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Speaker 1: I think that IBF is a beautiful thing if it's

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Speaker 1: right for you. I'm not opposed to it. I tried it,

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Speaker 1: and I think it's a blessing. I took the time off,

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Speaker 1: I purchased the medication, I went to the doctor's appointments.

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Speaker 1: Everything is ready to go. I'm ready for this. Mentally,

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Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, let's do this. Even women in

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Speaker 1: our culture are I feel like, well, that's what you

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Speaker 1: came to. This life s force to reproduce. And I

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Speaker 1: feel like no one should feel pressured or feel like

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Speaker 1: you need to have kids by this time or by

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Speaker 1: this age. Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode of

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Speaker 1: Cheese and Chill. I'm so happy to have you here

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Speaker 1: with me. Today's episode is going to address a question

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Speaker 1: I get asked a lot. I'm constantly being asked if

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Speaker 1: I wanted to have kids. I've even done an episode

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Speaker 1: with my fertility doctor on freezing my eggs. Go check

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Speaker 1: that episode out. Now. I haven't frozen my eggs, but

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Speaker 1: I did recently try in vitro fertilization or IVF. You

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Speaker 1: guys know I'm always open and honest with you guys.

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Speaker 1: So today I'm going to share my experience, and we'll

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Speaker 1: also talk about what's next for me. So let's get

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Speaker 1: into this episode. This is cheek ease and chill. Alright,

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Speaker 1: let me take a deep breath for this one, you guys. Okay,

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Speaker 1: So I think we should probably start from the top.

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Speaker 1: But before we get into it, I want to say

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Speaker 1: this episode should not be taken as medical advice. Please

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Speaker 1: do your own research and consult with the doctor to

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Speaker 1: see if this treatment is right for you. Okay, alright,

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Speaker 1: So why I VF? Well why not? I think that

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Speaker 1: IVF is a beautiful thing. That is my personal opinion.

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Speaker 1: I think that it's a great thing if it's right

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Speaker 1: for you. I'm not opposed to it. I tried it,

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Speaker 1: and I think it's a blessing that we have this

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Speaker 1: opportunity and this way of being able to freeze your

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Speaker 1: eggs and taking that pressure off your time clock, your

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Speaker 1: inner womanly time clock is what we call it, you know,

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Speaker 1: because I feel very young. I feel very young. I

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Speaker 1: feel that I look very young, but my body, my insides,

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Speaker 1: my organs, my ovaries, my fertility clock is telling me

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Speaker 1: something different, you know. So I think that having IVF

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Speaker 1: is a great option, and I think that you need

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Speaker 1: to be mentally ready for that and emotionally ready for that.

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Speaker 1: You do need to go to a doctor, a professional

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Speaker 1: doctor that you know specializes in this. And Dr Gadir,

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Speaker 1: who you guys have met here on Cheeks and Chill.

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Speaker 1: He's a great doctor. He's amazing, he's very successful at

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Speaker 1: what he does. UM, so you do definitely need to

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Speaker 1: go and see a doctor, and they're going to do

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Speaker 1: blood work and check your levels and check to see

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Speaker 1: I don't know all the terms, you guys, which is

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Speaker 1: why I'm like, Okay, I can't give you my iCal advice,

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Speaker 1: but I know that they draw blood and they check

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Speaker 1: to see basically how many eggs you have. You know

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Speaker 1: what I mean, because we all have a certain amount,

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Speaker 1: we're born with a certain amount, and with every period

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Speaker 1: will we lose one. And I have endometriosis and I've

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Speaker 1: also had assists in my ovaries, so that also has

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Speaker 1: affected my egg production. I would recommend if you want

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Speaker 1: to have children, if you've had difficulty getting pregnant, go

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Speaker 1: see a fertility doctor. There are so many, especially in

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Speaker 1: l A and everywhere in reality, but it is a

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Speaker 1: process and sometimes it's fairly quick. You have to be

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Speaker 1: on your period when they do these tests, by the way,

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Speaker 1: and yeah, so I tried it and I didn't go

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Speaker 1: through with it. I didn't finish. And that's one thing

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Speaker 1: that I'm gonna which is why I feel like I

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Speaker 1: need to be honest with you guys, because I shared

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Speaker 1: that episode with Dr Ader, my fertility doctor, and I said, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I was going to give myself a certain amount of

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Speaker 1: time to do it, and that I was going to

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Speaker 1: do it, and I I, did, you know, come through

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Speaker 1: with that part of you know, the bargain. I said, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I started it, and then it just did not feel

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Speaker 1: right in my heart. But we'll get we'll get back

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Speaker 1: to that right now. But when I started IVF, I

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Speaker 1: spoke to so many people. This has been a crazy

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Speaker 1: process for me. It's been i want to say, three

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Speaker 1: or four years from the very first time I had

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Speaker 1: met Dr Gader and I went in there and if

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Speaker 1: it wasn't one thing, it was another. It was as cists.

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Speaker 1: And they couldn't start my medication because if not, it

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Speaker 1: was going to make the cists grow. So I had

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Speaker 1: to get that removed and then it grew back, and

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Speaker 1: then I had to get it surgically removed again. It

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Speaker 1: was just crazy. And then I got separated and got divorced,

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Speaker 1: and I was like, Okay, I don't want to have kids.

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Speaker 1: I kind of put it on the back burner for

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Speaker 1: a little bit, and then I restarted again, not necessarily

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Speaker 1: because I want to have children, but because like right

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Speaker 1: now I'm saying I don't want to have children, like

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Speaker 1: right this minute, but because again I have endometriosis. And

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Speaker 1: Dr Gadera was saying, every year that goes by the

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Speaker 1: level of your egg production goes down crazy ZL like

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Speaker 1: with when we I think it's like thirty three where

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Speaker 1: you really have to like make this a priority if

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Speaker 1: you don't want to have children now, but you want

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Speaker 1: to have children in the future. This is why egg

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Speaker 1: freezing exists, is because this is just how our body works.

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Speaker 1: So anyways, I talked to my grandma about it once.

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Speaker 1: I talked to my sisters about it, even Jackie, my sister.

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Speaker 1: She had said, Okay, if you if your body can't

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Speaker 1: or you're working too much, I will be a surrogate.

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Speaker 1: I mean, like, this has been an ongoing conversation. And

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Speaker 1: I talked to my grandma about it way back when

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Speaker 1: when we were on speaking terms to be honest, because

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Speaker 1: my ex husband's mom didn't agree with it. For her,

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Speaker 1: it was that's not the way it should be, That's

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Speaker 1: not God's way, and I don't want my grandchildren to

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Speaker 1: be frozen. She just saw I saw it in a

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Speaker 1: different way. And my grandma is a little bit more

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Speaker 1: open minded and she is a very religious woman. So

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Speaker 1: I spoke to her and she said, look, do whatever

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Speaker 1: you need to do. So she supported it. So I

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Speaker 1: spoke to everyone when I started a emilio I you know,

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Speaker 1: I was very honest and I was like, I don't

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Speaker 1: know if I want to have kids anytime soon. Um,

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Speaker 1: We've had a very open conversation and he says, okay,

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Speaker 1: it's fine with me. And then I brought up the

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Speaker 1: whole IVF thing again because I was like, okay, Dr

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Speaker 1: Coder sent me another text message. He would send me

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Speaker 1: a text message like every two months, like hello, and

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Speaker 1: I've been working so much, thank goodness. So which is

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Speaker 1: why I would kind of just like, okay, wait, I'm

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Speaker 1: gonna take some time off because you know, you could bloat.

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Speaker 1: You are very emotional. I hear you know friends that

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Speaker 1: have done it, Like when you're doing IVF, you get

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Speaker 1: very sensitive, you get bloated. It's just it's a lot.

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Speaker 1: You're injecting yourself with, like a crazy amount of hormones.

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Speaker 1: Which is why I was like, wait, I come out

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Speaker 1: on TV. I'm constantly on stage, like I just want

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Speaker 1: to make sure I have time for it. So anyways,

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Speaker 1: Emilia was very supportive. He said, look, if you feel

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Speaker 1: that that's what you want to do, I'm going to

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Speaker 1: support it whatever it is that you want to do.

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Speaker 1: So he's very supportive. He also felt that we could

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Speaker 1: do it on our own naturally, but he was a

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Speaker 1: d and ten percent like, do it whatever is going

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Speaker 1: to make you happy and make you feel safe and

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Speaker 1: sure about your future, because I'm not gonna lie. He

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Speaker 1: is younger, as you guys know. He's seven years younger.

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Speaker 1: My boyfriend, Emilia is seven years younger than me. So

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Speaker 1: I do worry that what if one day I'm just

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Speaker 1: like not able to at all, and I want to

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Speaker 1: have that option. So another question, before I moved forward,

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Speaker 1: a lot of people ask me if it's expensive, and

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Speaker 1: it could be expensive, it could be, and and it is,

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Speaker 1: it's anywhere from I believe it's fifteen dollars around of

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Speaker 1: IVF so it is pricey. Just the medication alone was

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Speaker 1: six thousand dollars. So when I went to see the

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Speaker 1: doctor and they checked on my levels for like the

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Speaker 1: sixth time in these four years, thank goodness, instead of

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Speaker 1: my levels going down, you guys, they actually went up,

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Speaker 1: which is crazy. Dr Deer was very very surprised as well.

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Speaker 1: You seem to be a little better. I think it's

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Speaker 1: because I've lost weight. I'm like eating differently as well.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, but anyways, I bought all the medication.

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Speaker 1: I spoke to nurses and I saw videos on YouTube

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Speaker 1: how to inject myself because you have to inject yourself.

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Speaker 1: So that was the medication with six thousand dollars. So

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Speaker 1: that's one part, and then the doctor's fee and then

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Speaker 1: the surgical part of it when they you know, retrieve

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Speaker 1: the eggs and then freezing them and then storing them.

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Speaker 1: So it could be costly, but then again, it's like

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Speaker 1: having a child is priceless too, So yeah, I kind

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Speaker 1: of did want to cover that because a lot of

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Speaker 1: people have asked me if if it's if it's costly,

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Speaker 1: So I guess it's just all and how you see it,

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Speaker 1: and it is a good investment, especially if you want

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Speaker 1: to have children and you want to take that pressure off.

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Speaker 1: That's why a lot of my friends have done it.

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Speaker 1: They feel like, I don't necessarily want to have kids

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Speaker 1: right now. They're very goal oriented and they have their

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Speaker 1: careers and stuff, and and they're just like, I don't

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Speaker 1: want to have kids now, but I want to have

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Speaker 1: the option of if I can't get pregnant in a

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Speaker 1: few years, I have my eggs, you know. So, And

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Speaker 1: that's how I felt. I started the process in October.

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Speaker 1: I had taken the time off, I had set the

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Speaker 1: time aside um. The last three weeks of October, I said, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to take off. I'm going to do this.

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Speaker 1: I had spoken to Jessica, my makeup artist, who has

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Speaker 1: done like about four I believe IVF treatments, and she's

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Speaker 1: an expert. She has done a lot of research, and

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Speaker 1: I spoke to her and she helped me so much.

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Speaker 1: She actually was the one that helped me with my medication,

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Speaker 1: because you kind of have to like put it together,

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Speaker 1: you have to measure it, you have to inject yourself.

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Speaker 1: In the beginning, it's one injection like the first three days,

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Speaker 1: and then after that it becomes like three or four

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Speaker 1: something like that. Anyways, I only made it through one day,

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Speaker 1: so I was I felt ready. Mentally, I had mentally

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Speaker 1: prepared myself to say, Okay, I'm going to do it

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Speaker 1: in October, this is it. I took the time off,

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Speaker 1: I purchased the medication, I went to the doctor's a

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Speaker 1: point mints. I spoke to Jessica, everything is ready to go.

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Speaker 1: I'm ready for this. Mentally, I was like, Okay, let's

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Speaker 1: do this. I realized that emotionally I was not ready.

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Speaker 1: You guys, I was angry. And I feel that when

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Speaker 1: you're going to do this process, you need to be

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Speaker 1: mentally physically, because you got to go to the doctors

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Speaker 1: and make sure you're good, emotionally ready and also spiritually ready.

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Speaker 1: And I feel like spiritually and emotionally I was not there.

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Speaker 1: I remember giving myself the first injection and I was

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Speaker 1: just pissed. I had gotten my period early, first of all,

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Speaker 1: so I still wasn't completely off. I had a show,

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Speaker 1: so I had timed everything according to my period. I

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Speaker 1: usually get in the middle of the month, but I

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Speaker 1: got it early in the month in October, so I

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Speaker 1: had to start early. Because you have to start, like

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Speaker 1: when your period starts. So it was just I was

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Speaker 1: kind of frustrated because I'm like, okay, I have First

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Speaker 1: of all, I have a party, had Jenica's birthday party.

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Speaker 1: So when you're doing this, you can't rink alcohol, you

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Speaker 1: know what I mean. So there's certain things you can do.

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Speaker 1: So I was just like, what the heck, I have

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Speaker 1: Jessica's party, this is her birthday, Like I want to enjoy.

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Speaker 1: I couldn't really drink, and then I had a show,

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Speaker 1: so it just kind of messed up the whole schedule.

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Speaker 1: So that kind of threw me off. It kind of

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Speaker 1: pissed me off, to be honest. So I was injecting

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Speaker 1: myself and I remember praying and I was meditating the

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Speaker 1: day before I started, and I just didn't have peace,

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Speaker 1: you guys, I didn't have peace in my heart. I

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Speaker 1: just did not What kept coming was change your eating habits.

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Speaker 1: I started micro dosing. I kind of mentioned this in

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Speaker 1: another episode and I want to have an episode on that.

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Speaker 1: We'll talk about that later. But I felt like I

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Speaker 1: needed to heal my body naturally. It's crazy because for

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Speaker 1: an event that I had the week before I started,

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Speaker 1: the IVF Jessica was doing my makeup, and she hired

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Speaker 1: this other girl to do our hair because I think

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Speaker 1: it was a Carold G concert that I was going

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Speaker 1: to the Carold G concert and Tony, my regular hair stylist,

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Speaker 1: wasn't available for whatever reason, so she brought a friend

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Speaker 1: of hers. It was the first time I had met her,

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Speaker 1: and of course me, I'm always asking questions. And I said, oh,

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Speaker 1: how many kids do you have? And she said, oh,

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Speaker 1: I have a son and he's nine years old something

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Speaker 1: like that. And then I said, you want to have

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Speaker 1: any more kids? And she says, well, actually, I'm pregnant.

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Speaker 1: Jessica do didn't even know she was pregnant, and I said,

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Speaker 1: oh my god, you're pregnant. She was like yes, She's like,

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Speaker 1: I haven't told anyone. She said she was thirty eight

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Speaker 1: years old, and she said it was just a surprise.

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Speaker 1: She says, I just never thought that I could get

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Speaker 1: pregnant again. And my husband and I were having a

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Speaker 1: protected sex and I would just wouldn' get pregnant. So

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Speaker 1: I thought, okay, well I'm not gonna get pregnant. She's like,

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden, I got pregnant. She's like and

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Speaker 1: I'm happy, but I'm also like, what the heck, I'm

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Speaker 1: thirty eight years old, my son is older, I'm starting

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Speaker 1: all over. So I just felt it. I was like, wow,

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Speaker 1: then it could happen. And then there was a forty

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Speaker 1: two year old lady, my nail lady. I've known her

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Speaker 1: for ten years, and her and her husband she just

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Speaker 1: wouldning get pregnant, and all of a sudden, I see

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Speaker 1: her after a few months because I go to different

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Speaker 1: al salons and I hadn't seen it in a while,

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Speaker 1: and she's freaking six months pregnant, and she's like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, it was a surprise. I'm having a girl

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Speaker 1: on forty two. I am so tired, but I'm so happy,

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Speaker 1: Like we weren't expecting it. So I'm just like, dude,

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Speaker 1: my body can do it. Is this how I felt.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, if I really want to have a child,

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Speaker 1: and God really wants that for me, then He's going

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Speaker 1: to make it happen. Like, no matter what is going

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Speaker 1: on in my body, even if I have two eggs

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Speaker 1: left in my entire body and my ovaries, I feel

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Speaker 1: like God is going to make it happen if he

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Speaker 1: wants to fertilize that egg it's going to happen. So

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Speaker 1: that's kind of where I'm at, and that's kind of

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Speaker 1: what I felt because I injected myself the first night,

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Speaker 1: the day of Jennica's birthday party was the first actually

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Speaker 1: the injection was October eight. I injected myself. It wasn't painful,

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Speaker 1: it was fine. There are some oral pills that you

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Speaker 1: have to take a lot of it. Our injections in

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Speaker 1: your abdomen very teeny tiny, like very small needles the

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Speaker 1: size of of I don't know if you guys have

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Speaker 1: ever gotten botox, but if you've gotten botox, it's like

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Speaker 1: they're very tiny needles. You have to squeeze your tummy

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Speaker 1: and you have to like it's around your belly button area.

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Speaker 1: So you do it one time on your left side

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Speaker 1: of the belly button, on the other the other time

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Speaker 1: that you have to inject on the right side. It

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Speaker 1: doesn't hurt at all. One of them stings, like the

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Speaker 1: solution that you inject kind of stings a little bit.

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Speaker 1: And the only thing I felt, because really it was

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Speaker 1: like three injections that I did, I just felt very hot.

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Speaker 1: I felt like just really really hot. And you do

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Speaker 1: have the choice of going into the doctor's office every

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Speaker 1: day and having someone do it for you, or you

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Speaker 1: can have a nurse come to your home that you

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Speaker 1: would have to hire to inject you. But in reality,

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Speaker 1: like I'm not very scared of needles, and it didn't

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Speaker 1: hurt that bad because the needle was very very tiny,

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Speaker 1: and my doctor had like YouTube videos and a nurse

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Speaker 1: that you can talk to and I could just like

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Speaker 1: I had so many questions because I was so nervous,

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Speaker 1: how it can I eat this? Can I drink this?

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Speaker 1: And like, so they were like on call. I could

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Speaker 1: just text them. Um, so they're very very helpful. But

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Speaker 1: in reality, it didn't the injections didn't hurt. I mean,

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Speaker 1: Jessica told me obviously because she she did it. She

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Speaker 1: went through like the whole process. You do get a

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Speaker 1: little sore in that area, and obviously you start getting

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Speaker 1: bloated and like your abdomen because like all of your

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Speaker 1: eggs are getting super big. They're going from like being

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Speaker 1: teeny tiny to like growing because that's how they want

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Speaker 1: them to just inflate and get really big and strong

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Speaker 1: so that when they retrieve them remove them, they're nice

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Speaker 1: and plump, you know what I mean, So that they

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Speaker 1: don't affect what's in sight, so that's how they explained

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Speaker 1: it to me. But you do have the choice of

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Speaker 1: going into the doctor's office and doing it every day.

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Speaker 1: It just wasn't convenient for me, so I was like,

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Speaker 1: I'm just gonna do it myself, you know, because I'm

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Speaker 1: gangster and I'm not scared. So but I mean, I

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Speaker 1: get it. Some people have phobia of like needles, but

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Speaker 1: that was in my case. Um, But other than that,

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Speaker 1: I mean, yeah, it was. It's a lot of medication,

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Speaker 1: but you don't have to take it all at once.

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Speaker 1: It's like spread between morning, midday, night, and then an

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Speaker 1: antibiotic that you take like in a few days after

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Speaker 1: doing your first injections. But again I didn't get that far.

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Speaker 1: I just got all the lessons. I did make the

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Speaker 1: mistake of researching, like how is that certain medication going

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Speaker 1: to make me feel? And I know it can make

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Speaker 1: you feel emotional and it can make you feel so

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Speaker 1: many different things, and I hadn't felt any of that.

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Speaker 1: I just felt really hot. I got like a lot

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Speaker 1: of hot flashes. The next morning, I did it again,

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Speaker 1: and I was supposed to do another one at night,

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Speaker 1: and I just decided that I couldn't because I did

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Speaker 1: not have peace. That's how I decided a lot of

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Speaker 1: things that I do in my life, Like I'm like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: do I have peace? Do I feel happy about this?

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Speaker 1: Do I feel just zen about it? And I did

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Speaker 1: not feel zen. I said, it's not my time. Then

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Speaker 1: it's just not my time, and I'm gonna try to

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Speaker 1: just do and make certain life changes for the next year,

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Speaker 1: and if it happens, it happens. I'm not on birth control.

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Speaker 1: So that's basically what I decided. And you know what's

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Speaker 1: crazy is that I was a little scared to tell

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Speaker 1: the Meilio that I had decided not to go through

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Speaker 1: with it because I remember the morning after I did

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Speaker 1: my first shot, the day after Jennica's birthday party, I

347
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:03,680
Speaker 1: was in my restroom because that's where I meditate. Um,

348
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Speaker 1: I was meditating, doing my whole ritual, my morning routine,

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Speaker 1: and I came out of the restroom. I was like, dang,

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Speaker 1: I'm scared to tell the media because I don't know

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Speaker 1: what he's going to think. Like I usually and I

352
00:17:12,960 --> 00:17:15,159
Speaker 1: love to finish what I start, so I felt in

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Speaker 1: a way like I'm not finishing what I started, and

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Speaker 1: I'm going back on my word is kind of how

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Speaker 1: I felt. But I had a piece. It was crazy,

356
00:17:23,440 --> 00:17:25,399
Speaker 1: you know, so I just I went and I he

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Speaker 1: was laid in bed and I was like a medio.

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Speaker 1: I decided not to do it, and he said, decided

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Speaker 1: not to do what? And I said, I don't want

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Speaker 1: to do I v is it okay, that's fine, that's fine.

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Speaker 1: It's your body, and I support you. It was so easy,

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Speaker 1: and he's like, babe, it's fine. I'm no one to

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Speaker 1: tell you to do it or not to do it.

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Speaker 1: And it felt good to have a partner that was like,

365
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Speaker 1: gave me a hug because I cried a little bit.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I just I feel like I'm gonna let

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Speaker 1: my doctor down and Jessica is going to be disappointed,

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Speaker 1: and I just like, you know what I mean, because

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Speaker 1: Jessica was kind of like holding my hand through the

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Speaker 1: whole thing. But he hugged me. He says, this is

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Speaker 1: your decision, it's not even mine. And it just felt

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Speaker 1: so good, you know. I'm so blessed to be able

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Speaker 1: to have a partner that doesn't pressure me and doesn't

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Speaker 1: make me feel bad about maybe not going through with

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Speaker 1: something or changing my mind, and but I was a

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Speaker 1: little scared. I was nervous. But he took it very well.

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Speaker 1: So that also gave me a lot of peace. And

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Speaker 1: of course my doctor, doctor Gader, was very upset. He says,

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Speaker 1: I think you're making a mistake, and I said, I understand,

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Speaker 1: I get it. I said, look, if in a year

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00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:33,280
Speaker 1: doesn't happen on its own, then I will go see you.

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Speaker 1: He says, okay, but remember what happens every year. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I know, and I'm okay with my decision. You guys,

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Speaker 1: I said, Okay, that happened in October. I'll give myself

385
00:18:42,080 --> 00:18:46,520
Speaker 1: so this October to say, okay, I either start I

386
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Speaker 1: v F again or I'm just okay with maybe there's

387
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:53,000
Speaker 1: a possibility I'll never have children. But then again, I'm

388
00:18:53,040 --> 00:18:57,280
Speaker 1: telling you guys, look, whether you want it or not,

389
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Speaker 1: I was like, God, my year will be done, and

390
00:18:59,840 --> 00:19:02,480
Speaker 1: that where I'm at, I'm kind of like, there may

391
00:19:02,520 --> 00:19:05,199
Speaker 1: your will be done. God. Whatever is meant for me

392
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:07,840
Speaker 1: will happen, and I just need to take that stress

393
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:10,080
Speaker 1: off of my shoulders and stop feeling. And for a

394
00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:11,760
Speaker 1: long time I was feeling like, oh my God, like

395
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Speaker 1: my body is not functioning. I'm broken, quote unquote, and

396
00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:18,800
Speaker 1: it's like no, like that's not what it is. And

397
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Speaker 1: I'm not broken, and I'm okay and this is my decision,

398
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:24,320
Speaker 1: and I'm okay with this decision right now. I have

399
00:19:24,440 --> 00:19:27,960
Speaker 1: peace with this decision. I completely felt like I felt

400
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:29,679
Speaker 1: like I was doing it for the wrong reasons. I

401
00:19:29,760 --> 00:19:31,639
Speaker 1: was doing it because my doctor wanted me to do it.

402
00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:36,040
Speaker 1: I was doing it because Jessica, you know, she is

403
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Speaker 1: a little older than me, and she was like cheek,

404
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,480
Speaker 1: He's like, I'm suffering, like I really want to have

405
00:19:39,520 --> 00:19:41,920
Speaker 1: a child, like and I was kind of where you're at.

406
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:43,680
Speaker 1: And she's like, and now I'm kind of like going

407
00:19:43,720 --> 00:19:45,399
Speaker 1: through it, like you should really do it, Like she

408
00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:47,080
Speaker 1: really wanted me to do it, so I didn't want

409
00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:50,080
Speaker 1: to let them down. And I feel like that was

410
00:19:50,080 --> 00:19:52,159
Speaker 1: the wrong reasons. I wasn't doing it because yes, this

411
00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:53,800
Speaker 1: is what I want to do. This is like you

412
00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:56,320
Speaker 1: know what I mean. I just was not emotionally and

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Speaker 1: spiritually aligned with the process. So I'm gonna give myself time.

414
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:02,600
Speaker 1: So that's basically what it is. You guys, And I

415
00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:04,359
Speaker 1: wanted to tell you guys this and share it with

416
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Speaker 1: you because you guys have seen like on the reality shows,

417
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Speaker 1: like when I went to go see Dr Gooder and

418
00:20:09,320 --> 00:20:11,600
Speaker 1: then on the podcast I spoke to him and I

419
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:14,720
Speaker 1: was really like, yes, let's do it. And the time

420
00:20:14,760 --> 00:20:18,960
Speaker 1: came and I just didn't feel like I was ready completely.

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Speaker 1: I'll be honest with you, guys. I'll be honest. I

422
00:20:28,840 --> 00:20:34,520
Speaker 1: think during the time when I started IVF, I felt

423
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:42,080
Speaker 1: again pressured. There's always in every interview, it's always when

424
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Speaker 1: are you going to have kids? And you know, can

425
00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:49,160
Speaker 1: you have kids? And in reality, like I feel like

426
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,600
Speaker 1: I know I can. It's not like I'm like infertile.

427
00:20:53,520 --> 00:20:55,199
Speaker 1: I know that I could probably get pregnant. I just

428
00:20:55,240 --> 00:20:57,800
Speaker 1: haven't really tried, you guys, I haven't really tried to

429
00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,760
Speaker 1: get pregnant. There's ways and things that you could do

430
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:03,439
Speaker 1: to pregnant. I just haven't tried. And it's because I

431
00:21:03,480 --> 00:21:06,040
Speaker 1: want to say, a percent of me is just not

432
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:08,080
Speaker 1: ready to have kids. And it could be because I

433
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:10,840
Speaker 1: raised my siblings. It could be because I'm living like

434
00:21:10,920 --> 00:21:14,399
Speaker 1: the best time of my life and I'm working in

435
00:21:14,440 --> 00:21:17,520
Speaker 1: my career is going so amazing that I just want

436
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:19,760
Speaker 1: to focus on that. I want to focus on myself

437
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:22,720
Speaker 1: for a while. Because I gave so much of my life,

438
00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:24,879
Speaker 1: to my siblings, to my mom, and I don't regret it.

439
00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:26,840
Speaker 1: But now I feel as it's it's my time and

440
00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:30,359
Speaker 1: I want to travel to so many different places, and

441
00:21:30,400 --> 00:21:32,600
Speaker 1: I have a partner that supports me, and I'm just

442
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:35,639
Speaker 1: living the life that I wanted to live for a

443
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:39,119
Speaker 1: very long time. And I know that I'm going to

444
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:42,639
Speaker 1: be an excellent mom if that's what God wants me

445
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:45,040
Speaker 1: to be and become. I know that my world is

446
00:21:45,040 --> 00:21:46,639
Speaker 1: going to stop and so many things are going to

447
00:21:46,760 --> 00:21:49,240
Speaker 1: change that I just don't know if I'm necessarily ready

448
00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:52,480
Speaker 1: for that. But it is exhausting to be asked all

449
00:21:52,480 --> 00:21:54,760
Speaker 1: the time and to feel that pressure of the world,

450
00:21:54,880 --> 00:21:57,840
Speaker 1: and especially being a Latina, it's kind of like, oh, well,

451
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,240
Speaker 1: you're already in your thirties and you don't have kids,

452
00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:02,119
Speaker 1: Like it's kind of like frowned upon. And it's like

453
00:22:02,200 --> 00:22:05,240
Speaker 1: a lot of men and women, even women you know

454
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,359
Speaker 1: in our culture, are feel like, well, that's what you

455
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:11,199
Speaker 1: came to this life and this earth force to reproduce

456
00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:14,040
Speaker 1: and yes and no, you know what I mean. Like,

457
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:16,800
Speaker 1: I feel like no one should feel pressured or feel

458
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:18,600
Speaker 1: like you need to have kids by this time or

459
00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:21,560
Speaker 1: by this age and it's like, no, that's not fair,

460
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:25,520
Speaker 1: Like this is how there are so many children I

461
00:22:25,520 --> 00:22:28,520
Speaker 1: feel like in the system because of course people are

462
00:22:28,840 --> 00:22:31,800
Speaker 1: irresponsible or certain things happen in their life and they get,

463
00:22:31,960 --> 00:22:33,640
Speaker 1: you know, pregnant, and then they don't want the child

464
00:22:33,720 --> 00:22:35,879
Speaker 1: and that you know, it's just it's like that's a

465
00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:38,680
Speaker 1: whole other episode I feel. But I feel like you're

466
00:22:38,680 --> 00:22:40,639
Speaker 1: never going to be a percent ready to have a child,

467
00:22:40,760 --> 00:22:42,400
Speaker 1: but you I feel like you need to be at

468
00:22:42,440 --> 00:22:46,760
Speaker 1: least to say, Okay, yeah, I'm I want to have

469
00:22:46,800 --> 00:22:49,560
Speaker 1: a kid. So it is exhausting now because it's like, dude,

470
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:52,000
Speaker 1: just let me live my life. Like in my mind,

471
00:22:52,040 --> 00:22:54,320
Speaker 1: I've had four kids already, you know, my siblings, like

472
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:56,800
Speaker 1: I raised them, I help raise them, and I know

473
00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:58,239
Speaker 1: what it is to do all that stuff, and I

474
00:22:58,280 --> 00:23:01,679
Speaker 1: just want to take my time. And dude, Janet Jackson

475
00:23:01,680 --> 00:23:05,119
Speaker 1: had her child, I think at fifty freaking j Loo

476
00:23:05,200 --> 00:23:08,360
Speaker 1: had her twins at thirty nine. Mariah, I mean, I'm

477
00:23:08,359 --> 00:23:10,480
Speaker 1: not comparing myself to these women, but hey, they're artists

478
00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:12,240
Speaker 1: and it kind of just makes me and gives me

479
00:23:12,280 --> 00:23:14,359
Speaker 1: hope and my nol my nel girl got pregnant. I

480
00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:17,399
Speaker 1: don't know where at forty two, so I don't know,

481
00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:20,119
Speaker 1: but it is exhausting, you guys to think about it.

482
00:23:20,240 --> 00:23:23,480
Speaker 1: And now I think that's why I feel just relieved.

483
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:27,320
Speaker 1: And I'm like, I could breathe, like this is my decision,

484
00:23:27,400 --> 00:23:30,560
Speaker 1: this is my body, this is my future, this is

485
00:23:30,600 --> 00:23:34,920
Speaker 1: my fucking life, and I'm gonna do what I want

486
00:23:34,920 --> 00:23:38,040
Speaker 1: to do when I want to do it. And when

487
00:23:38,080 --> 00:23:41,399
Speaker 1: I did that, I just felt like this huge weight

488
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:44,399
Speaker 1: off of my shoulders and I was like, ah, ship, yes,

489
00:23:44,720 --> 00:23:47,359
Speaker 1: I could breathe. God has my back, and I'm like, dude,

490
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:49,439
Speaker 1: I have faith. I know what God can do. I

491
00:23:49,480 --> 00:23:51,520
Speaker 1: know God is a god of miracles, and if I

492
00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:54,200
Speaker 1: meant to have a child, it's gonna happen. And once

493
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:56,760
Speaker 1: I did that, I had complete peace and I said, Okay, cool,

494
00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:59,840
Speaker 1: and all the medication that I invested in it didn't

495
00:23:59,840 --> 00:24:01,760
Speaker 1: go to waste, you guys. I gave it to Jessica.

496
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,159
Speaker 1: She's going to start I think her other round. I

497
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:07,040
Speaker 1: think she already started in January. And I gave it

498
00:24:07,080 --> 00:24:09,240
Speaker 1: to her and I said, here, this is for you.

499
00:24:09,280 --> 00:24:11,440
Speaker 1: And I felt good about giving her a gift because

500
00:24:11,440 --> 00:24:14,560
Speaker 1: again it's expensive, and she was so happy she said,

501
00:24:14,560 --> 00:24:16,600
Speaker 1: Oh my God, chicks, thank you, and you know, and

502
00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:19,760
Speaker 1: I bless someone else's life. So that made me feel better.

503
00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:22,000
Speaker 1: And now I don't feel so much pressure now. I

504
00:24:22,000 --> 00:24:24,240
Speaker 1: I think that this year when they asked me, okay,

505
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:26,200
Speaker 1: are you chicken? Is only gonna have kids when God

506
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:32,960
Speaker 1: says that's what I'm gonna answer to support my children.

507
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:34,840
Speaker 1: When you give me money, then maybe I'll have kids.

508
00:24:35,280 --> 00:24:38,400
Speaker 1: I don't know. That was a whole lot. Huh, it's

509
00:24:38,400 --> 00:24:42,000
Speaker 1: a whole lot. But I just had to take myself

510
00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:45,360
Speaker 1: back to that moment. And I get asked so much

511
00:24:45,400 --> 00:24:47,200
Speaker 1: about kids, and I know a lot of people want

512
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:49,800
Speaker 1: to see one of my children, especially Johnny. Johnny really

513
00:24:49,800 --> 00:24:52,520
Speaker 1: really wants me to have kids. He thinks it's going

514
00:24:52,560 --> 00:24:54,480
Speaker 1: to happen this year. He's like, I don't know, but

515
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:57,280
Speaker 1: it's gonna happen. Is a year you're gonna get pregnant.

516
00:24:57,280 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 1: It's going to be a girl. And he thinks that

517
00:24:59,840 --> 00:25:02,159
Speaker 1: my mother is going to reincarnate in my child. That

518
00:25:02,280 --> 00:25:05,760
Speaker 1: is what Johnny says. It might sound crazy. I don't know,

519
00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:07,920
Speaker 1: but a lot of the things that this kid says

520
00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,879
Speaker 1: comes true. He's very spiritually connected as well, So I

521
00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:13,080
Speaker 1: don't know, I don't know. I'm leaving it in God times,

522
00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:15,959
Speaker 1: you guys, But if you ask me what I do

523
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:19,040
Speaker 1: IVF again, yes I would. I would definitely try it.

524
00:25:19,240 --> 00:25:22,080
Speaker 1: If I am spiritually, mentally and physically ready, I will

525
00:25:22,119 --> 00:25:25,959
Speaker 1: do it. Do I recommend it, Yes, I do recommend it,

526
00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:27,720
Speaker 1: and I do recommend for you to speak to a

527
00:25:27,760 --> 00:25:30,520
Speaker 1: fertility doctor. Go to the fertility doctor. Asked all those

528
00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:32,320
Speaker 1: questions because there's a lot of stuff that I still

529
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:34,160
Speaker 1: don't know in all of medical terms that I don't

530
00:25:34,200 --> 00:25:37,639
Speaker 1: know how to even pronounce. But it is important that

531
00:25:37,680 --> 00:25:39,800
Speaker 1: you see a doctor if this is what you want

532
00:25:39,840 --> 00:25:42,119
Speaker 1: to do. And I think it's a beautiful thing that

533
00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:46,040
Speaker 1: we have this available, and um, I feel good about

534
00:25:46,040 --> 00:25:48,800
Speaker 1: my decision, I really do, all right. So that's my

535
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:52,359
Speaker 1: experience with IVF. I think it's a great option for

536
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:54,439
Speaker 1: a lot of women. I just didn't think it was

537
00:25:54,560 --> 00:25:57,480
Speaker 1: right for me for my journey. And once again, guys,

538
00:25:57,520 --> 00:26:00,399
Speaker 1: my story is not a substitute for medical vice, so

539
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:03,119
Speaker 1: it's important to do your own research and talk to

540
00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:06,399
Speaker 1: a medical professional. Thank you guys so much for listening

541
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,520
Speaker 1: to my story, Like always MUCHO, and I hope it

542
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:12,360
Speaker 1: helps some of you in some way, some way, somehow.

543
00:26:12,600 --> 00:26:16,080
Speaker 1: Now let's get into some words of inspiration. It's time

544
00:26:16,200 --> 00:26:25,119
Speaker 1: for my motivational quote. I feel like this quote is

545
00:26:25,359 --> 00:26:29,960
Speaker 1: very fitting for today's conversation. My own approval is all

546
00:26:30,119 --> 00:26:34,760
Speaker 1: I need. My own approval is all I need. And you, guys,

547
00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:41,040
Speaker 1: that's what it is. Your decision, your life, your consequences,

548
00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:44,199
Speaker 1: you guys. So that is a quote. Thank you so

549
00:26:44,320 --> 00:26:46,399
Speaker 1: much again for being here with me. It feels so

550
00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:47,760
Speaker 1: good to be able to talk to you guys about

551
00:26:47,760 --> 00:26:50,520
Speaker 1: anything and everything and just let it all out to

552
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:53,320
Speaker 1: your on Chickens and Chill and just it's it's always

553
00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:55,439
Speaker 1: just a form of therapy. Thank you guys for listening,

554
00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:58,199
Speaker 1: and I will see you in the next episode of

555
00:26:58,280 --> 00:27:06,120
Speaker 1: Chickens and Chew sit those do you need advice on love, relationships,

556
00:27:06,240 --> 00:27:09,480
Speaker 1: health emas. I'm so excited to share with you that

557
00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:12,360
Speaker 1: my Cheeks and Chill podcast will have an extra episode

558
00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:16,360
Speaker 1: drop each week. I'll be answering all your questions. Just

559
00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:22,040
Speaker 1: leave me a voice message. All you have to do

560
00:27:22,200 --> 00:27:24,840
Speaker 1: is go to speak pipe dot com slash Cheeks and

561
00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:27,480
Speaker 1: Chill podcast and record your questions. I can't wait to

562
00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:34,000
Speaker 1: hear from you. This is a production of I Heart

563
00:27:34,080 --> 00:27:37,679
Speaker 1: Radio and the Michael Dura podcast Network. Follow us on

564
00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:41,120
Speaker 1: Instagram at Michael Dura Podcasts and follow me Cheeks That's

565
00:27:41,160 --> 00:27:44,120
Speaker 1: c h i q u i s. For more podcast

566
00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:47,640
Speaker 1: from My Heart, visit the I Heart Radio app, Apple podcast,

567
00:27:47,760 --> 00:27:50,560
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to your favorite podcast, and check

568
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:55,480
Speaker 1: us out on YouTube