WEBVTT - CARDI B: Overcoming Depression, Blocking Out the Hate & Owning Your Power 0:00:00.200 --> 0:00:03.640 My marriage. I felt the love dying that was crying 0:00:03.680 --> 0:00:08.479 every day. I felt in the deepest depression that I 0:00:08.520 --> 0:00:09.880 had ever had. 0:00:10.160 --> 0:00:13.640 The number one health and wellness podcast Ja Shetty J, 0:00:13.800 --> 0:00:21.560 Sheddy One Only Sheddy, Cardi B. Welcome to on Purpose. 0:00:22.800 --> 0:00:24.840 Oh my gosh. I have to tell you something, and 0:00:24.880 --> 0:00:27.480 I mean this. You can go back six years when 0:00:27.480 --> 0:00:30.640 I launched the podcast, people woul always ask me. They'd say, 0:00:30.880 --> 0:00:33.440 who do you want on the show? Like who would 0:00:33.440 --> 0:00:36.879 be your dream guest? And I'd always say Cardi B. 0:00:37.000 --> 0:00:39.519 And I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why because 0:00:39.800 --> 0:00:42.000 no one would ever put us in the same room together. 0:00:42.040 --> 0:00:46.559 We're just so different externally, but I believe there's a 0:00:46.560 --> 0:00:48.520 spiritual connection that we'll find out today. 0:00:48.680 --> 0:00:51.280 You know what's so funny. I saw a video of 0:00:51.360 --> 0:00:53.880 you and I definitely want I was like, I want 0:00:53.880 --> 0:00:57.800 to stand to my boyfriend. But it's about like asking 0:00:58.200 --> 0:01:00.720 difficult questions. And it's like when you when you ask 0:01:00.840 --> 0:01:04.240 difficult questions and you get through, you get over the 0:01:04.720 --> 0:01:08.360 difficult question and you've discussed the difficult questions, it really 0:01:08.560 --> 0:01:11.920 do make you stronger. It really do make the relationships strong, 0:01:11.959 --> 0:01:14.399 and it's like, oh my gosh, he really, It's like, 0:01:14.600 --> 0:01:15.400 is he a psychic? 0:01:16.800 --> 0:01:19.160 Did you send it to? Did you send it to? 0:01:19.480 --> 0:01:20.160 What did he say? 0:01:20.440 --> 0:01:23.880 He was like yeah, exactly, And I was like, yeah, exactly. 0:01:24.360 --> 0:01:26.319 Did it change any behavior. 0:01:27.640 --> 0:01:28.640 On the next question? 0:01:30.200 --> 0:01:33.160 I love it. I love it. I wanted to ask you. 0:01:33.240 --> 0:01:35.119 First of all, I heard that you have a hidden 0:01:35.200 --> 0:01:40.480 talent that you can name the forty six presidents in order. 0:01:41.000 --> 0:01:41.560 Is that real? 0:01:41.720 --> 0:01:44.840 I can't go it comes and go, it comes and go. 0:01:44.959 --> 0:01:48.559 I just know a lot of weird different facts about presidents, 0:01:48.800 --> 0:01:51.160 and people will be like, well, why that is so random? 0:01:51.480 --> 0:01:54.200 Like when I was younger, I didn't really have like 0:01:54.520 --> 0:01:57.480 Nintendo's and I didn't sometimes I had cable and sometimes 0:01:57.560 --> 0:01:59.760 I didn't, So I just really ain't had no choice 0:01:59.760 --> 0:02:02.680 but read, and like I like to read like factual stuff, 0:02:02.720 --> 0:02:04.360 so I would just read like a whole bunch of 0:02:05.120 --> 0:02:08.200 history things. Like me, I will literally when I'm bored, 0:02:08.240 --> 0:02:10.560 Like you know how they give you the history books 0:02:10.639 --> 0:02:13.920 in your school, I will literally read the whole history 0:02:13.960 --> 0:02:17.440 book in a week, from front to back, just because 0:02:17.480 --> 0:02:18.000 I'm bored. 0:02:18.160 --> 0:02:20.880 Wow, that's impressive, though, do you still get bored now? 0:02:20.880 --> 0:02:22.160 Do you even have time to be bored? 0:02:22.240 --> 0:02:24.360 Or I don't be bored. But that's like what I 0:02:24.480 --> 0:02:26.960 really just like to watch and everything. So like I 0:02:27.040 --> 0:02:30.840 watched it like watch youtubes on like factual things like 0:02:31.080 --> 0:02:35.520 I just get into certain certain topics and I always 0:02:35.520 --> 0:02:37.359 go down a rabbit hole and then I'd be obsessed 0:02:37.360 --> 0:02:39.320 with it for a week and then it's just like whatever. 0:02:39.880 --> 0:02:42.520 I feel like you can't go anywhere without being recognized. 0:02:42.560 --> 0:02:44.320 I mean, you have such an iconic look. Even today 0:02:44.320 --> 0:02:46.400 I was admiring it when you walked in. I was like, 0:02:46.440 --> 0:02:49.880 what inspires this? But if you could be anonymous for 0:02:49.880 --> 0:02:52.200 twenty four hours? Yeah, what would you do if no 0:02:52.240 --> 0:02:53.639 one could recognize you, no one could see you? What 0:02:53.639 --> 0:02:55.000 would you do? Well? 0:02:55.200 --> 0:02:59.120 You know what's so funny, Like I really do, like 0:02:59.160 --> 0:03:02.760 I don't always look like this, So I usually go 0:03:02.840 --> 0:03:05.440 outside probably with glasses are probably not but I always 0:03:05.440 --> 0:03:09.320 go outside with like a oversized hoodie and then I'm 0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:11.840 not even gonna lie. Due to COVID for like a 0:03:11.880 --> 0:03:14.920 long time, it really did help using the mask. But 0:03:15.320 --> 0:03:18.160 I do a lot of things by myself and no security, 0:03:18.840 --> 0:03:21.320 just because I'm a person that if I want to 0:03:21.919 --> 0:03:26.799 if I want to go and buy a steak to cook, 0:03:27.360 --> 0:03:30.359 I will go downstairs to Hole Foods and buy it. 0:03:30.360 --> 0:03:33.160 And yourself care no no, no, and no one will see you. 0:03:33.560 --> 0:03:35.480 They might or they might not. But I feel like 0:03:35.480 --> 0:03:37.600 I already maneuver how to like, Oh, it's Cardi B 0:03:37.680 --> 0:03:40.920 And I just walk fast and maneuver my way around. 0:03:41.080 --> 0:03:43.760 That's impressive. Yeah, you know, this show is all about 0:03:43.760 --> 0:03:47.320 getting to know the person behind the music, behind the 0:03:47.360 --> 0:03:49.680 start and behind the fame, getting to know the human 0:03:49.720 --> 0:03:50.240 behind it. 0:03:50.440 --> 0:03:50.840 Yeah. 0:03:50.880 --> 0:03:53.200 And I feel like your journey, even though you've talked 0:03:53.200 --> 0:03:55.160 about it, I'd love to dive into some parts that 0:03:55.200 --> 0:03:57.840 I find fascinating. Yeah, And I wanted to ask you, 0:03:57.880 --> 0:04:01.160 what's a childhood memory that you have that you think 0:04:01.280 --> 0:04:03.240 defines who you are today. 0:04:03.920 --> 0:04:10.200 Oh, it's a lot. Well, it's not really like a 0:04:10.280 --> 0:04:13.280 childhood memory. But me and my sister we used to 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:15.360 go to the same school, right, even though like she's 0:04:15.640 --> 0:04:19.279 three years younger than me. And she always be telling 0:04:19.320 --> 0:04:21.640 me this thing, right, she always be telling me this 0:04:22.080 --> 0:04:24.479 She used to She always tells me like, oh, I 0:04:24.600 --> 0:04:28.440 used to see you in the cafeteria in the morning 0:04:29.040 --> 0:04:33.480 by yourself, with your head down, and I used to 0:04:33.520 --> 0:04:36.760 feel so bad for you. And it's like why And 0:04:36.800 --> 0:04:39.000 she's like I don't know, because you just looked so lonely. 0:04:39.520 --> 0:04:41.520 And I used to tell her like it's like I 0:04:41.680 --> 0:04:45.640 was not lonely. I just always need time to think 0:04:45.680 --> 0:04:48.640 and be by myself. Like I'm a person that I 0:04:48.720 --> 0:04:52.440 have friends, but I don't really like to be around 0:04:52.839 --> 0:04:56.320 people that much. Sometimes I just I'm always in my thoughts, 0:04:56.360 --> 0:04:58.240 like there's like a hundred people and I feel like 0:04:58.279 --> 0:05:00.000 it's been like that since I was five years old. 0:05:00.120 --> 0:05:02.800 That talk in my head and plan things out, plan 0:05:02.920 --> 0:05:07.200 my future, plan my life. It's like I'm playing dollhouse 0:05:07.279 --> 0:05:08.920 in my head. You know that when you play with 0:05:08.960 --> 0:05:13.040 your dog, you make a scenario, not a scenario, or 0:05:13.080 --> 0:05:17.200 like you you build your home and this and your that. Yeah, 0:05:17.240 --> 0:05:21.640 like a little universe. I'm always planning a universe in 0:05:21.640 --> 0:05:24.400 my head. And it's just sometimes people say that I 0:05:24.400 --> 0:05:27.480 have like an interesting look, like like if I'm spaced out, 0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:30.760 I'm not spaced out. I'm I'm deep in my universe 0:05:30.800 --> 0:05:33.440 and planning five years ahead. 0:05:33.560 --> 0:05:37.279 Wow, so you're dreaming, planning, visioning. You do these different 0:05:37.320 --> 0:05:40.240 workers different use in your head, have different names or 0:05:40.440 --> 0:05:44.120 personalities or no, it's just no, it's not really. 0:05:43.920 --> 0:05:50.200 No different personalities it's just straight planning tomorrow, straight, planning 0:05:50.240 --> 0:05:54.880 for five years straight straight imagining what I what I want. 0:05:55.680 --> 0:05:59.479 And it's crazy because it's like everything that I plan 0:05:59.600 --> 0:06:05.840 for I was five and dreamed of, I really gotten it. 0:06:06.640 --> 0:06:09.800 Even when I was like younger. Even when I was 0:06:09.800 --> 0:06:11.400 like younger, I used to look at my mom and 0:06:11.440 --> 0:06:14.359 I used to be like, I want to be so 0:06:14.640 --> 0:06:19.000 pretty and beautiful like her, and I grew up to 0:06:19.040 --> 0:06:23.920 be the pretty beautiful woman that she is. But I 0:06:23.960 --> 0:06:32.039 also wanted, like to be very successful, very I'm not 0:06:32.040 --> 0:06:35.480 gonna say rich, but like very successful. I really hate 0:06:35.480 --> 0:06:40.760 it being poor. And I used to say, like it's 0:06:40.800 --> 0:06:45.800 that I refuse to have kids and raise them in 0:06:45.880 --> 0:06:48.760 the hood. I have to find a way to never 0:06:48.800 --> 0:06:52.080 do that. But I always wanted kids, and I figured 0:06:52.120 --> 0:06:54.840 it out. And I not only did I figure it out, 0:06:55.080 --> 0:06:57.840 but it's like I always have plan B, c's, and d's, 0:06:58.720 --> 0:07:01.159 but I don't have then had to settle for plan 0:07:01.279 --> 0:07:03.760 BC and D had. I settled for my dream, Like 0:07:03.839 --> 0:07:06.120 this is my dream job, and I have it. It's 0:07:06.120 --> 0:07:07.960 a little bit more difficult than what I saw in 0:07:07.960 --> 0:07:13.160 my dreams, but I'm living it. But I always wanted Yeah. 0:07:13.000 --> 0:07:15.600 That's incredible as that little girl who was sitting alone 0:07:15.680 --> 0:07:17.880 that your sister said she would see you and she'd 0:07:17.880 --> 0:07:20.640 feel sorry for you. But inside your head you were dreaming. 0:07:21.400 --> 0:07:24.400 Was it dreaming about music? Was it dreaming about getting 0:07:24.400 --> 0:07:26.440 out the hood? What were those dreams? What did they 0:07:26.440 --> 0:07:28.360 look like to that little girl back then? 0:07:28.680 --> 0:07:32.760 I always felt like I was going to be a superstar. 0:07:33.160 --> 0:07:35.640 And it's so weird because my grandma, she has like 0:07:35.680 --> 0:07:40.840 a lot of grandkids, but she always used to tell 0:07:40.920 --> 0:07:44.720 me that, And it's like why you always used to 0:07:44.720 --> 0:07:46.720 tell Like I don't understand why she used to tell 0:07:46.760 --> 0:07:50.440 me that all the time. Like I used to be 0:07:50.520 --> 0:07:54.200 like a little black sheep. I used to like nag 0:07:54.240 --> 0:07:58.760 a lot. I have like cousins. They're very pretty, they 0:07:58.840 --> 0:08:02.440 have beautiful, beautiful eyes. They just stand out so much. 0:08:02.480 --> 0:08:04.720 And it's not that I don't stand out, it's just 0:08:04.800 --> 0:08:07.320 like out of everybody. My grandma used to be like, 0:08:07.320 --> 0:08:09.680 you're gonna be a superstar. You need to practice how 0:08:09.680 --> 0:08:13.640 to sing because you're gonna be a superstar. And I 0:08:13.760 --> 0:08:16.120 just knew I was meant to be something like for 0:08:16.160 --> 0:08:19.160 some reason, me and my sister we have like really 0:08:19.200 --> 0:08:23.480 strong personalities and I feel like like the things that 0:08:23.880 --> 0:08:25.440 they used to tell me, they would tell her the 0:08:25.480 --> 0:08:29.800 same thing too, like all my teachers, all my friends, 0:08:29.800 --> 0:08:32.320 they're gonna be like you're gonna be somebody. You're gonna 0:08:32.320 --> 0:08:34.360 be somebody someday. But I always used to wonder, like 0:08:34.400 --> 0:08:37.560 it's like, what is my calling? Because I used to 0:08:37.800 --> 0:08:41.360 like acting in school, but I'm not a good actress. 0:08:41.640 --> 0:08:44.040 I used to like singing, but I'm not a good 0:08:44.360 --> 0:08:46.679 I'm not the greatest singer, like from the pack from 0:08:46.679 --> 0:08:49.240 the school, I'm not the greatest singer. Like if I 0:08:49.280 --> 0:08:51.800 will audition for a play, they will pick somebody else 0:08:51.800 --> 0:08:53.960 because they sing better than me, or they will pick 0:08:53.960 --> 0:08:57.040 somebody else because they act better than me. So and 0:08:57.080 --> 0:08:59.280 then it's like, oh, people used say like I'm so funny, 0:08:59.280 --> 0:09:03.120 but it's like I'm not a comedian. Hand THU show 0:09:03.480 --> 0:09:07.080 like I am. I'm naturally funny, but I can't see 0:09:07.080 --> 0:09:09.360 it as my job, just just just my mouth. This 0:09:09.480 --> 0:09:11.760 is just me being me. So it's like what is 0:09:11.840 --> 0:09:14.920 my calling? And I always wonder what is my calling? 0:09:14.960 --> 0:09:17.360 That everybody say that it's like I'm gonna be somebody, 0:09:17.400 --> 0:09:20.160 but what am I gonna be? I don't know? And 0:09:20.160 --> 0:09:22.800 and God gave it to me. God show it to me, 0:09:22.920 --> 0:09:27.120 and God really did give it to me. And here 0:09:27.160 --> 0:09:29.400 I am, and I just can't believe that millions of 0:09:29.720 --> 0:09:30.400 people know me. 0:09:31.040 --> 0:09:34.680 Congratulations when I hear you say that, and you always 0:09:34.679 --> 0:09:38.640 exude this confidence, your outspoken, you're bold. Was it always 0:09:38.720 --> 0:09:40.360 like that since you were a young girl? Or did 0:09:40.400 --> 0:09:43.160 that develop over time? What did? Where did that come from? 0:09:43.320 --> 0:09:46.839 I was like born like this, I was always I 0:09:46.920 --> 0:09:49.160 always been like this. I guess I got my real 0:09:49.280 --> 0:09:54.000 quiet side and I always got like into myself side, 0:09:54.000 --> 0:09:55.800 because like I said, I'd be in my own universe 0:09:55.920 --> 0:10:01.640 quiet planning and planning. But I feel like when I 0:10:01.720 --> 0:10:05.240 open my mouth or when I am who I am, 0:10:05.559 --> 0:10:08.920 it's just this is just how I am. But if 0:10:08.920 --> 0:10:11.240 I kind of think about it, I mean, like my 0:10:11.320 --> 0:10:15.640 family are very like funny, They're very loud. My parents 0:10:15.679 --> 0:10:18.600 are a little different from each other, but they're very loud. 0:10:19.160 --> 0:10:22.040 They have very strong personalities, both of them. So I 0:10:22.040 --> 0:10:27.360 feel like it's just all came into me. So it's like, 0:10:27.440 --> 0:10:29.880 you know how people I don't know, maybe you know 0:10:29.880 --> 0:10:34.240 how people parents give their kids they looks. I think 0:10:34.280 --> 0:10:37.040 my parents gave me a mix of they both personality. 0:10:37.080 --> 0:10:38.360 I'm a little bit of both of them. 0:10:38.520 --> 0:10:41.559 Cardib even still today, finds time for her quiet side. 0:10:42.400 --> 0:10:44.720 I'm naturally quiet, though I don't. 0:10:44.520 --> 0:10:46.200 Like tell me about that. I want to know about that. 0:10:46.320 --> 0:10:47.760 I don't think people know that. 0:10:47.880 --> 0:10:51.480 Yeah, Like I'm naturally in my room, just deep in 0:10:51.559 --> 0:10:56.120 my thoughts and just deep, deep deep. I might just 0:10:56.200 --> 0:10:58.320 talk to you the whole day as a friend on 0:10:58.360 --> 0:11:01.320 the phone, but I don't really want to see you, 0:11:02.160 --> 0:11:04.679 which is so weird. Like I could talk to my 0:11:04.720 --> 0:11:07.439 friends all day long, but I like to be by 0:11:07.520 --> 0:11:09.200 myself all the time. 0:11:09.760 --> 0:11:12.360 I really people surprised when they figure that out with you. 0:11:12.880 --> 0:11:14.800 Yeah, And my friends don't feel a certain type of 0:11:14.800 --> 0:11:17.200 way about that because they know me. They know, yeah, 0:11:17.240 --> 0:11:19.280 they know I'm not the friend they want to go 0:11:19.320 --> 0:11:22.000 out to dinner. They know that I'm not that. They 0:11:22.000 --> 0:11:24.880 know I'm not the friend there. Oh, I'm just gonna 0:11:24.920 --> 0:11:26.840 go to your house and chill and blah blah blah. 0:11:26.840 --> 0:11:28.959 But we will be on the phone like forever. 0:11:29.200 --> 0:11:31.640 So what about like parties, events, all of that kind 0:11:31.679 --> 0:11:34.000 of stuff that's like is it work? Is it networking? 0:11:34.160 --> 0:11:38.600 Or I do like to party, but sometimes I haven't 0:11:38.600 --> 0:11:41.600 even really had the time for it lately. I haven't 0:11:41.600 --> 0:11:44.240 really had the time for it. And to be honest 0:11:44.280 --> 0:11:48.040 with you, even before I was like famous and everything, 0:11:48.400 --> 0:11:51.160 I wasn't really a club girl. I was already a dancer. 0:11:51.840 --> 0:11:53.760 So I work in the club. So it's like I 0:11:53.800 --> 0:11:56.320 didn't really care to like, oh, I'm going to the 0:11:56.360 --> 0:12:00.440 club today for what I work in it Like, it's 0:12:00.480 --> 0:12:03.960 just like I always been like a person that just work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work, 0:12:04.200 --> 0:12:08.240 focus on the bigger picture, just focus on the biggest thing. 0:12:08.760 --> 0:12:11.360 I always wanted kids, So the goal is to be 0:12:11.440 --> 0:12:15.720 comfortable before the kids get here. That was always my goal. 0:12:16.240 --> 0:12:18.240 My goal was always to be a mother, but having 0:12:18.280 --> 0:12:21.240 your own. I had my own before I became a mother. 0:12:21.559 --> 0:12:23.440 Yeah, I mean you said just a few moments ago 0:12:23.520 --> 0:12:25.800 that you didn't want to raise kids in the hood. 0:12:26.760 --> 0:12:28.760 Talk to me about what we don't know about that, 0:12:28.840 --> 0:12:30.960 Like how hard was it? What was it that was 0:12:31.400 --> 0:12:33.360 so bad that you were like, I could never raise 0:12:33.400 --> 0:12:35.360 my kids in the place I grew up in. 0:12:36.960 --> 0:12:41.640 It's just a lot of things, like sometimes when kids 0:12:41.760 --> 0:12:45.280 are like bad or they get into trouble, people automatically 0:12:45.280 --> 0:12:49.040 blame the parents. And you could have the best parents, 0:12:49.040 --> 0:12:51.160 and my parents, there are not criminals. They have never 0:12:51.200 --> 0:12:54.280 even committed a crime. My grandma used to tell my 0:12:54.320 --> 0:12:56.760 mom a lot, like I said, you're pretty for no reason. 0:12:57.679 --> 0:12:59.360 And I feel like they used to tell her that 0:12:59.440 --> 0:13:02.600 because it's like she's so pretty. So it's like, you know, 0:13:02.760 --> 0:13:05.000 Caribbean folks, is like when you're pretty and you're this 0:13:05.080 --> 0:13:06.760 and that, it's like they always expect it to be 0:13:06.800 --> 0:13:08.680 with a man. They got a lot of money. And 0:13:08.760 --> 0:13:10.959 my mom she was never even that type of person. 0:13:11.000 --> 0:13:14.400 She was a very modest and honest, hard working woman. 0:13:15.240 --> 0:13:18.600 So and my dad, he's a good man. He's a 0:13:18.600 --> 0:13:21.040 party animal, but he's a good man. He's a good person. 0:13:21.080 --> 0:13:25.480 He's a good dad. However, you will end up going 0:13:25.559 --> 0:13:28.000 in the wrong path or going in the wrong direction 0:13:29.400 --> 0:13:35.600 because the influence around you, because certain peer pressure, or 0:13:35.640 --> 0:13:38.600 because you almost have no choice, especially if you're a boy. 0:13:40.559 --> 0:13:42.040 You never know if you're gonna have a boy or girl, 0:13:42.160 --> 0:13:44.640 especially if you're a boy, and when you are a girl, 0:13:44.800 --> 0:13:46.560 it is a little bit difficult, it is a little 0:13:46.559 --> 0:13:49.600 bit tougher. I feel like people just grow a little 0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:52.760 bit faster in the hood. Like when I was eleven 0:13:52.840 --> 0:13:56.240 years old, there was girls in my class in the 0:13:56.320 --> 0:13:58.920 sixth grade, eleven years old. I have nieces dire eleven 0:13:58.960 --> 0:14:01.640 years old. The other one of the played roadblocks nowadays, 0:14:02.000 --> 0:14:05.680 But when I was eleven years old, there was girls 0:14:05.679 --> 0:14:13.640 that were already at eleven in sixth grade. So it's 0:14:13.720 --> 0:14:18.400 like you go certain paths path or your environments. Like 0:14:18.600 --> 0:14:21.560 boys too in the hood, they're a little faster. So 0:14:21.680 --> 0:14:25.600 you know, you will be walking down the block and 0:14:25.680 --> 0:14:28.320 the typical little bad boy, he'll slap your ass. I 0:14:28.320 --> 0:14:30.840 don't know where he'll slap your ass. I don't know where. 0:14:30.840 --> 0:14:32.440 You start arguing him, we will smack the shot your 0:14:32.480 --> 0:14:35.960 face there. That's how boys, a lot of boys in 0:14:36.000 --> 0:14:39.160 the Bronx are. They're very like aggressive. They're aggressive of girls. 0:14:39.160 --> 0:14:44.160 They're aggressive. They grouped out. They they grope you. You 0:14:44.320 --> 0:14:46.360 just never know. Like the one of the reasons also 0:14:46.360 --> 0:14:49.840 why I'm so witty with my mouth. We were like 0:14:49.840 --> 0:14:51.240 why are you so witty? Why are you so think? 0:14:51.720 --> 0:14:56.359 Like going to school, it was like it's almost like 0:14:56.360 --> 0:14:59.400 like I think that's why I'm always so tough like 0:15:00.440 --> 0:15:04.600 boys or girls. Mostly boys, they used to like kind 0:15:04.600 --> 0:15:07.800 of like make fun of certain things, but not only 0:15:07.840 --> 0:15:11.040 just me, to everybody, like like you look at your shoes, 0:15:11.440 --> 0:15:14.640 they're leaning. Look at your hair. Your hair is never 0:15:14.680 --> 0:15:18.640 not done. So I used to go home and I 0:15:18.760 --> 0:15:22.120 used to go in the mirror and practice my jokes. 0:15:22.400 --> 0:15:25.880 And the next day I will be like, I can't 0:15:25.880 --> 0:15:27.720 wait till he flamed me. I got a joke or 0:15:27.720 --> 0:15:30.160 too for him. That's why I'm so weighty too as well. 0:15:30.840 --> 0:15:33.600 So it's like I don't want to raise my kids 0:15:33.680 --> 0:15:36.120 in that type of environment. I don't want to. And 0:15:36.120 --> 0:15:38.120 then on top of that, it's like it is fun. 0:15:38.520 --> 0:15:40.400 I had a lot of fun in the hood, but 0:15:40.520 --> 0:15:45.040 it's like it's not fun, like for me, right, it's 0:15:45.080 --> 0:15:51.560 not fun living in an apartment. Right. And contrary to 0:15:51.640 --> 0:15:53.720 what I say, I don't cook, I don't clean. I 0:15:53.760 --> 0:15:57.000 grew up with a mom that will make me brush 0:15:57.160 --> 0:16:02.880 the corners, the corners the apartment like brush it by hand. 0:16:03.280 --> 0:16:05.720 That's how clean my home had to be. My crib 0:16:05.760 --> 0:16:08.680 had to be every day. I was doing dishes, every day, 0:16:08.680 --> 0:16:11.400 I was mopping floors every day. I was making sure 0:16:11.440 --> 0:16:14.840 that I go outside to the parking lot and take 0:16:14.880 --> 0:16:18.240 off the garbage. And even though no matter how clean 0:16:18.320 --> 0:16:22.360 your apartment is, there will still be roaches, there will 0:16:22.400 --> 0:16:25.440 still be miceist because your neighbor probably a hoarder, the 0:16:25.480 --> 0:16:28.640 person downstairs is dirty. Y'all all live in the same building. 0:16:28.680 --> 0:16:32.400 You cannot avoid certain certain rodents and stuff. And it's 0:16:32.440 --> 0:16:36.360 like I don't want to put my kids through that, 0:16:36.920 --> 0:16:39.000 and it's like I have to find another way. And 0:16:39.040 --> 0:16:41.840 then then another thing that always like gets me in 0:16:41.920 --> 0:16:45.520 my head. It's like this one time, my mom, she 0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:48.840 was working very hard, but we still needed help, so 0:16:48.880 --> 0:16:52.480 she went to welfare to get like benefit, like a 0:16:52.520 --> 0:16:56.080 benefit card and stuff like that. And the lady, like 0:16:56.120 --> 0:16:57.920 my mom, she's the type of person like it's like 0:16:57.960 --> 0:17:00.080 if you route to her, she's gonna be like, oh, 0:17:00.120 --> 0:17:01.720 I don't gotta take this, and she would just throw 0:17:01.760 --> 0:17:04.600 them out, like I don't gotta take nobody gotta gonna 0:17:04.600 --> 0:17:06.600 talk to me like that. She got a very strong character. 0:17:07.000 --> 0:17:09.959 And this lady was talking so rude and so nasty 0:17:10.000 --> 0:17:12.840 to my mom, and she was taking it because we 0:17:12.920 --> 0:17:16.280 needed the help. I don't want nobody to feel like 0:17:16.320 --> 0:17:18.119 they have to talk to me a certain type of 0:17:18.119 --> 0:17:20.680 way because I need the help. And it's like this 0:17:20.760 --> 0:17:23.879 could never ever be me. I would never want to 0:17:23.960 --> 0:17:27.159 like be in a situation where I have to go 0:17:27.280 --> 0:17:30.600 get welfare and the social worker is talking to me 0:17:30.640 --> 0:17:33.480 like I'm a dog, I gotta need you. And I 0:17:33.560 --> 0:17:35.560 just felt so bad for my mom because she just 0:17:35.680 --> 0:17:38.040 felt so I have to tell her face that she 0:17:38.040 --> 0:17:41.159 she was just like looking for the papers that she needed. 0:17:41.240 --> 0:17:45.000 Like it just that vision is always in my head 0:17:45.000 --> 0:17:46.840 and it's like efy getting me mad. I hope that 0:17:46.880 --> 0:17:48.760 lady I want punch in her face to this day 0:17:49.600 --> 0:17:53.080 and I don't want that. I ain't wanted that. And 0:17:53.119 --> 0:17:57.040 as a woman, even if you get with a man 0:17:57.080 --> 0:17:59.920 with money, you should have your own because one thing 0:18:00.200 --> 0:18:03.640 you learn from young, one thing I learned from having aunts. 0:18:04.640 --> 0:18:07.399 You could have a man with money. You can have 0:18:07.440 --> 0:18:10.479 a kid with money if you stop doing what that 0:18:10.520 --> 0:18:12.960 man ask you to do, or if that man decides 0:18:13.000 --> 0:18:14.840 to leave, or if you deal with a man from 0:18:14.840 --> 0:18:17.800 the streets and you go to jail, that's your child, 0:18:18.960 --> 0:18:24.800 that's you, that's your responsibility, that's your hustle. You got 0:18:24.800 --> 0:18:27.960 a ground for that child. It's always two parents, but 0:18:28.080 --> 0:18:30.439 sometimes not really two parents. And if that could be 0:18:30.480 --> 0:18:33.040 alive right there, and then that's why you always got 0:18:33.160 --> 0:18:35.840 to have your own. It's not even about oh, I 0:18:35.880 --> 0:18:37.720 don't need a man I don't need the father. I 0:18:37.720 --> 0:18:39.520 don't need the thing. But sometimes they get to the 0:18:39.520 --> 0:18:41.720 point that it's like they're gonna make you feel that way. 0:18:41.880 --> 0:18:45.440 That's why you need it. I had cousins and I 0:18:45.480 --> 0:18:50.120 have aunts, and I have it. That is like they man, 0:18:50.240 --> 0:18:52.040 have a little bit of money, have a little bit 0:18:52.080 --> 0:18:54.040 of land, have a little bit of this, and one 0:18:54.080 --> 0:18:56.479 of those mans are done and through with you and 0:18:56.520 --> 0:18:59.040 put you off the wringer. It's like, yeah, I'm not 0:18:59.080 --> 0:19:00.960 dealing with that kid no more more. Or like you 0:19:01.480 --> 0:19:04.920 get these two hundred dollars every three four months when 0:19:04.920 --> 0:19:07.440 I want you to, I'm not dealing with that shit. 0:19:08.280 --> 0:19:10.159 That's why I was like, but I always wanted to 0:19:10.160 --> 0:19:11.679 have kids, So it's that I have to have my 0:19:11.720 --> 0:19:14.880 own ship before I become a mom. And that's exactly 0:19:14.880 --> 0:19:17.360 what happened. And only do I not only have one kid. 0:19:17.640 --> 0:19:20.920 I have three kids. And that's exactly not exactly the 0:19:21.000 --> 0:19:24.200 number that I want. But I always wanted a big family, 0:19:24.680 --> 0:19:29.120 Like I love family. I love family, and there's a 0:19:29.240 --> 0:19:32.880 higher possibility that I won't be in a living assistant home. 0:19:33.080 --> 0:19:34.920 But all the kids, how many kids do you want? 0:19:35.119 --> 0:19:36.240 I want like six? 0:19:36.600 --> 0:19:42.119 Okay, it's three more. I want like three more kids, 0:19:42.160 --> 0:19:44.240 three more kids. I love that for you. I mean 0:19:44.520 --> 0:19:46.720 hear hearing you say that. I mean, as I was 0:19:46.760 --> 0:19:49.760 listening to you, I could tell there's like a there's 0:19:49.760 --> 0:19:52.440 almost like a you can almost vision what that life 0:19:52.520 --> 0:19:54.600 was like. Yeah, And there's a part of you that's 0:19:54.640 --> 0:19:56.600 like so happy you got out. At the same time, 0:19:56.680 --> 0:20:00.640 there's there's such a part of it that the inside 0:20:00.640 --> 0:20:04.440 of you that you've been fighting against, you've been breaking 0:20:04.480 --> 0:20:07.640 out of, right, Like for all of these years, when 0:20:07.720 --> 0:20:11.159 was the moment you felt like I'm out, Like I 0:20:11.240 --> 0:20:13.280 broke out? Like, when was that moment where you really 0:20:13.320 --> 0:20:16.400 felt like I did it? I'm out, I made it. 0:20:16.440 --> 0:20:17.560 You know I'm safe now. 0:20:18.400 --> 0:20:20.760 It's crazy because every single time I feel like I 0:20:20.800 --> 0:20:24.520 felt like I was safe, I really wasn't. Oh interesting, yeah, 0:20:24.800 --> 0:20:26.720 when I got on TV. When I first got on TV, 0:20:26.840 --> 0:20:29.320 I was like, did I make it? I didn't feel 0:20:29.320 --> 0:20:32.600 like I made it? Because I used to see girls 0:20:32.640 --> 0:20:35.199 go on reality TV shows and then they will end 0:20:35.280 --> 0:20:37.160 up right back in the strip club where I was at. 0:20:37.359 --> 0:20:39.320 So I never felt like it's like, oh, on TV, 0:20:39.400 --> 0:20:41.359 I made it. It's like I'm almost there, but I 0:20:41.400 --> 0:20:44.080 didn't make it. Then when I got signed to a label. 0:20:45.440 --> 0:20:52.000