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Speaker 1: Be careful that the sword that you fall on to

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Speaker 1: inspire others isn't the one you injure yourself with.

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Speaker 2: Hey Hurdlers, Emily a body coming in with episode one

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Speaker 2: oh seven of Hurdle, a wellness focused podcast where I

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Speaker 2: sit down with inspiring individuals to talk about everything from

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Speaker 2: their big wines to how they've gotten through some of

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Speaker 2: life's toughest moments.

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Speaker 3: On the show, you can.

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Speaker 2: Expect vulnerability, motivation, and candid discussions with everyone from top

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Speaker 2: athletes to aspiring entrepreneurs on what it really takes to

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Speaker 2: follow your passions. My mission is simple to inspire you

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Speaker 2: to be your best self, move with intention, and have

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Speaker 2: some fun along the way. Today I am chatting with

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Speaker 2: Ash Wilking. She's a Nike trainer, Rumble instructor, an all

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Speaker 2: around kind hearted, beautiful individual. For those of you that

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Speaker 2: are unfamiliar with Rumble, it's a fitness studio now in

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Speaker 2: a slew of major cities around the US, and will

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Speaker 2: detail all that and just a little bit now. Ash

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Speaker 2: and I had the pleasure of catching up before the

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Speaker 2: current state of affairs, which is always something I think

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Speaker 2: that is important to mention before we get going on

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Speaker 2: the show.

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Speaker 3: Today.

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Speaker 2: We talk about everything from growing up in smalltown Louisiana

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Speaker 2: to losing her sister unexpectedly at age twelve, to meningitis,

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Speaker 2: also competing in the pageant system, and struggling.

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Speaker 3: With disordered eating.

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Speaker 2: I really really commend Ash for her vulnerability in our conversation,

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Speaker 2: knowing that she's now comfortably at a place with her

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Speaker 2: journey where she can now reflect and hopes to help others.

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Speaker 3: It's a really, really beautiful thing.

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Speaker 2: She also talks to me about making her way to

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Speaker 2: New York City after graduating from LSU, eventually trusting her

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Speaker 2: gut to transition out of corporate America and embrace a

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Speaker 2: career in the fitness industry. Overall, I walked away from

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Speaker 2: our recording in awe of her strength and really rallying

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Speaker 2: behind her message of empowerment and taking up the space

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Speaker 2: that we each really deserve. Before I bring you our conversation,

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Speaker 2: a quick shout out to my sponsors, starting with Athletic Greens. Okay, So,

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Speaker 2: as I have said before, I love the taste of

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Speaker 2: the Athletic Greens Greens powder, mostly because it doesn't have

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Speaker 2: any of that grassiness that I have always associated with

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Speaker 2: green beverages. Lately in my apartment, I have been concocting

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Speaker 2: all sorts of fun things like smoothies and smoothie bowls.

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Speaker 3: But just the other day, I.

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Speaker 2: Actually decided to shake up my standard serving of ag

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Speaker 2: with vital proteins beauty collagen.

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Speaker 3: It's a strawberry lemon flavor that I love, and.

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Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, this is my new highlight of my morning.

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Speaker 2: It tastes delicious and it's literally like my ideal wellness elixir.

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Speaker 2: The Athletic Greens alone has the antioxidant equivalent of twelve

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Speaker 2: servings of fruits and vegetables, as well as prebiotics, probiotics, adaptagens,

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Speaker 2: but with Athletic Greens, my nutrition doesn't need to suffer.

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Speaker 2: I feel like you can still stay on top of

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Speaker 3: Second shout out of the episode.

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Speaker 2: To my sponsor beam Beam makes meticulously extracted natural CBB

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Speaker 2: products for wellness, rest and athletic for right now. I

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Speaker 2: don't know about the rest of you, but I onys

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Speaker 2: struggle with two things around two thirty three o'clock in

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Speaker 2: the afternoon, focus and a serious snap attack. That's when

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Speaker 2: I've been leaning into beams Clarity nano cbdpowder loaded with.

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Speaker 3: Lion maine and ashwaganda.

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Speaker 2: I put it in a smoothie with a cup of almondmilk,

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Speaker 2: some frozen banana, a few ice cubes, and poor sigmatic

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Speaker 2: peanut butter protein powder, and soon enough, I feel like

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Speaker 2: I've got a handle on my colm. I'm ready to

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Speaker 2: get back to business and finish.

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Speaker 3: Off the day strong.

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Speaker 2: checkout for fifteen percent off your purchase today. As I mentioned,

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Speaker 2: we do touch on some sensitive topics in today's episode,

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Speaker 2: So if you yourself are struggling with disorder, eating you

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Speaker 2: are certainly not alone. Head on over to National Eating

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Speaker 2: Disorders dot org for their live chat helpline, or give

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Speaker 2: them a call at eight hundred nine to three one

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Speaker 2: two two three seven. As you listen to today's episode

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Speaker 2: and you are loving all of the takeaways that Ash

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Speaker 2: has to offer, which I know that you will let

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Speaker 2: me know. Tag me on Instagram at Hurdle Podcasts at

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Speaker 2: Emily Abadi and of course if you have a hurdle

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Speaker 2: moment of your own to share, or you just want

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Speaker 2: to say hi, reach out to me at Emily at

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Speaker 2: hurdle dot us. Something tells me that May is going

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Speaker 2: to be a good month for us.

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Speaker 3: All with that, let's get to hurdling today.

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Speaker 2: I'm sitting down with Ash Wilking. She is a Nike trainer.

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Speaker 2: She's also a trainer at Rumble. I always go to

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Speaker 2: say Rumble boxing, and then I have to cautiously stop myself.

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Speaker 3: It's new. Talk to me about Rumble. What is Rumble?

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Speaker 3: We started as.

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Speaker 1: A boxing inspired group fitness class a little over three

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Speaker 1: years ago, but just this past in the past few months,

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Speaker 1: we launched our treadmill concept, so now it's boxing inspired

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Speaker 1: and then treadmill and Training is going to be our

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Speaker 1: second concept, all under one roof, and it's in a

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Speaker 1: bunch of major cities.

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Speaker 2: Right now.

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Speaker 3: Where are we? So? We started in New York.

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Speaker 1: Our first studio was in Chelsea, and then NoHo opened,

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Speaker 1: and then we ventured across the West coast, so West Hollywood,

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Speaker 1: San Francisco. We have a few in San Francisco, Washington, DC,

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Speaker 1: and Philadelphia.

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Speaker 2: I did inclue you in that I was going to

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Speaker 2: give you a hot pop quiz. The second you walked in.

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Speaker 3: I was ready.

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Speaker 2: I'm ready, not really coming, ready for the rumble round. Okay, Well,

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Speaker 2: someone walks into Rumble, they see you. You're a high

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Speaker 2: energy person, to say the least, would you say that

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Speaker 2: you've always been this way?

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Speaker 3: I appreciate that you're welcome.

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Speaker 1: I think I have, genuinely, I've always had this extra

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Speaker 1: source of energy that I have no idea where it's

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Speaker 1: come from. But yeah, I also think that it comes

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Speaker 1: from I just love what I'm doing and when people

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Speaker 1: are walking through that door, and I should be this excited, energy,

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Speaker 1: welcoming person.

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Speaker 2: So but yeah, I've always had that. To be honest,

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Speaker 2: growing up, were you super active? Super into health and fitness?

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Speaker 1: I was and it's interesting because you know, I grew

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Speaker 1: up in southern Louisiana, where yes, we were active, but

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Speaker 1: health and wellness was not even close to top of mind.

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Speaker 1: So activity was never you know, we're working out to

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Speaker 1: be healthy. It was always sport and activity. And to

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Speaker 1: be honest, I think part of it was that my

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Speaker 1: parents wanted to get us out of the house, and

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Speaker 1: they kind of knew that they didn't want us sitting inside.

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Speaker 3: It was before video games.

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Speaker 1: Were big and you could really sit on a computer

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Speaker 1: and there was iPads. So yeah, our form of distraction

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Speaker 1: was getting outside and playing.

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Speaker 2: Talk to me about growing up in Louisiana because very

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Speaker 2: different from where we live now here in New York City.

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Speaker 3: Very different. I like to say I grew up in

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Speaker 3: a small town.

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Speaker 1: However, I think people from my hometown would probably take Offenst.

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Speaker 1: But my town was you know, my town was small.

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Speaker 1: My high school was even smaller. So I graduated thirteen people,

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Speaker 1: so it was one of thirteen.

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Speaker 2: I've never heard anything of that size of a graduating class.

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Speaker 3: It was actually quite comical.

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Speaker 2: So our graduation was like two lines of chairs. So

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Speaker 2: you know how usually there's like rows and rows, and

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Speaker 2: we had two.

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Speaker 3: Like a bus. You guys are all on the bus.

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Speaker 3: You're ready to move on. We could we could fit

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Speaker 3: in one of those oversized vans.

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Speaker 2: I always say that if and when I have kids,

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Speaker 2: I never want more kids than can fit in one car.

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Speaker 2: So you guys could just take a bus, one bus

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Speaker 2: everywhere you go, maybe even a sprinter van.

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Speaker 3: It's fine. Okay. So you grew up in a very

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Speaker 3: small town.

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Speaker 1: Small town outside of New Orleans, so you know again

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Speaker 1: it was to me.

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Speaker 3: My town was big at the time.

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Speaker 1: Both of my parents are from the Midwest, so I

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Speaker 1: had a little mix of country five because my parents

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Speaker 1: from Indiana, and then I grew up in the Deep South,

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Speaker 1: so very Cajun country.

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Speaker 2: Cajun country, Cajun You're just throwing things at me I've

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Speaker 2: never heard before.

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Speaker 3: Okay.

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Speaker 2: So, growing up in Caging Country, did you always envision.

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Speaker 3: That you would leave? Because I know you also went

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Speaker 3: to college down south, right, I.

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Speaker 1: Had no idea I would leave, And to be honest,

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Speaker 1: I didn't take a flight. I had never flown on

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Speaker 1: a plane until I was I think I was sixteen

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Speaker 1: the first.

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Speaker 3: Time I flew.

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Speaker 1: My version of vacation was going to Florida to see

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Speaker 1: my grandparents. I had never been West, I had never

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Speaker 1: been North. I had very like the only states that

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Speaker 1: I had visited were very much like any bordering state

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Speaker 1: of Louisiana. So leaving was never something that was at

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Speaker 1: the top of my list. I didn't really know what

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Speaker 1: else existed, to be honest, and it was almost something

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Speaker 1: that was never really we were never really encouraged to

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Speaker 1: venture out of what we were used to, to be honest,

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Speaker 1: and going to college was it was an hour away,

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Speaker 1: let's be honest, literally forty five minutes away from my hometown.

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Speaker 3: But that was big.

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Speaker 1: That was I was a first generation college student, so

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Speaker 1: the fact that I did that, but I was never

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Speaker 1: encouraged to look out of state for colleges or go elsewhere.

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Speaker 3: It was you'll be here.

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Speaker 1: And I think that was also because my family went

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Speaker 1: through a few things growing up that we were so

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Speaker 1: tight knit that I also never expected to leave. And

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Speaker 1: you went to college where LSU my Louisiana State University,

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Speaker 1: go Tiggers my country.

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Speaker 3: Little moment came out there.

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Speaker 2: It just like happens on command. You can't not growing up.

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Speaker 2: You said you went through some stuff. You also probably

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Speaker 2: didn't grow up imagining that you'd get into this field.

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Speaker 2: So talk to me a little bit about what it

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Speaker 2: was like growing up and kind of what your aspirations

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Speaker 2: and your goals were from a young age.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's funny they always say, like as a kid,

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Speaker 1: you know, there's always things that you're interested in it

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Speaker 1: at some point that might lead you into what you're doing,

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Speaker 1: no joke. A few months ago, my mom found a

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Speaker 1: school project I did that asked me what I wanted

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Speaker 1: to be when I grew up, and I wanted.

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Speaker 3: To be a pe teacher. Really, yes, yes, she still

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Speaker 3: has it. I told her to say it.

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Speaker 1: I want to get it framed, but it said I

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Speaker 1: wanted to be a pee teacher. And you know, of

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Speaker 1: course all the other kids wanted to be doctors and lawyers,

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Speaker 1: or the.

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Speaker 3: President and firefighter or a policeman.

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Speaker 2: And I just I loved being active, and it was

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Speaker 2: just it was who I was.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to swim, I wanted to do karate. You know,

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Speaker 1: I was on my bike, I was on my scooter.

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Speaker 1: I was building ramps to jump off of when I

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Speaker 1: was a kid. I just I loved moving and I

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Speaker 1: never could have imagined that it was a career that

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Speaker 1: I could do going into college, you know, looking at degrees.

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Speaker 1: And also when I went into college, I didn't quite

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Speaker 1: understand degrees. I didn't have. You know, my high school

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Speaker 1: was really small. We didn't have a college counselor. I

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Speaker 1: just had one teacher that decided to kind of help

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Speaker 1: me apply to college. So when I went, I had

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Speaker 1: no idea that kinesiology led into being a coach, or

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Speaker 1: you could be a movement specialist, you know.

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Speaker 3: I just I never.

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Speaker 1: Really understood all of these jobs and careers that were possible,

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Speaker 1: because again I never really ventured outside of what I knew,

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Speaker 1: and all I knew was sport.

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Speaker 2: And so when you're going to college, was that a

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Speaker 2: really I feel like it would be a scary experience

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Speaker 2: view just because again such a close knit family, having

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Speaker 2: not ventured too far from home. Ever, it's only an

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Speaker 2: hour away, but an hour away can be a lot

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Speaker 2: when you're coming from that kind of environment, it feels

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Speaker 2: like a completely different world. So when I went to LSU,

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Speaker 2: I decided to live on campus because I knew I

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Speaker 2: needed to kind of get out. But I always say

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Speaker 2: LSU was my first feeling of wanting to be in

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Speaker 2: a big city because when you get to a college camp,

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Speaker 2: and especially LSU, it's a little bit bigger. I just

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Speaker 2: had this moment of like, I really want to be

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Speaker 2: in this chaotic walking around, like all the buildings are

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Speaker 2: next to each other.

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Speaker 1: But yeah, when I got there, it was terrifying. I

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Speaker 1: went from sitting next to twelve other people and my

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Speaker 1: very first class was in the largest auditorium at LSU.

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Speaker 1: It's literally where they house orientation, and it was you know,

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Speaker 1: I had thousands of other people around me in class.

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Speaker 3: So yes, absolutely terrifying.

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Speaker 2: You said, You've always been a little bit boisterous, so

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Speaker 2: pretty outgoing. When you got to this big school with

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Speaker 2: all of these people, did it feel overwhelming?

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Speaker 3: Absolutely?

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Speaker 1: But yet there was something, there was something that really

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Speaker 1: drove me to want more of that uncomfortable feeling.

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Speaker 3: And I still can't answer what that is, but.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I got there, and you know, I think another

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Speaker 1: thing that's scary is you meet these people and you

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Speaker 1: always think that you have this success or you have

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Speaker 1: all these experiences, but then you meet people that are

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Speaker 1: from out of state and that went to college prep

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Speaker 1: schools and have you know, worlds of experience before you.

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Speaker 1: And I kind of walked in I was like, I'm

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Speaker 1: a first generation college student. By the way, I graduated

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Speaker 1: with twelve people, and I have no idea what I'm

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Speaker 1: doing here. I didn't feel there was a lot of

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Speaker 1: times that I didn't feel as smart as everyone else.

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Speaker 1: So I went to a really great elementary school and

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Speaker 1: Magnet School, and I was at the top of my class.

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Speaker 3: In terms of education.

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Speaker 1: And then you know, my high school was a small

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Speaker 1: Christian school and our education was definitely not thing that

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Speaker 1: prepared me for college.

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Speaker 3: So I know, I remember the feeling when I got there.

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Speaker 1: I always said that I might not be the most

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Speaker 1: book smart, but I'm very street smart and I can

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Speaker 1: figure things out. And I kind of just gave myself

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Speaker 1: the ability to be like, you.

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Speaker 3: Know what, this doesn't work, It's okay, we'll figure it out.

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Speaker 1: And I just kind of, you know, put my head

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Speaker 1: down and try to figure it out.

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Speaker 2: That's pretty like ahead of your time, though, I would

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Speaker 2: say to like show up to college.

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Speaker 3: And be like, eh, if this doesn't work, we'll just

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Speaker 3: figure it out.

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Speaker 2: I feel like, especially again, small school, tight knit family,

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Speaker 2: you probably want to go like running back home to

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Speaker 2: your parents whenever you hit some sort of speed bump

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Speaker 2: or a hurdle, for lack of a better term, because

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Speaker 2: you're just like, I.

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Speaker 3: Don't know what's going on here.

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Speaker 2: I feel totally out of my ailment, like I am

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Speaker 2: so stressed all the things right, all the things.

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Speaker 1: I think that that probably came because I I grew

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Speaker 1: up very early, and I think that it's part of

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Speaker 1: that is because you know, I went through the trauma

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Speaker 1: of losing my sister, So I went through this moment

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Speaker 1: at twelve years old where it was, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: this is terrifying. I have no idea what's going to happen,

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Speaker 1: and something is definite as losing someone, right you kind

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Speaker 1: of I just immediately started having that feeling of if

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Speaker 1: it doesn't work, it won't work out. You know, it's okay,

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Speaker 1: and I'm still living, I'm still breathing, I'm still able

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Speaker 1: to do something else.

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Speaker 3: So if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen.

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Speaker 1: And I've I genuinely I'm that person, as cliche as

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Speaker 1: it is, that's constantly like you have to be in

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Speaker 1: this moment because you genuinely don't have another one.

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Speaker 3: You don't know if you have another one. So even

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Speaker 3: with college, I was like, well, well, if it doesn't

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Speaker 3: work out, We'll figure it out.

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Speaker 2: I feel like that's the kind of lesson that we

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Speaker 2: learn from those unfortunate circumstances, because it's like, in an instant,

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Speaker 2: everything changes and your life is nothing like it was

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Speaker 2: five minutes ago, and it will be completely different five

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Speaker 2: minutes from then.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely, And I'm sure that.

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Speaker 2: Going through that as your family again bringing you guys

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Speaker 2: closer together. But to have to grow up so fast

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Speaker 2: at twelve, yeah, I mean talk about another really overwhelming experience.

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Speaker 3: It really was, you know.

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Speaker 2: I just I'll never forget that moment and that pain

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Speaker 2: and that hurt, and I always say it, it just

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Speaker 2: it's something that I don't necessarily want to bring myself

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Speaker 2: back to, but I bring myself back to because in

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Speaker 2: my life still to this day, that is.

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Speaker 3: My lowest moment and my hardest moment.

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Speaker 1: And I always say that if I made it through that,

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Speaker 1: if I made it through that with my family personally,

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Speaker 1: I mean I literally was a kid, but yet I

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Speaker 1: felt like an adult when it happened, and I just

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Speaker 1: started taking on the world at that point. And yeah,

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Speaker 1: so anything that I go through, I genuinely bring myself

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Speaker 1: back to that moment, and I'm like you're okay, Like

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Speaker 1: you made it through something really difficult, you could make

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Speaker 1: it through this. I'm sure that that experience also probably

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Speaker 1: made it a little difficult for you to let people in,

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Speaker 1: because I think that sometimes when we go through hardshit,

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Speaker 1: you know, we put our guard up right. So it's like,

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Speaker 1: you get to this new university, it is huge compared

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Speaker 1: to where you were came from, and all of a sudden,

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Speaker 1: there's all these new people, and the last thing you

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Speaker 1: want to do is open yourself up to getting hurt

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Speaker 1: by someone that you barely know.

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Speaker 2: You Know.

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Speaker 1: What's interesting is I think it actually had the complete

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Speaker 1: opposite effect on me.

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Speaker 3: Really, Yes, absolutely, I've always.

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Speaker 1: Been way more trusting than I should. And I think

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Speaker 1: that's because I always want to see the best in

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Speaker 1: the situations and I always think that everyone has my

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Speaker 1: best interest at heart.

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Speaker 3: And I was a little naive in that sense.

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Speaker 1: So I actually going to college, I genuinely opened up

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Speaker 1: a little bit too much, right, and I would very

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Speaker 1: easily tell my story. And I don't think it was

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Speaker 1: until a little bit later, until I moved to New York.

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Speaker 1: Oddly enough, which might not be out at all, because

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Speaker 1: I think New York was actually what made me a

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Speaker 1: little bit more rigid and closed me off a little

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Speaker 1: bit more.

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Speaker 2: You're begging the question, when did you open up too much?

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Speaker 2: You know what's funny is I actually I don't think

375
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Speaker 2: I have a specific moment.

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Speaker 1: Think it was, you know, these little bitty things that

377
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Speaker 1: I've gone through that kind of just accumulated and they

378
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Speaker 1: came together and they hardened me up a little bit.

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Speaker 3: I guess you would say.

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Speaker 1: So maybe it was my first job dealing with you know,

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Speaker 1: people that grew up in New York City that were

382
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Speaker 1: a little privileged, that you know, didn't quite ever have

383
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Speaker 1: hardships or experiences.

384
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Speaker 3: And my immediate reaction was.

385
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Speaker 1: It'll be okay, and it's great and you know, rainbows

386
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,679
Speaker 1: and butterflies, and yet everyone else was like hard and

387
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Speaker 1: grinding and going and if you don't drive, you're left behind.

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Speaker 3: You know, maybe it was like going through my.

389
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Speaker 1: First cheating moment where somebody cheated on me and broke

390
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Speaker 1: my heart. You know, maybe it was the first time

391
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Speaker 1: that I lost a job. So like, there were all

392
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Speaker 1: these moments that were just very grown up and big

393
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Speaker 1: deal moments, and oddly enough, I went through one of

394
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Speaker 1: those when I was so young, but yet to me,

395
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Speaker 1: it still doesn't feel like that moment that made me hard.

396
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Speaker 3: Yeah, totally.

397
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Speaker 2: So you're in college and what are you studying then

398
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Speaker 2: if you didn't know that kimesiology was the avage that

399
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Speaker 2: you wanted to.

400
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Speaker 3: Be on, so I went in.

401
00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:06,399
Speaker 2: So when I went to LSU, I went into public

402
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Speaker 2: relations and communication, and to be honest, I think I

403
00:19:12,040 --> 00:19:15,040
Speaker 2: was told a little bit that that would be the.

404
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Speaker 3: Best place for me to be.

405
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Speaker 1: I don't actually talk about it too much anymore, but

406
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Speaker 1: when I was in actually when I was really young,

407
00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:24,399
Speaker 1: and then when I was in high school and going

408
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:27,800
Speaker 1: into college, I did pageants because that's the Southern thing

409
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:30,399
Speaker 1: to do. My hair was blond, and I had big curls,

410
00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:32,160
Speaker 1: and I would do pageants and have all these crowns

411
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Speaker 1: and banners, and I just lived a little bit in

412
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Speaker 1: this bubble that told me that I had a story

413
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Speaker 1: that I should tell, and I had a story that

414
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Speaker 1: would make me different, and that I went through this

415
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:47,000
Speaker 1: experience and I should use it, and I had a voice.

416
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Speaker 1: And I got into pr and communications and I hated it.

417
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Speaker 3: I absolutely hated it.

418
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Speaker 1: They made me write like a different I had to

419
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:56,040
Speaker 1: write all these articles every single day, in my first

420
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Speaker 1: comms class and I dropped my first class.

421
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Speaker 3: My parents freaked out because you're not going to make

422
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Speaker 3: it through college.

423
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Speaker 1: And I dropped my very first class, and I went

424
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Speaker 1: to my guidance counselor and they're like, look, just do

425
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,879
Speaker 1: something that you can guarantee that you get a job from,

426
00:20:10,440 --> 00:20:13,240
Speaker 1: and other than that, enjoy the experience of college if

427
00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:14,399
Speaker 1: you really don't know what you want to do.

428
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Speaker 3: And I took my.

429
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Speaker 1: First leadership class, which is very odd because when you

430
00:20:21,080 --> 00:20:23,760
Speaker 1: study leadership it's like a big self help book, to

431
00:20:23,800 --> 00:20:27,760
Speaker 1: be honest. But I changed to organizational workforce Development, which

432
00:20:27,800 --> 00:20:31,440
Speaker 1: boils down to onboarding programs and designing what it is

433
00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:33,120
Speaker 1: on boarding programs for companies.

434
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Speaker 3: So that's well, my degree is in Well, we've got

435
00:20:36,359 --> 00:20:37,680
Speaker 3: to dial it back to pageants.

436
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:42,040
Speaker 2: You are welcome, yes, When how old are you when

437
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:43,520
Speaker 2: you started doing that? Oh?

438
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:46,679
Speaker 1: Well, I was a baby, so I guess my mom

439
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,960
Speaker 1: put me in pageants, you know, before I could technically walk.

440
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:52,719
Speaker 1: There's actually a really great video of me in this

441
00:20:52,800 --> 00:20:55,359
Speaker 1: like red fluffy dress with my hands pointed out to

442
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:58,920
Speaker 1: the side, my feet perfectly placed, and I had big curls,

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Speaker 1: and you know, I just had that big grin and

444
00:21:00,800 --> 00:21:04,080
Speaker 1: like that chin to the side, perfect little you know,

445
00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:07,120
Speaker 1: Barbie doll. And yeah, I did them for a very

446
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:10,560
Speaker 1: long time, and actually my sister. I don't know how

447
00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:12,200
Speaker 1: my sister and I did, but at some point we

448
00:21:12,240 --> 00:21:13,720
Speaker 1: told my mom that we hated it and we didn't

449
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:15,560
Speaker 1: want to do it anymore. And I think it's when

450
00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:19,800
Speaker 1: it started getting a little bit caddie and the jealousy, even.

451
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:20,440
Speaker 3: At a young age.

452
00:21:20,440 --> 00:21:22,960
Speaker 1: I mean we were, you know, under ten years old

453
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:24,440
Speaker 1: when we decided we didn't want to do it.

454
00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:25,120
Speaker 3: Oh wow.

455
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:29,760
Speaker 1: And then I got back into it after I lost

456
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:34,240
Speaker 1: my sister, And again I think it was that everyone

457
00:21:34,280 --> 00:21:38,080
Speaker 1: else told me that I went through an experience that

458
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:41,000
Speaker 1: I needed to like share with the world and that

459
00:21:41,080 --> 00:21:43,440
Speaker 1: I could really like a platform that I could stand on,

460
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:46,640
Speaker 1: and where I do agree that that's such an amazing

461
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:49,520
Speaker 1: thing to do, it was also probably the one.

462
00:21:49,320 --> 00:21:50,760
Speaker 3: Thing that held me back the most.

463
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:53,320
Speaker 2: I think also, I mean, it's it's really valuable when

464
00:21:53,400 --> 00:21:56,920
Speaker 2: you can bring up experiences and those experiences can help

465
00:21:56,960 --> 00:22:00,000
Speaker 2: you communicate and share with others, but at the same time,

466
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:01,920
Speaker 2: you have to be in a place where you feel

467
00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:05,480
Speaker 2: like it's also helping you and it's kind of again

468
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:08,639
Speaker 2: this difference between like being transparent and being vulnerable. And

469
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:11,040
Speaker 2: if you're not ready to get vulnerable with all of

470
00:22:11,080 --> 00:22:13,160
Speaker 2: these people, then at the end of the day, you're

471
00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:15,480
Speaker 2: just hurting yourself by bringing things up in the first place.

472
00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:16,879
Speaker 3: I mean, at least that's how I feel.

473
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,439
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, look, we all have these stories, and

474
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:22,560
Speaker 2: you know, it's something that I don't know how it

475
00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:24,160
Speaker 2: came up, but I said it to myself a few

476
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:26,760
Speaker 2: weeks ago, and I was like, be careful that the

477
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:29,960
Speaker 2: sword that you fall on to inspire others isn't the

478
00:22:30,000 --> 00:22:31,280
Speaker 2: one you injure yourself with.

479
00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:35,199
Speaker 1: And I kept telling myself this, and I'm like, you

480
00:22:35,240 --> 00:22:39,199
Speaker 1: can't use this story of pain to inspire others if

481
00:22:39,200 --> 00:22:41,440
Speaker 1: it's going to continue to hurt you. And I think

482
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:42,840
Speaker 1: that that's what it was. I was living in this

483
00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 1: shadow of By the way, my sister was this unbelievable,

484
00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:52,640
Speaker 1: wonderful human that created an organization that saved police officers.

485
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:56,040
Speaker 1: She was recognized by Bill Clinton. She I mean, she

486
00:22:56,240 --> 00:22:59,280
Speaker 1: was on her way to doing great things. And I

487
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:02,159
Speaker 1: think I kind of into that shadow of having to

488
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:06,040
Speaker 1: use her story. And at some point, you know, pageants

489
00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:08,120
Speaker 1: allowed me to tell that story, and I kept being

490
00:23:08,160 --> 00:23:10,679
Speaker 1: told that, you know, this is your platform. But that

491
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:14,080
Speaker 1: platform gradually turned into well, you need to go to

492
00:23:14,080 --> 00:23:16,639
Speaker 1: the next level, which was the Miss USA system, and

493
00:23:16,680 --> 00:23:18,359
Speaker 1: it was well, in order to do that, you have

494
00:23:18,480 --> 00:23:20,800
Speaker 1: to be in a swimsuit, you need to be skinny,

495
00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:23,359
Speaker 1: and you you know, it was all of these pressures.

496
00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:25,399
Speaker 3: So it was two things.

497
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:28,959
Speaker 1: One, I was living under this umbrella of someone else's

498
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:31,360
Speaker 1: story that I was using as my own, and then

499
00:23:31,440 --> 00:23:34,680
Speaker 1: I was also having to live in this perfect image

500
00:23:35,119 --> 00:23:37,600
Speaker 1: of what maybe five people sitting at a table wanted

501
00:23:37,600 --> 00:23:37,919
Speaker 1: me to be.

502
00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:40,080
Speaker 2: And how old were you when you were going into

503
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:43,200
Speaker 2: the Miss USA system. Let's see, I was a sophomore

504
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:46,120
Speaker 2: in college. Oh wow, I wasn't even twenty one yet.

505
00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:48,919
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I was twenty and you know, I went

506
00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:49,960
Speaker 2: through the freshman fifteen.

507
00:23:50,000 --> 00:23:51,680
Speaker 1: By the way, I mean to imagine, I was an athlete,

508
00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:54,399
Speaker 1: so I did every sport you could imagine in high school,

509
00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:56,400
Speaker 1: and when I got to college, I definitely did the

510
00:23:56,760 --> 00:23:59,600
Speaker 1: well there's no more sports anymore, and I gained the

511
00:23:59,600 --> 00:24:03,320
Speaker 1: freshman fifteen and I was really unhealthy. And when I

512
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:08,040
Speaker 1: decided to get back into pageants, I had, you know,

513
00:24:08,080 --> 00:24:10,439
Speaker 1: a coach and people that told me that, well, this

514
00:24:10,480 --> 00:24:12,200
Speaker 1: is the dress size you need to be and by

515
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:13,560
Speaker 1: the way, you're going to have to stand on a

516
00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:16,399
Speaker 1: stage in heels in a swimsuit and let other people

517
00:24:16,480 --> 00:24:19,600
Speaker 1: judge you based on what you look like. And that

518
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:22,680
Speaker 1: went from eating taco bell at two in the morning

519
00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:28,200
Speaker 1: at the food hall on college campus to eating plain

520
00:24:28,280 --> 00:24:30,960
Speaker 1: green beans and grilled chicken with zero seas name because

521
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:34,320
Speaker 1: I thought I had to eat this very specific way

522
00:24:34,320 --> 00:24:37,200
Speaker 1: to be tiny. I'm curious when you were going through

523
00:24:37,240 --> 00:24:40,720
Speaker 1: that period, did you tend to isolate yourself from other

524
00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:43,480
Speaker 1: people a little bit more because you spell Yeah.

525
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:45,920
Speaker 3: Yeah, definitely one.

526
00:24:46,080 --> 00:24:48,520
Speaker 1: Because in my mind, I was like, on this journey

527
00:24:48,520 --> 00:24:51,359
Speaker 1: to get this thing that I wanted, which technically was

528
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:55,200
Speaker 1: a crown and a banner, but it was a platform,

529
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:57,439
Speaker 1: is what I was told, you know, it was going

530
00:24:57,480 --> 00:24:59,640
Speaker 1: to give me this opportunity to do bigger things. So

531
00:25:00,160 --> 00:25:02,920
Speaker 1: I started kind of having tunnel vision and saying, this

532
00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:04,880
Speaker 1: is what I want to do, this is where I'm

533
00:25:04,880 --> 00:25:08,560
Speaker 1: going for But instead of asking for help and how

534
00:25:08,560 --> 00:25:10,320
Speaker 1: to get there and do it in a healthy manner,

535
00:25:10,640 --> 00:25:12,239
Speaker 1: I did it on my own, and I thought I

536
00:25:12,280 --> 00:25:14,399
Speaker 1: had to do it on my own. So if anything

537
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:17,200
Speaker 1: distracted me from this goal, I just kind of shut

538
00:25:17,240 --> 00:25:19,119
Speaker 1: it out and I would go to the gym by myself.

539
00:25:19,119 --> 00:25:21,119
Speaker 1: I would eat by myself. I wouldn't go out anymore

540
00:25:21,119 --> 00:25:23,679
Speaker 1: with friends, and you know, I would go to school,

541
00:25:23,760 --> 00:25:26,840
Speaker 1: get done work, get done gym, barely eat, and do

542
00:25:26,880 --> 00:25:27,880
Speaker 1: it all again the next day.

543
00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:31,439
Speaker 2: Do you reflect on any specific behaviors from that time

544
00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:33,320
Speaker 2: that were really detrimental?

545
00:25:33,880 --> 00:25:36,800
Speaker 1: You know, I think that that was the first time

546
00:25:36,960 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 1: in my life that I had to deal with the

547
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:44,760
Speaker 1: concept of an eating disorder. And even in that time,

548
00:25:44,800 --> 00:25:47,280
Speaker 1: I still didn't acknowledge that what I was doing was

549
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:51,640
Speaker 1: devastating and was hurting me rather than helping me. And

550
00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:53,920
Speaker 1: it's odd to say that because what I was doing

551
00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:58,000
Speaker 1: was meant to inspire others, and yet what it was

552
00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:00,840
Speaker 1: doing was kept crushing me, killing me a little at

553
00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:01,200
Speaker 1: a time.

554
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:04,200
Speaker 2: At the time, I'm sure that there were people surrounding

555
00:26:04,240 --> 00:26:06,600
Speaker 2: you that kind of wanted to know, like, what's going on?

556
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:10,600
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, it's I think it all boils down

557
00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:12,760
Speaker 1: to you have that moment if you want to be seen,

558
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:15,919
Speaker 1: you want someone to see what you're going through and

559
00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:18,800
Speaker 1: see straight through it. And you might not even know

560
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:20,560
Speaker 1: that you want to be seen like you might be

561
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:24,600
Speaker 1: crying for help, but yet no one truly understands what's

562
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:28,199
Speaker 1: going on. So you know, I did have people in

563
00:26:28,200 --> 00:26:31,320
Speaker 1: my life that I think knew something was going on.

564
00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:34,199
Speaker 1: But I would say it was ninety five percent of

565
00:26:34,240 --> 00:26:36,840
Speaker 1: people looked at me and was like, you lost so

566
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:40,320
Speaker 1: much weight, you look great. Oh my god, you're so skinny,

567
00:26:40,480 --> 00:26:43,720
Speaker 1: you look great, you have abs. Wow, you look great

568
00:26:43,760 --> 00:26:45,639
Speaker 1: in that swimsuit. Oh my god, your dress is a

569
00:26:45,720 --> 00:26:49,760
Speaker 1: side zero. How inspiring. Ninety five percent of people looked

570
00:26:49,800 --> 00:26:51,920
Speaker 1: at it that way. It was, oh my god, you're

571
00:26:51,960 --> 00:26:54,280
Speaker 1: going to Miss Louisiana. You could go to Miss USA.

572
00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:58,840
Speaker 1: You again, it was inspiring on the outside. And then

573
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 1: I had like five percent of people that are more

574
00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:04,320
Speaker 1: my best friends that I would go to dinner with,

575
00:27:04,600 --> 00:27:06,840
Speaker 1: and I was the one that was picking off cheese

576
00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:09,680
Speaker 1: and picking off the bread and literally eating a piece

577
00:27:09,720 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 1: of meat and some vegetables.

578
00:27:12,160 --> 00:27:13,080
Speaker 3: And yet I would.

579
00:27:12,840 --> 00:27:15,960
Speaker 1: Disappear in the middle of dinner for twenty minutes because

580
00:27:15,960 --> 00:27:17,760
Speaker 1: I was going to the bathroom to get sick because

581
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:20,040
Speaker 1: I thought I wasn't allowed to consume all those calories.

582
00:27:20,520 --> 00:27:23,439
Speaker 1: So I did have those people that kind of like

583
00:27:23,520 --> 00:27:25,480
Speaker 1: kept grabbing my shoulders and being like.

584
00:27:25,760 --> 00:27:28,200
Speaker 3: Is something wrong? And I wanted to be.

585
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:30,680
Speaker 1: Seen, but I also didn't want to acknowledge that someone

586
00:27:30,760 --> 00:27:31,240
Speaker 1: was seeing me.

587
00:27:31,520 --> 00:27:35,719
Speaker 2: It's so hard that question when someone asks you, are

588
00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:41,960
Speaker 2: you okay? And it's everything you want, but it's nothing

589
00:27:42,000 --> 00:27:43,040
Speaker 2: you're prepared to answer.

590
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:46,639
Speaker 1: I almost have no words because you said it exactly

591
00:27:46,680 --> 00:27:49,160
Speaker 1: how it should be said. You want to be you, genuinely,

592
00:27:49,200 --> 00:27:51,200
Speaker 1: you just want anyone to see you in the second

593
00:27:51,200 --> 00:27:54,760
Speaker 1: they see you. You're terrified that they see straight through

594
00:27:54,920 --> 00:27:56,400
Speaker 1: every wall that you've put up.

595
00:27:56,800 --> 00:28:02,040
Speaker 3: So how do you break through? I left? I left,

596
00:28:02,480 --> 00:28:05,760
Speaker 3: I so I went to Miss Louisiana.

597
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:10,240
Speaker 1: I got second runner up, and I was told that

598
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:13,480
Speaker 1: this was supposed to be, that you were definitely going

599
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:15,399
Speaker 1: to win, This was definitely going to happen. And I

600
00:28:15,400 --> 00:28:17,600
Speaker 1: think it was the first time that I had really lost,

601
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,000
Speaker 1: and yet it was also the first time that I

602
00:28:21,040 --> 00:28:23,920
Speaker 1: felt free because I didn't have the crown, I didn't

603
00:28:23,960 --> 00:28:27,120
Speaker 1: have the banner, I didn't have all these expectations that, hey,

604
00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 1: you won this great, your next step is to do

605
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:33,000
Speaker 1: this live on national television. And I had the moment

606
00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:35,760
Speaker 1: of oh my god, this is my chance to get out,

607
00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:38,600
Speaker 1: and you know, it crushes me because it was the

608
00:28:38,640 --> 00:28:40,600
Speaker 1: thing my mom and I did together, and again, it

609
00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:43,080
Speaker 1: meant so much to my family that I was doing

610
00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:46,800
Speaker 1: such big things locally, right But I was going into

611
00:28:46,800 --> 00:28:48,360
Speaker 1: my senior year. So it was the October of my

612
00:28:48,400 --> 00:28:50,640
Speaker 1: senior year, and the second it happened, I kind of

613
00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:53,040
Speaker 1: just had this moment of I have to get out,

614
00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:56,520
Speaker 1: and if I stay, I'm going to have to do

615
00:28:56,560 --> 00:28:59,440
Speaker 1: this again because I already had a pageant directors reaching

616
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:02,560
Speaker 1: out and you're guaranteed next year to win, You're gu

617
00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:05,520
Speaker 1: you're our girl for next year. You're definitely going, and

618
00:29:05,560 --> 00:29:07,840
Speaker 1: I just I had that moment. I've actually never told

619
00:29:07,840 --> 00:29:10,239
Speaker 1: anybody that, but I knew that if I didn't leave,

620
00:29:10,280 --> 00:29:13,200
Speaker 1: I wouldn't get out. And you know, at the time

621
00:29:13,280 --> 00:29:15,920
Speaker 1: I had visited New York. I was dating someone here

622
00:29:15,920 --> 00:29:19,719
Speaker 1: in New York City. And I'm not kidding, girl. I

623
00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:21,640
Speaker 1: sold my car like I put a for sale sign

624
00:29:21,680 --> 00:29:23,880
Speaker 1: on it. My parents really didn't think I was doing it.

625
00:29:23,880 --> 00:29:25,680
Speaker 2: I had a garage sale, packed my bags and a

626
00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:28,360
Speaker 2: bottle while my ticket and I'll never ever forget my

627
00:29:28,480 --> 00:29:30,720
Speaker 2: family being like, you're actually doing.

628
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:32,760
Speaker 1: This, you can't do this? You can't leave us. You know,

629
00:29:32,800 --> 00:29:34,880
Speaker 1: we already lost your sister. We can't lose you. And

630
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:36,160
Speaker 1: I just I knew I had to get out. I

631
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:37,760
Speaker 1: knew it was the only way I could get out.

632
00:29:37,880 --> 00:29:39,840
Speaker 3: Did you graduate college? I did? Okay?

633
00:29:39,880 --> 00:29:41,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, So I finished out my senior year, got it.

634
00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:43,160
Speaker 1: I had, you know, I had a few months left,

635
00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:45,080
Speaker 1: but I finished out my senior year. And while I

636
00:29:45,160 --> 00:29:47,000
Speaker 1: was doing that, I think it was under the assumption

637
00:29:47,120 --> 00:29:50,240
Speaker 1: that I wasn't going to leave, and it was okay,

638
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:53,160
Speaker 1: graduate graduation was the next big thing. And then after

639
00:29:53,240 --> 00:29:56,000
Speaker 1: that it was an immediate assumption that I would be

640
00:29:56,080 --> 00:29:59,360
Speaker 1: staying to do this next big thing, which was go

641
00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:02,520
Speaker 1: on to win the Louisiana Right, and so you pack

642
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:03,120
Speaker 1: your bags.

643
00:30:03,360 --> 00:30:04,560
Speaker 3: Yes, we come to New York.

644
00:30:05,560 --> 00:30:11,120
Speaker 1: I craved quiet, I craved privacy. I craved like not

645
00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:13,400
Speaker 1: being in the public eye. So I went from like

646
00:30:14,120 --> 00:30:16,320
Speaker 1: everything I was doing was being seen. And by the way,

647
00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:18,240
Speaker 1: this was really before social media. I mean it was

648
00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:20,840
Speaker 1: like during the Facebook age, but it was way before Instagram.

649
00:30:20,880 --> 00:30:22,360
Speaker 3: And then when I came to New.

650
00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:25,200
Speaker 2: York, it was I thought, because I graduated, you know,

651
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:26,920
Speaker 2: I was the first one in my family to have

652
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,600
Speaker 2: a college degree, and I was always told.

653
00:30:29,320 --> 00:30:30,480
Speaker 3: That that was the next step.

654
00:30:30,560 --> 00:30:33,240
Speaker 1: It was get a job, get insurance, you know, be

655
00:30:33,440 --> 00:30:37,120
Speaker 1: successful and support yourself. So I just started working and

656
00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:40,720
Speaker 1: grinding on the corporate side, at least getting jobs to

657
00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:43,160
Speaker 1: help me and to get into a corporate job because

658
00:30:43,160 --> 00:30:44,600
Speaker 1: I still had no idea what I wanted to do.

659
00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:48,880
Speaker 1: And yeah, I got into corporate. I started at J Crewe.

660
00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:51,480
Speaker 1: I helped them design their onboarding program, so I was there.

661
00:30:51,960 --> 00:30:56,520
Speaker 1: From there, I moved on and went to under Armour,

662
00:30:56,560 --> 00:31:00,320
Speaker 1: which was a really cool experience. And then once I

663
00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:03,600
Speaker 1: was there, it was the first time that I finally

664
00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:07,200
Speaker 1: settled into an arena that I loved, and that was

665
00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:12,479
Speaker 1: in the wellness and the fitness and the sports performance space.

666
00:31:12,880 --> 00:31:15,800
Speaker 1: And I think I started, you know, feeling like I

667
00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:19,920
Speaker 1: was myself again. I started being around people that were

668
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:22,040
Speaker 1: like minded, that wanted to be active and do these

669
00:31:22,080 --> 00:31:24,640
Speaker 1: you know, and I again I kind of found my space.

670
00:31:24,480 --> 00:31:29,120
Speaker 3: And yeah, that's kind of where fit I let into fitness.

671
00:31:29,280 --> 00:31:32,240
Speaker 2: How much clarity, though, did you get, Like finally realizing

672
00:31:32,280 --> 00:31:34,160
Speaker 2: that you could show up somewhere every day and feel

673
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:36,320
Speaker 2: truly at home with who it is that you are.

674
00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 3: It was.

675
00:31:39,200 --> 00:31:42,800
Speaker 1: Incredibly exciting, but What's funny is that the second I

676
00:31:42,840 --> 00:31:45,160
Speaker 1: showed up in that space, I realized that I actually

677
00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:48,120
Speaker 1: had more to do and I wanted more. Right It's

678
00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:50,240
Speaker 1: almost like I finally got into that area and I'm like,

679
00:31:50,280 --> 00:31:53,640
Speaker 1: this is great, but there's something way bigger than I'm

680
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:54,840
Speaker 1: supposed to be doing, or there's.

681
00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:55,760
Speaker 3: Something that's drawing me.

682
00:31:56,280 --> 00:31:59,720
Speaker 1: And that's when I kind of, you know, I loved

683
00:31:59,720 --> 00:32:01,600
Speaker 1: what I doing, but when I got off of work.

684
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:03,880
Speaker 3: I would run straight to a fitness studio and take class.

685
00:32:04,240 --> 00:32:05,800
Speaker 1: And it was before work. I was trying to go

686
00:32:05,840 --> 00:32:07,480
Speaker 1: out for runs. I was trying to do anything I

687
00:32:07,480 --> 00:32:10,600
Speaker 1: could to be active. And then I started, you know,

688
00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:15,440
Speaker 1: falling into line and genuinely I started teaching because I

689
00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:17,080
Speaker 1: went on a trip and I have friends that asked

690
00:32:17,120 --> 00:32:19,680
Speaker 1: me to make a workout and I, like pseudo, taught

691
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 1: them a workout class while we were on vacation. And

692
00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:24,680
Speaker 1: the amount of you know, people that started being like,

693
00:32:24,720 --> 00:32:26,880
Speaker 1: you should really do this, you'd be really good at fitness.

694
00:32:26,920 --> 00:32:30,240
Speaker 1: And then I took the tiniest fitness job you could

695
00:32:30,240 --> 00:32:33,280
Speaker 1: find in the entire city, and I taught six to

696
00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:34,200
Speaker 1: eight people at a time.

697
00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:35,960
Speaker 2: By the way, tell me what it is. So I

698
00:32:36,000 --> 00:32:39,480
Speaker 2: started at Bari. Okay, so I was teaching. Is Bari's

699
00:32:39,480 --> 00:32:40,040
Speaker 2: still around?

700
00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:45,960
Speaker 1: So Bari is now under Fitthouse. Okay, so they sold

701
00:32:46,000 --> 00:32:48,240
Speaker 1: the method to fit House.

702
00:32:48,360 --> 00:32:51,080
Speaker 2: So Bari Studio was a small studio concept here in

703
00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:53,960
Speaker 2: New York City. I feel like, I mean maybe six

704
00:32:54,000 --> 00:32:56,960
Speaker 2: seven years ago, yes, right, actually when I started okay, yeah,

705
00:32:56,960 --> 00:32:59,520
Speaker 2: so six seven years ago. There was trampolines involved. I

706
00:32:59,640 --> 00:33:02,880
Speaker 2: was the trampoline girl. I'm not at all surprised by

707
00:33:03,080 --> 00:33:05,680
Speaker 2: you being good, by the way, I am.

708
00:33:05,640 --> 00:33:08,040
Speaker 3: Not a dancer. I just have this wild energy.

709
00:33:08,080 --> 00:33:09,880
Speaker 1: And because I was a cheerleader, I had like I

710
00:33:09,920 --> 00:33:11,280
Speaker 1: could have a little bit of a I could hold

711
00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:11,600
Speaker 1: a beat.

712
00:33:11,800 --> 00:33:14,120
Speaker 2: You never told me that you were a cheerleader. You

713
00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:18,160
Speaker 2: can't just throw things like so many things. I told

714
00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:19,840
Speaker 2: you I was a pageant girl. I feel like that,

715
00:33:20,000 --> 00:33:21,760
Speaker 2: like it went along with it. Were you a cheerleader

716
00:33:21,800 --> 00:33:22,400
Speaker 2: in high school?

717
00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:23,160
Speaker 3: I was? Okay.

718
00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:25,320
Speaker 2: So another part of the Bari workout is there was

719
00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:28,160
Speaker 2: some dance cardio, There were some trampoline.

720
00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:29,920
Speaker 1: And there were these like toning classes, you know where

721
00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:32,520
Speaker 1: you're holding really like dumbells or ankle weights. Got it,

722
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:35,920
Speaker 1: But I loved it because it was my opportunity to

723
00:33:38,120 --> 00:33:41,520
Speaker 1: start showing people how to do something that I loved genuinely,

724
00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:44,520
Speaker 1: That's what it was like. There was nothing better than

725
00:33:44,520 --> 00:33:46,880
Speaker 1: when people walked out of class completely drenched, like that

726
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:49,880
Speaker 1: was great and I had so much fun and I

727
00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:51,800
Speaker 1: loved it. The music was great, the energy was great,

728
00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:53,920
Speaker 1: and it just kind of like filled that void that

729
00:33:53,960 --> 00:33:55,680
Speaker 1: I felt that I was missing when I was sitting

730
00:33:55,720 --> 00:33:57,120
Speaker 1: at a desk from nine to five.

731
00:33:57,320 --> 00:34:00,320
Speaker 2: Because in this instance, when you're finally helping other people

732
00:34:00,320 --> 00:34:02,640
Speaker 2: and opening up and giving back to them, this isn't

733
00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:05,480
Speaker 2: something that makes you feel hurt, right, this is something

734
00:34:05,480 --> 00:34:06,479
Speaker 2: that fills you up. Well.

735
00:34:06,520 --> 00:34:09,520
Speaker 1: I felt that I was helping. I felt that I

736
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:13,799
Speaker 1: was I was being that person that I needed. Right

737
00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:15,759
Speaker 1: when I was in college and I was trying to

738
00:34:15,800 --> 00:34:18,239
Speaker 1: be healthy and I was trying to get fit, I

739
00:34:18,320 --> 00:34:22,320
Speaker 1: had so many questions and I just want I wanted

740
00:34:22,320 --> 00:34:25,120
Speaker 1: to be that person for someone else. And I think

741
00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:27,160
Speaker 1: in the back of my mind it was I did

742
00:34:27,239 --> 00:34:29,080
Speaker 1: it so terribly.

743
00:34:29,200 --> 00:34:31,040
Speaker 3: And in the worst way you could get fit.

744
00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:33,840
Speaker 1: I did it, and I wanted to be that answer

745
00:34:33,840 --> 00:34:37,440
Speaker 1: for someone who is like I've never gotten into fitness,

746
00:34:37,520 --> 00:34:39,120
Speaker 1: or I just want to get healthy or loose some weight.

747
00:34:39,239 --> 00:34:41,960
Speaker 1: I wanted to be that person that was there. Meanwhile,

748
00:34:42,440 --> 00:34:46,000
Speaker 1: I was still struggling, so I would show up to

749
00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:50,280
Speaker 1: these classes and still fighting against what I was eating.

750
00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:52,560
Speaker 1: And then all of a sudden, I started teaching classes

751
00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:55,240
Speaker 1: and I was working twice as much, and my body

752
00:34:55,320 --> 00:34:58,120
Speaker 1: was obviously craving all of this nutrition, and I was

753
00:34:58,239 --> 00:35:02,279
Speaker 1: still having those thought of I shouldn't be eating a sandwich,

754
00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:05,320
Speaker 1: I shouldn't have bread, I shouldn't have pasta. I still

755
00:35:05,400 --> 00:35:08,000
Speaker 1: didn't really have all the knowledge that I have now

756
00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:10,040
Speaker 1: on these things, and I was still struggling.

757
00:35:10,120 --> 00:35:12,560
Speaker 2: So when I was teaching at Bari was the moment

758
00:35:12,680 --> 00:35:16,400
Speaker 2: that I think was my like big moment that told

759
00:35:16,440 --> 00:35:17,439
Speaker 2: me that I.

760
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:18,160
Speaker 3: Was doing it all wrong.

761
00:35:18,400 --> 00:35:18,640
Speaker 2: Yeah.

762
00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:20,280
Speaker 3: I was teaching tons of classes.

763
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:22,400
Speaker 1: I was jumping, and I started training for the New

764
00:35:22,480 --> 00:35:25,360
Speaker 1: York City Marathon, and I had gone to Haiti just

765
00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:27,120
Speaker 1: a few months before, and I had joined with an

766
00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:29,359
Speaker 1: organization that was going to be raising money and I

767
00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:31,879
Speaker 1: was like, yes, this is what I meant to do.

768
00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:34,480
Speaker 1: I meant to, you know, do this marathon and raise

769
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:37,440
Speaker 1: money for Haiti. And I get, you know, all this

770
00:35:37,520 --> 00:35:40,759
Speaker 1: pain going on in my leg. Finally, because I was

771
00:35:40,800 --> 00:35:41,880
Speaker 1: grateful that I had insurance.

772
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:42,759
Speaker 3: I went and got an MRI.

773
00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:47,240
Speaker 1: I got a call from my doctor. And what's funny

774
00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:49,879
Speaker 1: is I was actually traveling abroad and when I got back,

775
00:35:49,920 --> 00:35:53,239
Speaker 1: I turned my phone on and I had message after

776
00:35:53,320 --> 00:35:56,960
Speaker 1: message after message, and every message gradually got more concerned.

777
00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:59,879
Speaker 1: And the first one was, Hey, Ash, you know we'd

778
00:36:00,200 --> 00:36:04,839
Speaker 1: talk to you about your MRI results. That turned into hey, Ash,

779
00:36:04,880 --> 00:36:07,200
Speaker 1: we really need you to get us a call, and

780
00:36:07,239 --> 00:36:09,320
Speaker 1: then the last one was, Ash, it's really important that

781
00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:11,440
Speaker 1: you get off of your foot. And I called them

782
00:36:11,480 --> 00:36:13,120
Speaker 1: the second I landed. I was still on the plane

783
00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:15,960
Speaker 1: and I called them and they said, bring your suitcase,

784
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:18,360
Speaker 1: get in a cab, we'll meet you downstairs.

785
00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:20,279
Speaker 3: And they put me in a wheelchair.

786
00:36:20,280 --> 00:36:23,880
Speaker 1: And I stress fractured my hip, so the top of

787
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:26,359
Speaker 1: my femur actually had a crack in it. And I

788
00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:31,240
Speaker 1: was one dance cardio, one trampoline cardio, one mile away

789
00:36:31,239 --> 00:36:34,960
Speaker 1: from potentially needing hip replacement and breaking my hip completely.

790
00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:38,560
Speaker 1: And you know, it was the moment they like handed

791
00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:40,640
Speaker 1: me crutches and they're like, you can't put your foot

792
00:36:40,680 --> 00:36:44,160
Speaker 1: on the ground for ten weeks. And it was everything

793
00:36:44,200 --> 00:36:46,680
Speaker 1: that I had started to identify myself with I wasn't

794
00:36:46,719 --> 00:36:47,600
Speaker 1: allowed to do so.

795
00:36:47,640 --> 00:36:50,160
Speaker 2: Now I was stuck back in the office. I couldn't move,

796
00:36:50,200 --> 00:36:51,839
Speaker 2: I couldn't dance, I couldn't work out.

797
00:36:52,400 --> 00:36:56,080
Speaker 1: I fell back into that spiral of you know, I

798
00:36:56,080 --> 00:36:59,480
Speaker 1: started eating and being terrified that because I wasn't working out,

799
00:36:59,560 --> 00:37:00,920
Speaker 1: I was going to gain weight or you know. So

800
00:37:00,960 --> 00:37:03,520
Speaker 1: it's I put myself back. And I think that was

801
00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:06,279
Speaker 1: the moment, the second that that happened. I think I

802
00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:09,440
Speaker 1: was halfway through my recovery that I picked up the

803
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:13,640
Speaker 1: phone and I asked a friend, how I find how

804
00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:16,560
Speaker 1: do I find a therapist, How do I find someone

805
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:16,920
Speaker 1: to talk to?

806
00:37:17,200 --> 00:37:18,200
Speaker 3: I just need to talk to somebody.

807
00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:20,640
Speaker 1: I was on crutches, I didn't have a boyfriend, I

808
00:37:20,680 --> 00:37:23,080
Speaker 1: was living alone, and I was like, I just need

809
00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:24,920
Speaker 1: someone to talk to. That's not my parents, that's not

810
00:37:24,960 --> 00:37:27,200
Speaker 1: a best friend. No one knows what I've gone through.

811
00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:29,920
Speaker 1: And it was the first time I sat down with

812
00:37:29,960 --> 00:37:32,759
Speaker 1: someone and was like, my body fell apart because I

813
00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:35,000
Speaker 1: don't take care of it. And then that just kind

814
00:37:35,000 --> 00:37:38,759
Speaker 1: of led into so many big realizations of you know,

815
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:40,360
Speaker 1: what I had done to myself for so many.

816
00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:44,160
Speaker 2: Years, and it's unfortunate that for so many people, myself included.

817
00:37:44,239 --> 00:37:46,399
Speaker 2: We have to go through this moment where we're kind

818
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:49,959
Speaker 2: of beside ourselves with a circumstance or a situation, and.

819
00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:52,600
Speaker 3: That is why we finally ask for help.

820
00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:58,120
Speaker 2: And if there's anything that I can personally help to

821
00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:01,759
Speaker 2: preach into the world, it's that we shouldn't wait for

822
00:38:01,840 --> 00:38:04,440
Speaker 2: the fires to become wildfires.

823
00:38:03,680 --> 00:38:06,080
Speaker 3: For us to, you know, turn on the hose and

824
00:38:06,120 --> 00:38:06,720
Speaker 3: start spring.

825
00:38:07,080 --> 00:38:10,200
Speaker 2: So when I hear you say why you started, it

826
00:38:10,200 --> 00:38:13,879
Speaker 2: makes me think why I started? And so because of that,

827
00:38:14,040 --> 00:38:17,799
Speaker 2: it's just there's nothing more important than talking I think

828
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:20,799
Speaker 2: about these challenges and talking about the fact that you

829
00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:23,239
Speaker 2: went to therapy. I mean, for women, I feel like

830
00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:26,160
Speaker 2: it's something for sure that's becoming a little bit more normalized,

831
00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:29,160
Speaker 2: but certainly nowhere near that point for men.

832
00:38:29,560 --> 00:38:33,120
Speaker 1: Right, it was the scariest thing I did. I didn't

833
00:38:33,120 --> 00:38:35,560
Speaker 1: tell people that I was going to therapy. I actually

834
00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:37,279
Speaker 1: think this is the first time I'm publicly saying and

835
00:38:37,320 --> 00:38:38,680
Speaker 1: I think I put it on my Instagram a few

836
00:38:38,680 --> 00:38:39,120
Speaker 1: months ago.

837
00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:40,440
Speaker 3: Genuinely, I'm not kidding.

838
00:38:40,480 --> 00:38:42,680
Speaker 1: I think I for the very first time acknowledged that

839
00:38:42,719 --> 00:38:44,839
Speaker 1: I went to therapy, and it was the best thing

840
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:47,279
Speaker 1: I did. But it was because I had, you know,

841
00:38:47,480 --> 00:38:51,200
Speaker 1: a voice that you know, wasn't biased to something I'd

842
00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:53,520
Speaker 1: been through or gone through. And it's nice I think that,

843
00:38:53,880 --> 00:38:56,440
Speaker 1: you know, coming on here and talking to you about

844
00:38:56,440 --> 00:38:59,279
Speaker 1: these kind of things. It's so important because how many

845
00:38:59,320 --> 00:39:01,239
Speaker 1: of us have gone through those moments where we've just

846
00:39:01,280 --> 00:39:03,879
Speaker 1: like hit rock bottom because we let it go too

847
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:06,640
Speaker 1: far and the flames took over and we're like, shit,

848
00:39:07,360 --> 00:39:09,920
Speaker 1: I need help, I need help. And you know, I

849
00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:12,160
Speaker 1: think if we started talking more and more about it,

850
00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:14,840
Speaker 1: people would find that it's normal.

851
00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:18,520
Speaker 2: It's also because we feel as though, again talk about

852
00:39:18,560 --> 00:39:20,840
Speaker 2: those external pressures and how we're supposed to be and

853
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:23,000
Speaker 2: who we're supposed to be, and I need.

854
00:39:22,880 --> 00:39:24,640
Speaker 3: To show up for all these other people and this

855
00:39:24,680 --> 00:39:25,279
Speaker 3: is what I have.

856
00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:27,400
Speaker 2: To do, and blah blah, blah blah blah, and like

857
00:39:27,480 --> 00:39:30,320
Speaker 2: when you finally take a step back, even when it's forced,

858
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:32,080
Speaker 2: you're like, how have I been firing like.

859
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:33,000
Speaker 3: This for so long?

860
00:39:33,160 --> 00:39:38,400
Speaker 2: Right? So for you, how do you get out of this?

861
00:39:38,400 --> 00:39:41,640
Speaker 2: Aside from the help from your therapist. I decided to

862
00:39:41,640 --> 00:39:45,120
Speaker 2: stop teaching, and I didn't want to teach dancing. I

863
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:46,759
Speaker 2: didn't want to teach training, and I kind of had

864
00:39:46,760 --> 00:39:49,800
Speaker 2: that moment of I wanted to teach, but I wanted

865
00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:54,040
Speaker 2: to make a bigger stand. And I was beyond terrified,

866
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:56,279
Speaker 2: right because imagine when I came to New York, it

867
00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:59,760
Speaker 2: was too hide from the spotlight, and all of a sudden,

868
00:40:00,080 --> 00:40:03,439
Speaker 2: the thing that I love doing the most became such

869
00:40:03,480 --> 00:40:08,080
Speaker 2: a public image. And that's when Instagram started and it

870
00:40:08,160 --> 00:40:09,319
Speaker 2: was what photos were you taking?

871
00:40:09,320 --> 00:40:09,919
Speaker 3: What are you doing?

872
00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:11,680
Speaker 1: And I just I had this moment where I like

873
00:40:12,040 --> 00:40:13,640
Speaker 1: stuck my foot on the ground and I was like,

874
00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:16,440
Speaker 1: I'm not going to stand for this anymore. We have

875
00:40:16,560 --> 00:40:18,920
Speaker 1: to tell women that they can lift dumb mills. We

876
00:40:18,960 --> 00:40:20,759
Speaker 1: have to tell women that they can be strong. We

877
00:40:20,840 --> 00:40:23,640
Speaker 1: have to stop seeing the word beach body and skinny

878
00:40:24,040 --> 00:40:26,400
Speaker 1: and you know that you want the best abs and

879
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:28,840
Speaker 1: you want tiny arms and a small ass, Like we

880
00:40:28,920 --> 00:40:31,919
Speaker 1: need to stop this, And that was that was kind

881
00:40:31,920 --> 00:40:34,440
Speaker 1: of my I'm going to do something about this, and

882
00:40:34,480 --> 00:40:36,600
Speaker 1: the best way I could do it was to use

883
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:39,040
Speaker 1: a platform and do what I love and also like

884
00:40:39,080 --> 00:40:39,720
Speaker 1: have a voice.

885
00:40:40,040 --> 00:40:42,520
Speaker 3: And that's when I decided to reach out to Berries.

886
00:40:42,880 --> 00:40:46,160
Speaker 1: And I had that moment of when was the only

887
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:48,160
Speaker 1: time I wasn't hurt and when was I the happiest,

888
00:40:48,239 --> 00:40:50,359
Speaker 1: and it was when I was an athlete, right, I

889
00:40:50,400 --> 00:40:51,920
Speaker 1: wasn't thinking about how skinny I was.

890
00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:54,560
Speaker 3: I was thinking about how I performed. Can I swim?

891
00:40:54,760 --> 00:40:55,400
Speaker 3: Can I race?

892
00:40:55,520 --> 00:40:57,200
Speaker 1: Can I you know, do all of these things? And

893
00:40:57,239 --> 00:41:00,160
Speaker 1: I never thought that what I was eating was make

894
00:41:00,239 --> 00:41:02,560
Speaker 1: me skinny. So yeah, so that was kind of how

895
00:41:02,560 --> 00:41:03,399
Speaker 1: I jumped into it.

896
00:41:03,719 --> 00:41:05,680
Speaker 2: Reached out to Barry's because you felt as though it

897
00:41:05,719 --> 00:41:09,160
Speaker 2: was an athletic workout. Yes, So for those of you

898
00:41:09,200 --> 00:41:11,160
Speaker 2: who don't know what Barry's boot Camp is, Barr's boot

899
00:41:11,160 --> 00:41:14,080
Speaker 2: Camp is a fifty to sixty minute class that combines

900
00:41:14,480 --> 00:41:17,440
Speaker 2: cardio and strength training. If you want to hear more

901
00:41:17,440 --> 00:41:19,359
Speaker 2: about Barries, you can click on over to the show

902
00:41:19,400 --> 00:41:23,120
Speaker 2: notes and check out Joey Gonzalez's Hurdle episode.

903
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:23,920
Speaker 3: You are welcome.

904
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:26,879
Speaker 2: In the meantime, you reach out to Barry's and you're like, Hey,

905
00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:28,920
Speaker 2: I am so ready for this.

906
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:31,160
Speaker 3: I want to do this, I want to do this.

907
00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:35,120
Speaker 1: Meanwhile, I was still working full time, and their hesitation

908
00:41:35,280 --> 00:41:38,160
Speaker 1: was we're not looking for part time instructors. And I

909
00:41:38,320 --> 00:41:41,400
Speaker 1: just kind of kept asking and kept asking and kept asking,

910
00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:44,200
Speaker 1: and I was taking a thousand classes just to be that.

911
00:41:44,200 --> 00:41:46,160
Speaker 3: Girl that was showing up in the studio. I was like, Hi,

912
00:41:46,200 --> 00:41:48,160
Speaker 3: I'm here again. I'd love to teach this class.

913
00:41:48,680 --> 00:41:52,840
Speaker 1: And I went to my boss at under Armour at

914
00:41:52,880 --> 00:41:54,160
Speaker 1: the time and I was like, hey, I really want

915
00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:57,359
Speaker 1: to be an instructor on the side, and they were

916
00:41:57,400 --> 00:41:59,960
Speaker 1: like great, you know, take a week off of work

917
00:42:00,320 --> 00:42:02,719
Speaker 1: and I took half days for two weeks and I

918
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:05,719
Speaker 1: went to Berrie's and trained for the two weeks and

919
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:08,600
Speaker 1: then I got the job. Thankfully, they agreed to let

920
00:42:08,600 --> 00:42:11,840
Speaker 1: me teach part time, so I would teach all weekend.

921
00:42:12,080 --> 00:42:14,879
Speaker 1: I would teach at eight o'clock at night. I would

922
00:42:14,920 --> 00:42:16,840
Speaker 1: teach you know, super early in the morning, and then

923
00:42:16,840 --> 00:42:18,319
Speaker 1: I would go to an office job.

924
00:42:18,360 --> 00:42:20,120
Speaker 3: So I literally worked seven days a week. How was

925
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:22,239
Speaker 3: your hip at this time? Healed? Yeah.

926
00:42:22,280 --> 00:42:24,560
Speaker 1: So that was the thing was I finally started taking

927
00:42:24,600 --> 00:42:27,799
Speaker 1: care of myself. And you know what happened was I

928
00:42:27,880 --> 00:42:31,560
Speaker 1: had someone who was close to me within the medical field,

929
00:42:31,800 --> 00:42:34,160
Speaker 1: and you know, they really sat me down. And again

930
00:42:34,200 --> 00:42:35,919
Speaker 1: it's that moment that you don't want to be seen,

931
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:39,680
Speaker 1: but someone sees you and they're like ash, you're overworked

932
00:42:39,800 --> 00:42:43,000
Speaker 1: and you're undernourished. They're like, your bone broke because you

933
00:42:43,080 --> 00:42:45,400
Speaker 1: didn't actually give it the nutrients that it needed. You

934
00:42:45,440 --> 00:42:47,680
Speaker 1: didn't strength train your muscles so that it could support

935
00:42:47,760 --> 00:42:50,319
Speaker 1: your skeleton. Like, there are reasons that you're hurt, and

936
00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:52,440
Speaker 1: I think we need to dig into this, and that's

937
00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:54,560
Speaker 1: what I did. I went to therapy and you know,

938
00:42:54,640 --> 00:42:56,840
Speaker 1: I talked to a nutritionist and I asked all the

939
00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:57,960
Speaker 1: questions that I needed to.

940
00:42:58,080 --> 00:43:00,839
Speaker 3: And I wanted to use them. So, yeah, my hip

941
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:02,680
Speaker 3: was healed. I started strength training again.

942
00:43:03,239 --> 00:43:05,000
Speaker 1: I did it in physical therapy for a bit, and

943
00:43:05,040 --> 00:43:07,160
Speaker 1: then that's when I kind of started going back to

944
00:43:07,200 --> 00:43:10,000
Speaker 1: the things that I loved, which was running and strength training.

945
00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:13,880
Speaker 2: So now that you are feeling more like ash again,

946
00:43:14,480 --> 00:43:16,920
Speaker 2: where are you seeing this kind of payoff and the

947
00:43:16,960 --> 00:43:19,040
Speaker 2: rest of your life? Because I feel like once you

948
00:43:19,120 --> 00:43:21,040
Speaker 2: feel like you can show up for yourself, then so

949
00:43:21,160 --> 00:43:23,000
Speaker 2: many doors they just start to open.

950
00:43:23,239 --> 00:43:26,080
Speaker 1: Yes, well, you know it's interesting you say payoff, but

951
00:43:26,120 --> 00:43:29,279
Speaker 1: I also think it's like an additional weight that you add, right,

952
00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:31,400
Speaker 1: So it's like I always think of things in the

953
00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:33,960
Speaker 1: sense of strength training obviously, so bear with me on that.

954
00:43:34,040 --> 00:43:36,160
Speaker 1: But you know, you have your sled and you're pushing

955
00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:38,080
Speaker 1: your sled, and eventually that sled gets light and you

956
00:43:38,080 --> 00:43:41,400
Speaker 1: have to add weight to it to keep yourself getting stronger.

957
00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:43,560
Speaker 1: So for me, it was like I kept adding all

958
00:43:43,600 --> 00:43:45,440
Speaker 1: these levels and these plates, and it was I was

959
00:43:45,440 --> 00:43:48,719
Speaker 1: taking on more at work because I felt empowered. I

960
00:43:48,760 --> 00:43:51,920
Speaker 1: was doing more in the studio because I was gaining traction.

961
00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:52,920
Speaker 3: I love teaching.

962
00:43:53,280 --> 00:43:55,080
Speaker 1: But then I also got to that moment where I

963
00:43:55,120 --> 00:43:57,840
Speaker 1: was like, this isn't good anymore, so now I have

964
00:43:57,960 --> 00:44:00,600
Speaker 1: to make another decision. So and the thing that I

965
00:44:00,640 --> 00:44:02,319
Speaker 1: loved what I was doing, it also put me at

966
00:44:02,320 --> 00:44:05,920
Speaker 1: that crossroad where I was empowered to teach classes, but

967
00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:07,359
Speaker 1: yet I had a full time job and I had

968
00:44:07,400 --> 00:44:10,040
Speaker 1: to make that decision, and so you make the decision.

969
00:44:10,320 --> 00:44:12,920
Speaker 1: I actually didn't make the decision. The universe kind of

970
00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:15,319
Speaker 1: made it for me. I actually got fired for my job.

971
00:44:15,560 --> 00:44:18,279
Speaker 1: And it was really interesting because I was at this

972
00:44:18,360 --> 00:44:20,759
Speaker 1: crossroads and I wanted to teach full time, and yet

973
00:44:20,760 --> 00:44:23,120
Speaker 1: I wanted to still have this job because in my

974
00:44:23,320 --> 00:44:26,120
Speaker 1: mind I needed to have a full time job because

975
00:44:26,160 --> 00:44:29,799
Speaker 1: being a fitness instructor still wasn't necessarily a successful career.

976
00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:30,080
Speaker 3: In my mind.

977
00:44:30,400 --> 00:44:34,040
Speaker 1: It was probably one of those gut wrenching, sucker punch moments,

978
00:44:34,160 --> 00:44:35,759
Speaker 1: and it was the best thing that happened to me.

979
00:44:36,040 --> 00:44:41,360
Speaker 2: I think that is really interesting because so often people ask,

980
00:44:41,480 --> 00:44:45,040
Speaker 2: you know, how do you just follow what you want

981
00:44:45,080 --> 00:44:45,319
Speaker 2: to do?

982
00:44:45,480 --> 00:44:48,840
Speaker 3: How do you go after this thing with so much instability?

983
00:44:49,040 --> 00:44:52,160
Speaker 2: And the thing is is that there is no roadmap, right, Like,

984
00:44:52,200 --> 00:44:55,120
Speaker 2: no one handed you a roadmap as soon as you

985
00:44:55,160 --> 00:44:57,239
Speaker 2: walked out of your other job and said to you,

986
00:44:57,600 --> 00:44:59,839
Speaker 2: this is exactly what you have to do now, right,

987
00:45:00,160 --> 00:45:02,200
Speaker 2: you have to figure that out, right, So how do

988
00:45:02,239 --> 00:45:03,080
Speaker 2: you start to find.

989
00:45:02,920 --> 00:45:06,000
Speaker 3: Balance with this new way of life? I just kind

990
00:45:06,040 --> 00:45:06,520
Speaker 3: of dove in.

991
00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:09,000
Speaker 1: And again it's that thing where I've always had that

992
00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:11,800
Speaker 1: mentality of I'll just I'll figure it out and it's.

993
00:45:11,600 --> 00:45:12,200
Speaker 3: Going to happen.

994
00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:14,720
Speaker 1: And you know, we do get to those moments where

995
00:45:15,200 --> 00:45:18,239
Speaker 1: we don't actually get to decide, right we're doing all

996
00:45:18,280 --> 00:45:20,759
Speaker 1: these things. We don't get to decide what happens to us.

997
00:45:21,000 --> 00:45:23,200
Speaker 1: We don't get to decide that, you know, we're going

998
00:45:23,280 --> 00:45:25,360
Speaker 1: to get pushed out of a job and then we

999
00:45:25,480 --> 00:45:28,200
Speaker 1: have to go headfirst into another. You know, we don't

1000
00:45:28,920 --> 00:45:30,920
Speaker 1: get to decide what life's going to throw at us.

1001
00:45:30,920 --> 00:45:35,799
Speaker 1: But we are the sum of our responses to those situations.

1002
00:45:36,280 --> 00:45:37,440
Speaker 3: And I think that's what it was.

1003
00:45:37,560 --> 00:45:39,840
Speaker 1: It was life's thrown a lot of shit my way

1004
00:45:40,000 --> 00:45:42,720
Speaker 1: and I figured it out. So it was, hey, guys,

1005
00:45:42,840 --> 00:45:45,160
Speaker 1: I'm here, I'm going to do this full time, and

1006
00:45:45,600 --> 00:45:47,680
Speaker 1: I just started, you know, taking it one step at

1007
00:45:47,680 --> 00:45:50,799
Speaker 1: a time. Little things like okay, I'm a fitness instructor now,

1008
00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:53,560
Speaker 1: but you know, I don't have a degree in kinesiology

1009
00:45:53,719 --> 00:45:55,320
Speaker 1: or I don't have these certifications.

1010
00:45:55,360 --> 00:45:58,080
Speaker 2: And I started kind of leaning into that even more. Yeah,

1011
00:45:58,120 --> 00:45:59,799
Speaker 2: so do you start to start up or what do

1012
00:45:59,840 --> 00:46:00,080
Speaker 2: you do?

1013
00:46:00,239 --> 00:46:00,759
Speaker 3: Absolutely?

1014
00:46:00,880 --> 00:46:03,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, definitely does that look like? So the nice

1015
00:46:03,680 --> 00:46:05,400
Speaker 1: thing is, you know, when I was going into Berries,

1016
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:08,880
Speaker 1: they require that you have a certification a CPT to

1017
00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:11,680
Speaker 1: go into it as a personal trainer, which is great

1018
00:46:11,719 --> 00:46:15,000
Speaker 1: and you know, unfortunately some gyms don't require that, but

1019
00:46:15,160 --> 00:46:17,240
Speaker 1: I had it. Meanwhile, again, it was something I studied

1020
00:46:17,239 --> 00:46:19,840
Speaker 1: for while I was working full time, and then the

1021
00:46:19,880 --> 00:46:23,600
Speaker 1: second I got done, it was asking myself, you know,

1022
00:46:23,640 --> 00:46:25,600
Speaker 1: what are things that I've gone through as an athlete

1023
00:46:25,640 --> 00:46:28,560
Speaker 1: or something that I've gone through that my clients are

1024
00:46:28,560 --> 00:46:31,080
Speaker 1: going to ask. And it was everything from I need

1025
00:46:31,120 --> 00:46:34,560
Speaker 1: mobility or hey I can't squat, how do I fix

1026
00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:37,319
Speaker 1: my squad? Or how do I start over, and I

1027
00:46:37,360 --> 00:46:40,880
Speaker 1: just started researching all these SARTs and doing little, you know,

1028
00:46:40,920 --> 00:46:43,879
Speaker 1: little bit certifications whenever I could, because I couldn't.

1029
00:46:43,600 --> 00:46:45,799
Speaker 3: Go back to school full time. Right. I find it

1030
00:46:45,840 --> 00:46:47,000
Speaker 3: interesting what you said before.

1031
00:46:47,080 --> 00:46:48,560
Speaker 2: It was like I didn't want to leave my full

1032
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:50,840
Speaker 2: time job yet because I didn't want to just be

1033
00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:55,560
Speaker 2: a trainer. I think, especially within the last few years,

1034
00:46:55,880 --> 00:46:59,840
Speaker 2: the stigma that has surrounded for so long, this idea

1035
00:47:00,160 --> 00:47:05,440
Speaker 2: being just a trainer, Right, I would vouch that it's gone. Yes,

1036
00:47:05,840 --> 00:47:09,960
Speaker 2: do you still feel a certain level of I don't

1037
00:47:10,000 --> 00:47:13,160
Speaker 2: know what the right word is here, a certain level of.

1038
00:47:13,760 --> 00:47:16,600
Speaker 3: Pressure to be more than a trainer.

1039
00:47:17,040 --> 00:47:22,239
Speaker 1: I do think that those stigmas have gone away, But

1040
00:47:22,760 --> 00:47:24,680
Speaker 1: I also think it was a little bit of In

1041
00:47:24,760 --> 00:47:29,799
Speaker 1: my mind, I still viewed being successful as a full

1042
00:47:29,840 --> 00:47:32,880
Speaker 1: time career with a four oh one K and benefits

1043
00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:37,560
Speaker 1: and working for a bigger company, because that's what I

1044
00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:40,000
Speaker 1: was always told. And again, you know, my parents didn't

1045
00:47:40,000 --> 00:47:41,839
Speaker 1: have that, they didn't have degrees, they didn't do all

1046
00:47:41,880 --> 00:47:46,000
Speaker 1: these things. So in my mind, success was climbing the

1047
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:48,800
Speaker 1: corporate ladder. And yet I moved to a city where

1048
00:47:48,840 --> 00:47:51,960
Speaker 1: I was told otherwise. All of a sudden, there were

1049
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:54,279
Speaker 1: these different paths and I could be a freelancer, I

1050
00:47:54,320 --> 00:47:59,160
Speaker 1: could teach classes. There were so many options, and I

1051
00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:02,360
Speaker 1: still think that people struggle with that. And you know,

1052
00:48:02,440 --> 00:48:04,120
Speaker 1: I think that we're lucky to live in a city

1053
00:48:04,200 --> 00:48:07,640
Speaker 1: that's a little more accepting of that. But to be honest,

1054
00:48:07,680 --> 00:48:10,319
Speaker 1: if I went back home to Louisiana, I don't know

1055
00:48:11,040 --> 00:48:13,000
Speaker 1: if being the instructor that I am in New York

1056
00:48:13,000 --> 00:48:16,040
Speaker 1: City would feel successful right in a small town in Louisiana.

1057
00:48:16,120 --> 00:48:18,719
Speaker 1: I think what's interesting is like this idea that success

1058
00:48:18,800 --> 00:48:23,080
Speaker 1: is never final. Right, So, at one time in your life,

1059
00:48:23,120 --> 00:48:26,440
Speaker 1: if you deemed success to be climbing the corporate ladder

1060
00:48:27,000 --> 00:48:30,880
Speaker 1: right now, if you ask yourself, what does success look like,

1061
00:48:31,760 --> 00:48:34,440
Speaker 1: your definition would be completely different. It's the same thing,

1062
00:48:34,480 --> 00:48:38,080
Speaker 1: like failure isn't final, failure isn't fatal. We have the

1063
00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:42,080
Speaker 1: opportunity then to take those missteps or take the things

1064
00:48:42,120 --> 00:48:45,120
Speaker 1: that we didn't plan on, like what happened with your job,

1065
00:48:45,480 --> 00:48:48,879
Speaker 1: and say, okay, now what is my opportunity?

1066
00:48:49,080 --> 00:48:52,719
Speaker 2: Right? Because if you don't do that again, you're what

1067
00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:54,640
Speaker 2: you're saying about, like, all right, well this is how

1068
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:57,719
Speaker 2: it is now, Like that's what helps you get what

1069
00:48:57,719 --> 00:48:59,360
Speaker 2: it is that you want, even if you don't know

1070
00:48:59,400 --> 00:49:01,200
Speaker 2: what that is just yet.

1071
00:49:00,960 --> 00:49:01,880
Speaker 3: And that never changes.

1072
00:49:02,120 --> 00:49:06,040
Speaker 1: We're constantly still asking ourselves like what's next, what's going

1073
00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:10,200
Speaker 1: to change, And how we identify ourselves is not based

1074
00:49:10,239 --> 00:49:13,120
Speaker 1: necessarily on what we're doing, but what we're going after

1075
00:49:13,200 --> 00:49:14,239
Speaker 1: and what we're accomplishing.

1076
00:49:14,400 --> 00:49:18,560
Speaker 2: Anyway, I introduced you today as a Rumble instructor, So

1077
00:49:18,760 --> 00:49:21,080
Speaker 2: talk to me about how things go at Berries and

1078
00:49:21,120 --> 00:49:25,040
Speaker 2: when you make the pivot. So I jumped full time

1079
00:49:25,200 --> 00:49:28,360
Speaker 2: into Berries and I was there for just a few months.

1080
00:49:28,440 --> 00:49:32,760
Speaker 3: And meanwhile, I have known the guys that started Rumble.

1081
00:49:32,760 --> 00:49:35,560
Speaker 1: I've known Eugene, I met Andy stems Er, I knew

1082
00:49:35,560 --> 00:49:38,400
Speaker 1: Noah for a really long time, and they actually approached

1083
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:41,040
Speaker 1: me before I started with Berries.

1084
00:49:41,520 --> 00:49:43,400
Speaker 3: And at the time, I was still working full time.

1085
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:45,840
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be a part of a startup

1086
00:49:46,440 --> 00:49:50,319
Speaker 1: again because in my mind, that was a very uncomfortable

1087
00:49:50,360 --> 00:49:50,960
Speaker 1: area to be.

1088
00:49:51,040 --> 00:49:52,600
Speaker 3: I didn't want to be unsure.

1089
00:49:52,640 --> 00:49:56,080
Speaker 1: I wanted a little bit of stability, and they also

1090
00:49:56,080 --> 00:49:58,040
Speaker 1: were looking for full time instructors. I was like, you

1091
00:49:58,040 --> 00:49:59,839
Speaker 1: know what, I'm still working full time.

1092
00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:02,200
Speaker 2: I'm going to do this part time gig and I'm

1093
00:50:02,200 --> 00:50:05,160
Speaker 2: going to go with Berries and by the way, it

1094
00:50:05,200 --> 00:50:06,560
Speaker 2: was the best decision I ever made.

1095
00:50:06,680 --> 00:50:08,600
Speaker 1: Doing what I did was hands down where I should

1096
00:50:08,600 --> 00:50:10,799
Speaker 1: have been. But I was there for a little bit

1097
00:50:10,880 --> 00:50:13,880
Speaker 1: and rumble started, and I had taken a few classes

1098
00:50:13,880 --> 00:50:16,600
Speaker 1: and I really did love it, and I think I

1099
00:50:16,680 --> 00:50:19,360
Speaker 1: just kind of had that moment of you know, I

1100
00:50:19,360 --> 00:50:22,360
Speaker 1: had talked to Noah, I talked to Eugene, and you know,

1101
00:50:22,400 --> 00:50:24,480
Speaker 1: they kept being like, you know, do you ever want

1102
00:50:24,480 --> 00:50:26,719
Speaker 1: to come over? You know your backgrounds in boxing, you

1103
00:50:26,840 --> 00:50:30,919
Speaker 1: might love doing this. And again I kind of hit

1104
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:33,440
Speaker 1: that roadblock where I had to make a decision instead

1105
00:50:33,440 --> 00:50:35,040
Speaker 1: of like waiting for it to happen, I was like,

1106
00:50:35,080 --> 00:50:38,200
Speaker 1: you know what, I grew up doing martial arts. I

1107
00:50:38,280 --> 00:50:41,040
Speaker 1: literally started when I was five. I have a secondary

1108
00:50:41,080 --> 00:50:45,799
Speaker 1: black belt in taekwondo. If I can take what I'm

1109
00:50:45,800 --> 00:50:48,560
Speaker 1: doing now, which is to empower people to be strong

1110
00:50:48,600 --> 00:50:50,919
Speaker 1: and feel strong, and I can do something that I've

1111
00:50:50,960 --> 00:50:53,359
Speaker 1: done since I was a kid, and I could also

1112
00:50:53,800 --> 00:50:55,719
Speaker 1: do that and teach it to women and to men,

1113
00:50:56,320 --> 00:50:59,719
Speaker 1: I absolutely want to, and so it was less of

1114
00:51:00,040 --> 00:51:02,400
Speaker 1: waiting for life to make the change for me, and

1115
00:51:02,440 --> 00:51:03,719
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm going to do this, and I

1116
00:51:03,800 --> 00:51:05,840
Speaker 1: jumped and I joined rumble.

1117
00:51:06,000 --> 00:51:07,920
Speaker 3: I loved it. I loved teaching boxing.

1118
00:51:08,480 --> 00:51:11,000
Speaker 1: There was nothing that made me feel stronger than being

1119
00:51:11,000 --> 00:51:12,840
Speaker 1: a female on the stage that knew what she was

1120
00:51:12,880 --> 00:51:17,240
Speaker 1: talking about. And from there it was okay, what's next.

1121
00:51:17,440 --> 00:51:20,239
Speaker 1: And then that's when we made the decision to launch treadmills,

1122
00:51:20,280 --> 00:51:22,680
Speaker 1: and of course I was all on board for that.

1123
00:51:23,040 --> 00:51:26,000
Speaker 2: When you look back on the last six years as

1124
00:51:26,000 --> 00:51:29,239
Speaker 2: a fitness instructor, are there any specific experiences that you

1125
00:51:29,320 --> 00:51:32,120
Speaker 2: reflect on as being like some of the best parts.

1126
00:51:32,960 --> 00:51:37,040
Speaker 1: I think every phase always has its highs and its lows.

1127
00:51:38,040 --> 00:51:39,319
Speaker 3: I'll never forget, you know.

1128
00:51:39,320 --> 00:51:41,520
Speaker 1: When I was at BARI, we used to do this

1129
00:51:41,640 --> 00:51:44,120
Speaker 1: program that was called fail Proof and we would give

1130
00:51:44,440 --> 00:51:47,200
Speaker 1: these the new year's plans. We would do all these

1131
00:51:47,239 --> 00:51:51,359
Speaker 1: measurements and literally help these women lose weight. And I

1132
00:51:51,400 --> 00:51:53,640
Speaker 1: had a client that came in and she was like,

1133
00:51:53,680 --> 00:51:55,359
Speaker 1: I don't want you to bring the tape measure out.

1134
00:51:55,600 --> 00:51:57,319
Speaker 1: I want you to make me feel better. I don't

1135
00:51:57,320 --> 00:51:58,799
Speaker 1: want to have numbers that I have to go by.

1136
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:01,400
Speaker 1: And for me, I was like, yes, let's do this.

1137
00:52:01,800 --> 00:52:05,120
Speaker 1: And from there on, I stopped asking clients to check

1138
00:52:05,160 --> 00:52:08,120
Speaker 1: the scales. I stopped asking clients to like measure their

1139
00:52:08,160 --> 00:52:11,040
Speaker 1: waste and measure their bicep and how small.

1140
00:52:10,800 --> 00:52:11,520
Speaker 3: Their thighs were.

1141
00:52:11,840 --> 00:52:13,640
Speaker 1: So for me, that was a big moment right when

1142
00:52:13,640 --> 00:52:16,680
Speaker 1: I was at Barry's. You know, I was, I was training,

1143
00:52:16,719 --> 00:52:19,440
Speaker 1: and I was using this method, and I wanted to

1144
00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:23,400
Speaker 1: make this statement that like what I was teaching was

1145
00:52:23,440 --> 00:52:26,799
Speaker 1: going to work. And I decided to do a triathlon

1146
00:52:27,080 --> 00:52:30,239
Speaker 1: and I just so happened to win. And it was

1147
00:52:30,280 --> 00:52:33,040
Speaker 1: my opportunity to be like, I am not skinny, I'm

1148
00:52:33,040 --> 00:52:36,800
Speaker 1: not a double zero. I've got muscles now, I'm healthy,

1149
00:52:37,040 --> 00:52:40,000
Speaker 1: I'm not anorexic or balimic. I don't have an eating

1150
00:52:40,000 --> 00:52:42,239
Speaker 1: disorder anymore. And by the way, I just want a triathlon.

1151
00:52:42,880 --> 00:52:45,120
Speaker 1: And I couldn't have done any of that had I

1152
00:52:45,239 --> 00:52:47,680
Speaker 1: been that person that I was three years before, still

1153
00:52:47,719 --> 00:52:50,840
Speaker 1: making myself sick or not lifting weights. So again, like

1154
00:52:50,880 --> 00:52:54,880
Speaker 1: I've had all of those moments, and with Rumble, you know,

1155
00:52:54,920 --> 00:52:58,520
Speaker 1: it's just I don't know if I have one specific

1156
00:52:58,520 --> 00:53:00,400
Speaker 1: and I think it maybe it's because I'm still writing

1157
00:53:00,440 --> 00:53:03,080
Speaker 1: that story. Yeah, I'm still moving in that direction. I

1158
00:53:03,080 --> 00:53:04,880
Speaker 1: think we're always writing the story always.

1159
00:53:05,880 --> 00:53:09,600
Speaker 2: When it comes to your triathlon training, and I know

1160
00:53:09,640 --> 00:53:13,920
Speaker 2: you recently ran your first half marathon, the beaming smile

1161
00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:19,600
Speaker 2: is so excited. What really got you into that to triathlon?

1162
00:53:19,719 --> 00:53:20,680
Speaker 3: Yeah?

1163
00:53:20,840 --> 00:53:23,520
Speaker 2: I had a friend that decided to do team and

1164
00:53:23,560 --> 00:53:28,279
Speaker 2: training and she wanted someone to train with and I

1165
00:53:28,400 --> 00:53:29,480
Speaker 2: just so happened to be a swimmer.

1166
00:53:29,560 --> 00:53:30,600
Speaker 3: And she found that out and.

1167
00:53:30,560 --> 00:53:32,600
Speaker 1: She's like, hey, why don't you do the triathlon and

1168
00:53:32,640 --> 00:53:34,359
Speaker 1: you can kind of teach me how to swim. And

1169
00:53:34,400 --> 00:53:37,360
Speaker 1: again that was when I had that moment of yeah,

1170
00:53:37,400 --> 00:53:39,279
Speaker 1: like if I could teach someone how to do something

1171
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:41,040
Speaker 1: or help someone, you know, reach the goal.

1172
00:53:40,960 --> 00:53:41,279
Speaker 2: I'm in.

1173
00:53:42,400 --> 00:53:45,400
Speaker 1: And I did my first triathlon in Staten Island. I

1174
00:53:45,440 --> 00:53:48,880
Speaker 1: had a steel bike, I didn't clip in. I always

1175
00:53:48,960 --> 00:53:51,080
Speaker 1: joked that I wore like old school Nike freeze that

1176
00:53:51,120 --> 00:53:53,560
Speaker 1: you should not wear more than like, you know, two miles.

1177
00:53:53,560 --> 00:53:56,160
Speaker 2: And I ran all these miles and them, you know.

1178
00:53:56,200 --> 00:53:57,719
Speaker 3: And then from there, I just I learned about it,

1179
00:53:57,760 --> 00:53:59,760
Speaker 3: and then I kept going, kept going.

1180
00:54:00,280 --> 00:54:02,400
Speaker 2: I feel like, at some point, you're going to tell me,

1181
00:54:02,440 --> 00:54:06,280
Speaker 2: in addition to being a martial artist like Miss Usa

1182
00:54:06,760 --> 00:54:10,440
Speaker 2: karate Kid, you swim, you also cheerleaded, Like You're going

1183
00:54:10,520 --> 00:54:12,960
Speaker 2: to tell me that you had a stint on America's

1184
00:54:13,000 --> 00:54:16,280
Speaker 2: Next Great Big Show or something, and it wouldn't surprise

1185
00:54:16,360 --> 00:54:16,799
Speaker 2: me in.

1186
00:54:16,800 --> 00:54:19,240
Speaker 3: The least, Like what a jack of all trades.

1187
00:54:19,640 --> 00:54:22,239
Speaker 2: I just I always like to try different things and

1188
00:54:23,520 --> 00:54:25,880
Speaker 2: you know, go from there, go from there. Yeah, So

1189
00:54:26,160 --> 00:54:28,560
Speaker 2: what do you do these days aside from working out?

1190
00:54:28,640 --> 00:54:31,920
Speaker 2: That is you giving back to you? Because this is

1191
00:54:31,920 --> 00:54:34,000
Speaker 2: a question that I am working to answer myself.

1192
00:54:34,239 --> 00:54:36,760
Speaker 1: This is the heaviest question, oh ask me, I guess

1193
00:54:36,800 --> 00:54:38,359
Speaker 1: almost like when people ask me what do I do.

1194
00:54:38,320 --> 00:54:40,440
Speaker 3: For self care? I'm like, duh, do you have to

1195
00:54:40,440 --> 00:54:41,240
Speaker 3: ask me this question?

1196
00:54:41,280 --> 00:54:43,880
Speaker 1: It's so serious to be honest, like what I do

1197
00:54:44,000 --> 00:54:49,359
Speaker 1: for me right now is working because what I want

1198
00:54:49,400 --> 00:54:52,600
Speaker 1: to accomplish is like I'm getting there and I'm in

1199
00:54:52,600 --> 00:54:54,160
Speaker 1: that phase. And I think we all have those moments

1200
00:54:54,200 --> 00:54:56,960
Speaker 1: where we want to build and we really know what

1201
00:54:57,000 --> 00:55:00,640
Speaker 1: we're going after. And right now it's on my own

1202
00:55:01,000 --> 00:55:03,920
Speaker 1: and really building this career that I have. And then

1203
00:55:03,920 --> 00:55:08,600
Speaker 1: also training for something you know that I've been wanting

1204
00:55:08,600 --> 00:55:10,839
Speaker 1: to do for a long time. So I did half

1205
00:55:10,840 --> 00:55:13,000
Speaker 1: marathon that was for me I've been wanting to run.

1206
00:55:13,840 --> 00:55:18,399
Speaker 1: And then this summer I actually haven't technically announced it yet,

1207
00:55:18,440 --> 00:55:21,760
Speaker 1: but I am going to ride my bike from Portland

1208
00:55:21,840 --> 00:55:25,120
Speaker 1: to New York City. It's happening amazing data set Bike

1209
00:55:25,960 --> 00:55:28,960
Speaker 1: is owned, and yeah.

1210
00:55:28,960 --> 00:55:31,480
Speaker 2: I love what you said about I'm just really enjoying

1211
00:55:31,520 --> 00:55:35,479
Speaker 2: being on my own. I think that it's a hard

1212
00:55:35,520 --> 00:55:39,600
Speaker 2: thing to get to, right. It is to truly enjoy

1213
00:55:40,840 --> 00:55:46,320
Speaker 2: time spent alone and not be worried or feel super

1214
00:55:46,320 --> 00:55:47,560
Speaker 2: lonely in that process.

1215
00:55:47,840 --> 00:55:50,200
Speaker 1: And it's also acknowledging that you're strong enough to be

1216
00:55:50,400 --> 00:55:53,520
Speaker 1: on your own. I think for so long, you know,

1217
00:55:53,560 --> 00:55:56,480
Speaker 1: we all have our safety nets that we keep in

1218
00:55:56,520 --> 00:56:00,400
Speaker 1: place and if something happens, we're okay, right if something happens,

1219
00:56:00,400 --> 00:56:02,360
Speaker 1: we have our parents or you know, I have a

1220
00:56:02,400 --> 00:56:04,400
Speaker 1: savings or have this and that, And for me, I

1221
00:56:04,440 --> 00:56:06,840
Speaker 1: think all safety nets were like kind of I just

1222
00:56:06,920 --> 00:56:08,520
Speaker 1: ripped all them out and I was like, you know what,

1223
00:56:09,120 --> 00:56:11,279
Speaker 1: I'm on my own and I kind of have to

1224
00:56:11,320 --> 00:56:13,240
Speaker 1: do this because I'm by myself.

1225
00:56:13,480 --> 00:56:15,000
Speaker 2: What would you say, has been one of the best

1226
00:56:15,120 --> 00:56:19,920
Speaker 2: lessons you've learned embracing this time by yourself.

1227
00:56:20,160 --> 00:56:22,319
Speaker 3: It's heavy sometimes it is, but.

1228
00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:26,319
Speaker 1: I also think it's really important to remember that even

1229
00:56:26,360 --> 00:56:29,759
Speaker 1: though we're on our own and we're doing it by ourselves,

1230
00:56:30,040 --> 00:56:33,520
Speaker 1: we're not alone. I've reminded myself that it's important to

1231
00:56:33,520 --> 00:56:37,480
Speaker 1: ask for help and to learn from others so that I,

1232
00:56:37,680 --> 00:56:39,799
Speaker 1: you know, that I can be even more independent. But

1233
00:56:39,960 --> 00:56:42,280
Speaker 1: at first I thought I had to do everything by myself,

1234
00:56:42,760 --> 00:56:44,840
Speaker 1: and then I realized that it was quite the burden

1235
00:56:44,880 --> 00:56:47,480
Speaker 1: to bear, and I allowed myself. And I think that's

1236
00:56:47,520 --> 00:56:52,360
Speaker 1: a really important word is I allowed myself to fail.

1237
00:56:52,480 --> 00:56:54,720
Speaker 1: I allowed myself to ask for help. I allowed myself

1238
00:56:54,760 --> 00:56:57,080
Speaker 1: to leave or to change or to pivot. And that's

1239
00:56:57,160 --> 00:56:59,360
Speaker 1: kind of been the one big lesson. I keep reminding

1240
00:56:59,360 --> 00:57:01,840
Speaker 1: myself that I'm allowed to do whatever it is I

1241
00:57:01,880 --> 00:57:04,120
Speaker 1: need to do and to ask for help. I think

1242
00:57:04,120 --> 00:57:05,040
Speaker 1: that's the other thing, right.

1243
00:57:05,080 --> 00:57:08,200
Speaker 2: It's especially in this industry that we're in, where it

1244
00:57:08,280 --> 00:57:10,879
Speaker 2: is so much about showing up for other people and

1245
00:57:11,239 --> 00:57:14,680
Speaker 2: like showing up in public and doing events and YadA,

1246
00:57:14,760 --> 00:57:18,640
Speaker 2: YadA YadA. I personally had this kind of crossroads last

1247
00:57:18,680 --> 00:57:22,320
Speaker 2: year where I was realizing that I wasn't asking people

1248
00:57:22,360 --> 00:57:24,840
Speaker 2: to show up for me. And it wasn't that they

1249
00:57:24,840 --> 00:57:27,280
Speaker 2: didn't want to, but because I didn't tell them that

1250
00:57:27,360 --> 00:57:30,320
Speaker 2: it was important, then I would get disappointed. Right, But

1251
00:57:30,640 --> 00:57:33,400
Speaker 2: what an important lesson it is to express to people

1252
00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:37,160
Speaker 2: not just on social media, but in real life, like, Hey,

1253
00:57:37,320 --> 00:57:39,560
Speaker 2: it would mean a lot to me if you would

1254
00:57:39,560 --> 00:57:41,760
Speaker 2: show up here, or if we could do this thing together,

1255
00:57:42,000 --> 00:57:44,600
Speaker 2: or I might need some help with this. And again

1256
00:57:44,680 --> 00:57:47,440
Speaker 2: it's a muscle that you have to get used to flexing. Right. Yeah,

1257
00:57:47,640 --> 00:57:49,920
Speaker 2: it's a voice that you have to find, and it's

1258
00:57:49,920 --> 00:57:55,880
Speaker 2: a genuine I need, I would like I want, And

1259
00:57:55,960 --> 00:57:58,400
Speaker 2: it's such a selfish place for us to come from.

1260
00:57:58,680 --> 00:58:01,360
Speaker 3: But I think we forget that we have to be selfish.

1261
00:58:01,400 --> 00:58:03,400
Speaker 1: And I think one of the things you've said it before,

1262
00:58:03,440 --> 00:58:04,959
Speaker 1: and it's something that's ingrained in my brain.

1263
00:58:05,040 --> 00:58:06,400
Speaker 3: It's like put someone.

1264
00:58:06,160 --> 00:58:08,960
Speaker 1: Else's oxygen, or put your oxygen mask on before you

1265
00:58:09,040 --> 00:58:11,560
Speaker 1: get out somebody else. And it's true, like you have

1266
00:58:11,640 --> 00:58:14,000
Speaker 1: to be selfish and ask for help and say you

1267
00:58:14,040 --> 00:58:17,600
Speaker 1: need this and you want this before you can. You know,

1268
00:58:18,440 --> 00:58:19,160
Speaker 1: look elsewhere.

1269
00:58:19,840 --> 00:58:23,040
Speaker 2: People come to your Instagram page and they see a

1270
00:58:23,120 --> 00:58:26,960
Speaker 2: woman that's got some great abs, and they might not

1271
00:58:27,000 --> 00:58:29,400
Speaker 2: tell this right off the bat, but she's super energetic

1272
00:58:29,560 --> 00:58:32,800
Speaker 2: and she has this big, beautiful smile on her face.

1273
00:58:33,240 --> 00:58:36,160
Speaker 2: When you look in the mirror, what is it that

1274
00:58:36,240 --> 00:58:37,880
Speaker 2: you see looking back at you.

1275
00:58:39,400 --> 00:58:42,160
Speaker 1: I see someone who's not done. I see someone who's

1276
00:58:42,240 --> 00:58:47,360
Speaker 1: just starting. I see someone who has been hurt, who

1277
00:58:47,520 --> 00:58:51,400
Speaker 1: has trusted, who has failed, who has fallen. I've seen,

1278
00:58:51,480 --> 00:58:54,040
Speaker 1: I see all of these emotions, and yet I see

1279
00:58:54,040 --> 00:58:59,120
Speaker 1: some still see someone standing And I think that's like,

1280
00:58:59,200 --> 00:59:01,440
Speaker 1: That's something that I've a you know, always remind myself

1281
00:59:01,480 --> 00:59:04,480
Speaker 1: is that I'm still here. I'm still standing and regardless

1282
00:59:04,480 --> 00:59:06,240
Speaker 1: of what I've gone through and what people think of me,

1283
00:59:06,400 --> 00:59:08,240
Speaker 1: and I'm still here and I'm still standing, and I

1284
00:59:08,320 --> 00:59:11,800
Speaker 1: have that ability to breathe and to move and to

1285
00:59:11,960 --> 00:59:15,280
Speaker 1: use my voice, and I see that I still have

1286
00:59:15,360 --> 00:59:16,240
Speaker 1: a lot left to do.

1287
00:59:16,760 --> 00:59:18,800
Speaker 2: There are probably a lot of people listening to this

1288
00:59:18,920 --> 00:59:25,120
Speaker 2: podcast that have felt as you have, dealing with insecurities

1289
00:59:25,160 --> 00:59:29,360
Speaker 2: about their body, potentially maybe also struggling with some form

1290
00:59:29,440 --> 00:59:34,080
Speaker 2: of eating disorder. Do you have words or advice that

1291
00:59:34,120 --> 00:59:37,640
Speaker 2: you would offer to them about how to maybe cope

1292
00:59:38,120 --> 00:59:39,560
Speaker 2: with this time in their life.

1293
00:59:40,200 --> 00:59:40,800
Speaker 3: I think the.

1294
00:59:40,840 --> 00:59:46,280
Speaker 1: First thing that I would say is allow yourself to

1295
00:59:46,400 --> 00:59:50,640
Speaker 1: acknowledge what's truly happening without having to have a plan

1296
00:59:50,720 --> 00:59:52,920
Speaker 1: to change it or feel like you have to change it.

1297
00:59:53,960 --> 00:59:58,240
Speaker 1: I think the most powerful thing you can do is

1298
00:59:58,320 --> 01:00:02,480
Speaker 1: to say the words out loud. I'll never forget sitting

1299
01:00:03,080 --> 01:00:06,280
Speaker 1: with my therapist and saying the words, I have an

1300
01:00:06,280 --> 01:00:10,280
Speaker 1: eating disorder, I'm not healthy, I'm not okay, I'm not

1301
01:00:10,520 --> 01:00:14,320
Speaker 1: safe with myself. And I genuinely I've always said that

1302
01:00:14,400 --> 01:00:18,000
Speaker 1: putting things out, not writing it, not you know, thinking it,

1303
01:00:18,080 --> 01:00:22,320
Speaker 1: but actually saying the words and asking for help. And

1304
01:00:22,880 --> 01:00:25,360
Speaker 1: you don't have to plan to fix anything. You don't

1305
01:00:25,360 --> 01:00:28,160
Speaker 1: have to have a plan to change anything what you're doing.

1306
01:00:28,200 --> 01:00:30,840
Speaker 1: You just have to acknowledge that maybe you need help.

1307
01:00:31,520 --> 01:00:34,960
Speaker 1: And from there, I think there's a world of opportunity

1308
01:00:35,000 --> 01:00:38,200
Speaker 1: as to how you can handle your own situation. I

1309
01:00:38,240 --> 01:00:40,600
Speaker 1: think it's really important to say that word this is

1310
01:00:40,920 --> 01:00:44,040
Speaker 1: this is my situation, and this is something that I'm

1311
01:00:44,080 --> 01:00:46,560
Speaker 1: going through because there's not a one size fits all

1312
01:00:47,120 --> 01:00:51,600
Speaker 1: fixed to anything, especially when it comes to a needing

1313
01:00:51,640 --> 01:00:56,520
Speaker 1: disorder or you know, body dysmorphia. You kind of have

1314
01:00:56,640 --> 01:01:01,160
Speaker 1: to allow yourself to feel all the feels and start slow,

1315
01:01:01,360 --> 01:01:04,360
Speaker 1: start little things, but allow yourself to be seen. It's

1316
01:01:04,360 --> 01:01:06,000
Speaker 1: what I go back to, Allow yourself to be seen

1317
01:01:06,040 --> 01:01:09,560
Speaker 1: and to be heard, ask for help and take it

1318
01:01:09,560 --> 01:01:12,160
Speaker 1: a little all the time. And also, it's like everything else,

1319
01:01:12,160 --> 01:01:15,040
Speaker 1: if you fail, right, if you go back to old habits,

1320
01:01:15,040 --> 01:01:17,640
Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that it's over. It just means that

1321
01:01:18,440 --> 01:01:20,320
Speaker 1: something came back into your life and you have to

1322
01:01:20,440 --> 01:01:22,040
Speaker 1: acknowledge that you don't want it anymore.

1323
01:01:22,680 --> 01:01:27,120
Speaker 2: When you look back over the last ten fifteen years

1324
01:01:27,160 --> 01:01:30,760
Speaker 2: and you see this girl at so many times struggling

1325
01:01:30,880 --> 01:01:33,960
Speaker 2: figuring out who it is that she is a woman

1326
01:01:34,240 --> 01:01:37,960
Speaker 2: going through a hurdle moment of dealing with pageantry and

1327
01:01:38,040 --> 01:01:41,240
Speaker 2: feeling so stuck and so alone. When you look at

1328
01:01:41,240 --> 01:01:43,240
Speaker 2: that girl right now and you have an opportunity to

1329
01:01:43,280 --> 01:01:46,120
Speaker 2: offer her one piece of advice, what is it that

1330
01:01:46,200 --> 01:01:49,920
Speaker 2: you tell her? I tell her that she's much much,

1331
01:01:50,680 --> 01:01:56,240
Speaker 2: much stronger than she realizes. That she's allowed to feel

1332
01:01:56,280 --> 01:02:00,920
Speaker 2: the things to fail, she's allowed to not be the

1333
01:02:00,960 --> 01:02:05,840
Speaker 2: perfect image, and she's allowed to live exactly how she

1334
01:02:05,880 --> 01:02:10,000
Speaker 2: wants to without having to give an explanation, without having

1335
01:02:10,000 --> 01:02:12,960
Speaker 2: to hesitate, and without ever having to apologize for the

1336
01:02:13,000 --> 01:02:17,320
Speaker 2: decisions that she makes. I love it, Thanks lady, Thanks love.

1337
01:02:17,800 --> 01:02:20,040
Speaker 2: Please take a moment and leave a quick review of

1338
01:02:20,040 --> 01:02:22,360
Speaker 2: the podcast by clicking the link with the description to

1339
01:02:22,400 --> 01:02:25,640
Speaker 2: this episode. We all face multiple hurdles in life. I

1340
01:02:25,680 --> 01:02:27,320
Speaker 2: want to hear about yours. Reach out to me at

1341
01:02:27,360 --> 01:02:30,120
Speaker 2: Emily at Hurdle dot us connect with the podcast over

1342
01:02:30,200 --> 01:02:33,760
Speaker 2: Instagram and Twitter at Hurdle podcast ash.

1343
01:02:33,800 --> 01:02:35,480
Speaker 3: Where do they find you? How do they keep up

1344
01:02:35,520 --> 01:02:37,680
Speaker 3: with you? Give me the deats, keep up.

1345
01:02:37,560 --> 01:02:40,520
Speaker 2: With me on the ig at ashwalking, and you can

1346
01:02:40,640 --> 01:02:42,920
Speaker 2: always catch me in the studio, either on the treadmill

1347
01:02:43,040 --> 01:02:45,760
Speaker 2: or the boxing bag at Rumble here in New York City.

1348
01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:50,000
Speaker 2: I am at Emily, a body, another hurdle conquered. Catch

1349
01:02:50,000 --> 01:03:00,440
Speaker 2: you guys next time. Yeah,