WEBVTT - Natasha Leggero: Motherhood, Anxiety & Bringing a Child Into Our Chaotic World 0:00:01.400 --> 0:00:04.400 Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shondaland Audio in 0:00:04.480 --> 0:00:05.920 partnership with iHeartRadio. 0:00:07.080 --> 0:00:10.280 What it's done to me is like really put my 0:00:10.400 --> 0:00:14.960 own self care on the back burner because she's so important. 0:00:15.200 --> 0:00:17.560 And I have found that my husband doesn't do that. 0:00:18.160 --> 0:00:21.760 He's always following his passions and going surfing and playing 0:00:21.760 --> 0:00:23.959 the new video game and staying up late and having 0:00:23.960 --> 0:00:27.880 fun and doing his thing, whereas I feel like I'm 0:00:27.960 --> 0:00:30.319 just it's almost like I'm at war and I'm just 0:00:30.400 --> 0:00:33.440 trying to do like this triage of like how can 0:00:33.479 --> 0:00:36.720 I just be keeping her safe and healthy? And she 0:00:36.760 --> 0:00:38.559 even said to me today, she's, mom, don't you need 0:00:38.600 --> 0:00:42.760 to buy yourself some socks? And then she goes and 0:00:42.800 --> 0:00:45.360 don't you need some underwear too? And I was like, 0:00:45.400 --> 0:00:47.000 how do you know I need underwear? She's like, I 0:00:47.000 --> 0:00:56.040 saw your drawer. There's not that many. 0:00:57.240 --> 0:01:01.760 Hello, everybody, and welcome back to Katie's Crib. I am 0:01:01.920 --> 0:01:05.000 so happy to be sitting here right now because I'm 0:01:05.240 --> 0:01:08.920 just getting through one of those lovely twenty four hour 0:01:09.280 --> 0:01:13.280 neurovirus stomach bugs that your children bring home to you. 0:01:13.280 --> 0:01:17.680 You're welcome for that information. It's been a good day, though, 0:01:18.319 --> 0:01:20.800 because I think I'm through it, folks. I think I'm 0:01:20.840 --> 0:01:24.080 through it, and I'm so glad to be because today's 0:01:24.120 --> 0:01:28.479 guest I just finished reading her book. I'm a huge fan. 0:01:29.440 --> 0:01:34.080 She is hilarious. I mean, I think I'm a funny mom, 0:01:34.240 --> 0:01:37.400 but she's like a super super super super funny mom. 0:01:37.440 --> 0:01:40.080 She's a stand up comedian and she just has an 0:01:40.120 --> 0:01:43.679 incredible mom story. She is a mother of one beautiful 0:01:43.760 --> 0:01:46.000 daughter who is four. I think she's about to turn five, 0:01:46.720 --> 0:01:51.880 and she had her daughter much later than a lot 0:01:51.880 --> 0:01:55.520 of people. And I love her journey of how she 0:01:55.640 --> 0:01:57.480 decided to be a mom because, let me tell you, folks, 0:01:57.480 --> 0:01:59.440 she was not convinced that this was something she always 0:01:59.440 --> 0:02:03.640 wanted to do. And now that she has her daughter, 0:02:03.720 --> 0:02:09.000 I think motherhood has very much changed her in all 0:02:09.040 --> 0:02:11.760 sorts of ways, good and bad. And we can hear 0:02:11.800 --> 0:02:14.600 all about it in her amazing book called The World 0:02:15.040 --> 0:02:20.480 Deserves My Children. Yes they do, Natasha Lazeiro, Yes they do. 0:02:21.600 --> 0:02:23.760 She's going to be our guest today. The book is 0:02:23.800 --> 0:02:26.040 a laugh out loud riot. I mean, come on, there's 0:02:26.040 --> 0:02:28.240 nothing better than a stand up comedian becoming a mom 0:02:28.320 --> 0:02:31.440 because they have the brains and the wit to put 0:02:31.600 --> 0:02:34.600 everything that you think is hilarious and insane about motherhood 0:02:34.639 --> 0:02:38.360 actually into jokes. The book is brilliant and if you 0:02:38.440 --> 0:02:41.560 don't know about Natasha, let me tell you about her. 0:02:41.600 --> 0:02:44.320 She's an accomplished actress, writer, stand up comedian, which I 0:02:44.320 --> 0:02:47.080 already mentioned, and she's garnered attention in film and TV 0:02:47.280 --> 0:02:50.160 and the web. She most recently hosted the TBS food 0:02:50.160 --> 0:02:54.200 competition show Rat in the Kitchen. She also created, wrote, produced, 0:02:54.240 --> 0:02:57.760 and starred in the Comedy Central sitcom Another Period, a 0:02:57.880 --> 0:03:00.720 period piece and spoof on modern day shows, and it 0:03:00.800 --> 0:03:03.359 ran for three seasons. Her Netflix special, The Honeymoon Stand 0:03:03.440 --> 0:03:07.560 Up Special, air in twenty eighteen. Her first and only book, 0:03:07.760 --> 0:03:11.600 Hahaha The World Deserves My Children is a laugh out loud, 0:03:11.639 --> 0:03:14.239 funny collection of insightful and e Razor sharp essays on 0:03:14.320 --> 0:03:18.160 motherhood in our post apocalyptic world, and it's out now 0:03:18.200 --> 0:03:21.840 wherever books are sold. And finally, Natasha hosts The Endless 0:03:21.840 --> 0:03:25.360 Honeymoon Podcast. She hosts The Honeymoon Podcast with her husband 0:03:25.440 --> 0:03:29.040 in Moischa and currently resides in Los Angeles with their 0:03:29.080 --> 0:03:32.040 four year old daughter. I am very excited to welcome 0:03:32.080 --> 0:03:40.440 today's guest, Natasha Lizeiro. I honestly just finished your book 0:03:40.520 --> 0:03:45.840 last night. The world deserves my children, and I agree, 0:03:46.320 --> 0:03:47.880 we deserve your daughter. 0:03:48.880 --> 0:03:50.280 We deserve her. 0:03:50.640 --> 0:03:53.320 I know my friend's like, shouldn't it be called my 0:03:53.480 --> 0:03:56.120 child since you only have one? But I could accumulate 0:03:56.120 --> 0:03:57.480 another kid at some point. 0:03:57.600 --> 0:03:58.000 I don't know. 0:03:58.280 --> 0:04:02.680 Absolutely, you don't know what the future holds, no clue. 0:04:02.800 --> 0:04:05.640 I mean, although I do love the checklist. There's a 0:04:05.720 --> 0:04:08.720 chapter in her book, all of you listeners where there's 0:04:08.760 --> 0:04:12.960 a really simple checklist that you can answer yes or 0:04:13.000 --> 0:04:15.480 no to, and if you have a multitude of ys's, 0:04:15.520 --> 0:04:17.640 you are a perfect candidate for someone who should only 0:04:17.720 --> 0:04:18.400 have one child. 0:04:19.200 --> 0:04:22.839 I start that chapter with a quote which is one 0:04:22.920 --> 0:04:26.320 is an accessory. Two is a lifestyle. And I was 0:04:26.400 --> 0:04:28.160 just much more down for the accessory. 0:04:28.360 --> 0:04:29.480 But as you. 0:04:29.480 --> 0:04:32.880 Read, like, I was at the dentist and I read 0:04:32.880 --> 0:04:34.640 after I had the baby, and my dentist was like, 0:04:35.040 --> 0:04:37.480 one child is not a family. You need to go 0:04:37.520 --> 0:04:40.520 have another baby right now, And I was like, I 0:04:40.560 --> 0:04:44.560 don't want another, Like I like having a small, close family. 0:04:45.400 --> 0:04:45.679 Yes. 0:04:45.880 --> 0:04:49.159 I used to date this dude in high school who 0:04:49.240 --> 0:04:53.840 was an only child, and he was incredible, and his 0:04:53.920 --> 0:04:55.720 relationship with his parents. 0:04:56.279 --> 0:04:58.520 Really, it was incredible in like for real. 0:04:58.560 --> 0:05:00.280 And then the other person I will say is Kerry 0:05:00.360 --> 0:05:02.960 Washington is an only child, and she's literally one of 0:05:03.000 --> 0:05:05.920 the most remarkable human beings I've ever had the pleasure 0:05:05.960 --> 0:05:09.520 of knowing. She has an amazing relationship with her parents. 0:05:09.800 --> 0:05:12.200 Didn't she go to Spence? I'm obsessed with everyone who 0:05:12.279 --> 0:05:13.600 went to like Private. 0:05:13.400 --> 0:05:19.160 She went to Spence, So good luck, move to New 0:05:19.240 --> 0:05:22.840 York and go and send your daughter to Spence. But wait, 0:05:23.120 --> 0:05:25.680 while we're on the subject of New York. You and 0:05:25.720 --> 0:05:30.600 I have one thousand things in common. Okay, we both 0:05:30.640 --> 0:05:32.440 went to the Stella Adler superfacting. 0:05:32.720 --> 0:05:36.520 Really did you learn from Alice Winston? I might be 0:05:36.560 --> 0:05:37.440 older than you. 0:05:38.120 --> 0:05:41.800 Yes, but not by much. I just turned forty. No, 0:05:41.960 --> 0:05:48.760 I had Ron Burris, Oh yeah, Joanne Edelman, Tom Oppenheim. 0:05:48.200 --> 0:05:50.920 Joanne did the Alexander technique. 0:05:51.160 --> 0:05:56.200 Oh yeah, yep. And I was dying laughing because like, 0:05:56.279 --> 0:05:59.560 who else could this joke this storyline before? In your book? 0:05:59.600 --> 0:06:02.000 When you put the cork in your mouth, you're doing 0:06:03.080 --> 0:06:06.080 like two households both like in dignity and favor in 0:06:06.120 --> 0:06:07.160 a wary layer scene. 0:06:06.920 --> 0:06:10.240 Which to this day I would I could be. 0:06:10.320 --> 0:06:14.080 Dying of Alzheimer's and I would still remember that fucking monologue. 0:06:14.480 --> 0:06:17.040 I used to do a joke that Stella Older Conservatory 0:06:17.120 --> 0:06:18.880 taught me how to be a working actor in the 0:06:18.920 --> 0:06:22.560 seventeen hundreds, because it was just like you had to 0:06:22.560 --> 0:06:24.800 put a cork in your mouth. You were like constantly 0:06:24.839 --> 0:06:26.920 reciting Shakespeare and then you take you. 0:06:26.800 --> 0:06:30.080 Had to wear rehearsal skirts that were like ridiculous. 0:06:30.240 --> 0:06:33.920 You learned prepared for auditioning at all. No, we should 0:06:33.960 --> 0:06:35.480 have they should have like a podcast thing. 0:06:36.279 --> 0:06:38.440 Yes, yes, so that's one. 0:06:39.200 --> 0:06:39.520 Two. 0:06:40.240 --> 0:06:43.279 We've both been I was a waitress in New York 0:06:43.320 --> 0:06:46.679 for a gazillion years, and so were you. We both 0:06:46.800 --> 0:06:51.080 first got cut out of our first huge TV film Gigs, 0:06:51.120 --> 0:06:55.159 which I think really helps in paving the way to 0:06:55.320 --> 0:06:58.680 understanding this business. In your book, can you remind us 0:06:58.800 --> 0:06:59.960 what I think you were a kid? 0:07:00.480 --> 0:07:02.800 I was a child actor and I was in this 0:07:02.839 --> 0:07:06.479 movie Personal Foul, and it was David Morris and Alan 0:07:06.640 --> 0:07:09.720 Arkin and I have an actual part, but it was 0:07:09.760 --> 0:07:13.040 like in a little scene in between scenes, and so 0:07:13.280 --> 0:07:15.720 no one ever told me I was invited to the premiere. 0:07:15.760 --> 0:07:17.480 I brought my whole Italian family. 0:07:17.720 --> 0:07:20.160 We took up two rows and then I just remember 0:07:20.320 --> 0:07:22.120 like waiting for myself. 0:07:22.160 --> 0:07:24.680 I was like planning on standing up when when I 0:07:24.720 --> 0:07:28.880 got on, and then when the credit started. 0:07:28.560 --> 0:07:31.480 Rolling, I just tears just started rolling down my face 0:07:31.520 --> 0:07:34.160 and I was like, I just didn't understand. 0:07:34.240 --> 0:07:36.239 And why would they have invited you? 0:07:36.320 --> 0:07:37.000 Like, oh my. 0:07:37.200 --> 0:07:42.040 God, what a mine was? I had one line on 0:07:42.200 --> 0:07:46.360 rescue me the pilot remember that it was like a 0:07:46.800 --> 0:07:49.840 firefighter show starring God, I don't fucking remember Dennis Larry 0:07:49.920 --> 0:07:53.440 Big New York. Yes, thank you, Dennis Leary. And I 0:07:53.560 --> 0:07:57.800 had a scene and I told everyone, most importantly in 0:07:57.840 --> 0:07:59.480 my town growing up. It was like my first job 0:07:59.520 --> 0:08:01.680 out of college was like twenty one, and I told everyone, 0:08:01.720 --> 0:08:04.560 most importantly my ex boyfriend who had fucking wrecked me 0:08:04.640 --> 0:08:06.280 my high school like love of my life, who I'd 0:08:06.320 --> 0:08:09.480 lost my virginity to. And when I watched it, and 0:08:09.520 --> 0:08:11.760 I knew everyone in the Tri state area was watching 0:08:11.760 --> 0:08:14.360 at the same time, including my grandmother who was very judgmental, 0:08:15.080 --> 0:08:20.560 and I wasn't in it. I was like so fucking embarrassed. 0:08:20.680 --> 0:08:25.640 It was unbelievable, Like just total embarrassment. Okay, this is 0:08:25.680 --> 0:08:29.680 a mom podcast and you are for everyone listening. I know, 0:08:29.720 --> 0:08:32.240 we're all in this shit right now and it's ups 0:08:32.240 --> 0:08:34.280 and it's down and it's amazing. But you are such 0:08:34.280 --> 0:08:36.560 a gift because none of us are stand up comedians 0:08:36.559 --> 0:08:39.200 and none of us are funny. Like it was amazing 0:08:39.240 --> 0:08:42.080 reading your book. I can't think the way you think. 0:08:42.600 --> 0:08:44.240 Do you feel like your daughter is going to be 0:08:44.280 --> 0:08:48.080 absolutely hilarious having you and your husband as funny people. 0:08:48.760 --> 0:08:52.240 Actually, I'm very hesitant to do stand up about her 0:08:52.280 --> 0:08:55.160 because she'll say something funny and I'll tell my husband 0:08:55.240 --> 0:08:56.600 and she's like, mom, do. 0:08:56.720 --> 0:08:59.920 Not tell people things. I say, that's her new thing. 0:09:00.800 --> 0:09:03.360 So now I'm like, Okay, at least I can tour 0:09:03.440 --> 0:09:05.560 on this material and she'll never find out. 0:09:05.720 --> 0:09:07.480 But I can't really record a special. 0:09:08.200 --> 0:09:11.360 Is that the boundary you're drawing right now? I don't 0:09:11.480 --> 0:09:15.600 want to record this to live on forever in case 0:09:15.640 --> 0:09:17.000 she can watch it in ten years. 0:09:17.320 --> 0:09:19.480 And like I was telling my opener, I just did 0:09:19.520 --> 0:09:21.160 a book tour and one of the women opening for 0:09:21.240 --> 0:09:23.440 me had like a thirteen year old. I told her 0:09:23.480 --> 0:09:25.640 this and she's like, yeah, my daughter doesn't want me 0:09:25.679 --> 0:09:28.280 talking about her either. It's been pretty hard for the 0:09:28.320 --> 0:09:31.440 past ten years, like it is in high school. 0:09:31.440 --> 0:09:33.240 And they don't talk because of it. 0:09:33.600 --> 0:09:36.760 So, oh my god. 0:09:36.200 --> 0:09:37.040 It's a hard thing. 0:09:37.120 --> 0:09:39.240 And I was trying to be really conscious about her 0:09:39.360 --> 0:09:41.920 in the book, and I did a reading pass of 0:09:41.960 --> 0:09:44.480 it through her eyes. Yeah, because I do jokes about 0:09:44.640 --> 0:09:47.760 hoping they take a nap so dangerously long you think 0:09:47.760 --> 0:09:50.439 maybe something happened to them, or there's like obviously some 0:09:50.559 --> 0:09:53.319 dark things that are jokes. And then I added a 0:09:53.360 --> 0:09:56.240 little When my husband read the book, he was like, 0:09:56.280 --> 0:09:59.559 do you even like me? I had to like add 0:09:59.559 --> 0:10:00.880 a little pit paragraph for him. 0:10:01.520 --> 0:10:04.000 It is so clear in the book that you love 0:10:04.160 --> 0:10:08.400 him and that you have an incredible relationship, which I 0:10:08.440 --> 0:10:10.480 want to talk to you about so much about how 0:10:10.480 --> 0:10:12.679 it's changed since becoming parents, because you were together for 0:10:12.720 --> 0:10:15.360 a long time before you decided to jump into this. 0:10:15.440 --> 0:10:18.080 And what I love so much about the book is 0:10:18.120 --> 0:10:21.840 you were not you weren't going to have a child. 0:10:22.080 --> 0:10:24.240 You were so career centric. 0:10:24.280 --> 0:10:26.200 A situational breeder is what they call it. 0:10:27.679 --> 0:10:29.920 You met the guy. It was the right time and 0:10:29.960 --> 0:10:33.720 the right situation and also kind of a miracle situation. 0:10:34.480 --> 0:10:37.600 Take the listeners through how many eggs we had left 0:10:37.920 --> 0:10:39.480 and the miracle that is your daughter. 0:10:39.679 --> 0:10:42.079 Oh, I just on a whim. 0:10:42.200 --> 0:10:44.560 As a thirty eighth birthday present to myself, I froze 0:10:44.600 --> 0:10:47.560 my eggs and had him sitting there, and then I 0:10:47.600 --> 0:10:51.480 had met Mosha pretty quickly after that, and he really 0:10:51.559 --> 0:10:54.800 expressed that he wanted kids. But after we got married 0:10:54.840 --> 0:10:57.520 at forty, the doctor just kept saying, you know, those 0:10:57.559 --> 0:10:59.559 should be your insurance, so you should keep trying to 0:10:59.559 --> 0:11:01.480 do it on your own. So I spent like thousands 0:11:01.559 --> 0:11:04.520 and thousands of dollars trying to do it in these 0:11:04.600 --> 0:11:08.200 last moments of my fertility. 0:11:08.400 --> 0:11:11.000 What was the clock saying to you, like, if we 0:11:11.040 --> 0:11:14.520 don't conceive without using the stored eggs, what was your 0:11:14.559 --> 0:11:15.439 timeline on that. 0:11:16.080 --> 0:11:16.640 I kind of. 0:11:16.559 --> 0:11:18.640 Feel a little bit like I was hustled by the 0:11:18.679 --> 0:11:21.080 doctors and I spent a lot of money trying to 0:11:21.120 --> 0:11:24.199 do this naturally but not really naturally. Like they're called 0:11:24.280 --> 0:11:27.440 iui's and you go there and like most you would 0:11:27.480 --> 0:11:29.600 be at the Funny Bone in Kansas City or wherever 0:11:29.640 --> 0:11:32.280 the fuck the chuckle hut, and then we'd have like 0:11:32.400 --> 0:11:36.120 during my ovulation, so we would have his sperm on tap, 0:11:36.760 --> 0:11:39.640 and then I'd go into the doctor that very day. 0:11:39.840 --> 0:11:41.520 Jerkey based it exactly. 0:11:42.080 --> 0:11:45.760 I did those for probably a year and nothing ever worked. 0:11:46.120 --> 0:11:48.560 I had a very irregular period, so it was just 0:11:48.679 --> 0:11:51.840 always a challenge. An important thing to remember if you 0:11:51.880 --> 0:11:54.319 are trying to conceive is like talk to your friends 0:11:54.360 --> 0:11:57.560 who've done it successfully. A lot of this stuff is 0:11:57.600 --> 0:12:03.080 like brand new technology and your doctors are busy and 0:12:03.960 --> 0:12:06.400 they don't have all the data yet. I talked to 0:12:06.440 --> 0:12:07.839 a friend and she was like, I think you should 0:12:07.880 --> 0:12:10.720 just use the ones you have. That's what I did, 0:12:11.080 --> 0:12:14.839 and so I did that and they had to defrost them. 0:12:14.960 --> 0:12:17.839 He had to blast his load on them or I 0:12:17.880 --> 0:12:19.240 don't know what the medical term is. 0:12:20.080 --> 0:12:23.080 Mix them up, blashom sperm on top of that shit. 0:12:23.320 --> 0:12:26.280 I had eight eight and then once he did his load, 0:12:26.800 --> 0:12:30.080 I think four survived. Then they tested him for genetics 0:12:30.880 --> 0:12:33.839 and two survived. And just a really quick thing if people, 0:12:33.840 --> 0:12:35.880 because I know this is a mom podcast, a lot 0:12:35.920 --> 0:12:38.000 of people are like, you asked the doctor should I 0:12:38.040 --> 0:12:39.720 test for the genetically? 0:12:39.760 --> 0:12:42.600 And they're like it's up to you, and you're like, 0:12:43.120 --> 0:12:45.960 I don't fucking know. But here's the reason. 0:12:46.400 --> 0:12:48.640 Here's the reason why I would say maybe you shouldn't 0:12:48.880 --> 0:12:51.520 is because you can kill a lot of the embryos 0:12:51.559 --> 0:12:54.480 that way, and the doctor would never tell you this, 0:12:54.760 --> 0:12:56.760 but if you're okay with having an abortion, it might 0:12:56.800 --> 0:13:00.120 be better to put it in there. So it's so 0:13:00.160 --> 0:13:01.240 you get that chance. 0:13:01.720 --> 0:13:05.840 Natasha, I've never We've done a thousand episodes of this shit. 0:13:05.920 --> 0:13:08.960 I've never that is such a good point. Like if 0:13:09.080 --> 0:13:11.920 you were someone that by twelve thirteen weeks you know 0:13:12.120 --> 0:13:16.520 from the tests that something is genetically irregular and unsafe 0:13:16.840 --> 0:13:19.240 or not something that you're looking to get into, and 0:13:19.280 --> 0:13:21.439 you would have an abortion anyway, then maybe it is 0:13:21.559 --> 0:13:24.760 better to weigh your risk reward not do the genetic testing, 0:13:24.800 --> 0:13:27.880 because that those genetic tests, sticking a little needle in 0:13:27.920 --> 0:13:31.800 the made embryo in the Petri dish can kill kills it. Fuck. 0:13:32.120 --> 0:13:34.120 A doctor will never tell you this. We're all trying 0:13:34.120 --> 0:13:36.880 to figure out this technology. So anyway, we did the 0:13:36.920 --> 0:13:40.280 genetic testing because I didn't know about I really didn't 0:13:40.280 --> 0:13:43.280 know one trick. I always ask doctors. I'm like, what 0:13:43.280 --> 0:13:45.440 would you tell me if I was your daughter. I'm 0:13:45.440 --> 0:13:47.920 like constantly telling that. I think that's a really important 0:13:47.920 --> 0:13:51.080 thing to face make them answer. I had two left 0:13:51.400 --> 0:13:55.360 I put one in and I was pregnant and I 0:13:55.400 --> 0:13:58.280 was like so happy, and then it died in like 0:13:58.360 --> 0:14:00.559 two weeks, and then I was like, I don't know 0:14:00.600 --> 0:14:01.000 what to do. 0:14:01.040 --> 0:14:02.120 This is my last chance. 0:14:02.160 --> 0:14:03.920 I called the doctor she's and I said, what is 0:14:03.960 --> 0:14:06.200 the percentage that this will turn into a baby? 0:14:06.240 --> 0:14:08.440 And she was like not very high. 0:14:08.920 --> 0:14:12.880 It was like I think almost thirty percent, which is something. 0:14:13.520 --> 0:14:15.120 And I called my friend who had just been through 0:14:15.120 --> 0:14:16.960 all this, and I said what do you think? 0:14:17.040 --> 0:14:17.920 And she's like, your. 0:14:17.760 --> 0:14:22.520 Body was pregnant before, maybe that's a good sign. Put 0:14:22.520 --> 0:14:25.800 the other one in and I was like, yeah, maybe 0:14:25.920 --> 0:14:28.280 since my body was technically pregnant. 0:14:28.320 --> 0:14:31.480 So I did that and it lasted. That's my daughter. 0:14:31.520 --> 0:14:33.560 But I will say I was so terrified every step 0:14:33.560 --> 0:14:36.360 of the way, and that's something that they just don't 0:14:36.440 --> 0:14:39.080 tell you, like that terror, that fear that I had, 0:14:39.120 --> 0:14:41.720 like every single second. Every doctor's like is the heart 0:14:41.760 --> 0:14:43.880 still beating? Does she have all ten fingers and toes? 0:14:44.080 --> 0:14:47.120 Even now, Like I've got like ten rotating worries that 0:14:47.160 --> 0:14:48.480 I'm worried about with her, Like. 0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:51.600 Yeah, I want to talk to you about that. I 0:14:51.680 --> 0:14:55.640 know from your book you had said this was huge 0:14:55.680 --> 0:14:58.720 struck me so hugely. It seems to me as a 0:14:58.760 --> 0:15:02.800 reader that a anxiety is something that struck you so 0:15:03.320 --> 0:15:07.880 hugely during your pregnancy obviously, so I mean, this is 0:15:07.920 --> 0:15:11.120 your one last egg. You wanted this so badly, God forbid, 0:15:11.200 --> 0:15:13.240 something happened. You had already had a miscarriage, and. 0:15:13.240 --> 0:15:15.280 I already tried to do it every other way. 0:15:16.080 --> 0:15:18.360 And you tried to do it every other fucking way. 0:15:19.080 --> 0:15:22.000 And then it's not like you said in the anxiety, 0:15:22.040 --> 0:15:24.200 what you've birthed I think I quoted it in my 0:15:24.280 --> 0:15:27.280 notes was in what You're birthing is also eternal fear. 0:15:27.800 --> 0:15:28.520 I think. 0:15:29.760 --> 0:15:30.320 That. Yeah. 0:15:30.400 --> 0:15:34.320 I think like for some people, like maybe they've been 0:15:34.360 --> 0:15:36.680 neurotic and fearful their whole lives and that's just something 0:15:36.680 --> 0:15:37.640 they've always dealt with. 0:15:37.680 --> 0:15:41.360 But for me, daring as shit, you're on like flashed planes, 0:15:41.520 --> 0:15:43.720 there's an extra seat to Africa. You're like, I'll go. 0:15:43.840 --> 0:15:46.480 You like moved to Australia with a boyfriend. Like I 0:15:46.480 --> 0:15:49.800 would never have done the shit you did. So it 0:15:49.920 --> 0:15:52.800 is like crazy that anxiety has shown up for you. 0:15:53.040 --> 0:15:54.960 And it's a problem with my husband because he's like, 0:15:55.000 --> 0:15:57.320 why aren't you the person you used to be? Why 0:15:57.360 --> 0:15:59.600 are you so scared? And part of the reason I'm 0:15:59.640 --> 0:16:03.560 so scared it is because he's so nonchalant. I mean, 0:16:03.560 --> 0:16:07.400 we're like central casting for like typical dad, typical mom. 0:16:07.920 --> 0:16:09.000 Yes, he's just. 0:16:09.040 --> 0:16:12.960 So easy breezy, She's fine, send her to school. 0:16:13.600 --> 0:16:16.800 I'm like, is anyone thinking about this? 0:16:17.240 --> 0:16:18.760 Am I the only person thinking about this? 0:16:18.920 --> 0:16:19.240 Now? Wait? 0:16:19.240 --> 0:16:20.960 Also, in your book, though you had said to him 0:16:20.960 --> 0:16:23.800 in the chapter I think where you interview him, which 0:16:23.840 --> 0:16:25.400 is one of my favorite chapters in the book, but 0:16:26.240 --> 0:16:29.480 you said that you thought a lot of the anxiety 0:16:29.480 --> 0:16:31.800 would go away by the time she turned five, and 0:16:31.800 --> 0:16:33.320 correct me if I'm wrong. But at the time of 0:16:33.360 --> 0:16:36.920 the recording of this podcast, she's turning five if like 0:16:37.000 --> 0:16:37.600 a week. 0:16:37.640 --> 0:16:41.960 I know, and he's and he's like, okay, this better stop. Now. 0:16:42.160 --> 0:16:46.200 I have this complete like anxiety around summer camp, which 0:16:46.200 --> 0:16:48.400 it's February and la. 0:16:48.600 --> 0:16:51.840 I don't know if people experience this in other cities. 0:16:51.440 --> 0:16:53.760 But lope, they don't. They don't, but here it's a 0:16:53.760 --> 0:16:54.560 fucking nightmare. 0:16:54.760 --> 0:16:57.680 Every summer camp is four days long, and you're supposed 0:16:57.720 --> 0:17:00.920 to put your child in like twelve little different four 0:17:01.000 --> 0:17:03.320 day long summer camps that all have weight lists that 0:17:03.600 --> 0:17:07.280 that are full by February. I can't get on weight lists. 0:17:07.480 --> 0:17:09.360 I can't like set an alarm. I mean, I guess 0:17:09.400 --> 0:17:10.480 I can, but I just don't. 0:17:10.600 --> 0:17:14.280 That is no, this is ridiculous. I'm not there yet. 0:17:14.800 --> 0:17:17.600 My son is five. I've kept him in nursery school 0:17:17.600 --> 0:17:20.040 for a long time, and I've heard that if I 0:17:20.040 --> 0:17:22.560 want to sign him up for these classes after school 0:17:22.640 --> 0:17:24.639 next year, that I have to be setting an alarm 0:17:24.680 --> 0:17:26.600 on my laptop and sign up where it's going to 0:17:26.640 --> 0:17:27.800 be full and you're not going to get in the 0:17:27.840 --> 0:17:30.600 lego class and then silent. If you think that's bad, 0:17:31.160 --> 0:17:33.520 you're fucked for summer camp in La, which is an 0:17:33.640 --> 0:17:36.520 absolute nightmare. It's the same thing. You better set your alarm. 0:17:36.560 --> 0:17:38.760 Your husband needs to set his alarm. I'm not doing it. 0:17:38.880 --> 0:17:41.800 But it's not even a full summer. It's four days. 0:17:42.080 --> 0:17:44.200 It's not even like it's four days. And now you're 0:17:44.200 --> 0:17:45.760 figuring out the next one to get on the wait 0:17:45.760 --> 0:17:48.200 list four and also what's the new address and who's 0:17:48.240 --> 0:17:54.080 getting her there? It's absolute horseshit. And here's my question, though, Yes, 0:17:55.000 --> 0:17:57.440 how are you feeling about her turning five? And how 0:17:57.520 --> 0:17:58.280 is your anxiety? 0:17:58.840 --> 0:18:01.320 Well, say it does more into something else, but I 0:18:01.400 --> 0:18:04.639 am like couple's therapy and therapy in general is helping that, 0:18:04.880 --> 0:18:06.840 and I'm trying to manage worry. 0:18:07.640 --> 0:18:08.280 Something can be. 0:18:08.240 --> 0:18:12.159 A concern without having to be a catastrophe. And I 0:18:12.200 --> 0:18:15.280 think that as like new mothers, at least, my experience 0:18:15.440 --> 0:18:18.640 was like I was always catastrophizing like any little thing, 0:18:18.680 --> 0:18:21.840 and like every time you log onto Facebook, some toddlers 0:18:21.920 --> 0:18:24.440 died from rep bite, fever or whatever it is. There's 0:18:24.480 --> 0:18:26.800 just this constant thing. And I have a friend as 0:18:26.800 --> 0:18:29.120 a doctor and she shared with me, which was made 0:18:29.119 --> 0:18:32.879 me cry. But like a lot of infant deaths and 0:18:33.000 --> 0:18:36.560 children happen before age five, five is when they can 0:18:36.680 --> 0:18:41.080 start being a little more safe on their own, because 0:18:41.080 --> 0:18:43.440 that's five full years where you're just like worried of 0:18:43.640 --> 0:18:45.880 them like falling down steps and choking. 0:18:46.359 --> 0:18:50.000 Are you still cutting her grapes up to like one eighth? 0:18:50.040 --> 0:18:50.480 I don't. 0:18:51.080 --> 0:18:53.800 She's a pretty voracious eater, so I don't worry that much. 0:18:54.119 --> 0:18:55.440 But it's like a brand. 0:18:55.200 --> 0:18:57.400 New thing of me trying to like just be able 0:18:57.400 --> 0:19:00.840 to be concerned about something without making it like an extreme. 0:19:01.160 --> 0:19:05.080 Yeah, making a real there's a real difference between concern 0:19:05.520 --> 0:19:08.960 and catastrophe. For me, I am one of those people 0:19:09.000 --> 0:19:11.920 who I find something to worry about regardless. I'm one 0:19:11.920 --> 0:19:15.040 of those New Yorker like anxious people always have been 0:19:15.119 --> 0:19:20.560 my son. For some reason, I was okay or masked it. 0:19:20.640 --> 0:19:23.320 I don't know how I survived. But my daughter was 0:19:23.359 --> 0:19:27.040 born in COVID and I got pregnant a week before shutdown, 0:19:27.080 --> 0:19:31.040 and it was my anxiety was so horrific that it 0:19:31.080 --> 0:19:33.920 was postpartum depression and anxiety. And I honestly would save 0:19:33.960 --> 0:19:36.000 my life though. And I don't know but if you've 0:19:36.040 --> 0:19:38.879 ever had medication, but honestly, zoloft is the thing that 0:19:39.440 --> 0:19:43.080 fucking I don't know what I would have done. And 0:19:43.160 --> 0:19:46.240 thank God because being on that side, the chill side, 0:19:46.320 --> 0:19:48.440 or your husband's side, or my husband's side, because my 0:19:48.520 --> 0:19:51.200