WEBVTT - Are You Tireddd? | MiniPod 0:00:00.240 --> 0:00:03.680 Native Land Pod is a production of iHeartRadio in partnership 0:00:03.720 --> 0:00:08.800 with Reason Choice Media. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome. 0:00:11.560 --> 0:00:14.960 All right, welcome home, everybody. Welcome to today's mini pod. 0:00:16.040 --> 0:00:18.360 We are going to be queering ourselves about something that 0:00:18.520 --> 0:00:21.200 not so political, much more personal and maybe some of 0:00:21.239 --> 0:00:24.720 you all can relate to. Have you ever been, I 0:00:24.760 --> 0:00:27.240 don't know, thought of in your family, your friend group, 0:00:27.640 --> 0:00:31.680 your circle as the solver, as the person gets it done, 0:00:31.760 --> 0:00:34.080 as the person once you mention it, that person. 0:00:33.840 --> 0:00:34.960 Lights up and jumps to it. 0:00:36.159 --> 0:00:38.640 Well, of the three of us, I think all three 0:00:38.640 --> 0:00:42.080 of us have been that amongst our respective circles. And 0:00:42.200 --> 0:00:44.960 so today we want to talk a little bit about 0:00:45.080 --> 0:00:48.199 whether or not we are just doing too much, and 0:00:48.440 --> 0:00:52.440 if we are, why we might be feeling compelled to 0:00:52.479 --> 0:00:57.040 do too much or anything. I always think about these things, ladies, 0:00:57.120 --> 0:01:01.280 as being you know, sort of unhealed traumas. 0:01:00.960 --> 0:01:01.800 Of our past. 0:01:03.360 --> 0:01:05.920 And I don't know if that's true or not, but 0:01:05.920 --> 0:01:09.360 but I think we often look at we often see 0:01:09.440 --> 0:01:11.399 people look at people who jump to it, who get 0:01:11.440 --> 0:01:14.760 things done through the sympathetic lens of they just like 0:01:14.800 --> 0:01:18.959 to solve problems versus what is I think probably a 0:01:19.000 --> 0:01:21.960 truer scenario that we've got some things we've got to 0:01:22.000 --> 0:01:25.280 solve for ourselves, and our and our inability to do 0:01:25.319 --> 0:01:27.160 that for ourselves, it's much. 0:01:27.000 --> 0:01:28.279 Easier to do it for other people. 0:01:28.480 --> 0:01:31.040 But I'm curious to know if y'all have a thought 0:01:31.040 --> 0:01:33.039 on that, and if I've set that up properly, I 0:01:33.080 --> 0:01:33.479 may not. 0:01:33.400 --> 0:01:36.319 Have, I think so. I think that resonates with me. 0:01:37.000 --> 0:01:40.200 So if that's the case, then Angelau, we will start 0:01:40.200 --> 0:01:47.720 with you define yourself on this spectrum of solve all 0:01:47.760 --> 0:01:49.960 the problems to Oh, I'll just sit and wait till 0:01:49.960 --> 0:01:52.080 you tell me to do something. Yeah, oh, I already 0:01:52.120 --> 0:01:54.720 know you ain't that ain't w but love to hear 0:01:54.760 --> 0:01:55.520 where you think you are. 0:01:55.640 --> 0:01:59.960 You know, I will tell you. I don't know where 0:02:00.000 --> 0:02:02.480 where the trauma came from. But that is when you 0:02:02.520 --> 0:02:05.800 said that is deeply resonant. There's a side of me 0:02:05.920 --> 0:02:11.280 that feels like my dad required us to show up 0:02:11.280 --> 0:02:15.000 for family. And because of how black folks families are, 0:02:15.720 --> 0:02:20.760 they extend far beyond the bloodline, and so you know, 0:02:20.840 --> 0:02:22.600 if there was a need, you step up and you 0:02:22.639 --> 0:02:25.880 meet the need, whether it's communal, cultural, or in your 0:02:25.919 --> 0:02:31.280 intermediate family and I mentioned on our main podcast that 0:02:31.400 --> 0:02:34.400 Tiff was like not she wasn't like why you do that? 0:02:34.440 --> 0:02:37.520 But essentially that was the conversation, like have you thought 0:02:37.560 --> 0:02:39.000 about why you do that? 0:02:40.520 --> 0:02:41.560 And it makes me. 0:02:41.639 --> 0:02:45.680 Really emotional because I can't think of a time where 0:02:45.720 --> 0:02:51.560 I have stood up for myself with the fierceness and 0:02:51.680 --> 0:02:56.120 the quickness that I will for anybody and almost everybody else. 0:02:56.720 --> 0:02:59.440 I was suspended in the seventh grade for fighting someone 0:02:59.440 --> 0:03:04.840 else's fine, right, like I literally and and if I 0:03:05.280 --> 0:03:08.560 even with my own father, if there's something where he 0:03:08.760 --> 0:03:11.919 wants me to do something, I feel really bad telling 0:03:12.000 --> 0:03:14.960 him no. And I've had to work on that in therapy. 0:03:15.080 --> 0:03:17.480 What does that have to do with steping into crises. 0:03:17.560 --> 0:03:22.639 I actually love solving crises. I love a crisis response, 0:03:22.680 --> 0:03:25.720 and it's because I think, deep down I want to 0:03:25.760 --> 0:03:29.520 be helpful. I think probably the inner child in me 0:03:29.919 --> 0:03:33.320 is like, help me that same way. And I don't 0:03:33.360 --> 0:03:37.280 know how. I only know how to perform for other people. 0:03:37.640 --> 0:03:39.800 I think it has been a journey that I'm far 0:03:39.840 --> 0:03:43.280 from finishing to step up for myself in the same way. 0:03:44.000 --> 0:03:44.520 Interesting. 0:03:45.120 --> 0:03:47.640 Well, I'll say about me, but I want to say 0:03:47.640 --> 0:03:48.320 this about Angela. 0:03:48.720 --> 0:03:49.520 I think we shouldn't. 0:03:49.560 --> 0:03:52.520 We shouldn't, we shouldn't comment on her yet. 0:03:52.800 --> 0:03:54.440 No, I want us to reserve it to. 0:03:54.640 --> 0:03:57.680 Our make a comment. I just want to make a comment. 0:03:58.800 --> 0:04:04.320 No, No, vitoak. 0:04:04.320 --> 0:04:06.800 In the middle of my comment last episode, you. 0:04:08.960 --> 0:04:11.520 Said something about me, but I wasn't gonna comment about 0:04:11.960 --> 0:04:13.560 I was going to add something to it. But fine, 0:04:13.840 --> 0:04:18.840 Andrew said, I can't remember. That's I will remember because 0:04:18.839 --> 0:04:21.320 I guys have to say about it. But and Ay, 0:04:21.360 --> 0:04:22.400 you were there for that conversation. 0:04:22.440 --> 0:04:26.320 By the way, it was if it was initiated by 0:04:26.360 --> 0:04:27.719 you saying did they ask you to do that? 0:04:28.400 --> 0:04:29.880 Ye? Did he asked you to do anything? 0:04:29.960 --> 0:04:30.159 Said? 0:04:30.240 --> 0:04:32.240 No one ever, nobody ever asked me to do it. 0:04:32.279 --> 0:04:33.279 I just. 0:04:34.680 --> 0:04:38.840 I I completely understand how Angelo feels. I will say 0:04:38.920 --> 0:04:43.440 I have learned to compartmentalize and take on what I can. 0:04:43.600 --> 0:04:45.480 And that's because there have been several times in life 0:04:45.480 --> 0:04:48.599 where I felt myself about to break, and so now 0:04:49.120 --> 0:04:53.320 I am very clear to protect myself from the stress 0:04:53.360 --> 0:04:55.839 and anxiety that I can feel by taking on other 0:04:55.920 --> 0:04:59.080 people's sugar honey iced tea like I just cannot do it, 0:04:59.360 --> 0:05:02.400 so I have to, and even stuff that does impact me, 0:05:02.520 --> 0:05:05.000 I have to decide is this something I'm gonna carry 0:05:05.080 --> 0:05:07.799 or not? And it's like my arms are full, I'm already. 0:05:08.680 --> 0:05:09.760 If I didn't help. 0:05:09.560 --> 0:05:12.279 Myself relax and go to sleep, this same energy that 0:05:12.320 --> 0:05:14.040 we have on the pot, I would be wide awake 0:05:14.080 --> 0:05:15.520 at three in the morning, four in the morning. And 0:05:15.560 --> 0:05:18.800 I spent most of my teen years, my twenties, and 0:05:18.880 --> 0:05:21.880 my thirties with that level of anks where I just 0:05:21.880 --> 0:05:25.000 felt like I couldn't exhale. Even now, I paced the 0:05:25.040 --> 0:05:28.200 floor for hours. You know, if I'm thinking, if I'm right, 0:05:28.320 --> 0:05:30.600 you know, I have to turn off my phone. I 0:05:30.680 --> 0:05:34.320 keep my phone on silent probably twenty hours a day, 0:05:34.480 --> 0:05:38.000 just because I it's like a breathing entity, you know, 0:05:38.160 --> 0:05:42.159 like the constants just like stretching me out. But I 0:05:42.200 --> 0:05:43.960 know I heard that, but I thought that might be 0:05:44.000 --> 0:05:49.159 a warning about the storm. Yeah, So for for me, 0:05:49.680 --> 0:05:53.680 I can show up for other people at a point 0:05:53.720 --> 0:05:57.440 where it's not betraying myself, and betraying myself can look 0:05:57.480 --> 0:05:59.640 like a different It's like if you need to sleep, 0:06:00.160 --> 0:06:03.600 it's not you know, you owe your your body's sleep, 0:06:03.600 --> 0:06:05.400 because then you can show up for this person better. 0:06:06.279 --> 0:06:08.080 If you are sad right now, if you're dealing with 0:06:08.120 --> 0:06:10.479 your own stuff and you're heavy, like you can't be 0:06:11.000 --> 0:06:13.479 that to somebody else, you know, So take your time 0:06:13.520 --> 0:06:15.440 to get yourself together and then show up in the 0:06:15.440 --> 0:06:20.200 capacity that feels right and healthy for me. I take 0:06:20.520 --> 0:06:23.599 or have always in my life, I felt responsible for 0:06:23.839 --> 0:06:28.720 my mother. I felt responsible for my my my brother 0:06:28.760 --> 0:06:29.760 and I who grew up in the house together. I 0:06:29.800 --> 0:06:32.120 felt responsible for him for a while. He probably felt 0:06:32.160 --> 0:06:34.359 responsible for me for a while, especially when we were kids. 0:06:35.120 --> 0:06:37.279 But I had to decide. I got to focus on 0:06:38.120 --> 0:06:40.760 my mom, you know, so I can, I can help 0:06:40.800 --> 0:06:44.239 her with whatever I can, and my brother can focus 0:06:44.279 --> 0:06:47.240 on his kids, you know. So it just it kind 0:06:47.279 --> 0:06:50.120 of works something, Angelie. You say, we all we got, 0:06:51.360 --> 0:06:53.600 and that's why we feel that way. We all we got. 0:06:54.640 --> 0:06:58.000 What about you, Andrew? I feel like you're with some people, 0:06:58.080 --> 0:07:01.760 you're a catch all. With other people, you're. 0:07:00.600 --> 0:07:03.839 Free for all, lazy fair, laser fair. Yeah, you know, 0:07:03.880 --> 0:07:07.240 And that's shifted over the years. The more in need 0:07:07.320 --> 0:07:14.560 I have been, probably the less I have been able 0:07:14.640 --> 0:07:17.920 to of late show up for others, because so the 0:07:17.960 --> 0:07:20.360 volume has gotten so high. You know, it's sort of 0:07:20.400 --> 0:07:24.560 a fight or flight, you know, sort of decision that 0:07:24.640 --> 0:07:27.520 has to be made, but I mean for the forever 0:07:27.640 --> 0:07:29.280 and for the longest time, and I don't know how 0:07:29.280 --> 0:07:31.200 to get to the source of it. I've not gotten 0:07:31.240 --> 0:07:33.880 to the source of it, you know. My the value 0:07:34.120 --> 0:07:37.600 that I felt I brought to many relationships was my 0:07:37.640 --> 0:07:42.960 ability to solve the problems that if I wasn't doing that, 0:07:43.000 --> 0:07:45.840 I wasn't sure that I was offering a great you know, 0:07:45.960 --> 0:07:49.280 a great deal, partly because I don't do a great 0:07:49.360 --> 0:07:52.240 job listening to the historically, hadn't done a great job 0:07:52.280 --> 0:07:55.040 listening to the problem, because as you're talking to me 0:07:55.080 --> 0:07:57.280 about the problem, my mind is immediately going to like, Okay, 0:07:57.480 --> 0:07:59.480 what you can do about it? Is this is that 0:07:59.520 --> 0:08:01.680 in the third part of that, I think is as 0:08:01.720 --> 0:08:05.120 a child, I was always frustrated that everybody was complaining 0:08:05.160 --> 0:08:06.160 around or. 0:08:06.080 --> 0:08:07.720 What we can't have and what we don't have and 0:08:07.760 --> 0:08:08.200 what we did. 0:08:08.120 --> 0:08:09.559 Da da da, And this is that in the third 0:08:09.960 --> 0:08:13.440 that I was very you know, grew very tired of 0:08:13.480 --> 0:08:16.160 the excuse, all the reasons why not, all the things, 0:08:16.360 --> 0:08:18.800 you know, why we can't help the situation that the 0:08:18.840 --> 0:08:21.120 things are being done to us. But I think I 0:08:21.160 --> 0:08:26.080 grew almost a muscle like resistance to this idea that 0:08:26.120 --> 0:08:28.560 there wasn't something within our power that we could do 0:08:29.400 --> 0:08:30.520 about whatever. 0:08:30.200 --> 0:08:30.840 That thing was. 0:08:31.840 --> 0:08:33.520 And in some cases, as I look back on it, 0:08:33.559 --> 0:08:36.280 there wasn't anything we could do. We were really you know, 0:08:36.440 --> 0:08:38.960 we were we were slave to whatever that system was. 0:08:39.840 --> 0:08:42.960 And then you know, as I learned more, changed up 0:08:43.040 --> 0:08:45.079 environments and so on and so forth, then it was like, Okay, 0:08:45.320 --> 0:08:46.679 you got the part to do it, and if they're 0:08:46.679 --> 0:08:48.280 not gonna do it, then we're gonna do it for ourselves, 0:08:48.760 --> 0:08:50.440 and we're not gonna wait for anybody to do this 0:08:50.480 --> 0:08:52.440 is that in the third and this you know, almost 0:08:53.120 --> 0:08:56.280 religious like pushback against the idea that. 0:08:56.240 --> 0:08:58.719 We couldn't solve it for ourselves. 0:08:59.800 --> 0:09:03.200 And then now you know, I've had my own troth 0:09:03.720 --> 0:09:07.880 of of you know, it's just the world you know, 0:09:08.280 --> 0:09:11.200 crumbling around me that I have that I have not 0:09:11.320 --> 0:09:15.240 only not been really interested in accepting much help, but 0:09:15.360 --> 0:09:20.199 also not really in a position to offer much either, 0:09:21.080 --> 0:09:24.439 and that my time has been spent on like, okay, survival. 0:09:26.200 --> 0:09:29.719 So there's there's something there in the middle of all 0:09:29.720 --> 0:09:32.480 of that, but it isn't. I haven't been able to 0:09:32.480 --> 0:09:34.960 put a capstone on it. I do think there is 0:09:35.000 --> 0:09:37.920 something to this, where do people derive value from me 0:09:38.520 --> 0:09:43.520 right where where? Do what? What am I doing? What 0:09:43.600 --> 0:09:46.440 am I contributing to the environment, to the situation? That 0:09:46.640 --> 0:09:50.120 is additive? And if I can't surmise for myself that 0:09:50.200 --> 0:09:53.320 there's something there that's additive, then that's not Maybe I 0:09:53.320 --> 0:09:55.120 don't need to be in this, and maybe they really 0:09:55.160 --> 0:09:56.920 don't want me in this and they won't say it 0:09:57.240 --> 0:09:59.040 because I'm really not adding anything. 0:09:59.640 --> 0:10:03.520 So I think there's a big value self value piece. 0:10:03.320 --> 0:10:05.319 Here, but I don't know the genesis of it. 0:10:06.120 --> 0:10:06.800 That's so deep. 0:10:06.840 --> 0:10:11.280 That is interesting, Yeah, because I kind of understand that feeling, 0:10:11.360 --> 0:10:13.640 like if I'm not living in service too, And I 0:10:13.720 --> 0:10:16.840 had that for a while, like even feeling guilt about relaxing, 0:10:16.880 --> 0:10:22.040 which I've abandoned my grandmother, like until the day she died, 0:10:22.120 --> 0:10:25.040 she was always in service. She you know, went to 0:10:25.080 --> 0:10:26.840 the nursing home to take care of people. She was 0:10:26.880 --> 0:10:29.760 on the deacon boards, yeah, a choir rehearsal. She hosted 0:10:29.760 --> 0:10:32.200 things for the ladies. We'll go to Costco and Sam's 0:10:32.240 --> 0:10:34.800 Club and get her. You know, she was never idle, 0:10:35.200 --> 0:10:37.640 and I remember her. I spent all the summers with 0:10:37.679 --> 0:10:39.320 my grandmother, and I remember when she would come home 0:10:39.360 --> 0:10:41.560 and if I hadn't been doing anything, I felt embarrassed. 0:10:41.640 --> 0:10:44.120 She didn't say anything, but I just felt like, oh, 0:10:44.520 --> 0:10:46.680 I need to get up and be doing something. And 0:10:46.760 --> 0:10:49.600 I think it's something about us black folks, like, you 0:10:49.640 --> 0:10:51.760 know what, we deserve a life of ease sometimes, like 0:10:51.800 --> 0:10:55.160 it's okay for us to have a day and breathe 0:10:55.400 --> 0:10:58.640 and exhale. The thing that Angel talks about on the 0:10:58.679 --> 0:11:00.439 main pot that I had said this is mine. I 0:11:00.440 --> 0:11:02.640 don't know who came up with this, but it's a 0:11:02.679 --> 0:11:05.920 common phrase. When somebody's telling you something, you ask do 0:11:05.960 --> 0:11:06.920 you want to be helped? 0:11:07.280 --> 0:11:08.319 Heard or hugged? 0:11:09.120 --> 0:11:11.800 And I think, you know, to your point, Andrew, that 0:11:11.920 --> 0:11:14.199 is one of the things that drives me crazy when 0:11:14.240 --> 0:11:16.840 I'm telling one of my friends about my problem and 0:11:16.840 --> 0:11:19.160 they're rushing me to get to the end of the story, 0:11:19.800 --> 0:11:22.120 and then they immediately start telling me how they can 0:11:22.160 --> 0:11:25.600 fix it. One it presumes that I ain't thought about 0:11:25.640 --> 0:11:28.040 this chick for the past, you know, eight months or 0:11:28.080 --> 0:11:31.559 eight years. I remember when I was, you know, struggling 0:11:31.600 --> 0:11:34.079 to keep my business alive, and it was just one 0:11:34.080 --> 0:11:36.920 of the saddest, heaviest times in life for me, and 0:11:36.960 --> 0:11:38.880 I was just you know, trying to. 0:11:38.760 --> 0:11:40.040 Put out the beat. Angela. 0:11:40.080 --> 0:11:42.280 You remember those times, and I mean I was just 0:11:42.760 --> 0:11:45.439 exhausted and I would be with my friends and I 0:11:45.440 --> 0:11:48.040 would say like, I'm just so exhausted, like I just 0:11:48.080 --> 0:11:49.839 don't know what to do. I'm spending like twenty thousand 0:11:49.880 --> 0:11:52.120 dollars a month of my own money. And one of 0:11:52.160 --> 0:11:54.160 my friends was like, you shit, ask like Oprah for 0:11:54.200 --> 0:11:55.000 some money. 0:11:55.880 --> 0:11:58.720 Bitch, why did not think of that? Let me text 0:11:58.800 --> 0:11:59.400 her right now. 0:11:59.440 --> 0:12:03.240 I want to see how soon you can call me. 0:12:04.040 --> 0:12:09.600 I'm so annoyed. I'm like, sense right, thank you? It 0:12:09.840 --> 0:12:13.000 just makes no sense, and I would get so annoyed 0:12:13.120 --> 0:12:16.360 or you should do this, but that you should, it would. 0:12:16.120 --> 0:12:19.360 Just drive me crazy. It's like, ask me more questions 0:12:19.400 --> 0:12:21.280 before you come up with a solution. You know, first, 0:12:21.320 --> 0:12:23.320 it has well how you doing, how you feel, how's 0:12:23.360 --> 0:12:26.439 your spirit? What can we do to help? Is there 0:12:26.480 --> 0:12:28.640 anything we can do to help? Or tell me more 0:12:28.720 --> 0:12:31.240 what goes into running this business every day? Instead of 0:12:31.320 --> 0:12:33.640 let me immediately get to the solution, because that doesn't 0:12:33.679 --> 0:12:36.200 say that you care about me. That says you're so 0:12:36.400 --> 0:12:39.280 quick to make yourself feel good, to feed your your 0:12:39.320 --> 0:12:41.840 own self worth that it really has nothing to do 0:12:41.920 --> 0:12:45.240 with me, like you're just trying to feed something in you. 0:12:46.160 --> 0:12:47.839 And I will say with both of you, it's interesting 0:12:47.880 --> 0:12:49.720 hearing you say this, because Andrew, I feel like you 0:12:49.760 --> 0:12:54.240 are consistently like every time we're together, we always have 0:12:54.320 --> 0:12:57.920 our time where we have like the deepest conversation. We're 0:12:57.960 --> 0:13:00.440 talking and connecting and your very health for you're a 0:13:00.440 --> 0:13:03.360 great listener, Angela. You always say how's your heart? 0:13:03.480 --> 0:13:04.240 Like how you doing? 0:13:04.679 --> 0:13:08.400 What I was gonna say, Andrew vetoed you always ask 0:13:08.480 --> 0:13:11.199 those questions, but I don't feel like you're always receptive 0:13:11.280 --> 0:13:14.760 to answering those questions. And I wonder when you said 0:13:14.800 --> 0:13:16.680 you don't show up for yourself that way, and I'm like, yeah, 0:13:16.760 --> 0:13:19.840 I wonder what that is about you? Like, do you 0:13:19.880 --> 0:13:23.200 ever you know, is there any space where you're like, 0:13:23.920 --> 0:13:27.320 let me break and let me just tell you yeah, therapy. 0:13:27.800 --> 0:13:37.959 Okay, that's good though, Andrew. 0:13:38.000 --> 0:13:40.920 Even when Andrew was saying a thing earlier, and I 0:13:40.920 --> 0:13:41.520 will work on that. 0:13:41.640 --> 0:13:43.080 If I did hear your point, I don't want to 0:13:43.080 --> 0:13:43.679 bypass it. 0:13:43.720 --> 0:13:46.360 I will work on that more in therapy too, and 0:13:46.440 --> 0:13:49.920 with y'all know you guys are my unofficial therapy, not 0:13:50.120 --> 0:13:51.240 just on the podcast, y'all. 0:13:51.240 --> 0:13:52.760 I will text him on the side. 0:13:52.720 --> 0:13:53.800 Just because we send you there. 0:13:54.280 --> 0:13:56.680 No, no, no, no, you guys. You guys send me 0:13:56.880 --> 0:13:57.680 healing balm. 0:13:57.760 --> 0:14:00.000 And I'm grateful except for when you count say you 0:14:00.280 --> 0:14:01.599 only want to get cut off in the middle of 0:14:01.640 --> 0:14:06.560 the break. But I will say, I will say that 0:14:06.920 --> 0:14:11.120 I think it is really hard when you say that 0:14:11.160 --> 0:14:13.880 you're about to break so many moments where we're carrying 0:14:13.920 --> 0:14:17.079 so many things for our families, for democracy, for the culture, 0:14:17.240 --> 0:14:19.600 for racial justice, for all these things. 0:14:19.920 --> 0:14:20.760 And somebody's like. 0:14:20.760 --> 0:14:22.880 How's your heart, You're like, bish, if I said it 0:14:22.920 --> 0:14:24.680 for a minute, tell you. 0:14:24.200 --> 0:14:25.040 You will bring it. 0:14:25.120 --> 0:14:27.680 And so you're like, because I, yeah, you said this, 0:14:27.760 --> 0:14:31.280 Andrew like, it's survival. It is a survival response to 0:14:31.280 --> 0:14:34.120 not dig deeper in that moment if I know that 0:14:34.200 --> 0:14:36.120 I don't have the capacity because in five minutes I 0:14:36.160 --> 0:14:38.120 got to be on air or five minutes I gotta do, 0:14:38.480 --> 0:14:39.800 you know, you just kind of can't. 0:14:39.880 --> 0:14:42.119 And so even you talk about. 0:14:41.840 --> 0:14:45.040 The helped held or hugged, helped, but is it helped 0:14:45.680 --> 0:14:49.520 helped her hugged? From that, I got like, is the 0:14:49.560 --> 0:14:53.280 person does the person want event? Does the person need 0:14:53.360 --> 0:14:56.800 you to actively listen? Like asking some of the probing questions. 0:14:56.800 --> 0:14:58.760 I think Tip is very good at that. Andrew, you've 0:14:58.760 --> 0:15:01.120 both been on the receiving end of the questions. And 0:15:01.200 --> 0:15:04.080 then or are they seeking advice like you should ask 0:15:04.160 --> 0:15:07.320 OPRA for a check or do they want you to 0:15:07.440 --> 0:15:10.680 solve and do something? And my default is to solve 0:15:10.760 --> 0:15:15.160 and do something. Again, it's not to be overbearing. It's 0:15:15.240 --> 0:15:18.880 not to insert myself. I think that deep down, it 0:15:18.960 --> 0:15:22.840 is the thing that seems like for me, it shows 0:15:22.880 --> 0:15:26.320 me love, like you are willing to utilize your own contacts, 0:15:26.320 --> 0:15:29.560 your own resources, your own time to guide me through 0:15:29.560 --> 0:15:33.600 a process. And when I have had the few opportunities 0:15:33.600 --> 0:15:36.680 and some of them with y'all, to surrender into that, 0:15:36.760 --> 0:15:38.760 it's like, oh my god, I'm gonna give y'all some 0:15:38.800 --> 0:15:43.480 inside information as a touch point. And it's both of 0:15:43.480 --> 0:15:46.960 these guys, we really are like family. We facetimed Andrew, 0:15:47.040 --> 0:15:49.040 who had just got out the shower so he could 0:15:49.120 --> 0:15:51.920 not help us, but I had literally sent him text 0:15:51.960 --> 0:15:52.480 and were. 0:15:52.320 --> 0:15:55.640 Like, Hell, what you doing? Hell? Because I knew that 0:15:55.680 --> 0:15:57.000 I could have a whole meltdown. 0:15:57.040 --> 0:15:59.200 I was really ready to have a meltdown recently about 0:15:59.200 --> 0:16:02.200 a live show and Tip, who normally does not like 0:16:02.280 --> 0:16:04.520 to be bothered. I was like, you have a whole 0:16:04.760 --> 0:16:07.280 like production background. I'm gonna need you because I we 0:16:07.400 --> 0:16:09.520 might lose our spot, like I need you to help. 0:16:09.880 --> 0:16:10.800 And TIF came in. 0:16:10.920 --> 0:16:13.080 And not only did she come in when I thought 0:16:13.160 --> 0:16:14.920 I was helping to solve the things, she was like, 0:16:14.960 --> 0:16:16.680 I need you to go over there, Like I just 0:16:16.720 --> 0:16:17.960 need you to go over there. 0:16:18.240 --> 0:16:19.840 You're not helping. How you think you're helping. 0:16:19.880 --> 0:16:22.040 And I was like, you know what, I can't see myself, 0:16:22.080 --> 0:16:23.440 but I believe that's probably true. 0:16:23.600 --> 0:16:25.640 I'm trying to talk to the man ouside be like yes, 0:16:25.800 --> 0:16:26.400 just please. 0:16:26.720 --> 0:16:29.800 She's like, bye, go And I think that in those 0:16:29.840 --> 0:16:32.320 moments you can't see yourself. All you know is like 0:16:32.360 --> 0:16:34.760 you have an end desired goal and this thing that 0:16:34.800 --> 0:16:36.360 needs to happen. It's the same thing as when they 0:16:36.360 --> 0:16:39.440 tell lawyers like don't ever be a lawyer for yourself? 0:16:39.480 --> 0:16:43.160 You like you can't see yourself when I tell you, guys, 0:16:43.360 --> 0:16:46.640 because of Tip's involvement in this, we ended up with 0:16:46.800 --> 0:16:50.560 a far better position than I could have ever imagined. 0:16:50.640 --> 0:16:53.560 She has an eye. She is innovative, she is creative. 0:16:53.760 --> 0:16:57.080 She don't like to insert your insert herself and your stuff. 0:16:57.240 --> 0:17:00.360 But boy, what she does, okay, I'm. 0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:02.400 Doing And it's the same thing for Andrew. There are 0:17:02.440 --> 0:17:03.680 so many times that could be like, well have. 0:17:03.640 --> 0:17:05.560 You thought about it? I'm like, no, I didn't think 0:17:05.600 --> 0:17:06.800 about this, you know. 0:17:06.960 --> 0:17:09.879 So I thank God for y'all, and and I appreciate 0:17:09.960 --> 0:17:12.439 that even in the times when I said I'm just venting, 0:17:12.840 --> 0:17:15.280 you did step up to solve, because sometimes we don't 0:17:15.320 --> 0:17:19.240 actually know what we really need because we can't see ourselves. 0:17:19.480 --> 0:17:22.439 For me, is when you are like panicked, you know, 0:17:22.600 --> 0:17:26.840 like when you're you know, I it is hard to 0:17:26.840 --> 0:17:28.320 see that. And it's not that I don't want to 0:17:28.320 --> 0:17:31.040 be bothered. It's that I'm carrying other things. 0:17:31.400 --> 0:17:31.679 You know. 0:17:31.920 --> 0:17:34.920 It's like I and you know, like some of the 0:17:34.960 --> 0:17:39.639 stuff I'm carrying. Sometimes it is my finances, you know, 0:17:39.680 --> 0:17:42.720 like I'm already stressed over that. Sometimes it is my 0:17:42.800 --> 0:17:46.000 other production that I do with Will Packer. I'm you know, 0:17:46.040 --> 0:17:48.520 that's a full It's like taping eight native lands and 0:17:48.520 --> 0:17:50.679 one day, you know, and it's like I gotta, you know, 0:17:50.760 --> 0:17:54.960 spend weeks preparing for that. Sometimes it's family stuff. Sometimes 0:17:55.000 --> 0:17:59.560 it's my own brokenness, my own heartbreak. Sometimes it's you 0:17:59.560 --> 0:18:02.760 know this foolish man who I didn't you know, gave 0:18:02.840 --> 0:18:07.280 access to me, who is not on this podcast. No, 0:18:07.359 --> 0:18:11.240 but he well he don't e look speak the Devil's 0:18:11.280 --> 0:18:14.000 name and social he appeared. He don't exist anymore. Okay, 0:18:14.760 --> 0:18:19.280 but Angela, he don't even have access. He don't even 0:18:19.320 --> 0:18:21.680 have access. But you all, but you do know how 0:18:21.720 --> 0:18:24.639 it is when your heart is hurting and it's like 0:18:24.760 --> 0:18:26.840 I don't have room for anything else. 0:18:26.920 --> 0:18:27.359 I can't. 0:18:27.640 --> 0:18:31.160 I don't have space for somebody else's panic. I don't 0:18:31.200 --> 0:18:35.600 have space for somebody you know, tears or whatever it is. 0:18:35.680 --> 0:18:37.560 It's like I'm about to lose it, and I can 0:18:37.600 --> 0:18:40.119 show up about to lose it looking like this, sounding 0:18:40.280 --> 0:18:42.680 like this, acting like everything is fine, but in here 0:18:43.160 --> 0:18:48.800 this is broken. I'm shaken with nerves on the verge 0:18:48.800 --> 0:18:51.840 of tears, but I've swallowed them down long enough, just 0:18:51.880 --> 0:18:53.480 so I can be in this space with you all 0:18:53.520 --> 0:18:56.639 and not you know, infected with my own sadness. And 0:18:56.680 --> 0:18:58.439 so it's not that I'm like, well, I don't want 0:18:58.440 --> 0:19:00.639 to be by that's it. I don't ever have that attitude. 0:19:00.680 --> 0:19:03.160 It's I'm holding as much as I can right now, 0:19:03.320 --> 0:19:05.880 and I can't hold anything else. Now, when I see 0:19:05.880 --> 0:19:08.280 my sister is holding as much as she can and 0:19:08.320 --> 0:19:10.440 people keep dumping on it, and I see her about 0:19:10.480 --> 0:19:13.240 to break and fall, then yes, in those moments of 0:19:13.320 --> 0:19:16.679 extreme energy, let me set my stuff down and go 0:19:16.760 --> 0:19:19.240 over here and help my sister with this right now. 0:19:19.960 --> 0:19:22.040 And I think that happens most around our live show. 0:19:26.600 --> 0:19:28.480 I do think we all aw it to each other 0:19:28.520 --> 0:19:32.879 to deepen into the you know, the why, because Angela, 0:19:32.960 --> 0:19:35.480