WEBVTT - IVF: My Journey 0:00:03.760 --> 0:00:07.920 I think that IBF is a beautiful thing if it's 0:00:08.039 --> 0:00:10.960 right for you. I'm not opposed to it. I tried it, 0:00:11.400 --> 0:00:14.440 and I think it's a blessing. I took the time off, 0:00:15.000 --> 0:00:18.120 I purchased the medication, I went to the doctor's appointments. 0:00:18.239 --> 0:00:20.360 Everything is ready to go. I'm ready for this. Mentally, 0:00:20.400 --> 0:00:23.200 I was like, Okay, let's do this. Even women in 0:00:23.320 --> 0:00:25.880 our culture are I feel like, well, that's what you 0:00:25.960 --> 0:00:28.960 came to. This life s force to reproduce. And I 0:00:29.000 --> 0:00:30.960 feel like no one should feel pressured or feel like 0:00:31.000 --> 0:00:32.839 you need to have kids by this time or by 0:00:32.880 --> 0:00:41.559 this age. Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode of 0:00:41.680 --> 0:00:44.000 Cheese and Chill. I'm so happy to have you here 0:00:44.040 --> 0:00:47.240 with me. Today's episode is going to address a question 0:00:47.360 --> 0:00:50.680 I get asked a lot. I'm constantly being asked if 0:00:50.680 --> 0:00:53.559 I wanted to have kids. I've even done an episode 0:00:53.560 --> 0:00:56.040 with my fertility doctor on freezing my eggs. Go check 0:00:56.080 --> 0:00:59.440 that episode out. Now. I haven't frozen my eggs, but 0:00:59.640 --> 0:01:04.920 I did recently try in vitro fertilization or IVF. You 0:01:04.920 --> 0:01:07.200 guys know I'm always open and honest with you guys. 0:01:07.200 --> 0:01:10.000 So today I'm going to share my experience, and we'll 0:01:10.000 --> 0:01:12.640 also talk about what's next for me. So let's get 0:01:12.680 --> 0:01:24.920 into this episode. This is cheek ease and chill. Alright, 0:01:24.959 --> 0:01:28.080 let me take a deep breath for this one, you guys. Okay, 0:01:28.120 --> 0:01:30.160 So I think we should probably start from the top. 0:01:30.360 --> 0:01:32.720 But before we get into it, I want to say 0:01:32.760 --> 0:01:36.200 this episode should not be taken as medical advice. Please 0:01:36.280 --> 0:01:38.520 do your own research and consult with the doctor to 0:01:38.600 --> 0:01:42.120 see if this treatment is right for you. Okay, alright, 0:01:42.240 --> 0:01:46.520 So why I VF? Well why not? I think that 0:01:46.880 --> 0:01:50.440 IVF is a beautiful thing. That is my personal opinion. 0:01:50.480 --> 0:01:53.640 I think that it's a great thing if it's right 0:01:53.720 --> 0:01:56.360 for you. I'm not opposed to it. I tried it, 0:01:57.240 --> 0:02:00.680 and I think it's a blessing that we have this 0:02:00.760 --> 0:02:04.800 opportunity and this way of being able to freeze your 0:02:04.840 --> 0:02:09.880 eggs and taking that pressure off your time clock, your 0:02:09.960 --> 0:02:12.880 inner womanly time clock is what we call it, you know, 0:02:12.880 --> 0:02:15.679 because I feel very young. I feel very young. I 0:02:15.760 --> 0:02:19.800 feel that I look very young, but my body, my insides, 0:02:19.880 --> 0:02:24.160 my organs, my ovaries, my fertility clock is telling me 0:02:24.240 --> 0:02:26.919 something different, you know. So I think that having IVF 0:02:27.600 --> 0:02:30.399 is a great option, and I think that you need 0:02:30.440 --> 0:02:34.799 to be mentally ready for that and emotionally ready for that. 0:02:35.240 --> 0:02:37.280 You do need to go to a doctor, a professional 0:02:37.320 --> 0:02:41.840 doctor that you know specializes in this. And Dr Gadir, 0:02:41.919 --> 0:02:44.560 who you guys have met here on Cheeks and Chill. 0:02:44.880 --> 0:02:48.639 He's a great doctor. He's amazing, he's very successful at 0:02:48.680 --> 0:02:51.520 what he does. UM, so you do definitely need to 0:02:51.560 --> 0:02:53.840 go and see a doctor, and they're going to do 0:02:53.880 --> 0:02:57.079 blood work and check your levels and check to see 0:02:57.400 --> 0:02:58.800 I don't know all the terms, you guys, which is 0:02:58.800 --> 0:03:00.680 why I'm like, Okay, I can't give you my iCal advice, 0:03:00.760 --> 0:03:03.239 but I know that they draw blood and they check 0:03:03.320 --> 0:03:05.840 to see basically how many eggs you have. You know 0:03:05.880 --> 0:03:07.760 what I mean, because we all have a certain amount, 0:03:07.800 --> 0:03:10.120 we're born with a certain amount, and with every period 0:03:10.200 --> 0:03:13.480 will we lose one. And I have endometriosis and I've 0:03:13.520 --> 0:03:17.240 also had assists in my ovaries, so that also has 0:03:17.280 --> 0:03:21.360 affected my egg production. I would recommend if you want 0:03:21.400 --> 0:03:25.040 to have children, if you've had difficulty getting pregnant, go 0:03:25.120 --> 0:03:27.880 see a fertility doctor. There are so many, especially in 0:03:28.040 --> 0:03:30.640 l A and everywhere in reality, but it is a 0:03:30.680 --> 0:03:33.600 process and sometimes it's fairly quick. You have to be 0:03:33.639 --> 0:03:36.960 on your period when they do these tests, by the way, 0:03:37.080 --> 0:03:41.920 and yeah, so I tried it and I didn't go 0:03:41.960 --> 0:03:44.800 through with it. I didn't finish. And that's one thing 0:03:45.080 --> 0:03:46.920 that I'm gonna which is why I feel like I 0:03:46.960 --> 0:03:49.080 need to be honest with you guys, because I shared 0:03:49.560 --> 0:03:53.160 that episode with Dr Ader, my fertility doctor, and I said, Okay, 0:03:53.160 --> 0:03:54.720 I was going to give myself a certain amount of 0:03:54.720 --> 0:03:55.880 time to do it, and that I was going to 0:03:56.000 --> 0:03:59.480 do it, and I I, did, you know, come through 0:03:59.800 --> 0:04:03.200 with that part of you know, the bargain. I said, Okay, 0:04:03.280 --> 0:04:05.280 I started it, and then it just did not feel 0:04:05.320 --> 0:04:07.080 right in my heart. But we'll get we'll get back 0:04:07.120 --> 0:04:10.320 to that right now. But when I started IVF, I 0:04:10.320 --> 0:04:13.320 spoke to so many people. This has been a crazy 0:04:13.400 --> 0:04:15.720 process for me. It's been i want to say, three 0:04:15.800 --> 0:04:17.960 or four years from the very first time I had 0:04:18.040 --> 0:04:20.080 met Dr Gader and I went in there and if 0:04:20.120 --> 0:04:23.159 it wasn't one thing, it was another. It was as cists. 0:04:23.360 --> 0:04:26.279 And they couldn't start my medication because if not, it 0:04:26.360 --> 0:04:28.040 was going to make the cists grow. So I had 0:04:28.080 --> 0:04:31.240 to get that removed and then it grew back, and 0:04:31.279 --> 0:04:33.600 then I had to get it surgically removed again. It 0:04:33.640 --> 0:04:37.760 was just crazy. And then I got separated and got divorced, 0:04:37.800 --> 0:04:39.240 and I was like, Okay, I don't want to have kids. 0:04:39.240 --> 0:04:40.480 I kind of put it on the back burner for 0:04:40.520 --> 0:04:43.120 a little bit, and then I restarted again, not necessarily 0:04:43.160 --> 0:04:46.520 because I want to have children, but because like right 0:04:46.560 --> 0:04:48.440 now I'm saying I don't want to have children, like 0:04:48.520 --> 0:04:52.159 right this minute, but because again I have endometriosis. And 0:04:52.520 --> 0:04:56.280 Dr Gadera was saying, every year that goes by the 0:04:56.400 --> 0:05:00.640 level of your egg production goes down crazy ZL like 0:05:00.760 --> 0:05:03.840 with when we I think it's like thirty three where 0:05:03.920 --> 0:05:07.040 you really have to like make this a priority if 0:05:07.080 --> 0:05:09.320 you don't want to have children now, but you want 0:05:09.360 --> 0:05:12.120 to have children in the future. This is why egg 0:05:12.160 --> 0:05:16.520 freezing exists, is because this is just how our body works. 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:19.400 So anyways, I talked to my grandma about it once. 0:05:19.480 --> 0:05:23.080 I talked to my sisters about it, even Jackie, my sister. 0:05:23.200 --> 0:05:26.119 She had said, Okay, if you if your body can't 0:05:26.200 --> 0:05:28.440 or you're working too much, I will be a surrogate. 0:05:28.560 --> 0:05:31.320 I mean, like, this has been an ongoing conversation. And 0:05:31.320 --> 0:05:33.240 I talked to my grandma about it way back when 0:05:34.000 --> 0:05:36.480 when we were on speaking terms to be honest, because 0:05:37.560 --> 0:05:41.160 my ex husband's mom didn't agree with it. For her, 0:05:41.240 --> 0:05:43.800 it was that's not the way it should be, That's 0:05:43.839 --> 0:05:47.800 not God's way, and I don't want my grandchildren to 0:05:47.839 --> 0:05:49.479 be frozen. She just saw I saw it in a 0:05:49.520 --> 0:05:51.920 different way. And my grandma is a little bit more 0:05:51.960 --> 0:05:54.760 open minded and she is a very religious woman. So 0:05:54.800 --> 0:05:56.960 I spoke to her and she said, look, do whatever 0:05:57.000 --> 0:05:58.560 you need to do. So she supported it. So I 0:05:58.560 --> 0:06:01.520 spoke to everyone when I started a emilio I you know, 0:06:01.600 --> 0:06:03.200 I was very honest and I was like, I don't 0:06:03.240 --> 0:06:07.080 know if I want to have kids anytime soon. Um, 0:06:07.200 --> 0:06:09.359 We've had a very open conversation and he says, okay, 0:06:09.400 --> 0:06:11.719 it's fine with me. And then I brought up the 0:06:11.720 --> 0:06:13.920 whole IVF thing again because I was like, okay, Dr 0:06:13.920 --> 0:06:16.719 Coder sent me another text message. He would send me 0:06:16.720 --> 0:06:19.720 a text message like every two months, like hello, and 0:06:19.839 --> 0:06:22.240 I've been working so much, thank goodness. So which is 0:06:22.240 --> 0:06:23.760 why I would kind of just like, okay, wait, I'm 0:06:23.760 --> 0:06:26.520 gonna take some time off because you know, you could bloat. 0:06:27.080 --> 0:06:29.440 You are very emotional. I hear you know friends that 0:06:29.560 --> 0:06:31.880 have done it, Like when you're doing IVF, you get 0:06:31.960 --> 0:06:34.960 very sensitive, you get bloated. It's just it's a lot. 0:06:34.960 --> 0:06:37.880 You're injecting yourself with, like a crazy amount of hormones. 0:06:38.240 --> 0:06:40.240 Which is why I was like, wait, I come out 0:06:40.240 --> 0:06:42.920 on TV. I'm constantly on stage, like I just want 0:06:42.960 --> 0:06:44.800 to make sure I have time for it. So anyways, 0:06:44.800 --> 0:06:47.200 Emilia was very supportive. He said, look, if you feel 0:06:47.279 --> 0:06:48.520 that that's what you want to do, I'm going to 0:06:48.600 --> 0:06:51.039 support it whatever it is that you want to do. 0:06:51.480 --> 0:06:55.680 So he's very supportive. He also felt that we could 0:06:55.720 --> 0:06:57.960 do it on our own naturally, but he was a 0:06:58.200 --> 0:07:01.120 d and ten percent like, do it whatever is going 0:07:01.360 --> 0:07:04.960 to make you happy and make you feel safe and 0:07:05.200 --> 0:07:08.279 sure about your future, because I'm not gonna lie. He 0:07:08.360 --> 0:07:10.240 is younger, as you guys know. He's seven years younger. 0:07:10.280 --> 0:07:12.520 My boyfriend, Emilia is seven years younger than me. So 0:07:12.760 --> 0:07:15.240 I do worry that what if one day I'm just 0:07:15.280 --> 0:07:17.440 like not able to at all, and I want to 0:07:17.440 --> 0:07:21.720 have that option. So another question, before I moved forward, 0:07:22.160 --> 0:07:24.920 a lot of people ask me if it's expensive, and 0:07:25.000 --> 0:07:28.080 it could be expensive, it could be, and and it is, 0:07:28.520 --> 0:07:33.320 it's anywhere from I believe it's fifteen dollars around of 0:07:33.400 --> 0:07:38.440 IVF so it is pricey. Just the medication alone was 0:07:38.520 --> 0:07:41.160 six thousand dollars. So when I went to see the 0:07:41.200 --> 0:07:43.040 doctor and they checked on my levels for like the 0:07:43.080 --> 0:07:46.720 sixth time in these four years, thank goodness, instead of 0:07:46.720 --> 0:07:49.440 my levels going down, you guys, they actually went up, 0:07:50.480 --> 0:07:54.000 which is crazy. Dr Deer was very very surprised as well. 0:07:54.080 --> 0:07:56.160 You seem to be a little better. I think it's 0:07:56.160 --> 0:07:59.360 because I've lost weight. I'm like eating differently as well. 0:07:59.480 --> 0:08:02.640 I don't know, but anyways, I bought all the medication. 0:08:03.000 --> 0:08:05.920 I spoke to nurses and I saw videos on YouTube 0:08:06.520 --> 0:08:08.560 how to inject myself because you have to inject yourself. 0:08:08.720 --> 0:08:11.840 So that was the medication with six thousand dollars. So 0:08:11.880 --> 0:08:14.920 that's one part, and then the doctor's fee and then 0:08:14.960 --> 0:08:19.200 the surgical part of it when they you know, retrieve 0:08:19.680 --> 0:08:23.080 the eggs and then freezing them and then storing them. 0:08:23.120 --> 0:08:25.440 So it could be costly, but then again, it's like 0:08:25.520 --> 0:08:28.160 having a child is priceless too, So yeah, I kind 0:08:28.160 --> 0:08:29.880 of did want to cover that because a lot of 0:08:29.880 --> 0:08:32.160 people have asked me if if it's if it's costly, 0:08:32.200 --> 0:08:34.480 So I guess it's just all and how you see it, 0:08:34.880 --> 0:08:38.679 and it is a good investment, especially if you want 0:08:38.720 --> 0:08:40.959 to have children and you want to take that pressure off. 0:08:41.640 --> 0:08:43.200 That's why a lot of my friends have done it. 0:08:43.520 --> 0:08:45.360 They feel like, I don't necessarily want to have kids 0:08:45.440 --> 0:08:48.280 right now. They're very goal oriented and they have their 0:08:48.320 --> 0:08:50.560 careers and stuff, and and they're just like, I don't 0:08:50.559 --> 0:08:52.200 want to have kids now, but I want to have 0:08:52.240 --> 0:08:54.400 the option of if I can't get pregnant in a 0:08:54.440 --> 0:08:57.640 few years, I have my eggs, you know. So, And 0:08:57.679 --> 0:08:59.760 that's how I felt. I started the process in October. 0:09:00.240 --> 0:09:02.200 I had taken the time off, I had set the 0:09:02.240 --> 0:09:06.400 time aside um. The last three weeks of October, I said, Okay, 0:09:06.480 --> 0:09:08.680 I'm going to take off. I'm going to do this. 0:09:08.760 --> 0:09:12.240 I had spoken to Jessica, my makeup artist, who has 0:09:13.080 --> 0:09:17.720 done like about four I believe IVF treatments, and she's 0:09:17.720 --> 0:09:20.360 an expert. She has done a lot of research, and 0:09:20.400 --> 0:09:22.520 I spoke to her and she helped me so much. 0:09:23.000 --> 0:09:25.120 She actually was the one that helped me with my medication, 0:09:25.120 --> 0:09:26.720 because you kind of have to like put it together, 0:09:26.760 --> 0:09:28.559 you have to measure it, you have to inject yourself. 0:09:28.920 --> 0:09:31.800 In the beginning, it's one injection like the first three days, 0:09:31.840 --> 0:09:33.800 and then after that it becomes like three or four 0:09:34.080 --> 0:09:43.720 something like that. Anyways, I only made it through one day, 0:09:44.480 --> 0:09:51.880 so I was I felt ready. Mentally, I had mentally 0:09:51.960 --> 0:09:54.360 prepared myself to say, Okay, I'm going to do it 0:09:54.400 --> 0:09:56.600 in October, this is it. I took the time off, 0:09:57.160 --> 0:09:59.679 I purchased the medication, I went to the doctor's a 0:09:59.760 --> 0:10:02.640 point mints. I spoke to Jessica, everything is ready to go. 0:10:02.720 --> 0:10:04.560 I'm ready for this. Mentally, I was like, Okay, let's 0:10:04.600 --> 0:10:09.120 do this. I realized that emotionally I was not ready. 0:10:09.160 --> 0:10:14.440 You guys, I was angry. And I feel that when 0:10:14.440 --> 0:10:17.679 you're going to do this process, you need to be 0:10:18.000 --> 0:10:20.640 mentally physically, because you got to go to the doctors 0:10:20.640 --> 0:10:24.359 and make sure you're good, emotionally ready and also spiritually ready. 0:10:24.480 --> 0:10:28.080 And I feel like spiritually and emotionally I was not there. 0:10:29.600 --> 0:10:32.960 I remember giving myself the first injection and I was 0:10:33.080 --> 0:10:37.880 just pissed. I had gotten my period early, first of all, 0:10:37.960 --> 0:10:40.440 so I still wasn't completely off. I had a show, 0:10:41.640 --> 0:10:44.199 so I had timed everything according to my period. I 0:10:44.240 --> 0:10:45.800 usually get in the middle of the month, but I 0:10:45.840 --> 0:10:48.040 got it early in the month in October, so I 0:10:48.080 --> 0:10:50.720 had to start early. Because you have to start, like 0:10:50.760 --> 0:10:53.079 when your period starts. So it was just I was 0:10:53.160 --> 0:10:55.880 kind of frustrated because I'm like, okay, I have First 0:10:55.880 --> 0:10:58.040 of all, I have a party, had Jenica's birthday party. 0:10:58.480 --> 0:11:00.880 So when you're doing this, you can't rink alcohol, you 0:11:00.920 --> 0:11:02.240 know what I mean. So there's certain things you can do. 0:11:02.320 --> 0:11:03.680 So I was just like, what the heck, I have 0:11:03.760 --> 0:11:07.120 Jessica's party, this is her birthday, Like I want to enjoy. 0:11:07.280 --> 0:11:10.280 I couldn't really drink, and then I had a show, 0:11:11.000 --> 0:11:12.840 so it just kind of messed up the whole schedule. 0:11:12.920 --> 0:11:14.439 So that kind of threw me off. It kind of 0:11:14.480 --> 0:11:17.400 pissed me off, to be honest. So I was injecting 0:11:17.400 --> 0:11:20.800 myself and I remember praying and I was meditating the 0:11:20.880 --> 0:11:24.120 day before I started, and I just didn't have peace, 0:11:24.160 --> 0:11:25.840 you guys, I didn't have peace in my heart. I 0:11:25.920 --> 0:11:31.520 just did not What kept coming was change your eating habits. 0:11:32.880 --> 0:11:35.920 I started micro dosing. I kind of mentioned this in 0:11:35.960 --> 0:11:38.480 another episode and I want to have an episode on that. 0:11:39.000 --> 0:11:42.520 We'll talk about that later. But I felt like I 0:11:42.559 --> 0:11:46.600 needed to heal my body naturally. It's crazy because for 0:11:46.640 --> 0:11:48.880 an event that I had the week before I started, 0:11:48.920 --> 0:11:52.199 the IVF Jessica was doing my makeup, and she hired 0:11:52.240 --> 0:11:53.920 this other girl to do our hair because I think 0:11:53.920 --> 0:11:55.480 it was a Carold G concert that I was going 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:58.760 to the Carold G concert and Tony, my regular hair stylist, 0:11:58.760 --> 0:12:01.319 wasn't available for whatever reason, so she brought a friend 0:12:01.360 --> 0:12:03.480 of hers. It was the first time I had met her, 0:12:03.800 --> 0:12:07.719 and of course me, I'm always asking questions. And I said, oh, 0:12:07.760 --> 0:12:09.520 how many kids do you have? And she said, oh, 0:12:09.559 --> 0:12:11.400 I have a son and he's nine years old something 0:12:11.480 --> 0:12:13.599 like that. And then I said, you want to have 0:12:13.640 --> 0:12:16.240 any more kids? And she says, well, actually, I'm pregnant. 0:12:16.320 --> 0:12:18.440 Jessica do didn't even know she was pregnant, and I said, 0:12:18.440 --> 0:12:20.280 oh my god, you're pregnant. She was like yes, She's like, 0:12:20.320 --> 0:12:22.840 I haven't told anyone. She said she was thirty eight 0:12:22.920 --> 0:12:25.240 years old, and she said it was just a surprise. 0:12:25.520 --> 0:12:29.400 She says, I just never thought that I could get 0:12:29.440 --> 0:12:31.520 pregnant again. And my husband and I were having a 0:12:31.640 --> 0:12:33.719 protected sex and I would just wouldn' get pregnant. So 0:12:33.760 --> 0:12:35.959 I thought, okay, well I'm not gonna get pregnant. She's like, 0:12:36.000 --> 0:12:38.400 all of a sudden, I got pregnant. She's like and 0:12:38.679 --> 0:12:41.000 I'm happy, but I'm also like, what the heck, I'm 0:12:41.040 --> 0:12:43.280 thirty eight years old, my son is older, I'm starting 0:12:43.280 --> 0:12:45.760 all over. So I just felt it. I was like, wow, 0:12:45.800 --> 0:12:49.319 then it could happen. And then there was a forty 0:12:49.360 --> 0:12:52.600 two year old lady, my nail lady. I've known her 0:12:52.640 --> 0:12:55.160 for ten years, and her and her husband she just 0:12:55.160 --> 0:12:57.440 wouldning get pregnant, and all of a sudden, I see 0:12:57.440 --> 0:12:59.320 her after a few months because I go to different 0:12:59.320 --> 0:13:01.760 al salons and I hadn't seen it in a while, 0:13:01.800 --> 0:13:03.920 and she's freaking six months pregnant, and she's like, oh 0:13:03.920 --> 0:13:05.560 my god, it was a surprise. I'm having a girl 0:13:05.559 --> 0:13:07.960 on forty two. I am so tired, but I'm so happy, 0:13:08.440 --> 0:13:11.240 Like we weren't expecting it. So I'm just like, dude, 0:13:11.920 --> 0:13:14.360 my body can do it. Is this how I felt. 0:13:14.880 --> 0:13:17.280 I'm like, if I really want to have a child, 0:13:17.400 --> 0:13:20.760 and God really wants that for me, then He's going 0:13:20.800 --> 0:13:24.720 to make it happen. Like, no matter what is going 0:13:24.720 --> 0:13:26.640 on in my body, even if I have two eggs 0:13:26.720 --> 0:13:29.280 left in my entire body and my ovaries, I feel 0:13:29.320 --> 0:13:31.280 like God is going to make it happen if he 0:13:31.320 --> 0:13:34.880 wants to fertilize that egg it's going to happen. So 0:13:34.960 --> 0:13:36.760 that's kind of where I'm at, and that's kind of 0:13:36.880 --> 0:13:40.200 what I felt because I injected myself the first night, 0:13:40.720 --> 0:13:43.120 the day of Jennica's birthday party was the first actually 0:13:43.520 --> 0:13:47.560 the injection was October eight. I injected myself. It wasn't painful, 0:13:47.800 --> 0:13:51.320 it was fine. There are some oral pills that you 0:13:51.320 --> 0:13:53.640 have to take a lot of it. Our injections in 0:13:53.640 --> 0:13:59.160 your abdomen very teeny tiny, like very small needles the 0:13:59.280 --> 0:14:01.040 size of of I don't know if you guys have 0:14:01.080 --> 0:14:02.960 ever gotten botox, but if you've gotten botox, it's like 0:14:03.000 --> 0:14:06.320 they're very tiny needles. You have to squeeze your tummy 0:14:06.400 --> 0:14:08.560 and you have to like it's around your belly button area. 0:14:08.679 --> 0:14:10.720 So you do it one time on your left side 0:14:10.720 --> 0:14:12.680 of the belly button, on the other the other time 0:14:12.720 --> 0:14:14.480 that you have to inject on the right side. It 0:14:14.520 --> 0:14:17.400 doesn't hurt at all. One of them stings, like the 0:14:17.679 --> 0:14:20.040 solution that you inject kind of stings a little bit. 0:14:20.440 --> 0:14:22.160 And the only thing I felt, because really it was 0:14:22.240 --> 0:14:25.280 like three injections that I did, I just felt very hot. 0:14:25.520 --> 0:14:29.160 I felt like just really really hot. And you do 0:14:29.240 --> 0:14:32.080 have the choice of going into the doctor's office every 0:14:32.160 --> 0:14:34.160 day and having someone do it for you, or you 0:14:34.160 --> 0:14:36.600 can have a nurse come to your home that you 0:14:36.640 --> 0:14:39.400 would have to hire to inject you. But in reality, 0:14:39.480 --> 0:14:42.440 like I'm not very scared of needles, and it didn't 0:14:42.520 --> 0:14:44.640 hurt that bad because the needle was very very tiny, 0:14:44.720 --> 0:14:48.000 and my doctor had like YouTube videos and a nurse 0:14:48.080 --> 0:14:49.840 that you can talk to and I could just like 0:14:49.880 --> 0:14:51.840 I had so many questions because I was so nervous, 0:14:52.120 --> 0:14:53.880 how it can I eat this? Can I drink this? 0:14:54.040 --> 0:14:55.720 And like, so they were like on call. I could 0:14:55.760 --> 0:14:59.200 just text them. Um, so they're very very helpful. But 0:15:00.440 --> 0:15:03.480 in reality, it didn't the injections didn't hurt. I mean, 0:15:03.840 --> 0:15:06.040 Jessica told me obviously because she she did it. She 0:15:06.080 --> 0:15:08.160 went through like the whole process. You do get a 0:15:08.200 --> 0:15:10.480 little sore in that area, and obviously you start getting 0:15:10.480 --> 0:15:12.840 bloated and like your abdomen because like all of your 0:15:13.240 --> 0:15:15.520 eggs are getting super big. They're going from like being 0:15:15.560 --> 0:15:18.120 teeny tiny to like growing because that's how they want 0:15:18.120 --> 0:15:20.560 them to just inflate and get really big and strong 0:15:21.040 --> 0:15:24.080 so that when they retrieve them remove them, they're nice 0:15:24.120 --> 0:15:26.720 and plump, you know what I mean, So that they 0:15:26.720 --> 0:15:29.040 don't affect what's in sight, so that's how they explained 0:15:29.040 --> 0:15:31.200 it to me. But you do have the choice of 0:15:31.280 --> 0:15:33.240 going into the doctor's office and doing it every day. 0:15:33.280 --> 0:15:35.680 It just wasn't convenient for me, so I was like, 0:15:35.760 --> 0:15:37.760 I'm just gonna do it myself, you know, because I'm 0:15:37.760 --> 0:15:40.680 gangster and I'm not scared. So but I mean, I 0:15:40.720 --> 0:15:43.720 get it. Some people have phobia of like needles, but 0:15:44.360 --> 0:15:46.680 that was in my case. Um, But other than that, 0:15:46.960 --> 0:15:49.119 I mean, yeah, it was. It's a lot of medication, 0:15:49.200 --> 0:15:50.720 but you don't have to take it all at once. 0:15:50.760 --> 0:15:55.680 It's like spread between morning, midday, night, and then an 0:15:55.720 --> 0:15:58.080 antibiotic that you take like in a few days after 0:15:58.120 --> 0:16:01.080 doing your first injections. But again I didn't get that far. 0:16:01.720 --> 0:16:05.000 I just got all the lessons. I did make the 0:16:05.040 --> 0:16:08.080 mistake of researching, like how is that certain medication going 0:16:08.120 --> 0:16:09.720 to make me feel? And I know it can make 0:16:09.720 --> 0:16:11.320 you feel emotional and it can make you feel so 0:16:11.360 --> 0:16:13.160 many different things, and I hadn't felt any of that. 0:16:13.240 --> 0:16:14.840 I just felt really hot. I got like a lot 0:16:14.840 --> 0:16:17.400 of hot flashes. The next morning, I did it again, 0:16:17.440 --> 0:16:19.720 and I was supposed to do another one at night, 0:16:19.760 --> 0:16:21.840 and I just decided that I couldn't because I did 0:16:21.840 --> 0:16:24.200 not have peace. That's how I decided a lot of 0:16:24.200 --> 0:16:25.800 things that I do in my life, Like I'm like, Okay, 0:16:25.800 --> 0:16:28.040 do I have peace? Do I feel happy about this? 0:16:28.720 --> 0:16:31.560 Do I feel just zen about it? And I did 0:16:31.600 --> 0:16:33.760 not feel zen. I said, it's not my time. Then 0:16:34.040 --> 0:16:36.960 it's just not my time, and I'm gonna try to 0:16:37.120 --> 0:16:40.480 just do and make certain life changes for the next year, 0:16:40.600 --> 0:16:43.200 and if it happens, it happens. I'm not on birth control. 0:16:43.640 --> 0:16:46.520 So that's basically what I decided. And you know what's 0:16:46.560 --> 0:16:50.200 crazy is that I was a little scared to tell 0:16:50.280 --> 0:16:53.480 the Meilio that I had decided not to go through 0:16:53.520 --> 0:16:56.920 with it because I remember the morning after I did 0:16:56.960 --> 0:17:00.760 my first shot, the day after Jennica's birthday party, I 0:17:00.840 --> 0:17:03.680 was in my restroom because that's where I meditate. Um, 0:17:03.680 --> 0:17:06.040 I was meditating, doing my whole ritual, my morning routine, 0:17:06.760 --> 0:17:08.680 and I came out of the restroom. I was like, dang, 0:17:08.760 --> 0:17:10.560 I'm scared to tell the media because I don't know 0:17:10.560 --> 0:17:12.879 what he's going to think. Like I usually and I 0:17:12.960 --> 0:17:15.159 love to finish what I start, so I felt in 0:17:15.160 --> 0:17:18.639 a way like I'm not finishing what I started, and 0:17:18.680 --> 0:17:20.280 I'm going back on my word is kind of how 0:17:20.320 --> 0:17:23.320 I felt. But I had a piece. It was crazy, 0:17:23.440 --> 0:17:25.399 you know, so I just I went and I he 0:17:25.480 --> 0:17:26.879 was laid in bed and I was like a medio. 0:17:27.240 --> 0:17:30.080 I decided not to do it, and he said, decided 0:17:30.080 --> 0:17:31.239 not to do what? And I said, I don't want 0:17:31.240 --> 0:17:34.520 to do I v is it okay, that's fine, that's fine. 0:17:34.720 --> 0:17:39.080 It's your body, and I support you. It was so easy, 0:17:39.720 --> 0:17:42.359 and he's like, babe, it's fine. I'm no one to 0:17:42.400 --> 0:17:44.080 tell you to do it or not to do it. 0:17:44.640 --> 0:17:47.119 And it felt good to have a partner that was like, 0:17:47.240 --> 0:17:48.879 gave me a hug because I cried a little bit. 0:17:48.920 --> 0:17:51.200 I'm like, I just I feel like I'm gonna let 0:17:51.200 --> 0:17:53.560 my doctor down and Jessica is going to be disappointed, 0:17:53.640 --> 0:17:54.960 and I just like, you know what I mean, because 0:17:55.040 --> 0:17:56.800 Jessica was kind of like holding my hand through the 0:17:56.800 --> 0:17:59.399 whole thing. But he hugged me. He says, this is 0:17:59.560 --> 0:18:03.399 your decision, it's not even mine. And it just felt 0:18:03.440 --> 0:18:06.240 so good, you know. I'm so blessed to be able 0:18:06.240 --> 0:18:09.280 to have a partner that doesn't pressure me and doesn't 0:18:09.320 --> 0:18:11.920 make me feel bad about maybe not going through with 0:18:12.040 --> 0:18:15.399 something or changing my mind, and but I was a 0:18:15.440 --> 0:18:18.200 little scared. I was nervous. But he took it very well. 0:18:18.320 --> 0:18:20.800 So that also gave me a lot of peace. And 0:18:20.840 --> 0:18:23.320 of course my doctor, doctor Gader, was very upset. He says, 0:18:23.320 --> 0:18:25.480 I think you're making a mistake, and I said, I understand, 0:18:25.880 --> 0:18:29.920 I get it. I said, look, if in a year 0:18:30.040 --> 0:18:33.280 doesn't happen on its own, then I will go see you. 0:18:33.359 --> 0:18:35.879 He says, okay, but remember what happens every year. I'm like, 0:18:35.920 --> 0:18:39.040 I know, and I'm okay with my decision. You guys, 0:18:39.160 --> 0:18:41.919 I said, Okay, that happened in October. I'll give myself 0:18:42.080 --> 0:18:46.520 so this October to say, okay, I either start I 0:18:46.640 --> 0:18:49.800 v F again or I'm just okay with maybe there's 0:18:49.800 --> 0:18:53.000 a possibility I'll never have children. But then again, I'm 0:18:53.040 --> 0:18:57.280 telling you guys, look, whether you want it or not, 0:18:58.240 --> 0:18:59.840 I was like, God, my year will be done, and 0:18:59.840 --> 0:19:02.480 that where I'm at, I'm kind of like, there may 0:19:02.520 --> 0:19:05.199 your will be done. God. Whatever is meant for me 0:19:05.240 --> 0:19:07.840 will happen, and I just need to take that stress 0:19:07.880 --> 0:19:10.080 off of my shoulders and stop feeling. And for a 0:19:10.080 --> 0:19:11.760 long time I was feeling like, oh my God, like 0:19:12.040 --> 0:19:16.000 my body is not functioning. I'm broken, quote unquote, and 0:19:16.040 --> 0:19:18.800 it's like no, like that's not what it is. And 0:19:18.920 --> 0:19:22.639 I'm not broken, and I'm okay and this is my decision, 0:19:22.640 --> 0:19:24.320 and I'm okay with this decision right now. I have 0:19:24.440 --> 0:19:27.960 peace with this decision. I completely felt like I felt 0:19:27.960 --> 0:19:29.679 like I was doing it for the wrong reasons. I 0:19:29.760 --> 0:19:31.639