WEBVTT - "No One Knows I Have A Problem" (Outweigh) 0:00:00.480 --> 0:00:04.520 I won't let my body out be outwait everything that 0:00:04.680 --> 0:00:08.000 I'm made done, won't spend my life trying to change. 0:00:08.680 --> 0:00:10.960 I'm learning love who. 0:00:10.520 --> 0:00:14.400 I am, I get I'm strong, I feel free, I 0:00:14.440 --> 0:00:15.880 know everybody of me. 0:00:16.520 --> 0:00:18.920 It's beautiful. 0:00:19.520 --> 0:00:24.479 And that will always out way if you feel it. 0:00:24.520 --> 0:00:27.920 But you are, She'll some love to the food. Why 0:00:28.000 --> 0:00:31.560 get there? Say go one day and did you and 0:00:31.760 --> 0:00:35.040 die out way? 0:00:35.159 --> 0:00:38.200 Happy Saturday out waigh, welcome back. It is Leanne here 0:00:38.240 --> 0:00:40.240 and I'm so happy that you're here with me today. 0:00:40.760 --> 0:00:42.800 And before we dive in, I just want to say 0:00:42.840 --> 0:00:45.560 that if you're tuning in, it is for a reason, 0:00:46.040 --> 0:00:48.160 and maybe you've been battling with food in your body 0:00:48.200 --> 0:00:50.120 for a while now, and if so, I just want 0:00:50.159 --> 0:00:52.920 to send you a massive virtual hug and let you 0:00:52.960 --> 0:00:56.080 know that you are not alone. Because today we're going 0:00:56.120 --> 0:00:58.920 to have a really honest chat about something I've personally 0:00:58.920 --> 0:01:01.480 struggled with and something I hear from women all the time, 0:01:01.920 --> 0:01:05.560 and it's when food struggles become our dirty little secret. 0:01:06.040 --> 0:01:08.039 And this is one of those topics that usually carries 0:01:08.080 --> 0:01:10.120 a lot of shame with it, So I want to 0:01:10.160 --> 0:01:13.680 help you start releasing some of that shame today because 0:01:13.720 --> 0:01:16.360 you're not crazy, and you're definitely not alone in this. 0:01:16.880 --> 0:01:19.240 And if you've been hiding your food struggles and feeling 0:01:19.240 --> 0:01:21.840 like no one really gets it or would understand, then 0:01:22.080 --> 0:01:23.240 this episode. 0:01:22.880 --> 0:01:23.840 Is for you. 0:01:23.160 --> 0:01:25.520 You See, I used to feel like I was in 0:01:25.560 --> 0:01:28.319 a food and body prison all the time. And what 0:01:28.480 --> 0:01:30.680 made it worse is that no one really knew the 0:01:30.840 --> 0:01:33.800 depth of my struggle. And sure people saw me trying 0:01:33.840 --> 0:01:37.080 different diets or hitting the gym obsessively, but they had 0:01:37.120 --> 0:01:40.000 no idea what was going on behind the scenes. Because 0:01:40.040 --> 0:01:42.680 I got really good at smiling and faking it and 0:01:42.720 --> 0:01:45.000 pretending like I had it all together. I mean, you 0:01:45.080 --> 0:01:48.320 might relate to that, But every single day, whenever I 0:01:48.440 --> 0:01:52.440 was around anyone else, I wasn't even present, because inside 0:01:52.520 --> 0:01:55.040 I was obsessing over how many calories were in my 0:01:55.120 --> 0:01:57.560 lunch or whether I'd burned enough at the gym that 0:01:57.640 --> 0:01:59.920 morning to you know, air quotes earn a treat later. 0:02:00.640 --> 0:02:03.160 And I remember nights when I'd come home feeling so 0:02:03.480 --> 0:02:06.080 drained and frustrated that I'd find myself standing in the 0:02:06.160 --> 0:02:09.240 kitchen scooping peanut butter straight out of the jar. And 0:02:09.280 --> 0:02:11.440 with every scoop, I'd swear to myself like this is 0:02:11.480 --> 0:02:14.960 the last one. I'll be better tomorrow, but tomorrow never came, 0:02:15.120 --> 0:02:18.400 and I'd be right back in the same cycle. And 0:02:18.480 --> 0:02:21.480 the worst part was that no one knew because I 0:02:21.560 --> 0:02:23.480 put on this happy face and I tried to be, 0:02:23.600 --> 0:02:25.880 you know, the perfect woman and the perfect friend and 0:02:25.960 --> 0:02:29.040 the perfect daughter, and I didn't want anyone to see 0:02:29.080 --> 0:02:31.960 what was really going on inside my head and heart. 0:02:32.520 --> 0:02:34.320 And what I want you to know is that I've 0:02:34.360 --> 0:02:37.600 heard so many stories just like this from the women 0:02:37.639 --> 0:02:40.280 I work with. And I hear stories from women who 0:02:40.320 --> 0:02:43.120 are successful and strong and seem to have it all together, 0:02:43.760 --> 0:02:46.799 but they're hiding this big, deep struggle that makes them 0:02:46.800 --> 0:02:49.480 feel like they're out of control, and they're standing in 0:02:49.520 --> 0:02:52.639 the pantry at midnight feeling crazy and helpless because they 0:02:52.680 --> 0:02:55.560 can't stop eating those cookies or that leftover pizza. 0:02:55.919 --> 0:02:58.000 And then they wake up the next morning. 0:02:57.720 --> 0:03:00.760 With all of that shame hanging over them, wondering why 0:03:00.800 --> 0:03:02.960 can't I just get it together, Like why can't I 0:03:03.040 --> 0:03:06.040 stick to the play and or the program like everyone else. 0:03:06.760 --> 0:03:08.800 A one client of mine, Sarah, came to me because 0:03:08.840 --> 0:03:11.520 she felt like she was living a double life into 0:03:11.520 --> 0:03:14.480 the outside world. She was this superwoman you know, managing 0:03:14.720 --> 0:03:17.359 a big team at work and raising two kids and 0:03:17.400 --> 0:03:20.800 being a devoted wife. But in reality, she was stuck 0:03:20.880 --> 0:03:23.640 in this cycle of binging on junk food late at 0:03:23.720 --> 0:03:26.639 night and feeling guilty and ashamed, and then spending the 0:03:26.680 --> 0:03:28.720 next day trying to, you know, air quotes make up 0:03:28.800 --> 0:03:31.720 for it by restricting her food and hitting the gym 0:03:31.760 --> 0:03:34.720 really hard. And she felt like a fraud. And she 0:03:34.760 --> 0:03:37.600 told me, Leanne, if anyone at work knew what I 0:03:37.680 --> 0:03:40.200 was doing at home, they'd think I was a complete 0:03:40.240 --> 0:03:42.839 mess and they'd lose all respect for me. And that's 0:03:42.880 --> 0:03:45.640 how shame works, right, It isolates us and it makes 0:03:45.720 --> 0:03:48.680 us feel like we're broken our week. But Sarah wasn't 0:03:48.720 --> 0:03:51.000 broken her week. She was just trapped in a really 0:03:51.120 --> 0:03:52.920 vicious cycle that made. 0:03:52.640 --> 0:03:53.840 Her feel that way. 0:03:54.440 --> 0:03:57.040 Another one of my clients, Jen, was afraid to go 0:03:57.080 --> 0:03:59.360 to work events because she had gained weight and she 0:03:59.520 --> 0:04:03.080 was terear that her colleagues would notice. And she was 0:04:03.120 --> 0:04:07.119 avoiding leadership roles at work, and not because she wasn't capable, 0:04:07.440 --> 0:04:09.720 but because she didn't want to be in the spotlight, 0:04:09.760 --> 0:04:12.080 because she felt like her body was the enemy, like 0:04:12.120 --> 0:04:15.080 it was keeping her from showing up as her fal self. 0:04:15.080 --> 0:04:17.039 This is what she was experiencing before she came to 0:04:17.080 --> 0:04:20.120 work with me and my client. Julie told me about 0:04:20.120 --> 0:04:21.880 something that I had never heard about before. She told 0:04:21.920 --> 0:04:25.400 me about these diet bets. Okay, there are these bets 0:04:25.440 --> 0:04:27.960 that some of her friends and coworkers did every January 0:04:28.320 --> 0:04:31.120 where they'd throw in twenty dollars and whoever lost the 0:04:31.120 --> 0:04:34.239 most weight would get the money pot. Right, But Julie 0:04:34.279 --> 0:04:36.480 avoided it every year, and not because she didn't want 0:04:36.520 --> 0:04:39.240 to be healthy, but because she the thought of being 0:04:39.240 --> 0:04:42.120 weighed in front of her friends made her feel so exposed, 0:04:42.200 --> 0:04:44.480 and she knew that if she didn't lose weight, it 0:04:44.520 --> 0:04:47.480 would just add to her shame. But she was also 0:04:47.600 --> 0:04:49.600 terrified of what her friends would think if she didn't 0:04:49.640 --> 0:04:52.360 join in. And I totally get that, right. She felt 0:04:52.400 --> 0:04:54.400 like she was being judged no matter what she did, 0:04:54.440 --> 0:04:57.240 Like if she participated, she'd be judged, if she sat out, 0:04:57.279 --> 0:04:58.000 she'd be judged. 0:04:58.360 --> 0:05:00.640 And so I'm not saying these diet. 0:05:00.360 --> 0:05:02.720 Bets her something I want anyone to partake in, by 0:05:02.800 --> 0:05:04.920 the way, right, I never even heard of these things, 0:05:05.360 --> 0:05:09.360 But the fact that abstaining it, abstaining from doing it also. 0:05:09.160 --> 0:05:11.280 Left her trapped in a shame prison. 0:05:11.360 --> 0:05:14.359 Speaks volumes to what was going on inside her heart, right, 0:05:14.400 --> 0:05:16.440 Because in an ideal world, she could have just said, no, 0:05:16.560 --> 0:05:18.120 that's not for me. I'm going to just like sit 0:05:18.200 --> 0:05:20.839 this one out. But that was torturing her as well. 0:05:20.920 --> 0:05:21.120 Right. 0:05:21.800 --> 0:05:24.400 And here's the thing I really really want you to get. 0:05:24.839 --> 0:05:27.839 It's not about the food or the weight. It's not 0:05:28.000 --> 0:05:32.400 about willpower or motivation. It's about the shame prison that 0:05:32.440 --> 0:05:36.000 we've built around ourselves, and the prison that keeps us 0:05:36.040 --> 0:05:39.520 stuck in this battle with our bodies. And if we 0:05:39.760 --> 0:05:44.320 don't address that shame, we'll keep going in circles, hopping 0:05:44.360 --> 0:05:47.280 from diet to diet, thinking that the next one will 0:05:47.320 --> 0:05:50.640 be the solution. So what is the solution, Like, what's 0:05:50.640 --> 0:05:53.560 the alternative to that? Well, I promise you this. It's 0:05:53.600 --> 0:05:56.000 not another diet or a food plan, and it's not 0:05:56.080 --> 0:05:59.960 another gym routine. It's about rewiring your brain and healing 0:06:00.120 --> 0:06:02.880 your self image. And it's about changing the story that 0:06:02.920 --> 0:06:05.239 you tell yourself about who you are. 0:06:05.440 --> 0:06:06.520 And what you're capable of. 0:06:06.920 --> 0:06:09.599 And so when my client Jen, who was afraid of 0:06:09.600 --> 0:06:11.599 work events, the one I just told you about, when 0:06:11.640 --> 0:06:13.360 she learned how to separate. 0:06:13.000 --> 0:06:14.200 Her worth from her weight. 0:06:14.680 --> 0:06:17.919 She began to see herself as the powerful, capable woman 0:06:17.920 --> 0:06:18.839 that she truly was. 0:06:19.600 --> 0:06:21.040 And the food stuff. 0:06:21.080 --> 0:06:23.640 After she started there, it started to fall away on 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:26.320 its own, because it wasn't that she suddenly had more 0:06:26.400 --> 0:06:29.360 willpower or that she found the perfect diet. It's that 0:06:29.400 --> 0:06:32.120 she no longer needed food to comfort or numb her 0:06:32.360 --> 0:06:35.159 because she was no longer living in that shame prison. 0:06:35.240 --> 0:06:37.680 It's all of it, right, It's the shame prison. It's 0:06:37.720 --> 0:06:39.760 healing your relationship with food so that you're no longer 0:06:39.880 --> 0:06:42.920 using food as that numbing agent. It's all these multiple 0:06:42.960 --> 0:06:45.960 things together. Another client of mine hadn't taken a full 0:06:46.000 --> 0:06:48.920 body photo in years, and so every time somebody pulled 0:06:48.960 --> 0:06:51.880 out a camera, she'd hide in the back or volunteer 0:06:51.920 --> 0:06:54.480 to be the photographer. And so she missed out on 0:06:54.640 --> 0:06:58.080 so many family photos because she couldn't stand to see 0:06:58.120 --> 0:07:01.240 herself in the photos. But it wasn't the photos that 0:07:01.279 --> 0:07:03.720 were the problem. It was the story that she'd been 0:07:03.760 --> 0:07:06.440 telling herself every time she looked in the mirror and 0:07:06.480 --> 0:07:09.560 she saw somebody that was, you know, too big or 0:07:09.560 --> 0:07:12.520 too weak, or too out of control, and she hated 0:07:12.520 --> 0:07:16.320 her reflection because it represented every one of her perceived failures. 0:07:16.880 --> 0:07:17.640 And so when we. 0:07:17.560 --> 0:07:21.000 Worked together, she started changing her internal narrative, and she 0:07:21.080 --> 0:07:24.520 began to see herself differently, and she began to accept 0:07:24.520 --> 0:07:27.320 and even appreciate the woman looking back at her. But 0:07:27.440 --> 0:07:29.320 first and foremost, she had to draw that line in 0:07:29.360 --> 0:07:31.680 the sand and say, no, I'm so done missing out 0:07:31.680 --> 0:07:34.080 on my life because of this story that I'm telling myself, 0:07:34.320 --> 0:07:37.240 and I'm so sick of letting my body dictate what 0:07:37.320 --> 0:07:39.680 I do or don't do. And if I keep this up, 0:07:39.720 --> 0:07:41.760 I'm literally not going to have any photos with my 0:07:41.840 --> 0:07:44.080 children in them, right, Like, she had to make that 0:07:44.960 --> 0:07:48.200 kind of like line in the sand declaration before we 0:07:48.240 --> 0:07:50.560 could even go to work. And once all of these 0:07:50.600 --> 0:07:54.400 shifts happened, she didn't feel the need to hide anymore, 0:07:54.520 --> 0:07:56.880 not just in photos, like hide in her life in general. 0:07:57.320 --> 0:07:58.960 But first she had to get to that point where 0:07:58.960 --> 0:08:00.920 again she drew that life in the sand and she 0:08:01.040 --> 0:08:02.960 was like, no, I'm no longer willing to miss out 0:08:03.000 --> 0:08:03.520 on my life. 0:08:03.920 --> 0:08:05.520 And those photos weren't. 0:08:05.280 --> 0:08:09.080 Really the thing, right, they just represented every single thing 0:08:09.120 --> 0:08:11.000 that she was missing out on and saying no to 0:08:11.160 --> 0:08:13.800 when she really wanted to say yes. And again, it 0:08:13.840 --> 0:08:16.760 was about taking back the power to choose so that 0:08:16.880 --> 0:08:18.760 she was in the driver's seat of her life. I 0:08:18.840 --> 0:08:22.040 really want you to get that, Okay, So, if any 0:08:22.080 --> 0:08:24.800 of this is resonating with you, I want to invite 0:08:24.840 --> 0:08:26.840 you to take a good, hard look at where you 0:08:26.880 --> 0:08:28.920 are right now. And I mean this with so much 0:08:29.000 --> 0:08:31.160 love right when I say take a look at it, 0:08:31.200 --> 0:08:34.160 but I mean like a loving look without the shame, right. 0:08:34.640 --> 0:08:37.560 And so are you holding on to this struggle like 0:08:37.679 --> 0:08:39.559 it's your dirty little secret? 0:08:39.960 --> 0:08:40.559 And are you. 0:08:40.600 --> 0:08:43.439 Feeling like if people knew the full extent of what 0:08:43.480 --> 0:08:46.440 you're dealing with, they would think less of you? And 0:08:46.520 --> 0:08:48.240 if so, I want you to know, first of all, 0:08:48.320 --> 0:08:51.120 it's okay to feel that way, right, but you do 0:08:51.320 --> 0:08:54.559 not have to stay there. And so the first step 0:08:54.679 --> 0:08:59.319 to healing is really just acknowledging the struggle without judgment, 0:08:59.320 --> 0:09:01.960 because so many of us we know we have a struggle, 0:09:02.200 --> 0:09:04.320 but we judge it, we shame it, we blame it. Right, 0:09:04.720 --> 0:09:07.640 So the first is just acknowledging like, hey, this is 0:09:07.679 --> 0:09:09.920 a really big problem, but I'm not going to add 0:09:09.960 --> 0:09:13.920 shame on top of the problem, right, and recognizing that 0:09:13.960 --> 0:09:17.280 this isn't a food problem or a body problem. It's 0:09:17.320 --> 0:09:21.080 about healing the relationship that you have with yourself, and 0:09:21.120 --> 0:09:24.160 it's about breaking out of that prison of control and 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:26.480 giving yourself the freedom to just be. 0:09:27.320 --> 0:09:28.959 And again, if you are. 0:09:28.840 --> 0:09:30.720 At that place where you're like, oh my gosh, my 0:09:30.760 --> 0:09:33.320 food and my body struggles, they feel so out of control. 0:09:33.559 --> 0:09:36.280 It's gotten to that point where like, again, if anybody ever. 0:09:36.200 --> 0:09:39.400 Felt found out, I would just die. Right, That's where 0:09:39.400 --> 0:09:41.760 I want you to know, like, you are so not alone. 0:09:41.760 --> 0:09:44.280 And I know people hear that and they think like, yeah, right, Lene, 0:09:44.400 --> 0:09:46.880 I know you're saying that, but I really don't feel 0:09:46.920 --> 0:09:49.440 like I know anybody else that struggles like this. And 0:09:49.480 --> 0:09:52.079 that's because of the secrecy and the shame that comes 0:09:52.120 --> 0:09:53.840 alongside this problem. 0:09:54.200 --> 0:09:54.360 Right. 0:09:54.600 --> 0:09:57.280 And it's not a coincidence that so many of the 0:09:57.280 --> 0:10:00.120 women that come to work with me they are high achieving, 0:10:00.400 --> 0:10:05.079 very intelligent, very successful, very driven women, because this also 0:10:05.240 --> 0:10:08.280 is not an intelligence problem. It's not that you're lacking 0:10:08.600 --> 0:10:11.400 the smarts, right, It's not that you're lacking the education 0:10:11.559 --> 0:10:12.400 or the intelligence. 0:10:12.520 --> 0:10:12.720 Right. 0:10:13.400 --> 0:10:16.280 In fact, there more highly intelligent you are, the more 0:10:16.440 --> 0:10:19.800 common these struggles are. Because we think we can logic 0:10:19.840 --> 0:10:22.839 and reason our way through these things. Right, But again, 0:10:22.880 --> 0:10:25.160 you'll never be able to logic and reason your way 0:10:25.200 --> 0:10:28.000 through an emotional struggle, and you'll never be able to 0:10:28.040 --> 0:10:31.319 logic and reason and like information your way through something 0:10:31.360 --> 0:10:34.400 that's deeply ingrained in your brain and in your nervous system. 0:10:34.840 --> 0:10:36.760 And again that's where I also want to invite you 0:10:36.840 --> 0:10:39.640 to just ditch the shame because you just learned a 0:10:39.720 --> 0:10:42.240 way of thinking and a way of living and certain 0:10:42.320 --> 0:10:46.080 patterns and habits and behaviors around food and doesn't take 0:10:46.160 --> 0:10:49.360 away from the amazingness that you are. But I know 0:10:49.559 --> 0:10:52.280 it feels very isolating when you feel like, Okay, if 0:10:52.280 --> 0:10:54.920 anybody ever found out, they're going to judge me. And 0:10:54.960 --> 0:10:56.920 so again I want to acknowledge like it is a 0:10:57.200 --> 0:11:00.160 okay to be where you are and feel how you're feeling, 0:11:00.480 --> 0:11:02.920 but you don't have to stay there. And the first 0:11:02.960 --> 0:11:05.280 step is just acknowledging like, hey, this is a really 0:11:05.280 --> 0:11:07.960 big problem and I don't have to be ashamed of it, 0:11:08.000 --> 0:11:08.320 but I. 0:11:08.240 --> 0:11:09.920 Also can't get through it on my own. 0:11:10.040 --> 0:11:12.400 I need that help, but I need that support, right, 0:11:12.760 --> 0:11:15.960 because it's about healing the relationship that you have with yourself, 0:11:16.400 --> 0:11:19.240 and it's about breaking out of that prison of control 0:11:19.360 --> 0:11:22.520 and giving yourself the freedom to just be where you 0:11:22.600 --> 0:11:25.720 are words in all right, So that. 0:11:25.760 --> 0:11:27.960 Is really what I wanted to share with you today, ladies. 0:11:27.960 --> 0:11:30.720 And I hope that you got something, whatever you needed 0:11:30.720 --> 0:11:32.920 to get today out of this episode, even if it's 0:11:32.960 --> 0:11:35.920 just a reminder that you're not crazy, and you're definitely 0:11:35.960 --> 0:11:38.920 not alone, and you are definitely not a self sabotager, 0:11:38.960 --> 0:11:40.920 and you're not destined to stay this way forever. And 0:11:41.400 --> 0:11:44.480 there's nothing dirty about this secret, right, There's nothing dirty 0:11:44.520 --> 0:11:47.960 about you. There's nothing that is a shameful thing about you. 0:11:48.040 --> 0:11:50.199 Because you're struggling the way that you are. I wish 0:11:50.200 --> 0:11:53.360 somebody had told me that years ago. Okay, And if 0:11:53.360 --> 0:11:55.440 you want to learn more about how I teach my 0:11:55.559 --> 0:11:57.640 clients to turn off the part of their brain that's 0:11:57.679 --> 0:12:01.120 obsessed with food or obsessed with their weight and rewire 0:12:01.160 --> 0:12:04.200 their own brain for peace and freedom, then head on 0:12:04.240 --> 0:12:06.640 over to Stressless Eating dot com and sign up to 0:12:06.640 --> 0:12:10.520 watch the Stressless Eating sneak preview, where I've literally peeled 0:12:10.559 --> 0:12:13.719 back the curtain and walked you through the exact strategy 0:12:13.760 --> 0:12:17.040 I teach my clients to heal themselves from the all 0:12:17.120 --> 0:12:21.480 or nothing diet mentality for good but without restricting themselves, 0:12:21.559 --> 0:12:26.000 punishing their bodies, and definitely without using words like macros 0:12:26.040 --> 0:12:29.240 and low carb or calorie burn. So it's over there 0:12:29.240 --> 0:12:32.920 for you to access over at stressless Eating dot com 0:12:33.160 --> 0:12:36.040 and if you like, out Weigh. I actually have another 0:12:36.120 --> 0:12:39.080 podcast here on iHeart where I talk about all of 0:12:39.120 --> 0:12:41.920 this self image and body image stuff, but from the 0:12:42.000 --> 0:12:45.600 perspective of where brain science intersects faith. 0:12:46.000 --> 0:12:47.920 It's called What's God Got to Do With It? 0:12:48.080 --> 0:12:50.840 And you can access it here on iHeart or wherever 0:12:50.920 --> 0:12:53.839 you get your podcasts. So that's it for today. I'm 0:12:53.920 --> 0:13:02.280 Leanne Ellington signing out and I will talk to you soon. Bye.