WEBVTT - I Choose...Co-Parenting with Peter Facinelli Pt. 2

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<v Speaker 1>You're listening to I Choose Me with Jenny Garth. Hi, everyone,

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<v Speaker 1>welcome to I Choose Me. This podcast is all about

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<v Speaker 1>the choices we make and where they lead us. Today,

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<v Speaker 1>I want to share part two of my conversation with

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<v Speaker 1>my ex husband and co parenting partner, Peter Factionelli. If

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<v Speaker 1>you haven't listened to part one, you're going to want

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<v Speaker 1>to go back and do that, so you're all caught up.

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<v Speaker 1>The reason I wanted to continue this conversation about divorce

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<v Speaker 1>and co parenting is because it's an important conversation to have,

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<v Speaker 1>not only for me and Peter, but maybe for you

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<v Speaker 1>as well. I'm also going to want to break this

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<v Speaker 1>conversation down and kind of talk about how it affected

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<v Speaker 1>me and made me feel. So I am going to

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<v Speaker 1>be talking to Adele a little later on in this episode,

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<v Speaker 1>but let's do this. Let's dive back into my chat

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<v Speaker 1>with Peter.

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<v Speaker 2>I also feel like we were very codependent on each

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<v Speaker 2>other because we were so young that it was like

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<v Speaker 2>that we were all that we knew, you know what

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, So like I was co dependent on you

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<v Speaker 2>in an emotional way, you were co dependent on me

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<v Speaker 2>in an emotional ways, So you know it was I

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<v Speaker 2>think that that was not not the best.

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<v Speaker 1>Uh you know, what do you mean dependent? Like what

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<v Speaker 1>does that mean? Uh? Like that term for me is

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<v Speaker 1>kind of fifty to fifty codependent.

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<v Speaker 2>It was like like I said, I I what do

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<v Speaker 2>you want for dinner? I don't know, I didn't know

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<v Speaker 2>what what what? What choices to have? It was like, well,

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<v Speaker 2>what do you want for dinner? You know what I mean?

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<v Speaker 2>What do you where do you want to live? What

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<v Speaker 2>do I think? It was? It was maybe you didn't

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<v Speaker 2>see it as much because I was kind of living

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<v Speaker 2>your in your life, you know what I mean, Like

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<v Speaker 2>you have life that was established already, and I kind

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<v Speaker 2>of came into it and I kind of moved into

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<v Speaker 2>this established life. So for you, you're like, this is great.

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<v Speaker 2>I've got a husband and I've got dogs, and I've

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<v Speaker 2>got a house and this house now we have together

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<v Speaker 2>and I remember, you know, but it was like, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>I didn't really feel like I had many decisions within

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<v Speaker 2>that space. It was like how do I serve this

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<v Speaker 2>my wife.

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<v Speaker 1>And make her happy?

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<v Speaker 2>You know, because of a happy wife, happy life, right,

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<v Speaker 2>So You're like, how do.

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<v Speaker 3>I make her?

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<v Speaker 1>Oh?

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<v Speaker 2>She wants to go up to your ranch this weekend. Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>I'll go. Pardon me. Didn't really want to go, but

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<v Speaker 2>I was like, I'll just go and I'll drive and

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<v Speaker 2>i'll drive back and I'll you know, do this over here,

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<v Speaker 2>and I'll do this over there, and I'll plan the vacations.

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<v Speaker 2>Then I'll do this. I was like, you know, I

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<v Speaker 2>didn't have a lot of choices. It was just part

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<v Speaker 2>that I was felt like, you know, I was good

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<v Speaker 2>at playing, but I just didn't. I hadn't formed me yet,

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<v Speaker 2>you know what I mean. So you had already formed you,

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<v Speaker 2>so like there was a codependency there in the sense

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<v Speaker 2>of like I don't know, I don't know what choices,

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<v Speaker 2>what I liked, what I don't like, I don't know

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<v Speaker 2>what I like, you know, Like I said, it was

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<v Speaker 2>really interesting when we broke up because it was like,

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know what my my likes and dislikes are,

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<v Speaker 2>Like I have to kind of rediscover who I am.

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<v Speaker 2>And you probably had to do that too.

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<v Speaker 1>You know.

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<v Speaker 2>There's a lot of you that was like, you know,

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<v Speaker 2>now you're an independent person, and then you have these

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<v Speaker 2>two independent figures that are like, Okay, I'm kind of

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<v Speaker 2>figuring out what I like and I'm like, I'm figuring

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<v Speaker 2>out what I like. And then well, now we got

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<v Speaker 2>to come together to co parent, you know, and so

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<v Speaker 2>some of that independence is like, well, no, I want

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<v Speaker 2>to hold on to this, you know, this is how

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<v Speaker 2>I want to do parent, and this is You're like,

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<v Speaker 2>this is how I.

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<v Speaker 1>Want to parent, you know.

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<v Speaker 2>And so then the problems are I was there because

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<v Speaker 2>it was like we were so used to like just

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<v Speaker 2>kind of servicing each other within this relationship. But we

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<v Speaker 2>were kids, you know, So yeah, I mean it's just, uh,

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<v Speaker 2>it was. It was. There were good times and there

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<v Speaker 2>were bad times, but we got we got through these.

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<v Speaker 2>Even the bad times we got through in the sense

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<v Speaker 2>of like our kids always came out of it. And

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<v Speaker 2>so even you know, like I said before, it's not

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<v Speaker 2>fun being uncomfortable, but uncomfortable is kind of where you grow.

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<v Speaker 2>And and so there's a lot of times of uncomfortability

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<v Speaker 2>for both of us too, and we were growing. You know.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's talk about briefly, like step parents bringing in another

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<v Speaker 1>person to the mix. We did that, not initially. Neither

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<v Speaker 1>of us got married right away, but we both had

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<v Speaker 1>a few relationships left and right, and the girls would

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<v Speaker 1>get close, i know, with with from my perspective, your

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<v Speaker 1>relationship after we were demorse, the girls got close with

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<v Speaker 1>your then girlfriend, and that was very very, very very

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<v Speaker 1>difficult for me. I wondered how you felt when another

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<v Speaker 1>guy came in. I don't think I ever was really

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<v Speaker 1>serious with anybody until Dave.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean it was a catch showing too, because like

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<v Speaker 2>I had a longer term person there that was getting

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<v Speaker 2>close to them, and so that was hard to watch

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<v Speaker 2>them go through that have another person leave. You know

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<v Speaker 2>that I couldn't, you know, I had nothing that I

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<v Speaker 2>could that I could do to help that or not

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<v Speaker 2>have that happen. It was just it's what happened. And

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<v Speaker 2>I felt bad having them be an effect of that

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<v Speaker 2>because I was with that person for a few years.

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<v Speaker 2>And then on your side, you were you were having

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<v Speaker 2>people come into their lives and then kind of you know,

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<v Speaker 2>leaving in short spurts, you know what I mean. I know,

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<v Speaker 2>like they would go on vacation with the guy and

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<v Speaker 2>then kind of get to know him, and then you

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<v Speaker 2>would move on to somebody else, and it was you

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<v Speaker 2>kind of you know dating, uh, and you're like, I

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<v Speaker 2>think this person is safe enough to introduce them and

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<v Speaker 2>then and then they would so they had these shorter

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<v Speaker 2>amounts of like this guy that they would get to know.

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<v Speaker 2>And for me, it was like I just kind of

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<v Speaker 2>had to trust you, you know, I had to go, Okay,

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<v Speaker 2>well she trusts this person, then I have to trust them,

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<v Speaker 2>you know what I mean. I was never I never

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<v Speaker 2>felt jealous of another person coming in because I always

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<v Speaker 2>felt that the more love that the kids had, the

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<v Speaker 2>the better. Yeah. I mean, so you know, I was

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<v Speaker 2>never enough competition to go, well, I'm the dad here.

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<v Speaker 2>I think that it was harder on you for that

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<v Speaker 2>being the mom, you know, watching another person come in.

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<v Speaker 2>But for me, I was like, you know, when Dave

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<v Speaker 2>came in, I was like, he's a wonderful guy, and

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<v Speaker 2>like I'm and the kids really enjoyed being with him,

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<v Speaker 2>and and so it made me smile that he had

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<v Speaker 2>they had another person that loved them so much, you know.

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<v Speaker 2>And I think that they're incredibly lucky to have. You know,

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<v Speaker 2>they have a stepmom now in my current partner, Lily,

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<v Speaker 2>and and they have Dave, and like they have these

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<v Speaker 2>That's why, like I don't look at it like it's

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<v Speaker 2>a burden that they have to carry for the rest

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<v Speaker 2>of their lives of this divorce. I really look at it, like, Wow,

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<v Speaker 2>there's they're incredibly fortunate to have had now these stepparents

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<v Speaker 2>that that they've gotten to know, that that have added

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<v Speaker 2>to their personalities, that have that they've grown through them

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<v Speaker 2>as well, you know. And and then I also think

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<v Speaker 2>that they're going to be lucky that they can look

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<v Speaker 2>to your relationship with Dave and and and you know,

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<v Speaker 2>get inspired by the love there. And they can look

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<v Speaker 2>at the relationship between me and my partner and get

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<v Speaker 2>inspired by that relationship, you know. And I know you've had,

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<v Speaker 2>you know, your things with Dave, and they've watched you

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<v Speaker 2>come out the other side and grow through that. And

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<v Speaker 2>and so I maybe maybe that's why there's they're so

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<v Speaker 2>great because we kind of had a lot of mistakes

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<v Speaker 2>happen we were growing up, we were growing up, and

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<v Speaker 2>they were kind of learning from our mistakes in some ways.

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<v Speaker 2>And uh, but I but I don't think that there's

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<v Speaker 2>any any perfect parenting textbook model. I mean even now,

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<v Speaker 2>like I'm a new dad, you know, I have a

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<v Speaker 2>twenty month old, and like people are like, oh, well,

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<v Speaker 2>you have three kids, you must be a pro at it.

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<v Speaker 2>Now I'm like no. I it's like every kid is

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<v Speaker 2>so different and they they require different things, and then

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<v Speaker 2>the game keeps changing because like, you know, things that

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<v Speaker 2>I did with my kids are like, oh, don't do

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<v Speaker 2>that now.

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<v Speaker 3>You know.

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<v Speaker 2>I remember when when when Jack was younger and I

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<v Speaker 2>went to go take a nap with him, I used

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<v Speaker 2>to take naps with like Luca Bella on my chest,

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<v Speaker 2>like outside on the swing like like this.

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<v Speaker 1>You know you can't do that now.

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<v Speaker 2>No, They're like, you know, don't don't take a nap

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<v Speaker 2>with your child and your chest. They could suffocate them.

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<v Speaker 2>Like really I used to do that with look them.

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<v Speaker 2>It's like, uh, well that's just you know, no seriously,

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<v Speaker 2>Like there's studies now that a lot of parents I

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<v Speaker 2>guess would fall asleep and their kid would get I

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<v Speaker 2>don't know, suffocate, So like you can't, Yeah, you can't

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<v Speaker 2>do that now. It's like all new rules. There was.

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<v Speaker 2>What's the other one is? Oh uh, you know when

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<v Speaker 2>we were parenting, you know, our kids, we were like

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<v Speaker 2>every time they did something wonderful, You're like, oh, I'm

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<v Speaker 2>so proud of you.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm so proud of you.

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<v Speaker 2>And I was like as a parent, having parents that

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<v Speaker 2>you know, on the other spectrum like kind of left

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<v Speaker 2>me to do my thing, and if I got a

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<v Speaker 2>ninety nine, my mom would be like, oh, well that's great,

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<v Speaker 2>get a hundred next time, which maybe more of a

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<v Speaker 2>perfectionist if anything. But like now they're like, don't say

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<v Speaker 2>I'm so proud of you to your kid.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like, real, wait why.

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<v Speaker 2>Because if you say I'm so proud of you for

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<v Speaker 2>what they do, then they're looking outside sources for for like, oh,

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<v Speaker 2>I'm getting these grades for you, so I feel good

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<v Speaker 2>from the outside, right. So there, So there's all these

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<v Speaker 2>articles now that like you're supposed to say to your kid, well,

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<v Speaker 2>how do you feel about that? Are you proud of yourself? Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>well that's so wonderful. I'm so happy that you're proud

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<v Speaker 2>of the work that you did. And so like, look

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<v Speaker 2>at that.

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<v Speaker 1>I just learned something.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah you look at that, and I'm like, well, I

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<v Speaker 2>thought I knew these answers, and you know, in five

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<v Speaker 2>ten years that might be like, no, you're supposed to

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<v Speaker 2>say you're proud of them. You're like, wait to say it,

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<v Speaker 2>But I get that. I get that, Like, Okay, if

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<v Speaker 2>you keep telling them you're proud of them, then they're

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<v Speaker 2>going to always do something to please the parent, and

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<v Speaker 2>then they become people pleasers, right, and yeah, it makes sense.

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<v Speaker 2>So then you're just like, okay, so I'll make sure

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<v Speaker 2>that they know that they're doing that work, that artwork

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<v Speaker 2>is something that they should be proud of. Because if

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<v Speaker 2>you self generate that you're proud of your work, then

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<v Speaker 2>you don't need any outside forces to tell you it's good.

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<v Speaker 2>And that's kind of an interesting model.

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<v Speaker 1>So, I mean, can you imagine if we hadn't learned

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<v Speaker 1>if we knew the things now that we if we

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<v Speaker 1>knew that then as parents, Yeah, I wonder how different things.

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<v Speaker 2>I don't know. I don't know, but again, I feel

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<v Speaker 2>like we did something right.

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<v Speaker 1>I asked you the question about, like, you know, what

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<v Speaker 1>do you think co parenting is? And I just kind

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<v Speaker 1>of want to answer it for myself that it's about

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<v Speaker 1>respect for the partner, the baby partner ultimately in that

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<v Speaker 1>communication that comes from that place of respect, which was

0:11:27.240 --> 0:11:30.880
<v Speaker 1>something we were definitely challenged on. I think that I

0:11:31.040 --> 0:11:36.600
<v Speaker 1>was very in tune with keeping their childhoods alive even

0:11:36.679 --> 0:11:41.040
<v Speaker 1>though their lives had changed so much. That's very challenging,

0:11:41.679 --> 0:11:44.560
<v Speaker 1>especially when they're going back and forth between two different homes.

0:11:45.160 --> 0:11:47.480
<v Speaker 1>You talked about the girls having to pack a bag.

0:11:47.679 --> 0:11:50.440
<v Speaker 1>That for me was one of the most heart wrenching

0:11:50.480 --> 0:11:54.280
<v Speaker 1>parts of it was because I would go try to

0:11:54.320 --> 0:11:57.040
<v Speaker 1>help them pack or you know, say, would you like

0:11:57.080 --> 0:11:59.760
<v Speaker 1>me to help you in the Fiona specifically would be like, no,

0:12:00.080 --> 0:12:02.200
<v Speaker 1>to do it myself, and it would rip my heart

0:12:02.240 --> 0:12:07.320
<v Speaker 1>out because I felt responsible for her having to pack

0:12:07.360 --> 0:12:11.319
<v Speaker 1>a bag every week like a like be so unsettled,

0:12:11.640 --> 0:12:14.480
<v Speaker 1>you know. I felt like it's my fault, our fault

0:12:14.480 --> 0:12:17.960
<v Speaker 1>that they have to do this, and it's unfortunate, you know.

0:12:17.960 --> 0:12:20.000
<v Speaker 1>I feel like, Oh, my kid's living out of a suitcase.

0:12:20.960 --> 0:12:22.560
<v Speaker 1>And just when she would go to your house and

0:12:22.600 --> 0:12:25.600
<v Speaker 1>get settled in and comfortable and that you would get

0:12:25.600 --> 0:12:28.120
<v Speaker 1>the pace going and you guys would start getting on

0:12:28.160 --> 0:12:30.560
<v Speaker 1>the same page and everybody would be happy. Then, like

0:12:30.600 --> 0:12:32.600
<v Speaker 1>you said, it would be time for them to come

0:12:32.640 --> 0:12:35.040
<v Speaker 1>to my house, and then there was that whole different

0:12:35.040 --> 0:12:38.439
<v Speaker 1>readjustment period. I think so that all plays into the

0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:42.680
<v Speaker 1>respect not just for you, but for them and also

0:12:42.880 --> 0:12:46.920
<v Speaker 1>for me. I I think it's probably was really hard

0:12:46.920 --> 0:12:50.480
<v Speaker 1>for them to understand why because they never saw us fight.

0:12:51.040 --> 0:12:53.440
<v Speaker 1>They never they never understood why we broke up, and

0:12:53.480 --> 0:12:56.400
<v Speaker 1>I also still don't know that they do, but I

0:12:56.440 --> 0:12:58.920
<v Speaker 1>feel like they get it in a different way now.

0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:05.280
<v Speaker 1>But for me, it was remind remembering to remind them

0:13:05.320 --> 0:13:08.439
<v Speaker 1>that they came from a place of love, like they

0:13:08.440 --> 0:13:13.520
<v Speaker 1>were born into love, and you know, because they can

0:13:13.760 --> 0:13:16.160
<v Speaker 1>take on the feelings of why it didn't work or

0:13:16.160 --> 0:13:21.000
<v Speaker 1>why my family's not together anymore. So those are some

0:13:21.040 --> 0:13:23.840
<v Speaker 1>of the most important parts of co parenting for me.

0:13:24.400 --> 0:13:27.960
<v Speaker 1>I would ask you, though, what is it that you

0:13:28.080 --> 0:13:31.800
<v Speaker 1>love the most about being a co parent with me?

0:13:32.480 --> 0:13:36.320
<v Speaker 2>I mean, I think, like I said, even when we

0:13:36.360 --> 0:13:40.600
<v Speaker 2>didn't agree on things, and even sometimes when, like you know,

0:13:40.640 --> 0:13:42.520
<v Speaker 2>we text back and forth and we knew how to

0:13:42.679 --> 0:13:46.640
<v Speaker 2>press each other's buttons too. Oh right now, yeah, I

0:13:46.679 --> 0:13:49.240
<v Speaker 2>want to know you already did with the plant attacking me.

0:13:49.280 --> 0:13:55.560
<v Speaker 2>I know you did that on purpose. But you know,

0:13:56.880 --> 0:14:01.080
<v Speaker 2>I really see sometimes a lot of you and our

0:14:01.200 --> 0:14:03.400
<v Speaker 2>kids and it makes me smile, It really does. Like

0:14:03.440 --> 0:14:05.040
<v Speaker 2>and the things that they do and the way they

0:14:05.120 --> 0:14:09.760
<v Speaker 2>handle themselves. I think you're an incredibly strong woman. I

0:14:09.800 --> 0:14:12.440
<v Speaker 2>think the kids see you as a strong woman. I

0:14:12.480 --> 0:14:16.280
<v Speaker 2>think that you know there's a there's an inner strength

0:14:16.280 --> 0:14:20.880
<v Speaker 2>that they carry because of that, and so you know,

0:14:20.960 --> 0:14:23.120
<v Speaker 2>I think there's a lot of wonderful things that you

0:14:23.200 --> 0:14:26.560
<v Speaker 2>modeled for them and and and you know, teaching them.

0:14:26.600 --> 0:14:31.200
<v Speaker 2>And I'm appreciative of that, you know. Uh, And I'm

0:14:31.280 --> 0:14:33.120
<v Speaker 2>very appreciative that I had a co parent that that

0:14:33.280 --> 0:14:38.440
<v Speaker 2>cared so much. I think that both of us cared

0:14:38.480 --> 0:14:40.400
<v Speaker 2>sometimes so much that we were like, no, this is

0:14:40.400 --> 0:14:41.320
<v Speaker 2>the way we have to do it. This is the

0:14:41.320 --> 0:14:43.440
<v Speaker 2>way we have to do it. And it was hard

0:14:43.440 --> 0:14:48.040
<v Speaker 2>to find the you know, the right way or the

0:14:48.040 --> 0:14:53.360
<v Speaker 2>way that you know, the middle ground on that and frustrating,

0:14:53.400 --> 0:14:55.680
<v Speaker 2>I'm sure for both for you and me, it was

0:14:55.720 --> 0:14:57.880
<v Speaker 2>just like wow, how because because even when we saw

0:14:57.880 --> 0:15:01.000
<v Speaker 2>each other's points, it was like okay, but it becomes

0:15:01.040 --> 0:15:05.160
<v Speaker 2>so important to go to each other that if if

0:15:05.400 --> 0:15:08.280
<v Speaker 2>it's if they're not parented this way, then something. And

0:15:08.280 --> 0:15:11.280
<v Speaker 2>that's where I say that they're resilient because like you know,

0:15:11.360 --> 0:15:16.080
<v Speaker 2>they're whatever we decide the ultimate goal, Uh, they're gonna

0:15:16.120 --> 0:15:19.120
<v Speaker 2>be okay. And they were and they they're so wonderful.

0:15:19.160 --> 0:15:25.120
<v Speaker 2>So like, you know, I'm appreciative that I have Mother's

0:15:25.160 --> 0:15:27.320
<v Speaker 2>Day was recently and I remember thinking you on Mother's

0:15:27.360 --> 0:15:29.440
<v Speaker 2>Day and thinking, well, you know, she she was so

0:15:30.040 --> 0:15:35.720
<v Speaker 2>wonderfully there and available all the time. Like, uh, for me,

0:15:36.320 --> 0:15:38.280
<v Speaker 2>I was on the other opposite of special. So I

0:15:38.320 --> 0:15:41.720
<v Speaker 2>was always there, but I let them kind of be

0:15:42.160 --> 0:15:44.840
<v Speaker 2>you know, uh, and you were always there, but you

0:15:44.880 --> 0:15:48.640
<v Speaker 2>were like making sure that they you know, we're like

0:15:48.800 --> 0:15:52.040
<v Speaker 2>very protective and it's like in a way that was

0:15:52.160 --> 0:15:57.480
<v Speaker 2>very loving. So yeah, I think that the balance of that,

0:15:57.880 --> 0:16:00.320
<v Speaker 2>you know, like like when I said I had it

0:16:00.360 --> 0:16:02.000
<v Speaker 2>on one extreme, you had it in the other extreme.

0:16:02.080 --> 0:16:05.960
<v Speaker 2>In some weird way, having it on both, you know,

0:16:06.000 --> 0:16:08.240
<v Speaker 2>one weekend be this and one weekend be that, they

0:16:08.360 --> 0:16:11.360
<v Speaker 2>kind of grew to this middle middle ground of that.

0:16:11.840 --> 0:16:15.240
<v Speaker 2>You know, maybe maybe that's what worked. Maybe we didn't

0:16:15.280 --> 0:16:17.720
<v Speaker 2>know what we're doing in that sense and it kind

0:16:17.720 --> 0:16:21.280
<v Speaker 2>of came together. But the proof is in the pudding,

0:16:21.320 --> 0:16:21.800
<v Speaker 2>that's right.

0:16:22.360 --> 0:16:27.000
<v Speaker 1>The proof is, yes, I got that one.

0:16:28.240 --> 0:16:31.400
<v Speaker 2>I grew up with Italian immigrants for parents, so like

0:16:32.080 --> 0:16:34.240
<v Speaker 2>sometimes I get words backwards.

0:16:34.360 --> 0:16:41.160
<v Speaker 1>You mix things up, phrasing raising, which always makes you laugh. Yeah,

0:16:41.640 --> 0:16:45.720
<v Speaker 1>I think we did. Okay, thank you for talking it out.

0:16:46.160 --> 0:16:49.600
<v Speaker 2>Thanks for I feel like this was wonderful. Actually, I

0:16:50.200 --> 0:16:51.720
<v Speaker 2>coming into it, I was like, I think this is

0:16:51.720 --> 0:16:54.280
<v Speaker 2>gonna be really wonderfully healing for us, because we never

0:16:54.320 --> 0:16:58.680
<v Speaker 2>really sat down and talked about our styles of parent

0:16:58.720 --> 0:17:01.280
<v Speaker 2>thing or you know, where we were coming from. It

0:17:01.360 --> 0:17:03.400
<v Speaker 2>was always like I think should do this, I think

0:17:03.400 --> 0:17:05.399
<v Speaker 2>we do that, and I don't agree, and I do agree.

0:17:05.400 --> 0:17:07.480
<v Speaker 2>And then there were times we were like, oh, we

0:17:07.520 --> 0:17:09.720
<v Speaker 2>got to sit down, you know, come together on this

0:17:09.760 --> 0:17:12.199
<v Speaker 2>because this is a big one. And we did, you

0:17:12.240 --> 0:17:15.560
<v Speaker 2>know a lot of times. Yeah, when we were always

0:17:15.600 --> 0:17:18.640
<v Speaker 2>we had each other's backs. Yeah, you know, there there

0:17:18.720 --> 0:17:22.679
<v Speaker 2>was a mostly like smaller things we'd argue about, but

0:17:22.720 --> 0:17:25.080
<v Speaker 2>the bigger things were like, no, this is this is

0:17:25.119 --> 0:17:29.320
<v Speaker 2>a big one. But that said, like I know we're

0:17:29.320 --> 0:17:30.679
<v Speaker 2>coming out at the other end of it, but like

0:17:31.080 --> 0:17:33.359
<v Speaker 2>I'm excited to continue co parenting we have, you know,

0:17:33.520 --> 0:17:37.359
<v Speaker 2>now we get to co parent adult we're done. Yeah,

0:17:37.480 --> 0:17:40.920
<v Speaker 2>well I don't think you're ever done, as apparently you're

0:17:42.400 --> 0:17:44.760
<v Speaker 2>We're always going to be each other's lives. It grows

0:17:44.800 --> 0:17:48.080
<v Speaker 2>into adult parenting, you know, and a lot of times now,

0:17:48.320 --> 0:17:50.280
<v Speaker 2>you know, I can go to the kids and be

0:17:50.400 --> 0:17:52.600
<v Speaker 2>like what are you feeling? You know, but we do

0:17:53.040 --> 0:17:56.200
<v Speaker 2>still check in with each other, and I think if

0:17:56.200 --> 0:17:58.480
<v Speaker 2>we took anything out of this, we should communicate more,

0:17:58.680 --> 0:18:01.119
<v Speaker 2>you know, by phone on any of the issues.

0:18:01.160 --> 0:18:11.840
<v Speaker 1>So, yeah, that's going to be a problem. Oh Okay,

0:18:12.000 --> 0:18:15.000
<v Speaker 1>there is a lot too unpack with this conversation, so

0:18:15.359 --> 0:18:18.199
<v Speaker 1>I'm going to need to bring in my friend and

0:18:18.320 --> 0:18:23.440
<v Speaker 1>our therapist, Adele to talk through some of this with me. Hi, Hi,

0:18:24.400 --> 0:18:26.160
<v Speaker 1>can you believe what just happened?

0:18:26.880 --> 0:18:30.479
<v Speaker 3>I can, and I can't. It was kind of epic

0:18:31.920 --> 0:18:36.800
<v Speaker 3>that you guys did that. I feel incredibly proud of

0:18:36.840 --> 0:18:40.359
<v Speaker 3>both of you and so happy that you did it.

0:18:40.920 --> 0:18:43.679
<v Speaker 3>But I'm still kind of reeling, So you must be

0:18:44.520 --> 0:18:45.800
<v Speaker 3>just like, how are you feeling?

0:18:47.240 --> 0:18:51.720
<v Speaker 1>You know, after we completed the interview or the conversation

0:18:51.920 --> 0:18:58.360
<v Speaker 1>or whatever you want to call it, I felt unsettled, honestly,

0:18:58.480 --> 0:19:03.320
<v Speaker 1>Like revisiting those things and even just sitting with him

0:19:03.359 --> 0:19:06.600
<v Speaker 1>and talking one on one with him was different because

0:19:06.600 --> 0:19:10.760
<v Speaker 1>we don't really do anything that's not just about the girls. Logistically.

0:19:11.680 --> 0:19:14.200
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, I wondered about that, Like sitting on a couch

0:19:14.240 --> 0:19:15.919
<v Speaker 3>with him in a room, just the two of you,

0:19:16.400 --> 0:19:22.000
<v Speaker 3>eye contact and really processing what you went through.

0:19:22.359 --> 0:19:27.000
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it was weird. I felt a little spinny the

0:19:27.000 --> 0:19:31.800
<v Speaker 1>whole rest of the day, spinny and exhaust It kind

0:19:31.800 --> 0:19:32.600
<v Speaker 1>of took it out of me.

0:19:33.880 --> 0:19:39.080
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, Yeah, I noticed at one point you got a

0:19:39.119 --> 0:19:42.879
<v Speaker 3>little emotional, and do you remember when it was? It

0:19:42.920 --> 0:19:46.800
<v Speaker 3>was that moment that you took responsibility, which I have

0:19:46.840 --> 0:19:49.119
<v Speaker 3>to say was kind of my favorite thing about the

0:19:49.200 --> 0:19:52.720
<v Speaker 3>whole interview is both of you were in a place

0:19:52.760 --> 0:19:57.200
<v Speaker 3>where you could see your part more clearly. And I

0:19:57.240 --> 0:20:01.119
<v Speaker 3>heard you start to talk about the times when you

0:20:01.160 --> 0:20:05.480
<v Speaker 3>were sharing custody and that you understand that you had

0:20:06.280 --> 0:20:09.159
<v Speaker 3>operated from a selfish place and you wish you hadn't,

0:20:09.280 --> 0:20:11.000
<v Speaker 3>And I heard a catch in your throat.

0:20:11.440 --> 0:20:17.320
<v Speaker 1>I think, I know that it's natural, you know, instinctual

0:20:17.400 --> 0:20:22.920
<v Speaker 1>survival to operate from a place of selfishness in that

0:20:23.040 --> 0:20:26.639
<v Speaker 1>situation that we were, that I was in that, you know,

0:20:26.760 --> 0:20:29.919
<v Speaker 1>And I think they're going to always be emotions around

0:20:29.920 --> 0:20:36.359
<v Speaker 1>that that time of my life, you know, because it was, Yeah,

0:20:36.359 --> 0:20:40.000
<v Speaker 1>it was defining. And I think that I don't know

0:20:40.040 --> 0:20:42.200
<v Speaker 1>that I've ever really told him like, yeah, I could

0:20:42.240 --> 0:20:44.680
<v Speaker 1>have done things better, I could have done things differently

0:20:44.720 --> 0:20:48.760
<v Speaker 1>if I had known than what I know now, or

0:20:48.800 --> 0:20:53.159
<v Speaker 1>if I was at a calmer, just emotional place, I

0:20:53.200 --> 0:20:56.040
<v Speaker 1>could have been better. But there was a lot of

0:20:56.080 --> 0:20:58.879
<v Speaker 1>wheat from yea, And I know that's probably me hearing

0:20:58.920 --> 0:21:01.520
<v Speaker 1>it through my What do we used to say through

0:21:01.520 --> 0:21:05.200
<v Speaker 1>my little red wagon? Remember that?

0:21:05.720 --> 0:21:08.119
<v Speaker 3>Yeah? Or you're you're funneling it through Yeah, it's your

0:21:08.119 --> 0:21:08.840
<v Speaker 3>little red wagon.

0:21:09.080 --> 0:21:10.879
<v Speaker 1>Wait, explain the little red wagon for a second.

0:21:11.320 --> 0:21:14.280
<v Speaker 3>Well, I mean the way I understand little red wagon

0:21:14.359 --> 0:21:17.000
<v Speaker 3>is that's your deal and your issue and your problem,

0:21:17.000 --> 0:21:19.600
<v Speaker 3>and you figure it out. Don't don't bring me into it,

0:21:19.640 --> 0:21:22.199
<v Speaker 3>don't put me on it, don't project me.

0:21:22.600 --> 0:21:25.320
<v Speaker 1>I had I had a therapist once. Not you tell

0:21:25.359 --> 0:21:28.240
<v Speaker 1>me that we all carry around, we all pull around

0:21:28.520 --> 0:21:31.800
<v Speaker 1>our little red wagon behind us, and it's full of

0:21:31.960 --> 0:21:34.520
<v Speaker 1>all of our shit. It's it's our.

0:21:34.520 --> 0:21:36.920
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, it's our history. I guess I mean that probably

0:21:36.960 --> 0:21:39.400
<v Speaker 3>that therapist meant it. I use a little bit differently,

0:21:39.440 --> 0:21:41.760
<v Speaker 3>but that therapists probably meant like, that's your red wagon,

0:21:41.800 --> 0:21:44.560
<v Speaker 3>it's in your history, you know. And there's this great

0:21:44.600 --> 0:21:49.000
<v Speaker 3>saying if it's hysterical, it's historical. So you know, if

0:21:49.040 --> 0:21:53.800
<v Speaker 3>you're if your emotions are way up, if you're being

0:21:53.840 --> 0:21:56.560
<v Speaker 3>super reactive, you want to check yourself and be like,

0:21:56.680 --> 0:21:59.800
<v Speaker 3>am I am I? Is this historical? Is this really about? It?

0:21:59.840 --> 0:21:59.919
<v Speaker 2>Was?

0:22:00.160 --> 0:22:03.960
<v Speaker 1>It was hysterical, so I'm pretty sure it was historical.

0:22:05.080 --> 0:22:07.720
<v Speaker 3>Back in the day, I wasn't hysterical.

0:22:08.200 --> 0:22:11.880
<v Speaker 1>Recent No, No, I felt very calm, very centered, and

0:22:11.920 --> 0:22:14.960
<v Speaker 1>we talked about things that we've never discussed until now.

0:22:15.320 --> 0:22:17.240
<v Speaker 3>That's exactly what I was just going to say. It's

0:22:17.359 --> 0:22:21.639
<v Speaker 3>you've never discussed those things. You've never really owned those

0:22:21.640 --> 0:22:24.440
<v Speaker 3>things with him, which I think was a beautiful thing

0:22:24.480 --> 0:22:26.560
<v Speaker 3>for you to do and a gift to give to him.

0:22:26.840 --> 0:22:28.680
<v Speaker 3>But I will say I want to say a couple

0:22:28.640 --> 0:22:30.680
<v Speaker 3>of things that I got that I heard from Peter,

0:22:30.840 --> 0:22:33.800
<v Speaker 3>that I heard that he has grown up too, the

0:22:33.840 --> 0:22:37.720
<v Speaker 3>way he understood both of your family dynamics. Write what

0:22:37.840 --> 0:22:41.560
<v Speaker 3>was modeled for you, right, how Bruno was with talking

0:22:41.600 --> 0:22:46.120
<v Speaker 3>about his dad working all the time, and how he

0:22:46.240 --> 0:22:50.760
<v Speaker 3>took that as a model and a q with your

0:22:50.840 --> 0:22:56.679
<v Speaker 3>kids to speak well of you and highly of you

0:22:57.040 --> 0:22:59.760
<v Speaker 3>even during the hard times and to kind of protect

0:22:59.800 --> 0:23:03.760
<v Speaker 3>them from that. And I thought, you know what he does.

0:23:03.960 --> 0:23:10.080
<v Speaker 3>He is thinking in sort of family lessons and multi

0:23:10.160 --> 0:23:13.560
<v Speaker 3>generational transmission. You know, he's kind of thinking in those

0:23:13.640 --> 0:23:15.360
<v Speaker 3>ways he's thought about this.

0:23:15.600 --> 0:23:17.520
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, yeah, it's true, because you have to be able

0:23:17.560 --> 0:23:21.960
<v Speaker 1>to step outside of yourself enough to see that picture

0:23:22.160 --> 0:23:24.400
<v Speaker 1>of why I am the way I am and why

0:23:24.400 --> 0:23:26.720
<v Speaker 1>he is the way he is, and then why we

0:23:26.720 --> 0:23:27.760
<v Speaker 1>were the way we were.

0:23:28.480 --> 0:23:30.520
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and I love the story you told about being

0:23:30.520 --> 0:23:33.240
<v Speaker 3>at their house and queens, and like you know, he

0:23:33.280 --> 0:23:35.159
<v Speaker 3>was saying, I just one thing I would disagree with

0:23:35.240 --> 0:23:36.800
<v Speaker 3>him about is he kept saying, well, I just chose

0:23:36.840 --> 0:23:38.840
<v Speaker 3>to be strong. And I kept thinking, every time I

0:23:38.840 --> 0:23:41.439
<v Speaker 3>heard him say that, I wanted to say, strong is

0:23:41.560 --> 0:23:47.040
<v Speaker 3>not an asset. Being emotional is actually a very strong thing.

0:23:47.560 --> 0:23:49.320
<v Speaker 3>And when you talked about going to the back room

0:23:49.320 --> 0:23:51.760
<v Speaker 3>and Bruna followed you in and said, don't cry, don't cry,

0:23:51.800 --> 0:23:53.879
<v Speaker 3>and he said, oh, no, I need to cry, and

0:23:53.920 --> 0:23:55.639
<v Speaker 3>I was so proud of you because I thought that

0:23:55.840 --> 0:24:01.760
<v Speaker 3>is an evolved Jenny. That is a very emotionally intelligent Jenny.

0:24:02.320 --> 0:24:04.680
<v Speaker 3>Because vulnerability is strength.

0:24:05.040 --> 0:24:10.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, And some people just can't handle emotions. Yeah, Like

0:24:10.359 --> 0:24:14.359
<v Speaker 1>when they see someone having emotions, they shut down or

0:24:14.359 --> 0:24:21.840
<v Speaker 1>they fly, flee whatever that they freeze, they fight, fight, flight, freeze. Yeah.

0:24:21.880 --> 0:24:25.920
<v Speaker 1>And so I ran into that on a couple of

0:24:25.960 --> 0:24:30.720
<v Speaker 1>occasions with his beautiful our beautiful family, my extended family

0:24:30.880 --> 0:24:35.120
<v Speaker 1>whom I grew to love so much. And I think

0:24:35.119 --> 0:24:38.040
<v Speaker 1>that that was you know, I'm sure so many women

0:24:38.280 --> 0:24:41.560
<v Speaker 1>or men that's something when you get a divorce and

0:24:41.600 --> 0:24:43.840
<v Speaker 1>you split up families that have been together and grown

0:24:43.880 --> 0:24:46.479
<v Speaker 1>together for a long time. It's so hard to let

0:24:46.560 --> 0:24:48.920
<v Speaker 1>go of you're in laws or you're you know, my

0:24:49.240 --> 0:24:52.679
<v Speaker 1>my sisters that I had, And for a while I

0:24:52.760 --> 0:24:55.800
<v Speaker 1>really did have to just let them go and cut

0:24:55.840 --> 0:24:59.159
<v Speaker 1>them off and know that that wasn't an option for

0:24:59.200 --> 0:25:03.720
<v Speaker 1>me anymore to have any feelings around. But later, as

0:25:03.760 --> 0:25:07.960
<v Speaker 1>time passed, now we're all able to see each other

0:25:08.600 --> 0:25:12.520
<v Speaker 1>and go to, you know, have dinners together. And I

0:25:12.560 --> 0:25:16.280
<v Speaker 1>love being able to be back with my in laws again,

0:25:16.760 --> 0:25:20.480
<v Speaker 1>even though they're not my in laws, they're just acquaintances

0:25:20.560 --> 0:25:21.120
<v Speaker 1>friends now.

0:25:22.440 --> 0:25:26.200
<v Speaker 3>But it's a healing story what happened between you, because

0:25:28.000 --> 0:25:32.200
<v Speaker 3>when you divorce, you don't just lose a spouse, right,

0:25:32.520 --> 0:25:38.760
<v Speaker 3>you lose an extended family and the loss reverberates. So

0:25:39.440 --> 0:25:42.200
<v Speaker 3>I love hearing you say that that you know, yes,

0:25:42.400 --> 0:25:47.159
<v Speaker 3>time heals, and you both have come to a place

0:25:47.200 --> 0:25:52.840
<v Speaker 3>where not only have you restitched together some of those relationships,

0:25:53.760 --> 0:25:58.160
<v Speaker 3>you've also added people to the extended and blended family.

0:25:58.760 --> 0:26:01.120
<v Speaker 3>And I really heard that Peter too, which I loved

0:26:01.119 --> 0:26:03.199
<v Speaker 3>hearing him say, you know, he sees and knows that

0:26:03.240 --> 0:26:06.320
<v Speaker 3>you're happy now. And that you know, Dave is wonderful,

0:26:06.480 --> 0:26:11.119
<v Speaker 3>and that the girls have integrated both families into a

0:26:11.280 --> 0:26:14.240
<v Speaker 3>large extended family. I mean, it's a healing story. This

0:26:14.320 --> 0:26:16.359
<v Speaker 3>whole thing as hard as I'm sure.

0:26:16.960 --> 0:26:19.199
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I don't want to give anybody the misconception that

0:26:19.280 --> 0:26:23.000
<v Speaker 1>it was easy or it was quick or without a

0:26:23.040 --> 0:26:28.400
<v Speaker 1>lot of pain, but we somehow got there. And I'm

0:26:28.400 --> 0:26:32.439
<v Speaker 1>getting emotional again, like you know, like that that was

0:26:32.960 --> 0:26:37.600
<v Speaker 1>a really hard time. And it wasn't just hard for me.

0:26:38.080 --> 0:26:39.879
<v Speaker 1>It was really hard for the girls, and it was

0:26:39.960 --> 0:26:41.040
<v Speaker 1>really hard for Peter.

0:26:41.359 --> 0:26:44.120
<v Speaker 3>And for me for you seeing you in so much pain.

0:26:44.240 --> 0:26:46.879
<v Speaker 3>It was so so painful, and I think it was

0:26:47.040 --> 0:26:49.120
<v Speaker 3>one of the hardest breakups I've ever gone through.

0:26:51.480 --> 0:26:54.720
<v Speaker 1>And I think today I was able to a little

0:26:54.760 --> 0:26:58.440
<v Speaker 1>bit see because I, you know, in my story, as

0:26:58.480 --> 0:27:02.720
<v Speaker 1>Peter mentioned, I didn't feel that he was that broken

0:27:02.800 --> 0:27:06.000
<v Speaker 1>up by it, Like I didn't. I knew he was

0:27:06.040 --> 0:27:09.879
<v Speaker 1>bummed about losing our family, but I never and I

0:27:09.880 --> 0:27:13.480
<v Speaker 1>don't know that I still feel that he was torn

0:27:13.560 --> 0:27:16.320
<v Speaker 1>up about losing me. I feel like it was more

0:27:16.400 --> 0:27:20.920
<v Speaker 1>the family. But I thought I saw at least him

0:27:20.960 --> 0:27:24.399
<v Speaker 1>acknowledging the pain that he did go through and that

0:27:24.480 --> 0:27:25.840
<v Speaker 1>he had to work through. Yeah.

0:27:26.640 --> 0:27:28.200
<v Speaker 3>I know he was in a lot of pain because

0:27:28.240 --> 0:27:30.199
<v Speaker 3>he called me a lot during that time. And I

0:27:30.200 --> 0:27:33.840
<v Speaker 3>didn't always share it with you because you know, he

0:27:33.960 --> 0:27:36.040
<v Speaker 3>asked me not to, but he needed to kind of

0:27:36.119 --> 0:27:38.560
<v Speaker 3>talk through stuff. But he was deeply broken up.

0:27:39.000 --> 0:27:42.520
<v Speaker 1>How long ago was this even like we divorced in

0:27:42.560 --> 0:27:48.840
<v Speaker 1>twenty twelve, needs yeah, a long time ago. Yeah, And

0:27:48.920 --> 0:27:52.159
<v Speaker 1>I can still get like upset.

0:27:51.880 --> 0:27:54.640
<v Speaker 3>But it's in your body. It was a trauma, right

0:27:54.720 --> 0:27:57.080
<v Speaker 3>for everybody involved. And if you really go back there

0:27:57.119 --> 0:28:01.640
<v Speaker 3>and you just really went back there with him, right,

0:28:01.800 --> 0:28:04.080
<v Speaker 3>and you're and you're kicking it up, but that's good. See.

0:28:04.119 --> 0:28:06.159
<v Speaker 3>And this is the other growth that I see in you,

0:28:06.520 --> 0:28:08.080
<v Speaker 3>is that you would sort of want to cancel it

0:28:08.119 --> 0:28:11.359
<v Speaker 3>out and not deal with what just happened. And you're

0:28:11.440 --> 0:28:15.720
<v Speaker 3>feeling it and it's okay, right again, you're healing.

0:28:15.800 --> 0:28:17.879
<v Speaker 1>This is more he I don't really want to feel it?

0:28:19.080 --> 0:28:21.240
<v Speaker 3>Can I just letting yourself?

0:28:22.160 --> 0:28:22.400
<v Speaker 2>Yeah?

0:28:22.440 --> 0:28:24.399
<v Speaker 3>And then also we can like we don't have to

0:28:24.480 --> 0:28:26.600
<v Speaker 3>keep going deep either. But I'm proud of you for

0:28:26.760 --> 0:28:30.639
<v Speaker 3>feeling the depth of it and the vulnerability of it

0:28:30.720 --> 0:28:34.320
<v Speaker 3>and the loss of it, and also the beauty again

0:28:34.720 --> 0:28:46.840
<v Speaker 3>of where you are today as a blended extended family. Yeah,

0:28:46.880 --> 0:28:51.720
<v Speaker 3>I wondered. Also, uh, you know, towards the end he

0:28:51.720 --> 0:28:53.640
<v Speaker 3>he said, you know, I think you asked him? What

0:28:53.720 --> 0:28:56.840
<v Speaker 3>did what did you? What positive things have come out

0:28:56.840 --> 0:28:57.240
<v Speaker 3>of our cope?

0:28:57.360 --> 0:29:00.000
<v Speaker 1>I asked him, I was being cheeky and I asked him,

0:29:00.720 --> 0:29:03.360
<v Speaker 1>what was your favorite part about being a co parent

0:29:03.400 --> 0:29:03.640
<v Speaker 1>with me?

0:29:04.240 --> 0:29:04.400
<v Speaker 3>Oh?

0:29:04.440 --> 0:29:07.240
<v Speaker 1>Of course, I was like so excited to hear his answer.

0:29:09.280 --> 0:29:10.840
<v Speaker 3>But do you remember what he said? Well?

0:29:10.880 --> 0:29:14.120
<v Speaker 1>He first, he kind of chuckled because he knows me

0:29:14.160 --> 0:29:15.520
<v Speaker 1>and he knows that I was trying to get a

0:29:15.560 --> 0:29:19.760
<v Speaker 1>compliment out of him. But he did what did I do?

0:29:19.880 --> 0:29:20.080
<v Speaker 3>Right?

0:29:20.240 --> 0:29:27.479
<v Speaker 1>Tell me more? He did say that he respects and

0:29:27.600 --> 0:29:33.200
<v Speaker 1>values the fact that I instilled a great strength in

0:29:33.240 --> 0:29:35.880
<v Speaker 1>our girls, and that that made me.

0:29:35.800 --> 0:29:37.600
<v Speaker 3>Feel I could take that in.

0:29:37.680 --> 0:29:40.400
<v Speaker 1>But at the same time, I was also thinking that

0:29:40.720 --> 0:29:43.120
<v Speaker 1>right there is the strength is the way the reason

0:29:43.240 --> 0:29:46.840
<v Speaker 1>we couldn't stay together like you. And I'm not saying

0:29:46.880 --> 0:29:50.160
<v Speaker 1>like his current partner is not strong. We're just different strong, right,

0:29:50.360 --> 0:29:54.600
<v Speaker 1>but my kind of strong didn't gell you know after

0:29:54.640 --> 0:29:57.360
<v Speaker 1>a while, and that's maybe.

0:29:57.200 --> 0:29:58.840
<v Speaker 3>Well and he said why, he said, I didn't have

0:29:58.880 --> 0:30:01.200
<v Speaker 3>a backbone. I didn't have an identity. I didn't have

0:30:01.280 --> 0:30:04.880
<v Speaker 3>a barely had a personality. I was he was twenty one.

0:30:05.040 --> 0:30:06.360
<v Speaker 3>I fell with it.

0:30:06.440 --> 0:30:10.840
<v Speaker 1>I totally see that, Like when you you just become

0:30:10.960 --> 0:30:13.200
<v Speaker 1>something all of a sudden that you didn't see coming

0:30:13.800 --> 0:30:17.520
<v Speaker 1>and it takes over your life, which our children absolutely

0:30:17.560 --> 0:30:21.680
<v Speaker 1>did and our family and everything changed. But at the

0:30:21.800 --> 0:30:25.280
<v Speaker 1>same time, I was like, why couldn't you have told

0:30:25.360 --> 0:30:28.680
<v Speaker 1>me that? Like, why couldn't you have communicated that to

0:30:28.720 --> 0:30:32.120
<v Speaker 1>me during that time? And and perhaps we could have

0:30:33.160 --> 0:30:38.240
<v Speaker 1>grown forward together and found our voices individually. But I

0:30:38.520 --> 0:30:41.240
<v Speaker 1>ultimately think that's what did happen, is that we did

0:30:41.280 --> 0:30:44.880
<v Speaker 1>start to become more of our of our own, more

0:30:44.920 --> 0:30:48.440
<v Speaker 1>assured in who we were, and it just wasn't matching up.

0:30:49.200 --> 0:30:51.640
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, And who knows if you could have heard it, Yeah,

0:30:51.800 --> 0:30:53.400
<v Speaker 3>who knows if he could have said to you, like,

0:30:53.480 --> 0:30:56.360
<v Speaker 3>I don't feel like I know myself in this relationship.

0:30:56.560 --> 0:30:58.440
<v Speaker 3>That might have felt threatening to you at that time

0:30:58.480 --> 0:31:00.800
<v Speaker 3>in a way that it wouldn't at this age.

0:31:01.320 --> 0:31:05.840
<v Speaker 1>It definitely would. That is a little triggering. Yeah, I

0:31:05.880 --> 0:31:09.160
<v Speaker 1>don't I can't find myself in this relationship.

0:31:10.240 --> 0:31:12.239
<v Speaker 3>You would have taken it as if somehow you had

0:31:12.280 --> 0:31:13.320
<v Speaker 3>done that to him is.

0:31:13.280 --> 0:31:16.600
<v Speaker 1>My absolutely because he explained it like he stepped into

0:31:16.680 --> 0:31:20.640
<v Speaker 1>my big giant life, moved into my house, you know,

0:31:20.720 --> 0:31:25.200
<v Speaker 1>and all those all those cards were sort of stacked

0:31:25.240 --> 0:31:29.560
<v Speaker 1>against us in those traditional aspects. Yeah, I mean he

0:31:29.640 --> 0:31:30.520
<v Speaker 1>is a traditional guy.

0:31:30.720 --> 0:31:35.560
<v Speaker 3>Well in some ways, he's incredibly traditional Italian Catholic family.

0:31:36.000 --> 0:31:39.280
<v Speaker 3>Everybody eats dinner together every night. One thing I kind

0:31:39.280 --> 0:31:41.640
<v Speaker 3>of wish I had heard from him, and I think

0:31:41.640 --> 0:31:43.920
<v Speaker 3>it's in line with what we're talking about right now,

0:31:44.000 --> 0:31:45.360
<v Speaker 3>is that you know, he kept he said a couple

0:31:45.440 --> 0:31:47.680
<v Speaker 3>times it felt like an arranged marriage or you know,

0:31:47.720 --> 0:31:52.120
<v Speaker 3>he didn't have I couldn't find his voice in the marriage.

0:31:52.200 --> 0:31:56.160
<v Speaker 3>He was kind of on the edge of talking about

0:31:56.160 --> 0:31:58.680
<v Speaker 3>it as but he wasn't owning it. He wasn't saying

0:31:58.680 --> 0:32:01.760
<v Speaker 3>I understand that was my respetility. I understand that it

0:32:01.880 --> 0:32:05.240
<v Speaker 3>was my job to find myself that it wasn't because

0:32:05.280 --> 0:32:07.160
<v Speaker 3>he kept saying, well, you had your life and you

0:32:07.240 --> 0:32:09.760
<v Speaker 3>had your job, and you knew who you were, and

0:32:10.440 --> 0:32:14.120
<v Speaker 3>he did when he talked about being codependent, he was

0:32:14.200 --> 0:32:18.920
<v Speaker 3>getting there, but he could never quite say I understand

0:32:18.960 --> 0:32:23.239
<v Speaker 3>now that it was my responsibility to ask for that

0:32:23.400 --> 0:32:27.480
<v Speaker 3>to work towards that dig deep to you know, try

0:32:27.520 --> 0:32:29.160
<v Speaker 3>to find myself inside.

0:32:29.240 --> 0:32:31.680
<v Speaker 1>I just don't think at that young age, for both

0:32:31.720 --> 0:32:35.800
<v Speaker 1>of us, we had the capacity or the knowledge or

0:32:35.840 --> 0:32:39.560
<v Speaker 1>the tools to do any of that, and we were

0:32:39.640 --> 0:32:44.160
<v Speaker 1>so busy raising those kids that there wasn't a lot

0:32:44.200 --> 0:32:47.560
<v Speaker 1>of opportunity for that kind of gross that really needed

0:32:47.600 --> 0:32:48.040
<v Speaker 1>to happen.

0:32:48.560 --> 0:32:50.520
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and I think you kind of nailed it right

0:32:50.560 --> 0:32:53.160
<v Speaker 3>there is that part of this whole show that you're

0:32:53.160 --> 0:32:57.000
<v Speaker 3>doing around I Choose Me is tuning in slowing down,

0:32:57.400 --> 0:33:00.200
<v Speaker 3>even if you're twenty one, even if you're twenty five,

0:33:00.520 --> 0:33:03.160
<v Speaker 3>even if you have a big career, even if you

0:33:03.280 --> 0:33:08.240
<v Speaker 3>have three kids, right, because that's exactly what we're talking about,

0:33:08.360 --> 0:33:11.640
<v Speaker 3>is maybe you could have you know, or maybe you

0:33:11.680 --> 0:33:16.120
<v Speaker 3>can impart that to people that are listening that it's

0:33:16.200 --> 0:33:19.720
<v Speaker 3>not too late. In fact, you can start early choosing

0:33:19.760 --> 0:33:22.040
<v Speaker 3>yourself so you know who you are, you know what

0:33:22.080 --> 0:33:24.000
<v Speaker 3>you're bringing to a relationship, you can see what you

0:33:24.040 --> 0:33:25.960
<v Speaker 3>want for dinner, what kind of furniture you want in

0:33:25.960 --> 0:33:29.400
<v Speaker 3>the house. Just building on what Peter said in the podcast,

0:33:31.240 --> 0:33:33.520
<v Speaker 3>it's never too early to start, That's what I'm saying.

0:33:33.560 --> 0:33:37.239
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, Well, you just imparted that so thank you. I

0:33:37.240 --> 0:33:41.880
<v Speaker 1>hope people heard that, and I do definitely try to, like,

0:33:42.040 --> 0:33:44.920
<v Speaker 1>you know, tell the girls that now. I think, Wow,

0:33:44.960 --> 0:33:48.360
<v Speaker 1>they're so far ahead of the game because they have

0:33:48.480 --> 0:33:52.800
<v Speaker 1>these messages and they have, you know, someone who's really

0:33:52.920 --> 0:33:57.080
<v Speaker 1>interested in helping them evolve earlier than I did, because

0:33:57.120 --> 0:34:00.000
<v Speaker 1>I know for me, it took me a long time

0:34:00.080 --> 0:34:03.560
<v Speaker 1>to get there, and there was so much pain in

0:34:03.600 --> 0:34:08.239
<v Speaker 1>those years, those early years of me not knowing that

0:34:08.320 --> 0:34:12.160
<v Speaker 1>I could choose myself, and then also not knowing that

0:34:12.800 --> 0:34:15.839
<v Speaker 1>just because I'm choosing myself, it doesn't mean I'm not

0:34:15.920 --> 0:34:19.760
<v Speaker 1>choosing the marriage or the partnership or the whatever.

0:34:21.440 --> 0:34:25.200
<v Speaker 3>In fact, you are actually, by choosing yourself, choosing the

0:34:25.239 --> 0:34:27.000
<v Speaker 3>marriage and the partnership.

0:34:26.520 --> 0:34:29.040
<v Speaker 1>Right hopefully usually, Yeah.

0:34:29.040 --> 0:34:31.479
<v Speaker 3>Entirely evidenced in the conversation you just had with Peter,

0:34:31.560 --> 0:34:34.040
<v Speaker 3>because he's saying I didn't choose myself. I lost my

0:34:34.120 --> 0:34:36.200
<v Speaker 3>way in this marriage and I ended up having to

0:34:36.320 --> 0:34:39.040
<v Speaker 3>leave to find myself. So what we're saying is that, yeah,

0:34:39.080 --> 0:34:40.840
<v Speaker 3>if you choose yourself, you find yourself.

0:34:40.920 --> 0:34:43.799
<v Speaker 1>I always knew that, you know, I always knew that

0:34:43.800 --> 0:34:46.879
<v Speaker 1>that he didn't have enough of a sense of who

0:34:46.920 --> 0:34:50.080
<v Speaker 1>he was independent of me or independent of the girls,

0:34:50.080 --> 0:34:52.960
<v Speaker 1>and I knew he was trying to figure that out,

0:34:53.120 --> 0:34:58.760
<v Speaker 1>and I just I don't think I was gracious enough

0:34:58.920 --> 0:35:04.160
<v Speaker 1>or you know, maybe patient enough or encouraging enough to

0:35:04.280 --> 0:35:07.359
<v Speaker 1>let him do what he really need to do in

0:35:07.400 --> 0:35:09.480
<v Speaker 1>his early twenties, mid twenties.

0:35:09.840 --> 0:35:13.520
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, okay, So this brings me to a question. Makes

0:35:13.560 --> 0:35:16.240
<v Speaker 3>me think about Dave, and it makes me think about

0:35:16.280 --> 0:35:21.759
<v Speaker 3>what you may have learned out of that conversation in

0:35:21.880 --> 0:35:25.600
<v Speaker 3>terms of the partner that you are today with the

0:35:25.719 --> 0:35:29.440
<v Speaker 3>husband that you have today. Is there anything any takeaways

0:35:29.480 --> 0:35:32.040
<v Speaker 3>for you or do you feel like you're enacting the

0:35:32.040 --> 0:35:33.920
<v Speaker 3>things you wish you had done with Peter.

0:35:34.640 --> 0:35:37.759
<v Speaker 1>Well, I think that it just I'm not throwing any

0:35:37.760 --> 0:35:42.040
<v Speaker 1>shade whatsoever, but I think that in my current relationship,

0:35:42.480 --> 0:35:47.680
<v Speaker 1>I'm able to express my own needs and wants and

0:35:47.719 --> 0:35:53.200
<v Speaker 1>dislikes and likes without my partner being threatened by it

0:35:53.320 --> 0:35:56.239
<v Speaker 1>or angered by it or disappointed, you know all that,

0:35:56.480 --> 0:35:59.279
<v Speaker 1>you know, any kind of negative reaction. I think that

0:35:59.640 --> 0:36:03.760
<v Speaker 1>it's just a different dynamic because, yeah, I have grown

0:36:03.800 --> 0:36:06.200
<v Speaker 1>and I have learned things, and I have changed some things,

0:36:06.200 --> 0:36:09.800
<v Speaker 1>but I'm still me. I'm still very straightforward, I'm still

0:36:09.920 --> 0:36:15.080
<v Speaker 1>very direct, I'm still there's still times when I absolutely

0:36:15.120 --> 0:36:18.520
<v Speaker 1>could say things a little bit kinder or nicer or

0:36:18.560 --> 0:36:23.240
<v Speaker 1>more patient. I mean, we all lose our sometimes, we all,

0:36:23.280 --> 0:36:26.640
<v Speaker 1>you know, go go back to those places, those ruts

0:36:26.680 --> 0:36:34.200
<v Speaker 1>of the way we react. But I I also now

0:36:35.480 --> 0:36:38.960
<v Speaker 1>treat myself a little bit more graciously, Like I allow

0:36:39.040 --> 0:36:42.400
<v Speaker 1>myself to make mistakes sometimes, and Dave allows me to

0:36:42.400 --> 0:36:44.480
<v Speaker 1>make some mistakes sometimes and we kind of talk about

0:36:44.480 --> 0:36:46.640
<v Speaker 1>it and work through it, and you know, hopefully that

0:36:47.239 --> 0:36:52.959
<v Speaker 1>continues to change the trajectory of things. But I feel

0:36:52.960 --> 0:36:56.200
<v Speaker 1>like it's just a different dynamic, and it's it's so

0:36:56.320 --> 0:36:59.160
<v Speaker 1>two different people, you know, Dave and Peter are such

0:36:59.200 --> 0:37:00.120
<v Speaker 1>different people.

0:37:00.120 --> 0:37:05.240
<v Speaker 3>Different ages. Yeah, right, Dave's you know, in his forties now. Also,

0:37:05.640 --> 0:37:08.400
<v Speaker 3>I would say that you have awareness now that you

0:37:08.400 --> 0:37:11.440
<v Speaker 3>didn't used to have, So you catch yourself right, and

0:37:11.480 --> 0:37:13.880
<v Speaker 3>you're pretty quick to you know. It's kind of like

0:37:13.920 --> 0:37:16.520
<v Speaker 3>the five second rule with food. You have your five

0:37:16.560 --> 0:37:18.920
<v Speaker 3>second rule of like if you might if something comes

0:37:19.000 --> 0:37:20.600
<v Speaker 3>up and out kind of quick, you'll be like, hey,

0:37:21.719 --> 0:37:24.920
<v Speaker 3>I just did that thing right. You're you're much more

0:37:24.960 --> 0:37:28.960
<v Speaker 3>aware and more transparent, and that creates a lot more

0:37:29.000 --> 0:37:30.640
<v Speaker 3>space in a relationship.

0:37:30.920 --> 0:37:34.399
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, like when you make a mess, When I make

0:37:34.440 --> 0:37:36.880
<v Speaker 1>a mess, it's important to me to go back and

0:37:36.880 --> 0:37:39.000
<v Speaker 1>clean it up. Yeah.

0:37:39.080 --> 0:37:39.560
<v Speaker 3>I love that.

0:37:40.440 --> 0:37:43.000
<v Speaker 1>So this kind of felt like cleaning up a mess

0:37:43.040 --> 0:37:44.439
<v Speaker 1>a little bit in a certain way.

0:37:44.600 --> 0:37:49.799
<v Speaker 3>Yeah. Yeah. Do you feel like a closure is not

0:37:49.840 --> 0:37:51.520
<v Speaker 3>the right word, But do you feel a little more

0:37:51.560 --> 0:37:55.560
<v Speaker 3>complete or a little bit more integrated with this story? Now?

0:37:56.640 --> 0:38:00.440
<v Speaker 1>I do. I had known that we were getting to

0:38:00.480 --> 0:38:04.680
<v Speaker 1>the point where we could respect one another's differences, and

0:38:04.719 --> 0:38:08.840
<v Speaker 1>it was feeling better and more cohesive. But it was

0:38:08.920 --> 0:38:12.800
<v Speaker 1>nice to verbalize it, you know, and and hear him

0:38:13.000 --> 0:38:17.520
<v Speaker 1>be in the same position you said before that you

0:38:17.920 --> 0:38:20.160
<v Speaker 1>had there was something that you had wished you had

0:38:20.239 --> 0:38:22.880
<v Speaker 1>heard him say. Was there something that you had wished

0:38:23.200 --> 0:38:24.719
<v Speaker 1>you had heard me say?

0:38:26.120 --> 0:38:26.839
<v Speaker 3>Oh?

0:38:26.960 --> 0:38:29.600
<v Speaker 1>You know, I always like to like stop pointing the

0:38:29.680 --> 0:38:31.160
<v Speaker 1>finger and start yeah love it.

0:38:32.600 --> 0:38:36.960
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's that's a good question. And I

0:38:37.040 --> 0:38:39.680
<v Speaker 3>was so proud of you, Jen, I was so proud

0:38:39.719 --> 0:38:40.120
<v Speaker 3>of you.

0:38:40.120 --> 0:38:42.719
<v Speaker 1>You're biased though, you just love me too much?

0:38:42.880 --> 0:38:45.520
<v Speaker 3>I mean no, but look, I am biased that you'll

0:38:45.560 --> 0:38:48.799
<v Speaker 3>love you too much out but I do believe me

0:38:49.120 --> 0:38:51.000
<v Speaker 3>when you want to hear the truth, and I don't

0:38:51.920 --> 0:38:55.279
<v Speaker 3>know no, In fact, I stopped listening to it, and

0:38:55.480 --> 0:38:59.280
<v Speaker 3>I thought, that is a grown up, Jenny. I felt

0:38:59.320 --> 0:39:01.600
<v Speaker 3>really proud of you and really happy for you. And

0:39:01.680 --> 0:39:06.200
<v Speaker 3>really I heard the work. I heard the work you've done.

0:39:06.280 --> 0:39:10.440
<v Speaker 3>I heard the growth, I heard the evolution. I honestly

0:39:10.480 --> 0:39:13.359
<v Speaker 3>can't I can't think of anything in the moment right

0:39:13.400 --> 0:39:14.920
<v Speaker 3>now that I wish i'd heard.

0:39:14.600 --> 0:39:17.279
<v Speaker 1>I left feeling like I wish I had said more,

0:39:17.360 --> 0:39:20.719
<v Speaker 1>because there was a there was a cadence and and

0:39:20.840 --> 0:39:23.719
<v Speaker 1>a rhythm in our relationship together where he would do

0:39:23.760 --> 0:39:26.040
<v Speaker 1>all the talking and I would just resort to just

0:39:26.080 --> 0:39:30.160
<v Speaker 1>listening and agreeing and you know, or being in my

0:39:30.360 --> 0:39:35.439
<v Speaker 1>mind disagreeing and getting all irritated by that, but never

0:39:35.480 --> 0:39:38.319
<v Speaker 1>really communicating it. And there were a couple of points

0:39:38.360 --> 0:39:40.160
<v Speaker 1>where I said, you know, I kind of disagree with

0:39:40.200 --> 0:39:42.640
<v Speaker 1>you on that, or I think we're talking about two

0:39:42.680 --> 0:39:48.880
<v Speaker 1>different things. And I feel like right afterwards there was

0:39:48.880 --> 0:39:51.320
<v Speaker 1>something ignited in me. It was like an old feeling

0:39:51.400 --> 0:39:55.600
<v Speaker 1>that came back of frustration and irritation that I wasn't

0:39:55.840 --> 0:39:59.879
<v Speaker 1>getting to, you know, say what I needed to say,

0:40:00.160 --> 0:40:05.719
<v Speaker 1>have my opinion. But again I had to let that

0:40:05.760 --> 0:40:08.719
<v Speaker 1>go and not not really focus on that.

0:40:09.719 --> 0:40:13.960
<v Speaker 3>You know, but you could also you don't have to

0:40:14.080 --> 0:40:16.000
<v Speaker 3>just like let it go and push it down or

0:40:16.080 --> 0:40:18.600
<v Speaker 3>push it away. You can ask yourself, right, you can.

0:40:18.640 --> 0:40:20.480
<v Speaker 3>This is this kind of self parenting thing that we

0:40:20.520 --> 0:40:22.440
<v Speaker 3>talk about. You can ask yourself, Okay, what was it

0:40:22.480 --> 0:40:24.759
<v Speaker 3>that I wish I had said? And I'm gonna say

0:40:24.760 --> 0:40:27.080
<v Speaker 3>it to myself and honor it, right, you don't have

0:40:27.120 --> 0:40:27.759
<v Speaker 3>to say it to him.

0:40:27.840 --> 0:40:30.759
<v Speaker 1>And also just it's not about pushing it down, but

0:40:30.800 --> 0:40:34.600
<v Speaker 1>it's just about acknowledging it and just reminding myself that's

0:40:34.640 --> 0:40:36.239
<v Speaker 1>not really that important.

0:40:36.520 --> 0:40:40.280
<v Speaker 3>Right, So to acknowledging Okay, that's frustration, that's an old feeling,

0:40:40.560 --> 0:40:44.000
<v Speaker 3>it's not really current. And is there anything else I

0:40:44.040 --> 0:40:45.880
<v Speaker 3>need to do about it? Nope, I'm okay. I've just

0:40:45.920 --> 0:40:48.160
<v Speaker 3>acknowledged it and it's and it kind of dissipated.

0:40:48.680 --> 0:40:53.040
<v Speaker 1>Yeah. Yeah, I really enjoyed our therapy session. Thank you

0:40:53.080 --> 0:40:54.799
<v Speaker 1>so much. Do you have any parting words for me?

0:40:56.320 --> 0:40:59.760
<v Speaker 3>You know, it's so funny. I'm checking in with myself

0:40:59.840 --> 0:41:03.720
<v Speaker 3>right now, like, am I having any feelings about how

0:41:04.120 --> 0:41:08.759
<v Speaker 3>well you're doing? And how I You don't need me

0:41:08.800 --> 0:41:11.920
<v Speaker 3>as much as you as you used to, right, Like

0:41:12.000 --> 0:41:14.880
<v Speaker 3>you know you have all the answers within you, and

0:41:14.920 --> 0:41:17.560
<v Speaker 3>you've been listening. And I don't mean that need me

0:41:17.600 --> 0:41:20.240
<v Speaker 3>as a friend. I know where we'll always be friends.

0:41:20.320 --> 0:41:24.960
<v Speaker 3>But you are answering your own questions right, and you

0:41:25.000 --> 0:41:28.399
<v Speaker 3>are listening to what's coming up, and you're not saying

0:41:28.440 --> 0:41:30.520
<v Speaker 3>to me, what should I do in this moment? Or

0:41:31.040 --> 0:41:32.120
<v Speaker 3>I don't know how I feel?

0:41:33.360 --> 0:41:37.600
<v Speaker 1>I still text you and say what should I do?

0:41:37.719 --> 0:41:40.800
<v Speaker 1>How do I handle this? But you're like a backup

0:41:40.880 --> 0:41:43.840
<v Speaker 1>to my instinct because now I'm able to listen to

0:41:43.880 --> 0:41:45.560
<v Speaker 1>my gut and my instinct a lot more than I

0:41:45.680 --> 0:41:46.560
<v Speaker 1>ever was before.

0:41:47.400 --> 0:41:50.440
<v Speaker 3>Yeah, and you'll always have that for me. So instead

0:41:50.440 --> 0:41:54.040
<v Speaker 3>of me giving parting words or parting advice, what do

0:41:54.120 --> 0:41:58.120
<v Speaker 3>you think as things might bubble up, as your daughters

0:41:58.200 --> 0:42:01.759
<v Speaker 3>might have questions about the conversation, or Dave might any

0:42:01.800 --> 0:42:04.239
<v Speaker 3>feelings at all, what do you think you might do

0:42:05.000 --> 0:42:07.799
<v Speaker 3>That sort of is under the guise of like an

0:42:07.840 --> 0:42:12.200
<v Speaker 3>I choose me moment or just processing those feelings or conversations.

0:42:12.400 --> 0:42:14.960
<v Speaker 1>I mean, what comes to my mind immediately is that

0:42:15.040 --> 0:42:17.239
<v Speaker 1>I'm just going to choose to listen to them and

0:42:17.320 --> 0:42:23.320
<v Speaker 1>honor their perspective and respect it. You know, I can't

0:42:23.400 --> 0:42:27.440
<v Speaker 1>change it, like anybody that has a reaction to our conversation.

0:42:28.200 --> 0:42:31.880
<v Speaker 1>I can't change it or mold it into what I

0:42:31.920 --> 0:42:34.920
<v Speaker 1>want it to be. You just need to let people

0:42:36.000 --> 0:42:36.920
<v Speaker 1>have their feelings.

0:42:37.520 --> 0:42:42.600
<v Speaker 3>There's an inner piece and an inner confidence to that answer,

0:42:43.680 --> 0:42:47.000
<v Speaker 3>and I would apply it to your feelings too, right,

0:42:47.160 --> 0:42:49.960
<v Speaker 3>not just your girls and your husband, but if feelings

0:42:50.000 --> 0:42:53.200
<v Speaker 3>come up for you, just listen.

0:42:53.760 --> 0:42:59.440
<v Speaker 1>It's just a feeling. Yeah, And I have another feeling,

0:43:00.680 --> 0:43:02.759
<v Speaker 1>and it's that I really like your hair color right now,

0:43:02.760 --> 0:43:03.560
<v Speaker 1>So keep it that way.

0:43:03.640 --> 0:43:08.359
<v Speaker 3>Okay, that's all you've got it. Thanks for having me on.

0:43:08.600 --> 0:43:09.040
<v Speaker 1>I love you.

0:43:09.440 --> 0:43:13.480
<v Speaker 3>I love you, Bye bye bye bye.

0:43:14.680 --> 0:43:18.919
<v Speaker 1>In closing, I want to just thank Adele one more

0:43:18.960 --> 0:43:22.719
<v Speaker 1>time for helping me move through that, and thank you

0:43:23.120 --> 0:43:27.239
<v Speaker 1>Peter too for coming on and having this conversation with me.

0:43:27.400 --> 0:43:31.040
<v Speaker 1>I just want to say I'm really proud of both

0:43:31.080 --> 0:43:33.880
<v Speaker 1>of us for having this sit down. I heard some

0:43:33.920 --> 0:43:37.040
<v Speaker 1>things that I think I really needed to hear. It

0:43:37.120 --> 0:43:42.560
<v Speaker 1>felt stirring and settling at the same time, and I

0:43:42.600 --> 0:43:45.720
<v Speaker 1>really do love that Peter was so vulnerable and honest.

0:43:46.560 --> 0:43:50.640
<v Speaker 1>Please know that having that conversation and having it publicly

0:43:51.280 --> 0:43:54.480
<v Speaker 1>was a choice we both made to maybe help other

0:43:54.520 --> 0:43:59.000
<v Speaker 1>people going through turbulent times of their own. And I

0:43:59.040 --> 0:44:02.160
<v Speaker 1>really do hope that by Peter and I opening up

0:44:02.200 --> 0:44:06.080
<v Speaker 1>about the highs and the lows we've experienced in our

0:44:06.120 --> 0:44:10.440
<v Speaker 1>go parenting journey, it will help some of you. I

0:44:10.480 --> 0:44:14.640
<v Speaker 1>want to ask you a question. Are you holding on

0:44:14.719 --> 0:44:20.920
<v Speaker 1>to old feelings, past angers, resentments, sadness? Maybe just think

0:44:20.920 --> 0:44:24.840
<v Speaker 1>about that this week and if you find something there,

0:44:25.600 --> 0:44:29.040
<v Speaker 1>I want to encourage you to dig deep and be

0:44:29.239 --> 0:44:34.799
<v Speaker 1>brave and choose to release that feeling. That's all you

0:44:34.880 --> 0:44:39.680
<v Speaker 1>have to do. Simply choose to let it go. I know,

0:44:40.280 --> 0:44:45.840
<v Speaker 1>I know I just said simply, and you may be thinking, uh, yeah, Jenny,

0:44:45.880 --> 0:44:49.640
<v Speaker 1>it's not that simple. I get it. But I promise you,

0:44:50.600 --> 0:44:55.320
<v Speaker 1>no matter what your circumstances are, no matter how high

0:44:55.480 --> 0:44:58.080
<v Speaker 1>the mountain in front of you looks, you can do this.

0:44:59.120 --> 0:45:03.839
<v Speaker 1>You can choose to release old feelings, old habits that

0:45:03.880 --> 0:45:08.280
<v Speaker 1>are holding you back, and you can choose to move forward.

0:45:09.160 --> 0:45:12.600
<v Speaker 1>You have the power. Thank you for choosing to listen

0:45:12.680 --> 0:45:15.640
<v Speaker 1>to I choose me. You can find all the links

0:45:15.680 --> 0:45:18.120
<v Speaker 1>to our socials in the show notes, and I want

0:45:18.160 --> 0:45:21.359
<v Speaker 1>you to know I love you. I'll be here next week.

0:45:21.680 --> 0:45:23.000
<v Speaker 1>I hope you choose to be here.

0:45:23.040 --> 0:45:23.880
<v Speaker 2>Too