Speaker 1: I think that IBF is a beautiful thing if it's
Speaker 1: right for you. I'm not opposed to it. I tried it,
Speaker 1: and I think it's a blessing. I took the time off,
Speaker 1: I purchased the medication, I went to the doctor's appointments.
Speaker 1: Everything is ready to go. I'm ready for this. Mentally,
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, let's do this. Even women in
Speaker 1: our culture are I feel like, well, that's what you
Speaker 1: came to. This life s force to reproduce. And I
Speaker 1: feel like no one should feel pressured or feel like
Speaker 1: you need to have kids by this time or by
Speaker 1: this age. Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode of
Speaker 1: Cheese and Chill. I'm so happy to have you here
Speaker 1: with me. Today's episode is going to address a question
Speaker 1: I get asked a lot. I'm constantly being asked if
Speaker 1: I wanted to have kids. I've even done an episode
Speaker 1: with my fertility doctor on freezing my eggs. Go check
Speaker 1: that episode out. Now. I haven't frozen my eggs, but
Speaker 1: I did recently try in vitro fertilization or IVF. You
Speaker 1: guys know I'm always open and honest with you guys.
Speaker 1: So today I'm going to share my experience, and we'll
Speaker 1: also talk about what's next for me. So let's get
Speaker 1: into this episode. This is cheek ease and chill. Alright,
Speaker 1: let me take a deep breath for this one, you guys. Okay,
Speaker 1: So I think we should probably start from the top.
Speaker 1: But before we get into it, I want to say
Speaker 1: this episode should not be taken as medical advice. Please
Speaker 1: do your own research and consult with the doctor to
Speaker 1: see if this treatment is right for you. Okay, alright,
Speaker 1: So why I VF? Well why not? I think that
Speaker 1: IVF is a beautiful thing. That is my personal opinion.
Speaker 1: I think that it's a great thing if it's right
Speaker 1: for you. I'm not opposed to it. I tried it,
Speaker 1: and I think it's a blessing that we have this
Speaker 1: opportunity and this way of being able to freeze your
Speaker 1: eggs and taking that pressure off your time clock, your
Speaker 1: inner womanly time clock is what we call it, you know,
Speaker 1: because I feel very young. I feel very young. I
Speaker 1: feel that I look very young, but my body, my insides,
Speaker 1: my organs, my ovaries, my fertility clock is telling me
Speaker 1: something different, you know. So I think that having IVF
Speaker 1: is a great option, and I think that you need
Speaker 1: to be mentally ready for that and emotionally ready for that.
Speaker 1: You do need to go to a doctor, a professional
Speaker 1: doctor that you know specializes in this. And Dr Gadir,
Speaker 1: who you guys have met here on Cheeks and Chill.
Speaker 1: He's a great doctor. He's amazing, he's very successful at
Speaker 1: what he does. UM, so you do definitely need to
Speaker 1: go and see a doctor, and they're going to do
Speaker 1: blood work and check your levels and check to see
Speaker 1: I don't know all the terms, you guys, which is
Speaker 1: why I'm like, Okay, I can't give you my iCal advice,
Speaker 1: but I know that they draw blood and they check
Speaker 1: to see basically how many eggs you have. You know
Speaker 1: what I mean, because we all have a certain amount,
Speaker 1: we're born with a certain amount, and with every period
Speaker 1: will we lose one. And I have endometriosis and I've
Speaker 1: also had assists in my ovaries, so that also has
Speaker 1: affected my egg production. I would recommend if you want
Speaker 1: to have children, if you've had difficulty getting pregnant, go
Speaker 1: see a fertility doctor. There are so many, especially in
Speaker 1: l A and everywhere in reality, but it is a
Speaker 1: process and sometimes it's fairly quick. You have to be
Speaker 1: on your period when they do these tests, by the way,
Speaker 1: and yeah, so I tried it and I didn't go
Speaker 1: through with it. I didn't finish. And that's one thing
Speaker 1: that I'm gonna which is why I feel like I
Speaker 1: need to be honest with you guys, because I shared
Speaker 1: that episode with Dr Ader, my fertility doctor, and I said, Okay,
Speaker 1: I was going to give myself a certain amount of
Speaker 1: time to do it, and that I was going to
Speaker 1: do it, and I I, did, you know, come through
Speaker 1: with that part of you know, the bargain. I said, Okay,
Speaker 1: I started it, and then it just did not feel
Speaker 1: right in my heart. But we'll get we'll get back
Speaker 1: to that right now. But when I started IVF, I
Speaker 1: spoke to so many people. This has been a crazy
Speaker 1: process for me. It's been i want to say, three
Speaker 1: or four years from the very first time I had
Speaker 1: met Dr Gader and I went in there and if
Speaker 1: it wasn't one thing, it was another. It was as cists.
Speaker 1: And they couldn't start my medication because if not, it
Speaker 1: was going to make the cists grow. So I had
Speaker 1: to get that removed and then it grew back, and
Speaker 1: then I had to get it surgically removed again. It
Speaker 1: was just crazy. And then I got separated and got divorced,
Speaker 1: and I was like, Okay, I don't want to have kids.
Speaker 1: I kind of put it on the back burner for
Speaker 1: a little bit, and then I restarted again, not necessarily
Speaker 1: because I want to have children, but because like right
Speaker 1: now I'm saying I don't want to have children, like
Speaker 1: right this minute, but because again I have endometriosis. And
Speaker 1: Dr Gadera was saying, every year that goes by the
Speaker 1: level of your egg production goes down crazy ZL like
Speaker 1: with when we I think it's like thirty three where
Speaker 1: you really have to like make this a priority if
Speaker 1: you don't want to have children now, but you want
Speaker 1: to have children in the future. This is why egg
Speaker 1: freezing exists, is because this is just how our body works.
Speaker 1: So anyways, I talked to my grandma about it once.
Speaker 1: I talked to my sisters about it, even Jackie, my sister.
Speaker 1: She had said, Okay, if you if your body can't
Speaker 1: or you're working too much, I will be a surrogate.
Speaker 1: I mean, like, this has been an ongoing conversation. And
Speaker 1: I talked to my grandma about it way back when
Speaker 1: when we were on speaking terms to be honest, because
Speaker 1: my ex husband's mom didn't agree with it. For her,
Speaker 1: it was that's not the way it should be, That's
Speaker 1: not God's way, and I don't want my grandchildren to
Speaker 1: be frozen. She just saw I saw it in a
Speaker 1: different way. And my grandma is a little bit more
Speaker 1: open minded and she is a very religious woman. So
Speaker 1: I spoke to her and she said, look, do whatever
Speaker 1: you need to do. So she supported it. So I
Speaker 1: spoke to everyone when I started a emilio I you know,
Speaker 1: I was very honest and I was like, I don't
Speaker 1: know if I want to have kids anytime soon. Um,
Speaker 1: We've had a very open conversation and he says, okay,
Speaker 1: it's fine with me. And then I brought up the
Speaker 1: whole IVF thing again because I was like, okay, Dr
Speaker 1: Coder sent me another text message. He would send me
Speaker 1: a text message like every two months, like hello, and
Speaker 1: I've been working so much, thank goodness. So which is
Speaker 1: why I would kind of just like, okay, wait, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna take some time off because you know, you could bloat.
Speaker 1: You are very emotional. I hear you know friends that
Speaker 1: have done it, Like when you're doing IVF, you get
Speaker 1: very sensitive, you get bloated. It's just it's a lot.
Speaker 1: You're injecting yourself with, like a crazy amount of hormones.
Speaker 1: Which is why I was like, wait, I come out
Speaker 1: on TV. I'm constantly on stage, like I just want
Speaker 1: to make sure I have time for it. So anyways,
Speaker 1: Emilia was very supportive. He said, look, if you feel
Speaker 1: that that's what you want to do, I'm going to
Speaker 1: support it whatever it is that you want to do.
Speaker 1: So he's very supportive. He also felt that we could
Speaker 1: do it on our own naturally, but he was a
Speaker 1: d and ten percent like, do it whatever is going
Speaker 1: to make you happy and make you feel safe and
Speaker 1: sure about your future, because I'm not gonna lie. He
Speaker 1: is younger, as you guys know. He's seven years younger.
Speaker 1: My boyfriend, Emilia is seven years younger than me. So
Speaker 1: I do worry that what if one day I'm just
Speaker 1: like not able to at all, and I want to
Speaker 1: have that option. So another question, before I moved forward,
Speaker 1: a lot of people ask me if it's expensive, and
Speaker 1: it could be expensive, it could be, and and it is,
Speaker 1: it's anywhere from I believe it's fifteen dollars around of
Speaker 1: IVF so it is pricey. Just the medication alone was
Speaker 1: six thousand dollars. So when I went to see the
Speaker 1: doctor and they checked on my levels for like the
Speaker 1: sixth time in these four years, thank goodness, instead of
Speaker 1: my levels going down, you guys, they actually went up,
Speaker 1: which is crazy. Dr Deer was very very surprised as well.
Speaker 1: You seem to be a little better. I think it's
Speaker 1: because I've lost weight. I'm like eating differently as well.
Speaker 1: I don't know, but anyways, I bought all the medication.
Speaker 1: I spoke to nurses and I saw videos on YouTube
Speaker 1: how to inject myself because you have to inject yourself.
Speaker 1: So that was the medication with six thousand dollars. So
Speaker 1: that's one part, and then the doctor's fee and then
Speaker 1: the surgical part of it when they you know, retrieve
Speaker 1: the eggs and then freezing them and then storing them.
Speaker 1: So it could be costly, but then again, it's like
Speaker 1: having a child is priceless too, So yeah, I kind
Speaker 1: of did want to cover that because a lot of
Speaker 1: people have asked me if if it's if it's costly,
Speaker 1: So I guess it's just all and how you see it,
Speaker 1: and it is a good investment, especially if you want
Speaker 1: to have children and you want to take that pressure off.
Speaker 1: That's why a lot of my friends have done it.
Speaker 1: They feel like, I don't necessarily want to have kids
Speaker 1: right now. They're very goal oriented and they have their
Speaker 1: careers and stuff, and and they're just like, I don't
Speaker 1: want to have kids now, but I want to have
Speaker 1: the option of if I can't get pregnant in a
Speaker 1: few years, I have my eggs, you know. So, And
Speaker 1: that's how I felt. I started the process in October.
Speaker 1: I had taken the time off, I had set the
Speaker 1: time aside um. The last three weeks of October, I said, Okay,
Speaker 1: I'm going to take off. I'm going to do this.
Speaker 1: I had spoken to Jessica, my makeup artist, who has
Speaker 1: done like about four I believe IVF treatments, and she's
Speaker 1: an expert. She has done a lot of research, and
Speaker 1: I spoke to her and she helped me so much.
Speaker 1: She actually was the one that helped me with my medication,
Speaker 1: because you kind of have to like put it together,
Speaker 1: you have to measure it, you have to inject yourself.
Speaker 1: In the beginning, it's one injection like the first three days,
Speaker 1: and then after that it becomes like three or four
Speaker 1: something like that. Anyways, I only made it through one day,
Speaker 1: so I was I felt ready. Mentally, I had mentally
Speaker 1: prepared myself to say, Okay, I'm going to do it
Speaker 1: in October, this is it. I took the time off,
Speaker 1: I purchased the medication, I went to the doctor's a
Speaker 1: point mints. I spoke to Jessica, everything is ready to go.
Speaker 1: I'm ready for this. Mentally, I was like, Okay, let's
Speaker 1: do this. I realized that emotionally I was not ready.
Speaker 1: You guys, I was angry. And I feel that when
Speaker 1: you're going to do this process, you need to be
Speaker 1: mentally physically, because you got to go to the doctors
Speaker 1: and make sure you're good, emotionally ready and also spiritually ready.
Speaker 1: And I feel like spiritually and emotionally I was not there.
Speaker 1: I remember giving myself the first injection and I was
Speaker 1: just pissed. I had gotten my period early, first of all,
Speaker 1: so I still wasn't completely off. I had a show,
Speaker 1: so I had timed everything according to my period. I
Speaker 1: usually get in the middle of the month, but I
Speaker 1: got it early in the month in October, so I
Speaker 1: had to start early. Because you have to start, like
Speaker 1: when your period starts. So it was just I was
Speaker 1: kind of frustrated because I'm like, okay, I have First
Speaker 1: of all, I have a party, had Jenica's birthday party.
Speaker 1: So when you're doing this, you can't rink alcohol, you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. So there's certain things you can do.
Speaker 1: So I was just like, what the heck, I have
Speaker 1: Jessica's party, this is her birthday, Like I want to enjoy.
Speaker 1: I couldn't really drink, and then I had a show,
Speaker 1: so it just kind of messed up the whole schedule.
Speaker 1: So that kind of threw me off. It kind of
Speaker 1: pissed me off, to be honest. So I was injecting
Speaker 1: myself and I remember praying and I was meditating the
Speaker 1: day before I started, and I just didn't have peace,
Speaker 1: you guys, I didn't have peace in my heart. I
Speaker 1: just did not What kept coming was change your eating habits.
Speaker 1: I started micro dosing. I kind of mentioned this in
Speaker 1: another episode and I want to have an episode on that.
Speaker 1: We'll talk about that later. But I felt like I
Speaker 1: needed to heal my body naturally. It's crazy because for
Speaker 1: an event that I had the week before I started,
Speaker 1: the IVF Jessica was doing my makeup, and she hired
Speaker 1: this other girl to do our hair because I think
Speaker 1: it was a Carold G concert that I was going
Speaker 1: to the Carold G concert and Tony, my regular hair stylist,
Speaker 1: wasn't available for whatever reason, so she brought a friend
Speaker 1: of hers. It was the first time I had met her,
Speaker 1: and of course me, I'm always asking questions. And I said, oh,
Speaker 1: how many kids do you have? And she said, oh,
Speaker 1: I have a son and he's nine years old something
Speaker 1: like that. And then I said, you want to have
Speaker 1: any more kids? And she says, well, actually, I'm pregnant.
Speaker 1: Jessica do didn't even know she was pregnant, and I said,
Speaker 1: oh my god, you're pregnant. She was like yes, She's like,
Speaker 1: I haven't told anyone. She said she was thirty eight
Speaker 1: years old, and she said it was just a surprise.
Speaker 1: She says, I just never thought that I could get
Speaker 1: pregnant again. And my husband and I were having a
Speaker 1: protected sex and I would just wouldn' get pregnant. So
Speaker 1: I thought, okay, well I'm not gonna get pregnant. She's like,
Speaker 1: all of a sudden, I got pregnant. She's like and
Speaker 1: I'm happy, but I'm also like, what the heck, I'm
Speaker 1: thirty eight years old, my son is older, I'm starting
Speaker 1: all over. So I just felt it. I was like, wow,
Speaker 1: then it could happen. And then there was a forty
Speaker 1: two year old lady, my nail lady. I've known her
Speaker 1: for ten years, and her and her husband she just
Speaker 1: wouldning get pregnant, and all of a sudden, I see
Speaker 1: her after a few months because I go to different
Speaker 1: al salons and I hadn't seen it in a while,
Speaker 1: and she's freaking six months pregnant, and she's like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, it was a surprise. I'm having a girl
Speaker 1: on forty two. I am so tired, but I'm so happy,
Speaker 1: Like we weren't expecting it. So I'm just like, dude,
Speaker 1: my body can do it. Is this how I felt.
Speaker 1: I'm like, if I really want to have a child,
Speaker 1: and God really wants that for me, then He's going
Speaker 1: to make it happen. Like, no matter what is going
Speaker 1: on in my body, even if I have two eggs
Speaker 1: left in my entire body and my ovaries, I feel
Speaker 1: like God is going to make it happen if he
Speaker 1: wants to fertilize that egg it's going to happen. So
Speaker 1: that's kind of where I'm at, and that's kind of
Speaker 1: what I felt because I injected myself the first night,
Speaker 1: the day of Jennica's birthday party was the first actually
Speaker 1: the injection was October eight. I injected myself. It wasn't painful,
Speaker 1: it was fine. There are some oral pills that you
Speaker 1: have to take a lot of it. Our injections in
Speaker 1: your abdomen very teeny tiny, like very small needles the
Speaker 1: size of of I don't know if you guys have
Speaker 1: ever gotten botox, but if you've gotten botox, it's like
Speaker 1: they're very tiny needles. You have to squeeze your tummy
Speaker 1: and you have to like it's around your belly button area.
Speaker 1: So you do it one time on your left side
Speaker 1: of the belly button, on the other the other time
Speaker 1: that you have to inject on the right side. It
Speaker 1: doesn't hurt at all. One of them stings, like the
Speaker 1: solution that you inject kind of stings a little bit.
Speaker 1: And the only thing I felt, because really it was
Speaker 1: like three injections that I did, I just felt very hot.
Speaker 1: I felt like just really really hot. And you do
Speaker 1: have the choice of going into the doctor's office every
Speaker 1: day and having someone do it for you, or you
Speaker 1: can have a nurse come to your home that you
Speaker 1: would have to hire to inject you. But in reality,
Speaker 1: like I'm not very scared of needles, and it didn't
Speaker 1: hurt that bad because the needle was very very tiny,
Speaker 1: and my doctor had like YouTube videos and a nurse
Speaker 1: that you can talk to and I could just like
Speaker 1: I had so many questions because I was so nervous,
Speaker 1: how it can I eat this? Can I drink this?
Speaker 1: And like, so they were like on call. I could
Speaker 1: just text them. Um, so they're very very helpful. But
Speaker 1: in reality, it didn't the injections didn't hurt. I mean,
Speaker 1: Jessica told me obviously because she she did it. She
Speaker 1: went through like the whole process. You do get a
Speaker 1: little sore in that area, and obviously you start getting
Speaker 1: bloated and like your abdomen because like all of your
Speaker 1: eggs are getting super big. They're going from like being
Speaker 1: teeny tiny to like growing because that's how they want
Speaker 1: them to just inflate and get really big and strong
Speaker 1: so that when they retrieve them remove them, they're nice
Speaker 1: and plump, you know what I mean, So that they
Speaker 1: don't affect what's in sight, so that's how they explained
Speaker 1: it to me. But you do have the choice of
Speaker 1: going into the doctor's office and doing it every day.
Speaker 1: It just wasn't convenient for me, so I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna do it myself, you know, because I'm
Speaker 1: gangster and I'm not scared. So but I mean, I
Speaker 1: get it. Some people have phobia of like needles, but
Speaker 1: that was in my case. Um, But other than that,
Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, it was. It's a lot of medication,
Speaker 1: but you don't have to take it all at once.
Speaker 1: It's like spread between morning, midday, night, and then an
Speaker 1: antibiotic that you take like in a few days after
Speaker 1: doing your first injections. But again I didn't get that far.
Speaker 1: I just got all the lessons. I did make the
Speaker 1: mistake of researching, like how is that certain medication going
Speaker 1: to make me feel? And I know it can make
Speaker 1: you feel emotional and it can make you feel so
Speaker 1: many different things, and I hadn't felt any of that.
Speaker 1: I just felt really hot. I got like a lot
Speaker 1: of hot flashes. The next morning, I did it again,
Speaker 1: and I was supposed to do another one at night,
Speaker 1: and I just decided that I couldn't because I did
Speaker 1: not have peace. That's how I decided a lot of
Speaker 1: things that I do in my life, Like I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: do I have peace? Do I feel happy about this?
Speaker 1: Do I feel just zen about it? And I did
Speaker 1: not feel zen. I said, it's not my time. Then
Speaker 1: it's just not my time, and I'm gonna try to
Speaker 1: just do and make certain life changes for the next year,
Speaker 1: and if it happens, it happens. I'm not on birth control.
Speaker 1: So that's basically what I decided. And you know what's
Speaker 1: crazy is that I was a little scared to tell
Speaker 1: the Meilio that I had decided not to go through
Speaker 1: with it because I remember the morning after I did
Speaker 1: my first shot, the day after Jennica's birthday party, I
Speaker 1: was in my restroom because that's where I meditate. Um,
Speaker 1: I was meditating, doing my whole ritual, my morning routine,
Speaker 1: and I came out of the restroom. I was like, dang,
Speaker 1: I'm scared to tell the media because I don't know
Speaker 1: what he's going to think. Like I usually and I
Speaker 1: love to finish what I start, so I felt in
Speaker 1: a way like I'm not finishing what I started, and
Speaker 1: I'm going back on my word is kind of how
Speaker 1: I felt. But I had a piece. It was crazy,
Speaker 1: you know, so I just I went and I he
Speaker 1: was laid in bed and I was like a medio.
Speaker 1: I decided not to do it, and he said, decided
Speaker 1: not to do what? And I said, I don't want
Speaker 1: to do I v is it okay, that's fine, that's fine.
Speaker 1: It's your body, and I support you. It was so easy,
Speaker 1: and he's like, babe, it's fine. I'm no one to
Speaker 1: tell you to do it or not to do it.
Speaker 1: And it felt good to have a partner that was like,
Speaker 1: gave me a hug because I cried a little bit.
Speaker 1: I'm like, I just I feel like I'm gonna let
Speaker 1: my doctor down and Jessica is going to be disappointed,
Speaker 1: and I just like, you know what I mean, because
Speaker 1: Jessica was kind of like holding my hand through the
Speaker 1: whole thing. But he hugged me. He says, this is
Speaker 1: your decision, it's not even mine. And it just felt
Speaker 1: so good, you know. I'm so blessed to be able
Speaker 1: to have a partner that doesn't pressure me and doesn't
Speaker 1: make me feel bad about maybe not going through with
Speaker 1: something or changing my mind, and but I was a
Speaker 1: little scared. I was nervous. But he took it very well.
Speaker 1: So that also gave me a lot of peace. And
Speaker 1: of course my doctor, doctor Gader, was very upset. He says,
Speaker 1: I think you're making a mistake, and I said, I understand,
Speaker 1: I get it. I said, look, if in a year
Speaker 1: doesn't happen on its own, then I will go see you.
Speaker 1: He says, okay, but remember what happens every year. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I know, and I'm okay with my decision. You guys,
Speaker 1: I said, Okay, that happened in October. I'll give myself
Speaker 1: so this October to say, okay, I either start I
Speaker 1: v F again or I'm just okay with maybe there's
Speaker 1: a possibility I'll never have children. But then again, I'm
Speaker 1: telling you guys, look, whether you want it or not,
Speaker 1: I was like, God, my year will be done, and
Speaker 1: that where I'm at, I'm kind of like, there may
Speaker 1: your will be done. God. Whatever is meant for me
Speaker 1: will happen, and I just need to take that stress
Speaker 1: off of my shoulders and stop feeling. And for a
Speaker 1: long time I was feeling like, oh my God, like
Speaker 1: my body is not functioning. I'm broken, quote unquote, and
Speaker 1: it's like no, like that's not what it is. And
Speaker 1: I'm not broken, and I'm okay and this is my decision,
Speaker 1: and I'm okay with this decision right now. I have
Speaker 1: peace with this decision. I completely felt like I felt
Speaker 1: like I was doing it for the wrong reasons. I
Speaker 1: was doing it because my doctor wanted me to do it.
Speaker 1: I was doing it because Jessica, you know, she is
Speaker 1: a little older than me, and she was like cheek,
Speaker 1: He's like, I'm suffering, like I really want to have
Speaker 1: a child, like and I was kind of where you're at.
Speaker 1: And she's like, and now I'm kind of like going
Speaker 1: through it, like you should really do it, Like she
Speaker 1: really wanted me to do it, so I didn't want
Speaker 1: to let them down. And I feel like that was
Speaker 1: the wrong reasons. I wasn't doing it because yes, this
Speaker 1: is what I want to do. This is like you
Speaker 1: know what I mean. I just was not emotionally and
Speaker 1: spiritually aligned with the process. So I'm gonna give myself time.
Speaker 1: So that's basically what it is. You guys, And I
Speaker 1: wanted to tell you guys this and share it with
Speaker 1: you because you guys have seen like on the reality shows,
Speaker 1: like when I went to go see Dr Gooder and
Speaker 1: then on the podcast I spoke to him and I
Speaker 1: was really like, yes, let's do it. And the time
Speaker 1: came and I just didn't feel like I was ready completely.
Speaker 1: I'll be honest with you, guys. I'll be honest. I
Speaker 1: think during the time when I started IVF, I felt
Speaker 1: again pressured. There's always in every interview, it's always when
Speaker 1: are you going to have kids? And you know, can
Speaker 1: you have kids? And in reality, like I feel like
Speaker 1: I know I can. It's not like I'm like infertile.
Speaker 1: I know that I could probably get pregnant. I just
Speaker 1: haven't really tried, you guys, I haven't really tried to
Speaker 1: get pregnant. There's ways and things that you could do
Speaker 1: to pregnant. I just haven't tried. And it's because I
Speaker 1: want to say, a percent of me is just not
Speaker 1: ready to have kids. And it could be because I
Speaker 1: raised my siblings. It could be because I'm living like
Speaker 1: the best time of my life and I'm working in
Speaker 1: my career is going so amazing that I just want
Speaker 1: to focus on that. I want to focus on myself
Speaker 1: for a while. Because I gave so much of my life,
Speaker 1: to my siblings, to my mom, and I don't regret it.
Speaker 1: But now I feel as it's it's my time and
Speaker 1: I want to travel to so many different places, and
Speaker 1: I have a partner that supports me, and I'm just
Speaker 1: living the life that I wanted to live for a
Speaker 1: very long time. And I know that I'm going to
Speaker 1: be an excellent mom if that's what God wants me
Speaker 1: to be and become. I know that my world is
Speaker 1: going to stop and so many things are going to
Speaker 1: change that I just don't know if I'm necessarily ready
Speaker 1: for that. But it is exhausting to be asked all
Speaker 1: the time and to feel that pressure of the world,
Speaker 1: and especially being a Latina, it's kind of like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: you're already in your thirties and you don't have kids,
Speaker 1: Like it's kind of like frowned upon. And it's like
Speaker 1: a lot of men and women, even women you know
Speaker 1: in our culture, are feel like, well, that's what you
Speaker 1: came to this life and this earth force to reproduce
Speaker 1: and yes and no, you know what I mean. Like,
Speaker 1: I feel like no one should feel pressured or feel
Speaker 1: like you need to have kids by this time or
Speaker 1: by this age and it's like, no, that's not fair,
Speaker 1: Like this is how there are so many children I
Speaker 1: feel like in the system because of course people are
Speaker 1: irresponsible or certain things happen in their life and they get,
Speaker 1: you know, pregnant, and then they don't want the child
Speaker 1: and that you know, it's just it's like that's a
Speaker 1: whole other episode I feel. But I feel like you're
Speaker 1: never going to be a percent ready to have a child,
Speaker 1: but you I feel like you need to be at
Speaker 1: least to say, Okay, yeah, I'm I want to have
Speaker 1: a kid. So it is exhausting now because it's like, dude,
Speaker 1: just let me live my life. Like in my mind,
Speaker 1: I've had four kids already, you know, my siblings, like
Speaker 1: I raised them, I help raise them, and I know
Speaker 1: what it is to do all that stuff, and I
Speaker 1: just want to take my time. And dude, Janet Jackson
Speaker 1: had her child, I think at fifty freaking j Loo
Speaker 1: had her twins at thirty nine. Mariah, I mean, I'm
Speaker 1: not comparing myself to these women, but hey, they're artists
Speaker 1: and it kind of just makes me and gives me
Speaker 1: hope and my nol my nel girl got pregnant. I
Speaker 1: don't know where at forty two, so I don't know,
Speaker 1: but it is exhausting, you guys to think about it.
Speaker 1: And now I think that's why I feel just relieved.
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I could breathe, like this is my decision,
Speaker 1: this is my body, this is my future, this is
Speaker 1: my fucking life, and I'm gonna do what I want
Speaker 1: to do when I want to do it. And when
Speaker 1: I did that, I just felt like this huge weight
Speaker 1: off of my shoulders and I was like, ah, ship, yes,
Speaker 1: I could breathe. God has my back, and I'm like, dude,
Speaker 1: I have faith. I know what God can do. I
Speaker 1: know God is a god of miracles, and if I
Speaker 1: meant to have a child, it's gonna happen. And once
Speaker 1: I did that, I had complete peace and I said, Okay, cool,
Speaker 1: and all the medication that I invested in it didn't
Speaker 1: go to waste, you guys. I gave it to Jessica.
Speaker 1: She's going to start I think her other round. I
Speaker 1: think she already started in January. And I gave it
Speaker 1: to her and I said, here, this is for you.
Speaker 1: And I felt good about giving her a gift because
Speaker 1: again it's expensive, and she was so happy she said,
Speaker 1: Oh my God, chicks, thank you, and you know, and
Speaker 1: I bless someone else's life. So that made me feel better.
Speaker 1: And now I don't feel so much pressure now. I
Speaker 1: I think that this year when they asked me, okay,
Speaker 1: are you chicken? Is only gonna have kids when God
Speaker 1: says that's what I'm gonna answer to support my children.
Speaker 1: When you give me money, then maybe I'll have kids.
Speaker 1: I don't know. That was a whole lot. Huh, it's
Speaker 1: a whole lot. But I just had to take myself
Speaker 1: back to that moment. And I get asked so much
Speaker 1: about kids, and I know a lot of people want
Speaker 1: to see one of my children, especially Johnny. Johnny really
Speaker 1: really wants me to have kids. He thinks it's going
Speaker 1: to happen this year. He's like, I don't know, but
Speaker 1: it's gonna happen. Is a year you're gonna get pregnant.
Speaker 1: It's going to be a girl. And he thinks that
Speaker 1: my mother is going to reincarnate in my child. That
Speaker 1: is what Johnny says. It might sound crazy. I don't know,
Speaker 1: but a lot of the things that this kid says
Speaker 1: comes true. He's very spiritually connected as well, So I
Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know. I'm leaving it in God times,
Speaker 1: you guys, But if you ask me what I do
Speaker 1: IVF again, yes I would. I would definitely try it.
Speaker 1: If I am spiritually, mentally and physically ready, I will
Speaker 1: do it. Do I recommend it, Yes, I do recommend it,
Speaker 1: and I do recommend for you to speak to a
Speaker 1: fertility doctor. Go to the fertility doctor. Asked all those
Speaker 1: questions because there's a lot of stuff that I still
Speaker 1: don't know in all of medical terms that I don't
Speaker 1: know how to even pronounce. But it is important that
Speaker 1: you see a doctor if this is what you want
Speaker 1: to do. And I think it's a beautiful thing that
Speaker 1: we have this available, and um, I feel good about
Speaker 1: my decision, I really do, all right. So that's my
Speaker 1: experience with IVF. I think it's a great option for
Speaker 1: a lot of women. I just didn't think it was
Speaker 1: right for me for my journey. And once again, guys,
Speaker 1: my story is not a substitute for medical vice, so
Speaker 1: it's important to do your own research and talk to
Speaker 1: a medical professional. Thank you guys so much for listening
Speaker 1: to my story, Like always MUCHO, and I hope it
Speaker 1: helps some of you in some way, some way, somehow.
Speaker 1: Now let's get into some words of inspiration. It's time
Speaker 1: for my motivational quote. I feel like this quote is
Speaker 1: very fitting for today's conversation. My own approval is all
Speaker 1: I need. My own approval is all I need. And you, guys,
Speaker 1: that's what it is. Your decision, your life, your consequences,
Speaker 1: you guys. So that is a quote. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much again for being here with me. It feels so
Speaker 1: good to be able to talk to you guys about
Speaker 1: anything and everything and just let it all out to
Speaker 1: your on Chickens and Chill and just it's it's always
Speaker 1: just a form of therapy. Thank you guys for listening,
Speaker 1: and I will see you in the next episode of
Speaker 1: Chickens and Chew sit those do you need advice on love, relationships,
Speaker 1: health emas. I'm so excited to share with you that
Speaker 1: my Cheeks and Chill podcast will have an extra episode
Speaker 1: drop each week. I'll be answering all your questions. Just
Speaker 1: leave me a voice message. All you have to do
Speaker 1: is go to speak pipe dot com slash Cheeks and
Speaker 1: Chill podcast and record your questions. I can't wait to
Speaker 1: hear from you. This is a production of I Heart
Speaker 1: Radio and the Michael Dura podcast Network. Follow us on
Speaker 1: Instagram at Michael Dura Podcasts and follow me Cheeks That's
Speaker 1: c h i q u i s. For more podcast
Speaker 1: from My Heart, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast,
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast, and check
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