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Speaker 1: I'm ready for what to hear the list? Dead as well?

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Speaker 1: Take it away. Then we'll take it away. Let's get

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Speaker 1: to the list. Hey, I'm Cadine and we're the ellis Is.

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Speaker 1: You may know us from posting funny videos with our

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Speaker 1: boys and reading each other publicly as a form of therapy. Wait,

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Speaker 1: I'll make you need therapy most days. Wow. And one

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Speaker 1: more important thing to mention, we're married. We are. We

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Speaker 1: created this podcast to open dialogue about some of life's

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Speaker 1: most taboo topics, things most folks don't want to talk

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Speaker 1: about through the lens of a millennium married couple. Dead

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Speaker 1: ass is the term that we say every day. So

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Speaker 1: when we say dead ass, we're actually saying facts, the truth,

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Speaker 1: the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Were about

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Speaker 1: to take Phillow Talk to a whole new level. Dead

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Speaker 1: ass starts right now. I'm gonna do storytime today for

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Speaker 1: a change, though I feel like you're the more dominant storyteller. However,

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Speaker 1: considering the topic, we're talking about things that Dad needs

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Speaker 1: or you know, making the list for Dad. From my perspective,

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Speaker 1: this is when I knew that there was just like

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Speaker 1: some things that Dad just needs and devout took it

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Speaker 1: upon himself to one day get something, and I was

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Speaker 1: just like, this is where we are. Okay, So y'all,

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Speaker 1: y'all know me. Um, I'm a chronic online shopper. Um

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Speaker 1: in part because I just don't like to go into stores.

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Speaker 1: Is still COVID outside, and um, it's just easier. So

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Speaker 1: in my downtown while I'm here, you know, in between,

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Speaker 1: especially in the very beginning of this pregnancy, between throwing

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Speaker 1: up and sleeping, I just do a little online shopping,

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Speaker 1: you know, shop for clothes that know it's not gonna

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Speaker 1: fit me now, but I'm gonna get it because I'm

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Speaker 1: getting back so Amazon, you know, in other places, we're

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Speaker 1: delivering things regularly to our door. So I got to

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Speaker 1: bring it the doorbell and it's Amazon dropping off something.

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Speaker 1: And then there's like Dick Sporting Goods and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: where are all these things coming from? Now? I know

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Speaker 1: my husband I was like, I was like good pause,

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Speaker 1: so um so yeah, I was like, all right, Dick

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Speaker 1: Sporner goes. I'm like, all right, what's all this stuff?

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Speaker 1: And I know Devot and Devout doesn't like to shop,

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Speaker 1: and know how that whether it be online in person,

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Speaker 1: under that doesn't have a shop. So I'm seeing all

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Speaker 1: this stuff showing up at the door and this one thing,

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Speaker 1: this one box is like at least devots height, maybe

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Speaker 1: a couple of feet taller. So I was like, all right, well,

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Speaker 1: you know, I signed for the packages and whatnot, and

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Speaker 1: you know, instantly hit him up on my devot did

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Speaker 1: you order some stuff online? And he's like, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I got I got a couple of things, something's on Amazon.

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Speaker 1: I got some steps from the sports store and I

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Speaker 1: was like, okay, So I know that we have the

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Speaker 1: gym downstairs and he wanted to just get some weights,

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Speaker 1: you know, medicine balls, things of that nature. But this

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Speaker 1: one particular box was just really big. So it was like,

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Speaker 1: what is this? So the boy lugs the box downstairs,

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Speaker 1: lucks the box downstairs. It is a whole as kick

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Speaker 1: boxing punching bag situation. So I was like, I'm stressed

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Speaker 1: much stress. But I said, am I really putting that

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Speaker 1: much stress on this man that he had to get

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Speaker 1: a whole punching bag situation? Like they got up in

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Speaker 1: the boxing gyms and then all I hear sometimes down

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Speaker 1: in the basements to the point, but I was like,

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Speaker 1: what are you going through, Bro, are you going through

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Speaker 1: something that I need to know about that you have

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Speaker 1: to exert all of this anger on a punching bag

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Speaker 1: that we like, this is where we are to mention,

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Speaker 1: not to mention. Now he has Jackson and Cairo downstairs

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Speaker 1: doing the same thing on the punching bag with him,

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Speaker 1: to the point where poor Cairo came up one day

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Speaker 1: with bloody knuckles rights on, I don't use gloves, and

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Speaker 1: I really had to just check myself. I was like,

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Speaker 1: am I sending the men in my life into insanity

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Speaker 1: where they feel the need to turn this entire house

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Speaker 1: into a boxing gym? And at that point I was like, ah, sis,

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Speaker 1: let me go do a check in and see how

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Speaker 1: these guys are really doing, because they'd be smiling in

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Speaker 1: my face all day, Cayro giving me head rubs, about

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Speaker 1: giving me belly rubs. But I think low key they

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Speaker 1: have this light, little secret society situation going on where

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Speaker 1: they're just like, we need to release some stress. How

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Speaker 1: are we going to do that? You don't get us

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Speaker 1: a whole last kickboxing Jim situation downstairs? Here we are

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Speaker 1: from you. Just say yes, Mom, okay, Mom, going downstairs,

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Speaker 1: do five rounds? Come back upstairs. You'll be fine. Yep.

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Speaker 1: So here we are, y'all. I just want to get

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Speaker 1: your attention. Hey what I really want to be all

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Speaker 1: up in you, he say. Daddy's hung for me, And

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Speaker 1: I know you've been waiting on this loving all day.

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Speaker 1: Daddy's hung time to play. Oh hey, hey, hey diddy,

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Speaker 1: Hey hey daddy, Hey hey hey daddy. Oh what's that here?

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Speaker 1: I know you've been waiting on this love and all day,

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Speaker 1: but you're gonna have to wait a couple of more months.

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Speaker 1: You get that good, good loving? How about that? How

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Speaker 1: about that? You know? So, I felt like it was

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Speaker 1: only right since you provided such a beautifully thought out

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Speaker 1: lists that mom needs. I mean, we're practical things, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean, items and whatnot. You know, I

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Speaker 1: was thinking of items that Dad's may need for the

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Speaker 1: first time too, and I'm like, yeah, you know, there's

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Speaker 1: some things that you know could probably make the list

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Speaker 1: or not. But then I was like, you know what, underwear,

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Speaker 1: that's that's what they always get dead, all those things.

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Speaker 1: Um However, I was like, you know what, let me

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Speaker 1: go ahead and make a list of things that I

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Speaker 1: think women should be saying to themselves, you know, what

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Speaker 1: let me take a little bit of extra time to

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Speaker 1: think about although all the attention is on me right

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Speaker 1: now for the most part, because typically when a woman

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Speaker 1: is pregnant, that's where everyone's checking on her, checking on her,

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Speaker 1: the baby, how's everything going, and then dad kind of

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Speaker 1: falls by the wayside. So I can understand that even

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Speaker 1: though it is kind of short lived, because it's normally

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Speaker 1: ten months to a year a little bit after, if

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Speaker 1: you think about postpartum um, dad still exists. Can I can?

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Speaker 1: I just say, every time you talk about what a

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Speaker 1: father goes through for pregnancy, you always say it's shortlived,

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Speaker 1: it's only ten months. But you would never let me

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Speaker 1: say prignancy is short lived it's ten months. That's not true.

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Speaker 1: I'm just talking about for the time being. If we're

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Speaker 1: being realistic about time frame in terms of when the

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Speaker 1: women gets all of the attention, why are you still

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Speaker 1: blinking at you know what? Let me not cut off

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Speaker 1: your list. Go ahead. I'm just saying, though you keep

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Speaker 1: saying it's short lived, but pregnancy is not short lived.

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Speaker 1: I would never say pregnancy is short lived. That's a

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Speaker 1: long term one. But I've said in the past, even

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Speaker 1: though it is a long term one. But I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: in the grand scheme of time for everyone involved, that's

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Speaker 1: the pregnant women, the child, pregnancy, and at right it's not.

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Speaker 1: That's in part when I was I was like, you know,

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Speaker 1: I'll do this. She said that. I never said pregnancy short. Y'all.

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Speaker 1: See who said pregnancy was short fields long? But like

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Speaker 1: for me, I will admit this time around, specifically, it

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Speaker 1: felt like the longest. Maybe first what five months because

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Speaker 1: I was super sick, get out my camera develop I

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Speaker 1: was super sick. But then I'm like, it's starting to

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Speaker 1: kind of fly by, you know what I mean. You

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Speaker 1: can say whatever you want to say. You try to

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Speaker 1: cut you, try to make it seem like it was

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Speaker 1: negative stuff going on here off the back. I didn't.

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Speaker 1: I was just trying to say I don't try to

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Speaker 1: say nothing. Don't try to say nothing. Whatever you want

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Speaker 1: to do, babe. But that brings me to my first point.

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Speaker 1: You don't even know what I was gonna say, and

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Speaker 1: you feel stupid. My first thing on my list of ten,

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Speaker 1: I'll start from the rear up. I guess since you

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Speaker 1: did the same thing expecting Dad's need acknowledgement, you need

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Speaker 1: to Dad's need to also be involved in the process.

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Speaker 1: And I feel like it's fair to say that your

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Speaker 1: feelings and your wants and needs need to be taken

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Speaker 1: into consideration as well. I like the way this list

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Speaker 1: is starting on That's only fair if I'm being honest.

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Speaker 1: I like the way this list is starting already, particularly

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Speaker 1: when you have a significant other or spouse or whoever,

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Speaker 1: baby daddy who is also attentive to your needs as

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Speaker 1: well and understands that, you know what, we're in this together.

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Speaker 1: You know, this is not something that I just embarked

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Speaker 1: on by myself. This is not a situation where I'm

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Speaker 1: just going to drop someday, go off and run, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. Um So, if you have somebody

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Speaker 1: that is really working with you as a partner, I

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Speaker 1: think it's important to acknowledge the fact that he's also

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Speaker 1: probably going through some changes too, particularly first time dads.

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Speaker 1: The way you see he was coming from my neck

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Speaker 1: off the bat, y'all. I'll the time you're talking about

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Speaker 1: the time in the length of time, time, time time,

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Speaker 1: And meanwhile, I'm open here just trying that's how you sounded,

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Speaker 1: And meanwhile, I'm just trying to be honest. I feel

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Speaker 1: like it is necessary for people to also take into

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Speaker 1: consideration that dad's may even have a little bit of

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Speaker 1: postpartum in a sense, or they may be having a

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Speaker 1: little prenatal anxiety because there's a lot of things that

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Speaker 1: happened that they're experiencing, sometimes for the first time or

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Speaker 1: sometimes for multiple times. Every pregnancy is different, or depending

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Speaker 1: on what phase you are in your life, when your

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Speaker 1: significant other is pregnant, there may be other stresses involved.

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Speaker 1: So I think it's important to acknowledge that, you know what,

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Speaker 1: dads have feelings too. They're gonna have moments, they're gonna

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Speaker 1: have days. They don't have cravings like the valves been

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Speaker 1: out here picking out on sweets lately. I don't know

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Speaker 1: what that's about. I don't know what that's about. Um,

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Speaker 1: you know it's about you're maintaining an ad game pretty well.

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Speaker 1: So I'm happy for that. UM. I think it's necessary

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Speaker 1: to definitely talk about that and make that something that's

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Speaker 1: normal and normalized. That's a check you can normalize acknowledging fathers.

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Speaker 1: There we go. That's a new thing, acknowledging. Acknowledging fathers

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Speaker 1: and also to you know, speaking with them about how

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Speaker 1: they feel. Typically men you expect to just kind of

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Speaker 1: suck it up and deal and not speak about their

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Speaker 1: emotions or how they're feeling. Um, But I like to

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Speaker 1: do check ins as well, you know, with you two,

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Speaker 1: Like I said to you the other day when you

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Speaker 1: felt like you were just kind of like undated with

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Speaker 1: a bunch of just things at one time, and you're like,

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Speaker 1: you know, you have no idea everything that I'm trying

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Speaker 1: to lift off of your shoulders so that way you

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Speaker 1: can just enjoy this pregnancy and be stress free. Everything

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Speaker 1: is now on my shoulders, And I'm like, baby, I

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Speaker 1: had no idea you were thinking about this, that that

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Speaker 1: you were handling this just to alleviate some stress on

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Speaker 1: my end. But then now it's stressing you out and

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Speaker 1: you're not vocalizing that to me. So in me sensing

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Speaker 1: something is off, but also not being a mind reader,

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Speaker 1: I can never really necessarily know if something's wrong. So

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Speaker 1: keeping the lines of communication open, I think is necessary

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Speaker 1: for sure. And I stop bring in silence. You know

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Speaker 1: that brings me to my next point number nine, quality

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Speaker 1: time with the homies. Quality time with the homies. And

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Speaker 1: I say that because sometimes you just need that circle

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Speaker 1: of guys who you can just vent too. You can

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Speaker 1: chat with dev I was feeling some kind of way

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Speaker 1: lately because he said, you know what, we're living now

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Speaker 1: in a different state. I don't have my brother who

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Speaker 1: I used to see daily. I don't have my dad.

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Speaker 1: I don't have the camaraderie I used to have in

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Speaker 1: the gym when I used to go every every day.

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Speaker 1: You know, the kids that you used to mentor there

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Speaker 1: were a lot of people around on a regular basis.

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Speaker 1: And men need male energy. Men need male energy for

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Speaker 1: a bunch of different reasons. Number one, I need to

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Speaker 1: be able to release and just vent about things that

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Speaker 1: are happening and not feel like I have to walk

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Speaker 1: on eg shows or not feel judged. But I mean realistically,

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Speaker 1: when you're in the house with your wife, sometimes you

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Speaker 1: especially when she's pregnant, you don't want to say the

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Speaker 1: wrong thing her the feeling. So things that you used

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Speaker 1: to joke about, we talked about these things we used

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Speaker 1: to joke about and make fun of. Sometimes now you're emotional,

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Speaker 1: you don't think it's funny. So I jokes falling flat sometimes, y'all.

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Speaker 1: And he's a funny dude, But you know what's funny.

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Speaker 1: Extra sensitive right now about everything. I can't make no

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Speaker 1: fat jokes right now. She's a wrap, it's a rap.

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Speaker 1: So she I just feel like sometimes I want to

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Speaker 1: go into a place where I can just let loose,

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Speaker 1: like just say whatever and there's no judgment and not

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Speaker 1: worried about it. And I need to compete, like I

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Speaker 1: just need to lift weights and and throw ship around

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Speaker 1: and just kind of let that frustration on. So I

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Speaker 1: do need I do need that commodity, that locker room comer. Absolutely.

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Speaker 1: So hopefully you know whoever it is, your spouse, baby, daddy, whatever,

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Speaker 1: has has a safe space where he feels like he

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Speaker 1: can just go to to just unleash be himself, you know,

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Speaker 1: kind of like cheers. Sometimes you want to go where

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Speaker 1: everybody knows your name exactly, you know, and they're always

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Speaker 1: glad you came. Remember you talking about jokes. That was

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Speaker 1: one of them, but it wasn't from me. I keep

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Speaker 1: saying it too, but you know, hey, it's another story

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Speaker 1: for another day. Um. Then that brings me to and

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Speaker 1: it's kind of piggybacking off of the acknowledgment, but the

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Speaker 1: reassurance that everything will be okay, that's my number eight

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Speaker 1: reassuring me, well, reassurance for me, reassurance from I think

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Speaker 1: others that will tell you that after pregnancy, labor, delivery,

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Speaker 1: postpartum and then you get into a routine that things

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Speaker 1: are going to get better, things are going to get

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Speaker 1: kind of fall back in place. You mean, reassurance from you,

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Speaker 1: reassuring me like hey, yes, because I was kind of

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Speaker 1: like a little confused because most of the time I'm

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Speaker 1: reassuring you like, babe, like how are you going to

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Speaker 1: talk me off the ledge that you're swinging from? But no,

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Speaker 1: I see. I feel like I do that often on

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Speaker 1: my baby. Just it's a countdown now, like it's almost

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Speaker 1: were almost at the end. The baby zone is out.

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Speaker 1: I can get my body back to being myself. I

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Speaker 1: will no longer have a person inside of me, you know,

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Speaker 1: And of course naturally that comes with other stresses when

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Speaker 1: you finally do have the baby and it's like, all right,

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Speaker 1: we still have a person to care for. However, I

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Speaker 1: think men need to know like there's end in sight.

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Speaker 1: And that's why I say, when it's ten months to

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Speaker 1: a year, it sounds like a long time, and experiencing

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Speaker 1: it as a woman, it feels like forever I've been

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Speaker 1: pregnant forever. I'm not co san and anything seeming shut

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Speaker 1: when it comes to pregnancy as a man, I am

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Speaker 1: not gonna man myself. I'm not gonna man explain pregnancy

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Speaker 1: and say short or not that long. I would get crucified.

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Speaker 1: I understand. I understand. So you y is not responsible

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Speaker 1: for the views and concerns of Codine list at this point.

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Speaker 1: That is. But in speaking of the grand scheme of

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Speaker 1: things in time, in that sense, things will eventually get

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Speaker 1: back into a rhythm, get back into a flo You

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Speaker 1: need to hear that, like, Babe, this is this is

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Speaker 1: just shortly, this is temporary. Remember that we did this,

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Speaker 1: We made this decision. And sometimes I know, in that

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Speaker 1: moment and in that hour, it may feel like it's

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Speaker 1: a lot, but it will get better. It does get better,

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Speaker 1: you know, all right, number six on the list. Every

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Speaker 1: now and then, it does not hurt to give a

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Speaker 1: little flacio, you know how we get into the list.

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Speaker 1: I really want to put that as number one, but

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Speaker 1: I was like, let me not make him come across

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Speaker 1: as like some sort of addict, because you're not. But

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Speaker 1: you do every now and again, you know, little sexy time.

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Speaker 1: You know that's per yes, it's a little stress relief, um,

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Speaker 1: a little stress release and a little bit of sexy time.

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Speaker 1: And sometimes the belly just gets in the way. So

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Speaker 1: what I tend to do sometimes just like you know,

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Speaker 1: I got my face beeak, got my lashes done. He

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Speaker 1: likes my lashes done. Um, typically like my nails done.

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Speaker 1: Right now, they're a little short, just because you know,

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Speaker 1: we had other stuff going on. But it's necessary to

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Speaker 1: take that into consideration that sometimes I need to rock

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Speaker 1: the mic and just do it because that's what he needs,

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Speaker 1: you know, And it's a little difficult, like I said before,

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Speaker 1: in the first trimester, you know, gag reflects is a

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Speaker 1: little bit not as where it should be, but you know,

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Speaker 1: taking into consperation that you still need that sexy time.

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Speaker 1: You haven't see the just on his camera, he's just

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Speaker 1: gazing at me. You got your makeup then, you know,

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Speaker 1: just give me flash. But hey, it's the last episode

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Speaker 1: of the day, so the kids. No. But I do

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Speaker 1: I do think that you are telling the truth, especially

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Speaker 1: when it comes to just needs, because people often think

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Speaker 1: that men's needs just stop, like the minute your wife

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Speaker 1: gets putting, your needs stop, and I think that's kind

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Speaker 1: of unfair. For people to think that that just goes away.

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Speaker 1: And as partners, if, like we talked about it, I'm

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Speaker 1: always gonna be concerned about you. Who was going to

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Speaker 1: be concerned about me so ably? I mean for me,

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Speaker 1: it's like the little things, just a little things, you

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Speaker 1: know exactly. I mean that's how we got here, so

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Speaker 1: might as well. Alright. Number five on the list A

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Speaker 1: means to exert energy or tension. So it could be

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Speaker 1: what we just or it could be something like exercise

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Speaker 1: or going for a run. I don't know what your

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Speaker 1: guys into, but Devin needs his workout every day. Just

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Speaker 1: don't pull me along with you every day. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: workout in my due time, but you, sir, if that's

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Speaker 1: what you need, give him his space to do that.

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Speaker 1: So I'm going to say right now, I need my

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Speaker 1: comaraderie with my guys, whether we're drinking, watching the fight,

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Speaker 1: doing something, that's one thing. But working out it's a

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Speaker 1: necessity when you're dealing with stress, intention and trying to

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Speaker 1: deal with the ten months to a year everything is

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Speaker 1: going on with pregnancy. Those are two different things that like, like,

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Speaker 1: the working out is more you letting out everything, you

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying like you're getting a chance to

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Speaker 1: hit the punching bag or throw the weights, or run

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Speaker 1: a mile or do something, get a chance to that

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00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,359
Speaker 1: that energy that comes that Um, I forgot what the

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Speaker 1: world is called. UM. When you exert that energy, what's

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00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:10,880
Speaker 1: the what's the thing the endorphins. When the endorphins come,

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Speaker 1: it just makes you feel so much better. And there's

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00:18:13,119 --> 00:18:17,000
Speaker 1: no endorphins like competing and getting that physical activity in

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00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:19,760
Speaker 1: the time with your friends completely different. You can watch

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Speaker 1: a game, you can sit down and talk, you can

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00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:24,639
Speaker 1: smoke a cigar, that's one thing. But you have to

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Speaker 1: get the workout in. So I agree with that that

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Speaker 1: was top five number five. Going into the top five,

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Speaker 1: I definitely and in spiraling into that after you get

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Speaker 1: your workout in or whatever it is you're using to

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Speaker 1: exert that stress or energy, that relief. UM. A quiet

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Speaker 1: place to decompress. You know, just as much as I

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Speaker 1: need my nap time and I need my quiet time,

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Speaker 1: you need your time as well too. And that can

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Speaker 1: just be for decompressing, that can be for you focusing

355
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Speaker 1: on your career on work. I know a lot of

356
00:18:50,520 --> 00:18:53,560
Speaker 1: times the shift and the focus for you is okay,

357
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Speaker 1: Cadeen is good. The boys are good. Now I have

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Speaker 1: time to kind of just refocus on myself and not

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00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:01,879
Speaker 1: being distracted it. So we've spoken in a previous episode

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Speaker 1: about some guys feeling like they need advice, like instead

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Speaker 1: of going to that advice of maybe like drinking or

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00:19:06,440 --> 00:19:10,160
Speaker 1: smoking or other women or something like that, you pour

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Speaker 1: back into yourself. So self care is always discussed when

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Speaker 1: it comes to women, but self care is very real

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Speaker 1: for men as well. And mental health yea, and mental

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00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:19,760
Speaker 1: health for sure. So if that's something that you need,

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00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:22,560
Speaker 1: is just like some alone time for Devout is going

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Speaker 1: downstairs into his man cave, you know, totill disappear down there,

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Speaker 1: and I'll let him rock. I'll let him have his

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Speaker 1: space until he starts to be a baby and it's

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Speaker 1: just like, well where are you? And I'll be honest,

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Speaker 1: and this is is gonna be important. We have three

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Speaker 1: kids and Condeine is pregnant. When I need my space,

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Speaker 1: my pregnant wife will grab my kids and be like, yo,

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Speaker 1: let your father be. And the reason why I say

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Speaker 1: that's important is because so many oftentimes they feel like

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Speaker 1: men don't deserve quiet time when a woman is pregnant

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Speaker 1: and that women aren't aren't considerate enough to realize what

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00:19:57,000 --> 00:19:59,800
Speaker 1: a man needs while pregnant. But that is not true.

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Speaker 1: Even while pregnant, you are very considerate sometimes when it

381
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,840
Speaker 1: comes to YO, I see that the vow kniz this time,

382
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:08,199
Speaker 1: so you'll be like able, absolutely, And I think it's

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00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:11,440
Speaker 1: important to be said. That's like acknowledged the fact that YO,

384
00:20:12,200 --> 00:20:14,679
Speaker 1: he does need that, he needs that to for example,

385
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:16,359
Speaker 1: even too just in the mornings, like now, we're on

386
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:19,280
Speaker 1: a different routine. Jackson is up for school at six am,

387
00:20:19,400 --> 00:20:21,399
Speaker 1: and I'm getting up with Jackson. My mom is up

388
00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:23,600
Speaker 1: as well. She's helping with his breakfast. She's helping me

389
00:20:23,640 --> 00:20:26,480
Speaker 1: get the two ones together. Drop Jackson to school because

390
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:28,000
Speaker 1: he goes in like an hour and a half earlier

391
00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,520
Speaker 1: than the two little ones. Hiron Kaz. They go to

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Speaker 1: school usually with my mom or some mornings just because

393
00:20:33,960 --> 00:20:35,840
Speaker 1: Daddy likes to take the boys to school and their

394
00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:38,680
Speaker 1: first experiences. You know, Devel will get up some mornings,

395
00:20:38,760 --> 00:20:40,440
Speaker 1: but the other mornings, I'm like, yo, let the man

396
00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:44,160
Speaker 1: sleep like he literally while we're asleep at night, steer

397
00:20:44,280 --> 00:20:46,280
Speaker 1: up just thinking about things that need to be done,

398
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:48,879
Speaker 1: bills that need to be paid, the logistics of this

399
00:20:49,000 --> 00:20:51,199
Speaker 1: how we run on a day to day basis. So

400
00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:53,280
Speaker 1: I'm aware of that, and I'm cognizant of the fact

401
00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:55,520
Speaker 1: that you have a lot on your brain and in

402
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:58,199
Speaker 1: addition to that, you're trying to make strides, and you

403
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:00,760
Speaker 1: are making strides in your career. That is, it's necessary

404
00:21:00,760 --> 00:21:03,120
Speaker 1: for you to have a pace of peace. So if

405
00:21:03,119 --> 00:21:05,400
Speaker 1: I can provide that for you at some point during

406
00:21:05,440 --> 00:21:09,640
Speaker 1: the day, daily, every other day, as you need it, Yeah,

407
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:13,560
Speaker 1: you tagged me in and I'll figure it out. But

408
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:19,760
Speaker 1: all those kids, that's that's definitely true. All right. Next, um,

409
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:28,399
Speaker 1: that was number four right, Number three meals hot meals.

410
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Speaker 1: So this is the challenge for us at the beginning

411
00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:33,359
Speaker 1: because when I was sick and could not cook and

412
00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:36,320
Speaker 1: just feeling down and out, couldn't stand the smell of food.

413
00:21:37,040 --> 00:21:41,240
Speaker 1: You know, I know devout too. In addition to releasing

414
00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:43,520
Speaker 1: all attentions in different parts of his body, he needs

415
00:21:43,520 --> 00:21:46,159
Speaker 1: a full stomach. Like everything else could be empty, but

416
00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:49,280
Speaker 1: he needs a full stomach. So trying to forward think meals.

417
00:21:49,359 --> 00:21:51,040
Speaker 1: It came to a point where I even had someone

418
00:21:51,119 --> 00:21:54,040
Speaker 1: helped me meal prep during that phase because I knew,

419
00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:56,679
Speaker 1: like girls, you're not gonna be able to cook. So

420
00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:58,840
Speaker 1: I hit up somebody out here and was like, hey,

421
00:21:59,040 --> 00:22:01,879
Speaker 1: can you just provide some meal prep for like the

422
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:04,360
Speaker 1: next week because it was going to become a thing

423
00:22:04,400 --> 00:22:07,840
Speaker 1: where I know he was gonna be angry. You didn't

424
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:11,119
Speaker 1: it helped me help You wasn't a person at that moment.

425
00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:16,280
Speaker 1: Because stress and anxiety makes me hungry. And most of

426
00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:19,159
Speaker 1: the people that I know, especially dudes, it makes them hungry.

427
00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,720
Speaker 1: Like anxiety and stresses just like there's something on where

428
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:23,240
Speaker 1: I got to eat something and makes it. I don't

429
00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:25,240
Speaker 1: know what it is about it. So whenever you get

430
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:27,959
Speaker 1: pregnant for whatever reason, well I know what the reason is,

431
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:29,920
Speaker 1: because I'm always on edge trying to make sure everything

432
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:32,360
Speaker 1: is good. I just be hungry. I snack a lot,

433
00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:35,199
Speaker 1: had sympathy craving. No, it ain't sympathy. It would be

434
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:37,800
Speaker 1: anxiety because I just want everything to be good. But

435
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:41,040
Speaker 1: if if I can't feed my my body, if things

436
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:44,160
Speaker 1: aren't prepared for me, I can't even help you because

437
00:22:44,280 --> 00:22:46,159
Speaker 1: you know, you get anxiety, then you get stressed, and

438
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:48,439
Speaker 1: then you know headache and you know, let me go

439
00:22:48,440 --> 00:22:50,080
Speaker 1: take a nap. I got a headache. No, if I'm

440
00:22:50,160 --> 00:22:53,040
Speaker 1: fed I can go all day. So as long as

441
00:22:53,040 --> 00:22:55,720
Speaker 1: I've eaten in the morning, and you do this, well,

442
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:58,119
Speaker 1: I'll eat in the morning. A couple hours later, you

443
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:00,640
Speaker 1: come back and you something something and then I'm good.

444
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:02,520
Speaker 1: Then you just make a sandwich and the sandwich just

445
00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:04,399
Speaker 1: beat it, and then I'll eat. And then before I

446
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:05,840
Speaker 1: know what, I'm like, think I eat nothing today. Then

447
00:23:05,840 --> 00:23:08,080
Speaker 1: I'm like, wait a minute, I did eat. Because I

448
00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:10,560
Speaker 1: don't tend to think about He'll go all day and

449
00:23:10,640 --> 00:23:12,439
Speaker 1: just not eating. They'll be food in the house, but

450
00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:14,520
Speaker 1: then he'll just be glad I didn't eat. So sometimes

451
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:16,239
Speaker 1: I forward think that or even if I know I'm

452
00:23:16,280 --> 00:23:17,720
Speaker 1: going to take a nap or if I'm going to

453
00:23:17,720 --> 00:23:20,080
Speaker 1: pick up the boys or something. My mom checks in

454
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:22,400
Speaker 1: on him frequently and it's like the devout eat did

455
00:23:22,400 --> 00:23:25,040
Speaker 1: he eat? You know? So that I think is something

456
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:27,879
Speaker 1: that we can food? Food? Does I have it? As

457
00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:29,480
Speaker 1: number two here? I think I might have skipped something

458
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,200
Speaker 1: to go through because you know, baby brain be having

459
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:35,800
Speaker 1: little lapses and whatnot. Um, so yeah, some meals are

460
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:38,200
Speaker 1: very important I think for you. And then of course

461
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:40,040
Speaker 1: I had hanky panky on there. I know I spoke

462
00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:43,119
Speaker 1: about the other version of it, but sometimes just that

463
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:45,560
Speaker 1: intimacy and I feel like at the time, at the

464
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:48,439
Speaker 1: times too, it's not even just the act of sex

465
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:53,880
Speaker 1: for us, it's just like still feeling desired the same way. Yeah,

466
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:57,640
Speaker 1: this is number one. Still feeling desired, Yeah for sure.

467
00:23:57,840 --> 00:23:59,960
Speaker 1: What a couple of months ago. Yeah, and I was like,

468
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:02,359
Speaker 1: I miss making out, but now you've got the belly

469
00:24:02,440 --> 00:24:04,840
Speaker 1: so you can't sit on me. And that's one thing

470
00:24:04,880 --> 00:24:06,840
Speaker 1: I know I miss. I do miss like that like

471
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:09,639
Speaker 1: closeness that we have, like that chest to chest feeling,

472
00:24:10,119 --> 00:24:11,680
Speaker 1: um because if there's a little person in the way

473
00:24:11,760 --> 00:24:14,879
Speaker 1: right now, but that I think it's just necessary so

474
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:16,800
Speaker 1: that you can know that you're still alive and I

475
00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:19,760
Speaker 1: still think you're handsome, and I think that you're sexy,

476
00:24:19,800 --> 00:24:23,760
Speaker 1: and yes, absolutely and all the things that I want

477
00:24:23,760 --> 00:24:27,840
Speaker 1: to do I can't. However, like I said back there,

478
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:30,440
Speaker 1: reassure us that everything will be okay, that there's a

479
00:24:30,480 --> 00:24:32,119
Speaker 1: something in sight, you know. So you see how the

480
00:24:32,119 --> 00:24:34,720
Speaker 1: list kind of like funnels back through and funnels back through,

481
00:24:35,320 --> 00:24:37,280
Speaker 1: so um, So yeah, I think it's important for you

482
00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:39,879
Speaker 1: to still feel that because you know, it's easy for

483
00:24:39,920 --> 00:24:41,280
Speaker 1: me to be in my funks and you're just kind

484
00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:43,959
Speaker 1: of feeling like you're existing in the space of just existing,

485
00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:45,800
Speaker 1: you know, and not for nothing. I know when you

486
00:24:45,840 --> 00:24:48,080
Speaker 1: go out in these streets, these did them girls be

487
00:24:48,080 --> 00:24:51,680
Speaker 1: looking at you, They'll be checking you out. Yeah, them

488
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:57,119
Speaker 1: girls girls, I will say. I like the fact that

489
00:24:57,160 --> 00:25:01,840
Speaker 1: you separated head from hanky panky. I'm gonna tell you why.

490
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:04,119
Speaker 1: You said head right, and I was number six. You

491
00:25:04,160 --> 00:25:06,320
Speaker 1: said because you just know I need a sexual release, right,

492
00:25:06,600 --> 00:25:08,760
Speaker 1: which is good because as a man, I do need that.

493
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:10,840
Speaker 1: But then you also said hanky panky because I also

494
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:13,679
Speaker 1: want to feel desired. Those are two different things, and

495
00:25:13,720 --> 00:25:16,600
Speaker 1: there's a distinct difference between those, and I don't think

496
00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:20,600
Speaker 1: people understand the difference between those. And it's not just

497
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:22,920
Speaker 1: the physical, it's not just the penetration. It's not that

498
00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:26,040
Speaker 1: it's just I want my wife to want me even

499
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:28,520
Speaker 1: when she's pregnant. I want to know that my wife

500
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:30,840
Speaker 1: still wants me. That's different than my wife is giving

501
00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:33,160
Speaker 1: me a sexual release. And I don't think a lot

502
00:25:33,240 --> 00:25:37,320
Speaker 1: of people understand when a man says that what he means.

503
00:25:37,840 --> 00:25:39,639
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, And the fact that you

504
00:25:39,720 --> 00:25:41,679
Speaker 1: broke those up on the list mean a lot to me.

505
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,240
Speaker 1: You put put headed number six. I think it was

506
00:25:44,320 --> 00:25:47,919
Speaker 1: number five, number five, So we have acknowledgment, acknowledgement right

507
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:51,040
Speaker 1: as that quality time with the homies reassurance that everything

508
00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:54,120
Speaker 1: will be back to normal, then I had um so

509
00:25:54,200 --> 00:25:58,960
Speaker 1: after the reassurance, number six was flatio, then we had

510
00:25:59,280 --> 00:26:03,560
Speaker 1: I mean swings, tension, so exercise or things, a quiet

511
00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 1: place to decompress meals. And then I said, hanky panky, right,

512
00:26:09,200 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 1: so that means that I'm short one. Maybe I messed up, yeah, exactly. Well,

513
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:17,680
Speaker 1: then now that I have something missing, is just something

514
00:26:17,720 --> 00:26:19,640
Speaker 1: you dad that you feel like I've missed on the list,

515
00:26:19,680 --> 00:26:21,240
Speaker 1: because you would ask me if I felt like anything

516
00:26:21,320 --> 00:26:24,680
Speaker 1: was missing, but I would move acknowledgement. I would just

517
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:27,920
Speaker 1: move acknowledgement up. I don't think you missed anything because

518
00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:29,920
Speaker 1: we really don't require much, and I feel like we

519
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:32,119
Speaker 1: didn't really read these two well, I just kind of

520
00:26:32,600 --> 00:26:34,040
Speaker 1: I don't think that it didn't something you put them

521
00:26:34,040 --> 00:26:38,359
Speaker 1: in order. But acknowledgement is important because with acknowledgement is

522
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:42,040
Speaker 1: like you know, so oftentimes like we just always constantly

523
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:44,000
Speaker 1: worried about our wives and our kids and doing stuff,

524
00:26:44,000 --> 00:26:46,200
Speaker 1: and no one says thank you, No one says Hey,

525
00:26:46,240 --> 00:26:47,600
Speaker 1: you know, how are you doing as a father house

526
00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:51,639
Speaker 1: a new father. So knowing that especially from your your wife,

527
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:55,480
Speaker 1: knowing that she acknowledges what I'm doing, that means the

528
00:26:55,520 --> 00:26:57,880
Speaker 1: most to me. Like when I know that you you

529
00:26:57,920 --> 00:26:59,800
Speaker 1: see what I'm doing, that means the most. I would

530
00:26:59,800 --> 00:27:01,680
Speaker 1: I would move that up there. I would move it

531
00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:03,680
Speaker 1: up there as far as just for my mental health.

532
00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:06,040
Speaker 1: But the things you have up there for physical health,

533
00:27:06,119 --> 00:27:11,600
Speaker 1: like meals, a space decompressed that eliminates anxiety, and I

534
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:16,000
Speaker 1: think those are important. And if women pregnant women realize

535
00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:18,600
Speaker 1: that their significant others need that, they would be more

536
00:27:18,640 --> 00:27:20,480
Speaker 1: inclined to, you know, like help me, help you. You

537
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:22,080
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying, the same way, we always focused

538
00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:25,160
Speaker 1: on you. If you're focused on this. For me, I'm energized.

539
00:27:25,200 --> 00:27:27,720
Speaker 1: I'm ready to go. Absolutely. It's like our our saying

540
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:29,439
Speaker 1: goes like, you know, you take care of me and

541
00:27:29,440 --> 00:27:34,159
Speaker 1: I take care of us. Yeah, exactly. And those I

542
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:37,000
Speaker 1: may fall short sometimes, especially just now, because there's so

543
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:40,280
Speaker 1: many things going on internally with me. I'm still aware

544
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:42,320
Speaker 1: of it. And I think that's what has progressed with

545
00:27:42,359 --> 00:27:45,960
Speaker 1: me from pregnancy number one to pregnancy number four. Um

546
00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:47,520
Speaker 1: and I understand too that it may be different for

547
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:50,119
Speaker 1: first time moms first time dad's because these are kinks

548
00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:52,000
Speaker 1: that you have to figure out as season vets in

549
00:27:52,000 --> 00:27:55,000
Speaker 1: the game. That's the reason we have episodes like this

550
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:57,560
Speaker 1: this season. Um, so you can go. You guys can

551
00:27:57,640 --> 00:27:59,080
Speaker 1: kind of follow us in a real time and know

552
00:27:59,119 --> 00:28:00,840
Speaker 1: the things that we're dealing with in real time because

553
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:03,560
Speaker 1: it's fresh in our brains. Um. But also too, it's

554
00:28:03,640 --> 00:28:05,480
Speaker 1: a little bit of like tidbits that you can take

555
00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:07,520
Speaker 1: or leave. You know, some people be like, you know,

556
00:28:07,560 --> 00:28:09,439
Speaker 1: we'll shoot that. That's not something I'm willing to do

557
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:11,600
Speaker 1: or want to do, and that's fine. Um, but this

558
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:12,920
Speaker 1: is a list that I think it worked for both

559
00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,359
Speaker 1: of us. So so yeah, so I didn't miss anything

560
00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:17,880
Speaker 1: that was pretty good, all right, right. I think that's

561
00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:20,960
Speaker 1: why we work well now. Eleven years in the game.

562
00:28:21,000 --> 00:28:22,800
Speaker 1: You know me so well, I know you so well.

563
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:26,159
Speaker 1: We know how to serve each other. So absolutely, all right,

564
00:28:26,240 --> 00:28:30,680
Speaker 1: sounds good teamwork, baby. So let's take a quick break, um,

565
00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:32,920
Speaker 1: and then would you listen to letters after we get

566
00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:34,920
Speaker 1: into these ads? All right, y'all, so let's stay too.

567
00:28:46,200 --> 00:28:49,120
Speaker 1: Listen the letter time. Oh this person gave them our

568
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:52,560
Speaker 1: their whole name the government. All right, all right, Marvin Rice,

569
00:28:53,880 --> 00:28:56,520
Speaker 1: if that's that's your real name, or did you send

570
00:28:56,520 --> 00:29:00,240
Speaker 1: an alias? All right? So marvit. Marvin says that I've

571
00:29:00,240 --> 00:29:02,520
Speaker 1: been following and loving your content for a while now.

572
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:05,000
Speaker 1: On the last episode I watched, talked about service and

573
00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,719
Speaker 1: serving your wife and even how the world should be

574
00:29:07,720 --> 00:29:11,160
Speaker 1: different if we choose to be servants. I've been married

575
00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:13,720
Speaker 1: for a year and for at least seven years I've

576
00:29:13,720 --> 00:29:17,840
Speaker 1: served at a mission organization where we house men coming

577
00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:20,640
Speaker 1: off the streets and feeding the homeless. That's awesome. I

578
00:29:20,640 --> 00:29:23,240
Speaker 1: don't get paid with this organization, so to provide for

579
00:29:23,360 --> 00:29:26,320
Speaker 1: myself and now my wife, I have always worked a

580
00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:29,000
Speaker 1: full time job. In addition, the director wants to retire

581
00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:31,120
Speaker 1: and I've been training to take her place, but I

582
00:29:31,160 --> 00:29:34,160
Speaker 1: can't do that while working another full time job. The

583
00:29:34,160 --> 00:29:38,840
Speaker 1: original goal was to raise missionary support to provide for

584
00:29:38,920 --> 00:29:42,320
Speaker 1: my wife and I while I serve at the mission,

585
00:29:42,600 --> 00:29:44,720
Speaker 1: but things changed about three months ago when we found

586
00:29:44,720 --> 00:29:46,600
Speaker 1: out my wife is pregnant and my baby girl will

587
00:29:46,640 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 1: be here in November. Oh yeah, we're like concurrent. Um,

588
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:54,560
Speaker 1: So I'm writing to get advice on what you would do.

589
00:29:55,000 --> 00:29:57,320
Speaker 1: I thought about starting my own business to provide while

590
00:29:57,360 --> 00:30:00,520
Speaker 1: I work with the mission. Also to this is very

591
00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:04,440
Speaker 1: very simple. You cannot provide a service to anyone else

592
00:30:05,120 --> 00:30:08,600
Speaker 1: at the expense of your wife and family. Like, there's

593
00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:11,160
Speaker 1: just not that's there's no way. And I think even

594
00:30:11,160 --> 00:30:14,120
Speaker 1: the people at the mission would say the same thing, like, bro,

595
00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:16,680
Speaker 1: if you can't take care of home and make sure

596
00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:18,239
Speaker 1: that your wife, how could you be of service to

597
00:30:18,280 --> 00:30:20,320
Speaker 1: others and not be of service to your wife and

598
00:30:20,320 --> 00:30:24,280
Speaker 1: your family. This is very simple because he said, starting

599
00:30:24,320 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 1: another job, starting a business, all of these things are

600
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:30,040
Speaker 1: gonna take time away from your family. So that you

601
00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:33,360
Speaker 1: could already give more time to other people. He's not

602
00:30:33,360 --> 00:30:35,480
Speaker 1: even gonna have that as much time when that baby comes.

603
00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:38,840
Speaker 1: I think at this moment he needs to focus on

604
00:30:38,960 --> 00:30:42,240
Speaker 1: whatever his wife and his soon to be daughter need.

605
00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:45,840
Speaker 1: Then once he's able to get that settled, then because

606
00:30:45,840 --> 00:30:48,080
Speaker 1: the mission is not going anywhere, there will always be

607
00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:50,680
Speaker 1: homeless people. There will always be people and that that

608
00:30:50,840 --> 00:30:52,960
Speaker 1: need help. So he can start his mission or go

609
00:30:53,040 --> 00:30:55,000
Speaker 1: back to the mission when he has the time. But

610
00:30:55,120 --> 00:30:57,360
Speaker 1: why your wife is pregnant and you're having a baby,

611
00:30:57,400 --> 00:30:59,440
Speaker 1: that is not a good time to try to pick

612
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:03,560
Speaker 1: up another project. He's going to be spread two things

613
00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:05,200
Speaker 1: and it's going to be at a detriment. I'm thinking

614
00:31:05,200 --> 00:31:08,080
Speaker 1: about the adjustment period to like that, especially just you

615
00:31:08,120 --> 00:31:11,760
Speaker 1: know wife and then yeah, there's a lot of adjustment.

616
00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:14,160
Speaker 1: How you can't anticipate how much to help your wife

617
00:31:14,200 --> 00:31:16,720
Speaker 1: will need. You know, God wily she has a nice

618
00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:19,440
Speaker 1: natural birth. Everything goes smoothly. But say she has you know,

619
00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:22,840
Speaker 1: let's say c section or something that requires more um

620
00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:25,760
Speaker 1: recovery time. Even when you have help and support from

621
00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:28,680
Speaker 1: your village, it's a lot. And you know your wife

622
00:31:28,680 --> 00:31:31,000
Speaker 1: wants you, so I would say tread lightly with that

623
00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:33,520
Speaker 1: for now. I agree with you, devel um, but I

624
00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:35,600
Speaker 1: think your heart's in the right place. That's awesome that

625
00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:38,560
Speaker 1: you're helping people as well as you always have time.

626
00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:41,080
Speaker 1: As long as you alive, you have time to Absolutely

627
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:42,440
Speaker 1: you got to make sure you and it will come

628
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:47,840
Speaker 1: back tenful for sure. Number two, y'all, I noticed email

629
00:31:47,840 --> 00:31:49,920
Speaker 1: will make a lot of people give me to give

630
00:31:49,960 --> 00:31:51,720
Speaker 1: the side out, but hear me out. I fell in

631
00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:55,520
Speaker 1: love with someone who's married Dan. He's mad already. It

632
00:31:55,640 --> 00:31:58,360
Speaker 1: just happened with no malice intentions. I feel so guilty

633
00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:00,600
Speaker 1: for the hurt that I participated in. But I do

634
00:32:00,680 --> 00:32:06,400
Speaker 1: love this man so very much. Okay, Andy, Um we

635
00:32:06,520 --> 00:32:08,640
Speaker 1: formed the great friendship and a bond. It's a connection

636
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:11,240
Speaker 1: I never really felt before. Recently, he told me his

637
00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:13,360
Speaker 1: spouse got pregnant, and I made a decision to leave

638
00:32:13,440 --> 00:32:17,320
Speaker 1: because I just couldn't participate in this wrong thing anymore. Um,

639
00:32:17,320 --> 00:32:19,720
Speaker 1: he's a great guy. Besides his poor choice, I do

640
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:22,320
Speaker 1: know he loves me a lot. I do feel like

641
00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:24,200
Speaker 1: this is someone I would love to be with, but

642
00:32:24,240 --> 00:32:26,920
Speaker 1: obviously it feels like I have no opportunity. I did

643
00:32:26,960 --> 00:32:29,600
Speaker 1: not encourage him to leave his pregnant wife, but to

644
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:31,880
Speaker 1: think about what it is he wants in life and

645
00:32:31,920 --> 00:32:34,000
Speaker 1: his happiness. I tried to shoot my shot, and I

646
00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:37,240
Speaker 1: told him how I felt about him. He told me.

647
00:32:38,080 --> 00:32:39,800
Speaker 1: He told me he couldn't throw it away years of

648
00:32:39,840 --> 00:32:42,000
Speaker 1: a long relationship and there is a lot of family

649
00:32:42,040 --> 00:32:44,920
Speaker 1: involved in responsibility. But I think that's an easy cop out.

650
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:47,080
Speaker 1: But I do get it. His first instinct when telling

651
00:32:47,120 --> 00:32:49,520
Speaker 1: me about his wife being pregnant was figuring out how

652
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:52,280
Speaker 1: him and I could sustain our relationship, which to me

653
00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:55,040
Speaker 1: shows he's not at all invested in his marriage, but

654
00:32:55,240 --> 00:32:57,560
Speaker 1: is way too scared to leave. I've said all I

655
00:32:57,560 --> 00:32:59,600
Speaker 1: could say to him. He said he's not ready to

656
00:32:59,600 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 1: tell us life, especially now that she's pregnant, which I

657
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:04,880
Speaker 1: agree and disagree with. But I know it's not a secret.

658
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:06,960
Speaker 1: I can tell her myself. It's not a secret I

659
00:33:06,960 --> 00:33:10,880
Speaker 1: can tell myself. I listened to your podcasts all the time.

660
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:12,720
Speaker 1: I resonate with a lot of things that you say,

661
00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:15,240
Speaker 1: and I try to understand how every party in this field,

662
00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:18,400
Speaker 1: which is why I stepped back. All I'm hoping now

663
00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:21,680
Speaker 1: is that he thinks about what he wants in life.

664
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:23,920
Speaker 1: I'd love for him to give me a chance. I

665
00:33:24,040 --> 00:33:26,720
Speaker 1: support him in any decision he'd make, but I encourage

666
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:29,800
Speaker 1: for us to stop communicating so he can truly figure

667
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:33,120
Speaker 1: himself out. I really like this person, and seeing all

668
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:36,080
Speaker 1: this happened hurts, which I know one day would happen,

669
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:43,200
Speaker 1: but I had hoped any advice go ahead, Ky already know?

670
00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:52,320
Speaker 1: UM yeah this I mean to be honest, this is

671
00:33:52,360 --> 00:33:54,880
Speaker 1: a familiar story, right. I feel like we've heard stories

672
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:57,760
Speaker 1: like this before. There's a lot of stories, a lot

673
00:33:57,800 --> 00:34:00,120
Speaker 1: of stories like this before. But it's kind of like

674
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:04,160
Speaker 1: you put yourself in that situation, you know, Um, maybe

675
00:34:04,160 --> 00:34:06,600
Speaker 1: not thinking it would have spiraled out of control, but

676
00:34:06,640 --> 00:34:08,920
Speaker 1: it has. I think the latter half of what you

677
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:13,240
Speaker 1: said makes the most sense, giving him his space to

678
00:34:13,320 --> 00:34:17,000
Speaker 1: figure out what it is that he wants to do um,

679
00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:19,960
Speaker 1: because the judgment is already clouded at this point, and

680
00:34:19,960 --> 00:34:23,640
Speaker 1: I don't see getting any clearer, especially if y'all two

681
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:28,360
Speaker 1: are still involved. I'm not judging anybody, you know what

682
00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:30,239
Speaker 1: I've learned listening to listen to letters. There are a

683
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:35,080
Speaker 1: lot of people in unhappy marriages, right, So when someone says, oh,

684
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:36,680
Speaker 1: I fell in love with a married man, the first

685
00:34:36,680 --> 00:34:39,480
Speaker 1: thing they do is get mad at the mistress and say,

686
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:41,800
Speaker 1: how can she do that? There are a lot of people,

687
00:34:42,600 --> 00:34:45,600
Speaker 1: women and men in unhappy marriages, and how they choose

688
00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:48,000
Speaker 1: to find their peace is up to them. So if

689
00:34:48,000 --> 00:34:50,480
Speaker 1: you're in an unhappy marriage and you seek someone outside

690
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:52,560
Speaker 1: of your marriage to make you happy, there's a possibility

691
00:34:52,560 --> 00:34:54,680
Speaker 1: you could have fallen in love. So we really got

692
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:57,600
Speaker 1: to stop acting as if that does not happen. Okay,

693
00:34:57,640 --> 00:34:59,920
Speaker 1: that's number one. That's that's that's a familiar story, right.

694
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:04,000
Speaker 1: Number two, he's made it very clear at this point

695
00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:07,480
Speaker 1: that he's not gonna leave his wife, so that you

696
00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:10,280
Speaker 1: keep constantly saying, I keep giving him opportunities. He already

697
00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:13,920
Speaker 1: said it's not gonna happen. What you're hoping is that

698
00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:18,120
Speaker 1: one day he comes around and says, I think I

699
00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:19,879
Speaker 1: can do this now. If I'm being real and I'm

700
00:35:19,920 --> 00:35:23,920
Speaker 1: just stepping back, I'm not judging he's still fucking his wife.

701
00:35:24,719 --> 00:35:27,800
Speaker 1: They're not really because she's pregnant. They're not really that estranged.

702
00:35:28,360 --> 00:35:30,359
Speaker 1: Because I do know some people who have not slept

703
00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:33,160
Speaker 1: with their significant other lives in the same house for years,

704
00:35:33,600 --> 00:35:35,040
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying. So for her to still

705
00:35:35,040 --> 00:35:37,600
Speaker 1: be present, which means they're still making love, which means

706
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:40,720
Speaker 1: he may not be being as honest with her about

707
00:35:40,760 --> 00:35:43,399
Speaker 1: how messed up his marriages, that may be a way

708
00:35:43,440 --> 00:35:45,600
Speaker 1: for him to keep her on the hook and keep

709
00:35:45,640 --> 00:35:49,480
Speaker 1: his wife. That's a possibility. I don't know right so,

710
00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:51,800
Speaker 1: because I you know, I've got a ton of friends,

711
00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:54,040
Speaker 1: I have a ton of people I speak to, both

712
00:35:54,120 --> 00:35:57,680
Speaker 1: men and women who both say, you know, I love

713
00:35:57,760 --> 00:36:01,120
Speaker 1: my husband or I love my wife, but there's certain

714
00:36:01,120 --> 00:36:03,719
Speaker 1: things that my husband and my wife don't do. And

715
00:36:03,760 --> 00:36:06,160
Speaker 1: I'm tired of asking for it, and I'm going to

716
00:36:06,239 --> 00:36:09,880
Speaker 1: go find it somewhere. Else, you know. So what I

717
00:36:09,920 --> 00:36:12,640
Speaker 1: would say to her is, you may you may think

718
00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:14,440
Speaker 1: you love this man, but you can't open up your

719
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:16,680
Speaker 1: heart to find real love or love anywhere else if

720
00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:20,560
Speaker 1: you continue to focus on him. He's clearly balancing between

721
00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:22,960
Speaker 1: his wife and you. Maybe you should think about some

722
00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:24,879
Speaker 1: other people so you don't feel like you put all

723
00:36:24,880 --> 00:36:27,759
Speaker 1: your eggs in this. That's just what I think. And

724
00:36:27,800 --> 00:36:32,239
Speaker 1: once again, I'm not judging saying that any I's not

725
00:36:32,280 --> 00:36:35,120
Speaker 1: doing that. But but I will say though the writing

726
00:36:35,200 --> 00:36:37,000
Speaker 1: is on the wall based on what you and I

727
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:38,640
Speaker 1: said towards the end of this, and she said, I

728
00:36:38,960 --> 00:36:41,080
Speaker 1: feel like I should just not communicate with him anymore

729
00:36:41,080 --> 00:36:43,560
Speaker 1: so he can figure things out. Maybe there maybe that

730
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:48,080
Speaker 1: the best thing break, not the double dutch jumping in inside,

731
00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:49,919
Speaker 1: you know, trying to get in the rope situation. Because

732
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:53,960
Speaker 1: here's another thing too that I've learned over time. You

733
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,279
Speaker 1: may feel comfortable and in love with this person while

734
00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:59,400
Speaker 1: that person is married to someone else, because you get

735
00:37:00,040 --> 00:37:03,359
Speaker 1: the that person that doesn't deal with stress. But then

736
00:37:03,400 --> 00:37:05,880
Speaker 1: that person leaves their significant other and it comes with

737
00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:08,360
Speaker 1: you and now you hate that motherfucker. You know what

738
00:37:08,440 --> 00:37:10,719
Speaker 1: I'm saying that your full time now because you know,

739
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:12,800
Speaker 1: because now you don't only get to see this person.

740
00:37:14,080 --> 00:37:15,600
Speaker 1: You know, you don't get to see them at just

741
00:37:15,719 --> 00:37:17,839
Speaker 1: their leisure or when they want to. Now you got

742
00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:20,040
Speaker 1: to wake up in this personct keep putting the toilet,

743
00:37:20,080 --> 00:37:22,600
Speaker 1: set up this person to leaves the cap off of

744
00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:26,080
Speaker 1: the toothpaste. When you when you're mistress or aside joint,

745
00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:29,000
Speaker 1: everything is perfect all the time. And now you know

746
00:37:29,000 --> 00:37:31,239
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. You love this man when he's someone

747
00:37:31,280 --> 00:37:33,719
Speaker 1: else's husband, but then when he becomes your husband, it's like,

748
00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:38,040
Speaker 1: I hate this na. This is a warning potential, This

749
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:40,160
Speaker 1: is a warning. You know what I'm saying. And then

750
00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:42,440
Speaker 1: some people also get involved in these extra matteral affears,

751
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:44,680
Speaker 1: saying like you knew what this was when we started.

752
00:37:45,440 --> 00:37:48,919
Speaker 1: We didn't expect for this to become an entire, full

753
00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:52,360
Speaker 1: blown love relationship. Some people will say, man and woman,

754
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:55,080
Speaker 1: this is not what I signed up for in the beginning.

755
00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:56,960
Speaker 1: You were just supposed to be the escape and now

756
00:37:57,000 --> 00:38:00,400
Speaker 1: you're trying to be the main and that's not what

757
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:03,400
Speaker 1: I wanted. And in all honestly that's fair. If you

758
00:38:03,440 --> 00:38:05,960
Speaker 1: and I have an understanding, you can't come to me

759
00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:07,960
Speaker 1: afterwards like what I love you gotta leave your wife.

760
00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:10,160
Speaker 1: That's not what that's not what we do. That's not

761
00:38:10,239 --> 00:38:12,320
Speaker 1: what we do, you know what. And it's it's funny

762
00:38:12,320 --> 00:38:14,279
Speaker 1: to say if we're being fair, because the person being

763
00:38:14,320 --> 00:38:16,759
Speaker 1: cheated on is not being treated fairly. But if you

764
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:19,600
Speaker 1: knew that we're breaking out the situation, you knew you

765
00:38:19,800 --> 00:38:22,879
Speaker 1: was a side joint, you can't get mad at him

766
00:38:23,000 --> 00:38:28,239
Speaker 1: for not making you the main joint island like play

767
00:38:28,239 --> 00:38:32,839
Speaker 1: a positions. That's it. But this goes back to one

768
00:38:32,840 --> 00:38:36,719
Speaker 1: of our other podcasts. If people didn't frown upon polygamy,

769
00:38:37,560 --> 00:38:40,239
Speaker 1: and we're open to people living alternative lifestyles where they

770
00:38:40,239 --> 00:38:42,480
Speaker 1: can date who they want and sleep with who they want,

771
00:38:42,520 --> 00:38:44,400
Speaker 1: as long as everyone is being honest, we wouldn't have

772
00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:46,879
Speaker 1: these problems. Well, some people will subscribe to that, and

773
00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:50,560
Speaker 1: that might work. We as a society look down on

774
00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:55,239
Speaker 1: people who live like that, but well, the open open something.

775
00:38:55,280 --> 00:38:58,440
Speaker 1: But we'll but will applaud people who assume to be

776
00:38:58,560 --> 00:39:02,160
Speaker 1: married and the cheat. You see what I'm saying, Actual

777
00:39:02,200 --> 00:39:04,640
Speaker 1: and factual people got to start being real. They gotta

778
00:39:04,680 --> 00:39:10,560
Speaker 1: beat dead ass with each because here's the thing, all

779
00:39:10,560 --> 00:39:12,200
Speaker 1: of this could work out, and all these people could

780
00:39:12,200 --> 00:39:14,759
Speaker 1: finally be honest and live to be happy afterwards, like, oh,

781
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:16,759
Speaker 1: this is all it took. That's all it took. Yeah,

782
00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:20,040
Speaker 1: if you communicate, you never know if she what if

783
00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:22,680
Speaker 1: she called this man wife and she was just like

784
00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:24,360
Speaker 1: I knew he was cheating. I was waiting for his

785
00:39:24,400 --> 00:39:30,080
Speaker 1: negative tell me you can have him wife, the baby coming.

786
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:32,719
Speaker 1: She got her own thing on the side. Probably if

787
00:39:32,760 --> 00:39:34,680
Speaker 1: he got time to do this, I'm pretty sure she

788
00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:37,040
Speaker 1: got time to do whatever she doing. She go off

789
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:39,879
Speaker 1: with her man. He decided he fine. When my wife

790
00:39:39,920 --> 00:39:42,319
Speaker 1: says she's cool, I'm good. We're gonna call parents now.

791
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:44,480
Speaker 1: Y'all get married, live happily. Of after, people need to

792
00:39:44,480 --> 00:39:47,520
Speaker 1: start communicating. If they communicate, they might be all right,

793
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:50,640
Speaker 1: all right, now you have it since Just don't tell

794
00:39:50,680 --> 00:39:56,959
Speaker 1: her that I told you to do that, because said

795
00:39:58,520 --> 00:40:02,439
Speaker 1: that's a fact. A y'all these listen letters get they're

796
00:40:02,440 --> 00:40:03,840
Speaker 1: pretty good. That was a good one. Good good to

797
00:40:04,120 --> 00:40:05,840
Speaker 1: listen of letters. So if you want to be featured

798
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:08,200
Speaker 1: as one of our listener letters, be sure to email

799
00:40:08,280 --> 00:40:11,200
Speaker 1: us at datas Advice at gmail dot com. That's right,

800
00:40:11,239 --> 00:40:13,960
Speaker 1: that's d E A D A S S A D

801
00:40:14,120 --> 00:40:17,360
Speaker 1: V I C E at gmail dot com. All right now,

802
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:19,640
Speaker 1: moment of truth time. Do you got one or I

803
00:40:19,719 --> 00:40:22,840
Speaker 1: got I got the truth. My moment of truth is

804
00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:26,839
Speaker 1: that it's important for men to be acknowledged while going

805
00:40:26,840 --> 00:40:29,600
Speaker 1: through the process of pregnancy with their women. Like we

806
00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:32,160
Speaker 1: we want to be acknowledged as the father. You know,

807
00:40:32,400 --> 00:40:35,200
Speaker 1: we took part in this process making it. But I'm

808
00:40:35,239 --> 00:40:38,279
Speaker 1: also women, help us, help you you. You know you

809
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:40,319
Speaker 1: want your husband to be there or your significant other

810
00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:42,400
Speaker 1: to be there for you in every step of the way.

811
00:40:42,640 --> 00:40:44,719
Speaker 1: Help him with that. Give him some mails, give him

812
00:40:44,719 --> 00:40:47,160
Speaker 1: some attention and let him know that you are grateful,

813
00:40:47,239 --> 00:40:49,319
Speaker 1: show some gratitude. That will give him the energy and

814
00:40:49,320 --> 00:40:52,080
Speaker 1: the stammin that he needs to support you through this

815
00:40:52,120 --> 00:40:54,400
Speaker 1: whole process. And it's just that simple. You continue to

816
00:40:54,400 --> 00:40:57,719
Speaker 1: serve him. He continued to serve you. Y'all both serve

817
00:40:57,800 --> 00:40:59,920
Speaker 1: this baby when the baby come dope. I like that,

818
00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:05,840
Speaker 1: um an eyeline with that. Hence my list, But also too,

819
00:41:05,960 --> 00:41:12,239
Speaker 1: I think we need to normalize men potentially having a

820
00:41:12,280 --> 00:41:18,239
Speaker 1: little bit of prenatal anxiety, postpartum stress, voicing voicing it, Yes,

821
00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:21,279
Speaker 1: so normalizing them being vocal about it and us having

822
00:41:21,320 --> 00:41:26,520
Speaker 1: discussions and talking more about the effects that pregnancy, childbirth,

823
00:41:26,960 --> 00:41:30,960
Speaker 1: labor delivery may have on men. That's fair because a

824
00:41:31,000 --> 00:41:32,520
Speaker 1: lot of men did reach out to me and said

825
00:41:32,520 --> 00:41:34,640
Speaker 1: that they were nervous at the thought of having a

826
00:41:34,719 --> 00:41:37,160
Speaker 1: baby and not knowing what to do or what to expect,

827
00:41:37,160 --> 00:41:39,239
Speaker 1: what to expect, And then you have those panicky phone

828
00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:41,120
Speaker 1: calls that we've gotten, you know, like what do I do?

829
00:41:41,200 --> 00:41:43,040
Speaker 1: I don't know what's going on? Or you know, bro,

830
00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:45,560
Speaker 1: I'm here working all these hours providing and I come

831
00:41:45,600 --> 00:41:47,400
Speaker 1: home and she's still not doing X y Z, and

832
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:54,200
Speaker 1: you're saying, how many how many sisters in love? If

833
00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:57,080
Speaker 1: I had to uh pretty much adopt you know, during

834
00:41:57,120 --> 00:41:59,080
Speaker 1: the process. And it's because we don't have the open

835
00:41:59,120 --> 00:42:01,600
Speaker 1: conversation we expect for things to just naturally occur, like

836
00:42:01,880 --> 00:42:04,120
Speaker 1: she's naturally going to have this baby, She's naturally gonna

837
00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:06,000
Speaker 1: just be pregnant and glowing, and he's just gonna be

838
00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:08,360
Speaker 1: here to just sit back and wait for this baby

839
00:42:08,400 --> 00:42:11,359
Speaker 1: to come and things whill just magically happen. No, um,

840
00:42:11,400 --> 00:42:14,200
Speaker 1: So let's normalize having those discussions, men being vocal about

841
00:42:14,239 --> 00:42:17,160
Speaker 1: it and us women supporting them through that as well,

842
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:22,480
Speaker 1: because it's a team sport for sure, all Right, y'all

843
00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:26,000
Speaker 1: sounds good. Well, be sure to find us on social

844
00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:28,440
Speaker 1: media if you have not already Dead as the Podcasts

845
00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:30,560
Speaker 1: for post little video clips and stuff like that. You

846
00:42:30,560 --> 00:42:32,880
Speaker 1: can engage with us there. Also, you know my personal

847
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:35,040
Speaker 1: page Candean I am and I Am Devout, And if

848
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:38,200
Speaker 1: you're listening on Apple podcasts, be sure to wait, review,

849
00:42:38,560 --> 00:42:44,120
Speaker 1: and subscribe. Dead as dead Ass is a production of

850
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Speaker 1: I Heart Media podcast Network and is produced by the

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Speaker 1: Norapinia and Triple Follow the podcast on social media at

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Speaker 1: dead as the Podcasts and never miss a thing I

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Speaker 1: had you listening