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Speaker 1: I'm in love with you, but that doesn't matter because

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Speaker 1: I'm throwing you in jail because you stole fourteen thousand

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Speaker 1: dollars for me. You deserve it, you know.

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Speaker 2: I mean that is that is a crime.

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Speaker 1: That's a dude, fourteen k what what's the crime? And

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Speaker 1: like like like it's a felony to steal more than

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Speaker 1: like nine hundred bucks. I heard it's a crime of passion. Hmm,

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Speaker 1: let's make this a crime of passion. That sounds bad, Okay,

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Speaker 1: very good. I'll just get straight to it. I'm a

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Speaker 1: college student and this is my last semester until medical school.

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Speaker 1: Yeah do that doctor shit. Bro, Slice those people open,

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Speaker 1: get blood all over your pants, slip it up, become

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Speaker 1: a vampire. I've never been able to get a loan,

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Speaker 1: and I've worked five and a half years to get

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Speaker 1: this degree because I have to pay out of pocket,

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Speaker 1: so it takes way longer.

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Speaker 2: Salute.

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Speaker 1: That's freaking hard. That's a lot, man. It's gonna be

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Speaker 1: sad when he realizes college is fucking worthless. I've worked two,

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Speaker 1: sometimes three jobs at a time and I barely have

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Speaker 1: a social life. Sucks for you, bro, It's gonna be

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Speaker 1: your whole life as a doctor. I'm just operating without

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Speaker 1: any friends. God again, I'm just imagining, like he like

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Speaker 1: fucks up on a surgery and he just recreates like

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Speaker 1: a weekend at Bernie's kind of deals like this is

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Speaker 1: my friends, me his friend And for this upcoming semester,

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Speaker 1: I reached my goal for tuition, so I quit one

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Speaker 1: of my jobs so I could relax a bit. Wrong,

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Speaker 1: never relax, Always be operating, baby. I was a server

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Speaker 1: bartender at two bars and an office job, so I

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Speaker 1: always had a little cash hit in my apartment, in

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Speaker 1: my closet in a box. Catch me stealing your shit?

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Speaker 1: Now I know where it is. You mean like this?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: You like that? Yeah, So I hide this in the

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Speaker 1: closet box and then I deposit it every once in

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Speaker 1: a while so I can pay my tuition. My boyfriend

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Speaker 1: sometimes while I'm there or when i'm not. Since i've

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Speaker 1: been saving for this semester, he's the only one who's

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Speaker 1: been over. Oh really, I've never told him about the box,

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Speaker 1: but he knows I have to pay for school. Damn. Okay,

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Speaker 1: she's setting something up, that's right, She's setting up a

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Speaker 1: big buffoonery by this boyfriend. Her father stole it, dang,

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Speaker 1: calling it twist. Well, yesterday night, I get home to

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Speaker 1: put money in the box because I was a gunna

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Speaker 1: deposit it today, and then I found out it's all gone. No.

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Speaker 1: I freaked out and tore my apartment up, thinking I

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Speaker 1: put it somewhere else, knowing I didn't. I called my

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Speaker 1: boyfriend like crazy and no answer, suspicies. I didn't sleep

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Speaker 1: last night because I was panicking. Then this morning, boyfriend

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Speaker 1: finally calls me back. I'm yelling at him about my money,

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Speaker 1: and he's acting all confused, like I'm crazy. Motherfucker's gas

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Speaker 1: light in her What money?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know anything about that.

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Speaker 1: He comes over and I'm still pissed off. And then finally,

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Speaker 1: after a while, he admits he took it because he

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Speaker 1: wants to borrow it, and then he'll pay me back.

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Speaker 1: Don't worry, I'll get it back to you. That's how

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Speaker 1: borrowing works. You take first. You take first, then ask

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Speaker 1: for permission later.

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Speaker 2: Exactly, Sam, Sam, can I just have a hundred thousand away?

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Speaker 1: I already heard Johnny can have anything. Yay, take from

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Speaker 1: me all you want? Oh yeah, oh yeah, baby. I

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Speaker 1: was ridiculously surprised where the f is he going to

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Speaker 1: get fourteen thousand dollars in two weeks. I went into

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Speaker 1: a rage and called the police and reported a theft

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Speaker 1: because that's what he did, he was thieving. Well, it's

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Speaker 1: been hours now. I guess he got his phone call

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Speaker 1: because his family has been blowing my phone up and

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Speaker 1: his mother has said some really hurtful and racist things

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Speaker 1: to me. Wait, so a boyfriend got arrested. I guess

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Speaker 1: she did the job. Wow, that was that's right. They've

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Speaker 1: been harassing me for the past six hours and it's

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Speaker 1: stressing me out even more, and I hate that. I'm

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Speaker 1: feeling bad for him. But he stole my money that

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Speaker 1: I've been saving for months.

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Speaker 2: Literally.

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Speaker 1: His brother did call and he was respectful and said

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Speaker 1: they'll help him pay it back, and I should just

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Speaker 1: go to the police station with him and tell him

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Speaker 1: I want to drop the charges, but I really don't

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Speaker 1: believe them. I could do that and never get my

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Speaker 1: money back. I don't know what to do, and I

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Speaker 1: hate that I'm contemplating doing this and having my boyfriend

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Speaker 1: sent to prison forever. I'm just really pissed off, and

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Speaker 1: I've been crying all frickin' day.

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Speaker 2: I think she should play some mind games, like she'll

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Speaker 2: she'll like, I take him to court and then and

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Speaker 2: then be like, will you marry me? And then get

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Speaker 2: married in the court because she's already there. And then

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Speaker 2: she says, I'm divorcing you and taking you for everything.

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Speaker 1: Taking taking half baby.

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Speaker 2: No, No, I don't want just for I want all

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Speaker 2: of it.

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Speaker 1: Damn bro, that's a move. That's howtually does it that.

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Speaker 1: That's a freaking uh that's a chess move right there.

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Speaker 1: That's some forty chess. That's right. I think, Like, I mean,

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Speaker 1: like one, that's not how you borrow shit. So like

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Speaker 1: boyfriend is totally in the wrong. Just take a little games.

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Speaker 1: I mean also, like I think what wasn't addresses definitely

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Speaker 1: break up with this guy? Oh yeah, I love how

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Speaker 1: it's like all right, Like I feel like the order

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Speaker 1: of operation should have been like I'm breaking up with you, yes,

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Speaker 1: I'm reporting you to the police. But she just went

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Speaker 1: straight to the reporting the police part. And she admitted

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Speaker 1: in the title, like she's still in love with this guy,

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Speaker 1: so like are they still dating? But like she's gonna

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Speaker 1: visit him in jail. I'm still dating through the phone call.

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Speaker 2: So let me address the elephant in the prison walls,

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Speaker 2: in the cell, the elephant in the cell.

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Speaker 1: Oh god, well yeah, this is this is just just

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Speaker 1: know the rules of borrowing. Come yeah yeah