Speaker 1: I don't want to be defined by who I am
Speaker 1: or am not dating. So let me just tell you
Speaker 1: what goes on with me and my love life, my
Speaker 1: love life, my dating era, my adventure era. I've gotten
Speaker 1: married on television. I've been paid to expose my personal life.
Speaker 1: That was the name of the game, that was what
Speaker 1: I signed up for. I've been through the rumor mil
Speaker 1: a very public, negative divorce where I couldn't use my
Speaker 1: own voice and say what I was going through. I
Speaker 1: was terrified that they would be repercussions for explaining that
Speaker 1: I was going through hell, and I was painted to
Speaker 1: be the villain and the person who's quiet and isn't
Speaker 1: getting their words out, particularly when you're in the public
Speaker 1: I or even in your I was called the culled Deza,
Speaker 1: the person who's saying nothing everybody else gets to just
Speaker 1: spin rumors about. So then I left reality TV, and
Speaker 1: that was very vindicating and very liberating because I decided
Speaker 1: that I wanted some version of a private life. Now
Speaker 1: that's laughable given the fact that I'm in the media
Speaker 1: pretty much every day, but I wanted to try to
Speaker 1: have some version of a private life. I was in
Speaker 1: a relationship for years a very meaningful, very significant relationship,
Speaker 1: and it's tempting. You're in a relationship with someone, You're
Speaker 1: out at a restaurant and you're trying something and you
Speaker 1: want to share it with your followers, and you want
Speaker 1: to include the person you're with. You also want to
Speaker 1: share the person you're with with your followers, and they
Speaker 1: get invested, and you want to inspire them that they
Speaker 1: too could meet someone. You also want to let them
Speaker 1: know that you're not miserable anymore, that you're happy. But
Speaker 1: finding someone doesn't mean you're happy. We cannot be defined
Speaker 1: by who we're with, and I really don't want that
Speaker 1: to be my identity. What happens is you meet someone
Speaker 1: and people are invested in it, and they ride with
Speaker 1: you to the top, and then you break up, and
Speaker 1: then they ride with you to the bottom, and they
Speaker 1: want to know why. And it has to be someone's fault.
Speaker 1: Someone did something wrong, someone cheated on someone, someone couldn't
Speaker 1: handle the other person. Someone's the villain, someone's the hero.
Speaker 1: In some cases, people just break up. It could be
Speaker 1: for religious differences. It could be parenting styled. It could
Speaker 1: be the blending didn't work. It could be for money.
Speaker 1: It could be long distance. It could be someone's career
Speaker 1: is too important to them at that time. It could
Speaker 1: be timing. It could be just someone's in a toxic
Speaker 1: period in their life. It could be addiction. There are
Speaker 1: a million things that could be going on. It could
Speaker 1: be a previous divorce or not ready yet. It could
Speaker 1: be anxiety. There are a million reasons why people break
Speaker 1: up and why people get together, and everybody wants to
Speaker 1: assign something that makes them feel better. So it's like,
Speaker 1: if two people break up that seemed perfect and you're
Speaker 1: feeling bad about yourself, you want it to be that
Speaker 1: someone cheated on the other person because that makes you
Speaker 1: feel bad about when you were cheated on, or it
Speaker 1: makes you feel better that that person is alone, because
Speaker 1: you're alone. And that's how people operate sadly, and people
Speaker 1: really want to sabotage others' happiness, and that's really sad.
Speaker 1: And when you are the most unhappy is when you
Speaker 1: want to talk badly about other people and their relationships.
Speaker 1: And when you're the happiest, you're just happy for everyone,
Speaker 1: and you are sad when people are in pain, even
Speaker 1: if you don't like those people. And I have been
Speaker 1: in a dating era and I've shared many of the
Speaker 1: stories with you about fails and pink flags and red
Speaker 1: flags and you know, fears and advice, and I've tried
Speaker 1: to maintain a level of privacy, not just for myself
Speaker 1: but for other people. Now sometimes, as I've mentioned to you,
Speaker 1: that's challenging because a person with you is now with you,
Speaker 1: and they want that to be known because they don't
Speaker 1: want you to seem like you're single. So you want
Speaker 1: to include them in some way. You know, I've taken
Speaker 1: a picture of someone that I've been out with or
Speaker 1: that I liked, holding their hand, but like facing the
Speaker 1: other way to acknowledge them, to not marginalize them. And
Speaker 1: the truth is any version of public scrutiny is not
Speaker 1: a good idea. It's just difficult to navigate. And the
Speaker 1: reason you read so many celebrity breakups, even probably more
Speaker 1: than normal breakups, and so many reality television breakups, is
Speaker 1: because the fish bowl is intense and it seems fun
Speaker 1: for a minute, but it's a rose and it has
Speaker 1: petals and thorns. It's fun when everyone's so into you
Speaker 1: and it seems great, and it crashes and burn. Look
Speaker 1: at Jalo and ban Afleck, Look at everybody, and so
Speaker 1: you try to maintain a level of privacy but also
Speaker 1: be inclusive with the person that you're with. And the
Speaker 1: truth of my dating life is it's been a dating life.
Speaker 1: I was in Miami and I was wearing a ring
Speaker 1: that I've had for years that Dennis, my ex fiance,
Speaker 1: bought me at Beauty and Essex at their pawn shop.
Speaker 1: And it's a flexible diamond ring. And it doesn't fit
Speaker 1: on my right hand and it gets swollen, it will
Speaker 1: get trapped, and so I wear on my left hand
Speaker 1: because I don't really care, Like I don't care about
Speaker 1: a left hand or a right hand, Like nobody said that,
Speaker 1: Like your left hand has to mean anything any more
Speaker 1: than a man wearing an earring in the right air
Speaker 1: means he's gay or straight or weird things like I
Speaker 1: don't care about that.
Speaker 2: I really just don't. I like jewelry.
Speaker 1: I'm not giving up a prime real estate finger, you
Speaker 1: know that used to have a gorgeous diamond ring on
Speaker 1: it for what society gives a shit about.
Speaker 2: It's stupid.
Speaker 1: I've said it out loud. I could wear a diamond
Speaker 1: on there. I could buy a giant twenty carret diamond
Speaker 1: and put it on my left hand. Leave me alone.
Speaker 1: I'm not engaged, and I've been dating it and I've
Speaker 1: been happy, and I've been out and I've traveled and
Speaker 1: I've gone out to dinner. But there's nothing to discuss
Speaker 1: until there's something to discuss. And you guys know me,
Speaker 1: While I don't want to share every intimate detail about
Speaker 1: my relationship every day because that hasn't served me. My
Speaker 1: divorce was traumatic and that being so public was a nightmare,
Speaker 1: like an absolute nightmare. And a breakup that I went
Speaker 1: through was terrible because it became public. It had been
Speaker 1: private for six months and it was so peaceful and
Speaker 1: I was like, wait, wow, I get to feel normal,
Speaker 1: go through it and break up and like experience it
Speaker 1: on my own. And then something happened and it exploded
Speaker 1: into the universe and then people knew about it, and
Speaker 1: that sucked. And now I'm just trying to meet people
Speaker 1: and date and have an interesting life and connect and
Speaker 1: experience love and intimacy, and I just don't want any
Speaker 1: time I go into the ocean and I'm wearing a
Speaker 1: diamond ring that doesn't look anything like an engagement ring,
Speaker 1: that this means that I'm engaged. I just don't want
Speaker 1: these labels to define me. What if I want to
Speaker 1: be happy and that means not knowing what the end
Speaker 1: will be. What if I don't know if I ever
Speaker 1: want to get engaged. What if I don't know if
Speaker 1: I ever want to get married. What if I do
Speaker 1: end up getting married. What if I say to myself,
Speaker 1: I only want to be with someone who has older kids,
Speaker 1: but I meet someone who has younger kids. What if
Speaker 1: I meet someone amazing and I want to blend with
Speaker 1: them but it doesn't work. What if I meet some
Speaker 1: that's long distance?
Speaker 2: What if? What if? What if? Like?
Speaker 1: What if we explore? What if we date and we explore?
Speaker 1: Men are allowed to sleep around, date, be a player,
Speaker 1: and not be defined by their every stupid decision. And
Speaker 1: a woman is with someone they're supposed to be so desperate,
Speaker 1: so happy they got the guy, They want to get
Speaker 1: the ring, they want to lock it down like that's archaic,
Speaker 1: that's not good for women. We could be Martha Stewart.
Speaker 1: We could end up alone in our eighties, with beautiful
Speaker 1: people around us, great pets of full life, a great career,
Speaker 1: still relevant, working, hanging out with Snoop and not in
Speaker 1: a relationship because she seems like she didn't want it
Speaker 1: or it didn't work for her, she couldn't find the
Speaker 1: one she wanted. Martha Stewart is an example of someone
Speaker 1: who probably doesn't want to eat something that's mid So
Speaker 1: if she didn't find a relationship that seems above average,
Speaker 1: she probably isn't willing to settle. Maybe she's difficult, maybe
Speaker 1: she's better alone. Why is this judged? Why does everybody
Speaker 1: have to do what everybody else thinks they want you
Speaker 1: to do. I'm wearing diamonds wherever I want. I could
Speaker 1: wear diamonds on every finger and every toe and it
Speaker 1: doesn't mean I'm engaged. I believe that based on the
Speaker 1: relationship we have. I will tell you if I'm engaged,
Speaker 1: I'd be You'd be probably the first people i'd tell.
Speaker 1: The media cannot explain what's going on in my life.
Speaker 1: I'll explain what's going on in my life in other
Speaker 1: ba Humbug Ebenezer Scrooge news. I love giving thanks, I
Speaker 1: genuinely do. I am thankful, I am grateful. I'm always
Speaker 1: I'm annoying about it, Like I'm in Paris Fashion Week
Speaker 1: with Loriel and I'm like Oh my god, can you
Speaker 1: guys believe I'm on the day one of Apprentice like
Speaker 1: stalking everyone to be as grateful and thankful and appreciative
Speaker 1: and in the moment and centered as I am, Like,
Speaker 1: shut fucking whole. But guess what, I don't like Thanksgiving.
Speaker 1: I don't like Thanksgiving. Why it's a perfectly good long
Speaker 1: weekend that I want to go away somewhere and utilize
Speaker 1: it with my daughter because I'm so I have to
Speaker 1: adhere to her school schedule so tight, and she can't
Speaker 1: take a minute off because it's a fucking it's insane
Speaker 1: in there, and like the sports and the academics and
Speaker 1: the pressure, so we can never miss a day. So
Speaker 1: it's a perfectly good weekend that it's bad travel on
Speaker 1: this day. It's bad travel on the day after. It's
Speaker 1: Black Friday. On this day, it's a whole. It's a
Speaker 1: common deared weekend that is also about marketing the slaughtering
Speaker 1: of turkeys, And yes, I eat chicken, I eat steak,
Speaker 1: So it seems hypocritical, but it's not, because it's a
Speaker 1: mass slaughtering and there's so much waste on a food
Speaker 1: that's never great. You're gonna say your chicken's juicy. Yours
Speaker 1: is moist. Fine, great, it's sometimes there's parts that are moist.
Speaker 1: There's always some fucking dry part. And it's a giant
Speaker 1: thing and it's sloppy, and no one's making like turkey
Speaker 1: soup and a giant cauldron. The net like the waste
Speaker 1: is ad nauseum, all the sloppy, sloppy disgusto ziplock bags
Speaker 1: because now you're wasting plastic.
Speaker 2: Now you're fucking the environment.
Speaker 1: Because it's like you have to have a plastic lifestyle
Speaker 1: just to go with the leftover turkey that no one's
Speaker 1: gonna fucking eat. You eat one sandwich for the gimmick
Speaker 1: and the whole thing, the turkey terrific with the turkey,
Speaker 1: the stuffing, the cramber, and the next day you want
Speaker 1: to throw it against the wall.
Speaker 2: You don't want to see it anymore.
Speaker 1: You don't want to see like the lard laden interior
Speaker 1: of a ziplock bag. It looks ratchet. Something's leaking all
Speaker 1: over your car. Now you gotta fucking steam clean your
Speaker 1: car because you needed to not waste the turkey that
Speaker 1: was mass slaughtered and marketed when it's not that great
Speaker 1: of food.
Speaker 2: Like, why these motherfuckers.
Speaker 1: Why Okay, why Kobe beef that's been massaged. Okay, they
Speaker 1: died for a good and noble cause. Turkeys the dumbest
Speaker 1: fucking animals that don't get on a plane out of
Speaker 1: here to another country because they fucking know, because their
Speaker 1: own friends know that they're going down in November, and
Speaker 1: they can hear everyone talking about it.
Speaker 2: In October. Popeye's is fucking gearing up. Tell your friends
Speaker 2: and guess what.
Speaker 1: The fried turkey, the Cajun turkey, the Asian turkey, dispatchcock turkey,
Speaker 1: the turkey terrific, the turkey fucking skewers, turkey soup, turkey,
Speaker 1: leave turkey, taco.
Speaker 2: Shut the fuck up.
Speaker 1: Nobody wants a turkey taco. Stop stop justifying the slaughtering
Speaker 1: of an animal that doesn't fucking taste great.
Speaker 2: It tastes good.
Speaker 1: I'll give you sliced cold cuts, thinly slice that I'll
Speaker 1: give you, but then it's bad for you, nitrates. This
Speaker 1: is wrong, that's wrong. It's not real turkey, like shut
Speaker 1: stop stop it. The only time I ever enjoyed a
Speaker 1: turkey was when I fucking marinated it within an inch
Speaker 1: of its life. I gave it a salt rub. I
Speaker 1: made it in an air fire, just the turkey breast,
Speaker 1: not the whole thing.
Speaker 2: But what are we gonna do? Only kill?
Speaker 1: It's like killing for fucking skilling, killing stripper. We're like
Speaker 1: killing strippers. We only want you for your beautiful breasts.
Speaker 1: Like now we're gonna kill all these fucking turkeys for
Speaker 1: the one. Yes, some grandfather wants to not a drumstick, great,
Speaker 1: most people don't want the big drumstick. Those are all
Speaker 1: going to Disneyland where they're only eating drumstick. Where is
Speaker 1: the rest of the turkey going? I just don't like it.
Speaker 1: I don't like it. I don't trust it. I don't
Speaker 1: like it. And we only like turkey's big, perfect tits.
Speaker 1: We only want the white meat breast, that's what we want.
Speaker 1: I don't like it. So yes, I want to travel
Speaker 1: on Thanksgiving. I want to fly on that fucking day
Speaker 1: when no one's fine. Go somewhere great, ignore it, not
Speaker 1: murder all the birds for the waste and the pressure
Speaker 1: and the stress. I don't care. And I also I
Speaker 1: don't know. I don't love the whole meal. It's a
Speaker 1: it's a fucking onslaught, and it's waterboarding, Like, I don't
Speaker 1: need sweet cranberries with sweet sweet potatoes, with sweet marshmallows,
Speaker 1: with sweet pecans, with sweet pumpkin pie at the same
Speaker 1: fucking time. Oh, let's candy some walnuts on the salad
Speaker 1: that has dried cranberries in it. But also let's jam
Speaker 1: some fucking corn bread up the turkey with the cranberries.
Speaker 1: What are we doing? Are we all trying to be diabetic?
Speaker 1: Like we're doing this all the same time. No wonder
Speaker 1: everyone's sleeping until Valentine's Day. Why it's not normal. It's
Speaker 1: not normal.
Speaker 2: We don't.
Speaker 1: Here's here's the Like, Okay, let's do the turkey. Fine, fine,
Speaker 1: then let's pick our spots and the vegetable. Every vegetables
Speaker 1: to be fried and fucking cream sauce and cream mushroom
Speaker 1: with bread crumbs and onions on top. I'm not I
Speaker 1: don't care. There's no way you want that all at
Speaker 1: the same time. That's a problem, absolutely not. Like let's
Speaker 1: have an nice, fresh, gorgeous vegetable to balance out the
Speaker 1: sweet potatoes. But then like, let's do that, let's have
Speaker 1: the let's have the cranber and it's not a weight thing.
Speaker 2: I don't even care.
Speaker 1: It's just like I want to gag two minutes into
Speaker 1: the buffet and we're like hoarding and crowding the plates
Speaker 1: so like because we're not because we have to like
Speaker 1: pick our spots, and then we're going back and they're like,
Speaker 1: I'm disgusto and gross, and I don't like peacam pie.
Speaker 1: I don't need perade nuts, Like fine, a couple of
Speaker 1: bites of pumpkin pie. Like give me a hot fudge sunday.
Speaker 1: Give me some fucking chocolate molten cake with some good
Speaker 1: gorgeous or big like giant layer cake with gorgeous frosting.
Speaker 1: Don't pretend you like peacmpie as much as just a
Speaker 1: beautiful piece of birthday cake from publics. Don't fucking pretend
Speaker 1: I'd rather have ice cream cake or a gorgeous chocolate
Speaker 1: cake with multiple layers any day. Don't sell me peacam pie.
Speaker 1: I'm not buying it. I don't need like a pile
Speaker 1: of nuts after I've eaten every fucking food category in
Speaker 1: the universe.
Speaker 2: Modesighter while we're at it.
Speaker 1: Honestly, I want to go and get a gastric bypass
Speaker 1: after Thanksgiving, and I don't want it. And the conversation
Speaker 1: is to say you're being waterboarded. Everyone's like getting on.
Speaker 1: Why aren't you singing? Why are you single? You're eating
Speaker 1: too much? What happened to this? Why are you not
Speaker 1: with that person? Who'd you vote for? I don't know why.
Speaker 1: At least Christmas has a distraction of gifts and presents
Speaker 1: and kids running around and Holliday cheer and gingerbread in
Speaker 1: the tree and all these fucking activities and Sanna and
Speaker 1: his sleigh and masks. Let's go to math, break it up.
Speaker 1: Thanksgiving is just like it's like it's like the way
Speaker 1: that they stuff, like they what do they do for
Speaker 1: fuag garas they stuff some animal? Whether they inject them
Speaker 1: with goosefat or something, I don't know, whatever it is,
Speaker 1: it's how I feel. I don't like Thanksgiving. And when
Speaker 1: I cook Thanksgiving I smell like onions for two weeks.
Speaker 1: I like everything. I can't even I don't want to
Speaker 1: eat it. I smell like sage and rosemary. It's under
Speaker 1: my nails. I don't like the way it feels. It's
Speaker 1: all over my clothes. It's I don't like that either.
Speaker 1: The difference between something I have cooked, which is excellent.
Speaker 1: I happen to be a good cook and something that's
Speaker 1: like sort of above average. The swing isn't big enough
Speaker 1: for me to want every item of clothing that's in
Speaker 1: my home, in my closet to smell like Parsley, rosemary,
Speaker 1: sage stuffing and fucking turkey fat. I can't wait for
Speaker 1: all the unfollows I'm gonna get. I know you guys
Speaker 1: think I am a grouch and a screwge. I don't care.
Speaker 1: I feel free. I feel liberated. I fucking set it
Speaker 1: and the origin of the Thanksgiving story too. My friends
Speaker 1: are from Canada, France. They don't do it. I cling
Speaker 1: to them. Two years I did it alone. One year
Speaker 1: I jumped into the ocean in the Hamptons. It's not
Speaker 1: my haul. Some people hate Halloween. They don't like the costumes,
Speaker 1: they don't like the pressure. Some people hate New Year's Eve.
Speaker 1: They don't like it. What does it need to be
Speaker 1: all and dreamsy to come true? I'm exhausted. I don't
Speaker 1: want to stay awake. I'm a loser.
Speaker 2: I'm alone.
Speaker 1: This holiday season is not for the fucking faint of heart.
Speaker 1: Like it gets real, it gets real, lonely. Anything you
Speaker 1: are you're not rich enough, you have bills, you're not
Speaker 1: with your kids enough, your kids aren't with you. You're alone,
Speaker 1: you're too single, you're divorced, you're miserable in your marriage.
Speaker 1: You're divided. Your husband gets the kids this year. It's
Speaker 1: not for the faint of heart. Like I know, we
Speaker 1: have to make things meaningful. But do not invest your
Speaker 1: whole life into these holidays because they will fucking run
Speaker 1: you over like a freight train. Period story in film
Speaker 1: at eleven