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Speaker 1: Hello, Hi, how's life?

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Speaker 2: It's good?

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, I'm so happy I got through. I

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Speaker 3: wanted to talk so bad.

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Speaker 1: What's your name?

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Speaker 3: My name's Claire, Claire.

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Speaker 1: Yes, what like the store Claire's.

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Speaker 3: Yes, like the store Claire. I actually love that store

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Speaker 3: growing up.

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Speaker 1: What's up, Claire? How's life?

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Speaker 2: How?

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Speaker 1: How can I be be on the phone with you today?

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Speaker 3: Well, I would love to talk about what I'm going

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Speaker 3: through right now, and you are streaming and I'm currently

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Speaker 3: kind of instill a whole bunch of stuff. Sorry if

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Speaker 3: I'm a little bit shaky, I'm really excited to talk,

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Speaker 3: but I I So, I'm on a sailing journey right now,

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Speaker 3: my first sailing journey. I'm kind of I've been refitting

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Speaker 3: my boat for like two and a half years, and

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Speaker 3: it was finally good enough to like go in the

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Speaker 3: middle of winter, like like two months ago, and so

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Speaker 3: I decided to just go and do it and figure

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Speaker 3: shit out as I go along. So I've been figuring

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Speaker 3: shit out as I go along and teaching myself to

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Speaker 3: sail and learning a whole bunch and it's actually been

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Speaker 3: really nice and like beautiful, and like there's been dolphins

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Speaker 3: and seashells, and it's me and my dog and I've

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Speaker 3: been having a great time. But like two nights ago,

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Speaker 3: I sunk. I half spunk my boat. I was I

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Speaker 3: was on a sand bar and my boat was completely

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Speaker 3: tilted to the side, and I woke up to like

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Speaker 3: water streaming in my windows and half my boat was

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Speaker 3: full of water and it was really scary and I

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Speaker 3: got out of that situation and I kind of got

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Speaker 3: to safety, but my boat literally like it was fucking

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Speaker 3: like filled with water. It was half flooded, and and

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Speaker 3: now I'm trying to figure out how to get out

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Speaker 3: of this. I've been trying for two days to get

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Speaker 3: my engine fixed, and I've gotten it fixed a little

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Speaker 3: bit and then it cuts out. And I'm currently fucking

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Speaker 3: like my engine cut out at like midnight last night,

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Speaker 3: and I drifted. I threw my anchor out real quick,

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Speaker 3: so luckily I didn't ground again. But I'm kind of

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Speaker 3: just stranded in the water trying to troubleshoot shit, and

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Speaker 3: I've I've kind of got to the end of my

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Speaker 3: particular knowledge on things, and I'm trying to google and

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Speaker 3: get myself out of this situation. But it's crazy because

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Speaker 3: it's like it's like only me who can get myself

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Speaker 3: out of this situation. And it's kind of terrified because

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Speaker 3: like I don't know if I could do it or not.

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Speaker 3: But I'm trying.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I'm I'm struggling to understand a few things. Where

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Speaker 1: where are physically are you? Right now?

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Speaker 3: I'm in North Carolina?

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Speaker 1: Okay, you're in North Carolina? And are you?

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Speaker 4: Like?

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Speaker 1: Are you? Where are you?

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Speaker 5: So?

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Speaker 3: I was traveling on the Inner Coastal Waterway, which is

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Speaker 3: kind of like it's close to the ocean, but it's

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Speaker 3: like in the coast a little bit, and it goes

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Speaker 3: down pretty much from Norfolk, Virginia all the way to Florida.

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Speaker 3: And that's where I've just been kind of traveling down

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Speaker 3: the Inner Coastal and that's where I grounded. On this

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Speaker 3: particular leg that I'm own right now, there's just no

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Speaker 3: anchor spots. It will be like twenty feet deep on

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Speaker 3: like a channel that's carved out, but on either side

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Speaker 3: of the channel is like like three four five feet,

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Speaker 3: which is which is why I grounded. So right now,

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Speaker 3: I drifted a little bit out of the channel and

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Speaker 3: I've like anchored myself just in the middle of the water,

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Speaker 3: like I can see there's land not too far from me,

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Speaker 3: but I can't really get to it.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so you are on a boat right now.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm on my boat.

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Speaker 1: But you said the boat. The boat doesn't work.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, my boat the engine my engine cut out and

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Speaker 3: I don't My engine has been broken, and I'm not

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Speaker 3: quite sure what's going on.

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Speaker 5: It's kind of weird.

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Speaker 3: So, yeah, I'm stranded. I've been stranded for like a

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Speaker 3: couple of days. And yeah, every I don't have food.

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Speaker 3: Everything's wet. All my tools are wet, my bed is wet.

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Speaker 3: Everything is like molding and rusting.

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Speaker 4: As we speak.

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Speaker 1: Okay, so what's your name?

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Speaker 3: Claire?

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Speaker 1: Claire? So you are on but do you do you

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Speaker 1: see any land around you?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, there's land around me, there's I see houses. So

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Speaker 3: in case of emergency, I could like get to land.

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Speaker 3: I have a dingy, which is a small boat, but

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Speaker 3: I only have paddles and there's high winds right now,

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Speaker 3: and I just I can't really paddle very well, and

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Speaker 3: my dingy takes on water. So if the winds died down,

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Speaker 3: I could get to land and go through people's houses

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Speaker 3: and try to get somewhere. But it doesn't really solve

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Speaker 3: the fact that my boat is still here and still broken.

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Speaker 1: Okay, but you you are not like in immediate danger

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Speaker 1: right now, are you of like being like no, lot,

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Speaker 1: I've been like like like drowning it in the middle

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Speaker 1: of the ocean.

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Speaker 3: No, I'm not taking on water and I'm not an

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Speaker 3: immediate danger. I threw my anchor out, and there's land

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Speaker 3: just over here. If I have to get to it,

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Speaker 3: I can call somebody to pick me up. It's fifteen

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Speaker 3: hundred dollars, which I don't have, so I could call people.

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Speaker 3: There's also people who drive their boats cross across the

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Speaker 3: inner coastal, so if I need to, I can also

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Speaker 3: flag people down to get a ride into land. So

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Speaker 3: I'm not in like any immediate danger. I'm just kind

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Speaker 3: of trying to figure out how to get myself out

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Speaker 3: of the situation. But I'm pretty stable.

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Speaker 1: Okay. Uh, why don't you call somebody for help.

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Speaker 3: Because I have I have a boat tow USA thing,

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Speaker 3: which is like free towing, but because I grounded and

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Speaker 3: took on water, they don't cover free toes anymore, and

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Speaker 3: so help would be at the very minimum fifteen dollars,

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Speaker 3: they told me, and it can go up as much

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Speaker 3: as like ten grand, depending on what I need and

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Speaker 3: where I need to get to.

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Speaker 1: So so, okay, you are in a boat, how do

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Speaker 1: you charge your phone? And shit?

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Speaker 3: I have solar panels which charge my batteries and it

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Speaker 3: charges my phone and like puts life to all my boats.

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Speaker 3: So I do have I have like my phone, and

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Speaker 3: I have lights, and I have batteries and stuff and

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Speaker 3: they didn't get too damaged in the water.

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Speaker 1: I'm trying to I'm just trying to get like a

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Speaker 1: picture of your surroundings right now, Like how far away,

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Speaker 1: Like could you swim to where the land is?

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Speaker 5: Is it just some land?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess swim It's not super closed, but like

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Speaker 3: it's there's people's backyards. Maybe I don't know how to

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Speaker 3: gauge distances, but like I can see the stripes on

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Speaker 3: their American flag.

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Speaker 1: Okay, I'm curious again how you got into this situation.

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Speaker 1: How long have you been at sea for?

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Speaker 3: I've been traveling down the Inner coastal for two months now,

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Speaker 3: and I like, I'm not like.

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Speaker 5: I'm not.

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Speaker 3: Fairly proficient, not super super proficient, but I refit. I

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Speaker 3: bought this sailboat like two and a half years ago

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Speaker 3: and I've done a total refit. So I know, I

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Speaker 3: know a singer two about a singer singer two. But yeah,

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Speaker 3: I guess I got into it because I've been traveling

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Speaker 3: and then I grounded, and when tide went out, that's

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Speaker 3: when the water came in, and that's kind of what

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Speaker 3: started this whole thing.

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Speaker 1: Hmmm, Well, how has it been traveling for the past

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Speaker 1: two months? Have you been, like, is it been lonely

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Speaker 1: at your You're literally alone at sea. That's like the

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Speaker 1: most uh isolating thing you could do.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I've been going. I've actually I've had a really

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Speaker 3: nice time. I was really scared because I bought my

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Speaker 3: boat two and a half years ago, and I bought

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Speaker 3: it thinking I would just go off into the grade unknown,

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Speaker 3: go to the Caribbean or whatever, and I kind of

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Speaker 3: accidentally have put two and a half years of my

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Speaker 3: life into this thing because shit just keeps breaking and

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Speaker 3: I just keep having to fix it. So I was

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Speaker 3: really scared when I started this journey that I would

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Speaker 3: get on the boat after spending two and a half

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Speaker 3: years of my life on this and hate it. But

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Speaker 3: I kind of too, It's twofold. I've been having a really,

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Speaker 3: really nice time I have my dog with me, and

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Speaker 3: I've just been like, I have to bring him to

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Speaker 3: shore all the time, so I like I get to

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Speaker 3: explore beaches, and I've been meeting lots of really nice people.

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Speaker 3: I've been having a lot of really cool experiences. I

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Speaker 3: will say that I was kind of hoping to meet

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Speaker 3: more people my own age and like party a little

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Speaker 3: bit and like have that sort of vibe. And most

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Speaker 3: of the people I've been meeting have been like older

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Speaker 3: or like not quite my vibe, so I haven't really

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Speaker 3: found my people yet. But it's been really nice spending

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Speaker 3: time with myself and being happy with myself, because like

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Speaker 3: in everyday life, I really distract myself and I look

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Speaker 3: at my phone all the time and I listen to

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Speaker 3: podcasts and I don't give myself like a spare minute

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Speaker 3: to think or be or exist. And it has unexpectedly

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Speaker 3: been really nice getting to know myself and relying on

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Speaker 3: myself and knowing that I'm the only person who can

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Speaker 3: get myself out of a situation. I've liked that.

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Speaker 1: How old are you?

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Speaker 3: I'm twenty seven And when you.

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Speaker 1: Say most people, well, I guess a few questions. How

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Speaker 1: are you exactly meeting these people and what is it

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Speaker 1: about them that makes you say that they're not your vibe.

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Speaker 3: Well, it's not that they're my vibe. I've actually had,

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Speaker 3: like I've had a lot of really genuine relationships with

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Speaker 3: people who are kind of outside of people I would

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Speaker 3: normally hang out with, because, like I mean, I would

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Speaker 3: normally hang out with like just young creative people, like

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Speaker 3: artsy kids and like like hippie circles and stuff is

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Speaker 3: my normal friend groups. And the people I meet a

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Speaker 3: lot of old dudes, which is like good and bad.

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Speaker 3: Some people are really freaking creepy, especially to like a

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Speaker 3: young woman doing this by herself. I've had a love

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Speaker 3: like creeps, but I've also like made really genuine friendships

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Speaker 3: with just people worlds away from me that I would

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Speaker 3: never have the chance, Like I met, I pulled into

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Speaker 3: this marina one time to like outweigh there was a

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Speaker 3: storm coming, so I pulled into this marina and it

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Speaker 3: was in the middle of nowhere, like I thought it

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Speaker 3: was abandoned, and there just happened to be this retired

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Speaker 3: New York taxi driver who had like the thickest New

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Speaker 3: York accent ever, and he like just bought that Marina

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Speaker 3: and recently divorced, and just he was telling these crazy

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Speaker 3: stories about being a midnight taxi driver in New York,

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Speaker 3: and I'm like, I would have no other reason to

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Speaker 3: talk to this man at the grocery store, but because

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Speaker 3: I'm in need and trying to down this storm, I've

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Speaker 3: met this man in the middle of bumfuck nowhere, North Carolina,

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Speaker 3: and it was just such a giguine interaction that I

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Speaker 3: never would have had otherwise.

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Speaker 1: Yet building, you know, I think that a very rich

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Speaker 1: life is filled with a lot of those moments where

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Speaker 1: you're in a weird situation meeting a person that you

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Speaker 1: just never would have come across in your daily life.

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Speaker 3: No, definitely, and this this lifestyle has been really good

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Speaker 3: for that because like it's like I feel like I'm

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Speaker 3: in a constant stage of like kind of vacation mode

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Speaker 3: where I'm just like ready for like any like weird

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Speaker 3: thing to come my way. But I'm also like in

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Speaker 3: need a lot, Like I'm in need of a run

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Speaker 3: to the grocery store, or I'm in need of like

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Speaker 3: safety from a storm, or I'm in need of help

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Speaker 3: with a repair, And that kind of motivates me to

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Speaker 3: like ask around and like create these connections that I

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Speaker 3: normally wouldn't have, and it's just brought like a lot

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Speaker 3: of really cool things into my life that way. I'm like,

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Speaker 3: I'm kind of shy normally. I guess like it's I'm talkative,

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Speaker 3: but it's hard for me to like just create connections

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Speaker 3: like in the wild. But I've been happy that I've

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Speaker 3: been able to do that because of the circumstances. But

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Speaker 3: I'm own on this boat.

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Speaker 1: It's interesting, Uh what So I was wondering, how are

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Speaker 1: you meeting all these people because you're on a boat?

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Speaker 1: Is it like where are you normally docking this thing?

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Speaker 3: There's like so the inner coastal, there's like there's kind

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Speaker 3: of like hubs. It goes all the way down the coast,

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Speaker 3: you know, from Virginia or maybe even before Virginia, all

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Speaker 3: the way down to Florida, and there's kind of like hubs,

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Speaker 3: like I think Savannah, Georgia is a hub, and like

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Speaker 3: like Saint Augustine is a hub. And there's different cities

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Speaker 3: along this way, and the cities are kind of built

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Speaker 3: around the fact that they're owned the inner coastal. So

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Speaker 3: there's tons of merry time and there's there's lots of

250
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Speaker 3: boat people, so I've made I met these people. Whenever

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Speaker 3: I anchor or like pull in, I'll pull into a

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Speaker 3: free dock occasionally, or I'll anchor out and then I'll

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Speaker 3: go into the city and I meet these people because

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Speaker 3: both people are really friendly and usually they would have

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Speaker 3: seen like either like what happened with the marina with

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Speaker 3: Joe the New York bus driver, Like I was directly

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Speaker 3: pulled up at his place and needed help from him,

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Speaker 3: so I went and like started that conversation. But I've

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Speaker 3: met people at like other places because I've like anchored

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Speaker 3: and then come in and needed something, needed help, needed groceries,

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Speaker 3: needed to find resources, or they've seen me pull up

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Speaker 3: in my boat and they just come up to me

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Speaker 3: and like start and I have a dog and stuff,

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Speaker 3: and so like people will just come up to me

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Speaker 3: and be like, hey, I just saw you anchor there,

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Speaker 3: Like what's your deal? Like are you by yourself or

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Speaker 3: what you're doing right now? So people have like people

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Speaker 3: have kind of come up to me more so than not.

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Speaker 1: What kind of dog do you have with you?

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Speaker 3: I have a boykned spaniel. His name is du Radley.

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Speaker 1: He's super cute, And how do you like, do you

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Speaker 1: have money? How do you like afford food and dog

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Speaker 1: stuff and all that.

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Speaker 3: Well, I I left right after I got my tax return,

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Speaker 3: so I got like fourteen hundred dollars that I've been

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Speaker 3: living off of, and I'm almost out of money, actually,

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Speaker 3: which is why I can't really call for helpering. I

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Speaker 3: got like three hundred dollars left, so I've kind of

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Speaker 3: been living off my tax return. But it's lasted a while.

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Speaker 2: Because I have I got food.

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Speaker 3: I got in food stamps before I left, so I

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Speaker 3: haven't had to pay for food, and I make my

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Speaker 3: own electricity, I get water for free. I'm pretty self

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Speaker 3: reliant apart from a couple of beers when I come

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Speaker 3: into shore and parts and stuff. So it's been all right.

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Speaker 1: How long had you planned on sailing for.

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Speaker 3: When I left. I've never really had much of a plan.

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Speaker 3: I've just I like quit my job, and I know

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Speaker 3: that I want to make it to like the Caribbean

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Speaker 3: at some point, and like, honestly, like someday i'd like

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Speaker 3: to go like really really far. But I knew that

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Speaker 3: this is going to be like a learning experience.

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Speaker 4: I knew that.

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Speaker 3: I wasn't sure if I'd make it to the Caribbean,

295
00:17:30,320 --> 00:17:32,560
Speaker 3: or if I would just make it a couple miles away.

296
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Speaker 3: I wasn't really sure what would happen, so I didn't

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Speaker 3: have much of a plan going into it other than

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Speaker 3: just go south and see what happens. With everything that's

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Speaker 3: happened now, I live in the Outer Banks and I

300
00:17:48,119 --> 00:17:50,239
Speaker 3: have a lot of like, I have people that I

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Speaker 3: know that I can call for help there. So I

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00:17:53,160 --> 00:17:56,639
Speaker 3: think my plan now is to try to get my

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Speaker 3: boat going and then try to get back to the

304
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Speaker 3: Outer Banks and fix a lot of stuff has been broken.

305
00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:10,240
Speaker 3: I've lost all my tools and my fridge and a

306
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,200
Speaker 3: lot of stuff is broken right now, so I need

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00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:13,359
Speaker 3: to go fix stuff again.

308
00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:14,560
Speaker 2: Mm hmm.

309
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,800
Speaker 1: What are you going to do about this engine thing?

310
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Speaker 3: I'm not exactly sure because I actually I just kind

311
00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:34,640
Speaker 3: of got to before you called. I have been I've

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00:18:34,640 --> 00:18:38,080
Speaker 3: been working all day on it, and I just got

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Speaker 3: to kind of the end of my own personal knowledge

314
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Speaker 3: of how things work. So my next steps I'm I'm

315
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,680
Speaker 3: gonna go on sailing forums. There's a lot of really

316
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:57,199
Speaker 3: good information in sailing sailing forums, and I'm gonna look

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Speaker 3: at my manual and I'm gonna see if there's more

318
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:05,920
Speaker 3: trouble shooting things that I could do that I haven't yet.

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Speaker 3: It could be it could be like a million things

320
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Speaker 3: going on right now with the salt water.

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Speaker 1: Hmm, what's to deal with? Like your friends and family,

322
00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:22,040
Speaker 1: are they like concerned about you being out at sea?

323
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Speaker 1: Do you like? What do you what did you leave behind?

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Speaker 3: I was living with my parents.

325
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Speaker 4: I moved.

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Speaker 3: I moved from Nashville, where I had a whole bunch

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Speaker 3: of friends and big friend group and stuff. And I

328
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Speaker 3: moved from Nashville.

329
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Speaker 2: I bought this boat.

330
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Speaker 3: Kind of I had like a little bit of like

331
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Speaker 3: a mid twenties crisis sort of thing, or I didn't

332
00:19:42,880 --> 00:19:44,080
Speaker 3: know what I was doing with my life. So I

333
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:46,199
Speaker 3: just bought this boat, and I was like, fuck it,

334
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:49,200
Speaker 3: I'll do this for a while. So I've been living

335
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:53,399
Speaker 3: with my parents while I've been refitting this boat for

336
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:59,120
Speaker 3: two years now, and they generally have a lot of anxiety.

337
00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:07,000
Speaker 3: And actually I when I first, like when I first

338
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:09,440
Speaker 3: learned what sailing was, I was kind of like being

339
00:20:09,480 --> 00:20:13,000
Speaker 3: like a hippie and just doing like traveling stuff. And

340
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:16,679
Speaker 3: I had ended up on boats in Florida and I

341
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:19,720
Speaker 3: was lost at sea for or kind of quote unquote

342
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,080
Speaker 3: lost at sea for a couple of days. My parents

343
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:24,359
Speaker 3: thought I was lost at sea, and like the coast

344
00:20:24,359 --> 00:20:27,639
Speaker 3: guard was like looking for me, and it was just

345
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:32,159
Speaker 3: a really scary incident. And so my parents when I

346
00:20:32,200 --> 00:20:36,320
Speaker 3: decided to do this again except by myself, they have

347
00:20:36,560 --> 00:20:40,119
Speaker 3: a lot of anxiety about it, and I feel bad

348
00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:45,000
Speaker 3: about that. And and my dad's grandfather was a merchant

349
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:47,440
Speaker 3: mariner and he was lost at sea when my dad

350
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:49,760
Speaker 3: was like twelve, so my dad knows what it's like

351
00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:53,120
Speaker 3: to have a close family member be lost at sea.

352
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:58,200
Speaker 3: And I do feel a lot of guilt about doing

353
00:20:58,240 --> 00:21:02,240
Speaker 3: that to them, But at the same time, like I

354
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:06,040
Speaker 3: want to do this because I just want to know

355
00:21:06,080 --> 00:21:09,040
Speaker 3: what's out there and what this lifestyle has to offer.

356
00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:14,919
Speaker 3: And I wish that they took it better, but I

357
00:21:14,960 --> 00:21:18,240
Speaker 3: can't really hold myself back for that. And then my

358
00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:19,480
Speaker 3: friends are pretty supportive.

359
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:26,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, that's a tough thing to kind of like,

360
00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:28,360
Speaker 1: especially if you're like lucky enough to have a good

361
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:33,760
Speaker 1: relationship with your parents, like kind of the line between,

362
00:21:34,560 --> 00:21:38,439
Speaker 1: you know, I want to be around my folks and

363
00:21:38,480 --> 00:21:41,040
Speaker 1: I don't want to worry them, but you also have

364
00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:45,680
Speaker 1: to go and live your life.

365
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:50,360
Speaker 3: Yeah, and yeah, and it sucks because it's like this

366
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:53,439
Speaker 3: is more so than like they're just really like sweet

367
00:21:53,560 --> 00:22:00,600
Speaker 3: conservative Christians, like wholesome family, and I feel I feel bad.

368
00:22:00,640 --> 00:22:03,439
Speaker 3: It's like I got tattoos and it made them like upset,

369
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:05,159
Speaker 3: but it was kind of like, fuck, it is my body.

370
00:22:05,160 --> 00:22:07,439
Speaker 3: I can get tattoos, but this one does make me

371
00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:12,040
Speaker 3: feel a lot of guilt because it's like it really

372
00:22:12,119 --> 00:22:14,160
Speaker 3: is a life or death sort of thing. Like if

373
00:22:14,640 --> 00:22:18,040
Speaker 3: the silver lining to what happened when I sank was

374
00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:21,720
Speaker 3: my windows leaked, and a sailboat supposed to be a

375
00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:26,200
Speaker 3: completely enclosed vessel, I should be able to go upside

376
00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:30,159
Speaker 3: down underwater and be able to like right myself. And

377
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:33,320
Speaker 3: I learned when I ground it, and luckily I was

378
00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:35,800
Speaker 3: on the ground, so I wasn't gonna lose my whole boat.

379
00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:38,480
Speaker 3: But what I learned was that my windows leaked to

380
00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:40,960
Speaker 3: the point where it filled my boat completely, and my

381
00:22:41,080 --> 00:22:43,720
Speaker 3: bilge pumps, which pumped the water out of my boat,

382
00:22:44,119 --> 00:22:47,280
Speaker 3: my bilge pumps would not keep up. So if this happened.

383
00:22:47,359 --> 00:22:51,520
Speaker 3: Even even if this happened, like if I was in

384
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,359
Speaker 3: ten feet of water, I would lose my boat. If

385
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,119
Speaker 3: this happened in twenty feet of water. If I didn't

386
00:22:57,119 --> 00:23:02,840
Speaker 3: have land access, like it could be deadly. So it's

387
00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:05,199
Speaker 3: it's very real shit out here, even though I'm not

388
00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:07,600
Speaker 3: in the ocean right now, it's very real shit that

389
00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:08,480
Speaker 3: I'm dealing with.

390
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:13,280
Speaker 1: Are you staying safe?

391
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:13,800
Speaker 4: Yep?

392
00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:15,560
Speaker 3: I mean I'm.

393
00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:16,160
Speaker 2: Staying staying safe.

394
00:23:16,160 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 3: And that's that's why I'm on the inner coastal and

395
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:21,800
Speaker 3: not like in the ocean, because I didn't know how

396
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:26,040
Speaker 3: to sail like going into this, and so the inner coastal,

397
00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:29,399
Speaker 3: you're always in sight of land, like sometimes it can

398
00:23:29,440 --> 00:23:32,639
Speaker 3: be farther than others, but I'm always going to be

399
00:23:33,280 --> 00:23:37,480
Speaker 3: inside of land at any given moment. So this is

400
00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:43,520
Speaker 3: kind of like a step towards just getting to where

401
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:49,840
Speaker 3: I'm like more comfortable. And these things do happen, unfortunately

402
00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:52,560
Speaker 3: no matter how hard you try to be safe. But

403
00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:57,280
Speaker 3: I have been. I have been like pretty safe throughout

404
00:23:57,280 --> 00:24:00,680
Speaker 3: my journey, and I have like a garment and many

405
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:04,240
Speaker 3: reach that can like syntext even from Antarctica, and me

406
00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:07,120
Speaker 3: and the dog we always have our life jackets own

407
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,919
Speaker 3: even if there's no wind. So I try to do

408
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:13,880
Speaker 3: my best, and I feel kind of stupid for what

409
00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:17,640
Speaker 3: happened I'm trying to beat myself up too much about it,

410
00:24:17,720 --> 00:24:24,400
Speaker 3: but there it was. Yeah, it I It maybe could

411
00:24:24,400 --> 00:24:29,080
Speaker 3: have been prevented if I had just done a couple

412
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:33,560
Speaker 3: of things. But I'm I'm trying my best to stay

413
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:35,440
Speaker 3: safe and do it, do it the right way.

414
00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:41,399
Speaker 1: I'm gonna take some questions from the chat the twitch

415
00:24:41,480 --> 00:24:45,000
Speaker 1: chat if you if you want to take some questions

416
00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,840
Speaker 1: for from the twitch chat, sure.

417
00:24:47,960 --> 00:24:50,560
Speaker 3: Also can I say, well, never mind, no, keep going.

418
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:51,880
Speaker 1: No, no, what were you gonna what were you gonna say?

419
00:24:51,880 --> 00:24:52,560
Speaker 1: Go ahead? Go ahead.

420
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:56,720
Speaker 3: I was just gonna mention the fact that you mentioned

421
00:24:56,720 --> 00:25:01,160
Speaker 3: the rattlesnake dude from earlier. I actually know him. He's

422
00:25:01,200 --> 00:25:03,800
Speaker 3: like a friend of my brothers, and he helped me

423
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:08,280
Speaker 3: when I was like lost at sea. He helped find me.

424
00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,760
Speaker 3: It was like I was I was, I was with

425
00:25:11,840 --> 00:25:14,120
Speaker 3: somebody who I didn't say that I was with, which

426
00:25:14,119 --> 00:25:17,359
Speaker 3: is why I was thought to be lost. But like

427
00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:20,119
Speaker 3: my brother knew this guy in a completely different state

428
00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:23,760
Speaker 3: who knew the guy that I was with, and like

429
00:25:24,280 --> 00:25:26,960
Speaker 3: was able to find me. So I just thought it

430
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:29,360
Speaker 3: was funny that you mentioned the rattlesnake dude who got

431
00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:31,240
Speaker 3: bit in the helicopter I thought it was funny that

432
00:25:31,280 --> 00:25:33,680
Speaker 3: you mentioned that earlier, because that's interesting. That's my dude.

433
00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:37,040
Speaker 1: Let's see here. Oh well, somebody asked, do you have

434
00:25:37,040 --> 00:25:38,960
Speaker 1: any pets on the boat? She says she had a dog.

435
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:42,480
Speaker 5: I have a dog.

436
00:25:42,560 --> 00:25:43,720
Speaker 3: He pees on the boat.

437
00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:47,400
Speaker 1: Someone said, what is your financial plan moving forward?

438
00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:54,119
Speaker 3: My financial plan if this didn't happen, I kept going south.

439
00:25:54,320 --> 00:26:00,359
Speaker 3: My financial plan was to stop at port cities and

440
00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:03,040
Speaker 3: see if I could get work at boat yards doing

441
00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:06,639
Speaker 3: like painting and like or like fiberglass repair, or like

442
00:26:07,119 --> 00:26:09,399
Speaker 3: just doing like little jobs for like a week and

443
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:11,480
Speaker 3: getting a chunk of money and then keep going with

444
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:14,520
Speaker 3: that money. But my plan now that all this stuff

445
00:26:14,640 --> 00:26:18,040
Speaker 3: is broken and I definitely need to do some repairs,

446
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:21,919
Speaker 3: I'm gonna go back to the outer Banks and I

447
00:26:22,000 --> 00:26:24,000
Speaker 3: have a job waiting for me there that I can

448
00:26:24,040 --> 00:26:27,200
Speaker 3: get again, and I'm gonna make a big chunk of change,

449
00:26:27,280 --> 00:26:29,440
Speaker 3: and then I'm gonna after hurricane season in the fall,

450
00:26:29,480 --> 00:26:32,119
Speaker 3: I'm gonna try to go to the Caribbean again, I think.

451
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:34,919
Speaker 3: But big chunks of change is how I plan to

452
00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:35,560
Speaker 3: make my money.

453
00:26:36,960 --> 00:26:40,760
Speaker 1: Let's see here, what have you been doing for food

454
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,639
Speaker 1: since being stranded? Like, have you're not eaten for two days.

455
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 3: I I have a couple like snacks I have like pistachios,

456
00:26:54,080 --> 00:26:57,600
Speaker 3: and like canned soup. I've eaten those a little bit,

457
00:26:58,080 --> 00:27:01,280
Speaker 3: but honestly, like I haven't out of prescription, I've been

458
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:04,000
Speaker 3: eating adderall to try to solve my problems and get

459
00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:05,880
Speaker 3: all this stuff done because I've been doing boat repair

460
00:27:05,960 --> 00:27:08,320
Speaker 3: for two days and like, food is the least of

461
00:27:08,359 --> 00:27:09,600
Speaker 3: my concerns right now.

462
00:27:10,640 --> 00:27:15,920
Speaker 1: Ye yeah, yeah, no, adderall will curb your appetite for sure.

463
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:20,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm good. Also, I picked up after I sink.

464
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:22,359
Speaker 3: The first time I went got a pack of cigarettes,

465
00:27:22,359 --> 00:27:24,399
Speaker 3: which was like my first pack in a year and

466
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:28,720
Speaker 3: a half. But I've been like adderall and chainsmoking cigarettes

467
00:27:28,760 --> 00:27:30,520
Speaker 3: and that has fueled me. I'm good.

468
00:27:33,400 --> 00:27:39,119
Speaker 1: Let's see here. Do you ever take the dog for

469
00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:39,639
Speaker 1: a walk?

470
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:41,680
Speaker 2: Yeah?

471
00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:46,200
Speaker 3: Actually I was taking He wasn't peeing on the boat

472
00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:48,320
Speaker 3: for like the past two months. He wasn't.

473
00:27:49,160 --> 00:27:50,560
Speaker 5: Dogs are on sailboat.

474
00:27:50,640 --> 00:27:52,720
Speaker 3: Dogs are supposed to pee like on the boat on

475
00:27:52,800 --> 00:27:56,879
Speaker 3: the top, and bou Radley was not teeing up on

476
00:27:57,040 --> 00:27:59,440
Speaker 3: top like he was supposed to, and it's been freaking

477
00:27:59,480 --> 00:28:04,040
Speaker 3: me out. I usually get close enough to land that

478
00:28:04,119 --> 00:28:06,959
Speaker 3: I can just take my little dinghy onto the beach

479
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:09,200
Speaker 3: and I take him for like a really long fetch

480
00:28:10,119 --> 00:28:12,520
Speaker 3: walk once or twice a day, depending on.

481
00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:13,040
Speaker 4: Where I'm at.

482
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:16,159
Speaker 3: So that's how he's been going. And when this first happened,

483
00:28:16,160 --> 00:28:18,720
Speaker 3: I was freaking out because he was whining and having

484
00:28:18,760 --> 00:28:20,639
Speaker 3: so much anxiety, and like I knew he had to

485
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:24,560
Speaker 3: go potty and I couldn't get to land, and I

486
00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:26,960
Speaker 3: was freaking out. But then he went on deck and

487
00:28:27,040 --> 00:28:29,879
Speaker 3: peed for the first time, and I lost my shit.

488
00:28:30,000 --> 00:28:32,360
Speaker 3: I was so excited. And now he peees on deck

489
00:28:32,400 --> 00:28:35,440
Speaker 3: and it's like it's it's just such a blessing through

490
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:36,040
Speaker 3: this whole thing.

491
00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:39,040
Speaker 1: Someone asked if you ever gone fishing on the boat.

492
00:28:40,480 --> 00:28:44,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, I have a fishing line that I troll from it.

493
00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:49,160
Speaker 3: I haven't. I caught something on the line a couple

494
00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:53,800
Speaker 3: days ago, but I forgot to stop. I forgot to

495
00:28:53,800 --> 00:28:55,720
Speaker 3: stop my motor when I was reeling it in. My

496
00:28:55,880 --> 00:28:57,840
Speaker 3: dad said it was probably a trout because they're like

497
00:28:57,920 --> 00:29:00,560
Speaker 3: soft mouth, but it pulled off my line. I was

498
00:29:00,600 --> 00:29:03,320
Speaker 3: so pissed. But I really I haven't caught a fish yet,

499
00:29:03,360 --> 00:29:05,560
Speaker 3: but I try and I really want to.

500
00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:08,000
Speaker 1: So you're keeping in touch with your parents on the

501
00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:09,240
Speaker 1: phone while you're doing all this ship.

502
00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:13,280
Speaker 3: Yeah, I've been calling them like constantly.

503
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:25,520
Speaker 1: Okay, good, good, good good. Let's let's see here. Well, Claire,

504
00:29:26,280 --> 00:29:30,160
Speaker 1: this will certainly being a fascinating phone call. Are you

505
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:33,440
Speaker 1: gonna be okay? I feel like I'm leaving you stranded

506
00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:35,240
Speaker 1: on a boat. I mean, I can't really do anything

507
00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:38,920
Speaker 1: to help you. I guess con veil the boat with me.

508
00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:41,840
Speaker 1: Where's the boats in North Carolina?

509
00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:44,440
Speaker 3: North Carolina? I catch a fly.

510
00:29:44,600 --> 00:29:45,200
Speaker 4: Where you live?

511
00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:49,680
Speaker 1: Uh, I'm I'm around, I'm in, I'm in. Uh, I'm

512
00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:50,360
Speaker 1: in places.

513
00:29:52,800 --> 00:29:57,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, No, you're You're good. I I have figured out.

514
00:29:57,760 --> 00:30:00,720
Speaker 3: I have been confronted by many a proper in my

515
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:02,840
Speaker 3: past two and a half years of refitting my boat,

516
00:30:02,960 --> 00:30:07,120
Speaker 3: and this one's different because I am fairly stranded and isolated.

517
00:30:07,200 --> 00:30:09,440
Speaker 3: But in two and a half years, I've been the

518
00:30:09,480 --> 00:30:12,200
Speaker 3: only person to solve my problems, and I have solved

519
00:30:12,200 --> 00:30:15,880
Speaker 3: every problem. And I have full confidence that whatever is

520
00:30:15,920 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 3: going on, I will solve this problem and get out

521
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:22,080
Speaker 3: of it. And if for some reason I can't, I'm

522
00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:24,800
Speaker 3: gonna hail down these people. I'm on the inner coastal

523
00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:26,920
Speaker 3: and there's fishing boats that go past me. So if

524
00:30:26,960 --> 00:30:29,960
Speaker 3: at all, if I can't, then I'm gonna hail down

525
00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:33,840
Speaker 3: a ship until they bring me to safety. So regardless

526
00:30:33,840 --> 00:30:35,760
Speaker 3: of what happens, I will be safe and the dog.

527
00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:39,600
Speaker 1: Can I ask you one more question? Yeah, why do

528
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:40,760
Speaker 1: you say on like that?

529
00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:45,920
Speaker 3: Because my mom's from My mom's from Alabama, but like

530
00:30:46,200 --> 00:30:48,600
Speaker 3: we were raised in Virginia, so I have like a

531
00:30:48,720 --> 00:30:51,320
Speaker 3: I kind of have like a like Virginian or like

532
00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:53,600
Speaker 3: people tell me I saw like Valley Girl or something,

533
00:30:53,960 --> 00:30:56,040
Speaker 3: but I have I don't have this Southern accent, but

534
00:30:56,080 --> 00:30:58,240
Speaker 3: my mom has a Southern accent, so I've picked up

535
00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:04,040
Speaker 3: like suits certain words of Southern accent. But I don't

536
00:31:04,080 --> 00:31:13,120
Speaker 3: say everything like that. I don't know why you like

537
00:31:13,200 --> 00:31:14,040
Speaker 3: I own something.

538
00:31:14,120 --> 00:31:21,320
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, okay, Well stay stay safe, don't don't do

539
00:31:21,360 --> 00:31:25,200
Speaker 1: any crazy stuff. Thanks for sharing your story. Is there

540
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:26,640
Speaker 1: anything else you want to say to the people of

541
00:31:26,640 --> 00:31:27,600
Speaker 1: the computer before we go?

542
00:31:28,880 --> 00:31:32,320
Speaker 3: Is there a way I've been documenting my like journey

543
00:31:32,360 --> 00:31:35,520
Speaker 3: on like Instagram and TikTok? Can I can I share

544
00:31:35,600 --> 00:31:36,360
Speaker 3: my platform?

545
00:31:36,440 --> 00:31:37,000
Speaker 4: Is that? Alright?

546
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:37,440
Speaker 1: Yeah?

547
00:31:37,520 --> 00:31:37,760
Speaker 5: Sure?

548
00:31:37,800 --> 00:31:37,960
Speaker 4: Where?

549
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:39,680
Speaker 1: What's uh? What's up?

550
00:31:41,160 --> 00:31:46,840
Speaker 3: It's okay, thank you, It's Salt Water Fairy, but it's

551
00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:50,520
Speaker 3: spelled like f A E R I E, like in

552
00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:52,479
Speaker 3: like a fairy tell fairy sort of way.

553
00:31:52,640 --> 00:31:57,520
Speaker 1: Oh okay, salt water fay re f.

554
00:31:57,440 --> 00:32:03,040
Speaker 3: A yeah, r I E. Yeah, just saltwater fairy, but

555
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:04,600
Speaker 3: like spelled a little bit different.

556
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:07,200
Speaker 1: But no, no, that's great.

557
00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:09,240
Speaker 3: But I've just been like trying to document shit.

558
00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:13,600
Speaker 1: No under periods or sixty nine's or x'es or anything.

559
00:32:14,760 --> 00:32:17,120
Speaker 3: No, pretty straightforward.

560
00:32:16,840 --> 00:32:21,800
Speaker 1: Rock and roll. Claire the saltwater Fairy. Yeah, it's me

561
00:32:23,200 --> 00:32:27,280
Speaker 1: cool man. Well, thanks for calling and Sharon and good.

562
00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:30,600
Speaker 1: I hope you don't die at sea.

563
00:32:30,960 --> 00:32:31,560
Speaker 4: I hope so to.

564
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:34,320
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for talking. This was awesome. I'm

565
00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:35,360
Speaker 3: so glad I got in touch.

566
00:32:35,560 --> 00:32:39,520
Speaker 1: Have a good day you too, You too, Claire. Bye, bye,

567
00:32:39,760 --> 00:32:43,400
Speaker 1: okay bye. Should I be concerned? I feel like that

568
00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:46,840
Speaker 1: was that was I can't tell if she's fine or

569
00:32:46,880 --> 00:32:49,600
Speaker 1: if that was concerning. I mean, I guess I don't

570
00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:52,360
Speaker 1: know what I can do. I can't. I'm not the

571
00:32:52,360 --> 00:32:56,520
Speaker 1: guy to call. I'm not I'm one of the worst

572
00:32:56,640 --> 00:33:02,040
Speaker 1: people on the planet to call. If you're in a

573
00:33:02,080 --> 00:33:07,320
Speaker 1: sailboat and your engine doesn't work, I'm I'm towards the

574
00:33:07,360 --> 00:33:13,480
Speaker 1: bottom of the list of calls to make in that situation.

575
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:21,320
Speaker 1: So I hope she finds someone to help to get

576
00:33:21,360 --> 00:33:24,480
Speaker 1: to get the boat to work. But that was a

577
00:33:24,480 --> 00:33:26,280
Speaker 1: good call. Thank you for sharing. Claire.

578
00:33:33,560 --> 00:33:36,480
Speaker 4: Hi, Hello, what's up?

579
00:33:37,320 --> 00:33:41,120
Speaker 1: Not a whole lot. I'm a gecko and I'm talking

580
00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:45,040
Speaker 1: to people on the phone, and I saw that you

581
00:33:46,120 --> 00:33:48,920
Speaker 1: wanted to talk on the phone, so I figured maybe

582
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:51,320
Speaker 1: we could talk on the phone.

583
00:33:52,080 --> 00:33:56,560
Speaker 2: Yeah. Something that I was thinking about because I'm here

584
00:33:56,640 --> 00:33:59,880
Speaker 2: at work is the fact that I used to have

585
00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:04,280
Speaker 2: crippling agoraphobia and now I have a job and kind

586
00:34:04,360 --> 00:34:07,600
Speaker 2: of have a house and I have pets and life

587
00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:08,680
Speaker 2: isn't as shitty.

588
00:34:09,719 --> 00:34:13,880
Speaker 1: That's great. I love stories of life not being as shitty.

589
00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:15,360
Speaker 1: Those are my favorites.

590
00:34:16,760 --> 00:34:17,040
Speaker 2: Yeah.

591
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:20,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, So how does how does one kind of have

592
00:34:20,040 --> 00:34:23,520
Speaker 1: a house? What does that look like? Well?

593
00:34:24,560 --> 00:34:29,640
Speaker 2: I live in a trailer and it's my boyfriend's mom's trailer,

594
00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:32,800
Speaker 2: and she lived there with a really shitty dude and

595
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:34,520
Speaker 2: then she broke up with him, and then she's like,

596
00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:35,920
Speaker 2: I want to get out of here. I don't want

597
00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:38,879
Speaker 2: to live in this place anymore. Give it to my boyfriend.

598
00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:41,080
Speaker 2: And then a couple of years later, I met my

599
00:34:41,080 --> 00:34:42,960
Speaker 2: boyfriend and I just kind of moved in one day.

600
00:34:44,000 --> 00:34:46,480
Speaker 1: Okay, pretty cool. Do you do you do you pay rent?

601
00:34:46,520 --> 00:34:49,480
Speaker 1: Do you and your boyfriend like, uh, kind of split it?

602
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:52,200
Speaker 1: Or is he just let you crash?

603
00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:58,240
Speaker 2: So we don't pay rent, but we pay a lot rent.

604
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:00,759
Speaker 2: So like since his mom owns the house, we don't

605
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:03,319
Speaker 2: have to pay off the house. But trailer parks are

606
00:35:03,320 --> 00:35:07,120
Speaker 2: a scam. So as long as you have a house

607
00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:10,160
Speaker 2: in the trailer park, then you have to pay for

608
00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:12,120
Speaker 2: the land it's on even if you own the house.

609
00:35:12,520 --> 00:35:15,200
Speaker 2: So we pay for the renting of the land.

610
00:35:15,760 --> 00:35:18,839
Speaker 1: Basically that makes sense. I will it isn't that kind

611
00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:21,160
Speaker 1: of what you're always doing. I guess when you have

612
00:35:21,320 --> 00:35:23,719
Speaker 1: like a house or some shit, what's a can I

613
00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:27,160
Speaker 1: ask you what what's the cost for land with a trailer? Like,

614
00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:28,480
Speaker 1: what's what's the payment.

615
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:38,080
Speaker 2: In Metro Detroit, Michigan. It's like seven hundred dollars a month, which, yeah,

616
00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:41,880
Speaker 2: it's not terrible. It's like a unit apartment if you

617
00:35:41,920 --> 00:35:46,360
Speaker 2: think about it, and it has three bedrooms and two baths,

618
00:35:46,680 --> 00:35:49,640
Speaker 2: and but the thing is what sucks is is if

619
00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:52,759
Speaker 2: something happens, then we kind of have to take care

620
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:54,920
Speaker 2: of it because you know, it's not like we have

621
00:35:54,960 --> 00:36:00,120
Speaker 2: a landlord. So our roof was like, yeah, hold on you.

622
00:36:00,360 --> 00:36:05,880
Speaker 1: Your your trailer is three bedrooms? Yeah, how big is this?

623
00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:06,279
Speaker 1: It's a.

624
00:36:07,760 --> 00:36:10,560
Speaker 2: It's a double wide whatever that means.

625
00:36:12,040 --> 00:36:13,240
Speaker 1: What does that mean? A double?

626
00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:13,560
Speaker 2: Like?

627
00:36:13,680 --> 00:36:20,880
Speaker 1: So there, so there are three How big are these bedrooms?

628
00:36:21,360 --> 00:36:25,880
Speaker 2: Well, our bedroom is probably the size of like a

629
00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:29,239
Speaker 2: small unit apartment. It's pretty big, and it has like

630
00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:32,719
Speaker 2: a bathroom attached to it with like a bathtub that

631
00:36:32,760 --> 00:36:36,319
Speaker 2: has jets in it in a shower, and then the

632
00:36:36,360 --> 00:36:40,360
Speaker 2: other two bedrooms are just like normal size bedrooms. I

633
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:43,239
Speaker 2: can't really think of dimensions, but yeah, I mean it's

634
00:36:43,320 --> 00:36:44,680
Speaker 2: not bad at all.

635
00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,200
Speaker 1: Sounds that sounds fucking sick. I can't even I'm literally

636
00:36:47,200 --> 00:36:49,880
Speaker 1: trying to like picture what this looks like. And this

637
00:36:49,920 --> 00:36:52,759
Speaker 1: is something you can like like does it move, Like,

638
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:53,600
Speaker 1: can you drive it?

639
00:36:55,520 --> 00:36:58,560
Speaker 2: No, it's it's called a mobile home because they put

640
00:36:58,560 --> 00:37:02,320
Speaker 2: them on the back of the trailers and then take

641
00:37:02,440 --> 00:37:04,760
Speaker 2: it and put it somewhere. So it's like a manufactured

642
00:37:04,760 --> 00:37:08,120
Speaker 2: home that can be moved. So if we wanted to move,

643
00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:10,359
Speaker 2: like if we bought a plot of land, we could

644
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:12,520
Speaker 2: pick up the house and move it there. But we

645
00:37:12,560 --> 00:37:14,960
Speaker 2: can't just like drive off of the property, if that

646
00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:16,600
Speaker 2: makes any sense.

647
00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:21,880
Speaker 1: And what do you do with the other two bedrooms?

648
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:25,560
Speaker 2: One of them is what we call the gamer room,

649
00:37:25,640 --> 00:37:27,759
Speaker 2: so we have like a projector in there that we

650
00:37:27,800 --> 00:37:31,040
Speaker 2: watch movies and I'll play like Stardoo Valley on. And

651
00:37:31,080 --> 00:37:34,240
Speaker 2: then the other room I keep my two pet rats

652
00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:35,840
Speaker 2: in there, so they have their own bedroom.

653
00:37:37,080 --> 00:37:42,319
Speaker 1: Bro, you have a room for your rats. Yes, what's

654
00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:44,080
Speaker 1: the rat room look like? Do they have like rat

655
00:37:44,280 --> 00:37:45,560
Speaker 1: furniture and a rat bed?

656
00:37:47,239 --> 00:37:49,279
Speaker 2: No, I would love to do that, though. I did

657
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:52,280
Speaker 2: build them like a little castle out of cardboard boxes,

658
00:37:52,320 --> 00:37:54,080
Speaker 2: but it doesn't look like a castle. It just kind

659
00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:58,200
Speaker 2: of looks like cardboard boxes. And they have a four

660
00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:01,000
Speaker 2: leveled cage in the corner the room, and I made

661
00:38:01,040 --> 00:38:03,799
Speaker 2: them like a little ball pit using pom poms, and

662
00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:05,400
Speaker 2: I put treats in them, and they like go on

663
00:38:05,440 --> 00:38:08,680
Speaker 2: the ball pit and I look for treats. They like

664
00:38:08,760 --> 00:38:11,360
Speaker 2: to shit everywhere and like crawl on the floor and

665
00:38:11,400 --> 00:38:13,120
Speaker 2: then they go back in their little cage and like

666
00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:13,800
Speaker 2: eat stuff.

667
00:38:14,280 --> 00:38:16,000
Speaker 1: Dude, this trailer sounds sick. Do you guys have like

668
00:38:16,040 --> 00:38:19,839
Speaker 1: a kitchen and living room and everything? Yeah?

669
00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:26,040
Speaker 2: Kitchen yep, has a gas stove which is pretty nice

670
00:38:26,200 --> 00:38:28,960
Speaker 2: in a pretty decently sized living room. There's a lot

671
00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:31,000
Speaker 2: of windows, which is nice because I have a lot

672
00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:34,280
Speaker 2: of plants because my job involves plants, so I'm always

673
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:38,680
Speaker 2: taking plants home so they don't die because of the windows.

674
00:38:38,840 --> 00:38:41,400
Speaker 2: So that's pretty cool, dude, Hell.

675
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:43,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, what so? Okay, so you used to be a

676
00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:48,359
Speaker 1: gore phoback and where where were you living before you

677
00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:49,640
Speaker 1: went into this trailer.

678
00:38:51,560 --> 00:38:55,120
Speaker 2: I was living with my mom and I lived there

679
00:38:55,520 --> 00:39:00,799
Speaker 2: until I was twenty one. I tried to go to college,

680
00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:04,360
Speaker 2: but I dropped out because I had a panic attack

681
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:07,120
Speaker 2: and I was like, I can't do this anymore, went

682
00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:09,919
Speaker 2: back to my mom's house, never left my bedroom. Really,

683
00:39:11,239 --> 00:39:13,560
Speaker 2: I didn't really like to interact with people or anything

684
00:39:13,600 --> 00:39:18,279
Speaker 2: like that. So it wasn't until I turned twenty one

685
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:21,880
Speaker 2: that I actually got a job and was like I

686
00:39:21,920 --> 00:39:24,919
Speaker 2: can do it because all of the other jobs I had,

687
00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:27,920
Speaker 2: I had a panic attack and I quit suddenly. So

688
00:39:28,000 --> 00:39:29,920
Speaker 2: I was like, okay, well, I'm just kind of fucked

689
00:39:30,320 --> 00:39:33,200
Speaker 2: for now, but then I was unfucked.

690
00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:38,759
Speaker 1: How did you become unfucked? Like, what do you think

691
00:39:38,800 --> 00:39:41,440
Speaker 1: it was that got you to a place where you

692
00:39:41,440 --> 00:39:42,920
Speaker 1: weren't having panic attacks? Anymore.

693
00:39:45,160 --> 00:39:49,959
Speaker 2: I had a really nice therapist, God bless her soul.

694
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:57,399
Speaker 2: She was great. And then my boyfriend. I started going

695
00:39:57,440 --> 00:40:02,040
Speaker 2: to his house all the time because like aguoraphobia, it's

696
00:40:02,080 --> 00:40:05,800
Speaker 2: not exactly like you're afraid to leave your house for everybody.

697
00:40:06,239 --> 00:40:08,240
Speaker 2: For me, it was I don't want to do anything

698
00:40:08,239 --> 00:40:11,040
Speaker 2: outside of my bedroom. I don't have to because the

699
00:40:11,120 --> 00:40:15,120
Speaker 2: idea of having a panic attack in public is like debilitating.

700
00:40:15,640 --> 00:40:18,120
Speaker 2: But I would go to his house and he was

701
00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:21,160
Speaker 2: working on a worm farm and I needed someone to help,

702
00:40:21,239 --> 00:40:24,040
Speaker 2: like staple cups with mesh in them to put the

703
00:40:24,080 --> 00:40:26,920
Speaker 2: worms in. And it was like every Sunday, and I

704
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:29,040
Speaker 2: was like, okay, I can do that. Can you draw

705
00:40:29,120 --> 00:40:31,080
Speaker 2: me a map of what the place looks like so

706
00:40:31,120 --> 00:40:33,239
Speaker 2: I know what to expect before we go in there.

707
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:35,440
Speaker 2: So he drew me a map and I was like, okay,

708
00:40:35,440 --> 00:40:38,440
Speaker 2: what's everybody's name? Okay, when do you go on lunch?

709
00:40:38,640 --> 00:40:42,319
Speaker 2: So like having a set plan, knowing what I was

710
00:40:42,360 --> 00:40:47,080
Speaker 2: going to do, and like the predictability of it is

711
00:40:47,120 --> 00:40:50,600
Speaker 2: what kind of made me realize like, oh I can

712
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:53,640
Speaker 2: do that. That's not too terrible. So I stapled cups

713
00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:54,319
Speaker 2: at a worm farm.

714
00:40:55,560 --> 00:40:58,279
Speaker 1: Pretty good? Pretty good? What did you What did your

715
00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:02,759
Speaker 1: therapists tell you that like help you out.

716
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:09,160
Speaker 2: She's had a lot of shit, but the one that, like,

717
00:41:09,239 --> 00:41:11,560
Speaker 2: the one thing that stuck with me the most is

718
00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:16,480
Speaker 2: feel the fear and do it anyways, because you know,

719
00:41:16,560 --> 00:41:21,120
Speaker 2: you can't really do anything in life if you're afraid

720
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:23,360
Speaker 2: to do anything in life. So if anything was like

721
00:41:23,400 --> 00:41:27,120
Speaker 2: really scary, I was like, Okay, well I'm going to

722
00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:29,759
Speaker 2: have to do it anyways at some point, so might

723
00:41:29,760 --> 00:41:30,160
Speaker 2: as well.

724
00:41:32,120 --> 00:41:32,759
Speaker 1: How old do you know?

725
00:41:34,320 --> 00:41:35,359
Speaker 2: I'm twenty four?

726
00:41:36,840 --> 00:41:43,080
Speaker 1: And what now that you've like conquered some fears in

727
00:41:43,120 --> 00:41:47,040
Speaker 1: your life already, what what fears do you have next

728
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:48,040
Speaker 1: that you want to conquer?

729
00:41:50,840 --> 00:41:51,160
Speaker 3: Well?

730
00:41:51,360 --> 00:41:57,040
Speaker 2: One that I conquered recently was the last job I had.

731
00:41:57,239 --> 00:42:02,839
Speaker 2: The company got like repoded by the bank. So we

732
00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:04,840
Speaker 2: were told the month in advance, which is like a

733
00:42:04,840 --> 00:42:06,680
Speaker 2: good amount of time but still a month in advance,

734
00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:09,920
Speaker 2: that we wouldn't have our jobs anymore. And I was like,

735
00:42:10,000 --> 00:42:13,560
Speaker 2: that was the first real job that I got by myself.

736
00:42:15,360 --> 00:42:17,799
Speaker 2: So I was like terrified that I wouldn't be able

737
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:21,040
Speaker 2: to find another job with people that I like and

738
00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:24,440
Speaker 2: anything like that. But then I ended up finding a

739
00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:28,480
Speaker 2: company in Michigan that did exactly what I used to do,

740
00:42:28,560 --> 00:42:32,879
Speaker 2: which is like a really niche job, and now I'm here,

741
00:42:33,520 --> 00:42:37,120
Speaker 2: and yeah, I'm just kind of taking it one thing

742
00:42:37,160 --> 00:42:39,279
Speaker 2: at a time. So the idea of being here is

743
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:41,560
Speaker 2: still a little bit scary, but I'm doing it, you know,

744
00:42:42,280 --> 00:42:42,879
Speaker 2: pretty good?

745
00:42:43,160 --> 00:42:46,000
Speaker 1: Pretty good? And how's your relationship with your boyfriend going?

746
00:42:49,040 --> 00:42:50,160
Speaker 2: Can you say that again? I'm sorry?

747
00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:52,640
Speaker 1: Oh, how's your relationship with your boyfriend going?

748
00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:58,799
Speaker 2: Good? We met when I was nineteen, so we've been

749
00:42:58,840 --> 00:43:06,799
Speaker 2: together for five years. We've had a lot of problems

750
00:43:07,120 --> 00:43:16,360
Speaker 2: in the road. He struggled with addiction and now he's

751
00:43:16,440 --> 00:43:21,560
Speaker 2: working on it and our relationship couldn't be any stronger.

752
00:43:21,800 --> 00:43:23,640
Speaker 2: I think he meant proposed to me this year too,

753
00:43:23,719 --> 00:43:24,600
Speaker 2: which is pretty cool.

754
00:43:25,000 --> 00:43:32,879
Speaker 1: Oh and his like addiction problems better, Yes, very much.

755
00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:37,120
Speaker 2: So he struggled a lot with porn addiction, which is

756
00:43:37,160 --> 00:43:43,880
Speaker 2: really common but not really talked about. And yeah, I

757
00:43:43,920 --> 00:43:48,440
Speaker 2: don't really necessarily know like what's so different for him, honestly,

758
00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:50,160
Speaker 2: but he's been doing a lot better.

759
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:52,799
Speaker 1: That's so funny because when you said addiction, I thought

760
00:43:52,840 --> 00:43:54,440
Speaker 1: it was like pills or something like that.

761
00:43:55,200 --> 00:43:58,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's that's definitely the first thought. Yeah, it

762
00:43:59,320 --> 00:44:02,400
Speaker 2: was porn, and I struggled with addiction too, but it

763
00:44:02,520 --> 00:44:06,200
Speaker 2: was you know, it was like xanax and stuff. So yeah,

764
00:44:06,480 --> 00:44:08,759
Speaker 2: not exactly the first thought that comes to people's mind.

765
00:44:09,200 --> 00:44:11,800
Speaker 1: Porn addiction is definitely funnier than pill addiction.

766
00:44:13,560 --> 00:44:16,840
Speaker 2: Yeah, Now that like I look back on it, I'm like,

767
00:44:18,480 --> 00:44:23,400
Speaker 2: I definitely was like screaming and crying for nothing because

768
00:44:24,680 --> 00:44:26,040
Speaker 2: I don't know, it's just like when you look back

769
00:44:26,080 --> 00:44:28,400
Speaker 2: on stuff, it just doesn't hit the same as it did.

770
00:44:29,040 --> 00:44:31,359
Speaker 2: But when I first found out about everything, I felt

771
00:44:31,360 --> 00:44:32,880
Speaker 2: like the world was gonna end and that I was

772
00:44:32,920 --> 00:44:33,560
Speaker 2: gonna die.

773
00:44:33,719 --> 00:44:35,880
Speaker 1: Well, I'm curious when you I mean, I guess this

774
00:44:36,000 --> 00:44:40,399
Speaker 1: is your boyfriend's stuff, so but fucking like, like, what

775
00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:45,120
Speaker 1: is porn addiction? Right? Like? What how much porn until

776
00:44:45,160 --> 00:44:45,840
Speaker 1: we're addicted?

777
00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:51,160
Speaker 2: For him, it was okay. Well, the way I found

778
00:44:51,160 --> 00:44:53,080
Speaker 2: out is one night we were laying in bed and

779
00:44:53,160 --> 00:44:57,000
Speaker 2: I always show him like funny Instagram videos that I

780
00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:59,120
Speaker 2: would say throughout the day, and he would show me

781
00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:01,239
Speaker 2: his YouTube reel and he was showing me some of

782
00:45:01,280 --> 00:45:04,560
Speaker 2: his YouTube reels and then he got a notification saying

783
00:45:04,600 --> 00:45:08,120
Speaker 2: like your only Fans subscription has ended, and I was like, hey,

784
00:45:08,800 --> 00:45:12,960
Speaker 2: that's not cool. We promised that we wouldn't be like

785
00:45:13,040 --> 00:45:16,000
Speaker 2: paying for that kind of content and anything that we

786
00:45:16,000 --> 00:45:19,359
Speaker 2: were doing, we would be open to each other about And

787
00:45:19,400 --> 00:45:22,120
Speaker 2: then I started crying, and then he kind of started

788
00:45:22,120 --> 00:45:24,360
Speaker 2: freaking out because I started to have a panic attack,

789
00:45:24,680 --> 00:45:28,560
Speaker 2: and then he just dumped everything onto me. He said

790
00:45:28,640 --> 00:45:33,839
Speaker 2: that he had been like paying for only fans and

791
00:45:33,840 --> 00:45:38,120
Speaker 2: like messaging people online through Reddit and stuff like that,

792
00:45:40,239 --> 00:45:43,040
Speaker 2: and then at one point I blocked all those things

793
00:45:43,120 --> 00:45:47,120
Speaker 2: so he couldn't get access to them anymore, and then

794
00:45:47,239 --> 00:45:49,600
Speaker 2: he found a way around it. He used his iPad

795
00:45:49,680 --> 00:45:53,960
Speaker 2: to like download Tinder and Bumble, and he used those

796
00:45:54,760 --> 00:45:59,400
Speaker 2: apps to talk to women and like exchange nudes. And

797
00:45:59,440 --> 00:46:01,239
Speaker 2: then I found out about that because he got an

798
00:46:01,280 --> 00:46:04,480
Speaker 2: email about like a dating service, and I was like, heyo,

799
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:08,160
Speaker 2: I thought we weren't going to do that. But since

800
00:46:08,239 --> 00:46:12,040
Speaker 2: that second time, he's been like really transparent, Like we

801
00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:15,480
Speaker 2: I came up with this thing like after if you

802
00:46:15,600 --> 00:46:18,200
Speaker 2: do anything, you have seventy two hours to tell me

803
00:46:18,840 --> 00:46:22,239
Speaker 2: what you did before I'm like, okay, we got to

804
00:46:22,280 --> 00:46:25,480
Speaker 2: do something about this, so if anything ever did come up,

805
00:46:25,520 --> 00:46:29,080
Speaker 2: he would tell me within three days. And that transparency

806
00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:30,680
Speaker 2: made things a lot easier.

807
00:46:31,360 --> 00:46:34,359
Speaker 1: So this wasn't this isn't just like watching porn hub

808
00:46:34,480 --> 00:46:37,719
Speaker 1: for five hours a day. It was like, uh, spend

809
00:46:37,760 --> 00:46:43,359
Speaker 1: a lot of money and shit and like, I mean

810
00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:47,880
Speaker 1: the tender bumble thing is interesting, and then and then

811
00:46:49,280 --> 00:46:55,759
Speaker 1: like how did you kind of get get past that?

812
00:46:55,880 --> 00:47:01,240
Speaker 1: I guess that's a lot to get past.

813
00:47:03,040 --> 00:47:07,560
Speaker 2: I definitely still struggle with the idea of everything that happened.

814
00:47:07,920 --> 00:47:11,960
Speaker 2: But the way that I get through it now is

815
00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:18,239
Speaker 2: I have a really awesome therapist and we did some

816
00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:22,320
Speaker 2: couples therapy and stuff like that, and my therapist would

817
00:47:22,440 --> 00:47:25,440
Speaker 2: invite him in on the sessions that we would have together.

818
00:47:28,160 --> 00:47:32,800
Speaker 2: And I did a work book two for like people

819
00:47:32,800 --> 00:47:39,000
Speaker 2: that had gone through sexual like devanc or like sexual

820
00:47:40,280 --> 00:47:43,160
Speaker 2: you know, like I can't think of the word right now,

821
00:47:43,480 --> 00:47:47,040
Speaker 2: but doing work books and working with my therapist has

822
00:47:47,080 --> 00:47:50,719
Speaker 2: definitely helped. And this all happened, I think it's been

823
00:47:51,640 --> 00:47:55,600
Speaker 2: almost two years now, so I've definitely had a lot

824
00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:59,840
Speaker 2: of time to you know, sit with the feeling and

825
00:48:00,080 --> 00:48:02,239
Speaker 2: kind of get used to that was like, get used

826
00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:04,080
Speaker 2: to the feeling that was something that happened and it

827
00:48:04,120 --> 00:48:07,799
Speaker 2: can't really be changed. And I know that he loves me,

828
00:48:08,239 --> 00:48:11,000
Speaker 2: and he shows that he loves me, so I know

829
00:48:11,239 --> 00:48:14,600
Speaker 2: that this is a person that I love and that

830
00:48:14,800 --> 00:48:17,040
Speaker 2: they don't intentionally want to hurt me, and I think

831
00:48:17,080 --> 00:48:20,240
Speaker 2: that kind of helped me get over that feeling.

832
00:48:20,880 --> 00:48:24,680
Speaker 1: What was involved in these like work books, I'm very curious.

833
00:48:26,040 --> 00:48:34,080
Speaker 2: So they were things like there was pages with activities

834
00:48:34,280 --> 00:48:38,480
Speaker 2: that would say things like what are things that you

835
00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:41,960
Speaker 2: think of when you think of porn addiction? And then

836
00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:45,279
Speaker 2: you would fill it out like little bullet points and

837
00:48:45,280 --> 00:48:47,560
Speaker 2: then be a little paragraph that you'd read kind of

838
00:48:47,600 --> 00:48:51,239
Speaker 2: explaining the brain chemistry of porn addiction and stuff like that.

839
00:48:51,320 --> 00:48:53,120
Speaker 2: And then another one is like what would you like

840
00:48:53,239 --> 00:48:57,440
Speaker 2: to hear your partner say to like consolidate you. And

841
00:48:57,480 --> 00:48:59,640
Speaker 2: then he had the other version of the book, which

842
00:48:59,680 --> 00:49:02,600
Speaker 2: is like for the person who did had the addiction

843
00:49:02,760 --> 00:49:05,600
Speaker 2: hurt the other person. So they were like the activities

844
00:49:05,640 --> 00:49:08,920
Speaker 2: would kind of line up, so then we were kind

845
00:49:08,920 --> 00:49:11,439
Speaker 2: of working on things at the same time. I don't

846
00:49:11,480 --> 00:49:14,000
Speaker 2: know what his book entailed, because I you know, I

847
00:49:14,000 --> 00:49:16,080
Speaker 2: didn't want to get in his business, but it was

848
00:49:16,080 --> 00:49:20,560
Speaker 2: mostly like activities of expressing how you feel, like the

849
00:49:20,600 --> 00:49:22,320
Speaker 2: typical therapy stuff.

850
00:49:22,360 --> 00:49:28,239
Speaker 1: You know, interesting, do you guys still go to the

851
00:49:29,080 --> 00:49:30,120
Speaker 1: couple's therapists.

852
00:49:33,239 --> 00:49:36,560
Speaker 2: No, she ended up not being a very good match.

853
00:49:37,719 --> 00:49:39,360
Speaker 2: And then when he decided that he didn't want to

854
00:49:39,360 --> 00:49:42,800
Speaker 2: see her anymore, also because she didn't take our insurance,

855
00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:46,319
Speaker 2: which is kind of fucked up. But he started doing

856
00:49:46,360 --> 00:49:51,480
Speaker 2: like online group therapies. There's like a lot of online

857
00:49:51,880 --> 00:49:55,839
Speaker 2: groups that you can meet with every week to do

858
00:49:56,000 --> 00:50:00,759
Speaker 2: like insurance free like group meetings for I think it's

859
00:50:00,800 --> 00:50:03,000
Speaker 2: like twenty dollars or something. So I had him do

860
00:50:03,120 --> 00:50:06,160
Speaker 2: that every week, like as an assurance, because one of

861
00:50:06,200 --> 00:50:08,440
Speaker 2: the promises I made was like, if we're gonna be together,

862
00:50:08,760 --> 00:50:10,799
Speaker 2: I need you to be having some type of care

863
00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:13,480
Speaker 2: so I know that you're taking care of yourself. So

864
00:50:13,520 --> 00:50:16,239
Speaker 2: he's doing that for a while, and then when that

865
00:50:16,280 --> 00:50:18,880
Speaker 2: became repetitive and I didn't feel like it was helping him,

866
00:50:18,920 --> 00:50:20,920
Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, well you need to get a therapist.

867
00:50:21,320 --> 00:50:26,880
Speaker 2: And he is now gonna have a therapy appointment at

868
00:50:26,880 --> 00:50:30,520
Speaker 2: the end of the month. Yeah, I forgot where I

869
00:50:30,600 --> 00:50:31,319
Speaker 2: was going with that, but.

870
00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:36,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, so he's in. So he's starting therapy.

871
00:50:37,320 --> 00:50:39,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's gonna start one on one again with a

872
00:50:39,600 --> 00:50:40,520
Speaker 2: different therapist.

873
00:50:41,160 --> 00:50:43,440
Speaker 1: Cool, and are you are you still seeing the lady

874
00:50:43,719 --> 00:50:44,480
Speaker 1: who was good.

875
00:50:46,160 --> 00:50:50,160
Speaker 2: Yes, I'm still seeing her. She's actually she owns her

876
00:50:50,200 --> 00:50:52,560
Speaker 2: practice that she does, and she just hired this new

877
00:50:52,640 --> 00:50:55,560
Speaker 2: dude and I was like, hey, my boyfriend needs a therapist.

878
00:50:55,640 --> 00:50:57,600
Speaker 2: You have any recommendations, and she's like, well, I just

879
00:50:57,680 --> 00:50:59,080
Speaker 2: interviewed this dude, and I think it would be a

880
00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:03,800
Speaker 2: perfect match. So we're gonna be going through the same practice,

881
00:51:03,800 --> 00:51:06,520
Speaker 2: which is nice because I trust her in her opinions.

882
00:51:07,200 --> 00:51:13,080
Speaker 1: So yeah, interesting. What's your name again?

883
00:51:14,800 --> 00:51:16,200
Speaker 2: My name has never been said?

884
00:51:16,520 --> 00:51:18,640
Speaker 1: Oh shit, what I mean? You don't have to give

885
00:51:18,680 --> 00:51:20,720
Speaker 1: me your real name. You can give me just something

886
00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:21,359
Speaker 1: to call you.

887
00:51:23,520 --> 00:51:24,160
Speaker 2: Crocodile.

888
00:51:24,719 --> 00:51:26,360
Speaker 1: Crocodile. Oh I like that. Well, how'd you come up

889
00:51:26,400 --> 00:51:27,040
Speaker 1: with crocodile?

890
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:31,239
Speaker 2: I don't know. I was looking at a sticker of

891
00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:36,439
Speaker 2: a skull, and skulls made me think of crocodile's eating animals.

892
00:51:37,719 --> 00:51:42,840
Speaker 1: Well, let's see here, crocodile. Thanks for sharing your story,

893
00:51:43,400 --> 00:51:46,480
Speaker 1: do you? Yeah, I'm trying to think, do you? Is

894
00:51:46,480 --> 00:51:49,319
Speaker 1: there any other kind of aspect of this that you like,

895
00:51:50,640 --> 00:51:53,880
Speaker 1: or just about life in general that you want to

896
00:51:53,880 --> 00:52:00,759
Speaker 1: get into or talk about, Not.

897
00:52:00,760 --> 00:52:03,000
Speaker 2: That I can think of. I've just been having like

898
00:52:03,120 --> 00:52:09,960
Speaker 2: somewhat of a tough time with accepting the mundaneness of life.

899
00:52:12,160 --> 00:52:14,520
Speaker 2: So I've been listening to the podcast a lot, just

900
00:52:14,560 --> 00:52:17,560
Speaker 2: trying to get other people's perspective on how they deal

901
00:52:17,600 --> 00:52:20,880
Speaker 2: with the mundaneness of life. And I'm still trying to

902
00:52:20,880 --> 00:52:23,080
Speaker 2: figure out what I'm doing there.

903
00:52:23,680 --> 00:52:29,880
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, the mundaneness of life, like your routine and

904
00:52:29,920 --> 00:52:30,640
Speaker 1: how to get out.

905
00:52:30,480 --> 00:52:36,640
Speaker 2: Of it, yeah, or just getting so used to routine

906
00:52:36,680 --> 00:52:42,360
Speaker 2: that everything just kind of seems blair, especially with having

907
00:52:42,360 --> 00:52:44,280
Speaker 2: a new job. Like I used to have three days

908
00:52:44,280 --> 00:52:47,160
Speaker 2: off and now I only have two days off, so

909
00:52:47,320 --> 00:52:51,040
Speaker 2: my weekends, I'm just kind of like, oh, well, tomorrow

910
00:52:51,160 --> 00:52:53,000
Speaker 2: is going to be my last day off, so like

911
00:52:53,400 --> 00:52:56,520
Speaker 2: what does it really matter? You know, it's very negative,

912
00:52:57,080 --> 00:52:58,360
Speaker 2: yeah all around.

913
00:52:59,280 --> 00:53:02,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, dealing with the mundaneess of life. I

914
00:53:02,920 --> 00:53:06,040
Speaker 1: don't know. I don't fucking know, man, I don't know. Man.

915
00:53:06,120 --> 00:53:07,680
Speaker 1: So you said, I mean, okay, let me ask you this.

916
00:53:07,760 --> 00:53:09,440
Speaker 1: You said you've been listening to the podcast to get

917
00:53:09,440 --> 00:53:12,160
Speaker 1: other people's like kind of perspectives on this. Have you

918
00:53:12,239 --> 00:53:14,280
Speaker 1: Is there anything you picked up where you're like, oh, okay,

919
00:53:14,280 --> 00:53:15,640
Speaker 1: maybe that could be something.

920
00:53:17,960 --> 00:53:21,439
Speaker 2: I know this like might sound terrible, but hearing other

921
00:53:21,600 --> 00:53:25,680
Speaker 2: people's situations being worse than mine kind of makes me

922
00:53:26,360 --> 00:53:30,520
Speaker 2: think that like, hey, at least you have a job

923
00:53:30,840 --> 00:53:32,719
Speaker 2: and you have people around you that care.

924
00:53:33,120 --> 00:53:36,480
Speaker 1: You know. Yeah, no, there's nothing. There's a word for that.

925
00:53:36,520 --> 00:53:41,319
Speaker 1: It's called shaden freua I think. Okay, yeah, no, that's

926
00:53:41,560 --> 00:53:43,600
Speaker 1: I've actually had. You know what's funny is a lot

927
00:53:43,640 --> 00:53:46,920
Speaker 1: of people tell me they're like a lot of people

928
00:53:47,080 --> 00:53:50,160
Speaker 1: have told me I like listening to your podcast because

929
00:53:50,160 --> 00:53:54,080
Speaker 1: it makes me feel better about my own life. Yeah, exactly,

930
00:53:54,440 --> 00:54:01,040
Speaker 1: which is kind of funny. Yeah, yeah, I used to Actually,

931
00:54:01,120 --> 00:54:03,319
Speaker 1: this is kind of all right, I'm gonna say it's

932
00:54:03,360 --> 00:54:06,440
Speaker 1: kind of sad, but whatever. I used to browse like

933
00:54:06,760 --> 00:54:11,320
Speaker 1: r slash. I used to like go on Reddit looking

934
00:54:11,320 --> 00:54:15,440
Speaker 1: at like relationship advice or like depression or whatever, like

935
00:54:15,440 --> 00:54:17,280
Speaker 1: all these like subreddits, and I would try to find

936
00:54:17,360 --> 00:54:22,080
Speaker 1: people whose lives are worse than mine on Reddit so

937
00:54:22,200 --> 00:54:25,520
Speaker 1: I could feel better. But the worst is when you

938
00:54:25,680 --> 00:54:27,040
Speaker 1: is if you ever have a time in your life

939
00:54:27,040 --> 00:54:29,400
Speaker 1: where you do that and you're like, oh no, I identify

940
00:54:29,360 --> 00:54:31,920
Speaker 1: with this Reddit post, you know.

941
00:54:32,840 --> 00:54:34,840
Speaker 2: I mean, if you think about it, that's what like

942
00:54:34,960 --> 00:54:38,280
Speaker 2: group therapy is, you have this therapy for like people

943
00:54:38,360 --> 00:54:40,920
Speaker 2: that go through specific things so that you can relate

944
00:54:40,960 --> 00:54:45,080
Speaker 2: with them with how terrible your situation is. You know, it's.

945
00:54:44,880 --> 00:54:47,560
Speaker 1: Funny the idea of like there being like a loser

946
00:54:47,680 --> 00:54:52,040
Speaker 1: of group therapy, like somebody who's bottom ranked, like they're

947
00:54:52,120 --> 00:54:57,000
Speaker 1: they're just there to give their horrible, horrible experience so

948
00:54:57,040 --> 00:55:01,759
Speaker 1: that everyone else in the group feels good. Atter, somebody

949
00:55:01,800 --> 00:55:03,799
Speaker 1: in group therapy always has to be the one to

950
00:55:03,880 --> 00:55:06,480
Speaker 1: take the take it for the team and be like

951
00:55:06,640 --> 00:55:10,680
Speaker 1: here's how off. Like it becomes like a dick measuring contest,

952
00:55:10,760 --> 00:55:13,680
Speaker 1: except you're trying to see whose dick is the smallest.

953
00:55:14,880 --> 00:55:18,440
Speaker 2: I mean, yeah, yeah, I did group therapy when I

954
00:55:18,480 --> 00:55:20,879
Speaker 2: was a gooraphobic because it was a way to get

955
00:55:20,880 --> 00:55:22,400
Speaker 2: out of the house and I could like talk to

956
00:55:22,400 --> 00:55:24,759
Speaker 2: people about how miserable my life was. And there was

957
00:55:24,800 --> 00:55:28,239
Speaker 2: one girl that every single week she just kind of

958
00:55:28,280 --> 00:55:31,640
Speaker 2: be like, yeah, that like really sucks, but like this

959
00:55:31,680 --> 00:55:33,640
Speaker 2: is what happened to me this week, and like had

960
00:55:33,680 --> 00:55:38,040
Speaker 2: to outdo everyone on how terrible her life was, so

961
00:55:38,160 --> 00:55:41,960
Speaker 2: she took on that role with a great passion. I'd say, you.

962
00:55:41,880 --> 00:55:44,560
Speaker 1: Know, it's funny, Well, I guess two things. It's funny

963
00:55:44,560 --> 00:55:49,399
Speaker 1: because like normally like you would think that's like insensitive,

964
00:55:49,560 --> 00:55:51,799
Speaker 1: like when you share something and someone goes, oh, well,

965
00:55:51,920 --> 00:55:55,440
Speaker 1: my thing is worse, but actually it's it's kind of nice,

966
00:55:56,160 --> 00:55:58,560
Speaker 1: you know, it's like, oh shit, your thing actually is worse. Okay,

967
00:55:58,600 --> 00:55:59,399
Speaker 1: I feel better now?

968
00:56:00,800 --> 00:56:02,480
Speaker 2: Yeah, no, I agree.

969
00:56:03,520 --> 00:56:05,399
Speaker 1: And I don't know if it look if she if

970
00:56:05,400 --> 00:56:09,160
Speaker 1: she feels pride and that I guess that that.

971
00:56:09,200 --> 00:56:11,399
Speaker 2: Works more power to her, I.

972
00:56:11,320 --> 00:56:14,200
Speaker 1: Guess more powered sr. But I don't know. I don't know. Man.

973
00:56:14,560 --> 00:56:17,839
Speaker 2: I wonder if anybody in that group heard me talk

974
00:56:17,880 --> 00:56:21,480
Speaker 2: about my stuff and thought that about me. Now that

975
00:56:21,520 --> 00:56:23,320
Speaker 2: I think about it, that's.

976
00:56:23,239 --> 00:56:26,520
Speaker 1: That's an interesting That is an interesting thing. Like how

977
00:56:26,600 --> 00:56:28,640
Speaker 1: like in group therapy, like do you ever talk and

978
00:56:28,680 --> 00:56:31,520
Speaker 1: you're like, oh, people are like at least I'm not

979
00:56:32,480 --> 00:56:33,680
Speaker 1: that person, you know.

980
00:56:34,800 --> 00:56:36,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, I definitely feel like there must have been one

981
00:56:37,080 --> 00:56:38,879
Speaker 2: person in there that looked at me and was like, oh,

982
00:56:38,920 --> 00:56:39,880
Speaker 2: she's kind of fucked up.

983
00:56:41,280 --> 00:56:43,920
Speaker 1: He think he's the thing. The answer that is the

984
00:56:43,920 --> 00:56:46,680
Speaker 1: answer is probably like no matter here's like, no matter

985
00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:51,680
Speaker 1: who you are your life, no matter who you are,

986
00:56:51,920 --> 00:56:55,760
Speaker 1: there's a there's infinite people. I mean not literally infinite,

987
00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:58,200
Speaker 1: but no matter who you are, there's so many people

988
00:56:58,920 --> 00:57:02,040
Speaker 1: who you could take and go, oh, my life is

989
00:57:02,160 --> 00:57:04,680
Speaker 1: horrible compared to this person's life. Even if you have

990
00:57:04,760 --> 00:57:08,000
Speaker 1: like an object you have like an objectively good life,

991
00:57:08,080 --> 00:57:10,359
Speaker 1: and there will always be people who you can be like, oh,

992
00:57:10,360 --> 00:57:13,319
Speaker 1: their life is way better than they would look at

993
00:57:13,400 --> 00:57:19,200
Speaker 1: me and go like, ough, god, imagine being that. You know, Like, whoever,

994
00:57:19,240 --> 00:57:22,320
Speaker 1: whoever you are, somebody, somebody can look at your life

995
00:57:22,400 --> 00:57:25,960
Speaker 1: and go that looks like it would be awful to

996
00:57:26,080 --> 00:57:27,640
Speaker 1: be in right.

997
00:57:27,720 --> 00:57:30,040
Speaker 2: And then yeah, But.

998
00:57:30,160 --> 00:57:34,919
Speaker 1: Conversely, whoever you are, there's tons of people who would

999
00:57:34,920 --> 00:57:36,800
Speaker 1: look at your life and be like, oh my god,

1000
00:57:36,880 --> 00:57:41,560
Speaker 1: could you imagine living having a three bedroom apartment and

1001
00:57:41,840 --> 00:57:45,439
Speaker 1: rats and a job and arms and legs and being

1002
00:57:45,480 --> 00:57:49,360
Speaker 1: twenty four and you know everywhere they's told me so

1003
00:57:49,400 --> 00:57:53,080
Speaker 1: many people, you know, So it's it I got every

1004
00:57:53,160 --> 00:57:56,040
Speaker 1: day is like do you want to be the person

1005
00:57:56,240 --> 00:58:00,200
Speaker 1: going oh I could never be that, or the and

1006
00:58:00,280 --> 00:58:02,640
Speaker 1: being like, oh my god, imagine being mad. That would

1007
00:58:02,680 --> 00:58:05,480
Speaker 1: be awesome. I think it's that I think when people

1008
00:58:05,560 --> 00:58:10,440
Speaker 1: say that like happiness is a choice, I know that's

1009
00:58:10,480 --> 00:58:13,919
Speaker 1: a controversial statement, and I'm not going to necessarily say

1010
00:58:13,920 --> 00:58:19,440
Speaker 1: that I agree with it, because I have complicated feelings

1011
00:58:20,240 --> 00:58:23,920
Speaker 1: about that idea that happiness is a choice. But I

1012
00:58:24,560 --> 00:58:26,760
Speaker 1: but I do. But when you think about that whole

1013
00:58:26,840 --> 00:58:30,040
Speaker 1: thing of you can depending on who you're comparing your

1014
00:58:30,040 --> 00:58:32,600
Speaker 1: life to, your life could either be sick or it

1015
00:58:32,640 --> 00:58:36,000
Speaker 1: could be awful. There is a bit of a choice

1016
00:58:36,480 --> 00:58:39,360
Speaker 1: in terms of which of those perspectives you want to

1017
00:58:39,400 --> 00:58:40,800
Speaker 1: take on, you know.

1018
00:58:41,240 --> 00:58:46,600
Speaker 2: H Yeah, I think that's what I've been thinking about

1019
00:58:46,640 --> 00:58:48,760
Speaker 2: a lot. Like I listened to one of the podcast

1020
00:58:48,800 --> 00:58:52,720
Speaker 2: episodes today about this girl named Angie, and she did

1021
00:58:52,920 --> 00:58:54,720
Speaker 2: she had like an ice cream truck and she's like

1022
00:58:54,800 --> 00:58:59,320
Speaker 2: so petty and optimistic. Yeah, And I was like, I

1023
00:58:59,360 --> 00:59:01,760
Speaker 2: wish I could do that, Like I could take it

1024
00:59:01,840 --> 00:59:05,800
Speaker 2: until I make it, but I can't right right, But

1025
00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:08,320
Speaker 2: I can try to be content with what I have

1026
00:59:08,520 --> 00:59:11,000
Speaker 2: and how I am right now, which is what I'm

1027
00:59:11,000 --> 00:59:13,760
Speaker 2: trying to do, which is hard, but I'm trying, you know.

1028
00:59:14,280 --> 00:59:17,640
Speaker 1: No, I loved that. I loved talking to that lady.

1029
00:59:18,400 --> 00:59:20,240
Speaker 1: For those of you who remember that lady, she drove

1030
00:59:20,280 --> 00:59:22,160
Speaker 1: an ice cream truck and was talking about how much

1031
00:59:22,160 --> 00:59:25,040
Speaker 1: she loved driving the ice cream truck. There are a lot, undeniably,

1032
00:59:25,080 --> 00:59:27,680
Speaker 1: there are so many people who would be like driving

1033
00:59:27,720 --> 00:59:31,080
Speaker 1: an ice cream truck sounds like it would suck, you know, Yeah,

1034
00:59:31,080 --> 00:59:34,480
Speaker 1: And then you have her who's like, oh, driving an

1035
00:59:34,480 --> 00:59:36,760
Speaker 1: ice cream truck is fucking sweet and awesome.

1036
00:59:36,840 --> 00:59:38,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I'm hyped to do it every day, and

1037
00:59:38,840 --> 00:59:39,680
Speaker 2: I'm hyped.

1038
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:42,360
Speaker 1: To do it every day. And in a way, I

1039
00:59:42,400 --> 00:59:44,600
Speaker 1: actually I look at her life and it's and I

1040
00:59:44,640 --> 00:59:47,160
Speaker 1: look less about her her external life, and more about

1041
00:59:47,160 --> 00:59:50,040
Speaker 1: her brain. And I'm like, Oh, even if I don't

1042
00:59:50,080 --> 00:59:51,800
Speaker 1: wish I had that life, I wish I had that

1043
00:59:52,040 --> 00:59:55,080
Speaker 1: brain because if I had that brain, I could have

1044
00:59:55,160 --> 00:59:59,280
Speaker 1: any life and I'd be fine because I'd have something

1045
00:59:59,280 --> 01:00:01,680
Speaker 1: in the wiring of my brain would be able to

1046
01:00:03,280 --> 01:00:09,160
Speaker 1: just enjoy whatever is going on with me. I suppose.

1047
01:00:10,720 --> 01:00:13,600
Speaker 2: That's definitely a deep way to think about it, because

1048
01:00:14,120 --> 01:00:17,120
Speaker 2: I look at myself and it's like, I dread the

1049
01:00:17,240 --> 01:00:19,440
Speaker 2: idea of going to bed because I know that I'm

1050
01:00:19,480 --> 01:00:21,760
Speaker 2: gonna have to get up and go to my nine

1051
01:00:21,760 --> 01:00:27,440
Speaker 2: to five. But the idea of going to bed because

1052
01:00:27,680 --> 01:00:29,520
Speaker 2: you're like, I can't wait to get to bed because

1053
01:00:29,520 --> 01:00:34,840
Speaker 2: I'm excited to deliver ice cream to small children with

1054
01:00:34,880 --> 01:00:39,040
Speaker 2: their sticky hands just seems like that's a good brain

1055
01:00:39,080 --> 01:00:39,400
Speaker 2: to have.

1056
01:00:41,960 --> 01:00:47,560
Speaker 1: Crocodile. Yeah, I enjoyed talking to you, Crocodile. I hope

1057
01:00:47,600 --> 01:00:51,200
Speaker 1: this was. Uh, this was I hope you enjoyed having

1058
01:00:51,240 --> 01:00:52,760
Speaker 1: this conversation.

1059
01:00:54,000 --> 01:00:56,520
Speaker 2: I definitely needed this. I called in before when I

1060
01:00:56,560 --> 01:01:00,120
Speaker 2: was unmedicated and the call lasted like five minutes. I

1061
01:01:00,120 --> 01:01:02,080
Speaker 2: was really upset with myself. So it's nice to have

1062
01:01:02,080 --> 01:01:03,080
Speaker 2: some redemption for that.

1063
01:01:03,440 --> 01:01:06,479
Speaker 1: Oh did we did? What? What was your previous call?

1064
01:01:07,560 --> 01:01:09,439
Speaker 2: My name was slug. You gave me a T shirt

1065
01:01:09,440 --> 01:01:09,960
Speaker 2: in Detroit?

1066
01:01:10,960 --> 01:01:17,640
Speaker 1: Oh I remember you? Yeah, yes, yes, I remember which

1067
01:01:17,760 --> 01:01:21,360
Speaker 1: Detroit show were you at.

1068
01:01:21,520 --> 01:01:23,880
Speaker 2: It was at the Harpo Theater. I saw some dude

1069
01:01:24,000 --> 01:01:26,520
Speaker 2: peeing in the street while I was waiting in line

1070
01:01:26,560 --> 01:01:27,479
Speaker 2: to get in. That was cool.

1071
01:01:27,600 --> 01:01:30,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, the Harpo Theater. That one was. That was interesting.

1072
01:01:30,360 --> 01:01:32,320
Speaker 1: Wait a minute, did you know it? Go ahead?

1073
01:01:33,320 --> 01:01:36,560
Speaker 2: I was just going to say. When my boyfriend and

1074
01:01:36,560 --> 01:01:40,040
Speaker 2: I were leaving, we saw you like hitting your vape outside,

1075
01:01:40,520 --> 01:01:43,240
Speaker 2: and we mentioned that moment a lot, just because we

1076
01:01:43,320 --> 01:01:45,640
Speaker 2: resonated with how you looked like you were feeling. You're

1077
01:01:45,680 --> 01:01:49,280
Speaker 2: just kind of like standing there like today was long

1078
01:01:49,360 --> 01:01:50,880
Speaker 2: and I felt that very hard.

1079
01:01:51,800 --> 01:01:54,919
Speaker 1: I'm I'm sure I looked like like a guy with

1080
01:01:55,280 --> 01:01:58,600
Speaker 1: like his Mickey mouse head off smoking a cigarette in the.

1081
01:01:58,760 --> 01:02:01,960
Speaker 2: Exactly that's the energy we were getting, and we felt

1082
01:02:02,000 --> 01:02:03,680
Speaker 2: that very hard. We quote that a lot.

1083
01:02:04,120 --> 01:02:09,320
Speaker 1: That's very funny. Yeah, did I look? Was I alone? Yes?

1084
01:02:09,400 --> 01:02:11,560
Speaker 2: You were alone. You were like looking at your phone

1085
01:02:11,600 --> 01:02:14,480
Speaker 2: and hitting your vape just like with the door cracked open.

1086
01:02:14,600 --> 01:02:16,760
Speaker 2: There's like flashing lights to the side of you and

1087
01:02:16,800 --> 01:02:18,040
Speaker 2: you're just kind of like looking down.

1088
01:02:19,040 --> 01:02:26,720
Speaker 1: Interesting, what a crazy life? Yeah, well wait, it'slug. Did

1089
01:02:26,760 --> 01:02:28,880
Speaker 1: you like DM me or something being like my call

1090
01:02:29,200 --> 01:02:30,320
Speaker 1: sucked and I'm sorry.

1091
01:02:31,120 --> 01:02:35,200
Speaker 2: I made a post to Reddit being like I funk. Yeah,

1092
01:02:35,200 --> 01:02:37,520
Speaker 2: and then you ended up messaging me, which was very nice.

1093
01:02:37,560 --> 01:02:38,200
Speaker 2: I appreciate it.

1094
01:02:38,520 --> 01:02:40,960
Speaker 1: Yes, okay, I fully remember you. I fully remember you. Okay,

1095
01:02:40,960 --> 01:02:42,840
Speaker 1: hell yeah, yeah, hellya. Wall right. I'm glad we got

1096
01:02:42,840 --> 01:02:46,840
Speaker 1: to talk. I'm glad you're doing better. And is there

1097
01:02:46,840 --> 01:02:48,480
Speaker 1: anything else you want to say to the people of

1098
01:02:48,680 --> 01:02:49,720
Speaker 1: the computer before we go.

1099
01:02:53,440 --> 01:02:56,080
Speaker 2: If your life feels shitty and you're sad, just think

1100
01:02:56,120 --> 01:02:59,120
Speaker 2: about how it could be shittier, and that it's not shittier.

1101
01:03:00,320 --> 01:03:03,160
Speaker 1: You know what that is that remains for eternity, a

1102
01:03:03,160 --> 01:03:08,320
Speaker 1: full proof method. Yep, take care slot, I mean crocodile

1103
01:03:08,600 --> 01:03:09,920
Speaker 1: or whichever one. O.

1104
01:03:10,360 --> 01:03:12,040
Speaker 2: Bye, okay bye.

1105
01:03:13,560 --> 01:03:16,280
Speaker 1: I don't know why, but I'm I'm like, now I'm

1106
01:03:16,320 --> 01:03:20,640
Speaker 1: thinking about, yes, standing outside of standing outside of Harpo's

1107
01:03:21,160 --> 01:03:26,920
Speaker 1: Concert Hall after my Detroit show, just wearing green paint

1108
01:03:27,480 --> 01:03:31,720
Speaker 1: and smoking a vape and just being like, oh man,

1109
01:03:33,080 --> 01:03:36,880
Speaker 1: I am a gecko. There's something romantic. I'm I'm I

1110
01:03:36,880 --> 01:03:39,960
Speaker 1: don't remember that moment. I'm sure that happens. I'm just

1111
01:03:40,000 --> 01:03:43,600
Speaker 1: happened multiple times. But I'm thinking about that, and it

1112
01:03:43,600 --> 01:03:48,040
Speaker 1: feels actually romantic to know I got to I got

1113
01:03:48,040 --> 01:03:53,520
Speaker 1: to be in that at some point in my life.

1114
01:03:53,840 --> 01:03:55,840
Speaker 4: From Benadryl adic.

1115
01:03:56,760 --> 01:03:57,200
Speaker 1: Hello.

1116
01:03:57,720 --> 01:03:59,800
Speaker 5: Hi, Sorry, I was expecting to get through.

1117
01:04:00,440 --> 01:04:01,280
Speaker 1: Hi. What's your name?

1118
01:04:03,080 --> 01:04:04,840
Speaker 5: Let's call me Fern.

1119
01:04:05,880 --> 01:04:09,200
Speaker 1: Fern. What's up for? Have we spoken before? If I've

1120
01:04:09,200 --> 01:04:10,800
Speaker 1: talked to a Fern?

1121
01:04:11,360 --> 01:04:12,200
Speaker 4: No, we haven't.

1122
01:04:12,280 --> 01:04:13,919
Speaker 5: I've been trying to call in for like a couple

1123
01:04:13,960 --> 01:04:17,040
Speaker 5: of weeks, but I haven't gotten through until now.

1124
01:04:17,440 --> 01:04:20,680
Speaker 1: Fern. What's going on? How's uh? How's life?

1125
01:04:20,920 --> 01:04:24,480
Speaker 5: I'm doing actually super super well right now, but.

1126
01:04:25,960 --> 01:04:31,320
Speaker 4: I spent the past.

1127
01:04:29,600 --> 01:04:35,880
Speaker 5: Four years being like really deeply addicted to taking benadryl,

1128
01:04:36,760 --> 01:04:41,120
Speaker 5: and I have a lot of funny stories from that.

1129
01:04:42,240 --> 01:04:45,840
Speaker 5: Even though it was not a good time, it definitely

1130
01:04:45,920 --> 01:04:48,200
Speaker 5: led to some interesting experiences.

1131
01:04:48,960 --> 01:04:50,800
Speaker 1: Sure, is there one in particular that you want to

1132
01:04:50,840 --> 01:04:51,360
Speaker 1: talk about?

1133
01:04:52,440 --> 01:04:57,000
Speaker 5: Yeah, well, okay, So I have to preface this by

1134
01:04:57,000 --> 01:05:04,320
Speaker 5: saying that this all started because I was I have

1135
01:05:04,360 --> 01:05:07,200
Speaker 5: a personality disorder, and this was kind of my way

1136
01:05:07,280 --> 01:05:13,160
Speaker 5: with of like coping with everything that I was dealing with.

1137
01:05:14,040 --> 01:05:19,920
Speaker 5: So uh, at one point, like this was happening maybe

1138
01:05:20,280 --> 01:05:23,840
Speaker 5: twice a week, three times a week that I would take,

1139
01:05:24,000 --> 01:05:26,720
Speaker 5: like I mean enough that a drill that you probably

1140
01:05:27,040 --> 01:05:29,160
Speaker 5: like some people, if they weighed less than me, probably

1141
01:05:29,200 --> 01:05:39,160
Speaker 5: would have died. But the one time I took, like

1142
01:05:39,520 --> 01:05:41,040
Speaker 5: I don't I don't know how much I took, and

1143
01:05:41,080 --> 01:05:43,760
Speaker 5: I don't want to encourage anybody, but the week that

1144
01:05:43,880 --> 01:05:46,680
Speaker 5: I did this, I was playing a lot of Tears

1145
01:05:46,680 --> 01:05:48,120
Speaker 5: of the Kingdom, like a lot.

1146
01:05:48,960 --> 01:05:50,840
Speaker 4: And so then when.

1147
01:05:50,840 --> 01:05:54,440
Speaker 5: I like took all of this penet drill and I

1148
01:05:54,560 --> 01:05:58,480
Speaker 5: was like really really out of it, and the like,

1149
01:05:58,720 --> 01:06:00,920
Speaker 5: there's like a bunch of emergencies services that showed up

1150
01:06:00,960 --> 01:06:03,920
Speaker 5: at my house to help me out afterwards, because this,

1151
01:06:04,160 --> 01:06:06,120
Speaker 5: like I said, this related to my mental health issues,

1152
01:06:06,200 --> 01:06:10,720
Speaker 5: and the like fire men were like trying to get

1153
01:06:10,760 --> 01:06:13,600
Speaker 5: information out of me, and all I kept saying was

1154
01:06:13,640 --> 01:06:16,800
Speaker 5: that I needed to find the master source and I

1155
01:06:16,840 --> 01:06:21,440
Speaker 5: needed to like get back to work like on like

1156
01:06:21,480 --> 01:06:25,479
Speaker 5: the side quest that I was working on. And yeah,

1157
01:06:25,520 --> 01:06:27,400
Speaker 5: I don't know, I always think about that. I wonder

1158
01:06:27,440 --> 01:06:31,080
Speaker 5: if those like paramedics ever think about me, like really

1159
01:06:31,720 --> 01:06:35,240
Speaker 5: drugged up talking about the Master's sorce and like not

1160
01:06:35,400 --> 01:06:39,280
Speaker 5: knowing what I was talking about.

1161
01:06:39,560 --> 01:06:42,760
Speaker 1: So this is four years of taking.

1162
01:06:42,600 --> 01:06:47,000
Speaker 5: Benadru and shit, yeah it was not good. But I

1163
01:06:47,160 --> 01:06:50,960
Speaker 5: have to say, like I'm almost one year sober now.

1164
01:06:52,000 --> 01:06:53,960
Speaker 1: So I'm curious, what was it that was making you

1165
01:06:54,000 --> 01:06:56,240
Speaker 1: want to take so much BENDRL? Just life?

1166
01:06:57,200 --> 01:06:58,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, just life.

1167
01:06:58,520 --> 01:07:02,920
Speaker 5: I mean I have underline personality disorder, so like.

1168
01:07:04,640 --> 01:07:05,360
Speaker 4: A lot of that.

1169
01:07:06,840 --> 01:07:08,640
Speaker 5: It just kind of comes with the territory. You know,

1170
01:07:08,680 --> 01:07:11,840
Speaker 5: you do a lot of like stupid shit to like

1171
01:07:12,000 --> 01:07:15,040
Speaker 5: cope with the intensity of what you're going through. So

1172
01:07:15,800 --> 01:07:17,720
Speaker 5: I kind of liked that it like shut off my

1173
01:07:17,800 --> 01:07:21,080
Speaker 5: brain and it like made me not have to like

1174
01:07:21,200 --> 01:07:23,800
Speaker 5: deal with what was going on. But of course ultimately

1175
01:07:23,840 --> 01:07:24,880
Speaker 5: in the end it made it worse.

1176
01:07:25,720 --> 01:07:30,920
Speaker 1: So what was it that inspired you and helped you

1177
01:07:30,960 --> 01:07:31,720
Speaker 1: to get sober?

1178
01:07:34,960 --> 01:07:35,280
Speaker 3: Well?

1179
01:07:35,480 --> 01:07:40,080
Speaker 5: I honestly straight up, I like hit rock bottom in

1180
01:07:40,120 --> 01:07:44,720
Speaker 5: my life. Like I was mainly overdosing on benadryl, but

1181
01:07:44,760 --> 01:07:46,840
Speaker 5: I was overdosing on other things, like as a form

1182
01:07:46,840 --> 01:07:52,320
Speaker 5: of self harming. And one time, like mid twenty twenty three,

1183
01:07:52,360 --> 01:07:54,240
Speaker 5: I won't go into too many details, but I was

1184
01:07:54,240 --> 01:07:56,920
Speaker 5: like I got very, very very sick, and I was

1185
01:07:56,960 --> 01:08:00,000
Speaker 5: in the ICU for a few days, and then I

1186
01:08:00,120 --> 01:08:02,920
Speaker 5: was in inpatient psychiatry for like two weeks after that,

1187
01:08:03,640 --> 01:08:07,480
Speaker 5: and that experience was like scary enough that I was like,

1188
01:08:08,240 --> 01:08:10,760
Speaker 5: I don't want to keep doing this, you know, it's

1189
01:08:10,840 --> 01:08:13,440
Speaker 5: ruining my life. And also I didn't really appreciate at

1190
01:08:13,440 --> 01:08:16,639
Speaker 5: the time, like how horrible it was my family too

1191
01:08:16,880 --> 01:08:21,840
Speaker 5: to have to deal with that. And so after going

1192
01:08:21,840 --> 01:08:23,639
Speaker 5: through all that and seeing the toll that it took,

1193
01:08:23,800 --> 01:08:26,639
Speaker 5: especially in my mom, I was like, Okay, I can't

1194
01:08:26,720 --> 01:08:29,679
Speaker 5: keep doing this, you know. And every month that goes

1195
01:08:29,680 --> 01:08:33,160
Speaker 5: by with being sober, I just see, like, you know,

1196
01:08:33,280 --> 01:08:36,479
Speaker 5: everything that life has to offer and how good things

1197
01:08:36,520 --> 01:08:38,760
Speaker 5: can be. I mean, like literally last night, I like

1198
01:08:39,400 --> 01:08:41,920
Speaker 5: went out and like bought like some snacks and drove

1199
01:08:41,920 --> 01:08:43,479
Speaker 5: out to like a trailhead and I was looking at

1200
01:08:43,479 --> 01:08:45,960
Speaker 5: the stars and I like almost started crying because I

1201
01:08:46,000 --> 01:08:47,880
Speaker 5: was just like, Wow, I'm like so grateful that I

1202
01:08:47,920 --> 01:08:51,439
Speaker 5: get to be alive and just experience like simple things

1203
01:08:51,479 --> 01:08:55,000
Speaker 5: like eating Reese's peanut buttercups in my car while listening

1204
01:08:55,000 --> 01:09:01,320
Speaker 5: to music and looking at the stars. You know, hmm.

1205
01:09:01,920 --> 01:09:04,920
Speaker 1: Tell me more about like the things that you've You've

1206
01:09:04,960 --> 01:09:07,200
Speaker 1: come to realize that life has to offer that make

1207
01:09:07,240 --> 01:09:11,880
Speaker 1: you not want to uh not want to overdose on benadryl.

1208
01:09:13,000 --> 01:09:13,400
Speaker 2: Bless you.

1209
01:09:16,720 --> 01:09:22,760
Speaker 5: I mean like literally literally everything, Like you know, I

1210
01:09:22,240 --> 01:09:24,640
Speaker 5: I went through like years and years and years of

1211
01:09:24,680 --> 01:09:27,760
Speaker 5: therapy to get to get to this point too. And

1212
01:09:29,400 --> 01:09:32,439
Speaker 5: I think that another big realization was that, like you know,

1213
01:09:34,040 --> 01:09:37,800
Speaker 5: like suffering in life is a choice. Pain is inevitable,

1214
01:09:38,160 --> 01:09:41,120
Speaker 5: but you only suffer if you don't like choose to

1215
01:09:41,120 --> 01:09:44,320
Speaker 5: accept the fact that you will feel pain. And so

1216
01:09:44,560 --> 01:09:49,559
Speaker 5: just accepting that even, like you know, like accepting the

1217
01:09:49,560 --> 01:09:51,799
Speaker 5: fact that I'm grateful that I get to feel anxious

1218
01:09:52,479 --> 01:09:55,439
Speaker 5: because you know, I almost because I almost died. Now

1219
01:09:55,600 --> 01:09:58,719
Speaker 5: now I just appreciate everything, Like I'm grateful that I'm

1220
01:09:58,960 --> 01:10:03,439
Speaker 5: able to have like shitty tinder dates, you know, I'm

1221
01:10:03,439 --> 01:10:07,559
Speaker 5: grateful that I'm able to have like a mid sandwich

1222
01:10:07,600 --> 01:10:10,040
Speaker 5: from Tim Horton's you know all these like small things,

1223
01:10:10,400 --> 01:10:13,839
Speaker 5: you know, just I'm just I'm just grateful to exist.

1224
01:10:13,880 --> 01:10:16,200
Speaker 5: You know, existing is pretty great. Mm.

1225
01:10:17,640 --> 01:10:22,479
Speaker 1: Yeah, I've I've I've had those feelings before where you know,

1226
01:10:22,560 --> 01:10:26,000
Speaker 1: when I'm in, when I'm in like the throes of uh,

1227
01:10:26,439 --> 01:10:30,439
Speaker 1: like true gratefulness. I feel everything you've beat you almost

1228
01:10:30,479 --> 01:10:33,599
Speaker 1: you start to become like grateful for your pain too,

1229
01:10:33,680 --> 01:10:37,880
Speaker 1: in a weird way. You go like, oh, I'm so

1230
01:10:38,000 --> 01:10:42,160
Speaker 1: grateful for everything, including like the gruesome stuff and the

1231
01:10:42,200 --> 01:10:45,559
Speaker 1: bad shit, and you loop it in and you're almost like,

1232
01:10:45,760 --> 01:10:48,840
Speaker 1: uh like like when I I was wright, I wrote, uh,

1233
01:10:49,000 --> 01:10:50,800
Speaker 1: I was on my notes app, and I was like

1234
01:10:51,800 --> 01:10:56,519
Speaker 1: writing my life resume down of all the things that

1235
01:10:56,560 --> 01:10:59,120
Speaker 1: has you know, this is my entire fucking life, like

1236
01:10:59,160 --> 01:11:02,360
Speaker 1: everything to be grateful for. And in it, I wrote,

1237
01:11:02,760 --> 01:11:04,519
Speaker 1: I wrote all the I wrote a bunch of horrible

1238
01:11:04,560 --> 01:11:08,400
Speaker 1: stuff too. I wrote, like, you know, bad things that

1239
01:11:08,439 --> 01:11:12,120
Speaker 1: have happened to me in bad feelings and like you know,

1240
01:11:12,360 --> 01:11:18,519
Speaker 1: ways in which I've felt, you know, suffering. And it

1241
01:11:18,640 --> 01:11:20,800
Speaker 1: was like oh this and that, you you know, like

1242
01:11:20,960 --> 01:11:24,040
Speaker 1: looking at it and then looking at all the good

1243
01:11:24,080 --> 01:11:28,320
Speaker 1: stuff too. It felt very beautiful to have it all

1244
01:11:29,360 --> 01:11:31,920
Speaker 1: laid out, and I was almost weirdly like, when I'm

1245
01:11:31,920 --> 01:11:34,519
Speaker 1: in the middle of the suffering, I'm like, this is

1246
01:11:34,600 --> 01:11:38,479
Speaker 1: fucking awful and I like this and I want to die,

1247
01:11:38,600 --> 01:11:40,960
Speaker 1: and it's like, but when you're in the grateful mood

1248
01:11:41,040 --> 01:11:43,559
Speaker 1: and like your past, everything's kind of like, you know,

1249
01:11:43,680 --> 01:11:45,679
Speaker 1: nothing's ever truly in the rear view mirror, it's something.

1250
01:11:45,760 --> 01:11:45,920
Speaker 3: You know.

1251
01:11:45,960 --> 01:11:48,760
Speaker 1: Pain is kind of as you're saying, like it's part

1252
01:11:48,800 --> 01:11:52,720
Speaker 1: of life. But when you get into your right kind

1253
01:11:52,720 --> 01:11:59,960
Speaker 1: of headspace, you're like grateful for you're the sum total

1254
01:12:00,200 --> 01:12:04,280
Speaker 1: of all your life's experiences, you know, because they're yours,

1255
01:12:05,040 --> 01:12:08,160
Speaker 1: you know, and you don't, Yeah, you're not sitting here like, oh,

1256
01:12:08,200 --> 01:12:10,360
Speaker 1: it'd be great to be Pete Davidson, so I could

1257
01:12:10,400 --> 01:12:13,920
Speaker 1: have sex with Kim Kardashian and have you know, eighty

1258
01:12:13,960 --> 01:12:16,360
Speaker 1: billion dollars. You're like, no, I want to be me,

1259
01:12:16,760 --> 01:12:19,920
Speaker 1: even if I even I want to be me in

1260
01:12:20,000 --> 01:12:23,760
Speaker 1: this chair right now talking to you with all the

1261
01:12:23,920 --> 01:12:28,439
Speaker 1: fucking bad brain stuff, because it's mine. You know, it's

1262
01:12:28,520 --> 01:12:33,840
Speaker 1: my duty to exist in my own life, even if

1263
01:12:34,080 --> 01:12:37,480
Speaker 1: even if like there's pain involved.

1264
01:12:38,479 --> 01:12:43,040
Speaker 5: Absolutely I totally agree. I mean, like just you know,

1265
01:12:43,200 --> 01:12:46,760
Speaker 5: being able to appreciate the breadth of human experience that

1266
01:12:46,880 --> 01:12:49,719
Speaker 5: is available to you, even if it's painful and it's

1267
01:12:49,760 --> 01:12:53,720
Speaker 5: not fun at times, like you know, because you know,

1268
01:12:53,760 --> 01:12:55,760
Speaker 5: if we were happy all the time, you know, you

1269
01:12:55,760 --> 01:13:00,880
Speaker 5: wouldn't you wouldn't appreciate the happiness that you have. Having

1270
01:13:00,920 --> 01:13:03,840
Speaker 5: that balance in your life is really what I think

1271
01:13:03,960 --> 01:13:07,160
Speaker 5: makes life valuable. And so I'm I'm grateful to be

1272
01:13:07,240 --> 01:13:11,320
Speaker 5: able to experience those moments of difficulty because it makes

1273
01:13:11,400 --> 01:13:14,479
Speaker 5: the the high point so much sweeter and it makes me,

1274
01:13:15,040 --> 01:13:17,559
Speaker 5: you know, feel like really appreciave for what I have

1275
01:13:17,760 --> 01:13:19,400
Speaker 5: right because today is not guaranteed.

1276
01:13:20,080 --> 01:13:22,800
Speaker 1: Yeah, by the way, there's probably someone listening to this

1277
01:13:22,840 --> 01:13:25,680
Speaker 1: who's really annoyed at all this like hippie shit, And

1278
01:13:25,720 --> 01:13:28,639
Speaker 1: I get why, and I understand. And I'm not saying

1279
01:13:28,640 --> 01:13:32,120
Speaker 1: that like suffering and pain is good. I'm not saying anything.

1280
01:13:32,520 --> 01:13:36,559
Speaker 1: I'm only talking about my own personal experience. I'm not

1281
01:13:36,560 --> 01:13:40,000
Speaker 1: talking about like if you're if you're listening to this

1282
01:13:40,080 --> 01:13:43,920
Speaker 1: and you're offended because you don't lie, I'm not. I'm

1283
01:13:44,080 --> 01:13:46,320
Speaker 1: only talking I don't know your life. I'm only I'm

1284
01:13:46,360 --> 01:13:51,000
Speaker 1: talking just talking about mine. And that's how I feel

1285
01:13:51,080 --> 01:13:54,240
Speaker 1: when I think about, you know, things, because I mean, yeah,

1286
01:13:54,360 --> 01:13:58,000
Speaker 1: most I don't think it when you're in the middle

1287
01:13:58,040 --> 01:14:01,519
Speaker 1: of like suffering through something, you know, you're not gonna

1288
01:14:01,560 --> 01:14:04,400
Speaker 1: go like, oh, it's kumbaya, right. But I'm just talking

1289
01:14:04,439 --> 01:14:07,200
Speaker 1: about I've had. I've just I'm just reporting on my

1290
01:14:07,280 --> 01:14:11,479
Speaker 1: own personal experience as a human being having had and

1291
01:14:11,520 --> 01:14:14,320
Speaker 1: you as well, having had these kumbaya moments where you're

1292
01:14:14,720 --> 01:14:18,040
Speaker 1: kind of like in harmony with your own fucking bullshit.

1293
01:14:18,360 --> 01:14:20,160
Speaker 1: I I don't. I was talking to my friend about

1294
01:14:20,160 --> 01:14:23,599
Speaker 1: this the other day. People, I I think if you've

1295
01:14:23,720 --> 01:14:29,400
Speaker 1: never gone insane, you're missing something in the human experience.

1296
01:14:29,439 --> 01:14:33,639
Speaker 1: You know. Those people are like I'm on like I've

1297
01:14:33,640 --> 01:14:36,160
Speaker 1: been on a dating app and I'll see, like, you know,

1298
01:14:36,920 --> 01:14:39,080
Speaker 1: this is what I'm about to say is like incredibly

1299
01:14:39,200 --> 01:14:41,519
Speaker 1: judgmental and probably not true at all, but it's it

1300
01:14:41,880 --> 01:14:44,160
Speaker 1: is gut reactions that I've had. Like I'll see like

1301
01:14:44,200 --> 01:14:47,200
Speaker 1: a lady holding a drink with her friends and she

1302
01:14:47,280 --> 01:14:49,519
Speaker 1: works in marketing, and I'm like, has this lady ever

1303
01:14:49,560 --> 01:14:54,160
Speaker 1: gone insane? You know, like, how what's happening here? You know,

1304
01:14:56,200 --> 01:14:57,760
Speaker 1: maybe she had maybe she has I don't know her.

1305
01:14:57,800 --> 01:15:00,080
Speaker 1: I don't know, I shouldn't judgment judge about that, but

1306
01:15:00,400 --> 01:15:01,400
Speaker 1: you know, I'm you know, I'm.

1307
01:15:01,240 --> 01:15:04,200
Speaker 5: Trying to say, no, I understand, but you know what,

1308
01:15:04,240 --> 01:15:06,280
Speaker 5: it's funny that you mentioned that because I really think

1309
01:15:06,320 --> 01:15:09,640
Speaker 5: that having had so many like crazy experiences in the

1310
01:15:09,680 --> 01:15:14,360
Speaker 5: psychord and like crazy like you know, moments of like

1311
01:15:14,360 --> 01:15:17,640
Speaker 5: like literally like going insane, like you know, I was

1312
01:15:17,680 --> 01:15:20,560
Speaker 5: one of those people who had to be like handcuffed

1313
01:15:20,560 --> 01:15:23,080
Speaker 5: by the police and involuntarily brought to the hospital at.

1314
01:15:22,960 --> 01:15:25,479
Speaker 4: One point, and having gone.

1315
01:15:25,280 --> 01:15:29,400
Speaker 5: Through that, I feel so much more empathy and understanding

1316
01:15:29,600 --> 01:15:33,120
Speaker 5: for other people who are like going through it. You know,

1317
01:15:33,200 --> 01:15:35,160
Speaker 5: I think that I would be a lot more judgmental

1318
01:15:35,200 --> 01:15:38,280
Speaker 5: of like homeless people are people who have like drug

1319
01:15:38,280 --> 01:15:40,880
Speaker 5: addictions or anything like that, you know, if if I

1320
01:15:40,960 --> 01:15:43,880
Speaker 5: hadn't had that same experience of being there, because I

1321
01:15:43,920 --> 01:15:46,160
Speaker 5: really think, you know, if I had less support in

1322
01:15:46,200 --> 01:15:48,600
Speaker 5: my life, I could have been, you know, one of

1323
01:15:48,640 --> 01:15:51,920
Speaker 5: those people that everyone judges. So it definitely gives you

1324
01:15:51,960 --> 01:15:54,680
Speaker 5: like a totally different experience on just on just what

1325
01:15:54,720 --> 01:15:57,360
Speaker 5: it means to be alive when you've had that, you know,

1326
01:15:57,760 --> 01:15:58,960
Speaker 5: you've had that happened to you before.

1327
01:16:00,080 --> 01:16:02,599
Speaker 1: Mm hmm, What did you say your name was against

1328
01:16:02,640 --> 01:16:07,720
Speaker 1: Fern Fern. Yes, okay, So how are you doing now

1329
01:16:07,720 --> 01:16:11,000
Speaker 1: that you're not addicted to benadryl? What's your life look like?

1330
01:16:12,200 --> 01:16:12,920
Speaker 4: So much better?

1331
01:16:13,240 --> 01:16:15,200
Speaker 5: But I do have to say, you know, I know

1332
01:16:15,280 --> 01:16:17,920
Speaker 5: a few years ago there were people who there's like

1333
01:16:17,960 --> 01:16:23,320
Speaker 5: this whole benadryll challenge on TikTok. Do you remember that?

1334
01:16:23,720 --> 01:16:25,240
Speaker 1: No, I have no idea what you're talking about.

1335
01:16:25,280 --> 01:16:29,080
Speaker 5: Go ahead, I can't be the only person that knows

1336
01:16:29,120 --> 01:16:32,160
Speaker 5: about this. There was like a like challenge of like

1337
01:16:32,200 --> 01:16:37,040
Speaker 5: people intentionally overroosing on benadryl on TikTok. Like this is

1338
01:16:37,080 --> 01:16:39,320
Speaker 5: a few years ago now, this is not super recent,

1339
01:16:39,720 --> 01:16:43,479
Speaker 5: but I just have to say that, like, you know,

1340
01:16:43,920 --> 01:16:45,840
Speaker 5: if you if you were one of the people at

1341
01:16:45,880 --> 01:16:49,320
Speaker 5: the time that engaged in something like that, then you

1342
01:16:49,360 --> 01:16:52,160
Speaker 5: know you're probably experiencing what I'm experiencing now, which is

1343
01:16:52,160 --> 01:16:55,960
Speaker 5: that your memory is like totally fucked, like really fucked,

1344
01:16:56,000 --> 01:17:00,680
Speaker 5: like for several years. You know, my her memory was

1345
01:17:00,720 --> 01:17:02,360
Speaker 5: really really bad. I mean it was never good to

1346
01:17:02,439 --> 01:17:04,759
Speaker 5: start with, but it definitely the benadryl did not help.

1347
01:17:06,120 --> 01:17:08,599
Speaker 4: And then only just now.

1348
01:17:08,479 --> 01:17:12,320
Speaker 5: That I've stopped, it's like, you know, actually starting to

1349
01:17:12,400 --> 01:17:14,559
Speaker 5: like I'm starting to see improvement, that's starting to get better,

1350
01:17:15,160 --> 01:17:19,640
Speaker 5: and it also like it messed up a lot of

1351
01:17:19,640 --> 01:17:21,640
Speaker 5: things in my body in general. I mean, like my

1352
01:17:21,680 --> 01:17:23,800
Speaker 5: mental health is a lot better now, and you know,

1353
01:17:23,840 --> 01:17:28,920
Speaker 5: I'm I'm that definitely is also helped by not not

1354
01:17:29,160 --> 01:17:32,519
Speaker 5: overdosing on benadrol all the time. But like even stuff

1355
01:17:32,600 --> 01:17:36,760
Speaker 5: like my like my like muscles were like messed up

1356
01:17:37,040 --> 01:17:39,559
Speaker 5: and stuff like that, and it's it's taken time for

1357
01:17:39,640 --> 01:17:40,639
Speaker 5: that sort of thing to heal.

1358
01:17:40,880 --> 01:17:42,679
Speaker 4: So and I don't think I really.

1359
01:17:42,520 --> 01:17:46,599
Speaker 5: Appreciated the like physical toll that it was gonna take

1360
01:17:46,640 --> 01:17:49,160
Speaker 5: on me, and also the traumas in my family as well.

1361
01:17:49,640 --> 01:17:53,640
Speaker 5: But you know now that as time increases between like

1362
01:17:53,920 --> 01:17:58,080
Speaker 5: the the you know, my last time overdosing and now

1363
01:17:58,240 --> 01:18:01,840
Speaker 5: it I just see you know, progressive improvement and I'm

1364
01:18:01,880 --> 01:18:03,920
Speaker 5: actually able to like live my life now, because that's

1365
01:18:03,920 --> 01:18:05,400
Speaker 5: really what it felt like. I mean, I felt like

1366
01:18:05,439 --> 01:18:08,320
Speaker 5: my life was like ruined, like it was ruining my life,

1367
01:18:08,880 --> 01:18:11,800
Speaker 5: and now I'm actually able to like, you know, do

1368
01:18:11,960 --> 01:18:14,439
Speaker 5: normal things. I mean like I didn't I didn't date

1369
01:18:14,520 --> 01:18:18,120
Speaker 5: at all for like like my entire life until this

1370
01:18:18,200 --> 01:18:19,200
Speaker 5: point because.

1371
01:18:18,920 --> 01:18:19,840
Speaker 4: Of what I was going through.

1372
01:18:19,880 --> 01:18:22,839
Speaker 5: So only just now am I able to like actually

1373
01:18:22,880 --> 01:18:25,440
Speaker 5: start experiencing like relationships and stuff.

1374
01:18:25,160 --> 01:18:25,840
Speaker 2: Like that too.

1375
01:18:26,640 --> 01:18:27,439
Speaker 1: How is that going?

1376
01:18:29,840 --> 01:18:39,160
Speaker 5: It's going. I like, I'm I'm fie so like before now,

1377
01:18:39,200 --> 01:18:42,120
Speaker 5: I'd only ever had relationships with like women or non

1378
01:18:42,160 --> 01:18:47,120
Speaker 5: binary people, and men are kind of interesting, especially men

1379
01:18:47,120 --> 01:18:48,080
Speaker 5: that are my age.

1380
01:18:48,680 --> 01:18:50,760
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna, by the way, I'm gonna say this,

1381
01:18:50,880 --> 01:18:53,839
Speaker 1: for all the hippie ship we just talked about about

1382
01:18:54,200 --> 01:18:58,719
Speaker 1: like being grateful for like everything or whatever. I've never

1383
01:18:58,760 --> 01:19:01,360
Speaker 1: been on Tinder and been like, oh, I'm so grateful

1384
01:19:01,400 --> 01:19:06,160
Speaker 1: I'm alive so I can be on Tinder. I think

1385
01:19:06,439 --> 01:19:09,639
Speaker 1: I exclude that from the hippie conversation we just had.

1386
01:19:10,800 --> 01:19:13,439
Speaker 5: I think that maybe the first time I went on Tender,

1387
01:19:13,600 --> 01:19:15,360
Speaker 5: I was like, wow, I'm grateful that I get to

1388
01:19:15,400 --> 01:19:19,920
Speaker 5: experience this, But then I had like some some kind

1389
01:19:19,960 --> 01:19:23,280
Speaker 5: of homophobic things said to me from somebody, and now

1390
01:19:23,320 --> 01:19:25,360
Speaker 5: I'm like, Okay, you know, it's just kind of like

1391
01:19:25,800 --> 01:19:29,120
Speaker 5: it's just what I've got to do, you know, to

1392
01:19:29,400 --> 01:19:35,360
Speaker 5: like meet people. Unfortunately, but I mean it's it's going well.

1393
01:19:35,439 --> 01:19:37,479
Speaker 5: I mean, I may not be grateful for Tinder, but

1394
01:19:37,520 --> 01:19:40,720
Speaker 5: I'm grateful that I get to experience romantic relationships.

1395
01:19:40,880 --> 01:19:43,519
Speaker 1: Yeah, totally, by the way, I'm I'm mainly just bullshitting

1396
01:19:43,560 --> 01:19:45,920
Speaker 1: my act, like like deep down my thoughts about like

1397
01:19:46,400 --> 01:19:48,880
Speaker 1: dating apps, so that they're good. You know, they they

1398
01:19:49,000 --> 01:19:51,840
Speaker 1: open well, they're they're I mean not that they're like

1399
01:19:51,880 --> 01:19:56,599
Speaker 1: blanket good. They're they're a double edged sword because you know,

1400
01:19:56,760 --> 01:19:59,599
Speaker 1: on like the negative end, they you know, make people

1401
01:19:59,600 --> 01:20:02,280
Speaker 1: feel the pressed and compare themselves to other people, and

1402
01:20:02,960 --> 01:20:05,280
Speaker 1: you know, it makes your steam god down. But you know,

1403
01:20:05,320 --> 01:20:06,680
Speaker 1: I don't even have to say, there's a bunch of

1404
01:20:06,720 --> 01:20:09,200
Speaker 1: negative things. But on the positive, it's like it opens

1405
01:20:09,320 --> 01:20:12,080
Speaker 1: up new opportunities to meet people you never would have

1406
01:20:12,120 --> 01:20:15,360
Speaker 1: met before, and I think that that's like a huge positive.

1407
01:20:15,479 --> 01:20:19,880
Speaker 1: So I actually do think that overall dating apps are good.

1408
01:20:19,920 --> 01:20:24,040
Speaker 1: It used to be that, like you just got married

1409
01:20:24,280 --> 01:20:27,200
Speaker 1: to whoever lived next to you, whether you were a

1410
01:20:27,200 --> 01:20:29,599
Speaker 1: good fit or not, but you ended up being a

1411
01:20:29,600 --> 01:20:33,040
Speaker 1: good fit no matter what, because you both had the

1412
01:20:33,080 --> 01:20:36,320
Speaker 1: exact same life experience, so it all worked out. I

1413
01:20:36,320 --> 01:20:39,640
Speaker 1: guess we live in a more complicated world now, but

1414
01:20:39,720 --> 01:20:41,640
Speaker 1: we we live in a more complicated world now, but

1415
01:20:41,640 --> 01:20:46,360
Speaker 1: but we have our archaic wiring still. That's the that's

1416
01:20:46,400 --> 01:20:51,800
Speaker 1: the reality show Fun Part Twist of Humanity in twenty

1417
01:20:51,840 --> 01:20:52,400
Speaker 1: twenty five.

1418
01:20:53,720 --> 01:20:56,559
Speaker 5: Yeah, I mean, you know, my sister met her fiance

1419
01:20:56,720 --> 01:20:59,320
Speaker 5: on Tinder, so like, I know that it can work

1420
01:20:59,360 --> 01:21:03,640
Speaker 5: out for for people, but you know, it's kind of

1421
01:21:03,640 --> 01:21:06,439
Speaker 5: a flog together, especially in my area, like being a

1422
01:21:06,760 --> 01:21:10,400
Speaker 5: like member of the LGBTQ community and living somewhere that's

1423
01:21:10,439 --> 01:21:13,760
Speaker 5: like kind of conservative. It's you know, I'm always like

1424
01:21:13,800 --> 01:21:18,360
Speaker 5: a little bit hesitant meeting people, especially meeting like straight

1425
01:21:18,400 --> 01:21:21,720
Speaker 5: white men my age, you know, about whether or not

1426
01:21:21,760 --> 01:21:23,360
Speaker 5: they're going to be weird or not.

1427
01:21:23,920 --> 01:21:25,360
Speaker 1: So how old are you?

1428
01:21:26,479 --> 01:21:27,200
Speaker 5: I'm twenty two.

1429
01:21:27,840 --> 01:21:31,479
Speaker 1: Okay, damn, so you were So you started doing the

1430
01:21:31,520 --> 01:21:32,920
Speaker 1: Benagol thing when you were like eighteen.

1431
01:21:34,320 --> 01:21:38,439
Speaker 5: Yeah, So what happened was that I had like mental

1432
01:21:38,479 --> 01:21:43,200
Speaker 5: health issues in high school and then but I was

1433
01:21:43,240 --> 01:21:45,680
Speaker 5: living with my family at that point, right, so like

1434
01:21:45,800 --> 01:21:48,880
Speaker 5: I wasn't acting out, But then I moved to go

1435
01:21:48,960 --> 01:21:51,440
Speaker 5: to I'm Canadian, so I moved to go to university

1436
01:21:51,439 --> 01:21:57,080
Speaker 5: in twenty twenty. After I graduated, and then living in

1437
01:21:57,240 --> 01:21:59,120
Speaker 5: like a dorm for the first time by myself, I

1438
01:21:59,120 --> 01:22:01,920
Speaker 5: didn't have other people around me that I felt sad about, like,

1439
01:22:02,680 --> 01:22:05,759
Speaker 5: you know, doing this around. So then that's when it started,

1440
01:22:05,800 --> 01:22:09,000
Speaker 5: and it and it continued for right, yeah, and then

1441
01:22:09,640 --> 01:22:12,559
Speaker 5: it continued like for many years. You know, I hadn't

1442
01:22:12,600 --> 01:22:15,160
Speaker 5: exchange to France in twenty twenty three and actually got

1443
01:22:15,240 --> 01:22:17,519
Speaker 5: kicked out of the country because of all of those

1444
01:22:18,240 --> 01:22:22,559
Speaker 5: two So yeah, so that that was a that was

1445
01:22:22,840 --> 01:22:27,360
Speaker 5: a big deal as well. So and then that's you know,

1446
01:22:27,479 --> 01:22:29,880
Speaker 5: after I got back from France, that's when I ended

1447
01:22:29,960 --> 01:22:32,680
Speaker 5: up in the ICU. And then after that that's when I,

1448
01:22:32,720 --> 01:22:35,400
Speaker 5: you know, started to actually work on getting sober.

1449
01:22:35,720 --> 01:22:37,479
Speaker 1: Is benedrux illegal in France?

1450
01:22:39,520 --> 01:22:45,000
Speaker 5: Well yes, but they have another drugs in the same class.

1451
01:22:45,200 --> 01:22:47,200
Speaker 5: See this is I was so I was so fucking

1452
01:22:47,240 --> 01:22:50,519
Speaker 5: methodical about all of this, you don't even understand. I like,

1453
01:22:50,600 --> 01:22:53,479
Speaker 5: before I went to France, I was like googling, like

1454
01:22:54,000 --> 01:22:56,760
Speaker 5: what like drugs that they have at the pharmacy there

1455
01:22:56,800 --> 01:23:01,000
Speaker 5: that is analogous to benadrl that I could like keep

1456
01:23:01,320 --> 01:23:03,920
Speaker 5: doing the same thing when I got there. But then

1457
01:23:04,439 --> 01:23:08,240
Speaker 5: also I had like I was taking a prescription mood

1458
01:23:08,280 --> 01:23:10,960
Speaker 5: stabilizer at that point, and like a few I think

1459
01:23:10,960 --> 01:23:14,320
Speaker 5: I was also on antidepressants and my doctor in Canada

1460
01:23:14,439 --> 01:23:16,880
Speaker 5: gave me like a big fat like bottle to take

1461
01:23:16,920 --> 01:23:18,720
Speaker 5: with me to France because I didn't know if I

1462
01:23:18,720 --> 01:23:21,760
Speaker 5: could get it prescribed there, and so then I was

1463
01:23:21,800 --> 01:23:24,120
Speaker 5: also overdosing on that if I couldn't get my hands

1464
01:23:24,120 --> 01:23:29,200
Speaker 5: on the like benadrill analogous thing that they have. I

1465
01:23:29,200 --> 01:23:32,040
Speaker 5: don't even remember the drug now, but I used to

1466
01:23:32,040 --> 01:23:33,800
Speaker 5: buy it online at the pharmacy and then they would

1467
01:23:33,800 --> 01:23:35,719
Speaker 5: ship it to my dorm.

1468
01:23:36,600 --> 01:23:38,439
Speaker 1: Wow, and how did that get How did that get?

1469
01:23:38,439 --> 01:23:39,160
Speaker 1: You kicked out?

1470
01:23:40,600 --> 01:23:44,200
Speaker 5: So it was because I was on an exchange, like

1471
01:23:44,240 --> 01:23:48,479
Speaker 5: I said, so my like Canadian University had agreement through

1472
01:23:48,520 --> 01:23:53,880
Speaker 5: a third party with the university in France, and uh,

1473
01:23:54,080 --> 01:23:56,800
Speaker 5: part of the contract that I signed was that if

1474
01:23:56,840 --> 01:24:01,000
Speaker 5: you're like a danger to yourself or to other people,

1475
01:24:01,080 --> 01:24:06,840
Speaker 5: you can't stay on the exchange. And so I but

1476
01:24:07,240 --> 01:24:09,000
Speaker 5: when I went on the exchange, I thought that I

1477
01:24:09,040 --> 01:24:13,360
Speaker 5: had disclosed that I had this problem, but they were

1478
01:24:13,400 --> 01:24:15,839
Speaker 5: not happy about it. And so what ended up happening

1479
01:24:16,120 --> 01:24:21,240
Speaker 5: was that I I was admitted to the hospital in

1480
01:24:21,280 --> 01:24:24,320
Speaker 5: France after one of these instances, which was I mean

1481
01:24:24,360 --> 01:24:26,639
Speaker 5: crazy in and of itself, like I have so many

1482
01:24:26,680 --> 01:24:27,280
Speaker 5: stories from that.

1483
01:24:27,439 --> 01:24:27,960
Speaker 1: But like.

1484
01:24:29,439 --> 01:24:31,720
Speaker 5: When they admitted me, they took away my phone and

1485
01:24:31,760 --> 01:24:34,160
Speaker 5: so my phone was turned off for like a couple

1486
01:24:34,200 --> 01:24:39,000
Speaker 5: of days and I couldn't contact anybody, and my mom

1487
01:24:39,040 --> 01:24:41,120
Speaker 5: can't get a hold of me. None of the exchange

1488
01:24:41,160 --> 01:24:42,840
Speaker 5: people could get a hold of me, No one at

1489
01:24:42,840 --> 01:24:43,760
Speaker 5: my university.

1490
01:24:43,439 --> 01:24:44,400
Speaker 4: Could get a hold of me.

1491
01:24:44,840 --> 01:24:48,280
Speaker 5: So they actually declared me missing to the like French police,

1492
01:24:49,120 --> 01:24:53,800
Speaker 5: and then it took like a bit until after I

1493
01:24:53,840 --> 01:24:55,240
Speaker 5: was able to get my phone back and I could

1494
01:24:55,240 --> 01:24:56,479
Speaker 5: call them, and I was like.

1495
01:24:57,120 --> 01:24:58,240
Speaker 4: Like I'm alive.

1496
01:24:59,120 --> 01:25:03,799
Speaker 5: And then but because you know, they reported me missing,

1497
01:25:03,840 --> 01:25:06,400
Speaker 5: then my exchange company was alerted to what was going on,

1498
01:25:06,680 --> 01:25:09,040
Speaker 5: and it was kind of a thread that like unraveled everything,

1499
01:25:09,640 --> 01:25:13,120
Speaker 5: and the French psychiatrist said, you have to go home.

1500
01:25:13,200 --> 01:25:18,360
Speaker 5: Actually they wanted to have They wanted to like sedate

1501
01:25:18,400 --> 01:25:20,880
Speaker 5: me and restrain me and put me on a plane

1502
01:25:20,880 --> 01:25:23,320
Speaker 5: with a nurse to find me back to Canada, like

1503
01:25:23,520 --> 01:25:27,080
Speaker 5: I mean like like like straight jacket style almost. But

1504
01:25:28,120 --> 01:25:30,920
Speaker 5: my mom intervened and she said that she would come

1505
01:25:30,960 --> 01:25:32,799
Speaker 5: get me. So that's why I was able to be released.

1506
01:25:32,840 --> 01:25:35,200
Speaker 5: My mom hadn't come, they would have like you know,

1507
01:25:35,280 --> 01:25:38,360
Speaker 5: like packaged me up like that and like drugged me

1508
01:25:38,439 --> 01:25:41,280
Speaker 5: up and sent me back to Canada like that, well.

1509
01:25:41,120 --> 01:25:44,360
Speaker 1: Your mom had to come to France to get you.

1510
01:25:44,840 --> 01:25:45,160
Speaker 4: Yeah.

1511
01:25:45,320 --> 01:25:47,960
Speaker 5: Yeah, my mom and my aunt flew to France to

1512
01:25:48,360 --> 01:25:50,840
Speaker 5: get me out of the psych ward, and then we

1513
01:25:51,280 --> 01:25:54,360
Speaker 5: went through Belgium and then we flew out of Belgium

1514
01:25:54,360 --> 01:25:55,400
Speaker 5: to get back to Canada.

1515
01:25:56,120 --> 01:26:00,599
Speaker 1: WHOA, yeah, are you? Are you like French Canadian speak French?

1516
01:26:01,720 --> 01:26:02,439
Speaker 4: I do speak French.

1517
01:26:02,520 --> 01:26:06,479
Speaker 5: I'm not French Canadian though, but I went to French immersion,

1518
01:26:06,880 --> 01:26:10,400
Speaker 5: so I'm like, I'm like proficient, I'm like conversational in French,

1519
01:26:11,400 --> 01:26:15,280
Speaker 5: which definitely helped when I was in France, especially in

1520
01:26:15,320 --> 01:26:17,040
Speaker 5: the hospital, because they don't speak English at all.

1521
01:26:17,880 --> 01:26:25,240
Speaker 1: So yeah, that would be that would be kind of

1522
01:26:25,840 --> 01:26:28,759
Speaker 1: that sounds psychedelic as fuck, being in like the psych

1523
01:26:28,840 --> 01:26:31,280
Speaker 1: ward of a country whose language you don't speak.

1524
01:26:32,439 --> 01:26:36,920
Speaker 5: Yeah, I'm really glad that I at least mostly understood them.

1525
01:26:37,520 --> 01:26:39,760
Speaker 5: I mean, there was like some things that I, like,

1526
01:26:41,439 --> 01:26:43,920
Speaker 5: I understand French better than I can actually speak it,

1527
01:26:43,960 --> 01:26:45,640
Speaker 5: so I could understand what they were saying to me

1528
01:26:45,720 --> 01:26:47,360
Speaker 5: a lot of the time, but I struggled to answer

1529
01:26:48,040 --> 01:26:50,599
Speaker 5: and it was tough because you know, also in France

1530
01:26:50,600 --> 01:26:52,600
Speaker 5: and the psych word, they have a very much like

1531
01:26:52,640 --> 01:26:55,640
Speaker 5: a the doctor is right sort of attitude, right, so

1532
01:26:55,920 --> 01:26:58,040
Speaker 5: like like you don't argue with them. I tried to

1533
01:26:58,120 --> 01:27:00,479
Speaker 5: argue with them once. It didn't end well for me.

1534
01:27:01,200 --> 01:27:06,599
Speaker 5: So it's definitely very, very different than the experiences I've

1535
01:27:06,600 --> 01:27:08,599
Speaker 5: had in patient in Canada.

1536
01:27:09,760 --> 01:27:15,679
Speaker 1: So, Fern, I guess before we go, what's next for you?

1537
01:27:15,680 --> 01:27:21,040
Speaker 1: See you've graduated school, I assume what's the future of

1538
01:27:21,200 --> 01:27:22,080
Speaker 1: Fern look like?

1539
01:27:23,240 --> 01:27:26,280
Speaker 5: Well, I'm actually going into my last master right now,

1540
01:27:26,760 --> 01:27:29,519
Speaker 5: cool of university.

1541
01:27:29,560 --> 01:27:31,360
Speaker 4: But I want to.

1542
01:27:33,880 --> 01:27:37,200
Speaker 5: I'm a public relations major, believe it or not, and

1543
01:27:38,479 --> 01:27:41,720
Speaker 5: I want to see if I can potentially work as

1544
01:27:41,720 --> 01:27:47,959
Speaker 5: like an intern at the legislature here in my province.

1545
01:27:48,600 --> 01:27:52,360
Speaker 5: And if not, then I want to go back and

1546
01:27:52,360 --> 01:27:58,479
Speaker 5: see my family and live live on the West Coast

1547
01:27:58,479 --> 01:28:01,360
Speaker 5: for a bit with them and try and get a

1548
01:28:01,439 --> 01:28:03,559
Speaker 5: job and just like live a normal ass life and

1549
01:28:03,640 --> 01:28:07,280
Speaker 5: not have this chaos around me anymore. Actually, long term,

1550
01:28:07,320 --> 01:28:09,520
Speaker 5: I hope to move back to France at some point.

1551
01:28:09,960 --> 01:28:15,479
Speaker 4: But that's that's a a whole thing that I'll have

1552
01:28:15,520 --> 01:28:16,000
Speaker 4: to work on.

1553
01:28:17,000 --> 01:28:20,320
Speaker 1: That would be pretty sweet, That would be pretty sweet. Yeah,

1554
01:28:20,600 --> 01:28:22,559
Speaker 1: what would you do in France? Just hang out?

1555
01:28:23,880 --> 01:28:29,040
Speaker 5: Well, I want to get my master's degree, So in France.

1556
01:28:29,040 --> 01:28:31,599
Speaker 5: Basically the standard of education is you have to get

1557
01:28:31,640 --> 01:28:35,080
Speaker 5: your masters, like under like just your bachelor's is not

1558
01:28:35,240 --> 01:28:38,479
Speaker 5: enough to get a good job. So I want to

1559
01:28:38,600 --> 01:28:40,639
Speaker 5: go back and I can get my masters. And because

1560
01:28:40,920 --> 01:28:43,080
Speaker 5: Canada has an agreement with France, I can apply for

1561
01:28:43,160 --> 01:28:46,080
Speaker 5: citizenship after like two years or something, so then I

1562
01:28:46,080 --> 01:28:50,000
Speaker 5: can be an U citizen and I can work. But

1563
01:28:50,040 --> 01:28:52,200
Speaker 5: hopefully as my long term goal is to do like

1564
01:28:52,720 --> 01:28:55,960
Speaker 5: communications and public relations for like NGO's, like Human Rights

1565
01:28:56,040 --> 01:28:59,080
Speaker 5: Watch or something like that. That's my goal. But we'll see.

1566
01:28:59,200 --> 01:29:00,760
Speaker 5: I mean, it's kind of a lot of goal, but

1567
01:29:01,560 --> 01:29:04,719
Speaker 5: you know, it would be fun, It'll be nice. I'm

1568
01:29:04,800 --> 01:29:07,519
Speaker 5: like I say, I'm just I'm just glad to be

1569
01:29:07,560 --> 01:29:09,519
Speaker 5: alive and I'm looking forward to everything that life has

1570
01:29:09,560 --> 01:29:09,960
Speaker 5: to offer.

1571
01:29:10,040 --> 01:29:13,480
Speaker 1: You know, Verne, I'm glad you didn't overdose on benadryla

1572
01:29:13,479 --> 01:29:14,040
Speaker 1: and die.

1573
01:29:15,200 --> 01:29:18,000
Speaker 5: I'm very glad that I didn't either. I mean, it's

1574
01:29:18,360 --> 01:29:21,400
Speaker 5: it's not a fun way to die. Like, I really

1575
01:29:21,400 --> 01:29:24,160
Speaker 5: don't recommend it. Not that anyone here is considering that,

1576
01:29:24,360 --> 01:29:27,400
Speaker 5: but I recommend against it. It's not enjoyable.

1577
01:29:28,040 --> 01:29:33,200
Speaker 1: This has been an interesting three conversations to have. I

1578
01:29:33,200 --> 01:29:35,160
Speaker 1: feel like, did everyone in this did everyone I talked

1579
01:29:35,200 --> 01:29:38,360
Speaker 1: to on this podcast almost die today. It was I

1580
01:29:38,400 --> 01:29:42,400
Speaker 1: talked to the boat Yeah, the boat girl. I talked

1581
01:29:42,439 --> 01:29:50,080
Speaker 1: to the trailer living lady with the rats. She was cool.

1582
01:29:50,320 --> 01:29:52,000
Speaker 1: She didn't just die. I don't think.

1583
01:29:53,800 --> 01:29:56,479
Speaker 5: I'm I'm real worried about boat girl, though. I hope

1584
01:29:56,520 --> 01:29:57,360
Speaker 5: she calls the Coastguard.

1585
01:29:57,600 --> 01:30:00,120
Speaker 1: I'm also worried about boat girl. I hope she I

1586
01:30:00,200 --> 01:30:02,479
Speaker 1: don't know why she. I mean, I'm glad we got

1587
01:30:02,479 --> 01:30:05,879
Speaker 1: to talk. It was a great conversation, but I don't

1588
01:30:05,880 --> 01:30:09,479
Speaker 1: know why she called. Well, she she seems pretty confident

1589
01:30:09,479 --> 01:30:12,800
Speaker 1: that she'll figure it out, and I actually I hope

1590
01:30:12,800 --> 01:30:15,479
Speaker 1: she does. I hope I'm not getting called. I hope

1591
01:30:15,479 --> 01:30:18,120
Speaker 1: I don't get like a phone call or something where

1592
01:30:18,160 --> 01:30:21,760
Speaker 1: they're like, hey, you have the last transcription of her.

1593
01:30:22,160 --> 01:30:23,439
Speaker 1: I don't even know why I'm putting that out in

1594
01:30:23,439 --> 01:30:27,200
Speaker 1: the universe. It's fucked up. She'll be fine. Everyone's gonna

1595
01:30:27,200 --> 01:30:28,840
Speaker 1: be fine. You're gonna be fine, I'm gonna be fine.

1596
01:30:29,080 --> 01:30:34,240
Speaker 1: Everything's gonna be fine. Thanks. Thanks for sharing your story

1597
01:30:34,280 --> 01:30:36,720
Speaker 1: with us. I'm always happy to hear a story of

1598
01:30:38,000 --> 01:30:42,120
Speaker 1: a lot of stories today of people moving on with

1599
01:30:42,240 --> 01:30:45,679
Speaker 1: their lives and doing good stuff. So thanks for being

1600
01:30:45,720 --> 01:30:47,080
Speaker 1: a part of that, Fern, Is there is there anything

1601
01:30:47,080 --> 01:30:48,880
Speaker 1: else you want to say to the people of the

1602
01:30:48,920 --> 01:30:50,000
Speaker 1: computer before we go?

1603
01:30:55,960 --> 01:30:58,920
Speaker 5: Really, if you can all at all possibly do it,

1604
01:30:59,040 --> 01:31:02,320
Speaker 5: avoid getting involved in like any sort of addiction, like

1605
01:31:03,120 --> 01:31:07,599
Speaker 5: you know, drinking or smoking weed or like you know,

1606
01:31:07,680 --> 01:31:09,040
Speaker 5: in my case, self harm.

1607
01:31:09,280 --> 01:31:10,559
Speaker 4: Like it's such a.

1608
01:31:10,479 --> 01:31:12,759
Speaker 5: Deep, deep, deep, deep deep hole that you get yourself

1609
01:31:12,800 --> 01:31:16,120
Speaker 5: into and it takes years and years and years and

1610
01:31:16,200 --> 01:31:17,840
Speaker 5: years and a lot of pain and hard work to

1611
01:31:17,880 --> 01:31:19,920
Speaker 5: dig yourself out of it. It's just never worth it.

1612
01:31:19,920 --> 01:31:23,799
Speaker 5: It's not worth it. And if you're really struggling, you should,

1613
01:31:24,120 --> 01:31:26,040
Speaker 5: you know, if it's all possible, reach out to people

1614
01:31:26,040 --> 01:31:28,599
Speaker 5: around you so that you don't feel like you have

1615
01:31:28,640 --> 01:31:30,840
Speaker 5: to resort to that because it just makes things worse.

1616
01:31:32,400 --> 01:31:36,320
Speaker 1: Fern, thanks for calling, and good luck with the rest

1617
01:31:36,400 --> 01:31:37,960
Speaker 1: of your life.

1618
01:31:38,280 --> 01:31:39,559
Speaker 4: Yeah, thanks for having me.

1619
01:31:39,600 --> 01:31:41,920
Speaker 1: It's been great chatting great talking to you too, and

1620
01:31:41,960 --> 01:31:43,240
Speaker 1: I'll see you around the universe.

1621
01:31:44,360 --> 01:31:46,000
Speaker 4: Yeah, I have a good one. But bye.

1622
01:31:46,680 --> 01:31:48,519
Speaker 1: That was great. What a great appisode. That was a

1623
01:31:48,560 --> 01:31:53,519
Speaker 1: really fun episode. That was great. I loved I loved

1624
01:31:53,520 --> 01:31:58,360
Speaker 1: to today's episode. That was really fun, lots of juicy stories.

1625
01:31:58,400 --> 01:32:03,439
Speaker 1: I feel I'm very grateful in this moment. It's as

1626
01:32:03,439 --> 01:32:06,679
Speaker 1: I'm recording this, it's April twenty second, twenty twenty five.

1627
01:32:07,280 --> 01:32:09,760
Speaker 1: This summer will be five years of the of the

1628
01:32:09,760 --> 01:32:15,519
Speaker 1: therapy Get Go, and we're still getting interesting stories and

1629
01:32:15,560 --> 01:32:21,240
Speaker 1: having great phone calls and learning things and soaking up

1630
01:32:21,560 --> 01:32:27,479
Speaker 1: the lived experiences of others and it's cool. So thanks

1631
01:32:27,560 --> 01:32:33,839
Speaker 1: for calling, everyone who called, Thanks for listening, everyone who listened.

1632
01:32:35,960 --> 01:32:37,559
Speaker 1: I know we're putting a lot of ads in the

1633
01:32:37,600 --> 01:32:41,040
Speaker 1: podcast lately, so I'm trying to make the show longer

1634
01:32:41,920 --> 01:32:51,559
Speaker 1: so that the ads to podcast ratio is good. So thanks,

1635
01:32:51,720 --> 01:32:56,120
Speaker 1: thanks for bearing with me on this journey. Get bless.

1636
01:32:57,080 --> 01:32:59,599
Speaker 1: This has been fun. I don't know why I am.

1637
01:33:00,160 --> 01:33:01,599
Speaker 1: I don't know if I have anything else to say

1638
01:33:01,640 --> 01:33:07,000
Speaker 1: except that this. I've enjoyed doing this podcast today, three

1639
01:33:07,040 --> 01:33:17,000
Speaker 1: really great calls. Okay, anything else? Uh? I guess Well,

1640
01:33:17,040 --> 01:33:18,840
Speaker 1: this is the end of the podcast, so I can

1641
01:33:18,880 --> 01:33:22,120
Speaker 1: just trail off. And it's not like there's nothing past this.

1642
01:33:22,320 --> 01:33:25,000
Speaker 1: There's nothing past me trailing off, So this I can

1643
01:33:25,080 --> 01:33:32,439
Speaker 1: just I'm me trailing off is not blocking further content

1644
01:33:32,880 --> 01:33:39,000
Speaker 1: that would be to come, because it's the end. But

1645
01:33:39,080 --> 01:33:43,960
Speaker 1: maybe you can maybe I can say something random here. Okay,

1646
01:33:43,960 --> 01:33:46,479
Speaker 1: my brain doesn't work. I'm we did it. We did

1647
01:33:46,479 --> 01:33:50,000
Speaker 1: the episode, all right, thanks for listening, everyone, see you again.

1648
01:33:50,040 --> 01:33:55,000
Speaker 1: Soon goes on the line, taking your phone calls every night.

1649
01:33:55,439 --> 01:34:00,360
Speaker 1: Everything goes to teaching you the interview line that he's

1650
01:34:00,439 --> 01:34:02,120
Speaker 1: not really an expert.