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Speaker 1: When that happened. You know, I was fourteen years old,

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Speaker 1: and while he completely took advantage of his power as

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Speaker 1: a teacher at the school, and to be doing that

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Speaker 1: to a little girl was just so wrong.

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Speaker 2: The best selling author on the post the number one

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Speaker 2: health and wellness podcast.

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Speaker 1: On Purpose with Jay Shetty.

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Speaker 2: Hey, everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one

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Speaker 2: health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every

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Speaker 2: one of you that come back every week to become happier,

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Speaker 2: healthier and more healed. And I am so excited to

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Speaker 2: be talking to you today. I can't believe it. My

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Speaker 2: new book Eight Rules of Love is out and I

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Speaker 2: cannot wait to share it with you. I am so

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Speaker 2: so excited for you to read this book, for you

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Speaker 2: to listen to this book. I read the audiobook. If

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Speaker 2: you haven't got it already, make sure you go to

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Speaker 2: eight Rules of Love dot com. It's dedicated to anyone

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Speaker 2: who's trying to find, keep, or let go of love.

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Speaker 2: So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up,

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Speaker 2: or struguggling with love, make sure you grab this book.

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Speaker 2: And I'd love to invite you to come and see

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Speaker 2: me for my global tour. Love Rules. Go to jshadytour

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Speaker 2: dot com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences,

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Speaker 2: and more. I can't wait to see you this year. Now,

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Speaker 2: you know, my favorite thing in life is sitting down

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Speaker 2: with people who are able to be open, vulnerable, and

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Speaker 2: honest about their experiences in a way that we can

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Speaker 2: all learn from, in a way that we can all

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Speaker 2: feel inspired by and empowered by in our own lives.

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Speaker 2: And today's guest is someone who has a new memoir out. Now.

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Speaker 2: I've read this memoir cover to cover and I can

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Speaker 2: honestly tell you it is one of the most authentic, open,

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Speaker 2: genuine accounts that I feel allows someone to claim back

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Speaker 2: their narrative. And I recommend you read it as well.

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Speaker 2: And I'm going to tell you who I'm sitting down

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Speaker 2: with today. I have the fortune and honor of sitting

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Speaker 2: down with the one and only Paris Hilton CEO New

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Speaker 2: York Times bestselling author, philanthropist, DJ designer, rec coding artist, actress, host, model,

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Speaker 2: and influencer. Paris has defined and dominated pop culture, commanding

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Speaker 2: her position as one of the most recognizable faces on

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Speaker 2: the planet. I grew up watching her, so I know

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Speaker 2: very well Paris has masterfully harnessed her self made Spotlight

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Speaker 2: to architect a thriving entertainment and consumer products empire, which

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Speaker 2: spans an impressive range of businesses and verticals including TV, film, audio, music, publishing, licensing,

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Speaker 2: consumer products, brand partnerships, and so many more. In two

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Speaker 2: thousand and six, she created Paris Hilton Entertainment, a multi

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Speaker 2: billion dollar company consisting of forty five branded stores, nineteen

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Speaker 2: product lines, and twenty nine fragrances. That is a mask

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Speaker 2: over four billion dollars in revenue. In two thousand and one,

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Speaker 2: Variety declared Paris Hilton as a billion dollar entrepreneur in

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Speaker 2: recognition of a successful business and global brand. Paris's new

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Speaker 2: book is out now. It's called Paris the Memoir. I

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Speaker 2: literally just finished reading it, and today we have Paris

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Speaker 2: Hilton in the studio. Paris. Thank you for being.

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Speaker 1: Here, Thank you, thank you for the introduction.

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Speaker 2: Oh I meant it, and congratulations. You know, whenever I

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Speaker 2: sit down with someone who's written a memoir, and I

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Speaker 2: want everyone who's listening to really understand this, because I

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Speaker 2: think people see memoirs coming out, and they see books

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Speaker 2: coming out, and you just you kind of think, like, oh, yeah,

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Speaker 2: someone's just telling their story, and I think what I

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Speaker 2: found really fascinating about yours is I can't imagine how

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Speaker 2: hard it was to retell so many of these stories

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Speaker 2: and to relive so many of them. And I just

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Speaker 2: wanted to thank you for being able to go there

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Speaker 2: so many times, because I think even though in your

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Speaker 2: own words, where people may think that they don't relate

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Speaker 2: to you, I actually think that the stories you tell

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Speaker 2: are so much more relatable than people would expect. And

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Speaker 2: I just want to thank you for sharing themselves vulnerably.

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Speaker 1: Thank you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: Definitely very difficult and emotional, but extremely just therapeutic, just

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Speaker 1: putting it all out there, because so much that I've

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Speaker 1: held on to for so long, and so many things

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Speaker 1: that I've never told anyone, like things I've never even

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Speaker 1: wanted to say out loud because I didn't even want

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Speaker 1: to think that they were real. But it's just been

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Speaker 1: the most healing experience of my life.

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Speaker 2: So you feel it's actually been he even though it's uneasy, Yes,

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Speaker 2: it's actually been something that has been therapeutic. It's been

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Speaker 2: healthier than unhealthy. Were there parts where you're like, oh gosh,

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Speaker 2: I just need a break from this.

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Speaker 1: Definitely, so many parts just because I've been through so

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Speaker 1: many traumatic experiences in my life, so just to have

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Speaker 1: to write them down and then doing the audiobook was

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Speaker 1: even that was even harder having to say things out loud,

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Speaker 1: especially in a room with three strangers I've never met

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Speaker 1: before and having to tell my story. But I'm I'm

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Speaker 1: so happy that I did my audio book as well,

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Speaker 1: because I think it's important for people to hear the

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Speaker 1: story from the person who wrote it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's such a great point too, even having to

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Speaker 2: say it out loud for yourself. I think so many

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Speaker 2: of us we hold our truth so deeply buried inside

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Speaker 2: of us, and we might think it, but we never

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Speaker 2: actually speak it out loud. And that's such a great example.

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Speaker 2: I never thought about it like that. I think. The

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Speaker 2: other thing before we dive in, I wanted to mention

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Speaker 2: which I loved about your memoir is you were so

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Speaker 2: phenomenally observant. I almost feel like you had a hawkeye

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Speaker 2: where like you were able to you're able to like

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Speaker 2: find all these details. You're incredibly smart, like phenomenally like

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Speaker 2: a stewid, just spying these tiny details and patterns and

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Speaker 2: connections and the stories you tell and the history you

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Speaker 2: tell and I was. I really enjoyed it. I literally

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Speaker 2: felt like you were talking to me and I read it.

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Speaker 2: I didn't listen to it, and now I'll have to

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Speaker 2: listen to it, but I read it and I literally

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Speaker 2: felt like I was like this talking to you.

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Speaker 1: Yes.

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Speaker 2: So it's hard to do that, it's hard to off.

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Speaker 2: So I just want everyone to know who's going to

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Speaker 2: read it that you're really going to feel that. Where

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Speaker 2: I wanted to start was you talked a lot about

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Speaker 2: how and I think this is completely true. You said

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Speaker 2: most of us regret things that we didn't do, not

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Speaker 2: things that we did do. But you said in your twenties,

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Speaker 2: there are a few things you do regret. And I

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Speaker 2: was wondering whether regrets that you did do or didn't do,

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Speaker 2: and what were they for me?

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Speaker 1: I feel that everything that I've done in life has

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Speaker 1: made me who I am, and I'm such a strong person,

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Speaker 1: and especially after writing this book and just seeing my

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Speaker 1: life story and everything that I've been through, I feel

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Speaker 1: that I don't have regrets in life because it's made

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Speaker 1: me the woman I am today.

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Speaker 2: What made you say that that chapter that I think

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Speaker 2: you were just like, Ah, I've got a couple of regrets,

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Speaker 2: like even if there were silly ones like I'm guessing

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Speaker 2: there weren't any big.

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Speaker 1: Ones, relationships like I wish I didn't meet certain people

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Speaker 1: like I wish I didn't let certain people in my

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Speaker 1: life that shouldn't have been in my life, people with

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Speaker 1: bad intentions, because I've especially growing up, was just always

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Speaker 1: just so trusting of everyone and would let anyone in,

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Speaker 1: and there's so many people who just didn't deserve that.

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Speaker 2: Do you think you've got better at assessing and evaluating

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Speaker 2: energy and intentions around you because of all your bad

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Speaker 2: and negative experiences as you're saying, do you feel like

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Speaker 2: you've found a better radar? Or is it just something

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Speaker 2: that we all keep making mistakes on because it's so hard?

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Speaker 2: Because what I read is you want to be a

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Speaker 2: trusting person, you want to be a loving person, you

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Speaker 2: want to feel loved like we all do. But have

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Speaker 2: you found that you've got better at it? And if so,

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Speaker 2: what would you say you've got better at in terms

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Speaker 2: of sensing people's energy and intention.

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Speaker 1: I think in the beginning, I was just unexperienced in life,

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Speaker 1: so I really didn't know, and I had been through

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Speaker 1: so much in life, so I think I was just

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Speaker 1: after the trauma that experience as a teenager, I was

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Speaker 1: not I don't know, I think, in the right head

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Speaker 1: space to make decisions on being in a relationship. Like

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Speaker 1: the first person I started a relationship with, I was

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Speaker 1: not ready for that. And because of so many things

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Speaker 1: that happened to me, my heart just had this huge

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Speaker 1: wall around it for a very long time, and so

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Speaker 1: many things that happened that it made me not trust anyone.

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Speaker 1: And it wasn't until with my husband that I had

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Speaker 1: those walls come down and I actually let someone in.

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Speaker 1: But that took me a very long time, just from

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Speaker 1: so many life experiences that made me that way.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and want to and I want to get to

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Speaker 2: that because I want to talk about a lot of

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Speaker 2: those things you just mentioned. But one line that really

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Speaker 2: took me, like kind of spell bound me in your

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Speaker 2: book was everyone was under this spell of love and money.

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Speaker 2: And when I read that, I was thinking about it

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Speaker 2: and I was wondering it kind of aligns with what

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Speaker 2: you're saying here, is that a lot of people with

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Speaker 2: negative intentions or unhealthy intentions are often under the spell

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Speaker 2: of love and money and that makes them do crazy things.

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Speaker 2: I mean, what were some of the craziest thing you

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Speaker 2: saw people do, maybe not even to you, but what

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Speaker 2: were some of those things that you saw when people

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Speaker 2: were bound by the spell of love and money? As

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Speaker 2: you say, what lens have you seen people go to.

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Speaker 1: I just have seen people change where money can just

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Speaker 1: take over their mind and who they are as a person,

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Speaker 1: and any values they have would just go to the side.

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Speaker 1: Just seeing people change, especially fame and money. I've just

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Speaker 1: seen so many people come into this town. Some people

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Speaker 1: come and go and the fame and the money get

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Speaker 1: to their heads so much, or they become a different

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Speaker 1: person and start thinking that they're better than others and

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Speaker 1: treating others beneath them. And that's something that I hate

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Speaker 1: more than anything, when someone is unkind to someone and

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Speaker 1: treats someone as if they're lower than them. That's like

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Speaker 1: one of the things that is one of my pet

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Speaker 1: p Yeah.

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Speaker 2: It's interesting, right, Like you can't buy class, like fame

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Speaker 2: and money can't buy class. I've always felt that way

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Speaker 2: that yes, when you see people come into those things,

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Speaker 2: it doesn't change your taste or your habits or your values.

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Speaker 2: It kind of just amplifies who you already are. I

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Speaker 2: think I've heard many people say where it almost just

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Speaker 2: it almost exposes you for who you really are when

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Speaker 2: those things come your way. Y. Yes, I think you

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Speaker 2: said in the book, or you've said once before when

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Speaker 2: asked about self esteem, and I really want to talk

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Speaker 2: about the things that happen in your teenagers. But I

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Speaker 2: think self esteem is such a big topic in the

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Speaker 2: world today, especially because of social media, especially because of

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Speaker 2: so much self judgment and self criticism. And when you've

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Speaker 2: been asked before, you've mentioned like, you're good at pretending

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Speaker 2: sometimes or you have been good at pretending, And I

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Speaker 2: wonder when was it that you allowed yourself to stop

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Speaker 2: pretending and really start working on it, Like what did

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Speaker 2: that take? Because I feel like most of us it's

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Speaker 2: so much more easier to pretend and we hide behind it.

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Speaker 2: But I feel like you claim in your narrative back

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Speaker 2: in this book was almost saying, well, I'm not going

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Speaker 2: to let what's happened to me define my self esteem.

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Speaker 2: Would you say that's fair.

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Speaker 1: Or definitely everyone goes through that. And it took me

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Speaker 1: a while just after what I had went through, my

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Speaker 1: self esteem was just destroyed from the things that were

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Speaker 1: said to me and the abuse that I suffered when

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Speaker 1: I was a teenager at these trouble teen schools. I

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Speaker 1: don't even like to call them schools. And it wasn't

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Speaker 1: until my documentary back in twenty nineteen where I really

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Speaker 1: started doing this just whole path of self discovery and

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Speaker 1: really just talking about so many things I had never

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Speaker 1: told anyone. And then with now my book, that was

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Speaker 1: the second part of it, because I wasn't even ready

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Speaker 1: at that point to open up in ways I did.

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Speaker 1: But I've just grown so much in the past couple

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Speaker 1: of years and then getting married with my husband. It's

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Speaker 1: just my life has completely changed. And I'm going to

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Speaker 1: be always, forever so grateful to Alexander Dean, the director

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Speaker 1: of my documentary, because that film literally changed my life.

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Speaker 2: Making it change your life, yes.

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Speaker 1: In so many ways. And now really just turning my

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Speaker 1: pain into a purpose and helping make a difference in

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Speaker 1: other people's lives has just been so rewarding. And I

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Speaker 1: feel that people understand me in ways that they didn't before.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and it just.

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Speaker 1: Feels really good to finally be understood.

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Speaker 2: I want to tap into some of those events because

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Speaker 2: I think I actually think there's more people suffering in

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Speaker 2: silence than people who are vocal about the pain and

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Speaker 2: what they've been through. And I think that what I

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Speaker 2: meant earlier, which I said this to you offline, but

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Speaker 2: I want to repeat it here on the show that

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Speaker 2: I think a lot of people, for a lot of

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Speaker 2: part of your life, see parts of your life as unrelatable.

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Speaker 2: But then when you open up about these things in

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Speaker 2: the book, I actually think I have a lot of

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Speaker 2: friends and especially women that I know that have been

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Speaker 2: through similar things that have never opened up and have

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Speaker 2: held it tight or opened up to a couple of people.

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Speaker 2: And so I'm hoping that with you opening up in

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Speaker 2: this way, a lot of people will look at that

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Speaker 2: and go, well, maybe I need to talk to someone,

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Speaker 2: or maybe I can reach out. So I wanted to

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Speaker 2: talk about some of them. I mean, the first one

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Speaker 2: that comes up is you have your teacher, who you

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Speaker 2: call mister Abercrombie, who's like manipulating you and grooming you

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Speaker 2: and making you think in a certain way. And it's

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Speaker 2: really interesting because our teenage years are these years where

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Speaker 2: like we wait to be liked, to feel likable, or

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Speaker 2: we wait for someone to desire us to feel desirable,

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Speaker 2: And I think you're in like eighth grade. Yes, and

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Speaker 2: he's preparing you in this way, and then you know,

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Speaker 2: he takes you in his car one night and he

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Speaker 2: kisses you and pulls you into me, and like, you know,

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Speaker 2: it's completely against your will. You don't know what's going on.

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Speaker 2: At the same time, it's nice to be like wanted

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Speaker 2: and you talk about that before. I can't imagine that

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Speaker 2: being someone's like, you know, first kiss to that degree,

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Speaker 2: and like you talk about how like because your parents

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Speaker 2: kind of caught you, and of course the book goes

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Speaker 2: into much more depth. I'm just synthesizing it for the question.

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Speaker 2: But you didn't want to talk about it with them,

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Speaker 2: and they didn't talk about it with you, Like what

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Speaker 2: does it feel like when you hold on to uncomfortable things?

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Speaker 2: What does that feel like? And then what gave you

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Speaker 2: the courage to actually say I need to talk about this.

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Speaker 1: For me, that's just how my family was, like we

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Speaker 1: didn't like to talk about things. And when that happened,

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Speaker 1: you know, I was fourteen years old and he completely

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Speaker 1: took advantage of his power, as you know, a teacher

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Speaker 1: at the school, and to be doing that to a

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Speaker 1: little girl was just so wrong. And I'm so glad

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Speaker 1: that my parents ended up driving out the driveway because

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Speaker 1: who knows what he would have tried to do. And

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Speaker 1: after that happened, I just didn't ever talk about with

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Speaker 1: my family up until a few weeks ago, and I

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Speaker 1: asked my mom and I said, that night that you

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Speaker 1: caught me in the car and you were chasing me

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Speaker 1: in the car and everything, did you know who that was?

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Speaker 1: And she said no. I was like, oh, I always

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Speaker 1: thought my whole since I was a teenager, I thought

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Speaker 1: that she knew that it was that, and she had

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Speaker 1: no idea until now. She just thought it was some

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Speaker 1: teenage boy. Wow, up to like a couple of up

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Speaker 1: until a couple of weeks ago when she read my book.

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Speaker 2: And what was her reaction to that? Mean in shock?

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Speaker 1: She just couldn't believe it. She was in shock of

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Speaker 1: so many things in the book. My sister and her

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Speaker 1: we just spoke about it, like a few weeks ago,

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Speaker 1: and they were both just crying and saying, I can't

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Speaker 1: believe it. You didn't tell us any of this, Like

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Speaker 1: I wish you could have came to us, but it's

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Speaker 1: just it's hard to talk about things, and especially when

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Speaker 1: you're raised in that way. Where you don't really talk

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Speaker 1: about anything that's hard. It's been difficult, but I'm so

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Speaker 1: glad that I finally got the courage to do it,

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Speaker 1: and I know that my story is really important. And

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Speaker 1: I wish that I had this book back when I

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Speaker 1: was a teenager, because I would have definitely not felt

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Speaker 1: so alone and misunderstood.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I mean I it's really interesting, isn't it. Family,

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Speaker 2: Like we feel so close to we all feel and

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Speaker 2: I think you do a I think you really healthily

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Speaker 2: talk about how like no one's family is perfect, but

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Speaker 2: you love your family. But then there's complex and that's

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Speaker 2: that's just I think a lot of us have that

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Speaker 2: experience where it's like our families would say the same thing,

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Speaker 2: like why didn't you tell me? But then at this

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Speaker 2: same time, it's like, well, if I told you, you

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Speaker 2: may not have reacted in a way that was helpful.

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Speaker 2: Did do you feel like did do you feel like

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Speaker 2: when your mom read that, she like felt some guilt

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Speaker 2: or like, oh how did she carry that?

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Speaker 1: Like she definitely felt guilty. I think as a kid,

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Speaker 1: you you're scared, like, oh, I'm going to get in trouble.

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Speaker 1: And I think that's something that shame is such a powerful,

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Speaker 1: powerful thing, and that's a really important message in my

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Speaker 1: book that the shame shouldn't be on you, it should

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Speaker 1: be on the person that hurt you. And I felt

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Speaker 1: like I just held on to so much shame my

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Speaker 1: whole life because of other people hurting me, and it

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Speaker 1: feels I think other people who've been through the same

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Speaker 1: thing need to hear that as well.

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Speaker 2: That is so powerful. I just want everyone who's listening

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Speaker 2: or watching right now to go back and listen to that,

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Speaker 2: because that what you just said is so true. I'm

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Speaker 2: going to try and repeat what Parish just said so

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Speaker 2: beautifully that when someone else dumps something to you, the

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Speaker 2: shame should not actually be something you have to feel

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Speaker 2: an experience, it's actually on them. And yeah, I was

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Speaker 2: noticing that. I actually was when I was making notes.

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Speaker 2: It was like, shame and embarrassment are these constant themes

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Speaker 2: in the book. And it's so interesting because all of

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Speaker 2: us in our lives, we always feel embarrassed for someone else.

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Speaker 2: What will my parents think of what I did? Or

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Speaker 2: I feel so ashamed of myself for what someone did

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Speaker 2: to me, when actually what you just said is they

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Speaker 2: should be feeling shameful of what they did, but like

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Speaker 2: mister Abercrombie that day in the car just drops you

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Speaker 2: off and runs away because they want to just run

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Speaker 2: away from that. And you start to realize, actually that

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Speaker 2: person is feeling so much shame that they're trying to

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Speaker 2: they actually lie to themselves about it in order to

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Speaker 2: escape it. But I love that. I hope that everyone

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Speaker 2: who's listening just feels freed by recognizing that that the

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Speaker 2: shame you're feeling is actually for the person who hurt

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Speaker 2: you to feel. And what really hit me was also

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Speaker 2: just again talking about vocalizing things. You said it took

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Speaker 2: you so long to even use the word pedophile because

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Speaker 2: you didn't want to explain to us why it was

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Speaker 2: important to use the word. But why it took you long, I.

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Speaker 1: Think that I had just been so manipulated by him,

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Speaker 1: and I didn't want to think of myself as a victim.

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Speaker 1: But now as an adult, I look back on that

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Speaker 1: and think of when I have a daughter one day

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Speaker 1: and she's a teenager, and if someone had tried to

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Speaker 1: do something like that to her, I couldn't even imagine,

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Speaker 1: and it just angers me. And I never had told

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Speaker 1: anyone that story. But I know it's an important story

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Speaker 1: because I know that's something that happens every day to people.

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Speaker 2: I literally read your book as if I was reading

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Speaker 2: you about my daughter, Like that's how I was like,

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Speaker 2: And I don't have a daughter, but I was I

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Speaker 2: have a younger sister who've always been very protective of

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Speaker 2: and to me, when I was reading your book, that's

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Speaker 2: literally the lens. What you just said is how I

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Speaker 2: read the book, where I was just like, if this

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Speaker 2: happened in my like my younger daughter or younger child,

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Speaker 2: even son, like whoever it is, I can't imagine how

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Speaker 2: upset I'd feel if I didn't keep that door open

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Speaker 2: for them. And I just want to you know, if

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Speaker 2: there's any parents listening as well, I just hope that

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Speaker 2: this inspires you to really keep that door open with

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Speaker 2: your kids, because it's so easy to judge them, and

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Speaker 2: it's so easy to make it out like you made

390
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Speaker 2: every right decision and your kids are making bad decisions.

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Speaker 2: But I promise you you'll be so much happier if

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Speaker 2: the communication lines are always open. I mean, speaking of

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Speaker 2: communication with parents, you said there were some things that

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Speaker 2: were difficult for your mom to moment to discuss Obviously

395
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Speaker 2: this was one of them, Like what were the other

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Speaker 2: things that you felt your mom really like was just

397
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Speaker 2: shocked by and just felt like she wished you could

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Speaker 2: have spoken to her about it.

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Speaker 1: My mom had me when she was nineteen, so she

400
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Speaker 1: was a kid herself, and that generation, like I think

401
00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:53,919
Speaker 1: a lot of people really didn't talk about their feelings,

402
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Speaker 1: Like no one was talking about mental health. It was

403
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Speaker 1: just I think that generation is just how they were raised.

404
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Speaker 1: So I could understand why she was that way. And

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Speaker 1: now ever since she's read my book and watched my

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Speaker 1: documentary and has learned so much from me in that way,

407
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Speaker 1: we've just never been closer. So it's been a really

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Speaker 1: healing experience for both of us as well.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, and I hope that encourages anyone who's felt like

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Speaker 2: that for a long time, because, like you're saying, most

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Speaker 2: of us are not going to tell our parents what

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Speaker 2: we're doing when we're doing it. Like I was the same,

413
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Speaker 2: I had so many secrets from my parents, Like my

414
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Speaker 2: parents never knew about any of the girlfriends I had.

415
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Speaker 2: My parents never knew about anything that I was up

416
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Speaker 2: to because I was scared of them being mad at

417
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Speaker 2: me and upset with me because the line in my

418
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Speaker 2: house was focus on your education, don't worry about girlfriends.

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Speaker 2: And so as a young boy, all you care about

420
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Speaker 2: is having girlfriends. Yeah, And I was like, well, as

421
00:21:52,400 --> 00:21:54,000
Speaker 2: long as I can get good grades, I'm just going

422
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Speaker 2: to carry on doing all this other stuff. And it's

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Speaker 2: interesting because I feel like even as we get older,

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Speaker 2: we're still scared of our parents, right, Like it's almost

425
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Speaker 2: like it never stops. And so it's always so strange,

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Speaker 2: Like and my wife talking about this all the time,

427
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Speaker 2: like she talks about her like she's still scared sometimes

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Speaker 2: to tell her parents about what she's up to or whatever.

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Speaker 1: I always feel like a teenager of my parents. I

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Speaker 1: don't know why, it's just how it is.

431
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Speaker 2: Yeah, And all of us feel that way. And there's

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Speaker 2: this there's it's so important that I think we get

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Speaker 2: the courage even as adults, because a lot of us

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Speaker 2: are like, oh, that was the past, it doesn't matter,

435
00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:30,040
Speaker 2: But actually it will. It will actually change the relationship

436
00:22:30,080 --> 00:22:32,119
Speaker 2: you have with your parents when when you can actually

437
00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:34,480
Speaker 2: open up the lines of trust. On the flip side,

438
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:36,800
Speaker 2: you have the beautiful relation with ship with your grandma,

439
00:22:36,920 --> 00:22:39,680
Speaker 2: like that comes across in the books so like strongly

440
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:41,760
Speaker 2: and beautifully, and when you speak about her, I feel

441
00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:44,320
Speaker 2: like it just comes out the page and it's beaming,

442
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:48,159
Speaker 2: and like your your appreciation and your admiration for her

443
00:22:48,280 --> 00:22:50,280
Speaker 2: is just this amazing thing. What would you say is

444
00:22:50,280 --> 00:22:53,080
Speaker 2: a lesson that you think has stayed with you that

445
00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:56,919
Speaker 2: she taught you that is like that you still carry

446
00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:58,600
Speaker 2: with you every day, Like what would you say that

447
00:22:58,640 --> 00:23:00,360
Speaker 2: would be if you had a one?

448
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:04,679
Speaker 1: She was just a force of nature, like we just

449
00:23:04,880 --> 00:23:08,600
Speaker 1: walk in a room and lighted up and always made

450
00:23:08,600 --> 00:23:12,960
Speaker 1: me feel so confident. And I remember when I was

451
00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,760
Speaker 1: a little girl, she told me that she went to

452
00:23:15,800 --> 00:23:19,920
Speaker 1: a psychic and the psychic said, one day, your granddaughter

453
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:21,840
Speaker 1: is going to be one of the most famous and

454
00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:27,159
Speaker 1: most photographed women in the world. And she said, I

455
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:28,760
Speaker 1: know that's going to happen one day, and I just

456
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:33,000
Speaker 1: want you to always remain the same sweet, founder earth

457
00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:34,760
Speaker 1: girl that you are with such a big heart and

458
00:23:34,840 --> 00:23:36,880
Speaker 1: so kind and never let that get to your head.

459
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:41,080
Speaker 1: And that was something that I always kept close to

460
00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:44,520
Speaker 1: my heart, and nothing ever changed, no matter what happened

461
00:23:44,520 --> 00:23:47,040
Speaker 1: in my life. I always remain the same sweet person.

462
00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:50,320
Speaker 1: And I think that's so important to be kind and

463
00:23:50,920 --> 00:23:53,040
Speaker 1: that's something that she really instilled in me my whole life.

464
00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:55,680
Speaker 2: I mean, that sounds like a great thing everyone should

465
00:23:55,720 --> 00:23:58,040
Speaker 2: tell their kids. I love all of that because it's

466
00:23:58,040 --> 00:24:00,320
Speaker 2: almost like I believe in you. I know, oh, you're

467
00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:03,960
Speaker 2: going to be successful, but don't forget where you came from,

468
00:24:04,080 --> 00:24:06,320
Speaker 2: who you are and how you treat people like that's

469
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:11,360
Speaker 2: what's what's foundational and really important. And yeah, it's it's

470
00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:13,960
Speaker 2: we all need that figure in our lives, like whether

471
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:16,440
Speaker 2: it's a grandparent or uncle or aren't a friend who

472
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:19,400
Speaker 2: reminds us of who we need to continue to be

473
00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:22,720
Speaker 2: because it's so easy to get distracted. But what I

474
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:25,600
Speaker 2: think is really interesting is how you kept that mindset

475
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:28,000
Speaker 2: when so you go and I know you don't like

476
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:30,880
Speaker 2: calling it a school, and I agree from your description

477
00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:33,720
Speaker 2: of the CEDU right see do se do you?

478
00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:37,720
Speaker 1: Yeah? One of them provoking in school, Yeah, cascade in ascent.

479
00:24:38,080 --> 00:24:42,080
Speaker 2: Yeah. So like looking at all of these facilities, even

480
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:44,840
Speaker 2: when they're taking you there, it almost feels like you're

481
00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:49,360
Speaker 2: being kidnapped. You have handcuffs walking through an airport when

482
00:24:49,359 --> 00:24:52,720
Speaker 2: you're not a convict or you know you haven't done

483
00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:56,800
Speaker 2: something illegal. And then it's even like when they explain it,

484
00:24:56,800 --> 00:24:58,800
Speaker 2: they're like, we're going to this place to fix you,

485
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:04,600
Speaker 2: and you your reaction is that there's nothing wrong to fix,

486
00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 2: Like what do you fix? What I'm fascinated was like,

487
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:11,120
Speaker 2: how did you hold on to the idea that there

488
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:15,200
Speaker 2: was nothing to fix when everything around you is programming

489
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:20,560
Speaker 2: you to believe that you're broken, you're wrong, and you're

490
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:25,240
Speaker 2: needing fixing, Like how do you not take that all in?

491
00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:28,520
Speaker 1: I knew that I didn't deserve to be there, and

492
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:31,919
Speaker 1: you know, I wasn't a bad kid. I live a

493
00:25:32,119 --> 00:25:36,439
Speaker 1: very strict life, very sheltered. Then I moved to New

494
00:25:36,520 --> 00:25:42,679
Speaker 1: York City, started sneaking out, getting bad grades, and my

495
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:46,399
Speaker 1: parents talked to a therapist who recommended that I go

496
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:50,120
Speaker 1: to these emotional growth boarding schools. And they had no idea.

497
00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:53,520
Speaker 1: They just thought it was a normal boarding school. And

498
00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:58,400
Speaker 1: the way they take kids to these places is they

499
00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:01,000
Speaker 1: have two men come into your room in the middle

500
00:26:01,000 --> 00:26:02,240
Speaker 1: of the night and say do you want to go

501
00:26:02,320 --> 00:26:04,760
Speaker 1: the easy way or the hard way? And literally hold

502
00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:07,720
Speaker 1: up handcuffs. And this is how children are brought to

503
00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:13,560
Speaker 1: these places, and it's extremely traumatizing. That's something that I

504
00:26:13,600 --> 00:26:19,879
Speaker 1: had severe nightmares for two decades. It wasn't until my

505
00:26:19,960 --> 00:26:22,920
Speaker 1: documentary and all the advocacy work that I've been doing

506
00:26:23,000 --> 00:26:27,080
Speaker 1: that those nightmares have finally went away. But for me,

507
00:26:27,400 --> 00:26:31,640
Speaker 1: I just always thought to myself, I know that I'm

508
00:26:31,680 --> 00:26:34,360
Speaker 1: a good person. I don't deserve to be in here,

509
00:26:34,680 --> 00:26:40,320
Speaker 1: and that was the only thing that kept me going

510
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:42,359
Speaker 1: was who I was going to become and what I

511
00:26:42,359 --> 00:26:43,680
Speaker 1: wanted to be when I got out of there.

512
00:26:44,440 --> 00:26:46,399
Speaker 2: Did you see other people break down? Like, did you

513
00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:49,080
Speaker 2: see other people around you? Just like, because I find

514
00:26:49,119 --> 00:26:51,919
Speaker 2: that to be one of the hardest things, where if

515
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:54,080
Speaker 2: you're being told you're broken, if you're being told you're wrong,

516
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:59,600
Speaker 2: if you're being told you're wrong in you know, letting

517
00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:01,360
Speaker 2: your parents down, and by the way, you're doing very

518
00:27:01,359 --> 00:27:03,760
Speaker 2: normal things at this point, Like there's like, you know,

519
00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:07,160
Speaker 2: like I think, sneaking out, you know, getting getting bad grades,

520
00:27:07,160 --> 00:27:10,160
Speaker 2: getting in trouble is actually pretty normal for any teenage kid.

521
00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:15,159
Speaker 1: And I had attention deficit disorder, which no one knew

522
00:27:15,280 --> 00:27:18,800
Speaker 1: because no one was talking about that either. So that's

523
00:27:18,840 --> 00:27:21,359
Speaker 1: the reason I couldn't pay attention in school and was

524
00:27:21,359 --> 00:27:23,919
Speaker 1: getting bad grades, and no one knew why. They just

525
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:26,400
Speaker 1: thought that I was purposely trying to not pay attention,

526
00:27:26,520 --> 00:27:28,879
Speaker 1: but I just really couldn't focus.

527
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:31,399
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, And it's incredible to think that. And this,

528
00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,920
Speaker 2: I think this is what's coming out so much today

529
00:27:33,960 --> 00:27:36,879
Speaker 2: where people who weren't able to focus at school because

530
00:27:36,880 --> 00:27:40,240
Speaker 2: of ADHD or other challenges that they have are doing

531
00:27:40,240 --> 00:27:43,000
Speaker 2: phenomenally well in business, yes, and in life. And it's

532
00:27:43,040 --> 00:27:46,240
Speaker 2: like you start to recognize that there isn't this correlation

533
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:49,359
Speaker 2: between It's not like, oh, if you did got good grades,

534
00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:52,720
Speaker 2: you had a great career or great profession. It could

535
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:55,360
Speaker 2: very well be the opposite. How do you find you've

536
00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:58,800
Speaker 2: been able to what's different about business than school? I

537
00:27:58,840 --> 00:28:01,720
Speaker 2: guess that you've been so passionate about and been so

538
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:04,520
Speaker 2: prolific at that you feel is different about how you

539
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:05,399
Speaker 2: were approach school.

540
00:28:05,800 --> 00:28:10,359
Speaker 1: I feel my ADHD. I consider it my superpower. And

541
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:13,480
Speaker 1: I think that's why in business and everything that I've done,

542
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:18,639
Speaker 1: I've always been very future thinking and thinking outside of

543
00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:24,800
Speaker 1: the box and being a risk taker and someone who

544
00:28:25,200 --> 00:28:29,040
Speaker 1: is an innovator and pioneer. And I really attribute that

545
00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:31,480
Speaker 1: to my superpower.

546
00:28:32,760 --> 00:28:35,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, but how do you how do you I guess

547
00:28:36,160 --> 00:28:39,040
Speaker 2: not how does not always being able to force yourself

548
00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:41,640
Speaker 2: to focus actually become a superpower in business like that,

549
00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:42,600
Speaker 2: How does that work?

550
00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:50,800
Speaker 1: Thinking in a different way and with ADHD, my doctor,

551
00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:55,320
Speaker 1: doctor Hollowa, says that it's like having the brain of

552
00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:59,000
Speaker 1: like a Ferrari with bicycle breaks, so you're kind of

553
00:28:59,040 --> 00:29:02,520
Speaker 1: just always moving really fast and thinking really fast. And

554
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:05,640
Speaker 1: I think that's why in business I've done so many

555
00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:09,240
Speaker 1: things first because I just I don't know, just took

556
00:29:09,240 --> 00:29:10,840
Speaker 1: a risk and I'm impulsive.

557
00:29:11,640 --> 00:29:14,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, and that can And that's interesting, isn't it, Because

558
00:29:14,040 --> 00:29:16,640
Speaker 2: it's almost like in school, everything has to have a

559
00:29:16,680 --> 00:29:20,320
Speaker 2: process and a method and a approach, where sometimes in

560
00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:25,120
Speaker 2: business actually trying something out and being impulsive or making

561
00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:28,480
Speaker 2: an intuitive decision can actually work out, whereas being intuitive

562
00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:30,800
Speaker 2: school is not valued a tall.

563
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:34,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I just found it to be boring. Besides,

564
00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:38,680
Speaker 1: I loved art class, the music class, but math was

565
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:39,480
Speaker 1: not my favorite.

566
00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:43,520
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah. My favorite subjects at school were art in design, philosophy,

567
00:29:44,480 --> 00:29:48,920
Speaker 2: and I enjoyed economics because of how it was taught,

568
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:51,280
Speaker 2: but art in design and philosophy were by far my

569
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:53,959
Speaker 2: favorite subjects at school. And it's really interesting because when

570
00:29:53,960 --> 00:29:56,000
Speaker 2: I was at school, all I'd ever hear is jade.

571
00:29:56,000 --> 00:29:59,040
Speaker 2: Those are dumb subjects to focus on. Don't focus on

572
00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,920
Speaker 2: those subjects going to get you a job. And now

573
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:03,280
Speaker 2: when I look at my life, I feel like my

574
00:30:03,440 --> 00:30:06,400
Speaker 2: entire life is iron design, philosophy and economics like that.

575
00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:10,040
Speaker 2: That's literally it. And so it's interesting how we all

576
00:30:10,040 --> 00:30:12,400
Speaker 2: have strengths that we miss out on. I wanted to

577
00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:15,880
Speaker 2: roll back a few years because the experience that you

578
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:20,320
Speaker 2: describe about meeting the guy in the mall and then

579
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:23,200
Speaker 2: it's almost like you go through this experience and you

580
00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:26,440
Speaker 2: wake up that you wake up and you're like, you

581
00:30:26,600 --> 00:30:31,520
Speaker 2: know what's happened, But again it's another moment where you

582
00:30:31,520 --> 00:30:35,120
Speaker 2: don't want to tell anyone about what's happened. And I

583
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:36,800
Speaker 2: just feel every time I was reading your book and

584
00:30:36,840 --> 00:30:38,680
Speaker 2: I've read these points, it was like a punch in

585
00:30:38,720 --> 00:30:40,720
Speaker 2: the gut for me. I was just like, I can't

586
00:30:40,720 --> 00:30:46,360
Speaker 2: believe it that something keeps happening that is not something

587
00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:51,640
Speaker 2: that you're inviting or encouraging, and it's someone taking advantage.

588
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:57,080
Speaker 2: It's someone going far beyond any point of consent, and

589
00:30:57,160 --> 00:30:59,080
Speaker 2: again you're having to hold on to it. Can you

590
00:30:59,120 --> 00:31:01,560
Speaker 2: walk us through that and just talk again about what

591
00:31:01,600 --> 00:31:03,280
Speaker 2: it feels like to have to hold onto something the

592
00:31:03,320 --> 00:31:06,040
Speaker 2: second time around, especially when this is like from your

593
00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:09,320
Speaker 2: first kiss to your first sexual experience, how does that

594
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:13,280
Speaker 2: keep accelerating internally? Like what's going on internally?

595
00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:18,120
Speaker 1: That was another thing in my book that I had

596
00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:21,920
Speaker 1: never told anyone like after that happened, I had never

597
00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:24,800
Speaker 1: said it out loud again and just tried to forget it.

598
00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:29,840
Speaker 1: And my friend and I were at the mall when

599
00:31:29,840 --> 00:31:34,440
Speaker 1: I was fifteen and a half, yeah, and we had

600
00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:36,520
Speaker 1: met these two older guys that we had seen like

601
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:39,480
Speaker 1: every weekend there and they got our numbers and invited

602
00:31:39,560 --> 00:31:42,960
Speaker 1: us over. And I had never drank alcohol in my

603
00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:47,840
Speaker 1: life before, and he had these wine berry coolers, the

604
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:50,840
Speaker 1: wine coolers, and kept telling me to drink it and

605
00:31:50,880 --> 00:31:54,520
Speaker 1: pressuring me, and I kept saying no, and then it

606
00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:57,080
Speaker 1: was like it's open, just do it. So I had

607
00:31:57,600 --> 00:32:02,640
Speaker 1: had a couple of SIPs and then it was roofied

608
00:32:02,760 --> 00:32:06,040
Speaker 1: and knocked out and woke up with him on top

609
00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:12,160
Speaker 1: of me and whispering, you're dreaming, You're dreaming. And that

610
00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:19,040
Speaker 1: was just terrifying to go through and something that I

611
00:32:19,080 --> 00:32:22,280
Speaker 1: felt ashamed for when again, that was not my fault.

612
00:32:22,400 --> 00:32:25,960
Speaker 1: This was someone who took advantage of a young girl.

613
00:32:26,720 --> 00:32:28,640
Speaker 2: And how did it feel like a second time thinking

614
00:32:28,760 --> 00:32:32,040
Speaker 2: I can't tell anyone again. I guess my question is,

615
00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:37,800
Speaker 2: with shame and embarrassment keeps cycling in this way, do

616
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:39,720
Speaker 2: you feel like you literally held onto that shame and

617
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:41,800
Speaker 2: embarrassment until the duck in the book? Like would you

618
00:32:41,840 --> 00:32:43,880
Speaker 2: say you've carried it for that long? And what does

619
00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:45,440
Speaker 2: that feel like? Is it festus?

620
00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:52,760
Speaker 1: Extremely isolating? Just feel alone that no one knows, but

621
00:32:52,800 --> 00:32:58,160
Speaker 1: it's something that you're holding onto. And yeah, it was

622
00:32:58,160 --> 00:33:00,840
Speaker 1: something that I held on to until I wrote it

623
00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:03,240
Speaker 1: in my book because I know that has happened to

624
00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:06,960
Speaker 1: so many other people. And ever since I've released my book,

625
00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:10,280
Speaker 1: so many people have written me letters and contacted me

626
00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:13,040
Speaker 1: on social media or met my book signings that have

627
00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:18,400
Speaker 1: went through the same experience. And they were all thanking

628
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:23,440
Speaker 1: me for them not feeling alone and them being able

629
00:33:23,480 --> 00:33:25,960
Speaker 1: to talk about it for the first time and hold

630
00:33:26,000 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 1: the people accountable for what they did to them.

631
00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:29,840
Speaker 2: And why do you think we do that? Why do

632
00:33:29,880 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 2: you think we don't keep those people accountable? But we

633
00:33:33,240 --> 00:33:37,520
Speaker 2: see it as our mistake or our like you know,

634
00:33:37,560 --> 00:33:39,520
Speaker 2: you walk away thinking, oh, I'm such an idiot, I'm

635
00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:42,400
Speaker 2: so stupid. I shouldn't have done that. Why do you

636
00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:44,280
Speaker 2: think that is? Why is it that we just reflected

637
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:47,360
Speaker 2: back onto ourselves seeing as you've gone through things like that.

638
00:33:48,240 --> 00:33:50,480
Speaker 1: I don't know why we do that. I wish I

639
00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:56,400
Speaker 1: knew why, But I think when people can talk about

640
00:33:56,400 --> 00:34:00,560
Speaker 1: things like this, and it makes others feel safe to

641
00:34:00,600 --> 00:34:03,680
Speaker 1: be able to talk about it as well. And that's

642
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:05,160
Speaker 1: something that I'm working on every day.

643
00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:06,560
Speaker 2: All of this.

644
00:34:06,760 --> 00:34:10,160
Speaker 1: This is like I've been healing, but there's so much

645
00:34:11,600 --> 00:34:13,920
Speaker 1: there and I've now put it out to the whole world,

646
00:34:13,960 --> 00:34:21,319
Speaker 1: and it's just it's been hard just talking about it

647
00:34:21,360 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 1: and just thinking about it. But again, I know it's

648
00:34:25,080 --> 00:34:26,520
Speaker 1: important for others to hear.

649
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:30,799
Speaker 2: We're so quick to judge others. So when we hear

650
00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:34,279
Speaker 2: about these things, if it's never happened to us, we

651
00:34:34,320 --> 00:34:37,719
Speaker 2: always think, oh, but they could have avoided it. And

652
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:40,880
Speaker 2: then when it happens to you, you reflect that judgment

653
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:43,560
Speaker 2: onto yourself and you think, oh, I could have avoided it.

654
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:45,919
Speaker 2: And so it's almost like the more we judge others,

655
00:34:45,960 --> 00:34:49,239
Speaker 2: and we're quick to judge others, we actually judge ourselves more.

656
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:51,880
Speaker 2: And the more we judge ourselves more, the more we

657
00:34:51,920 --> 00:34:54,360
Speaker 2: are judging others and it kind of becomes this vicious

658
00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:58,239
Speaker 2: cycle where we judge ourselves, we self sabotage, we self criticize.

659
00:34:58,360 --> 00:35:01,040
Speaker 2: Don't we judge others, We criticize them, we point fingers,

660
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:03,200
Speaker 2: and it just keeps going around. And it's almost like,

661
00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:06,959
Speaker 2: if we gave ourselves more grace, we'd give others more grace.

662
00:35:06,960 --> 00:35:09,640
Speaker 2: And if we give others more grace, we'd give ourselves

663
00:35:09,640 --> 00:35:13,839
Speaker 2: more grace. And I do think that when people tell

664
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:17,319
Speaker 2: their stories, like I can't relate or say I've gone

665
00:35:17,320 --> 00:35:20,240
Speaker 2: through anything that you've gone through, but hearing your story

666
00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:22,960
Speaker 2: and I'm sure for the people who have been victims

667
00:35:22,960 --> 00:35:26,960
Speaker 2: and have gone through these things, I'm hoping that it

668
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:30,040
Speaker 2: creates a sense of empathy and compassion and grace for everyone,

669
00:35:30,120 --> 00:35:32,160
Speaker 2: because I think the reason we don't tell everyone is

670
00:35:32,200 --> 00:35:35,400
Speaker 2: because we think that they somehow think it was our fault.

671
00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:36,800
Speaker 1: Would you judge you?

672
00:35:37,360 --> 00:35:39,520
Speaker 2: Yeah? And have you felt this time when you've opened

673
00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:41,879
Speaker 2: up through your book, do you still feel that there's

674
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:44,240
Speaker 2: been judgment back? Because I know in the past, when

675
00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:47,319
Speaker 2: things have happened, there's been a sense of, like you've

676
00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:49,319
Speaker 2: talked about before, like the idea of when you were

677
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:51,920
Speaker 2: when you're seen as a sex symbol. It's like, you like,

678
00:35:51,920 --> 00:35:54,880
Speaker 2: I like the symbol part because that's like iconic, But

679
00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:59,799
Speaker 2: it's like when people start labeling you, would you say

680
00:35:59,800 --> 00:36:02,440
Speaker 2: that this time when you're sharing the book, you felt

681
00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:05,120
Speaker 2: that people have really received it well through the book

682
00:36:05,160 --> 00:36:07,879
Speaker 2: as opposed to other ways, or do you still find

683
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:10,319
Speaker 2: that there's still some judgment that's always going to be there.

684
00:36:11,080 --> 00:36:15,319
Speaker 1: The reaction to the book has just been incredible, just overwhelming,

685
00:36:15,800 --> 00:36:20,879
Speaker 1: with so much love and support and just the things

686
00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:23,640
Speaker 1: that people have said to me at the book signings

687
00:36:23,719 --> 00:36:28,640
Speaker 1: and every single interview and people are just it just

688
00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:34,280
Speaker 1: feels amazing to finally be understood and have people respect

689
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:44,280
Speaker 1: me and have empathy and kindness. And I feel because

690
00:36:44,280 --> 00:36:46,520
Speaker 1: I played a character for so long, people had no

691
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:48,879
Speaker 1: idea and now they know that there's so much more

692
00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:53,440
Speaker 1: to me, and that's been incredible. If I haven't felt

693
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:58,360
Speaker 1: any negative energy at all, So that's just been the

694
00:36:58,400 --> 00:36:59,239
Speaker 1: best feeling ever.

695
00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:03,040
Speaker 2: That makes me sense happy. I'm so happy to hear that. Honestly, congratulations.

696
00:37:03,120 --> 00:37:06,560
Speaker 2: You deserve that, and little Paris deserves that too, And

697
00:37:07,120 --> 00:37:09,640
Speaker 2: you know, I'm so happy to hear that because I

698
00:37:09,680 --> 00:37:14,160
Speaker 2: think being understood is the hardest thing, and especially being

699
00:37:14,239 --> 00:37:17,160
Speaker 2: understood for the trauma that's unseen. Like everyone sees the

700
00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:19,960
Speaker 2: page six, or sees the front cover, or sees whatever,

701
00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:25,319
Speaker 2: but no one really really sees the inner child that

702
00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:28,919
Speaker 2: actually went through all of this, because that's the part

703
00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:31,600
Speaker 2: of you that the characters covering. The character's not covering

704
00:37:32,239 --> 00:37:36,520
Speaker 2: the truth. It's covering the inner child that's experiencing all

705
00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:39,560
Speaker 2: of this and is not mature enough and not smart

706
00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:43,040
Speaker 2: enough and not ready enough to endure so much suffering,

707
00:37:43,120 --> 00:37:46,000
Speaker 2: in so much pain. Does you in a child feel

708
00:37:46,000 --> 00:37:48,520
Speaker 2: safer now? Does it? Or how do you think about

709
00:37:48,560 --> 00:37:50,479
Speaker 2: your in a child with the healing work that you're doing.

710
00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:55,520
Speaker 1: Finally feel safe just with everything. My husband is just

711
00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:59,399
Speaker 1: so incredible, having my little baby boy. I just feel

712
00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:02,920
Speaker 1: that my life, thank you, complete Finally, i just feel

713
00:38:03,000 --> 00:38:07,080
Speaker 1: that I've built a real life and I'm just so

714
00:38:07,239 --> 00:38:11,920
Speaker 1: proud of everything that I've accomplished. And just reading my story,

715
00:38:12,000 --> 00:38:15,920
Speaker 1: I'm a survivor and I'm a badass.

716
00:38:17,280 --> 00:38:20,759
Speaker 2: I love that. That's I mean, it's you definitely are

717
00:38:21,040 --> 00:38:24,880
Speaker 2: you definitely are. It's but and you see it. You know,

718
00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:28,640
Speaker 2: it's like it's challenging because you know there's so many

719
00:38:28,640 --> 00:38:32,200
Speaker 2: people that the media kind of naturally picks on in

720
00:38:32,200 --> 00:38:34,720
Speaker 2: that way. And sometimes it's good for business, and sometimes

721
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:38,520
Speaker 2: it makes sense for the character, and but there's always

722
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:41,440
Speaker 2: more going on. And I feel like you and you know,

723
00:38:41,600 --> 00:38:44,040
Speaker 2: even someone who's your close friend, like Britney Spears as well,

724
00:38:44,080 --> 00:38:49,880
Speaker 2: like have both had the kind of tabloid clickbait articles,

725
00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:51,600
Speaker 2: et cetera, et cetera, et cetera. And I think you

726
00:38:51,640 --> 00:38:53,520
Speaker 2: went to a wedding last year too, and you've you've

727
00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:56,120
Speaker 2: stayed strong even though sometimes the media pits you against

728
00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:59,120
Speaker 2: each other or does that? How have you managed? Because

729
00:38:59,120 --> 00:39:02,160
Speaker 2: I feel like this something really interesting that's happened in culture.

730
00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:06,080
Speaker 2: When you started influencing, using that word from your book,

731
00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:09,360
Speaker 2: there was a lot of like even even for actors

732
00:39:09,400 --> 00:39:11,759
Speaker 2: back in the day and musicians. What I've heard is

733
00:39:12,400 --> 00:39:15,160
Speaker 2: it was like, well, you can you are the only influencer,

734
00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:17,200
Speaker 2: and everyone else can't be. If they come up, then

735
00:39:17,600 --> 00:39:19,279
Speaker 2: you're going to go down. I had a lot of

736
00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:21,840
Speaker 2: actors tell me that what they were told is you

737
00:39:21,920 --> 00:39:24,040
Speaker 2: have to be the number one black actor and if

738
00:39:24,080 --> 00:39:26,000
Speaker 2: you're friends with the other black actor, then you can't

739
00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:28,239
Speaker 2: be friends because people are going to choose one of you,

740
00:39:28,840 --> 00:39:31,560
Speaker 2: and I feel like that happens in culture and race,

741
00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:34,399
Speaker 2: it happens in careers, it happens in industries. How did

742
00:39:34,400 --> 00:39:37,640
Speaker 2: you manage to keep a real friendship with Brittany during

743
00:39:37,680 --> 00:39:40,239
Speaker 2: a time when all of this is happening to both

744
00:39:40,239 --> 00:39:41,480
Speaker 2: of you at the same time, Like, how do you

745
00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:44,600
Speaker 2: keep a genuine relationship at that level where you're both

746
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:49,440
Speaker 2: these these huge tableau targets for.

747
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:54,239
Speaker 1: Me because we understand each other and she's one of

748
00:39:54,280 --> 00:39:58,480
Speaker 1: the kindest, most down to earth people and is just

749
00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:02,279
Speaker 1: so lovely. I think it's important when women support each

750
00:40:02,280 --> 00:40:08,640
Speaker 1: other because we're all in this together. And I think

751
00:40:08,719 --> 00:40:11,600
Speaker 1: the two thousands were definitely about trying to pit women

752
00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:15,400
Speaker 1: against each other in the media, and they were so

753
00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:19,960
Speaker 1: cruel to us and targeted us, and it was really

754
00:40:19,960 --> 00:40:23,520
Speaker 1: difficult to have to deal with just the constant pressure

755
00:40:23,560 --> 00:40:28,360
Speaker 1: from the media and people inventing stories and paparazzi chasing

756
00:40:28,440 --> 00:40:35,880
Speaker 1: and it was just really crazy time. But it's important

757
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:38,000
Speaker 1: One then you can have friends around you that can

758
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:41,200
Speaker 1: understand that because they go through the similar experiences.

759
00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:45,080
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's the hardest part. Right There's only

760
00:40:45,160 --> 00:40:48,280
Speaker 2: like one percent of people who are having any given

761
00:40:48,360 --> 00:40:51,560
Speaker 2: experience and that applies across the board and it's like,

762
00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:53,279
Speaker 2: if you're not friends with people who are going through

763
00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:55,200
Speaker 2: the same thing and have the cards to open up

764
00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:58,520
Speaker 2: to each other, you can feel so alone. And it's

765
00:40:58,520 --> 00:41:01,239
Speaker 2: amazing that you've been able to maintain that because it

766
00:41:01,239 --> 00:41:04,480
Speaker 2: almost feels like as more rumors get told, you're more scared.

767
00:41:04,920 --> 00:41:07,160
Speaker 2: Is that? Would you say that's fair? Do you feel

768
00:41:07,200 --> 00:41:09,799
Speaker 2: as more comes out about you that's not true? You

769
00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:11,800
Speaker 2: become more fearful of how people view you. I think in

770
00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:14,160
Speaker 2: the book you talk about one point like every room

771
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:16,480
Speaker 2: I go into, I know what people have seen or

772
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:19,239
Speaker 2: what they know. I guess my question is, how has

773
00:41:19,280 --> 00:41:22,160
Speaker 2: that stopped you from just closing off and hiding and

774
00:41:22,200 --> 00:41:24,560
Speaker 2: actually going, well, no, I'm still going to be who

775
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:27,120
Speaker 2: I want to be, because I can imagine that when

776
00:41:27,120 --> 00:41:29,640
Speaker 2: you walk in already feeling like you have a big

777
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:34,360
Speaker 2: sign on your forehead. It's hard to walk into new places,

778
00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:36,560
Speaker 2: but you keep doing it with business. You keep walking

779
00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:39,600
Speaker 2: in boardrooms, you keep walking into new environments, like how

780
00:41:39,640 --> 00:41:41,959
Speaker 2: have you found that strength just.

781
00:41:41,880 --> 00:41:45,479
Speaker 1: From being in this business for so long? And also

782
00:41:45,640 --> 00:41:49,600
Speaker 1: what I went through as a teenager at these schools

783
00:41:49,640 --> 00:41:53,040
Speaker 1: just made me I think prepared me for Hollywood in

784
00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:56,560
Speaker 1: a way, because I had just been through such abuse

785
00:41:56,719 --> 00:42:00,799
Speaker 1: that literally I could take anything. You build a tough

786
00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:03,719
Speaker 1: skin when you're constantly around this.

787
00:42:04,480 --> 00:42:06,680
Speaker 2: For sure. The abuse in the schools was worse.

788
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:09,800
Speaker 1: Yes, So it definitely prepared me for anything.

789
00:42:10,560 --> 00:42:12,000
Speaker 2: Are you still friends with anyone who went to the

790
00:42:12,000 --> 00:42:14,520
Speaker 2: schools that you kind of stayed connected with and have

791
00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:16,600
Speaker 2: they kind of found themselves again or.

792
00:42:17,200 --> 00:42:20,080
Speaker 1: I reconnected with some of the people that I was

793
00:42:20,160 --> 00:42:26,399
Speaker 1: there with. And it's just been amazing just to come

794
00:42:26,440 --> 00:42:29,800
Speaker 1: together and tell our stories and just have made so

795
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:33,560
Speaker 1: much impact. And now I've changed laws in nine states

796
00:42:34,040 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 1: and now going back to Washington, d c. In two

797
00:42:37,680 --> 00:42:41,160
Speaker 1: weeks to introduce our new bill to push for federal legislation.

798
00:42:42,280 --> 00:42:47,560
Speaker 1: So it's just been really empowering just to meet with

799
00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:49,840
Speaker 1: people that had been through the same thing as me

800
00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:53,680
Speaker 1: and who knew me before all of this, and now

801
00:42:54,280 --> 00:42:58,120
Speaker 1: to really have used our voices and are now saving

802
00:42:58,160 --> 00:42:59,120
Speaker 1: children's lives.

803
00:42:59,760 --> 00:43:03,200
Speaker 2: So glad that we're talking about this on purpose, because

804
00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:06,399
Speaker 2: I feel like that is such a journey of pain

805
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:08,600
Speaker 2: into purpose. And I think you said it in your

806
00:43:08,600 --> 00:43:12,640
Speaker 2: book that actually when you started helping and doing this

807
00:43:12,800 --> 00:43:16,840
Speaker 2: work and not just doing this work of trying to

808
00:43:16,880 --> 00:43:18,720
Speaker 2: help the people who went there, but trying to change

809
00:43:18,800 --> 00:43:20,600
Speaker 2: laws so that people never end up there in the

810
00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:27,600
Speaker 2: first place. Like that approach is when you actually started

811
00:43:27,640 --> 00:43:30,399
Speaker 2: to feel like you were healing, When you're actually not

812
00:43:30,560 --> 00:43:32,600
Speaker 2: just trying to heal yourself, but when you're trying to

813
00:43:32,600 --> 00:43:34,960
Speaker 2: help others, That's when you really felt it. Can you

814
00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:38,000
Speaker 2: walk us through how hard it is to try and

815
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:41,600
Speaker 2: push forward a new bill or change legislation in nine states? Like?

816
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:44,800
Speaker 2: Can you walk us through like just how technically challenging

817
00:43:44,840 --> 00:43:46,800
Speaker 2: that is and what you come up against. Because I

818
00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:49,040
Speaker 2: don't think we always hear these announcements, but I don't

819
00:43:49,040 --> 00:43:50,560
Speaker 2: think people know what goes into that.

820
00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:54,759
Speaker 1: This is every day of my life. I'm working. I

821
00:43:54,760 --> 00:43:59,600
Speaker 1: have Rebecca Mellendrows, my head of Impact at eleven eleven Media,

822
00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:06,680
Speaker 1: and we are constantly speaking with senators, traveling, going and

823
00:44:06,719 --> 00:44:10,399
Speaker 1: telling my story. I've been back and forth to DC

824
00:44:11,160 --> 00:44:14,640
Speaker 1: and this is a multi billion dollar industry.

825
00:44:14,719 --> 00:44:17,840
Speaker 2: So there's there's schools, yes, yeah.

826
00:44:17,840 --> 00:44:21,000
Speaker 1: There's thousands of these schools. There's hundreds of children that

827
00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:25,920
Speaker 1: have died in these places, just the reports we have

828
00:44:26,040 --> 00:44:31,960
Speaker 1: of abuse, and there's no regulations and it's just a

829
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:35,319
Speaker 1: lot having to go in there and really push for

830
00:44:35,360 --> 00:44:37,600
Speaker 1: this because people don't understand, they don't know what's happening

831
00:44:37,640 --> 00:44:44,560
Speaker 1: behind closed doors, and since it's such a profitable industry,

832
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:47,279
Speaker 1: it's also difficult because there's so many people that are

833
00:44:47,280 --> 00:44:51,200
Speaker 1: trying to fight us against it. But when I actually

834
00:44:51,200 --> 00:44:53,200
Speaker 1: go there and speak to them face to face and

835
00:44:53,239 --> 00:44:56,799
Speaker 1: they hear the stories of myself and the other survivors

836
00:44:56,800 --> 00:44:59,880
Speaker 1: that I bring with me, that's when they understand what

837
00:45:00,000 --> 00:45:03,480
Speaker 1: what's happening. And people know that that's happening and they

838
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:07,759
Speaker 1: can't just ignore it. So everyone that we've been speaking to,

839
00:45:09,000 --> 00:45:12,680
Speaker 1: when they hear and we actually go there, that's when

840
00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:15,120
Speaker 1: it really makes a difference. And I think that's why

841
00:45:15,160 --> 00:45:16,799
Speaker 1: we've been so impactful.

842
00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:22,759
Speaker 2: What do you say to survivors of the schools or

843
00:45:22,800 --> 00:45:25,000
Speaker 2: even people that you mean, who've been through abuse? Like

844
00:45:25,400 --> 00:45:32,440
Speaker 2: what do you How can a friend help someone a

845
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:36,040
Speaker 2: friend in their life who's gone through some sort of abuse,

846
00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:37,560
Speaker 2: Like how do you be a good friend to that?

847
00:45:37,640 --> 00:45:39,200
Speaker 2: Because I can imagine that a lot of people are

848
00:45:39,200 --> 00:45:41,120
Speaker 2: listening right now, going I don't want to say to

849
00:45:41,160 --> 00:45:42,919
Speaker 2: my friends because I've never been through it, I don't

850
00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:45,280
Speaker 2: know how to connect what's helpful.

851
00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:49,279
Speaker 1: It's just helpful to know that they can tell you

852
00:45:49,400 --> 00:45:52,879
Speaker 1: and they'll be there for them and not judge them

853
00:45:53,200 --> 00:45:59,600
Speaker 1: and let them know it's not their fault and just

854
00:46:00,360 --> 00:46:02,280
Speaker 1: being able to talk about it and having a safe

855
00:46:02,320 --> 00:46:08,440
Speaker 1: space where you can make them feel supported and just

856
00:46:08,520 --> 00:46:10,839
Speaker 1: know that you're there for them and whatever they need.

857
00:46:11,360 --> 00:46:13,520
Speaker 2: And what do you think like really creates that safe space?

858
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:15,279
Speaker 2: Because I feel for so many people, we think we're

859
00:46:15,320 --> 00:46:17,959
Speaker 2: so close to so many people, but you almost figure

860
00:46:18,000 --> 00:46:20,080
Speaker 2: out that you're not. There's only a few people you

861
00:46:20,200 --> 00:46:22,320
Speaker 2: can and then you even name some of your closest

862
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:24,839
Speaker 2: friends who've kind of been through the same stuff. But like,

863
00:46:25,280 --> 00:46:28,399
Speaker 2: what really defines a safe space for you? You know

864
00:46:28,440 --> 00:46:31,400
Speaker 2: what is You've talked about the relationship with you have

865
00:46:31,440 --> 00:46:33,640
Speaker 2: with car to your husband and the space you have

866
00:46:33,719 --> 00:46:36,120
Speaker 2: right now, But what has made it safer? Like what's

867
00:46:36,160 --> 00:46:40,600
Speaker 2: actually created that environment differently now than you've ever.

868
00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:44,480
Speaker 1: Had because I have people around me that I can trust,

869
00:46:45,600 --> 00:46:51,600
Speaker 1: And it's definitely about knowing that when you say something

870
00:46:52,280 --> 00:46:54,000
Speaker 1: that people are not going to go and repeat it.

871
00:46:54,640 --> 00:46:59,440
Speaker 1: So that's something that I've just learned over the years.

872
00:46:59,440 --> 00:47:02,720
Speaker 1: Even before where I would test people in my life

873
00:47:02,760 --> 00:47:06,120
Speaker 1: and tell them some fake rumor and then just see

874
00:47:06,160 --> 00:47:08,040
Speaker 1: if it would end up in page six or in

875
00:47:08,080 --> 00:47:11,000
Speaker 1: the media. And that was a big test back in

876
00:47:11,040 --> 00:47:12,600
Speaker 1: the day that I would do with people, and a

877
00:47:12,600 --> 00:47:16,719
Speaker 1: lot of people failed that test. And now I don't

878
00:47:16,880 --> 00:47:18,560
Speaker 1: have anyone around me that I would even have to

879
00:47:18,600 --> 00:47:21,360
Speaker 1: worry about that with. And that's something that's really important

880
00:47:21,360 --> 00:47:25,920
Speaker 1: to me, is trust, because trust and loyalty is priceless

881
00:47:25,960 --> 00:47:26,200
Speaker 1: to me.

882
00:47:26,760 --> 00:47:29,319
Speaker 2: That's such a great test. Yeah, that's such a great

883
00:47:29,400 --> 00:47:32,239
Speaker 2: that's such a great test. Yeah, if anyone's wondering if

884
00:47:32,280 --> 00:47:34,160
Speaker 2: you have a real friend, tell them a fake rumor

885
00:47:34,200 --> 00:47:36,279
Speaker 2: about yourself and see see if it comes back to

886
00:47:36,320 --> 00:47:39,680
Speaker 2: you exactly. That's a wow. What was the fakest thing

887
00:47:39,760 --> 00:47:41,560
Speaker 2: you ever said? Do you remember what was like a

888
00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:43,640
Speaker 2: rumor that I don't think that the ones you push

889
00:47:43,719 --> 00:47:44,480
Speaker 2: the boundaries on.

890
00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:47,680
Speaker 1: I don't even remember. Maybe just like oh, there was

891
00:47:48,160 --> 00:47:50,920
Speaker 1: like a guy or something like I have no idea

892
00:47:51,040 --> 00:47:53,319
Speaker 1: to something stupid, and then it would end up and

893
00:47:53,360 --> 00:47:54,320
Speaker 1: I would be like, oh.

894
00:47:54,239 --> 00:47:57,920
Speaker 2: Man, how does it feel? Because at one point in

895
00:47:57,960 --> 00:47:59,400
Speaker 2: your book, I think you know, you talk about this

896
00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:02,000
Speaker 2: reputation that you developed in the media of like Oh,

897
00:48:02,000 --> 00:48:04,040
Speaker 2: she sleeps around, she's always with lots of men. And

898
00:48:04,080 --> 00:48:07,520
Speaker 2: then it's like and you're like, well, that just wasn't

899
00:48:07,560 --> 00:48:11,759
Speaker 2: the case. Was there a part of you that it

900
00:48:11,800 --> 00:48:14,120
Speaker 2: was just that was part of the character and it worked,

901
00:48:14,880 --> 00:48:16,319
Speaker 2: or was there a part of you that just felt, no,

902
00:48:16,440 --> 00:48:18,879
Speaker 2: that's not true. I want people to know, like, how

903
00:48:18,920 --> 00:48:19,880
Speaker 2: did you process that?

904
00:48:20,520 --> 00:48:23,320
Speaker 1: I just knew that it wasn't true. And in the media,

905
00:48:23,400 --> 00:48:27,160
Speaker 1: anytime I was seen with someone at a party or whatever,

906
00:48:27,239 --> 00:48:30,839
Speaker 1: people would just assume that that was the case, but

907
00:48:32,080 --> 00:48:34,080
Speaker 1: no one had any idea what I had went through

908
00:48:34,120 --> 00:48:37,600
Speaker 1: that had made me really fearful, Like even though I

909
00:48:37,640 --> 00:48:39,600
Speaker 1: was known as the sex symbol, I didn't feel that

910
00:48:39,640 --> 00:48:42,920
Speaker 1: way inside at all, and I was so scared to

911
00:48:43,000 --> 00:48:45,520
Speaker 1: let people in. That's why a lot of my relationships

912
00:48:45,560 --> 00:48:49,440
Speaker 1: didn't work, because I was like a teenager in a

913
00:48:49,440 --> 00:48:51,120
Speaker 1: way where I only would want to kiss and make

914
00:48:51,160 --> 00:48:55,000
Speaker 1: out and that was it, And a lot of people

915
00:48:55,000 --> 00:48:59,520
Speaker 1: wouldn't be able for themselves to stay loyal because all

916
00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:02,359
Speaker 1: I would do is kissed, and they wanted more. And

917
00:49:02,400 --> 00:49:06,360
Speaker 1: then the media, they just assumed that it was a

918
00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:10,440
Speaker 1: lot more wilder than it really was, because in reality,

919
00:49:10,440 --> 00:49:11,840
Speaker 1: it was actually quite innocent.

920
00:49:12,239 --> 00:49:14,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, And did you just accept that you just realized

921
00:49:14,360 --> 00:49:17,120
Speaker 2: you couldn't change that narrative and it was going to

922
00:49:17,120 --> 00:49:19,560
Speaker 2: be where it was going to be. Or was it

923
00:49:19,600 --> 00:49:20,880
Speaker 2: something you didn't pay attention to.

924
00:49:23,200 --> 00:49:26,440
Speaker 1: I just tried just to not pay attention to things.

925
00:49:26,800 --> 00:49:30,920
Speaker 1: I just feel that the media just always was constantly

926
00:49:31,680 --> 00:49:35,239
Speaker 1: inventing rumors about me, and I just felt like a

927
00:49:35,320 --> 00:49:37,120
Speaker 1: target a lot of the times because I felt that

928
00:49:37,120 --> 00:49:40,200
Speaker 1: it was myself and then a certain group of girls

929
00:49:40,200 --> 00:49:41,160
Speaker 1: that they would do this too.

930
00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:44,520
Speaker 2: What I find the most amazing thing is even in

931
00:49:44,560 --> 00:49:46,319
Speaker 2: this interview, so many times you've said I'm in a

932
00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:49,200
Speaker 2: better place now, I'm in a and I know you're

933
00:49:49,239 --> 00:49:51,480
Speaker 2: saying there's still healing. I know you're not saying it's

934
00:49:52,280 --> 00:49:54,719
Speaker 2: figured out and it's perfect. I don't think that's what

935
00:49:54,719 --> 00:49:58,200
Speaker 2: you're saying. But what I'm hearing is like, you know,

936
00:49:58,200 --> 00:50:00,480
Speaker 2: I've worked through things, have found a good p like

937
00:50:00,480 --> 00:50:04,000
Speaker 2: I'm in a healthy space. I think the hardest hardest

938
00:50:04,000 --> 00:50:07,080
Speaker 2: thing after going through all of these things from an

939
00:50:07,080 --> 00:50:10,400
Speaker 2: outside perspective, is how do you trust another man? Like right?

940
00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:13,920
Speaker 2: Like It's like you've had all these men who've abused you,

941
00:50:14,040 --> 00:50:18,800
Speaker 2: mistreated you, who've exploited you with the sex tape, Who've

942
00:50:18,960 --> 00:50:22,960
Speaker 2: used your image and ways without even ever consulting or

943
00:50:23,000 --> 00:50:26,040
Speaker 2: any sort of consent and completely you know so and

944
00:50:26,080 --> 00:50:28,920
Speaker 2: it's like you've gone through all of this, How do

945
00:50:28,960 --> 00:50:32,640
Speaker 2: you even think about dating someone letter and marrying someone

946
00:50:32,680 --> 00:50:36,640
Speaker 2: for real? Like? Because I feel like that requires so

947
00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:39,880
Speaker 2: much of yourself. And although you're sitting here obviously you

948
00:50:39,920 --> 00:50:42,320
Speaker 2: know you're a new mom and like, and I'm so happy,

949
00:50:42,400 --> 00:50:45,120
Speaker 2: but I can only imagine that I've had and I've

950
00:50:45,160 --> 00:50:47,359
Speaker 2: had people, by the way, ask me this question when

951
00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:50,520
Speaker 2: I'm on tour, where they'll say to me, Jay, I've

952
00:50:50,520 --> 00:50:53,920
Speaker 2: just been so abused or misused or mistreated. How do

953
00:50:53,960 --> 00:50:56,319
Speaker 2: I love again? How do I trust again? How have

954
00:50:56,400 --> 00:50:59,080
Speaker 2: you continued to believe in real love and real trust

955
00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:03,440
Speaker 2: and loyal when you've seen the complete opposite your whole life?

956
00:51:03,880 --> 00:51:07,400
Speaker 1: It was extremely difficult, just not being able to let

957
00:51:07,440 --> 00:51:13,480
Speaker 1: anyone in for so long, and with Carter, I wasn't

958
00:51:13,520 --> 00:51:15,839
Speaker 1: even looking for love at this point. This was back

959
00:51:15,880 --> 00:51:20,360
Speaker 1: in twenty nineteen. I went home to the Hamptons for

960
00:51:20,719 --> 00:51:26,080
Speaker 1: Thanksgiving and I saw Carter that day at Thanksgiving lunch,

961
00:51:26,200 --> 00:51:29,720
Speaker 1: and he was just so sweet and kind of his mom,

962
00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:33,520
Speaker 1: and it was just so different than all the other guys.

963
00:51:34,560 --> 00:51:38,480
Speaker 1: And he's Midwestern boy from a town of eight hundred people,

964
00:51:39,719 --> 00:51:46,200
Speaker 1: and he's just like this sweet, nerdy, like cute, like

965
00:51:46,360 --> 00:51:50,919
Speaker 1: just kind person who's doesn't care about fame or any

966
00:51:50,960 --> 00:51:54,640
Speaker 1: of this. He's just so the opposite of everyone that

967
00:51:54,680 --> 00:51:58,840
Speaker 1: I've ever known and just has this incredible family values

968
00:51:58,920 --> 00:52:02,279
Speaker 1: and it's just this angel like I really believe that

969
00:52:03,360 --> 00:52:06,040
Speaker 1: my grandmother and his dad are up in heaven and

970
00:52:06,960 --> 00:52:10,160
Speaker 1: planned for us to meet because right away it was

971
00:52:10,239 --> 00:52:15,120
Speaker 1: just so different and this like electricity that I had

972
00:52:15,200 --> 00:52:20,040
Speaker 1: never felt, and it was literally like we were inseparable

973
00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:24,200
Speaker 1: right away. We moved in with each other and that

974
00:52:24,360 --> 00:52:27,839
Speaker 1: just then the world shut down in March, so then

975
00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:29,880
Speaker 1: we were really together. Before that, I'd been on the

976
00:52:29,960 --> 00:52:32,799
Speaker 1: road and traveling over two hundred and fifty days out

977
00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:34,799
Speaker 1: of the year for two decades, so I never really

978
00:52:34,840 --> 00:52:37,279
Speaker 1: had time to get to know someone because I was

979
00:52:37,320 --> 00:52:41,279
Speaker 1: always on a plane. So just having to be in

980
00:52:41,280 --> 00:52:44,120
Speaker 1: one place and not the world shutting down and it

981
00:52:44,160 --> 00:52:47,120
Speaker 1: was just me and him together. And I feel like

982
00:52:47,800 --> 00:52:50,719
Speaker 1: times during COVID, like one year of that is like

983
00:52:51,120 --> 00:52:55,120
Speaker 1: seven years of like my normal life, because my life

984
00:52:55,160 --> 00:53:00,960
Speaker 1: is usually so busy with everything I'm doing, so all

985
00:53:00,960 --> 00:53:02,920
Speaker 1: of that has just been like, I don't know, it's

986
00:53:02,920 --> 00:53:05,040
Speaker 1: just been so different than any other relationship where I

987
00:53:05,080 --> 00:53:09,040
Speaker 1: just felt like, this is my destiny.

988
00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:13,040
Speaker 2: That's beautiful, congratulations, So happy to hear that. I can

989
00:53:13,040 --> 00:53:15,200
Speaker 2: see you come to life and be like, there's a

990
00:53:15,320 --> 00:53:17,640
Speaker 2: there's a there's a glow when you're talking about car,

991
00:53:17,800 --> 00:53:20,800
Speaker 2: which is which is really beautiful to see. But how

992
00:53:21,360 --> 00:53:25,120
Speaker 2: how and when did you start feeling comfortable with talking

993
00:53:25,120 --> 00:53:29,360
Speaker 2: to him about what had gone on? Because I'm guessing

994
00:53:30,600 --> 00:53:32,879
Speaker 2: that was a safe space, probably the first time you'd

995
00:53:32,880 --> 00:53:35,719
Speaker 2: felt it from someone you were close to. What was

996
00:53:35,760 --> 00:53:38,279
Speaker 2: that process like, because I can imagine it's also really

997
00:53:38,320 --> 00:53:41,120
Speaker 2: scary to be like, I found a really great thing.

998
00:53:41,760 --> 00:53:44,239
Speaker 2: Now I'm going to share what my real trauma is

999
00:53:44,280 --> 00:53:46,480
Speaker 2: and challenges is and how does this affect like well

1000
00:53:46,520 --> 00:53:48,319
Speaker 2: that person stay, well they run away? These are like

1001
00:53:48,320 --> 00:53:51,400
Speaker 2: the real things real people think about. How did you

1002
00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:54,480
Speaker 2: get how did you start sharing what you'd been through?

1003
00:53:54,560 --> 00:53:57,680
Speaker 2: And when did you start feeling like you wanted to

1004
00:53:57,719 --> 00:53:57,960
Speaker 2: do that?

1005
00:53:58,640 --> 00:54:01,400
Speaker 1: It was just I feel that is everything. And I

1006
00:54:01,480 --> 00:54:04,880
Speaker 1: had just finished filming my documentary when we started dating,

1007
00:54:05,600 --> 00:54:10,520
Speaker 1: so I was already going through this whole just like

1008
00:54:10,560 --> 00:54:15,799
Speaker 1: emotional journey. And then I showed him my documentary and

1009
00:54:16,600 --> 00:54:18,160
Speaker 1: he was the first person I had showed it to,

1010
00:54:18,880 --> 00:54:21,520
Speaker 1: so he learned so much about me from that, and

1011
00:54:21,560 --> 00:54:24,359
Speaker 1: then he just started asking me so many questions, And

1012
00:54:24,680 --> 00:54:27,280
Speaker 1: since I had already opened about it in the film,

1013
00:54:27,320 --> 00:54:30,399
Speaker 1: I felt I feel like that really prepared me for

1014
00:54:31,160 --> 00:54:33,640
Speaker 1: being able to speak about it in real life. People.

1015
00:54:34,080 --> 00:54:36,920
Speaker 2: Do you remember an interesting question he asked you about

1016
00:54:36,920 --> 00:54:39,359
Speaker 2: your experience that you felt like really brought you both

1017
00:54:39,400 --> 00:54:42,040
Speaker 2: closer together? Like was there something specific that he asked

1018
00:54:42,080 --> 00:54:44,360
Speaker 2: about that when you and what was your answer? And

1019
00:54:45,000 --> 00:54:47,040
Speaker 2: one that's something that brought you closer together than you

1020
00:54:47,480 --> 00:54:48,160
Speaker 2: were before that.

1021
00:54:48,800 --> 00:54:52,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it was just the way he was.

1022
00:54:52,640 --> 00:54:58,160
Speaker 1: He just actually listened and he started crying during certain

1023
00:54:58,200 --> 00:55:02,680
Speaker 1: parts of our conversations. He felt just so emotional for

1024
00:55:02,920 --> 00:55:06,480
Speaker 1: what I had went through, and just to see someone

1025
00:55:06,560 --> 00:55:11,560
Speaker 1: cares that much really just made me trust him even more,

1026
00:55:12,239 --> 00:55:15,760
Speaker 1: just to know that he cared so much to even

1027
00:55:16,440 --> 00:55:18,600
Speaker 1: I don't know, have a conversation like that, because I

1028
00:55:18,600 --> 00:55:20,719
Speaker 1: feel like I had never really had such a deep

1029
00:55:20,800 --> 00:55:22,240
Speaker 1: conversation with someone before.

1030
00:55:24,239 --> 00:55:26,880
Speaker 2: You said that you don't cry about a lot of

1031
00:55:26,880 --> 00:55:32,360
Speaker 2: this much anymore. But when did you really allow yourself

1032
00:55:32,440 --> 00:55:35,640
Speaker 2: to cry about it and feel it through. When was

1033
00:55:35,680 --> 00:55:37,880
Speaker 2: that opportunity you gave yourself.

1034
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:45,280
Speaker 1: A lot of times I would cry just after going

1035
00:55:45,320 --> 00:55:47,600
Speaker 1: through things in life and just feeling so alone, just

1036
00:55:47,640 --> 00:55:50,200
Speaker 1: coming home at the end of the night and having

1037
00:55:50,200 --> 00:55:54,960
Speaker 1: no one to talk to about it. Just a lot

1038
00:55:55,040 --> 00:56:01,600
Speaker 1: of times in my life, and especially after my documentary,

1039
00:56:01,600 --> 00:56:06,239
Speaker 1: in writing my book, just rereading all of that has

1040
00:56:06,320 --> 00:56:11,680
Speaker 1: just been so emotional just to have to feel it all.

1041
00:56:12,280 --> 00:56:17,640
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, you even spoke about, you know, hiding your

1042
00:56:17,680 --> 00:56:19,719
Speaker 2: pregnancy from your family, and that was something that you

1043
00:56:19,800 --> 00:56:21,600
Speaker 2: and your you know, you and car are kind of

1044
00:56:21,680 --> 00:56:24,160
Speaker 2: kept to yourself. And I was when I when I

1045
00:56:24,200 --> 00:56:25,759
Speaker 2: first learned about that, I was like, that was so

1046
00:56:25,840 --> 00:56:28,600
Speaker 2: interesting to me because it seems like, in one sense,

1047
00:56:28,640 --> 00:56:30,880
Speaker 2: your life since you were young has been so public

1048
00:56:31,000 --> 00:56:35,920
Speaker 2: and so broadcasted and so overly commented upon and been

1049
00:56:35,960 --> 00:56:39,960
Speaker 2: out there and then almost you're having this really precious, personal,

1050
00:56:40,520 --> 00:56:45,000
Speaker 2: beautiful moment. And my interpretation was that it was a

1051
00:56:45,000 --> 00:56:47,960
Speaker 2: protection of like, no, this needs to be personal and

1052
00:56:48,000 --> 00:56:51,480
Speaker 2: private and sacred and special. It's what is that What

1053
00:56:51,600 --> 00:56:53,120
Speaker 2: was going through your mind of why you wanted it

1054
00:56:53,160 --> 00:56:55,480
Speaker 2: to be so private, Like, what, how did that decision

1055
00:56:55,520 --> 00:56:58,160
Speaker 2: come about where it's like, no, well, actually, this is

1056
00:56:58,200 --> 00:57:00,680
Speaker 2: the one thing that is to be that way.

1057
00:57:01,400 --> 00:57:03,880
Speaker 1: I just felt that my life has been so public

1058
00:57:04,160 --> 00:57:07,960
Speaker 1: for over two decades of being in this whole industry,

1059
00:57:08,040 --> 00:57:12,680
Speaker 1: and with my baby, I just felt that this was

1060
00:57:12,719 --> 00:57:16,880
Speaker 1: something that I didn't want all the outside opinions from

1061
00:57:16,880 --> 00:57:21,480
Speaker 1: the world or just the online trolls or anyone talking

1062
00:57:21,480 --> 00:57:26,560
Speaker 1: about my son until he was here in this world

1063
00:57:26,640 --> 00:57:31,520
Speaker 1: and healthy and safe, and I just I don't know.

1064
00:57:31,560 --> 00:57:33,400
Speaker 1: I just feel like I wanted to keep that for me,

1065
00:57:34,440 --> 00:57:37,200
Speaker 1: so no one knew about it till he was literally

1066
00:57:37,360 --> 00:57:37,959
Speaker 1: a week old.

1067
00:57:39,040 --> 00:57:45,680
Speaker 2: Wow, what's the pleasure in public broadcast and what's the

1068
00:57:45,760 --> 00:57:51,200
Speaker 2: sweetness in private? Sacred personal experience? Talked to me about

1069
00:57:51,200 --> 00:57:54,520
Speaker 2: the difference of the joy you get from like being

1070
00:57:54,560 --> 00:57:57,280
Speaker 2: in media and being on stage, being in front and center,

1071
00:57:57,320 --> 00:57:59,600
Speaker 2: and then what's the difference in how it feels when

1072
00:57:59,600 --> 00:58:01,760
Speaker 2: you get to have a special experience like that. I

1073
00:58:01,760 --> 00:58:04,600
Speaker 2: just want everyone to hear because I think those are

1074
00:58:04,680 --> 00:58:06,400
Speaker 2: two things we crave and chase.

1075
00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:12,240
Speaker 1: For me, I love to make other people happy and

1076
00:58:13,760 --> 00:58:21,920
Speaker 1: feel that energy and love, and it's just an amazing feeling.

1077
00:58:24,040 --> 00:58:26,680
Speaker 1: But then to be with my baby boy and just

1078
00:58:26,720 --> 00:58:29,600
Speaker 1: have him laying on my chest and looking up at

1079
00:58:29,640 --> 00:58:34,440
Speaker 1: me and I with his innocent eyes and this little, sweet,

1080
00:58:34,920 --> 00:58:39,840
Speaker 1: precious angel, it is just my world. So there are

1081
00:58:39,840 --> 00:58:44,200
Speaker 1: two different feelings, like one is just exciting, but then

1082
00:58:44,280 --> 00:58:49,560
Speaker 1: the other one is actually just true, real love. And

1083
00:58:49,600 --> 00:58:52,880
Speaker 1: I feel that for so long I always considered all

1084
00:58:52,920 --> 00:58:57,560
Speaker 1: of that type of attention love, But now I know

1085
00:58:57,640 --> 00:58:58,920
Speaker 1: what real love truly is.

1086
00:59:00,120 --> 00:59:05,240
Speaker 2: Wow. Yeah that hit, Yeah that hit whenever I to

1087
00:59:05,520 --> 00:59:09,840
Speaker 2: take that away that we often think of attention as love.

1088
00:59:10,480 --> 00:59:14,080
Speaker 2: We think of validation is love. We think of compliments

1089
00:59:14,080 --> 00:59:18,120
Speaker 2: as love, but love actually isn't any of that. Those

1090
00:59:18,120 --> 00:59:23,960
Speaker 2: are just almost like fake currency or fake money. And yeah,

1091
00:59:24,080 --> 00:59:27,600
Speaker 2: real love is what you're experiencing now with your baby

1092
00:59:27,640 --> 00:59:30,800
Speaker 2: boy and with Carter and with yourself at the deepest level.

1093
00:59:30,840 --> 00:59:34,160
Speaker 2: Like do you feel that we hear these words like

1094
00:59:34,200 --> 00:59:36,439
Speaker 2: self love and self care all the time now they're

1095
00:59:36,480 --> 00:59:39,360
Speaker 2: all over the world, But how do you define self

1096
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:41,360
Speaker 2: love now? Like do you feel like this is the

1097
00:59:41,360 --> 00:59:43,360
Speaker 2: first time in your life that you've allowed yourself to

1098
00:59:43,400 --> 00:59:47,000
Speaker 2: love yourself? Or have you loved yourself throughout all of

1099
00:59:47,040 --> 00:59:48,360
Speaker 2: this so the.

1100
00:59:48,320 --> 00:59:52,120
Speaker 1: First time I've gotten to know myself, so therefore I

1101
00:59:52,160 --> 00:59:56,160
Speaker 1: could really love myself because I felt that for so

1102
00:59:56,280 --> 01:00:02,320
Speaker 1: long I was just very lost and I had been

1103
01:00:02,360 --> 01:00:05,320
Speaker 1: through so much that I was just living such this

1104
01:00:05,440 --> 01:00:08,520
Speaker 1: fast paced life that I never even had time to

1105
01:00:08,560 --> 01:00:13,600
Speaker 1: think about anything. And I think I purposely made myself

1106
01:00:13,640 --> 01:00:15,720
Speaker 1: so busy that I wouldn't have time to think about

1107
01:00:15,720 --> 01:00:20,160
Speaker 1: anything that bad I had went through in my life.

1108
01:00:20,520 --> 01:00:23,720
Speaker 1: And now just I've gotten getting to know myself and

1109
01:00:25,720 --> 01:00:29,480
Speaker 1: just feel so many different feelings. Now I truly can

1110
01:00:30,400 --> 01:00:33,440
Speaker 1: love and know every part of.

1111
01:00:33,400 --> 01:00:38,000
Speaker 2: Me absolutely absolutely. How are you hoping to be as

1112
01:00:38,040 --> 01:00:41,120
Speaker 2: a mother now? Like having you know, you've had an

1113
01:00:41,160 --> 01:00:43,280
Speaker 2: interesting relationship with your own family, which you talk about

1114
01:00:43,280 --> 01:00:46,120
Speaker 2: in the book so much. I think we all have

1115
01:00:46,400 --> 01:00:49,720
Speaker 2: complex relationships with our own parents and family, and we

1116
01:00:49,840 --> 01:00:52,960
Speaker 2: love them, we appreciate them, and then there's certain decisions,

1117
01:00:52,960 --> 01:00:55,080
Speaker 2: there's a you know you talk about how like you

1118
01:00:55,160 --> 01:00:56,919
Speaker 2: know at one point you wish that your parents would

1119
01:00:56,960 --> 01:00:59,120
Speaker 2: just say sorry, we did that, but then you've learned

1120
01:00:59,160 --> 01:01:02,760
Speaker 2: to understand that they may never get there. How does that?

1121
01:01:02,840 --> 01:01:05,400
Speaker 2: How have you become okay with that I will get

1122
01:01:05,440 --> 01:01:06,760
Speaker 2: to the mother and bub But how have you become

1123
01:01:06,800 --> 01:01:08,680
Speaker 2: okay with that? Because I think for a lot of

1124
01:01:08,680 --> 01:01:11,080
Speaker 2: people that's the hardest thing, where it's like, my parents

1125
01:01:11,120 --> 01:01:12,880
Speaker 2: were wrong, they made a mistake, they should be sorry,

1126
01:01:12,920 --> 01:01:15,000
Speaker 2: they should be accountable. But you're actually saying I do

1127
01:01:15,080 --> 01:01:17,800
Speaker 2: feel all those ways, but at the same time, I

1128
01:01:17,840 --> 01:01:20,800
Speaker 2: actually feel like that's okay. That's their journey and that's

1129
01:01:20,840 --> 01:01:22,440
Speaker 2: their story, and I'm okay with that. How do you

1130
01:01:22,760 --> 01:01:26,320
Speaker 2: because that's a real nuance, subtle place to be. How

1131
01:01:26,360 --> 01:01:27,320
Speaker 2: do you become okay with that?

1132
01:01:28,800 --> 01:01:33,840
Speaker 1: For me, just knowing everything I know now, I think

1133
01:01:33,960 --> 01:01:37,480
Speaker 1: for when I was a teenager and I was sent away,

1134
01:01:37,600 --> 01:01:42,880
Speaker 1: I was so just sad and I was angry. But

1135
01:01:43,040 --> 01:01:47,040
Speaker 1: now being an adult and just doing all my research

1136
01:01:47,120 --> 01:01:53,200
Speaker 1: and now finding out that these schools are completely manipulative

1137
01:01:53,880 --> 01:01:59,400
Speaker 1: and they lie to the families and have all this

1138
01:01:59,520 --> 01:02:07,240
Speaker 1: false advertising and fake brochures and just it's such an

1139
01:02:07,240 --> 01:02:10,960
Speaker 1: evil industry. And my parents had no idea and they

1140
01:02:10,960 --> 01:02:17,680
Speaker 1: were tricked And that's something that I realize now, and

1141
01:02:19,280 --> 01:02:21,520
Speaker 1: so I can't be angry at them because they were

1142
01:02:21,560 --> 01:02:24,240
Speaker 1: just trying to do what they thought was right.

1143
01:02:25,400 --> 01:02:27,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, that requires a lot of maturity, though, Like that

1144
01:02:27,920 --> 01:02:31,960
Speaker 2: requires a lot of looking at the context, because I

1145
01:02:32,000 --> 01:02:34,040
Speaker 2: find like, when you don't have that context, it's so

1146
01:02:34,200 --> 01:02:37,840
Speaker 2: easy to be in conflict with someone. But when you

1147
01:02:37,880 --> 01:02:40,360
Speaker 2: actually create that context and you zoom out and you

1148
01:02:40,400 --> 01:02:42,919
Speaker 2: go wow, Like this is a big industry. So many

1149
01:02:42,960 --> 01:02:45,600
Speaker 2: people have been brainwashed, so many people have been marketed to,

1150
01:02:45,760 --> 01:02:47,880
Speaker 2: and so many people have been made to believe that

1151
01:02:47,920 --> 01:02:49,480
Speaker 2: this is the best thing for their kids, to the

1152
01:02:49,480 --> 01:02:52,320
Speaker 2: point that you're on the phone and they're still saying no, no, no,

1153
01:02:52,440 --> 01:02:57,160
Speaker 2: just work the program. And how does that affect how

1154
01:02:57,200 --> 01:02:59,280
Speaker 2: you want to be a mother? Because I can imagine

1155
01:03:00,600 --> 01:03:03,800
Speaker 2: that it makes you want to be really protective and

1156
01:03:04,160 --> 01:03:06,880
Speaker 2: at the same time, like, you've also lived a life

1157
01:03:06,920 --> 01:03:10,560
Speaker 2: where you know the benefits of exploring, like you talk

1158
01:03:10,600 --> 01:03:12,760
Speaker 2: about in the book multiple times of like you're happy

1159
01:03:12,800 --> 01:03:14,920
Speaker 2: you partied, You're happy you went out, Like you're not,

1160
01:03:15,160 --> 01:03:16,880
Speaker 2: You're not upset with that. And then it's like, how

1161
01:03:16,920 --> 01:03:18,640
Speaker 2: do you how do you think about becoming a mother

1162
01:03:18,720 --> 01:03:20,920
Speaker 2: and how you plan on raising your child? Like how

1163
01:03:20,920 --> 01:03:26,800
Speaker 2: do you think about protecting versus also exploring in curiosity?

1164
01:03:26,840 --> 01:03:29,280
Speaker 2: And how that how you help a child with all

1165
01:03:29,320 --> 01:03:31,120
Speaker 2: those crazy decisions we all left to make.

1166
01:03:31,840 --> 01:03:35,600
Speaker 1: Now that I'm a parent. I can completely understand just

1167
01:03:36,880 --> 01:03:38,800
Speaker 1: if I had a daughter and she was sneaking out

1168
01:03:38,840 --> 01:03:40,320
Speaker 1: in the middle of the night in New York City

1169
01:03:40,400 --> 01:03:43,320
Speaker 1: and I had no idea where she was, I would

1170
01:03:43,360 --> 01:03:48,880
Speaker 1: be so terrified. So I can completely understand just how

1171
01:03:48,920 --> 01:03:51,919
Speaker 1: my parents were just scared because they were just trying

1172
01:03:51,960 --> 01:03:55,880
Speaker 1: to protect me. And I think that's a hard part

1173
01:03:55,920 --> 01:03:57,880
Speaker 1: because you just want to protect your children so much,

1174
01:03:57,920 --> 01:04:01,000
Speaker 1: and I think when you're so strict, it just makes

1175
01:04:01,000 --> 01:04:05,040
Speaker 1: them want to rebel. So I don't know. I think

1176
01:04:05,120 --> 01:04:09,120
Speaker 1: I'm definitely gonna be strict. I hope that my little

1177
01:04:09,160 --> 01:04:12,680
Speaker 1: Phoenix does not rebel, but at least I'll be more

1178
01:04:12,720 --> 01:04:18,640
Speaker 1: prepared because of everything that I went through. And also

1179
01:04:18,760 --> 01:04:20,880
Speaker 1: I won't be able to be tricked without sneaking out

1180
01:04:20,960 --> 01:04:27,360
Speaker 1: or any of that because I know everything. I'm hoping

1181
01:04:27,400 --> 01:04:29,680
Speaker 1: that he will just feel so safe that he'll be

1182
01:04:29,720 --> 01:04:32,240
Speaker 1: able to tell me anything or he won't want to

1183
01:04:32,360 --> 01:04:37,680
Speaker 1: hide anything, because I think that's when kids will sneak

1184
01:04:37,720 --> 01:04:39,520
Speaker 1: out or do things or lie because they feel like

1185
01:04:39,560 --> 01:04:40,320
Speaker 1: they can't talk to you.

1186
01:04:40,720 --> 01:04:44,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that's what it is that really resonated

1187
01:04:44,360 --> 01:04:46,600
Speaker 2: for me. Every kid in the world is going to

1188
01:04:46,640 --> 01:04:49,880
Speaker 2: make bad mistakes, and bad choices and bad decisions. I mean,

1189
01:04:50,120 --> 01:04:53,280
Speaker 2: I don't know anyone who hasn't. But if you feel

1190
01:04:53,280 --> 01:04:56,440
Speaker 2: safe enough and comfortable enough to tell your parents and

1191
01:04:56,480 --> 01:04:58,240
Speaker 2: you don't feel like you have to hide from them,

1192
01:04:58,680 --> 01:05:00,840
Speaker 2: then you can actually solve stuff with them and you

1193
01:05:00,880 --> 01:05:03,520
Speaker 2: don't feel judged by them, that makes the world of

1194
01:05:03,560 --> 01:05:07,040
Speaker 2: a difference. I Yeah, it's it's funny what you said there,

1195
01:05:07,080 --> 01:05:08,760
Speaker 2: Like you're like, he's never gonna be able to get

1196
01:05:08,760 --> 01:05:12,280
Speaker 2: away with anything because you're you're you're the ultimate. He

1197
01:05:12,360 --> 01:05:15,120
Speaker 2: is your son, so yeah, you never know, like he

1198
01:05:15,200 --> 01:05:17,200
Speaker 2: might be he's going to be super smart as well

1199
01:05:17,200 --> 01:05:20,520
Speaker 2: and know exactly how to play the game exactly. You

1200
01:05:20,840 --> 01:05:23,200
Speaker 2: said in your You said in your documentary that you

1201
01:05:23,240 --> 01:05:26,080
Speaker 2: don't believe you will be truly happily happy until you

1202
01:05:26,120 --> 01:05:29,880
Speaker 2: have one billion dollars. How's that goal changed? How has

1203
01:05:29,960 --> 01:05:31,800
Speaker 2: that metric changed?

1204
01:05:32,240 --> 01:05:37,560
Speaker 1: I think before I had such a focus on money

1205
01:05:37,880 --> 01:05:41,400
Speaker 1: because I really saw that as freedom, because that was

1206
01:05:41,440 --> 01:05:44,280
Speaker 1: something I said to myself, when I get out of here,

1207
01:05:44,360 --> 01:05:46,440
Speaker 1: I'm going to become so successful, make so much money

1208
01:05:46,440 --> 01:05:48,160
Speaker 1: that no one will be able to control me or

1209
01:05:48,240 --> 01:05:52,680
Speaker 1: tell me what to do. But now I've just become

1210
01:05:53,080 --> 01:05:56,120
Speaker 1: so successful and everything I've created with my media company

1211
01:05:56,160 --> 01:05:59,800
Speaker 1: and all of that, and I'm so proud, but that's

1212
01:05:59,840 --> 01:06:08,320
Speaker 1: not my main focus. I care more about baby snillions. Yes, yeah,

1213
01:06:09,600 --> 01:06:10,280
Speaker 1: I can have both.

1214
01:06:11,760 --> 01:06:15,600
Speaker 2: I love that. One of the things that really struck

1215
01:06:15,600 --> 01:06:17,440
Speaker 2: me in your book, and I'm happy to hear that

1216
01:06:17,480 --> 01:06:20,880
Speaker 2: shift in gold. That's beautiful. I think one of the

1217
01:06:20,920 --> 01:06:23,000
Speaker 2: things that shifted you said this. You talked about how

1218
01:06:23,000 --> 01:06:25,400
Speaker 2: you got robbed of time, and then you said the

1219
01:06:25,440 --> 01:06:27,680
Speaker 2: only way you got through? And I thought this was

1220
01:06:27,880 --> 01:06:29,880
Speaker 2: so true and so powerful, and that's why I want

1221
01:06:29,880 --> 01:06:32,320
Speaker 2: to share it with everyone. You said the only way

1222
01:06:32,360 --> 01:06:34,520
Speaker 2: you got through the school. Specific you're talking about the

1223
01:06:34,520 --> 01:06:37,400
Speaker 2: school at that time, but assuming pretty much everything in

1224
01:06:37,440 --> 01:06:39,720
Speaker 2: your teens that you went through in your twenties. You said,

1225
01:06:40,440 --> 01:06:44,520
Speaker 2: I created a future world, a future self, and a

1226
01:06:44,560 --> 01:06:49,560
Speaker 2: future life without boundaries, and that's how you survived. Can

1227
01:06:49,600 --> 01:06:51,120
Speaker 2: you walk us through what that means?

1228
01:06:51,160 --> 01:06:51,240
Speaker 1: Like?

1229
01:06:51,280 --> 01:06:55,320
Speaker 2: How were you in this? Almost in prison like it

1230
01:06:55,400 --> 01:06:58,440
Speaker 2: sounds that way the way you described it, but creating

1231
01:06:58,480 --> 01:07:02,320
Speaker 2: a future world of futureself and a future life, what

1232
01:07:02,360 --> 01:07:07,360
Speaker 2: does that look like when you're in prison chaos like pain?

1233
01:07:08,120 --> 01:07:08,840
Speaker 2: How are you doing that?

1234
01:07:10,280 --> 01:07:16,720
Speaker 1: I was just so just sad and depressed, and it

1235
01:07:16,760 --> 01:07:19,360
Speaker 1: was just so horrible of what I was going through

1236
01:07:19,360 --> 01:07:24,120
Speaker 1: every single day that I just started just creating in

1237
01:07:24,120 --> 01:07:27,280
Speaker 1: my mind of this whole life that I wanted and

1238
01:07:27,320 --> 01:07:28,880
Speaker 1: what I wanted to do. And I got out of

1239
01:07:28,920 --> 01:07:36,520
Speaker 1: there and just building this kind of most fantasy life

1240
01:07:36,520 --> 01:07:41,040
Speaker 1: of who I could be. And I really do believe

1241
01:07:41,160 --> 01:07:45,640
Speaker 1: in manifestation and really manifesting who you can become, because

1242
01:07:45,680 --> 01:07:49,440
Speaker 1: I really believe that I did that, and it all

1243
01:07:49,480 --> 01:07:52,840
Speaker 1: started from just so much pain and then wanting to

1244
01:07:53,200 --> 01:07:54,880
Speaker 1: turn it into something positive.

1245
01:07:55,600 --> 01:07:58,280
Speaker 2: How much of it happened the way you imagined it

1246
01:07:58,440 --> 01:08:00,959
Speaker 2: versus how much of it has it actually been better

1247
01:08:01,000 --> 01:08:05,040
Speaker 2: than you imagined or less than because yeah, I'd love

1248
01:08:05,080 --> 01:08:05,280
Speaker 2: to know.

1249
01:08:06,560 --> 01:08:11,640
Speaker 1: I always had big dreams, but I had no idea

1250
01:08:11,680 --> 01:08:18,160
Speaker 1: it would ever be on this level, and it was

1251
01:08:18,280 --> 01:08:22,519
Speaker 1: just it's been such a journey, just everything that I've

1252
01:08:22,600 --> 01:08:25,479
Speaker 1: went through, Like when I was a little girl, I

1253
01:08:25,479 --> 01:08:30,320
Speaker 1: wanted to be a veterinarian and then moved to New

1254
01:08:30,400 --> 01:08:32,760
Speaker 1: York and just saw just this whole other world of

1255
01:08:32,800 --> 01:08:38,160
Speaker 1: business and everything. And I think that just sitting there

1256
01:08:38,160 --> 01:08:40,400
Speaker 1: and having time just to really think about everything. And

1257
01:08:41,439 --> 01:08:44,080
Speaker 1: I always dreamed of having one perfume and now I'm

1258
01:08:44,120 --> 01:08:47,320
Speaker 1: about to release my thirtieth and it's just that I

1259
01:08:47,360 --> 01:08:49,760
Speaker 1: feel like everything I've really put my mind to has

1260
01:08:49,840 --> 01:08:50,400
Speaker 1: came true.

1261
01:08:51,320 --> 01:08:53,479
Speaker 2: And that was just your focus. So when you're in

1262
01:08:53,520 --> 01:08:57,200
Speaker 2: that school facility and you're going through all of this,

1263
01:08:57,320 --> 01:09:00,400
Speaker 2: your mind's just there. Is that literally you sit there

1264
01:09:00,439 --> 01:09:01,320
Speaker 2: and visualize it.

1265
01:09:01,320 --> 01:09:06,320
Speaker 1: It was like an escape definitely Otherwise or would have

1266
01:09:06,320 --> 01:09:08,639
Speaker 1: just been so hard to go through if I didn't

1267
01:09:08,680 --> 01:09:12,200
Speaker 1: have dreams of what I wanted to do.

1268
01:09:13,320 --> 01:09:15,080
Speaker 2: And would you say that was the same technique with

1269
01:09:15,560 --> 01:09:18,760
Speaker 2: One of the things that hit me was like, you know,

1270
01:09:18,840 --> 01:09:21,880
Speaker 2: you felt good things happening in a role before and

1271
01:09:21,920 --> 01:09:25,920
Speaker 2: then you know, specifically an example, when you're talking about

1272
01:09:26,160 --> 01:09:29,320
Speaker 2: simple life comes out, it's going to come out, You're

1273
01:09:29,360 --> 01:09:31,800
Speaker 2: excited about it. The sex stave comes out straight after

1274
01:09:31,840 --> 01:09:34,479
Speaker 2: all of a sudden, everyone's you know, tearing you apart,

1275
01:09:34,560 --> 01:09:38,680
Speaker 2: taking you down. It's the worst things happened where you know,

1276
01:09:38,720 --> 01:09:41,040
Speaker 2: it's put up in a grocery store sign. You know,

1277
01:09:41,160 --> 01:09:42,880
Speaker 2: there's you talk about all of this in the book,

1278
01:09:42,920 --> 01:09:45,679
Speaker 2: and I'm thinking, you're just feeling like you've got through

1279
01:09:45,680 --> 01:09:48,080
Speaker 2: the tough time, your life's on track, and then all

1280
01:09:48,120 --> 01:09:50,920
Speaker 2: of a sudden, it's like this something goes back in

1281
01:09:50,920 --> 01:09:53,680
Speaker 2: your face again. I'm like, how did you? Just I

1282
01:09:53,920 --> 01:09:55,320
Speaker 2: constantly when I was reading the book, I was just like,

1283
01:09:55,520 --> 01:09:58,280
Speaker 2: how do you get up from this? Right? Like? Was

1284
01:09:58,280 --> 01:10:01,680
Speaker 2: it again the same visualation and manifestation that helps you

1285
01:10:01,720 --> 01:10:05,559
Speaker 2: break through that or what helps you overcome and reframe that,

1286
01:10:05,680 --> 01:10:09,080
Speaker 2: because I think that would just knock people out forever.

1287
01:10:10,760 --> 01:10:15,000
Speaker 1: That was one of the most painful experiences to go through,

1288
01:10:16,720 --> 01:10:21,840
Speaker 1: just to have been with someone and really loved and

1289
01:10:22,240 --> 01:10:25,760
Speaker 1: trusted them and something that was one night of your

1290
01:10:25,760 --> 01:10:28,680
Speaker 1: life where you never thought anyone would see it, and

1291
01:10:28,720 --> 01:10:33,400
Speaker 1: then the whole world is watching it and judging and

1292
01:10:34,560 --> 01:10:39,280
Speaker 1: just being so cruel and it was just mortifying. And

1293
01:10:39,360 --> 01:10:43,840
Speaker 1: I didn't leave my house for months and I didn't

1294
01:10:43,840 --> 01:10:46,160
Speaker 1: want to see anyone. I canceled the press tour for

1295
01:10:46,240 --> 01:10:51,479
Speaker 1: The Simple Life. I just was It was so just

1296
01:10:51,880 --> 01:10:56,760
Speaker 1: painful to go through that and just to have the

1297
01:10:56,800 --> 01:11:01,160
Speaker 1: whole world just knowing that everyone was watching it. And

1298
01:11:03,600 --> 01:11:06,360
Speaker 1: I just felt like he took away something from me

1299
01:11:06,560 --> 01:11:12,240
Speaker 1: because I I had always looked up to these amazing

1300
01:11:12,280 --> 01:11:16,760
Speaker 1: women and like Princess Diana, and I just felt that

1301
01:11:17,479 --> 01:11:19,519
Speaker 1: because of what he did to me, the whole world

1302
01:11:19,600 --> 01:11:22,960
Speaker 1: would have always assume that it was something that I

1303
01:11:23,080 --> 01:11:26,559
Speaker 1: wasn't just based upon one night was someone who I

1304
01:11:26,600 --> 01:11:27,799
Speaker 1: really trusted.

1305
01:11:28,920 --> 01:11:32,680
Speaker 2: What's the first step you took outside your house? What

1306
01:11:32,800 --> 01:11:35,200
Speaker 2: gave you the courage to do it? And how did

1307
01:11:35,200 --> 01:11:38,200
Speaker 2: you realize I'm not going to let that person define

1308
01:11:38,200 --> 01:11:38,879
Speaker 2: my narrative.

1309
01:11:43,120 --> 01:11:49,000
Speaker 1: Definitely took a while for me to feel brave enough

1310
01:11:49,000 --> 01:11:54,439
Speaker 1: to go out there. And my first thing that I

1311
01:11:54,479 --> 01:11:59,800
Speaker 1: did was actually Saturday Night Live with Jimmy Fallon, and

1312
01:11:59,880 --> 01:12:02,479
Speaker 1: I feel like I took control of the narrative there,

1313
01:12:03,240 --> 01:12:05,160
Speaker 1: just with that script, with how they wrote it. I

1314
01:12:05,200 --> 01:12:08,160
Speaker 1: thought it was just really yeah, you sharing the book

1315
01:12:08,200 --> 01:12:12,519
Speaker 1: really well, just a funny way to I don't know

1316
01:12:12,560 --> 01:12:14,840
Speaker 1: how to describe it, but I just felt like I

1317
01:12:14,880 --> 01:12:16,679
Speaker 1: was taking control of my narrative in that way.

1318
01:12:17,920 --> 01:12:19,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, when I read your story and when I listen

1319
01:12:20,040 --> 01:12:23,519
Speaker 2: to them, like, here's someone who has just never back down,

1320
01:12:23,680 --> 01:12:27,880
Speaker 2: like never given up. And I think this book, which

1321
01:12:28,000 --> 01:12:32,400
Speaker 2: I encourage everyone's listening to read, I really do because

1322
01:12:33,040 --> 01:12:35,080
Speaker 2: I think when we see things in the news, they're

1323
01:12:35,120 --> 01:12:37,439
Speaker 2: very different to when you see it from the viewpoint

1324
01:12:37,560 --> 01:12:41,559
Speaker 2: of the person going through it. Yeah, And I just

1325
01:12:41,600 --> 01:12:44,400
Speaker 2: want everyone to think about, for a second, just how

1326
01:12:44,479 --> 01:12:49,160
Speaker 2: you feel when your friends think something differently than the truth,

1327
01:12:49,960 --> 01:12:52,800
Speaker 2: or how you feel when your parents or maybe you

1328
01:12:52,840 --> 01:12:55,679
Speaker 2: live in a bigger community and they all think something

1329
01:12:55,680 --> 01:12:58,920
Speaker 2: of you that wasn't true, or they see something about

1330
01:12:58,960 --> 01:13:02,680
Speaker 2: you and they react to it differently, and you know

1331
01:13:02,800 --> 01:13:05,120
Speaker 2: inside of you how you feel when your narrative is

1332
01:13:05,160 --> 01:13:07,400
Speaker 2: taken away from you, and it's stripped away from you

1333
01:13:07,479 --> 01:13:10,559
Speaker 2: and another narrative is placed on you. I think everyone

1334
01:13:10,600 --> 01:13:12,960
Speaker 2: in the world knows what that feels like on some scale,

1335
01:13:12,960 --> 01:13:18,120
Speaker 2: in some level, and I hope that it allows us

1336
01:13:18,160 --> 01:13:22,960
Speaker 2: to see that nuance in everyone else. It's not saying

1337
01:13:22,960 --> 01:13:27,280
Speaker 2: that anyone's perfect or anyone's amazing. It's saying that can

1338
01:13:27,280 --> 01:13:30,679
Speaker 2: we just accept that there are two sides to every story,

1339
01:13:30,720 --> 01:13:34,840
Speaker 2: that there are there's countless hidden truths that we never

1340
01:13:34,920 --> 01:13:38,519
Speaker 2: discover that we're not aware of, and that there's nuance

1341
01:13:38,600 --> 01:13:41,840
Speaker 2: to everything, there's subtleties to everything, and that everything isn't

1342
01:13:42,240 --> 01:13:44,320
Speaker 2: how it's made to seem in the way it's presented.

1343
01:13:44,600 --> 01:13:47,120
Speaker 2: And if we could just give people the benefit of

1344
01:13:47,200 --> 01:13:49,720
Speaker 2: the doubt, we'll probably give ourselves the benefit of the

1345
01:13:49,720 --> 01:13:50,400
Speaker 2: doubt as well.

1346
01:13:50,720 --> 01:13:53,040
Speaker 1: Definitely, don't judge a book by its cover.

1347
01:13:53,680 --> 01:13:59,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, and we all do that all the time. Paris,

1348
01:13:59,240 --> 01:14:01,120
Speaker 2: it has been such a way talking to you today

1349
01:14:01,160 --> 01:14:03,760
Speaker 2: because I really appreciate your trust. I know you haven't

1350
01:14:03,800 --> 01:14:06,360
Speaker 2: done a lot of interviews, and you haven't. I really

1351
01:14:06,400 --> 01:14:09,000
Speaker 2: appreciated value your trust and your team's trust in me,

1352
01:14:09,120 --> 01:14:11,960
Speaker 2: and having this conversation with me today, it really means

1353
01:14:12,000 --> 01:14:13,639
Speaker 2: a lot to me having read your book to actually

1354
01:14:13,680 --> 01:14:16,599
Speaker 2: get to sit with you. And we end every episode

1355
01:14:16,640 --> 01:14:19,160
Speaker 2: with a final five. These are five questions that have

1356
01:14:19,200 --> 01:14:22,400
Speaker 2: to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum,

1357
01:14:23,040 --> 01:14:27,000
Speaker 2: so short answers. You're very good at taglines and all

1358
01:14:27,040 --> 01:14:28,559
Speaker 2: the rest of it, so this should be easy for you.

1359
01:14:28,640 --> 01:14:32,639
Speaker 2: But Paris Hilton, these are your final five question Numble.

1360
01:14:32,720 --> 01:14:36,360
Speaker 2: One is what is the best advice you've ever heard

1361
01:14:36,720 --> 01:14:37,360
Speaker 2: or received?

1362
01:14:38,600 --> 01:14:41,640
Speaker 1: You only live once, to make the most of it, okay.

1363
01:14:41,720 --> 01:14:44,599
Speaker 2: And what's the second question, what's the worst advice you've

1364
01:14:44,600 --> 01:14:45,919
Speaker 2: ever heard or received?

1365
01:14:46,640 --> 01:14:50,639
Speaker 1: The worst advice that I've ever seen is when people

1366
01:14:50,680 --> 01:14:54,040
Speaker 1: say to care so much about the opinions of others.

1367
01:14:54,439 --> 01:15:00,000
Speaker 1: And I feel that in my life, that are you

1368
01:15:00,200 --> 01:15:02,600
Speaker 1: to just care so much about what others think? And

1369
01:15:02,680 --> 01:15:06,599
Speaker 1: I think it's just important to care only about people

1370
01:15:06,720 --> 01:15:09,160
Speaker 1: in your life, to love and care about you think,

1371
01:15:09,240 --> 01:15:11,799
Speaker 1: and not others who are not good people.

1372
01:15:13,720 --> 01:15:16,719
Speaker 2: Question number three, how would you define your current purpose?

1373
01:15:17,960 --> 01:15:21,759
Speaker 1: My current purpose is to make the world a safer

1374
01:15:21,800 --> 01:15:22,679
Speaker 1: place for children.

1375
01:15:23,479 --> 01:15:25,960
Speaker 2: Oh, that is a beautiful purpose. Thank you for doing that. Like,

1376
01:15:26,000 --> 01:15:30,960
Speaker 2: I feel so grateful that's your purpose. I think that's

1377
01:15:31,040 --> 01:15:34,640
Speaker 2: such a need in the world right now, and the

1378
01:15:34,760 --> 01:15:37,519
Speaker 2: legislations and the bills, and you know, that's the only

1379
01:15:37,560 --> 01:15:40,280
Speaker 2: way it's really going to happen. To make sure that

1380
01:15:40,320 --> 01:15:42,960
Speaker 2: it doesn't happen in the first place, in a proactive way.

1381
01:15:43,000 --> 01:15:47,080
Speaker 2: So that's really beautiful. If you had a message or

1382
01:15:47,120 --> 01:15:50,360
Speaker 2: an intention or something you would say to the people

1383
01:15:50,400 --> 01:15:54,200
Speaker 2: that have hurt you and made you feel like you

1384
01:15:54,200 --> 01:15:55,879
Speaker 2: were the one who had to be shamed and embarrassed,

1385
01:15:55,880 --> 01:15:56,760
Speaker 2: what would you say to them?

1386
01:15:58,479 --> 01:16:02,960
Speaker 1: You should be ashamed of what you done. And I

1387
01:16:03,000 --> 01:16:08,760
Speaker 1: hope that you read this book and you never do

1388
01:16:08,840 --> 01:16:09,240
Speaker 1: it again.

1389
01:16:13,640 --> 01:16:18,040
Speaker 2: Thank you. Great answer. Again. I think it's so interesting,

1390
01:16:18,200 --> 01:16:29,400
Speaker 2: Like to really feel remorseful, and to really feel sorry

1391
01:16:29,640 --> 01:16:34,240
Speaker 2: means to really try your best to live through the

1392
01:16:34,240 --> 01:16:37,640
Speaker 2: pain you caused someone. I don't think you can. You

1393
01:16:37,680 --> 01:16:40,280
Speaker 2: can never really take you can never take back what

1394
01:16:40,320 --> 01:16:43,240
Speaker 2: you did, and you can never to be honest, you're sorry,

1395
01:16:43,240 --> 01:16:47,759
Speaker 2: and your remorse can never really repay the other person.

1396
01:16:47,800 --> 01:16:50,960
Speaker 2: And I'm guessing you've had to do all this work

1397
01:16:51,000 --> 01:16:55,080
Speaker 2: without any apologies or remorse right or has there ever

1398
01:16:55,120 --> 01:16:58,080
Speaker 2: been any apology or remorse from any of these people

1399
01:16:58,200 --> 01:17:03,439
Speaker 2: or never? No?

1400
01:17:04,880 --> 01:17:05,120
Speaker 1: Never.

1401
01:17:10,600 --> 01:17:15,480
Speaker 2: I think that's probably one of the most incredible lessons

1402
01:17:15,640 --> 01:17:19,280
Speaker 2: from this book is that there's a famous quote that

1403
01:17:19,320 --> 01:17:23,599
Speaker 2: says we should learn to accept apologies that we've never received.

1404
01:17:24,560 --> 01:17:26,799
Speaker 2: And it seems like that's what your work is doing,

1405
01:17:27,160 --> 01:17:30,040
Speaker 2: that you've learned to accept apologies that actually never came

1406
01:17:30,080 --> 01:17:32,200
Speaker 2: your way. And I love what you said about people

1407
01:17:32,240 --> 01:17:35,320
Speaker 2: reading the book to really understand how much they can

1408
01:17:37,640 --> 01:17:41,080
Speaker 2: potentially wreck and ruin someone's life, especially a young person.

1409
01:17:42,240 --> 01:17:46,120
Speaker 2: Fifth and final question, You'll like this one. If you

1410
01:17:46,160 --> 01:17:49,240
Speaker 2: could create one law in the world that everyone had

1411
01:17:49,280 --> 01:17:50,800
Speaker 2: to follow, what would it be.

1412
01:17:51,880 --> 01:17:56,120
Speaker 1: My law would be that everyone has to do one

1413
01:17:56,240 --> 01:17:57,760
Speaker 1: kind thing every single day.

1414
01:17:58,240 --> 01:17:58,760
Speaker 2: Beautiful.

1415
01:17:59,080 --> 01:18:02,400
Speaker 1: I feel that the more things that people do, the

1416
01:18:02,479 --> 01:18:03,880
Speaker 1: better place the world will be.

1417
01:18:04,560 --> 01:18:07,559
Speaker 2: I love that, Paris. Thank you for being here, Thank

1418
01:18:07,560 --> 01:18:09,080
Speaker 2: you for writing this book. I want to ask you

1419
01:18:09,120 --> 01:18:12,840
Speaker 2: a question. Is there anything that anything that's on your

1420
01:18:12,840 --> 01:18:14,519
Speaker 2: heart and mind that I haven't asked you about that

1421
01:18:14,560 --> 01:18:17,080
Speaker 2: you've really wanted to share that. I want to open

1422
01:18:17,120 --> 01:18:18,920
Speaker 2: it up, give you that space. Is there anything you'd

1423
01:18:18,960 --> 01:18:20,519
Speaker 2: like to share, anything I haven't asked you that he

1424
01:18:20,560 --> 01:18:23,920
Speaker 2: feels really front of mind or front of heart for you.

1425
01:18:24,720 --> 01:18:26,280
Speaker 1: I can't think of anything.

1426
01:18:26,200 --> 01:18:29,040
Speaker 2: That's good, that's a good thing, that makes me happy,

1427
01:18:29,560 --> 01:18:31,200
Speaker 2: that makes me happy. I just I just wanted to

1428
01:18:31,240 --> 01:18:33,920
Speaker 2: honor it because I you know, I really feel you've

1429
01:18:33,920 --> 01:18:37,360
Speaker 2: been so giving, in kind and generous through your story.

1430
01:18:37,400 --> 01:18:40,000
Speaker 2: And I want everyone out there who's listening and watching

1431
01:18:40,040 --> 01:18:42,120
Speaker 2: to go and grab a copy of the book, Paris

1432
01:18:42,120 --> 01:18:45,799
Speaker 2: the Memoir, give it to a friend who's gone through something,

1433
01:18:45,960 --> 01:18:49,360
Speaker 2: or you might know they've gone through through something and

1434
01:18:49,360 --> 01:18:52,360
Speaker 2: they're not sure how to process it, and they're thinking

1435
01:18:52,360 --> 01:18:54,640
Speaker 2: about it, they're struggling with it. I think that this

1436
01:18:54,680 --> 01:18:59,400
Speaker 2: book is going to open up some incredible conversations about abuse,

1437
01:18:59,640 --> 01:19:04,479
Speaker 2: about idiotd about connection to our families and parents, about

1438
01:19:05,040 --> 01:19:08,400
Speaker 2: rediscovering ourselves. And I hope it starts that conversation for

1439
01:19:08,479 --> 01:19:11,439
Speaker 2: you and your friends. Paris. Thank you again, thank you,

1440
01:19:11,680 --> 01:19:14,800
Speaker 2: thank you, so happy king on this awesome thank you,

1441
01:19:15,320 --> 01:19:17,400
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. I appreciate it. If you love

1442
01:19:17,439 --> 01:19:22,000
Speaker 2: this episode, you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez

1443
01:19:22,320 --> 01:19:25,519
Speaker 2: on befriending your inner critic and how to speak to

1444
01:19:25,560 --> 01:19:27,360
Speaker 2: yourself with more compassion.