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Speaker 1: Welcome to Katie's Crib, a production of Shondaland Audio in

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Speaker 1: partnership with iHeartRadio.

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Speaker 2: What it's done to me is like really put my

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Speaker 2: own self care on the back burner because she's so important.

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Speaker 2: And I have found that my husband doesn't do that.

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Speaker 2: He's always following his passions and going surfing and playing

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Speaker 2: the new video game and staying up late and having

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Speaker 2: fun and doing his thing, whereas I feel like I'm

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Speaker 2: just it's almost like I'm at war and I'm just

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Speaker 2: trying to do like this triage of like how can

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Speaker 2: I just be keeping her safe and healthy? And she

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Speaker 2: even said to me today, she's, mom, don't you need

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Speaker 2: to buy yourself some socks? And then she goes and

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Speaker 2: don't you need some underwear too? And I was like,

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Speaker 2: how do you know I need underwear? She's like, I

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Speaker 2: saw your drawer. There's not that many.

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Speaker 1: Hello, everybody, and welcome back to Katie's Crib. I am

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Speaker 1: so happy to be sitting here right now because I'm

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Speaker 1: just getting through one of those lovely twenty four hour

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Speaker 1: neurovirus stomach bugs that your children bring home to you.

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Speaker 1: You're welcome for that information. It's been a good day, though,

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Speaker 1: because I think I'm through it, folks. I think I'm

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Speaker 1: through it, and I'm so glad to be because today's

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Speaker 1: guest I just finished reading her book. I'm a huge fan.

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Speaker 1: She is hilarious. I mean, I think I'm a funny mom,

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Speaker 1: but she's like a super super super super funny mom.

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Speaker 1: She's a stand up comedian and she just has an

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Speaker 1: incredible mom story. She is a mother of one beautiful

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Speaker 1: daughter who is four. I think she's about to turn five,

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Speaker 1: and she had her daughter much later than a lot

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Speaker 1: of people. And I love her journey of how she

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Speaker 1: decided to be a mom because, let me tell you, folks,

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Speaker 1: she was not convinced that this was something she always

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Speaker 1: wanted to do. And now that she has her daughter,

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Speaker 1: I think motherhood has very much changed her in all

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Speaker 1: sorts of ways, good and bad. And we can hear

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Speaker 1: all about it in her amazing book called The World

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Speaker 1: Deserves My Children. Yes they do, Natasha Lazeiro, Yes they do.

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Speaker 1: She's going to be our guest today. The book is

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Speaker 1: a laugh out loud riot. I mean, come on, there's

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Speaker 1: nothing better than a stand up comedian becoming a mom

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Speaker 1: because they have the brains and the wit to put

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Speaker 1: everything that you think is hilarious and insane about motherhood

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Speaker 1: actually into jokes. The book is brilliant and if you

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Speaker 1: don't know about Natasha, let me tell you about her.

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Speaker 1: She's an accomplished actress, writer, stand up comedian, which I

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Speaker 1: already mentioned, and she's garnered attention in film and TV

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Speaker 1: and the web. She most recently hosted the TBS food

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Speaker 1: competition show Rat in the Kitchen. She also created, wrote, produced,

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Speaker 1: and starred in the Comedy Central sitcom Another Period, a

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Speaker 1: period piece and spoof on modern day shows, and it

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Speaker 1: ran for three seasons. Her Netflix special, The Honeymoon Stand

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Speaker 1: Up Special, air in twenty eighteen. Her first and only book,

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Speaker 1: Hahaha The World Deserves My Children is a laugh out loud,

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Speaker 1: funny collection of insightful and e Razor sharp essays on

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Speaker 1: motherhood in our post apocalyptic world, and it's out now

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Speaker 1: wherever books are sold. And finally, Natasha hosts The Endless

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Speaker 1: Honeymoon Podcast. She hosts The Honeymoon Podcast with her husband

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Speaker 1: in Moischa and currently resides in Los Angeles with their

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Speaker 1: four year old daughter. I am very excited to welcome

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Speaker 1: today's guest, Natasha Lizeiro. I honestly just finished your book

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Speaker 1: last night. The world deserves my children, and I agree,

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Speaker 1: we deserve your daughter.

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Speaker 3: We deserve her.

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Speaker 2: I know my friend's like, shouldn't it be called my

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Speaker 2: child since you only have one? But I could accumulate

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Speaker 2: another kid at some point.

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Speaker 3: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely, you don't know what the future holds, no clue.

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Speaker 1: I mean, although I do love the checklist. There's a

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Speaker 1: chapter in her book, all of you listeners where there's

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Speaker 1: a really simple checklist that you can answer yes or

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Speaker 1: no to, and if you have a multitude of ys's,

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Speaker 1: you are a perfect candidate for someone who should only

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Speaker 1: have one child.

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Speaker 2: I start that chapter with a quote which is one

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Speaker 2: is an accessory. Two is a lifestyle. And I was

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Speaker 2: just much more down for the accessory.

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Speaker 3: But as you.

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Speaker 2: Read, like, I was at the dentist and I read

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Speaker 2: after I had the baby, and my dentist was like,

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Speaker 2: one child is not a family. You need to go

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Speaker 2: have another baby right now, And I was like, I

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Speaker 2: don't want another, Like I like having a small, close family.

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Speaker 3: Yes.

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Speaker 1: I used to date this dude in high school who

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Speaker 1: was an only child, and he was incredible, and his

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Speaker 1: relationship with his parents.

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Speaker 3: Really, it was incredible in like for real.

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Speaker 1: And then the other person I will say is Kerry

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Speaker 1: Washington is an only child, and she's literally one of

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Speaker 1: the most remarkable human beings I've ever had the pleasure

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Speaker 1: of knowing. She has an amazing relationship with her parents.

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Speaker 2: Didn't she go to Spence? I'm obsessed with everyone who

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Speaker 2: went to like Private.

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Speaker 1: She went to Spence, So good luck, move to New

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Speaker 1: York and go and send your daughter to Spence. But wait,

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Speaker 1: while we're on the subject of New York. You and

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Speaker 1: I have one thousand things in common. Okay, we both

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Speaker 1: went to the Stella Adler superfacting.

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Speaker 2: Really did you learn from Alice Winston? I might be

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Speaker 2: older than you.

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Speaker 1: Yes, but not by much. I just turned forty. No,

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Speaker 1: I had Ron Burris, Oh yeah, Joanne Edelman, Tom Oppenheim.

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Speaker 3: Joanne did the Alexander technique.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yep. And I was dying laughing because like,

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Speaker 1: who else could this joke this storyline before? In your book?

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Speaker 1: When you put the cork in your mouth, you're doing

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Speaker 1: like two households both like in dignity and favor in

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Speaker 1: a wary layer scene.

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Speaker 3: Which to this day I would I could be.

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Speaker 1: Dying of Alzheimer's and I would still remember that fucking monologue.

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Speaker 2: I used to do a joke that Stella Older Conservatory

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Speaker 2: taught me how to be a working actor in the

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Speaker 2: seventeen hundreds, because it was just like you had to

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Speaker 2: put a cork in your mouth. You were like constantly

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Speaker 2: reciting Shakespeare and then you take you.

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Speaker 1: Had to wear rehearsal skirts that were like ridiculous.

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Speaker 3: You learned prepared for auditioning at all. No, we should

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Speaker 3: have they should have like a podcast thing.

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Speaker 1: Yes, yes, so that's one.

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Speaker 3: Two.

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Speaker 1: We've both been I was a waitress in New York

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Speaker 1: for a gazillion years, and so were you. We both

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Speaker 1: first got cut out of our first huge TV film Gigs,

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Speaker 1: which I think really helps in paving the way to

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Speaker 1: understanding this business. In your book, can you remind us

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Speaker 1: what I think you were a kid?

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Speaker 2: I was a child actor and I was in this

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Speaker 2: movie Personal Foul, and it was David Morris and Alan

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Speaker 2: Arkin and I have an actual part, but it was

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Speaker 2: like in a little scene in between scenes, and so

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Speaker 2: no one ever told me I was invited to the premiere.

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Speaker 3: I brought my whole Italian family.

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Speaker 2: We took up two rows and then I just remember

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Speaker 2: like waiting for myself.

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Speaker 3: I was like planning on standing up when when I

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Speaker 3: got on, and then when the credit started.

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Speaker 2: Rolling, I just tears just started rolling down my face

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Speaker 2: and I was like, I just didn't understand.

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Speaker 3: And why would they have invited you?

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Speaker 2: Like, oh my.

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Speaker 1: God, what a mine was? I had one line on

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Speaker 1: rescue me the pilot remember that it was like a

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Speaker 1: firefighter show starring God, I don't fucking remember Dennis Larry

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Speaker 1: Big New York. Yes, thank you, Dennis Leary. And I

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Speaker 1: had a scene and I told everyone, most importantly in

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Speaker 1: my town growing up. It was like my first job

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Speaker 1: out of college was like twenty one, and I told everyone,

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Speaker 1: most importantly my ex boyfriend who had fucking wrecked me

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Speaker 1: my high school like love of my life, who I'd

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Speaker 1: lost my virginity to. And when I watched it, and

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Speaker 1: I knew everyone in the Tri state area was watching

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Speaker 1: at the same time, including my grandmother who was very judgmental,

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Speaker 1: and I wasn't in it. I was like so fucking embarrassed.

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Speaker 1: It was unbelievable, Like just total embarrassment. Okay, this is

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Speaker 1: a mom podcast and you are for everyone listening. I know,

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Speaker 1: we're all in this shit right now and it's ups

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Speaker 1: and it's down and it's amazing. But you are such

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Speaker 1: a gift because none of us are stand up comedians

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Speaker 1: and none of us are funny. Like it was amazing

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Speaker 1: reading your book. I can't think the way you think.

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Speaker 1: Do you feel like your daughter is going to be

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Speaker 1: absolutely hilarious having you and your husband as funny people.

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Speaker 2: Actually, I'm very hesitant to do stand up about her

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Speaker 2: because she'll say something funny and I'll tell my husband

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Speaker 2: and she's like, mom, do.

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Speaker 3: Not tell people things. I say, that's her new thing.

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Speaker 2: So now I'm like, Okay, at least I can tour

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Speaker 2: on this material and she'll never find out.

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Speaker 3: But I can't really record a special.

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Speaker 1: Is that the boundary you're drawing right now? I don't

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Speaker 1: want to record this to live on forever in case

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Speaker 1: she can watch it in ten years.

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Speaker 2: And like I was telling my opener, I just did

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Speaker 2: a book tour and one of the women opening for

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Speaker 2: me had like a thirteen year old. I told her

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Speaker 2: this and she's like, yeah, my daughter doesn't want me

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Speaker 2: talking about her either. It's been pretty hard for the

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Speaker 2: past ten years, like it is in high school.

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Speaker 3: And they don't talk because of it.

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Speaker 1: So, oh my god.

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Speaker 3: It's a hard thing.

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Speaker 2: And I was trying to be really conscious about her

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Speaker 2: in the book, and I did a reading pass of

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Speaker 2: it through her eyes. Yeah, because I do jokes about

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Speaker 2: hoping they take a nap so dangerously long you think

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Speaker 2: maybe something happened to them, or there's like obviously some

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Speaker 2: dark things that are jokes. And then I added a

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Speaker 2: little When my husband read the book, he was like,

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Speaker 2: do you even like me? I had to like add

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Speaker 2: a little pit paragraph for him.

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Speaker 1: It is so clear in the book that you love

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Speaker 1: him and that you have an incredible relationship, which I

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Speaker 1: want to talk to you about so much about how

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Speaker 1: it's changed since becoming parents, because you were together for

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Speaker 1: a long time before you decided to jump into this.

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Speaker 1: And what I love so much about the book is

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Speaker 1: you were not you weren't going to have a child.

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Speaker 1: You were so career centric.

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Speaker 3: A situational breeder is what they call it.

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Speaker 1: You met the guy. It was the right time and

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Speaker 1: the right situation and also kind of a miracle situation.

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Speaker 1: Take the listeners through how many eggs we had left

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Speaker 1: and the miracle that is your daughter.

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Speaker 3: Oh, I just on a whim.

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Speaker 2: As a thirty eighth birthday present to myself, I froze

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Speaker 2: my eggs and had him sitting there, and then I

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Speaker 2: had met Mosha pretty quickly after that, and he really

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Speaker 2: expressed that he wanted kids. But after we got married

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Speaker 2: at forty, the doctor just kept saying, you know, those

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Speaker 2: should be your insurance, so you should keep trying to

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Speaker 2: do it on your own. So I spent like thousands

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Speaker 2: and thousands of dollars trying to do it in these

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Speaker 2: last moments of my fertility.

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Speaker 1: What was the clock saying to you, like, if we

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Speaker 1: don't conceive without using the stored eggs, what was your

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Speaker 1: timeline on that.

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Speaker 3: I kind of.

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Speaker 2: Feel a little bit like I was hustled by the

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Speaker 2: doctors and I spent a lot of money trying to

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Speaker 2: do this naturally but not really naturally. Like they're called

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Speaker 2: iui's and you go there and like most you would

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Speaker 2: be at the Funny Bone in Kansas City or wherever

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Speaker 2: the fuck the chuckle hut, and then we'd have like

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Speaker 2: during my ovulation, so we would have his sperm on tap,

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Speaker 2: and then I'd go into the doctor that very day.

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Speaker 1: Jerkey based it exactly.

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Speaker 2: I did those for probably a year and nothing ever worked.

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Speaker 2: I had a very irregular period, so it was just

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Speaker 2: always a challenge. An important thing to remember if you

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Speaker 2: are trying to conceive is like talk to your friends

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Speaker 2: who've done it successfully. A lot of this stuff is

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Speaker 2: like brand new technology and your doctors are busy and

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Speaker 2: they don't have all the data yet. I talked to

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Speaker 2: a friend and she was like, I think you should

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Speaker 2: just use the ones you have. That's what I did,

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Speaker 2: and so I did that and they had to defrost them.

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Speaker 3: He had to blast his load on them or I

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Speaker 3: don't know what the medical term is.

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Speaker 1: Mix them up, blashom sperm on top of that shit.

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Speaker 2: I had eight eight and then once he did his load,

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Speaker 2: I think four survived. Then they tested him for genetics

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Speaker 2: and two survived. And just a really quick thing if people,

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Speaker 2: because I know this is a mom podcast, a lot

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Speaker 2: of people are like, you asked the doctor should I

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Speaker 2: test for the genetically?

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Speaker 3: And they're like it's up to you, and you're like,

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Speaker 3: I don't fucking know. But here's the reason.

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Speaker 2: Here's the reason why I would say maybe you shouldn't

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Speaker 2: is because you can kill a lot of the embryos

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Speaker 2: that way, and the doctor would never tell you this,

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Speaker 2: but if you're okay with having an abortion, it might

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Speaker 2: be better to put it in there. So it's so

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Speaker 2: you get that chance.

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Speaker 1: Natasha, I've never We've done a thousand episodes of this shit.

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Speaker 1: I've never that is such a good point. Like if

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Speaker 1: you were someone that by twelve thirteen weeks you know

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Speaker 1: from the tests that something is genetically irregular and unsafe

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Speaker 1: or not something that you're looking to get into, and

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Speaker 1: you would have an abortion anyway, then maybe it is

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Speaker 1: better to weigh your risk reward not do the genetic testing,

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Speaker 1: because that those genetic tests, sticking a little needle in

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Speaker 1: the made embryo in the Petri dish can kill kills it. Fuck.

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Speaker 2: A doctor will never tell you this. We're all trying

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Speaker 2: to figure out this technology. So anyway, we did the

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Speaker 2: genetic testing because I didn't know about I really didn't

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Speaker 2: know one trick. I always ask doctors. I'm like, what

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Speaker 2: would you tell me if I was your daughter. I'm

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Speaker 2: like constantly telling that. I think that's a really important

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Speaker 2: thing to face make them answer. I had two left

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Speaker 2: I put one in and I was pregnant and I

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Speaker 2: was like so happy, and then it died in like

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Speaker 2: two weeks, and then I was like, I don't know

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Speaker 2: what to do.

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Speaker 3: This is my last chance.

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Speaker 2: I called the doctor she's and I said, what is

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Speaker 2: the percentage that this will turn into a baby?

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Speaker 3: And she was like not very high.

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Speaker 2: It was like I think almost thirty percent, which is something.

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Speaker 2: And I called my friend who had just been through

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Speaker 2: all this, and I said what do you think?

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Speaker 3: And she's like, your.

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Speaker 2: Body was pregnant before, maybe that's a good sign. Put

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Speaker 2: the other one in and I was like, yeah, maybe

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Speaker 2: since my body was technically pregnant.

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Speaker 3: So I did that and it lasted. That's my daughter.

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Speaker 2: But I will say I was so terrified every step

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Speaker 2: of the way, and that's something that they just don't

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Speaker 2: tell you, like that terror, that fear that I had,

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Speaker 2: like every single second. Every doctor's like is the heart

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Speaker 2: still beating? Does she have all ten fingers and toes?

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Speaker 2: Even now, Like I've got like ten rotating worries that

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Speaker 2: I'm worried about with her, Like.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I want to talk to you about that. I

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Speaker 1: know from your book you had said this was huge

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Speaker 1: struck me so hugely. It seems to me as a

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Speaker 1: reader that a anxiety is something that struck you so

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Speaker 1: hugely during your pregnancy obviously, so I mean, this is

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Speaker 1: your one last egg. You wanted this so badly, God forbid,

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Speaker 1: something happened. You had already had a miscarriage, and.

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Speaker 3: I already tried to do it every other way.

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Speaker 1: And you tried to do it every other fucking way.

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Speaker 1: And then it's not like you said in the anxiety,

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Speaker 1: what you've birthed I think I quoted it in my

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Speaker 1: notes was in what You're birthing is also eternal fear.

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Speaker 1: I think.

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Speaker 3: That. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: I think like for some people, like maybe they've been

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Speaker 2: neurotic and fearful their whole lives and that's just something

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Speaker 2: they've always dealt with.

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Speaker 1: But for me, daring as shit, you're on like flashed planes,

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Speaker 1: there's an extra seat to Africa. You're like, I'll go.

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Speaker 1: You like moved to Australia with a boyfriend. Like I

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Speaker 1: would never have done the shit you did. So it

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Speaker 1: is like crazy that anxiety has shown up for you.

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Speaker 2: And it's a problem with my husband because he's like,

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Speaker 2: why aren't you the person you used to be? Why

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Speaker 2: are you so scared? And part of the reason I'm

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Speaker 2: so scared it is because he's so nonchalant. I mean,

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Speaker 2: we're like central casting for like typical dad, typical mom.

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Speaker 1: Yes, he's just.

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Speaker 2: So easy breezy, She's fine, send her to school.

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Speaker 3: I'm like, is anyone thinking about this?

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Speaker 1: Am I the only person thinking about this?

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Speaker 3: Now? Wait?

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Speaker 1: Also, in your book, though you had said to him

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Speaker 1: in the chapter I think where you interview him, which

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Speaker 1: is one of my favorite chapters in the book, but

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Speaker 1: you said that you thought a lot of the anxiety

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Speaker 1: would go away by the time she turned five, and

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Speaker 1: correct me if I'm wrong. But at the time of

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Speaker 1: the recording of this podcast, she's turning five if like

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Speaker 1: a week.

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Speaker 3: I know, and he's and he's like, okay, this better stop. Now.

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Speaker 2: I have this complete like anxiety around summer camp, which

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Speaker 2: it's February and la.

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Speaker 3: I don't know if people experience this in other cities.

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Speaker 1: But lope, they don't. They don't, but here it's a

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Speaker 1: fucking nightmare.

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Speaker 2: Every summer camp is four days long, and you're supposed

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Speaker 2: to put your child in like twelve little different four

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Speaker 2: day long summer camps that all have weight lists that

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Speaker 2: that are full by February. I can't get on weight lists.

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Speaker 2: I can't like set an alarm. I mean, I guess

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Speaker 2: I can, but I just don't.

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Speaker 1: That is no, this is ridiculous. I'm not there yet.

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Speaker 1: My son is five. I've kept him in nursery school

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Speaker 1: for a long time, and I've heard that if I

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Speaker 1: want to sign him up for these classes after school

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Speaker 1: next year, that I have to be setting an alarm

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Speaker 1: on my laptop and sign up where it's going to

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Speaker 1: be full and you're not going to get in the

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Speaker 1: lego class and then silent. If you think that's bad,

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Speaker 1: you're fucked for summer camp in La, which is an

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Speaker 1: absolute nightmare. It's the same thing. You better set your alarm.

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Speaker 1: Your husband needs to set his alarm. I'm not doing it.

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Speaker 3: But it's not even a full summer. It's four days.

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Speaker 1: It's not even like it's four days. And now you're

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Speaker 1: figuring out the next one to get on the wait

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Speaker 1: list four and also what's the new address and who's

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Speaker 1: getting her there? It's absolute horseshit. And here's my question, though, Yes,

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Speaker 1: how are you feeling about her turning five? And how

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Speaker 1: is your anxiety?

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Speaker 2: Well, say it does more into something else, but I

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Speaker 2: am like couple's therapy and therapy in general is helping that,

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Speaker 2: and I'm trying to manage worry.

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Speaker 3: Something can be.

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Speaker 2: A concern without having to be a catastrophe. And I

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Speaker 2: think that as like new mothers, at least, my experience

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Speaker 2: was like I was always catastrophizing like any little thing,

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Speaker 2: and like every time you log onto Facebook, some toddlers

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Speaker 2: died from rep bite, fever or whatever it is. There's

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Speaker 2: just this constant thing. And I have a friend as

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Speaker 2: a doctor and she shared with me, which was made

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Speaker 2: me cry. But like a lot of infant deaths and

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Speaker 2: children happen before age five, five is when they can

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Speaker 2: start being a little more safe on their own, because

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Speaker 2: that's five full years where you're just like worried of

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Speaker 2: them like falling down steps and choking.

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Speaker 1: Are you still cutting her grapes up to like one eighth?

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Speaker 3: I don't.

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Speaker 2: She's a pretty voracious eater, so I don't worry that much.

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Speaker 3: But it's like a brand.

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Speaker 2: New thing of me trying to like just be able

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Speaker 2: to be concerned about something without making it like an extreme.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, making a real there's a real difference between concern

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Speaker 1: and catastrophe. For me, I am one of those people

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Speaker 1: who I find something to worry about regardless. I'm one

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Speaker 1: of those New Yorker like anxious people always have been

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Speaker 1: my son. For some reason, I was okay or masked it.

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Speaker 1: I don't know how I survived. But my daughter was

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Speaker 1: born in COVID and I got pregnant a week before shutdown,

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Speaker 1: and it was my anxiety was so horrific that it

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Speaker 1: was postpartum depression and anxiety. And I honestly would save

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Speaker 1: my life though. And I don't know but if you've

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Speaker 1: ever had medication, but honestly, zoloft is the thing that

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Speaker 1: fucking I don't know what I would have done. And

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Speaker 1: thank God because being on that side, the chill side,

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Speaker 1: or your husband's side, or my husband's side, because my

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Speaker 1: husband is also similar to Mosha, where he's like, it's

402
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Speaker 1: gonna be fine. You're making everything worse. Stop so much

403
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Speaker 1: so that whenever I google, I have to let him

404
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Speaker 1: google things and he just filters for me and tells

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Speaker 1: me what I need to know.

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Speaker 2: You know what else really helped me is my husband

407
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Speaker 2: telling me, he's like, there is no way that our

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Speaker 2: child is not subconsciously feeling your anxiety and fear, and

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Speaker 2: that it's not going to affect her in some way

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Speaker 2: hearing that, I'm like, oh, of course, because why.

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Speaker 3: Wouldn't she be why wouldn't she sense this? Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Has she ever said anything to you about it?

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Speaker 3: No?

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Speaker 1: Not yet.

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Speaker 3: No, Oh my god.

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Speaker 2: Yesterday I walk in and Mosha and her are watching

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Speaker 2: Black Panther and there's just like machine guns and I

418
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Speaker 2: was like, no, this is not okay, and I just

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Speaker 2: started yelling.

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Speaker 1: I was so mad, and yeah, yeah I would I

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Speaker 1: would have been pissed.

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Speaker 3: And she was just like, mom, it's fine.

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Speaker 2: I really did feel like she could probably handle it,

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Speaker 2: but like machine gun, Yeah.

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Speaker 3: I would rather wait on that.

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Speaker 1: But in the end she's okay. She's okay because she's loved. Yeah,

427
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Speaker 1: and it's gonna be okay. I feel so connected to

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Speaker 1: moms who struggle with anxiety and catastrophized bad things happen

429
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Speaker 1: with their kids, because I really truly understand that feeling,

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Speaker 1: and it sucks. It's really hard.

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Speaker 2: And then there's like the images you have, Like we

432
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:15,359
Speaker 2: were in a pool once and there it was like

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Speaker 2: an indoor pool and there was like a stairway and

434
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Speaker 2: my husband like threw her into the pool. She almost

435
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Speaker 2: hit the stairway because he hadn't seen the stairway and

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Speaker 2: it's like she's fine and it didn't happen.

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00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:29,240
Speaker 1: No, but you see the image of a broken neck

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Speaker 1: in her floating at the top of the cool.

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Speaker 2: And I've never I would have never thought that's the thing.

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Speaker 2: It's like this, I would have never thought of that

441
00:21:36,560 --> 00:21:38,439
Speaker 2: until he almost did it, you know.

442
00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:40,200
Speaker 3: And it's like I could have done it too. It's

443
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:40,840
Speaker 3: not his fault.

444
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:43,399
Speaker 2: I'm just saying, it's just they're just so vulnerable, and

445
00:21:43,480 --> 00:21:46,960
Speaker 2: just what it's done to me is like, really put

446
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:50,560
Speaker 2: my own self care on the back burner because she's

447
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:54,040
Speaker 2: so important. And I have found that my husband doesn't

448
00:21:54,040 --> 00:21:58,040
Speaker 2: do that. He's always following his passions and going surfing

449
00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:00,320
Speaker 2: and playing the new video game and staying up late

450
00:22:00,359 --> 00:22:03,439
Speaker 2: and having fun and doing this thing, whereas I feel

451
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:06,719
Speaker 2: like I'm just it's almost like I'm at war and

452
00:22:06,760 --> 00:22:09,280
Speaker 2: I'm just trying to do like this triage of like

453
00:22:09,800 --> 00:22:12,080
Speaker 2: how can I just be keeping her safe and healthy?

454
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:14,880
Speaker 2: And and she even said to me today, she's mom,

455
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:18,840
Speaker 2: don't you need to buy yourself some socks? And then

456
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:21,679
Speaker 2: she goes and don't you need some underwear too? And

457
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:23,400
Speaker 2: I was like, how do you know I need underwear?

458
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:25,720
Speaker 2: She's like, I saw your drawer. There's not that many.

459
00:22:26,000 --> 00:22:40,200
Speaker 1: Oh my god. I think some of the biggest things

460
00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:42,720
Speaker 1: that have come about since motherhood for you is you

461
00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:45,560
Speaker 1: never knew you could love something more than you love yourself,

462
00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:48,840
Speaker 1: which I think is amazing and I agree with.

463
00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:52,560
Speaker 2: Hopefully my agent doesn't listen to this, because if they

464
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:55,440
Speaker 2: know that you're not a narcissist in Hollywood, you're done.

465
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:59,200
Speaker 1: Done. And the other thing I think is with this

466
00:22:59,359 --> 00:23:02,240
Speaker 1: love and quoting Judy Garland in your book and having

467
00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:06,240
Speaker 1: your heart outside of your own body, this huge piece

468
00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:09,760
Speaker 1: of your identity now about having this anxiety and caring

469
00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:13,400
Speaker 1: so much about somebody else's well being has just never

470
00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:17,359
Speaker 1: been your story. It was never mine either. We're both actors,

471
00:23:17,640 --> 00:23:21,040
Speaker 1: So you're a fucking narcissist. We've always been about career

472
00:23:21,119 --> 00:23:24,520
Speaker 1: and all of that. How has it changed your marriage?

473
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:30,639
Speaker 2: Oh, it's definitely made it worse. I mean, that's what

474
00:23:30,760 --> 00:23:31,879
Speaker 2: nobody wants to say.

475
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:35,000
Speaker 1: That's why I love you and everyone needs to read

476
00:23:35,040 --> 00:23:38,440
Speaker 1: this fucking book because you're saying what everyone else is feeling.

477
00:23:38,680 --> 00:23:40,280
Speaker 3: There's no way it's as good.

478
00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:43,639
Speaker 2: Maybe like there's a few instances, but it's like it

479
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:49,000
Speaker 2: really wears down like it. Our kid sleeps with us

480
00:23:49,600 --> 00:23:52,679
Speaker 2: right now because she's just in this stage where she

481
00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:54,280
Speaker 2: comes in in the middle of the night every night,

482
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:57,520
Speaker 2: and it's like I want that to end, but I'm

483
00:23:57,560 --> 00:24:02,320
Speaker 2: sure it will, but that's not what's happening right now. Yeah,

484
00:24:02,520 --> 00:24:07,640
Speaker 2: it's just hard. You're exhausted. There's very little time for romance.

485
00:24:07,720 --> 00:24:10,960
Speaker 2: The house for me, like my space being clean is

486
00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:14,160
Speaker 2: so important. And then I was able to deal with

487
00:24:14,200 --> 00:24:19,600
Speaker 2: my husband's add disaster, chaotic mass that beginning stages of desire,

488
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:21,480
Speaker 2: that's just like a different thing.

489
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:24,199
Speaker 3: And now like the energy is like a pandemic.

490
00:24:24,320 --> 00:24:27,679
Speaker 2: Later a child who's leaving the same amount of mass

491
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:28,760
Speaker 2: his mass.

492
00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:31,800
Speaker 1: You feel like a mess because I'm the same. I can't.

493
00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:34,880
Speaker 1: I need everything to be I love when my house

494
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:39,399
Speaker 1: looks beautiful and organized. It's how like how I present

495
00:24:39,480 --> 00:24:42,560
Speaker 1: my brain on the outside. But have you been able

496
00:24:42,600 --> 00:24:45,919
Speaker 1: to let any of that go? Have you been like,

497
00:24:46,320 --> 00:24:48,720
Speaker 1: of all the battles I'm going to fight today, one

498
00:24:48,840 --> 00:24:51,040
Speaker 1: is not making sure the house is clean, Like, I

499
00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:53,000
Speaker 1: just can't take that on, And I'm going to make

500
00:24:53,000 --> 00:24:55,879
Speaker 1: the choice to do self care instead or do something

501
00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:58,199
Speaker 1: for my own career. Does that ever happen.

502
00:24:58,600 --> 00:25:05,000
Speaker 3: No, Well, here's what I'll do. I'll clean a room.

503
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:06,600
Speaker 2: I'll be like, Okay, I'm gonna take a bath. And

504
00:25:06,640 --> 00:25:09,520
Speaker 2: he's really cool about I got her, you do your thing.

505
00:25:09,600 --> 00:25:12,639
Speaker 2: So I'll like clean the bathroom, take a bath. I

506
00:25:12,680 --> 00:25:16,560
Speaker 2: am not relaxing in chaos, Like it's just not who

507
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,119
Speaker 2: I am, and I would like to learn how to

508
00:25:18,119 --> 00:25:18,280
Speaker 2: do it.

509
00:25:18,440 --> 00:25:20,960
Speaker 3: One thing I've learned how to do is not lead

510
00:25:21,000 --> 00:25:21,280
Speaker 3: with that.

511
00:25:22,000 --> 00:25:24,359
Speaker 2: So if we walk into the house and it's like

512
00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:28,040
Speaker 2: a disaster, I'll try to like talk about it in.

513
00:25:28,040 --> 00:25:28,720
Speaker 3: A few minutes.

514
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:34,040
Speaker 2: Here's another thing I've done. This is actually this is

515
00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:36,199
Speaker 2: a practical thing that's really been helping me. Is like

516
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:38,080
Speaker 2: as soon as my daughter goes to school, I get

517
00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:41,000
Speaker 2: out a black garbage bag and just start throwing away

518
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:41,919
Speaker 2: all the crap.

519
00:25:42,280 --> 00:25:45,400
Speaker 3: There's just broken toys, board games.

520
00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:47,080
Speaker 1: Left over breakfast, Like.

521
00:25:47,160 --> 00:25:50,719
Speaker 2: Yeah, two candy lands and they're all missing pieces and

522
00:25:51,040 --> 00:25:53,480
Speaker 2: inside of them are Uno cards but there's only half

523
00:25:53,480 --> 00:25:53,840
Speaker 2: the deck.

524
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:55,800
Speaker 3: Like I'm just like throwing that shit away. I can't

525
00:25:55,800 --> 00:25:56,400
Speaker 3: deal with it.

526
00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:59,600
Speaker 2: Just taking that black garbage bag and just throwing my

527
00:25:59,680 --> 00:26:01,359
Speaker 2: husband shit like just like.

528
00:26:01,480 --> 00:26:04,360
Speaker 3: That has really been giving me some soulace.

529
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:06,560
Speaker 1: Okay, we like this. Just take a fucking they go

530
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:09,159
Speaker 1: to school, grab your garbage bag and just start throwing

531
00:26:09,160 --> 00:26:11,959
Speaker 1: shit out. You have, though, you do say a lot

532
00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:16,560
Speaker 1: in the book about how traditions are a huge part

533
00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:23,040
Speaker 1: of your family. You converted to Judaism, and you love Shabbat,

534
00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:25,080
Speaker 1: which I do too. We do Shabbat also.

535
00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:28,440
Speaker 3: You do Shabbat shaloon. By the way, Shabbat shalom.

536
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:32,080
Speaker 1: I love. Yes, And you were saying, like, I think

537
00:26:32,119 --> 00:26:34,400
Speaker 1: it's four c's that you said that. I can't remember,

538
00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:37,920
Speaker 1: but it was like it ended in cock.

539
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:39,000
Speaker 3: Oh, Cabernet.

540
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:41,600
Speaker 2: It is a beautiful holiday in the sense that it's

541
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:46,560
Speaker 2: from sundown's Friday to sundown Saturday. It's like you're drinking wine,

542
00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:48,840
Speaker 2: you're having sex, you're not having sex the whole time.

543
00:26:48,840 --> 00:26:51,920
Speaker 2: You go on a walk, try to put down your devices,

544
00:26:52,280 --> 00:26:53,080
Speaker 2: you cook.

545
00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:55,680
Speaker 1: You light candles, and you sort of take a pause

546
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:58,800
Speaker 1: say prayers. Have you been able to keep that up?

547
00:26:58,880 --> 00:27:01,600
Speaker 1: And does that help with the with your marriage?

548
00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:06,280
Speaker 2: Yes, totally having that and also another thing like I

549
00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:07,960
Speaker 2: don't want to totally throw my husband under the bus

550
00:27:07,960 --> 00:27:11,280
Speaker 2: because obviously no, it's amazing to have this like family

551
00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:13,679
Speaker 2: and the three of us, like having this really close

552
00:27:13,760 --> 00:27:18,119
Speaker 2: family and it's I really love so many aspects of it.

553
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:21,239
Speaker 2: Something that's really been helping me is like identifying what

554
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:24,280
Speaker 2: my husband is good at. He's really good at cooking,

555
00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:26,800
Speaker 2: so I'm like, okay, even though he makes a complete

556
00:27:27,000 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 2: fucking mess where like every cabinet is open and every

557
00:27:29,800 --> 00:27:33,000
Speaker 2: spice has the hop off of it, but it's like

558
00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:36,639
Speaker 2: he's good at that. So I'm like, okay, can you

559
00:27:36,720 --> 00:27:38,880
Speaker 2: just be in charge of cooking? Can you cook every

560
00:27:38,960 --> 00:27:39,600
Speaker 2: night at six?

561
00:27:39,640 --> 00:27:41,399
Speaker 1: And he's like, okay, great.

562
00:27:41,520 --> 00:27:42,800
Speaker 2: And then while I said that, I was like, and

563
00:27:42,840 --> 00:27:44,040
Speaker 2: by the way, can you just be in charge of

564
00:27:44,080 --> 00:27:44,600
Speaker 2: the dogs too?

565
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:46,720
Speaker 3: And he was like okay.

566
00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:50,320
Speaker 2: So just not having to give our dogs their medicine

567
00:27:50,359 --> 00:27:52,639
Speaker 2: and food and do all the things that that was

568
00:27:52,720 --> 00:27:55,840
Speaker 2: It's huge. So giving him those two things to do

569
00:27:55,920 --> 00:27:58,480
Speaker 2: so then at least I can clean up after everybody

570
00:27:58,720 --> 00:28:01,320
Speaker 2: and not also have to feed the dog, make it,

571
00:28:01,440 --> 00:28:04,280
Speaker 2: and also make the food. Because his standards of cleaning

572
00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:06,840
Speaker 2: aren't the same as mine. He'll just think we're nailing

573
00:28:06,880 --> 00:28:10,640
Speaker 2: it and it's just my skin is crawling. So it's

574
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:14,679
Speaker 2: just different upbringings. I guess to bring that back to

575
00:28:14,680 --> 00:28:17,879
Speaker 2: Shabbah yes, like him saying the prayers and cooking us

576
00:28:17,920 --> 00:28:21,840
Speaker 2: dinner and having that little family time.

577
00:28:22,440 --> 00:28:23,560
Speaker 3: It is really nice.

578
00:28:23,880 --> 00:28:25,760
Speaker 1: Do you turn your phones off for twenty four hours?

579
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:26,360
Speaker 1: We don't.

580
00:28:26,760 --> 00:28:27,680
Speaker 3: No, I do.

581
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:31,120
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm not like that addicted to my phone

582
00:28:31,200 --> 00:28:33,720
Speaker 2: at all. I find it like a respite to get

583
00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:36,520
Speaker 2: rid of my phone and to just turn it off.

584
00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:38,920
Speaker 2: And if you do want to do that, you really

585
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:41,440
Speaker 2: do have to like figure out what time sunset is

586
00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:44,320
Speaker 2: and send out a mass email response like my phone is.

587
00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:45,880
Speaker 3: Not going to be on available.

588
00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:48,320
Speaker 2: Anything you're going to do Saturday, you have to plan

589
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:49,800
Speaker 2: it ahead of time on Friday.

590
00:28:49,800 --> 00:28:51,680
Speaker 3: But the few times I do that and.

591
00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:54,280
Speaker 2: Then have the Hubbdalla ceremony at eight pm on Saturday,

592
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:55,520
Speaker 2: it's beautiful.

593
00:28:55,560 --> 00:28:56,240
Speaker 3: It's amazing.

594
00:28:56,320 --> 00:28:59,760
Speaker 2: A book I read called it Spirituality in Time. So

595
00:28:59,800 --> 00:29:03,200
Speaker 2: in this twenty four just in signing out for these

596
00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:07,400
Speaker 2: twenty four hours, you're having this beautiful experience.

597
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:10,040
Speaker 3: I would still watch TV, but just like getting.

598
00:29:09,840 --> 00:29:13,920
Speaker 2: Away from the phone, I think is like really important.

599
00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 1: Huge traditions are a really beautiful way when you're starting

600
00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:22,000
Speaker 1: a new family. It's like you're figuring out. We had

601
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:24,560
Speaker 1: a similar thing where like my mom's Jewish my dad's

602
00:29:24,560 --> 00:29:27,000
Speaker 1: Irish Catholic, but my mom really wasn't religious, So I

603
00:29:27,000 --> 00:29:31,960
Speaker 1: actually grew up celebrating more Catholic holidays because my dad's

604
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:34,200
Speaker 1: family was very religious and my mom's family was not.

605
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:37,200
Speaker 1: And then I married my husband, who's like a fucking

606
00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:43,920
Speaker 1: super Jew and loves Judaism. Mine too loves it, and

607
00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:47,720
Speaker 1: he did such a beautiful job of introducing me to

608
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:51,240
Speaker 1: traditions and holidays that he knew that I would love.

609
00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:55,480
Speaker 1: And so we have this like nice hodgepodge thing going

610
00:29:55,520 --> 00:29:58,840
Speaker 1: on that we're sort of inventing as we go. I know,

611
00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:02,760
Speaker 1: in your household it's different because your husband wouldn't have

612
00:30:02,840 --> 00:30:05,400
Speaker 1: never had a Christmas tree and you grew up Italian

613
00:30:05,680 --> 00:30:06,560
Speaker 1: like Catholic.

614
00:30:06,680 --> 00:30:10,120
Speaker 2: Right, I'm definitely regretting saying that I was okay without

615
00:30:10,120 --> 00:30:11,000
Speaker 2: a Christmas tree.

616
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:13,120
Speaker 3: This year, I had a nature table.

617
00:30:13,280 --> 00:30:15,600
Speaker 1: Nice some garlands.

618
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:19,120
Speaker 2: Yeah, so we had like garlands and candles, and like

619
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:21,440
Speaker 2: when we'd go to the beach, we'd bring back like

620
00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:24,320
Speaker 2: skulls and shells. And then I got like a big

621
00:30:24,400 --> 00:30:27,320
Speaker 2: pail and put all kinds of flowers and pine stuff.

622
00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:30,120
Speaker 3: So it did feel like festive to have that.

623
00:30:30,520 --> 00:30:32,360
Speaker 2: And I did have a Hanica Bush one year, So

624
00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:36,560
Speaker 2: I'm slowly trying to introduce that. Yes, but when you

625
00:30:36,600 --> 00:30:38,960
Speaker 2: decide to have a family, sometimes it's modeled for you

626
00:30:39,000 --> 00:30:40,720
Speaker 2: in your own family. But I grew up as a

627
00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:43,200
Speaker 2: latchkey kid with a working mom who was divorced, and

628
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,720
Speaker 2: we didn't really have anything like that. And then when

629
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:48,880
Speaker 2: you see the weekly Shabbat like that, I do feel

630
00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:49,920
Speaker 2: like there is just something.

631
00:30:50,000 --> 00:30:51,320
Speaker 3: It's very family forward.

632
00:30:51,400 --> 00:30:54,600
Speaker 2: And it's that's why I was totally fine to convert,

633
00:30:55,040 --> 00:30:57,440
Speaker 2: because I saw like what it did to the families

634
00:30:57,440 --> 00:30:59,760
Speaker 2: that we would visit and his relatives. You know, it

635
00:30:59,800 --> 00:31:03,040
Speaker 2: was just like made you just very family focused. Coming

636
00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:05,640
Speaker 2: from a divorced family and a dad who was just

637
00:31:05,680 --> 00:31:08,360
Speaker 2: always off doing his own thing, going to nightclubs, ignoring

638
00:31:08,400 --> 00:31:11,240
Speaker 2: my mom, it was like nice to see that, Oh

639
00:31:11,280 --> 00:31:14,280
Speaker 2: the man is like home on Friday and he's he's

640
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:18,280
Speaker 2: helping with the dinner, blessing me, blessing the kid. And

641
00:31:18,320 --> 00:31:21,320
Speaker 2: I thought, oh, Judaism really does show you how to

642
00:31:21,320 --> 00:31:24,120
Speaker 2: be a family, almost through those holidays and through a

643
00:31:24,160 --> 00:31:28,240
Speaker 2: weekly holiday. Because Christianity, it's yeah, Christmas, Easter, but that's

644
00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:30,560
Speaker 2: those are six months apart.

645
00:31:30,800 --> 00:31:33,280
Speaker 1: It's hard not to feel a little beige. When you

646
00:31:33,360 --> 00:31:35,600
Speaker 1: decide to have a baby, it really starts to feel

647
00:31:35,680 --> 00:31:38,680
Speaker 1: like you're living the same life as every mother you meet.

648
00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:41,960
Speaker 1: Do you just feel like a, I can't believe I'm

649
00:31:41,960 --> 00:31:45,000
Speaker 1: in this rat race, or has the beige neess sort

650
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:45,760
Speaker 1: of worn off?

651
00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:50,600
Speaker 2: So I don't feel that as much anymore because I

652
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:52,200
Speaker 2: see that I'm failing.

653
00:31:52,240 --> 00:31:55,240
Speaker 3: You're not, no, not failing.

654
00:31:55,320 --> 00:31:59,400
Speaker 2: But like, as I meet more moms like you, become

655
00:31:59,440 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 2: friends with the moms who are like, this is their

656
00:32:01,520 --> 00:32:04,120
Speaker 2: full time job and I'm just trying to like stand

657
00:32:04,160 --> 00:32:05,680
Speaker 2: behind them and save our text.

658
00:32:05,520 --> 00:32:09,520
Speaker 1: Threads totally, but like, we're not those zumps.

659
00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:10,160
Speaker 3: I do the same.

660
00:32:10,640 --> 00:32:13,440
Speaker 1: I always think it's really great to line up some

661
00:32:13,640 --> 00:32:16,560
Speaker 1: moms who are like, the mom is the first and

662
00:32:16,600 --> 00:32:19,840
Speaker 1: foremost thing, because then they do all the research and

663
00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:22,840
Speaker 1: then they can just tell you the shit because I can't.

664
00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:26,200
Speaker 1: I'm in a very similar vote to you. Going back

665
00:32:26,240 --> 00:32:28,680
Speaker 1: a minute, your husband and you got into an argument.

666
00:32:29,120 --> 00:32:30,840
Speaker 1: I wanted to ask you this about the IVF thing.

667
00:32:31,000 --> 00:32:34,880
Speaker 1: Why never a surrogate, Like, why after putting your body,

668
00:32:34,920 --> 00:32:37,800
Speaker 1: which I'm sure was so hard through all the IUI

669
00:32:37,960 --> 00:32:41,720
Speaker 1: and IVF and hormones and miscarriage and all of that.

670
00:32:42,560 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 2: I was completely terrified to be pregnant. I didn't want

671
00:32:45,600 --> 00:32:47,000
Speaker 2: to be pregnant. I wanted to be a mom. I

672
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:49,440
Speaker 2: did not want to carry the baby. I begged him.

673
00:32:49,680 --> 00:32:53,560
Speaker 2: We met at a surrogacy office. We actually were matched

674
00:32:53,600 --> 00:32:56,680
Speaker 2: with a surrogate. We did a zoom with them, and

675
00:32:56,800 --> 00:32:59,520
Speaker 2: my husband was just like, you're just gonna rent out

676
00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:02,520
Speaker 2: her womb and I was like, she's gonna get paid,

677
00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:05,080
Speaker 2: Like I just I cannot be pregnant.

678
00:33:05,120 --> 00:33:06,440
Speaker 3: I don't want this to happen to me.

679
00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:10,400
Speaker 2: And the straw that kind of broke it all was

680
00:33:10,520 --> 00:33:15,280
Speaker 2: that the woman's husband worked at a paint factory. Something

681
00:33:15,320 --> 00:33:17,600
Speaker 2: about the fumes or I don't know, there was something

682
00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:20,959
Speaker 2: that just felt like a little off and he was

683
00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:23,640
Speaker 2: like no, And then I kept going to the doctor

684
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:27,120
Speaker 2: and I'm like, you know, I'm like forty, like don't

685
00:33:27,160 --> 00:33:29,280
Speaker 2: you think like it's bad for me to have to

686
00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:32,440
Speaker 2: carry the baby. And he's like, your womb is a

687
00:33:32,480 --> 00:33:34,680
Speaker 2: tent out of ten. He was just like all into

688
00:33:34,720 --> 00:33:36,800
Speaker 2: my womb and telling me how good it was, or

689
00:33:36,840 --> 00:33:39,640
Speaker 2: my uterus, and I was just like thinking he wanted

690
00:33:39,640 --> 00:33:40,680
Speaker 2: to fuck my uterus.

691
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:43,280
Speaker 3: He was just like, your uterus is amazing. So then

692
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:46,400
Speaker 3: finally I just I was like, you know what, I'll

693
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:48,400
Speaker 3: just fine, I'll do it.

694
00:33:48,520 --> 00:33:51,080
Speaker 1: Fine, let's just do it. You did get your way

695
00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:53,080
Speaker 1: in that you did not have a vaginal birth, which

696
00:33:53,120 --> 00:33:54,520
Speaker 1: you had no interest in.

697
00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:57,760
Speaker 2: I was terrified, and like my mom had three C sections.

698
00:33:58,360 --> 00:34:00,560
Speaker 2: I was just like, I just had this like vision

699
00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:03,360
Speaker 2: that I was going to be shopping because my mom

700
00:34:03,440 --> 00:34:05,560
Speaker 2: told me she was like out and then her water

701
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:07,959
Speaker 2: broke and my dad was at a bar and she

702
00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:10,120
Speaker 2: had to like find her way to the hospital. It

703
00:34:10,200 --> 00:34:14,600
Speaker 2: just all sounded awful, and I asked my doctor. I

704
00:34:14,719 --> 00:34:16,600
Speaker 2: was like, can we please schedule my sea section? I

705
00:34:16,640 --> 00:34:20,120
Speaker 2: don't want to be grunting and screaming. And he was like, okay,

706
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:23,880
Speaker 2: if it doesn't start to drop by this date, and

707
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:28,880
Speaker 2: it wasn't dropping, and he was like, okay, how's February

708
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:31,120
Speaker 2: twenty second And I was like, perfect, I'll cancel my

709
00:34:31,160 --> 00:34:33,480
Speaker 2: eyebrow wax. And it was also based on the fact

710
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:37,080
Speaker 2: that it was very tight and nothing was opening or

711
00:34:37,160 --> 00:34:40,880
Speaker 2: dropping right. So many people I knew had emergency sea sections,

712
00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:43,319
Speaker 2: including a friend who has a scar that goes from

713
00:34:43,360 --> 00:34:47,320
Speaker 2: like the bottom of her breast down to her pubic bone.

714
00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:51,799
Speaker 2: Sideways like a slash because it was an emergency. No.

715
00:34:52,840 --> 00:34:55,640
Speaker 1: By the way, I know people who have elective sea sections.

716
00:34:55,880 --> 00:34:59,520
Speaker 1: We've done podcast episodes about it. I begged mine to

717
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:03,280
Speaker 1: have it sections. It was like yeah, but I didn't

718
00:35:03,280 --> 00:35:05,279
Speaker 1: have it because she was like, how soon after do

719
00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:06,560
Speaker 1: you have to be back at work? I was like

720
00:35:06,600 --> 00:35:08,319
Speaker 1: three weeks later. She was like, there's no way in

721
00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:12,440
Speaker 1: hell he's solow. You're gonna get this baby out. In

722
00:35:12,480 --> 00:35:16,080
Speaker 1: my opinion, won't be a big thing. It was a

723
00:35:16,080 --> 00:35:18,560
Speaker 1: big thing, but in regards to other people's stories, it

724
00:35:18,600 --> 00:35:21,600
Speaker 1: was actually and everyone can curse at me all they want.

725
00:35:21,680 --> 00:35:23,919
Speaker 1: It was relatively like three pushes that I was out.

726
00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:26,120
Speaker 2: Did you get to scream at your husband during that too?

727
00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:27,120
Speaker 2: That part seemed cool?

728
00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:33,920
Speaker 1: You fucking I never it was so quiet, like I

729
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:37,439
Speaker 1: didn't make any sounds because I had this woman, thank god.

730
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:39,840
Speaker 1: She was like, don't use your face to push you

731
00:35:39,960 --> 00:35:43,360
Speaker 1: put all that energy down into your fucking buttole don't

732
00:35:43,400 --> 00:35:46,760
Speaker 1: waste it on your face. And I was like, okay.

733
00:35:46,840 --> 00:35:49,320
Speaker 1: You listed a number of things you found in readings

734
00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:51,759
Speaker 1: of what a parent should or shouldn't say to a kid.

735
00:35:51,800 --> 00:35:53,200
Speaker 1: Do you curse in front of your child?

736
00:35:54,000 --> 00:35:56,040
Speaker 2: You know, I do, and I'm like, and then if

737
00:35:56,080 --> 00:35:58,160
Speaker 2: she says something, I'm like, okay, we can just say

738
00:35:58,160 --> 00:36:00,240
Speaker 2: that in our house, like those are a bad words.

739
00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:02,120
Speaker 2: You're not supposed to say it outside of the house.

740
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:04,640
Speaker 2: And she doesn't really do that. She knows it's a

741
00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:05,120
Speaker 2: bad word.

742
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:06,799
Speaker 3: She knows, and she'll be like mom.

743
00:36:06,800 --> 00:36:08,719
Speaker 2: Because then sometimes we'll we'll be playing a game and

744
00:36:08,719 --> 00:36:11,360
Speaker 2: I'll be like, gosh, narne, or I'll say something like

745
00:36:11,400 --> 00:36:14,400
Speaker 2: that and she's mom, that's a bad word, and I'm like,

746
00:36:14,400 --> 00:36:17,319
Speaker 2: it's not. It's just I'll be like frick and she's

747
00:36:17,360 --> 00:36:19,640
Speaker 2: just like that, no, okay, So she's you know.

748
00:36:21,560 --> 00:36:24,759
Speaker 1: Do not hire a hot nanny. Best advice ever. I

749
00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:29,640
Speaker 1: got it from so many very successful actresses in this

750
00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:32,680
Speaker 1: business when I was having my kids. But does that

751
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:35,279
Speaker 1: mean I'm was ugly because I was a nanny for

752
00:36:35,440 --> 00:36:37,000
Speaker 1: a really fuckingm No.

753
00:36:37,040 --> 00:36:39,840
Speaker 2: And here's the thing too, It's like my husband. It

754
00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:41,880
Speaker 2: would take a lot for my husband to not be

755
00:36:41,920 --> 00:36:45,239
Speaker 2: attracted to somebody. My version of hot is different than

756
00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:47,839
Speaker 2: his version of hot. If she has big tits, he's

757
00:36:47,880 --> 00:36:50,600
Speaker 2: probably not gonna stop talking about it. You don't want

758
00:36:50,600 --> 00:36:53,719
Speaker 2: your husband to be too attracted where it's like distracting.

759
00:36:54,080 --> 00:36:56,400
Speaker 2: And we had this girl come over and it was

760
00:36:56,480 --> 00:36:58,760
Speaker 2: almost like just observe your husband in the interview.

761
00:36:59,200 --> 00:37:00,880
Speaker 3: He was like had this pep and his step and

762
00:37:00,920 --> 00:37:02,440
Speaker 3: he was like talking to her and trying to make

763
00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:04,120
Speaker 3: her lap. He was just like all.

764
00:37:05,600 --> 00:37:07,560
Speaker 2: I know, and it was like something about the way

765
00:37:07,600 --> 00:37:11,400
Speaker 2: he was acting. It was like distracting and taking up

766
00:37:11,440 --> 00:37:13,359
Speaker 2: too much of his energy. And I was just like, no,

767
00:37:13,440 --> 00:37:16,120
Speaker 2: this is not like, this is not a fit.

768
00:37:16,560 --> 00:37:18,839
Speaker 1: I'm so glad we're having this conversation. I have had

769
00:37:18,880 --> 00:37:20,800
Speaker 1: a full time nanny, the same one for five years.

770
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:23,719
Speaker 1: She's sixty seven, and she's all of our nanny is

771
00:37:23,840 --> 00:37:27,719
Speaker 1: to be completely honest, and we will be transitioning in

772
00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:30,120
Speaker 1: the fall as my son is going to be starting

773
00:37:30,880 --> 00:37:33,520
Speaker 1: kindergarten and my daughter is going to be starting nursery school,

774
00:37:33,560 --> 00:37:35,160
Speaker 1: so we're going to be moving to a part time nanny.

775
00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:38,400
Speaker 1: And so the conversations are already bruin where it's like,

776
00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:40,400
Speaker 1: you know, it would be really fun to have like

777
00:37:40,440 --> 00:37:43,320
Speaker 1: a twenty something who's gonna like pick him up, because

778
00:37:43,320 --> 00:37:45,440
Speaker 1: it's a different kind of job. When you pick him

779
00:37:45,520 --> 00:37:47,440
Speaker 1: up from school, he might go to baseball, you might

780
00:37:47,480 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 1: have to pick her up, but it's like not full

781
00:37:49,560 --> 00:37:53,279
Speaker 1: time type of a workload, and I'm like, oh, yeah,

782
00:37:53,320 --> 00:37:54,080
Speaker 1: we're not doing that.

783
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:56,560
Speaker 2: Also, I'm sorry about I don't want a twenty year

784
00:37:56,600 --> 00:37:57,920
Speaker 2: old driving my child.

785
00:37:58,840 --> 00:38:02,520
Speaker 1: Yes, I know. People used to hire me to do that,

786
00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:06,279
Speaker 1: and I would smoke fucking cigarette what and take no

787
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:09,080
Speaker 1: not what the kid was in the car. I would smoke,

788
00:38:09,560 --> 00:38:12,080
Speaker 1: pick her up, spray the car like air it out,

789
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:15,120
Speaker 1: put her in the back of my car.

790
00:38:15,239 --> 00:38:15,960
Speaker 3: This is me at like.

791
00:38:15,920 --> 00:38:19,120
Speaker 1: Twenty four, driving around Los Angeles and I even a

792
00:38:19,160 --> 00:38:22,759
Speaker 1: couple times took her out on dates with dudes. Her

793
00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:24,640
Speaker 1: mother's a very good friend of mine, where I would

794
00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:26,319
Speaker 1: have the guy that I was sort of dating, like

795
00:38:26,520 --> 00:38:28,919
Speaker 1: meet me at travel town, like where the trains are?

796
00:38:29,160 --> 00:38:31,080
Speaker 1: Do you want to come and meet me at the zoo?

797
00:38:31,200 --> 00:38:34,480
Speaker 1: Like I used to do that shit. That is not okay.

798
00:38:35,719 --> 00:38:38,560
Speaker 3: I know it is really hard. I want to be

799
00:38:38,640 --> 00:38:39,080
Speaker 3: there too.

800
00:38:39,640 --> 00:38:41,719
Speaker 2: I want to be there after school because if I'm

801
00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:45,040
Speaker 2: just around, she just starts talking about her day and

802
00:38:45,120 --> 00:38:46,759
Speaker 2: it's so hard on me, Like how is your day?

803
00:38:47,440 --> 00:38:50,080
Speaker 3: I don't know, fine, would you do eat? Like she

804
00:38:50,080 --> 00:38:51,000
Speaker 3: won't tell me anything.

805
00:38:51,000 --> 00:38:54,239
Speaker 2: But then it's like finally she does start talking if

806
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:55,320
Speaker 2: you're the one there.

807
00:38:55,719 --> 00:39:05,279
Speaker 1: Talk to you. Yeah, nanny, she's going to talk to her.

808
00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:09,960
Speaker 1: Your daughter's birthday is coming soon. What are the plans

809
00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:10,439
Speaker 1: for the day.

810
00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:15,040
Speaker 2: Oh my god, I feel bad because first of all,

811
00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:19,640
Speaker 2: she has three different birthday events and literally I don't

812
00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:20,120
Speaker 2: remember one of.

813
00:39:20,120 --> 00:39:23,359
Speaker 3: My birthday parties. Nope, from childhood, not one.

814
00:39:24,080 --> 00:39:25,839
Speaker 1: I remember thirteen a little bit.

815
00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:28,440
Speaker 3: I is a blur.

816
00:39:28,719 --> 00:39:32,000
Speaker 2: But like we're just like, I want a mythical themed

817
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:34,959
Speaker 2: birthday party. So my husband found like a woman who's

818
00:39:35,000 --> 00:39:38,960
Speaker 2: a mermaid who does magic and a cotton candy machine.

819
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:41,239
Speaker 2: And then we started like googling people to come over

820
00:39:41,280 --> 00:39:43,240
Speaker 2: to your house to make to do a cotton candy machine.

821
00:39:43,239 --> 00:39:44,680
Speaker 3: And it's like so expensive.

822
00:39:44,719 --> 00:39:47,000
Speaker 2: Now my husband's buying a cotton candy machine to do

823
00:39:47,040 --> 00:39:49,080
Speaker 2: it himself, and I was like, oh my god, he's

824
00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:51,319
Speaker 2: just gonna be like covered in syrup. This is gonna

825
00:39:51,320 --> 00:39:54,080
Speaker 2: be a nightmare. But still, it's like we're putting so

826
00:39:54,160 --> 00:39:57,439
Speaker 2: much energy into this. Oh and then we're taking her

827
00:39:57,920 --> 00:40:00,239
Speaker 2: to Lake Arrowheads so she can wake up up in

828
00:40:00,239 --> 00:40:03,040
Speaker 2: the snow because she's always wanted to see the snow.

829
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:06,400
Speaker 2: This is one of the problems with having an only child,

830
00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:09,080
Speaker 2: because I'm like, we have like time to give her.

831
00:40:09,160 --> 00:40:10,239
Speaker 3: We're very conscious of it.

832
00:40:10,280 --> 00:40:13,120
Speaker 2: We want her to have this magical experience because we

833
00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:16,399
Speaker 2: love her so much. How can we, you know, how

834
00:40:16,440 --> 00:40:19,360
Speaker 2: do we make her spoiled? But maybe not a brand?

835
00:40:20,360 --> 00:40:23,759
Speaker 1: Yeah there. We had this amazing expert on Katie's Crib

836
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:26,880
Speaker 1: named Ron Lieber who wrote a book called How Not

837
00:40:26,960 --> 00:40:30,880
Speaker 1: to Spoil Your Kid. It's a really great book and

838
00:40:31,160 --> 00:40:33,160
Speaker 1: or you can listen to the episode on this podcast.

839
00:40:33,600 --> 00:40:36,640
Speaker 1: But he goes into people's home and consults people who

840
00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:40,920
Speaker 1: are like, we only take private planes without children. There

841
00:40:40,920 --> 00:40:44,320
Speaker 1: are people who are doing crazy shit and have crazy

842
00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:45,800
Speaker 1: amount of money that he works with. But also, I

843
00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:48,480
Speaker 1: understand what you're saying. If I have access to be

844
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:50,040
Speaker 1: able to give her these things, and she's the thing

845
00:40:50,080 --> 00:40:51,640
Speaker 1: I love the most in this world, and I just

846
00:40:51,680 --> 00:40:54,120
Speaker 1: want to give her everything. But at the same time,

847
00:40:54,960 --> 00:40:57,160
Speaker 1: I want to teach her the value of money and

848
00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:59,600
Speaker 1: that this is why we work hard, and that not

849
00:40:59,680 --> 00:41:04,000
Speaker 1: every thing can be given to her easily. I don't

850
00:41:04,040 --> 00:41:05,600
Speaker 1: have any answers to that, but I know that there

851
00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:07,920
Speaker 1: are professionals that do, and they have been on this

852
00:41:08,000 --> 00:41:09,400
Speaker 1: fucking podcast.

853
00:41:08,920 --> 00:41:10,480
Speaker 2: And I would like to say like almost as a

854
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:12,920
Speaker 2: spiritual practice. I am really trying to say no to

855
00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:15,640
Speaker 2: her because my husband's way better at it, and I

856
00:41:15,760 --> 00:41:18,759
Speaker 2: know that I would be creating a rap. She's just

857
00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:21,360
Speaker 2: like constantly, you know, can I have candy? Can I

858
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:23,520
Speaker 2: do this? Can I do this? And sometimes it's just

859
00:41:23,560 --> 00:41:24,600
Speaker 2: so easy to just be like.

860
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:28,319
Speaker 3: Sure, here, yeah, just quiet, take it. Get crying this right.

861
00:41:28,600 --> 00:41:31,839
Speaker 2: Very hard, at least every day to do it in

862
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:36,400
Speaker 2: some way or another, to like say no because we

863
00:41:36,600 --> 00:41:37,000
Speaker 2: have to.

864
00:41:37,840 --> 00:41:38,680
Speaker 3: It's so hard.

865
00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:42,479
Speaker 1: You mentioned wondering that if you were to have more kids,

866
00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:44,560
Speaker 1: if there would be a possibility to give birth to

867
00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:50,120
Speaker 1: the next to Greta Thunberg. Looking into the future when

868
00:41:50,120 --> 00:41:54,440
Speaker 1: your child is older, do you envision her doing something?

869
00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:55,280
Speaker 3: It's funny.

870
00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:56,440
Speaker 2: The other day I was like, what do you think

871
00:41:56,440 --> 00:41:58,120
Speaker 2: you'll do when you grow up? She's like, I want

872
00:41:58,120 --> 00:42:00,719
Speaker 2: to do whatever is the easiest, So probably a scientist.

873
00:42:01,040 --> 00:42:03,680
Speaker 2: And I was like, okay, that is not right, that's

874
00:42:03,719 --> 00:42:06,799
Speaker 2: not easy, not easy. You have no, you probably have

875
00:42:06,840 --> 00:42:09,719
Speaker 2: no talent for science. I didn't say this part, but

876
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:12,640
Speaker 2: I think that one thing I have done that I

877
00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:15,359
Speaker 2: am really proud of is I've put her in like

878
00:42:15,440 --> 00:42:18,279
Speaker 2: outdoor nature schools her whole life. So she is just

879
00:42:18,320 --> 00:42:22,320
Speaker 2: like very in tune with nature and like always.

880
00:42:22,000 --> 00:42:25,279
Speaker 3: Oh mom, did you see this flower? Did you see

881
00:42:25,280 --> 00:42:25,879
Speaker 3: this rock?

882
00:42:26,040 --> 00:42:29,520
Speaker 2: She's just always collecting, and then they teach it in

883
00:42:29,560 --> 00:42:32,719
Speaker 2: the school because they're literally like I drop her off

884
00:42:32,719 --> 00:42:35,360
Speaker 2: in a park and they're playing with sticks.

885
00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:41,120
Speaker 1: That's awesome. That's so awesome. So there's some environmental aspect

886
00:42:41,239 --> 00:42:45,359
Speaker 1: to her future. There's some nature, outdoorsy environmental connection. That's

887
00:42:45,400 --> 00:42:48,239
Speaker 1: great because I'm terrified that my kids are just going

888
00:42:48,239 --> 00:42:52,360
Speaker 1: to be in the business, like absolutely fucking horrified. I

889
00:42:52,440 --> 00:42:57,320
Speaker 1: refuse to sign them up for any cute play, theater, singing. Nope,

890
00:42:57,440 --> 00:43:00,400
Speaker 1: like not happening. And when I ask my son what

891
00:43:00,440 --> 00:43:02,400
Speaker 1: he wants to do, he says, I just want to

892
00:43:02,400 --> 00:43:05,200
Speaker 1: be an actor and sell pretzels because your husband has

893
00:43:05,200 --> 00:43:08,360
Speaker 1: a soft pretzel company. And I'm like, oh my god,

894
00:43:08,480 --> 00:43:13,440
Speaker 1: Like how am I already not letting him like believe,

895
00:43:13,760 --> 00:43:17,320
Speaker 1: just imagine bigger than what we're showing him. It's a nightmare.

896
00:43:17,480 --> 00:43:18,920
Speaker 3: I want some soft pretzels.

897
00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:23,880
Speaker 1: Oh, yes, shappy pretzel anytime you want. They're delicious. My

898
00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:27,160
Speaker 1: husband started the business during the pandemic. It's weird. We

899
00:43:27,280 --> 00:43:30,640
Speaker 1: do pretzels for everything. It's my whole life.

900
00:43:30,719 --> 00:43:33,840
Speaker 2: Maybe instead of the cotton candy machine for her birthday,

901
00:43:33,840 --> 00:43:34,800
Speaker 2: we'll get some shappies.

902
00:43:34,920 --> 00:43:37,759
Speaker 1: We do birthday parties, we do bot mitzvahs, we do

903
00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:40,600
Speaker 1: it all. Since we have this big five year old

904
00:43:40,600 --> 00:43:44,680
Speaker 1: milestone birthday coming up, is there any advice that you'd

905
00:43:44,719 --> 00:43:46,400
Speaker 1: like to give your five year old daughter?

906
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:49,960
Speaker 3: Advice or like reprimand.

907
00:43:51,480 --> 00:44:00,560
Speaker 2: Either one just to breathe and it will all happen,

908
00:44:01,719 --> 00:44:04,360
Speaker 2: because I think that she's like us, she's just really

909
00:44:05,160 --> 00:44:10,480
Speaker 2: has a hard time focusing on things. And also, trust me,

910
00:44:10,719 --> 00:44:14,920
Speaker 2: Barbie is bad and crap. I really want her to

911
00:44:14,960 --> 00:44:17,560
Speaker 2: do something like if I have a podcast and I'm like, okay, fine,

912
00:44:17,560 --> 00:44:21,080
Speaker 2: you can watch Barbie, but like usually I'm trying to

913
00:44:21,160 --> 00:44:23,200
Speaker 2: have her not watch that.

914
00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:26,840
Speaker 1: Oh god, god, I had so many Barbies growing up though.

915
00:44:27,239 --> 00:44:29,080
Speaker 3: I know, but it is so dumb. They're like always

916
00:44:29,120 --> 00:44:29,680
Speaker 3: on vacation.

917
00:44:30,680 --> 00:44:32,680
Speaker 1: It's awful. It's awful, so.

918
00:44:32,719 --> 00:44:34,960
Speaker 3: Focused on like their looks.

919
00:44:35,719 --> 00:44:41,320
Speaker 1: Barbie is bad. Barbie is bad. That's what we're saying.

920
00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:43,640
Speaker 1: I haven't gotten there yet because my daughter's too and

921
00:44:43,719 --> 00:44:47,479
Speaker 1: she's not she's right now just obsessed with babies, which

922
00:44:47,520 --> 00:44:50,120
Speaker 1: I'm just like, what the fuck? My son like, truly

923
00:44:50,200 --> 00:44:51,919
Speaker 1: never and I don't think I played like that either,

924
00:44:51,960 --> 00:44:54,319
Speaker 1: but she couldn't. She's one of these little girls that

925
00:44:54,440 --> 00:44:58,400
Speaker 1: can hold five plastic babies at one time, and everything

926
00:44:58,480 --> 00:44:58,719
Speaker 1: is like.

927
00:44:58,800 --> 00:45:03,280
Speaker 3: Oh bbbbbbe And I'm like, is this okay?

928
00:45:03,440 --> 00:45:05,520
Speaker 1: Like you have to run the world, like you have

929
00:45:05,640 --> 00:45:07,960
Speaker 1: to be Ruth Bader Ginsburg, like we can't be focusing

930
00:45:08,040 --> 00:45:09,399
Speaker 1: on babies, but it's okay.

931
00:45:09,800 --> 00:45:10,480
Speaker 3: I'm leaning in.

932
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:15,200
Speaker 1: I want her to be happy right now. She loves

933
00:45:15,239 --> 00:45:20,080
Speaker 1: them babies, okay. Oh, lastly, I wrote this, Gangham Style

934
00:45:20,200 --> 00:45:23,080
Speaker 1: is also my fucking son's favorite. He's like, I'm only

935
00:45:23,120 --> 00:45:25,440
Speaker 1: listening to Gangham Style, Pokemon.

936
00:45:25,719 --> 00:45:28,640
Speaker 3: Whatever, Dude, I would never have shown her that song.

937
00:45:29,200 --> 00:45:31,840
Speaker 1: So some of your friends showed her Gangham Style and

938
00:45:31,920 --> 00:45:32,960
Speaker 1: it's been that since then.

939
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:35,440
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm trying to get her off of that.

940
00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:38,560
Speaker 2: Literally any electronic she comes up to it and she's like,

941
00:45:38,640 --> 00:45:41,680
Speaker 2: Alexa play Gangam Style. I'm like, that is a heater,

942
00:45:43,600 --> 00:45:46,319
Speaker 2: Like she's just obsessed and because she also knows how,

943
00:45:46,920 --> 00:45:49,239
Speaker 2: And I said, listen, you can talk to Alexa, but

944
00:45:49,600 --> 00:45:50,840
Speaker 2: that song is off limits.

945
00:45:51,360 --> 00:45:55,400
Speaker 1: She's listening to me now, finish this sentence, parenthood is.

946
00:45:57,520 --> 00:46:05,200
Speaker 3: Degrading one we've never had. I mean, it's other things too,

947
00:46:05,440 --> 00:46:07,080
Speaker 3: but it is degrade of course it is.

948
00:46:07,280 --> 00:46:09,200
Speaker 1: But it's whatever the first thing that comes to mind.

949
00:46:09,360 --> 00:46:09,800
Speaker 3: We get it.

950
00:46:09,920 --> 00:46:12,960
Speaker 1: We know it's also beautiful and challenging and rewarding and

951
00:46:13,080 --> 00:46:15,400
Speaker 1: a roller coaster. It's also degrading.

952
00:46:15,640 --> 00:46:18,000
Speaker 3: I remember being in Paris. I took my kid to Paris.

953
00:46:18,480 --> 00:46:21,560
Speaker 2: I was just like on my knees, like wiping, like

954
00:46:21,680 --> 00:46:24,120
Speaker 2: on this beautiful street, just like wiping her mouth. And

955
00:46:24,200 --> 00:46:25,680
Speaker 2: I was like, what is this feeling? Like in the

956
00:46:25,760 --> 00:46:28,279
Speaker 2: back of my stretch jeans had I like was like,

957
00:46:28,360 --> 00:46:30,480
Speaker 2: what is this ball? And it was like my underwear

958
00:46:30,680 --> 00:46:33,319
Speaker 2: from like the night before because I had run out

959
00:46:33,320 --> 00:46:35,359
Speaker 2: of the house because we were running late. I used

960
00:46:35,400 --> 00:46:37,840
Speaker 2: to walk down the streets of Paris and try to

961
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:40,360
Speaker 2: make eye contact with some cute boys or something.

962
00:46:40,400 --> 00:46:42,600
Speaker 3: And now I'm just like, it's so there is that

963
00:46:42,760 --> 00:46:43,720
Speaker 3: degrading element.

964
00:46:44,880 --> 00:46:46,719
Speaker 1: Will we ever get it back? Natasha?

965
00:46:47,520 --> 00:46:47,560
Speaker 2: No.

966
00:46:50,520 --> 00:46:52,880
Speaker 1: I think you're such a star, and you're such an

967
00:46:52,920 --> 00:46:55,120
Speaker 1: inspiration and you're a fucking great mom.

968
00:46:55,520 --> 00:46:57,279
Speaker 3: Thank you great mom.

969
00:46:58,560 --> 00:47:02,000
Speaker 2: And maybe we'll never get back to pre motherhood personalities,

970
00:47:02,160 --> 00:47:05,160
Speaker 2: but maybe there's a way to integrate.

971
00:47:05,440 --> 00:47:07,719
Speaker 3: And also it is really special to have.

972
00:47:07,840 --> 00:47:12,000
Speaker 2: These like beautiful families and all these new experiences and

973
00:47:12,560 --> 00:47:14,560
Speaker 2: seeing things through your child's eyes.

974
00:47:15,200 --> 00:47:17,960
Speaker 3: It's cool. It's like you have this new like travel

975
00:47:18,080 --> 00:47:22,280
Speaker 3: companion and even food. I'll give her like strong cheese

976
00:47:22,320 --> 00:47:27,759
Speaker 3: and she's like, this is blowing my mind. No, she

977
00:47:28,040 --> 00:47:31,319
Speaker 3: has such a palette. Look at her. That's what I mean.

978
00:47:31,400 --> 00:47:33,160
Speaker 3: It's like you get all this instead.

979
00:47:33,440 --> 00:47:35,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like, for example, it might be the biggest pain

980
00:47:35,800 --> 00:47:37,840
Speaker 1: in the ass that your husband's going to buy a

981
00:47:37,920 --> 00:47:40,600
Speaker 1: cotton candy machine, but there's a real chance that you're

982
00:47:40,640 --> 00:47:43,200
Speaker 1: going to get to experience snow for the first time

983
00:47:43,360 --> 00:47:45,879
Speaker 1: through her eyes because you chose to fight this fight

984
00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:47,320
Speaker 1: to have a baby.

985
00:47:47,600 --> 00:47:51,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, exactly. So you know, Yeah, is the romance

986
00:47:51,440 --> 00:47:56,000
Speaker 3: and everything morphed into something a little dead? Yeah, but buying.

987
00:47:56,200 --> 00:47:57,920
Speaker 2: But you know what, maybe the husband will die in

988
00:47:58,000 --> 00:47:59,959
Speaker 2: a decade and you'll get your chance of an elder

989
00:48:00,120 --> 00:48:02,040
Speaker 2: like a second act romance.

990
00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:06,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, and they might be like really young. I don't know,

991
00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:10,920
Speaker 1: this is all so insane. I'm so happy you came

992
00:48:10,960 --> 00:48:15,560
Speaker 1: on Katie's crib. Everybody who's listening, Go download on your kindle,

993
00:48:15,760 --> 00:48:19,160
Speaker 1: Go to a bookstore, whatever you do. Natasha Laziro's The

994
00:48:19,239 --> 00:48:23,120
Speaker 1: World Deserves My Children. She looks so fucking fierce on

995
00:48:23,200 --> 00:48:26,000
Speaker 1: the cover in this gorgeous red dress. Your hair is fire,

996
00:48:26,120 --> 00:48:29,680
Speaker 1: and there's literally a picture of the world exploding through

997
00:48:29,800 --> 00:48:31,000
Speaker 1: her kitchen sink window.

998
00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:32,080
Speaker 3: Oh. You know what's so funny.

999
00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:34,960
Speaker 2: I did this photo shoot during the pandemic and my

1000
00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:38,080
Speaker 2: nanny was like extremely obsessed with not getting COVID and

1001
00:48:38,560 --> 00:48:41,280
Speaker 2: this photo shoot sent her over the roof and she quit.

1002
00:48:43,280 --> 00:48:43,879
Speaker 3: On this day.

1003
00:48:44,560 --> 00:48:48,960
Speaker 1: You know what worth it? That shot? You look absolutely gorgeous,

1004
00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:52,360
Speaker 1: and it was worth it because you got that amazing,

1005
00:48:52,440 --> 00:48:54,600
Speaker 1: astounding book cover out of it. The book is a

1006
00:48:54,719 --> 00:48:57,759
Speaker 1: laugh riot. I think it's thank you I'm reading this.

1007
00:48:58,080 --> 00:48:59,880
Speaker 3: That's so nice that you actually read it.

1008
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:02,160
Speaker 1: Oh, I said before you came on it.

1009
00:49:02,239 --> 00:49:02,759
Speaker 3: You know, I have to.

1010
00:49:02,880 --> 00:49:04,560
Speaker 1: I read a lot of books for the podcast, which

1011
00:49:04,600 --> 00:49:06,879
Speaker 1: is great, and a lot of them are Emily Oster

1012
00:49:07,000 --> 00:49:09,480
Speaker 1: and books about facts and all of that, which just

1013
00:49:09,560 --> 00:49:12,279
Speaker 1: make me feel like I'm failing all the time. But

1014
00:49:13,000 --> 00:49:16,359
Speaker 1: your book was such a joy. You're a great mom,

1015
00:49:16,520 --> 00:49:18,800
Speaker 1: and you're admittedly like the rest of us, which is,

1016
00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:20,719
Speaker 1: what the fuck are we doing? And where did my

1017
00:49:20,800 --> 00:49:21,120
Speaker 1: life go?

1018
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:24,480
Speaker 3: Thank you, and you know what, I'll get on some sola.

1019
00:49:24,719 --> 00:49:25,520
Speaker 3: Maybe that would help.

1020
00:49:33,800 --> 00:49:36,040
Speaker 1: Thank you guys so much for listening to today's episode.

1021
00:49:36,120 --> 00:49:40,640
Speaker 1: I want to hear from you. Let's chat questions, comments, concerns.

1022
00:49:41,120 --> 00:49:41,440
Speaker 3: Let me know.

1023
00:49:41,560 --> 00:49:44,839
Speaker 1: You can always find me at Katie'scrib at shondaland dot com.

1024
00:49:48,000 --> 00:49:50,960
Speaker 1: Katie's Crib is a production of Shondaland Audio in partnership

1025
00:49:51,000 --> 00:49:54,279
Speaker 1: with iHeartRadio. For more podcasts from Shondaland Audio, visit the

1026
00:49:54,320 --> 00:49:57,279
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your

1027
00:49:57,320 --> 00:49:58,000
Speaker 1: favorite shows.

1028
00:50:01,400 --> 00:50:03,440
Speaker 2: It's too fast to start