Speaker 1: You're listening to comedy central. Hey, it's Roy Wood Jr.
Speaker 1: We've got a little something different for you today. Now,
Speaker 1: you remember, before the pandemic you could stand around a
Speaker 1: water cooler and talk to your co workers. We used
Speaker 1: to call it water cooler conversations, even though there was
Speaker 1: never really a water cooler there. Anyway, two of my
Speaker 1: good friends, daily show correspondent Dulce Sloan and daily show
Speaker 1: writer Josh Johnson, are known around the building for their
Speaker 1: water cooler conversations and they turned it into a podcast.
Speaker 1: This is your chance to hear these two people go
Speaker 1: back and forth the way. We get to hear it
Speaker 1: all the time in the hallway. The podcast is called
Speaker 1: hold up. Have a listen. Hey, everybody, welcome to hold up.
Speaker 1: It's a big show about not a lot. I'M gonna
Speaker 1: do one of these every episode's gonna find a way
Speaker 1: to describe it in a way. I'm your your co host, host,
Speaker 1: Co host, whenever there's two. It does also make it
Speaker 1: a bit of a weird thing, but whenever you do
Speaker 1: the drops, you always say that you're the host. So, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: but then that's just because you're not there. Oh Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I'm your host, Josh Johnson, joined by my co host. Wow,
Speaker 1: the the the downgrade, I I it's it's like a
Speaker 1: pilot copilot situation, right like, because there's some days you're
Speaker 1: gonna be piloting. There's gonna be days where you care
Speaker 1: very much about something that I'm just opposed, but I
Speaker 1: don't care as much. That's a day for you. Okay, okay, okay,
Speaker 1: I hear you, I hear you. What's your name? Tell
Speaker 1: the people I am Du say Sloan. Um, could have
Speaker 1: been Lazaria Sloan, but Um, there was a very brave
Speaker 1: woman who did my birth certificate who I really just
Speaker 1: had to put her foot down. Um, I'll tell you
Speaker 1: that story later, but yeah, I'm dul say Sloan, I'm here.
Speaker 1: I woke up and it is what it is, Baby Uh.
Speaker 1: You know, the Lord had blessed us to see another
Speaker 1: day to talk about the nonsense that we talk about
Speaker 1: on this here podcast. So we're here, we're here on
Speaker 1: this audio format today, not to talk about anything big
Speaker 1: going on the world. We're not talking about climate change,
Speaker 1: we're not not talking about anything serious. We are diametrically opposed.
Speaker 1: We are butting heads. We can't seem to agree on
Speaker 1: windows seat versus iisle C because you don't want to
Speaker 1: live right. I don't want to live right out here
Speaker 1: living in chaos. Okay, so tell the people what side
Speaker 1: you're on. I am team windows set. Joshua, where do
Speaker 1: you land on this? I'm team I'll see, because we
Speaker 1: can at least both agree that no one in our
Speaker 1: Christian circle wouldn't want the middle seat, that that is
Speaker 1: a life. That is that. If you love the middle seat,
Speaker 1: I'll go ahead and say it. I don't care who
Speaker 1: it offends. I think you're living foul. Also, I could
Speaker 1: say it's been a good minute since I've been in
Speaker 1: a situation on a plane where there even was a
Speaker 1: middle seat. Wow, wow, that's that. That's one of those
Speaker 1: things that look that's a blessing. Look at Jesus. But
Speaker 1: I would not tell everybody that all the time. You
Speaker 1: know there's haters out here. You know that you can't
Speaker 1: let everyone know how the Lord blesses you. What I
Speaker 1: can tell you. What I can't tell you is that
Speaker 1: first class seats are more affordable in certain situations than
Speaker 1: you think they would be. But like sometimes, like I've
Speaker 1: gotten like Yo, I'm gonna say how the Lord blessed me.
Speaker 1: One time I got a lay down seat. I'm talking
Speaker 1: about flat right Delta, Delta, okay, New York to San
Speaker 1: Francisco round trip, six dollars. Wow, I don't know how,
Speaker 1: I don't know who, I don't know what glitch happened
Speaker 1: on Delta on that good morning, but I needed that
Speaker 1: seat because I got very sick. It's like remember, I
Speaker 1: got so sick I lost twenty pounds in a month,
Speaker 1: like well, like actually in a week, and I was
Speaker 1: just sick all month and we came back to working.
Speaker 1: I leave again. I was so sick. The man next
Speaker 1: to me put the blanket on me, like tucked me in.
Speaker 1: Then when we landed, they didn't make me put my
Speaker 1: seat up, they just let me land flat. And I
Speaker 1: promise you, I looked in the mirror one day and
Speaker 1: I was like wait a minute, let me just see
Speaker 1: how much you'll wait. And in like seven or two
Speaker 1: and days I lost twenty pounds and I called my
Speaker 1: homegirl and told I started to feel it better and
Speaker 1: she was like, bitch, come cough in my mouth. What
Speaker 1: are you talking about? Twenty pounds of that day. She's like, listen,
Speaker 1: I had a dude, tell me lose the weight, he said,
Speaker 1: either by sickness or by fitness. But we're gonna get
Speaker 1: this play. Look, I'll tell you right now that that
Speaker 1: that thing of not even being in the world of
Speaker 1: middle seats is wild. Have you ever been on the
Speaker 1: Jet Blue Flight Mint? I'm gonna tell you what I'm
Speaker 1: gonna say what. First Class is very affordable jet Blue Mint.
Speaker 1: They don't have it all the time, they don't do
Speaker 1: it on every flight. They don't do it on every flight. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but bro good food, good food. Also, Delta, the disrespect.
Speaker 1: Delta does not offer a lay down seat from New
Speaker 1: York to San Diego, just not at all. Delta is okay.
Speaker 1: So sometimes I'm in Atlanta and sometimes when I get
Speaker 1: to that airport, I'm like, y'all really must be feeling yourselves,
Speaker 1: because because the fact that you close. So do you
Speaker 1: have clear? Of course I have clear. If you're a
Speaker 1: person who travels like what I mean, comics who travel
Speaker 1: a lot, who don't have clearer pre check, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: you don't have eighty dollars. This is my thing about
Speaker 1: pre check. This is my thing about like that stuff
Speaker 1: is wild. This is proof, this is like you know, American,
Speaker 1: American flaws at their finest, because everything that we do
Speaker 1: around pre check is proof we really don't need to
Speaker 1: be doing this stuff at all. Because you mean that
Speaker 1: for an extra eighty dollars, I couldn't possibly be a terrorist?
Speaker 1: Our driver's license. They take all of your fingerprints. M Hmm.
Speaker 1: When I went to my pre check in and view,
Speaker 1: they took all my bringer prints and it asked me
Speaker 1: like a few questions. I was in the car longer
Speaker 1: than they interviewed me. I will tell you right now
Speaker 1: that when they did, I don't care if you're clear
Speaker 1: pre check anything, when they take all your fingerprints, when
Speaker 1: they do all this background check whatever, that doesn't mean
Speaker 1: I'm not gonna be crazy like that. Yeah, that's that's
Speaker 1: my thing with this whole thing, where I'm like, you
Speaker 1: did all this background stuff? Yeah, that just means a
Speaker 1: person hasn't done anything yet. But also, when you look
Speaker 1: at this is the sact. I think they probably look
Speaker 1: into certain people more then they look at the other people.
Speaker 1: Like if I come walking in to get my pre check,
Speaker 1: there like she ain't gonna do nothing, I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: they know, like whinning a history of life have you
Speaker 1: seen any black woman do any fucking thing? When I
Speaker 1: walked in, they were like, Bro, just just take her.
Speaker 1: I was I was literally like I was done. I
Speaker 1: just would that's it it. I mean, I've only seen
Speaker 1: black women blow shut up as a matter of speech.
Speaker 1: It's always in theory right. It's always like I'm hurting everybody,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna Light this bitch up, as in I'm taking back, back, back,
Speaker 1: I'm thinking shots and everybody in the room verbally, but
Speaker 1: it's like we're not doing terrorism. The just just so
Speaker 1: that we at any point in the podcast, actually cover
Speaker 1: the topic I want to hear. I want to hear
Speaker 1: your thoughts and feelings on the window seat and why
Speaker 1: you think it's superior. Okay, I will start with this,
Speaker 1: because I know this is going to be your point right,
Speaker 1: so I'm gonna give you this. Okay, wow, before you
Speaker 1: even saying I already know your fault. Okay, go ahead,
Speaker 1: go ahead. I know you're going to say now the
Speaker 1: only because you know usually I start with it's kind
Speaker 1: of like give me the bad news first. The only
Speaker 1: hiccup to a window seat is that you have to
Speaker 1: ask an adult to let you pee. That is but
Speaker 1: I can't tell you. There are a few airlines. First
Speaker 1: of all, you're in Alaska Airlines flight and you're sitting
Speaker 1: in the very first row. Yeah, there's enough seat, there's
Speaker 1: enough space for you to get around the other person.
Speaker 1: If you're on Hawaiian air the way they're laid down,
Speaker 1: seats are set up, is there is more than adequate
Speaker 1: space to get up and go to the restroom without
Speaker 1: even waking the other person up or making them even
Speaker 1: have to set up. Delta, on the other hand, put
Speaker 1: you in fucking like isolation tube cubbies. So that's why
Speaker 1: if you ever, as I was asking you, if you've
Speaker 1: ever been on those mint flights, the one where you're
Speaker 1: in the where it's just you in the row, just
Speaker 1: you fire, there's that and I think Delta might do it,
Speaker 1: because you know the some of some fights there's like
Speaker 1: first class and then there's a business class. If some,
Speaker 1: usually it's for a job, because I'm not paying that
Speaker 1: money to be in the sky. Like I have my limits.
Speaker 1: I have my limits and sometimes you're just like how
Speaker 1: many facts, bitch, like there's sometimes it's just too much money, right.
Speaker 1: But that's the only downfall of the window seat where
Speaker 1: you have to be like you either have to coordinate
Speaker 1: it or like you either have to ask the other person,
Speaker 1: because that's why I got to a point where I
Speaker 1: we'll just fucking hibernate. I get on the plane, I
Speaker 1: eat my food and I am Don Zo and so
Speaker 1: I don't have to pee until I get off the plane. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's only recently where I'm being like, you know what,
Speaker 1: maybe I should pay because ofcause I can say something
Speaker 1: just being about a plane room, just like I'm gonna,
Speaker 1: I'm out, I'm done Zo, I'm sucking higher mating. It's
Speaker 1: because I don't want to wake the other person. Also,
Speaker 1: if you were the asshole that gets upset when the
Speaker 1: person in the window seats actually fuck you, you cannot
Speaker 1: be upset when the person in the window seat is
Speaker 1: like Hey, I need to go to the bathroom because
Speaker 1: I had a guy go or you're getting up. I
Speaker 1: was like Bro Oh, I know the wildest thing that
Speaker 1: ever happened. I was gonna plane, I'm in the window seat,
Speaker 1: there is this man in the middle who is translucent
Speaker 1: right what? He's very old white man. I don't know
Speaker 1: if he got any work done or whatever, but he
Speaker 1: looked like a fucking like one of those fish that
Speaker 1: lives in the parts of the ocean where there's no light.
Speaker 1: So he had this crazy, like clear you can see
Speaker 1: like all the veins in his face. It was nuts.
Speaker 1: And then he had like this Tu pay that looked
Speaker 1: like it was just like kind of melted. And then
Speaker 1: there was a person that he was with, this other
Speaker 1: guy that was with him. I don't know if he
Speaker 1: was his whoever, a friend or whatever, uh up around handler,
Speaker 1: I don't know. And so he's sitting in the row
Speaker 1: in front of us in the window. So I'm at
Speaker 1: the window, see through white man in the middle, Asian
Speaker 1: guy on the end right. So we're sitting there and
Speaker 1: he's just like doing too much right, he's he he
Speaker 1: keeps hopping up and start talking to the person, his friend,
Speaker 1: in the row in front of us, and he's like
Speaker 1: bumping in us as he's doing it. I'm like okay,
Speaker 1: and then they come by and give you like a
Speaker 1: little snack box or whatever, and then when he's done
Speaker 1: with his food, he puts his trash on the Asian
Speaker 1: Dude's tray. so He's like, I'm done, and then he
Speaker 1: just moves his stuff and me and Asian do look
Speaker 1: at each other like, you know, what the fuck? Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I had the window open to take off and
Speaker 1: then when we're getting ready to land, I left the
Speaker 1: window closed and he went to reach across me. He's like,
Speaker 1: can you open the window? I was like no, and
Speaker 1: then he went to reach across me and I was like, Dude,
Speaker 1: you better not reach across me to open this window,
Speaker 1: and he's like, I want to see that said, then
Speaker 1: you should have gotten a window seat. You won't be
Speaker 1: watching it today. He went to reach across me. I
Speaker 1: went sir. He was read ridiculous. Also, I've never seen
Speaker 1: this on the second time in my life. paid or
Speaker 1: the hair look melted. It's a part two paid part
Speaker 1: hair plugs. There was a lot going on with this man.
Speaker 1: And so this person was a middle seat, right, yes,
Speaker 1: acting fucking wild. So like, yeah, we've already established that
Speaker 1: the middle seat comes with a different energy, right, he knew.
Speaker 1: But also it's like your friend was in the window,
Speaker 1: your friend in twitch seats with you. You knew that
Speaker 1: you were acting wild. So, like that's the other thing
Speaker 1: about being in the window. If you're in a window
Speaker 1: seat on a three row and a three seater row.
Speaker 1: You have to acknowledge you might not asking two people
Speaker 1: to get up to pee. That's hard. So the secret
Speaker 1: is you wait till the person in the middle gets
Speaker 1: up to p or the person on the aisle gets
Speaker 1: up to P, because that's what I do when I'm
Speaker 1: on planes now it's when the person on the aisle
Speaker 1: gets up to p then I'm like, okay, I'll get
Speaker 1: up there because I'm not interrupting you, because you got up.
Speaker 1: I get you. So this, this is my thing. When
Speaker 1: when I choose an aisle seat, I'm I'm thinking ahead,
Speaker 1: I'm planning, all right, I'm putting, I'm putting something together,
Speaker 1: I'm planning the entire experience because, yeah, I'm gonna have
Speaker 1: to get up sometimes when people need to pee. I
Speaker 1: understand that. But also I got first access to the snacks,
Speaker 1: I got first access to the safety lie y'all window
Speaker 1: seats are dead if things go awry on this flight.
Speaker 1: But but can the first access. I hear you, but
Speaker 1: I've sat in that cart running into me over and over.
Speaker 1: It is that cart bumping into me people, but I
Speaker 1: don't like people bumping into me. It is the Bank
Speaker 1: of my existence. Like people bumping into me. When you
Speaker 1: are in the Aisle C there's a lot of people
Speaker 1: in your personal space. Okay, someone's reaching over you to
Speaker 1: give one or two other people's necks, one or two
Speaker 1: other people a tray of food, when they're asking somebody
Speaker 1: what they want to drink. There now they're leaning over
Speaker 1: you right talk to one or two other people. You
Speaker 1: and the flight attendant might as well be making out
Speaker 1: for the amount of times this person is about to
Speaker 1: be in your personal space in a tube in the
Speaker 1: fucking sky. It's too much. That's why I don't do
Speaker 1: I'll see, because it's an invasion of my personal space
Speaker 1: on a regular basis. Somebody going to the back like
Speaker 1: the number of times I've been good in sleep and
Speaker 1: somebody is just the number I bumped into plenty of
Speaker 1: people in an I'll c just coming back, going forth
Speaker 1: from their arm is on the arm restaurant right. You
Speaker 1: are trying to avoid one arm. Boom we hit another arm.
Speaker 1: It's like a fucking it's I'm pinballing my hips down
Speaker 1: the fucking aisle and if your arm is out or
Speaker 1: your legs too far, it's like I'm you're getting touched.
Speaker 1: Let's go over a couple of etiquette things just in general,
Speaker 1: so we can make sure we're on the same page
Speaker 1: as we decide if window or aisle is better. Okay, now,
Speaker 1: whendn't you and this is a different time in your life,
Speaker 1: I understand, but I'm asking you to go there. When
Speaker 1: you in the past had to be in a middle seat,
Speaker 1: it wasn't often, because the thing is, middle seats, middle
Speaker 1: seats only happen if you don't plan a hit. I don't,
Speaker 1: I don't. I was asking you to go to that place.
Speaker 1: I'M NOT SAYING YOU'RE gonna go back. I feel like
Speaker 1: as soon as I brought it you were like, don't
Speaker 1: put that evil on Babe, don't you put that evil
Speaker 1: on me, ricket, bobby, and so all I'm saying is,
Speaker 1: do you subscribe, whether you're in the window or aisle,
Speaker 1: that the arm rests goes to the middle seat? I
Speaker 1: think the armrests goes to the middle seat because the
Speaker 1: aisle has an armrest the window has the whole side
Speaker 1: of the plane. They have the Majesty of Flight, The
Speaker 1: Majesty in flights. They've got a window to look out of.
Speaker 1: You see what I'm saying. So I think the arm
Speaker 1: rests should go to the middle seat. I have been
Speaker 1: in the elbow competition with someone when I was in
Speaker 1: the middle seat and I thought very disrespectful. I also
Speaker 1: have been on planes where, because you know, when you
Speaker 1: start doing colleges, the planes get staller, smaller, like like
Speaker 1: Russian stacking dolls. So I've been on a plane. I
Speaker 1: can I can tell you. I was gonna plane one
Speaker 1: time and there was this very like just muscule learned man.
Speaker 1: This is huge man. He sat down after I sat
Speaker 1: down and I just spent the whole flight just behind
Speaker 1: his shoulder, like that's where I want to just this
Speaker 1: is where I live now. Yeah, me and this man
Speaker 1: go together because there was nowhere. There was nowhere. We're
Speaker 1: a couple. For the next two hours, me and this
Speaker 1: man go together and he would ask me and I
Speaker 1: was very much like that, you know. I was like no,
Speaker 1: I'm good, I'm okay. They're like if you can't do anything, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: but when it came to that armrest, when it came
Speaker 1: that armrest, I let homeboy have it, and I let
Speaker 1: homeboy have it because I had his whole fucking shoulder.
Speaker 1: That's why I let him have it. If you are
Speaker 1: just out here, just your body, just on people. Yeah,
Speaker 1: we go together like truly until this plain lands. I
Speaker 1: am your wife. You didn't you didn't say it this way,
Speaker 1: but I can hell that this man was good looking
Speaker 1: because just the way that, because you were like no, anytime,
Speaker 1: anytime you get that quiet, I know, I know you're
Speaker 1: like feeling somebotime. No, no, it's all right. It's like no, no, no,
Speaker 1: you know, it's like quiet, a little bit of shake
Speaker 1: to it too. I got sucking tacking, Jane Win, Catherine Hepburn,
Speaker 1: but no, but I was. I've been on flights where also,
Speaker 1: this man got so mad at me. I was the windows. See,
Speaker 1: he was in the aisle. This is I was. I
Speaker 1: was on the United flight and I was just like, Oh,
Speaker 1: the middle class is dying because first class was full.
Speaker 1: So there was three sections on this plane. Right, it
Speaker 1: was first class, I guess, there was a middle business
Speaker 1: class area and then there was economy. Right, first class
Speaker 1: fucking jam packed. Economy fullish it. There were forty seats
Speaker 1: in the middle that had five, six people in them
Speaker 1: and I was like what the fund is happening on
Speaker 1: this plate? They couldn't push any of the people from
Speaker 1: economy appear because when you look back at the economy,
Speaker 1: I swear there were sirens. It was a fucking Greyhound
Speaker 1: bus back there. Somebody had a bird like. It was
Speaker 1: like a while back there, and there was curtains and
Speaker 1: I was like, I've never seen a curtain on this part.
Speaker 1: But this man sits down next to me. He you
Speaker 1: didn't have a little brother, so you don't know what
Speaker 1: the little brother like. You know how teenage boys smell
Speaker 1: where it's just that like funk. You're a teenage boys,
Speaker 1: you probably don't smell it. There's a slight funk. There's
Speaker 1: a very specific Funk to a teenage boy that, unless
Speaker 1: you have like a brother, you don't know what it is.
Speaker 1: In a forty year old man sat next to me
Speaker 1: smelling like a thirteen year old boy who just out
Speaker 1: of the Pe class and he was doing and mind you,
Speaker 1: the plane and not left anywhere. Also, he came and
Speaker 1: sat down next to me, which I get it because
Speaker 1: there's a whole section. fucking you don't know where these
Speaker 1: people are right. We're in the we're getting of the
Speaker 1: boarding groups. You don't know. These people don't fill up
Speaker 1: the plane. He sits down immediately. Man Spreads arms out.
Speaker 1: So now we're going for the fucking jockey and because
Speaker 1: he's completely fucking obnoxious, right bumping in, knocking my arm
Speaker 1: off the armrest. I was like, Oh, this is what
Speaker 1: we're doing, bitch, let me explain something to you. I
Speaker 1: started doing the exact same thing. I'm spreading my arms out,
Speaker 1: getting my chest white. Sorry, I have tennies, I need space. Right,
Speaker 1: getting my chest white. I'm man spreading, pushing him his
Speaker 1: arm off the armrest. But you want to go let's
Speaker 1: go right. The plane has not taken off yet. He
Speaker 1: goes and complains to the flight attendant. Yeah, and then
Speaker 1: she looked at me and then looked at him and
Speaker 1: I just saw her go get another seat, just suit
Speaker 1: somewhere else, and then afterwards she was like what the Hell?
Speaker 1: I was like, I don't know. It was the wildest
Speaker 1: thing to me. I've had dudes the middle seats go
Speaker 1: to man spread, but he's there's me on one side
Speaker 1: and then another man on the other side. So now
Speaker 1: they're just trying to man spread on the I'm like,
Speaker 1: you can't just man spread on the right. That's not
Speaker 1: how this works. You spread and you spread now, so
Speaker 1: you go to spread. I'm spreading that like we all
Speaker 1: bitch with creamy cheese out here. Everybody getting spread. We're
Speaker 1: peanut butter at but fucking country crop. I don't care.
Speaker 1: Everybody gets spread. Right. So there's that thing. You're in
Speaker 1: the middle seat. Keep your fucking we're giving you the armrests,
Speaker 1: but act right. Also, we're already this is already the
Speaker 1: least amount of space that a human being can be in.
Speaker 1: They have calculated it, okay, they've made sure what's the
Speaker 1: most reasonable amount of space to put a human being in,
Speaker 1: and then not started fucking right. Yeah, yeah, because, yeah,
Speaker 1: exactly exactly, what's the smallest amount of space we can
Speaker 1: put these people in before they kill each other? I
Speaker 1: guess my thing is I've been in the middle seat before,
Speaker 1: and this is I actually think I'm doing. Wow, how
Speaker 1: dare you? But you have though. How, in the absolute
Speaker 1: of Daredevil this, do you? How dare you? Is that
Speaker 1: what you're trying to say? Very dare you? I already
Speaker 1: asked it the way asked, and don't even re ask
Speaker 1: me what I was asking you. I'm saying, yeah, I
Speaker 1: have had a middle sief lifestyle before, okay, and I
Speaker 1: do this thing. I actually think it's courteous. I don't
Speaker 1: know if people like it or not. I only had
Speaker 1: to go awrve maybe twice. I'm a pretty nimble dude
Speaker 1: and sometimes the person the I'Le Seat is pretty little right.
Speaker 1: So rather than wake them up, sometimes I'll just stand
Speaker 1: up in my seat, I'll put a foot on my
Speaker 1: seat and I'll step over them. I'll just like step right.
Speaker 1: I don't even wake them up. I just step over
Speaker 1: them into the aisle and I go about my way,
Speaker 1: use the bathroom, come back, step over them again and
Speaker 1: then sit down and they don't even wake up. So
Speaker 1: you either put your ass or your crotch in a
Speaker 1: slip in a person's first they've only woken up twice now,
Speaker 1: both times where the person was waking up, your crotch
Speaker 1: in the face and they they did, they did have
Speaker 1: quite a reaction. But as soon, wait a minute, you
Speaker 1: let me tell all these wild ass stories and you
Speaker 1: did not tell me that you were sneak putting your
Speaker 1: man parts and people faces and you were making people
Speaker 1: wake up dreamland. Why the thirty five thousand feet in
Speaker 1: the sky to your whole the last in the hall, Fairius,
Speaker 1: and they American face I'm saying, wow, it's gone well
Speaker 1: enough times that to me, to wake them up felt
Speaker 1: ruder than just stepping over. You thought it was Ruder
Speaker 1: to wake them up and to put your ass in
Speaker 1: somebody's face. You don't know how hard it is for
Speaker 1: some people to fall asleep. I don't know these people,
Speaker 1: but how? But what if the person in front of them,
Speaker 1: if the seat is reclined, you've already got the seat also.
Speaker 1: Can we say that? I don't think every seat reclines
Speaker 1: the same, because on some planes where you were crying
Speaker 1: and it's just to just to slip two inches, and
Speaker 1: in other seats where I'm just like, I can see
Speaker 1: this man's forehead, yeah, he's too far back. Some reclined
Speaker 1: so much that you know they're broken. Yes, right. I'm
Speaker 1: just like when I got to recline in the person
Speaker 1: behind me got like when you see that domino effect
Speaker 1: of sleep reclining, because it's like you didn't recline because
Speaker 1: you wanted to. It was just like then it's up
Speaker 1: forty times, fifty times behind you. I'm with you. I'm
Speaker 1: just saying I've done that because in my mind it
Speaker 1: was it was easier for me. I didn't mind the
Speaker 1: step over there for you. Not. You weren't thinking about
Speaker 1: the trauma? No, no, no, I was, because here's the thing.
Speaker 1: I have friends and I have family who do not
Speaker 1: sleep while on planes. So when someone falls asleep on
Speaker 1: a plane, I don't take it lightly. I don't just
Speaker 1: assume they could fall right back to sleep, but they
Speaker 1: also have to stay awake. They have to stay awake
Speaker 1: until I get back, or else I'm just waking one time,
Speaker 1: one time my kid. This is wild. I can't believe this.
Speaker 1: This person was clearly living, uh, a very fast lifestyle
Speaker 1: because I was in the middle seat, they were in
Speaker 1: the aisle. I had to wake them up, to get
Speaker 1: them up to to get out, and then when I
Speaker 1: came back, I was on. I only went to pee.
Speaker 1: When I came back they were sleeping harder than they
Speaker 1: were before this time, their mouth was open, everything. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I had to get them up again and I
Speaker 1: was like, let me just if I had just stepped
Speaker 1: over this person, they clearly wouldn't have caught it, because
Speaker 1: it took a couple of shakes to wake him up again.
Speaker 1: You know, I was on a plane before and the
Speaker 1: pilot comes on and goes also, I love the pilot.
Speaker 1: I Love I love a good pilot voice. Yeah, there's
Speaker 1: there's some great pilot voices out there that put you
Speaker 1: at ease. There's something that put you on edge right. Yeah,
Speaker 1: anytime you hear like, I'll tell you right now, if
Speaker 1: I hear a pilot voice that sounds too familiar to me,
Speaker 1: I'm already nervous. What do you mean too familiar? Like if,
Speaker 1: if the pilot sounds too laid back? It doesn't. It
Speaker 1: just doesn't seem professional to me. I had a pilot
Speaker 1: on a flight one time get get ready to get
Speaker 1: on the on the MIC, so he had an announcement
Speaker 1: to make, but he clicked it on too early and
Speaker 1: we all heard him BURP. And that doesn't sound like
Speaker 1: somebody who can fly. Because the man burp joy because
Speaker 1: tell me so. I understand that you live a different
Speaker 1: life where you're brave and you and you enjoy things,
Speaker 1: and so I'm just saying I'm not, I'm still black.
Speaker 1: I'm saying if I'm on a flight and I hear
Speaker 1: the pilot get off, so we're gonna be flying today
Speaker 1: over it like no, no, it just makes me feel
Speaker 1: like that. The cockpit is sticky. No, no, no, this
Speaker 1: makes me have no confidence. If you burt before you
Speaker 1: start talking and like this supposed to be a professional.
Speaker 1: It just makes me I'm not saying that I'm brave,
Speaker 1: I'm just like there's just certain things I can't be
Speaker 1: afraid of right because it's like there's a lot of
Speaker 1: things that, you know, black people don't do. That's why
Speaker 1: we have a whole piece on the show called we
Speaker 1: don't do that, because we don't do a lot of
Speaker 1: ship Um. But if I hear him burt when he
Speaker 1: comes on first, all just makes me think he's are
Speaker 1: disgusting him and being Um because talking about hard burp too.
Speaker 1: We're not talking about a little GULP, we're talking about
Speaker 1: like a big beer like home or something like man Burp,
Speaker 1: like maybe he just finished lunch. I've never I't even sir.
Speaker 1: You knew it was coming. You've never been tricked by
Speaker 1: a like people like like. I've had like you've never
Speaker 1: been tricked by a bird, but it's like it's it
Speaker 1: just makes me feel like the cockpit is sticky. I
Speaker 1: don't know how. It doesn't say a thing about his
Speaker 1: ability to land this plane. It just makes me feel
Speaker 1: like the cockpit's sticky. The altimature might be. You know,
Speaker 1: it might have like food, like a food. It makes
Speaker 1: me like there's food wrappers. It gives me car energy.
Speaker 1: That's what it is. It's like it makes me feel
Speaker 1: like open, like there's some cans on the floor right,
Speaker 1: because it's like I'll have stuff in my car, like
Speaker 1: ever many people's cars are just like completely filtering them
Speaker 1: like this, move that stuff, and I'm like, you shouldn't
Speaker 1: even ask me to get in here. My shoes are
Speaker 1: gonna get dirty getting in this car and I don't
Speaker 1: respect this at all, like it's ridiculous. I have a
Speaker 1: standals on my feet. Sticky. How dare you? Sir? I
Speaker 1: do love the Hey, every body, this is a this
Speaker 1: is your part, like that voice. I love that. It
Speaker 1: always puts you in the mind of like your uh,
Speaker 1: like the news character voice. Hi, this is like that
Speaker 1: one of like the disc jockey voice, like the very
Speaker 1: specific record. But I did have a pilot say that,
Speaker 1: like he called the plane like the star Chik Enterprise,
Speaker 1: which made some people grown, but I thought it was
Speaker 1: so adorable. And then he was talking about how we, uh,
Speaker 1: we're gonna be flying at like the speed of sound
Speaker 1: and I just went I didn't need that. If you
Speaker 1: know you're going with that at all. Yeah, going very fast.
Speaker 1: I mean I had a pilot on time that was
Speaker 1: hitting us with too many ums and I was like
Speaker 1: do you are you sure? You acted like you're not sure.
Speaker 1: You like you're not sure where we're going, you're not
Speaker 1: sure how high we're getting. That man was hitting us
Speaker 1: with multiple MS in every sentence. So, Um, we're welcome,
Speaker 1: Um to the UH. Yeah, it sounded like it sounds
Speaker 1: like he was supposed to be. I understand that that's
Speaker 1: a nervous take that people have, but you have to
Speaker 1: understand what you're when you're on the plane and he
Speaker 1: this is the boss of the plane. So if you're nervous,
Speaker 1: were nervous. Okay, like if you get if you get
Speaker 1: on the mic and your played and you're like welcome
Speaker 1: to Um Delta, it's like that doesn't even sound like
Speaker 1: you're supposed to be flying today. I hear you. I
Speaker 1: think what's even more upsetting is what they make the
Speaker 1: announcement and you can't understand what they're saying at all. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because that means that if it's an emergency, sit here. Yeah, see, here.
Speaker 1: It's you hear, Ladies and Gentlemen? Right, it's welcome, ladies
Speaker 1: and Joe, and I'm like no, no, no, I had
Speaker 1: to hear what he's saying. I know this has nothing
Speaker 1: to do with the seats, but I hate when they
Speaker 1: tell me the temperature is gonna be because I already
Speaker 1: packed like like this, there's nothing I can do now.
Speaker 1: So when you're like, you're like, I'M gonna be flying
Speaker 1: into San Francisco. It's actually be a chilly sixty five today,
Speaker 1: I'm like, all right, well then I've already made a mistake.
Speaker 1: But also, you should have checked the weather before you pack.
Speaker 1: If you didn't check the weather before you pack, you sure, sure.
Speaker 1: I'm not blaming him, I'm just saying I hate what
Speaker 1: it happens because there's nothing I can do about it.
Speaker 1: You know, I don't think I knew how judgmental you were, Joshua,
Speaker 1: over very specific things when it comes to pilots. Yeah,
Speaker 1: when I'm on a plank, because I don't have a
Speaker 1: fear of flying, but I could grow one, I could
Speaker 1: grow on really easy. And so what gets on the
Speaker 1: MIC and they're just over here, UM, in a none,
Speaker 1: it sounds like they're stealing this play. is what it
Speaker 1: sounds like. I understand the place and the beauty of
Speaker 1: a window seat. I'm not going to completely undercut your point.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying depends on when you're flying if the
Speaker 1: window seats even useful, because if you're flying in a
Speaker 1: red eye, if you're flying where you're going, somewhere where
Speaker 1: it's gonna be night very soon, that window seat is
Speaker 1: about to be nil and void. It's just gonna be dark.
Speaker 1: If you're just gonna be dark. No, if you're flying
Speaker 1: over land, okay, the window seat is not useless because
Speaker 1: you're going to see cities, a light, a lit up
Speaker 1: at night. Okay, the very interesting, like flying into a
Speaker 1: city at night. It's like, especially if you're flying like
Speaker 1: into l a at night, it's like desert, desert, desert,
Speaker 1: like it's weird. You see the line, desert, desert, traffic right.
Speaker 1: And so it's so funny because, like, you see the line,
Speaker 1: they're like, we just went the lights are gonna to
Speaker 1: stop here here, the lights are gonna Right, we're not
Speaker 1: putting no more now. If you don't live right here,
Speaker 1: you get no stores. Right. So you can see a
Speaker 1: lot now, if you're not. I flown to Melbourne. So
Speaker 1: I did a fourteen hour flight when I went to
Speaker 1: do the Melbourne Melbourne. Uh, what was it? Melbourney Festival?
Speaker 1: I want to say Frank Festival. It was. I went
Speaker 1: from New York to L A, which was five hours,
Speaker 1: and then L A to Melbourne, which was fourteen hours
Speaker 1: in a window seat. Okay, but to your point, it
Speaker 1: was over water. The flight was at nine pm, I
Speaker 1: landed at five am. Completely lost. Saturday, left on a Friday,
Speaker 1: landing on a Sunday gone, but when I came back
Speaker 1: it was Tuesday. For thirty six hours. But anyway, plane
Speaker 1: takes off, the entertainment on the plane it's not working,
Speaker 1: Wifi it's not working, the TV is not working. And
Speaker 1: then then, to make matters worse, the overhead light was
Speaker 1: connected to the entertainment, so you couldn't just reach up
Speaker 1: and turn the light on. So even if you brought
Speaker 1: a fucking book, when they were rebooting and rebooting and rebooting,
Speaker 1: you couldn't turn the overhead light on. Then, even if
Speaker 1: you had something you could watch on an IPAD or
Speaker 1: a tablet or something, because they kept rebooting it. The
Speaker 1: power was surging, so you couldn't even charge your fucking phone.
Speaker 1: Fourteen hours at night. No TV, no WIFI, no over.
Speaker 1: They Fed us and cut all the fucking lights off.
Speaker 1: They're like go to bed. Good, right now. I'll tell
Speaker 1: you right now, then. That thing, what you described, is
Speaker 1: a caveat where. Yes, if you're if you're in the
Speaker 1: window seat at night and you're passing over land, great
Speaker 1: good on you. You see some dots on the ground,
Speaker 1: you see some dots in the sky, but if you
Speaker 1: were going over water, you might as well be staring
Speaker 1: at an iphone. That is off. But the good part
Speaker 1: for me is that the moon was on my side
Speaker 1: of the plane, so I was watching the world's first movie,
Speaker 1: which was the moon on water. was what all I
Speaker 1: had to watch until my battery on my phone got
Speaker 1: low and I had to wait until I was able
Speaker 1: to charge it eventually. But people sitting on the other
Speaker 1: side of the plane with no moon, darkness, darkness, had nothing,
Speaker 1: and eventually they end up giving people like two hundred
Speaker 1: fifty dollar vouchers. This is a stack of them, like
Speaker 1: fucking test papers, like a teacher with test papers, and
Speaker 1: was just like hair, hair, hair, don't we don't want
Speaker 1: to hair, hair, here. I think what has happened here
Speaker 1: is that we have not determined which one is good
Speaker 1: or bad. No, we really have it at all. So
Speaker 1: we're just gonna to throw this one to you, the listener.
Speaker 1: This is probably the most off topic around about episode
Speaker 1: that we've had. We we talked about planes the entire time.
Speaker 1: We definitely talked about airports and planes. We talked about
Speaker 1: everything that encompasses being on a plane, all the whole
Speaker 1: plane experience, right, because going through the non because think
Speaker 1: about it, it's hectic getting to the airport, then it's
Speaker 1: hectic getting through the airport, then it's hectic getting on
Speaker 1: the fucking plane and then I'm gonna spend the whole
Speaker 1: flight getting bumped into. Fuck that. I pick a window
Speaker 1: seat because I've already been through the fucking gauntlet of
Speaker 1: nonsense that is being in an airport. But what you
Speaker 1: have to give your ever looked at the website seat
Speaker 1: Guru Dot Com? No, okay, by the Bane of my
Speaker 1: existence is getting to the window seat and you end
Speaker 1: up where the seam is right, so you don't have
Speaker 1: the window. You're in that part in between the windows.
Speaker 1: And time it kept happening to me to the point
Speaker 1: that the last time it happened to me I was
Speaker 1: just in tears. I was so mad because you can't
Speaker 1: because one there's a window too you can't lean over good.
Speaker 1: You're just stuck. I was so angry, I was crying,
Speaker 1: I was stressed the funk out. I've been on a
Speaker 1: million flights. I just wanted to go to sleep right
Speaker 1: and I'm just saying, could you just get the slight
Speaker 1: lean and then it's just the fucking scene of this
Speaker 1: plane and sometimes the way they set up first class seats,
Speaker 1: like I've been on planes where like every seat you're
Speaker 1: not really at the window is in front of you,
Speaker 1: but at your head. It's the fucking seems. So I
Speaker 1: don't know if they do that so other people can
Speaker 1: look out the window that I paid for, but back
Speaker 1: either side these seats forward or back these windows up,
Speaker 1: because I've paid for a window seat. I need to
Speaker 1: be able to look out this damn window and don't
Speaker 1: give me the scene. So there's a website, see guru
Speaker 1: dot com, and that's where I go, where I'm I literally,
Speaker 1: if I'm looking at a flight, I'll go, okay, where is,
Speaker 1: because sometimes you just pick a seat. You don't know.
Speaker 1: There's a bulkhead here, there's a seat of a plane here.
Speaker 1: Some of them I've had it. We're like. They're like, oh,
Speaker 1: this seat didn't work, or this is an exit orld
Speaker 1: the seats don't crying, or you're close to the bathroom
Speaker 1: here or something that's like. Sometimes you're just like, I
Speaker 1: just pick a seat. You don't know all of the
Speaker 1: stands and down to the seat in the window versus aisle.
Speaker 1: There's no wrong answer because, guess what, you're on a plane, baby.
Speaker 1: You go on places, you're doing stuff, you're getting out
Speaker 1: the house, you're getting at your neighborhood, you're getting out
Speaker 1: of your state. Probably, if you're on a plane, you're
Speaker 1: probably living your states. You hope it's like a San
Speaker 1: Francisco Los Angeles. You live in a big ass state
Speaker 1: right and nobody flying nowhere. You don't live in Georgia
Speaker 1: and flying another place in Georgia, you just drive, could
Speaker 1: be in an asshole. Get up, but you're on a plane. Hey,
Speaker 1: you're living, you're doing all right. You're on a plane.
Speaker 1: There are people like there are people who've never been
Speaker 1: on an airplane. No, I understand, I understand. I'll say
Speaker 1: here is probably the best place that we can kick
Speaker 1: it off to you, the listener. Who Do you how
Speaker 1: do you feel? Who is right? You know? Is it
Speaker 1: I'll see, or is it window seat? It's not about
Speaker 1: being right, it's about being blessed. Josh, you or on
Speaker 1: the plane, baby? The question is. The question is as
Speaker 1: much as it's about window and aisle, it's do you
Speaker 1: buy your snacks before or are you trying to funk
Speaker 1: with the snacks that they got on the plane? Never
Speaker 1: the snacks on the plane. I always get before. Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for listening. If you're looking to catch
Speaker 1: up with us on any and socials, you can find
Speaker 1: me at Josh Johnson comedy on Instagram, at Josh Johnson
Speaker 1: on twitter, Josh J comedy on Facebook, if you still
Speaker 1: use it, and Josh Johnson comedy on Tiktok and Youtube.
Speaker 1: And if you're looking for dul say duels say, it's
Speaker 1: at Dul say Sloan on the INSTAGRAM's uh, it's Dulcley
Speaker 1: Slan and everything, but it's D U L C E
Speaker 1: S L O a n. There is no o in
Speaker 1: my first name and there's no e in my last name.
Speaker 1: Um My, my name is the ten letters long and
Speaker 1: it is spelled so many ways, it is pronounced so
Speaker 1: many ways and all the socials dul say Sloan. I'm
Speaker 1: on a tick Tock. I'm out here. If you're still
Speaker 1: on snapchat, please tell me how. Um, Tumbler, I didn't
Speaker 1: know they were still open. We appreciate you and we
Speaker 1: appreciated listening and, you know, always hit us up let
Speaker 1: us know if there's anything you want to hear US
Speaker 1: talk about. Any UH, what was it? What was it?
Speaker 1: What's the best word for it? Any like two subjects
Speaker 1: that clash that maybe people don't even know should clash,
Speaker 1: you know, yeah, like apples and oranges. I mean, why
Speaker 1: are we compared those for so long? I'M gonna go,
Speaker 1: but y'all have a great day and a great weekend.
Speaker 1: We'll talk to you in a little bit. Be blasted
Speaker 1: losers that listen to hold up on the I heart radio,
Speaker 1: APP apple podcast or wherever you get your podcasts. Watch
Speaker 1: the daily show weeknights and eleven tent central on comedy
Speaker 1: central in stream full episodes anytime on paramount plus. This
Speaker 1: has been a comedy Central Podcast