Speaker 1: I never needed to know a to lib quality thought
Speaker 1: about anything other than a song with Mary J. Blize Dog.
Speaker 2: I used to think you was a genius.
Speaker 1: I thought he made me a genius. Yeah, I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm just so smart. I listened to most Death any
Speaker 1: rapper that Dave Chappelle allotted. I think he's in that genre, right.
Speaker 2: I used to think Common was a genius.
Speaker 1: I thought Common was Oh, you were a teacher and
Speaker 1: from Chicago. I know you're listening to Common.
Speaker 2: No, and now he's doing fucking commercials for Microsoft to
Speaker 2: you like.
Speaker 1: This niggas an idiot. And I don't even know if
Speaker 1: the old stuff was smart. It is that it is
Speaker 1: important that we communicate. I don't know what it means
Speaker 1: to tune the fate of this union to the right pitch. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: he's just saying stuff, is saying stuff.
Speaker 3: My chips in your.
Speaker 4: Quals are racist, post the money then turning stuff.
Speaker 1: I can't tell me.
Speaker 2: Well, well, it's the big show. There it is, there
Speaker 2: it is. Ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to another phenomenal episode
Speaker 2: of My Mama Told Me.
Speaker 1: The podcast where we dive deep into the pockets of
Speaker 1: black conspiracy theories.
Speaker 2: And we finally work to prove that. Joe Budden is
Speaker 2: a prime example of what happens when your beard connects
Speaker 2: too much.
Speaker 1: There is a rule.
Speaker 2: It has to look at least like there are a
Speaker 2: few patches in there. But that motherfucker connects too much
Speaker 2: and it's getting to his brain.
Speaker 1: I'm lin Stinker, I'm David Bori, and I ain't blown away.
Speaker 1: That's amazing. I never even it's like the problems you
Speaker 1: never even think about.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you don't want that much connection, man.
Speaker 1: It's it's so connected that, like, how could anything else
Speaker 1: go right?
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like, na, this is too full.
Speaker 1: Because I mean, we could argue that's one of the
Speaker 1: better beards around, but it ain't, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2: Like it it is in a technical sense, it is
Speaker 2: a perfectly full beard. But then you look at it
Speaker 2: and you're like, I don't want that, you know what
Speaker 2: I mean, Like I don't want what he has.
Speaker 1: It's I think, Okay, here's a couple of things about
Speaker 1: Joe Budden's beard. I think, first of.
Speaker 2: Of all, yeah, let's get it.
Speaker 1: Joe beard higher, very high, the most black men's beard.
Speaker 1: Like his shit's like two inches away from his eyebrows. Yeah,
Speaker 1: if he winks it moves. Yeah, he looks like a
Speaker 1: Willie Willie.
Speaker 2: And you don't want your beard that tall. That's the
Speaker 2: tall tea of a beard.
Speaker 1: And it's also so manicured that I feel like I
Speaker 1: have to watch my words here as I come to
Speaker 1: Steeve Bull.
Speaker 2: Okay, be careful.
Speaker 1: It's so well put together. And this is by the
Speaker 1: grace of God. His genetics are his beard genetics are
Speaker 1: so strong that I feel like it makes him look.
Speaker 5: Foreign in a waw sure, listen, say no more, Say
Speaker 5: no more.
Speaker 2: I one agreed, Joe, Butden looks like an immigrant from
Speaker 2: beard alone.
Speaker 1: And I don't know.
Speaker 2: I'm not here to place what that immigrant is. I'm
Speaker 2: certain I'm certainly not taking a stance on whether or
Speaker 2: not that person belongs in this country. I am, in fact,
Speaker 2: welcoming that individual to this country. That is not the
Speaker 2: stance I think we're taking. All we are saying is
Speaker 2: that Joe Budden very much looks like an immigrant to
Speaker 2: the United States because of his beard.
Speaker 1: He looks like a cartoon character of an untrustworthy man.
Speaker 2: He looks like when when you get attacked by a person,
Speaker 2: this is who you tell the police to draw from
Speaker 2: memory so that you find that individual.
Speaker 1: You know what it is. It's Uncanny Valley where the
Speaker 1: beard looks so good that you don't trust it is.
Speaker 2: A polar express beard for sure.
Speaker 1: The lines are so shocked then you just like this
Speaker 1: can't I don't know what I'm looking at. But it's not.
Speaker 2: Right, that's not that's not how people are.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's like because And the weird thing is it's
Speaker 1: almost got like a fat joke quality to his beard.
Speaker 1: But it's it's like that's the beard that Fat Joe wants. That.
Speaker 2: That's the thing is that I do think that Fat
Speaker 2: Joe really worked hard for the beard that he has.
Speaker 2: And while I don't care for it, I recognize that, like, no,
Speaker 2: this was a concerted effort to create this.
Speaker 1: He's putting Beijing in it, He's really earned it.
Speaker 2: He's really trying to make that ship look a certain way.
Speaker 2: Whereas I think Joe Butden is cursed with yeah, like
Speaker 2: whatever he has.
Speaker 1: That woman put that spell on him, that foreign woman
Speaker 1: that he wronged, which.
Speaker 5: Isn't a far fet you think it was some Asian
Speaker 5: girly dad what he was.
Speaker 2: The idea that Joe Butden hasn't done dirt in the
Speaker 2: Dominican fields.
Speaker 1: Crazy. Oh, I bet you there's some illegitimate buttons running
Speaker 1: around the islands, just some little pretty Dominican boy who
Speaker 1: can rap very well.
Speaker 2: Because there's some reason chooses not to go back to
Speaker 2: rap it.
Speaker 1: Man. We were talking about this off air because the
Speaker 1: Joe Budden conversations never stopped. I am a big joke
Speaker 1: that guy can rap his asshole, he and rap his
Speaker 1: ass off.
Speaker 2: I don't appreciate any of his thoughts outside of hip hop,
Speaker 2: but I genuinely am a big fan of the music.
Speaker 2: He used to make.
Speaker 1: Same mood music one through four. You know what, Joe
Speaker 1: Budden came to me at a time I needed a
Speaker 1: sad rapper. I need a sad rapper. I needed a
Speaker 1: rapper with some tissues. That also, you were like, this
Speaker 1: guy is sad in depression and he has addiction. Is yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: of course that's like that Venn diagram was not. I
Speaker 1: feel like he invented that lane.
Speaker 2: I I genuinely miss a point, the point where we
Speaker 2: didn't have to hear the opinions outside of the rappers raps,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, where we just got the
Speaker 2: raps and we didn't know anything about them otherwise, and
Speaker 2: that ooh, what a satisfying thing that we used to have.
Speaker 1: Especially because I think that you and I are probably
Speaker 1: in the same vein where you remember that you when you
Speaker 1: had rappers that you listened to to make people think
Speaker 1: you were smart. M of course those are the guys
Speaker 1: that we needed to hear less from. And this is
Speaker 1: all when I was a teenager, and I have since
Speaker 1: grown up to understand I am not that smart. Now,
Speaker 1: there was a whole genre of rappers who made you
Speaker 1: feel smart, and those guys being exposed is maybe not
Speaker 1: the smartest guys really, And then and then you get older,
Speaker 1: you're like, wow, fifty cents really smart.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's heartbreaking who you find out is actually like,
Speaker 2: turns out turns out plies. That's a pretty thoughtful guy.
Speaker 1: Meanwhile, No. Five I was like, bust it, baby, I'm
Speaker 1: going to listen to the gy remix. It turns out plies.
Speaker 2: It's like a fucking brilliant dude. Meanwhile, Loope has some
Speaker 2: work to do, you know what I mean. Like, it's
Speaker 2: fucking crazy.
Speaker 1: I thought Loupe could truly run for Congress at some point.
Speaker 2: Fuck man, it's it is, it's a it's a tragic
Speaker 2: thing that that happened, but maybe a necessary thing. Maybe
Speaker 2: that is part of growing up as you realize your
Speaker 2: heroes are fallible the same way everybody else is.
Speaker 1: I guess I think that it means that there is
Speaker 1: a dearth and we can sneak in and get some
Speaker 1: of this fake, smart black money.
Speaker 2: I like that.
Speaker 1: I will speaking to that.
Speaker 2: We had that beautiful uh Vulture article uh huh that
Speaker 2: was written about us, where the the author was very
Speaker 2: generous in his explanation and breakdown of sort of the
Speaker 2: brilliant work that we're doing.
Speaker 1: We want your work that you're doing, and he was like,
Speaker 1: and David, BORI, if Lexton doesn't have well thought out
Speaker 1: developed research, David comes in with his trusty Sound Bad
Speaker 1: drink bomb. Sharkey presses a button and I know, I understand,
Speaker 1: I understand the place I occupy. I'm wearing a Booty
Speaker 1: Call T shirt right now.
Speaker 2: Yeah, gorgeous, it's so funny. It looks good man.
Speaker 1: But uh yeah, not to say if we're gonna be
Speaker 1: a if you're gonna be a charlottetan, I think I
Speaker 1: would rather be a Charlatan who's pretending I'm smart as
Speaker 1: opposed to like, I'm not gonna pretend I kill people
Speaker 1: or some ship. Yeah.
Speaker 2: No, I want to reassure our audience that that no
Speaker 2: matter what comes out about us, no matter what you
Speaker 2: start to believe, let me reassure you we are idiots,
Speaker 2: absolute fucking dumb dumbs. And and even if there are
Speaker 2: parts of you that start to believe otherwise, you're wrong
Speaker 2: and you need to reflect on that.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I mean, it's like, because if you really pay attention,
Speaker 1: we've been leading a breadcrimb trail the whole time like that,
Speaker 1: and the usual suspects. When he starts walking straight and
Speaker 1: you realize that he is actually a smart man, that's
Speaker 1: the opposite what I don't worry. Don't worry. The limp stays.
Speaker 1: That being said, write more articles about us. It was
Speaker 1: a very nice article.
Speaker 2: It was a lovely article, and we would love more
Speaker 2: of them. And make sure you you call us both
Speaker 2: brilliant next time, or at least acknowledge my man does
Speaker 2: more than just press bingball on the thing.
Speaker 1: No, I mean, no, they were they were nice to me.
Speaker 1: That's just how I interpret it because I'm a sensitive
Speaker 1: be sure.
Speaker 2: Yeah, No, I get that. Yeah, yeah, we have an
Speaker 2: email that we wanted to read today. We got a
Speaker 2: very fun email.
Speaker 1: Yeah, this is an exciting one.
Speaker 2: From a person named Corey, A proud little mama. They
Speaker 2: identify as.
Speaker 1: I want to.
Speaker 2: Assume it's a he, but I don't know for sure.
Speaker 2: But maybe it's a she. Maybe it's a day. It
Speaker 2: can be either one. I never met a girl, Corey.
Speaker 1: You never met a girl, Corey. I feel like I
Speaker 1: knew a girl named Cora.
Speaker 2: Oh sure from the real world.
Speaker 1: No, that's not Maybe I'm thinking of Chorrel. What was
Speaker 1: that little girl? No, that was Troy from Crookland. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Troy froyd boy.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Man, that movie was sad. Huh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I just watched it. I'm a little embarrassed to
Speaker 2: admit it, but I just watched it for the first time,
Speaker 2: like a week ago. Really, I had seen snippets. I
Speaker 2: had seen clips and shit, but I never.
Speaker 1: Talked about it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I could keep up, Like I knew what the
Speaker 2: basis of the film was, but I never sat and
Speaker 2: watched the entire movie. And it starts off and you're like, man,
Speaker 2: this might be Spike Lee's just most uplifting, sweet film
Speaker 2: about just a family with some odd characters, and then
Speaker 2: it gets sad and sadder and then uncomfortable and then saddest.
Speaker 1: But good movie. I love Alfrey Woods and Delroy Lindo.
Speaker 2: Del Lindo, Baby, I don't, man, I.
Speaker 1: Don't think we talked about how good that guy is?
Speaker 1: When did he mean? What's he ever missed?
Speaker 2: Worst worst name in the game? And truly, I think
Speaker 2: that's a phenomenal. It's it's hard to remember. I love
Speaker 2: saying it, but it ain't. It ain't an easy one
Speaker 2: when you want to recall your favorite actor.
Speaker 1: I love it. I think, man, if I was named
Speaker 1: Delroy Lindo, this would be actually, this would be all different.
Speaker 1: You think the podcast would be thriving. If my name
Speaker 1: was Delroy Lindo, I would be a calib Qualiti style rapper.
Speaker 2: You think we wouldn't even be podcasting. You think this
Speaker 2: would just be a different wave. You think Delroy Lindo
Speaker 2: has a podcast, I pray to god he does not. Yeah,
Speaker 2: of course, now he doesn't need it. His name is
Speaker 2: Delroy Lindo. He seems like he goes to bed in
Speaker 2: long shirts. Does that make sense?
Speaker 1: He feels like he seems like he wears every fab
Speaker 1: brick except denim. That like, I think that has had
Speaker 1: a pair of jeans since the sixties.
Speaker 2: And why Woody, that's why you can't even buy that.
Speaker 2: When your name is del Roy.
Speaker 1: Here's some shit that's about to fuck you up. I
Speaker 1: just I looked him up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, born in London, del Roy Lindo is British.
Speaker 1: Not even our has he moved here when he was sixteen?
Speaker 2: Del Roy Lindo. Whoa, I thought he was the blackest
Speaker 2: man on earth.
Speaker 1: You could be black from London. Not. According to me,
Speaker 1: it almost makes more sense if you think about it
Speaker 1: in a British accent, like think about this. I was
Speaker 1: hanging with my mike, Delroy right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, it feels yeah, oh fuck, he really is British.
Speaker 1: Yeah, whoa? I wonder because they're they're they're better at
Speaker 1: acting than us, so it kind of does make sense.
Speaker 2: Delroy Lindo my man.
Speaker 1: But the son of Jamaican parents, which I think we
Speaker 1: all could have guess as well.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, we knew there was Caribbean blood flowing through there. Yeah,
Speaker 2: he's the man has been wearing mesh tank tops for
Speaker 2: for forty years.
Speaker 1: I think we knew that was the Caribbean. He drinks
Speaker 1: out of a fruit for He's drank out the fruit,
Speaker 1: but not in the touristy way, just in the way
Speaker 1: where it was hot out and he cracked up in
Speaker 1: the fruit. Yeah, I feel like we go with Caribbean
Speaker 1: people hard on his podcast. Sometimes I want people to
Speaker 1: know I want to live in the Caribbean. I think
Speaker 1: it's great.
Speaker 2: I yeah, I'm a fan. When I lived in Boston,
Speaker 2: I had some nasty runnings with Asians, but otherwise I'm
Speaker 2: a pretty big fan of Caribbeans.
Speaker 1: I would say what happened.
Speaker 2: I just think they're the dominant community out there, and
Speaker 2: they moved the way they move and I move like
Speaker 2: a nigga from Chicago, and that don't always Uh, that's complicated. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you don't always get along when when you are of
Speaker 2: two different worlds in that way.
Speaker 1: Man, I know this shit was real because you did
Speaker 1: not answer my question at all. Really Like the way
Speaker 1: you answered was like there's specifics that you really don't
Speaker 1: want to get into. That was crazy. When you start
Speaker 1: blaming your city, that's when it's like, you.
Speaker 2: Know what I mean, and we all come from different
Speaker 2: places and community is important.
Speaker 1: Listen, if you got beat up by some Atians.
Speaker 2: You could say, no, I didn't get beat up by
Speaker 2: any Haitians, but I didn't care for their personalities more
Speaker 2: often than not when I was in Boston. But otherwise
Speaker 2: I'm a big van of Caribbeans across the board.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I appreciated culture.
Speaker 2: We're calling upon you because we have we have new merch.
Speaker 2: We have very exciting merch that we are now set
Speaker 2: and it's it's fucking great. We love it so much.
Speaker 1: Just sleek, it's sexy.
Speaker 2: Come on, you want to tell them what we have.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we have three different types of hats, which is
Speaker 1: really fun. We have a two tone hat, an alien
Speaker 1: dad hat, the traditional logo in black and khaki. Then
Speaker 1: we have the enamel pin with an alien who has
Speaker 1: a coofie on it since my mama told me. And
Speaker 1: then we have t shirts that say proud little Mama,
Speaker 1: which is who you are.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can buy the merch now, go to my
Speaker 2: mama told me dot merch table dot com. It's a
Speaker 2: brand new name, but it's the same old merch and
Speaker 2: we would love for you to get some if you
Speaker 2: haven't got it already, and we want you to have
Speaker 2: all the sweet stuff so get it. We need to
Speaker 2: get to Corey's email. Ye, Corey sent an email and
Speaker 2: the subject line this is a very exciting subject line.
Speaker 2: It says tickling a baby equals stuttering adult question mark.
Speaker 2: Already you're hooked, they said, Hey guys, relatively new listener,
Speaker 2: but this has quickly become one of my favorite podcasts.
Speaker 2: Your episode timing is perfect, as I have a long
Speaker 2: ass commute on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Fuck yeah, I don't
Speaker 2: know where you're going, Corey, and frankly, I think you
Speaker 2: need to chill the fuck out doing it every week.
Speaker 2: But that's exciting. I'm glad that we're hitting when we
Speaker 2: are supposed to hit for you.
Speaker 1: Glad we can support your commute to both your families.
Speaker 2: I hope they don't find out via this podcast, but
Speaker 2: we know what you're up to, Corey, and you gotta stop. Man.
Speaker 2: You gotta pick one family and abandon the other kids.
Speaker 2: It's just is the right thing to do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, give the other kids something to overcome, you know. Yep?
Speaker 2: Go ahead, make yourself a Lebron James and then raise
Speaker 2: a taj Mawori in the other house. He said to
Speaker 2: the conspiracy I have a son that will oh. I
Speaker 2: have a son that was about six months old at
Speaker 2: the time of this event. I went to dinner with
Speaker 2: my mom and my son was basically inconsolable during the dinner.
Speaker 2: He wanted me, he wanted to be near his dad,
Speaker 2: and anytime my mom tried to hold him, he would scream.
Speaker 2: I told my mom that he was very ticklish. Maybe
Speaker 2: try to tickle him under his armpits to lower his guard.
Speaker 2: She adamantly refused and said something to the extent of no,
Speaker 2: you don't tickle babies or else they'll develop a stutter.
Speaker 2: Then she proceeds to impersonate someone, saying, daddy with the
Speaker 2: heavy stutter. I'll spare you the phanetics. No, that's crazy,
Speaker 2: she did. I act out after saying some wild shit
Speaker 2: at the dinner table in.
Speaker 1: The red lobster. She's like the waiter, just standing there,
Speaker 1: confused because the stuttering impression can easily sound like another
Speaker 1: type of impression.
Speaker 2: Right, No, it gets ugly fast if you don't if
Speaker 2: people don't know what you're doing. He goes on to say,
Speaker 2: have y'all heard anything like this before? I was hysterically
Speaker 2: laughing because my mom always comes out of left field.
Speaker 2: With new crazy shit. Sincerely, thanks for the laughs, Corey,
Speaker 2: proud little mom man.
Speaker 1: I mean I will. Let's say, first of all, Corey,
Speaker 1: your mother hilarious.
Speaker 2: Your mother might be prime for being a guest on
Speaker 2: this podcast.
Speaker 1: Hall of Famer.
Speaker 2: Unbelievably funny.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's she up there with Jay Sean. That's the
Speaker 1: funniest shit to do ever. Oh my god.
Speaker 2: If your mother is still with us, and I pray
Speaker 2: that she is, please let her know we are big
Speaker 2: fans of the work that she's doing.
Speaker 1: Love what she's got going on. Man, that's oh so
Speaker 1: many levels. That's hilarious.
Speaker 2: I've never heard this before in my life.
Speaker 1: So here's the first thing. I think that on an
Speaker 1: animalistic level in my in my like animal caveman, stupid brain.
Speaker 1: I get the science behind it, Okay, Like you shake
Speaker 1: it too much and it's gonna stay shook. Yeah, you
Speaker 1: know what I'm And like, do you ever remember, like
Speaker 1: when you're a kid being tickled is so visceral that
Speaker 1: like I like sometimes you know, you think back as
Speaker 1: a kid, like how hard you be laughing this year
Speaker 1: like that, and it's like, yeah, that could have shook
Speaker 1: shook something loose.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I never thought about it in terms of
Speaker 2: shaking something loose. But that is the part that maybe
Speaker 2: hits the the most for me, is that like, it's
Speaker 2: not about getting tickled so much that you stay tickled
Speaker 2: as much as it is like something babies are are
Speaker 2: fragile and and sort of like are not fully configurated
Speaker 2: inside all the way. And the idea that you do
Speaker 2: something so jarring to the physical form that it becomes
Speaker 2: permanent feels like a real thing.
Speaker 1: Cause it's like, also think about it, there's no other
Speaker 1: form of affection or anything else that you do to
Speaker 1: a kid that is that physically intense m you know
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. Like it's like very because so my
Speaker 1: two brothers, this is really funny. My two brothers have
Speaker 1: varied because I'm way older than them. I'm forty, so
Speaker 1: I knew and when they were babies, my two brothers
Speaker 1: have very different reactions. My one little brother like being
Speaker 1: tickled too much, where I would be like, you have
Speaker 1: to calm down, you know what I mean, and he'd
Speaker 1: be going ape shit. I'd be like, you got this
Speaker 1: is not good. This is like I feel like I'm
Speaker 1: creating some kind of a dependence. You can't be seeking
Speaker 1: this feeling in the world.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're gonna end up in
Speaker 2: a documentary some day.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you got you're having too good a time. And
Speaker 1: then my other little brother really disliked it. Yeah, like
Speaker 1: you could tell it was like kind of too intense
Speaker 1: for him. But you would tickle him and he would
Speaker 1: he would be laughing, but he'd be pissed. So as
Speaker 1: soon as you'd be done, he'd be like he'd be
Speaker 1: like really upset with you, and I like like like,
Speaker 1: kind of stop doing it, you know. Yeah.
Speaker 2: My my daughter is closer to that energy where she
Speaker 2: like will laugh about it, but also like afterwards it's like, hey,
Speaker 2: don't do that. That's not because it is, that's not cool,
Speaker 2: and I don't I don't appreciate.
Speaker 1: It, and I get it because it's very it's very
Speaker 1: like it's intense.
Speaker 2: It's a disarming experience and you can't you can't control
Speaker 2: your reaction in a way that that feels maybe the
Speaker 2: most vulnerable that that you can feel in your human experience,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean, where like like I something
Speaker 2: is being forced out of me that I truly was
Speaker 2: not aiming for or don't like it. It's too much.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And it's like this type of thing where it's like,
Speaker 1: if the reaction to tickling wasn't laughing, it would we
Speaker 1: would think it was torture. It's weeping, yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: if it was if you're crying, if if tickling elicited
Speaker 1: the response of crying, doing that to someone would be
Speaker 1: the worst thing you could possibly.
Speaker 2: Do, which I do think and maybe this is my
Speaker 2: me conflating television with real life, but it wasn't tickle
Speaker 2: torture a real thing. Wasn't that at some point? Uh
Speaker 2: that people did. I'm gonna look it up when I
Speaker 2: think about it in my head.
Speaker 1: It also makes me think it was an episode of
Speaker 1: a cartoon or something. Yeah, like they had somebody tied
Speaker 1: up and they put like a feather to their feet.
Speaker 1: But I would tell, have you tickled me too much?
Speaker 1: I don't like being tickled now, Mike. Girls just found
Speaker 1: out on the bottom of my feet and I had
Speaker 1: to be listen, like you can't just like walk by
Speaker 1: and like you know what I'm saying.
Speaker 2: Okay, they're saying that tickle torture is a is more
Speaker 2: of a TV trope than a real thing.
Speaker 1: No shame that happens to me all the time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, no again, remind y'all, fucking idiot. But this website
Speaker 2: called Dan Petrosini dot com claims that in ancient China,
Speaker 2: tickle torture was used as a way to punish the
Speaker 2: noble class. It was preferred over other types of discipline
Speaker 2: because it left no marks and the victims will recover
Speaker 2: fairly quickly. Is also used as a torture tool in
Speaker 2: ancient Japan, where it was called merciless tickling. My favorite
Speaker 2: historical reference depicted above has the tying a prisoner down
Speaker 2: and then coding the bottom of their feet with salt water.
Speaker 2: They would then bring out a goat who would lick
Speaker 2: the salt off, igniting uncontrollable laughter.
Speaker 1: I hate that. I hate. I hate that the goat
Speaker 1: is involved.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that makes it worse somehow. Now I will say
Speaker 2: that this article does not have any references or any
Speaker 2: real uh I guess proof of the claim. So I
Speaker 2: worry that it is just a person writing slightly racist
Speaker 2: things about the past, you know what I mean. Where
Speaker 2: you're just like, I bet the ancient Chinese did that shit,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Yeah, ancient Chinese secret Yeah exactly. So the Wikipedia also
Speaker 1: says that there's an article in the British Medical Journal
Speaker 1: that describes the goat the goat licking, but it remains
Speaker 1: unclear if this method was ever used in practice, as
Speaker 1: it is only described in the fifteen or two Trakatas
Speaker 1: did in Disease Tortura. You nailed that by the Italian
Speaker 1: jurist and monk Franciscus Brunos, Das and Severino, a treatise
Speaker 1: that actually cautioned against the torture in general. And while
Speaker 1: it seems clear that he had not made up this practice,
Speaker 1: the issue is left open whether the inclusion is based
Speaker 1: on hearsay.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, I worry that some of this is just
Speaker 2: rooted in hearsay. This article also claims that there's documented
Speaker 2: evidence that Nazi guards tickled inmates and concentration camps in
Speaker 2: order to torture them, and that feels like a lie
Speaker 2: that I think that is a lie. There's no fucking
Speaker 2: way in the world that in between gassing people to
Speaker 2: death and shooting them in the head, they also were
Speaker 2: tickling these motherfuckers.
Speaker 1: They would Yeah, I think we have a lot of
Speaker 1: documentary on what they did and it's all atrocious. I
Speaker 1: don't think they were also like, yeah, tickle too.
Speaker 2: I don't think they wanted the Jewish people to have
Speaker 2: any fun. Yeah, even if it was fun against their will.
Speaker 2: They were like, you're not fucking gonna get to.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's like not. I think it kind of does
Speaker 1: a disservice to the legacy of what happened there.
Speaker 2: Yes, well, maybe we don't trust everything that they're saying,
Speaker 2: but it does sound like at least the the tropes
Speaker 2: on television were rooted in some version of historical near
Speaker 2: fiction that like, maybe there were theories on tickle torture
Speaker 2: that that at some point were tried or or at
Speaker 2: the very least considered by people.
Speaker 1: Right, And I think I mean back to the base,
Speaker 1: back to the root of the all this. I am
Speaker 1: constantly of the fear that I'm gonna do to something
Speaker 1: too much and get it stuck. So this plays right
Speaker 1: into my I believe this one. Yeah, I don't. I
Speaker 1: don't believe. Maybe I don't believe because I yeah, because
Speaker 1: like my one brother that we tickled, he's fine, he's
Speaker 1: a singer now, he's doing great, but like a lot
Speaker 1: of billowy clothing. But that's that's for our family to
Speaker 1: figure out. You know, here's what I'll say.
Speaker 2: I don't know that I believe that just tickling will
Speaker 2: lead to a stutter. But I do believe, and I'm
Speaker 2: gonna go out on a limb here, I do believe
Speaker 2: that every single person with a stutter was maybe tickled
Speaker 2: too hard at some point.
Speaker 1: Okay, I don't.
Speaker 2: Believe that tickling leads to stutters, but I do believe
Speaker 2: there is a Venn diagram of motherfucker's getting tickled too
Speaker 2: hard and now a stutter exists. And so I don't
Speaker 2: I don't know that we have the runway to be
Speaker 2: able to create causality, right, like to say this is
Speaker 2: definitively the cause. But I will say that I bet
Speaker 2: they've all experienced a similar thing at some point.
Speaker 1: To push back on that a little bit, Yeah, who
Speaker 1: hasn't been tickled hard? I don't know. I don't. I
Speaker 1: think everybody's at least. I mean, you have to come
Speaker 1: from a pretty cold upbringing, you know what I'm saying. Like,
Speaker 1: I don't think Donald Trump's been tickled at all. I
Speaker 1: think he was tickled as a baby. You think Donald
Speaker 1: Trump was tickled at some point, So I think a housekeeper,
Speaker 1: I think I think the Jamaican woman who raised him. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I think she tickled it sometimes.
Speaker 2: I don't think anybody's ever tickled that man wanted to not.
Speaker 1: I think. I don't think you could come out of
Speaker 1: childhood without getting tickled. I really don't. It's one of
Speaker 1: the easiest games to play with the child.
Speaker 2: It's one of the easiest games to play with the
Speaker 2: child you have any affection for. And I think that
Speaker 2: that there are some people who find themselves in childhoods
Speaker 2: that are completely loose of affection.
Speaker 1: I think so. But even then, they never had a
Speaker 1: friend's parent, they never had one somebody like a local pervert.
Speaker 1: Don't do that. I knew you were gonna do that.
Speaker 1: I knew you were gonna do that. And I don't
Speaker 1: think it's fair. I don't think it's fair right now,
Speaker 1: because listen, we all, a lot of us maybe didn't
Speaker 1: get the affection that was maybe needed as a child,
Speaker 1: and we run run to things like the entertainment field
Speaker 1: to fill that void. But even within that, we've all
Speaker 1: been still been tickled.
Speaker 2: Sure, I mean, I'm men tackled quite a bit.
Speaker 1: Yeah, kids get tickled, Kids get tickled. It happens, you know,
Speaker 1: it's it's like also, if you don't know kids or something,
Speaker 1: it's like a really easy go to What am I
Speaker 1: gonna ask you? How's the wife and kids? How's school going? No,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna tickle you, and then I'll be out, Like
Speaker 1: let me get on that pits. Yeah, could you go
Speaker 1: go somewhere?
Speaker 2: Hey, you go take care of yourself. Here's a cigarette.
Speaker 1: The point is, I do think tickling is such a
Speaker 1: I think it's a pretty because I and now now
Speaker 1: maybe I'm overstepping, but I think that it's like crosses
Speaker 1: even cultures. I feel like the whole world is tickling.
Speaker 1: Mm hmmm, right, Like there's no there's no country where
Speaker 1: they don't tickle children. I'd imagine.
Speaker 2: I don't think so, But maybe that's our our own ignorance,
Speaker 2: right Like I I truly don't know.
Speaker 1: Well, because I think that also in this is weird.
Speaker 1: I think in America we're a lot softer on babies
Speaker 1: than other places are. Mm hmmm does that make sense?
Speaker 1: But yeah, like crely they're hard on babies. Bro, I
Speaker 1: just a little baby. I think it's funny. I'll say,
Speaker 1: my auntie like picking up my cousin by his leg
Speaker 1: like ah, it's funny.
Speaker 2: But I also think that in other places, while yes,
Speaker 2: they can be quote unquote hard on babies, there also
Speaker 2: is like a more of an intimacy created between parents
Speaker 2: and their kids than sometimes in the United States. Like
Speaker 2: real friend, my friend was telling me that there's this
Speaker 2: practice that happens in a lot of international Asian households
Speaker 2: where when a child is born, the mother will spend
Speaker 2: like three months in the bed with the child.
Speaker 1: That like, they will.
Speaker 2: Just be in the bed all day long, nursing, spending
Speaker 2: time cuddling, because it's both a chance for the mother
Speaker 2: to recover but also to sort of build like an intimacy,
Speaker 2: a comfort with this child. And I think because of that,
Speaker 2: you really become fucking locked in as a unit, and
Speaker 2: that child is like nurtured cared for in a way
Speaker 2: that like in a fucking America you got to be
Speaker 2: back to work in two weeks.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 2: That luxury doesn't exist. So while we are quote unquote
Speaker 2: presenting easier on our children, we are not necessarily giving
Speaker 2: them the things that like other children are probably reaping.
Speaker 1: God damn ain't that America in a nutshell? Fuck? Yeah,
Speaker 1: fuck that fucked me up.
Speaker 2: Well, It's disappointing when you find out that, like, oh
Speaker 2: we we truly are just doing things wrong in some ways.
Speaker 1: Right, because I mean, our babies take a long time
Speaker 1: to take care of. H Did you read that? You
Speaker 1: ever read that book Sapiens that you've torn? It goes
Speaker 1: back to this idea of like standing up, We weren't
Speaker 1: maybe ever supposed to be standing up, and because of it,
Speaker 1: our babies come out under developed because it takes longer
Speaker 1: to take care of our babies than like any other animals.
Speaker 2: Yeah right, it takes us way longer to become full
Speaker 2: grown than every other type of animal.
Speaker 1: And giraffes start out doing at all that.
Speaker 2: Motherfuckers come out tall and ready flop to the ground
Speaker 2: and get to work.
Speaker 1: Yeah, man, this so fun. I got a draft fight
Speaker 1: the other day. This is this is weird. Actually, I
Speaker 1: don't want to talk about it.
Speaker 2: What What do you mean? You got in a giraffe fight?
Speaker 1: What me? Man? Can I guess what I think it is? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Okay, I what I know about how giraffe fight is
Speaker 2: they slam their next into each other. Am I to
Speaker 2: believe that you and another person were slamming your your
Speaker 2: heads and next into each other.
Speaker 3: Yeah, why are you selling Paris?
Speaker 1: It's like weird now, No, it's definitely weird. I'm like
Speaker 1: said it. It's like because me and my girl were
Speaker 1: in the kitchen and we accidentally bumped heads and then
Speaker 1: she she's like, let's fight like giraffes. There's only like
Speaker 1: a little bit. Damn, man, you're in love.
Speaker 2: That's beautiful. That's really nice. Something's going on here, desire
Speaker 2: being weird with a lady because she asked, that's what
Speaker 2: love is.
Speaker 1: Why I'm weird too though, So it's like I was like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: I've never been in a draft fight. I'm not gonna
Speaker 1: miss out when and it turns out if you have
Speaker 1: a regular neck, it's real it's hard to get the angles. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I was about to say, it seems like you probably
Speaker 2: are hitting chins and skulls.
Speaker 1: Pretty. It's just you can't like because you try to
Speaker 1: like elongate and then go in. But it's like it's
Speaker 1: just we don't have we're not built for it. When
Speaker 1: I built like that. Thank god, she doesn't listen to
Speaker 1: this podcast.
Speaker 2: You gotta dollar to listen. We need the numbers, Come on.
Speaker 1: We need the boost.
Speaker 2: Let's take ego out of this and get this lady
Speaker 2: at least downloading once a week. We're calling upon you
Speaker 2: because we have new merch. We have very exciting merch
Speaker 2: that we are now selling and it's it's fucking great.
Speaker 2: We love it so much.
Speaker 1: Just sleek, it's sexy.
Speaker 2: Come on, you want to tell them what we have?
Speaker 1: Yeah, we have three different types of hats, which is
Speaker 1: really fun. We have a two tone hat Alien Dad hat,
Speaker 1: the traditional logo in black and khaki. Then we have
Speaker 1: the enamel pin with an alien who has a coofie
Speaker 1: on it since my mama told me. And then we
Speaker 1: have t shirts that say proud little Mama, which is
Speaker 1: who you are.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can buy the merch now, go to my
Speaker 2: mama told me dot merch table dot com. It's a
Speaker 2: brand new name, but it's the same old merch and
Speaker 2: we would love for you to get some if you
Speaker 2: haven't got it already, and we want you to have
Speaker 2: all the sweet stuff, so get it. I looked up
Speaker 2: online what causes stuttering? The Stuttering Foundation stutteringhelp dot Org
Speaker 2: says there are four factors most likely to contribute to
Speaker 2: the development of stuttering genetics. Approximately sixty percent of those
Speaker 2: who stutter have a family member who does.
Speaker 1: Also.
Speaker 2: Child development, children with other speech and language problems or
Speaker 2: development till delays are more likely to stutter. Neurophysiology, Recent
Speaker 2: neurological research has shown that people who stutter process speech
Speaker 2: and language slightly differently than those who do not stutter.
Speaker 2: In family dynamics, high expectations and fast paced lifestyles can
Speaker 2: contribute to stuttering. Stuttering may occur when a combination of
Speaker 2: factors comes together and may have different calls and different people.
Speaker 2: It is a probable it is probable that what causes
Speaker 2: stuttering differs from what makes it continue or get worst.
Speaker 2: No mention of tickling, but certainly elements inside of this
Speaker 2: that feel like they.
Speaker 1: At least are.
Speaker 2: Speaking to the possibility of familial influence and physical I
Speaker 2: guess nothing physical, but certain sociological influence in your home.
Speaker 1: I mean that in and of itself is scary that
Speaker 1: you can put a lifestyle on a child that will develop, Like,
Speaker 1: is it like a stress thing, like like my expeditions
Speaker 1: and fact like the kids under so much stress. It's
Speaker 1: just like even talking becomes difficult.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounds like I mean, obviously you can't downplay
Speaker 2: the sort of importance of family and neurological development being
Speaker 2: like the probably the biggest players inside of the But
Speaker 2: I imagine that like the stress of a fast paced household
Speaker 2: or things not necessarily being as I guess, you know, helpful.
Speaker 1: In the needs and.
Speaker 2: Results of that one individual, because I don't want to
Speaker 2: put it on some shit where it's like, oh, your
Speaker 2: house is fucked up and that's why you stutter.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's what they're saying.
Speaker 2: I think they're more saying that, like, we all individually
Speaker 2: have specific needs based on our own brains and like house,
Speaker 2: and sometimes that need doesn't match what you have, and
Speaker 2: that might lead to a little bit of a stutter.
Speaker 1: Okay, that's good, because I'm glad it's not physical, because
Speaker 1: there's time I was worried you were going to say
Speaker 1: you could scare it into somebody. You ever scared a
Speaker 1: kid a little too much? Oh? Fuck, have you ever
Speaker 1: done that? Like, were you scared a kid and it
Speaker 1: was like they got too scared? You know what?
Speaker 2: I was so much a kid who did not like
Speaker 2: being scared. How you're talking about how your little brother
Speaker 2: not liking being tickled, That's how I felt about, Like,
Speaker 2: motherfucker's hiding around corners and being spooky and shit, yeah,
Speaker 2: I have chosen not to ever do that to my kid.
Speaker 1: Like interesting, well a tailor two brothers again, both also
Speaker 1: had the same reactions to being scared.
Speaker 2: Oh, one of them really liked it and the other one.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the obviously the tickle one, the fiend who as
Speaker 1: an adult is not an adult. He's sixteen. But it's
Speaker 1: like the more calm one of all of us. Now
Speaker 1: he's the calmest one. Well, he also loved to survived trauma.
Speaker 2: Don't do that, but he likes that. I grew up
Speaker 2: in a hunted house, so I think I'll be okay.
Speaker 1: He would like because when you would scare him, like
Speaker 1: if you do the booth thing, he would get scared
Speaker 1: and then he would laugh really really hard.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Whereas Martin the one you met, he did he so
Speaker 1: he was very like he was kind of one of
Speaker 1: those kids where he was which kids credit and he
Speaker 1: carried on into adulthood, thank god. But he was very
Speaker 1: quick to be like, I don't like that.
Speaker 2: I think about you. You watch Ellen right in like back. No,
Speaker 2: well I didn't mean literally, I just meant uh. In
Speaker 2: the the You and the Royal sense. Okay, I didn't
Speaker 2: presume that you were spending your mornings watching that white
Speaker 2: lady dance and sneakers.
Speaker 1: I didn't think you did either. That's why I was
Speaker 1: kind of offended when you brought it up. No, no, no,
Speaker 1: I I don't.
Speaker 2: I do not watch Ellen, although you know, I thought
Speaker 2: she was a pretty good lady until I found out
Speaker 2: she wasn't.
Speaker 1: And I don't mind talk though I will say it's
Speaker 1: like kind of fun to watch, like the reel or something.
Speaker 2: I like when it feels like you're actually having a
Speaker 2: conversation with that person. I get more bored when it
Speaker 2: feels like, oh, these are just cant bits during the day,
Speaker 2: because then it's like, wow, if that's if I'm watching
Speaker 2: and that, then I might as well wait till late
Speaker 2: night where they'll tell their the naughty version of this story.
Speaker 1: That's you know what I mean? You don't like watching
Speaker 1: My Man and Michael Strahan.
Speaker 2: No, I've never cared for him having a talk show once.
Speaker 2: I actually think it's pretty offensive that this man with
Speaker 2: brain damage gets to.
Speaker 1: Be Come on, Michael Strahan, He's just a charming guy.
Speaker 1: I don't. I don't like it. I truly don't like
Speaker 1: when this might be because you don't like football, though.
Speaker 2: It might be, but I really don't like when sports
Speaker 2: guys suddenly become like a sort of like media guys.
Speaker 2: It fucking bugs me and I don't know why really,
Speaker 2: but it don't sit right in my spirit when they
Speaker 2: like suddenly become cute in our hands, because.
Speaker 1: Deep down you just think their big gorillas paid to
Speaker 1: smash each other. Because that's how it sounds, the way
Speaker 1: you're talking. That's like me reading between the lines. And
Speaker 1: this is I love Michael Strahan. I've always thought he
Speaker 1: was charming. I loved him when he played football, like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, well he was on the Giants. He
Speaker 1: was so much fun. And then he had that commercial,
Speaker 1: big old Michael straighthand oh man, not that guy. I want.
Speaker 2: I want to defend myself, but I guess a little
Speaker 2: part of me is like, yeah, I don't think these
Speaker 2: big old animals should be talking to fucking Sydney Sweeney.
Speaker 1: Yes, I can. I can feel it. I feel it
Speaker 1: emanating from you.
Speaker 2: I I just like when people stay in the lane
Speaker 2: that they are strongest than and they buy it bugs
Speaker 2: me when people find themselves in a lane that I
Speaker 2: know is not where they're supposed to be. You know
Speaker 2: what I mean that, Like, I get it. Michael Strahand
Speaker 2: is the charming guy. He's handsome, he's he's fine, but
Speaker 2: he's also like a glut with a lisp. And I
Speaker 2: see though.
Speaker 1: It's like it's like some guys they make it great,
Speaker 1: like Shack great media personality.
Speaker 2: Shaq is a great media personality next to four got
Speaker 2: three other guys who know how to talk. But Shaq,
Speaker 2: he ain't supposed to be talking to regular people.
Speaker 1: That's an insane takes. His voice is just deep. He's
Speaker 1: not slow. Yes he is, David bro this is not
Speaker 1: split list is a stupid person. You think Shaquille or
Speaker 1: Shan O'Neill.
Speaker 2: I listen, I don't. I don't mean to stretch this
Speaker 2: into smart and not smart. That's not the point that
Speaker 2: I'm trying to make. I think you're extending it there.
Speaker 2: I am saying that Shaq next to Kenny, Ernie and
Speaker 2: Charles is phenomenal. But whenever they put Shaq next to
Speaker 2: other people, you start to really tell that this motherfucker
Speaker 2: ain't connecting dots the way he's supposed to connect dots.
Speaker 2: There are those episodes where it's like him and Candace Parker,
Speaker 2: and Candace Parker is exhausted by the end of that
Speaker 2: ship because he is a hard man to talk to,
Speaker 2: and he ain't throwing up no lobs to nobody. That's
Speaker 2: what I'm saying, is that under the right circumstances, I
Speaker 2: listen to Shaq talk all day, but I'm not gonna
Speaker 2: sit here and pretend that this is like a late
Speaker 2: night talk show host.
Speaker 1: I mean, okay, he's no Arsenio Hall. No, that's fair.
Speaker 2: He's not even DeVante Hale, who I don't even know
Speaker 2: who that is. I assume our Sinio's slow cousin.
Speaker 1: He's none of those people. I like the big fella.
Speaker 1: I like Michael Strahan.
Speaker 2: I my point before we got into this ugly tangent
Speaker 2: my got dark was to say that I'd.
Speaker 1: Shut the fuck up. Jack.
Speaker 2: You're Shaq, You're a wonderful speaker, and both your eyes
Speaker 2: are looking in the same direction.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because how do you feel about Kaem Abdul Jabbar.
Speaker 2: I don't like that ship either. What the fuck are
Speaker 2: you doing in the Veronica? That don't make no goddamn sense.
Speaker 1: Lost a job.
Speaker 2: He's very smart man, He's not funny. Why is he
Speaker 2: writing in comedy rooms?
Speaker 1: Is Veronica Mar's a comedy. I've never watched it. I
Speaker 1: never watched it. I have never watched it. He's never
Speaker 1: made us laugh once. I thought it was pretty funny
Speaker 1: when he was doing that karate.
Speaker 2: My point, if I can get to my point, Yeah,
Speaker 2: My point was that on Ellen, they used to do
Speaker 2: that thing where they would scare the shit out of
Speaker 2: their guests. Every once in a while, somebody would be
Speaker 2: sitting there and then like a producer or a scary
Speaker 2: person would pop out from a box, the back whatever.
Speaker 2: And you always see sort of these telling moments inside
Speaker 2: of the celebrities of like the people who laugh it
Speaker 2: off genuinely and the people who are laughing because if
Speaker 2: they don't, they're worried they're going to lose their career.
Speaker 2: But like are truly angry about what just happened to them.
Speaker 2: And I think I fall much close, sir, to the
Speaker 2: I would be truly angry, and not in a way
Speaker 2: that I could like just keep chit chatting my life,
Speaker 2: you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: I could I do see that, and I would respect that,
Speaker 1: and you, like I wouldn't. Nothing about you makes me
Speaker 1: think you would like, I want to be scared. I
Speaker 1: don't like that. Yeah, I could tell you. I feel
Speaker 1: like it would take you out of your frame. I
Speaker 1: feel like it would make you vulnerable in a way
Speaker 1: that I don't think you would appreciate.
Speaker 2: No, I've worked really hard to present a certain person
Speaker 2: to the world.
Speaker 1: Just you could make one noise and that shit would
Speaker 1: called crumble.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I'll be honest, I do be making weird noises.
Speaker 1: Like I cried.
Speaker 2: I cried so hard at our wedding, at like our wedding,
Speaker 2: and one of those cries were like while I was
Speaker 2: trying to say my vows, like oh, sound came out
Speaker 2: and then I had to apologize to the to like
Speaker 2: the entire to be like I'm sorry, y'all. I don't
Speaker 2: know what that was, man, you know what I mean, Like, I.
Speaker 1: Think it's crazy that you even told that story. I
Speaker 1: wouldn't have told no. Oh yeah, my friend, I'm being yeah, okay, No.
Speaker 1: Do you do you cry weird? Are you weird crying?
Speaker 1: I think so.
Speaker 2: I think it's because I try not to be crying
Speaker 2: too hard and right, and it always makes that coyote
Speaker 2: yelp happen.
Speaker 1: That's see That's the thing about crying is you kind
Speaker 1: of just gotta let it pass through, Like because if
Speaker 1: you hold on to not crying, that ship Denni's that's
Speaker 1: when it sounds goofy. You gotta just take the two
Speaker 1: three big sobs and then get through it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, take a deep breath, let it out and then
Speaker 2: uh and then be past it.
Speaker 1: And yeah, yeah when you're holding on. No, I'm telling
Speaker 1: you because I probably I probably a once every three years,
Speaker 1: four years something like that. Yeah, So it's like I
Speaker 1: know how to go through it. And it's also like
Speaker 1: you just gotta make sure nobody's around. Man, get in
Speaker 1: the shower, turn the water on, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Blasts Yeah, blast that Mary J. Blige, not gonna cry
Speaker 1: and just feel what you gotta feel. Damn.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not there yet, but I'll work on it.
Speaker 2: I'm a man in constant change, in constant growth, and
Speaker 2: I will grow beyond where I am and maybe I'll
Speaker 2: grow to learn and understand Shack to be the the
Speaker 2: brilliant thinker that you see him as.
Speaker 1: That's not what I'm saying. I'm just you would like you.
Speaker 1: I think I don't think so I think like if
Speaker 1: we hung out with the big fella, you don't think
Speaker 1: you'd have a good time.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 2: I think he's probably a bully in real life.
Speaker 1: Do you not like it because you would be so
Speaker 1: much larger than you?
Speaker 2: No, I genuinely think he takes a type of pride
Speaker 2: in being so much larger than people that like, he's
Speaker 2: the type of dude that will like bump you intentionally
Speaker 2: and like sort of shake you a little bit.
Speaker 1: And I don't like that. I could see him like
Speaker 1: picking you up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, not in a way that we're both having fun
Speaker 2: type ship. It's like, no, I want you to feel like,
Speaker 2: look I could pick you up.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Look you're you're a small weak man to me.
Speaker 1: Look and it's like you head, let me see a
Speaker 1: little peep. He pulled my pants down.
Speaker 2: He's like, look at it, look at it. That's nothing
Speaker 2: compared to mine.
Speaker 1: Look at that.
Speaker 6: Ultimately we just unlocked with Your real fear is Yeah,
Speaker 6: I don't want him to pick me up and expose
Speaker 6: my little yeah, because when you say it does that
Speaker 6: would be terrible.
Speaker 1: Now that's the type of guy he is. I think,
Speaker 1: look at it. Your wife, Your wife is there. This
Speaker 1: is what you like?
Speaker 4: Is it.
Speaker 1: You vowed your life to this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's like she's embarrassed.
Speaker 1: I'm embarrassed and his voice is all low, so would
Speaker 1: hurt even more. You'd be like Lester has a tiny penis.
Speaker 2: You know, people got their phone thought, oh man, yeah.
Speaker 1: Why would you do this? He took your ship out
Speaker 1: of Dantanni's. Come on, man, it's a good restaurant. Why
Speaker 1: would you do that? It's our anniversary.
Speaker 2: We invited you, hear me, my wife for our anniversary.
Speaker 1: I mean that's fair. He does use his size in
Speaker 1: a way, and who amongst us would not No, I
Speaker 1: don't blame him.
Speaker 2: I'm certainly not better than him. I just don't believe
Speaker 2: that he would have good, good intentions for for me
Speaker 2: and frankly you if we spent time with.
Speaker 1: Him, maybe I think I could. I think I could
Speaker 1: get in there.
Speaker 2: And I think that that's that's maybe some of the sickness, right,
Speaker 2: is that we all find ourselves sort of believing in
Speaker 2: our heroes in a way that that maybe isn't completely true.
Speaker 1: But and now, if I'm if I'm being honest with myself,
Speaker 1: maybe I just love him because he was the biggest
Speaker 1: blackest thing, and as a big black thing. I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like I've always been big
Speaker 1: nigga heroes, Bro, I've always been like big dark guys
Speaker 1: who are making that's they have a space in my heart.
Speaker 1: You know, Bro, I get it.
Speaker 2: There are a bunch of losers who are just light
Speaker 2: skinned men that that I'm always going to root for
Speaker 2: in a way that everybody else you know won't.
Speaker 1: And I you have your kings as well. I'm sure
Speaker 1: I have my kings.
Speaker 2: And I can't walk away from that, and I'm not
Speaker 2: going to pretend otherwise no matter what anybody says about them,
Speaker 2: because it's just you made me feel seen in a
Speaker 2: way that I needed when when no one else could.
Speaker 1: Right, Like, there's nothing Ben Wallace could do that would
Speaker 1: make me turn my back on it.
Speaker 2: Mm hmm. I respect that, you know, Yeah, I get it.
Speaker 2: Same thing for for Austin Rivers.
Speaker 1: For me, you know what fucked up in my heart
Speaker 1: of hearts and this is not this is just my
Speaker 1: immediate feeling to that. When you said that, I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: we are better. In my brain. In my brain, I
Speaker 1: was like, this is said Austin Rivers, I'm talking about
Speaker 1: Ben Wallace. I was you Austin Rivers.
Speaker 2: But you know, he was the funniest name I could
Speaker 2: think of at the time.
Speaker 1: I mean, you know he's.
Speaker 2: Anyways, to Corey, is that because we I think we
Speaker 2: did it. I think I think we got really needed Corey.
Speaker 2: To your question of whether or not tickling leads to stuttering,
Speaker 2: I think we would be I responsible to say anything
Speaker 2: other than that is not true. Your mother is wrong,
Speaker 2: but she remains the funniest mom and she deserves the
Speaker 2: Funniest Mom Award when that comes out. I don't know
Speaker 2: when voting opens up, but she certainly has mine and
Speaker 2: and David's vote.
Speaker 1: Yeah, definitely, definitely. I tell you tell your mom. We say, Hi,
Speaker 1: tell your mom. We say what's up? Hey girl, what's up?
Speaker 1: Teller Langston licks his lips.
Speaker 2: Hey, hey, tell her, We said, Gorey, go tell your mom.
Speaker 1: When we say that, when your mom comes from and
Speaker 1: be like, where's my hug miss Brandy, Miss Brandy? Where
Speaker 1: my hug at? I do I do want to know him?
Speaker 1: For the record, I'm not aware my hug at type
Speaker 1: dude at all. This is I know, No, you're not.
Speaker 1: I'm joking. Yeah, that doesn't even that doesn't even fit
Speaker 1: with your whole.
Speaker 2: Get down, and that'd be devastating to find out about
Speaker 2: a person you you know, to be like, oh shit,
Speaker 2: that's who you are, because you.
Speaker 1: Also seem like a guy who would get the hug
Speaker 1: naturally anyways, because to be aware my hug at you.
Speaker 2: Have to not yeah, you weren't gonna get a hug
Speaker 2: you weren't.
Speaker 1: Gonna get, which means you're already kind of maybe it's
Speaker 1: a musty situation or just a general off putting in
Speaker 1: that women don't want to embrace you. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2: Can you tell the people where they can find you
Speaker 2: on what cool shit you have going on?
Speaker 1: A cool guy jokes eighty seven on Instagram? All the
Speaker 1: stuff is there. I'm not touring too much right now,
Speaker 1: but back in like June July, that's about to start
Speaker 1: up again. So in the meantime, just watch Royal Crackers
Speaker 1: come to the show, come to the live, come to
Speaker 1: the live show for my birthday is gonna be great
Speaker 1: at the Comedy Store May fifth lit. My MoMA told me,
Speaker 1: we're trying to sell that bitch out so then we
Speaker 1: can in turn some more shows out eventually make them
Speaker 1: enough money to disappear and have us never have you,
Speaker 1: never see us again because ultimately we do not know you.
Speaker 2: We don't know you, and we're going to retire in
Speaker 2: the coreer, Miss Brandy.
Speaker 1: We know you, we know funny funny, so funny bro.
Speaker 2: As always, you can follow me at Langston Kerman and
Speaker 2: if you want to send us your own drops, your
Speaker 2: own conspiracy theories. If you want to tell us exactly
Speaker 2: where we can find Corey's mom, send it all to
Speaker 2: my mamapod at gmail dot com. We would love to
Speaker 2: hear from you. You can buy the the merch. I
Speaker 2: believe the website changed, so I don't remember what it is,
Speaker 2: but look it up. You'll find it. It's not that deep.
Speaker 2: And like subscribe, do whatever you're supposed to you on iTunes,
Speaker 2: do all that stuff so that we we get these
Speaker 2: numbers popping like they should. We we love all of
Speaker 2: our listeners and we're grateful for all you new listeners
Speaker 2: that keep coming in. And that's that's all the stuff
Speaker 2: that we needed to say.
Speaker 1: Bye, bitch, my Quo chips and your.
Speaker 4: All quality bears are racist. The host layer host the
Speaker 4: money turkey stuff I can't tell me