Speaker 1: The Nikki Glazer Podcast. Nikki here, I am everyone. Welcome
Speaker 1: to the show. Rounding out the week with the Nicky
Speaker 1: Glazer Podcast. It's Thursday. Andrew is not in the room yet,
Speaker 1: but his mic is on and Luigi sitting in his
Speaker 1: chair and licking things. So if you hear a little sound,
Speaker 1: I apologize as Luigi I should mute him. Luigi, how
Speaker 1: how you doing? But yeah, um, weird vibes with you today.
Speaker 1: I just gotta say. Every day is a little weird,
Speaker 1: but today especially. You know, some days you just don't
Speaker 1: vibe with your dog. You guys aren't getting along. We
Speaker 1: need to go to therapy, probably calling Caesar Milan. Um,
Speaker 1: how's everyone doing today? I am doing pretty durn good. Um.
Speaker 1: Noah got a cat last night, so you're walking on sunshine.
Speaker 1: That cat is so cute. It doesn't seem to have
Speaker 1: suffered a lot of trauma. It just seems to accept
Speaker 1: its place right now, like it's happy. Yeah, so his
Speaker 1: world is very small right now. It's just like this room.
Speaker 1: But he's just taking so jealous nicely. He's just he's
Speaker 1: just laying there in his crate. Just I really got
Speaker 1: jealous of your cat last night when you sent me
Speaker 1: a video of it drinking water and it's create because
Speaker 1: I was like, it's that's exactly what you. Like. I thought,
Speaker 1: it's world is so small, and I was like, I
Speaker 1: want to be in a crate and like not and
Speaker 1: just have like my water bowl and like sometimes someone
Speaker 1: comes and gets me, who cuddles me and then puts
Speaker 1: me back, and like I don't have to deal with
Speaker 1: emails and promotional videos and you know, just complaining about
Speaker 1: being busy, which is like it's the it's it's a
Speaker 1: gift honestly. But yeah, there was like now that you
Speaker 1: as soon as you said his world is so small,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh that was the feeling I had
Speaker 1: last night watching your your cat as you filmed it
Speaker 1: through the crate. I was just like, God, that looks
Speaker 1: so nice. Do you ever want to be an animal,
Speaker 1: like a caged animal like I? Do you ever get
Speaker 1: jealous of animals and how simple their lives are? Just
Speaker 1: from I guess I'm I'm projecting a lot onto them.
Speaker 1: They might be miserable, you don't know, right, Like it depends,
Speaker 1: like I would definitely want to be my own pet
Speaker 1: because I definitely give them a better life than I
Speaker 1: give myself sometimes. I know. That's the thing. It's like
Speaker 1: I it depends on who your owner is. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: mean most animals. You know, if you're we're going odds here.
Speaker 1: If you're born into like any kind of animal, let's
Speaker 1: exclude humans, chances are your life is going to be
Speaker 1: pretty rough unless you are the pet of a good person.
Speaker 1: This morning, um, I came back from I woke up
Speaker 1: and went to get Starbucks like I always do, and
Speaker 1: then Andrew was also waking up at the same time,
Speaker 1: so he was getting Starbucks. He recently got the mobile up,
Speaker 1: and so he's very excited about it and ordering like
Speaker 1: right away, and he just he he can't wait for me,
Speaker 1: Like he's walking a little bit faster. There's something that
Speaker 1: really grates on my nerves when someone is eager and
Speaker 1: like and just they instead of just going like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm really hungry, I'm just gonna go ahead, Like I
Speaker 1: just want people to like honor their feelings instead of
Speaker 1: trying to accommodate to you and making you feel like
Speaker 1: you need to. Then, because I couldn't work, I couldn't
Speaker 1: rush because Luigi has to like smell everything, and I
Speaker 1: don't like to pull him away from smells because it's
Speaker 1: like them finishing a book or a movie, and sometimes
Speaker 1: they want to shoot on the movie, just like you know,
Speaker 1: the Doctor. The Drumming documentary on Netflix I watched at
Speaker 1: Jen my assistant, was like, You've got to see this
Speaker 1: drumming documentary. I've watched it three times. I love it.
Speaker 1: It's like, it's not so much about drumming, is about
Speaker 1: a love of music. And I was really bored um
Speaker 1: and abandoned that smell. But um to teach their own
Speaker 1: and to to my own is not a documentary about people.
Speaker 1: And they do this whole thing about women drummers and
Speaker 1: how like people think they can't drum but look at
Speaker 1: them go and it just feels so I just hate,
Speaker 1: you know. Obviously I pointed everyone towards Hysterical the documentary
Speaker 1: about female comics, but like it really annoys me that
Speaker 1: like just talk about women drummers without talking about the
Speaker 1: fact that they're women, you know, like we always have
Speaker 1: to Like I never thought of myself as a female
Speaker 1: comic instill until people started saying that all the time.
Speaker 1: I just was like, and yes, I compared myself to
Speaker 1: women before men in comedy and in everything else. But
Speaker 1: I think that's because everyone makes such a big deal
Speaker 1: about like, you're a woman in comedy. I don't usually
Speaker 1: like women in comedy? Can women drum? And that it
Speaker 1: was this whole thing where they follow these two women
Speaker 1: drummers that no one's heard of, and they were like,
Speaker 1: we what drew you to drumming? Because it's such a
Speaker 1: thing boys do, And then they let these women drummers
Speaker 1: drum with flee or like the um what's his name
Speaker 1: not Flee, the red Hot Chili Peppers drummer, And it
Speaker 1: was just like, so like a make a wish for
Speaker 1: these women or something as opposed to like, can't they
Speaker 1: just be good on their own and not have this
Speaker 1: like story where we follow these women. The rest of
Speaker 1: it was about like male drummers and how fucking awesome
Speaker 1: they are, and here's the history and here's footage from
Speaker 1: the sixties, and then it's like these two modern day
Speaker 1: women like and I guess it's important to show women
Speaker 1: that you can be drummers too, But there's something about
Speaker 1: like the plight of the woman drummer. I was just like,
Speaker 1: I'm just treat them normally. Just put him in the
Speaker 1: documentary without it being the side piece. That's like can
Speaker 1: she drum with the drummer from Red Hot Chili Peppers. Anyway,
Speaker 1: Andrew was like rushing to get his coffee and his
Speaker 1: and I was just like, just go ahead, just go
Speaker 1: and and then he he got my coffee for me
Speaker 1: that I ordered for myself, and you know, handed it
Speaker 1: to me in a way like he went inside, well,
Speaker 1: what we do is peeing to go get his stuff.
Speaker 1: And then he came out with my drink too, because
Speaker 1: it was already on the thing ready to go, and
Speaker 1: handed it to me in a way that he like
Speaker 1: bought it for me, which was, I gotta be honest,
Speaker 1: a little annoying. It's like you just grabbed it and
Speaker 1: he's like, here you go. There was a little bit
Speaker 1: of like I got this for you. It was like
Speaker 1: you walked fifteen feet with it, but you didn't get it.
Speaker 1: But maybe maybe I'm reading into that. I'm in a
Speaker 1: little bit of a mood today. The apartment is messy.
Speaker 1: There's nothing to do about it. I have to accept
Speaker 1: or reject. And at this point, rejecting is what living
Speaker 1: in filth. I don't know what that or accepting is
Speaker 1: living in filth rejecting is something else. Leaving the apartment,
Speaker 1: getting a hotel room for the day that would be
Speaker 1: a reject for me, or getting hit because I don't
Speaker 1: want to spend money on a I already spend money
Speaker 1: for a maid. You know when once you have to accept,
Speaker 1: But this is just what or I have to and
Speaker 1: then I end up cleaning. It's just it's hard to
Speaker 1: And I know that people relate to this withever situation
Speaker 1: you've lived in before, but like it's just and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I got groceries last night and I asked him on
Speaker 1: the way there because I knew he didn't have food
Speaker 1: because I opened the refrigerator and I can see what
Speaker 1: is going on, and I just knew he didn't have food,
Speaker 1: and like he, I go, do you want anything? I
Speaker 1: had finished my run and I always just go to
Speaker 1: Wolf Foods, and um he was like, oh, you know stevia,
Speaker 1: but that might be too much to carry. And I'm like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I always get stevia for us, that's a given. But
Speaker 1: anything else and that I could, you know, carry back
Speaker 1: because I I walked two blocks back and he's like
Speaker 1: some frozen pizzas and you know, I've been I'd buy
Speaker 1: him groceries all the time, um, and there's no talk
Speaker 1: of like am I gonna get paid back? Or am
Speaker 1: I doing this as a like a lot of times
Speaker 1: I do buy him stuff like and I'm just don't
Speaker 1: worry about it, like it's on me, like it doesn't
Speaker 1: bother me, especially when we're on the road, like he's
Speaker 1: working for me. There was no talk of it. And
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do now because if I
Speaker 1: venmo him for the forty five dollars for the pizzas
Speaker 1: and the mango slices, I know he's going to take
Speaker 1: that as like a a passive aggressive like like venmo
Speaker 1: invoices are sometimes passive aggressive. It's like all of a sudden,
Speaker 1: you're just like, there's this money you owe me. And
Speaker 1: I don't know if he thought it was a gift.
Speaker 1: What do I do? Do I ask? Do I tell
Speaker 1: him like, hey, by the way, last night, UM, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna invoice you for I give him the heads up
Speaker 1: about the invoice, and I bet you anything, this will
Speaker 1: be yours response, okay, okay, Like it's gonna be like
Speaker 1: annoyed and I can't and then I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: doing something wrong. When I didn't do anything wrong. And
Speaker 1: then I'm thinking about like the delivery, when I've had
Speaker 1: groceries delivered. You, I pay like twenty five dollars to
Speaker 1: have groceries delivered, and I'm lugging these two blocks. And listen,
Speaker 1: he didn't ask me to get this stuff. I volunteered it.
Speaker 1: So that's the bottom line. But I don't want my
Speaker 1: friend to go hungry. What do I do? I think
Speaker 1: this kind of goes with Andrew not going in to
Speaker 1: get Starbucks and UM instead waiting for you, as opposed
Speaker 1: to UM taking care of his needs. Right, there's like
Speaker 1: a link there, because if everyone was just responsible for
Speaker 1: their own uh like happiness, you know, or just taking
Speaker 1: care of their own needs, you might not feel the
Speaker 1: urge to make sure that he's fed, you know, right.
Speaker 1: If he was just responsible for making sure that his
Speaker 1: stomach is full, it wasn't It's not on you. You
Speaker 1: might avoid. But you know, when boys get hungry, they
Speaker 1: get like it's like I have to deal with the
Speaker 1: emotional baggage that comes with an anxious, hungry person who
Speaker 1: then has waited too long. I mean, why don't men
Speaker 1: understand they're gonna be hungry later? Like, I don't know
Speaker 1: a single man who prepares and advanced and sorry in
Speaker 1: advance for being hungry. They just are not hungry now,
Speaker 1: so they don't think, down, you want to get some
Speaker 1: snacks for the road trip. No, I'm not hungry. Okay,
Speaker 1: well the road trip is going to be. It's just
Speaker 1: that kind of thinking. I just don't think I'm meant
Speaker 1: to be a partner with a man. I just can't.
Speaker 1: That's why Snickers were invented, and that's why Snickers guys
Speaker 1: love like but that's true though, Like anyone becomes cranky
Speaker 1: when they don't have food, and then I have to
Speaker 1: deal with that around, you know, like the opening cabinets,
Speaker 1: being like, um, what are these? Like a gift that
Speaker 1: are building gave us in January for moving in? And
Speaker 1: I'll be like are these good? And I'm like, this
Speaker 1: poor guy has to eat these weird jelly fruits that
Speaker 1: no one wants because he just because I went to
Speaker 1: Whole Foods and didn't ask him if he wanted anything,
Speaker 1: like I feel then I feel bad about that because
Speaker 1: I went to Whole Foods without asking him if he
Speaker 1: wants something? Can I give you, um, like a suggestion? Sure?
Speaker 1: Because I think this is something. This has happened with
Speaker 1: a friend that I lived with and we were roommates
Speaker 1: and then we ended up not being friends after that
Speaker 1: after we lived together. How did you get there? Because
Speaker 1: I really want to get I'm just kidding. It'll have now,
Speaker 1: I'm just kidding. Um, what if you guys had a
Speaker 1: like a jar in the kitchen that was the mutual
Speaker 1: jar for mutual grocery And let's say you went to
Speaker 1: the grocery store and you noticed that Andrew didn't have
Speaker 1: any food. What if you took funds out of that
Speaker 1: after you checked in with him, if he wanted you
Speaker 1: to pick something up for him, Um, because that jar
Speaker 1: would be empty because no one works with cash anymore.
Speaker 1: And even if we went to the bank to get
Speaker 1: you have to go to the bank to get cash
Speaker 1: or go to a t M. He wouldn't go and
Speaker 1: say I'll then know you later. It just like wouldn't happen.
Speaker 1: And the bottom line is I have to like have
Speaker 1: some boundaries about like why I feel like I have
Speaker 1: to buy everyone everything all the time because I make
Speaker 1: more money, I guess. But the thing is, as soon
Speaker 1: as his dad croaks, he's going to make more money
Speaker 1: than me, and then I'm going to give him a
Speaker 1: huge invoice. I'm just getting sorry, sorry, Papa Colin. It's
Speaker 1: just true. I'm just like struggling today with um, you know.
Speaker 1: And I think this is a very normal thing in
Speaker 1: a relationship of being like keeping tabs of what you've
Speaker 1: done and what they haven't done, or you know, um,
Speaker 1: just seeing how long a toilet paper roll in our
Speaker 1: mutual bathroom that we use will stay on. An empty
Speaker 1: toilet paper roll will stay on the thing. And by
Speaker 1: the way, it's not one of those ones that you've
Speaker 1: gotta pop out and like kind of it takes a
Speaker 1: little bit of finagling. This one is just when you
Speaker 1: like easily slided off. I had a new one on,
Speaker 1: Andrew left on the one that is done and went
Speaker 1: underneath the cabinet, got a new one and then left
Speaker 1: that one on the floor. The waistpin is right underneath
Speaker 1: the dispenser which he had used. He knows where it is,
Speaker 1: and I just go, I'm just gonna see how long
Speaker 1: it takes before and the truth is it will never happen.
Speaker 1: And there's also a tie food container in the fridge
Speaker 1: that has been there and it has an. It is
Speaker 1: a eight inch long, like a huge tub of bad
Speaker 1: Die or um, you know, green curry, and it has
Speaker 1: a half an inch of fluid in it, and it's
Speaker 1: I'm just wondering how long it will stay there, and
Speaker 1: the answer is forever until we move. This isn't a
Speaker 1: fun little experiment. I know. I know the outcome. I
Speaker 1: want to tell you at the top of the show
Speaker 1: when I write are at the top of the next
Speaker 1: moment with Andrew, and I know people go, Nikki, this
Speaker 1: is your problem, and you're right, it is my problem,
Speaker 1: Like I have to be more communicative and like my
Speaker 1: I'm I am doing the thing that I said I
Speaker 1: don't want to do. You accept, you reject, or you tolerate,
Speaker 1: and I am tolerating, and it's a it's neither, and
Speaker 1: it's causes me to not be friends with this person
Speaker 1: in the end. Whereas you can choose to accept or
Speaker 1: reject with love in the in the immediate, but if
Speaker 1: you don't do either of those and you tolerate, it
Speaker 1: ends up you reject with hate eventually, and I don't
Speaker 1: want to do that. So but I do want to
Speaker 1: share a very hilarious moment that happened in our kitchen
Speaker 1: this morning, right before the show started. I hope Andrew's
Speaker 1: done with his poop because he did go balcony at moment.
Speaker 1: We'll cover all of this, and I know you cannot wait. Uh, Andrew,
Speaker 1: Oh look at Luigi on your laugh you're so comfye
Speaker 1: booble um. Hey Andrew, I've slept with this dog many times?
Speaker 1: You have, Yeah, when I used to do for him,
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, he would sleep. I wish he would you
Speaker 1: take him some nights here. He wants to get in
Speaker 1: your room sometimes. Oh my god, that would be amazing
Speaker 1: because I just he's so depressed all the time. I
Speaker 1: was just talking about it. I can't stand it anymore. Well,
Speaker 1: I might get him on doggies aloft. I think he
Speaker 1: doesn't know, and he seems more fun. And I hate
Speaker 1: to say, when he's around Marian, what do we do?
Speaker 1: And when Chris comes over or anyone he knows, he
Speaker 1: instantly starts playing with a bone, like he just wants
Speaker 1: people around him to be like like when you and
Speaker 1: I are together, he should be the same way. But
Speaker 1: like he whenever someone comes over and then we don't
Speaker 1: even need to play with him, he'll start playing with
Speaker 1: toys and like on the side, and like chewing bones
Speaker 1: that I've tried to get him to play with for weeks,
Speaker 1: but he won't do it unless there's someone new there
Speaker 1: that is that he knows. I mean that kind of
Speaker 1: reminds me of like us as humans, like we have
Speaker 1: a third party, we all perk up, like he perks up.
Speaker 1: He's just maybe he's relaxed with us and he doesn't
Speaker 1: need to people that we're talking about you boo boo. Yes,
Speaker 1: he's looking at me like, hey, I did not say
Speaker 1: that you could disclose this information on the podcast about me.
Speaker 1: And he has his limits. I know you're very private
Speaker 1: talk he is private. Oh yeah. He doesn't want out there.
Speaker 1: Oh my god. He would not be someone who would
Speaker 1: be okay with being in my life if I had
Speaker 1: a podcast, you know, like this is against his will
Speaker 1: for sure. He doesn't want to be on camera. I'm
Speaker 1: dealing with that a lot in my family right now. Um, Andrew,
Speaker 1: I wanted to share right off the top the moment
Speaker 1: we had in the kitchen just now that I mean,
Speaker 1: I wish someone could have caught it on camera. I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: but you're already ruining the punchline. Oh damn drip. Okay,
Speaker 1: So so noah, We're in the kitchen and we're like,
Speaker 1: Andrew's watching golf video. Is that I'm uh making breakfast
Speaker 1: and um, and I was like getting ready to sit
Speaker 1: down and talk with him and something. He just goes,
Speaker 1: oh and oh and by the way, when my oatmeal
Speaker 1: was cooking, which takes three minutes, I went to the bathroom,
Speaker 1: our guest bathroom, and I balcony, which you've told me
Speaker 1: I can never sit in there. Oh well you can, well,
Speaker 1: because your should stake minutes. I shipped faster than I
Speaker 1: p I didn't know that. Well, that's a that's a
Speaker 1: that's an exaggeration, that's a that's a problem. Then I
Speaker 1: try to ship as quick as I pee because any
Speaker 1: time in im a restaurant, I don't want people any ship.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, I count it off. That's what girls
Speaker 1: have done too. I think that's why girls all shipped fastest,
Speaker 1: because we just fear men knowing that we're maybe you
Speaker 1: bring your girlfriend in there, because then you go, oh no,
Speaker 1: we got into a serious conversation and oh yeah, off
Speaker 1: each other or someone to hold your hair back. Why
Speaker 1: you puke up your dinner because we all do that
Speaker 1: virus and no you go, you can, you can should,
Speaker 1: and I know you should in there because I've seen
Speaker 1: the toilet paper be half changed out and you're not
Speaker 1: peeing with toilet paper, So okay, Well, honestly, after what
Speaker 1: happened this weekend with you, you should. That was bad.
Speaker 1: I mean, we get into that real quick. But Brenna,
Speaker 1: we tried to get a little sexy time in the
Speaker 1: middle of the night. I went and took a piss
Speaker 1: at two am. I woke her up. She was turned on,
Speaker 1: and I guess I didn't shake my cock and I
Speaker 1: had a lot of pee in my peonies and she
Speaker 1: felt it and it was turned off immediately and I
Speaker 1: went back to bed. No way, she didn't want to
Speaker 1: do it after that. She didn't love having a handful
Speaker 1: of piss. This was on your more than a drop.
Speaker 1: But did you just like not shake it? Well, like,
Speaker 1: it's the middle of the night, so you probably kept
Speaker 1: peeing like on the way back a little sure or
Speaker 1: maybe going there. Maybe I just stayed in bed and pissed.
Speaker 1: I don't remember exact was your pants did she feel
Speaker 1: your pants or she felt your like penis was like
Speaker 1: she had wet on her hands. Like literally, she felt
Speaker 1: my underwear and I was wearing tidy blackies and she
Speaker 1: felt the pants and yeah, it was just it was
Speaker 1: it was wet. It wasn't it wasn't like damp. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't use damp. It was wet. And so I took
Speaker 1: him off and I was like, now she's like, I
Speaker 1: have pissed on my hands. This ISOK. A bit of yeah.
Speaker 1: I mean, she probably would have if I like forced her,
Speaker 1: but she was into it, and then it was just like, yeah,
Speaker 1: oh that's so fun. What if it turned her on more.
Speaker 1: She's like finally figured it out. I mean, people are
Speaker 1: into that. That's becoming a very common thing, I think.
Speaker 1: So we're in the kitchen, though, yes, we're in the
Speaker 1: kitchen this morning, and you went off to go balcony. Um,
Speaker 1: you go, oh got a balcony and I go, I'll
Speaker 1: see in forty five minutes, and uh, I go, oh,
Speaker 1: I just balcony actually, and you were like what I
Speaker 1: was like it literally, I it was one of those
Speaker 1: ones that made my eyes crossed because it felt so good,
Speaker 1: like it was so rewarding. And I even went when
Speaker 1: I first got up this morning and it was like
Speaker 1: not rewarding, and it was fine. Did you show me
Speaker 1: the real quick? Like it's orgas neck. That's why anal
Speaker 1: feels good. Can you cross your eyes? Oh wow, you're
Speaker 1: really good at it. Thanks. Um, I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: doing it. Yeah, that's what you look like to me,
Speaker 1: Like when you talk, I think you look like that
Speaker 1: in my if I closed my eyes and like, imagine
Speaker 1: if I was a blind person and imagine what you
Speaker 1: look like. I think you would look like. We do
Speaker 1: it again. I'm glad I could do it. People look
Speaker 1: when they have cross eyes, oh my god, or one
Speaker 1: lazy eyes just bad unless you want to be popular
Speaker 1: like me in sixth grade and you emulate someone's Nancy Roberts.
Speaker 1: Wait so what you probably wait what? Um? Okay, So yeah,
Speaker 1: we're talking about shting you. So you ship one? You
Speaker 1: said you had a. I had one this morning and
Speaker 1: then then I went again and it was like everything
Speaker 1: at like my body is like a temple right now
Speaker 1: because there's nothing in it, like one of those that's
Speaker 1: just like oh ayahuasca ship where it's like you get
Speaker 1: out all the demons. It's just like it was amazing.
Speaker 1: Are you more of a log person? Or more of
Speaker 1: a multiple poopies. Um, this second one was the first
Speaker 1: thing you said, and the first one this morning was
Speaker 1: the second one you said. So you had the empty
Speaker 1: out to get the log the big dead. Yeah. Like
Speaker 1: sometimes I like like like let's not talk too much
Speaker 1: about poop, but like all of mine have been very consistent,
Speaker 1: and like like I am a really I'm really good
Speaker 1: at that. They're just like I rarely have like, well,
Speaker 1: you don't enter cheese in your diet, you don't enter
Speaker 1: breat like you're you are a smooth machine. You have
Speaker 1: a lot of fiber in your diet. Hurt pretty clean. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And um, although I did get a lot to the
Speaker 1: other day at Starbucks in the well. It was so
Speaker 1: bizarre because as I got a latte and it just
Speaker 1: tasted a little different. But sometimes they use you know,
Speaker 1: instead of sugar free, they'll use regular sugar or and
Speaker 1: like sometimes they use decaf instead of like there's things
Speaker 1: that can go wrong. And and I smelled it and
Speaker 1: I looked at it and I was like, this looks
Speaker 1: like almond milk. It has this like it's not the
Speaker 1: almond milk, but it was. It was they used regular milk,
Speaker 1: and I drank half of it before my stomach started
Speaker 1: hurting so bad. Dude, it was so weird and I
Speaker 1: was getting like gas in a weird area. I was like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, milk is dairy is so disgusting when
Speaker 1: you really purge your body of it. And I'm not
Speaker 1: trying to be like I'm better than you, but like
Speaker 1: being vegan got me to get dairy out of my system,
Speaker 1: which I've always heard was better for your skin anyway,
Speaker 1: and you know, my skin definitely got better after I
Speaker 1: cut out cheese and dairy. But um, but man, it
Speaker 1: was like it was nice to see that that it
Speaker 1: was the cause of it, because I was like, what's
Speaker 1: going on with me? This is weird. Um, So anyway,
Speaker 1: you I go, and I go, it's I go. You're
Speaker 1: gonna be gone a while, I go. I seriously, I
Speaker 1: literally went to It took me thirty seconds because I
Speaker 1: came back in my still have two minutes on it,
Speaker 1: and I said it for three, and so I came
Speaker 1: back the new amazing ratio. You just trying to beat
Speaker 1: the microwave before you make more things to make you
Speaker 1: put more poop in your body. It's weird. You eat
Speaker 1: a lot of liquids and then comes out solid. And
Speaker 1: I know I always think about if you eat all marshmallows,
Speaker 1: it'll still be poop, They'll still be brown. Like if
Speaker 1: you eat that are one color, it's always gonna because
Speaker 1: it's an acid. But if you eat beats, red, yeah,
Speaker 1: that's one that's just that's just blood baby. Um yeah,
Speaker 1: if you eat beats and shards of glass, it's weird.
Speaker 1: It comes out red. Um. So I asked you, though
Speaker 1: I didn't ask you, I just go, I go. Um
Speaker 1: that literally, I go. It took me like thirty seconds.
Speaker 1: Like every time I poop, it's like it just comes
Speaker 1: out so easily. I'm so grateful for it. I was
Speaker 1: kind of bragging because you go in and you need
Speaker 1: like a you need a toll story to read. You
Speaker 1: you like story. Oh yeah, you're reading toy story. You
Speaker 1: can like do uh you you spend a lot of
Speaker 1: time on there, and like you're like sometimes guys like
Speaker 1: set up shop, you know they have like it's just
Speaker 1: it's a place where you get silence. It's like going
Speaker 1: out into the middle of the river. You live alone
Speaker 1: and you have your own bedroom. You can get silence
Speaker 1: anytime you want. You actually you have five kids or something,
Speaker 1: and all I grew up with three brothers in a mile,
Speaker 1: so it's just a place that it's like going out
Speaker 1: on a lake on a on a little canoe and
Speaker 1: you're fishing and you and there's no rush. You don't
Speaker 1: want to rush, you know what I mean? Oh see,
Speaker 1: I don't like And then like the smell is lingering
Speaker 1: and it's like you're sitting on that's wild. Yeah. Well,
Speaker 1: and I think you've gotten like a lap dance before, right,
Speaker 1: I got laid on on a ship. Were you pooping? No? Okay,
Speaker 1: so you're sitting on the closed toilet. Um So anyway, Andrew,
Speaker 1: I'm bragging about taking Noah, this is hilarious. I go,
Speaker 1: I'm bragging about like, seriously, mine are so fast, and
Speaker 1: he just goes, do you think? And I go no.
Speaker 1: I literally he goes, do you think? And I go no, wait,
Speaker 1: let's do it again. You go do you think? And
Speaker 1: then you go I go no, No, I knew you
Speaker 1: knew what I was going to say. And I go,
Speaker 1: I know exactly what you were going to say. You're
Speaker 1: easier to read than a toy story book. You I
Speaker 1: know what you're gonna say. And he goes, what do
Speaker 1: you think I was gonna say? I think you were
Speaker 1: going to say, do you think because you have been
Speaker 1: a lot of anal it just comes on out? And
Speaker 1: the answer is no, No, it's not that. But I've
Speaker 1: always taken crazy though to think that a poop could
Speaker 1: come out easier if you're loosening up your butt a
Speaker 1: good amount more than a regular or not al. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that that actually is a good point, Like, I um,
Speaker 1: I mean it's not wild to think that those two
Speaker 1: could be connected, that you're training your butthole for a poop. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I I just don't think it's not just like falling
Speaker 1: out of my ass though, And I think that's what
Speaker 1: so many people think about people that do anals, like
Speaker 1: they just constantly have to have were diapers because poop
Speaker 1: is sliding out of their asks because they have so much. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like stretched you out. It's just like it's like
Speaker 1: your your assholes like a rubber band, like and we've
Speaker 1: all taken dumps that are way bigger than dicks. So
Speaker 1: if that came out of your butt, your but would
Speaker 1: then be you know, so so stop this kind of
Speaker 1: narrative of like, oh, she's so loose, and even guys
Speaker 1: say it about pussy. Um, your your pussy can be
Speaker 1: insanely loose and never have sex. Yeah, oh yeah. I
Speaker 1: have friends who have just like really like cavernous vaginas
Speaker 1: that are super tiny people, but they like can't they
Speaker 1: Just my one friend, whenever she does an inversion in
Speaker 1: yoga class, her pussy just like sucks up all the air,
Speaker 1: like yoga mats start getting like sucked into it. It's
Speaker 1: like and then when she comes down from it, every
Speaker 1: single time, she can't help it because she's like, I
Speaker 1: don't know why, it just sucks it up because I can't.
Speaker 1: It's just open already. And she's not like some like
Speaker 1: flavor at horror, you know what I mean. It's so funny, Yeah,
Speaker 1: like a black hole. I love just picture and everyone like, no,
Speaker 1: oh my god. Um. So, we have a couple of
Speaker 1: things to show you that we got submitted from people,
Speaker 1: and I wanted to bring you into the conversation about
Speaker 1: it because it does involve what we're already talking about.
Speaker 1: We got um can we talk about it right now? Well,
Speaker 1: we're doing fanther X later on, but these are like
Speaker 1: special ones, um that we got submitted. Uh, This comes
Speaker 1: from one of our listeners. She said, Nikki, I'm so
Speaker 1: sorry to bother you, but I'm seeing a new guy
Speaker 1: who loves to go down on me. But it I
Speaker 1: cannot suck his dick because for one, I'm bad at it,
Speaker 1: and for two, his dick is a monster. Like. It's
Speaker 1: like trying to suck a ten inch fist. I got
Speaker 1: it one third in my mouth and my eyes watered.
Speaker 1: L M a O. I'm trying to remember the over
Speaker 1: the bed position you talked about that allows you to
Speaker 1: suck dick better, but I cannot picture what that looks like.
Speaker 1: Help or any helper tips, please? What is that position?
Speaker 1: So that is one where you lay on your back
Speaker 1: and you put your head off the bed so that
Speaker 1: your mouth and throat are lined up in a like
Speaker 1: a straight line. Like it's just all like like you
Speaker 1: were sort of swallowing a sword. That's not going to
Speaker 1: help though with a fist, Like even if I did that,
Speaker 1: a fist couldn't still fit in my mouth then down
Speaker 1: my throat because you have some sort of capacity. I
Speaker 1: would ask him what other women have done or what
Speaker 1: what he wants from you. I would also invest in
Speaker 1: a cock sleeve. Which would cover a big part of
Speaker 1: like a girl see one that you can find online,
Speaker 1: a lot of lube and a cock sleeve so that
Speaker 1: you can have something that will give you the tightness
Speaker 1: that isn't just your hands, because if you're bad at it,
Speaker 1: like you're saying you're you're probably insecure about how tight
Speaker 1: to squeeze, what to do, and like a cock sleeve
Speaker 1: with lube will cover the first like four inches of
Speaker 1: it and you can just do that and then use
Speaker 1: your mouth with the other part. I would also watch
Speaker 1: a lot of snake videos. If you ever see a
Speaker 1: snake eat a deer, they could really and then die
Speaker 1: when it pops through your neck. Never see that when
Speaker 1: a snake just like it breaks inside of it because
Speaker 1: it's too big and like punctures through the snake. I
Speaker 1: wonder if this girl is bad at sucking huge cock
Speaker 1: or like all cock, because I mean, I think she's
Speaker 1: probably bad at all, yeah, or she thinks she's bad.
Speaker 1: I mean, what are some tips. I think what else
Speaker 1: he could do is wanting blow him when he saw
Speaker 1: off because he'll get hard. No, I know, I'm just
Speaker 1: making a few end but I don't know. I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think you have a good point, though, I think
Speaker 1: get your hands involved. Try to make your hands kind
Speaker 1: of a mouth as well, and then stay around the
Speaker 1: tip come off of it. Some I always like that,
Speaker 1: let the dick breathe a little bit, switch it up.
Speaker 1: This one has lungs of its own, so let it breathe. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: he has his own blue with yeah. But no, but
Speaker 1: I think like there's something to be said about you know,
Speaker 1: paying ask him what he likes, uh, be have an
Speaker 1: open dialogue, joke about it, be like the thing is
Speaker 1: there's I know, I know it's either said and blown.
Speaker 1: But I think like just just just talk to him,
Speaker 1: be like, look, you've got a monster penis. Let's have fun.
Speaker 1: That's a good thing. Whatever your concerns are, it's because
Speaker 1: he has a huge dick. If no guy is gonna
Speaker 1: have a problem discussing that, or maybe he isn't secure
Speaker 1: about it, because some guys are like, you know, there's
Speaker 1: some dicks. If that is as big as like it
Speaker 1: looks like a fist like that big, that would intimidate
Speaker 1: a lot of women and make women scared. So maybe
Speaker 1: he does have some hang ups about it, and you
Speaker 1: can hang um your laundry on it and to dry.
Speaker 1: I mean she could take out some teeth. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know, there's always that. There's just there's actual apparatus,
Speaker 1: psigh apparati that you can buy. I think that I
Speaker 1: just want to empower women because I'm I'm almost talking
Speaker 1: to myself at a younger age of like how do
Speaker 1: I I would always hear, like just incorporate lube, incorporate
Speaker 1: a cock sleeve, do different, Like it's like these things
Speaker 1: are hard, like to just go hold on, I'm gonna
Speaker 1: go get in my person and like open a package
Speaker 1: that you bought. That's like a weird thing. But I
Speaker 1: don't think guys are going to be that turned off
Speaker 1: if you are, Like I heard this girl talk about this.
Speaker 1: I'm trying it out. I don't know what I'm doing,
Speaker 1: but let's just give it a world and just use
Speaker 1: a fucking ton of lube and just give his penis
Speaker 1: a massage with your uh, with your hands, like just
Speaker 1: go buck well, do what you want to do and
Speaker 1: see how that goes, and just even tell him like
Speaker 1: because then that takes the onus off of you trying
Speaker 1: to do good for him. Just say, can I just
Speaker 1: do what I want to do so then if it's bad,
Speaker 1: it's because you're just having fun and you don't have
Speaker 1: to take you don't have to take so much um
Speaker 1: blame if it's not good, you know, because you're not
Speaker 1: trying to please him, you're doing it for yourself. So
Speaker 1: I think that's a way to and the guy will
Speaker 1: be really turned on by a girl being like, I
Speaker 1: just want to do this, And even if it's not good,
Speaker 1: Guys love when you're so fascinated and like happy doing
Speaker 1: what you're doing that your enthusiasm can be as hot
Speaker 1: as if you were really skillful. So if you phrase
Speaker 1: it like, hey, can I just do what I want
Speaker 1: to do to this thing? And just do whatever you
Speaker 1: want to do. Also, don't worry about like I think
Speaker 1: there's a fear of like if I bring out lube
Speaker 1: or if I bring out a cox leeve, he's gonna
Speaker 1: be like, how many guys have you fun where you
Speaker 1: feel comfortable doing this? You could be very open sexually
Speaker 1: and and and not be a horror or whatever how
Speaker 1: you think you'll be perceived. But what but you But
Speaker 1: you're saying that as someone who in like I don't
Speaker 1: know five years ago would have had those thoughts about
Speaker 1: it bring about So what could she have said that
Speaker 1: would make because you would have just thought that they
Speaker 1: could have lied to me and said I had a
Speaker 1: huge cock to start. Um, No, no, no, but I think,
Speaker 1: like I think I wasn't ready then, I mean, yeah,
Speaker 1: there is something to like. So what if this guy
Speaker 1: isn't ready to hear that, it's going to judge her
Speaker 1: and think she's a slot because she has lube and stuff.
Speaker 1: What maybe he's not the right guy then, I don't know.
Speaker 1: And then would you have you didn't deserve to hook
Speaker 1: up with anyone they would have had loub Maybe maybe
Speaker 1: if I was being a fucking ignorant idiot, Yeah, maybe
Speaker 1: I don't deserve good pussy because I'm a fucking dickhead. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and and insecure that it means this girl. Yeah, and
Speaker 1: even if she has sucked a ton of dude, you
Speaker 1: fucked a ton of girl, Stop sucking. And you can
Speaker 1: always say that I have this lube. I don't. I've
Speaker 1: never bought this stuff. This is new for me. I mean,
Speaker 1: if that's that's probably would be sincere. Honestly, you can
Speaker 1: just say this girl that I listened to a lot
Speaker 1: suggested that this has changed her sex life to just
Speaker 1: dump loop, like go through so much lube it's insane.
Speaker 1: And I never used lube before ever. Ever, the other day,
Speaker 1: I was like looking up in a situation where there
Speaker 1: was no lube in sight, and I just didn't even
Speaker 1: want to do it because I'm like, I don't want
Speaker 1: to go back to using spit or like my own wetness,
Speaker 1: Like it doesn't that's good. But it's lube. It doesn't.
Speaker 1: It's it doesn't make me feel insecure anymore. It doesn't
Speaker 1: make me feel like I'm an old dry woman. It's
Speaker 1: like everyone should be using it. It makes it's like,
Speaker 1: um god, it's like a swimming pool when you are
Speaker 1: used to swimming in the lakes and you're like, I
Speaker 1: wouldn't want to go in swimming pool. It's artificial and
Speaker 1: like it's just it makes everything feel safe and and
Speaker 1: I'm not worried about what lurks beneath. It's like, well,
Speaker 1: swimming pools are still they're yeah, they're not a lake
Speaker 1: and natural, but I would say I would argue they're better. Look,
Speaker 1: I think it nailed it on that one. I mean,
Speaker 1: I don't know if I nailed it, but it's pretty
Speaker 1: good one, pretty good now a great natche um. I
Speaker 1: think like, uh yeah, I open dialogue always. Just I
Speaker 1: really think I swear to you even if you're maybe
Speaker 1: you talk about it when you're not fucking like, don't
Speaker 1: make it. It's kind of like when you have Thanksgiving
Speaker 1: dinner with the family and there's so much build up
Speaker 1: because you're actually having these like insanely intense conversations. Wow
Speaker 1: at the most uh you know, insane time. Maybe talk
Speaker 1: about it when you're watching fucking Kenny Powers or whatever
Speaker 1: on TV and be like, I don't know, I was
Speaker 1: listening to Nikki Glazer podcast and I'm really horny right now.
Speaker 1: But before we get you know, go in you say,
Speaker 1: just be like, do you know what I bought earlier today?
Speaker 1: I know this is really weird, but I like I
Speaker 1: was thinking about you. Just say you were thinking about him,
Speaker 1: like yeah, and just say like this is a like
Speaker 1: you can you can do horse things and kind of
Speaker 1: just put them on me, say that I suggested that
Speaker 1: you do them, and it's true, you know, like we
Speaker 1: all have to explore these things. No one just goes
Speaker 1: into using these toys like there's always has to be
Speaker 1: a first step. No, one is just like a just
Speaker 1: right out of the gate. Oh, I've been using this
Speaker 1: all along, Like you have to take that first step
Speaker 1: and I just trust me. I wish I would have
Speaker 1: incorporated loubs so much earlier. Oh yeah, sorry. When going
Speaker 1: into like a sex toy store, like uh or like
Speaker 1: you know whatever, like New York, they're on every corner,
Speaker 1: so it doesn't it really does like normalize it. And
Speaker 1: I know if there's only like one in your town,
Speaker 1: it's kind of weird. You don't you want to put
Speaker 1: on like a mustache and like fake a fake nose
Speaker 1: to go in there. But there is something about going
Speaker 1: together as a couple and it's fun, it's exciting. It's
Speaker 1: like I don't know, it's like a rush to go
Speaker 1: in and pick out things that might feel good. It's
Speaker 1: an adult toy store, like I so go together and
Speaker 1: make it maybe. And this is for all the men
Speaker 1: out there, like if your dick is like if a
Speaker 1: girl is having trouble getting it in her or like
Speaker 1: it is like oh and like isn't first of all
Speaker 1: lube second, well, you guys don't underst san that when
Speaker 1: you give us clitoral like orgasms or like do stuff
Speaker 1: on the outside. It want. It loosens us up to
Speaker 1: accept things. So when people are trying anal out of nowhere,
Speaker 1: start with a finger. Make sure she comes a lot
Speaker 1: from the front first. Like sometimes if I'm having trouble
Speaker 1: like accepting that thing in my body or in some way,
Speaker 1: I'm like, I haven't come enough, Like I need to
Speaker 1: be relaxed, and like let my body relax. Like starting
Speaker 1: off with penetration with no other like four plate is
Speaker 1: so important, and it's not just like a little light
Speaker 1: fingering outside the jeans, and like just because she's wet
Speaker 1: doesn't mean she's ready for like her, like your body
Speaker 1: like opens up in a way and relaxes, and the muscles,
Speaker 1: all the tense muscles relax that are causing you pain
Speaker 1: when you've come a couple of times from other stuff.
Speaker 1: And just wait for she says, for until she says
Speaker 1: to put it in. How about that. Let's just wait
Speaker 1: until she's like, please put your dick in me. Then
Speaker 1: you have consent and you know she's ready. Boom, Let's
Speaker 1: get to the news. It's scary at and it's so upsetting.
Speaker 1: I can't even tell you. The face he's making at
Speaker 1: me is such a bummer. It's judgmental. No, it's it's
Speaker 1: he's he definitely is not feeling me today. It's such
Speaker 1: a weird Look. Okay, what's the news today, Andrew oh Man.
Speaker 1: First of all, I hope you're having all the swells
Speaker 1: out there. It's the weekend almost, you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: And uh, you know, I hope you have a good
Speaker 1: time out there. Go out on the lake, take a
Speaker 1: long ship, have anal sex. If he has a monster cock,
Speaker 1: maybe just bangs the back of your shoulder blades and
Speaker 1: you put them together. Oh yeah, something hot. Okay, that's
Speaker 1: a new one. We're gonna be in Charlotte. By the way,
Speaker 1: we have a second in Charlotte. Well, Orlando is selling well,
Speaker 1: Charlotte selling well. We got a second show in Charlotte.
Speaker 1: We need Charlotte to step up because that second second
Speaker 1: show is going to be very intimate otherwise, but that
Speaker 1: could be fun too. So if you're in the Charlotte area,
Speaker 1: you want to take a road trip in Charlotte. On
Speaker 1: my website, you can get tickets. That's gonna be a
Speaker 1: spe soul show because it's the first one sold really
Speaker 1: well and the second ones like more of like a
Speaker 1: black box theater amount of people, which I'm happy to do.
Speaker 1: My agents called me and said, do you want to
Speaker 1: cancel it? Because we don't want you to feel sad?
Speaker 1: And I was like, no, I don't care. I've I've
Speaker 1: performed for just four rooms so much in my goddamn life.
Speaker 1: And they go. My my manager goes, this is really
Speaker 1: a breath of fresh air because we have so many
Speaker 1: like I want to say, men, but it is men
Speaker 1: who are so insecure that they can't handle performing for
Speaker 1: a crowd that's half sold. I don't care if I
Speaker 1: don't take it personally. Even if it is personal, I don't.
Speaker 1: So it's for you to get ready for your thing.
Speaker 1: And they go, do you want to cancel? And go no,
Speaker 1: I need I need to do. I need to do sets.
Speaker 1: And I think sets on the weekend where we're gonna
Speaker 1: have a blast. It's gonna be fine. And I guarantee
Speaker 1: you no no offents to the first show. We'll give
Speaker 1: it our all in the second show. I'm just letting
Speaker 1: everyone really want people to go, don't discourage. I thought
Speaker 1: it was okay, what's the first thing? Okay? A New
Speaker 1: York City Gale felt bad canceling the first date during
Speaker 1: Hurricane Ida because the guy wanted to go, only to
Speaker 1: have an awkward date because the guy was not talkative.
Speaker 1: So this girl in New York City, Hurricane Ida's hitting,
Speaker 1: there's flooding. Stop doing things because you feel bad. Stop
Speaker 1: doing things because you feel bad. Stop doing things just
Speaker 1: because you feel bad. I got you gotta stop. Guys,
Speaker 1: you gotta stop. And I know it's hard, that thing
Speaker 1: of like, but I'll feel bad, but they might feel
Speaker 1: this way. It's like if you are not, if you're
Speaker 1: not maliciously, if you're not, if you're canceling something because
Speaker 1: you don't feel like it, you're nervous, you got social anxiety.
Speaker 1: There's a fucking weather event that might you know, take that.
Speaker 1: You know the subway stations flooding, you might die on
Speaker 1: the way to it. There's stop this and especially don't
Speaker 1: start off. That's not this foot you want to start
Speaker 1: off on a date? Is doing something because you feel
Speaker 1: about it. Now, let me say, keep your word. Your
Speaker 1: words should be bond gold bond. Your words should remember
Speaker 1: your keep your word, like when you say you're going
Speaker 1: to do something, but you know, when there's something like Ida,
Speaker 1: or you're really sick, or you just even if you
Speaker 1: just don't want to, you're not going against your word.
Speaker 1: At that point, you're allowed to cancel things. And and
Speaker 1: I promise you when you were doing something just to
Speaker 1: be nice or because I feel bad. My mom says
Speaker 1: that all the time, NICKI, I have to do this
Speaker 1: because I already feel bad. Oh that's well, you're let
Speaker 1: me tell you, you're gonna feel bad if you do
Speaker 1: things against your will. You're raping yourself everyone. And I
Speaker 1: know that's a harsh term, but like when you do.
Speaker 1: When I used to have sex with guys in the
Speaker 1: morning after I woke up from a drunken night where
Speaker 1: I had slept with them because I was drunk, and
Speaker 1: in the morning we were both sober, and they wanted
Speaker 1: to have sex again because they were into it and
Speaker 1: had morning and they had been into it even when
Speaker 1: they were drunk or not drunk, and now they wanted
Speaker 1: again in the morning. And I don't like this person
Speaker 1: at all, but I do it because I feel bad
Speaker 1: because if I don't want to, then he'll know I
Speaker 1: don't really like him and he's horny, and I'll feel bad,
Speaker 1: so i'd have sex with him. I was raping myself
Speaker 1: with his body. It was me betraying me. And I
Speaker 1: tell you that kind of stuff, and that's an egregious example.
Speaker 1: But when you do things that you don't want to
Speaker 1: do for other people, you're putting people other people first,
Speaker 1: they don't win in the end because you're lying to them.
Speaker 1: So you're being dishonest, and you betray yourself in a
Speaker 1: way that it feels the same as like someone you
Speaker 1: love betraying. You're supposed to love yourself, So stop going
Speaker 1: against your natural instincts. This morning, when you wanted to
Speaker 1: go get your coffee, I'm like, just go get it.
Speaker 1: But you felt bad because you you thought I wanted
Speaker 1: it to be like you're walking fast. You're walking, Oh,
Speaker 1: you're hurrying up onto the airplane. But that's so then
Speaker 1: you tell him man that so then he slows down
Speaker 1: for you, and then you say you can speed up.
Speaker 1: I'm all over the place, don't you see what I'm saying. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it annoys me when you speed onto the plane when
Speaker 1: there's it's not going anywhere and we're all having a conversation.
Speaker 1: Was having anxiety. I wasn't feeling good. Okay, Well that's
Speaker 1: what you can say you can say I'm having anxiety,
Speaker 1: I don't feel good. I just want to go on,
Speaker 1: and then it's like, okay, it's done. I know I
Speaker 1: probably said that, and this morning you can go, I'm
Speaker 1: really hungry. I just want to get it. Is it
Speaker 1: okay if I go ahead? Yeah? Like, I know you're
Speaker 1: scared of my response on that, but I it doesn't
Speaker 1: feel good to meet when you sacrifice what you want
Speaker 1: to do for me because you're scared of me, and
Speaker 1: I don't know how to give you license. I just
Speaker 1: always want to say, like I always go, you can go.
Speaker 1: It's like, because when I got on the plane, you
Speaker 1: were not chill about it. I was just I was
Speaker 1: just like, why you said it? You said it more
Speaker 1: than once though. You got back on the plane and
Speaker 1: you're like you had just like like just you don't
Speaker 1: see it, but you were like someone had to hurry
Speaker 1: to be on the plane. Oh, you had to hurry.
Speaker 1: But I just wanted an answer for it. I go,
Speaker 1: you know, I kept saying, why, what's the rush? And
Speaker 1: if you would have said I just want to sit
Speaker 1: down and be on my phone, that would answer it
Speaker 1: for me. But instead it was like do you think
Speaker 1: they're gonna leave without you. You're they're not think that.
Speaker 1: I didn't think that. First of all, I said, I
Speaker 1: got playing, Okay, So anyways, back to this story. Yeah,
Speaker 1: she was going rock climbing right that, So she told herself, well,
Speaker 1: I like rock climbing. She's a trainer, so at least
Speaker 1: it's like partly for her. She got there to guide
Speaker 1: in and pay for her. She was waiting for him
Speaker 1: to pay. Anyways, these people, I cannot believe these people exist,
Speaker 1: Just like these men that and who keeps pushing for
Speaker 1: the girl to come during a hurricane, like the guy
Speaker 1: that is horny and thinks he's going to get a
Speaker 1: guy that has not come in a while. It's like oh,
Speaker 1: and uh, and and the and and the guy that's
Speaker 1: really capable of making someone feel bad. And that girl
Speaker 1: probably has parents that used to make her feel bad
Speaker 1: about her feelings, so she thinks her feelings don't matter.
Speaker 1: And that's what I mean. I relate to it, like
Speaker 1: my parents didn't make me feel bad about my feelings,
Speaker 1: but they didn't honor them. So I always questioned, like,
Speaker 1: if I feel something, it's probably wrong and the other
Speaker 1: person's feelings are more valid than mine, and I should
Speaker 1: just change my feelings to them. Yeah you should, because
Speaker 1: I just told you to feel that way, and that's
Speaker 1: an okay feeling. Next story, Yeah, we both are like that,
Speaker 1: and I get into that's like the I get into
Speaker 1: we both I can take advantage of that with you,
Speaker 1: uh my, like it's a bad thing about me. And
Speaker 1: I just think, like if I if at that point,
Speaker 1: maybe I should sometimes just shut the funk up or
Speaker 1: just be honest and say, I just want to be
Speaker 1: on the plane. I did say that, though, No you didn't.
Speaker 1: You were just like, I don't know. I just I
Speaker 1: don't know. Yeah, that's me going, I just want to
Speaker 1: be on the plane. To my in my head, next time,
Speaker 1: I'll cross my eyes and go I just wanted to
Speaker 1: shit out, all right, Olivia, And this baby helps save
Speaker 1: me from myself. I couldn't watch him on something. I
Speaker 1: didn't watch it. Did you watch what? I heard a
Speaker 1: lot of people talking about it. What what? What do
Speaker 1: we Why couldn't you watch it? That's a great question. Um,
Speaker 1: I don't know. You don't want to be on the plane.
Speaker 1: That's want to be on my phone and night. Um,
Speaker 1: let me really dig into that. Let me really dig
Speaker 1: into that I am jealous. Okay, so you're jealous of
Speaker 1: his fame or no, no, no, no, no, I am
Speaker 1: um there's a jealousy factor of this person. Um yeah, John,
Speaker 1: Like men get to get away with so much more
Speaker 1: than women. And not that I'm saying he should be
Speaker 1: canceled for what he's done or or whatever happened. Like
Speaker 1: clearly he was struggling with something and he's someone I know,
Speaker 1: so I don't want I don't want anyone to ever
Speaker 1: be canceled. But when I see men getting treated in
Speaker 1: a way that women in the same position, I think
Speaker 1: would not be treated for these actions, and the way
Speaker 1: that Olivia Mann is kind of being more demonized in
Speaker 1: this situation than he might be, Not that I think
Speaker 1: either of them should be. Because you can't help who
Speaker 1: you fall in love with. You can't help what you're
Speaker 1: addicted to. You can't help when a baby is conceived
Speaker 1: and when it's not, or when you fall out of
Speaker 1: love with your I don't blame anyone for any of
Speaker 1: that stuff. I just hate how much, you know, celebrity culture,
Speaker 1: people that are obsessed with celebrities. This goes back to
Speaker 1: the machine gun cal relationships I learned is when like
Speaker 1: you feel a connection with a celebrity, like they're your friends.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, I mean Olivia Munn And I'm just going
Speaker 1: off of I have a lot of anxiety or a
Speaker 1: lot of aggression about this stuff, pent up from reading
Speaker 1: the Subredditt du Moi, which is just like these nasty,
Speaker 1: mean celeb uh obsessors that have a lot of opinions
Speaker 1: and just you know, have have dragged her through the
Speaker 1: mud countless times where I kept I have to just
Speaker 1: get through the mud. I just have to get off
Speaker 1: the I have to exit the thing, because I just
Speaker 1: go There's nothing I could say that would get through
Speaker 1: to these people to ever sympathize with this woman or
Speaker 1: to actually like they'll they'll just cite things she's done
Speaker 1: in the past that I think are super cool and
Speaker 1: like feminist and like outspoken and herself and because she's
Speaker 1: they're a little bit like slutty or something. You know.
Speaker 1: There was these leaked things that she had written cris Pine,
Speaker 1: like this like photo book where she like had arrows
Speaker 1: pointing to her asking like your dick goes here, Like
Speaker 1: I thought it was so hot and like so funny,
Speaker 1: and these girls are just like you could tell she
Speaker 1: was like a bad person. Even then that disgusted me.
Speaker 1: I was turned off of meat. It's just like for you,
Speaker 1: it was a leak by the way, so she didn't
Speaker 1: put this out and even she did, fuck you. And
Speaker 1: then John mulaney is seen as like the boy Wonder
Speaker 1: that they couldn't do any wrong to Georgetown. He's clean cut,
Speaker 1: even though he's told you in his comedy he's not
Speaker 1: that nice of a like he has anger issues, like
Speaker 1: you've seen it in his stand up. But because he
Speaker 1: wears a tie and parked his hair and talented, talented,
Speaker 1: and his comedy is mostly clean and accept accessible to
Speaker 1: the masses, people just don't want to put it on
Speaker 1: in it. But people were very upset with him because
Speaker 1: he went out of character. It goes back to the
Speaker 1: Trump thing of like, as long as you're an asshole
Speaker 1: across the board, that's who you are. You're an ass
Speaker 1: don't shock me, but you know what I mean, Like Millennia,
Speaker 1: it's like, don't trick me. Like people get mad at that.
Speaker 1: They're like, you, you had me as a good person
Speaker 1: and no, you do this one better. People really feeling
Speaker 1: that way about him. Apparently, yeah, apparently that's why he
Speaker 1: went on seth Meyer's essentially because it was Yeah, it
Speaker 1: felt a little pr That's what I heard. It was
Speaker 1: like it was almost like his statement. It felt like
Speaker 1: it was funny. Did he pepper it with jokes? Yes,
Speaker 1: a lot of jokes. Yeah, I would assume so, And
Speaker 1: it was I thought it was. I was I was
Speaker 1: conflicted because it was pr e and it was very hones.
Speaker 1: There's nothing wrong with pr by the way, like he
Speaker 1: was trying to make money. You're trying to sell tickets.
Speaker 1: You're trying to explain to the public in a way
Speaker 1: that will make them like you. Again, like I can't
Speaker 1: blame anyone, so no laughter. So like the jokes, like,
Speaker 1: I gotta watch it the truth. I think you'll like
Speaker 1: it because it was very it was I love John
Speaker 1: I and I love this side of him that's coming
Speaker 1: out that's like, oh, okay, well, this is this is
Speaker 1: what I've always I don't know John in a way
Speaker 1: that I knew any of this, by the way, like
Speaker 1: I thought, as well as the public, like we're not
Speaker 1: even like he wouldn't call me a friend, like we're
Speaker 1: queen's as we're both comedians and get into each other
Speaker 1: and have worked together a lot. And Um, but I
Speaker 1: didn't know this this side of him, but I knew
Speaker 1: it from his stand up because like you said, like
Speaker 1: I saw when he told the story of going to
Speaker 1: his doctor to get out here all that, everyone my
Speaker 1: cockles got raised, like this isn't a person who's dabbling
Speaker 1: in Like I knew. He used to drink as a
Speaker 1: kid and he quit and he was like a severe
Speaker 1: drunk when he was a kid, and he was one
Speaker 1: of the reasons I had stopped drinking was because I
Speaker 1: want to be as successful as John mulaney. And if
Speaker 1: he quit drinking as soon as he knew what he
Speaker 1: wanted to be, I need to do that now. And
Speaker 1: so when he said he would in that joke where
Speaker 1: he said he went to the doctor to try to
Speaker 1: get out of all and then he ended up getting
Speaker 1: like a colonoscar, like he had a finger up his
Speaker 1: butt because he lied or whatever it was. Um that
Speaker 1: I go, like I can predict divorces a lot of
Speaker 1: times with men when they start talking their wives, I go,
Speaker 1: this guy is teetering on something. And the conversation was
Speaker 1: like it was about the intervention and how even even
Speaker 1: while the interventions going on, he still had to be
Speaker 1: the smartest guy in the room, so like they're like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I already know what you're gonna say. Oh look I
Speaker 1: know I have a problem. I need help. Like he
Speaker 1: got ahead of what everyone's letter was gonna be. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I do that too. Yeah, I know a lot of
Speaker 1: these things you were saying. I think of you actually
Speaker 1: with like but then um oh, I just I would
Speaker 1: be the same way. Yeah, we gotta go to the break.
Speaker 1: I just want to play one thing as we go
Speaker 1: to break. This is Caleb sign In, one of my
Speaker 1: favorite new comics, who did an impression of John Mullaney
Speaker 1: talking about COVID. This this, this brought me joy because
Speaker 1: sometimes I attribute so much like Caleb is a brilliant
Speaker 1: comedian by the way, I asked him to punch up
Speaker 1: my special Bang, and like he's someone I go to.
Speaker 1: He's just such a good joke writer. I think he's
Speaker 1: like the next Millaney, Like his jokes are that kind
Speaker 1: of dense and thoughtful. And he did an impression of
Speaker 1: John Mullaney talking about COVID, and it made me happy
Speaker 1: because it just kind of shows that it's comedy is
Speaker 1: a formula and you can it's there's Mad Lips sometimes
Speaker 1: and John Millaney. I'm not taking anything from him, but
Speaker 1: you can you get into a style and then you
Speaker 1: can just like it's like Mad Lips Millany too. But
Speaker 1: this is a great this is actually if Mullaney in
Speaker 1: this bit, you would go this is a classic lady bit,
Speaker 1: like it's a well written bit. So this is um.
Speaker 1: This is Caleb sign and s y n An follow
Speaker 1: him on Instagram. Noticed people keep asking you how your
Speaker 1: COVID was not the disease the time, like it was
Speaker 1: a long weekend. What is this the first day of school? Oh,
Speaker 1: I had a great COVID. I learned to cook lasagna
Speaker 1: and I saw the Grand Canyon. How is your COVID? John?
Speaker 1: You must not be on Twitter because my life exploded
Speaker 1: like I wanted I want that. I want to see
Speaker 1: John do that, and then I wanted John to go
Speaker 1: into how his life. I mean, they can't wait for
Speaker 1: the next John Molany. Special congratulations to the new couple
Speaker 1: and their baby that is coming. And people speculate the
Speaker 1: baby might be might come sooner than they are pretending
Speaker 1: that it's going. Too. Are giving you credit our for
Speaker 1: for releasing it, and you know what all I Did
Speaker 1: was released Claire Parker's speculations. So shout out to Claire Parker.
Speaker 1: And she has an amazing podcast called Celebrity Memoir book
Speaker 1: Club that you should check out, and you should follow
Speaker 1: her on TikTok because she has all the celebrity gossip.
Speaker 1: Claire Parker and she's been a longtime friend of the
Speaker 1: show who I met through you. I love Claire Parker.
Speaker 1: But we'll be right back with our weekly sports moments.
Speaker 1: All right, let's get into it. What's our weekly sports moment?
Speaker 1: Andrew gears Andrew's weekly sports moment. It sounds like we
Speaker 1: redid it to make even more upset. Uh. Let's see
Speaker 1: here a Clemson football fan inhales tub of mayo, daring Clemson,
Speaker 1: Georgia Duke's Mayo Classic. I mean, this guy a whole
Speaker 1: jar of mayonnaise, now coming from someone that neo no no, meo.
Speaker 1: So tell me. Okay, I'm looking at images of this.
Speaker 1: I cannot what is this? Is this yearly thing they do?
Speaker 1: So people have been known to eat mayonnaise in the
Speaker 1: stands before this was a Duke Mannise Classic, so sponsored
Speaker 1: by Duke Mannise. Okay, but it's not like the Freedo's
Speaker 1: Bowl where it's like every year it's like the same
Speaker 1: sponsor is a Duke Manni's classic. Have you heard of
Speaker 1: that before? I have not. That used to be a
Speaker 1: sandwich used to make and it was just mayonnaise on
Speaker 1: white bread, right, yeah, Duke. When I got in there,
Speaker 1: early acceptance stuck um um okay, A lot of people
Speaker 1: I love mayonnaise, right, I couldn't do this. I couldn't
Speaker 1: eat manonnaise out of a jar. I am, I'm not even.
Speaker 1: I hate when girls act like, oh, I'm so gross out,
Speaker 1: like I'm gonna bar like vomit in my mouth, Like
Speaker 1: I am, my stomach is turning in a way. But
Speaker 1: you do feel that. I feel this one, and I did.
Speaker 1: I would not have expected that I feel that one,
Speaker 1: but this. I thought about it one step farther and
Speaker 1: I go, is there any condiment that can be eaten
Speaker 1: out of a big jar where you would be okay
Speaker 1: with it? No? But mayonnaise, But that's the grossest. But
Speaker 1: everyone goes, oh, you couldn't eat a jar. You can't
Speaker 1: eat a jar of sweet onion sauce that you love
Speaker 1: that subway? Could you eat? No? You so we could
Speaker 1: eat we love condiments. Me and you are big condiment heads. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but I condiments alone. The only thing I will lick
Speaker 1: off my finger alone. And I'm serious with this is
Speaker 1: a one mustard, not even catch up. Catchup needs something
Speaker 1: with it, I know in that while though we love condiments,
Speaker 1: we want to roll around in it. But if it's
Speaker 1: just a condiment, but Manny's I mean that one, I
Speaker 1: I would ab solutely takedown mustard. You know, catch up.
Speaker 1: Anything in a bucket is going to be disgusting. But mayonnaise,
Speaker 1: I think tops that it is interesting because I couldn't
Speaker 1: lick mayonnaise off a knife. Like if I made a
Speaker 1: chicken souad sandwich, I got a lot of mayo on
Speaker 1: the knife, I wouldn't. I wouldn't probably cut your mouth.
Speaker 1: Maybe it depends if I opened it up. It looks
Speaker 1: like Luigi is going down on you as he's licking
Speaker 1: his paw that is where your penis is. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's just it's quite a site for sore eyes. Would you?
Speaker 1: Would you what condiment is your like least favorite? And
Speaker 1: would you? I mean you want sour cream? A bowl
Speaker 1: of sour cream? Thinking it was yeah, but I didn't
Speaker 1: know the sour cream. Right, So if you put a
Speaker 1: sour cream in a jar that said sour cream, not
Speaker 1: a huge fan, you put it in a bowl, don't
Speaker 1: tell me. Okay, I would love it. That's different. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: correct me. I once put mayonnaise on a plum and
Speaker 1: had my sister wait wait what Well we used to
Speaker 1: do this thing where we would make we blindfold each
Speaker 1: other and make like cont auctions and then make each
Speaker 1: other eat it. And by we, I mean I would
Speaker 1: make her because I was an older sister, and so
Speaker 1: I always went first. And I put mayonnaise on a
Speaker 1: plum and had her fight into it. This was the
Speaker 1: first Notebook or Shallow may movie. Honestly, I would rather
Speaker 1: eat a plum with with Timothy Shallowmai's jizz. That was
Speaker 1: such a hot scene. I just think anyone I would rather.
Speaker 1: I would rather chug come that of a man I
Speaker 1: loved than than mayonnaise. I really would um. But I
Speaker 1: remember I was so angry because she cried and and
Speaker 1: we had like a rule of like no mayonnaise, like
Speaker 1: mayonnaise is too gross, Like we didn't have a rule,
Speaker 1: but she knew how much I feared mayonnaise. She wasn't
Speaker 1: as mannaise verse as I was as a kid, but
Speaker 1: she hated it and she told my mom and I
Speaker 1: remember she was crying, and my mom goes, you have
Speaker 1: to eat mayonnaise on a plum two now you have to.
Speaker 1: And I ran away from home. I remember I go um.
Speaker 1: I remember running out the front door and going, I
Speaker 1: don't know where I'm going to sleep tonight, but I
Speaker 1: will not do that. I will never do that. I
Speaker 1: hate mannise so much. And I ran out and I
Speaker 1: remember thinking like, this is it, Like I have to
Speaker 1: run away now because because I knew my mom was serious,
Speaker 1: like eye for an eye, you know, uh, mannaise plump
Speaker 1: for a mayonnaise plum, And I was how wrong? How
Speaker 1: long were you gone for before you came back? And
Speaker 1: you have to eat them? No? I didn't have to
Speaker 1: because my mom. My parents were terrible about punishing us.
Speaker 1: I don't know about in your family, but I mean
Speaker 1: their threats were taken seriously at first by us, like
Speaker 1: we'd be like, oh my god, there parents. They just
Speaker 1: they couldn't stick it because we we just would cry
Speaker 1: to the point where it was just not going to happen.
Speaker 1: But maybe the cry was the punishment. Yeah, just like
Speaker 1: the thought that they couldn't make me eat, Like I
Speaker 1: just felt like, how could you, Mom, Lauren I go.
Speaker 1: She didn't even bite it. She just licked the mayonnaise
Speaker 1: and then tore off the the blindfold and saw what
Speaker 1: it was and was like so and um, yeah, so
Speaker 1: long were you gone? You think, probably like fifteen minutes?
Speaker 1: And then I just circled the neighborhood. You know, I
Speaker 1: don't know. Every time you run away as a kid,
Speaker 1: you get to about, I don't know, four hundred feet
Speaker 1: from the house, and you can like I used to
Speaker 1: pack up my stuff and get and go so many times,
Speaker 1: but it does eat you. Where you go get kind
Speaker 1: of hungry. And I've been gone twenty seconds now, I know.
Speaker 1: I think that's a really bad sign if your kids
Speaker 1: keep trying to leave mom and like run away. I
Speaker 1: love the idea of your mom using a Mayo plum
Speaker 1: for the rest of your whole child, Like you want
Speaker 1: the Maynnaid's plum. Yeah, I'm like, no, Mom, you can
Speaker 1: tell me I can't go to prom and you can
Speaker 1: take away you know, the screen time. Please don't maybe
Speaker 1: eat the Mayo plum. I mean their parents have done.
Speaker 1: I've heard so many terrible things. Melissa each Signor was
Speaker 1: on Adam Ray's podcast recently. They put up a clip
Speaker 1: of it and he was talking about like, did you
Speaker 1: get like punished as a kid, and she was like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: you know my dad would you know, you go to
Speaker 1: the kitchen and and and pick out a you know
Speaker 1: uh or he'd go it in his closet and we'd
Speaker 1: hear his belts clinking, And I'm just like, oh my god, baby, Melissa,
Speaker 1: this isn't as adorable of a story as you think,
Speaker 1: Like I don't. I really feel so sad for kids
Speaker 1: that were beating, like you know, punished in these cruel ways,
Speaker 1: like you know almost um you know intent, there's intent
Speaker 1: being it, Like when a parent just is like slapped
Speaker 1: you because you're being a little brat. I'm like, I've
Speaker 1: been able to forgive my mom for slapping me once
Speaker 1: because I was a bitch and I deserved it and
Speaker 1: it was just in the moment. But going to your
Speaker 1: closet and grabbing the belt and being looked get over
Speaker 1: her son, Oh god, I mean, it's just I'm so
Speaker 1: sorry to anyone an original to at least you something
Speaker 1: cool like a like a like a step ladder something fun. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I remember someone telling me that the day his dad
Speaker 1: hit him, he was just like it was over, Like
Speaker 1: that just changed everything, Like I just he lost respect
Speaker 1: for us, dad, Like that's the thing. You lose respect
Speaker 1: for your parents because you're like this thing that supposed
Speaker 1: to protect me is now hurt me, and now I'll
Speaker 1: never you can never get that back. So just try
Speaker 1: not to hurt your kids. Okay, let's get to fan Trax.
Speaker 1: It's time for fan Trax. That is our weekly male
Speaker 1: dump where we listen to voice memos and um just
Speaker 1: d m s and different things from podcast listeners. Uh.
Speaker 1: You can always find the link to leave us a
Speaker 1: voice memo Nikki Glazer pod in our in our bio.
Speaker 1: So let's get to it. No, uh, okay, So the
Speaker 1: first one up is Andre a message from Andre andre W.
Speaker 1: Hey guys, this is Andrea in Connecticut. I've been meaning
Speaker 1: to leave a message of gratitude for you guys for
Speaker 1: a while now, and finally get into it. I was
Speaker 1: really bummed when you up ended, but I was so
Speaker 1: excited when m GP podcast started, especially happy that and
Speaker 1: Squirt Squirt, but work kept alive those are my favorite.
Speaker 1: I take with me everywhere I go. I'm a fitness
Speaker 1: instructor and a coach, and I drive to work sometimes
Speaker 1: at three thirty in the morning, and I get legitimately
Speaker 1: giddy when I get up and there's an episode downloading.
Speaker 1: It's the best way to drive in and it's always
Speaker 1: the best way to wake me up on those early days. Um, Noah,
Speaker 1: I think your voice is amazing. I wish you could
Speaker 1: replace Alexa in Syrie in my life. And Andrew, I
Speaker 1: feel like you're the Brian red Band of the Nicky
Speaker 1: Glazer experience. For me. You drove me nuts when you
Speaker 1: first joined and started listening, but now I cannot get
Speaker 1: enough of the Muttley Dog laugh. And Um, when you
Speaker 1: finished the intro to the News with you here here first,
Speaker 1: it always makes me laugh. Well, Nikki, I have to
Speaker 1: admit I've had a crush on you for years. I
Speaker 1: think you're the best. Please keep doing what you're doing
Speaker 1: and what makes you happy. Real best. He's will always
Speaker 1: support you myself especially there's a lot of us out there.
Speaker 1: Thank you, guys for all the swells. Guys are the best. Thanks,
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, thank you, andre Ah. That's so nice. Um, yeah,
Speaker 1: he sounded cute. He did sound cute. Ainer like like, Hi,
Speaker 1: I'm Andrea, I'm six. Where do you say he was?
Speaker 1: We make this work? Yeah? I think I think yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: he's into you for sure. I know that feeling though
Speaker 1: of like waking up in the morning being so excited
Speaker 1: to listen to a thing, Like that's how I feel
Speaker 1: about the Morning Rady Show. I listened to here and
Speaker 1: that we're gonna be on tomorrow. Actually, you guys want
Speaker 1: to download the arch app. Um, it's the Arch one
Speaker 1: oh six five in St. Louis. There's like an app
Speaker 1: and you can listen from wherever and it's called The
Speaker 1: Courtney Show. And we're gonna be on tomorrow at like
Speaker 1: eight am Central Time, which is you know, an hour
Speaker 1: behind East Coast to or is a head of Pacific. Um.
Speaker 1: But uh yeah, I feel that same way, Like that
Speaker 1: makes me so happy that someone also is like giddy
Speaker 1: at three thirty in the morning when they're headed to work.
Speaker 1: It's like, just that's why I wanted to create this show.
Speaker 1: Like I know that feeling like getting up sucks and
Speaker 1: like having something to listen to that you're excited about.
Speaker 1: What do you get excited about in the morning, Like
Speaker 1: I get excited to do this show, but I get
Speaker 1: I get excited about coffee. I get excited about my oatmeal.
Speaker 1: I get excited about Andre. I get excited I'm adding
Speaker 1: him to the list. I get excited about um, you know,
Speaker 1: like the good weather, if I'm gonna walk Luigi, and
Speaker 1: like right now the crisp fall air. It's like summer's
Speaker 1: kind of melting away in this perfect way. What like
Speaker 1: gets you excited to get out of bed? Some days lately,
Speaker 1: Brenna has been sending me texts right in the morning,
Speaker 1: like I hope you have a great day, babe, You're
Speaker 1: great something something positive? Um, which really makes me happy?
Speaker 1: Or we'll leave like a voice note which I've copied
Speaker 1: from you where I just saying well and when it's
Speaker 1: not going to get one baby yeah, and stuff like
Speaker 1: that and set and Maddie's Maddie Weener was telling me
Speaker 1: are are opener this past weekend, was telling me that
Speaker 1: you were sharing some of the voice memos that you
Speaker 1: and Brenna's shared. She was like, he's so, He's like,
Speaker 1: they're so happy. That's good, Maddie, They're so happy. And
Speaker 1: I'm so excited for them, and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think, God, he hasn't played the memos for me. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: you'd probably stabbed me. And I would just go, these
Speaker 1: are just you should probably keep these for yourself, and
Speaker 1: which is so nice to you? And then you just
Speaker 1: because it's like it's just Google Gaga, like like you know,
Speaker 1: John Daddy Drip so so so. Uh that's great in
Speaker 1: the morning, and then I love, uh, I love getting
Speaker 1: an email from Noah with the headlines to choose, although
Speaker 1: it gives me a little anxiety because I want to
Speaker 1: pick the right ones anxiety, but I guess it just
Speaker 1: makes me feel like I would never know if you
Speaker 1: pick the right ones or not, like by me, you
Speaker 1: want to pick the right ones. I've never won. I
Speaker 1: don't get like that anxious about especially anymore, but like
Speaker 1: I kind of have an idea. I send back very quickly.
Speaker 1: I don't even read the articles before I go, okay,
Speaker 1: this head works, headline work. I read the articles and
Speaker 1: uh yeah, fishing, but yeah, those two things. Really looking
Speaker 1: forward to, like golf, like golf, TikTok, like getting back
Speaker 1: to TikTok, Like I look forward to going to bed
Speaker 1: because I say've read it for bed, Like there's certain
Speaker 1: things I like to keep till and I'm so glad that.
Speaker 1: Like when I used to not eat breakfast and used
Speaker 1: to like starve all day, getting up was hell because
Speaker 1: I was just like, I don't get to look forward
Speaker 1: to eat, like eating and refueling my body and tasting
Speaker 1: something delicious. You used to have to wait. I used
Speaker 1: to have to like suffer to get it, and now
Speaker 1: like I get it as soon as I get up,
Speaker 1: and that will motivate me getting Starbucks. Aren't you excited
Speaker 1: about that every morning? Or like putting coffee in your body?
Speaker 1: I mean i was a spinach wrap head, but now
Speaker 1: I'm in a turkey bacon McMuffin uh mood, and yeah,
Speaker 1: make a good little sandwich over there. We were talking
Speaker 1: about the egg bites and how did they do it?
Speaker 1: They do it incredible what they do there. And I'll
Speaker 1: probably have a third coffee right after this that I'm
Speaker 1: looking forward to again. But you sent me that you
Speaker 1: don't want to do caffeine maybe any Okay, Well that
Speaker 1: all you go. I'll quit if you quit, and I
Speaker 1: want to let you know I'll never quit. Okay, I'll
Speaker 1: never quit caffeine. It's I just gotta I can't even
Speaker 1: begin to I'm not only thing never. I do have
Speaker 1: the Alan Carbook for Quitting caffeine. It's on myself when
Speaker 1: I'm ready, but it's it's seriously, if you want to
Speaker 1: read about caffeine addiction, I only send it to you
Speaker 1: so you understand when I say how bad caffeine addiction
Speaker 1: is what it really entails. Because people go, Nikki, it's
Speaker 1: not as bad as a heroine, uh, you know, withdrawal,
Speaker 1: and it actually it's it's kind of worse, and it
Speaker 1: last two and a half years, and it's so easy
Speaker 1: to get and it's terrible when they put that in
Speaker 1: on it. But next yeah, we've lost a couple of
Speaker 1: thousand people in the last minute due to that. But uh, Starbucks,
Speaker 1: get it together, Okay. Next up is Ben and funny enough,
Speaker 1: we we talked about this earlier. Hello, NICKI, Noah, and Andrew.
Speaker 1: My name's Ben. I just wanted to give a thank
Speaker 1: you to Nikki and also just a p s A
Speaker 1: to anybody listening. Um, I have like a friends with
Speaker 1: benefits situation going on with this girl that I met
Speaker 1: on tender like a month ago, and we tried anal recently,
Speaker 1: and I just wanted to give a thank you to
Speaker 1: Nikki because, uh, from listening to the podcast, like I
Speaker 1: was so excited, Like I was able to just be
Speaker 1: excited because I felt so prepared, like I had no
Speaker 1: I feel like I didn't have any false expectations of
Speaker 1: what was going to happen. You know, I had the
Speaker 1: lou Brady we used to butt plug um, and I
Speaker 1: feel like everything was super smoothly. So I was really
Speaker 1: grateful for that. It was awesome experience. But um, the
Speaker 1: p s A is something like I never realized, like
Speaker 1: in porn, is that they have such a strict, like
Speaker 1: uh regimen for keeping themselves clean, like if you're going
Speaker 1: back and forth from asked to vagina and I didn't
Speaker 1: realize that that's like not something you're supposed to do
Speaker 1: normally because of U T E S and stuff and
Speaker 1: so what we've done it more times since then, and
Speaker 1: recently this girl that I've been seeing t I and
Speaker 1: so that's just my p s A. UM. I thought
Speaker 1: it was funny though, because Nikki doesn't have vaginal sex,
Speaker 1: so I guess that's not a problem for her, That's right.
Speaker 1: That's interesting that my fans know that about me. So
Speaker 1: to have someone I don't know say, well, Nikki, you
Speaker 1: don't have vaginal sex. It's just so funny that that's
Speaker 1: uh information people have, and I'm glad you have it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's that is you forget. Once you go in that hole,
Speaker 1: you can't really go in any other places, not back
Speaker 1: in the mouth, not back in the veg unless you
Speaker 1: have like a wipe of sorts that re you know,
Speaker 1: that takes off any bacteria or you know, um, you know.
Speaker 1: Now I am in a position where I could do
Speaker 1: that other it could go other places, because honestly, when
Speaker 1: I'm ready to have that kind of sex, that area
Speaker 1: is cleaner than my mouth. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: Like it's my my asshole should get offended that something
Speaker 1: that has been in my mouth is going in it.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, Like, there's more likely to
Speaker 1: be shipped in my mouth than you know, before I
Speaker 1: have Atle's eggs than my assholes scared of getting ginger vitis,
Speaker 1: your asshole. Yeah, I'm flossing daily back there with a thong. Um. No,
Speaker 1: it's the I will say the anal douche has changed
Speaker 1: my life and um bread no, uh, what was this? Ben? Ben,
Speaker 1: I'm you're an anal douche. No, no, no, you're not.
Speaker 1: You're But I'm so glad to hear that, Ben, Thank
Speaker 1: you so much for That's all I want is like
Speaker 1: people to feel comfortable going into these circumstances, because I
Speaker 1: know how uncomfortable I felt and how long it's taken
Speaker 1: me to get to a place where I finally am
Speaker 1: like having sex I want to have and I'm not
Speaker 1: being embarrassed about my body or what it does. But
Speaker 1: I'll tell you like sometimes though, like I you know,
Speaker 1: I'm wanting to hook up and the person is coming
Speaker 1: over and um ducan and douction and ducing and it
Speaker 1: ain't gonna happen like you're supposed to do it till
Speaker 1: the water runs clean like three times and it's well,
Speaker 1: I am thinking about Brad Pitt with long hair when
Speaker 1: it's all happening, Uh, you know, fly fish and just
Speaker 1: flicking that God so uh that's the smell going through
Speaker 1: the room. Um yeah, I mean yeah, the back and
Speaker 1: forth you gotta watch out for. But I'm so glad
Speaker 1: you're having a good experience. I'm so glad that, Um,
Speaker 1: you just people that I wish in the past, when
Speaker 1: I have been really like adamant about everyone to try anle,
Speaker 1: I wish I would have come with a lot of
Speaker 1: caveats of like a ton of lube, don't ever do
Speaker 1: it without loube, do not just rely on your spit,
Speaker 1: and do not just go right in with your penis.
Speaker 1: Start out with plugs, start out with a finger like
Speaker 1: don't especially if you're doing it for the first time.
Speaker 1: Do not and don't feel like a failure if your
Speaker 1: dick isn't going in and or she's being like it
Speaker 1: hurts like that she shouldn't just be able to accept
Speaker 1: a dick right away in her ask That would be insane.
Speaker 1: And then also to its like I was saying, for
Speaker 1: your vaginal hole to loosen it up, use a vibrator
Speaker 1: in the front part to get everything else like relaxed. Okay,
Speaker 1: one more to read. Mayonnaise sponsored just throw it out
Speaker 1: in the pus there down there in Shat Carolina, they
Speaker 1: just use I bet do honestly, probably would they do
Speaker 1: down Let's go to final thought. Okay, so the last
Speaker 1: one is an email from Grace Hey, Nicki, Andrew and Noah.
Speaker 1: I was scrolling through Reddit and came across a post
Speaker 1: on ask Reddit that said, the last thing you googled
Speaker 1: kills you? How are you going to die? The last
Speaker 1: two things I googled were the milk Crate Challenge and
Speaker 1: Bart the Bear heard it here first, Well, that is
Speaker 1: not looking good for you, Grace. Um. I think the
Speaker 1: guy named Bart is going to challenge you to the
Speaker 1: milk crate and you're gonna or a bear? Like, what
Speaker 1: does that mean for her? Then? Like, the two things
Speaker 1: you googled are going to kill you together? Well, here
Speaker 1: it is. If Bart the Bear tries to do the
Speaker 1: milk Crate Challenge and lands on top of me and
Speaker 1: crushes me to my death, please play a tribute song
Speaker 1: on guitar on my funeral, Nikki? Will you? You shouldn't
Speaker 1: have done the Great Challenge next to a pair? Um,
Speaker 1: that's hilarious. And yeah, there's a lot of different ways
Speaker 1: you could interpret that. Um. Okay, the last things I
Speaker 1: googled I can't even let me just pull this up
Speaker 1: and see. Okay, August lyrics and and uh oh, let's see.
Speaker 1: I want to find a good one. August Lyrics. And
Speaker 1: the thing is I do I do like? Um? Um
Speaker 1: like Uh, what's it called? Private? Private viewing? Private search
Speaker 1: for so much of my stuff? Um? That okay, spreader bar,
Speaker 1: spreader bar and August lyrics. Let me tell you, and
Speaker 1: bring a spreader bar into my life? Is a really
Speaker 1: changed things? So so August lyrics. Um, I feel like
Speaker 1: you'd be reading the lyrics, you'd get a little emotional.
Speaker 1: You go, hey, let's bring out this redder bar, and
Speaker 1: then the spread you'll spread too far and you rib
Speaker 1: your body in a half. Um, that's not possible with
Speaker 1: the spreader bar. But I guess, yeah, you're interpreting. Yeah,
Speaker 1: that's an interpretation of it. I think the spreader bar
Speaker 1: I have on. I Um, I start singing August. The
Speaker 1: guy that's put me in the spreader bar leaves because
Speaker 1: he's so annoyed. I then can't get out of it.
Speaker 1: One of the lyrics is August sipped away like a
Speaker 1: bottle of wine. I decided to start drinking again. I
Speaker 1: have the spreader bar on. I can't walk with it
Speaker 1: because it keeps my legs spread open. And then I
Speaker 1: fall down some stairs and I and I pass away
Speaker 1: like August did. That's my interpretation. What about you? My
Speaker 1: last two Google churches was golf stretches, which, okay, what
Speaker 1: we we case close? Yeah? Yeah, how did I kill you?
Speaker 1: I literally just did a stretch. My hips are so tight.
Speaker 1: I went to that stretch place yesterday and uh, they
Speaker 1: stretched for you. They it's great, It's unbel Yeah, it's
Speaker 1: better than a massage. I honestly would highly recommend it
Speaker 1: to and I did it before I did Dancing with
Speaker 1: the Stars. I went to um like massage Envy. One
Speaker 1: of their packages was just stretching. And then what you think?
Speaker 1: Because I wanted to learn how to do the splits.
Speaker 1: The guy was not good at it. I need to
Speaker 1: go to what is it? Stretchy It's called stretching and cryotherapy.
Speaker 1: I think I'm gonna go. I want to go get
Speaker 1: stretched out. I want to learn how to do the
Speaker 1: splits really bad. And I think that that's just about
Speaker 1: stretching those muscles. So was it painful in a great way.
Speaker 1: It's painful for me, it won't be as painful for
Speaker 1: you me. They literally go, okay, tell me when to stop.
Speaker 1: I got to stop, you know what I mean? And
Speaker 1: then they get a little bit further. Yeah, and then
Speaker 1: you go against my favorite part and they go farther
Speaker 1: and then they go against it, and then farther and
Speaker 1: then against it, and that when they go breathe out
Speaker 1: and breathe in, because when you breathe out, for some reason,
Speaker 1: when you exhale, you can take it more. It was
Speaker 1: interesting to talk to me like really that much like
Speaker 1: she didn't want to have conversation. I could feel it,
Speaker 1: and at first I was, really, you can feel that
Speaker 1: friends with me where you want to be. It's like, no,
Speaker 1: just sucking, like she's just wants to stretch me. I
Speaker 1: love when people just don't want to talk. I know.
Speaker 1: Usually I do like that too. They're in a massage,
Speaker 1: but for some reason, because the lights are on, it
Speaker 1: feels very conversational environment. It's not like otherwise it's just going, Yeah,
Speaker 1: you just wanted to You almost wanted to defray the
Speaker 1: tension that you felt, not only in your legs, but
Speaker 1: like feeling so tight and like, let's joke about how
Speaker 1: tight I am. We should do crowd therapy too, though,
Speaker 1: I think we might like it. Yeah, I would try it.
Speaker 1: I'm a little scared of it. I mean it's funny
Speaker 1: they go, well, three minutes you spend in there, and
Speaker 1: it's like very very cold. Yeah, and they go just
Speaker 1: waitful to see the money. That's true, we'll give you
Speaker 1: the money back. Like some people go in there and
Speaker 1: literally after five seconds they go nope. It's like those
Speaker 1: those challenges at a restaurant. If you eat it all,
Speaker 1: you don't have to pay for it. But in this one,
Speaker 1: if you don't eat it all, it's like a movie.
Speaker 1: If you leave early, you get your money back. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So it's kind of cool that they'll give you the money.
Speaker 1: That's really nice. Be down for that. I recommended because
Speaker 1: I hate stretching, I hate yoga, I hate any of
Speaker 1: that ship but somebody can I can? I can I
Speaker 1: offer something? Stop saying I hate things. No, no, no
Speaker 1: no no. If I if I follow a YouTube video
Speaker 1: where you're like, I want to do these stretches, but
Speaker 1: I need someone to do them, I will stretch you
Speaker 1: out if you will do certain foot of a certain
Speaker 1: foot thing for me that I've found on YouTube that
Speaker 1: I just need someone with strong fingers to do. And
Speaker 1: it won't be sexual obviously. Brenna can be on FaceTime
Speaker 1: and watch us do these things. I just we will
Speaker 1: have to touch each other and like we'll make grunting noises.
Speaker 1: But I really just need someone to do this, and
Speaker 1: I can't ask like a sexual partner to rub I'll
Speaker 1: put on a sock. There's no bunny. My Bunyan doesn't
Speaker 1: have like an open store or you could use a tool. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you could use a tool, but you might we might
Speaker 1: need to have like yeah, but it needs to be
Speaker 1: like sluw like that. Like I just I really I
Speaker 1: think I find a while to reverse Bunyan's from this therapy.
Speaker 1: But I can't go to Australia to have these guys
Speaker 1: work on me, even though I'm literally planning a trip
Speaker 1: around it. Well, let's call freaking uh what's his name? Andre,
Speaker 1: He'll take care of it and contact me and I
Speaker 1: will book you a Southwest flight to get over here
Speaker 1: and rub my feet. I mean, I just want a Really,
Speaker 1: I just feel like bringing this video to someone at
Speaker 1: a massage place. But but actually massage places get so
Speaker 1: weird about like, actually, this isn't the type of therapy
Speaker 1: I do. They feel like they know better, whereas you
Speaker 1: don't have any kind of you know, steak. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: you're not going to take offense to me being like,
Speaker 1: don't do it that way? Do it this way. It depends.
Speaker 1: If you start slapping me and saying don't just work okay,
Speaker 1: well then we shouldn't do it all right, guys, thank
Speaker 1: you for listening to the show today. We will be
Speaker 1: here next week as always. Thank you, so come to Charlotte.
Speaker 1: We'll see at the late show in Orlando. We're gonna
Speaker 1: be there Friday and Saturday. Friday, Orlando, Charlotte on Saturday
Speaker 1: nine show has a lot of tickets available. Come to
Speaker 1: that intimate evening. It's gonna be a wild show. And um,
Speaker 1: thank you so much for listening. Don't be cut out
Speaker 1: there and dig Jacks h