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Speaker 1: Hi. I'm Laura Vanderkamp. I'm a mother of five, an author, journalist,

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Speaker 1: and speaker.

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Speaker 2: And I'm Sarah hart Hunger, a mother of three, practicing physician, writer,

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Speaker 2: and course creator. We are two working parents who love

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Speaker 2: our careers and our families.

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Speaker 1: Welcome to best of both worlds. Here we talk about

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Speaker 1: how real women manage work, family, and time for fun.

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Speaker 1: From figuring out childcare to mapping out long term career goals.

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Speaker 1: We want you to get the most out of life.

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Speaker 2: Hi, this is Sarah. Before we start with this episode,

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Speaker 2: Laura and I talked about it and we want to

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Speaker 2: provide a little bit of a trigger warning. This episode

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Speaker 2: talks about kids advancing in milestones and some of the

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Speaker 2: fun things about that as parents that many parents do

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Speaker 2: look forward to in their parenting journeys. However, we recognize

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Speaker 2: that not every kid progresses at a linear fashion. We

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Speaker 2: know that many children out there have maybe uncertainty around

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Speaker 2: their progress in various milestones, and listening to this kind

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Speaker 2: of content could be really triggering if you're dealing with

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Speaker 2: a kid who's not progressing in perhaps typical or expected ways.

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Speaker 2: So if that does apply to you and you feel

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Speaker 2: like listening to more typical celebrations of kid milestones is

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Speaker 2: going to be difficult for you. I definitely suggest skipping

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Speaker 2: this episode and we'll be back in your feed next week.

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Speaker 1: Thank you so much. Welcome to Best of both Worlds.

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Speaker 1: This is Laura. This episode is going to be all

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Speaker 1: about parenting milestones. We sort of joked about calling it

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Speaker 1: just you wait, because that is one of our least

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Speaker 1: favorite phrases that people use about parenting. But we think

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Speaker 1: there's actually a lot of positive milestones as kids get

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Speaker 1: older that we want to talk about in this episode.

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Speaker 1: So first, Sarah, that phrase just you wait, that makes

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Speaker 1: every hair on your head stand up, right.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I really don't like it. And to be clear,

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Speaker 2: I don't like it when it's like, oh hah, you're

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Speaker 2: like upset about not pumping enough. Well, just you wait

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Speaker 2: till they're teenagers, you'll really find out what parenting challenges

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Speaker 2: are about. Like I don't know, like Seasoned, there was

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Speaker 2: this trope of like Seasoned parents like laughing off the

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Speaker 2: trials and tribulations of parents with young kids because that's

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Speaker 2: like little problems or like not really worth stressing about

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Speaker 2: and it's just so belittling.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, or just the idea that like, oh, if you're

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Speaker 1: happy now, you won't be in the future. Like if

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Speaker 1: you're finding this particular time of parenting fun, like just

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Speaker 1: you wait, because the heavens will strike you down or something.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, it just people have a lot of

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Speaker 1: negativity that then now I will admit that. There's sometimes

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Speaker 1: like people have not like had children yet there's someone

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Speaker 1: pregnant and they're like, oh, I'm getting all these like

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Speaker 1: cashmere baby outfit, like I'll be able to pass down

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Speaker 1: to my grandchildren.

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Speaker 2: I mean sometimes in those baby sizes, they wear them

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Speaker 2: only one time, so.

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Speaker 1: It's they might be right. Maybe I would never say

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Speaker 1: just you wait. I'd be like, oh, that's great. I

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Speaker 1: can't wait to see it. I mean that would be yeah.

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Speaker 1: And see, you wouldn't say it.

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Speaker 2: You might say it in your head, but you don't

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Speaker 2: need to say that out loud or like I mean,

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Speaker 2: I've even had it with like oh you're running, well,

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Speaker 2: just you wait, your knees are gonna hate you in

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Speaker 2: a decade.

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Speaker 1: I'm like, well, maybe they won't. Like I was running

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Speaker 1: a decade ago and they haven't hated me yet. And

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Speaker 1: why do I need to plan from.

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Speaker 2: In my inevitable demise like, yeah, I know about aging

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Speaker 2: and mortality, Like you don't need.

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Speaker 1: To I have medical credentials. Yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 3: No.

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Speaker 1: Well, there's a couple other phrases that are also ones

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Speaker 1: that we hate, like a savor every moment, Sarah, are

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Speaker 1: you enjoying every moment? I hate? Just you wait?

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Speaker 2: And then these two I thought were so you like,

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Speaker 2: savor every moment? And then zone defense zone defense?

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Speaker 1: Yes, well, so you cannot enjoy every moment, and that

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Speaker 1: is absolutely ridiculous because that just heaps like suffering on

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Speaker 1: top of the misery of the current moment, like that

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Speaker 1: I'm supposed to be feeling good about this time. That

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Speaker 1: is pretty miserable. And there's nothing really that fun about

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Speaker 1: three kids screaming in the grocery store. So the person

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Speaker 1: telling you to enjoy every moment is not really.

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Speaker 2: I'd be like, you want to take take one of

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Speaker 2: them joy moment too, the.

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Speaker 1: One who's screaming loudest at the moment they can be yours. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: or zone defense just we've joked about a lot of

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Speaker 1: because it's a sports metaphor. We've heard this from a

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Speaker 1: number of gentlemen who their family maybe having their third

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Speaker 1: child and they do like, oh, we're switching from man

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Speaker 1: to man to zone defense, and that seems to imply

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Speaker 1: that this person has never had both two children with

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Speaker 1: them on their own, because they would have already been

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Speaker 1: doing zone defense if they were had had this situation

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Speaker 1: occur before. So you know, and the truth is that

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Speaker 1: that might actually be true, might be true. Like their ideas,

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Speaker 1: it's man to man because the only times that they

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Speaker 1: have their kids, their wife is there too, and so

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Speaker 1: they can split them. But it is what it is, Like,

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Speaker 1: we know that many people have done zone defense before

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Speaker 1: the third child arrives, and so we just want to

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Speaker 1: honor those who have juggled many children on their own

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Speaker 1: and adding a third is just one more to the mix.

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Speaker 2: But we're not gonna be negative in this episode.

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Speaker 1: Can we gonna be positive?

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Speaker 3: Yay?

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Speaker 2: One of our potential titles was just you wait, it's

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Speaker 2: gonna be great? Yes, So just because those positive parenting milestones,

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Speaker 2: things that maybe we didn't even like know that we

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Speaker 2: were going to look forward to, that have like made

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Speaker 2: parenting maybe easier, maybe more fun, more rewarding, things that

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Speaker 2: if you are pregnant right now or you have really

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Speaker 2: literly little kids, we're gonna give you some fun stuff

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Speaker 2: to look forward to.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so, Sarah, why don't you go first?

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Speaker 2: I try to go kind of in age order, but

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Speaker 2: well not exactly edge order, but we're gonna start with

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Speaker 2: babyish stuff. So when they can buckle their own car seat,

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Speaker 2: it's amazing, Like they don't even have to be able

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Speaker 2: to like fully like get in themselves. But even if

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Speaker 2: they can kind of like help buckle it, or they

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Speaker 2: get to the point maybe when they used to fight

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Speaker 2: you in buckling it and they'll cooperate, Like when that

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Speaker 2: hole getting in the car thing becomes easier, it is

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Speaker 2: definitely something to celebrate.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Yeah, getting in the car independently is a huge milestone.

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Speaker 1: It just makes getting out the door that much easier

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Speaker 1: with that. Switching from like the full on car seats

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Speaker 1: to a booster seat. When you can do that, it's

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Speaker 1: each of day around four in a lot of states,

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Speaker 1: is huge because it's just something that's more portable and

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Speaker 1: then you can take a portable one with you or

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Speaker 1: like rent it or buy one even if you need

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Speaker 1: to in a destination. I mean, it's just so much

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Speaker 1: easier than a huge car seat that you have to

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Speaker 1: deal with when they don't need a booster seat at all.

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Speaker 1: Even more so, you're like, any car is ours. We

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Speaker 1: can get in any car. It is wild.

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Speaker 2: Like Annabel is like fully my height, and I think

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Speaker 2: almost done growing. And now she sits in the front seat,

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Speaker 2: which is legal where we live, and it's like wow,

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Speaker 2: Like if I can sit in the front seat, she

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Speaker 2: can sit in the front seat, and it's kind of amazing. Okay,

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Speaker 2: Now I'm like nervous about car safety people, so please

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Speaker 2: look up your local laws, weigh your pros and cons.

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Speaker 2: But when you feel it is safe and it is legal,

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Speaker 2: it is really nice when your kids graduate from one

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Speaker 2: step of protection in the car to.

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Speaker 1: The next one. Yeah, well, if they are your size

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Speaker 1: one would hope. I mean, we don't have laws against

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Speaker 1: like small women driving cars, like at least not yet.

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Speaker 3: Not yet.

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Speaker 2: I hope I don't have to give up my driving privileges. Sorry,

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Speaker 2: you're not five three, You're done? All right, next one, Sarah,

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Speaker 2: all right? When they can talk and express their frustration,

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Speaker 2: this one is amazing. And I mean, obviously it's not

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Speaker 2: going to be hit at the same time for every kid.

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Speaker 2: We had some kids that were talking at eighteen months

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Speaker 2: and others that were like three, so you know your

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Speaker 2: mileage is going to vary. But man, once they can

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Speaker 2: kind of say what they want and not like turn

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Speaker 2: into like a puddle of tears because they can't express that,

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Speaker 2: like they want the cheese slices instead of the peanut

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Speaker 2: butter or something like that, then just makes everything so

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Speaker 2: much easier.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, like when the kids don't just cry because I mean,

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Speaker 1: when you got a little kid, you'll be in a

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Speaker 1: car trip and they start crying because they're uncomfortable or

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Speaker 1: they are want to get out of the car, and

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Speaker 1: you do too, but you can't cry like that. So

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Speaker 1: it's just the crying is something you didn't have to

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Speaker 1: deal with because people, especially if you're in public, people

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Speaker 1: don't like to listen to it, and it just makes

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Speaker 1: every situation more stressful. There's a five year old cries

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Speaker 1: for very specific reasons, right. They cry if they're upset

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Speaker 1: about something, they cry if they fell down, but they

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Speaker 1: don't just randomly cry. And I think that moment is

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Speaker 1: parenting milestone we don't necessarily talk about quite as much,

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Speaker 1: but it's there. It's as much as taking those first steps.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, and it can't happen a little bit gradually,

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Speaker 2: but then you'll kind of realize, like, we don't have

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Speaker 2: the sound of crying frequently in our house anymore.

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Speaker 1: And that's awesome.

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Speaker 2: And I'm not knocking any babies who cry like that

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Speaker 2: is a perfectly appropriate and acceptable response, pre communication, et cetera.

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Speaker 2: But man, it's nice to not have that be the

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Speaker 2: dominant soundtrack.

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Speaker 1: I will throw one in here, which is when the

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Speaker 1: child can actually follow a video woo. And I'm sure

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Speaker 1: there's all sorts of stuff about like putting kids on screens,

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Speaker 1: and I'm not saying that, you know, you want to

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Speaker 1: have your babies watching Teletubbies or whatever the thing is

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Speaker 1: for them now, but like when a three year old

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Speaker 1: could actually watch an episode of Dora and get it,

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Speaker 1: like what's happening, and so it actually entertains them. This

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Speaker 1: like opens up the possibility that you can like cook

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Speaker 1: dinner without a kid on your leg or something like that.

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Speaker 1: It just gives you a little bit of space, and

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Speaker 1: so I think that's a milestone that is worth celebrating too. Totally.

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Speaker 2: That's a good one and related because I think sometimes

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Speaker 2: it can be helpful for them to sit and watch

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Speaker 2: when you're in this phase. Is that like magic moment.

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Speaker 1: It's somewhere like.

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Speaker 2: Three ish fourish, Like I'm fuzzy on exactly what it is,

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Speaker 2: but when you're like, I don't have to follow this

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Speaker 2: kid around to prevent them from self harm because they're

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Speaker 2: gonna fall and hit their head or put something in

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Speaker 2: their mouth or like, I never had a perfectly babyproofed

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Speaker 2: house in part because I felt like, you can never

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Speaker 2: have a perfectly baby proof house, So what's the point

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Speaker 2: of having a mostly babyproof house and then like realizing

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Speaker 2: it's not perfect and having like I just felt like

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Speaker 2: we had to rely on like a lot of supervision

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Speaker 2: for a really long time. But when you don't have

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Speaker 2: to follow them around, it is magical. And I think

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Speaker 2: most of us can kind of like sense when that

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Speaker 2: moment has been reached.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, And it's unclear exactly when it is, And

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Speaker 1: if you went to somebody else's house, you might still

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Speaker 1: need to follow them around for a while, but there

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Speaker 1: is a moment, like when you can bring your kids

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Speaker 1: to someone's house and like if you're going for a

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Speaker 1: play date and you like that parent, like the two

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Speaker 1: of you could sit and talk in another room, right

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Speaker 1: and you don't have to be there right on top

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Speaker 1: of them, supervising the whole time. Yeah, that's a pretty

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Speaker 1: magical moment when that happens too, totally. Well, we're going

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Speaker 1: to take a quick break.

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Speaker 2: We're so enthusiapatistic about these moments, we're living all these

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Speaker 2: positive milestones. We will be right back with some more.

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Speaker 1: Well, we are back talking about positive parenting milestones. Things

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Speaker 1: you can be looking forward to if you have tiny

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Speaker 1: children who need constant supervision right now. Things that will

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Speaker 1: make your future feel bright. Just you wait, because it's

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Speaker 1: going to be great. So, Sarah, that wonderful world of

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Speaker 1: toilet independence. You guys achieved that at some point.

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Speaker 2: Oh yeah, when they can go to the bathroom on

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Speaker 2: their own, that is miraculous. And I'll even add when

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Speaker 2: we got to some point and this is gender specific

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Speaker 2: because like I'm talking more in public, but we got

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Speaker 2: to a point where like if I was like, had

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Speaker 2: all the kids and we were shopping and then Genevieve's

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Speaker 2: like I have to go to the bathroom, I can

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Speaker 2: ask Annabel to take her rather than like stopping all

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Speaker 2: the shopping and I'm checking out and like it's like no,

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Speaker 2: so or at a restaurant, maybe I'm like, oh, do

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Speaker 2: you guys both have to go and I can just

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Speaker 2: stay seated. Like, if you can have your older kid

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Speaker 2: help your younger kid go to the bathroom, that's like

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Speaker 2: an intermediate milestone before the complete independence.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I thought you were talking about, like actually helping

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Speaker 1: a small child in the bathroom. My older kids are

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Speaker 1: not that big about doing although in babysitting it has

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Speaker 1: happened that they have needed to help Henry with being

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Speaker 1: in the bathroom. But he's five now, so he's pretty

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Speaker 1: much there almost Sometimes it's more supervision rather than active. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: he wants supervision and like making sure that he washes

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Speaker 1: his hands and stuff like that. But yeah, when or

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Speaker 1: when you don't even know when your kids are going

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Speaker 1: to the bathroom like that is huge. And I was

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Speaker 1: laughing about this because we have all our pediatrician appointments

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Speaker 1: coming up in swift succession over the next month, and

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Speaker 1: one of the questions they always ask them is about

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Speaker 1: their bathroom habits. And some of the kids, like at

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Speaker 1: age nine or whatever, will turn to me and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I can't answer that, Like I have no idea what's

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Speaker 1: going on? You have to answer that, which is kind

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Speaker 1: of fun when you're not really aware of what is

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Speaker 1: going on totally.

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Speaker 2: And I will admit I know to ask the kids,

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Speaker 2: like I've learned as a clinician, like the parents don't know,

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Speaker 2: and sometimes crazy stuff is uncovered when you actually asked.

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Speaker 1: Well, okay, then find out who even knows what's what's

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Speaker 1: going to find out? But yes, if I guess, well,

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Speaker 1: you probably would know if your kid was going to

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Speaker 1: the bathroom like twelve times a day. Super would be

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Speaker 1: something that might come up in the course of your

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Speaker 1: day to day life. Okay, So restaurants though, like you

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Speaker 1: talked about having two kids go to the bathroom together

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Speaker 1: in a restaurant, even being in that restaurant is a milestone.

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Speaker 2: Right, yes, and not having ask for a special seat

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Speaker 2: and then lug the seat around the restaurant. But everyone

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Speaker 2: just going to sit down at a regular table, And yeah,

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Speaker 2: that moment when you're like, oh, going out to dinner

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Speaker 2: is fun again.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, somebody is just holding a baby who might be crying.

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Speaker 1: You have to walk around with them, or somebody's you know,

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Speaker 1: anxious to get out of the away from the table.

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Speaker 1: I mean, the older kids in my family are fun

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Speaker 1: to go out to eat with. Alex just doesn't eat,

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Speaker 1: so it's kind of not I mean, you know, he

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Speaker 1: won't be ordering something, so I sort of have to

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Speaker 1: just make sure he has eaten before we go, and

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Speaker 1: then I guess he can be on the iPad or

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Speaker 1: I can try to get him to talk or whatever,

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Speaker 1: but if he's not participating in the meal, that's sort

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Speaker 1: of its own thing. Henry is still a bit of

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Speaker 1: a loose cannon. So that's that's the reality of a

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Speaker 1: five year old. But it's getting better, Like we can

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Speaker 1: in fact sit in a restaurant and if we do

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Speaker 1: not eat immediately, it's not the end of the world.

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Speaker 2: Yes, they don't have to bring the you know something

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Speaker 2: out right away now. I think I remember a time

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Speaker 2: in our lives when we had I think both a

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Speaker 2: single stroller and a double stroller in the foyer of

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Speaker 2: our like not very big house in Miami Beach, and

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Speaker 2: I was like, someday these will not be taking up

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Speaker 2: half of our house. So I think it's really exciting

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Speaker 2: when you really can't imagine a use case for a

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Speaker 2: stroller anymore and you can give them away.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. I always remember as Henry was like three and

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Speaker 1: a half or four, and the stroller sort of migrated

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Speaker 1: from the front porch to the garage and never came

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Speaker 1: back out, and it was like, oh, okay, that's kind

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Speaker 1: of cool. Now, I'm not saying he always moves under

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Speaker 1: the power of his own ambulation, like Michael will carry him.

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Speaker 1: In various situations where he has declared that he does

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Speaker 1: not wish to walk anymore, he winds up up on

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Speaker 1: Michael's shoulders. So I could see a use case for

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Speaker 1: a stroller, but we tend not to take it with us.

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Speaker 1: We just rely on the fact that he's gonna walk,

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Speaker 1: or in that scenario he will wind up being carried

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Speaker 1: for a short distance, and at.

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Speaker 2: A certain point you're just gonna be like it would

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Speaker 2: be ridiculous, like seven, it would look crazy.

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Speaker 1: Like yeah, I mean like Michael can't carry Alex, Like

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Speaker 1: that doesn't work. Like maybe you could, but there'd be

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Speaker 1: like some back injuries coming out of it, And Michael's

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Speaker 1: going to tell me I guldgur him if I had to,

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Speaker 1: But yeah, no, it's like a small child yes, a

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Speaker 1: bigger child no. And there is a point where there

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Speaker 1: is no way you would ever be walking around with

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Speaker 1: the stroller because it would just be embarrassing for everyone involved.

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Speaker 2: Next one is when they can read without it being

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Speaker 2: an onerous chour.

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Speaker 3: And we're not.

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Speaker 2: Totally there yet with everybody in the family, but we

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Speaker 2: are so close. And you know, reading isn't fun when

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Speaker 2: you're still sounding out every word. It's just like your

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Speaker 2: kid's not going to lose themselves in a book when

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Speaker 2: it takes a minute to like you have to ask

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Speaker 2: for help with every third word. So this is when

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Speaker 2: I'm not we're not quite there, but I'm very much

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Speaker 2: looking forward to and I've seen it happen with my

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Speaker 2: big kids, so I know it can.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and even just when kids can read in general,

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Speaker 1: because then they can deal with like the world on

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Speaker 1: its like there are things that come with instructions, or

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Speaker 1: there are things that sign a sign, or if you're

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Speaker 1: turning on a television, seeing what the thing is that

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Speaker 1: it says on there, or you know, there's just reading

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Speaker 1: is obviously useful. Literacy is a helpful skill. That's why

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Speaker 1: we learn it. But it's just one other way that

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Speaker 1: they can entertain themselves. And I think one of the

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Speaker 1: reasons small kids wind up on screens a lot is

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Speaker 1: because they can watch a show and can't read, whereas

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Speaker 1: there becomes a point when they're six, seven, eight that

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Speaker 1: they start to become a more fluid reader, and then

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Speaker 1: things that are printed become as interesting as some of

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Speaker 1: the shows, and so it can wind up being a

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Speaker 1: bit more of a balance, and you may not have

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Speaker 1: to build up more of that habit if they have

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Speaker 1: developed more of an interest in shows and movies and

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Speaker 1: things like that. But I think it's doable. And one

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Speaker 1: of the things we do is they carve out time

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Speaker 1: in the evening where people can't have their screens and

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Speaker 1: so they can stay up if they want, but they're

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Speaker 1: going to be reading, and hopefully that helps build the habit.

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Speaker 2: Yes, well here is a fun one when they can

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Speaker 2: take their own shower and or wash their own hair.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, this is I mean, and there's It's an interesting

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Speaker 1: thing what age like kids stop wanting you to be

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Speaker 1: involved with it at all. And we talked about this

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Speaker 1: in another episode of It, being around ten or eleven,

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Speaker 1: that they like actually start really not wanting you anywhere

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Speaker 1: near them while they are bathing or taking care of

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Speaker 1: other personal things, whether that's changing or something else. And

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Speaker 1: so it's interesting to watch that as a milestone. But

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Speaker 1: what that also means is that you're not involved in

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Speaker 1: the bathing process. Now, that can be a double edged sword,

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Speaker 1: because my experience is that some tween boys are good

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Speaker 1: about deciding to shower on a regular basis. Some just

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Speaker 1: don't think it needs to be a priority, and so

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Speaker 1: wouldn't if you were not more actively involved in making

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Speaker 1: sure it happens. So you know, you need to go

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Speaker 1: in and tell them to do it, even if you

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Speaker 1: are not actively supervising the process.

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Speaker 2: I feel like your problem is you don't live in

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Speaker 2: a hot enough climate with kids that play sports outside,

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Speaker 2: because it's like you could not poss I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I feel like there are I mean just from being

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Speaker 1: around other tween boys too. You know that, like not everyone,

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Speaker 1: it's not a natural thing. Like the overlap of when

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Speaker 1: you need to shower daily and when you decide to

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Speaker 1: shower daily is not always immediately. You know, those milestones

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Speaker 1: don't actually happen at the same time all the time.

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Speaker 1: Oh my goodness.

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Speaker 2: And even before they don't want you in there, there's

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Speaker 2: a point where you can send them like it's so

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Speaker 2: much nicer to be on vacation and be like Genevieve,

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Speaker 2: go take a shower. Versus like, Okay, I'm gonna have

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Speaker 2: to micromanage this shower like you, especially when they don't

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Speaker 2: have a tub or something like that in a hotel room.

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Speaker 1: It's just nice. Yeah, no, very very true. And with

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Speaker 1: that doing their own hair, I mean this is less

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Speaker 1: of a thing for me. I guess you have multiple girls, yeah,

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Speaker 1: do not do her own hair.

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Speaker 2: So like I have one kid who is like Annaba

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Speaker 2: broke her finger and I had to do her hair

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Speaker 2: and I was like, wow, I really haven't done this

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Speaker 2: in many, many years, Like I don't know when this happened,

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Speaker 2: but I have not been doing your hair. And she

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Speaker 2: does her hair quite nice, so you probably better than

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Speaker 2: I do. So yeah, that that one's big because that

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Speaker 2: can be time consuming and sometimes not the most quality

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Speaker 2: time you're spending with your kid because you're trying to.

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Speaker 1: Brush out knots, and not everybody enjoys that. So yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: Well I have four boys who have chosen to wear

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Speaker 1: their hair more on the shorter side. If somebody wanted

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Speaker 1: to wear their hair longer, I would be all right

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Speaker 1: with that, but you know, they've generally been fine with

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Speaker 1: it being on the shorter side, which means there's never

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Speaker 1: been any doing the hair. I mean, you know, I

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Speaker 1: wash Henry's hair in the bath when he takes one,

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Speaker 1: And that's about the extent of my hair involvement.

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Speaker 3: Now.

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Speaker 1: Obviously Ruth was at some point a smaller girl with

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Speaker 1: longer hair, but I guess I was never really that

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Speaker 1: kind of mom. Her hair is pretty fine, as these

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Speaker 1: says they say us.

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Speaker 2: The hair type thing, because my kid's hair would be

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Speaker 2: like in a big snarl, that would like we'd have

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Speaker 2: to cut it off their head.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: No, I mean as long as it was washed fairly

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Speaker 1: regularly and then brushed, and then you know, you could

436
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:56,879
Speaker 1: put it in a ponytail or whatever. I don't have

437
00:20:56,960 --> 00:21:00,000
Speaker 1: the skill to braid things extensively. We've had a few

438
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:03,399
Speaker 1: you nanny's and babysitters over the years who have much

439
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:05,920
Speaker 1: better expertise in that area, and they've done some cool

440
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:08,760
Speaker 1: things with her hair. But that's one thing where I

441
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:13,199
Speaker 1: could just admire other people's skills. And when she's with me,

442
00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:14,960
Speaker 1: it's in a ponytail. But now she's old enough she

443
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:17,080
Speaker 1: does her own things. Obviously she's thirteen, she's been doing

444
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:19,000
Speaker 1: her own hair for years. Love it.

445
00:21:19,640 --> 00:21:22,199
Speaker 2: How about when they can engage in conversation and you're like,

446
00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:25,159
Speaker 2: this is like a fun dinner party, Like I'm actually

447
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:30,880
Speaker 2: having like a real thoughtful conversation and valuing your interesting perspectives.

448
00:21:31,000 --> 00:21:32,560
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, when you could talk to your kids and

449
00:21:32,600 --> 00:21:35,440
Speaker 1: it's not like you're talking to a kid, like you're

450
00:21:35,440 --> 00:21:38,359
Speaker 1: actually having a conversation with a person. Yeah, Yeah, that's

451
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:43,120
Speaker 1: a milestone that kind of sneaks up on you and

452
00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:46,480
Speaker 1: you realize, like, hey, we're hanging out in the kitchen

453
00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:49,639
Speaker 1: having a conversation, like two normal people having like this.

454
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:52,639
Speaker 1: You know, I was cooking with Ruth the other daily baking.

455
00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:54,520
Speaker 1: I'm sort of like this is almost like, you know,

456
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:57,280
Speaker 1: if I had a girlfriend here baking something with me.

457
00:21:58,200 --> 00:22:01,800
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously we're still parent a child, but you're

458
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:04,840
Speaker 1: just having a fun conversation with each other, enjoying the time.

459
00:22:05,760 --> 00:22:09,320
Speaker 1: And yeah, that can kind of sneak up on you too. Now,

460
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:11,800
Speaker 1: some children are more introverted than others, so it could

461
00:22:11,800 --> 00:22:14,679
Speaker 1: be harder to engage some people in a conversation than others.

462
00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:17,879
Speaker 1: But you know, if it's a topic they like, and

463
00:22:17,920 --> 00:22:19,360
Speaker 1: so if you do the work to figure that out,

464
00:22:19,400 --> 00:22:21,280
Speaker 1: then you can have a really cool conversation with them too.

465
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:24,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, or they may know a lot more about something

466
00:22:24,440 --> 00:22:26,200
Speaker 2: than you do all of a sudden, and you're like, oh,

467
00:22:26,280 --> 00:22:29,280
Speaker 2: I will learn from this tween or teen, like that's amazing.

468
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:31,679
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's awesome. All right, Well let's take one more

469
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:33,359
Speaker 1: quick ad break and then we'll be back with some

470
00:22:33,359 --> 00:22:48,960
Speaker 1: more positive parenting milestones. We'll be all right back to

471
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:51,119
Speaker 1: the kitchen. Yeah, yeah, back to the kitchen, Sarah. What

472
00:22:51,359 --> 00:22:53,040
Speaker 1: else is a milestone for you in the kitchen?

473
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:55,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, when they can cook and they like it legitimately

474
00:22:56,080 --> 00:23:00,359
Speaker 2: is good. Cameron is like the omelet master in our house. Actually,

475
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:03,880
Speaker 2: to be honest, he's surpassing. But I think in terms of,

476
00:23:03,920 --> 00:23:06,720
Speaker 2: like she's going to a cooking camp this summer, so

477
00:23:06,760 --> 00:23:08,480
Speaker 2: I don't know, like like.

478
00:23:08,480 --> 00:23:11,000
Speaker 1: You can have them compete this summer. You could be

479
00:23:11,040 --> 00:23:15,240
Speaker 1: the happy beneficiary of that exactly. Yeah. No, I mean

480
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:18,960
Speaker 1: I have enjoyed, like Ruth will do baking projects and

481
00:23:18,960 --> 00:23:20,880
Speaker 1: things like that. But even just when the kids are

482
00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:24,360
Speaker 1: able to produce their own food when they are hungry

483
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:28,439
Speaker 1: and it doesn't have to involve you, Now, for some

484
00:23:28,600 --> 00:23:32,840
Speaker 1: children this would lead to only eating crackers. So even

485
00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:35,919
Speaker 1: if they are technically old enough to be producing some

486
00:23:35,960 --> 00:23:38,000
Speaker 1: of their own food, you sort of have to monitor it.

487
00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:41,359
Speaker 1: But yeah, like if you know your teenage boys get

488
00:23:41,440 --> 00:23:44,080
Speaker 1: hungry all the time, there's just like I don't know,

489
00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:46,280
Speaker 1: it's like six meals a day or something, but they

490
00:23:47,280 --> 00:23:49,240
Speaker 1: I don't have to be responsible for most of them.

491
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:51,919
Speaker 1: You know, if you get hungry, you just scramble yourself eggs,

492
00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:56,040
Speaker 1: or you make yourself mac and cheese, or you start

493
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:58,919
Speaker 1: the oven and make a pizza. I mean, there's just

494
00:23:58,960 --> 00:24:00,720
Speaker 1: all sorts of things you can do on your own,

495
00:24:00,880 --> 00:24:06,119
Speaker 1: and that milestone is excellent. I still cooking family dinners

496
00:24:06,119 --> 00:24:08,960
Speaker 1: a lot of time, but yeah, other extra meal food

497
00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:11,040
Speaker 1: is not necessarily your concern.

498
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:14,040
Speaker 2: No, It's true, like on the weekends, I don't necessarily

499
00:24:14,040 --> 00:24:16,520
Speaker 2: know what the bigger kids eat for lunch. Yeah yeah,

500
00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:18,879
Speaker 2: but genevieb iy do and it takes work and it's fine.

501
00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:22,480
Speaker 2: But like, yeah, interesting to know that that changes, all right?

502
00:24:22,720 --> 00:24:28,399
Speaker 1: Driving double edged sword, Yeah, well that's that's kind of

503
00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:31,280
Speaker 1: a ways beyond all of these just I mean, because

504
00:24:31,280 --> 00:24:33,199
Speaker 1: of the laws on it, and I think in a

505
00:24:33,200 --> 00:24:35,840
Speaker 1: lot of states it's more graduated licensing. So even if

506
00:24:36,359 --> 00:24:39,160
Speaker 1: so in some places people can get their license at sixteen,

507
00:24:40,000 --> 00:24:42,879
Speaker 1: in some other states you can get Like in Pennsylvania,

508
00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:44,639
Speaker 1: you can get a permit at sixteen, and then you

509
00:24:44,720 --> 00:24:47,040
Speaker 1: have to have six months of driving experience before you

510
00:24:47,040 --> 00:24:49,679
Speaker 1: can get your license, So it winds up happening a

511
00:24:49,680 --> 00:24:54,520
Speaker 1: little bit later than it might have elsewhere. But yeah,

512
00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:59,560
Speaker 1: I mean, just having another driver opens up another dimension.

513
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:01,720
Speaker 1: Often I think of the schedules of many people and

514
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 1: going lots of places being somewhat like chess here you

515
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:07,680
Speaker 1: have to like think through the various moves. But when

516
00:25:07,680 --> 00:25:12,280
Speaker 1: you have another driver, it just opens up another angle

517
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:14,359
Speaker 1: that you can take. And so it's like having a

518
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,359
Speaker 1: kid who can stay home alone, or a kid who

519
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:19,520
Speaker 1: can stay home with a younger sibling. It just adds

520
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:22,520
Speaker 1: a level of flexibility that makes the game a lot

521
00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:27,119
Speaker 1: easier to figure out. And so like when Michael and

522
00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:30,160
Speaker 1: I were going out for something on a Friday night

523
00:25:30,440 --> 00:25:36,960
Speaker 1: and we had left Michael and Ruth and no not

524
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 1: my sorry, Jasper and Ruth and Alex were at home,

525
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:43,160
Speaker 1: and now Henry was off he has a Friday night sitter,

526
00:25:43,560 --> 00:25:46,959
Speaker 1: but they were off at her place, right, so, and

527
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,080
Speaker 1: Sam was off at something and I was like, well,

528
00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:50,639
Speaker 1: are we going to make it back from this thing

529
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:52,119
Speaker 1: where we are at at a time, and then I'm like,

530
00:25:52,280 --> 00:25:55,920
Speaker 1: but we don't have to be I could send Jasper

531
00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:58,600
Speaker 1: out to get Sam and Ruth would still be there

532
00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:01,600
Speaker 1: with Alex. It's like I have the babysitter and I

533
00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:04,920
Speaker 1: have the driver and it's all good. Like it's new vistas.

534
00:26:05,040 --> 00:26:08,440
Speaker 1: New vistas have opened up in terms of figuring out

535
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:12,160
Speaker 1: everyone's schedule. Of course, I mean that the driving can

536
00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:14,600
Speaker 1: go wrong. I mean, knock on woods. I know people

537
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:18,240
Speaker 1: have had many things happen obviously, you know, scary things.

538
00:26:18,240 --> 00:26:21,359
Speaker 1: They're even just like somebody hitting your mailbox, like let's

539
00:26:21,440 --> 00:26:23,919
Speaker 1: you know, there's many many options that can happen with

540
00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:28,080
Speaker 1: a new drivers. But it is a milestone, and it

541
00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:31,240
Speaker 1: is if you have a well trained and safe driver,

542
00:26:31,280 --> 00:26:34,520
Speaker 1: which hopefully you are encouraging your young drivers to be

543
00:26:34,640 --> 00:26:37,160
Speaker 1: so in working with them to become so it does

544
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:39,480
Speaker 1: open up some possibilities as a milestone.

545
00:26:40,119 --> 00:26:42,960
Speaker 2: So kind of like on that note, teens in general,

546
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:46,480
Speaker 2: I can't comment much having no teens officially yet although

547
00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:48,640
Speaker 2: very soon, but you have a bunch, so.

548
00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:52,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love teenagers. I think they're great, and it's

549
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:54,680
Speaker 1: not just because they're my kids, like I actually really

550
00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:56,760
Speaker 1: kind of like their friends too. I mean you know,

551
00:26:57,280 --> 00:27:00,119
Speaker 1: they're just good kids that have chosen friends well for

552
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:03,439
Speaker 1: the most part. But I think it's like there are

553
00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:06,479
Speaker 1: a lot of really cool young people out there in

554
00:27:06,520 --> 00:27:09,359
Speaker 1: the world, and it's so exciting to get the see

555
00:27:09,359 --> 00:27:12,640
Speaker 1: them develop their own personalities and figure out their way

556
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:15,680
Speaker 1: in the world and what they want to do. And

557
00:27:15,720 --> 00:27:19,280
Speaker 1: they're not quite as jaded as older people in Cynical

558
00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:22,119
Speaker 1: and so that's sort of fun. And yeah, they had

559
00:27:22,119 --> 00:27:24,240
Speaker 1: still their lives in front of them, and I really

560
00:27:25,080 --> 00:27:27,040
Speaker 1: enjoy that. And I think this is a key thing

561
00:27:27,040 --> 00:27:29,160
Speaker 1: because a lot of the just You Wait is about

562
00:27:29,480 --> 00:27:33,680
Speaker 1: how teenagers are going to be terrible, and I think

563
00:27:33,760 --> 00:27:37,639
Speaker 1: in some ways I've really lucked out. I also really

564
00:27:37,680 --> 00:27:39,959
Speaker 1: make a point, and this is more conscious of not

565
00:27:40,000 --> 00:27:43,560
Speaker 1: getting upset about little things, and I think that can

566
00:27:43,600 --> 00:27:47,359
Speaker 1: help a lot if you want to enjoy the teenage

567
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:52,800
Speaker 1: years more like getting upset about dishes. Being in a bedroom,

568
00:27:52,880 --> 00:27:56,840
Speaker 1: for instance, might not be really worth getting upset about.

569
00:27:57,119 --> 00:28:00,760
Speaker 1: Or I'm trying to think of other things. It wouldn't

570
00:28:00,760 --> 00:28:04,400
Speaker 1: be so specific here, but you know, like one bad

571
00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:08,360
Speaker 1: grade is not the end of the world, or if

572
00:28:08,400 --> 00:28:12,080
Speaker 1: somebody if you have booked something wonderful for the child

573
00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:14,159
Speaker 1: and the first phrase out of their mouth is not

574
00:28:14,840 --> 00:28:17,960
Speaker 1: thank you, wonderful mother. I am so appreciative of this.

575
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:20,200
Speaker 1: It's sort of more of a grunt because they're still

576
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:22,280
Speaker 1: focused on something else. You don't need to fly off

577
00:28:22,320 --> 00:28:24,239
Speaker 1: the handle about that either. You can just trust that

578
00:28:24,560 --> 00:28:26,399
Speaker 1: in a little bit they'll be more excited about it,

579
00:28:26,400 --> 00:28:29,520
Speaker 1: and you just wait for that. Life with teenagers is great.

580
00:28:30,160 --> 00:28:32,760
Speaker 2: Another major game changer has been the moment when I

581
00:28:32,800 --> 00:28:34,920
Speaker 2: feel like I can leave the kids at home without

582
00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:38,360
Speaker 2: getting a babysitter, even just for like a short like oh,

583
00:28:38,400 --> 00:28:40,880
Speaker 2: I'm dropping one kid off it sports practice, and I

584
00:28:40,920 --> 00:28:43,000
Speaker 2: can leave the other two home. And that's been relatively

585
00:28:43,040 --> 00:28:46,600
Speaker 2: recent for us, and I've been surprised at how life

586
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 2: changing and freeing it feels. And as someone who has

587
00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:51,920
Speaker 2: a lot of childcare already, I can only imagine it

588
00:28:51,960 --> 00:28:56,000
Speaker 2: being amazing when you don't have someone that you're hiring

589
00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:56,520
Speaker 2: full time.

590
00:28:57,440 --> 00:29:01,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean this is it's certainly been something for us.

591
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:03,480
Speaker 1: It probably took me longer to get to this point.

592
00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:05,680
Speaker 1: And I don't know if it's just because, well, partly,

593
00:29:06,240 --> 00:29:09,080
Speaker 1: Jasper turned sort of babysitting age during COVID, so we

594
00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:11,920
Speaker 1: weren't really going as many places during that time as

595
00:29:11,960 --> 00:29:14,400
Speaker 1: we might have anyway, for like the first two years

596
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:17,640
Speaker 1: until I was like fourteen, fifteen years old, and then

597
00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:19,240
Speaker 1: I hadn't really and we still had a very little

598
00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:21,120
Speaker 1: kid at that point, and so I'm not sure. You know,

599
00:29:21,120 --> 00:29:23,200
Speaker 1: a lot of teenage babysitters did not that big on

600
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:27,120
Speaker 1: following a toddler everywhere and changing diapers and things like that.

601
00:29:27,240 --> 00:29:31,560
Speaker 1: But once Henry was potty trained, I was like, oh wait,

602
00:29:31,760 --> 00:29:37,160
Speaker 1: I actually have at this point three babysitters in the house,

603
00:29:37,760 --> 00:29:42,240
Speaker 1: and especially if they trade off, it is much more

604
00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:46,520
Speaker 1: feasible for them to do even reasonable stretches of time.

605
00:29:46,760 --> 00:29:50,920
Speaker 1: And we haven't been gone that long with them just

606
00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:53,920
Speaker 1: because of we're still getting our heads around the idea.

607
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:56,640
Speaker 1: But so I would say the max was like Michael

608
00:29:56,640 --> 00:29:58,280
Speaker 1: and my going out to dinner for a while, and

609
00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:00,800
Speaker 1: then huge, but that was cuge. You know, we'd go

610
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:03,600
Speaker 1: local in case we needed to get home, but it

611
00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:08,400
Speaker 1: was like a major milestone. And then like this winter,

612
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:11,560
Speaker 1: We're taking Sam with us to go to one of

613
00:30:11,600 --> 00:30:14,240
Speaker 1: the Eagles games, and I had booked a sitter because

614
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:15,920
Speaker 1: I was like, Okay, well it's gonna be six hours,

615
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:17,600
Speaker 1: Like that's kind of a long time to ask the

616
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:20,160
Speaker 1: other kids, so you know, especially it's their weekend like it.

617
00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:23,680
Speaker 1: But then she got sick and I was like, Okay,

618
00:30:23,720 --> 00:30:26,720
Speaker 1: what do I do? And so I was like, okay, guys,

619
00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:29,440
Speaker 1: you too, split it. Jasper and Ruth, you guys can

620
00:30:29,440 --> 00:30:31,560
Speaker 1: split it so you could both go do something else

621
00:30:31,640 --> 00:30:35,240
Speaker 1: if you want to during the other three hours, and

622
00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:39,480
Speaker 1: I will pay you like a good going rate for

623
00:30:39,560 --> 00:30:42,640
Speaker 1: a sitter. And so they did it and it was fine,

624
00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:46,680
Speaker 1: Like it was absolutely fine, and you know, I checked

625
00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:49,200
Speaker 1: in with them by phone on occasion, but you know,

626
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:52,440
Speaker 1: we were able to be gone for that amount of

627
00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:55,240
Speaker 1: time and Henry was fine and he even got dinner.

628
00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:58,960
Speaker 1: They made him dinner, so like, yay, yeah, it worked.

629
00:30:59,160 --> 00:30:59,520
Speaker 1: It worked.

630
00:30:59,560 --> 00:31:03,040
Speaker 2: I mean because they're definitely old enough to babysit other kids.

631
00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:05,840
Speaker 1: We were sitting it totally be higher. I was babysitting

632
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:08,720
Speaker 1: for all sorts of people and like by seventeen, yeah,

633
00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:11,720
Speaker 1: I mean, that's like definitely old enough to do. But

634
00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:13,160
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's just like you don't have your

635
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:16,080
Speaker 1: own mindset of that, and then you realize, oh, yeah,

636
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:18,959
Speaker 1: they are like definitely old enough to be doing this.

637
00:31:19,160 --> 00:31:19,840
Speaker 1: That is awesome.

638
00:31:20,720 --> 00:31:22,400
Speaker 2: How about sleeping in on weekends.

639
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:24,840
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, we don't get to a milestone. You

640
00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:27,760
Speaker 1: should definitely, although we joke about this because I feel

641
00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:31,240
Speaker 1: like a lot of adults, just as your children starts

642
00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:34,360
Speaker 1: sleeping in on the weekend, like you become unable to

643
00:31:34,360 --> 00:31:36,240
Speaker 1: sleep in anymore. Like you are.

644
00:31:37,480 --> 00:31:39,920
Speaker 2: I could sleep in still, like, because I get up

645
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:41,240
Speaker 2: so early the rest of the time if I want

646
00:31:41,240 --> 00:31:42,600
Speaker 2: to sleep in, And when I say sleep in, I

647
00:31:42,640 --> 00:31:46,720
Speaker 2: mean like eight yeah, But I mean don't don't you

648
00:31:46,800 --> 00:31:47,120
Speaker 2: have to.

649
00:31:47,080 --> 00:31:50,120
Speaker 1: Like go to the bathroom after like seven and a

650
00:31:50,160 --> 00:31:51,120
Speaker 1: half hours?

651
00:31:51,680 --> 00:31:51,840
Speaker 3: No.

652
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:54,040
Speaker 2: I mean I feel like sometimes I would go to

653
00:31:54,080 --> 00:31:56,480
Speaker 2: about them earlier so I could really fall back asleep.

654
00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:58,280
Speaker 2: But I guess what I'm getting at is we're not

655
00:31:58,320 --> 00:32:00,000
Speaker 2: there because Genevieve always wakes up like.

656
00:32:02,080 --> 00:32:04,080
Speaker 1: Well, and a lot of people sort of circadian rhythms

657
00:32:04,080 --> 00:32:06,200
Speaker 1: shift as they become older. That's why we joke about

658
00:32:06,200 --> 00:32:09,680
Speaker 1: like senior citizens having dinner at four thirty because they're up,

659
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:11,120
Speaker 1: you know, early in the morning, so the day is

660
00:32:11,160 --> 00:32:14,800
Speaker 1: like over by seven pm. But it's true, like your

661
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:16,840
Speaker 1: circadian rhythms do shift, and so around the time that

662
00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:19,680
Speaker 1: your kids are sleeping in, you develop like you can't

663
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:23,080
Speaker 1: sleep in anymore, and it's sort of annoying that is,

664
00:32:23,480 --> 00:32:26,320
Speaker 1: I can still sleep till about like eight. Yeah, I

665
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:28,440
Speaker 1: can make it to eight, and your kids do too.

666
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:32,640
Speaker 1: That kids do too, So on a weekend morning, if

667
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:34,680
Speaker 1: we don't have to be anywhere early, which is its

668
00:32:34,680 --> 00:32:36,560
Speaker 1: own thing, like there are all sorts of ridiculous like

669
00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:39,040
Speaker 1: tournaments that start at seven thirty in the morning. But

670
00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:41,840
Speaker 1: if we don't have to be somewhere and I don't

671
00:32:41,880 --> 00:32:44,280
Speaker 1: set an alarm, like I will probably wake up on

672
00:32:44,320 --> 00:32:46,200
Speaker 1: my own and it won't necessarily be a kid that's

673
00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:48,400
Speaker 1: waking me up, Like I will probably be up before

674
00:32:48,440 --> 00:32:50,360
Speaker 1: anyone else in the household, and that's kind of huge,

675
00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:52,440
Speaker 1: or even just during the week, like the fact that

676
00:32:52,440 --> 00:32:54,800
Speaker 1: I'm setting an alarm, like there was definitely a time

677
00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,240
Speaker 1: in my life where the alarm was kind of a

678
00:32:57,280 --> 00:33:00,080
Speaker 1: superfluous extra check on the morning to make sure that

679
00:33:00,120 --> 00:33:04,720
Speaker 1: we didn't completely miss school work whatever. But like Alex

680
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:06,560
Speaker 1: was up at five point forty five in the morning

681
00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:09,720
Speaker 1: for years, and now he is not. He's definitely not

682
00:33:09,800 --> 00:33:11,200
Speaker 1: up five, or if he is, he can go get

683
00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:13,320
Speaker 1: his own iPad and deal with it himself, Like it's

684
00:33:13,360 --> 00:33:14,120
Speaker 1: not my problem.

685
00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 2: This is oh my gosh, in those baby days, Like

686
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:17,560
Speaker 2: the first day that you get woken up by your

687
00:33:17,600 --> 00:33:20,920
Speaker 2: alarm instead of the baby, that is like so sweet.

688
00:33:21,520 --> 00:33:23,960
Speaker 1: Well, I heard a milestone from somebody who like actually

689
00:33:23,960 --> 00:33:26,560
Speaker 1: missed work, like maybe I were late to work one

690
00:33:26,560 --> 00:33:28,600
Speaker 1: morning because the first time it happened, like they were

691
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:32,000
Speaker 1: just not prepared for that reality that it could ever happen, right,

692
00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:34,120
Speaker 1: you know that the kids had been waking up for

693
00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:35,920
Speaker 1: so long, and then they're like and probably like, you

694
00:33:36,000 --> 00:33:42,000
Speaker 1: know what worth it? I'm seven thirty train. Yeah, so

695
00:33:42,280 --> 00:33:44,720
Speaker 1: it can happen. It will happen to you at some point,

696
00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:47,600
Speaker 1: so you know, eventually you do need to start setting

697
00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:50,640
Speaker 1: the alarm. But it's pretty sweet, all right.

698
00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:54,680
Speaker 3: Media, Like when kids shows don't stink when they want

699
00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:57,680
Speaker 3: to watch stuff that you actually want to watch, and

700
00:33:57,760 --> 00:34:00,920
Speaker 3: you're not just compromising because you know it'll keep every

701
00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:05,040
Speaker 3: kid happy, but you're actually legit interested in the TV

702
00:34:05,120 --> 00:34:06,320
Speaker 3: show or movie or whatever.

703
00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:10,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you guys all liked Wicked, for instance, right,

704
00:34:10,520 --> 00:34:11,279
Speaker 1: I mean I love that.

705
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:14,680
Speaker 2: I mean maybe that's a more kid angled one, but

706
00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:16,880
Speaker 2: I mean I legit wanted to see that, and legit

707
00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:20,880
Speaker 2: wanted to see it again, so that's a great example, yeah.

708
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:23,560
Speaker 1: For us. The upside is that when the kids have

709
00:34:23,560 --> 00:34:25,640
Speaker 1: gotten old enough to watch stuff with Michael that I

710
00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:29,520
Speaker 1: definitely do not want to watch, which is great because

711
00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:31,680
Speaker 1: then he can go to a superhero movie with somebody

712
00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:34,640
Speaker 1: who is not me, and if he wants to watch

713
00:34:35,120 --> 00:34:38,160
Speaker 1: Game of Thrones, which I really did not want to watch.

714
00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:40,520
Speaker 1: I don't like violence and stuff like that anyway. So

715
00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:44,360
Speaker 1: there have been teenage boys watching Game of Thrones with

716
00:34:44,480 --> 00:34:46,720
Speaker 1: him and they can all get into it and it's

717
00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:48,960
Speaker 1: not anything I need to deal with. So that's a

718
00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:51,400
Speaker 1: wonderful parenting milestone too, totally.

719
00:34:51,560 --> 00:34:53,440
Speaker 2: And for the record, I have not watched Game of

720
00:34:53,480 --> 00:34:56,719
Speaker 2: Thrones either. Oh no, okay. I have one last one

721
00:34:56,719 --> 00:34:58,840
Speaker 2: that I'm adding on, which is that you get to

722
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:00,680
Speaker 2: a point when your kid will be like, I'm sick

723
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:04,960
Speaker 2: on a school day and you're like, okay, because they

724
00:35:05,000 --> 00:35:08,040
Speaker 2: can stay home either by themselves or with you. And

725
00:35:08,120 --> 00:35:10,600
Speaker 2: that's spawned by the fact that Cameron is right now

726
00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:12,480
Speaker 2: homesick and I am sad that he's coughing, and I

727
00:35:12,560 --> 00:35:15,279
Speaker 2: feel bad, but I'm able to do the things I

728
00:35:15,320 --> 00:35:18,319
Speaker 2: need to do, versus back in the day i'd have

729
00:35:18,360 --> 00:35:21,520
Speaker 2: to call in more childcare. I mean, our nanny would come,

730
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:24,000
Speaker 2: but like I didn't even have to bother her.

731
00:35:24,040 --> 00:35:27,680
Speaker 1: It's like we're fine. Yeah, yeah, when older kids can

732
00:35:27,719 --> 00:35:29,000
Speaker 1: stay home, and I mean if they're not like a

733
00:35:29,080 --> 00:35:31,319
Speaker 1: death store. I mean, obviously, if somebody is like very

734
00:35:31,400 --> 00:35:33,440
Speaker 1: very ill, you probably want to be checking on them.

735
00:35:34,360 --> 00:35:38,720
Speaker 1: But yes, a cough or you know, sleeping off, tummy

736
00:35:38,719 --> 00:35:41,200
Speaker 1: troubles the day before is something that an older kid

737
00:35:41,239 --> 00:35:43,520
Speaker 1: can kind of deal with. On another OWD, and with that,

738
00:35:43,719 --> 00:35:46,040
Speaker 1: I would point out that there comes a point where

739
00:35:46,040 --> 00:35:49,080
Speaker 1: a child recognizes that they are about to be sick.

740
00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:55,279
Speaker 1: And that is a beautiful moment too. As we talk

741
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:59,520
Speaker 1: about the wonder of winter and the winter germs and

742
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:01,960
Speaker 1: the Nora virus thing that goes through your whole household,

743
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:04,959
Speaker 1: some children are able to recognize that's about to happen,

744
00:36:05,040 --> 00:36:07,279
Speaker 1: get themselves to a bathroom, and there's a lot less mess,

745
00:36:07,280 --> 00:36:08,040
Speaker 1: and that is wonderful.

746
00:36:08,239 --> 00:36:12,320
Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely one of the best milestones there.

747
00:36:11,960 --> 00:36:16,320
Speaker 1: Are those best milestones there possibly could be with parenting.

748
00:36:16,360 --> 00:36:20,080
Speaker 1: All right, So on that note, Sarah, moving on, we

749
00:36:20,160 --> 00:36:24,120
Speaker 1: can go ahead and get to our question for the week.

750
00:36:24,920 --> 00:36:27,280
Speaker 1: Do you want to read this? Do you want me to? Sure?

751
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 2: So this person, I'll summarize, right, they were listening to

752
00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:34,279
Speaker 2: our airtight task management episode. I wanted to know when

753
00:36:34,320 --> 00:36:36,640
Speaker 2: we get our personal and family task done, Like if

754
00:36:36,680 --> 00:36:38,840
Speaker 2: you had a task that might take a bunch of

755
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:40,920
Speaker 2: hours to complete, is this and after kids are in

756
00:36:40,960 --> 00:36:44,600
Speaker 2: bed on weekends kind of situation. This person's just kind

757
00:36:44,600 --> 00:36:46,200
Speaker 2: of wondering where to fit that in.

758
00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:49,440
Speaker 1: So Laura, yeah, well, this is definitely a problem for

759
00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:52,120
Speaker 1: It's a different answer if you have sort of flexible

760
00:36:52,200 --> 00:36:54,799
Speaker 1: job versus if you don't have a very flexible job.

761
00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:57,200
Speaker 1: And so I can tell you what I do, which

762
00:36:57,239 --> 00:36:59,480
Speaker 1: is I just put the bigger tasks on my priority

763
00:36:59,480 --> 00:37:01,759
Speaker 1: list for the and I just assigned them a time. So,

764
00:37:02,800 --> 00:37:05,000
Speaker 1: since I work for myself and it is often easier

765
00:37:05,040 --> 00:37:07,480
Speaker 1: to do these things when you are sitting at your

766
00:37:07,480 --> 00:37:10,200
Speaker 1: desk with your laptop, with your planner, with your phone,

767
00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:13,960
Speaker 1: I will probably do them during my work hours. I

768
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:17,680
Speaker 1: try to choose time that's not my peak focused creativity time.

769
00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:21,279
Speaker 1: Like when I had to send invitations to a kid's

770
00:37:21,360 --> 00:37:22,960
Speaker 1: birthday party and I had to look up a lot

771
00:37:23,000 --> 00:37:26,680
Speaker 1: of email addresses to get them on the paperless post invite.

772
00:37:27,239 --> 00:37:30,719
Speaker 1: I did that at like three thirty pm on an afternoon, right, like,

773
00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:33,360
Speaker 1: that was something I carved out time to do that for.

774
00:37:34,040 --> 00:37:36,399
Speaker 1: Then I keep a running punch list and I try

775
00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:39,600
Speaker 1: to get through those sometimes on Friday. Lately, I'm not

776
00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:42,480
Speaker 1: sure what's been happening. My Fridays have been had stuff

777
00:37:42,560 --> 00:37:45,120
Speaker 1: and they've been shorter than they should be, So I

778
00:37:45,120 --> 00:37:47,239
Speaker 1: don't know what's happening with that, but I will do

779
00:37:47,320 --> 00:37:49,120
Speaker 1: at some other point. I have my running punch list,

780
00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:51,560
Speaker 1: or even make myself a weekend to do list and

781
00:37:51,560 --> 00:37:52,879
Speaker 1: say there's you know, I'm going to do an hour

782
00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:56,000
Speaker 1: of work on this. If you have a less flexible job,

783
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:58,160
Speaker 1: obviously you cannot just you know, be like I'm going

784
00:37:58,239 --> 00:38:00,600
Speaker 1: to stop seeing patients at three thirty and do my

785
00:38:01,560 --> 00:38:04,000
Speaker 1: personal punch list, or I'm going to stop driving this

786
00:38:04,080 --> 00:38:07,520
Speaker 1: bus at four o'clock and do my personal punch list. Like, yeah,

787
00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:10,520
Speaker 1: obviously there's many things that this is not going to work.

788
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:13,000
Speaker 1: But I think it's important to recognize that it is

789
00:38:13,160 --> 00:38:15,239
Speaker 1: work and it does take time. So you do need

790
00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:17,920
Speaker 1: to build some time into your life so as you're

791
00:38:17,920 --> 00:38:19,759
Speaker 1: planning your week, you can kind of triosh keep a

792
00:38:19,840 --> 00:38:22,680
Speaker 1: running list and triosh what has to happen during business

793
00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:25,560
Speaker 1: hours and what does not. If there's something that doesn't

794
00:38:25,600 --> 00:38:27,680
Speaker 1: have to happen during business hours, you might try carving

795
00:38:27,680 --> 00:38:30,120
Speaker 1: out like thirty forty five minutes two evenings a week

796
00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:31,920
Speaker 1: or on the weekend when you're trading off with your

797
00:38:31,920 --> 00:38:34,759
Speaker 1: partner or whatever, that you do it. Then if it

798
00:38:34,800 --> 00:38:37,840
Speaker 1: does need to be during business hours, either dedicate a

799
00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:41,160
Speaker 1: lunch to it, or if your business hours don't entirely

800
00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:45,000
Speaker 1: overlap with like eight to five, Like maybe you start

801
00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:48,080
Speaker 1: work at nine, maybe you could do eight to nine

802
00:38:48,160 --> 00:38:49,680
Speaker 1: one morning a week where you get through some of

803
00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:52,359
Speaker 1: that stuff. Or if you work eight to four but

804
00:38:52,400 --> 00:38:54,160
Speaker 1: you can pick up your kids as late as five

805
00:38:54,280 --> 00:38:56,360
Speaker 1: thirty at daycare, maybe you carve out one day a

806
00:38:56,360 --> 00:38:58,360
Speaker 1: week where you do it from four to five thirty.

807
00:38:58,680 --> 00:39:01,600
Speaker 1: And you can't necessarily do it on your employer's equipment, right,

808
00:39:01,640 --> 00:39:02,759
Speaker 1: Like I'm not saying you have to do it on

809
00:39:02,800 --> 00:39:05,360
Speaker 1: your work computer, but like go somewhere, like go to

810
00:39:05,360 --> 00:39:07,799
Speaker 1: a coffee shop with your phone and your planner and

811
00:39:08,000 --> 00:39:10,400
Speaker 1: make it happen. That's what you can do.

812
00:39:10,600 --> 00:39:14,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, I my schedule is definitely less flexible,

813
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:16,759
Speaker 2: even on my flexible days, I think because I don't

814
00:39:16,760 --> 00:39:19,480
Speaker 2: have very many flexible days. My flexible days become really

815
00:39:19,560 --> 00:39:21,960
Speaker 2: unflexible really fast, because I booked.

816
00:39:21,640 --> 00:39:23,920
Speaker 1: Every interview and every thing and I can't move it.

817
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:26,640
Speaker 2: I do a lot of opportunists, and I feel like

818
00:39:26,640 --> 00:39:28,479
Speaker 2: the more urgent the thing is, the more I will

819
00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:31,240
Speaker 2: find a pocket time to get it done in. Sometimes

820
00:39:31,239 --> 00:39:33,319
Speaker 2: that's a weekend, like a weekend afternoon. It doesn't mean

821
00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:35,799
Speaker 2: we're only doing drudgery. There's still time to do fun

822
00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:39,440
Speaker 2: stuff and also get some work done. Sometimes it's lunchtime

823
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:42,319
Speaker 2: at work. Sometimes a patient will know show. So there

824
00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:45,120
Speaker 2: are probably equivalents to that, and whatever your industry is,

825
00:39:45,120 --> 00:39:47,240
Speaker 2: where you just have a pocket of time. Someone cancels

826
00:39:47,239 --> 00:39:48,960
Speaker 2: a meeting and you know what, if you work on

827
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:52,640
Speaker 2: that home thing for thirty minutes, probably you know it

828
00:39:52,640 --> 00:39:55,560
Speaker 2: wouldn't impact anything. And we know from our Patreon group

829
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:59,239
Speaker 2: that many full time, very corporate working women spend some

830
00:39:59,320 --> 00:40:00,000
Speaker 2: of that work time.

831
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:02,839
Speaker 1: I'm doing these personal things, so sometimes that will work.

832
00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:03,760
Speaker 1: Your mileage maybury.

833
00:40:03,960 --> 00:40:06,359
Speaker 2: And then also other pockets are like, oh, you're picking

834
00:40:06,440 --> 00:40:08,440
Speaker 2: up a kid at seven from dance, but you have

835
00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:10,000
Speaker 2: to drive across town and you don't want to go

836
00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:11,560
Speaker 2: home first. You're gonna be stuck in the car, so

837
00:40:11,640 --> 00:40:14,600
Speaker 2: like what can you get done? So looking for those

838
00:40:14,719 --> 00:40:18,000
Speaker 2: windows of opportunity and always kind of knowing what is

839
00:40:18,040 --> 00:40:20,360
Speaker 2: the most urgent so you can triage effectively.

840
00:40:21,280 --> 00:40:24,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, Sarah Love of the Week, What is

841
00:40:24,440 --> 00:40:25,799
Speaker 1: your love this week?

842
00:40:26,600 --> 00:40:29,560
Speaker 2: Well, this one is inspired by the topic, which is

843
00:40:29,600 --> 00:40:31,759
Speaker 2: that I love it when you're well.

844
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:33,880
Speaker 1: We had a great playground birthday party.

845
00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:35,719
Speaker 2: Not we we didn't throw it, but we attended one

846
00:40:35,920 --> 00:40:38,319
Speaker 2: where a I knew all the parents because the kids

847
00:40:38,320 --> 00:40:40,279
Speaker 2: have been together for years and be the kids are

848
00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:42,800
Speaker 2: all old enough that we could just let them entertain

849
00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:44,319
Speaker 2: themselves and they did and it was just.

850
00:40:44,239 --> 00:40:49,480
Speaker 1: Like super relaxing. Yeah, no, that's great. There's certain things

851
00:40:49,520 --> 00:40:55,719
Speaker 1: that make teen independence easier than others. Obviously, it's harder

852
00:40:55,719 --> 00:40:58,239
Speaker 1: if you're not in a walkable area because then they

853
00:40:58,239 --> 00:40:59,920
Speaker 1: have to drive in order to get around. So you

854
00:41:00,120 --> 00:41:03,640
Speaker 1: still providing rides places until they're sixteen and a half

855
00:41:03,760 --> 00:41:06,480
Speaker 1: or something, and so that sort of postpones things a

856
00:41:06,480 --> 00:41:08,440
Speaker 1: little bit. But one thing I have found makes it

857
00:41:08,480 --> 00:41:10,520
Speaker 1: convenient for kids to go places on their own if

858
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:13,160
Speaker 1: they need to pay for stuff is Apple Pay like

859
00:41:13,200 --> 00:41:16,359
Speaker 1: on their phones, just that you can put a credit

860
00:41:16,440 --> 00:41:18,200
Speaker 1: card on their phone. If they need it for something,

861
00:41:18,680 --> 00:41:20,880
Speaker 1: they can use it. And maybe there are things you

862
00:41:20,920 --> 00:41:24,000
Speaker 1: agree that they pay you back for, but they have

863
00:41:24,280 --> 00:41:27,160
Speaker 1: access to a payment tool at a time that they

864
00:41:27,239 --> 00:41:29,360
Speaker 1: might need it, So then you're not constantly asking do

865
00:41:29,400 --> 00:41:31,840
Speaker 1: you have cash on you? Like where kids don't like

866
00:41:31,880 --> 00:41:33,680
Speaker 1: to carry wallets or purses. I don't know what it

867
00:41:33,760 --> 00:41:38,520
Speaker 1: is kids these days, but so they don't have like

868
00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:40,640
Speaker 1: where are you putting your money? Like where would you

869
00:41:40,680 --> 00:41:43,560
Speaker 1: put your drivers? I said, I don't know anyway, But

870
00:41:44,560 --> 00:41:46,600
Speaker 1: that said, they at least have a way to pay

871
00:41:46,680 --> 00:41:49,440
Speaker 1: without a credit card falling out of their pocket or

872
00:41:49,560 --> 00:41:52,120
Speaker 1: cash falling out of their coat pocket or getting left

873
00:41:52,200 --> 00:41:55,560
Speaker 1: in the car wherever. So yeah, it's a benefit of it.

874
00:41:56,280 --> 00:41:58,239
Speaker 1: Love it all right? Well, this has been best of

875
00:41:58,320 --> 00:42:02,480
Speaker 1: both worlds. We are talking positive parenting milestones because just

876
00:42:02,560 --> 00:42:04,680
Speaker 1: you wait, it's gonna be great. We will be back

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00:42:04,719 --> 00:42:07,280
Speaker 1: next week with more on making work and life fit together.

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00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:12,160
Speaker 2: Thanks for listening. You can find me Sarah at the

879
00:42:12,160 --> 00:42:16,800
Speaker 2: shoebox dot com or at the Underscore Shoebox on Instagram,

880
00:42:17,000 --> 00:42:17,319
Speaker 2: and you.

881
00:42:17,280 --> 00:42:21,520
Speaker 1: Can find me Laura at Laura vandercam dot com. This

882
00:42:21,600 --> 00:42:24,839
Speaker 1: has been the best of both worlds. Podcasts. Please join

883
00:42:24,920 --> 00:42:27,680
Speaker 1: us next time for more on making work and life

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00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:28,480
Speaker 1: work together.