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Speaker 1: Subject to albatross. Dear Stephen Shirley. Albatross is a bird,

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Speaker 1: you know that, but in this one another meaning. Another

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Speaker 1: meaning is that it could be like a burden to you,

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Speaker 1: you know, something weighing you down. Dear Stephen Shirley, I'm

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Speaker 1: a twenty two year old black female living and working

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Speaker 1: in New York City. Many people consider me to be

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Speaker 1: the model of a young girl climbing her way to

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Speaker 1: the top. But it seems as though even I can't

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Speaker 1: escape the conundrum called the black male. She's smart, I mean,

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Speaker 1: you know that that's a riddle puzzle. Okay. Anyway, when

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Speaker 1: I was nineteen, I began to date a twenty five

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Speaker 1: year old man from Harlem. To me, he seemed to

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Speaker 1: have a promising future as a cartoonist. He was funny,

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Speaker 1: he was caring, and he accepted me in all my quirks.

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Speaker 1: The problem is my parents and my friends hate them.

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Speaker 1: They dislike the way that he dresses, which I can't admit.

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Speaker 1: He needs a wardrobe update. But just because someone is

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Speaker 1: not fly doesn't mean I can't see past that. My

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Speaker 1: father actually said that his appearance is disrespectful. I have

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Speaker 1: told him many times that my family is big on appearance,

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Speaker 1: and I've asked him to please dress appropriately when he

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Speaker 1: knows that he will be around my family. Recently, on

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Speaker 1: Thanksgiving and came to my grandmother's house for dinner. I

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Speaker 1: was appalled to see that he showed up in jeans

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Speaker 1: and a T shirt, a dingy T shirt at that

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Speaker 1: when I confronted him. When when I confronted him about

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Speaker 1: his attire, he told me that it seems superficial to

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Speaker 1: him that a parents should count so much, and and

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Speaker 1: um that even if he were a millionaire, he would

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Speaker 1: have worn the same thing to prove a point. I

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Speaker 1: wanted to scream, you are twenty eight and you should

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Speaker 1: use common sense to realize that it is not about

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Speaker 1: your point, It is about appropriateness. My parents and my

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Speaker 1: friends have been pressuring me to break off my relationship

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Speaker 1: with him because they feel like he is not worthy

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Speaker 1: of me. But I have feelings for him now since

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Speaker 1: thinking uh not since Thanksgiving have I been able to

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Speaker 1: um have a conversation with my parents about this topic

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Speaker 1: coming up, And after having it pounded into my head,

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Speaker 1: I feel like it is the right slash logical thing

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Speaker 1: to do, but my heart is telling me different. Is

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Speaker 1: there something that I am missing. Is there something about

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Speaker 1: this guy that my parents can tell by looking at

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Speaker 1: him that I can't see because I'm caught up? VJ.

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Speaker 1: Dear VJ. Okay, since we're making points, let me just

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Speaker 1: make this point. Your boyfriend really needs to learn how

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Speaker 1: to pick his battles. Okay. Um, like you say, he's

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Speaker 1: twenty eight now, which is way old enough to know

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Speaker 1: that you don't go to your girl's grandmother's house on

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Speaker 1: Thanksgiving and embarrass her in front of the whole family.

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Speaker 1: You just don't do that. Um, you know, because you

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Speaker 1: need to know you need to wear something appropriate, a

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Speaker 1: dingy t Come on, I agree with your dad. It's disrespectful. Uh.

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Speaker 1: He cares more about making his point, your man, than

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Speaker 1: he does about making you happy. He is trying to

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Speaker 1: make the case that your family only cares about what

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Speaker 1: a person looks like outside, and and to that, I say,

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Speaker 1: he couldn't be more wrong. Your boyfriend needs to know

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Speaker 1: that there are rules, there, requirements, you know, when he

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Speaker 1: dates you. Okay, that's what your family is upset about.

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Speaker 1: He just can't come in here looking like, you know,

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Speaker 1: just any old kind of way. Um. Mind you, your

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Speaker 1: boy if he's on a limited budget and all that,

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Speaker 1: and he can't afford all that, then that's a whole

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Speaker 1: different thing. But you didn't say that, so we're not

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Speaker 1: even gonna go there. But because I don't think that's

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Speaker 1: the case here, I think he's deliberately dressing this way

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Speaker 1: out of spite. I understand you have feelings for him,

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Speaker 1: but please know that if he really cared for you,

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Speaker 1: he would care what you say, and he would want

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Speaker 1: to make you happy and dress appropriately, especially in front

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Speaker 1: of your family. Okay, that's what I think you're missing

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Speaker 1: in all of this. It's selfish and it's inflexible on

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Speaker 1: his part. Yes, yeah, that's right up there. Inflexible. He's yeah, inflexible.

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Speaker 1: He wants to do it his way. He won't bend.

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Speaker 1: Word has never come out of me and Tommy mouth

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Speaker 1: that are alba albatrolls. He just know that you deserve better, Okay,

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Speaker 1: just know that, young flexible. All right. Steve will have

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Speaker 1: part two of Today's Strawberry Letter coming up at twenty

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Speaker 1: three after the hour Don't Forget Today, That is today

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Speaker 1: at one thirty pm. You can join me for Strawberry

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Speaker 1: Letter after the show live on Facebook. You can find

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Speaker 1: me at my girl, Shirley or Shirley Strawberry. We're gonna

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Speaker 1: talk about today's letter. We'll talk about trending topics, we'll

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Speaker 1: talk about we'll have a pick of the week, whatever

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Speaker 1: you want to talk about. So join me today one

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Speaker 1: thirty pm Facebook Live for the Strawberry Letter Live after

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Speaker 1: the show. Thank you, Steve how it's your turn for

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Speaker 1: part two of this letter. Your response, go, let me

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Speaker 1: help you out. First of all, your boyfriend is a man.

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Speaker 1: He's twenty eight years as old. Men are very very

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Speaker 1: simple for me to figure out, because I'll tell you why.

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Speaker 1: I have been one for a long time now, And ladies,

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Speaker 1: men are basically the same. We are very very simple

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Speaker 1: creatures to figure out. You put emotion in with us,

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Speaker 1: emotion in with us, and it causes you unable to

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Speaker 1: figure us out because you figure in your emotional tie

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Speaker 1: to this guy, and then it deadens your senses of

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Speaker 1: looking at what's really going on here. So let me

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Speaker 1: hip you to yourself. First of all, young lady, you

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Speaker 1: can't escape the conundrum called the black male. This ain't

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Speaker 1: the black mail. This is any kind of male. All

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Speaker 1: men fit into the same category. Black, white, Puerto Rican Latino, Mexican, Honduras, Ecuadorian, Perubian, whatever,

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Speaker 1: we all the same. We ain't no conundrum. We ain't

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Speaker 1: none of that. If you would take an emotion, if

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Speaker 1: you took the emotion out of this situation, you wouldn't

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Speaker 1: even be bothered with this no more. See, but you

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Speaker 1: are making your decisions with this emotion involved. Your parents

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Speaker 1: are trying to tell you. First of all, he's twenty

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Speaker 1: eight now. You made him at twenty five, so you've

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Speaker 1: been kicking it with him for three years. This food

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Speaker 1: right here is about him. He's a cartoonist, he's funny,

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Speaker 1: he's carrying all that. Your parents and friends hate him

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Speaker 1: because they did like the way he is. He a

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Speaker 1: dressed Now, your father actually said that his parents his

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Speaker 1: appearance is disrespectful. Your father is correct, because there are

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Speaker 1: times when you can be disrespectful. Coming to your grandmother's

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Speaker 1: house in a nasty T shirt and some jeans is

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Speaker 1: disrespectful to you as a woman that he's representing as

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Speaker 1: her man, as your grandparents, coming in her house that way,

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Speaker 1: your mother and father, who got to sit here and

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Speaker 1: deal with this. Nobody else in your family came to

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Speaker 1: Grandmama's house dressed like this, except this fool that you

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Speaker 1: didn't picked as a man. You didn't pick the worst

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Speaker 1: kind of man, you know, Because, young lady, what you've

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Speaker 1: picked now is a man that suffers from a lot

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Speaker 1: of things that men suffer from. It's called foolish pride.

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Speaker 1: And your man is fool or foolish pride. Because this

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Speaker 1: stupid dude right here is trying to tell you you

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Speaker 1: are Paul. When he came to your grandmama's house, he

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Speaker 1: told you that when you confronted about him, he said that, uh,

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Speaker 1: it seems superficial to him that a parent should count

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Speaker 1: so much, and that even if he were a millionaire,

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Speaker 1: he would have worn the same thing to prove a point.

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Speaker 1: He just a damn lie. He is just a damn lie.

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Speaker 1: Million The moment you become a millionaire and you black,

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Speaker 1: it will reflect in every aspect that you get a

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Speaker 1: chance to let it shine. I'm telling you you don't

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Speaker 1: do that. You don't do that when you broke Hello,

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Speaker 1: I said correctly, that are broke people that know how

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Speaker 1: to come to dinner. So you ain't got nothing to

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Speaker 1: do with a millionaire. See, he don't want to let

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Speaker 1: it go cause of foolish pride. See you want to

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Speaker 1: scream at him that you should use common sense, that

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Speaker 1: it's not about your point is about appropriateness, know what,

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Speaker 1: and about his point. Young lady. It's about him and

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Speaker 1: nobody else. It ain't about you. And when a man

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Speaker 1: cares about you or loves you, he will do some

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Speaker 1: things that he's uncomfortable doing just to make you happy.

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Speaker 1: But see, he ain't about nobody but itself. He can't

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Speaker 1: even for a moment say, you know, man, this will

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Speaker 1: make my girl happy if I dress better. Let me

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Speaker 1: just go on buff up for my girl. But he

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Speaker 1: ain't willing to do that because he is about himself.

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Speaker 1: All right, thank you, Steve, but we gotta go. Email

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Speaker 1: or Instagram's your thoughts on today's Strawberry Letter at my

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Speaker 1: girl Shirley. Okay and join me once again today at

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Speaker 1: one pm on Facebook for Strawberry Live after a show