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Speaker 1: I was catfished by a crazy date who believes she's

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Speaker 1: dating a Marvel superhero bro.

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Speaker 2: I are man more like I have no idea what

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Speaker 2: you're talking about, because you are crazy.

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Speaker 1: Want to date thor? More like I thor? You want

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Speaker 1: to date with thor? More like you're a bore. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: that's right, you're boring. I get I said it. I'll

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Speaker 1: stand by it.

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Speaker 3: You want to have a shot with hot guy more like.

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Speaker 2: More like you have cos f eyes because I don't

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Speaker 2: want you to see be anymore.

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Speaker 1: Oh dude, when when you take something and you lose

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Speaker 1: it in the middle, but then bring it back around

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Speaker 1: to make it just like insanely ridiculous, that's the best.

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Speaker 1: Like we don't even want like a legit joke. We

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Speaker 1: want like it goes weird in the middle and then

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Speaker 1: it just has this like grand finale of just like

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Speaker 1: I don't know what just happened, but I'm here for it.

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Speaker 2: But I'm here for the ride, all right, dog, give

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Speaker 2: me one more, one more, Avender, one more.

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Speaker 1: Let's see. Uh a black widow more like, Uh, You're

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Speaker 1: about to be widowed for life because no one will

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Speaker 1: ever marry you, and you'll die in a grave alone.

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Speaker 1: Oh my god, yeah, fuck your family Jesus. All right,

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Speaker 1: there we go. Now we're ready to start. Yes, all right,

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Speaker 1: we got a long one, So buckle up, boys and girls.

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Speaker 3: All.

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Speaker 1: This girl and I met on Instagram. In the pictures

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Speaker 1: she had sent, she looked very much my kind ooh magna,

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Speaker 1: and I enjoy the conversation with her, and so I

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Speaker 1: thought I would ask her out.

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Speaker 3: Good idea, it makes sense, checks out.

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Speaker 1: We decided to go to the movies. Now this is

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Speaker 1: where all my problems begin.

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Speaker 3: No. No, I'm on the.

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Speaker 1: Phone with her trying to figure out where she is.

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Speaker 1: When she says, oh, look behind you, I can see you.

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Speaker 1: I turn around and god, behold, I see someone completely

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Speaker 1: different from the pictures she had sent.

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Speaker 3: Oh no, like, how different are we talking? John?

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Speaker 1: In the photos she looked about five six, very pretty

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Speaker 1: face and uh nice bow day.

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Speaker 3: But donka donc.

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Speaker 1: The Badonka donk was Badonka donkin.

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Speaker 3: The Badonka donk was honkin.

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Speaker 1: What I saw before my eyes was a four foot four,

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Speaker 1: extremely overweight girl that looked completely different from what I

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Speaker 1: had seen. Four foot four. I think you're probably over exaggerating.

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Speaker 1: A little four.

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Speaker 2: Foot four that's very small.

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Speaker 1: That's probably like, that's like legally defined a little person.

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Speaker 1: Ers are close to it. I don't know the exact law,

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Speaker 1: but I have to imagine.

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Speaker 2: It's four under four eleven. I think I know this

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Speaker 2: because my ex girlfriend is was four eleven, is four eleven.

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Speaker 2: She's still four eleven and.

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Speaker 1: She so she's she's it's four eleven or above. Right,

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Speaker 1: Are you saying that four eleven or below is like

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Speaker 1: the legal classification?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, like on four eleven dwarfism.

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Speaker 2: Oh no, no, no, sorry, sorry to find as an

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Speaker 2: adult height of four foot ten inches.

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Speaker 1: Ah, there we go. There we go.

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Speaker 2: The average adult height among people a dwarfism is four feet.

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Speaker 1: There we go. So we'll see if OPI is exaggerating.

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Speaker 1: I feel like, uh, he might be, but we will

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Speaker 1: say yeah, I think so too. Now at first I

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Speaker 1: was a bit weirded out, but I thought, oh, well,

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Speaker 1: it's not all about looks, and continue to date without

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Speaker 1: calling it out, as I enjoyed our conversations prior.

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Speaker 3: Nice, Op, there we go.

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Speaker 1: Class act seems good, but in parentheses, he says, a

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Speaker 1: huge mistake in hindsight.

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Speaker 3: Oh my.

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Speaker 1: We go off to book our tickets, find our seats,

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Speaker 1: and settle it. So now the movie is about to

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Speaker 1: start and she hasn't said a word, so I start

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Speaker 1: some sort of conversation with her, But every time I

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Speaker 1: try to say anything, I instantly get shot down because

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Speaker 1: she's busy chatting with her friends.

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Speaker 2: Bro, what's the point of going on a date if

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Speaker 2: you're just gonna chat with your friends? And also, first

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Speaker 2: date at the movies is a tough one to make

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Speaker 2: conversation at.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you gotta go for like ice cream or

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Speaker 1: coffee or food or something like have be able to

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Speaker 1: speak on.

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Speaker 3: To my herind's James.

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Speaker 2: His go to first date is always ice cream, and

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Speaker 2: then uh, it's it's either go to first date is

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Speaker 2: ice cream and the second date is usually a hike.

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Speaker 3: And I think those are perfect ones.

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Speaker 1: That's a good that's a good one two combo right there,

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Speaker 1: unless you me. Actually, I was about to say, what

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Speaker 1: if someone's like anti cold foods, that's like a dietary restriction.

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Speaker 1: But it's like, if someone doesn't want to eat cold foods,

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Speaker 1: then maybe that's not Ain't it so fine? I thought,

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Speaker 1: let's wait until the movie starts. The movie begins, and

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Speaker 1: I try to move a little bit closer to her,

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Speaker 1: but she keeps on shuffling away, so I just let

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Speaker 1: it go. She then turns around and says something about

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Speaker 1: the movie, which I can't quite remember, but a remark

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Speaker 1: has to be made. This girl has never brushed her teeth.

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Speaker 1: I mean never, Oh God. Her breath absolutely stank and

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Speaker 1: I couldn't even look in her general direction while she

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Speaker 1: was speaking.

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Speaker 3: Rand said, that's rough, Bro.

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Speaker 1: That is terrible. But this wasn't even the problem. That's

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Speaker 1: not even where the real problems begin. Sam.

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Speaker 2: I love how like Opie is like she looked nothing

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Speaker 2: like the pictures, but that's not a problem. She won't

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Speaker 2: talk to me at the gate of the movie, that's

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Speaker 2: not a problem.

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Speaker 3: Her breath smells like a hundred.

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Speaker 2: Sailors died in the barrels of a whale, but that's

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Speaker 2: not a problem.

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Speaker 1: I cannot wait to see what the real problem is.

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Speaker 1: A bit into this movie, this girl says she wants

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Speaker 1: to tell me something. Now. What she told me next

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Speaker 1: absolutely shocked me.

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Speaker 3: Bro.

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Speaker 2: What is she telling you that's shocking you more than

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Speaker 2: that terrible breath and the fact that she's four foot

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Speaker 2: four and obese?

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Speaker 1: Like, what could it mean?

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Speaker 3: Dude?

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Speaker 1: She says that she's been doing something called shift.

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Speaker 3: What does what? What does that mean?

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Speaker 1: This shifting is where she transfers her consciousness into another

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Speaker 1: reality and lives her life with other people.

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Speaker 3: Bro, this sounds like everything everywhere all at once. Have

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Speaker 3: you seen that movie?

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Speaker 1: I just saw it this weekend.

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Speaker 3: What do you think?

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Speaker 1: Was super awesome?

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Speaker 3: So good? So good?

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Speaker 1: Yeah? Really really really good, really really.

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Speaker 3: Dude, And I was like just invested.

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Speaker 2: Like when I started it, I was just invested in

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Speaker 2: like the familial story, like it could have. I almost

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Speaker 2: felt like it could have not had all of the

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Speaker 2: sci fi stuff and just with like the regular familial dynamics.

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Speaker 3: I was hooked.

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Speaker 2: But then it had all the sci fi stuff, and

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Speaker 2: then I was doubly hooked.

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Speaker 1: I was a hater at first. I was literally just

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Speaker 1: like man, this is this is boring? And then it

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Speaker 1: finally picked up and I'm like okay. And then once

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Speaker 1: it got to the part where it's like the emotional

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Speaker 1: like you know, just facts about life hitting you in

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Speaker 1: your fucking soul. That's why I was like, Okay, this

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Speaker 1: is this is this is awesome.

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Speaker 3: I also watched it a little hot, and it was

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Speaker 3: made it better.

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Speaker 1: I also want see when I get high, I become

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Speaker 1: a hater. So really everything irritates me and uh, not

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Speaker 1: a hater, but like, like, for instance, I will shift

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Speaker 1: a thousand times. I cannot sit comfortably. I have to

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Speaker 1: like John's shifter, so like I'm a shifter. She's dating

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Speaker 1: a Marvel character that she's deeply in love with, that

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Speaker 1: she's been with since she was ten.

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Speaker 3: What.

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Speaker 1: I am so glad that she has shared her special

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Speaker 1: this is this is so perfect. This is a great

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Speaker 1: date conversation.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no red flags here, none, zero, all green flags abound.

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Speaker 1: Now at this point, the blood is literally rushing to

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Speaker 1: my head. I have so many questions. This is funny.

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Speaker 1: Why did she agree to go on a date if

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Speaker 1: she's already dating someone in her different reality?

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Speaker 2: I love how he's already operating within her weird world.

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Speaker 2: Is like like, oh, she's already dating someone in this

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Speaker 2: other universe?

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Speaker 3: Like why is she here? Is she cheating on this

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Speaker 3: Marvel character?

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Speaker 1: Why did she never bring this up? And the biggest

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Speaker 1: thought of all is this girl freakin insane?

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Speaker 3: Yes? Yes she is.

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Speaker 1: I'm very off put now, and I just lean the

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Speaker 1: other direction and try to watch the movie without seeming

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Speaker 1: too upset. Keep in mind. I just got rejected by

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Speaker 1: this catfish because she's dating a Marvel character in a

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Speaker 1: different reality. So I just want to finish this stupid

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Speaker 1: date and leave, makes sense, poor guy, that's a rough one. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: don't you hate it when that happens. But you're going

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Speaker 1: a date with a girl and she's already dating a

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Speaker 1: Marvel character in her mind, and she's a foot shorter

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Speaker 1: than she said, and she's never brushed her teeth in

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Speaker 1: her life.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, bro, that's just the worst.

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Speaker 1: When the movie is finally over, I try to explain

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Speaker 1: that I'm gonna leave, but she says she's really hungry

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Speaker 1: and wants to go for a bite. We go to

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Speaker 1: a wings place and she orders literally five plates of wings.

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Speaker 1: At this point, I just want to leave, so I

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Speaker 1: don't order anything five plates.

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Speaker 2: How kind of four foot four person even consume five

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Speaker 2: plates of wings?

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Speaker 3: That's like her whole body weight? Bro?

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, yeah easily. While we were waiting for

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Speaker 1: her food, I asked her about the whole shifting thing.

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Speaker 1: What she said next made me even more furious, if

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Speaker 1: you can believe it. She says that she's been into

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Speaker 1: shifting for two years and that she's deeply in love

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Speaker 1: with this Marvel character. So I think that maybe she's

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Speaker 1: actually able to somehow do this, and if so, I

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Speaker 1: ask her how she manages to do it.

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Speaker 2: I love how OPI is just so accepting. It's just

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Speaker 2: like like, oh, yeah, that's so interesting. Tell me more

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Speaker 2: about that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. He's like, all right, let's let's assume that's the case.

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Speaker 1: So like, how does it work? You know, what's what's

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Speaker 1: the what's the logistics? Good guy, this is so funny.

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Speaker 1: He gets mad at this part. This is amazing. This

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Speaker 1: girl tells me that in the last two years, she's

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Speaker 1: only managed to do it once, Yes, once in all caps.

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Speaker 1: Bro him off. It's only shifted once in her make

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Speaker 1: belief world in two years. Who cares? Bro?

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Speaker 2: She like crazy, no logic holds here, but also like

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Speaker 2: so clingy, Bro, you meet this Marvel character one time

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Speaker 2: in a dream, and now you guys are dating for

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Speaker 2: the next ten years.

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Speaker 1: God, she had a one hour dream about a Marvel

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Speaker 1: character and now apparently she is dating him and loves

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Speaker 1: him and that's why she doesn't want me to get

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Speaker 1: near her.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: Wow, this might be the worst date of all time.

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Speaker 3: This is impressed terrible.

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Speaker 1: This girl must be absolutely insane. But what happened next?

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Speaker 1: That was the final straw?

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Speaker 3: Bro, You've had so many final straws.

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Speaker 2: Dude, you are out of straws, My guy, there are

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Speaker 2: no more straws at this point.

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Speaker 3: You aren't negative three or four straws.

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Speaker 1: I didn't mention yet, but throughout this entire date, she

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Speaker 1: had a very bad cough and I kept thinking, Wow,

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Speaker 1: she must be like asthmatic or something, so I asked

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Speaker 1: her about it. She replies, Oh no, I just have COVID.

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Speaker 3: What dude, this is the girl? Ever? Oh my god.

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Speaker 1: Opie says all caps. What you're just telling me about this? No? Unfortunately,

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Speaker 1: it was too late for me to leave. I try

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Speaker 1: to leave. No, no, no, no, no, that's the perfect time

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Speaker 1: for you to leave. Bro.

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Speaker 3: You should have left like four red flags ago.

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Speaker 1: Literally. I try to lean back and stay away from

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Speaker 1: her and try not to catch COVID.

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Speaker 3: Why are you still there?

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Speaker 2: Bro?

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Speaker 3: Leave?

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Speaker 1: Dude? This is not good. And the moment she is

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Speaker 1: done eating, I thank her for the date, pay for

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Speaker 1: the food, and jolt out of there.

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Speaker 3: Bro.

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Speaker 1: She ordered five flip he pays for it? What is

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Speaker 1: going on? I'm sorry?

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Speaker 2: Opie is the nicest guy in the world and he

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Speaker 2: has no self respect.

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Speaker 1: Bro.

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Speaker 2: No, oh my god, pays for five plates of wings

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Speaker 2: for this. This freaking crazy ass Like sleepy, what are

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Speaker 2: the what are the seven Dwarves?

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, sleepy, drowsy, cranky.

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Speaker 3: Grumpy, grumpy. I feel like she's grumpy at this point.

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Speaker 1: That's it. Wow, I this, I've went through emotional rollercoaster

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Speaker 1: that is terrible.

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Speaker 2: I am so yeah, I am so pissed on Ope's

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Speaker 2: behalf Like bro, get out of there.

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Speaker 3: Bro, she's crazy. She's not good for you.

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Speaker 1: If you're listening to this, Ope, not good for you.

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Speaker 1: If you're listening to this, reach out to us. We'll

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Speaker 1: put you in the ok op Patreon discord and we'll

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Speaker 1: find your love.

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Speaker 3: Yes,