Speaker 1: Are you leaving?
Speaker 2: I you want your way back home? Either way, we
Speaker 2: want to be there.
Speaker 1: Doesn't matter how much baggage you claim and give us
Speaker 1: time and a termino and gaye ad. We want to
Speaker 1: send you off InStyle. We wanna welcome you back home.
Speaker 1: Tell us all about ity scared or was it fine?
Speaker 3: Malforn?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do you need to ride? Do you need to ride?
Speaker 1: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 5: Do you need to ride?
Speaker 4: Do your need you ride? Ride with Karen and Chris?
Speaker 4: Welcome to Do you need a ride? This is Chris Fairbanks.
Speaker 1: And this is Karen Kilgariff.
Speaker 4: Hello, Karen, my friend. I feel like I have not
Speaker 4: seen you in ages.
Speaker 1: We haven't seen each other in several weeks. I have
Speaker 1: to tell you. I just I was at a hair
Speaker 1: appointment and then I went and got myself a sandwich,
Speaker 1: brought it home, and then tried to quickly eat a
Speaker 1: sandwich on a hard roll, which I do not recommend,
Speaker 1: like that level of chewing.
Speaker 4: Now, a hard roll, I've heard that phrase. I don't
Speaker 4: know if I've had a hard roll and known it
Speaker 4: was a hard role.
Speaker 1: It's essentially a baguette or it's just bread that has
Speaker 1: a serious crust on it, and that's not the kind
Speaker 1: of sandwich you're you want to like take big bites
Speaker 1: of and chew and swallow without actually chewing thirty times.
Speaker 4: Right right, Otherwise you get a sophagle spasm. It stays
Speaker 4: in your chest. It hurts even though you can breathe.
Speaker 4: The pain is there and it's real, and it lasts
Speaker 4: for upwards of ten minutes. That's my experience.
Speaker 1: There's a bite issue where you get a throat scrape
Speaker 1: from the bread because it isn't it's already hard, it's.
Speaker 4: Got an unappealing there's no bread with a worse name
Speaker 4: than hard roll, and then that is what it is.
Speaker 1: It is. It's a difficult role, literally a hard roll.
Speaker 4: I know it's a little too late to have New
Speaker 4: Year's resolutions, but I am going I'm never going to
Speaker 4: have a hard roll.
Speaker 1: Again for mikes because of my pain.
Speaker 4: Because of the experience. Yet today yeah, okay, uh, I'm
Speaker 4: doing it for you.
Speaker 1: Thank you. My news was and is truly I just
Speaker 1: tweeted this, but is a sincere realization. As I walked
Speaker 1: out of the deli where I bought the hard roll sandwich,
Speaker 1: I realized, take your time walking to the car. You
Speaker 1: don't have to walk fast like I always have this
Speaker 1: weird thing where I'm like to get the car, oh good,
Speaker 1: Like I have a weird narrator in my head that
Speaker 1: like is like pick up the pace. Don't have to
Speaker 1: do that.
Speaker 4: Yeah. I sometimes when I'm yeah walking, I hear that
Speaker 4: Benny Hill song hackety Sacks, and it makes me walk
Speaker 4: too fast. And need I remind you of the time
Speaker 4: where I laughed right in their face. Someone had a
Speaker 4: bunch of ice and they were running. Both we've both
Speaker 4: told this story. But they dropped a bag of ice
Speaker 4: and then it turned into it like a water slide,
Speaker 4: and they slid on their belly on this bag of
Speaker 4: ice as it exploded. And I, of course, my first
Speaker 4: thought was like, oh no, are you okay, sir? But
Speaker 4: I did that while laughing, and I believe pointing I cared.
Speaker 1: I don't think that person could blame you for that
Speaker 1: reaction when they basically did physical comedy directly in front
Speaker 1: of you.
Speaker 4: Their face, luckily, was right on the pavement and they
Speaker 4: couldn't see me. So lucky. Speaking of lucky perfect, I'm
Speaker 4: very good at segus. If you listen, you know that already.
Speaker 4: We're very lucky to have today's guest. It's true, and
Speaker 4: I believe that I should introduce today's guest because there
Speaker 4: was a time where I introduced them. I was doing
Speaker 4: warm up. They'll remember this. I admitted it in the moment,
Speaker 4: but I was doing warm up. I can't remember what
Speaker 4: show it was, but I was barely getting by with
Speaker 4: a paid studio audience, and Ever wanted to try doing
Speaker 4: warm up that day. And I'm like, great, I'll do
Speaker 4: like five minutes and then bring you up. And I said, hey, everyone, uh,
Speaker 4: my friend's gonna come up here and do some warm
Speaker 4: up for you. Put your hands together for I said never.
Speaker 4: I just turned oh, I just said never Maynard. And
Speaker 4: I think they thought it was a joke. But I
Speaker 4: am now admitting in this moment I was not joking.
Speaker 4: I totally messed up the name. And I have to
Speaker 4: get that out of the way, because guess what's not
Speaker 4: going to happen today, never again, is what I say.
Speaker 1: Ever, are you going to actually do the introduction?
Speaker 4: Yes, with that out of the way, you've seen You've
Speaker 4: seen them at clubs and colleges throughout the country. Put
Speaker 4: you put your hands together, forever Maynard, everybody, thank.
Speaker 5: You so much for having me throughout the nation.
Speaker 2: Do you do so many of these clubs?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Was that at the E Building?
Speaker 4: It was at the building I was.
Speaker 5: That was a terrible time.
Speaker 4: It wasn't it for all of us life?
Speaker 5: That was the least of my worries On the day.
Speaker 4: I was let go without a reason. I believe I
Speaker 4: made a lighthearted comment about Melissa Rivers. I don't know
Speaker 4: what it was, but that's the house that Joan Rivers built,
Speaker 4: and I understood. No one told me if that's why,
Speaker 4: That's what I have in my head. But I was
Speaker 4: relieved that day when I was let go. But I
Speaker 4: I had known you from a couple of shows prior
Speaker 4: to that. There is no excuse though it was a
Speaker 4: new relationship.
Speaker 1: Let me just get asked some questions that I'm positive
Speaker 1: the listener is wondering about. Was this were you guys
Speaker 1: doing warm up for the soup?
Speaker 4: Was this?
Speaker 1: Was it a pilot that we've never heard of?
Speaker 4: It was actually sup adjacent because it was produced by
Speaker 4: Joel McHale and it was this.
Speaker 1: The was that Michael Costa's show.
Speaker 4: It was Michael Costa's show, which was He was so
Speaker 4: good at there. It was the only show where he
Speaker 4: had I think there was three cameras, but he had
Speaker 4: to refer to all these monitors that had set up
Speaker 4: graphics and he I don't know if he had ever
Speaker 4: at this point had a show like that, like a
Speaker 4: multi cam studio show with all these cues. There were
Speaker 4: so many monitors and it was called the comment section,
Speaker 4: so each he would go through the comments based on
Speaker 4: videos and he never messed up. I was so his
Speaker 4: job stressed me out, but he.
Speaker 5: Was psychoticy made my job.
Speaker 4: He was really good.
Speaker 5: What the fuck is wrong with you? It's just jealous?
Speaker 4: And do you remember the day? Were you there the
Speaker 4: day when Joel McHale was the guest and he broke
Speaker 4: it to him in a very strange way that the
Speaker 4: show was going to be canceled.
Speaker 2: I don't remember that, but I was.
Speaker 6: I was a PA at that time, so I was
Speaker 6: there from eight am until eight am.
Speaker 5: The next day.
Speaker 2: They were like, you're a PA. You don't get to.
Speaker 4: Believe well not, you were a PA until the day
Speaker 4: where you did your normal character. Never Maynard, Let's ask.
Speaker 1: How much an experience taking over the warm up comic?
Speaker 6: You know, I don't remember it, but I also do
Speaker 6: remember that it was still a point in time where
Speaker 6: my comedy you like, you know, we're all growing, we
Speaker 6: all evolved, but I think at that point still I
Speaker 6: had a you know, asymmetrical mullet and didn't It was
Speaker 6: just I can't imagine that it was good in front
Speaker 6: of a group of tourists, and I remember thinking, I'll
Speaker 6: impress these producers and this will be it.
Speaker 5: And it wasn't it. It didn't happen.
Speaker 1: They were like, I love the confidence.
Speaker 5: Hey, you gotta take your shut Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, No one was ever really watching. I don't think
Speaker 4: they were just listening to whether or not the audience
Speaker 4: was being riled up. And I quickly learned you did
Speaker 4: that by throwing candy.
Speaker 5: Yeah that's what they want.
Speaker 4: Why am I doing my jokes? Give me a bucket
Speaker 4: of candy and give them treats like horses wanting sugar
Speaker 4: che It's.
Speaker 6: Also five people in there, like everybody things is a
Speaker 6: large studio audiences by people, and you just.
Speaker 4: You say tourists, but they were paid audience people that
Speaker 4: wanted to be actors, and a lot of them wanted
Speaker 4: to be comedians, so they could not give it up.
Speaker 1: Some of them were drug addicts who just wanted their
Speaker 1: next fix. That's what that's my experience of paid audiences
Speaker 1: is these people are waiting to buy drugs with the
Speaker 1: money we're going to give them when they leave.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, I bad if I paid more attention. I
Speaker 4: learned to not look at their faces.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, I didn't look up.
Speaker 4: But you're right. That comedy you were ever, you were
Speaker 4: great when you did warm up. I remember you enjoying it.
Speaker 4: I remember saying that was terrific, and you were loose
Speaker 4: and had fun and that's all they want you so much. See,
Speaker 4: I know it's behind you and you don't care anymore.
Speaker 5: Well, it feels good, but it feels good to be
Speaker 5: You're sorry. It feels.
Speaker 4: I'm sorry. I messed up your name in the most.
Speaker 5: Joel McHale doesn't even remember me. Now that's your fault.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that was our chance. That was our chance with Jordan.
Speaker 1: He was trying to find you on Facebook and he
Speaker 1: could have because he was like, never am never me.
Speaker 1: I'm getting the last name wrong.
Speaker 5: Never No, Marred.
Speaker 1: I do want to say, just since we were talking
Speaker 1: about Michael Cosa, he is the person that I think
Speaker 1: should be famous that isn't famous? And I know, I'm
Speaker 1: sure there's lots of comics like that that we all
Speaker 1: know that you watch them and go, you have all
Speaker 1: the pieces that we've seen other people take all the
Speaker 1: way to the top. Why isn't it you. I really
Speaker 1: like that guy. He's so smart.
Speaker 4: He's on a daily show as a correspondent. Still I think, oh,
Speaker 4: that's true. So that's I mean, when it comes to
Speaker 4: like jobs you can have as a comedian that aren't
Speaker 4: writing job, I think he's nothing. He's doing.
Speaker 1: Ok, he's working. But I guess he's as good as
Speaker 1: Joel Hale, it is my opinion.
Speaker 4: And he's an ex tennis pro.
Speaker 5: Oh that's right.
Speaker 6: He interviewed this titled Michael Costa.
Speaker 1: It's entitled the Michael Costa Never Manered Episode. How have
Speaker 1: you been? What's how's your new year?
Speaker 2: I mean things are good? Things are you know? It's
Speaker 2: a new year?
Speaker 5: New me?
Speaker 4: Oh?
Speaker 6: Quite literally? Well, okay, so here's some fun stuff in
Speaker 6: uh twenty three days. I'm having top surgery, which is exciting.
Speaker 1: Wow, yeah, it is exciting. That's great.
Speaker 6: Started last year with the partner, ended without so what's up? Yeah?
Speaker 4: Great?
Speaker 2: Yeah, you partied, partied in my house.
Speaker 6: I had good friends over, we watched fireworks, they left
Speaker 6: out of respectable.
Speaker 4: Time, and then at midnight consulted with the uh oh,
Speaker 4: what's the oh? The plant you hang? That's how are
Speaker 4: you ridiculous? Where you're supposed to kiss your mistletoe? Why
Speaker 4: can I not think of that? Because it's no one
Speaker 4: talks about it except eighty year olds.
Speaker 1: I was going to get a mirror. There's all kinds
Speaker 1: of plants you can have in the house.
Speaker 4: I mean, you can hang really anything as a garland
Speaker 4: or a garnish, but mistletoe is the one that h
Speaker 4: historically has put a lot of people in terrible situations
Speaker 4: at office parties. And I don't think you see it
Speaker 4: much anymore, and I think that's a good thing. My
Speaker 4: joke was going to be, if you're alone on New
Speaker 4: Year's you hang it above a mirror. But you saw
Speaker 4: my clunky. It was just didn't work out. So I'm
Speaker 4: going to.
Speaker 1: You are never over this.
Speaker 6: But all things, you know, all things considered great, New
Speaker 6: Year a good place in my life.
Speaker 1: How are y'all that's great? Can I ask one question?
Speaker 1: Do you know how long your recovery period will be
Speaker 1: after you get that surgery.
Speaker 5: It'll be like a week of hell in a binder.
Speaker 6: Yeah, and then but I'm not there. There are several
Speaker 6: different like incisions, and then the surgeon I guess my breast.
Speaker 6: I'm so sorry. I just wanted to say breast. They're
Speaker 6: not large enough to have drains. So she's like, I'm
Speaker 6: gonna have you in and out within an hour and
Speaker 6: a half. I was like, okay, Like I'm cart. I
Speaker 6: was like great, she's done so many she's like desensitized.
Speaker 6: She was like, oh yeah, these in and out no drains.
Speaker 6: So I'll just be wrapped up in a lot of pain.
Speaker 6: But I'm excited because my mom will be there and
Speaker 6: to help me that first met and then about a
Speaker 6: month I'll just have like little robot arms and then yeah,
Speaker 6: you can't lift.
Speaker 2: You can't lift your arm robot arms, Yeah, like you can.
Speaker 5: I can only take them up to shoulder.
Speaker 6: I can't lift heavy the the scar tissue and like
Speaker 6: I can get you can't upset the and I have
Speaker 6: to be careful with my nipples otherwise they might fall off.
Speaker 6: You should anyway, especially everyone should be careful with their nipples.
Speaker 4: Please, so they reattached it because some sometimes people get
Speaker 4: the tattoos of nipples.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but I'm not going to do that.
Speaker 6: I said, now fix them the way like somebody was like,
Speaker 6: where are you gonna put them?
Speaker 5: And I was like, where they decide? I don't know,
Speaker 5: I know.
Speaker 4: On a slice of pizza.
Speaker 6: Nip like I was talking to something like a front
Speaker 6: of a friend who had it, and they were like, well,
Speaker 6: I put my nipples off to the side, where are
Speaker 6: you going to put yours?
Speaker 5: And I was like what does that mean?
Speaker 6: And they're like like under the ear, like a little
Speaker 6: bit more mad, like a little bit over here, so
Speaker 6: it looks more mad, right, like.
Speaker 1: It's a lift lift weights or like get pecks.
Speaker 4: Yeah yeah, oh, in preparation for getting yoked.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I guess. I guess so, And I didn't know
Speaker 5: that I think about so that.
Speaker 6: I'm gonna be honest, I've done zero research because I'm
Speaker 6: too I'm too afraid of shit like this where I'm
Speaker 6: gonna be like I have I don't want to think
Speaker 6: about it. I don't want to go down like internet
Speaker 6: holes where there's like surgery's gone wrong or yes, and
Speaker 6: I don't want that. And I'll man, I'll get it.
Speaker 6: Weird in my head and then I'll wake up and
Speaker 6: it'll happen.
Speaker 1: So right, you know, No, that's I think that's smart.
Speaker 1: I mean you are going in blind I think in
Speaker 1: and out an hour talking to people who have had
Speaker 1: the experience. At least you're having your eyes open to things.
Speaker 1: But you're it's not just willy nilly whatever you see
Speaker 1: on the internet. I think that's smart.
Speaker 6: And there is a lot of like or I feel like,
Speaker 6: now the algorithm has figured out that I'm having top surgery,
Speaker 6: so it's feeding me a bunch of people that have
Speaker 6: had it. And I'm noticing that there's a lot of
Speaker 6: top surgery ad for silicone tape, a healing tape that
Speaker 6: you can buy for scars.
Speaker 5: But then these.
Speaker 1: People are You're being marketed and marketed.
Speaker 2: It'd be like, my scars feel great.
Speaker 4: And they're providing you with new Do you even know
Speaker 4: the people that are being thrown your direction?
Speaker 1: Wow?
Speaker 4: You you might be interested in befriending this first.
Speaker 6: And I'm like, okay, all right, I'll try.
Speaker 4: It becomes like a dating app.
Speaker 2: Hey man, I thought, yeah, a lot of high fives.
Speaker 1: You're like, I have to wait a month. You can't
Speaker 1: do it yet, don't try to kiss me.
Speaker 4: What you say, Robot, there it is again? That damn
Speaker 4: damn Garland.
Speaker 5: Well that's exciting, Judy Mistletoe.
Speaker 6: Yeah, I'm excited. So I have actually been doing a
Speaker 6: lot of like chest exercises because when these come off,
Speaker 6: I do want to see pecks. I just want to
Speaker 6: be the ripped SpongeBob.
Speaker 4: Just yeah, you have to like ye, yes, yes, it's
Speaker 4: like going to an orthodonist or something. They have to predict.
Speaker 4: You gotta let them know ahead of time how ripped
Speaker 4: you're gonna get, and then they'll.
Speaker 5: Seemly ripped chest.
Speaker 1: Yeah, just into the rock. You just keep showing them
Speaker 1: pictures of Dwayne Johnson.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna get so ripped. These cards are going to
Speaker 4: become collar bounds.
Speaker 5: Make it happen in and out within an hour and
Speaker 5: a half.
Speaker 1: I want it fast, and I want to look like spongebole.
Speaker 5: I want furious.
Speaker 2: Okay, I want the.
Speaker 5: Vin Diesel.
Speaker 4: If you aren't angry the whole time you're working on me.
Speaker 5: I want to read time.
Speaker 1: Ever, I feel like I haven't seen you in truly,
Speaker 1: like ten years.
Speaker 5: That's how I feel.
Speaker 1: Yeah, if we've missed too, I've missed you too.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I've missed too.
Speaker 4: Vert.
Speaker 6: I was like, yeah, yeah, well because melt I feel
Speaker 6: like Meltdown was such a very special place, and I
Speaker 6: think that was might have been one of the last
Speaker 6: times I saw you or Dynasty oh.
Speaker 1: Wow, or uh you know there it was. I think
Speaker 1: we did a weird doubt that downtown.
Speaker 5: Bookstore, the last bookstore.
Speaker 1: Yes, didn't we do a show there?
Speaker 5: Yes?
Speaker 6: So I used to do a storytelling show there, which
Speaker 6: that was your show.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it was a weird show.
Speaker 6: I will give you that, because sometimes we would have
Speaker 6: an audience, and then sometimes we would just have a
Speaker 6: non audience and then tourists taking photos.
Speaker 5: It's your there's like a book cave.
Speaker 4: It's it's what's your problem that you're talking about? Oh?
Speaker 5: I started I started this with Ann.
Speaker 2: With an ex partner.
Speaker 6: Woke to LA together and she and I started a
Speaker 6: storytelling show.
Speaker 5: And I actually forgot about it until you said that.
Speaker 2: That's all I just thought about.
Speaker 5: That's how I forgot it. No, I forgot about this.
Speaker 4: I have an amazing ability. If there's something you don't
Speaker 4: want to talk about, I'll probably bring it up. Bring
Speaker 4: it up.
Speaker 5: No, honestly, it's nice to be I I did. I totally.
Speaker 5: I have forgotten for so long that I used to
Speaker 5: be engaged and.
Speaker 2: That was great.
Speaker 1: We're bringing it all back, like this is your life.
Speaker 1: Never Maynard, this is your life.
Speaker 4: And I didn't very sorry.
Speaker 1: I didn't mean weird show only in that it was
Speaker 1: in a bookstore.
Speaker 5: It was like, yes, that's what I mean.
Speaker 1: It was like and there were people on the show
Speaker 1: that were not comics. Am I right about that? You
Speaker 1: were like maybe somebody did a reading.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's real.
Speaker 6: Sometimes, like you know, you never know who these people
Speaker 6: are going to be. When you're like, oh, like here's
Speaker 6: like a prose writer or like oh, you've written all
Speaker 6: these short stories that are so beautiful.
Speaker 5: And then you meet them in real life and you're like, oh,
Speaker 5: this is this is not what I wanted. All right,
Speaker 5: you got a ten minutes, you know, you're just like ship.
Speaker 6: So yeah, that that show folded. When they that show
Speaker 6: folded pretty quickly.
Speaker 4: You filed Chapter thirteen bankruptcy. Yeah, you have to go
Speaker 4: through all the lot of Yeah.
Speaker 1: Text Joe McHale came and told her in a weird
Speaker 1: way during the show.
Speaker 5: He wasn't going to be engaged.
Speaker 1: Took your relationship and in your show, you're not getting married.
Speaker 4: I'll try to unsuccessfully find you online later to tell you.
Speaker 6: Now, Oh, Michael found out this show wasn't being renewed.
Speaker 4: It is, I remember, but that's me. It was such
Speaker 4: a weird choice.
Speaker 1: Like on the show in front of the audience.
Speaker 4: Yes, I show that he was producing. He thought, now's
Speaker 4: a good time to tell you this is one of
Speaker 4: your last episodes. I thought it was a very curious
Speaker 4: choice for such a tall, confident man. Yeah, that's enough
Speaker 4: about Michael Costa again.
Speaker 6: Truly, we can't go back to he's a Capricorn, right,
Speaker 6: He is such a can He's a Capricorn.
Speaker 5: You know, he's got that energy about him.
Speaker 4: So are you have you been doing stand up yet?
Speaker 4: I did?
Speaker 6: I feel like I didn't do it for a very
Speaker 6: long time.
Speaker 5: I don't know how y'all felt about Zoom shows, but.
Speaker 4: Just yeah made me more the same.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Okay, we felt okay, yeah, yeah. And then I
Speaker 5: hadn't done it. And then I've never been to New York.
Speaker 5: So I was like, you know, think we were getting boosted.
Speaker 5: It was like we're in the clear. So I went
Speaker 5: to New York. I did the shows, I've never been
Speaker 5: to New York. I've never done shows in New York.
Speaker 4: And I was like, Oh, it's exciting and fun.
Speaker 5: This is nice.
Speaker 4: Did you like the audiences and also do you feel
Speaker 4: like they were listening a little more and maybe slightly smarter?
Speaker 4: No offense to anyone, including myself that lives in Los Angeles.
Speaker 2: That's how I felt. It felt.
Speaker 6: I was like, oh, this is like big Chicago, because
Speaker 6: I started standing up in Chicago where audiences went to
Speaker 6: shows because they love comedy and entertainment the same here.
Speaker 5: And I was like, Oh, that's interesting, that's nice. That's
Speaker 5: a nice feeling.
Speaker 1: Again.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it is a nice feeling. But then it's like,
Speaker 4: should was I supposed to move here? Yes? And the
Speaker 4: answer is no. You know, I got to be at
Speaker 4: the beach. I'm such a surfhead, you.
Speaker 6: Know, I'm there once a month, every four months.
Speaker 5: I'm there once a.
Speaker 4: Month, just every like every half year. And they're once
Speaker 4: a month to dip my toes in and turn around
Speaker 4: and leave and drive two hours.
Speaker 1: There's a needle.
Speaker 4: I'm not staying here so many needles.
Speaker 1: Ever, How long did you stay in New York City?
Speaker 5: A month?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 4: Wow, that's yeah, that's it was a.
Speaker 1: Nice chunk of time. It was so great.
Speaker 6: And then the bars they would like ask for your
Speaker 6: VAX card and everybody was yeah, and I was like,
Speaker 6: oh this, oh you okay, this is nice. And people
Speaker 6: were their masks on public transportation, and then you came
Speaker 6: here and it was.
Speaker 5: Just like in and out and our tops, you know,
Speaker 5: just like breathing on our faces.
Speaker 6: It was I will say, I did go to Texas
Speaker 6: for the holidays and forget safe.
Speaker 5: It feels like.
Speaker 6: Twenty nineteen and I'm I'm in Montana right now.
Speaker 5: Okay, Yeah, how's that?
Speaker 4: It's probably very similar you're from where you're from in Texas.
Speaker 5: It's like, oh little River I'm from, like roll.
Speaker 4: Texas, but it has a hyphen, they told us. And
Speaker 4: then we'll look at it now.
Speaker 5: A little river Dash Academy. I'm gonna can I send.
Speaker 4: Y'all over a cat Dash academy. That's what threw me out.
Speaker 4: What what is this academy?
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's not one for learning.
Speaker 6: I'm gonna send I don't know if y'all do video
Speaker 6: notes or like cliff notes and the descriptions or like links.
Speaker 6: So one of the New Year's Eve activities was on
Speaker 6: just being on YouTube. My friend's husband was like, what
Speaker 6: do you like to watch on YouTube? And I was like,
Speaker 6: I don't.
Speaker 5: But we ended up looking up my hometown and there's
Speaker 5: a woman on her phone.
Speaker 6: She's recording like this not even like that, like the
Speaker 6: right way, and it's just like, we're here, we got
Speaker 6: a spaining ticket, look at this shitty little rundowntown and
Speaker 6: she's like shit talking of the town.
Speaker 5: But she also is like, it's like, hon.
Speaker 4: You live in the.
Speaker 5: Town over, like you know.
Speaker 6: But it's the funniest video and it gives you a
Speaker 6: sense of where I grew up so perfectly I have
Speaker 6: I'll send it to y'all.
Speaker 1: Yes, but I want to see that.
Speaker 6: There's a drag strip where they race different types of cars,
Speaker 6: and the big event over the summer is when they
Speaker 6: have race cars that have actual jet engines on top
Speaker 6: of them.
Speaker 4: Yes, but it's homemade.
Speaker 2: I don't know how the fuck they've made this.
Speaker 4: Yeah, nothing, nothing could go wrong, but.
Speaker 5: They're just just there.
Speaker 1: That's signing up for an explosion.
Speaker 4: How is that not?
Speaker 7: It's always so loud, it's so and it goes until
Speaker 7: two am because there's no cops, Like, there's no it's
Speaker 7: just like a party at the drag strip every summer
Speaker 7: when they when the jet it's like a big deal,
Speaker 7: like the jet cars are coming into town.
Speaker 1: Like I bet the cops are competing in those races.
Speaker 1: Wouldn't you think, Yeah.
Speaker 5: There's no cops. I'm not kidding, there are no cops.
Speaker 5: He grew up, no cops.
Speaker 6: The fire department volunteer all went to jail because they
Speaker 6: swindled a bunch of money.
Speaker 4: Because they were betting on the jet car races.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh ship.
Speaker 4: My dad when he was young, it was totally normal
Speaker 4: teenage activity to race for pinks. I guess pinks the
Speaker 4: titles for your Yeah yeah, with the title for pinks.
Speaker 8: I'm sorry, it was a simpler time.
Speaker 1: Is this your new yoke's personality that your talking immediately.
Speaker 4: That that was a very very side nipple statement. I'm
Speaker 4: gonna race you for pink and you gotta wink at
Speaker 4: the end.
Speaker 1: Stop it. Put your down.
Speaker 4: I can't, I can't to you, Oh man, I want to.
Speaker 4: There was a I went in La This neighbor of
Speaker 4: mine in Echo Park. He's in his sixties and he
Speaker 4: does something called uh skid plate racing. So it's like drifting,
Speaker 4: but it's because they actually put a metal plate under
Speaker 4: the back wheels, and so you're just watching these cars
Speaker 4: go in an oval and uh sparks are flying and
Speaker 4: they're sliding sideways into each other. And then there was
Speaker 4: this thing called trailer racing where cars were carrying trailers
Speaker 4: and they race, but it's like a crash up derby
Speaker 4: and cars were smashing through trailers and boats and they
Speaker 4: smash through and they'd be like clothing, like they didn't
Speaker 4: even clean the trailers of clothing before. And I was
Speaker 4: never There's just people. I we the whole audience, and
Speaker 4: I looked around and I'm like, oh, this looks like
Speaker 4: some NASCAR folks that I might not have much in
Speaker 4: common with. But no, everyone is there to laugh. I
Speaker 4: did not know I'd be laughing harder than any comedy
Speaker 4: show I've ever been to. But when you're listening to
Speaker 4: and maybe people laugh at monster truck shows, I haven't
Speaker 4: they've been in my This was near La. It was
Speaker 4: twenty minutes away. That's what was so shocking.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was like Pomona.
Speaker 4: I think it was Pomona Speedway. Yeah, yeah, And it
Speaker 4: was like going to a different it. I've never felt
Speaker 4: less like I was in Los Angeles and it was.
Speaker 4: I loved it so much that I'm like, I'm coming
Speaker 4: to that.
Speaker 1: It would be so cathartic to watch cars intentionally crash
Speaker 1: into each other. It would be great.
Speaker 4: And there were cops in it. They did this thing.
Speaker 4: There was a crash up derby thing where they were
Speaker 4: playing soccer with these cars, and the soccer ball was
Speaker 4: a giant sphere made of propane tanks welded together, but
Speaker 4: geometrically it looked like a soccer ball. Like every other
Speaker 4: tank was painted black. And they'd smash into it and
Speaker 4: dent the hell out of these cars and they would
Speaker 4: catch on fire, and the official saying whether or not
Speaker 4: that was a goal. The rules were very loose, but
Speaker 4: it was a local sheriff, like a brand. The sheriff
Speaker 4: was the he didn't have anything else to do that night,
Speaker 4: but he was judging the soccer match. I laughed so hard,
Speaker 4: I've never laughed harder.
Speaker 5: I mean, we all I got to get there.
Speaker 4: You get yourself to Pomona.
Speaker 5: Listeners, book a ticket right now.
Speaker 4: Filled the Pomona Speedway.
Speaker 1: We got to get out there.
Speaker 4: And I'm not kidding. I can get us all free
Speaker 4: tickets through my friend.
Speaker 5: Don't don't make promises you can't keep, because.
Speaker 4: I'm going to How many do you want? We'll do
Speaker 4: it right now, I'll call him.
Speaker 1: I want to pay full price.
Speaker 5: I want to supports, you.
Speaker 1: Know what, unless it's really expensive.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and that was it isn't it's surprisingly I wanted
Speaker 4: to give them more. Okay, if you buy a hot
Speaker 4: dog or something and we will, Uh that that's pretty pricey.
Speaker 4: But the tickets could have cost more.
Speaker 9: Uh.
Speaker 4: But yeah, I like this.
Speaker 1: As let's earmark this as a kind of post surge. Yes,
Speaker 1: And when I say surge, I mean Omicron and your surgery,
Speaker 1: just like post all of that ship post it when
Speaker 1: everyone is like kind of we're clear and we're not
Speaker 1: so worried and whatever, and we're gonna go and a
Speaker 1: demolition derby.
Speaker 2: How great?
Speaker 5: Oh my gosh, off shirt like real trash.
Speaker 4: We'll all wear without sleeves. Yes, yeah, I'm gonna I'm
Speaker 4: gonna wear a hat that somehow references farting and I'm
Speaker 4: gonna one up this. Why not just be in it?
Speaker 4: If you have a good enough car, they let you
Speaker 4: be in some of these events. What if we recorded
Speaker 4: in the car while doing Derby.
Speaker 5: My god, I'll wreck my prius. I got nothing.
Speaker 1: Let's do this thing, or we could we could just
Speaker 1: record in the audience. It'll be like this podcast reunion there,
Speaker 1: and then it'll be so loud that no one will
Speaker 1: be able to hear what were our hilarious jokes, because
Speaker 1: it'll just be demolition derby sounds.
Speaker 4: Yeah, none of these cars had windows. Yeah, they were not.
Speaker 4: They were not sound proof vehicles.
Speaker 5: The only words they hear is just Michael Costa every
Speaker 5: now and then between the.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so what brings up America's sweetheart?
Speaker 1: I think he's really funny.
Speaker 4: Oh god, I can't believe I brought up the test.
Speaker 1: I really enjoyed throughout this pandemic, this idea of making plans.
Speaker 1: I've started to realize how much I never do. I
Speaker 1: never try to. Like one of the main reasons I
Speaker 1: can remember so well doing your show ever at the
Speaker 1: Last Bookstore, is because I was like, oh, I'm out
Speaker 1: doing a thing in like a real place. That's the
Speaker 1: place itself is kind of like an event, and so
Speaker 1: in Quarantine, I was always like, I need to do
Speaker 1: things like that more that are event like feelings. But
Speaker 1: I just don't know how to put in the effort
Speaker 1: to do the research. But like now that we've had
Speaker 1: all this time, it's like, oh yeah, there's all these
Speaker 1: things you can just just like I've been making a
Speaker 1: list of, like a demolition derby is really something I
Speaker 1: want to do.
Speaker 6: So when everybody went to the poppies, yeah, poppy, I'd
Speaker 6: love to do that again.
Speaker 4: Yeah are you guys? Are you saying the poppies?
Speaker 1: Yeah? Those big field flowers?
Speaker 2: Sure, and they were.
Speaker 1: It was a big Instagram thing.
Speaker 5: It was a moment I did.
Speaker 4: I don't know about this.
Speaker 1: And they were just gorgeous, big, huge, the wildflower bloom in.
Speaker 1: Was it the kind of desert area? Yeah?
Speaker 6: And then past the prison. You did have to drive
Speaker 6: past the prison and it was reality check.
Speaker 4: So it's kind of like going to a demolition derby
Speaker 4: for a minute.
Speaker 1: Emotion on them and you're like gratitude.
Speaker 6: Yeah, it's like, look at this is beautiful right here
Speaker 6: in our by the way, your hair looks phenomenal.
Speaker 1: Mine, thank you?
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, yeah, looks. I said the same thing it
Speaker 4: was before the recording.
Speaker 1: Thank you. And Chris, should we take a look at
Speaker 1: your hair? Because Chris has had some crazy I.
Speaker 4: Mean it's actually pretty tame. It's just well, you know,
Speaker 4: it's kind of backs media. Yeah, just kind of a
Speaker 4: laboratory scientist type guy. I like it.
Speaker 5: Also, are those your paintings back there? Who's painting at
Speaker 5: your house?
Speaker 1: Good?
Speaker 4: I good?
Speaker 6: Oh?
Speaker 4: My dad paints beautiful. My dad paints now. And he's
Speaker 4: a painter. Taught me to do the same.
Speaker 6: He's a painter in and out with intern out or
Speaker 6: come here, girl.
Speaker 4: You don't spend a lot of time. I'm on him
Speaker 4: one afternoon and done as you're a thought joke.
Speaker 1: No, please, My zoom timing is so off. After our
Speaker 1: long Christmas break, I used to I got good at
Speaker 1: the zoom timing, and I'm bad again. I'm bad again.
Speaker 4: It's not you, it's zoom.
Speaker 6: Oh is it me?
Speaker 5: Never?
Speaker 4: It's our guest today? Never? Never, So sorry. I hate
Speaker 4: I hate repeating it because I don't know if people
Speaker 4: did that to you when you were a kid. No, no, okay, good,
Speaker 4: I invented this hurtful thing. Yeah, still got it.
Speaker 5: I'm gonna let you. You got to take that off
Speaker 5: your shoulders, Bud.
Speaker 4: I know they were they were they were drifting in
Speaker 4: and the nether Yeah had just landed on my shoulders.
Speaker 1: This afternoon, Chris brought me one of his dad's paintings
Speaker 1: as a gift, and it is. I love it so much.
Speaker 1: It's a it's a painting this kind of like wide
Speaker 1: shot scene of Pike's Place in Seattle.
Speaker 4: Yes, these are the two behind us are also pikes
Speaker 4: Place locations? Really? Well no, no they are not. I've
Speaker 4: now taken a better look. They are both here in Missoula, Montana.
Speaker 4: But they are, you know, like a farmer's market situation.
Speaker 1: What is one of barn.
Speaker 4: That's the famous Milwaukee train station, go get it. The
Speaker 4: trains used to go in there and rotate on a
Speaker 4: big thing and turn around and go to the next town,
Speaker 4: like but maybe to bring some mining supplies.
Speaker 5: Pink slips over from the town.
Speaker 4: Yeah, a lot of cars, you know, pinks bring them
Speaker 4: to the new owners who won them in a drunken
Speaker 4: race the evening before. It was nineteen fifty five and
Speaker 4: people were simple. Anyway, that's a painting of that. Okay,
Speaker 4: there's my artless you know, I do have a degree
Speaker 4: in art history and it doesn't come up much. So
Speaker 4: there was just a take.
Speaker 6: Really, who's Lee Krasner and then I hold a gun up.
Speaker 4: I got it. Cocks a lot. That gum.
Speaker 1: Gangster has always turned the gun to the side, uh,
Speaker 1: back of the hand up. You never see anybody go up?
Speaker 4: Yeah, my volleyball style. Yeah, where's the wrist up? Guys?
Speaker 1: Yeah, like a spider man, but with guys. Where are
Speaker 1: you sligh?
Speaker 2: Literally?
Speaker 5: Come on boys, come on shoot?
Speaker 4: Did you ask me about a painter named Ratner? Is
Speaker 4: that you leek Rasner?
Speaker 2: You just like.
Speaker 4: Every time I say that name, sickening, freaking I don't remember,
Speaker 4: probably memorizing people.
Speaker 5: I don't know what is wrong with me. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 5: I'm turning into a bro and the worst way.
Speaker 1: It's good.
Speaker 5: The energy is good.
Speaker 4: I like it aggressive. It's fun for podcasts be meaner
Speaker 4: to me.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm gonna be so mean in public.
Speaker 2: I can't need to be mean at a target.
Speaker 1: A lot of like punching your own's ass.
Speaker 4: I can do it.
Speaker 2: I'm gay.
Speaker 4: People are like, oh you can't you were it's you're
Speaker 4: in the children's section.
Speaker 1: Please, that's a child mannequin.
Speaker 6: They need to learning the man again as bad if
Speaker 6: it's the kids.
Speaker 5: No kids, I just said she was on firehouse.
Speaker 4: Yeah, they're perfect.
Speaker 6: Okay, there we go get things. Things got weird for
Speaker 6: a second. I didn't think it could get weirder, and
Speaker 6: then it get Nah.
Speaker 4: We backed right out of it. Everything is repaired.
Speaker 1: On this show. It can always get weirder.
Speaker 5: Okay, great, buckle up.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I thought those are two of my favorite sayings
Speaker 4: from a comedian. Oh it's gonna get weirder. Buckle up.
Speaker 6: Comedy clubs and colleges throughout the nation.
Speaker 5: I was like, really, I would love to at this
Speaker 5: point any money.
Speaker 4: Oh my god. Uh. There's a comic Jen Murphy that uh,
Speaker 4: two days ago, gone on a cruise ship to work
Speaker 4: for ten days and tested positive and they I think
Speaker 4: she was vaccinated and boose did so she just had sniffles,
Speaker 4: but they she's positive, so they put her in the basement.
Speaker 4: Imagine this for ten days, the basement room of a
Speaker 4: cruise ship.
Speaker 5: They keep in her own room.
Speaker 4: They won't even let her have a key. She can't
Speaker 4: come and go. They bring food and knock on the
Speaker 4: door and she eats it and then slides the tray out.
Speaker 4: She's not allowed to leave the room. That's how serious
Speaker 4: quarantine is on a cruise ship. Can you imagine a
Speaker 4: bigger nightmare.
Speaker 5: That doesn't That seems illegal. I'm lassing out of shock.
Speaker 1: That's not a solution. The solution is to stop having cruises, yeah,
Speaker 1: but not to not to put people down into the
Speaker 1: galley decks or whatever, like the danger area of.
Speaker 4: The Jolly deck. Sheddly isn't a bad mood down in
Speaker 4: the Jolly deck, but gllie decks. Oh, I'm sorry, Galli,
Speaker 4: that is what it is. I apologize. I'm going to
Speaker 4: call it the Jolly deck from now on. Maybe they'll
Speaker 4: park the boat and say, Okay, we shouldn't do this anymore.
Speaker 4: But in the meantime, ten days in a windowless boat basement.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's rough.
Speaker 5: Is she still getting paid?
Speaker 1: I hope so.
Speaker 4: I didn't. It was just an Instagram post, but wow
Speaker 4: I did comment, oh my god, that's terrible, just to
Speaker 4: make her feel a little better, was it?
Speaker 1: Oh my god? And then five dots like a.
Speaker 4: Really yeah, I double ellipses of six and uh, that's terrible.
Speaker 6: To clarify she's getting paid. If you wouldn't mind, I
Speaker 6: could do it right now.
Speaker 1: Pro back on there and go quick Q and then
Speaker 1: list out a bunch of questions. Do they push the
Speaker 1: shrimp under the door? Is there a plate had the
Speaker 1: flat foods, only.
Speaker 4: She had video of them knocking and she opened the
Speaker 4: door and grabbed the food. It didn't look good, finished it,
Speaker 4: and then it showed her kicking get out with her
Speaker 4: foot back into the hallway, not allowed a key, doesn't
Speaker 4: have a key to her room.
Speaker 1: That's insane. Also, you don't want to be down there
Speaker 1: in my opinion, I could be wrong about this actually obviously,
Speaker 1: but do you want to be down there in like
Speaker 1: a windowless room when the boat starts a rocking, like
Speaker 1: if they hit turbulent waters or whatever? It sounds to her?
Speaker 5: Fine?
Speaker 1: Right? I mean horrible.
Speaker 6: It feels like there's a really good lawsuit on her
Speaker 6: hands where she could make a lot of money. I mean,
Speaker 6: I'm just thinking like it seems like emotional torture and
Speaker 6: also unlawful imprisonment. Yes, I'm not a lawyer, but.
Speaker 1: But I am a boat lawyer, and so.
Speaker 4: I'm a maritime lawyer. Thank god, it finally it's finally
Speaker 4: coming into place.
Speaker 1: It's finally relevant in my stand up comedy career.
Speaker 4: You're right, I because she's working. She didn't choose to
Speaker 4: go on a cruise for fun. I said, the brand
Speaker 4: of boat.
Speaker 1: Yeah, baby, we're gonna have to bleep that out.
Speaker 4: Yeah, probably.
Speaker 1: We don't want that heat.
Speaker 4: No, we don't want that looming over us.
Speaker 1: What do you come on?
Speaker 4: There's no telling how far they'll go if they're willing
Speaker 4: to put people in their boat basement?
Speaker 5: Do you mean and stop it?
Speaker 2: I grew up?
Speaker 1: I mean what am I saying? My parents met on
Speaker 1: a cruise. My dad was a person, my mom was
Speaker 1: a nurse on princess cruises, so on from my mom's
Speaker 1: is that a affiliate?
Speaker 5: No ole?
Speaker 4: Bleep?
Speaker 1: Please, even all of this must be bleep.
Speaker 5: So they met a princess cruises.
Speaker 1: They met on princess cruises. No one was being detained
Speaker 1: against their will as far as we know. So my
Speaker 1: mom's sixtieth birthday, we went and took as the family
Speaker 1: took a cruise to Alaska, and it was after day
Speaker 1: two I was like, how does anyone do this? There
Speaker 1: are people that used to take like month to three
Speaker 1: month long cruises, Like how is this possible? But the
Speaker 1: thing my sister and I started doing was they were
Speaker 1: playing bingo in one of the like theater rooms constantly,
Speaker 1: So we just started playing bingo like very seriously. Yeah, and.
Speaker 5: Did you get the professional talk?
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, yeah, And it was just like it was
Speaker 1: that kind of suddenly things that normally you maybe wouldn't
Speaker 1: be that interested and became the most fun game of
Speaker 1: all time because you were stuck on a boat.
Speaker 6: And Texas there are bingo halls. Yeah, competitive bingo halls,
Speaker 6: and they played like hey on the floor, runny like cards.
Speaker 4: Yeah. Wow, that sounds fun to me. I love a
Speaker 4: good bingo night if you want to, if you want
Speaker 4: to hear me, be honest, I love.
Speaker 5: A good bingo night too.
Speaker 9: Pink slip in an hour and an hour, Yeah, what if
Speaker 9: I'm out with my fear like I've never been under anesthesia.
Speaker 6: By the way, that's the most expensive part of this
Speaker 6: whole operation. It's really it's not the surgeon, it's the anesthesiologist.
Speaker 4: Is the really, Yes, why they are they putting it
Speaker 4: in your spine style?
Speaker 3: But me, daddy, daddy, it's like a kind of man,
Speaker 3: excuse me.
Speaker 5: I'm paying you for it. Yeah, the consensual knock me out,
Speaker 5: I don't.
Speaker 6: I think it's the the person and maybe the drugs,
Speaker 6: but that is.
Speaker 5: It's a weird.
Speaker 6: It's a weird, honestly, The process for me has been
Speaker 6: very enlightening and very eye opening. I forgot we were
Speaker 6: talking about bingo, and then it.
Speaker 1: Got you're gonna say, what if you go under an
Speaker 1: athesia and.
Speaker 6: And then I wake up a bro and I'm just
Speaker 6: like Gomere Street Tits and I'm just under drugs?
Speaker 5: What if that reveals my actual truth?
Speaker 6: Yes, which is the satire of a person I'm doing
Speaker 6: is the real me?
Speaker 4: You just become a drunk Mel Gibson on the.
Speaker 1: Like we're at the demolition derby, like ship, why did
Speaker 1: we invite ever?
Speaker 6: And I'm just like bear me and I've got the
Speaker 6: helmet with the straw kiss me. But a dollar's like
Speaker 6: button poo poop.
Speaker 1: Please be careful. I hope that inst all just knows
Speaker 1: what they're doing.
Speaker 4: I want that to be I want that to be
Speaker 4: the most expensive part. Whatever keeps you from waking up.
Speaker 4: That's everyone's fears that you're going to wake up during
Speaker 4: a surgery. Yeah, make that be the most expensive part,
Speaker 4: the part that makes you not wake up.
Speaker 6: This person rolls up like in a Porsche, ands like
Speaker 6: Oakley's and takes it off and they're like, yep, I
Speaker 6: gotta do about five minutes of work and then I
Speaker 6: read a book.
Speaker 1: You know, like yes.
Speaker 4: Oh. When I got my hip replaced, the anestesiologists came in.
Speaker 4: That was the only one on one talk I had
Speaker 4: before surgery. And he was totally like a Tom Cruise guy.
Speaker 4: He wasn't wearing sunglasses. But they make risky business.
Speaker 1: They make so much, they.
Speaker 4: Make so much. Yeah, he was, he was cool.
Speaker 1: I had surgery once and they said it was like
Speaker 1: they put the thing over my mouth. And then the
Speaker 1: guy said, did you say you were going on vacation
Speaker 1: in Hawaii? And I went, yes, news what island? And
Speaker 1: that was the last thing. Then I woke up in
Speaker 1: the hallway three hours later.
Speaker 5: So you don't I remember anything inside the brain at all,
Speaker 5: not at all.
Speaker 1: Whoa not at all. It was truly like going to
Speaker 1: sleep and waking up and it was all over and eyes, nothing, nothing,
Speaker 1: doing the whole.
Speaker 4: I remember in that exact moment when I got my
Speaker 4: I got my tonsils taken out as an adult because
Speaker 4: they were causing arthritis. I was so sick. And the
Speaker 4: guy he looked like house, which was a good sign.
Speaker 1: That's a very good feeling.
Speaker 4: He's a loose cannon, but he figures out every bacterial disease.
Speaker 4: But he was looking He's like, comedy, what's that like?
Speaker 4: He was looking at my face as he was putting
Speaker 4: the novacano into and he hit a nerve in my arm,
Speaker 4: which was the worst pain ever. And it's because he
Speaker 4: was looking at me asking about comedy. He wasn't looking
Speaker 4: at my arm. And I'll never forget the pain. And
Speaker 4: then falling asleep as I was feeling the worst pain ever.
Speaker 4: And yeah, so the whole time that was in my
Speaker 4: nerve and I didn't I couldn't feel my thumb for
Speaker 4: a year, but it came back. It's fine.
Speaker 5: It's fine now sounds but I got a lawsuit on
Speaker 5: your hand. Hire me maritime lawyer on the side.
Speaker 4: I totally probably he was not looking at my arm.
Speaker 4: He vividly was looking at in my eyes. Wally put
Speaker 4: a needle in my arm. I'll never forget it.
Speaker 1: The way Chris has his backward baseball hat on, he
Speaker 1: didn't put it back on normally, and all he looks
Speaker 1: like he's a member of the French Resistance, doesn't. I
Speaker 1: was just like, what is this?
Speaker 4: Look?
Speaker 1: Why am I confused? During the story.
Speaker 4: Yes, it does have a bit of a beret. Look,
Speaker 4: I mean I shouldn't have a backwards hat on anyway,
Speaker 4: keep it on.
Speaker 5: Looks good.
Speaker 1: Yeah, bro style.
Speaker 4: Mannequin asked where do you find all these mannequins?
Speaker 1: Ever starts bringing a mannequin a round with them everywhere
Speaker 1: they go.
Speaker 5: Everyone is like, you need help.
Speaker 1: It's super weird. You weren't like this before.
Speaker 4: What is this?
Speaker 6: Anesthesiologies did it?
Speaker 1: It's like, doesn't it hurt your throat to talk like that?
Speaker 7: Yeah?
Speaker 5: That's Permitt's all surgery.
Speaker 4: When do you get this done again?
Speaker 5: January twenty eighth.
Speaker 4: Oh that's so sick.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's very soon.
Speaker 6: There's so many I mean, I'm glad that there are
Speaker 6: so many COVID tests involved, but it's like test before
Speaker 6: I fly out, test when I land, test two days
Speaker 6: before the operation, and I'm just.
Speaker 4: Like, oh my god.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 6: But it was I feel very like lucky about it
Speaker 6: because I took a moment and was like, oh, I
Speaker 6: actually do want this, and the surgeon that I wanted
Speaker 6: was it's partly covered by insurance, but not one hundred percent.
Speaker 6: And I can't imagine what it would be with oh
Speaker 6: whatever insurance because I'm already having to pay like twenty
Speaker 6: five k up front, like which is insane. Like the
Speaker 6: hospital's like prepare twenty five and I.
Speaker 4: Was like oh wow, wow.
Speaker 5: Okay, and then that doesn't cover the surgeon.
Speaker 6: So anyways, for the surgeon, she accepts this insurance and
Speaker 6: this I'll say like crane Crane.
Speaker 5: Uh I think they're like Crane connects.
Speaker 6: Anyways, shout out to doctor Crane.
Speaker 2: There's a year and a.
Speaker 5: Half waitless just to get a consultation.
Speaker 6: So you get a consultation and then you have to
Speaker 6: cement all this paperwork and then it's three to six
Speaker 6: months after that that they give you a date. And
Speaker 6: I was like, why might not have insurance? And like
Speaker 6: you know, like I work in like post I took
Speaker 6: a post production job. I'm like, this is gonna wrap up.
Speaker 6: I need this sooner. And they're like, well, just keep
Speaker 6: calling like once a month. So we did, and they're like,
Speaker 6: we got a cancelation. Can you do a zoom consultation?
Speaker 6: So I woke up at like five thirty our time.
Speaker 4: Showed a woman my tits.
Speaker 8: I said, I'm sure over zoom on zoom consensual.
Speaker 6: And she was like awesome, sin us your insurance And
Speaker 6: like I had to get a letter from a therapist
Speaker 6: and they're like, great, we'll see you in sixty days.
Speaker 5: So I do feel very lucky, Like this could have
Speaker 5: been a to.
Speaker 4: Year weight, right, So you're going to someone that's like
Speaker 4: the best in the.
Speaker 5: Biz, one of the best in the biz.
Speaker 1: Definitely the fastest in the biz.
Speaker 6: Yeah, she's It's very like. The center is like they
Speaker 6: have a center in San Francisco and then one in Austin.
Speaker 5: It's a good gender I don't what do they call
Speaker 5: it gender confirmation. I don't know.
Speaker 6: I don't even I don't know all this and the terminology,
Speaker 6: but like they have this great network and everybody that
Speaker 6: I've spoken to is like really.
Speaker 2: Like excited and kind and knowledgeable.
Speaker 6: And then the surgeon is doing my operation is doctor
Speaker 6: da Leon And I looked at her work and I said, wow,
Speaker 6: this is a nice chist, Like she's got some nice
Speaker 6: chest resumes. A resume I don't know's a like. So
Speaker 6: I'm like, yeah, okay, but it is jarring when you're
Speaker 6: not you have to take a photo of like your
Speaker 6: front and your your front, your chest and then your back.
Speaker 5: And yeah, I have a smattering of tattoos.
Speaker 6: Art history I've got an mc escher drawing. Then I've
Speaker 6: got Vincent van Go's Starry Night on my lower back
Speaker 6: sky only no houses?
Speaker 4: Sure? Sure? Or that gnarl tree you want it? That
Speaker 4: pointy ass stump.
Speaker 6: Here's the thing. See this piece of paper. I printed
Speaker 6: it out at my school library. I didn't know how
Speaker 6: to do fit to page yet, so.
Speaker 2: It's just a.
Speaker 6: Bottom right tangle of a piece of paper. It must
Speaker 6: be like, I don't know, like four by like maybe six,
Speaker 6: and like I was like, no building, and I cut it.
Speaker 4: I cut it off.
Speaker 2: I was like, I don't want anything.
Speaker 5: I don't want the whole banding, just the sky. I'm like,
Speaker 5: I was like, are you sure? I was like, I'm nineteen.
Speaker 2: You should be telling me no. So someone has to
Speaker 2: be adult here.
Speaker 6: So I have all these gross tattoos on my bad
Speaker 6: one is like a, I have several Christian tattoos.
Speaker 5: I'm not a Christian.
Speaker 2: Got a longer Christian and one of them.
Speaker 5: I thought, oh, well, my friend Jessica and I have
Speaker 5: matching tattoos. I talked to her over the pandemic. She
Speaker 5: got it removed a year after we got it my
Speaker 5: year year.
Speaker 4: I was like, and she's been pretending to be your
Speaker 4: friend this.
Speaker 5: Whole time, pretending to be a Christian.
Speaker 4: She's pretty.
Speaker 1: You should absolutely be required to alert anyone you get
Speaker 1: matching tattoos with if you get yours.
Speaker 2: Removed, it's fair, it's back here.
Speaker 6: And I always forget it until, like I see a
Speaker 6: photo and I had to like upload all these like
Speaker 6: bax cards, insurance cards, photos of my ID, and the
Speaker 6: thing got jumbled. So when I opened up the app,
Speaker 6: it was like, is this is this the back of
Speaker 6: your insurance card?
Speaker 5: And it was my back and I was like, no, no,
Speaker 5: there's a man. I'm not kidding.
Speaker 2: You have Incent Van go, well, what do you have?
Speaker 4: A tin man?
Speaker 1: Tin man?
Speaker 4: Not it's say courage, sorry heart heart, have a heart? Yeah,
Speaker 4: I don't what's it saying?
Speaker 5: Oh, doesn't say anything. It's just a little tin man.
Speaker 4: I also didn't I actually tattoo. I haven't even seen.
Speaker 5: Man's my favorite.
Speaker 6: But also I didn't think about, like I don't know
Speaker 6: how the curves of my body a curvy back.
Speaker 4: Lot.
Speaker 5: Some of them when my weight fluctuate, some of.
Speaker 6: Them just get a little lost, you know. So it's
Speaker 6: like a half a star like depend it's also like
Speaker 6: a disclaimer, doing a new lover.
Speaker 1: At least be like kind of impulsive, kind of impetuous.
Speaker 6: Sometimes you don't see it at the night, and then
Speaker 6: if someone's there in the morning, you gotta say.
Speaker 5: You're gonna see something a little shocking.
Speaker 1: I've lived, I've lived my life. You get to say
Speaker 1: to them and then around the block at time, or
Speaker 1: get my scars. I have done clubs and colleges all
Speaker 1: over this country.
Speaker 5: That whole he's just born in front of Joel McHale.
Speaker 4: In Old English. That sentence on your upper back.
Speaker 5: I used to have tits.
Speaker 4: Right across this bread.
Speaker 6: Hey, tits used to be here.
Speaker 2: And then two arrows Yes, perfect, yes, wanted.
Speaker 4: Baby.
Speaker 5: As what.
Speaker 1: You're trying surgery to. It's like you're getting surgery to
Speaker 1: be problematic. That's really what you're if.
Speaker 4: If the surgery makes you keep doing this character, I'm
Speaker 4: all for it. Please inquire within so fun such a
Speaker 4: fun care?
Speaker 6: Could you imagine if I got top surgery and then
Speaker 6: I was stuck in the bottom of a boffers.
Speaker 4: To recover the irony?
Speaker 5: Imagine there's nothing fun about that.
Speaker 4: Well, don't be nervous, it's gonna go great. You have
Speaker 4: one of the best in the business working on you
Speaker 4: and a cocky, cool anesthesiologist. Just don't watch any version
Speaker 4: of any surgery online.
Speaker 6: No, no, I'm not gonna let anybody know that I'm
Speaker 6: a comic because I know exactly what that guy was.
Speaker 5: I want to do comedy. That guy's doing comedy at
Speaker 5: Flappers right now.
Speaker 4: You know that's why I have nerve damage, just because
Speaker 4: he wanted to do an open mind Flappers.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, he's at Flaps right now, flapping around.
Speaker 5: He's at the ice house, the.
Speaker 1: Ice house, hurting up people's nerves in other ways with
Speaker 1: his words and his ideas.
Speaker 5: This is my my this is my defense as your lawyer.
Speaker 5: He can't feel in his thumb because so body I
Speaker 5: wanted to perform at the Passagena ice House. He needed
Speaker 5: twenty people to do five minutes. Anyways, he's an out
Speaker 5: of town comic.
Speaker 4: I rest my case.
Speaker 1: May I approach the venture honor? You could actually, instead
Speaker 1: of letting anyone know you do comedy, you go right
Speaker 1: in there with your fill in maritime lawyer, right on
Speaker 1: that employee list. No one will have one question and
Speaker 1: no one will have no one will have any interest.
Speaker 5: This won't be botched. At all, I'm a lawyer.
Speaker 1: They'll be scared.
Speaker 6: That's you know what I'm going to ask you guys
Speaker 6: to please email me the day of so I don't
Speaker 6: forget it. January twenty eight or maybe the twenty seventh.
Speaker 6: So because my operation is at seven thirty in the morning,
Speaker 6: email please email me to say I'm a lawyer. I
Speaker 6: want that to be the last words.
Speaker 4: I'm going to email you say you're a lawyer.
Speaker 5: But yeah, before I go, might.
Speaker 4: Not register if I'm email you to say I'm a lawyer.
Speaker 5: I'm a lawyer.
Speaker 1: Talking about so it's like I'm a lawyer.
Speaker 4: I just just want them to be like, oh no,
Speaker 4: it'll come up right before that need just.
Speaker 1: With the frosted tips is like huh, before he can
Speaker 1: ask another question.
Speaker 2: You're mist man.
Speaker 1: Lawyer from Oz.
Speaker 5: Vincent Van Lawyer.
Speaker 1: No buildings, no buildings. Also, the level of pressure that
Speaker 1: was on that tattoo artist to recreate Vincent Van Go painting,
Speaker 1: it's just like strokes.
Speaker 4: I want to revisit them seeing your tattoo and as
Speaker 4: you go to sleep, as you go under Vincent Van
Speaker 4: Lawyer over here, it's the funniest thing I've ever heard.
Speaker 4: And then the other, the surgeon. They all high five,
Speaker 4: but they just washed their hands them again.
Speaker 1: Sorry to ask this question because this is such a
Speaker 1: this is such a murner. But have you ever talked
Speaker 1: about any of that stuff on stage, like any of
Speaker 1: that stuff of not realizing that you had to send
Speaker 1: pictures of your naked back with chattoos no before you.
Speaker 1: I mean, you have a thirty minute chunk. You have
Speaker 1: a thirty minute chunk right now.
Speaker 4: You know, luckily we recorded all that say anything. I
Speaker 4: hope you knew that. I hope we have your permission.
Speaker 4: We've been recording.
Speaker 1: According Yeah, demolition, we were just chating.
Speaker 2: I'm slapping.
Speaker 5: Asked here, this isn't for fun, this is a wellness check.
Speaker 1: We just want you to get it off off my chest,
Speaker 1: off your chest. I did pause.
Speaker 6: I still ask them about that. I'm going to ask
Speaker 6: the front desk. There's like there's so many there's like
Speaker 6: thirteen different emails on from this center. There's like an
Speaker 6: insurance email, and then there's like a new patient. Oh,
Speaker 6: I'll ask the new patient because I'll make eye contact
Speaker 6: with them.
Speaker 1: Yay.
Speaker 5: What do you think about my backpick?
Speaker 4: See that backpick?
Speaker 5: So pretty cool?
Speaker 6: Right?
Speaker 1: You like Pennsylvanca.
Speaker 4: Well it's gonna the surgery is gonna go perfectly and congratulations, yes, oh,
Speaker 4: thank you so much. Decision. Yeah, that's that's exciting.
Speaker 1: Yep twenty twenty two.
Speaker 9: Knew you.
Speaker 1: Rhymes minus two twenty.
Speaker 4: Two it's a new YUK. Congratulations to rhymes, Vincent van Lawyer.
Speaker 5: To you the lawyer.
Speaker 6: And it's like me on the side of like one
Speaker 6: O one you know this billboards.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you're a lawyer, and then it's just your back.
Speaker 6: Like all the lawyers on the billboards are sort of
Speaker 6: like back to back.
Speaker 5: But it's like picture so it looks like what is
Speaker 5: like is this before and after? Nope, lawyers doesn't any sense.
Speaker 5: Ship Yeah ship, you're hilarious. Thank you all.
Speaker 4: Y'all are fun.
Speaker 5: This has been fun.
Speaker 4: If you ever get the chance to see every dude
Speaker 4: stand up, uh, they're very good. I think that you're hilarious.
Speaker 4: You're loose, you're funny, you can be ridiculous.
Speaker 5: This is the part where you'll tell me that I
Speaker 5: did not get the gig, Yes.
Speaker 4: Said, I'm sorry. We have someone else booked on this week's.
Speaker 1: Crucial costa the job.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we.
Speaker 2: Big fan.
Speaker 1: Sorry, No matter where the tin Man and his hat
Speaker 1: are on you. It works. We're into it. We had
Speaker 1: to go with.
Speaker 5: We'd love to see you go.
Speaker 6: We we can't wait to see you skyrocket. We support
Speaker 6: you so much. Right now the project isn't right for you.
Speaker 6: You're not right for the project.
Speaker 5: Anyway.
Speaker 2: This got too real too quick.
Speaker 1: We can all give this speech in the most realistic
Speaker 1: we can all write this scene down to the loved.
Speaker 4: We we end every episode with realistic role play, career.
Speaker 1: Based, heartbreaking role play of whatever kind.
Speaker 5: And I get thrown into it.
Speaker 4: Cruise so many bleaks, bleep.
Speaker 6: Me daddy, daddy a lawyer.
Speaker 1: That maybe that should be the last thing you say
Speaker 1: to the anesthesiologist. No matter what question you asked, you're like,
Speaker 1: countdown from ten, daddy, Oh there's a problem.
Speaker 9: And then I'm like.
Speaker 8: Me trying to drugs to make one long thing of drool.
Speaker 2: Only Chris and I understand the reference. You're in a
Speaker 2: different state, but.
Speaker 4: Still no, I want to be up above watching like.
Speaker 5: That, like, what is it Gray's anatomy?
Speaker 4: Yes, but Galley, Yes, we're just studying. We're just here
Speaker 4: to study.
Speaker 1: Well, do you have anything you want to.
Speaker 5: You know that I would have put.
Speaker 2: A moone of being slip loot of ink slip. Maybe
Speaker 2: honestly I do.
Speaker 5: I'm sorry, slip is getting me.
Speaker 4: Whatever.
Speaker 6: I do a monthly show at the Allusion now, which
Speaker 6: is all crowd work, and really, yeah, that's the one
Speaker 6: over in Frogtown, right, Yeah, it's a really fun theater,
Speaker 6: really nice new pole like her name is Kate. I
Speaker 6: haven't met her partner yet, but it just seems like
Speaker 6: a really you know, when you perform and the audience
Speaker 6: is there for comedy, it feels like that.
Speaker 5: I'm like, oh, this is fun, this is nice.
Speaker 4: That sounds great. There's always been shows in Frogtown and
Speaker 4: I didn't know that's where the Allusion was.
Speaker 6: That's yeah, it used to be some other weird theater
Speaker 6: next to the Police Academy.
Speaker 4: Oh, I know exactly. You know. I'm always at the Academy.
Speaker 4: That's where I do alot my my rain shooting RISDA
Speaker 4: and I just go there to do push ups in
Speaker 4: the yard full like contact with just go what you're
Speaker 4: looking at, Tackleberry characters. Of course, you get.
Speaker 1: The reason I know the Allegian is because I get
Speaker 1: my hair done in that neighborhood. And so I pulled
Speaker 1: up one time and it was right after it it
Speaker 1: opened recently, and I think it was like the people
Speaker 1: that the upcoming shows were all really great people where
Speaker 1: I was like, what's happening over there? There was like
Speaker 1: a crowd on this street or whatever where I'm like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, there's like there's been like a cool
Speaker 1: comedy outbreak over here, Like I better start paying attention.
Speaker 6: Yeah. The theater too, is like letting me have a
Speaker 6: fundraiser show, like they do you want to do that?
Speaker 6: I was like, oh my god, yeah, like cool, so
Speaker 6: I encourage everybody.
Speaker 4: Yeah is it right on Riverside? Yeah? Right by that
Speaker 4: so that Yeah, someone's name that you wouldn't expect, like
Speaker 4: the George Hamilton Playhouse or something that.
Speaker 6: Used to be the playoffs And yeah, it was like
Speaker 6: Night's theme and like King Arthur theme.
Speaker 5: Inside it was weird. It's it was. It was a
Speaker 5: weird whitehouse.
Speaker 4: Karen, did we drive past that seven years ago?
Speaker 1: The Lady Guenevere Playhouse or something like that?
Speaker 4: That was where we were like that's where kids are
Speaker 4: lost forever. Yeah, they think it's an.
Speaker 2: You'll never come back.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that was a long time ago. If you remember that,
Speaker 4: Oh that's great, that's right. In my neighborhood. See you there.
Speaker 6: I'll be there and this surge goes down.
Speaker 5: But yeah, it's the last Frida of everyone.
Speaker 1: Ye, this is a plug ever. Yeah, Remaynard's show the
Speaker 1: last Friday of every month at the Allegian Theater on
Speaker 1: Riverside Drive Drive slash Boulevard.
Speaker 4: Yes, it's both now there.
Speaker 5: But it's called What's Your Problem?
Speaker 6: Sir? Yeah, and I'm just aggressive, what's your problem?
Speaker 4: This is one of the attack attack that audience shows. Yeah,
Speaker 4: I love that.
Speaker 6: I'm just like, look at this, Okay, we could keep it.
Speaker 6: I feel like we're wrapping it up and I'm just like, Okay.
Speaker 6: As soon as this zoom closes, it's back to quiet.
Speaker 1: It's hard to get off. It's hard to off. Sometimes
Speaker 1: we have a good time, but we have to.
Speaker 4: I hate to be the party.
Speaker 2: Chris calling it.
Speaker 4: Every You're so funny, it was. It's good to see you,
Speaker 4: to see you out in the streets. And please don't
Speaker 4: smack my ass. Don't over again, ever Maynard. Everyone, thanks,
Speaker 4: you've been listening to Do you Need a Ride? D
Speaker 4: y N. This has been an exactly right production.
Speaker 8: Produced by Annalise Nelson, engineered by Stephen Ray Morris mixed
Speaker 8: by Ryo boun Theme song by Karen Kilgara, artwork by
Speaker 8: Chris Fairbanks. Follow the show on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook
Speaker 8: at dinar podcast That's Dynar Podcast.
Speaker 1: For more information, go to exactlyrightmedia dot com.
Speaker 4: Listen, subscribe, leave us a review on Apple Podcasts, Stitch
Speaker 4: or wherever you get your podcasts. Thank you, Ellen, You're welcome.
Speaker 4: There we go. I don't even try and do a
Speaker 4: car horn anymore.