having to leave

490
00:25:48,960 --> 00:25:51,720
Speaker 1: the baby. Um, you know which, I don't cry about

491
00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:56,840
Speaker 1: leaving my kids, you know on a regular day. However, Yeah,

492
00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:00,320
Speaker 1: I can totally get that myth you lose the baby.

493
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:02,480
Speaker 1: Wait if you breastfeed? Some people say they do, some

494
00:26:02,480 --> 00:26:04,840
Speaker 1: people say they don't. I've heard women say that they

495
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:07,680
Speaker 1: do lose weight breastfeeding. I've heard some women say they

496
00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:10,600
Speaker 1: gain weight after breastfeeding because they feel like they're required

497
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:12,800
Speaker 1: to or their body requires them to eat more, or

498
00:26:12,800 --> 00:26:15,160
Speaker 1: they tend to snack more, or they crave different things.

499
00:26:15,480 --> 00:26:18,959
Speaker 1: Some people crave things after the baby while they're breastfeeding

500
00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:23,720
Speaker 1: versus craving during the pregnancy. So um, that's going to

501
00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:25,719
Speaker 1: be something that's different for everyone. I don't think that

502
00:26:25,760 --> 00:26:28,760
Speaker 1: there's like a standard, but I do know from also

503
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:31,760
Speaker 1: doing postpartum training. Remember I used to train people for

504
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:36,520
Speaker 1: ten years and studying you know from exercise physiology. People

505
00:26:36,560 --> 00:26:42,879
Speaker 1: also attribute not a tribute, but they equate waste loss

506
00:26:43,400 --> 00:26:47,440
Speaker 1: with weight loss. And I think some women in the beginning,

507
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:50,639
Speaker 1: once they start breastfeeding, remember your uterus still has to contract,

508
00:26:51,000 --> 00:26:54,000
Speaker 1: your stomach is going to get smaller. That's not necessarily

509
00:26:54,480 --> 00:26:58,480
Speaker 1: weight loss, that's waste loss. So some people may think

510
00:26:58,480 --> 00:27:03,119
Speaker 1: it's a myth. While I'm breastfeeding, my waisted getting no waste.

511
00:27:03,160 --> 00:27:05,600
Speaker 1: That's in your actual wast So if you think about

512
00:27:05,640 --> 00:27:08,600
Speaker 1: it right, you haven't really lost any weight from the

513
00:27:08,640 --> 00:27:10,480
Speaker 1: time you had the baby three weeks ago, but you've

514
00:27:10,520 --> 00:27:13,440
Speaker 1: been breastfeeding and your waist has gotten smaller because your

515
00:27:13,480 --> 00:27:18,919
Speaker 1: uterus is contracting. So some people coordinate the waste lost

516
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:21,960
Speaker 1: with weight loss when it's really not weight that you're losing.

517
00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:25,240
Speaker 1: Your uterus is contracting and your stomach is getting smaller.

518
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:28,119
Speaker 1: And some women say, oh, while I was breastfeeding, my

519
00:27:28,200 --> 00:27:31,280
Speaker 1: stomach was getting smaller, but then when I stopped, it didn't.

520
00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:32,679
Speaker 1: Because I used to have women say that to me.

521
00:27:32,960 --> 00:27:34,600
Speaker 1: It seemed like in the very very beginning, while I

522
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:36,800
Speaker 1: was breastfeeding, because some women only breastfeed for a month

523
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:38,480
Speaker 1: or two. And the first thing it says, while I

524
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:40,680
Speaker 1: was breastfeeding, my waist was getting smaller than the minute

525
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:44,560
Speaker 1: I stopped, my waist stops and I'm like right, and

526
00:27:44,560 --> 00:27:47,159
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, that wasn't your waist getting smaller. That

527
00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:50,200
Speaker 1: was that That wasn't your weight. You weren't losing weight,

528
00:27:50,200 --> 00:27:52,480
Speaker 1: Your waist was just contracting. That might have happened with

529
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:54,480
Speaker 1: me and cats, because I feel like after I had Cats,

530
00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:56,040
Speaker 1: I went down the side and then I went back

531
00:27:56,119 --> 00:27:57,560
Speaker 1: up again. You see what I'm saying. And I was like,

532
00:27:57,560 --> 00:27:59,840
Speaker 1: how did I get back to youre like, now you know,

533
00:28:00,040 --> 00:28:03,320
Speaker 1: I'm six pounds shy of where I started this pregnancy

534
00:28:03,320 --> 00:28:06,840
Speaker 1: of Dakota, and I got on the scale before delivering him,

535
00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:09,520
Speaker 1: I was like, my biggest that I've ever been any

536
00:28:09,600 --> 00:28:12,639
Speaker 1: pregnancy had him, I was at one s one and

537
00:28:12,640 --> 00:28:14,359
Speaker 1: then just completely was like, I'm not even gonna look

538
00:28:14,400 --> 00:28:16,119
Speaker 1: at the scale. I just happened to step on the

539
00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:19,159
Speaker 1: scale the other morning and I was down to one eight.

540
00:28:19,200 --> 00:28:22,120
Speaker 1: I'm like, wait a second, how did I get back

541
00:28:22,119 --> 00:28:25,200
Speaker 1: to this so fast? You know? Fluid loss? Fluid loss, Yeah,

542
00:28:25,359 --> 00:28:26,800
Speaker 1: that was a big one because I had a lot.

543
00:28:26,840 --> 00:28:29,080
Speaker 1: I was retaining so much water. Yes, your your legs

544
00:28:29,080 --> 00:28:32,120
Speaker 1: were swollen, your hands were swollen. And what people don't

545
00:28:32,119 --> 00:28:34,639
Speaker 1: realize that when you've retained that much water, you could

546
00:28:34,640 --> 00:28:38,640
Speaker 1: lose ten pounds of water in a day easily, just

547
00:28:38,680 --> 00:28:41,680
Speaker 1: by fluid. And I know I have not one piece

548
00:28:41,720 --> 00:28:45,480
Speaker 1: of muscle, so whatever you see here is a little bit.

549
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:50,080
Speaker 1: It's all fat. That's relative, so I know. But people

550
00:28:50,080 --> 00:28:52,920
Speaker 1: need to realize the difference between weight loss and waste loss,

551
00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:56,840
Speaker 1: especially after having a child, when not uterus is contracting

552
00:28:56,880 --> 00:28:58,680
Speaker 1: and it's stilling to get smaller, you feeling like you're

553
00:28:58,680 --> 00:29:01,640
Speaker 1: getting snatched you and lose no weight. Maybe you just

554
00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:03,560
Speaker 1: you know you stomach is going back down to but

555
00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:05,840
Speaker 1: god damn it. If you feel good and it makes

556
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:09,360
Speaker 1: you feel good, you feel good about it, but enjoy

557
00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:11,440
Speaker 1: it and celebrated. But then I just I don't want

558
00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:14,760
Speaker 1: women to think that, oh, it happened because I was breastfeeding,

559
00:29:14,800 --> 00:29:16,520
Speaker 1: and then try to go to breastfeed and still eat

560
00:29:16,560 --> 00:29:19,000
Speaker 1: like crap and not work out because I think that

561
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:21,200
Speaker 1: as long as our breastfeed, I'm gonna tine to lose weight.

562
00:29:21,480 --> 00:29:23,640
Speaker 1: That's the myth. Yeah, you still have to be healthy.

563
00:29:23,680 --> 00:29:26,120
Speaker 1: You have to treat your body right, treat your mind right. Yeah,

564
00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:28,080
Speaker 1: and if your breastfeeding and you want to produce milk

565
00:29:28,160 --> 00:29:31,720
Speaker 1: and quality milk, you should be eating the right things anyway.

566
00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:34,880
Speaker 1: All right, one more for the road. And if you'll

567
00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:41,120
Speaker 1: want sex right after the postpartum period, well, actually no,

568
00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:44,600
Speaker 1: I tend to, I think because I've I've not wanted

569
00:29:44,960 --> 00:29:48,760
Speaker 1: sex at all, especially during various points in the pregnancy,

570
00:29:48,800 --> 00:29:52,000
Speaker 1: particularly the very beginning and the very end. Um. I

571
00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:55,480
Speaker 1: look forward to the six week check up period postpartum,

572
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:58,800
Speaker 1: and I personally look forward to reconnecting with my husband,

573
00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:00,720
Speaker 1: which is something that I have not been able to

574
00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:06,560
Speaker 1: do in months. Um So, for me, I know that

575
00:30:06,560 --> 00:30:08,520
Speaker 1: i'd be ready to get it popping. I don't know

576
00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:11,400
Speaker 1: about nobody else. Um So, apparently that's the myth. But

577
00:30:11,440 --> 00:30:16,120
Speaker 1: the truth is sleepless nights, constant typer changes, dryness, all

578
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:18,720
Speaker 1: the things that new mothers tend to experience, sex is

579
00:30:18,800 --> 00:30:22,000
Speaker 1: usually the last thing on their mind. Um, but I

580
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:26,000
Speaker 1: think that's relative because I'm on the contrary. I can't

581
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,720
Speaker 1: wait to jump your bones again. I think during during

582
00:30:28,760 --> 00:30:31,520
Speaker 1: all of our pregnancies after this, where you'll be looking

583
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:33,920
Speaker 1: for that six week check up, around week three or four,

584
00:30:34,360 --> 00:30:36,280
Speaker 1: that's when you'd be like, how much long have we got?

585
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:38,520
Speaker 1: And I feel like it'd be all the backed up

586
00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:41,040
Speaker 1: months of you not being able to get Now you're like,

587
00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:43,000
Speaker 1: all right, baby, let's let's go. That's how we ended

588
00:30:43,080 --> 00:30:46,000
Speaker 1: up with cast. Before we leave, I just want to

589
00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:47,600
Speaker 1: talk to the gentleman a little bit about how the

590
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:51,320
Speaker 1: fourth tryn mester affects us, because it really does affect

591
00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:56,040
Speaker 1: us a lot. Need to be aggravated. Ok, you've gotten

592
00:30:56,040 --> 00:30:58,400
Speaker 1: so many phone calls, I think recently from friends who

593
00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:01,600
Speaker 1: have had babies recently, Bro, that you have to talk

594
00:31:01,640 --> 00:31:05,800
Speaker 1: off right, b Yo. I've had friends called me right

595
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:08,360
Speaker 1: and they'll really be like, BRO. If I knew she

596
00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:14,120
Speaker 1: was gonna be like, and I like, Bro, it's gonna pass.

597
00:31:14,280 --> 00:31:17,960
Speaker 1: But you have to understand that this is the This

598
00:31:18,040 --> 00:31:21,560
Speaker 1: is the main thing that I tell people sleep deprivation

599
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:26,640
Speaker 1: for one person can be like a problem detrimental to

600
00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:31,840
Speaker 1: anybody's mental health. But two people both sleep deprived, two

601
00:31:31,880 --> 00:31:34,880
Speaker 1: people both sleep deprived, and then trying to exist and

602
00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:39,200
Speaker 1: deal with a new person, that is a recipe for

603
00:31:39,280 --> 00:31:41,880
Speaker 1: the disaster. I'll give you an example. Right. One of

604
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:46,000
Speaker 1: my homies, hard working dude, he was like, Yo, my

605
00:31:46,040 --> 00:31:49,240
Speaker 1: wife crazy. I said, why your wife crazy? Bro? He's like,

606
00:31:49,320 --> 00:31:53,360
Speaker 1: listen to me. I go to work so that she

607
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:56,400
Speaker 1: don't gotta rush to go back to work. I said, baby,

608
00:31:56,440 --> 00:31:59,120
Speaker 1: don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. I got this.

609
00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:03,600
Speaker 1: It's he gets it right. He goes and work eighteen

610
00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:05,520
Speaker 1: hours a day. Sometimes he's like, I'm gonna take as

611
00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:07,640
Speaker 1: much over time as possibles. Why have money coming in?

612
00:32:08,440 --> 00:32:11,760
Speaker 1: While he's at work, his wife will be calling him like, oh,

613
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:15,160
Speaker 1: you're not coming home, and she got an attitude. So

614
00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:17,480
Speaker 1: he's just like, I don't know what to do because

615
00:32:17,480 --> 00:32:19,440
Speaker 1: I'm trying to give her an opportunity to spend time

616
00:32:19,440 --> 00:32:21,560
Speaker 1: with the baby, but I need to make money. So

617
00:32:21,600 --> 00:32:24,080
Speaker 1: he says, freaking, I dropped this overtime. My head home.

618
00:32:24,480 --> 00:32:27,160
Speaker 1: He then heads home. When he gets home, he tries

619
00:32:27,200 --> 00:32:31,080
Speaker 1: to help out. Everything he tries to do when he's home,

620
00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:35,360
Speaker 1: she says is absolutely wrong. Don't touch me, don't touch

621
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:38,200
Speaker 1: the baby. You's just better off going back to work

622
00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:41,520
Speaker 1: because you're no help. So he says, okay, he goes

623
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:43,760
Speaker 1: back to work. Then he goes back to work and

624
00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:47,280
Speaker 1: she's like, oh, you're just gonna leave. So then he's like,

625
00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:50,960
Speaker 1: you just told me to go back to work. So

626
00:32:51,000 --> 00:32:54,040
Speaker 1: then he goes back home, tries to help again, don't

627
00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:57,680
Speaker 1: touch me, don't touch the baby, just stay here. Then

628
00:32:57,720 --> 00:32:59,640
Speaker 1: he stays in the house so he can be present,

629
00:32:59,680 --> 00:33:01,000
Speaker 1: and she says, oh, so you're gonna sit here in

630
00:33:01,040 --> 00:33:04,080
Speaker 1: the house and do nothing. It's like, I don't know

631
00:33:04,600 --> 00:33:06,920
Speaker 1: what to do. I don't know. I don't know where

632
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:08,520
Speaker 1: to go. I don't know if I'm going to supposed

633
00:33:08,560 --> 00:33:10,240
Speaker 1: to stay. I don't know whether the kiss, I don't

634
00:33:10,240 --> 00:33:12,360
Speaker 1: know whether slapper. I don't even know if that baby

635
00:33:12,440 --> 00:33:15,760
Speaker 1: is mine anymore. I just don't know. And I was like, bro,

636
00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:19,680
Speaker 1: it's not just your wife, it's all of them. I

637
00:33:19,720 --> 00:33:22,720
Speaker 1: remember the same thing when when we first had Jackson.

638
00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:24,800
Speaker 1: I couldn't change in the right way. I didn't do

639
00:33:24,840 --> 00:33:26,600
Speaker 1: the bottles the right way. I didn't hold in the

640
00:33:26,680 --> 00:33:28,440
Speaker 1: right way. And I used to look at like it's

641
00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:30,800
Speaker 1: your first baby, to how you a baby expert? Like

642
00:33:31,240 --> 00:33:34,520
Speaker 1: we have to come through my from through my door

643
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:36,400
Speaker 1: before my own kids. So I was pretty much a

644
00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:38,320
Speaker 1: pro by the time we had a baby. Granted, we

645
00:33:38,320 --> 00:33:42,360
Speaker 1: we tend to give young women more responsibility with handle

646
00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:44,800
Speaker 1: newborns than we do young men. You know, they ain't

647
00:33:44,800 --> 00:33:47,440
Speaker 1: gonna bring a baby to a young eighteen year old

648
00:33:47,560 --> 00:33:49,960
Speaker 1: and say hey, hold this baby, So I will give

649
00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:53,160
Speaker 1: you that. But that don't mean that there's only one

650
00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:55,800
Speaker 1: way to skin a cat. I took care of the

651
00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:58,040
Speaker 1: kids the way I needed to. The thing is, I

652
00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:00,120
Speaker 1: learned very quickly once I had to go back to

653
00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:02,800
Speaker 1: work after Jackson. Remember you were at home, dad, and

654
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:04,959
Speaker 1: I was out working, because that's just where we were

655
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:06,720
Speaker 1: in our life at that point. And you found a

656
00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:08,680
Speaker 1: way to make things work because I had to be

657
00:34:08,719 --> 00:34:12,040
Speaker 1: out there working and you were building your business and babysitting,

658
00:34:12,120 --> 00:34:13,919
Speaker 1: well not babysitting, you were taking care of your child.

659
00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:17,400
Speaker 1: So you found a way, and I was I was

660
00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:20,840
Speaker 1: very um quick to be like, well, if it works,

661
00:34:21,280 --> 00:34:22,799
Speaker 1: it works, you gotta do what you gotta do. As

662
00:34:22,840 --> 00:34:26,520
Speaker 1: long as I don't see what you're doing, as long

663
00:34:26,560 --> 00:34:29,319
Speaker 1: as I don't see the way you're strapping my chat.

664
00:34:29,480 --> 00:34:31,120
Speaker 1: Who was it that you tied to the bed sheets

665
00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:34,240
Speaker 1: so he wouldn't crawl off the bed? It was cats.

666
00:34:34,280 --> 00:34:36,800
Speaker 1: He tied my baby to a bed sheet, like literally

667
00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:39,000
Speaker 1: as if he was going to like scale him down

668
00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:40,759
Speaker 1: the side of the building. Tied him into the bed

669
00:34:40,880 --> 00:34:43,840
Speaker 1: sheets if he would crawl away. So let me explain,

670
00:34:43,880 --> 00:34:48,520
Speaker 1: he would literally podcast back. Dad lodged. Let me explain

671
00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:53,320
Speaker 1: dad logic. Oh man, moms be mad that I tied

672
00:34:53,360 --> 00:34:55,759
Speaker 1: my baby to me. I tied the baby to my

673
00:34:55,840 --> 00:34:57,640
Speaker 1: waist so that when I felt the tug, I knew

674
00:34:57,640 --> 00:34:59,839
Speaker 1: he was close to the edge of the bed. Now,

675
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:03,719
Speaker 1: shouldn't do that. But Kay and her mom both let

676
00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:05,480
Speaker 1: all of our kids fall off the bed at some

677
00:35:05,560 --> 00:35:09,480
Speaker 1: point in time. If you have tied them to the sheet,

678
00:35:09,480 --> 00:35:13,040
Speaker 1: they would have never fell off the bed. That's false.

679
00:35:13,640 --> 00:35:16,120
Speaker 1: Why we run around letting their kids fall off the bed.

680
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:19,399
Speaker 1: Sometimes somethings be crawling up by himself. If you would

681
00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:22,759
Speaker 1: have tied this sheet to yourself, the baby would have

682
00:35:22,760 --> 00:35:27,040
Speaker 1: never fell off the bed. Then fall. But my point

683
00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:30,759
Speaker 1: is dads have their own methods, and gentlemen let me

684
00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:33,160
Speaker 1: tell you something. Bro, Let me tell you something. Gentlemen,

685
00:35:34,280 --> 00:35:37,040
Speaker 1: do not let your wife or your baby mother tell

686
00:35:37,239 --> 00:35:40,160
Speaker 1: you that you are not a good father because you're

687
00:35:40,160 --> 00:35:42,960
Speaker 1: not doing it the way they want it done. Put

688
00:35:42,960 --> 00:35:46,840
Speaker 1: your foot down, start early in the fourth trimester, show

689
00:35:46,880 --> 00:35:50,160
Speaker 1: her that you have the strength and the mental capacity

690
00:35:50,480 --> 00:35:53,759
Speaker 1: to be a good father, because if you don't, for

691
00:35:53,800 --> 00:35:55,880
Speaker 1: the rest of your life, you're gonna be questioning everything

692
00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:59,040
Speaker 1: you do with that kid, like Mimi does. Every time

693
00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:01,880
Speaker 1: I leave here, many be like, dudes, do you you

694
00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:05,960
Speaker 1: know what you're doing? Jackson is team okay, he survived.

695
00:36:07,160 --> 00:36:10,600
Speaker 1: I think I'm doing okay. That should be like, or

696
00:36:10,640 --> 00:36:12,600
Speaker 1: do you like that? Does me? If I go to

697
00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:14,319
Speaker 1: do something with the baby, he knows I need a break,

698
00:36:14,320 --> 00:36:16,640
Speaker 1: he'd be like, down, go to sleep, Go to sleep.

699
00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:19,120
Speaker 1: I got the baby. That's what I do. Sleep. So

700
00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:20,760
Speaker 1: I can tell your wife is shut up some tongue,

701
00:36:21,040 --> 00:36:23,480
Speaker 1: because she'd be questioning me. I go to pick up

702
00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:25,680
Speaker 1: my back. I don't have to take this. I'm going

703
00:36:25,719 --> 00:36:28,279
Speaker 1: to take a nap. That's all. I want you to

704
00:36:28,400 --> 00:36:30,200
Speaker 1: take your nap so you don't gotta be sleep deprived.

705
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:33,480
Speaker 1: That's a fact. So other common common symptoms to look forward,

706
00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:36,360
Speaker 1: just so y'all know in postpartum depression and your frustration,

707
00:36:36,480 --> 00:36:41,839
Speaker 1: feeling overwhelmed, being easily exhausted, feeling insecure, repetitive, worrying, and

708
00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:43,919
Speaker 1: crying spells for no reason. Wait a second, I'm checking

709
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:47,400
Speaker 1: a couple of these boxes over here. Hopelessness, struggling with

710
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:50,120
Speaker 1: an emotional connection to the baby, loss of interest and

711
00:36:50,120 --> 00:36:54,120
Speaker 1: activities you've always loved. I might actually be mildly depressed, y'all,

712
00:36:54,160 --> 00:36:55,879
Speaker 1: now that I think about it, Like, I just don't

713
00:36:55,880 --> 00:36:57,600
Speaker 1: like people right now. I don't like to be around people,

714
00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:00,920
Speaker 1: don't like company. Um, very selected with who I want

715
00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:02,360
Speaker 1: around me, and devious, just like it used to be

716
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:04,560
Speaker 1: such a social butterfly. And I'm like, I'm not the

717
00:37:04,680 --> 00:37:07,120
Speaker 1: less postpartum and the pandemic. Like I think a lot

718
00:37:07,160 --> 00:37:08,960
Speaker 1: of people are feeling that way because for a year

719
00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:11,200
Speaker 1: and a half, life hasn't been normal. We've all been

720
00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:13,399
Speaker 1: in the house dealing with our own things, our own things,

721
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:16,120
Speaker 1: and our own people. So now I'm just like I

722
00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:19,200
Speaker 1: can do without people. But um, having a sleep problem

723
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:24,640
Speaker 1: and feeling irritable all the time. Well, there's so much

724
00:37:24,840 --> 00:37:27,839
Speaker 1: when it comes to this fourth trimester, so much I'm

725
00:37:27,840 --> 00:37:30,400
Speaker 1: curious to see what listening to this we have this week.

726
00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:34,000
Speaker 1: We'll see if they're gonna tell us anything or ask

727
00:37:34,080 --> 00:37:37,440
Speaker 1: us anything about this pregnancy life or this baby life.

728
00:37:37,760 --> 00:37:40,200
Speaker 1: Before we go there, you know, we gotta do take

729
00:37:40,239 --> 00:37:43,200
Speaker 1: a break. We gotta take a break, y'all. We're gonna

730
00:37:43,200 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 1: take a quick one now and move into a list

731
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:49,080
Speaker 1: of letters after we get into some ads. So stick around.

732
00:37:58,360 --> 00:38:02,000
Speaker 1: All right, guys, we're back for listener letters. I'm going

733
00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:08,239
Speaker 1: to dive right in. Al Right, here's my question. They

734
00:38:08,280 --> 00:38:12,399
Speaker 1: really did dive right in like I was. I saw

735
00:38:12,440 --> 00:38:13,720
Speaker 1: that for a second. I was like, wait a second,

736
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:15,959
Speaker 1: is there a part that I'm missing? So here's my question.

737
00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,279
Speaker 1: I recently been thinking about having more kids because I

738
00:38:18,320 --> 00:38:24,080
Speaker 1: finally started dating men of proper caliber. That's a good choice.

739
00:38:24,239 --> 00:38:25,960
Speaker 1: I don't know what you were dating before that, But

740
00:38:25,960 --> 00:38:29,840
Speaker 1: all right, um, she said, take that exactly as is. Okay,

741
00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:32,520
Speaker 1: I got it. Is my last pregnancy, I was alone.

742
00:38:32,560 --> 00:38:35,480
Speaker 1: I had a horrible hospital birth, was sent home twice

743
00:38:35,520 --> 00:38:39,160
Speaker 1: while in labor. At exclamation point wow, I had to

744
00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:41,560
Speaker 1: drive myself to my last O B G N appointment

745
00:38:41,640 --> 00:38:45,319
Speaker 1: while in contractions, all while my son was drinking the

746
00:38:45,360 --> 00:38:49,560
Speaker 1: amniotic fluid, got induced, gotten epidural, all to be wheeled

747
00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:51,440
Speaker 1: into the o R for a C section because my

748
00:38:51,480 --> 00:38:54,560
Speaker 1: son's heart rate was dropping, all while my son's father

749
00:38:54,680 --> 00:38:59,600
Speaker 1: was with his new woman story for another time. Because

750
00:38:59,640 --> 00:39:01,960
Speaker 1: of this, I want nothing to do with the hospital

751
00:39:02,000 --> 00:39:04,560
Speaker 1: birth ever again. I would like to do a home birth,

752
00:39:04,600 --> 00:39:08,000
Speaker 1: but I also have to factor in that I sorry,

753
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:09,640
Speaker 1: I just scrolled up too fast. I also have to

754
00:39:09,640 --> 00:39:12,360
Speaker 1: factor in that I have herpes and may have to

755
00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:17,040
Speaker 1: act for a C section. Yikes. I'm wondering if laboring

756
00:39:17,080 --> 00:39:20,000
Speaker 1: at home and possibly going to the hospital last minute

757
00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:22,719
Speaker 1: would be the best course of action, or maybe just

758
00:39:22,760 --> 00:39:27,120
Speaker 1: opting for a C section altogether. Sweetheart, this is there's

759
00:39:27,160 --> 00:39:32,360
Speaker 1: a lot of medical variables here. I don't even think

760
00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:36,640
Speaker 1: I would be qu equipped enough to give her an answer.

761
00:39:37,160 --> 00:39:39,839
Speaker 1: Between herpes and already having a C section, those are

762
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:43,799
Speaker 1: things that I don't know about, especially with childbirth, so

763
00:39:43,960 --> 00:39:47,319
Speaker 1: I don't even feel comfortable telling her what's the best thing.

764
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:49,799
Speaker 1: I would say, consult with your O B, G Y N. Yeah,

765
00:39:49,960 --> 00:39:53,480
Speaker 1: definitely trust and and have her tell you what's the

766
00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:55,759
Speaker 1: best option, right because from what I understand, like it's

767
00:39:55,760 --> 00:40:00,360
Speaker 1: not impossible to have a regular vaginal birth after section

768
00:40:01,040 --> 00:40:03,680
Speaker 1: if you've had one before. However, I know that there's

769
00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:08,000
Speaker 1: more risks involved with that, so it's not impossible. Um,

770
00:40:08,000 --> 00:40:09,799
Speaker 1: but I definitely think that that's something that you would

771
00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:11,560
Speaker 1: have to probably discuss with not only O, B, G,

772
00:40:11,719 --> 00:40:13,480
Speaker 1: y M, but possibly a midwife if you were just

773
00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:15,640
Speaker 1: thinking about a home birth, so that way they can

774
00:40:15,719 --> 00:40:18,400
Speaker 1: let you know their level of comfort and what that

775
00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:21,759
Speaker 1: would entail if you were to um deliver at home.

776
00:40:21,920 --> 00:40:24,760
Speaker 1: But yeah, and I'm not sure how the herpes um

777
00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:27,080
Speaker 1: affects the birth, so I don't know how to answer that.

778
00:40:27,360 --> 00:40:29,360
Speaker 1: I'm not sure either. I believe it's if you have

779
00:40:29,440 --> 00:40:32,400
Speaker 1: an outbreak at the time of delivery. There's a possibility

780
00:40:32,440 --> 00:40:35,400
Speaker 1: that if the baby passes through the vaginal canal that

781
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:39,120
Speaker 1: they could potentially get it somehow. Um, maybe like on

782
00:40:39,160 --> 00:40:42,839
Speaker 1: their mouths or eyes or something like that. But um,

783
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:45,400
Speaker 1: but yeah, you're right, I wouldn't know too much about

784
00:40:45,400 --> 00:40:47,200
Speaker 1: that to be able to give. I will say this

785
00:40:47,320 --> 00:40:49,560
Speaker 1: one thing about this listener letter right that I can

786
00:40:49,840 --> 00:40:54,160
Speaker 1: greatly appreciate. She said, I finally started dating men of

787
00:40:54,239 --> 00:40:58,520
Speaker 1: proper caliber. This is important for people to realize. When

788
00:40:58,560 --> 00:41:02,600
Speaker 1: people make general general realizations about the opposite sex. All

789
00:41:02,680 --> 00:41:07,359
Speaker 1: men ain't ship, All women ain't ship. Realistically, you just

790
00:41:07,400 --> 00:41:10,600
Speaker 1: showed a lot of people the type of people you

791
00:41:10,640 --> 00:41:15,160
Speaker 1: like to date. Think about it, because I don't know

792
00:41:15,160 --> 00:41:17,560
Speaker 1: how many people that are in the world, probably like

793
00:41:17,560 --> 00:41:20,440
Speaker 1: a trillion people. There's no way you one person can

794
00:41:20,440 --> 00:41:22,759
Speaker 1: have dated all of these people. But what it is

795
00:41:22,760 --> 00:41:26,000
Speaker 1: showing is a pattern of you making poor choices with

796
00:41:26,040 --> 00:41:29,040
Speaker 1: the type of people that you date and then projecting

797
00:41:29,080 --> 00:41:31,759
Speaker 1: that on the entire world and saying all people or

798
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:34,440
Speaker 1: all the type of people you they are like that.

799
00:41:34,680 --> 00:41:37,880
Speaker 1: So what people have to do, exactly what people have

800
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:41,560
Speaker 1: to do is take accountability for the people who they

801
00:41:41,600 --> 00:41:46,359
Speaker 1: give their time to before they make generalizations. Can see

802
00:41:46,400 --> 00:41:49,920
Speaker 1: what I'm saying, is everybody aint ship? Or are you

803
00:41:49,960 --> 00:41:52,839
Speaker 1: just dealing with a ship people? Right or not right?

804
00:41:53,120 --> 00:41:55,319
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying. There's a difference. You see

805
00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:57,520
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. And what I can appreciate from her

806
00:41:57,600 --> 00:42:00,000
Speaker 1: is her realizing that, you know, I was making poor choices,

807
00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:03,640
Speaker 1: and since I was making poor choices, that things were

808
00:42:03,640 --> 00:42:06,200
Speaker 1: happening to me that I could have prevented, and it

809
00:42:06,320 --> 00:42:09,080
Speaker 1: started with who I chose to date. So I want

810
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:10,919
Speaker 1: to point that out. I could appreciate her for taking

811
00:42:10,960 --> 00:42:14,400
Speaker 1: some accountability, because you know, one thing, I'm big on accountability,

812
00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:17,680
Speaker 1: realizing where you made some mistakes, reflecting. So alright, good

813
00:42:17,719 --> 00:42:24,040
Speaker 1: luxus number two. Hey, y'all, so let's get into it. Boom.

814
00:42:24,040 --> 00:42:26,480
Speaker 1: This person is from New York. Check it definitely from

815
00:42:26,480 --> 00:42:30,160
Speaker 1: New York. I'm with three kids, six three months and

816
00:42:30,239 --> 00:42:33,799
Speaker 1: seven months. Wasn't playing and a husband, which was a

817
00:42:33,840 --> 00:42:40,000
Speaker 1: whole stretch because I had hyperremesis every pregnancy. It's like

818
00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:44,360
Speaker 1: a very severe form of nausea comedy. But my husband

819
00:42:44,360 --> 00:42:47,000
Speaker 1: really wanted a girl my last child. Any who. I

820
00:42:47,040 --> 00:42:49,799
Speaker 1: know how that feels, buddy. Any Who. We don't want

821
00:42:49,800 --> 00:42:51,480
Speaker 1: any more children due to the fact that I get

822
00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:53,759
Speaker 1: so sick during pregnancy. So me and my partner have

823
00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:56,200
Speaker 1: not had sex since my daughter was has been born

824
00:42:56,239 --> 00:42:58,719
Speaker 1: because I'm too afraid that I will get pregnant. That's

825
00:42:58,960 --> 00:43:01,839
Speaker 1: seven whole month. Damn man, he had sex or seven

826
00:43:01,840 --> 00:43:04,919
Speaker 1: whole months. I have not gone on birth control because

827
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:06,400
Speaker 1: I'm afraid of what it will do to my body

828
00:43:06,400 --> 00:43:07,919
Speaker 1: and how it may make me feel. I have brought

829
00:43:07,920 --> 00:43:10,240
Speaker 1: to my husband attention several times they needs to get snipped,

830
00:43:10,320 --> 00:43:12,719
Speaker 1: and he says he will keep uh, he will, but

831
00:43:12,840 --> 00:43:15,960
Speaker 1: keeps putting it off. So after months of this sexless life,

832
00:43:16,080 --> 00:43:21,480
Speaker 1: George Jaws hurt. I told him we need to use condoms,

833
00:43:21,480 --> 00:43:23,399
Speaker 1: and he gets an attitude and says he doesn't think

834
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:26,319
Speaker 1: he should have to use condoms with his wife. That's

835
00:43:26,320 --> 00:43:29,279
Speaker 1: the benefit of being married. Like what, I'm confused because

836
00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:31,440
Speaker 1: he don't want any more children either. I feel like

837
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:34,640
Speaker 1: that's selfish because I don't make sure. Because if I

838
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:37,359
Speaker 1: don't make sure he gets his he walks around here

839
00:43:37,480 --> 00:43:41,640
Speaker 1: like somebody stole his bike. So my question is, how

840
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:44,399
Speaker 1: do you go? How do y'all go the whole time

841
00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:48,080
Speaker 1: having sex but not getting pregnant until you were ready? Well,

842
00:43:48,160 --> 00:43:50,560
Speaker 1: somebody got to get on something because I had the

843
00:43:50,600 --> 00:43:52,360
Speaker 1: I U d N at one point, I was on

844
00:43:52,400 --> 00:43:55,400
Speaker 1: the pill at one point throughout the course of our life.

845
00:43:56,520 --> 00:44:00,680
Speaker 1: Somebody got to do something. If if somebody don't do something,

846
00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:04,239
Speaker 1: Kadine is going to get pregnant. Okay, And what I'm

847
00:44:04,239 --> 00:44:07,120
Speaker 1: gonna say here a lot of men are gonna be pissed.

848
00:44:08,360 --> 00:44:11,239
Speaker 1: But this is just the fucking truth. I've asked this

849
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:15,040
Speaker 1: woman to have four kids for me. She's been pregnant,

850
00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:18,279
Speaker 1: oh nine months for all four kids. That's thirty six

851
00:44:18,320 --> 00:44:21,520
Speaker 1: months of pregnancy. She's been on birth control all those

852
00:44:21,560 --> 00:44:24,200
Speaker 1: other times, and we've tried different things. You did, the

853
00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:30,440
Speaker 1: hormonal I did, You did the ring, you did everything,

854
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:32,960
Speaker 1: and they caused different things for your bodies. Like like

855
00:44:33,000 --> 00:44:35,239
Speaker 1: you just went through so much. I feel like there's

856
00:44:35,280 --> 00:44:37,640
Speaker 1: literally been twenty years of me being on and off something,

857
00:44:37,719 --> 00:44:41,200
Speaker 1: if not pregnant on sort of birth years. I'm gonna

858
00:44:41,200 --> 00:44:44,839
Speaker 1: get snipped. I'm just gonna get snipped because I don't

859
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:46,680
Speaker 1: want to have any more kids. She doesn't want to

860
00:44:46,680 --> 00:44:48,239
Speaker 1: have any more kids. So right now, in this moment,

861
00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:51,080
Speaker 1: and we and we haven't made a final decision if

862
00:44:51,080 --> 00:44:53,560
Speaker 1: we wanted to have kids or not, but if that's

863
00:44:53,600 --> 00:44:56,640
Speaker 1: the final decision at this point in our marriage, I'm

864
00:44:56,680 --> 00:44:59,680
Speaker 1: just gonna get snipped because I've already asked you to

865
00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:03,080
Speaker 1: do so much, and I know how pregnancy can literally

866
00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:05,640
Speaker 1: be life or death at moments. I'd rather just go

867
00:45:05,719 --> 00:45:08,760
Speaker 1: get snipped right and then the effects of birth control body,

868
00:45:08,960 --> 00:45:11,359
Speaker 1: and we'll be doing that until the end of time,

869
00:45:11,440 --> 00:45:14,760
Speaker 1: like you know what I mean. Plus, like we said before,

870
00:45:15,080 --> 00:45:18,600
Speaker 1: we realize how birth control affected your sex life. We've

871
00:45:18,600 --> 00:45:20,480
Speaker 1: had the best sex in our life when she's not

872
00:45:20,480 --> 00:45:23,520
Speaker 1: on birth control, so fun that. And I don't like

873
00:45:23,640 --> 00:45:26,719
Speaker 1: using condoms neither. So I'm gonna get snipped. I'm gonna

874
00:45:26,719 --> 00:45:29,799
Speaker 1: be shooting this water and I'm gonna be shooting the

875
00:45:29,800 --> 00:45:32,719
Speaker 1: club up knowing that I'm good. The only thing I

876
00:45:32,719 --> 00:45:35,520
Speaker 1: just want to confirm is that my nut don't change.

877
00:45:36,320 --> 00:45:39,120
Speaker 1: I don't want to have a watery nut a water

878
00:45:39,280 --> 00:45:42,680
Speaker 1: nut that I don't know, but from what I hear,

879
00:45:43,239 --> 00:45:45,640
Speaker 1: the nuts stays the same. But what I'm saying is

880
00:45:45,640 --> 00:45:49,200
Speaker 1: that my nut consistency change. That we're gonna have to

881
00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:51,920
Speaker 1: reconsider this because you don't want no water every nut.

882
00:45:52,040 --> 00:45:55,440
Speaker 1: Do you think I actually don't want to see what

883
00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:57,719
Speaker 1: I'm saying, And I don't think it's I'm joking. Guys,

884
00:45:57,719 --> 00:46:00,440
Speaker 1: we know they're not gonna get water. I'm joking. Okay,

885
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:02,359
Speaker 1: is this Joe? You know? People some time to take

886
00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:04,319
Speaker 1: you too serious. I'm a little delirious cause I'm tired.

887
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:07,839
Speaker 1: But if that was the thing where I gotta wortery nothing,

888
00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:10,000
Speaker 1: I'm definitely not getting snipped. But your nuts stays the same.

889
00:46:10,080 --> 00:46:13,440
Speaker 1: I got four friends. About four friends is an outpatient procedure.

890
00:46:13,960 --> 00:46:16,160
Speaker 1: Like another buddy of mine, he just had a child.

891
00:46:16,200 --> 00:46:18,879
Speaker 1: He said, I'm done. He had this fifth child. He's

892
00:46:18,920 --> 00:46:22,439
Speaker 1: just like, yo, it's wrap. So, buddy, if you really

893
00:46:22,520 --> 00:46:24,840
Speaker 1: want to have the best let me talk directly to

894
00:46:24,840 --> 00:46:27,200
Speaker 1: you in the camera. If you want to have the

895
00:46:27,239 --> 00:46:29,520
Speaker 1: best sex of your life with your wife, you don't

896
00:46:29,560 --> 00:46:31,719
Speaker 1: want to have to wear a condom. You don't want

897
00:46:31,760 --> 00:46:33,359
Speaker 1: her to have to be on birth control. You don't

898
00:46:33,400 --> 00:46:36,600
Speaker 1: have to worry about being pregnant. Just get snipped, bro,

899
00:46:37,480 --> 00:46:39,600
Speaker 1: get snipped. Nothing happens. You don't lose no hair, you

900
00:46:39,600 --> 00:46:43,480
Speaker 1: don't lose no muscles, your dick don't shrink like everything

901
00:46:43,480 --> 00:46:45,680
Speaker 1: stays the same. The only thing that happens is you

902
00:46:45,719 --> 00:46:49,400
Speaker 1: can't have kids seven percent of the time, right, we

903
00:46:49,440 --> 00:46:52,080
Speaker 1: know somebody point three, Yes, we know somebody point three.

904
00:46:52,719 --> 00:46:55,720
Speaker 1: That's because he didn't go back to get his nut checked. Um,

905
00:46:55,760 --> 00:46:57,960
Speaker 1: maybe I can get a two for one deal. I'm

906
00:46:58,000 --> 00:46:59,960
Speaker 1: not going to get my nuts snipped with a dude.

907
00:47:00,719 --> 00:47:03,319
Speaker 1: Pause that pause. That what we're supposed to be sitting

908
00:47:03,360 --> 00:47:06,800
Speaker 1: there with our joints out together, like, uh, we snipped, buddy.

909
00:47:08,360 --> 00:47:13,120
Speaker 1: Women an y'all crazy, y'all crazy. We don't want to

910
00:47:13,120 --> 00:47:16,480
Speaker 1: do that. Some things is personal to us. Turn anything

911
00:47:16,480 --> 00:47:20,440
Speaker 1: into a little date. Women do that get lunch after no,

912
00:47:20,960 --> 00:47:23,480
Speaker 1: no you. First of all, there's another thing too, ladies.

913
00:47:23,520 --> 00:47:27,000
Speaker 1: This is while I got this, while I got the mic. Right, pause,

914
00:47:27,640 --> 00:47:33,480
Speaker 1: don't stop setting your husband's up on dates with your friends. Yo.

915
00:47:33,680 --> 00:47:35,799
Speaker 1: Some niggers don't like other niggas. Yo. We don't want

916
00:47:35,840 --> 00:47:37,200
Speaker 1: to have to be sitting there with each other with

917
00:47:37,239 --> 00:47:39,680
Speaker 1: matthew sweaters and ship because y'all want to do stuff together,

918
00:47:39,719 --> 00:47:43,120
Speaker 1: all right, nobody wants to do that. To stop, just stop,

919
00:47:43,440 --> 00:47:45,279
Speaker 1: all right. You put me on a date with one

920
00:47:45,320 --> 00:47:47,719
Speaker 1: of your friends and me and it's the husband. Don't

921
00:47:47,719 --> 00:47:51,160
Speaker 1: talk no more. It was it was a thing where

922
00:47:51,200 --> 00:47:54,240
Speaker 1: she was hanging we were hanging together. He was corny,

923
00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:56,880
Speaker 1: was wild corny. But it was the thing where I

924
00:47:56,880 --> 00:47:59,800
Speaker 1: don't want to not include you either, And then you do,

925
00:48:00,040 --> 00:48:02,200
Speaker 1: feel free to not include me. I'll stay home, watch TV.

926
00:48:02,360 --> 00:48:05,600
Speaker 1: I'll be a better judge of corn and character in

927
00:48:05,640 --> 00:48:09,920
Speaker 1: the future. That was fun. That was fun. It was

928
00:48:09,960 --> 00:48:12,080
Speaker 1: some fun fun listen letters. If you want to be

929
00:48:12,160 --> 00:48:14,120
Speaker 1: featured as one of our listen letters, y'all you know

930
00:48:14,160 --> 00:48:16,480
Speaker 1: what to do, email us at dead s Advice at

931
00:48:16,520 --> 00:48:19,560
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Yes, that's d E A. D A. S. S. A.

932
00:48:19,680 --> 00:48:23,560
Speaker 1: D v I C. E at gmail dot com. Moment

933
00:48:23,600 --> 00:48:25,880
Speaker 1: of true time when it comes to this fourth trimester,

934
00:48:27,120 --> 00:48:30,359
Speaker 1: Listen to your body, ladies. Um. I know people are

935
00:48:30,440 --> 00:48:33,799
Speaker 1: throwing around the whole giving yourself grace term right now,

936
00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:37,200
Speaker 1: but literally like, take your time, take your time. You

937
00:48:37,239 --> 00:48:40,800
Speaker 1: figure it took nine almost ten months or sometimes longer

938
00:48:40,840 --> 00:48:46,680
Speaker 1: for some women to become pregnant, grow an entire baby,

939
00:48:46,920 --> 00:48:49,200
Speaker 1: deliver that baby, and then now have to take care

940
00:48:49,239 --> 00:48:52,640
Speaker 1: of that baby. Right. Don't be in any rush to

941
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:55,520
Speaker 1: to bounce back in six weeks, to bounce back in

942
00:48:55,560 --> 00:48:58,280
Speaker 1: three months, to bounce back in six months. Take your time,

943
00:48:58,600 --> 00:49:00,840
Speaker 1: and if you want to bounce back in three months,

944
00:49:01,200 --> 00:49:03,359
Speaker 1: do it. And if you don't want to bounce back

945
00:49:03,360 --> 00:49:06,160
Speaker 1: in three months, don't do it. Do whatever I think

946
00:49:06,400 --> 00:49:08,680
Speaker 1: being able to bring forth life. You should be able

947
00:49:08,680 --> 00:49:10,200
Speaker 1: to do whatever the hell you want to do in

948
00:49:10,239 --> 00:49:12,160
Speaker 1: whatever time frame you want to do it in. How

949
00:49:12,160 --> 00:49:14,600
Speaker 1: about that? And don't let anybody shame you for feeling

950
00:49:14,600 --> 00:49:16,280
Speaker 1: like you either want to get back or you don't.

951
00:49:17,000 --> 00:49:19,680
Speaker 1: What do you want to do? Sis, that's the question.

952
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:24,520
Speaker 1: I agree with that, while also remembering to be of

953
00:49:24,520 --> 00:49:28,320
Speaker 1: service to your partner, because if you're in this life together,

954
00:49:29,000 --> 00:49:31,719
Speaker 1: you should always be of service to each other. So yes,

955
00:49:31,800 --> 00:49:34,640
Speaker 1: do whatever you want to do SIS while being of

956
00:49:34,680 --> 00:49:37,719
Speaker 1: service to him. If he is of service to you,

957
00:49:38,760 --> 00:49:43,680
Speaker 1: will I will just definitely. But reciprocity, Yes, reciprocity. My

958
00:49:43,920 --> 00:49:49,040
Speaker 1: moment of truth is prepare for the fourth trimester. Had

959
00:49:49,080 --> 00:49:50,680
Speaker 1: a lot of buddies that felt like you, I can't

960
00:49:50,680 --> 00:49:53,279
Speaker 1: wait till pregnancy over and over and the baby gets

961
00:49:53,280 --> 00:49:56,399
Speaker 1: here because it needs to be easy, not realizing that

962
00:49:56,800 --> 00:49:59,160
Speaker 1: when the baby gets here is when the real work starts.

963
00:49:59,560 --> 00:50:03,480
Speaker 1: So everything we talked about is familiar to people who

964
00:50:03,560 --> 00:50:05,879
Speaker 1: have children. At it's your first time having a child,

965
00:50:05,920 --> 00:50:07,879
Speaker 1: just be prepared for it. I don't think that your

966
00:50:07,960 --> 00:50:10,680
Speaker 1: child's mother is crazy. Don't think that you're going crazy.

967
00:50:10,719 --> 00:50:12,640
Speaker 1: Don't think that you're not compatible. Don't think that the

968
00:50:12,640 --> 00:50:18,880
Speaker 1: baby fucked up your relationship. Sleep deprivation, hormones, a new

969
00:50:19,560 --> 00:50:22,600
Speaker 1: new person in this space can create a change in

970
00:50:22,640 --> 00:50:25,920
Speaker 1: the environment, and that's it's going to cause both of you, right,

971
00:50:25,920 --> 00:50:28,640
Speaker 1: It's gonna cause both of you to pivot. So it's normal.

972
00:50:29,080 --> 00:50:34,200
Speaker 1: It's normal. Give it time, give each other what grace, grace,

973
00:50:34,600 --> 00:50:37,520
Speaker 1: and keep it moving all right, y'all, So be sure

974
00:50:37,560 --> 00:50:39,960
Speaker 1: to find us on social media at dead as the Podcast,

975
00:50:40,280 --> 00:50:42,600
Speaker 1: and you can find me Cadine, I am and I

976
00:50:42,680 --> 00:50:44,840
Speaker 1: am Devout And if you're listening on Apple Podcasts, be

977
00:50:44,920 --> 00:50:51,520
Speaker 1: sure to wait, review, and subscribe. Dead Ass is a

978
00:50:51,560 --> 00:50:54,480
Speaker 1: production of I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced

979
00:50:54,480 --> 00:50:58,120
Speaker 1: by the Noorapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social

980
00:50:58,120 --> 00:51:00,600
Speaker 1: media at dead as the Podcast and never miss a

981
00:51:00,640 --> 00:51:01,400
Speaker 1: Thing