Speaker 1: Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio
Speaker 1: and The Black Effect.
Speaker 2: And just like that, we're back on the air.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to you another carefully reckless episode with your
Speaker 1: girl Jeffs hilarious.
Speaker 2: What I'll be doing, I'll be fixing mess.
Speaker 1: I want to also say, if you have not gotten
Speaker 1: your tickets for the second annual Black Effect podcast Hostibal,
Speaker 1: get your tickets.
Speaker 2: From event bright right now.
Speaker 1: I think the VIP is sold out and it's not
Speaker 1: too late to pitch your podcast. God, it's gonna be
Speaker 1: me live on that stage fixing people's mess.
Speaker 2: And look how I plan to do it.
Speaker 1: I literally am gonna pick people from the audience did
Speaker 1: on the spot. I don't have anything pre planned or
Speaker 1: anything like that, because I feel like that's when I
Speaker 1: thrive best. When I fix people's mess on the spot.
Speaker 1: That's how I do it on Breakfast Club, That's how
Speaker 1: I do it. When I'm picking these stories, I don't
Speaker 1: even read through all of the story as you can see,
Speaker 1: because in the past so I got frustrated reading that shit.
Speaker 1: Maybe I should pre read or you know, pre pick
Speaker 1: for the episodes, because I'll be irritated a shit when
Speaker 1: y'all can't spell, but that's the game. But I'm taking
Speaker 1: But just because you can spell, don't mean I can't
Speaker 1: fix your mass all right, So I want to let
Speaker 1: y'all know y'all can still send voice memos whenever y'all
Speaker 1: would like.
Speaker 2: But if y'all don't, I do understand.
Speaker 1: But please, if I mess up your story, it's because
Speaker 1: you're rote it wrong, all right. Now, speaking of voice memos,
Speaker 1: we don't have any, so people are still writing me stuff,
Speaker 1: So I'm just gonna jump straight into it. Hija's my
Speaker 1: husband and I have been married for four years. I
Speaker 1: know my husband like the back of my hand. He's
Speaker 1: my best friend. We were even best friends before we
Speaker 1: got together. Recently, I noticed change in him. He would
Speaker 1: really just kind of walk around the house kind of
Speaker 1: sluggish and not really have that big smile on his
Speaker 1: face like he normally did. I feel like he's bored
Speaker 1: with our relationship. I want to do things that'll bring
Speaker 1: the spark back for him and just simply remind him
Speaker 1: why we fell in love or why he fall in
Speaker 1: love with me in the first place. Any suggestions on
Speaker 1: how I can keep this man happy? Well, look, that
Speaker 1: was very short and simple, like what else is he feeling?
Speaker 1: Did something recently happen? I feel like it's something that
Speaker 1: you're leaving out. It could be a number of reasons,
Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like is he still giving
Speaker 1: you that sexual attention that you need that women long
Speaker 1: for me because we're still human? Right, I mean, do
Speaker 1: you get turned on? I mean, what's going on? Have
Speaker 1: you noticed something something else? Like does he get emotional
Speaker 1: around certain times of the day, like after certain phone
Speaker 1: calls or whatever? Is everything okay with his family, with
Speaker 1: work that he just recently lose a job? Like I mean,
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that you don't know. I mean, because
Speaker 1: nobody knows your partner like you. You understand what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: But I feel like you're leaving out certain things. So
Speaker 1: I wouldn't know how to even maneuver through this advice
Speaker 1: or navigate through this advice if you don't really give
Speaker 1: me more meat on the bone. And then you're saying
Speaker 1: he was your best friend before. So to have a
Speaker 1: best friend and to understand what that is, you got
Speaker 1: to know the ins and outs of a person, like
Speaker 1: I have a best friend, been my best friend since
Speaker 1: my son was what one year.
Speaker 2: Old, like no, I was. Now, I met my best
Speaker 2: friend when I was pregnant. I'm tripping.
Speaker 1: Me and Sheen have been best friends for eleven plus years.
Speaker 1: You get what I'm saying. So it's like I know
Speaker 1: when something's wrong with her, even if she come around
Speaker 1: me and be too quiet. And she got different quiets
Speaker 1: because Shena is an introvert, you get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So she got that quiet where something is bothering her
Speaker 1: but she don't want to talk about it. And then
Speaker 1: she got that quiet when she's just sitting and observing.
Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, cause she she's a Libra and.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: You know, I'm not really big on ZODIAX, but trust me,
Speaker 1: my best friend is a true Libra. And she will
Speaker 1: sit and be looking, but she's paying attention to everything.
Speaker 1: She won't say a word, but she pays attention to everything.
Speaker 2: You get what I'm saying. She's a very introverted person.
Speaker 1: But she's extroverted with me when it's just me and
Speaker 1: her old or with somebody that she knows.
Speaker 2: You know, you gotta fully know Shena.
Speaker 1: She like the scenery or whatever, and she'll open up
Speaker 1: around motherfucker she's comfortable with. So if this is your
Speaker 1: best friend, not to compare best friend relationships, but if
Speaker 1: this is your best friend, it would be beyond you
Speaker 1: just noticing the little things like him not smiling as much,
Speaker 1: or him being kind of sluggish. It seems that he
Speaker 1: is in a state of depression. I mean from the
Speaker 1: sluggish situation when somebody is sluggish, they're moving slow, and
Speaker 1: they're inactive.
Speaker 2: You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: So obviously something did happen. Did you do something that
Speaker 1: you don't think he knew about, or that you know
Speaker 1: you hit from him? You just got to give me
Speaker 1: more goddamn meat on this bone, dammit, Like I need
Speaker 1: to know what's going on. I wouldn't question my whole
Speaker 1: marriage because of this behavior. Because you're asking me any
Speaker 1: suggestions on how to keep this man happy. You're not
Speaker 1: even really trying to get to the root of why
Speaker 1: he's even feeling this way in the first place. You
Speaker 1: get what I'm saying. So that's telling me maybe you
Speaker 1: did something wrong, and you get what I'm saying, Like, Nah,
Speaker 1: let's just see it for what it is, a little bit.
Speaker 1: The fact that all right, let me read the the
Speaker 1: end again, you said, I want to do things that
Speaker 1: will bring that spark back for him and just simply
Speaker 1: remind him why he fell in love with me in
Speaker 1: the first place. Any suggestions on how to keep this
Speaker 1: man happy. This is like like you're trying to cover
Speaker 1: up the problem, and you may be subconsciously doing that.
Speaker 1: You may not even know that that's what you're doing,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But a best friend will
Speaker 1: get down to the bottom of what's going on wife.
Speaker 1: He get down to the bottom of what's going on
Speaker 1: in your marriage. You understand what I'm saying. Don't look
Speaker 1: at it as Okay, I gotta keep him happy. No
Speaker 1: why you said in the first place, what's going on?
Speaker 1: Bab It doesn't say here that you had to talk
Speaker 1: to him. I mean that you have talked to him
Speaker 1: about it. I always tell everybody communication is for everything,
Speaker 1: not only in relationships. That's in friends, family work, kids,
Speaker 1: from kids to parents, from parents to kids, whatever, whatever
Speaker 1: bond of friendship it is, communicate. You can communicate with strangers.
Speaker 1: Keep that shit a hunted, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Stop tiptoeing around motherfucker's feelings, and that's how you end
Speaker 1: up miserable and unhappy and left in the world of
Speaker 1: chaos because you're not saying something that you should have
Speaker 1: been said. So you let everything play out and it
Speaker 1: gets crazy. So definitely check back.
Speaker 2: In with me.
Speaker 1: Give me more meat on his bone, girl, But talk
Speaker 1: to your man. Talk to your husband and figure out
Speaker 1: what's wrong with him. Get to the root. And then
Speaker 1: you try to figure out, all right, how can I
Speaker 1: get him back to this happy place? How can I
Speaker 1: get him to be cause he may still be in
Speaker 1: love with you, it's just something else going on.
Speaker 2: You get what I'm saying, So get.
Speaker 1: To that baby's not good with communicating his feelings or
Speaker 1: expressing himself in those ways that could come from childhood,
Speaker 1: that can come from relationships with homeboys, that can come
Speaker 1: from previous relationships. I really feel like, have a conversation
Speaker 1: with your best friend. Don't even go at him as
Speaker 1: a wife. Have a conversation with your best friend. Make
Speaker 1: it a safe environment for him to open up, you know,
Speaker 1: and then open up about the truth, and then ask him, Okay,
Speaker 1: what can y'all do together as best friends slash husband
Speaker 1: and wife to get this together?
Speaker 2: You know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Because I'm over here thinking it's me, babe, and I
Speaker 1: don't know what's going on. All I know is that smiling.
Speaker 2: Like you used to.
Speaker 1: You're moving slower. You're sluggish. You know you're inactive, and
Speaker 1: this ain't you. So what's wrong? Tell me like, I'm
Speaker 1: your partner, I'm your best friend, I'm your everything. You know,
Speaker 1: talk to your man, girl, but let me know.
Speaker 2: Check back in. If you love me, you'll listen to
Speaker 2: this commercial and then we'll be right back.
Speaker 1: Okay, moving on, Jess. I just lost my little brother
Speaker 1: about a year ago. He literally was everything to me,
Speaker 1: and I raised him like he was my own. I
Speaker 1: know you can't put a time on grief and healing,
Speaker 1: but I'm just tired of being sad. I see his
Speaker 1: picture on my nightstand every day and just ball my
Speaker 1: eyes out. There are so many songs and so many
Speaker 1: things that I do in my routine that just reminds
Speaker 1: me of him.
Speaker 2: He's everywhere.
Speaker 1: You would think that would make me smile, but I
Speaker 1: feel like it just makes me more sad because he's
Speaker 1: not here to share those moments with me. I want
Speaker 1: to get back to my old self. I want to
Speaker 1: be able to go with my friends again and listen
Speaker 1: to those same songs without crying. I want to be
Speaker 1: able to do my daily routine without stopping to go
Speaker 1: run and cry in the bathroom. Lol, ain't nothing funny,
Speaker 1: Trust me, baby, I hear you. I've never really lost
Speaker 1: anyone this close to me, So this is a pain
Speaker 1: I've never endured before. Have you ever lost someone? What
Speaker 1: did you give to grieve? Well, baby, yes, I can
Speaker 1: tell you I have lost someone. However, I haven't lost
Speaker 1: anybody in my immediate family, thank god.
Speaker 2: So I really don't know what that feels like, you know.
Speaker 1: And everybody plays different parts and different roles in your life,
Speaker 1: and you know, to some degree, the level of bondness
Speaker 1: is different, you know. But I have lost friends, you know,
Speaker 1: I've lost family, and no loss is easy, you get
Speaker 1: what I'm saying. But it's only been a year, you know,
Speaker 1: So give yourself some grace a little bit. That's your
Speaker 1: little brother. I don't know how you lost him, you know,
Speaker 1: And that doesn't even matter the fact that he's just gone,
Speaker 1: you know, and he's not coming back. And I know
Speaker 1: that bothers you every day, But don't try to jump
Speaker 1: back in your regular, everyday routine so quickly, you know,
Speaker 1: like you said you want to go with your friends
Speaker 1: and all.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not saying don't go.
Speaker 1: Try to have a good time, for sure, but give
Speaker 1: yourself some grace if you do, got to run to
Speaker 1: the bathroom and cry, that's your little brother again.
Speaker 2: It's only been a year.
Speaker 1: You know, you ain't the first person that wrote me
Speaker 1: about losing a close family member. People lose parents and
Speaker 1: grieve for a decade, ten years. You know what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: You only get one set of parents. You know, that's
Speaker 1: your brother, your little brother, your baby brother. I imagine I
Speaker 1: can imagine how close y'all were. Give yourself some grace.
Speaker 1: Like my son's dad, Rome, Rome found his mother dead
Speaker 1: when he was ten. You get what I'm saying. That
Speaker 1: still haunts him. He still lives with that, He still
Speaker 1: holds on to that. Can't nobody tell him how to grieve.
Speaker 1: He never properly got to grieve when he was a kid.
Speaker 1: He was ten. After he found her, he was pulled
Speaker 1: out of that household and thrown into another one. You know,
Speaker 1: he had to go live with his dad and his stepmom.
Speaker 1: Completely different rules, completely different level of nurturing, completely different.
Speaker 1: You know, he went from having his own room to
Speaker 1: sharing a room with his step brothers and his little brother.
Speaker 1: You get what I'm saying, Like it's definitely a shock.
Speaker 1: It's a world you have to adapt to being without
Speaker 1: somebody who you were just with every day, so sudden.
Speaker 1: I would say, give yourself some grace. I sympathize with you,
Speaker 1: and I have a great level of empathy for you,
Speaker 1: But give yourself some grace. Baby girl, everywhere you go
Speaker 1: you think of him everything you do.
Speaker 2: Like you said, you see him everywhere.
Speaker 1: Try to think of a good memory and then try
Speaker 1: to also know that he wouldn't want you to be
Speaker 1: said and depressed like this either. You get what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: But if you have to do it, you do it.
Speaker 1: It's all a part of grievance. Are you in some
Speaker 1: type of therapy? Are you in some type of counseling?
Speaker 1: Did your parents offer that to you, extend that to you? Look,
Speaker 1: I need to go talk to somebody about this. It's
Speaker 1: been a year and I feel like I should be
Speaker 1: not over it, but further than I am right now.
Speaker 2: Mom and Dad, you know what I'm saying. How old
Speaker 2: are you?
Speaker 1: I would love to know how old are you? How
Speaker 1: old was your little brother, and I want you to
Speaker 1: give yourself some grades. Like you said, Okay, you see
Speaker 1: his picture on your knight stand every day, you just
Speaker 1: boil your eyes out. Put the picture somewhere else. You
Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. That's not erasing them, and don't
Speaker 1: feel bad about it. That's not erasing them until you're
Speaker 1: ready to see a picture of him and not cry.
Speaker 1: I think it's you know, you should just put it
Speaker 1: in the drawer or put it somewhere else. Put it
Speaker 1: in the bathroom, put it in you know. That's what
Speaker 1: you see when you open your eyes, that's what you
Speaker 1: see before you close them.
Speaker 2: I get it.
Speaker 1: I can only imagine that you're probably having dreams about
Speaker 1: him as well. It's your brother, man, you know. So
Speaker 1: I want you to understand it is totally normal what
Speaker 1: you're going through and not totally get it.
Speaker 2: All right, Just check back in with me and let
Speaker 2: me know moving on. Hey, Jess, could we keep this
Speaker 2: between us?
Speaker 1: No face, no case, Gerda can't see your damn face
Speaker 1: on a podcast anyway. Girl, And I'm not going to
Speaker 1: say your name. Okay, let me cut straight to the chase, please.
Speaker 1: I am in love with my best friend whoa we
Speaker 1: have been best friends since we were five. She's an amazing,
Speaker 1: beautiful woman. Every time we're together, our dynamic and our
Speaker 1: energy is just insane, and I always have thought in
Speaker 1: the back of my head like we would be great together.
Speaker 1: I just recently got some clarity all my feelings for her,
Speaker 1: so it's been harder to hide it. Okay, so you've
Speaker 1: been showing a girl I like you, bit y'all, won't
Speaker 1: you come here? She's also in a relationship, ad damn,
Speaker 1: so that makes it even harder.
Speaker 2: Now.
Speaker 1: I've seen her in plenty of relationships, but this one,
Speaker 1: I think this is the one I might actually lose
Speaker 1: her too. I don't want to actually lose her, though,
Speaker 1: but I also don't want to push her away with
Speaker 1: telling her how I feel. And then she's also in
Speaker 1: a relationship, so I don't know how she would take it.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to lose my best friend just because
Speaker 1: I can't be with her, so I always try to
Speaker 1: put her feelings first.
Speaker 2: But I don't know, Jess.
Speaker 1: My feelings get stronger for this girl every time I
Speaker 1: look at her, and it's starting to really kill me.
Speaker 2: Okay, Jesus up, hold up.
Speaker 1: I noticed getting good, but listen to just a couple
Speaker 1: seconds of a commercial.
Speaker 2: If you love me, you'll listen, all right, So listen.
Speaker 2: It's two sides to this.
Speaker 1: She's in a relationship now you think this is the
Speaker 1: one that you could actually lose her to. That means
Speaker 1: she's happy, That means she's thriving. I mean, this is
Speaker 1: obviously the best person for her that she's had out
Speaker 1: of all the relationships you've seen her through. And then
Speaker 1: you're honestly her confidant because that's how you know everything
Speaker 1: about her and all these relationships and moving forward. You know,
Speaker 1: you said she's an amazing, strong, beautiful woman, all of
Speaker 1: that that you've admired.
Speaker 2: You know, you've known each other since y'all was five
Speaker 2: and shit like that.
Speaker 1: So this is an interesting factor, you know, and it
Speaker 1: plays a part in why you would fall in love
Speaker 1: with her because you know her so well. However, she
Speaker 1: is in a relationship and maybe she doesn't look at
Speaker 1: you the way you look at her now. Is that
Speaker 1: is like the harsh reality here right now. The other
Speaker 1: side of it is you do love her, You're in
Speaker 1: love with her, and you don't know if she feels
Speaker 1: that week because you've obviously never told her how you
Speaker 1: feel about her. So this is obviously a gamble and
Speaker 1: a big toss up between like your feelings versus your mind,
Speaker 1: because your mind is telling you know, but your feelings
Speaker 1: in your heart is like, YO, tell this girl, right,
Speaker 1: but this is what I don't want to happen, same
Speaker 1: thing you don't want to happen. You don't want to
Speaker 1: tell her about these feelings that you've always had for her,
Speaker 1: and shit, and then you risk losing her.
Speaker 2: She looks at you like a weirdo and all that.
Speaker 2: Not a weirdo, but it's.
Speaker 1: Like, damn, you like me the whole time, and you
Speaker 1: sit back and you kept it from me, and now
Speaker 1: I'm in this relationship and that you know that could
Speaker 1: potentially fuck up things between you. But since I'm always
Speaker 1: an advocate for honesty and for people telling the truth
Speaker 1: about everything, oh gosh, I would say, meet up with
Speaker 1: her and talk to her, but talk to her as
Speaker 1: your best friend. Don't talk to her as somebody that's
Speaker 1: trying to court her because she's still in a relationship.
Speaker 1: I think it just needs to be an innocent conversation
Speaker 1: of you coming.
Speaker 2: Forward with how you feel.
Speaker 1: You get what I'm saying because you having this agony
Speaker 1: and pain and shit, you laying at night in your
Speaker 1: bed and you thinking about her, and she was somebody else,
Speaker 1: you know, But this is your best friend. So this
Speaker 1: is something that you should have been brought to our
Speaker 1: attention when she was in between relationships. You had all
Speaker 1: the fucking time and opportunity in the world. You've been
Speaker 1: knowing her since she was five. God damn it, Lord,
Speaker 1: but I think you should go to where look y'all
Speaker 1: stand down somewhere, I mean, it could be private or whatever,
Speaker 1: and be like, look, I know you're in a relationship.
Speaker 1: I know that you are happy, and I know this
Speaker 1: is not going to be easy when I'm about to
Speaker 1: tell you, and you probably may even look at me
Speaker 1: differently after this.
Speaker 2: But I've always had a thing for you.
Speaker 1: You know, I know you, I know you in and out.
Speaker 1: You're my best friend, and that's what you were before.
Speaker 1: You know, my best friend. I know you you know
Speaker 1: me or whatever. I got to grow with you. I've
Speaker 1: gotten to see how amazing you are. You know, we've
Speaker 1: known each other for so long. I feel like you
Speaker 1: know you're my other half. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: And I just feel like I haven't said this because
Speaker 1: I didn't want this to be weird to you, or
Speaker 1: I just didn't you know, I didn't know how to
Speaker 1: express my feelings in this way because we've always had
Speaker 1: a friend to friend best friend relationship. We've never had
Speaker 1: a relationship like this, you know, where I can tell
Speaker 1: you for sure, like, Yo, I'm feeling you, you know,
Speaker 1: but I'm in love with you, and I know you're
Speaker 1: in a relationship. But I've been battling this and I
Speaker 1: just wanted to get it off my chest.
Speaker 2: See what she say.
Speaker 1: Now, it's totally up to you if you want to
Speaker 1: throw the part in there where you're like, I feel
Speaker 1: like I may lose you to the person that you're
Speaker 1: with now, because god damn it, that's treading on ice.
Speaker 2: You are chapped.
Speaker 1: You just don't want it to be weird, you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? You just you really don't want it
Speaker 1: to be fucking weird. And listen, I get it, but
Speaker 1: you gotta tell her how you feel, just to get
Speaker 1: it off your chest.
Speaker 2: Don't add that part in there, like I said, the.
Speaker 1: Person, I feel like I'm about to lose you because
Speaker 1: it's like, nah, that's still your best friend, but just
Speaker 1: because you're in love with her, don't mean that that's
Speaker 1: how she look at you. You know what I'm saying,
Speaker 1: This is kind of your fault, my nigga. I'm gonna
Speaker 1: be honest with you. This is your fault. You less
Speaker 1: shit goes so far. You let her get into another
Speaker 1: relationship after you just saying her through many you know
Speaker 1: what I mean? And how many has she seen you through?
Speaker 1: You know?
Speaker 2: I think you keep that a buck with her.
Speaker 1: Sit her down and then check back in with me
Speaker 1: and let me know how that shit went down, Polise,
Speaker 1: let me know how that shit went down, all right?
Speaker 1: And just like that, we've come to yet the end
Speaker 1: of another Catholic Records episode with your girl. Just hilarious.
Speaker 1: And what I be doing, I'll be fixing masks. Make
Speaker 1: sure you get your tickets. Like I said, for Portman
Speaker 1: Yards April twenty seventh, that's a Saturday in Atlanta. We're
Speaker 1: doing the second an You Will Black Effect Podcast Festival.
Speaker 2: Get your tickets.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna see you there. Like I said, I will
Speaker 1: be picking people. I will be picking people out the
Speaker 1: crowd to fix the mess on stage.
Speaker 2: I will be picking four people.
Speaker 1: I want two women and two men, all right, I'm
Speaker 1: not tripping about gender, non binary, trans, whatever the fuck
Speaker 1: you are, come on, I got you.
Speaker 2: Uh, but have some goddamn mess, all right.
Speaker 1: Don't come up there just to look cute and take
Speaker 1: pictures and selfies and shit, because that's not what I'm
Speaker 1: there for. And mind you, I'm gonna be even more
Speaker 1: pregnant and even more not giving a fuck, all right,
Speaker 1: So if it ain't about the mess, don't come up
Speaker 1: because it can't be can't be about nothing else. Trust me,
Speaker 1: love y'all, and each and every Wednesday, tuned into my
Speaker 1: podcast and then my deepest Pam voice. Peace Can't Fully
Speaker 1: Reckless is a production of iHeart Radio and The Black Effect.
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