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Speaker 1: Welcome to Can't Flee Reckless, the production of iHeart Radio

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Speaker 1: and The Black Effect.

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Speaker 2: And just like that, we're back on the air.

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to you another carefully reckless episode with your

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Speaker 1: girl Jeffs hilarious.

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Speaker 2: What I'll be doing, I'll be fixing mess.

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Speaker 1: I want to also say, if you have not gotten

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Speaker 1: your tickets for the second annual Black Effect podcast Hostibal,

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Speaker 1: get your tickets.

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Speaker 2: From event bright right now.

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Speaker 1: I think the VIP is sold out and it's not

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Speaker 1: too late to pitch your podcast. God, it's gonna be

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Speaker 1: me live on that stage fixing people's mess.

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Speaker 2: And look how I plan to do it.

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Speaker 1: I literally am gonna pick people from the audience did

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Speaker 1: on the spot. I don't have anything pre planned or

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Speaker 1: anything like that, because I feel like that's when I

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Speaker 1: thrive best. When I fix people's mess on the spot.

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Speaker 1: That's how I do it on Breakfast Club, That's how

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Speaker 1: I do it. When I'm picking these stories, I don't

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Speaker 1: even read through all of the story as you can see,

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Speaker 1: because in the past so I got frustrated reading that shit.

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Speaker 1: Maybe I should pre read or you know, pre pick

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Speaker 1: for the episodes, because I'll be irritated a shit when

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Speaker 1: y'all can't spell, but that's the game. But I'm taking

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Speaker 1: But just because you can spell, don't mean I can't

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Speaker 1: fix your mass all right, So I want to let

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Speaker 1: y'all know y'all can still send voice memos whenever y'all

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Speaker 1: would like.

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Speaker 2: But if y'all don't, I do understand.

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Speaker 1: But please, if I mess up your story, it's because

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Speaker 1: you're rote it wrong, all right. Now, speaking of voice memos,

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Speaker 1: we don't have any, so people are still writing me stuff,

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Speaker 1: So I'm just gonna jump straight into it. Hija's my

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Speaker 1: husband and I have been married for four years. I

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Speaker 1: know my husband like the back of my hand. He's

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Speaker 1: my best friend. We were even best friends before we

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Speaker 1: got together. Recently, I noticed change in him. He would

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Speaker 1: really just kind of walk around the house kind of

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Speaker 1: sluggish and not really have that big smile on his

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Speaker 1: face like he normally did. I feel like he's bored

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Speaker 1: with our relationship. I want to do things that'll bring

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Speaker 1: the spark back for him and just simply remind him

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Speaker 1: why we fell in love or why he fall in

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Speaker 1: love with me in the first place. Any suggestions on

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Speaker 1: how I can keep this man happy? Well, look, that

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Speaker 1: was very short and simple, like what else is he feeling?

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Speaker 1: Did something recently happen? I feel like it's something that

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Speaker 1: you're leaving out. It could be a number of reasons,

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Speaker 1: you know what I'm saying, Like is he still giving

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Speaker 1: you that sexual attention that you need that women long

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Speaker 1: for me because we're still human? Right, I mean, do

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Speaker 1: you get turned on? I mean, what's going on? Have

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Speaker 1: you noticed something something else? Like does he get emotional

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Speaker 1: around certain times of the day, like after certain phone

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Speaker 1: calls or whatever? Is everything okay with his family, with

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Speaker 1: work that he just recently lose a job? Like I mean,

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Speaker 1: I'm not saying that you don't know. I mean, because

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Speaker 1: nobody knows your partner like you. You understand what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: But I feel like you're leaving out certain things. So

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't know how to even maneuver through this advice

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Speaker 1: or navigate through this advice if you don't really give

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Speaker 1: me more meat on the bone. And then you're saying

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Speaker 1: he was your best friend before. So to have a

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Speaker 1: best friend and to understand what that is, you got

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Speaker 1: to know the ins and outs of a person, like

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Speaker 1: I have a best friend, been my best friend since

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Speaker 1: my son was what one year.

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Speaker 2: Old, like no, I was. Now, I met my best

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Speaker 2: friend when I was pregnant. I'm tripping.

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Speaker 1: Me and Sheen have been best friends for eleven plus years.

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Speaker 1: You get what I'm saying. So it's like I know

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Speaker 1: when something's wrong with her, even if she come around

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Speaker 1: me and be too quiet. And she got different quiets

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Speaker 1: because Shena is an introvert, you get what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: So she got that quiet where something is bothering her

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Speaker 1: but she don't want to talk about it. And then

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Speaker 1: she got that quiet when she's just sitting and observing.

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Speaker 1: You know what I'm saying, cause she she's a Libra and.

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Speaker 2: I don't know.

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Speaker 1: You know, I'm not really big on ZODIAX, but trust me,

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Speaker 1: my best friend is a true Libra. And she will

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Speaker 1: sit and be looking, but she's paying attention to everything.

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Speaker 1: She won't say a word, but she pays attention to everything.

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Speaker 2: You get what I'm saying. She's a very introverted person.

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Speaker 1: But she's extroverted with me when it's just me and

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Speaker 1: her old or with somebody that she knows.

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Speaker 2: You know, you gotta fully know Shena.

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Speaker 1: She like the scenery or whatever, and she'll open up

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Speaker 1: around motherfucker she's comfortable with. So if this is your

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Speaker 1: best friend, not to compare best friend relationships, but if

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Speaker 1: this is your best friend, it would be beyond you

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Speaker 1: just noticing the little things like him not smiling as much,

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Speaker 1: or him being kind of sluggish. It seems that he

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Speaker 1: is in a state of depression. I mean from the

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Speaker 1: sluggish situation when somebody is sluggish, they're moving slow, and

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Speaker 1: they're inactive.

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Speaker 2: You get what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: So obviously something did happen. Did you do something that

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Speaker 1: you don't think he knew about, or that you know

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Speaker 1: you hit from him? You just got to give me

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Speaker 1: more goddamn meat on this bone, dammit, Like I need

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Speaker 1: to know what's going on. I wouldn't question my whole

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Speaker 1: marriage because of this behavior. Because you're asking me any

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Speaker 1: suggestions on how to keep this man happy. You're not

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Speaker 1: even really trying to get to the root of why

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Speaker 1: he's even feeling this way in the first place. You

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Speaker 1: get what I'm saying. So that's telling me maybe you

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Speaker 1: did something wrong, and you get what I'm saying, Like, Nah,

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Speaker 1: let's just see it for what it is, a little bit.

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Speaker 1: The fact that all right, let me read the the

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Speaker 1: end again, you said, I want to do things that

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Speaker 1: will bring that spark back for him and just simply

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Speaker 1: remind him why he fell in love with me in

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Speaker 1: the first place. Any suggestions on how to keep this

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Speaker 1: man happy. This is like like you're trying to cover

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Speaker 1: up the problem, and you may be subconsciously doing that.

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Speaker 1: You may not even know that that's what you're doing,

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Speaker 1: you know what I mean. But a best friend will

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Speaker 1: get down to the bottom of what's going on wife.

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Speaker 1: He get down to the bottom of what's going on

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Speaker 1: in your marriage. You understand what I'm saying. Don't look

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Speaker 1: at it as Okay, I gotta keep him happy. No

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Speaker 1: why you said in the first place, what's going on?

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Speaker 1: Bab It doesn't say here that you had to talk

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Speaker 1: to him. I mean that you have talked to him

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Speaker 1: about it. I always tell everybody communication is for everything,

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Speaker 1: not only in relationships. That's in friends, family work, kids,

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Speaker 1: from kids to parents, from parents to kids, whatever, whatever

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Speaker 1: bond of friendship it is, communicate. You can communicate with strangers.

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Speaker 1: Keep that shit a hunted, you know what I mean.

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Speaker 1: Stop tiptoeing around motherfucker's feelings, and that's how you end

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Speaker 1: up miserable and unhappy and left in the world of

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Speaker 1: chaos because you're not saying something that you should have

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Speaker 1: been said. So you let everything play out and it

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Speaker 1: gets crazy. So definitely check back.

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Speaker 2: In with me.

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Speaker 1: Give me more meat on his bone, girl, But talk

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Speaker 1: to your man. Talk to your husband and figure out

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Speaker 1: what's wrong with him. Get to the root. And then

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Speaker 1: you try to figure out, all right, how can I

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Speaker 1: get him back to this happy place? How can I

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Speaker 1: get him to be cause he may still be in

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Speaker 1: love with you, it's just something else going on.

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Speaker 2: You get what I'm saying, So get.

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Speaker 1: To that baby's not good with communicating his feelings or

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Speaker 1: expressing himself in those ways that could come from childhood,

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Speaker 1: that can come from relationships with homeboys, that can come

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Speaker 1: from previous relationships. I really feel like, have a conversation

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Speaker 1: with your best friend. Don't even go at him as

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Speaker 1: a wife. Have a conversation with your best friend. Make

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Speaker 1: it a safe environment for him to open up, you know,

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Speaker 1: and then open up about the truth, and then ask him, Okay,

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Speaker 1: what can y'all do together as best friends slash husband

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Speaker 1: and wife to get this together?

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Speaker 2: You know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: Because I'm over here thinking it's me, babe, and I

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Speaker 1: don't know what's going on. All I know is that smiling.

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Speaker 2: Like you used to.

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Speaker 1: You're moving slower. You're sluggish. You know you're inactive, and

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Speaker 1: this ain't you. So what's wrong? Tell me like, I'm

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Speaker 1: your partner, I'm your best friend, I'm your everything. You know,

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Speaker 1: talk to your man, girl, but let me know.

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Speaker 2: Check back in. If you love me, you'll listen to

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Speaker 2: this commercial and then we'll be right back.

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Speaker 1: Okay, moving on, Jess. I just lost my little brother

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Speaker 1: about a year ago. He literally was everything to me,

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Speaker 1: and I raised him like he was my own. I

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Speaker 1: know you can't put a time on grief and healing,

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Speaker 1: but I'm just tired of being sad. I see his

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Speaker 1: picture on my nightstand every day and just ball my

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Speaker 1: eyes out. There are so many songs and so many

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Speaker 1: things that I do in my routine that just reminds

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Speaker 1: me of him.

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Speaker 2: He's everywhere.

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Speaker 1: You would think that would make me smile, but I

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Speaker 1: feel like it just makes me more sad because he's

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Speaker 1: not here to share those moments with me. I want

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Speaker 1: to get back to my old self. I want to

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Speaker 1: be able to go with my friends again and listen

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Speaker 1: to those same songs without crying. I want to be

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Speaker 1: able to do my daily routine without stopping to go

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Speaker 1: run and cry in the bathroom. Lol, ain't nothing funny,

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Speaker 1: Trust me, baby, I hear you. I've never really lost

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Speaker 1: anyone this close to me, So this is a pain

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Speaker 1: I've never endured before. Have you ever lost someone? What

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Speaker 1: did you give to grieve? Well, baby, yes, I can

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Speaker 1: tell you I have lost someone. However, I haven't lost

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Speaker 1: anybody in my immediate family, thank god.

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Speaker 2: So I really don't know what that feels like, you know.

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Speaker 1: And everybody plays different parts and different roles in your life,

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Speaker 1: and you know, to some degree, the level of bondness

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Speaker 1: is different, you know. But I have lost friends, you know,

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Speaker 1: I've lost family, and no loss is easy, you get

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Speaker 1: what I'm saying. But it's only been a year, you know,

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Speaker 1: So give yourself some grace a little bit. That's your

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Speaker 1: little brother. I don't know how you lost him, you know,

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Speaker 1: And that doesn't even matter the fact that he's just gone,

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Speaker 1: you know, and he's not coming back. And I know

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Speaker 1: that bothers you every day, But don't try to jump

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Speaker 1: back in your regular, everyday routine so quickly, you know,

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Speaker 1: like you said you want to go with your friends

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Speaker 1: and all.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm not saying don't go.

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Speaker 1: Try to have a good time, for sure, but give

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Speaker 1: yourself some grace if you do, got to run to

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Speaker 1: the bathroom and cry, that's your little brother again.

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Speaker 2: It's only been a year.

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Speaker 1: You know, you ain't the first person that wrote me

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Speaker 1: about losing a close family member. People lose parents and

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Speaker 1: grieve for a decade, ten years. You know what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: You only get one set of parents. You know, that's

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Speaker 1: your brother, your little brother, your baby brother. I imagine I

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Speaker 1: can imagine how close y'all were. Give yourself some grace.

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Speaker 1: Like my son's dad, Rome, Rome found his mother dead

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Speaker 1: when he was ten. You get what I'm saying. That

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Speaker 1: still haunts him. He still lives with that, He still

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Speaker 1: holds on to that. Can't nobody tell him how to grieve.

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Speaker 1: He never properly got to grieve when he was a kid.

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Speaker 1: He was ten. After he found her, he was pulled

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Speaker 1: out of that household and thrown into another one. You know,

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Speaker 1: he had to go live with his dad and his stepmom.

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Speaker 1: Completely different rules, completely different level of nurturing, completely different.

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Speaker 1: You know, he went from having his own room to

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Speaker 1: sharing a room with his step brothers and his little brother.

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Speaker 1: You get what I'm saying, Like it's definitely a shock.

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Speaker 1: It's a world you have to adapt to being without

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Speaker 1: somebody who you were just with every day, so sudden.

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Speaker 1: I would say, give yourself some grace. I sympathize with you,

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Speaker 1: and I have a great level of empathy for you,

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Speaker 1: But give yourself some grace. Baby girl, everywhere you go

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Speaker 1: you think of him everything you do.

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Speaker 2: Like you said, you see him everywhere.

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Speaker 1: Try to think of a good memory and then try

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Speaker 1: to also know that he wouldn't want you to be

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Speaker 1: said and depressed like this either. You get what I'm saying.

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Speaker 1: But if you have to do it, you do it.

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Speaker 1: It's all a part of grievance. Are you in some

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Speaker 1: type of therapy? Are you in some type of counseling?

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Speaker 1: Did your parents offer that to you, extend that to you? Look,

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Speaker 1: I need to go talk to somebody about this. It's

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Speaker 1: been a year and I feel like I should be

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Speaker 1: not over it, but further than I am right now.

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Speaker 2: Mom and Dad, you know what I'm saying. How old

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Speaker 2: are you?

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Speaker 1: I would love to know how old are you? How

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Speaker 1: old was your little brother, and I want you to

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Speaker 1: give yourself some grades. Like you said, Okay, you see

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Speaker 1: his picture on your knight stand every day, you just

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Speaker 1: boil your eyes out. Put the picture somewhere else. You

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Speaker 1: know what I'm saying. That's not erasing them, and don't

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Speaker 1: feel bad about it. That's not erasing them until you're

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Speaker 1: ready to see a picture of him and not cry.

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Speaker 1: I think it's you know, you should just put it

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Speaker 1: in the drawer or put it somewhere else. Put it

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Speaker 1: in the bathroom, put it in you know. That's what

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Speaker 1: you see when you open your eyes, that's what you

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Speaker 1: see before you close them.

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Speaker 2: I get it.

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Speaker 1: I can only imagine that you're probably having dreams about

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Speaker 1: him as well. It's your brother, man, you know. So

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Speaker 1: I want you to understand it is totally normal what

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Speaker 1: you're going through and not totally get it.

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Speaker 2: All right, Just check back in with me and let

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Speaker 2: me know moving on. Hey, Jess, could we keep this

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Speaker 2: between us?

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Speaker 1: No face, no case, Gerda can't see your damn face

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Speaker 1: on a podcast anyway. Girl, And I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: say your name. Okay, let me cut straight to the chase, please.

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Speaker 1: I am in love with my best friend whoa we

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Speaker 1: have been best friends since we were five. She's an amazing,

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Speaker 1: beautiful woman. Every time we're together, our dynamic and our

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Speaker 1: energy is just insane, and I always have thought in

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Speaker 1: the back of my head like we would be great together.

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Speaker 1: I just recently got some clarity all my feelings for her,

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Speaker 1: so it's been harder to hide it. Okay, so you've

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Speaker 1: been showing a girl I like you, bit y'all, won't

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Speaker 1: you come here? She's also in a relationship, ad damn,

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Speaker 1: so that makes it even harder.

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Speaker 2: Now.

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Speaker 1: I've seen her in plenty of relationships, but this one,

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Speaker 1: I think this is the one I might actually lose

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Speaker 1: her too. I don't want to actually lose her, though,

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Speaker 1: but I also don't want to push her away with

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Speaker 1: telling her how I feel. And then she's also in

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Speaker 1: a relationship, so I don't know how she would take it.

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Speaker 1: I wouldn't want to lose my best friend just because

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Speaker 1: I can't be with her, so I always try to

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Speaker 1: put her feelings first.

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Speaker 2: But I don't know, Jess.

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Speaker 1: My feelings get stronger for this girl every time I

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Speaker 1: look at her, and it's starting to really kill me.

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Speaker 2: Okay, Jesus up, hold up.

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Speaker 1: I noticed getting good, but listen to just a couple

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Speaker 1: seconds of a commercial.

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Speaker 2: If you love me, you'll listen, all right, So listen.

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Speaker 2: It's two sides to this.

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Speaker 1: She's in a relationship now you think this is the

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Speaker 1: one that you could actually lose her to. That means

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Speaker 1: she's happy, That means she's thriving. I mean, this is

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Speaker 1: obviously the best person for her that she's had out

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Speaker 1: of all the relationships you've seen her through. And then

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Speaker 1: you're honestly her confidant because that's how you know everything

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Speaker 1: about her and all these relationships and moving forward. You know,

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Speaker 1: you said she's an amazing, strong, beautiful woman, all of

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Speaker 1: that that you've admired.

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Speaker 2: You know, you've known each other since y'all was five

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Speaker 2: and shit like that.

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Speaker 1: So this is an interesting factor, you know, and it

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Speaker 1: plays a part in why you would fall in love

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Speaker 1: with her because you know her so well. However, she

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Speaker 1: is in a relationship and maybe she doesn't look at

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Speaker 1: you the way you look at her now. Is that

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Speaker 1: is like the harsh reality here right now. The other

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Speaker 1: side of it is you do love her, You're in

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Speaker 1: love with her, and you don't know if she feels

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Speaker 1: that week because you've obviously never told her how you

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Speaker 1: feel about her. So this is obviously a gamble and

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Speaker 1: a big toss up between like your feelings versus your mind,

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Speaker 1: because your mind is telling you know, but your feelings

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Speaker 1: in your heart is like, YO, tell this girl, right,

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Speaker 1: but this is what I don't want to happen, same

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Speaker 1: thing you don't want to happen. You don't want to

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Speaker 1: tell her about these feelings that you've always had for her,

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Speaker 1: and shit, and then you risk losing her.

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Speaker 2: She looks at you like a weirdo and all that.

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Speaker 2: Not a weirdo, but it's.

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Speaker 1: Like, damn, you like me the whole time, and you

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Speaker 1: sit back and you kept it from me, and now

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Speaker 1: I'm in this relationship and that you know that could

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Speaker 1: potentially fuck up things between you. But since I'm always

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Speaker 1: an advocate for honesty and for people telling the truth

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Speaker 1: about everything, oh gosh, I would say, meet up with

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Speaker 1: her and talk to her, but talk to her as

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Speaker 1: your best friend. Don't talk to her as somebody that's

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Speaker 1: trying to court her because she's still in a relationship.

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Speaker 1: I think it just needs to be an innocent conversation

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Speaker 1: of you coming.

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Speaker 2: Forward with how you feel.

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Speaker 1: You get what I'm saying because you having this agony

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Speaker 1: and pain and shit, you laying at night in your

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Speaker 1: bed and you thinking about her, and she was somebody else,

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Speaker 1: you know, But this is your best friend. So this

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Speaker 1: is something that you should have been brought to our

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Speaker 1: attention when she was in between relationships. You had all

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Speaker 1: the fucking time and opportunity in the world. You've been

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Speaker 1: knowing her since she was five. God damn it, Lord,

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Speaker 1: but I think you should go to where look y'all

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Speaker 1: stand down somewhere, I mean, it could be private or whatever,

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Speaker 1: and be like, look, I know you're in a relationship.

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Speaker 1: I know that you are happy, and I know this

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Speaker 1: is not going to be easy when I'm about to

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Speaker 1: tell you, and you probably may even look at me

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Speaker 1: differently after this.

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Speaker 2: But I've always had a thing for you.

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Speaker 1: You know, I know you, I know you in and out.

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Speaker 1: You're my best friend, and that's what you were before.

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Speaker 1: You know, my best friend. I know you you know

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Speaker 1: me or whatever. I got to grow with you. I've

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Speaker 1: gotten to see how amazing you are. You know, we've

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Speaker 1: known each other for so long. I feel like you

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Speaker 1: know you're my other half. You know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: And I just feel like I haven't said this because

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Speaker 1: I didn't want this to be weird to you, or

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Speaker 1: I just didn't you know, I didn't know how to

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Speaker 1: express my feelings in this way because we've always had

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Speaker 1: a friend to friend best friend relationship. We've never had

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Speaker 1: a relationship like this, you know, where I can tell

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Speaker 1: you for sure, like, Yo, I'm feeling you, you know,

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Speaker 1: but I'm in love with you, and I know you're

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Speaker 1: in a relationship. But I've been battling this and I

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Speaker 1: just wanted to get it off my chest.

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Speaker 2: See what she say.

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Speaker 1: Now, it's totally up to you if you want to

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Speaker 1: throw the part in there where you're like, I feel

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Speaker 1: like I may lose you to the person that you're

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Speaker 1: with now, because god damn it, that's treading on ice.

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Speaker 2: You are chapped.

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Speaker 1: You just don't want it to be weird, you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean? You just you really don't want it

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Speaker 1: to be fucking weird. And listen, I get it, but

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Speaker 1: you gotta tell her how you feel, just to get

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Speaker 1: it off your chest.

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Speaker 2: Don't add that part in there, like I said, the.

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Speaker 1: Person, I feel like I'm about to lose you because

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Speaker 1: it's like, nah, that's still your best friend, but just

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Speaker 1: because you're in love with her, don't mean that that's

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Speaker 1: how she look at you. You know what I'm saying,

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Speaker 1: This is kind of your fault, my nigga. I'm gonna

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Speaker 1: be honest with you. This is your fault. You less

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Speaker 1: shit goes so far. You let her get into another

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Speaker 1: relationship after you just saying her through many you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean? And how many has she seen you through?

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Speaker 1: You know?

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Speaker 2: I think you keep that a buck with her.

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Speaker 1: Sit her down and then check back in with me

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Speaker 1: and let me know how that shit went down, Polise,

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00:17:27,359 --> 00:17:29,600
Speaker 1: let me know how that shit went down, all right?

399
00:17:30,160 --> 00:17:32,760
Speaker 1: And just like that, we've come to yet the end

400
00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:35,400
Speaker 1: of another Catholic Records episode with your girl. Just hilarious.

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00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:37,280
Speaker 1: And what I be doing, I'll be fixing masks. Make

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Speaker 1: sure you get your tickets. Like I said, for Portman

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00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:42,000
Speaker 1: Yards April twenty seventh, that's a Saturday in Atlanta. We're

404
00:17:42,040 --> 00:17:46,240
Speaker 1: doing the second an You Will Black Effect Podcast Festival.

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Speaker 2: Get your tickets.

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Speaker 1: I'm gonna see you there. Like I said, I will

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Speaker 1: be picking people. I will be picking people out the

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Speaker 1: crowd to fix the mess on stage.

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Speaker 2: I will be picking four people.

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Speaker 1: I want two women and two men, all right, I'm

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00:18:00,160 --> 00:18:03,240
Speaker 1: not tripping about gender, non binary, trans, whatever the fuck

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Speaker 1: you are, come on, I got you.

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00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,439
Speaker 2: Uh, but have some goddamn mess, all right.

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Speaker 1: Don't come up there just to look cute and take

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Speaker 1: pictures and selfies and shit, because that's not what I'm

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Speaker 1: there for. And mind you, I'm gonna be even more

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Speaker 1: pregnant and even more not giving a fuck, all right,

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Speaker 1: So if it ain't about the mess, don't come up

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00:18:18,800 --> 00:18:21,679
Speaker 1: because it can't be can't be about nothing else. Trust me,

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Speaker 1: love y'all, and each and every Wednesday, tuned into my

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Speaker 1: podcast and then my deepest Pam voice. Peace Can't Fully

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Speaker 1: Reckless is a production of iHeart Radio and The Black Effect.

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Speaker 1: For more podcasts from iHeart Radio, visit the iHeartRadio app,

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Speaker 1: Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.