Speaker 1: When that happened. You know, I was fourteen years old,
Speaker 1: and while he completely took advantage of his power as
Speaker 1: a teacher at the school, and to be doing that
Speaker 1: to a little girl was just so wrong.
Speaker 2: The best selling author on the post the number one
Speaker 2: health and wellness podcast.
Speaker 1: On Purpose with Jay Shetty.
Speaker 2: Hey, everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one
Speaker 2: health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every
Speaker 2: one of you that come back every week to become happier,
Speaker 2: healthier and more healed. And I am so excited to
Speaker 2: be talking to you today. I can't believe it. My
Speaker 2: new book Eight Rules of Love is out and I
Speaker 2: cannot wait to share it with you. I am so
Speaker 2: so excited for you to read this book, for you
Speaker 2: to listen to this book. I read the audiobook. If
Speaker 2: you haven't got it already, make sure you go to
Speaker 2: eight Rules of Love dot com. It's dedicated to anyone
Speaker 2: who's trying to find, keep, or let go of love.
Speaker 2: So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up,
Speaker 2: or struguggling with love, make sure you grab this book.
Speaker 2: And I'd love to invite you to come and see
Speaker 2: me for my global tour. Love Rules. Go to jshadytour
Speaker 2: dot com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences,
Speaker 2: and more. I can't wait to see you this year. Now,
Speaker 2: you know, my favorite thing in life is sitting down
Speaker 2: with people who are able to be open, vulnerable, and
Speaker 2: honest about their experiences in a way that we can
Speaker 2: all learn from, in a way that we can all
Speaker 2: feel inspired by and empowered by in our own lives.
Speaker 2: And today's guest is someone who has a new memoir out. Now.
Speaker 2: I've read this memoir cover to cover and I can
Speaker 2: honestly tell you it is one of the most authentic, open,
Speaker 2: genuine accounts that I feel allows someone to claim back
Speaker 2: their narrative. And I recommend you read it as well.
Speaker 2: And I'm going to tell you who I'm sitting down
Speaker 2: with today. I have the fortune and honor of sitting
Speaker 2: down with the one and only Paris Hilton CEO New
Speaker 2: York Times bestselling author, philanthropist, DJ designer, rec coding artist, actress, host, model,
Speaker 2: and influencer. Paris has defined and dominated pop culture, commanding
Speaker 2: her position as one of the most recognizable faces on
Speaker 2: the planet. I grew up watching her, so I know
Speaker 2: very well Paris has masterfully harnessed her self made Spotlight
Speaker 2: to architect a thriving entertainment and consumer products empire, which
Speaker 2: spans an impressive range of businesses and verticals including TV, film, audio, music, publishing, licensing,
Speaker 2: consumer products, brand partnerships, and so many more. In two
Speaker 2: thousand and six, she created Paris Hilton Entertainment, a multi
Speaker 2: billion dollar company consisting of forty five branded stores, nineteen
Speaker 2: product lines, and twenty nine fragrances. That is a mask
Speaker 2: over four billion dollars in revenue. In two thousand and one,
Speaker 2: Variety declared Paris Hilton as a billion dollar entrepreneur in
Speaker 2: recognition of a successful business and global brand. Paris's new
Speaker 2: book is out now. It's called Paris the Memoir. I
Speaker 2: literally just finished reading it, and today we have Paris
Speaker 2: Hilton in the studio. Paris. Thank you for being.
Speaker 1: Here, Thank you, thank you for the introduction.
Speaker 2: Oh I meant it, and congratulations. You know, whenever I
Speaker 2: sit down with someone who's written a memoir, and I
Speaker 2: want everyone who's listening to really understand this, because I
Speaker 2: think people see memoirs coming out, and they see books
Speaker 2: coming out, and you just you kind of think, like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: someone's just telling their story, and I think what I
Speaker 2: found really fascinating about yours is I can't imagine how
Speaker 2: hard it was to retell so many of these stories
Speaker 2: and to relive so many of them. And I just
Speaker 2: wanted to thank you for being able to go there
Speaker 2: so many times, because I think even though in your
Speaker 2: own words, where people may think that they don't relate
Speaker 2: to you, I actually think that the stories you tell
Speaker 2: are so much more relatable than people would expect. And
Speaker 2: I just want to thank you for sharing themselves vulnerably.
Speaker 1: Thank you.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Definitely very difficult and emotional, but extremely just therapeutic, just
Speaker 1: putting it all out there, because so much that I've
Speaker 1: held on to for so long, and so many things
Speaker 1: that I've never told anyone, like things I've never even
Speaker 1: wanted to say out loud because I didn't even want
Speaker 1: to think that they were real. But it's just been
Speaker 1: the most healing experience of my life.
Speaker 2: So you feel it's actually been he even though it's uneasy, Yes,
Speaker 2: it's actually been something that has been therapeutic. It's been
Speaker 2: healthier than unhealthy. Were there parts where you're like, oh gosh,
Speaker 2: I just need a break from this.
Speaker 1: Definitely, so many parts just because I've been through so
Speaker 1: many traumatic experiences in my life, so just to have
Speaker 1: to write them down and then doing the audiobook was
Speaker 1: even that was even harder having to say things out loud,
Speaker 1: especially in a room with three strangers I've never met
Speaker 1: before and having to tell my story. But I'm I'm
Speaker 1: so happy that I did my audio book as well,
Speaker 1: because I think it's important for people to hear the
Speaker 1: story from the person who wrote it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's such a great point too, even having to
Speaker 2: say it out loud for yourself. I think so many
Speaker 2: of us we hold our truth so deeply buried inside
Speaker 2: of us, and we might think it, but we never
Speaker 2: actually speak it out loud. And that's such a great example.
Speaker 2: I never thought about it like that. I think. The
Speaker 2: other thing before we dive in, I wanted to mention
Speaker 2: which I loved about your memoir is you were so
Speaker 2: phenomenally observant. I almost feel like you had a hawkeye
Speaker 2: where like you were able to you're able to like
Speaker 2: find all these details. You're incredibly smart, like phenomenally like
Speaker 2: a stewid, just spying these tiny details and patterns and
Speaker 2: connections and the stories you tell and the history you
Speaker 2: tell and I was. I really enjoyed it. I literally
Speaker 2: felt like you were talking to me and I read it.
Speaker 2: I didn't listen to it, and now I'll have to
Speaker 2: listen to it, but I read it and I literally
Speaker 2: felt like I was like this talking to you.
Speaker 1: Yes.
Speaker 2: So it's hard to do that, it's hard to off.
Speaker 2: So I just want everyone to know who's going to
Speaker 2: read it that you're really going to feel that. Where
Speaker 2: I wanted to start was you talked a lot about
Speaker 2: how and I think this is completely true. You said
Speaker 2: most of us regret things that we didn't do, not
Speaker 2: things that we did do. But you said in your twenties,
Speaker 2: there are a few things you do regret. And I
Speaker 2: was wondering whether regrets that you did do or didn't do,
Speaker 2: and what were they for me?
Speaker 1: I feel that everything that I've done in life has
Speaker 1: made me who I am, and I'm such a strong person,
Speaker 1: and especially after writing this book and just seeing my
Speaker 1: life story and everything that I've been through, I feel
Speaker 1: that I don't have regrets in life because it's made
Speaker 1: me the woman I am today.
Speaker 2: What made you say that that chapter that I think
Speaker 2: you were just like, Ah, I've got a couple of regrets,
Speaker 2: like even if there were silly ones like I'm guessing
Speaker 2: there weren't any big.
Speaker 1: Ones, relationships like I wish I didn't meet certain people
Speaker 1: like I wish I didn't let certain people in my
Speaker 1: life that shouldn't have been in my life, people with
Speaker 1: bad intentions, because I've especially growing up, was just always
Speaker 1: just so trusting of everyone and would let anyone in,
Speaker 1: and there's so many people who just didn't deserve that.
Speaker 2: Do you think you've got better at assessing and evaluating
Speaker 2: energy and intentions around you because of all your bad
Speaker 2: and negative experiences as you're saying, do you feel like
Speaker 2: you've found a better radar? Or is it just something
Speaker 2: that we all keep making mistakes on because it's so hard?
Speaker 2: Because what I read is you want to be a
Speaker 2: trusting person, you want to be a loving person, you
Speaker 2: want to feel loved like we all do. But have
Speaker 2: you found that you've got better at it? And if so,
Speaker 2: what would you say you've got better at in terms
Speaker 2: of sensing people's energy and intention.
Speaker 1: I think in the beginning, I was just unexperienced in life,
Speaker 1: so I really didn't know, and I had been through
Speaker 1: so much in life, so I think I was just
Speaker 1: after the trauma that experience as a teenager, I was
Speaker 1: not I don't know, I think, in the right head
Speaker 1: space to make decisions on being in a relationship. Like
Speaker 1: the first person I started a relationship with, I was
Speaker 1: not ready for that. And because of so many things
Speaker 1: that happened to me, my heart just had this huge
Speaker 1: wall around it for a very long time, and so
Speaker 1: many things that happened that it made me not trust anyone.
Speaker 1: And it wasn't until with my husband that I had
Speaker 1: those walls come down and I actually let someone in.
Speaker 1: But that took me a very long time, just from
Speaker 1: so many life experiences that made me that way.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and want to and I want to get to
Speaker 2: that because I want to talk about a lot of
Speaker 2: those things you just mentioned. But one line that really
Speaker 2: took me, like kind of spell bound me in your
Speaker 2: book was everyone was under this spell of love and money.
Speaker 2: And when I read that, I was thinking about it
Speaker 2: and I was wondering it kind of aligns with what
Speaker 2: you're saying here, is that a lot of people with
Speaker 2: negative intentions or unhealthy intentions are often under the spell
Speaker 2: of love and money and that makes them do crazy things.
Speaker 2: I mean, what were some of the craziest thing you
Speaker 2: saw people do, maybe not even to you, but what
Speaker 2: were some of those things that you saw when people
Speaker 2: were bound by the spell of love and money? As
Speaker 2: you say, what lens have you seen people go to.
Speaker 1: I just have seen people change where money can just
Speaker 1: take over their mind and who they are as a person,
Speaker 1: and any values they have would just go to the side.
Speaker 1: Just seeing people change, especially fame and money. I've just
Speaker 1: seen so many people come into this town. Some people
Speaker 1: come and go and the fame and the money get
Speaker 1: to their heads so much, or they become a different
Speaker 1: person and start thinking that they're better than others and
Speaker 1: treating others beneath them. And that's something that I hate
Speaker 1: more than anything, when someone is unkind to someone and
Speaker 1: treats someone as if they're lower than them. That's like
Speaker 1: one of the things that is one of my pet
Speaker 1: p Yeah.
Speaker 2: It's interesting, right, Like you can't buy class, like fame
Speaker 2: and money can't buy class. I've always felt that way
Speaker 2: that yes, when you see people come into those things,
Speaker 2: it doesn't change your taste or your habits or your values.
Speaker 2: It kind of just amplifies who you already are. I
Speaker 2: think I've heard many people say where it almost just
Speaker 2: it almost exposes you for who you really are when
Speaker 2: those things come your way. Y. Yes, I think you
Speaker 2: said in the book, or you've said once before when
Speaker 2: asked about self esteem, and I really want to talk
Speaker 2: about the things that happen in your teenagers. But I
Speaker 2: think self esteem is such a big topic in the
Speaker 2: world today, especially because of social media, especially because of
Speaker 2: so much self judgment and self criticism. And when you've
Speaker 2: been asked before, you've mentioned like, you're good at pretending
Speaker 2: sometimes or you have been good at pretending, And I
Speaker 2: wonder when was it that you allowed yourself to stop
Speaker 2: pretending and really start working on it, Like what did
Speaker 2: that take? Because I feel like most of us it's
Speaker 2: so much more easier to pretend and we hide behind it.
Speaker 2: But I feel like you claim in your narrative back
Speaker 2: in this book was almost saying, well, I'm not going
Speaker 2: to let what's happened to me define my self esteem.
Speaker 2: Would you say that's fair.
Speaker 1: Or definitely everyone goes through that. And it took me
Speaker 1: a while just after what I had went through, my
Speaker 1: self esteem was just destroyed from the things that were
Speaker 1: said to me and the abuse that I suffered when
Speaker 1: I was a teenager at these trouble teen schools. I
Speaker 1: don't even like to call them schools. And it wasn't
Speaker 1: until my documentary back in twenty nineteen where I really
Speaker 1: started doing this just whole path of self discovery and
Speaker 1: really just talking about so many things I had never
Speaker 1: told anyone. And then with now my book, that was
Speaker 1: the second part of it, because I wasn't even ready
Speaker 1: at that point to open up in ways I did.
Speaker 1: But I've just grown so much in the past couple
Speaker 1: of years and then getting married with my husband. It's
Speaker 1: just my life has completely changed. And I'm going to
Speaker 1: be always, forever so grateful to Alexander Dean, the director
Speaker 1: of my documentary, because that film literally changed my life.
Speaker 2: Making it change your life, yes.
Speaker 1: In so many ways. And now really just turning my
Speaker 1: pain into a purpose and helping make a difference in
Speaker 1: other people's lives has just been so rewarding. And I
Speaker 1: feel that people understand me in ways that they didn't before.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and it just.
Speaker 1: Feels really good to finally be understood.
Speaker 2: I want to tap into some of those events because
Speaker 2: I think I actually think there's more people suffering in
Speaker 2: silence than people who are vocal about the pain and
Speaker 2: what they've been through. And I think that what I
Speaker 2: meant earlier, which I said this to you offline, but
Speaker 2: I want to repeat it here on the show that
Speaker 2: I think a lot of people, for a lot of
Speaker 2: part of your life, see parts of your life as unrelatable.
Speaker 2: But then when you open up about these things in
Speaker 2: the book, I actually think I have a lot of
Speaker 2: friends and especially women that I know that have been
Speaker 2: through similar things that have never opened up and have
Speaker 2: held it tight or opened up to a couple of people.
Speaker 2: And so I'm hoping that with you opening up in
Speaker 2: this way, a lot of people will look at that
Speaker 2: and go, well, maybe I need to talk to someone,
Speaker 2: or maybe I can reach out. So I wanted to
Speaker 2: talk about some of them. I mean, the first one
Speaker 2: that comes up is you have your teacher, who you
Speaker 2: call mister Abercrombie, who's like manipulating you and grooming you
Speaker 2: and making you think in a certain way. And it's
Speaker 2: really interesting because our teenage years are these years where
Speaker 2: like we wait to be liked, to feel likable, or
Speaker 2: we wait for someone to desire us to feel desirable,
Speaker 2: And I think you're in like eighth grade. Yes, and
Speaker 2: he's preparing you in this way, and then you know,
Speaker 2: he takes you in his car one night and he
Speaker 2: kisses you and pulls you into me, and like, you know,
Speaker 2: it's completely against your will. You don't know what's going on.
Speaker 2: At the same time, it's nice to be like wanted
Speaker 2: and you talk about that before. I can't imagine that
Speaker 2: being someone's like, you know, first kiss to that degree,
Speaker 2: and like you talk about how like because your parents
Speaker 2: kind of caught you, and of course the book goes
Speaker 2: into much more depth. I'm just synthesizing it for the question.
Speaker 2: But you didn't want to talk about it with them,
Speaker 2: and they didn't talk about it with you, Like what
Speaker 2: does it feel like when you hold on to uncomfortable things?
Speaker 2: What does that feel like? And then what gave you
Speaker 2: the courage to actually say I need to talk about this.
Speaker 1: For me, that's just how my family was, like we
Speaker 1: didn't like to talk about things. And when that happened,
Speaker 1: you know, I was fourteen years old and he completely
Speaker 1: took advantage of his power, as you know, a teacher
Speaker 1: at the school, and to be doing that to a
Speaker 1: little girl was just so wrong. And I'm so glad
Speaker 1: that my parents ended up driving out the driveway because
Speaker 1: who knows what he would have tried to do. And
Speaker 1: after that happened, I just didn't ever talk about with
Speaker 1: my family up until a few weeks ago, and I
Speaker 1: asked my mom and I said, that night that you
Speaker 1: caught me in the car and you were chasing me
Speaker 1: in the car and everything, did you know who that was?
Speaker 1: And she said no. I was like, oh, I always
Speaker 1: thought my whole since I was a teenager, I thought
Speaker 1: that she knew that it was that, and she had
Speaker 1: no idea until now. She just thought it was some
Speaker 1: teenage boy. Wow, up to like a couple of up
Speaker 1: until a couple of weeks ago when she read my book.
Speaker 2: And what was her reaction to that? Mean in shock?
Speaker 1: She just couldn't believe it. She was in shock of
Speaker 1: so many things in the book. My sister and her
Speaker 1: we just spoke about it, like a few weeks ago,
Speaker 1: and they were both just crying and saying, I can't
Speaker 1: believe it. You didn't tell us any of this, Like
Speaker 1: I wish you could have came to us, but it's
Speaker 1: just it's hard to talk about things, and especially when
Speaker 1: you're raised in that way. Where you don't really talk
Speaker 1: about anything that's hard. It's been difficult, but I'm so
Speaker 1: glad that I finally got the courage to do it,
Speaker 1: and I know that my story is really important. And
Speaker 1: I wish that I had this book back when I
Speaker 1: was a teenager, because I would have definitely not felt
Speaker 1: so alone and misunderstood.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I mean I it's really interesting, isn't it. Family,
Speaker 2: Like we feel so close to we all feel and
Speaker 2: I think you do a I think you really healthily
Speaker 2: talk about how like no one's family is perfect, but
Speaker 2: you love your family. But then there's complex and that's
Speaker 2: that's just I think a lot of us have that
Speaker 2: experience where it's like our families would say the same thing,
Speaker 2: like why didn't you tell me? But then at this
Speaker 2: same time, it's like, well, if I told you, you
Speaker 2: may not have reacted in a way that was helpful.
Speaker 2: Did do you feel like did do you feel like
Speaker 2: when your mom read that, she like felt some guilt
Speaker 2: or like, oh how did she carry that?
Speaker 1: Like she definitely felt guilty. I think as a kid,
Speaker 1: you you're scared, like, oh, I'm going to get in trouble.
Speaker 1: And I think that's something that shame is such a powerful,
Speaker 1: powerful thing, and that's a really important message in my
Speaker 1: book that the shame shouldn't be on you, it should
Speaker 1: be on the person that hurt you. And I felt
Speaker 1: like I just held on to so much shame my
Speaker 1: whole life because of other people hurting me, and it
Speaker 1: feels I think other people who've been through the same
Speaker 1: thing need to hear that as well.
Speaker 2: That is so powerful. I just want everyone who's listening
Speaker 2: or watching right now to go back and listen to that,
Speaker 2: because that what you just said is so true. I'm
Speaker 2: going to try and repeat what Parish just said so
Speaker 2: beautifully that when someone else dumps something to you, the
Speaker 2: shame should not actually be something you have to feel
Speaker 2: an experience, it's actually on them. And yeah, I was
Speaker 2: noticing that. I actually was when I was making notes.
Speaker 2: It was like, shame and embarrassment are these constant themes
Speaker 2: in the book. And it's so interesting because all of
Speaker 2: us in our lives, we always feel embarrassed for someone else.
Speaker 2: What will my parents think of what I did? Or
Speaker 2: I feel so ashamed of myself for what someone did
Speaker 2: to me, when actually what you just said is they
Speaker 2: should be feeling shameful of what they did, but like
Speaker 2: mister Abercrombie that day in the car just drops you
Speaker 2: off and runs away because they want to just run
Speaker 2: away from that. And you start to realize, actually that
Speaker 2: person is feeling so much shame that they're trying to
Speaker 2: they actually lie to themselves about it in order to
Speaker 2: escape it. But I love that. I hope that everyone
Speaker 2: who's listening just feels freed by recognizing that that the
Speaker 2: shame you're feeling is actually for the person who hurt
Speaker 2: you to feel. And what really hit me was also
Speaker 2: just again talking about vocalizing things. You said it took
Speaker 2: you so long to even use the word pedophile because
Speaker 2: you didn't want to explain to us why it was
Speaker 2: important to use the word. But why it took you long, I.
Speaker 1: Think that I had just been so manipulated by him,
Speaker 1: and I didn't want to think of myself as a victim.
Speaker 1: But now as an adult, I look back on that
Speaker 1: and think of when I have a daughter one day
Speaker 1: and she's a teenager, and if someone had tried to
Speaker 1: do something like that to her, I couldn't even imagine,
Speaker 1: and it just angers me. And I never had told
Speaker 1: anyone that story. But I know it's an important story
Speaker 1: because I know that's something that happens every day to people.
Speaker 2: I literally read your book as if I was reading
Speaker 2: you about my daughter, Like that's how I was like,
Speaker 2: And I don't have a daughter, but I was I
Speaker 2: have a younger sister who've always been very protective of
Speaker 2: and to me, when I was reading your book, that's
Speaker 2: literally the lens. What you just said is how I
Speaker 2: read the book, where I was just like, if this
Speaker 2: happened in my like my younger daughter or younger child,
Speaker 2: even son, like whoever it is, I can't imagine how
Speaker 2: upset I'd feel if I didn't keep that door open
Speaker 2: for them. And I just want to you know, if
Speaker 2: there's any parents listening as well, I just hope that
Speaker 2: this inspires you to really keep that door open with
Speaker 2: your kids, because it's so easy to judge them, and
Speaker 2: it's so easy to make it out like you made
Speaker 2: every right decision and your kids are making bad decisions.
Speaker 2: But I promise you you'll be so much happier if
Speaker 2: the communication lines are always open. I mean, speaking of
Speaker 2: communication with parents, you said there were some things that
Speaker 2: were difficult for your mom to moment to discuss Obviously
Speaker 2: this was one of them, Like what were the other
Speaker 2: things that you felt your mom really like was just
Speaker 2: shocked by and just felt like she wished you could
Speaker 2: have spoken to her about it.
Speaker 1: My mom had me when she was nineteen, so she
Speaker 1: was a kid herself, and that generation, like I think
Speaker 1: a lot of people really didn't talk about their feelings,
Speaker 1: Like no one was talking about mental health. It was
Speaker 1: just I think that generation is just how they were raised.
Speaker 1: So I could understand why she was that way. And
Speaker 1: now ever since she's read my book and watched my
Speaker 1: documentary and has learned so much from me in that way,
Speaker 1: we've just never been closer. So it's been a really
Speaker 1: healing experience for both of us as well.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I hope that encourages anyone who's felt like
Speaker 2: that for a long time, because, like you're saying, most
Speaker 2: of us are not going to tell our parents what
Speaker 2: we're doing when we're doing it. Like I was the same,
Speaker 2: I had so many secrets from my parents, Like my
Speaker 2: parents never knew about any of the girlfriends I had.
Speaker 2: My parents never knew about anything that I was up
Speaker 2: to because I was scared of them being mad at
Speaker 2: me and upset with me because the line in my
Speaker 2: house was focus on your education, don't worry about girlfriends.
Speaker 2: And so as a young boy, all you care about
Speaker 2: is having girlfriends. Yeah, And I was like, well, as
Speaker 2: long as I can get good grades, I'm just going
Speaker 2: to carry on doing all this other stuff. And it's
Speaker 2: interesting because I feel like even as we get older,
Speaker 2: we're still scared of our parents, right, Like it's almost
Speaker 2: like it never stops. And so it's always so strange,
Speaker 2: Like and my wife talking about this all the time,
Speaker 2: like she talks about her like she's still scared sometimes
Speaker 2: to tell her parents about what she's up to or whatever.
Speaker 1: I always feel like a teenager of my parents. I
Speaker 1: don't know why, it's just how it is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And all of us feel that way. And there's
Speaker 2: this there's it's so important that I think we get
Speaker 2: the courage even as adults, because a lot of us
Speaker 2: are like, oh, that was the past, it doesn't matter,
Speaker 2: But actually it will. It will actually change the relationship
Speaker 2: you have with your parents when when you can actually
Speaker 2: open up the lines of trust. On the flip side,
Speaker 2: you have the beautiful relation with ship with your grandma,
Speaker 2: like that comes across in the books so like strongly
Speaker 2: and beautifully, and when you speak about her, I feel
Speaker 2: like it just comes out the page and it's beaming,
Speaker 2: and like your your appreciation and your admiration for her
Speaker 2: is just this amazing thing. What would you say is
Speaker 2: a lesson that you think has stayed with you that
Speaker 2: she taught you that is like that you still carry
Speaker 2: with you every day, Like what would you say that
Speaker 2: would be if you had a one?
Speaker 1: She was just a force of nature, like we just
Speaker 1: walk in a room and lighted up and always made
Speaker 1: me feel so confident. And I remember when I was
Speaker 1: a little girl, she told me that she went to
Speaker 1: a psychic and the psychic said, one day, your granddaughter
Speaker 1: is going to be one of the most famous and
Speaker 1: most photographed women in the world. And she said, I
Speaker 1: know that's going to happen one day, and I just
Speaker 1: want you to always remain the same sweet, founder earth
Speaker 1: girl that you are with such a big heart and
Speaker 1: so kind and never let that get to your head.
Speaker 1: And that was something that I always kept close to
Speaker 1: my heart, and nothing ever changed, no matter what happened
Speaker 1: in my life. I always remain the same sweet person.
Speaker 1: And I think that's so important to be kind and
Speaker 1: that's something that she really instilled in me my whole life.
Speaker 2: I mean, that sounds like a great thing everyone should
Speaker 2: tell their kids. I love all of that because it's
Speaker 2: almost like I believe in you. I know, oh, you're
Speaker 2: going to be successful, but don't forget where you came from,
Speaker 2: who you are and how you treat people like that's
Speaker 2: what's what's foundational and really important. And yeah, it's it's
Speaker 2: we all need that figure in our lives, like whether
Speaker 2: it's a grandparent or uncle or aren't a friend who
Speaker 2: reminds us of who we need to continue to be
Speaker 2: because it's so easy to get distracted. But what I
Speaker 2: think is really interesting is how you kept that mindset
Speaker 2: when so you go and I know you don't like
Speaker 2: calling it a school, and I agree from your description
Speaker 2: of the CEDU right see do se do you?
Speaker 1: Yeah? One of them provoking in school, Yeah, cascade in ascent.
Speaker 2: Yeah. So like looking at all of these facilities, even
Speaker 2: when they're taking you there, it almost feels like you're
Speaker 2: being kidnapped. You have handcuffs walking through an airport when
Speaker 2: you're not a convict or you know you haven't done
Speaker 2: something illegal. And then it's even like when they explain it,
Speaker 2: they're like, we're going to this place to fix you,
Speaker 2: and you your reaction is that there's nothing wrong to fix,
Speaker 2: Like what do you fix? What I'm fascinated was like,
Speaker 2: how did you hold on to the idea that there
Speaker 2: was nothing to fix when everything around you is programming
Speaker 2: you to believe that you're broken, you're wrong, and you're
Speaker 2: needing fixing, Like how do you not take that all in?
Speaker 1: I knew that I didn't deserve to be there, and
Speaker 1: you know, I wasn't a bad kid. I live a
Speaker 1: very strict life, very sheltered. Then I moved to New
Speaker 1: York City, started sneaking out, getting bad grades, and my
Speaker 1: parents talked to a therapist who recommended that I go
Speaker 1: to these emotional growth boarding schools. And they had no idea.
Speaker 1: They just thought it was a normal boarding school. And
Speaker 1: the way they take kids to these places is they
Speaker 1: have two men come into your room in the middle
Speaker 1: of the night and say do you want to go
Speaker 1: the easy way or the hard way? And literally hold
Speaker 1: up handcuffs. And this is how children are brought to
Speaker 1: these places, and it's extremely traumatizing. That's something that I
Speaker 1: had severe nightmares for two decades. It wasn't until my
Speaker 1: documentary and all the advocacy work that I've been doing
Speaker 1: that those nightmares have finally went away. But for me,
Speaker 1: I just always thought to myself, I know that I'm
Speaker 1: a good person. I don't deserve to be in here,
Speaker 1: and that was the only thing that kept me going
Speaker 1: was who I was going to become and what I
Speaker 1: wanted to be when I got out of there.
Speaker 2: Did you see other people break down? Like, did you
Speaker 2: see other people around you? Just like, because I find
Speaker 2: that to be one of the hardest things, where if
Speaker 2: you're being told you're broken, if you're being told you're wrong,
Speaker 2: if you're being told you're wrong in you know, letting
Speaker 2: your parents down, and by the way, you're doing very
Speaker 2: normal things at this point, Like there's like, you know,
Speaker 2: like I think, sneaking out, you know, getting getting bad grades,
Speaker 2: getting in trouble is actually pretty normal for any teenage kid.
Speaker 1: And I had attention deficit disorder, which no one knew
Speaker 1: because no one was talking about that either. So that's
Speaker 1: the reason I couldn't pay attention in school and was
Speaker 1: getting bad grades, and no one knew why. They just
Speaker 1: thought that I was purposely trying to not pay attention,
Speaker 1: but I just really couldn't focus.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, And it's incredible to think that. And this,
Speaker 2: I think this is what's coming out so much today
Speaker 2: where people who weren't able to focus at school because
Speaker 2: of ADHD or other challenges that they have are doing
Speaker 2: phenomenally well in business, yes, and in life. And it's
Speaker 2: like you start to recognize that there isn't this correlation
Speaker 2: between It's not like, oh, if you did got good grades,
Speaker 2: you had a great career or great profession. It could
Speaker 2: very well be the opposite. How do you find you've
Speaker 2: been able to what's different about business than school? I
Speaker 2: guess that you've been so passionate about and been so
Speaker 2: prolific at that you feel is different about how you
Speaker 2: were approach school.
Speaker 1: I feel my ADHD. I consider it my superpower. And
Speaker 1: I think that's why in business and everything that I've done,
Speaker 1: I've always been very future thinking and thinking outside of
Speaker 1: the box and being a risk taker and someone who
Speaker 1: is an innovator and pioneer. And I really attribute that
Speaker 1: to my superpower.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but how do you how do you I guess
Speaker 2: not how does not always being able to force yourself
Speaker 2: to focus actually become a superpower in business like that,
Speaker 2: How does that work?
Speaker 1: Thinking in a different way and with ADHD, my doctor,
Speaker 1: doctor Hollowa, says that it's like having the brain of
Speaker 1: like a Ferrari with bicycle breaks, so you're kind of
Speaker 1: just always moving really fast and thinking really fast. And
Speaker 1: I think that's why in business I've done so many
Speaker 1: things first because I just I don't know, just took
Speaker 1: a risk and I'm impulsive.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that can And that's interesting, isn't it, Because
Speaker 2: it's almost like in school, everything has to have a
Speaker 2: process and a method and a approach, where sometimes in
Speaker 2: business actually trying something out and being impulsive or making
Speaker 2: an intuitive decision can actually work out, whereas being intuitive
Speaker 2: school is not valued a tall.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I just found it to be boring. Besides,
Speaker 1: I loved art class, the music class, but math was
Speaker 1: not my favorite.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. My favorite subjects at school were art in design, philosophy,
Speaker 2: and I enjoyed economics because of how it was taught,
Speaker 2: but art in design and philosophy were by far my
Speaker 2: favorite subjects at school. And it's really interesting because when
Speaker 2: I was at school, all I'd ever hear is jade.
Speaker 2: Those are dumb subjects to focus on. Don't focus on
Speaker 2: those subjects going to get you a job. And now
Speaker 2: when I look at my life, I feel like my
Speaker 2: entire life is iron design, philosophy and economics like that.
Speaker 2: That's literally it. And so it's interesting how we all
Speaker 2: have strengths that we miss out on. I wanted to
Speaker 2: roll back a few years because the experience that you
Speaker 2: describe about meeting the guy in the mall and then
Speaker 2: it's almost like you go through this experience and you
Speaker 2: wake up that you wake up and you're like, you
Speaker 2: know what's happened, But again it's another moment where you
Speaker 2: don't want to tell anyone about what's happened. And I
Speaker 2: just feel every time I was reading your book and
Speaker 2: I've read these points, it was like a punch in
Speaker 2: the gut for me. I was just like, I can't
Speaker 2: believe it that something keeps happening that is not something
Speaker 2: that you're inviting or encouraging, and it's someone taking advantage.
Speaker 2: It's someone going far beyond any point of consent, and
Speaker 2: again you're having to hold on to it. Can you
Speaker 2: walk us through that and just talk again about what
Speaker 2: it feels like to have to hold onto something the
Speaker 2: second time around, especially when this is like from your
Speaker 2: first kiss to your first sexual experience, how does that
Speaker 2: keep accelerating internally? Like what's going on internally?
Speaker 1: That was another thing in my book that I had
Speaker 1: never told anyone like after that happened, I had never
Speaker 1: said it out loud again and just tried to forget it.
Speaker 1: And my friend and I were at the mall when
Speaker 1: I was fifteen and a half, yeah, and we had
Speaker 1: met these two older guys that we had seen like
Speaker 1: every weekend there and they got our numbers and invited
Speaker 1: us over. And I had never drank alcohol in my
Speaker 1: life before, and he had these wine berry coolers, the
Speaker 1: wine coolers, and kept telling me to drink it and
Speaker 1: pressuring me, and I kept saying no, and then it
Speaker 1: was like it's open, just do it. So I had
Speaker 1: had a couple of SIPs and then it was roofied
Speaker 1: and knocked out and woke up with him on top
Speaker 1: of me and whispering, you're dreaming, You're dreaming. And that
Speaker 1: was just terrifying to go through and something that I
Speaker 1: felt ashamed for when again, that was not my fault.
Speaker 1: This was someone who took advantage of a young girl.
Speaker 2: And how did it feel like a second time thinking
Speaker 2: I can't tell anyone again. I guess my question is,
Speaker 2: with shame and embarrassment keeps cycling in this way, do
Speaker 2: you feel like you literally held onto that shame and
Speaker 2: embarrassment until the duck in the book? Like would you
Speaker 2: say you've carried it for that long? And what does
Speaker 2: that feel like? Is it festus?
Speaker 1: Extremely isolating? Just feel alone that no one knows, but
Speaker 1: it's something that you're holding onto. And yeah, it was
Speaker 1: something that I held on to until I wrote it
Speaker 1: in my book because I know that has happened to
Speaker 1: so many other people. And ever since I've released my book,
Speaker 1: so many people have written me letters and contacted me
Speaker 1: on social media or met my book signings that have
Speaker 1: went through the same experience. And they were all thanking
Speaker 1: me for them not feeling alone and them being able
Speaker 1: to talk about it for the first time and hold
Speaker 1: the people accountable for what they did to them.
Speaker 2: And why do you think we do that? Why do
Speaker 2: you think we don't keep those people accountable? But we
Speaker 2: see it as our mistake or our like you know,
Speaker 2: you walk away thinking, oh, I'm such an idiot, I'm
Speaker 2: so stupid. I shouldn't have done that. Why do you
Speaker 2: think that is? Why is it that we just reflected
Speaker 2: back onto ourselves seeing as you've gone through things like that.
Speaker 1: I don't know why we do that. I wish I
Speaker 1: knew why, But I think when people can talk about
Speaker 1: things like this, and it makes others feel safe to
Speaker 1: be able to talk about it as well. And that's
Speaker 1: something that I'm working on every day.
Speaker 2: All of this.
Speaker 1: This is like I've been healing, but there's so much
Speaker 1: there and I've now put it out to the whole world,
Speaker 1: and it's just it's been hard just talking about it
Speaker 1: and just thinking about it. But again, I know it's
Speaker 1: important for others to hear.
Speaker 2: We're so quick to judge others. So when we hear
Speaker 2: about these things, if it's never happened to us, we
Speaker 2: always think, oh, but they could have avoided it. And
Speaker 2: then when it happens to you, you reflect that judgment
Speaker 2: onto yourself and you think, oh, I could have avoided it.
Speaker 2: And so it's almost like the more we judge others,
Speaker 2: and we're quick to judge others, we actually judge ourselves more.
Speaker 2: And the more we judge ourselves more, the more we
Speaker 2: are judging others and it kind of becomes this vicious
Speaker 2: cycle where we judge ourselves, we self sabotage, we self criticize.
Speaker 2: Don't we judge others, We criticize them, we point fingers,
Speaker 2: and it just keeps going around. And it's almost like,
Speaker 2: if we gave ourselves more grace, we'd give others more grace.
Speaker 2: And if we give others more grace, we'd give ourselves
Speaker 2: more grace. And I do think that when people tell
Speaker 2: their stories, like I can't relate or say I've gone
Speaker 2: through anything that you've gone through, but hearing your story
Speaker 2: and I'm sure for the people who have been victims
Speaker 2: and have gone through these things, I'm hoping that it
Speaker 2: creates a sense of empathy and compassion and grace for everyone,
Speaker 2: because I think the reason we don't tell everyone is
Speaker 2: because we think that they somehow think it was our fault.
Speaker 1: Would you judge you?
Speaker 2: Yeah? And have you felt this time when you've opened
Speaker 2: up through your book, do you still feel that there's
Speaker 2: been judgment back? Because I know in the past, when
Speaker 2: things have happened, there's been a sense of, like you've
Speaker 2: talked about before, like the idea of when you were
Speaker 2: when you're seen as a sex symbol. It's like, you like,
Speaker 2: I like the symbol part because that's like iconic, But
Speaker 2: it's like when people start labeling you, would you say
Speaker 2: that this time when you're sharing the book, you felt
Speaker 2: that people have really received it well through the book
Speaker 2: as opposed to other ways, or do you still find
Speaker 2: that there's still some judgment that's always going to be there.
Speaker 1: The reaction to the book has just been incredible, just overwhelming,
Speaker 1: with so much love and support and just the things
Speaker 1: that people have said to me at the book signings
Speaker 1: and every single interview and people are just it just
Speaker 1: feels amazing to finally be understood and have people respect
Speaker 1: me and have empathy and kindness. And I feel because
Speaker 1: I played a character for so long, people had no
Speaker 1: idea and now they know that there's so much more
Speaker 1: to me, and that's been incredible. If I haven't felt
Speaker 1: any negative energy at all, So that's just been the
Speaker 1: best feeling ever.
Speaker 2: That makes me sense happy. I'm so happy to hear that. Honestly, congratulations.
Speaker 2: You deserve that, and little Paris deserves that too, And
Speaker 2: you know, I'm so happy to hear that because I
Speaker 2: think being understood is the hardest thing, and especially being
Speaker 2: understood for the trauma that's unseen. Like everyone sees the
Speaker 2: page six, or sees the front cover, or sees whatever,
Speaker 2: but no one really really sees the inner child that
Speaker 2: actually went through all of this, because that's the part
Speaker 2: of you that the characters covering. The character's not covering
Speaker 2: the truth. It's covering the inner child that's experiencing all
Speaker 2: of this and is not mature enough and not smart
Speaker 2: enough and not ready enough to endure so much suffering,
Speaker 2: in so much pain. Does you in a child feel
Speaker 2: safer now? Does it? Or how do you think about
Speaker 2: your in a child with the healing work that you're doing.
Speaker 1: Finally feel safe just with everything. My husband is just
Speaker 1: so incredible, having my little baby boy. I just feel
Speaker 1: that my life, thank you, complete Finally, i just feel
Speaker 1: that I've built a real life and I'm just so
Speaker 1: proud of everything that I've accomplished. And just reading my story,
Speaker 1: I'm a survivor and I'm a badass.
Speaker 2: I love that. That's I mean, it's you definitely are
Speaker 2: you definitely are. It's but and you see it. You know,
Speaker 2: it's like it's challenging because you know there's so many
Speaker 2: people that the media kind of naturally picks on in
Speaker 2: that way. And sometimes it's good for business, and sometimes
Speaker 2: it makes sense for the character, and but there's always
Speaker 2: more going on. And I feel like you and you know,
Speaker 2: even someone who's your close friend, like Britney Spears as well,
Speaker 2: like have both had the kind of tabloid clickbait articles,
Speaker 2: et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And I think you
Speaker 2: went to a wedding last year too, and you've you've
Speaker 2: stayed strong even though sometimes the media pits you against
Speaker 2: each other or does that? How have you managed? Because
Speaker 2: I feel like this something really interesting that's happened in culture.
Speaker 2: When you started influencing, using that word from your book,
Speaker 2: there was a lot of like even even for actors
Speaker 2: back in the day and musicians. What I've heard is
Speaker 2: it was like, well, you can you are the only influencer,
Speaker 2: and everyone else can't be. If they come up, then
Speaker 2: you're going to go down. I had a lot of
Speaker 2: actors tell me that what they were told is you
Speaker 2: have to be the number one black actor and if
Speaker 2: you're friends with the other black actor, then you can't
Speaker 2: be friends because people are going to choose one of you,
Speaker 2: and I feel like that happens in culture and race,
Speaker 2: it happens in careers, it happens in industries. How did
Speaker 2: you manage to keep a real friendship with Brittany during
Speaker 2: a time when all of this is happening to both
Speaker 2: of you at the same time, Like, how do you
Speaker 2: keep a genuine relationship at that level where you're both
Speaker 2: these these huge tableau targets for.
Speaker 1: Me because we understand each other and she's one of
Speaker 1: the kindest, most down to earth people and is just
Speaker 1: so lovely. I think it's important when women support each
Speaker 1: other because we're all in this together. And I think
Speaker 1: the two thousands were definitely about trying to pit women
Speaker 1: against each other in the media, and they were so
Speaker 1: cruel to us and targeted us, and it was really
Speaker 1: difficult to have to deal with just the constant pressure
Speaker 1: from the media and people inventing stories and paparazzi chasing
Speaker 1: and it was just really crazy time. But it's important
Speaker 1: One then you can have friends around you that can
Speaker 1: understand that because they go through the similar experiences.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's the hardest part. Right There's only
Speaker 2: like one percent of people who are having any given
Speaker 2: experience and that applies across the board and it's like,
Speaker 2: if you're not friends with people who are going through
Speaker 2: the same thing and have the cards to open up
Speaker 2: to each other, you can feel so alone. And it's
Speaker 2: amazing that you've been able to maintain that because it
Speaker 2: almost feels like as more rumors get told, you're more scared.
Speaker 2: Is that? Would you say that's fair? Do you feel
Speaker 2: as more comes out about you that's not true? You
Speaker 2: become more fearful of how people view you. I think in
Speaker 2: the book you talk about one point like every room
Speaker 2: I go into, I know what people have seen or
Speaker 2: what they know. I guess my question is, how has
Speaker 2: that stopped you from just closing off and hiding and
Speaker 2: actually going, well, no, I'm still going to be who
Speaker 2: I want to be, because I can imagine that when
Speaker 2: you walk in already feeling like you have a big
Speaker 2: sign on your forehead. It's hard to walk into new places,
Speaker 2: but you keep doing it with business. You keep walking
Speaker 2: in boardrooms, you keep walking into new environments, like how
Speaker 2: have you found that strength just.
Speaker 1: From being in this business for so long? And also
Speaker 1: what I went through as a teenager at these schools
Speaker 1: just made me I think prepared me for Hollywood in
Speaker 1: a way, because I had just been through such abuse
Speaker 1: that literally I could take anything. You build a tough
Speaker 1: skin when you're constantly around this.
Speaker 2: For sure. The abuse in the schools was worse.
Speaker 1: Yes, So it definitely prepared me for anything.
Speaker 2: Are you still friends with anyone who went to the
Speaker 2: schools that you kind of stayed connected with and have
Speaker 2: they kind of found themselves again or.
Speaker 1: I reconnected with some of the people that I was
Speaker 1: there with. And it's just been amazing just to come
Speaker 1: together and tell our stories and just have made so
Speaker 1: much impact. And now I've changed laws in nine states
Speaker 1: and now going back to Washington, d c. In two
Speaker 1: weeks to introduce our new bill to push for federal legislation.
Speaker 1: So it's just been really empowering just to meet with
Speaker 1: people that had been through the same thing as me
Speaker 1: and who knew me before all of this, and now
Speaker 1: to really have used our voices and are now saving
Speaker 1: children's lives.
Speaker 2: So glad that we're talking about this on purpose, because
Speaker 2: I feel like that is such a journey of pain
Speaker 2: into purpose. And I think you said it in your
Speaker 2: book that actually when you started helping and doing this
Speaker 2: work and not just doing this work of trying to
Speaker 2: help the people who went there, but trying to change
Speaker 2: laws so that people never end up there in the
Speaker 2: first place. Like that approach is when you actually started
Speaker 2: to feel like you were healing, When you're actually not
Speaker 2: just trying to heal yourself, but when you're trying to
Speaker 2: help others, That's when you really felt it. Can you
Speaker 2: walk us through how hard it is to try and
Speaker 2: push forward a new bill or change legislation in nine states? Like?
Speaker 2: Can you walk us through like just how technically challenging
Speaker 2: that is and what you come up against. Because I
Speaker 2: don't think we always hear these announcements, but I don't
Speaker 2: think people know what goes into that.
Speaker 1: This is every day of my life. I'm working. I
Speaker 1: have Rebecca Mellendrows, my head of Impact at eleven eleven Media,
Speaker 1: and we are constantly speaking with senators, traveling, going and
Speaker 1: telling my story. I've been back and forth to DC
Speaker 1: and this is a multi billion dollar industry.
Speaker 2: So there's there's schools, yes, yeah.
Speaker 1: There's thousands of these schools. There's hundreds of children that
Speaker 1: have died in these places, just the reports we have
Speaker 1: of abuse, and there's no regulations and it's just a
Speaker 1: lot having to go in there and really push for
Speaker 1: this because people don't understand, they don't know what's happening
Speaker 1: behind closed doors, and since it's such a profitable industry,
Speaker 1: it's also difficult because there's so many people that are
Speaker 1: trying to fight us against it. But when I actually
Speaker 1: go there and speak to them face to face and
Speaker 1: they hear the stories of myself and the other survivors
Speaker 1: that I bring with me, that's when they understand what
Speaker 1: what's happening. And people know that that's happening and they
Speaker 1: can't just ignore it. So everyone that we've been speaking to,
Speaker 1: when they hear and we actually go there, that's when
Speaker 1: it really makes a difference. And I think that's why
Speaker 1: we've been so impactful.
Speaker 2: What do you say to survivors of the schools or
Speaker 2: even people that you mean, who've been through abuse? Like
Speaker 2: what do you How can a friend help someone a
Speaker 2: friend in their life who's gone through some sort of abuse,
Speaker 2: Like how do you be a good friend to that?
Speaker 2: Because I can imagine that a lot of people are
Speaker 2: listening right now, going I don't want to say to
Speaker 2: my friends because I've never been through it, I don't
Speaker 2: know how to connect what's helpful.
Speaker 1: It's just helpful to know that they can tell you
Speaker 1: and they'll be there for them and not judge them
Speaker 1: and let them know it's not their fault and just
Speaker 1: being able to talk about it and having a safe
Speaker 1: space where you can make them feel supported and just
Speaker 1: know that you're there for them and whatever they need.
Speaker 2: And what do you think like really creates that safe space?
Speaker 2: Because I feel for so many people, we think we're
Speaker 2: so close to so many people, but you almost figure
Speaker 2: out that you're not. There's only a few people you
Speaker 2: can and then you even name some of your closest
Speaker 2: friends who've kind of been through the same stuff. But like,
Speaker 2: what really defines a safe space for you? You know
Speaker 2: what is You've talked about the relationship with you have
Speaker 2: with car to your husband and the space you have
Speaker 2: right now, But what has made it safer? Like what's
Speaker 2: actually created that environment differently now than you've ever.
Speaker 1: Had because I have people around me that I can trust,
Speaker 1: And it's definitely about knowing that when you say something
Speaker 1: that people are not going to go and repeat it.
Speaker 1: So that's something that I've just learned over the years.
Speaker 1: Even before where I would test people in my life
Speaker 1: and tell them some fake rumor and then just see
Speaker 1: if it would end up in page six or in
Speaker 1: the media. And that was a big test back in
Speaker 1: the day that I would do with people, and a
Speaker 1: lot of people failed that test. And now I don't
Speaker 1: have anyone around me that I would even have to
Speaker 1: worry about that with. And that's something that's really important
Speaker 1: to me, is trust, because trust and loyalty is priceless
Speaker 1: to me.
Speaker 2: That's such a great test. Yeah, that's such a great
Speaker 2: that's such a great test. Yeah, if anyone's wondering if
Speaker 2: you have a real friend, tell them a fake rumor
Speaker 2: about yourself and see see if it comes back to
Speaker 2: you exactly. That's a wow. What was the fakest thing
Speaker 2: you ever said? Do you remember what was like a
Speaker 2: rumor that I don't think that the ones you push
Speaker 2: the boundaries on.
Speaker 1: I don't even remember. Maybe just like oh, there was
Speaker 1: like a guy or something like I have no idea
Speaker 1: to something stupid, and then it would end up and
Speaker 1: I would be like, oh.
Speaker 2: Man, how does it feel? Because at one point in
Speaker 2: your book, I think you know, you talk about this
Speaker 2: reputation that you developed in the media of like Oh,
Speaker 2: she sleeps around, she's always with lots of men. And
Speaker 2: then it's like and you're like, well, that just wasn't
Speaker 2: the case. Was there a part of you that it
Speaker 2: was just that was part of the character and it worked,
Speaker 2: or was there a part of you that just felt, no,
Speaker 2: that's not true. I want people to know, like, how
Speaker 2: did you process that?
Speaker 1: I just knew that it wasn't true. And in the media,
Speaker 1: anytime I was seen with someone at a party or whatever,
Speaker 1: people would just assume that that was the case, but
Speaker 1: no one had any idea what I had went through
Speaker 1: that had made me really fearful, Like even though I
Speaker 1: was known as the sex symbol, I didn't feel that
Speaker 1: way inside at all, and I was so scared to
Speaker 1: let people in. That's why a lot of my relationships
Speaker 1: didn't work, because I was like a teenager in a
Speaker 1: way where I only would want to kiss and make
Speaker 1: out and that was it, And a lot of people
Speaker 1: wouldn't be able for themselves to stay loyal because all
Speaker 1: I would do is kissed, and they wanted more. And
Speaker 1: then the media, they just assumed that it was a
Speaker 1: lot more wilder than it really was, because in reality,
Speaker 1: it was actually quite innocent.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And did you just accept that you just realized
Speaker 2: you couldn't change that narrative and it was going to
Speaker 2: be where it was going to be. Or was it
Speaker 2: something you didn't pay attention to.
Speaker 1: I just tried just to not pay attention to things.
Speaker 1: I just feel that the media just always was constantly
Speaker 1: inventing rumors about me, and I just felt like a
Speaker 1: target a lot of the times because I felt that
Speaker 1: it was myself and then a certain group of girls
Speaker 1: that they would do this too.
Speaker 2: What I find the most amazing thing is even in
Speaker 2: this interview, so many times you've said I'm in a
Speaker 2: better place now, I'm in a and I know you're
Speaker 2: saying there's still healing. I know you're not saying it's
Speaker 2: figured out and it's perfect. I don't think that's what
Speaker 2: you're saying. But what I'm hearing is like, you know,
Speaker 2: I've worked through things, have found a good p like
Speaker 2: I'm in a healthy space. I think the hardest hardest
Speaker 2: thing after going through all of these things from an
Speaker 2: outside perspective, is how do you trust another man? Like right?
Speaker 2: Like It's like you've had all these men who've abused you,
Speaker 2: mistreated you, who've exploited you with the sex tape, Who've
Speaker 2: used your image and ways without even ever consulting or
Speaker 2: any sort of consent and completely you know so and
Speaker 2: it's like you've gone through all of this, How do
Speaker 2: you even think about dating someone letter and marrying someone
Speaker 2: for real? Like? Because I feel like that requires so
Speaker 2: much of yourself. And although you're sitting here obviously you
Speaker 2: know you're a new mom and like, and I'm so happy,
Speaker 2: but I can only imagine that I've had and I've
Speaker 2: had people, by the way, ask me this question when
Speaker 2: I'm on tour, where they'll say to me, Jay, I've
Speaker 2: just been so abused or misused or mistreated. How do
Speaker 2: I love again? How do I trust again? How have
Speaker 2: you continued to believe in real love and real trust
Speaker 2: and loyal when you've seen the complete opposite your whole life?
Speaker 1: It was extremely difficult, just not being able to let
Speaker 1: anyone in for so long, and with Carter, I wasn't
Speaker 1: even looking for love at this point. This was back
Speaker 1: in twenty nineteen. I went home to the Hamptons for
Speaker 1: Thanksgiving and I saw Carter that day at Thanksgiving lunch,
Speaker 1: and he was just so sweet and kind of his mom,
Speaker 1: and it was just so different than all the other guys.
Speaker 1: And he's Midwestern boy from a town of eight hundred people,
Speaker 1: and he's just like this sweet, nerdy, like cute, like
Speaker 1: just kind person who's doesn't care about fame or any
Speaker 1: of this. He's just so the opposite of everyone that
Speaker 1: I've ever known and just has this incredible family values
Speaker 1: and it's just this angel like I really believe that
Speaker 1: my grandmother and his dad are up in heaven and
Speaker 1: planned for us to meet because right away it was
Speaker 1: just so different and this like electricity that I had
Speaker 1: never felt, and it was literally like we were inseparable
Speaker 1: right away. We moved in with each other and that
Speaker 1: just then the world shut down in March, so then
Speaker 1: we were really together. Before that, I'd been on the
Speaker 1: road and traveling over two hundred and fifty days out
Speaker 1: of the year for two decades, so I never really
Speaker 1: had time to get to know someone because I was
Speaker 1: always on a plane. So just having to be in
Speaker 1: one place and not the world shutting down and it
Speaker 1: was just me and him together. And I feel like
Speaker 1: times during COVID, like one year of that is like
Speaker 1: seven years of like my normal life, because my life
Speaker 1: is usually so busy with everything I'm doing, so all
Speaker 1: of that has just been like, I don't know, it's
Speaker 1: just been so different than any other relationship where I
Speaker 1: just felt like, this is my destiny.
Speaker 2: That's beautiful, congratulations, So happy to hear that. I can
Speaker 2: see you come to life and be like, there's a
Speaker 2: there's a there's a glow when you're talking about car,
Speaker 2: which is which is really beautiful to see. But how
Speaker 2: how and when did you start feeling comfortable with talking
Speaker 2: to him about what had gone on? Because I'm guessing
Speaker 2: that was a safe space, probably the first time you'd
Speaker 2: felt it from someone you were close to. What was
Speaker 2: that process like, because I can imagine it's also really
Speaker 2: scary to be like, I found a really great thing.
Speaker 2: Now I'm going to share what my real trauma is
Speaker 2: and challenges is and how does this affect like well
Speaker 2: that person stay, well they run away? These are like
Speaker 2: the real things real people think about. How did you
Speaker 2: get how did you start sharing what you'd been through?
Speaker 2: And when did you start feeling like you wanted to
Speaker 2: do that?
Speaker 1: It was just I feel that is everything. And I
Speaker 1: had just finished filming my documentary when we started dating,
Speaker 1: so I was already going through this whole just like
Speaker 1: emotional journey. And then I showed him my documentary and
Speaker 1: he was the first person I had showed it to,
Speaker 1: so he learned so much about me from that, and
Speaker 1: then he just started asking me so many questions, And
Speaker 1: since I had already opened about it in the film,
Speaker 1: I felt I feel like that really prepared me for
Speaker 1: being able to speak about it in real life. People.
Speaker 2: Do you remember an interesting question he asked you about
Speaker 2: your experience that you felt like really brought you both
Speaker 2: closer together? Like was there something specific that he asked
Speaker 2: about that when you and what was your answer? And
Speaker 2: one that's something that brought you closer together than you
Speaker 2: were before that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it was just the way he was.
Speaker 1: He just actually listened and he started crying during certain
Speaker 1: parts of our conversations. He felt just so emotional for
Speaker 1: what I had went through, and just to see someone
Speaker 1: cares that much really just made me trust him even more,
Speaker 1: just to know that he cared so much to even
Speaker 1: I don't know, have a conversation like that, because I
Speaker 1: feel like I had never really had such a deep
Speaker 1: conversation with someone before.
Speaker 2: You said that you don't cry about a lot of
Speaker 2: this much anymore. But when did you really allow yourself
Speaker 2: to cry about it and feel it through. When was
Speaker 2: that opportunity you gave yourself.
Speaker 1: A lot of times I would cry just after going
Speaker 1: through things in life and just feeling so alone, just
Speaker 1: coming home at the end of the night and having
Speaker 1: no one to talk to about it. Just a lot
Speaker 1: of times in my life, and especially after my documentary,
Speaker 1: in writing my book, just rereading all of that has
Speaker 1: just been so emotional just to have to feel it all.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, you even spoke about, you know, hiding your
Speaker 2: pregnancy from your family, and that was something that you
Speaker 2: and your you know, you and car are kind of
Speaker 2: kept to yourself. And I was when I when I
Speaker 2: first learned about that, I was like, that was so
Speaker 2: interesting to me because it seems like, in one sense,
Speaker 2: your life since you were young has been so public
Speaker 2: and so broadcasted and so overly commented upon and been
Speaker 2: out there and then almost you're having this really precious, personal,
Speaker 2: beautiful moment. And my interpretation was that it was a
Speaker 2: protection of like, no, this needs to be personal and
Speaker 2: private and sacred and special. It's what is that What
Speaker 2: was going through your mind of why you wanted it
Speaker 2: to be so private, Like, what, how did that decision
Speaker 2: come about where it's like, no, well, actually, this is
Speaker 2: the one thing that is to be that way.
Speaker 1: I just felt that my life has been so public
Speaker 1: for over two decades of being in this whole industry,
Speaker 1: and with my baby, I just felt that this was
Speaker 1: something that I didn't want all the outside opinions from
Speaker 1: the world or just the online trolls or anyone talking
Speaker 1: about my son until he was here in this world
Speaker 1: and healthy and safe, and I just I don't know.
Speaker 1: I just feel like I wanted to keep that for me,
Speaker 1: so no one knew about it till he was literally
Speaker 1: a week old.
Speaker 2: Wow, what's the pleasure in public broadcast and what's the
Speaker 2: sweetness in private? Sacred personal experience? Talked to me about
Speaker 2: the difference of the joy you get from like being
Speaker 2: in media and being on stage, being in front and center,
Speaker 2: and then what's the difference in how it feels when
Speaker 2: you get to have a special experience like that. I
Speaker 2: just want everyone to hear because I think those are
Speaker 2: two things we crave and chase.
Speaker 1: For me, I love to make other people happy and
Speaker 1: feel that energy and love, and it's just an amazing feeling.
Speaker 1: But then to be with my baby boy and just
Speaker 1: have him laying on my chest and looking up at
Speaker 1: me and I with his innocent eyes and this little, sweet,
Speaker 1: precious angel, it is just my world. So there are
Speaker 1: two different feelings, like one is just exciting, but then
Speaker 1: the other one is actually just true, real love. And
Speaker 1: I feel that for so long I always considered all
Speaker 1: of that type of attention love, But now I know
Speaker 1: what real love truly is.
Speaker 2: Wow. Yeah that hit, Yeah that hit whenever I to
Speaker 2: take that away that we often think of attention as love.
Speaker 2: We think of validation is love. We think of compliments
Speaker 2: as love, but love actually isn't any of that. Those
Speaker 2: are just almost like fake currency or fake money. And yeah,
Speaker 2: real love is what you're experiencing now with your baby
Speaker 2: boy and with Carter and with yourself at the deepest level.
Speaker 2: Like do you feel that we hear these words like
Speaker 2: self love and self care all the time now they're
Speaker 2: all over the world, But how do you define self
Speaker 2: love now? Like do you feel like this is the
Speaker 2: first time in your life that you've allowed yourself to
Speaker 2: love yourself? Or have you loved yourself throughout all of
Speaker 2: this so the.
Speaker 1: First time I've gotten to know myself, so therefore I
Speaker 1: could really love myself because I felt that for so
Speaker 1: long I was just very lost and I had been
Speaker 1: through so much that I was just living such this
Speaker 1: fast paced life that I never even had time to
Speaker 1: think about anything. And I think I purposely made myself
Speaker 1: so busy that I wouldn't have time to think about
Speaker 1: anything that bad I had went through in my life.
Speaker 1: And now just I've gotten getting to know myself and
Speaker 1: just feel so many different feelings. Now I truly can
Speaker 1: love and know every part of.
Speaker 2: Me absolutely absolutely. How are you hoping to be as
Speaker 2: a mother now? Like having you know, you've had an
Speaker 2: interesting relationship with your own family, which you talk about
Speaker 2: in the book so much. I think we all have
Speaker 2: complex relationships with our own parents and family, and we
Speaker 2: love them, we appreciate them, and then there's certain decisions,
Speaker 2: there's a you know you talk about how like you
Speaker 2: know at one point you wish that your parents would
Speaker 2: just say sorry, we did that, but then you've learned
Speaker 2: to understand that they may never get there. How does that?
Speaker 2: How have you become okay with that I will get
Speaker 2: to the mother and bub But how have you become
Speaker 2: okay with that? Because I think for a lot of
Speaker 2: people that's the hardest thing, where it's like, my parents
Speaker 2: were wrong, they made a mistake, they should be sorry,
Speaker 2: they should be accountable. But you're actually saying I do
Speaker 2: feel all those ways, but at the same time, I
Speaker 2: actually feel like that's okay. That's their journey and that's
Speaker 2: their story, and I'm okay with that. How do you
Speaker 2: because that's a real nuance, subtle place to be. How
Speaker 2: do you become okay with that?
Speaker 1: For me, just knowing everything I know now, I think
Speaker 1: for when I was a teenager and I was sent away,
Speaker 1: I was so just sad and I was angry. But
Speaker 1: now being an adult and just doing all my research
Speaker 1: and now finding out that these schools are completely manipulative
Speaker 1: and they lie to the families and have all this
Speaker 1: false advertising and fake brochures and just it's such an
Speaker 1: evil industry. And my parents had no idea and they
Speaker 1: were tricked And that's something that I realize now, and
Speaker 1: so I can't be angry at them because they were
Speaker 1: just trying to do what they thought was right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that requires a lot of maturity, though, Like that
Speaker 2: requires a lot of looking at the context, because I
Speaker 2: find like, when you don't have that context, it's so
Speaker 2: easy to be in conflict with someone. But when you
Speaker 2: actually create that context and you zoom out and you
Speaker 2: go wow, Like this is a big industry. So many
Speaker 2: people have been brainwashed, so many people have been marketed to,
Speaker 2: and so many people have been made to believe that
Speaker 2: this is the best thing for their kids, to the
Speaker 2: point that you're on the phone and they're still saying no, no, no,
Speaker 2: just work the program. And how does that affect how
Speaker 2: you want to be a mother? Because I can imagine
Speaker 2: that it makes you want to be really protective and
Speaker 2: at the same time, like, you've also lived a life
Speaker 2: where you know the benefits of exploring, like you talk
Speaker 2: about in the book multiple times of like you're happy
Speaker 2: you partied, You're happy you went out, Like you're not,
Speaker 2: You're not upset with that. And then it's like, how
Speaker 2: do you how do you think about becoming a mother
Speaker 2: and how you plan on raising your child? Like how
Speaker 2: do you think about protecting versus also exploring in curiosity?
Speaker 2: And how that how you help a child with all
Speaker 2: those crazy decisions we all left to make.
Speaker 1: Now that I'm a parent. I can completely understand just
Speaker 1: if I had a daughter and she was sneaking out
Speaker 1: in the middle of the night in New York City
Speaker 1: and I had no idea where she was, I would
Speaker 1: be so terrified. So I can completely understand just how
Speaker 1: my parents were just scared because they were just trying
Speaker 1: to protect me. And I think that's a hard part
Speaker 1: because you just want to protect your children so much,
Speaker 1: and I think when you're so strict, it just makes
Speaker 1: them want to rebel. So I don't know. I think
Speaker 1: I'm definitely gonna be strict. I hope that my little
Speaker 1: Phoenix does not rebel, but at least I'll be more
Speaker 1: prepared because of everything that I went through. And also
Speaker 1: I won't be able to be tricked without sneaking out
Speaker 1: or any of that because I know everything. I'm hoping
Speaker 1: that he will just feel so safe that he'll be
Speaker 1: able to tell me anything or he won't want to
Speaker 1: hide anything, because I think that's when kids will sneak
Speaker 1: out or do things or lie because they feel like
Speaker 1: they can't talk to you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's what it is that really resonated
Speaker 2: for me. Every kid in the world is going to
Speaker 2: make bad mistakes, and bad choices and bad decisions. I mean,
Speaker 2: I don't know anyone who hasn't. But if you feel
Speaker 2: safe enough and comfortable enough to tell your parents and
Speaker 2: you don't feel like you have to hide from them,
Speaker 2: then you can actually solve stuff with them and you
Speaker 2: don't feel judged by them, that makes the world of
Speaker 2: a difference. I Yeah, it's it's funny what you said there,
Speaker 2: Like you're like, he's never gonna be able to get
Speaker 2: away with anything because you're you're you're the ultimate. He
Speaker 2: is your son, so yeah, you never know, like he
Speaker 2: might be he's going to be super smart as well
Speaker 2: and know exactly how to play the game exactly. You
Speaker 2: said in your You said in your documentary that you
Speaker 2: don't believe you will be truly happily happy until you
Speaker 2: have one billion dollars. How's that goal changed? How has
Speaker 2: that metric changed?
Speaker 1: I think before I had such a focus on money
Speaker 1: because I really saw that as freedom, because that was
Speaker 1: something I said to myself, when I get out of here,
Speaker 1: I'm going to become so successful, make so much money
Speaker 1: that no one will be able to control me or
Speaker 1: tell me what to do. But now I've just become
Speaker 1: so successful and everything I've created with my media company
Speaker 1: and all of that, and I'm so proud, but that's
Speaker 1: not my main focus. I care more about baby snillions. Yes, yeah,
Speaker 1: I can have both.
Speaker 2: I love that. One of the things that really struck
Speaker 2: me in your book, and I'm happy to hear that
Speaker 2: shift in gold. That's beautiful. I think one of the
Speaker 2: things that shifted you said this. You talked about how
Speaker 2: you got robbed of time, and then you said the
Speaker 2: only way you got through? And I thought this was
Speaker 2: so true and so powerful, and that's why I want
Speaker 2: to share it with everyone. You said the only way
Speaker 2: you got through the school. Specific you're talking about the
Speaker 2: school at that time, but assuming pretty much everything in
Speaker 2: your teens that you went through in your twenties. You said,
Speaker 2: I created a future world, a future self, and a
Speaker 2: future life without boundaries, and that's how you survived. Can
Speaker 2: you walk us through what that means?
Speaker 1: Like?
Speaker 2: How were you in this? Almost in prison like it
Speaker 2: sounds that way the way you described it, but creating
Speaker 2: a future world of futureself and a future life, what
Speaker 2: does that look like when you're in prison chaos like pain?
Speaker 2: How are you doing that?
Speaker 1: I was just so just sad and depressed, and it
Speaker 1: was just so horrible of what I was going through
Speaker 1: every single day that I just started just creating in
Speaker 1: my mind of this whole life that I wanted and
Speaker 1: what I wanted to do. And I got out of
Speaker 1: there and just building this kind of most fantasy life
Speaker 1: of who I could be. And I really do believe
Speaker 1: in manifestation and really manifesting who you can become, because
Speaker 1: I really believe that I did that, and it all
Speaker 1: started from just so much pain and then wanting to
Speaker 1: turn it into something positive.
Speaker 2: How much of it happened the way you imagined it
Speaker 2: versus how much of it has it actually been better
Speaker 2: than you imagined or less than because yeah, I'd love
Speaker 2: to know.
Speaker 1: I always had big dreams, but I had no idea
Speaker 1: it would ever be on this level, and it was
Speaker 1: just it's been such a journey, just everything that I've
Speaker 1: went through, Like when I was a little girl, I
Speaker 1: wanted to be a veterinarian and then moved to New
Speaker 1: York and just saw just this whole other world of
Speaker 1: business and everything. And I think that just sitting there
Speaker 1: and having time just to really think about everything. And
Speaker 1: I always dreamed of having one perfume and now I'm
Speaker 1: about to release my thirtieth and it's just that I
Speaker 1: feel like everything I've really put my mind to has
Speaker 1: came true.
Speaker 2: And that was just your focus. So when you're in
Speaker 2: that school facility and you're going through all of this,
Speaker 2: your mind's just there. Is that literally you sit there
Speaker 2: and visualize it.
Speaker 1: It was like an escape definitely Otherwise or would have
Speaker 1: just been so hard to go through if I didn't
Speaker 1: have dreams of what I wanted to do.
Speaker 2: And would you say that was the same technique with
Speaker 2: One of the things that hit me was like, you know,
Speaker 2: you felt good things happening in a role before and
Speaker 2: then you know, specifically an example, when you're talking about
Speaker 2: simple life comes out, it's going to come out, You're
Speaker 2: excited about it. The sex stave comes out straight after
Speaker 2: all of a sudden, everyone's you know, tearing you apart,
Speaker 2: taking you down. It's the worst things happened where you know,
Speaker 2: it's put up in a grocery store sign. You know,
Speaker 2: there's you talk about all of this in the book,
Speaker 2: and I'm thinking, you're just feeling like you've got through
Speaker 2: the tough time, your life's on track, and then all
Speaker 2: of a sudden, it's like this something goes back in
Speaker 2: your face again. I'm like, how did you? Just I
Speaker 2: constantly when I was reading the book, I was just like,
Speaker 2: how do you get up from this? Right? Like? Was
Speaker 2: it again the same visualation and manifestation that helps you
Speaker 2: break through that or what helps you overcome and reframe that,
Speaker 2: because I think that would just knock people out forever.
Speaker 1: That was one of the most painful experiences to go through,
Speaker 1: just to have been with someone and really loved and
Speaker 1: trusted them and something that was one night of your
Speaker 1: life where you never thought anyone would see it, and
Speaker 1: then the whole world is watching it and judging and
Speaker 1: just being so cruel and it was just mortifying. And
Speaker 1: I didn't leave my house for months and I didn't
Speaker 1: want to see anyone. I canceled the press tour for
Speaker 1: The Simple Life. I just was It was so just
Speaker 1: painful to go through that and just to have the
Speaker 1: whole world just knowing that everyone was watching it. And
Speaker 1: I just felt like he took away something from me
Speaker 1: because I I had always looked up to these amazing
Speaker 1: women and like Princess Diana, and I just felt that
Speaker 1: because of what he did to me, the whole world
Speaker 1: would have always assume that it was something that I
Speaker 1: wasn't just based upon one night was someone who I
Speaker 1: really trusted.
Speaker 2: What's the first step you took outside your house? What
Speaker 2: gave you the courage to do it? And how did
Speaker 2: you realize I'm not going to let that person define
Speaker 2: my narrative.
Speaker 1: Definitely took a while for me to feel brave enough
Speaker 1: to go out there. And my first thing that I
Speaker 1: did was actually Saturday Night Live with Jimmy Fallon, and
Speaker 1: I feel like I took control of the narrative there,
Speaker 1: just with that script, with how they wrote it. I
Speaker 1: thought it was just really yeah, you sharing the book
Speaker 1: really well, just a funny way to I don't know
Speaker 1: how to describe it, but I just felt like I
Speaker 1: was taking control of my narrative in that way.
Speaker 2: Yeah, when I read your story and when I listen
Speaker 2: to them, like, here's someone who has just never back down,
Speaker 2: like never given up. And I think this book, which
Speaker 2: I encourage everyone's listening to read, I really do because
Speaker 2: I think when we see things in the news, they're
Speaker 2: very different to when you see it from the viewpoint
Speaker 2: of the person going through it. Yeah, And I just
Speaker 2: want everyone to think about, for a second, just how
Speaker 2: you feel when your friends think something differently than the truth,
Speaker 2: or how you feel when your parents or maybe you
Speaker 2: live in a bigger community and they all think something
Speaker 2: of you that wasn't true, or they see something about
Speaker 2: you and they react to it differently, and you know
Speaker 2: inside of you how you feel when your narrative is
Speaker 2: taken away from you, and it's stripped away from you
Speaker 2: and another narrative is placed on you. I think everyone
Speaker 2: in the world knows what that feels like on some scale,
Speaker 2: in some level, and I hope that it allows us
Speaker 2: to see that nuance in everyone else. It's not saying
Speaker 2: that anyone's perfect or anyone's amazing. It's saying that can
Speaker 2: we just accept that there are two sides to every story,
Speaker 2: that there are there's countless hidden truths that we never
Speaker 2: discover that we're not aware of, and that there's nuance
Speaker 2: to everything, there's subtleties to everything, and that everything isn't
Speaker 2: how it's made to seem in the way it's presented.
Speaker 2: And if we could just give people the benefit of
Speaker 2: the doubt, we'll probably give ourselves the benefit of the
Speaker 2: doubt as well.
Speaker 1: Definitely, don't judge a book by its cover.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and we all do that all the time. Paris,
Speaker 2: it has been such a way talking to you today
Speaker 2: because I really appreciate your trust. I know you haven't
Speaker 2: done a lot of interviews, and you haven't. I really
Speaker 2: appreciated value your trust and your team's trust in me,
Speaker 2: and having this conversation with me today, it really means
Speaker 2: a lot to me having read your book to actually
Speaker 2: get to sit with you. And we end every episode
Speaker 2: with a final five. These are five questions that have
Speaker 2: to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum,
Speaker 2: so short answers. You're very good at taglines and all
Speaker 2: the rest of it, so this should be easy for you.
Speaker 2: But Paris Hilton, these are your final five question Numble.
Speaker 2: One is what is the best advice you've ever heard
Speaker 2: or received?
Speaker 1: You only live once, to make the most of it, okay.
Speaker 2: And what's the second question, what's the worst advice you've
Speaker 2: ever heard or received?
Speaker 1: The worst advice that I've ever seen is when people
Speaker 1: say to care so much about the opinions of others.
Speaker 1: And I feel that in my life, that are you
Speaker 1: to just care so much about what others think? And
Speaker 1: I think it's just important to care only about people
Speaker 1: in your life, to love and care about you think,
Speaker 1: and not others who are not good people.
Speaker 2: Question number three, how would you define your current purpose?
Speaker 1: My current purpose is to make the world a safer
Speaker 1: place for children.
Speaker 2: Oh, that is a beautiful purpose. Thank you for doing that. Like,
Speaker 2: I feel so grateful that's your purpose. I think that's
Speaker 2: such a need in the world right now, and the
Speaker 2: legislations and the bills, and you know, that's the only
Speaker 2: way it's really going to happen. To make sure that
Speaker 2: it doesn't happen in the first place, in a proactive way.
Speaker 2: So that's really beautiful. If you had a message or
Speaker 2: an intention or something you would say to the people
Speaker 2: that have hurt you and made you feel like you
Speaker 2: were the one who had to be shamed and embarrassed,
Speaker 2: what would you say to them?
Speaker 1: You should be ashamed of what you done. And I
Speaker 1: hope that you read this book and you never do
Speaker 1: it again.
Speaker 2: Thank you. Great answer. Again. I think it's so interesting,
Speaker 2: Like to really feel remorseful, and to really feel sorry
Speaker 2: means to really try your best to live through the
Speaker 2: pain you caused someone. I don't think you can. You
Speaker 2: can never really take you can never take back what
Speaker 2: you did, and you can never to be honest, you're sorry,
Speaker 2: and your remorse can never really repay the other person.
Speaker 2: And I'm guessing you've had to do all this work
Speaker 2: without any apologies or remorse right or has there ever
Speaker 2: been any apology or remorse from any of these people
Speaker 2: or never? No?
Speaker 1: Never.
Speaker 2: I think that's probably one of the most incredible lessons
Speaker 2: from this book is that there's a famous quote that
Speaker 2: says we should learn to accept apologies that we've never received.
Speaker 2: And it seems like that's what your work is doing,
Speaker 2: that you've learned to accept apologies that actually never came
Speaker 2: your way. And I love what you said about people
Speaker 2: reading the book to really understand how much they can
Speaker 2: potentially wreck and ruin someone's life, especially a young person.
Speaker 2: Fifth and final question, You'll like this one. If you
Speaker 2: could create one law in the world that everyone had
Speaker 2: to follow, what would it be.
Speaker 1: My law would be that everyone has to do one
Speaker 1: kind thing every single day.
Speaker 2: Beautiful.
Speaker 1: I feel that the more things that people do, the
Speaker 1: better place the world will be.
Speaker 2: I love that, Paris. Thank you for being here, Thank
Speaker 2: you for writing this book. I want to ask you
Speaker 2: a question. Is there anything that anything that's on your
Speaker 2: heart and mind that I haven't asked you about that
Speaker 2: you've really wanted to share that. I want to open
Speaker 2: it up, give you that space. Is there anything you'd
Speaker 2: like to share, anything I haven't asked you that he
Speaker 2: feels really front of mind or front of heart for you.
Speaker 1: I can't think of anything.
Speaker 2: That's good, that's a good thing, that makes me happy,
Speaker 2: that makes me happy. I just I just wanted to
Speaker 2: honor it because I you know, I really feel you've
Speaker 2: been so giving, in kind and generous through your story.
Speaker 2: And I want everyone out there who's listening and watching
Speaker 2: to go and grab a copy of the book, Paris
Speaker 2: the Memoir, give it to a friend who's gone through something,
Speaker 2: or you might know they've gone through through something and
Speaker 2: they're not sure how to process it, and they're thinking
Speaker 2: about it, they're struggling with it. I think that this
Speaker 2: book is going to open up some incredible conversations about abuse,
Speaker 2: about idiotd about connection to our families and parents, about
Speaker 2: rediscovering ourselves. And I hope it starts that conversation for
Speaker 2: you and your friends. Paris. Thank you again, thank you,
Speaker 2: thank you, so happy king on this awesome thank you,
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. I appreciate it. If you love
Speaker 2: this episode, you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez
Speaker 2: on befriending your inner critic and how to speak to
Speaker 2: yourself with more compassion.