1 00:00:00,240 --> 00:00:03,680 Speaker 1: Native Land Pod is a production of iHeartRadio in partnership 2 00:00:03,720 --> 00:00:08,800 Speaker 1: with Reason Choice Media. Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome, Welcome. 3 00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:14,960 Speaker 2: All right, welcome home, everybody. Welcome to today's mini pod. 4 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:18,360 Speaker 3: We are going to be queering ourselves about something that 5 00:00:18,520 --> 00:00:21,200 Speaker 3: not so political, much more personal and maybe some of 6 00:00:21,239 --> 00:00:24,720 Speaker 3: you all can relate to. Have you ever been, I 7 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:27,240 Speaker 3: don't know, thought of in your family, your friend group, 8 00:00:27,640 --> 00:00:31,680 Speaker 3: your circle as the solver, as the person gets it done, 9 00:00:31,760 --> 00:00:34,080 Speaker 3: as the person once you mention it, that person. 10 00:00:33,840 --> 00:00:34,960 Speaker 2: Lights up and jumps to it. 11 00:00:36,159 --> 00:00:38,640 Speaker 3: Well, of the three of us, I think all three 12 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:42,080 Speaker 3: of us have been that amongst our respective circles. And 13 00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:44,960 Speaker 3: so today we want to talk a little bit about 14 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:48,199 Speaker 3: whether or not we are just doing too much, and 15 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:52,440 Speaker 3: if we are, why we might be feeling compelled to 16 00:00:52,479 --> 00:00:57,040 Speaker 3: do too much or anything. I always think about these things, ladies, 17 00:00:57,120 --> 00:01:01,280 Speaker 3: as being you know, sort of unhealed traumas. 18 00:01:00,960 --> 00:01:01,800 Speaker 2: Of our past. 19 00:01:03,360 --> 00:01:05,920 Speaker 3: And I don't know if that's true or not, but 20 00:01:05,920 --> 00:01:09,360 Speaker 3: but I think we often look at we often see 21 00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:11,399 Speaker 3: people look at people who jump to it, who get 22 00:01:11,440 --> 00:01:14,760 Speaker 3: things done through the sympathetic lens of they just like 23 00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:18,959 Speaker 3: to solve problems versus what is I think probably a 24 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,960 Speaker 3: truer scenario that we've got some things we've got to 25 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:25,280 Speaker 3: solve for ourselves, and our and our inability to do 26 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:27,160 Speaker 3: that for ourselves, it's much. 27 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:28,279 Speaker 2: Easier to do it for other people. 28 00:01:28,480 --> 00:01:31,040 Speaker 3: But I'm curious to know if y'all have a thought 29 00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:33,039 Speaker 3: on that, and if I've set that up properly, I 30 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:33,479 Speaker 3: may not. 31 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:36,319 Speaker 4: Have, I think so. I think that resonates with me. 32 00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:40,200 Speaker 3: So if that's the case, then Angelau, we will start 33 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:47,720 Speaker 3: with you define yourself on this spectrum of solve all 34 00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:49,960 Speaker 3: the problems to Oh, I'll just sit and wait till 35 00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,080 Speaker 3: you tell me to do something. Yeah, oh, I already 36 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:54,720 Speaker 3: know you ain't that ain't w but love to hear 37 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:55,520 Speaker 3: where you think you are. 38 00:01:55,640 --> 00:01:59,960 Speaker 1: You know, I will tell you. I don't know where 39 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:02,480 Speaker 1: where the trauma came from. But that is when you 40 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,800 Speaker 1: said that is deeply resonant. There's a side of me 41 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:11,280 Speaker 1: that feels like my dad required us to show up 42 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:15,000 Speaker 1: for family. And because of how black folks families are, 43 00:02:15,720 --> 00:02:20,760 Speaker 1: they extend far beyond the bloodline, and so you know, 44 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:22,600 Speaker 1: if there was a need, you step up and you 45 00:02:22,639 --> 00:02:25,880 Speaker 1: meet the need, whether it's communal, cultural, or in your 46 00:02:25,919 --> 00:02:31,280 Speaker 1: intermediate family and I mentioned on our main podcast that 47 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,400 Speaker 1: Tiff was like not she wasn't like why you do that? 48 00:02:34,440 --> 00:02:37,520 Speaker 1: But essentially that was the conversation, like have you thought 49 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,000 Speaker 1: about why you do that? 50 00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:41,560 Speaker 4: And it makes me. 51 00:02:41,639 --> 00:02:45,680 Speaker 1: Really emotional because I can't think of a time where 52 00:02:45,720 --> 00:02:51,560 Speaker 1: I have stood up for myself with the fierceness and 53 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:56,120 Speaker 1: the quickness that I will for anybody and almost everybody else. 54 00:02:56,720 --> 00:02:59,440 Speaker 1: I was suspended in the seventh grade for fighting someone 55 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:04,840 Speaker 1: else's fine, right, like I literally and and if I 56 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:08,560 Speaker 1: even with my own father, if there's something where he 57 00:03:08,760 --> 00:03:11,919 Speaker 1: wants me to do something, I feel really bad telling 58 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,960 Speaker 1: him no. And I've had to work on that in therapy. 59 00:03:15,080 --> 00:03:17,480 Speaker 1: What does that have to do with steping into crises. 60 00:03:17,560 --> 00:03:22,639 Speaker 1: I actually love solving crises. I love a crisis response, 61 00:03:22,680 --> 00:03:25,720 Speaker 1: and it's because I think, deep down I want to 62 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:29,520 Speaker 1: be helpful. I think probably the inner child in me 63 00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:33,320 Speaker 1: is like, help me that same way. And I don't 64 00:03:33,360 --> 00:03:37,280 Speaker 1: know how. I only know how to perform for other people. 65 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:39,800 Speaker 1: I think it has been a journey that I'm far 66 00:03:39,840 --> 00:03:43,280 Speaker 1: from finishing to step up for myself in the same way. 67 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:44,520 Speaker 2: Interesting. 68 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:47,640 Speaker 5: Well, I'll say about me, but I want to say 69 00:03:47,640 --> 00:03:48,320 Speaker 5: this about Angela. 70 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:49,520 Speaker 2: I think we shouldn't. 71 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:52,520 Speaker 3: We shouldn't, we shouldn't comment on her yet. 72 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,440 Speaker 2: No, I want us to reserve it to. 73 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:57,680 Speaker 4: Our make a comment. I just want to make a comment. 74 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:04,320 Speaker 2: No, No, vitoak. 75 00:04:04,320 --> 00:04:06,800 Speaker 1: In the middle of my comment last episode, you. 76 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:11,520 Speaker 5: Said something about me, but I wasn't gonna comment about 77 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,560 Speaker 5: I was going to add something to it. But fine, 78 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:18,840 Speaker 5: Andrew said, I can't remember. That's I will remember because 79 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:21,320 Speaker 5: I guys have to say about it. But and Ay, 80 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:22,400 Speaker 5: you were there for that conversation. 81 00:04:22,440 --> 00:04:26,320 Speaker 3: By the way, it was if it was initiated by 82 00:04:26,360 --> 00:04:27,719 Speaker 3: you saying did they ask you to do that? 83 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:29,880 Speaker 2: Ye? Did he asked you to do anything? 84 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:30,159 Speaker 1: Said? 85 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,240 Speaker 4: No one ever, nobody ever asked me to do it. 86 00:04:32,279 --> 00:04:33,279 Speaker 4: I just. 87 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:38,840 Speaker 5: I I completely understand how Angelo feels. I will say 88 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:43,440 Speaker 5: I have learned to compartmentalize and take on what I can. 89 00:04:43,600 --> 00:04:45,480 Speaker 5: And that's because there have been several times in life 90 00:04:45,480 --> 00:04:48,599 Speaker 5: where I felt myself about to break, and so now 91 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:53,320 Speaker 5: I am very clear to protect myself from the stress 92 00:04:53,360 --> 00:04:55,839 Speaker 5: and anxiety that I can feel by taking on other 93 00:04:55,920 --> 00:04:59,080 Speaker 5: people's sugar honey iced tea like I just cannot do it, 94 00:04:59,360 --> 00:05:02,400 Speaker 5: so I have to, and even stuff that does impact me, 95 00:05:02,520 --> 00:05:05,000 Speaker 5: I have to decide is this something I'm gonna carry 96 00:05:05,080 --> 00:05:07,799 Speaker 5: or not? And it's like my arms are full, I'm already. 97 00:05:08,680 --> 00:05:09,760 Speaker 4: If I didn't help. 98 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:12,279 Speaker 5: Myself relax and go to sleep, this same energy that 99 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:14,040 Speaker 5: we have on the pot, I would be wide awake 100 00:05:14,080 --> 00:05:15,520 Speaker 5: at three in the morning, four in the morning. And 101 00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:18,800 Speaker 5: I spent most of my teen years, my twenties, and 102 00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:21,880 Speaker 5: my thirties with that level of anks where I just 103 00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:25,000 Speaker 5: felt like I couldn't exhale. Even now, I paced the 104 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:28,200 Speaker 5: floor for hours. You know, if I'm thinking, if I'm right, 105 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:30,600 Speaker 5: you know, I have to turn off my phone. I 106 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:34,320 Speaker 5: keep my phone on silent probably twenty hours a day, 107 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:38,000 Speaker 5: just because I it's like a breathing entity, you know, 108 00:05:38,160 --> 00:05:42,159 Speaker 5: like the constants just like stretching me out. But I 109 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:43,960 Speaker 5: know I heard that, but I thought that might be 110 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:49,159 Speaker 5: a warning about the storm. Yeah, So for for me, 111 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:53,680 Speaker 5: I can show up for other people at a point 112 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:57,440 Speaker 5: where it's not betraying myself, and betraying myself can look 113 00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:59,640 Speaker 5: like a different It's like if you need to sleep, 114 00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:03,600 Speaker 5: it's not you know, you owe your your body's sleep, 115 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:05,400 Speaker 5: because then you can show up for this person better. 116 00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:08,080 Speaker 5: If you are sad right now, if you're dealing with 117 00:06:08,120 --> 00:06:10,479 Speaker 5: your own stuff and you're heavy, like you can't be 118 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,479 Speaker 5: that to somebody else, you know, So take your time 119 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:15,440 Speaker 5: to get yourself together and then show up in the 120 00:06:15,440 --> 00:06:20,200 Speaker 5: capacity that feels right and healthy for me. I take 121 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:23,599 Speaker 5: or have always in my life, I felt responsible for 122 00:06:23,839 --> 00:06:28,720 Speaker 5: my mother. I felt responsible for my my my brother 123 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:29,760 Speaker 5: and I who grew up in the house together. I 124 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:32,120 Speaker 5: felt responsible for him for a while. He probably felt 125 00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:34,359 Speaker 5: responsible for me for a while, especially when we were kids. 126 00:06:35,120 --> 00:06:37,279 Speaker 5: But I had to decide. I got to focus on 127 00:06:38,120 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 5: my mom, you know, so I can, I can help 128 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:44,239 Speaker 5: her with whatever I can, and my brother can focus 129 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:47,240 Speaker 5: on his kids, you know. So it just it kind 130 00:06:47,279 --> 00:06:50,120 Speaker 5: of works something, Angelie. You say, we all we got, 131 00:06:51,360 --> 00:06:53,600 Speaker 5: and that's why we feel that way. We all we got. 132 00:06:54,640 --> 00:06:58,000 Speaker 5: What about you, Andrew? I feel like you're with some people, 133 00:06:58,080 --> 00:07:01,760 Speaker 5: you're a catch all. With other people, you're. 134 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:03,839 Speaker 3: Free for all, lazy fair, laser fair. Yeah, you know, 135 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:07,240 Speaker 3: And that's shifted over the years. The more in need 136 00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:14,560 Speaker 3: I have been, probably the less I have been able 137 00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,920 Speaker 3: to of late show up for others, because so the 138 00:07:17,960 --> 00:07:20,360 Speaker 3: volume has gotten so high. You know, it's sort of 139 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:24,560 Speaker 3: a fight or flight, you know, sort of decision that 140 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:27,520 Speaker 3: has to be made, but I mean for the forever 141 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:29,280 Speaker 3: and for the longest time, and I don't know how 142 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,200 Speaker 3: to get to the source of it. I've not gotten 143 00:07:31,240 --> 00:07:33,880 Speaker 3: to the source of it, you know. My the value 144 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:37,600 Speaker 3: that I felt I brought to many relationships was my 145 00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:42,960 Speaker 3: ability to solve the problems that if I wasn't doing that, 146 00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:45,840 Speaker 3: I wasn't sure that I was offering a great you know, 147 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:49,280 Speaker 3: a great deal, partly because I don't do a great 148 00:07:49,360 --> 00:07:52,240 Speaker 3: job listening to the historically, hadn't done a great job 149 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:55,040 Speaker 3: listening to the problem, because as you're talking to me 150 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:57,280 Speaker 3: about the problem, my mind is immediately going to like, Okay, 151 00:07:57,480 --> 00:07:59,480 Speaker 3: what you can do about it? Is this is that 152 00:07:59,520 --> 00:08:01,680 Speaker 3: in the third part of that, I think is as 153 00:08:01,720 --> 00:08:05,120 Speaker 3: a child, I was always frustrated that everybody was complaining 154 00:08:05,160 --> 00:08:06,160 Speaker 3: around or. 155 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,720 Speaker 2: What we can't have and what we don't have and 156 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:08,200 Speaker 2: what we did. 157 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:09,559 Speaker 3: Da da da, And this is that in the third 158 00:08:09,960 --> 00:08:13,440 Speaker 3: that I was very you know, grew very tired of 159 00:08:13,480 --> 00:08:16,160 Speaker 3: the excuse, all the reasons why not, all the things, 160 00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:18,800 Speaker 3: you know, why we can't help the situation that the 161 00:08:18,840 --> 00:08:21,120 Speaker 3: things are being done to us. But I think I 162 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:26,080 Speaker 3: grew almost a muscle like resistance to this idea that 163 00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:28,560 Speaker 3: there wasn't something within our power that we could do 164 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:30,520 Speaker 3: about whatever. 165 00:08:30,200 --> 00:08:30,840 Speaker 2: That thing was. 166 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,520 Speaker 3: And in some cases, as I look back on it, 167 00:08:33,559 --> 00:08:36,280 Speaker 3: there wasn't anything we could do. We were really you know, 168 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:38,960 Speaker 3: we were we were slave to whatever that system was. 169 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:42,960 Speaker 3: And then you know, as I learned more, changed up 170 00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:45,079 Speaker 3: environments and so on and so forth, then it was like, Okay, 171 00:08:45,320 --> 00:08:46,679 Speaker 3: you got the part to do it, and if they're 172 00:08:46,679 --> 00:08:48,280 Speaker 3: not gonna do it, then we're gonna do it for ourselves, 173 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:50,440 Speaker 3: and we're not gonna wait for anybody to do this 174 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:52,440 Speaker 3: is that in the third and this you know, almost 175 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:56,280 Speaker 3: religious like pushback against the idea that. 176 00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:58,719 Speaker 2: We couldn't solve it for ourselves. 177 00:08:59,800 --> 00:09:03,200 Speaker 3: And then now you know, I've had my own troth 178 00:09:03,720 --> 00:09:07,880 Speaker 3: of of you know, it's just the world you know, 179 00:09:08,280 --> 00:09:11,200 Speaker 3: crumbling around me that I have that I have not 180 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:15,240 Speaker 3: only not been really interested in accepting much help, but 181 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:20,199 Speaker 3: also not really in a position to offer much either, 182 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:24,439 Speaker 3: and that my time has been spent on like, okay, survival. 183 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:29,719 Speaker 3: So there's there's something there in the middle of all 184 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:32,480 Speaker 3: of that, but it isn't. I haven't been able to 185 00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:34,960 Speaker 3: put a capstone on it. I do think there is 186 00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,920 Speaker 3: something to this, where do people derive value from me 187 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:43,520 Speaker 3: right where where? Do what? What am I doing? What 188 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:46,440 Speaker 3: am I contributing to the environment, to the situation? That 189 00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:50,120 Speaker 3: is additive? And if I can't surmise for myself that 190 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:53,320 Speaker 3: there's something there that's additive, then that's not Maybe I 191 00:09:53,320 --> 00:09:55,120 Speaker 3: don't need to be in this, and maybe they really 192 00:09:55,160 --> 00:09:56,920 Speaker 3: don't want me in this and they won't say it 193 00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:59,040 Speaker 3: because I'm really not adding anything. 194 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:03,520 Speaker 2: So I think there's a big value self value piece. 195 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:05,319 Speaker 3: Here, but I don't know the genesis of it. 196 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:06,800 Speaker 4: That's so deep. 197 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:11,280 Speaker 5: That is interesting, Yeah, because I kind of understand that feeling, 198 00:10:11,360 --> 00:10:13,640 Speaker 5: like if I'm not living in service too, And I 199 00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:16,840 Speaker 5: had that for a while, like even feeling guilt about relaxing, 200 00:10:16,880 --> 00:10:22,040 Speaker 5: which I've abandoned my grandmother, like until the day she died, 201 00:10:22,120 --> 00:10:25,040 Speaker 5: she was always in service. She you know, went to 202 00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:26,840 Speaker 5: the nursing home to take care of people. She was 203 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:29,760 Speaker 5: on the deacon boards, yeah, a choir rehearsal. She hosted 204 00:10:29,760 --> 00:10:32,200 Speaker 5: things for the ladies. We'll go to Costco and Sam's 205 00:10:32,240 --> 00:10:34,800 Speaker 5: Club and get her. You know, she was never idle, 206 00:10:35,200 --> 00:10:37,640 Speaker 5: and I remember her. I spent all the summers with 207 00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:39,320 Speaker 5: my grandmother, and I remember when she would come home 208 00:10:39,360 --> 00:10:41,560 Speaker 5: and if I hadn't been doing anything, I felt embarrassed. 209 00:10:41,640 --> 00:10:44,120 Speaker 5: She didn't say anything, but I just felt like, oh, 210 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,680 Speaker 5: I need to get up and be doing something. And 211 00:10:46,760 --> 00:10:49,600 Speaker 5: I think it's something about us black folks, like, you 212 00:10:49,640 --> 00:10:51,760 Speaker 5: know what, we deserve a life of ease sometimes, like 213 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:55,160 Speaker 5: it's okay for us to have a day and breathe 214 00:10:55,400 --> 00:10:58,640 Speaker 5: and exhale. The thing that Angel talks about on the 215 00:10:58,679 --> 00:11:00,439 Speaker 5: main pot that I had said this is mine. I 216 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:02,640 Speaker 5: don't know who came up with this, but it's a 217 00:11:02,679 --> 00:11:05,920 Speaker 5: common phrase. When somebody's telling you something, you ask do 218 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:06,920 Speaker 5: you want to be helped? 219 00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:08,319 Speaker 1: Heard or hugged? 220 00:11:09,120 --> 00:11:11,800 Speaker 5: And I think, you know, to your point, Andrew, that 221 00:11:11,920 --> 00:11:14,199 Speaker 5: is one of the things that drives me crazy when 222 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,840 Speaker 5: I'm telling one of my friends about my problem and 223 00:11:16,840 --> 00:11:19,160 Speaker 5: they're rushing me to get to the end of the story, 224 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,120 Speaker 5: and then they immediately start telling me how they can 225 00:11:22,160 --> 00:11:25,600 Speaker 5: fix it. One it presumes that I ain't thought about 226 00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:28,040 Speaker 5: this chick for the past, you know, eight months or 227 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:31,559 Speaker 5: eight years. I remember when I was, you know, struggling 228 00:11:31,600 --> 00:11:34,079 Speaker 5: to keep my business alive, and it was just one 229 00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:36,920 Speaker 5: of the saddest, heaviest times in life for me, and 230 00:11:36,960 --> 00:11:38,880 Speaker 5: I was just you know, trying to. 231 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:40,040 Speaker 4: Put out the beat. Angela. 232 00:11:40,080 --> 00:11:42,280 Speaker 5: You remember those times, and I mean I was just 233 00:11:42,760 --> 00:11:45,439 Speaker 5: exhausted and I would be with my friends and I 234 00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:48,040 Speaker 5: would say like, I'm just so exhausted, like I just 235 00:11:48,080 --> 00:11:49,839 Speaker 5: don't know what to do. I'm spending like twenty thousand 236 00:11:49,880 --> 00:11:52,120 Speaker 5: dollars a month of my own money. And one of 237 00:11:52,160 --> 00:11:54,160 Speaker 5: my friends was like, you shit, ask like Oprah for 238 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:55,000 Speaker 5: some money. 239 00:11:55,880 --> 00:11:58,720 Speaker 4: Bitch, why did not think of that? Let me text 240 00:11:58,800 --> 00:11:59,400 Speaker 4: her right now. 241 00:11:59,440 --> 00:12:03,240 Speaker 3: I want to see how soon you can call me. 242 00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:09,600 Speaker 4: I'm so annoyed. I'm like, sense right, thank you? It 243 00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:13,000 Speaker 4: just makes no sense, and I would get so annoyed 244 00:12:13,120 --> 00:12:16,360 Speaker 4: or you should do this, but that you should, it would. 245 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:19,360 Speaker 5: Just drive me crazy. It's like, ask me more questions 246 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:21,280 Speaker 5: before you come up with a solution. You know, first, 247 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:23,320 Speaker 5: it has well how you doing, how you feel, how's 248 00:12:23,360 --> 00:12:26,439 Speaker 5: your spirit? What can we do to help? Is there 249 00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:28,640 Speaker 5: anything we can do to help? Or tell me more 250 00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:31,240 Speaker 5: what goes into running this business every day? Instead of 251 00:12:31,320 --> 00:12:33,640 Speaker 5: let me immediately get to the solution, because that doesn't 252 00:12:33,679 --> 00:12:36,200 Speaker 5: say that you care about me. That says you're so 253 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:39,280 Speaker 5: quick to make yourself feel good, to feed your your 254 00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:41,840 Speaker 5: own self worth that it really has nothing to do 255 00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:45,240 Speaker 5: with me, like you're just trying to feed something in you. 256 00:12:46,160 --> 00:12:47,839 Speaker 5: And I will say with both of you, it's interesting 257 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:49,720 Speaker 5: hearing you say this, because Andrew, I feel like you 258 00:12:49,760 --> 00:12:54,240 Speaker 5: are consistently like every time we're together, we always have 259 00:12:54,320 --> 00:12:57,920 Speaker 5: our time where we have like the deepest conversation. We're 260 00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,440 Speaker 5: talking and connecting and your very health for you're a 261 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:03,360 Speaker 5: great listener, Angela. You always say how's your heart? 262 00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:04,240 Speaker 4: Like how you doing? 263 00:13:04,679 --> 00:13:08,400 Speaker 5: What I was gonna say, Andrew vetoed you always ask 264 00:13:08,480 --> 00:13:11,199 Speaker 5: those questions, but I don't feel like you're always receptive 265 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:14,760 Speaker 5: to answering those questions. And I wonder when you said 266 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,680 Speaker 5: you don't show up for yourself that way, and I'm like, yeah, 267 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:19,840 Speaker 5: I wonder what that is about you? Like, do you 268 00:13:19,880 --> 00:13:23,200 Speaker 5: ever you know, is there any space where you're like, 269 00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:27,320 Speaker 5: let me break and let me just tell you yeah, therapy. 270 00:13:27,800 --> 00:13:37,959 Speaker 4: Okay, that's good though, Andrew. 271 00:13:38,000 --> 00:13:40,920 Speaker 1: Even when Andrew was saying a thing earlier, and I 272 00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:41,520 Speaker 1: will work on that. 273 00:13:41,640 --> 00:13:43,080 Speaker 4: If I did hear your point, I don't want to 274 00:13:43,080 --> 00:13:43,679 Speaker 4: bypass it. 275 00:13:43,720 --> 00:13:46,360 Speaker 1: I will work on that more in therapy too, and 276 00:13:46,440 --> 00:13:49,920 Speaker 1: with y'all know you guys are my unofficial therapy, not 277 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,240 Speaker 1: just on the podcast, y'all. 278 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:52,760 Speaker 4: I will text him on the side. 279 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:53,800 Speaker 2: Just because we send you there. 280 00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:56,680 Speaker 4: No, no, no, no, you guys. You guys send me 281 00:13:56,880 --> 00:13:57,680 Speaker 4: healing balm. 282 00:13:57,760 --> 00:14:00,000 Speaker 1: And I'm grateful except for when you count say you 283 00:14:00,280 --> 00:14:01,599 Speaker 1: only want to get cut off in the middle of 284 00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:06,560 Speaker 1: the break. But I will say, I will say that 285 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:11,120 Speaker 1: I think it is really hard when you say that 286 00:14:11,160 --> 00:14:13,880 Speaker 1: you're about to break so many moments where we're carrying 287 00:14:13,920 --> 00:14:17,079 Speaker 1: so many things for our families, for democracy, for the culture, 288 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,600 Speaker 1: for racial justice, for all these things. 289 00:14:19,920 --> 00:14:20,760 Speaker 4: And somebody's like. 290 00:14:20,760 --> 00:14:22,880 Speaker 1: How's your heart, You're like, bish, if I said it 291 00:14:22,920 --> 00:14:24,680 Speaker 1: for a minute, tell you. 292 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:25,040 Speaker 4: You will bring it. 293 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:27,680 Speaker 1: And so you're like, because I, yeah, you said this, 294 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:31,280 Speaker 1: Andrew like, it's survival. It is a survival response to 295 00:14:31,280 --> 00:14:34,120 Speaker 1: not dig deeper in that moment if I know that 296 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:36,120 Speaker 1: I don't have the capacity because in five minutes I 297 00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:38,120 Speaker 1: got to be on air or five minutes I gotta do, 298 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:39,800 Speaker 1: you know, you just kind of can't. 299 00:14:39,880 --> 00:14:42,119 Speaker 4: And so even you talk about. 300 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:45,040 Speaker 1: The helped held or hugged, helped, but is it helped 301 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:49,520 Speaker 1: helped her hugged? From that, I got like, is the 302 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:53,280 Speaker 1: person does the person want event? Does the person need 303 00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,800 Speaker 1: you to actively listen? Like asking some of the probing questions. 304 00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:58,760 Speaker 1: I think Tip is very good at that. Andrew, you've 305 00:14:58,760 --> 00:15:01,120 Speaker 1: both been on the receiving end of the questions. And 306 00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:04,080 Speaker 1: then or are they seeking advice like you should ask 307 00:15:04,160 --> 00:15:07,320 Speaker 1: OPRA for a check or do they want you to 308 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:10,680 Speaker 1: solve and do something? And my default is to solve 309 00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:15,160 Speaker 1: and do something. Again, it's not to be overbearing. It's 310 00:15:15,240 --> 00:15:18,880 Speaker 1: not to insert myself. I think that deep down, it 311 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:22,840 Speaker 1: is the thing that seems like for me, it shows 312 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:26,320 Speaker 1: me love, like you are willing to utilize your own contacts, 313 00:15:26,320 --> 00:15:29,560 Speaker 1: your own resources, your own time to guide me through 314 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:33,600 Speaker 1: a process. And when I have had the few opportunities 315 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,680 Speaker 1: and some of them with y'all, to surrender into that, 316 00:15:36,760 --> 00:15:38,760 Speaker 1: it's like, oh my god, I'm gonna give y'all some 317 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:43,480 Speaker 1: inside information as a touch point. And it's both of 318 00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:46,960 Speaker 1: these guys, we really are like family. We facetimed Andrew, 319 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,040 Speaker 1: who had just got out the shower so he could 320 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:51,920 Speaker 1: not help us, but I had literally sent him text 321 00:15:51,960 --> 00:15:52,480 Speaker 1: and were. 322 00:15:52,320 --> 00:15:55,640 Speaker 4: Like, Hell, what you doing? Hell? Because I knew that 323 00:15:55,680 --> 00:15:57,000 Speaker 4: I could have a whole meltdown. 324 00:15:57,040 --> 00:15:59,200 Speaker 1: I was really ready to have a meltdown recently about 325 00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:02,200 Speaker 1: a live show and Tip, who normally does not like 326 00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:04,520 Speaker 1: to be bothered. I was like, you have a whole 327 00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:07,280 Speaker 1: like production background. I'm gonna need you because I we 328 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,520 Speaker 1: might lose our spot, like I need you to help. 329 00:16:09,880 --> 00:16:10,800 Speaker 4: And TIF came in. 330 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:13,080 Speaker 1: And not only did she come in when I thought 331 00:16:13,160 --> 00:16:14,920 Speaker 1: I was helping to solve the things, she was like, 332 00:16:14,960 --> 00:16:16,680 Speaker 1: I need you to go over there, Like I just 333 00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:17,960 Speaker 1: need you to go over there. 334 00:16:18,240 --> 00:16:19,840 Speaker 4: You're not helping. How you think you're helping. 335 00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:22,040 Speaker 1: And I was like, you know what, I can't see myself, 336 00:16:22,080 --> 00:16:23,440 Speaker 1: but I believe that's probably true. 337 00:16:23,600 --> 00:16:25,640 Speaker 4: I'm trying to talk to the man ouside be like yes, 338 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:26,400 Speaker 4: just please. 339 00:16:26,720 --> 00:16:29,800 Speaker 1: She's like, bye, go And I think that in those 340 00:16:29,840 --> 00:16:32,320 Speaker 1: moments you can't see yourself. All you know is like 341 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,760 Speaker 1: you have an end desired goal and this thing that 342 00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:36,360 Speaker 1: needs to happen. It's the same thing as when they 343 00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:39,440 Speaker 1: tell lawyers like don't ever be a lawyer for yourself? 344 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:43,160 Speaker 1: You like you can't see yourself when I tell you, guys, 345 00:16:43,360 --> 00:16:46,640 Speaker 1: because of Tip's involvement in this, we ended up with 346 00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:50,560 Speaker 1: a far better position than I could have ever imagined. 347 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:53,560 Speaker 1: She has an eye. She is innovative, she is creative. 348 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:57,080 Speaker 1: She don't like to insert your insert herself and your stuff. 349 00:16:57,240 --> 00:17:00,360 Speaker 4: But boy, what she does, okay, I'm. 350 00:17:00,320 --> 00:17:02,400 Speaker 1: Doing And it's the same thing for Andrew. There are 351 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:03,680 Speaker 1: so many times that could be like, well have. 352 00:17:03,640 --> 00:17:05,560 Speaker 4: You thought about it? I'm like, no, I didn't think 353 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:06,800 Speaker 4: about this, you know. 354 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:09,879 Speaker 1: So I thank God for y'all, and and I appreciate 355 00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:12,439 Speaker 1: that even in the times when I said I'm just venting, 356 00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:15,280 Speaker 1: you did step up to solve, because sometimes we don't 357 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:19,240 Speaker 1: actually know what we really need because we can't see ourselves. 358 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:22,439 Speaker 5: For me, is when you are like panicked, you know, 359 00:17:22,600 --> 00:17:26,840 Speaker 5: like when you're you know, I it is hard to 360 00:17:26,840 --> 00:17:28,320 Speaker 5: see that. And it's not that I don't want to 361 00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:31,040 Speaker 5: be bothered. It's that I'm carrying other things. 362 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:31,679 Speaker 4: You know. 363 00:17:31,920 --> 00:17:34,920 Speaker 5: It's like I and you know, like some of the 364 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:39,639 Speaker 5: stuff I'm carrying. Sometimes it is my finances, you know, 365 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:42,720 Speaker 5: like I'm already stressed over that. Sometimes it is my 366 00:17:42,800 --> 00:17:46,000 Speaker 5: other production that I do with Will Packer. I'm you know, 367 00:17:46,040 --> 00:17:48,520 Speaker 5: that's a full It's like taping eight native lands and 368 00:17:48,520 --> 00:17:50,679 Speaker 5: one day, you know, and it's like I gotta, you know, 369 00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:54,960 Speaker 5: spend weeks preparing for that. Sometimes it's family stuff. Sometimes 370 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:59,560 Speaker 5: it's my own brokenness, my own heartbreak. Sometimes it's you 371 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,760 Speaker 5: know this foolish man who I didn't you know, gave 372 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:07,280 Speaker 5: access to me, who is not on this podcast. No, 373 00:18:07,359 --> 00:18:11,240 Speaker 5: but he well he don't e look speak the Devil's 374 00:18:11,280 --> 00:18:14,000 Speaker 5: name and social he appeared. He don't exist anymore. Okay, 375 00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:19,280 Speaker 5: but Angela, he don't even have access. He don't even 376 00:18:19,320 --> 00:18:21,680 Speaker 5: have access. But you all, but you do know how 377 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:24,639 Speaker 5: it is when your heart is hurting and it's like 378 00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:26,840 Speaker 5: I don't have room for anything else. 379 00:18:26,920 --> 00:18:27,359 Speaker 4: I can't. 380 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:31,160 Speaker 5: I don't have space for somebody else's panic. I don't 381 00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:35,600 Speaker 5: have space for somebody you know, tears or whatever it is. 382 00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:37,560 Speaker 5: It's like I'm about to lose it, and I can 383 00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,119 Speaker 5: show up about to lose it looking like this, sounding 384 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:42,680 Speaker 5: like this, acting like everything is fine, but in here 385 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:48,800 Speaker 5: this is broken. I'm shaken with nerves on the verge 386 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:51,840 Speaker 5: of tears, but I've swallowed them down long enough, just 387 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,480 Speaker 5: so I can be in this space with you all 388 00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:56,639 Speaker 5: and not you know, infected with my own sadness. And 389 00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:58,439 Speaker 5: so it's not that I'm like, well, I don't want 390 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:00,639 Speaker 5: to be by that's it. I don't ever have that attitude. 391 00:19:00,680 --> 00:19:03,160 Speaker 5: It's I'm holding as much as I can right now, 392 00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:05,880 Speaker 5: and I can't hold anything else. Now, when I see 393 00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:08,280 Speaker 5: my sister is holding as much as she can and 394 00:19:08,320 --> 00:19:10,440 Speaker 5: people keep dumping on it, and I see her about 395 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:13,240 Speaker 5: to break and fall, then yes, in those moments of 396 00:19:13,320 --> 00:19:16,679 Speaker 5: extreme energy, let me set my stuff down and go 397 00:19:16,760 --> 00:19:19,240 Speaker 5: over here and help my sister with this right now. 398 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:22,040 Speaker 4: And I think that happens most around our live show. 399 00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,480 Speaker 3: I do think we all aw it to each other 400 00:19:28,520 --> 00:19:32,879 Speaker 3: to deepen into the you know, the why, because Angela, 401 00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:35,480 Speaker 3: you said that I know to be true with me, 402 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:37,880 Speaker 3: which is the things that we do, what we put 403 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:39,080 Speaker 3: out of ourselves. 404 00:19:39,760 --> 00:19:45,480 Speaker 4: Is her that is a warning Andrew that h okay? 405 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:49,040 Speaker 4: But are you okay? 406 00:19:50,000 --> 00:19:52,359 Speaker 3: So yeah, this is just doubling down on what we know, 407 00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:56,440 Speaker 3: a direct hip toward Tallahassee and evacuations are ordered. 408 00:19:56,800 --> 00:20:00,120 Speaker 2: So I will say, I think one. 409 00:20:00,000 --> 00:20:03,200 Speaker 3: Thing that we was resident there was how we give 410 00:20:03,600 --> 00:20:06,359 Speaker 3: love is also in some ways how we wish to 411 00:20:06,400 --> 00:20:11,359 Speaker 3: receive it. And I know that I'm most critical of 412 00:20:11,440 --> 00:20:15,840 Speaker 3: people used to be anyway when I wasn't receiving the 413 00:20:15,920 --> 00:20:17,639 Speaker 3: love the way that I was the way I was 414 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:19,520 Speaker 3: giving it out, which is why, you know, I had 415 00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:22,200 Speaker 3: to reach the epiphany that love language was about learning 416 00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:25,120 Speaker 3: the love language of other people. You know, you're not 417 00:20:25,200 --> 00:20:28,720 Speaker 3: just yourself, and that way you can give it in 418 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:30,720 Speaker 3: a way that they can receive it, just like you're 419 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:32,960 Speaker 3: wanting them to delivered to you in a way you 420 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:37,040 Speaker 3: can receive it. But I know that this is not 421 00:20:37,359 --> 00:20:40,639 Speaker 3: all that that we're not the only ones dealing with this. 422 00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:43,200 Speaker 3: I know all of a longst of the listeners, everybody 423 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:45,360 Speaker 3: is struggling, and we we could, we could give ourselves 424 00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:45,879 Speaker 3: some grace. 425 00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:47,520 Speaker 2: Here would be my advice. 426 00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:51,320 Speaker 4: About because people saying for. 427 00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:55,480 Speaker 3: Me, because it is a new thing, what that means 428 00:20:55,600 --> 00:20:58,520 Speaker 3: for me is recognize that I'm not a superhero or 429 00:20:58,560 --> 00:21:03,320 Speaker 3: a superhuman and that as just the normal breathing person, I. 430 00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:06,560 Speaker 2: Can get tired too. I can want to rest too. 431 00:21:07,359 --> 00:21:09,960 Speaker 3: I can realize that, you know what, this problem that 432 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,439 Speaker 3: I've been thinking I can solve and only me is 433 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:16,399 Speaker 3: not intractable for everybody, that maybe somebody else I'd have 434 00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:18,360 Speaker 3: the shot at solving the thing, and maybe they might 435 00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:21,520 Speaker 3: get further than I can. So, you know, all the things, 436 00:21:21,520 --> 00:21:24,560 Speaker 3: which is contrary to how I thought of myself and 437 00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:27,000 Speaker 3: what I'm supposed to be doing for practically all of 438 00:21:27,040 --> 00:21:28,879 Speaker 3: my life up to this point, I'm the one who 439 00:21:28,920 --> 00:21:30,439 Speaker 3: can do it. It cannot be done, and if it was 440 00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:31,879 Speaker 3: done by somebody else, it wouldn't be done to the 441 00:21:31,960 --> 00:21:34,520 Speaker 3: level at which I would expect, right, and so on 442 00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:36,800 Speaker 3: and so forth. But you know what, boom, I'm not 443 00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:40,320 Speaker 3: that special. All those things that are only for me 444 00:21:41,040 --> 00:21:43,960 Speaker 3: are not just for me. I'm requiring that, probably to 445 00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:46,920 Speaker 3: protect myself from something else, a different reality that I don't. 446 00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:47,280 Speaker 2: Want to deal with. 447 00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,600 Speaker 3: So grace is just that it's letting yourself off a 448 00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:52,000 Speaker 3: little bit without all the judgment. 449 00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:52,960 Speaker 2: At least I. 450 00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,520 Speaker 5: Share something that you said to me that I think 451 00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:58,280 Speaker 5: is so good. We were talking about. I can't remember 452 00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:01,040 Speaker 5: what emotion. It was, either shame or regret, and you said, 453 00:22:01,040 --> 00:22:03,400 Speaker 5: those are emotions that only take. 454 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:07,680 Speaker 4: They don't get. Yes, yeah, give you yes, I had. 455 00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,200 Speaker 5: I want you to know I've repeated that to several people, 456 00:22:10,200 --> 00:22:14,760 Speaker 5: and I did not give you credit. So y'all know that. 457 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:19,159 Speaker 4: No sentiment. 458 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:22,919 Speaker 3: This thing is a leech, and it's not here to 459 00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:25,640 Speaker 3: give you anything. It's only here to take God. 460 00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:29,480 Speaker 1: I wanted to offer two things on grace the grace question. 461 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:35,160 Speaker 1: The first is perfection is not required. The second is 462 00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:39,880 Speaker 1: we have to stop expecting ourselves from other people. That 463 00:22:40,119 --> 00:22:43,719 Speaker 1: is grace for us, and it's grace for them. And 464 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:47,560 Speaker 1: how dare we think that our way is the only way? 465 00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:52,520 Speaker 1: That is so egotistical, so egocentric, and thank god that's 466 00:22:52,560 --> 00:22:55,119 Speaker 1: not the only way. Can you imagine how flat this 467 00:22:55,160 --> 00:22:58,200 Speaker 1: world would actually be? Shout out to the hoteps if 468 00:22:58,240 --> 00:23:01,840 Speaker 1: we did actually believe, if we if we move that way. 469 00:23:02,119 --> 00:23:04,880 Speaker 1: So thank god that there's some difference. So thank god 470 00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:08,200 Speaker 1: there's divergent experiences and all of that, and yes. 471 00:23:08,119 --> 00:23:10,919 Speaker 2: And multiple ways of getting to where you want to go. 472 00:23:11,080 --> 00:23:13,320 Speaker 1: Yes, well, I want to know y'all have languages so 473 00:23:13,359 --> 00:23:17,359 Speaker 1: I can love you better. You guys, Oh, let's do that. Okay. 474 00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:21,800 Speaker 4: I don't know solve I would like to try it. 475 00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:24,760 Speaker 4: Mine I have. 476 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:28,560 Speaker 5: Too, and I don't know if you can solve these animals. 477 00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:31,600 Speaker 5: Mine is time spent and physical time. 478 00:23:31,640 --> 00:23:36,399 Speaker 1: Well, I can go on a walk with you and I. 479 00:23:36,080 --> 00:23:42,480 Speaker 5: Okay, okay, I was thinking another physical specify that you, guys. 480 00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:46,840 Speaker 5: I'm going to tell you one of mine is cooking. 481 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:48,399 Speaker 5: That's not in there, but it should be. 482 00:23:48,440 --> 00:23:50,840 Speaker 1: I guess it could technically be an active service, but 483 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:54,560 Speaker 1: I really like words of affirmation. The problem is, I 484 00:23:54,600 --> 00:23:56,960 Speaker 1: think words of affirmation have to also align up with 485 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,120 Speaker 1: your actions. So I know that's not in there neither, 486 00:23:59,160 --> 00:23:59,760 Speaker 1: but y'all. 487 00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:00,639 Speaker 4: Know of a rebel. 488 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:02,000 Speaker 2: I like that. 489 00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,240 Speaker 4: But even I feel like even when we give you 490 00:24:04,280 --> 00:24:08,200 Speaker 4: words affirmation, sometimes you are quick just like them. Yeah, 491 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:09,480 Speaker 4: so let me specify. 492 00:24:09,640 --> 00:24:11,800 Speaker 1: I really like like for my birthday this year, since 493 00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:14,119 Speaker 1: I think my birthday is coming up before either of y'all's. 494 00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:15,720 Speaker 4: Again, yes, I'm already. 495 00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:18,720 Speaker 1: I like like love notes like send me a nice 496 00:24:18,840 --> 00:24:20,639 Speaker 1: like encouraging note, you know. 497 00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:21,320 Speaker 2: I love that. 498 00:24:21,520 --> 00:24:22,440 Speaker 4: Yeah, like it isn't. 499 00:24:22,480 --> 00:24:24,359 Speaker 1: I don't want to be like, oh, angel, let me 500 00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:25,880 Speaker 1: tell you girl, you this such a good job. 501 00:24:25,880 --> 00:24:26,360 Speaker 4: I'll be like. 502 00:24:28,400 --> 00:24:32,080 Speaker 1: That kind of like something that's deeper, you know. I 503 00:24:32,200 --> 00:24:35,040 Speaker 1: like ye I like that more than anything. And they're 504 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:37,480 Speaker 1: free except for your time. It's still valuable. But I 505 00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:38,880 Speaker 1: don't want to discount your time. 506 00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:40,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's real. I love that. 507 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:41,880 Speaker 4: I do. I love that idea. 508 00:24:42,119 --> 00:24:44,800 Speaker 3: So y'all, I appreciate your vulnerability and willingness to lean 509 00:24:44,840 --> 00:24:46,439 Speaker 3: into this. And for our listeners, I know this is 510 00:24:46,440 --> 00:24:48,960 Speaker 3: different than our you know, normal political but guess what 511 00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:49,960 Speaker 3: we're trying to be round it. 512 00:24:49,960 --> 00:24:52,440 Speaker 2: We're trying to elevate it as a culture document. 513 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:54,320 Speaker 4: Podcast. 514 00:24:54,359 --> 00:24:58,679 Speaker 3: So hey, hey, hey, if you benefit, send us a bill, I. 515 00:24:59,160 --> 00:25:07,800 Speaker 4: Send us a check? Do we want? How about as. 516 00:25:07,359 --> 00:25:09,320 Speaker 5: I feel like, so, what they can do for us 517 00:25:09,440 --> 00:25:11,520 Speaker 5: is tell us how they show themselves grace some of 518 00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:14,640 Speaker 5: their self care practices. I'd be curious because I'm I'm 519 00:25:14,760 --> 00:25:17,320 Speaker 5: trying to, you know, show myself grace. And it's like 520 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,919 Speaker 5: a journey. It's a We talked about this on the 521 00:25:20,119 --> 00:25:25,080 Speaker 5: last podcast, Angela, when you were saying on your journey 522 00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:28,120 Speaker 5: home to yourself. That was like two years ago, I think, 523 00:25:28,160 --> 00:25:30,840 Speaker 5: and I didn't even really know what that meant, and 524 00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:34,040 Speaker 5: I overstand what that means now because I am definitely 525 00:25:34,080 --> 00:25:36,480 Speaker 5: on the journey home to myself and it feels great. 526 00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:38,560 Speaker 5: I mean, I have to say, because I went through 527 00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:41,960 Speaker 5: some dark times, like I was real, I felt I 528 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:43,520 Speaker 5: went from being on top of the world, if like 529 00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:46,399 Speaker 5: the world was on top of me. And now for 530 00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:48,600 Speaker 5: anyone going through that, and I know personally a few 531 00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:51,080 Speaker 5: people going through that, it just feels so great to 532 00:25:51,080 --> 00:25:53,240 Speaker 5: come out on the other side, you know, to see 533 00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:56,879 Speaker 5: light and to you know, see sunshine, and you know 534 00:25:57,840 --> 00:25:59,520 Speaker 5: there's things you can do for yourself. One thing I 535 00:25:59,520 --> 00:26:01,760 Speaker 5: always made sure that I did in my darkest times. 536 00:26:02,040 --> 00:26:05,960 Speaker 5: My rules for myself. You gotta get up early and 537 00:26:06,040 --> 00:26:08,840 Speaker 5: take a shower, like when you wake up, go take 538 00:26:08,880 --> 00:26:11,120 Speaker 5: a shower and get dressed. Even if you're getting dressed 539 00:26:11,160 --> 00:26:13,000 Speaker 5: was putting on a fresh new pair of pajamas. But 540 00:26:13,080 --> 00:26:15,120 Speaker 5: you do have to get up that you can't lay 541 00:26:15,119 --> 00:26:18,720 Speaker 5: in bed. Yes, and you've got to walk around the block. 542 00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:21,399 Speaker 5: One time that was some of my self care. And 543 00:26:21,600 --> 00:26:23,399 Speaker 5: but the thing is, when I'm walking around the block, 544 00:26:23,920 --> 00:26:25,400 Speaker 5: I'm making out with a dog. 545 00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:30,560 Speaker 4: I see I'm seeing people take well, I am mooing, 546 00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:31,600 Speaker 4: and you know, like. 547 00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:33,000 Speaker 2: Look at little kids. 548 00:26:33,240 --> 00:26:41,280 Speaker 1: And when people tell me, you, guys, guess what he's 549 00:26:41,320 --> 00:26:44,080 Speaker 1: about to become a full long podcast. 550 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:48,439 Speaker 4: Okay, because we still had time with the videographers and. 551 00:26:48,920 --> 00:26:51,520 Speaker 1: We have to still do our still have to do 552 00:26:51,560 --> 00:26:55,320 Speaker 1: our or yes, welcome home everybody, but. 553 00:26:55,320 --> 00:26:57,960 Speaker 4: We had them until we still have to cut what 554 00:26:58,000 --> 00:26:59,400 Speaker 4: we're cutting from the podcast. 555 00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:02,280 Speaker 1: Okay, we was gonna make a special announcement. I'll tell y'all, 556 00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:03,960 Speaker 1: Oh tell us, but you want to announce it, don't 557 00:27:03,960 --> 00:27:04,440 Speaker 1: make it in. 558 00:27:04,440 --> 00:27:06,800 Speaker 2: The mini, don't make it in the many why. 559 00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:07,720 Speaker 4: Kind of think of what it is. 560 00:27:08,280 --> 00:27:11,159 Speaker 2: I'll make it on rhee. On that note, have a 561 00:27:11,160 --> 00:27:12,040 Speaker 2: great week, everybody. 562 00:27:12,240 --> 00:27:13,280 Speaker 4: Welcome Home, Welcome Home. 563 00:27:27,160 --> 00:27:30,520 Speaker 1: Native Lampard is a production of iHeart Radio in partnership 564 00:27:30,560 --> 00:27:34,520 Speaker 1: with Reason Choice Media. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit 565 00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:38,199 Speaker 1: the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcast, or wherever you listen to 566 00:27:38,240 --> 00:27:39,080 Speaker 1: your favorite shows.