1
00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:11,200
Speaker 1: Welcome back everybody to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour. Thank

2
00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:13,520
Speaker 1: you so much for joining us again this week, and

3
00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:16,040
Speaker 1: we are so excited to be back. Hey, Kathy, you're

4
00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:16,599
Speaker 1: looking good.

5
00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:19,160
Speaker 2: Thanks, Susan, so are you. How are you doing today? Good?

6
00:00:19,239 --> 00:00:21,880
Speaker 2: Good good good good good. Okay, Well, if you haven't

7
00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:23,720
Speaker 2: done it yet, I know you have, Susan, but the

8
00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:25,400
Speaker 2: rest of you, if you haven't done it, now is

9
00:00:25,440 --> 00:00:28,520
Speaker 2: the time to follow our podcast so you never miss

10
00:00:28,520 --> 00:00:31,560
Speaker 2: an episode. Just search for Bachelor Happy Hour in the

11
00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:33,960
Speaker 2: podcast app and hit the follow button.

12
00:00:34,240 --> 00:00:37,600
Speaker 1: And it's super important that you follow the podcast so

13
00:00:37,720 --> 00:00:40,919
Speaker 1: you get notified every time there's a new episode and

14
00:00:40,960 --> 00:00:44,040
Speaker 1: you don't want to miss it. Also, while you're there,

15
00:00:44,320 --> 00:00:47,320
Speaker 1: write us a review. You know, Kathy, I've been receiving

16
00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:50,360
Speaker 1: emails about our podcast. I love it, but I just

17
00:00:50,400 --> 00:00:52,280
Speaker 1: wish they'd write in so we can say it.

18
00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:55,120
Speaker 2: On their Okay, folks, right in and make sure to

19
00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:57,840
Speaker 2: check out all of our past episodes. We have been

20
00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:02,000
Speaker 2: having a blast talking to your faves and answering all

21
00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:06,319
Speaker 2: your questions, so keep them coming at Bachelor nation dot

22
00:01:06,319 --> 00:01:08,080
Speaker 2: com slash Golden Hour.

23
00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:10,640
Speaker 1: Do you memorize that one cat? Don't we say that

24
00:01:10,720 --> 00:01:11,039
Speaker 1: a lot.

25
00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:12,880
Speaker 2: I got it all right.

26
00:01:12,880 --> 00:01:16,640
Speaker 1: Now let's get started with our favorite part, the question

27
00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:21,119
Speaker 1: of the day. All right, when do you stop parenting

28
00:01:21,360 --> 00:01:22,240
Speaker 1: your kids?

29
00:01:23,160 --> 00:01:24,360
Speaker 2: Or do you ever?

30
00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:29,440
Speaker 1: For example, does parenting ever really end or does it

31
00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:31,120
Speaker 1: just change over time?

32
00:01:31,280 --> 00:01:35,080
Speaker 2: What do you think? Well, I really don't have time

33
00:01:35,120 --> 00:01:36,720
Speaker 2: to do this podcast today because I have to go

34
00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:40,120
Speaker 2: take care of my adult children. I don't think you

35
00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:43,039
Speaker 2: ever stop parenting. I do think it looks a little

36
00:01:43,080 --> 00:01:46,920
Speaker 2: bit different. I'm more of when my kids come to

37
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:51,440
Speaker 2: me as an advisor giving them my thoughts. I really

38
00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:55,960
Speaker 2: try so hard not to interject what I think unless

39
00:01:55,960 --> 00:01:58,000
Speaker 2: I'm asked. You know, don't say anything unless you're asked.

40
00:01:58,240 --> 00:01:58,880
Speaker 2: What about you?

41
00:01:59,200 --> 00:02:04,400
Speaker 1: I have changed one hundred thousand percent have changed because

42
00:02:04,600 --> 00:02:07,040
Speaker 1: I'll bite my tongue when they say, you know you should.

43
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:12,400
Speaker 1: I thought you're raising your family. You do it your way, Kathy,

44
00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:15,040
Speaker 1: I gotta tell you, I don't agree a lot of times.

45
00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:18,400
Speaker 2: Oh sweety, you and I share my two year old granddaughter.

46
00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:24,240
Speaker 2: They're raising her to be a terrorist. That's because she's two,

47
00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:26,840
Speaker 2: that's all. I hope to God you're right. I will

48
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:30,000
Speaker 2: say I have matured as a parent. I do not

49
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,400
Speaker 2: call my children every night and tell them to brush

50
00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:33,359
Speaker 2: their teeth.

51
00:02:33,240 --> 00:02:36,120
Speaker 1: O God, no, no, or tell them how to keep

52
00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:37,240
Speaker 1: their homes.

53
00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:40,680
Speaker 2: Or clean their rooms or I mean, I don't know.

54
00:02:40,840 --> 00:02:44,440
Speaker 2: I was the kind of parent that I was. I

55
00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:47,280
Speaker 2: don't want to call myself a helicopter mom, but I

56
00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:48,960
Speaker 2: had and I bet you were the same. I had

57
00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:52,320
Speaker 2: certain rules, like their rooms had to be cleaned, they

58
00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:54,840
Speaker 2: had to do their homework, they had to put their

59
00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:58,640
Speaker 2: clothes away, and so that was parenting when they were younger.

60
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:02,799
Speaker 2: Now you know, little it's little problems, big kids, big problems. Right,

61
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:06,519
Speaker 2: So when my kids come to me now, it's it's

62
00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:10,720
Speaker 2: usually a bigger sort of life issue. Does that make sense? Yes,

63
00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:11,040
Speaker 2: it is.

64
00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:14,240
Speaker 1: And the only thing I might still give some advice

65
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:18,520
Speaker 1: is financial advice. I want to teach them what I

66
00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:22,560
Speaker 1: missed and how important it is to put money away

67
00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:25,280
Speaker 1: and how you know, like my son and my one

68
00:03:25,320 --> 00:03:28,680
Speaker 1: son and my daughter in law. God forbid, I hate

69
00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:30,760
Speaker 1: even saying this out that when they lost their child,

70
00:03:30,760 --> 00:03:33,280
Speaker 1: it was almost six years ago, but they had a

71
00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:37,720
Speaker 1: lawsuit that was settled and they're living very comfortably. They

72
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:40,760
Speaker 1: decided not to move and they put so much money

73
00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:44,760
Speaker 1: in their house. It looks absolutely beautiful. But and I go, Chris,

74
00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:48,320
Speaker 1: I'm saying half of that should have been a vested mom.

75
00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,760
Speaker 1: I have X amount of dollars, I said, no, no, no, no,

76
00:03:50,840 --> 00:03:54,880
Speaker 1: With what you had, you better put a lot more.

77
00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:58,160
Speaker 2: They got new cars, and I get it, but I

78
00:03:58,680 --> 00:04:03,280
Speaker 2: mean it's really I think I think raising kids like,

79
00:04:03,400 --> 00:04:05,520
Speaker 2: did you give your kids an allowance? Because when I

80
00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:09,760
Speaker 2: parented my kids, they got I think they started when

81
00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:14,480
Speaker 2: they were maybe nine or ten, and I gave them

82
00:04:14,520 --> 00:04:17,720
Speaker 2: their age in money, so ten they got ten dollars

83
00:04:17,920 --> 00:04:21,080
Speaker 2: a week. Which well, but here's the thing. If they

84
00:04:21,120 --> 00:04:23,000
Speaker 2: wanted to go to the movies with their friend, like,

85
00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:25,719
Speaker 2: they had to learn to budget. And I made them.

86
00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:27,320
Speaker 2: You know, back in those days we took them to

87
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:30,040
Speaker 2: church every Sunday, they had to put money in their

88
00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:34,400
Speaker 2: money in the collection. Right, that's good. Well, and here

89
00:04:34,480 --> 00:04:39,599
Speaker 2: I say, colleg I just wanted them. But I will

90
00:04:39,640 --> 00:04:42,840
Speaker 2: tell you my kids are not. I mean, they all

91
00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:46,280
Speaker 2: work hard, but I think money is probably as you

92
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:49,200
Speaker 2: and I've talked, money can be the root of all evil.

93
00:04:49,279 --> 00:04:54,560
Speaker 2: Oh wait, that's another show. But money is tough, I mean,

94
00:04:54,640 --> 00:04:57,719
Speaker 2: and I think our kids have a hard time learning

95
00:04:57,720 --> 00:05:00,800
Speaker 2: those lessons. So parenting like that, I don't think of

96
00:05:00,880 --> 00:05:03,960
Speaker 2: it as parenting. I think of it more like were

97
00:05:03,960 --> 00:05:07,479
Speaker 2: their friends were more than their friends. But we're not

98
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:10,800
Speaker 2: parenting in the traditional sense of the word. You know,

99
00:05:10,920 --> 00:05:14,240
Speaker 2: telling them what to do and they have to work right.

100
00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:15,000
Speaker 1: When they come to us.

101
00:05:15,080 --> 00:05:18,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, I always do that, but you.

102
00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:21,600
Speaker 1: Can't tell them what to do now they're adults. I

103
00:05:21,640 --> 00:05:25,240
Speaker 1: cannot believe my babies. Kathy turned thirty seven and my

104
00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:28,400
Speaker 1: daughter next month in ten days or.

105
00:05:28,920 --> 00:05:31,040
Speaker 2: She's going to be forty years old. How is that

106
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:35,039
Speaker 2: even possible? I don't know. My oldest just turned last week,

107
00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:38,320
Speaker 2: turned forty four. So you know, crimea Riverses and I got,

108
00:05:38,960 --> 00:05:41,719
Speaker 2: I got, I can't. I mean I remember being that age.

109
00:05:41,760 --> 00:05:44,440
Speaker 2: But whatever. You know what I'm afraid of, it's not

110
00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:47,120
Speaker 2: part of the question of the day, but what the heck.

111
00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:52,520
Speaker 2: You know what I'm worried about is when we get old,

112
00:05:52,600 --> 00:05:55,200
Speaker 2: which I'm never getting old. Let's just start there. But

113
00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:58,240
Speaker 2: you know, when the tables sort of flip and our

114
00:05:58,360 --> 00:06:01,479
Speaker 2: kids sort of start paring want to do like mom,

115
00:06:01,880 --> 00:06:04,560
Speaker 2: Like my kids already saying, Mom, don't get on that ladder.

116
00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:07,039
Speaker 2: You know you don't need to break another leg. I mean,

117
00:06:07,360 --> 00:06:10,720
Speaker 2: that's gonna happen one of these days where I.

118
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:13,320
Speaker 1: Think it's already begun. That Christ said a couple of

119
00:06:13,320 --> 00:06:14,600
Speaker 1: things to me, Mom, you should.

120
00:06:14,440 --> 00:06:19,039
Speaker 2: Go whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not there yet. Well that's

121
00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:20,560
Speaker 2: the problem, since and you and I are never going

122
00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:23,240
Speaker 2: to be there. You and I we're going to move

123
00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:26,800
Speaker 2: to some great place and raise hell wherever we are,

124
00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:29,800
Speaker 2: they're going to go. I don't care. I'm done eighty eight.

125
00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:33,320
Speaker 2: I'm going to raise l I don't care. That's about living.

126
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:34,280
Speaker 2: You know, that's right.

127
00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:39,440
Speaker 1: And you're right our parent. And even with my grandchildren, yeah,

128
00:06:39,839 --> 00:06:43,400
Speaker 1: I don't reprimand them as often as I did my

129
00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:47,080
Speaker 1: own children. And I think that's a given because we're grandmoms.

130
00:06:47,120 --> 00:06:49,279
Speaker 1: But I will tell them what's not, what's wrong.

131
00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:52,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't do that. Well, my children are perfect.

132
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,200
Speaker 2: I don't have to tell them. I'll let this slide,

133
00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:59,760
Speaker 2: all right. And I make them money. You know you

134
00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:03,279
Speaker 2: need the money? Yes, And Stella give her money and

135
00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:06,920
Speaker 2: she goes, look, mommy, what is Stella? She's what you're

136
00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:09,960
Speaker 2: gonna do with money? Putting a bank account for Susan, putting.

137
00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:13,120
Speaker 1: And then my older ones, my teenage was like, Mimi,

138
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:16,360
Speaker 1: can I have a twenty. Back in my day, it

139
00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:19,840
Speaker 1: was a dollar was a lot fifty cents.

140
00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:21,320
Speaker 2: The tooth fairy. Now yeah, I mean you can buy

141
00:07:21,360 --> 00:07:23,600
Speaker 2: a car with what the tooth fairy needs for a bowler.

142
00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:34,400
Speaker 2: All right, let's move into our advice portion of the day.

143
00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:36,360
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be the first one. Okay, okay, all right,

144
00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:39,160
Speaker 2: here we go. This one is from Brianna. She's forty

145
00:07:39,160 --> 00:07:42,800
Speaker 2: two from Seattle. Hi, golden ladies. I've been a loyal

146
00:07:42,920 --> 00:07:46,280
Speaker 2: listener since the very beginning, and now I find myself

147
00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:50,960
Speaker 2: needing some of your wisdom. Well, thanks for listening, Brianna. Okay,

148
00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:54,880
Speaker 2: I'm struggling with my relationship with my mother in law. Oh,

149
00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:59,160
Speaker 2: here we go. To put it simply, she just doesn't

150
00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,240
Speaker 2: like me no matter what I do. It feels like

151
00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:05,680
Speaker 2: she's always searching for something to hold against me. While

152
00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:09,400
Speaker 2: this tension hasn't damaged my marriage, thankfully, my partner and

153
00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:12,080
Speaker 2: I are solid, it is starting to wear me down

154
00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:16,200
Speaker 2: right now. She's even refusing to speak to my spouse,

155
00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:19,880
Speaker 2: and I can't help but feel responsible, even though we

156
00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:23,280
Speaker 2: both know the issues aren't really about me. We've tried

157
00:08:23,320 --> 00:08:26,920
Speaker 2: to work on this through therapy, but she refuses to participate,

158
00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:30,560
Speaker 2: take accountability, or get help for her part in the

159
00:08:30,640 --> 00:08:34,560
Speaker 2: dynamic that leaves us feeling stuck. We have a family

160
00:08:34,640 --> 00:08:37,199
Speaker 2: get together and we're in this for the long haul.

161
00:08:37,320 --> 00:08:40,480
Speaker 2: But so is she. My husband loves his mom and

162
00:08:40,559 --> 00:08:43,120
Speaker 2: wants a relationship with her. I'm at a loss for

163
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:46,119
Speaker 2: how to handle the situation in a way that preserves

164
00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:49,680
Speaker 2: my sanity and keeps the peace. How can we move

165
00:08:49,760 --> 00:08:55,120
Speaker 2: forward when the dynamic feels this toxic and unfixable? Appreciate

166
00:08:55,160 --> 00:09:00,720
Speaker 2: your help and love you too. Wow. Let me just

167
00:09:00,760 --> 00:09:02,600
Speaker 2: tell you. I've never reme met Brianna, but since I

168
00:09:02,679 --> 00:09:04,760
Speaker 2: lived Brihanna's life, let me tell you what's going on.

169
00:09:05,360 --> 00:09:11,640
Speaker 2: Everything is a problem, and everything is Brianna's problem. The

170
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:14,880
Speaker 2: food's cooked wrong, their vacations are in the wrong place,

171
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:16,920
Speaker 2: They don't spend enough time with their mother in law.

172
00:09:17,200 --> 00:09:20,360
Speaker 2: She stole her mother in law's son. I mean, how

173
00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:21,360
Speaker 2: long do you want me to go on?

174
00:09:21,520 --> 00:09:21,559
Speaker 1: It?

175
00:09:22,480 --> 00:09:26,200
Speaker 2: Literally is Brianna can do nothing right. That's what the

176
00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:30,160
Speaker 2: deal is. And there's some sort of Oedipus complex going

177
00:09:30,200 --> 00:09:34,160
Speaker 2: on here where you know, the mom just can't let

178
00:09:34,200 --> 00:09:37,240
Speaker 2: oversun So, what's your advice to her? Susan?

179
00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:39,920
Speaker 1: You know, Kathy, I couldn't help but think it's you

180
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:43,720
Speaker 1: every time. But as you said, it could be anything

181
00:09:43,760 --> 00:09:46,839
Speaker 1: she does. Maybe she just doesn't care for her. And

182
00:09:47,640 --> 00:09:50,240
Speaker 1: that brings up what we talked about a few weeks ago.

183
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:55,640
Speaker 1: You try only for so long for your family's sake,

184
00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:58,560
Speaker 1: for your husband's sake, And then if it were me,

185
00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:01,480
Speaker 1: I would get to the point, well, well, you know

186
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:03,160
Speaker 1: you can't respect me. I'm not.

187
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:08,160
Speaker 2: Here's the thing. You don't want it to become a

188
00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,959
Speaker 2: wedge between you and your spouse, right or your partner

189
00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:14,240
Speaker 2: or whoever. You don't. But here's the thing. If if

190
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:18,520
Speaker 2: the mom, and it's usually the mom, has a jealousy,

191
00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:20,679
Speaker 2: you know, you don't know what's going on in her life.

192
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:25,360
Speaker 2: Maybe her marriage isn't great, maybe she doesn't maybe she

193
00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:27,960
Speaker 2: feels like you should move closer to her. You know,

194
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:30,520
Speaker 2: you don't know what's going through her head. But what

195
00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:33,880
Speaker 2: you do know and the fact is she doesn't like you.

196
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:37,079
Speaker 2: And I knew my mother in law she would. She would,

197
00:10:37,120 --> 00:10:39,839
Speaker 2: she would vacillate, she would say, oh, no, I really

198
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:43,000
Speaker 2: like you, but only when my husband would go to

199
00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:47,679
Speaker 2: her faith, well yes, and when he said, mom, I'll

200
00:10:47,720 --> 00:10:52,800
Speaker 2: never forget Susan. They my mother in law actually like

201
00:10:52,920 --> 00:10:54,880
Speaker 2: me a little bit better off and on than my

202
00:10:54,960 --> 00:10:57,920
Speaker 2: father in law. But again my father in law, they

203
00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:01,480
Speaker 2: just they grew up very different to different culture. They

204
00:11:01,559 --> 00:11:04,480
Speaker 2: grew up in farm towns. I grew up. Ask you

205
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:08,280
Speaker 2: a question, did you try in the beginning, like I did?

206
00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:10,600
Speaker 2: You have no idea how much I did for my

207
00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:14,679
Speaker 2: mother in law really, and when my father in law died,

208
00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,360
Speaker 2: I did even work. But here's what I will say.

209
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:21,839
Speaker 2: My husband said to his mother and his father one

210
00:11:21,880 --> 00:11:24,000
Speaker 2: time when I got really upset because I had it,

211
00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:29,120
Speaker 2: you know, up to here, and Darryl said, Mom, Dad,

212
00:11:29,920 --> 00:11:32,160
Speaker 2: we've been married whatever it was at the time, we've

213
00:11:32,160 --> 00:11:35,400
Speaker 2: been married thirty five years. Do you think it stood

214
00:11:35,400 --> 00:11:38,000
Speaker 2: the test of time. Can you get on board? Well,

215
00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:41,960
Speaker 2: of course they never could. So my advice to Brianna

216
00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:45,920
Speaker 2: is she may or may not get on board, but

217
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,959
Speaker 2: a don't let it come between you and your husband.

218
00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:52,160
Speaker 2: Be polite when you see her. You know, if you're

219
00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:54,720
Speaker 2: at a birthday party, if your kids, it's your child's

220
00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:57,560
Speaker 2: birthday party, for example, tell her how glad you are

221
00:11:57,640 --> 00:11:59,560
Speaker 2: to see her. You know that it's going to make

222
00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:02,520
Speaker 2: your child because after a while you're not going to

223
00:12:02,559 --> 00:12:04,680
Speaker 2: get no, no, no. But if you say, look, we're so

224
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:08,040
Speaker 2: glad you're here for Johnny's birthday, Yeah, thank you for coming. God,

225
00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:10,320
Speaker 2: thank you for coming. And all you can do is

226
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:13,200
Speaker 2: be polite, because being polite never goes out of style.

227
00:12:13,559 --> 00:12:15,760
Speaker 1: I want to go off course just for a second.

228
00:12:15,800 --> 00:12:18,880
Speaker 1: Did you happen to watch The Hunting Wives?

229
00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:20,040
Speaker 2: No, I don't watch it.

230
00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:23,080
Speaker 1: You talk about a mother in law atached to her

231
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:24,800
Speaker 1: son like it was eery.

232
00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:28,360
Speaker 2: But that's the point. This is not Brionna. I hate

233
00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:32,439
Speaker 2: to say this to you. You are not alone in this.

234
00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:37,480
Speaker 2: I mean, this is a very common issue. Uh, it

235
00:12:37,679 --> 00:12:41,920
Speaker 2: just is, and I don't The only advice I can

236
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:45,680
Speaker 2: give you is be kind to her. Ultimately your right, Susan,

237
00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:49,440
Speaker 2: I did give up, but but I gave up the

238
00:12:49,520 --> 00:12:52,800
Speaker 2: last two years of her life. I mean, I just

239
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:58,400
Speaker 2: pray for patience for her. You know, I think that

240
00:12:58,720 --> 00:13:01,040
Speaker 2: the therapy, by the way, is a good idea. And

241
00:13:01,120 --> 00:13:04,840
Speaker 2: even if she refuses to go to therapy, Brianna, you

242
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:09,760
Speaker 2: go go with your partner because for your relationship, because

243
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:13,880
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, your child, your relationship

244
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:16,800
Speaker 2: with your spouse or partner is the most important.

245
00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:19,360
Speaker 1: One and it's her family. Now you know, right, that's

246
00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:21,200
Speaker 1: his family, but it's her family.

247
00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:23,440
Speaker 2: It's hurtful, though, it's hurtful.

248
00:13:23,600 --> 00:13:25,480
Speaker 1: Oh gosh, I know, and you know what, Thank you

249
00:13:25,559 --> 00:13:26,960
Speaker 1: Brianna for writing into us.

250
00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:28,240
Speaker 2: And we're really curious.

251
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:31,520
Speaker 1: If you get a milestone and succeed, please tell us

252
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:32,400
Speaker 1: that we could tell the world.

253
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:35,720
Speaker 2: Yes, let us know, let us know, and you know,

254
00:13:36,280 --> 00:13:38,400
Speaker 2: just keep trying to do those family events as much

255
00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:40,640
Speaker 2: as you can. And by the way, if none of

256
00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:43,680
Speaker 2: that works, take a swig of vodka before she comes.

257
00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:49,000
Speaker 1: Okay, let's move on. This one is from Melissa and

258
00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:54,240
Speaker 1: she is sixty four years young from Oxner. Hi, Kathy,

259
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:57,160
Speaker 1: and Susan. I have a question for you. I first

260
00:13:57,280 --> 00:14:01,080
Speaker 1: noticed this in my thirties and now again in my sixties.

261
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:05,360
Speaker 1: What do we do when the roles reverse and we

262
00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:08,120
Speaker 1: find ourselves parenting our parents?

263
00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:09,080
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness.

264
00:14:09,240 --> 00:14:11,840
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm in my sixties and my dad is in

265
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:12,800
Speaker 1: his nineties.

266
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:14,440
Speaker 2: God bless him. Is he single?

267
00:14:15,760 --> 00:14:20,080
Speaker 1: He's had several falls recently, but he refuses to use

268
00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:25,000
Speaker 1: a walker and absolutely won't consider moving into an independent

269
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:29,240
Speaker 1: living facility, even though it would give him community care

270
00:14:29,480 --> 00:14:33,480
Speaker 1: and resources. I've flown across the country multiple times to

271
00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:37,480
Speaker 1: visit facilities with him, and they're truly wonderful, but he

272
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:41,520
Speaker 1: won't budge. It feels like I'm dealing with a defiant,

273
00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:45,400
Speaker 1: stubborn toddler, and I'm the one who has to make

274
00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:49,600
Speaker 1: the adult decisions. I'm constantly worried about him, and I

275
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:52,400
Speaker 1: don't know how to convince him that it is time.

276
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:53,520
Speaker 2: How do you.

277
00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:58,040
Speaker 1: Navigate this stage of life with love without losing your sanity?

278
00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:01,120
Speaker 1: I adore you both, and I love podcast Melissa.

279
00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:04,080
Speaker 2: Thank you all. Can I just pick it? I can

280
00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:07,720
Speaker 2: give this answer. She's not gonna like it, Melissa, but

281
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:11,480
Speaker 2: I dealt with this with my stepmom, who died a

282
00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:15,000
Speaker 2: few years ago at ninety six. I feel your pain.

283
00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:19,040
Speaker 2: But here's the simple answer, Melissa. Unless you have him

284
00:15:19,040 --> 00:15:23,160
Speaker 2: declared incompetent, which he doesn't sound like he is, there's

285
00:15:23,280 --> 00:15:26,520
Speaker 2: nothing you can do but do what you're doing, because

286
00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:31,360
Speaker 2: he has the right to wither away fall every day

287
00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:36,040
Speaker 2: unless unless he breaks a bone and a doctor says

288
00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:38,760
Speaker 2: you cannot go home unless you have twenty four hour care,

289
00:15:39,400 --> 00:15:41,720
Speaker 2: then you're going to get your wish and he'll be

290
00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:45,880
Speaker 2: in long term care. But other than that, Unfortunately, we

291
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:49,480
Speaker 2: as senior citizens, have the right to make our own choices.

292
00:15:49,720 --> 00:15:53,000
Speaker 1: Yes, and I couldn't agree with you more And unfortunately,

293
00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:56,160
Speaker 1: and this might sound harsh, but if that's the way

294
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,440
Speaker 1: he chooses to go out, let it.

295
00:15:58,800 --> 00:15:59,240
Speaker 2: Let it be.

296
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:02,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, you cannot control that. But I get

297
00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:05,760
Speaker 1: what she's saying. How we were parents and that we're parenting.

298
00:16:05,400 --> 00:16:07,640
Speaker 2: Are That's what I said earlier, right, we were talking

299
00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:10,320
Speaker 2: about then the question of the day. It's so hard

300
00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:14,400
Speaker 2: and Melissa to watch a vibrant person, your dad, who

301
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:17,040
Speaker 2: you know, carried you around, put you on his shoulders,

302
00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:20,040
Speaker 2: and now is having trouble standing. I don't mean to

303
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:24,080
Speaker 2: sound insensitive. It's awful, but the fact as we get older.

304
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, and my kids we had a conversation the other

305
00:16:26,760 --> 00:16:30,920
Speaker 1: day on their birthday dinner. They said, listen, don't put

306
00:16:30,960 --> 00:16:33,960
Speaker 1: me away. There'll be no inheritance left. That costs a

307
00:16:34,000 --> 00:16:36,080
Speaker 1: lot of money. Just give me a cocktail, make.

308
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,120
Speaker 2: Me go to sleep, mom, Mom, we'll go to jail.

309
00:16:39,400 --> 00:16:41,200
Speaker 1: I was like, no, seriously, I don't.

310
00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:42,840
Speaker 2: That's not my plan.

311
00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:46,200
Speaker 1: Some people plan for that. What she's talking about is

312
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:50,320
Speaker 1: not an old folks home, it's independent living. It's just

313
00:16:50,440 --> 00:16:53,880
Speaker 1: another place that you can still be you and do

314
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:56,720
Speaker 1: what you want. You could still have a car. You know,

315
00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:01,280
Speaker 1: he's not letting go of his home, so you know.

316
00:17:01,240 --> 00:17:05,400
Speaker 2: What, I don't. I have to be honest, Susan. I've

317
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:08,240
Speaker 2: already told my kids there's going to be one dollar

318
00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:13,000
Speaker 2: and ninety six cents left checking no, because I'm not

319
00:17:13,119 --> 00:17:15,840
Speaker 2: going to go in. And my kids are always joking saying, oh,

320
00:17:15,840 --> 00:17:17,600
Speaker 2: come on, mom, you'll be the life of the party.

321
00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:20,440
Speaker 2: You'll be You'll be decorating for all the parties, You'll

322
00:17:20,480 --> 00:17:22,639
Speaker 2: be doing the dancing. I'm like, nope. You know what

323
00:17:22,840 --> 00:17:23,600
Speaker 2: my fears, Kathy.

324
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:26,920
Speaker 1: They're all old people in there, and I'm not old.

325
00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:30,480
Speaker 2: They don't think they're old either, Susan. They're want to

326
00:17:30,480 --> 00:17:34,359
Speaker 2: surround myself with younger people and keep on moving. But

327
00:17:34,480 --> 00:17:37,600
Speaker 2: that's why you're paying Melissa. Well, let us know, Melissa.

328
00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:39,560
Speaker 2: But and I know, I know it's hard. It's just

329
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,199
Speaker 2: one of those things. The way you navigate it is

330
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:44,359
Speaker 2: you love him, you check on him, you do what

331
00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:46,159
Speaker 2: you can do, and then you have to let it

332
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,399
Speaker 2: go and and just you know, let.

333
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:51,320
Speaker 1: They don't want him to resent her for constantly trying

334
00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:54,320
Speaker 1: to move him. You know, keep that relationship healthy with

335
00:17:54,359 --> 00:17:56,800
Speaker 1: your dad. I know you think it's better, and it

336
00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:57,520
Speaker 1: probably is.

337
00:17:57,600 --> 00:18:01,520
Speaker 2: But if that's the way he chooses, that's what. Yeah. Also,

338
00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:04,880
Speaker 2: I would say she's flown across the country multiple times.

339
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:08,840
Speaker 2: Think of the miles you're stacking up, Molesnia so you

340
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:11,120
Speaker 2: can be able to take a vacation. I mean, look

341
00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:16,639
Speaker 2: for the positive in this issue. Moving let us know that.

342
00:18:16,880 --> 00:18:27,560
Speaker 2: Good luck. Okay, This one is from Chris. Hi. My

343
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:30,280
Speaker 2: name is Chris. My wife and I have been married

344
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:33,040
Speaker 2: for ten years. We have three kids, and overall we

345
00:18:33,119 --> 00:18:37,320
Speaker 2: share a really wonderful marriage. The only ongoing challenge we

346
00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:40,920
Speaker 2: face is her parents. She's incredibly close to them, which

347
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:43,720
Speaker 2: I love, but at times it feels like the boundaries

348
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:47,480
Speaker 2: between our marriage and her family aren't very clear. They

349
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:50,680
Speaker 2: often stop by unannounced, and since my wife gave them

350
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:53,720
Speaker 2: keys to our house, I sometimes come home to find

351
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,359
Speaker 2: them just hanging out. Once I even came home to

352
00:18:56,440 --> 00:18:59,880
Speaker 2: my mother in law opening my mail on a top

353
00:19:00,160 --> 00:19:03,720
Speaker 2: that when my wife was pregnant, she told her parents

354
00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:07,440
Speaker 2: before she told me, and that really stung. I love

355
00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,120
Speaker 2: how much she values her relationship with them, but I

356
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:12,600
Speaker 2: also want to feel like i'm the number one person

357
00:19:12,640 --> 00:19:14,880
Speaker 2: in her life. Do you have any advice on how

358
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:19,360
Speaker 2: to set healthier boundaries without damaging their closeness? Oh? Hell

359
00:19:19,440 --> 00:19:20,920
Speaker 2: yeah I do. Oh God.

360
00:19:21,440 --> 00:19:24,440
Speaker 1: First of all, you're not going to damage their closeness.

361
00:19:24,520 --> 00:19:29,160
Speaker 1: They are close, but that's your house, and you kindly

362
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:33,360
Speaker 1: and respectfully ask your in laws let me know when

363
00:19:33,400 --> 00:19:36,520
Speaker 1: you're coming. I could be coming down the stairs in

364
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:39,480
Speaker 1: a towel or naked for that matter. I can't have

365
00:19:39,640 --> 00:19:41,560
Speaker 1: you walking in unexpected.

366
00:19:42,720 --> 00:19:45,560
Speaker 2: I think I would handle it a little bit differently, shocker,

367
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:52,040
Speaker 2: I would. I think I would talk to my wife

368
00:19:52,640 --> 00:19:56,400
Speaker 2: or my case, my first, and but I would. I would.

369
00:19:56,640 --> 00:19:59,120
Speaker 2: I would give the positive first. You know, I love

370
00:19:59,160 --> 00:20:01,320
Speaker 2: how close you are with parents. I love having them

371
00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:04,239
Speaker 2: so close to us. But I am struggling and it

372
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:08,280
Speaker 2: doesn't work for me. And I would say to her,

373
00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:12,560
Speaker 2: if I were you, Chris, I would say, it's very

374
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:16,320
Speaker 2: hurtful to me that you know you tell your parents

375
00:20:16,440 --> 00:20:20,000
Speaker 2: things before me. We are a marriage, we have a bond.

376
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,840
Speaker 2: I love that you're close to their family, but there's

377
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:25,600
Speaker 2: some changes that need to be made, and that's called

378
00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:33,000
Speaker 2: establishing healthy boundaries. So the first boundary would be that communication.

379
00:20:33,240 --> 00:20:35,399
Speaker 2: Like we always say, right, but I'm saying. The first

380
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,680
Speaker 2: boundary that Chris, that you're gonna have to set because

381
00:20:37,680 --> 00:20:41,160
Speaker 2: your wife isn't going to do it, is they must

382
00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:45,240
Speaker 2: call before coming, and that your wife must talk to

383
00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,520
Speaker 2: you before she has them over, so that you're not

384
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,200
Speaker 2: coming home when you're tired, you just want to put

385
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,480
Speaker 2: your feet up, and you found the table set for

386
00:20:52,600 --> 00:20:54,960
Speaker 2: four and you're in laws with.

387
00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:57,359
Speaker 1: Him walking and opening his mail.

388
00:20:58,600 --> 00:21:01,359
Speaker 2: Excuse me, but I would say that to the wife

389
00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:04,439
Speaker 2: if you can't see, if I were Chris, if you

390
00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:09,280
Speaker 2: cannot see that this is wrong, so I am, I

391
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:12,119
Speaker 2: would say, I'm going to talk to your parents about

392
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:14,800
Speaker 2: opening my mail. I'm going to talk to them about

393
00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:16,720
Speaker 2: these things. But I want you to work with me

394
00:21:16,840 --> 00:21:20,160
Speaker 2: because we're a team. In other words, he asked, Chris,

395
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:21,760
Speaker 2: you have to have buy in from your wife.

396
00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:25,240
Speaker 1: She's obviously blind to it because she's so used to

397
00:21:25,560 --> 00:21:29,359
Speaker 1: her parents and being that comfortable. Maybe her parents opened

398
00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:29,800
Speaker 1: her mail.

399
00:21:29,880 --> 00:21:33,000
Speaker 2: I don't know, but that's a big taboo. That is huge,

400
00:21:33,119 --> 00:21:33,640
Speaker 2: and you're right.

401
00:21:33,920 --> 00:21:37,400
Speaker 1: Talk to your wife first and so she understands where

402
00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:40,920
Speaker 1: you're coming from, and do it with tons of respect.

403
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:42,719
Speaker 1: Tell them how much you love them, and that at

404
00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:44,280
Speaker 1: they're welcome there anytime.

405
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:48,160
Speaker 2: However, no, no, no, you can't say you're welcome anytime.

406
00:21:48,680 --> 00:21:53,040
Speaker 2: We love seeing you, but please do not come any

407
00:21:53,160 --> 00:21:55,800
Speaker 2: longer unannounced, And you know what, Christy might get their

408
00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:58,360
Speaker 2: feelings hurt, you know what.

409
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:00,880
Speaker 1: And hug them and say, I'm not trying to hurt

410
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:03,159
Speaker 1: your feelings, babe. You can come anytime you want, just

411
00:22:03,280 --> 00:22:04,480
Speaker 1: let me know first.

412
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:07,760
Speaker 2: Because Susan I may hear me. That's not what he

413
00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:11,800
Speaker 2: wants to say, because he may not want them there anytime.

414
00:22:11,960 --> 00:22:14,160
Speaker 2: In other words, play this out with me. I called

415
00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:16,760
Speaker 2: and go hey, Chris, you know, hey, Susie whatever her

416
00:22:16,840 --> 00:22:19,240
Speaker 2: name is, we'll be over in five minutes. And then

417
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:21,879
Speaker 2: Chris is like, no, I want to sit in my

418
00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:26,360
Speaker 2: skivvies and chug beers tonight. I don't want your parents here.

419
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:30,320
Speaker 1: But he's given them. She's they're announcing that they're coming

420
00:22:30,359 --> 00:22:33,960
Speaker 1: in five minutes, and you instantly say it's not a

421
00:22:33,960 --> 00:22:36,520
Speaker 1: good times that would be his.

422
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:40,879
Speaker 2: So the boundaries are you wait for an invitations, You

423
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:44,119
Speaker 2: wait for an invitation, you never open my mail, and

424
00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:46,200
Speaker 2: they're going to be hurt, Chris. But you got to

425
00:22:46,240 --> 00:22:48,360
Speaker 2: get buy in from your wife because you guys are

426
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:51,760
Speaker 2: a team. All these questions today sort of relate have

427
00:22:51,960 --> 00:22:57,240
Speaker 2: similar underline theme, which is whether you're married, partners, whatever,

428
00:22:57,520 --> 00:23:00,400
Speaker 2: you're together for each other and you have to come

429
00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:01,680
Speaker 2: first with each other.

430
00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:04,399
Speaker 1: Chris, you love your wife, obviously, you have a great,

431
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:07,720
Speaker 1: solid marriage, so you do need to get her to

432
00:23:07,960 --> 00:23:11,440
Speaker 1: understand where you're coming from, what it looks like from

433
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:14,080
Speaker 1: your point of view. And once she gets that, I'm

434
00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:16,080
Speaker 1: sure it's going to work out.

435
00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:21,360
Speaker 2: But listen, let us know, impress it and be kind. Yes,

436
00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:24,040
Speaker 2: And Chris, if your in laws are listening and there's

437
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:25,760
Speaker 2: any big checks in the mail, send them to me.

438
00:23:25,840 --> 00:23:33,280
Speaker 2: We'll split it all right, let's get it's game was well, Kathy?

439
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:34,160
Speaker 2: How about today? Though?

440
00:23:34,280 --> 00:23:38,040
Speaker 1: All three of them was about parenting or us becoming

441
00:23:38,119 --> 00:23:42,359
Speaker 1: parents to our parents and in law issues. And I

442
00:23:42,400 --> 00:23:44,840
Speaker 1: can't tell you there's probably millions of people in the

443
00:23:44,840 --> 00:23:45,960
Speaker 1: world that deal with this.

444
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:49,879
Speaker 2: It's so sad, I know. And this is why the

445
00:23:49,960 --> 00:23:52,920
Speaker 2: game we should be playing today is drink or dare

446
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:55,200
Speaker 2: because that topic.

447
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:02,119
Speaker 1: We're going to play around them icky or picky or

448
00:24:02,280 --> 00:24:06,840
Speaker 1: both about parenting and dating. We'll switch off reading the

449
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:10,119
Speaker 1: ick and we'll say if we agree or if we

450
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:12,760
Speaker 1: think it's just picky, I'll start us off. But wait,

451
00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:21,199
Speaker 1: didn't we add another word? Or okay, his parents and

452
00:24:21,440 --> 00:24:24,600
Speaker 1: or kids pop in unannounced.

453
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:30,560
Speaker 2: I'm telling you that's new to me. I say, Picky, pick,

454
00:24:32,080 --> 00:24:35,080
Speaker 2: why do we just talked about the question? I know?

455
00:24:35,520 --> 00:24:39,120
Speaker 1: And you think it's never bothered me? And if they

456
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:41,399
Speaker 1: walk in on me doing something they don't approve of,

457
00:24:41,680 --> 00:24:42,360
Speaker 1: Oh well.

458
00:24:44,320 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 2: Wow, okay, Well I thought I thought we were on

459
00:24:47,080 --> 00:24:49,560
Speaker 2: the same page that he really had to talk to us. Well,

460
00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:52,120
Speaker 2: but you're saying you wouldn't care.

461
00:24:53,320 --> 00:24:55,160
Speaker 1: I mean unless it got monotonous.

462
00:24:55,280 --> 00:24:56,919
Speaker 2: I mean to the point where yo.

463
00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:59,880
Speaker 1: But for me, I am who I am. And if

464
00:24:59,880 --> 00:25:01,520
Speaker 1: you you come in and you're not going to be

465
00:25:01,600 --> 00:25:04,720
Speaker 1: happy with whatever it is I might be doing, or

466
00:25:04,760 --> 00:25:07,840
Speaker 1: hell I'm dressed or whatever, then maybe you'll think twice

467
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:08,440
Speaker 1: before you do it.

468
00:25:08,480 --> 00:25:11,000
Speaker 2: Agin Oh Susan, Okay, well, we can't belabor this, but

469
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:13,679
Speaker 2: I'm just telling you. If my husband and I are

470
00:25:13,800 --> 00:25:16,560
Speaker 2: sitting down, I forgot what that feels like. But if

471
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:20,040
Speaker 2: we're just sitting down watching a movie with popcorn and

472
00:25:20,200 --> 00:25:24,000
Speaker 2: my in laws popped in or my grown children popping in,

473
00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:24,960
Speaker 2: I would.

474
00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:27,560
Speaker 1: Say children can come popping in.

475
00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:33,600
Speaker 2: I never pop into my children's home. I always call first, always,

476
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:36,600
Speaker 2: and I, by the way, by the way, I have

477
00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:40,720
Speaker 2: key to my children's home. And I never ever walk

478
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:45,320
Speaker 2: in unannounced. And by that that's how someone still walks announced.

479
00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:48,280
Speaker 2: Oh god, all right, we're moving on here. Here's the

480
00:25:48,320 --> 00:25:52,679
Speaker 2: next one. Oh, his adult kids live with him. To me,

481
00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:59,560
Speaker 2: that all depends in good situation. The situation I can't answer, icky, picky,

482
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:01,880
Speaker 2: Or it might be I might have a big heart

483
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:04,040
Speaker 2: on my sleeve for the child. It just all depends

484
00:26:04,080 --> 00:26:06,320
Speaker 2: on his situation. They could be going through something.

485
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:09,720
Speaker 1: But if it's one that they never moved out, yeah,

486
00:26:09,960 --> 00:26:11,640
Speaker 1: that would definitely be an ick.

487
00:26:12,520 --> 00:26:14,520
Speaker 2: That would be an Oh my goodness.

488
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,400
Speaker 1: Wait to hear the next one. He gives his adult

489
00:26:16,680 --> 00:26:18,280
Speaker 1: kids an allowance.

490
00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:25,320
Speaker 2: Do you see my face? Susan secret ballot?

491
00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:28,600
Speaker 1: If you want to give your kids money, give them

492
00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:30,720
Speaker 1: one lump sum and say you go, we're done here.

493
00:26:31,119 --> 00:26:35,879
Speaker 2: Yeah, And that's that's just okay, okay, okay, I'm sorry.

494
00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,480
Speaker 2: I can't even say this from the straight. Oh my god.

495
00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:48,000
Speaker 2: He went with his kids on their honeymoon. Ew Listen,

496
00:26:48,359 --> 00:26:50,360
Speaker 2: you know what. While he's on the honeymoon with them,

497
00:26:50,400 --> 00:26:53,000
Speaker 2: you know where I am in the lawyer's office filing

498
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:56,359
Speaker 2: for divorce. Oh my god, it does, all right.

499
00:26:56,440 --> 00:27:00,560
Speaker 1: A guy who wants to get matching couple's tattoos with you?

500
00:27:03,560 --> 00:27:08,320
Speaker 2: Oh no, if uh, well it depends if if I'm tattoos,

501
00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:11,560
Speaker 2: well that I don't either. But if I did, it's

502
00:27:11,600 --> 00:27:13,679
Speaker 2: a sweet thing. It's sweet thing. I don't think it's

503
00:27:13,720 --> 00:27:16,800
Speaker 2: taking picky. Yeah, maybe that's just picky. Yeah, okay, we'll

504
00:27:16,800 --> 00:27:20,920
Speaker 2: go with that. All right. He's really into he's really

505
00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:26,000
Speaker 2: into baby talking us little baby voices. I don't know

506
00:27:26,040 --> 00:27:28,040
Speaker 2: what I would do. I probably cracked up in a space.

507
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:29,200
Speaker 2: What the hell are you doing?

508
00:27:30,840 --> 00:27:35,119
Speaker 1: I mean, you know that is a picky because maybe

509
00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:36,320
Speaker 1: some women turned.

510
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:40,359
Speaker 2: I mean like if he says, look, sweetie pie, I

511
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:42,760
Speaker 2: worn't the Jaguar dealer, and I'm gonna buy you that

512
00:27:43,000 --> 00:27:47,360
Speaker 2: pear exactly. I'm gonna give a baby talk right back. Perfect,

513
00:27:47,480 --> 00:27:48,520
Speaker 2: let's go. Okay.

514
00:27:48,720 --> 00:27:52,800
Speaker 1: Some who sends someone who sends a good morning and

515
00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:55,640
Speaker 1: a good night text every single day?

516
00:27:55,880 --> 00:28:00,920
Speaker 2: I love I love it. I love it. Please, we're moving.

517
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:04,879
Speaker 2: I think it should okay. Uh.

518
00:28:05,119 --> 00:28:08,119
Speaker 1: Couples who over wait, wait, you didn't say anything.

519
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:10,800
Speaker 2: What's your choice there? You don't like it? I think

520
00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:14,840
Speaker 2: it's I think it's picky. I mean, I listen, I

521
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:18,240
Speaker 2: think anything. If it's rote, if every day I texted

522
00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:20,800
Speaker 2: you Susan said good morning, and every day I text

523
00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:24,520
Speaker 2: you said good night, it's like, you know, it would lose.

524
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:26,240
Speaker 1: You're not my boyfriend, though.

525
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:32,000
Speaker 2: And thankfully I'm not. I'm just saying. It doesn't say

526
00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:34,320
Speaker 2: and bother you like, no, no, no, it doesn't say

527
00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:37,119
Speaker 2: a boyfriend. It says someone who sends a good morning.

528
00:28:38,120 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 2: Assume all right, great, guess what somebody you.

529
00:28:41,840 --> 00:28:44,240
Speaker 1: Were dating, Kathy and they sent you a good morning

530
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:47,160
Speaker 1: every morning, I know, or a good night or sleep well,

531
00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:48,640
Speaker 1: that would be.

532
00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:51,680
Speaker 2: It'd be fine if I were in a serious relationship.

533
00:28:51,720 --> 00:28:53,800
Speaker 2: But if it's just a guy I'm dating, no, I

534
00:28:53,840 --> 00:28:57,480
Speaker 2: don't want to hear from you every day. Okay. Couples

535
00:28:57,480 --> 00:29:02,200
Speaker 2: who overshare on social media share fights, lots of PDA,

536
00:29:02,560 --> 00:29:05,600
Speaker 2: which is public displays of affection, et cetera.

537
00:29:05,680 --> 00:29:11,040
Speaker 1: What do you think, ikey, I wouldn't share a fight

538
00:29:11,280 --> 00:29:13,160
Speaker 1: on social media, that would.

539
00:29:13,600 --> 00:29:16,600
Speaker 2: I think it's I I think I just think that

540
00:29:16,680 --> 00:29:19,240
Speaker 2: we are sharing too much on social media.

541
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:24,520
Speaker 1: Sleeping in separate bedrooms from your partner only be as

542
00:29:24,600 --> 00:29:25,920
Speaker 1: the flu or that.

543
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:29,240
Speaker 2: Snoring is just beyond like that.

544
00:29:29,240 --> 00:29:33,320
Speaker 1: That depends, no, because as people age, I know a

545
00:29:33,360 --> 00:29:36,000
Speaker 1: lot of people that have their own rooms now like

546
00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:37,640
Speaker 1: older people.

547
00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:42,440
Speaker 2: But a snoring thing. No, I mean, obviously I'm my

548
00:29:42,480 --> 00:29:45,040
Speaker 2: own bedroom right now, but I could see it if

549
00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:47,560
Speaker 2: they were sick or on the occasional night if I

550
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:49,400
Speaker 2: had to get up really early or something like that.

551
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:52,280
Speaker 2: But to maintain a separate bedroom, I like to put

552
00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:54,000
Speaker 2: my cold feet on their back to warm up in

553
00:29:54,040 --> 00:29:54,320
Speaker 2: the winter.

554
00:29:54,840 --> 00:29:57,560
Speaker 1: That would be, I guess, a picky one. That depends

555
00:29:57,560 --> 00:29:58,720
Speaker 1: on the individual. I don't know.

556
00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:01,640
Speaker 2: Ye all right wants to wear matching out.

557
00:30:02,640 --> 00:30:10,800
Speaker 1: Okay, that is just icky, that's just hysterical. I know, Fred,

558
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:13,440
Speaker 1: when we're going out dancing, all the darling, what color

559
00:30:13,480 --> 00:30:14,080
Speaker 1: are you wearing?

560
00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:17,400
Speaker 2: Because he wants to blend with its so cute. But

561
00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:21,920
Speaker 2: can I just tell you on Paradise, all the couples,

562
00:30:21,960 --> 00:30:26,560
Speaker 2: that is so funny you said that they of course, no, no, no,

563
00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:28,760
Speaker 2: I was slow to the game. Like they'd come out

564
00:30:28,800 --> 00:30:31,720
Speaker 2: and you know they Jess would have on a blue

565
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:35,680
Speaker 2: dress and and and Spencer would have on like a

566
00:30:35,720 --> 00:30:37,880
Speaker 2: blue of my shirt. And about the third time it

567
00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:39,520
Speaker 2: happened when they were in the same color. I went,

568
00:30:39,840 --> 00:30:42,520
Speaker 2: what do you two have like telephones in your room?

569
00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:44,680
Speaker 2: And they went like, oh, no, we talk about it.

570
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:47,200
Speaker 2: We want to make sure we're mac hunt And I'm

571
00:30:47,200 --> 00:30:49,240
Speaker 2: looking at Keith and me. You know, I'm in green,

572
00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:51,960
Speaker 2: he's in red, he's in copper, I'm in black. I

573
00:30:52,040 --> 00:30:55,320
Speaker 2: was like, okay, whatever, all right. He wants to have

574
00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:59,320
Speaker 2: your location. Oh, this is an interesting one, suasan. He

575
00:30:59,360 --> 00:31:03,160
Speaker 2: wants to have your location and constantly checks it, asking

576
00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:06,240
Speaker 2: about where you are. No, I can't do that. Where

577
00:31:06,280 --> 00:31:06,560
Speaker 2: you are.

578
00:31:07,040 --> 00:31:09,640
Speaker 1: You can see my location because I don't have anything

579
00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:11,800
Speaker 1: to hide. But if you're going to question it, that's.

580
00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:14,720
Speaker 2: A big ick. I would agree with you. That is

581
00:31:14,760 --> 00:31:16,680
Speaker 2: a huge if he's going to question.

582
00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:21,600
Speaker 1: It, he proposes without a ring and instead just a promise. Well,

583
00:31:21,640 --> 00:31:28,160
Speaker 1: that''s not a proposal, you tell Dicky proposed, kid, you

584
00:31:28,280 --> 00:31:31,560
Speaker 1: not walking down the beach at sunset in Miami, I

585
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:35,520
Speaker 1: mean in Mallie. And he's like, isn't this beautiful?

586
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:38,440
Speaker 2: What's your other proposal on the beach in Miami. No?

587
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:40,760
Speaker 1: No, And I'll go, oh my gosh, it is And

588
00:31:40,760 --> 00:31:44,600
Speaker 1: he goes, you know, if I ever got married, this

589
00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:46,640
Speaker 1: is where I'd want to do it, and I go, yeah,

590
00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:49,280
Speaker 1: how about that? This would be absolutely beautiful? And I

591
00:31:49,440 --> 00:31:51,680
Speaker 1: just kept walking. We were quiet, and he goes, well,

592
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:54,520
Speaker 1: I said, well, what well?

593
00:31:54,960 --> 00:31:57,480
Speaker 2: I just that was a proposal. Do you have a ring?

594
00:31:58,400 --> 00:32:01,840
Speaker 2: Did you say that? Yes? He goes no, we could

595
00:32:01,840 --> 00:32:03,600
Speaker 2: go to the diamond guy and that we would get

596
00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:05,640
Speaker 2: one mad. I was like, oh my god, that's it.

597
00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:07,920
Speaker 2: You didn't get down on one knee. I didn't surprise

598
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:09,680
Speaker 2: with a box. I can't wait to see. You should

599
00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:13,640
Speaker 2: have known that marriage was no, no rain man, not

600
00:32:13,840 --> 00:32:18,040
Speaker 2: down on one knee. I don't think that's a your

601
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:19,920
Speaker 2: picky again. You know, maybe you want to take your

602
00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:24,440
Speaker 2: shopping for the ring. Who knows he keeps his promise. Okay,

603
00:32:24,560 --> 00:32:26,800
Speaker 2: this one, I'm just going to say. I'm going to

604
00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:31,480
Speaker 2: answer what my before I read it, it's beyond oo.

605
00:32:31,840 --> 00:32:35,120
Speaker 2: It's kick him to the curb. It's alimony, child support

606
00:32:35,280 --> 00:32:39,920
Speaker 2: and taking eighty percent of every dime he has. Go ahead,

607
00:32:40,040 --> 00:32:40,480
Speaker 2: read it.

608
00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:46,240
Speaker 1: He shares all of our bedroom details with his friends,

609
00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:47,040
Speaker 1: being plural.

610
00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:50,440
Speaker 2: That right there gave you a nick. No, I just

611
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:53,520
Speaker 2: told you it's so beyond it for Kathy. Oh no,

612
00:32:53,680 --> 00:32:56,000
Speaker 2: I told you it's kick him to the Curby. He'll

613
00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:58,080
Speaker 2: be living in the tent when I'm done with him.

614
00:32:58,200 --> 00:33:01,280
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I love it. All right, Well, this

615
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:05,120
Speaker 2: was fun. That was super fun. And unfortunately, Susan, the

616
00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:07,240
Speaker 2: fun is come to an end. This will wait, do it.

617
00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:09,240
Speaker 2: I'm just happy that neither one of us have mother

618
00:33:09,320 --> 00:33:12,920
Speaker 2: in Lawles, that's true, and you're closer to one than

619
00:33:12,920 --> 00:33:15,000
Speaker 2: I am. You're closer to getting one than I am.

620
00:33:15,360 --> 00:33:18,440
Speaker 2: All right, That does it for this episode of Bachelor

621
00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:20,640
Speaker 2: Happy Hours Golden Hour. It was so much fun.

622
00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:24,440
Speaker 1: Thanks so much for joining us today. We love hearing

623
00:33:24,440 --> 00:33:27,000
Speaker 1: from you. We love doing this for you. And make

624
00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:30,120
Speaker 1: sure you follow Bachelor Happy Hour as we have new

625
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:31,160
Speaker 1: episodes coming.

626
00:33:30,960 --> 00:33:33,200
Speaker 2: Out every week and you don't want to miss them,

627
00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:35,720
Speaker 2: and make sure you submit your questions to us. You

628
00:33:35,720 --> 00:33:38,800
Speaker 2: can go to Bachelor nation dot com, slash Golden Hour,

629
00:33:39,040 --> 00:33:41,680
Speaker 2: or hit us up on social at Bachelor Happy Hour.

630
00:33:41,880 --> 00:33:45,280
Speaker 1: Absolutely listen to Bachelor Happy Hours Golden Hour on the

631
00:33:45,320 --> 00:33:48,680
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app for where ever you listen to your podcast.

632
00:33:49,080 --> 00:33:50,560
Speaker 2: See you next time. Take care,