Speaker 1: I don't understand people's decision to refuse to wear a mask.
Speaker 1: I don't understand people who still are acting like this
Speaker 1: is fake news and acting as as business as usual,
Speaker 1: and it's not business as usually. It really isn't welcome
Speaker 1: to positively gam hosted by me Gammy. Today is a
Speaker 1: special episode where we're talking about experiencing loss during the
Speaker 1: time of COVID. I recently lost my mother and love.
Speaker 1: Some people would say mother in law, but in my
Speaker 1: family we say mother and love. And I thought that
Speaker 1: I was prepared, and it turns out that I wasn't.
Speaker 1: In the beginning of the pandemic, there was a lot
Speaker 1: of talk to how people were experiencing death and dying
Speaker 1: and not being able to be with their family members,
Speaker 1: and I knew at that time that that was going
Speaker 1: to be the experience for my family because my mother
Speaker 1: in love was in a nursing home. So joining me
Speaker 1: today is Mona Harris. She's a good friend of mine
Speaker 1: from my hometown of Baltimore, Maryland, and we realized that
Speaker 1: we had a commonality in this experience of loss. So
Speaker 1: tell me about your loss, Mona, because it was your
Speaker 1: mother in love as well, and they were both at
Speaker 1: the same facility. Correct, she was well taken care of
Speaker 1: at that nursing facility. She was actually in the memory
Speaker 1: care unit. So she had to mention in March they said, well,
Speaker 1: this is the last time you're gonna be able to
Speaker 1: come for right now because the pandemic is stopping all visits.
Speaker 1: How old was your mother in love? To mine? Was
Speaker 1: to mine too, I mean her health was good at
Speaker 1: other than that, and when that pandemic it hit like
Speaker 1: a ton of Brits because, I mean, we couldn't go there.
Speaker 1: And one of the nurses was able to let us
Speaker 1: call her cell phone from time to time and do
Speaker 1: a FaceTime call. But her being not in her right mind,
Speaker 1: she didn't know what was going but it was just
Speaker 1: good for us. They good eyes on her at the beginning.
Speaker 1: I don't believe that Merlin was requiring tests. I think
Speaker 1: in mid April they started testing. I think they tested
Speaker 1: her on the twenty eight of April and found out
Speaker 1: the next day she was positive. And a week later,
Speaker 1: on a Saturday, they first, as a matter of fact,
Speaker 1: they called my sister in law and asked her if
Speaker 1: she wanted to have a face call, and they had
Speaker 1: never done that before my sister in law took the call,
Speaker 1: and you know, my mom was a little unresponsive at
Speaker 1: that time. And the next day, which was made second,
Speaker 1: they called and said her heart rate had went high
Speaker 1: and her person had drop. What should we do? And
Speaker 1: my husband said, send it to the arm and he
Speaker 1: went to the facility actually and met the ambulance that
Speaker 1: I couldn't go in, but he wanted to see her
Speaker 1: coming out. Upon her coming out, she wasn't responsibly yelled,
Speaker 1: you know, yelled her name, but she didn't respond. So
Speaker 1: he followed them. It's up to the hospital, and of
Speaker 1: course he couldn't go in. So she was there a
Speaker 1: couple of days at the hospital and they called and
Speaker 1: said that there was no more they could do. He said,
Speaker 1: one person can come to see her, and my husband
Speaker 1: went and they covered him from head to toe in
Speaker 1: all the year and her cell phone in the plastic
Speaker 1: bag so he could do a zoom call for his
Speaker 1: family members. And that's that and for my family, I
Speaker 1: think that our experiences were quite similar. You know. First
Speaker 1: of all, let me just say that when you have
Speaker 1: to make the decision to put someone in a nursing
Speaker 1: care facility, it's well known that, you know, you have
Speaker 1: to be really careful and thoughtful about the facility that
Speaker 1: you choose, and a lot of it is based on
Speaker 1: what the family can afford. So I feel blessed, Like
Speaker 1: I said, that we were able to get her in
Speaker 1: a facility that we trusted and had confidence in. That
Speaker 1: being said, though, knowing that the elderly are vulnerable and
Speaker 1: at risk, it's imperative that we have some button there
Speaker 1: every day, and we were lucky enough to be able
Speaker 1: to do that. We have family members, so somebody in
Speaker 1: the family was there every single day. Rodney's sister brought
Speaker 1: her mother dinner every day and it was a schedule
Speaker 1: for us. At three o'clock every day we went to
Speaker 1: see Miss Jeans. So having her be able to see us,
Speaker 1: touch us, talk with us, sit down, and spend time
Speaker 1: with us on a daily basis, and to go from
Speaker 1: that to absolutely nothing was devastating for us. And I
Speaker 1: just can't imagine what that was like for her, you know,
Speaker 1: because they don't quite understand exactly what's going on. Rodney's
Speaker 1: mom was of sound mind. She wasn't of sound body,
Speaker 1: but she was of sound mind. But still there's a
Speaker 1: bit of confusion when you know, everybody is coming and
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, nobody is right, you know,
Speaker 1: And it took the facility a minute to figure out,
Speaker 1: how can we involve the family because we know that
Speaker 1: that is needed. And then they started doing the the
Speaker 1: weekly FaceTime calls that you mentioned, but it was once
Speaker 1: a week and it was for a couple of minutes.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure we even got up to a half
Speaker 1: an hour of time because they're having to go around
Speaker 1: to each person, each bed and do this. I can
Speaker 1: imagine the task that it was to to do that,
Speaker 1: but it was really, really, really something. First, let me
Speaker 1: ask you, let me go back and ask how are
Speaker 1: you guys doing? How are you and Eric coping how?
Speaker 1: I think everybody is doing as best they can. Everybody
Speaker 1: has their moments. I know, Earth class his moments, you know,
Speaker 1: when he would when he was talking about yesterday, he
Speaker 1: was having some moments that hit hard because she and
Speaker 1: I were pretty close as well, well, we were very close,
Speaker 1: not pretty close, even though, like Eric would say, sometimes
Speaker 1: she's really not here, because she had to mention, but
Speaker 1: I said, but physically she is here, you know, and
Speaker 1: we still could touch it, We still could see her,
Speaker 1: you know, so it's it's it's very devastating. Yeah. Let
Speaker 1: me clarify for the audience to that, Eric, your husband,
Speaker 1: she was my mother in love as well. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and Rodney is my husband. So we just want to
Speaker 1: clarify who we're talking about. So do you feel like
Speaker 1: the loss of your mom was more add to the
Speaker 1: COVID or was it just more related to It was
Speaker 1: definitely COVID, yeah, because she was doing fine before that, exactly.
Speaker 1: I talked to a matter of fact, we saw a
Speaker 1: nurse in the market a couple of weeks ago, and
Speaker 1: I guess it was about thirty about thirty patients in
Speaker 1: her particularly unit, and we were asking how they were doing,
Speaker 1: and she said, my mother loves unit. Out of say,
Speaker 1: thirty all passed but two. Wow. So and it sounds
Speaker 1: like your mother, your mother and love. Her illness progressed quickly. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't know if those patients on that unit were
Speaker 1: more vulnerable, you know, because I don't know who of
Speaker 1: those patients had other issues other than dimension, you know,
Speaker 1: they could have had other issues. Well, my mother in law,
Speaker 1: she didn't, she didn't have any other underlying issues. Yeah,
Speaker 1: my mother in love was of sound, sound mind. But
Speaker 1: she was weakened. Her body was weakened. She couldn't get
Speaker 1: out of the bed, you know, on her own, and
Speaker 1: you know, she was she was pretty frail. But I
Speaker 1: still feel like if I mean like, I'm not God,
Speaker 1: but I just feel like if she, you know, hadn't
Speaker 1: succumbed to two the pandemic, that she would still be
Speaker 1: be with us today. I believe that as well too,
Speaker 1: you know, because I said she was still fine. She
Speaker 1: was still eating on her own. Some of the patients
Speaker 1: were not. She wasn't walking, she was in a wheelchair,
Speaker 1: but she still was able to eat. You know. The
Speaker 1: conversations were, you know, of course way out there, but
Speaker 1: we would still laugh and still talk and you know,
Speaker 1: we had a good time. So this COVID really, really,
Speaker 1: am really took her right. I thought that I was
Speaker 1: prepared because I knew that this was going to be
Speaker 1: the case. You know, dealing with loss is such a
Speaker 1: difficult journey. And no matter what you tell yourself, because
Speaker 1: I tell myself all the time, well it's it's just
Speaker 1: part of the life cycle. Everybody, everybody is going to die.
Speaker 1: You're never prepared trying to navigate those emotions during during
Speaker 1: this pandemic. When you you cannot be with family and
Speaker 1: friends to celebrate the life was very different. Let let
Speaker 1: me ask you, did you and your family plan a service?
Speaker 1: Did you have a funeral and people could come? And
Speaker 1: he's got three siblings, so their spouses that was eight.
Speaker 1: It couldn't have been in her church where she has
Speaker 1: been all her life, so she couldn't even they couldn't
Speaker 1: even celebrate her there. So it really has taken a toll,
Speaker 1: you know, because she couldn't celebrate her life the way
Speaker 1: she really should have been celebra read it, but you know,
Speaker 1: it was a blessing. It was, but it was a blessing.
Speaker 1: So you didn't have any kind of repass or gathering
Speaker 1: after the funeral either, right? Did you have a view reviewing?
Speaker 1: And a lot of people came for that, so that
Speaker 1: was a blessing. A lot of people were able to
Speaker 1: come and we were able to communicate and and have
Speaker 1: a little fellowship with them because the funeral home allowed
Speaker 1: us to communicate on the outside. So the people went
Speaker 1: through viewed her body and then came outside. Yeah, well
Speaker 1: for us, we you know, we were able to have
Speaker 1: the viewing. I mean, even the simple thing is like
Speaker 1: you know how you have the guest book where everybody fine,
Speaker 1: didn't have that, and it's just like everybody having the
Speaker 1: mask and not being able to hug people. And then
Speaker 1: for the funeral it was the same. I felt like
Speaker 1: we were allowed to have more people than ten, but
Speaker 1: it's not even what you're allowed. People are afraid. We
Speaker 1: didn't even expect people to come out, because you know,
Speaker 1: we're trying to protect and keep people safe as well.
Speaker 1: But anybody that did take the time to come, you
Speaker 1: want to be able to thank them, and and that's
Speaker 1: what the repasses for. But it's also you know, an
Speaker 1: opportunity to just continue the celebration and share stories and
Speaker 1: have some joy about your loved one's life. And the
Speaker 1: idea for me, the idea of not knowing of no
Speaker 1: family member being able to to be with her in
Speaker 1: her last hours, all the family members that didn't get
Speaker 1: an opportunity to come and visit her one more time.
Speaker 1: You know, you don't you don't know whether, well, did
Speaker 1: she pass and they just came in the room and
Speaker 1: found her or with somebody with her. It's a difficult time,
Speaker 1: and it's really dreamely difficult time. And I think That's
Speaker 1: one of the reasons why I wanted to bring it
Speaker 1: up again, because, like I said in the beginning, there
Speaker 1: were a lot of stories that you saw on CNN
Speaker 1: when the pandemic first hit, but we have kind of
Speaker 1: moved away from that part of this travesty, you know,
Speaker 1: and I just kind of wanted to remind people because
Speaker 1: I don't understand people's decision to refuse to wear a mask.
Speaker 1: I don't understand people who still are acting like this
Speaker 1: is fake news and acting as a business as usual
Speaker 1: and it's not buses responsibility at the top. Well, yeah,
Speaker 1: I think people have their own way of saying goodbye
Speaker 1: when there's a loss. But is there anything that kind
Speaker 1: of stands out in your mind that you maybe would
Speaker 1: have done had you been able to have the funeral
Speaker 1: in a normal time without the pandemic. I think the
Speaker 1: biggest thing because she was a lifetime member of Evaneza
Speaker 1: Baptist Church. Great grandfather founded the church, so she's been
Speaker 1: there since a child, so you know, a lot of
Speaker 1: memories are in that church. She was spent her life
Speaker 1: there literally, that alone, it's pretty hard. Church members couldn't
Speaker 1: be there, a pastor couldn't be there, you know, the
Speaker 1: celebration that they would they would have had, and they
Speaker 1: said they'll do a memorial service once this is over,
Speaker 1: but it's really not the same, you know, a memorial service. Yes,
Speaker 1: to me, it will be a little different doing it
Speaker 1: that way, And I agree. I think it is the gathering.
Speaker 1: And I don't even think I've realized just how important
Speaker 1: that gathering and that repath past is. It's like your
Speaker 1: missing water until the well runs dry, right, And I
Speaker 1: didn't realize just how important that celebration after the actual
Speaker 1: funeral it really is. You know, sometimes I think people think, oh,
Speaker 1: it's just you're just going to eat. It's much more
Speaker 1: than that, much more, much more, so, much more than that,
Speaker 1: And there's so much comfort that you get from sharing
Speaker 1: stories and celebration of the life of the person who
Speaker 1: has transitioned. Where did you find comfort during this time
Speaker 1: and not being able to do that, well, Adrian, I
Speaker 1: don't even know if I found comfort now. I think
Speaker 1: I'll just have to accept where we are because if
Speaker 1: you really think about it, you know, all her nieces,
Speaker 1: her nephews, her grands they all couldn't be present. She
Speaker 1: was well loved, so you just had to accept it
Speaker 1: for what it is. That's no real closure. Yes, that's
Speaker 1: the key word, Mona. That that's how I felt. I
Speaker 1: felt like there was no real closure, you know. And
Speaker 1: my husband days after it was like, what's going on?
Speaker 1: And I couldn't quite put my finger on exactly what
Speaker 1: it was. What It's almost like it was the whole
Speaker 1: process was rushed. Yes, we're able to take your time
Speaker 1: and just reminisce on the memories and reminisce on how
Speaker 1: people are celebrating her. Yeah, so you know, and once
Speaker 1: again recognizing that it's not the fault of anyone, recognizing
Speaker 1: that this is just what is needed during these times
Speaker 1: to try to keep people safe, you know, and and
Speaker 1: protect it. So I want to end this conversation on
Speaker 1: a positive note. If we can tell me something really
Speaker 1: good or maybe a sweet memory about your miss Katherine.
Speaker 1: Miss Katherine, I'm gonna tell you Miss Katherine was. She
Speaker 1: was a type the type of lady that she didn't
Speaker 1: hold back, but she wanted to tell you yes, and
Speaker 1: she and I would just laugh. My husband would say, Mike,
Speaker 1: you can't say that, you can't say that, you know,
Speaker 1: but you know, she would just say how she felt
Speaker 1: and I would laugh because it was funny to me
Speaker 1: with Earth said don't laugh because it's not funny. Yes
Speaker 1: it is, it really is. She's been on this earth
Speaker 1: ninety two years. Let her say and let her do
Speaker 1: what she wants. But that's just how she was. She
Speaker 1: just said said how she felt, and it was funny
Speaker 1: to me, you know, because she liked to laugh and
Speaker 1: so do I. So that was that was a good
Speaker 1: memory for me. Yeah, my mother and Misschi was the
Speaker 1: same way as she always would say what was on
Speaker 1: her mind. But I think the thing that really will
Speaker 1: stick with me so much is how much she loved
Speaker 1: her family. She loved her family, loved her grandkids and
Speaker 1: her extended family, and she was just such a giving woman.
Speaker 1: You know. Another thing that that that sticks out for
Speaker 1: me is that she was a wonderful cook. And we
Speaker 1: don't have that. Yeah, no, we don't share my family
Speaker 1: because I'm not I'm not a good cook, you know.
Speaker 1: She was was always a good cook, and that was
Speaker 1: that was her way of showing love to her family,
Speaker 1: was was cooking a good old meal. So even though
Speaker 1: we we had such a devastating loss during the pandemic Mona,
Speaker 1: we we have these wonderful memories. Right yeah, yeah, So
Speaker 1: my best to Eric, and thank you so much for
Speaker 1: being willing to come on and share your story. Not
Speaker 1: a problem, not a problem. Hopefully somebody will will hear
Speaker 1: it and it will help them to know that we
Speaker 1: get we'll get through it. We were getting through it,
Speaker 1: you know, as hard as it is, as hard as
Speaker 1: as it was, we're getting through it, right. I just
Speaker 1: want to remind people that the pandemic it's not over.
Speaker 1: Please please please wear a mask, if not to protect you,
Speaker 1: then to protect your nobody else, somebody else. Wash your hands,
Speaker 1: wear a mask, yes, yes, thank you so much. All right,
Speaker 1: take care. The only takeaway that I have is that
Speaker 1: this for now is the new normal, and everyone's journey
Speaker 1: to find enclosure and peace will be different. Please remember
Speaker 1: to the guidelines for safe distancing, Wash your hands, and
Speaker 1: please please please wear a mask. Positively. GAM is produced
Speaker 1: by Westbrook Audio. Executive producers Adrian Banfield, Norris, Jada Pinkett Smith,
Speaker 1: Amanda Brown and Salon jethro Co. Executive producer sim Hoti,
Speaker 1: Segment producer Ash Francis, Associate producers Erica Ron and Kobe Hertberg,
Speaker 1: Editor and mixer Calvin bailiffs Positively. Gams is in partnership
Speaker 1: with art nineteen