1 00:00:05,240 --> 00:00:07,200 Speaker 1: Hey, this is a bridget and this is Annie, and 2 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:20,880 Speaker 1: this is stuff momb never told you, and it's May. 3 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:23,599 Speaker 1: If you're in high school, you know what that means, 4 00:00:24,079 --> 00:00:28,640 Speaker 1: mom season, I was gonna say testing season. You have 5 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,480 Speaker 1: exam two. End of the year, you get the test 6 00:00:33,159 --> 00:00:36,240 Speaker 1: and your prom, which is I believe, a very distinctly 7 00:00:36,280 --> 00:00:39,680 Speaker 1: North American thing. Yes. Yes, So for folks out there 8 00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:41,720 Speaker 1: who maybe you don't know what prom is, maybe you 9 00:00:41,720 --> 00:00:44,239 Speaker 1: live someplace where prom is not the norm, but it's 10 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:48,760 Speaker 1: prom anny, Okay, Well, it's this dance essentially that takes 11 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:50,680 Speaker 1: place towards the end of the year, typically April, May 12 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:53,680 Speaker 1: or June in American high schools, and it is a big, 13 00:00:54,360 --> 00:00:59,640 Speaker 1: big deal, big deal. You've probably seen promposals a lot. Now. 14 00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:01,880 Speaker 1: That was not a thing when I was in high school. 15 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:04,119 Speaker 1: Was that a thing when you're in high school? No? No, 16 00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:07,080 Speaker 1: I mean, it wasn't that someone would ask you to prom. 17 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:11,200 Speaker 1: They didn't do it with a you know, giant cookie 18 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:13,280 Speaker 1: that's had the word prom in a question mark. That's 19 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:15,120 Speaker 1: I don't know when that started. That was not a 20 00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,760 Speaker 1: thing when I was in high school at all. I 21 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:21,080 Speaker 1: believe it was ish. I was reading an article before 22 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:24,400 Speaker 1: this and they called that your peak prom so maybe 23 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:31,160 Speaker 1: around that time. Um. So those are elaborate engagement esque things, skits, 24 00:01:31,200 --> 00:01:36,240 Speaker 1: schemes where you ask people out, usually the girl, Um 25 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:38,200 Speaker 1: if you can, you get a limma, you go out 26 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:40,880 Speaker 1: to eat, you get a nice suit or dress, you 27 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:43,399 Speaker 1: do the whole pinning of the corsage. It took me 28 00:01:43,440 --> 00:01:46,559 Speaker 1: forever to remember what that was. Um, it's a rose. 29 00:01:46,600 --> 00:01:50,240 Speaker 1: It's like a nice rose usually or flower. Um, you 30 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:53,120 Speaker 1: might get a bad spray tan, you might drink some 31 00:01:53,320 --> 00:01:58,520 Speaker 1: very cheap alcoholic punch illegally when the US. Um, it's 32 00:01:58,520 --> 00:02:01,960 Speaker 1: a whole thing, and it's um, apparently it's the whole 33 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:05,640 Speaker 1: thing where you might lose your virginity. Three of American 34 00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:08,560 Speaker 1: teens lose their virginity on prom night. One study found, 35 00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:12,280 Speaker 1: did you know that? But what did you do? Problem? 36 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:16,079 Speaker 1: Was promise thing for you? It was and before right 37 00:02:16,120 --> 00:02:19,680 Speaker 1: before we started recording, I learned that Bridget was prom princess. 38 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:21,480 Speaker 1: I wasn't going to bring it up. I'm trying to 39 00:02:21,520 --> 00:02:24,160 Speaker 1: be low key Annie. I mean, all right, well we 40 00:02:24,200 --> 00:02:26,400 Speaker 1: can talk about and first of all, don't treat me 41 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:29,440 Speaker 1: any differently. I'm just like anyone else your royalty. I 42 00:02:29,480 --> 00:02:32,200 Speaker 1: didn't know. I mean, you haven't been calling me Princess 43 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:34,520 Speaker 1: Bridget and I was going to say something, but I'm 44 00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,160 Speaker 1: glad that you brought it up because now we can 45 00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:38,119 Speaker 1: fix it. So yeah, I would like to be addressed 46 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:41,639 Speaker 1: by Princess Bridget. Well, note that I was not prom queen. 47 00:02:41,760 --> 00:02:44,040 Speaker 1: That was my friend Abby Pillsberry, who one prom queen. 48 00:02:44,280 --> 00:02:46,640 Speaker 1: But I was prom princess, which is one wrong below 49 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:50,880 Speaker 1: queen um and together with more of our classmates, we 50 00:02:51,320 --> 00:02:54,239 Speaker 1: ruled as prom court, so I got to wear a sash. 51 00:02:54,600 --> 00:03:01,360 Speaker 1: Were you a tyrant? How was your rule? Bloody heads? Rolled? Sure? 52 00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:07,720 Speaker 1: Oh man, I had a very different experience that from 53 00:03:07,760 --> 00:03:11,720 Speaker 1: I my junior year. There there's a local country club 54 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:13,840 Speaker 1: in my town. My town was very very small, so 55 00:03:13,840 --> 00:03:15,640 Speaker 1: this country club, even though it's in the town, was 56 00:03:15,680 --> 00:03:18,119 Speaker 1: like thirty minutes away. It's up a mountain. I lived 57 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:22,120 Speaker 1: way up in the mountains. Um, and I was a 58 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:25,440 Speaker 1: designated driver and I had I drove like a group 59 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:29,360 Speaker 1: of five friends in my car and uh, my enemy 60 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:35,920 Speaker 1: Jessica who shall remain last nameless, She won prom queen, 61 00:03:35,920 --> 00:03:38,280 Speaker 1: but I knew she cheated and we got a fight. 62 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:41,200 Speaker 1: We pushed each other and people fell in the pool 63 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:43,640 Speaker 1: and I got kicked out of prom and I was 64 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:49,760 Speaker 1: designated drivers know they had to come with me. I 65 00:03:49,840 --> 00:03:52,520 Speaker 1: was like, we're happy to leave now. They were like what, 66 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:55,800 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm getting kicked out and I'm the car 67 00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:59,200 Speaker 1: so you've got to wait. How did she cheat that prom? 68 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:03,120 Speaker 1: She cheated? Um with the ballot box. She stuffed the 69 00:04:03,120 --> 00:04:07,680 Speaker 1: box so can carry yes? Does this story end with 70 00:04:07,720 --> 00:04:11,400 Speaker 1: someone getting pigs blood dumped on them? I'd rather not 71 00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:16,520 Speaker 1: comment on that. Briches I've thought about prom in years. 72 00:04:16,760 --> 00:04:19,480 Speaker 1: I still have some pictures my date. His name was 73 00:04:19,480 --> 00:04:21,040 Speaker 1: I don't want to say his last name. His name 74 00:04:21,080 --> 00:04:25,520 Speaker 1: was The first name was Josh. He uh had at 75 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:29,960 Speaker 1: the time and probably still today, sleeve tattoos, including tattoos 76 00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:32,840 Speaker 1: on his knuckles that spelled out the word bookworm. Um. 77 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:36,279 Speaker 1: He came to prom wearing a top hat and carrying 78 00:04:36,279 --> 00:04:40,960 Speaker 1: a cane and tails. Mr don it was actually Mr Peanut. 79 00:04:41,839 --> 00:04:43,880 Speaker 1: What's funny is that I don't want to say any 80 00:04:44,000 --> 00:04:48,599 Speaker 1: specific details, but I was definitely more interested in one 81 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:51,160 Speaker 1: of my female classmates that I went to prom with 82 00:04:51,320 --> 00:04:55,160 Speaker 1: than I was in my own date. Oh yeah. I 83 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:57,599 Speaker 1: went in a large group of friends and we went 84 00:04:57,640 --> 00:05:01,280 Speaker 1: to Ruby. Tuesday, he sort of for the restaurant. Oh yeah, 85 00:05:01,440 --> 00:05:06,919 Speaker 1: because I'm disappointed to this day. We went to a 86 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:08,800 Speaker 1: very I mean it's still open. We went to a 87 00:05:08,880 --> 00:05:11,440 Speaker 1: very hip restaurant in Richmond, Virginia. At the hip at 88 00:05:11,440 --> 00:05:14,160 Speaker 1: the time, I thought, um, edo's squid and it was 89 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:18,640 Speaker 1: a downtown sort of you know, um it's it's maybe 90 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:21,080 Speaker 1: not super hip at the time, it's like a downtown restaurant. 91 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:25,520 Speaker 1: He felt very grown up. There's that whole aspect of 92 00:05:25,560 --> 00:05:32,440 Speaker 1: like we're fancy adults now, like that's being so cosmopolitan. Um. 93 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:35,919 Speaker 1: I got asked to prom by this guy that I 94 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:39,560 Speaker 1: turned down because I didn't think I was gonna go. UM. 95 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:42,000 Speaker 1: I was pretty sure it was going to be lame, 96 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:44,440 Speaker 1: and it was. And that's not saying all problems are, 97 00:05:44,480 --> 00:05:46,680 Speaker 1: but this one specifically, I was pretty sure it was 98 00:05:46,720 --> 00:05:51,000 Speaker 1: gonna be lame. But he ended up. Um. He was 99 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:56,680 Speaker 1: so angry about the whole thing that the next week 100 00:05:57,880 --> 00:06:01,279 Speaker 1: he published a book on UM. He had all of 101 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:06,240 Speaker 1: the social security numbers everybody in school and instructions and 102 00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:10,760 Speaker 1: how to build a bomb, and he is not allowed. 103 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,839 Speaker 1: He went to jail. He had a ninety two thousand 104 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:16,040 Speaker 1: dollar scholarship to NASA. He went to jail and he's 105 00:06:16,040 --> 00:06:20,160 Speaker 1: not allowed within the city limits ever. Again, that's horrifying. 106 00:06:20,520 --> 00:06:23,080 Speaker 1: I mean, I'm sure it wasn't just me. I'm sure 107 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:29,440 Speaker 1: obviously it was like a tipping point of uh oh man. Anyway, 108 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:32,400 Speaker 1: My problem was a very interest from Oh my god. 109 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:35,440 Speaker 1: But we're yeah, we're going to come back to that 110 00:06:35,480 --> 00:06:40,719 Speaker 1: subject of not handling rejection. Well, it wasn't my purpose though, 111 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:45,240 Speaker 1: under statement of the damn, I will say it wasn't 112 00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:49,600 Speaker 1: take it well weirdly, you know, he just didn't handle 113 00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:51,919 Speaker 1: it as as well as he could have, very classy 114 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:56,320 Speaker 1: about it. No, yeah, it wasn't on purpose, I'll say. 115 00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:58,120 Speaker 1: On my end, I honestly didn't think I was going 116 00:06:58,160 --> 00:06:59,479 Speaker 1: to go, and then my friends were like, you're going 117 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:01,560 Speaker 1: to regret it for the rest of your life if 118 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:04,680 Speaker 1: you don't go, And then I went and it was like, no, 119 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,719 Speaker 1: I could have stayed home. It was a very boring prom. 120 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:11,320 Speaker 1: And the next year, because of all the kerfuffle we 121 00:07:11,360 --> 00:07:13,520 Speaker 1: had it in our gym, we didn't go back to 122 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:21,920 Speaker 1: the country club. God anyway. Um, So that that's me 123 00:07:21,960 --> 00:07:28,440 Speaker 1: off conference, getting back back on track. Um, back when 124 00:07:28,480 --> 00:07:31,160 Speaker 1: I went and when you went. It sounds like it 125 00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,120 Speaker 1: wasn't as big of a thing as it is now, 126 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:38,240 Speaker 1: the prom posals and everything. And the current price tag 127 00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:41,240 Speaker 1: of prom in the US is nine hundred and seventy 128 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:47,320 Speaker 1: eight dollars. What that's so much money. Yeah. In my household, 129 00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:49,840 Speaker 1: I basically got one fancy dress. So it was like, 130 00:07:50,520 --> 00:07:52,120 Speaker 1: this is gonna be your prom dress. It's gonna be 131 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:54,680 Speaker 1: your homecoming dress, is gonna be your whatever you need 132 00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:57,520 Speaker 1: to do. That's fancy dress. You better like this dress 133 00:07:58,040 --> 00:08:00,360 Speaker 1: because this is it. I actually, this is so stupid. 134 00:08:00,720 --> 00:08:03,200 Speaker 1: My prom dress was white because I thought I might 135 00:08:03,240 --> 00:08:06,840 Speaker 1: have to get married in this dress. It's like, that's 136 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:10,040 Speaker 1: actually kind of smart. You were being thrifty. Ye have 137 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:12,000 Speaker 1: to wear it. You're gonna be the same size and 138 00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:14,080 Speaker 1: the rest of your life. But this was very wishful 139 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:17,760 Speaker 1: thinking on all fronts, except for the front where I 140 00:08:17,760 --> 00:08:21,800 Speaker 1: can't afford an additional dress ten years later. Yeah, that's true. 141 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:26,040 Speaker 1: It's a it's an odd combination of like wishful and morose. 142 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:31,320 Speaker 1: I also from my prom, my parents were like, nope, 143 00:08:31,360 --> 00:08:33,160 Speaker 1: we're not gonna spend the money on the dress. So 144 00:08:33,520 --> 00:08:36,680 Speaker 1: I had been a bridesmaid of my cousin's wedding that year, 145 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:39,559 Speaker 1: and I just wore the bridesmaid dress, which it was 146 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:42,679 Speaker 1: a nice dress I have. I have no qualms with that. 147 00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:46,480 Speaker 1: So we're gonna talk a little bit about the history 148 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:51,200 Speaker 1: of PROM and then prom's future it's present. But first 149 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:53,559 Speaker 1: we're going to take a quick break for word from responsor. 150 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:06,360 Speaker 1: I was back, Thank you, sponsor. Okay, So some brief 151 00:09:06,480 --> 00:09:11,720 Speaker 1: prom history. Prom is the shortened form of promenade, which 152 00:09:11,880 --> 00:09:14,240 Speaker 1: is that thing when guests at a formal party are 153 00:09:14,280 --> 00:09:17,080 Speaker 1: sort of presented and introduced to be a something like 154 00:09:17,120 --> 00:09:19,720 Speaker 1: a parade. We don't really do this anymore. I'm sure 155 00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:23,480 Speaker 1: some people do, but this was a bigger thing the 156 00:09:23,960 --> 00:09:27,320 Speaker 1: like late eighteen hundred's, early nineteen hundreds, and it was 157 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:31,320 Speaker 1: meant to be an event that promoted social etiquette and manners, 158 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:35,440 Speaker 1: just to show the youth. So something sort of like Catillian, Yes, yeah, 159 00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:37,600 Speaker 1: I did, Catillian. Did you really? That's why I'm still 160 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:44,720 Speaker 1: well mannered and being That's probably why you got the war. 161 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:49,360 Speaker 1: Were like, wow, she's she is royal and just in 162 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:52,880 Speaker 1: her blood. Clearly, I actually don't know what Cartillian is. 163 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:55,839 Speaker 1: That's the manners things. Cotillion. Oh, let me tell you 164 00:09:56,240 --> 00:10:00,360 Speaker 1: basically cotillion. It's kind of like prom. You spend a 165 00:10:00,440 --> 00:10:04,920 Speaker 1: set amount of time taking or learning manners, So basically 166 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:07,600 Speaker 1: learning how to use a knife and fork the right way, 167 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:09,559 Speaker 1: learning how to you know, the salad fork from the 168 00:10:09,720 --> 00:10:12,199 Speaker 1: dinner of work or what have you. Learning how to 169 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:15,000 Speaker 1: properly make a phone call so you know, if a 170 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:17,679 Speaker 1: boy calls the house, how are you to address him? 171 00:10:17,840 --> 00:10:21,200 Speaker 1: That kind of thing. I still don't know. I can 172 00:10:21,280 --> 00:10:24,800 Speaker 1: teach you off Mike excellent. Yeah. And so basically I 173 00:10:24,880 --> 00:10:27,160 Speaker 1: think it's like a week of these classes and boys 174 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:28,679 Speaker 1: take them and girls take them, and at the end 175 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:31,280 Speaker 1: there's a little ceremony that's kind of like a prom 176 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:34,559 Speaker 1: where you're supposed to sort of show off what you've learned. 177 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:36,480 Speaker 1: And you wear a dress and you wear gloves and 178 00:10:36,520 --> 00:10:38,880 Speaker 1: here's a little dinner and it's supposed to be sort 179 00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:42,120 Speaker 1: of showing like, oh, you learned the skills for polite society. 180 00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:45,679 Speaker 1: You can you can come out into polite society. Uh, 181 00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 1: and you know, you know, you know your dinner forks 182 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:51,319 Speaker 1: and you can be a successful human personal Is this 183 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,600 Speaker 1: the same? It's this debutante, it's a little it's sort 184 00:10:53,600 --> 00:10:56,840 Speaker 1: of like that, Okay, because I thought they were the same, 185 00:10:56,920 --> 00:11:00,240 Speaker 1: but I wanted to make sure. UM. This whole whole 186 00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:05,200 Speaker 1: PROM thing started with co ed banquets at American universities 187 00:11:05,520 --> 00:11:08,599 Speaker 1: in the nineteenth century, and from there it's spread to 188 00:11:08,679 --> 00:11:13,040 Speaker 1: high schools. In the twentieth century marked the first high 189 00:11:13,040 --> 00:11:17,720 Speaker 1: school quote democratic debutante ball, but it was only open 190 00:11:17,760 --> 00:11:21,520 Speaker 1: to white people and mostly middle to upper class white people. UM. 191 00:11:21,720 --> 00:11:24,000 Speaker 1: And then with the Great Depression of the nineteen thirties, 192 00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:28,040 Speaker 1: several principles in the Chicago area canceled PROM to save 193 00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:33,040 Speaker 1: students from being psychologically wounded because you couldn't afford to go. 194 00:11:34,480 --> 00:11:39,000 Speaker 1: I don't know that's UM. By the nineteen forties, with 195 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:42,320 Speaker 1: teenage culture alive and well, the thanks gued younger and younger. 196 00:11:42,559 --> 00:11:45,679 Speaker 1: And that's pretty much around the time that the proms. 197 00:11:45,760 --> 00:11:48,319 Speaker 1: We know it's solidified. After World War Two ended and 198 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:51,400 Speaker 1: all that disposable income was coming in. In the nineteen fifties, 199 00:11:51,600 --> 00:11:53,280 Speaker 1: PROM moved out of the gym, which is where it 200 00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:57,160 Speaker 1: was traditionally held, and into the country club. The fifties 201 00:11:57,200 --> 00:12:01,000 Speaker 1: also came with this life advice for US ladies, girls 202 00:12:01,040 --> 00:12:03,839 Speaker 1: who try to usurp the right of boys to choose 203 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:07,760 Speaker 1: their own dates will ruin a good dating career. First 204 00:12:07,760 --> 00:12:09,760 Speaker 1: of all, I love that it's considered a career. I 205 00:12:09,880 --> 00:12:13,959 Speaker 1: know it should be mean. I texted a friend the 206 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,160 Speaker 1: other day, like, I was flirting with this guy at 207 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:18,840 Speaker 1: a bar and he he left to go get a drink. 208 00:12:18,840 --> 00:12:20,079 Speaker 1: And I texted a friend and I was like, I 209 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,839 Speaker 1: don't remember flirting with a cute guy being this much 210 00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:26,280 Speaker 1: hard work, but it is. My brain is like, who's 211 00:12:26,280 --> 00:12:31,880 Speaker 1: got the time? You Like, let's get rid of this 212 00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:37,760 Speaker 1: whole flirting business. Yeah, yeah, needs to be a service. Yes, 213 00:12:38,240 --> 00:12:40,880 Speaker 1: you can get cookies delivered to your door at two am. 214 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,200 Speaker 1: You should be able to also get an orgasm delivered. 215 00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:47,800 Speaker 1: That's all I'm saying. The future bridget somebody get on that. 216 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:52,400 Speaker 1: But now we're talking about the past. Um and n 217 00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:58,559 Speaker 1: President Kennedy's Beverly Hilton thousand dollars a plate fundraiser was 218 00:12:58,640 --> 00:13:01,320 Speaker 1: rescheduled for pro Um that was set to take place 219 00:13:01,320 --> 00:13:04,199 Speaker 1: at the same time. That blows my mind. Like Kennedy, sir, 220 00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:07,320 Speaker 1: it's gonna be a bunch of high schoolers here trying 221 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:09,720 Speaker 1: to pretend that they've got all the manners and social 222 00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:12,679 Speaker 1: etiquette training. You're gonna have to find somewhere else. Um, 223 00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:16,679 Speaker 1: that's wild, isn't it. A little over a decade later, 224 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:19,880 Speaker 1: President Ford's daughter and her had her high school prom 225 00:13:20,040 --> 00:13:21,720 Speaker 1: at the White House, and this is the only time 226 00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:25,079 Speaker 1: that's ever happened. One organizer later said of it, I 227 00:13:25,160 --> 00:13:27,040 Speaker 1: had to choose a band that didn't have any kind 228 00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:30,640 Speaker 1: of drug charge. It was pretty hard. I wonder who 229 00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:35,360 Speaker 1: they got. I don't know. Yeah, I mean it's nineteen 230 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,520 Speaker 1: sixty three kind of that. They were all they all 231 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:42,599 Speaker 1: were smoking jazz cigarettes back then. I bet it was 232 00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:47,080 Speaker 1: quite difficult. Um, Stephen King's Carry came out in nineteen 233 00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,679 Speaker 1: seventy four, if you don't know, But that's about it's 234 00:13:50,720 --> 00:13:54,480 Speaker 1: essentially it culminates in prom, a prom gone wrong. Yeah. 235 00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:58,680 Speaker 1: So Carrie was was a seminal film for me, especially 236 00:13:58,760 --> 00:14:02,200 Speaker 1: seminal night understanding of from and I think the fact 237 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:04,160 Speaker 1: that that movie, so if you don't in the movie, 238 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:07,560 Speaker 1: basically the plot is Carrie is this this outcast girl 239 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:10,360 Speaker 1: in her school. It's sitsy SpaceX. She has this long, 240 00:14:10,440 --> 00:14:14,319 Speaker 1: mousey hair that she she reads as the troubled girl, 241 00:14:14,360 --> 00:14:16,599 Speaker 1: will put it that way. And her mom is this 242 00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:19,880 Speaker 1: is this religious fanatic who is basically abusing her and 243 00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:23,840 Speaker 1: she realizes that she has telekinetic power. She can move 244 00:14:23,880 --> 00:14:26,400 Speaker 1: things with her mind by by focusing on them, and 245 00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:29,800 Speaker 1: her classmates, who are very cruel, play this prank on 246 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:33,000 Speaker 1: her where there's one classmate who is genuinely trying to 247 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:35,720 Speaker 1: be nice and that she has her boyfriend asked her 248 00:14:35,720 --> 00:14:38,080 Speaker 1: to proms so that Carrie can feel accepted. But then 249 00:14:38,240 --> 00:14:42,360 Speaker 1: these mean girls completely pervert that gesture. They rig the 250 00:14:42,400 --> 00:14:44,760 Speaker 1: problems that she wins prom queen, and then they pour 251 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:49,400 Speaker 1: pigs blood on her. Also a young John Travolta, isn't it. Yeah, 252 00:14:49,480 --> 00:14:52,920 Speaker 1: he's the he's the like bad guy boyfriend. Um. And 253 00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:58,480 Speaker 1: so when this happens, Carrie loses her and kills everybody 254 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:01,000 Speaker 1: in the prom, and so she with her mind and 255 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:05,760 Speaker 1: so she uses her mind to you know, start fires 256 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:07,680 Speaker 1: and flood the school and all of that, and by 257 00:15:07,720 --> 00:15:11,960 Speaker 1: the end everyone's dead and it culminates. So there are 258 00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,600 Speaker 1: two big things in that movie, her getting her period 259 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:18,080 Speaker 1: and prom and I think for me, it book ends 260 00:15:18,640 --> 00:15:21,520 Speaker 1: what is supposed to be these seminal things in a 261 00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:24,960 Speaker 1: young girl's life. Getting your period, you know, kind of 262 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:29,680 Speaker 1: starts this intense thing of becoming quote unquote becoming a woman. 263 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:33,320 Speaker 1: And then you end your high school career, you're like 264 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:35,840 Speaker 1: girlhood career for lack of a better word, with this 265 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:38,240 Speaker 1: big party prom and it's supposed to sort of That 266 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:41,800 Speaker 1: movie really nicely encapsulates what you're supposed to think of 267 00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:45,640 Speaker 1: as your sort of big seminal moment of a young 268 00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:49,440 Speaker 1: woman's life. Yeah, um, I agree, And that's another movie 269 00:15:49,480 --> 00:15:55,480 Speaker 1: we could do a whole sminty sminty three thou msd 270 00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:59,040 Speaker 1: Case and the really bad but actually kind of good 271 00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:02,280 Speaker 1: sequel to The Rage. Oh I never saw Cary. Too 272 00:16:02,800 --> 00:16:06,440 Speaker 1: terrible but actually kind of good. Okay, cool, well added 273 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:09,320 Speaker 1: to our list. Um, the film came out in nineteen 274 00:16:09,400 --> 00:16:12,160 Speaker 1: seventies six and kind of going off what you're saying, 275 00:16:12,200 --> 00:16:16,480 Speaker 1: bridget Um, I did read a lot of articles about 276 00:16:17,520 --> 00:16:21,000 Speaker 1: how promise becomes such this big thing now and it's 277 00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:24,080 Speaker 1: almost like marriage, where we've built it into these there's 278 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:27,360 Speaker 1: too big of expectations and people are consistently left down. 279 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:29,880 Speaker 1: They're expecting way too much out of prom and then 280 00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:31,800 Speaker 1: that it's like me where I go to the gym 281 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:34,520 Speaker 1: and the music is too quiet and everyone's just kind 282 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:37,360 Speaker 1: of sitting there sullenly. I'm not saying all problems are 283 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:41,400 Speaker 1: like that. Mine particularly lame, but you get your expectations. 284 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:45,960 Speaker 1: It's even in middle school some people are already thinking 285 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,560 Speaker 1: about old prom It's this thing, it's this big event, 286 00:16:49,640 --> 00:16:56,200 Speaker 1: and then it happens and it's a kind of hopefully enjoyable, 287 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:59,440 Speaker 1: but it's probably not what you imagined. Yeah, my memories 288 00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:02,200 Speaker 1: of my problem was pretty good. Um. I went the 289 00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:04,679 Speaker 1: guy that I mentioned earlier with the book where knuckle 290 00:17:04,760 --> 00:17:07,560 Speaker 1: Tattoo was my then boyfriend. Um. So there was no 291 00:17:08,520 --> 00:17:11,280 Speaker 1: and there was no expectation of asking or being asked. 292 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,240 Speaker 1: It was just we're going to go together because we 293 00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:16,959 Speaker 1: are dating. Um. We went the big group of friends. 294 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:20,400 Speaker 1: We didn't get a limo. I drove my car there. Um. 295 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,840 Speaker 1: They the music actually was really good they played this 296 00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:26,760 Speaker 1: was I'm dating myself. But are you know how there's 297 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:28,239 Speaker 1: like a song that you think of as like your 298 00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:31,280 Speaker 1: prom song? Ours was One More Time by Daft Punk 299 00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:34,600 Speaker 1: became a very like even even to the days of 300 00:17:35,080 --> 00:17:37,760 Speaker 1: that song. I showed up in my life a lot, 301 00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:41,280 Speaker 1: and I remember I remember having a moment of this. Actually, 302 00:17:41,280 --> 00:17:43,720 Speaker 1: I mean, this is like a wholesome as I'm remembering 303 00:17:43,800 --> 00:17:45,920 Speaker 1: this now, I'm thinking of my promise. Like a very 304 00:17:46,480 --> 00:17:48,560 Speaker 1: remembering in every wholesome way, which was just all my 305 00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:52,520 Speaker 1: friends on the dance floor dancing to One More Time 306 00:17:52,560 --> 00:17:56,120 Speaker 1: by Daft Punk and just feeling really happy and sort 307 00:17:56,160 --> 00:17:57,760 Speaker 1: of you know. And I also went to a really 308 00:17:57,840 --> 00:17:59,879 Speaker 1: small all girls school, so there was not you know. 309 00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:01,320 Speaker 1: I think that kind of was part of it, that 310 00:18:01,440 --> 00:18:03,560 Speaker 1: like you could go to prom I even if you 311 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:05,639 Speaker 1: don't have a date, Like it wasn't. I guess my 312 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:10,520 Speaker 1: school really took a lot of the stress out of it. 313 00:18:10,600 --> 00:18:13,200 Speaker 1: There was none of the stress of promposal, none of 314 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:15,920 Speaker 1: the stress that I have to have a date. Most 315 00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:17,560 Speaker 1: people who went did not have a date. It was 316 00:18:17,640 --> 00:18:21,119 Speaker 1: mostly girls, and some of the girls who had boys 317 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:24,159 Speaker 1: in their lives or whatever. Um. I think if I 318 00:18:24,560 --> 00:18:26,520 Speaker 1: was in school now, I would feel it would be 319 00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:27,920 Speaker 1: way too much pressure the way that we deal with 320 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:32,119 Speaker 1: problem these days, being expected to have a promposal and 321 00:18:32,240 --> 00:18:34,520 Speaker 1: all of that would be way too much. And I think, 322 00:18:34,560 --> 00:18:37,440 Speaker 1: I think this is a different conversation, but I think 323 00:18:37,480 --> 00:18:39,680 Speaker 1: that social media and I talk about social media so 324 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:42,760 Speaker 1: much on this show, but I think it's because it's change. 325 00:18:42,800 --> 00:18:44,960 Speaker 1: It's warped things in our life in ways that we 326 00:18:45,119 --> 00:18:48,280 Speaker 1: maybe don't even see. There are so many things in 327 00:18:48,359 --> 00:18:52,960 Speaker 1: a young person's life that before the ubiquity of social media, 328 00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:55,960 Speaker 1: were one way and now they're another. Somebody made a 329 00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:59,960 Speaker 1: great point on Twitter, um, how particularly for black women, 330 00:19:00,000 --> 00:19:02,320 Speaker 1: and there's this thing now when you graduate high school 331 00:19:02,359 --> 00:19:04,560 Speaker 1: or college, you have to sort of take this kind 332 00:19:04,600 --> 00:19:08,480 Speaker 1: of very specifically posed a graduation picture of you and 333 00:19:08,560 --> 00:19:10,840 Speaker 1: your cap and gown, were like, you also look where 334 00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,879 Speaker 1: you look sexy, but you're graduating, And and then you 335 00:19:13,960 --> 00:19:18,440 Speaker 1: posted on Twitter with like you know your stats? You 336 00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:20,720 Speaker 1: know I can't. I was raised by a single mom 337 00:19:20,840 --> 00:19:23,080 Speaker 1: and now I'm graduating, and it's it's very it's very 338 00:19:23,160 --> 00:19:25,440 Speaker 1: good in a kind of way. It's very celebratory, but 339 00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:32,200 Speaker 1: it's like we've we have made the milestones in our life. 340 00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:36,240 Speaker 1: We have attached them with so much expectation because of 341 00:19:36,320 --> 00:19:38,160 Speaker 1: social media that you have to do it a certain 342 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:41,119 Speaker 1: kind of way. Like if you just graduate high school 343 00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:45,320 Speaker 1: and you're awkward, and you know you you squeaked through. 344 00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:48,639 Speaker 1: Thank god, you're like me, you and you don't have 345 00:19:48,760 --> 00:19:51,200 Speaker 1: If you don't have an experience, it's worthy of bragging 346 00:19:51,280 --> 00:19:53,240 Speaker 1: on social media. You're like doing it wrong. And I 347 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:55,840 Speaker 1: think prom is the same kind of thing where my 348 00:19:56,000 --> 00:20:00,280 Speaker 1: kind of understated but enjoyable prom is. I think of 349 00:20:00,359 --> 00:20:03,320 Speaker 1: the past. Now, if if somebody didn't show up at 350 00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:05,679 Speaker 1: your house with a dozen roses and then like take 351 00:20:05,720 --> 00:20:08,320 Speaker 1: a picture that goes viral on the local news, You've 352 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:11,240 Speaker 1: done it wrong. And that's I'm so glad I don't. 353 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:15,359 Speaker 1: I'm not a young person today. Yeah, I I learned 354 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,840 Speaker 1: very quickly. And yes this is a sidebar, and then 355 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:20,119 Speaker 1: we will return to the history from I am not 356 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,560 Speaker 1: a good person on social media, like it depressed me. 357 00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:24,879 Speaker 1: I would see what other people are doing and I 358 00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:27,760 Speaker 1: would feel so like I am not living up to 359 00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:30,720 Speaker 1: what they are doing. And I mean everyone is presenting 360 00:20:30,760 --> 00:20:33,359 Speaker 1: a certain aspect that that's just how it is. But 361 00:20:33,440 --> 00:20:36,240 Speaker 1: I I as a person, couldn't like handle that. And 362 00:20:36,280 --> 00:20:39,240 Speaker 1: I would have been very miserable to be going to 363 00:20:39,320 --> 00:20:44,240 Speaker 1: prom during social media, that's for sure. And now back 364 00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:49,000 Speaker 1: to the history. Okay UM. In ninety nine, the first 365 00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:53,080 Speaker 1: openly gay couple in the US UM had police protection 366 00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:57,000 Speaker 1: in Sue Falls, South Dakota, UH. The following year, a 367 00:20:57,040 --> 00:20:59,919 Speaker 1: federal judge sides with a male high school senior from 368 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:03,240 Speaker 1: Rhode Island after his principle had rejected his request to 369 00:21:03,359 --> 00:21:06,840 Speaker 1: bring a male date. Uh. And then we moved into 370 00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:09,160 Speaker 1: the eighties, which could be called the decade of prom. 371 00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:11,640 Speaker 1: When it comes to Hollywood, you got pretty empying back 372 00:21:11,640 --> 00:21:15,679 Speaker 1: to the future foot Loose Valley Girl. Um. And as 373 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:17,359 Speaker 1: long as problem has been around, it's been kind of 374 00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:21,280 Speaker 1: a battleground for changing societal norms. In nine, principal in 375 00:21:21,359 --> 00:21:24,160 Speaker 1: Alabama was sued after he warned prom would be canceled 376 00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:27,800 Speaker 1: if any interracial couples attended. And to this day some 377 00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:32,320 Speaker 1: schools still have anti gay bands rather than allow a 378 00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:36,440 Speaker 1: female student bring her girlfriend. A Mississippi school canceled prom 379 00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:41,440 Speaker 1: all together. Yeah, it's very interesting how problems kind of 380 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:45,080 Speaker 1: have always been this battleground for social issues and that 381 00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:49,399 Speaker 1: legacy really remains kind of unchanged today, even Ineen. Just 382 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:52,639 Speaker 1: last month here in Atlanta, to students Jole Learner and 383 00:21:52,760 --> 00:21:55,560 Speaker 1: Carter Herbert, the high school band conductor and the high 384 00:21:55,600 --> 00:21:58,280 Speaker 1: school class president. We're both nominated by the students of 385 00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:01,720 Speaker 1: their school at Chattahoochee to be prom kings. But they 386 00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:04,600 Speaker 1: were told by school administrators that two guys could not 387 00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:08,719 Speaker 1: be two prom kings as a couple. And I think 388 00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:11,800 Speaker 1: the students there tried to rally to change the rule, 389 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:15,000 Speaker 1: and the school kind of to their credit, they said, 390 00:22:15,480 --> 00:22:18,600 Speaker 1: give us a proposal of changing this rule and we'll 391 00:22:18,600 --> 00:22:23,480 Speaker 1: look into changing it. But honestly, like how hard is it? Also? Who? Yes? 392 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:26,359 Speaker 1: Like I got what they're going for, Like, make the 393 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:29,120 Speaker 1: kids show some gumshrain and write a proposal and maybe 394 00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:32,120 Speaker 1: we'll change it. But also just change the thing rule. 395 00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:34,679 Speaker 1: I mean, who gives a right? Like it would mean 396 00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,560 Speaker 1: a lot to the kids. These things are arbitrary anyway, 397 00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:40,080 Speaker 1: what the what is this? What are these administrators care 398 00:22:40,200 --> 00:22:43,760 Speaker 1: at a certain point? And also like, wouldn't the proposal 399 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:49,679 Speaker 1: just be changed? The rule? Change it? It's like, oh, okay, cool, 400 00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:53,440 Speaker 1: Like I don't understand what they were supposed to. I 401 00:22:53,480 --> 00:22:57,400 Speaker 1: don't know. Yeah. And in Buffalo, student Bishop Elliott says 402 00:22:57,440 --> 00:23:00,119 Speaker 1: that McKinley High School has a history of paul iss 403 00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:04,600 Speaker 1: these that exclude LGBTQ students, including the principles alleged denial 404 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:07,000 Speaker 1: of him and a fellow students request for a gay 405 00:23:07,040 --> 00:23:09,960 Speaker 1: strate alliance just a week before prom. He sued the 406 00:23:10,000 --> 00:23:13,800 Speaker 1: Principle for allegedly policing same sex couples at school dances 407 00:23:14,119 --> 00:23:17,000 Speaker 1: in a federal lawsuit. The eighteen year Old School junior 408 00:23:17,800 --> 00:23:20,919 Speaker 1: says students buying a couple of tickets for dances are 409 00:23:20,960 --> 00:23:23,400 Speaker 1: asked for the name of their dates. Those naming same 410 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:26,720 Speaker 1: sex partners are not permitted to purchase the couple's passes. 411 00:23:26,800 --> 00:23:29,480 Speaker 1: He claims. The New York Civil Liberties Union filed a 412 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,879 Speaker 1: complaint against the school's principal, Crystal Bowling Burton, and the 413 00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:36,000 Speaker 1: Buffalo School District is also a defendant. So really, you 414 00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:39,280 Speaker 1: would think that these issues are things that have passed, 415 00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:41,760 Speaker 1: but they're kind of not. I mean, prom continues to 416 00:23:41,840 --> 00:23:45,120 Speaker 1: be this battle ground where social issues sort of explode. 417 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:50,159 Speaker 1: And furthermore, you were talking earlier about racial segregation and proms. Again, 418 00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:53,560 Speaker 1: that might sound like something that is a thing totally 419 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:56,920 Speaker 1: of the past, but not so. In fact, Wilcox County 420 00:23:57,000 --> 00:23:59,920 Speaker 1: High School here in Georgia didn't have its first racially 421 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:04,400 Speaker 1: integrated prom until only four years ago. Instead of one 422 00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:07,840 Speaker 1: big prom for everybody, parents and their children would organize private, 423 00:24:07,960 --> 00:24:11,560 Speaker 1: off site, racially segregated parties known to most as quote 424 00:24:11,640 --> 00:24:14,919 Speaker 1: White Prom and Black Prom. Now, after students plan their 425 00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:17,879 Speaker 1: own innovative dance, school leaders said that they would sponsor 426 00:24:17,960 --> 00:24:23,159 Speaker 1: the school's first innovrated prom for everyone yeah, I mean 427 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:26,159 Speaker 1: it sounds like something that would be happening years and 428 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,680 Speaker 1: years and years ago, but that's not even that long ago, 429 00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:30,920 Speaker 1: and Georgia isn't even the only state where this is 430 00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:34,359 Speaker 1: going down. What is that experience like for mixed race kids, 431 00:24:34,600 --> 00:24:38,159 Speaker 1: or for Latino kids, or for Indian kids. Like, it's 432 00:24:38,200 --> 00:24:43,119 Speaker 1: such a binary, that is that it leaves out so 433 00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:45,200 Speaker 1: many So I'm just thinking about all the kids whore 434 00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:48,560 Speaker 1: left out, kids in interracial relationships, kids who aren't black 435 00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:51,560 Speaker 1: or white. It just is such a or I wonder 436 00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:54,040 Speaker 1: if it's non white prom and white prom. I don't know, 437 00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:57,520 Speaker 1: I just it just seems such a weird binary, Like 438 00:24:57,600 --> 00:24:59,480 Speaker 1: how how would you enforce it? I'm just I have 439 00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:02,440 Speaker 1: I've so many questions. I do too, And what a 440 00:25:02,560 --> 00:25:06,920 Speaker 1: weird just what a strange experience to know, like in 441 00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:10,400 Speaker 1: high school that you're going to have these two separate proms. 442 00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:15,480 Speaker 1: To me that like, my brain cannot process that. It's 443 00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:18,600 Speaker 1: a lot. So I do actually have a few sweet stories. 444 00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:20,040 Speaker 1: They know we have a long way to go, but 445 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:24,960 Speaker 1: there are some some you know, not awful prom Beacons 446 00:25:25,040 --> 00:25:28,440 Speaker 1: of hope, Beacons of prom hope, prope if you will 447 00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:32,040 Speaker 1: this year to Mantal students were taking their prom pictures 448 00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:34,960 Speaker 1: as a group of rowdy patrons at a rooftop bar 449 00:25:35,160 --> 00:25:38,080 Speaker 1: were nearby. Patrons kept shouting at all the couples who 450 00:25:38,119 --> 00:25:41,399 Speaker 1: were walking by clearly going to prom, like kiss, kiss, kiss. 451 00:25:41,840 --> 00:25:44,160 Speaker 1: So when they walked by, a couple had a moment 452 00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:46,800 Speaker 1: of you know, oh my god, what's gonna happen? Rowdy 453 00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:50,560 Speaker 1: bar patrons screamed at them kiss, kiss, kiss, and they thought, 454 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:52,320 Speaker 1: oh god, you know, if we kiss is a trick, 455 00:25:52,520 --> 00:25:55,000 Speaker 1: we kiss, what's gonna happen? And they kissed, and the 456 00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:58,719 Speaker 1: kid said that crowd went wild. The kid said, when 457 00:25:58,800 --> 00:26:01,119 Speaker 1: me and Colin walked by, the chanted kiss him over 458 00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:03,320 Speaker 1: and over again. We were a little heased in about 459 00:26:03,359 --> 00:26:05,600 Speaker 1: it because we were nervous, obviously to see if something 460 00:26:05,640 --> 00:26:07,679 Speaker 1: bad would happen to us. Then we kissed and they 461 00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:10,600 Speaker 1: all went crazy. Everyone went wild and was cheering, happy, 462 00:26:10,680 --> 00:26:12,920 Speaker 1: so proud of us. They kept being like, do it again. 463 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:14,919 Speaker 1: And it felt so good. I don't even know how 464 00:26:14,920 --> 00:26:17,159 Speaker 1: it felt. I just never felt like that, and that 465 00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:20,080 Speaker 1: is super sweet. It's nice. I mean, it's I'm I'm 466 00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:23,640 Speaker 1: happy that these young people felt supported. Um, I think 467 00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:26,840 Speaker 1: I'll be even happier when two guys going to prom 468 00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:30,119 Speaker 1: together and kissing each other as dates. It's it's not, 469 00:26:30,480 --> 00:26:32,560 Speaker 1: you know, a big deal. I'm happy. I'm really On 470 00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:35,679 Speaker 1: the one hand, I'm I'm thrilled that these kids had 471 00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:38,560 Speaker 1: a moment that affirm that they were supported by their community, 472 00:26:38,600 --> 00:26:41,840 Speaker 1: because man, that feels good. But I'll be even happier 473 00:26:41,960 --> 00:26:46,200 Speaker 1: when it's just accepted that you know your love is 474 00:26:46,640 --> 00:26:48,240 Speaker 1: is valid and that you don't need to hide it, 475 00:26:48,320 --> 00:26:50,159 Speaker 1: and then that you in a kind of way. It 476 00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:52,760 Speaker 1: makes me sad that this is a viral moment because 477 00:26:53,280 --> 00:26:57,400 Speaker 1: in my dream of dreams too, you know, the same 478 00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:01,240 Speaker 1: sex couple going to prom together would not be viral news. 479 00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:04,720 Speaker 1: It would just be commonplace because it should be yeah, 480 00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:07,440 Speaker 1: pretty much like you said. It makes me really happy 481 00:27:07,520 --> 00:27:10,560 Speaker 1: and also really sad because they shouldn't have that worry. 482 00:27:11,320 --> 00:27:14,200 Speaker 1: Um should just be able to be happy with the 483 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:18,480 Speaker 1: person you're with, and that's your business, and I'm happy 484 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:21,960 Speaker 1: for you if you're happy. Like it feels weird because 485 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:26,040 Speaker 1: you don't want to make someone feel mothered by being 486 00:27:26,320 --> 00:27:29,480 Speaker 1: overtly like really happy for them, but you want them 487 00:27:29,560 --> 00:27:34,960 Speaker 1: to feel the same thing that heteronormative couples it's a 488 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:36,679 Speaker 1: lot of what we were talking about in our episode 489 00:27:36,680 --> 00:27:40,520 Speaker 1: on disability, where you know you when you have a 490 00:27:40,760 --> 00:27:45,119 Speaker 1: viral feel good promposal where it's a person with disabilities 491 00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:47,840 Speaker 1: being asked to prom um. Oh, by the way, it's 492 00:27:47,880 --> 00:27:50,560 Speaker 1: a very very helpful. Listener wrote in to tell me 493 00:27:50,680 --> 00:27:54,159 Speaker 1: that in that episode I said disabled people and you 494 00:27:54,280 --> 00:27:57,600 Speaker 1: really should say people with disabilities, and I got that wrong. 495 00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:00,840 Speaker 1: So when you have someone who is a person with 496 00:28:00,920 --> 00:28:03,440 Speaker 1: disabilities who's being asked to prom and that becomes a 497 00:28:03,520 --> 00:28:07,879 Speaker 1: heartwarming viral moment, on the one hand, we got it. 498 00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:10,399 Speaker 1: You know, people want to feel good, but actually what 499 00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:13,720 Speaker 1: you're saying is that this person being asked to prom, 500 00:28:14,480 --> 00:28:17,000 Speaker 1: they're not being asked because they're a rad person who 501 00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:19,920 Speaker 1: should be asked to prom because they rock. If someone 502 00:28:20,040 --> 00:28:22,880 Speaker 1: is doing a charity and that all good for them. 503 00:28:22,960 --> 00:28:24,920 Speaker 1: That's so brave. And I want to live in a 504 00:28:25,040 --> 00:28:29,920 Speaker 1: world where everyone's everyone feels desired and supported and affirmed. 505 00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:33,080 Speaker 1: And we're on other rising people when they you know, 506 00:28:33,119 --> 00:28:35,120 Speaker 1: when someone asked him to prom, or when they when 507 00:28:35,200 --> 00:28:37,000 Speaker 1: these kind of things happen, and so on the one hand, 508 00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:39,960 Speaker 1: I'm happy that these kids had a sweet moment, but 509 00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:41,200 Speaker 1: on the other hand, I want to live in a 510 00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:46,240 Speaker 1: world where that moment is commonplace, and of course it 511 00:28:46,240 --> 00:28:48,160 Speaker 1: will be affirmed, Like why wouldn't it be affirmed. It's 512 00:28:48,160 --> 00:28:51,840 Speaker 1: not news that it was affirmed. Yeah, exactly, another sort 513 00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:55,040 Speaker 1: of I think, marker of progress on the prom front. 514 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:59,640 Speaker 1: In May, Corey Ray became the first trans prom queen, 515 00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:03,240 Speaker 1: she writes on her website. For fun, I decided that 516 00:29:03,240 --> 00:29:05,600 Speaker 1: I would attempt to fulfill my dream of being prom queen. 517 00:29:05,960 --> 00:29:08,560 Speaker 1: I made my Facebook name Corey Prom Queen Wagner, and 518 00:29:08,680 --> 00:29:11,360 Speaker 1: soon enough I was nominated at Prom. I was nervous. 519 00:29:11,520 --> 00:29:13,400 Speaker 1: I had an underlying feeling that my dream would come 520 00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:16,800 Speaker 1: true and then my world change forever. Our class president said, 521 00:29:17,080 --> 00:29:19,920 Speaker 1: and our junior prom Queen is Corey Wagner. The whole 522 00:29:20,040 --> 00:29:22,440 Speaker 1: room went wild, screaming in a plodding For me, I 523 00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:24,920 Speaker 1: never felt more love by my peers in my entire life. 524 00:29:25,240 --> 00:29:27,480 Speaker 1: The night was perfect. I couldn't have been more proud 525 00:29:27,520 --> 00:29:29,640 Speaker 1: of myself and my high school for being so accepting 526 00:29:29,680 --> 00:29:33,400 Speaker 1: and open minded and honestly shout out to Corey. You 527 00:29:33,480 --> 00:29:35,200 Speaker 1: need to go to Corey's website and check out the 528 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:38,479 Speaker 1: picture of her winning prom queen because this is beaming 529 00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:41,640 Speaker 1: like she looked so happy and I was like, oh 530 00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:46,960 Speaker 1: my god, my heart is melting. That's awesome. Um. And 531 00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:49,720 Speaker 1: this year, Nico Nelson one prom queen at Homestead of 532 00:29:49,760 --> 00:29:53,479 Speaker 1: High School in Wisconsin, and she wrote, I didn't win 533 00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:55,880 Speaker 1: palm cream for being a transgender girl. I won prom 534 00:29:56,000 --> 00:30:00,520 Speaker 1: queen for being Nico Nelson. Hell yeah, what I'm saying. 535 00:30:01,080 --> 00:30:03,560 Speaker 1: On the one hand, it is very important to acknowledge 536 00:30:04,200 --> 00:30:08,600 Speaker 1: what is historic markers of progressivism. Right a trans girl 537 00:30:08,640 --> 00:30:12,480 Speaker 1: winning prom queen in Wisconsin, it's being red. But on 538 00:30:12,560 --> 00:30:14,680 Speaker 1: the other hand, I love that Nico knows that she 539 00:30:14,760 --> 00:30:17,080 Speaker 1: didn't win because she's trans. This isn't some sharity act 540 00:30:17,200 --> 00:30:19,640 Speaker 1: to one because it's probably a really cool girl. Yeah, 541 00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:23,360 Speaker 1: niker does sound really cool. We have another aspect of 542 00:30:23,400 --> 00:30:26,360 Speaker 1: prom to touch on, and it's s e X. But 543 00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:28,960 Speaker 1: first we have one last quick break for a word 544 00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:39,360 Speaker 1: from our sponsor, and we're back. Thank you sponsor. It's 545 00:30:39,400 --> 00:30:43,520 Speaker 1: time to talk about sex baby. Let's talk about sex baby. 546 00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:49,320 Speaker 1: Let's talk about you. Fun fact and once in that 547 00:30:49,440 --> 00:30:51,240 Speaker 1: Salton Pepper at the NBC green room and it was 548 00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:56,680 Speaker 1: the best day of my life. Oh it was. It 549 00:30:56,880 --> 00:30:59,360 Speaker 1: was one if it's one of the top five best 550 00:30:59,400 --> 00:31:02,800 Speaker 1: moments in my life. Oh man, I bet did you see? 551 00:31:02,960 --> 00:31:06,280 Speaker 1: Did you? I was definitely creeping them out with my intensity. 552 00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:08,800 Speaker 1: They I could tell they were like, this person is 553 00:31:08,840 --> 00:31:11,920 Speaker 1: going to skin us alive and wear us like like masks. 554 00:31:12,120 --> 00:31:14,400 Speaker 1: I was like giving them all this intense energy and 555 00:31:14,440 --> 00:31:15,720 Speaker 1: they could feel it and it was weird, but I 556 00:31:15,760 --> 00:31:20,400 Speaker 1: didn't care. I was so happy. Okay, A far from 557 00:31:20,440 --> 00:31:24,360 Speaker 1: salt and pepper. We wanted to talk about sex. The 558 00:31:25,040 --> 00:31:30,000 Speaker 1: problem more like how girls what they wear has been 559 00:31:30,360 --> 00:31:33,800 Speaker 1: police Oh so heavily policed. If listened to one of 560 00:31:33,840 --> 00:31:36,080 Speaker 1: the earlier episodes that we did around dress codes, will 561 00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:40,520 Speaker 1: sound pretty familiar to you. Basically, prom it's kind of 562 00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:44,920 Speaker 1: a time where police being women's bodies comes through via 563 00:31:45,200 --> 00:31:47,600 Speaker 1: dress codes. And what's interesting is that you don't really 564 00:31:47,640 --> 00:31:50,720 Speaker 1: see a lot of dress codes for male students. It's 565 00:31:50,800 --> 00:31:54,760 Speaker 1: really only for young women. Sometimes the dress codes get 566 00:31:54,800 --> 00:31:57,000 Speaker 1: a little gross, you know, keeping in mind that these 567 00:31:57,040 --> 00:31:59,880 Speaker 1: are adults policing the dress of young people. It kind 568 00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:04,680 Speaker 1: can get a little bit creepy. The way that it's 569 00:32:04,720 --> 00:32:06,680 Speaker 1: talked about. Well, you be the judge, and you tell 570 00:32:06,720 --> 00:32:09,040 Speaker 1: me what you think. In response to an article called 571 00:32:09,120 --> 00:32:13,080 Speaker 1: school dress codes have a serious sexism problem. Plymouth Christian 572 00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:16,440 Speaker 1: High School principle and Grand Rapids, Michigan Jim Basin wrote 573 00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:18,680 Speaker 1: a piece about how prom dress codes are there to 574 00:32:18,760 --> 00:32:22,200 Speaker 1: keep girls from becoming quote sex objects, and honestly, it's 575 00:32:22,240 --> 00:32:24,800 Speaker 1: just kind of weird to me. He writes. By requiring 576 00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:28,080 Speaker 1: female students to dress modestly, we are not penalizing them. 577 00:32:28,280 --> 00:32:31,600 Speaker 1: We are protecting them exclamation point. We do not want 578 00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:34,440 Speaker 1: the girls to be considered quote sex objects. God forbid, 579 00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:37,480 Speaker 1: They're worth this so much greater than that. We don't 580 00:32:37,520 --> 00:32:39,800 Speaker 1: want them going out with people who want them only 581 00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:44,560 Speaker 1: for their body parentheses or sex close parentheses. We desire 582 00:32:44,600 --> 00:32:46,440 Speaker 1: the best for them. We don't want them to be 583 00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:51,120 Speaker 1: a statistic parentheses, teen pregnancy, etcetera. He also writes women 584 00:32:51,160 --> 00:32:53,600 Speaker 1: to not be afraid of their sexuality. Women to be 585 00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:56,240 Speaker 1: afraid of those who admire them only for their quote 586 00:32:56,440 --> 00:32:59,440 Speaker 1: great body. We would like them to preserve this wonderful 587 00:32:59,520 --> 00:33:02,920 Speaker 1: gift parentheses virginity. In case you were like, what gift 588 00:33:03,040 --> 00:33:06,800 Speaker 1: is that? For their quote one and only. Yes, this 589 00:33:06,920 --> 00:33:09,840 Speaker 1: is how we spend our educational energy, teaching our children 590 00:33:09,880 --> 00:33:14,440 Speaker 1: to respect themselves and each other. And I don't know 591 00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:18,160 Speaker 1: that just reads this weird To me, it feels very gross. Um. 592 00:33:18,760 --> 00:33:21,040 Speaker 1: And this is a high school principle writing about high 593 00:33:21,040 --> 00:33:25,800 Speaker 1: school girls. Yes, this reminds me of UM writing a 594 00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:28,440 Speaker 1: same There was this teacher at my high school and 595 00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:32,600 Speaker 1: she was notoriously tough, so tough, like people would whisper 596 00:33:32,720 --> 00:33:35,760 Speaker 1: her name, did you get miss Tepton? Like you knew 597 00:33:35,800 --> 00:33:41,040 Speaker 1: who she was. She was really hardcore grammar everything, and 598 00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:44,920 Speaker 1: she would call you out on this, similar to what 599 00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:48,200 Speaker 1: this principle wrote so much for. I feel like what 600 00:33:48,280 --> 00:33:53,280 Speaker 1: he's trying to do is use language that he doesn't 601 00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:58,200 Speaker 1: really know, as like he knows that people on the 602 00:33:58,840 --> 00:34:01,240 Speaker 1: quote other side of the she would use. And he's 603 00:34:01,280 --> 00:34:03,720 Speaker 1: trying to turn it around and say, I know, I 604 00:34:03,840 --> 00:34:06,080 Speaker 1: know what you're worried about, but I know that too, 605 00:34:06,720 --> 00:34:09,600 Speaker 1: but this is what I'm doing. I'm actually more worried 606 00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:13,560 Speaker 1: than you are about this thing. I hate that technique. Yeah, 607 00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:16,200 Speaker 1: and my she would have called him out. I bet 608 00:34:17,320 --> 00:34:23,160 Speaker 1: she'd be like, yeah, tear Jim Bazin com a high 609 00:34:23,160 --> 00:34:26,399 Speaker 1: school principle a new one because this is weird and growth. Yeah, 610 00:34:26,440 --> 00:34:29,879 Speaker 1: and he's also trying to I feel like a lot 611 00:34:29,960 --> 00:34:31,680 Speaker 1: of Oh, I can't remember the word. But it's when 612 00:34:31,719 --> 00:34:34,759 Speaker 1: you do that an emotional um kind of it's like 613 00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:38,800 Speaker 1: really thin and any kind of factor, any steps in 614 00:34:38,840 --> 00:34:42,240 Speaker 1: stalls just emotional. So basically we all want to protect 615 00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:45,399 Speaker 1: our young women, don't. We were all on the same 616 00:34:45,520 --> 00:34:48,680 Speaker 1: side here, right, you know? And so you're the monster 617 00:34:48,840 --> 00:34:52,279 Speaker 1: for disagreeing. How dare you want? How dare you want 618 00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:54,120 Speaker 1: a girl to wear what she wanted from? How dare 619 00:34:54,160 --> 00:34:56,440 Speaker 1: you want a woman to be seen as a sex object? 620 00:34:56,560 --> 00:34:58,200 Speaker 1: I would never want such a thing. That's why she 621 00:34:58,320 --> 00:35:02,319 Speaker 1: must only wear this monsters. Yeah. Also, what I hate 622 00:35:02,320 --> 00:35:04,239 Speaker 1: about this, and and I think that this comes up 623 00:35:04,239 --> 00:35:08,040 Speaker 1: in our dress Code episode as well, is that lecturing 624 00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:11,000 Speaker 1: girls about how they are dressed pretty much says that 625 00:35:11,800 --> 00:35:15,479 Speaker 1: boys have no responsibility to be able to control every 626 00:35:15,560 --> 00:35:17,640 Speaker 1: sexual urge that they have. And so saying that, oh, 627 00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:20,160 Speaker 1: if you're dressed sexy at prom, boys don't want to 628 00:35:20,200 --> 00:35:23,120 Speaker 1: have sex with you. Therefore you need to cover up 629 00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:26,239 Speaker 1: so that doesn't happen. What about teaching boys that, yeah, 630 00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:28,960 Speaker 1: you're maybe you're gonna see a sexy girl with a 631 00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:32,040 Speaker 1: slit in her dress at prom, and maybe you're gonna 632 00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:34,200 Speaker 1: have feelings about that, but you gotta deal with it, 633 00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:38,440 Speaker 1: like we in the adult world. People get distracted by 634 00:35:38,480 --> 00:35:40,759 Speaker 1: other people's bodies all the time, and you don't need 635 00:35:40,800 --> 00:35:42,640 Speaker 1: to act on it. It's not a big deal. It 636 00:35:42,800 --> 00:35:47,120 Speaker 1: isn't the young woman's responsibility to change her behavior in 637 00:35:47,320 --> 00:35:50,680 Speaker 1: order to keep him from being distracted or feeling like 638 00:35:50,760 --> 00:35:52,720 Speaker 1: he needs to act on it or whatever. We should 639 00:35:52,719 --> 00:35:55,239 Speaker 1: be teaching boys that, yeah, you're gonna be in the 640 00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:57,799 Speaker 1: world with people who are a dressed all kinds of ways, 641 00:35:57,880 --> 00:35:59,879 Speaker 1: and you're gonna have to deal. We're not preparing them 642 00:36:00,080 --> 00:36:02,399 Speaker 1: for reality and a kind of way, and we're saying 643 00:36:02,480 --> 00:36:06,680 Speaker 1: that your inability to control your urges. And also it's 644 00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:09,040 Speaker 1: it's just I think it's if you really m back, 645 00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:11,719 Speaker 1: it's rude to the young man because it's saying you 646 00:36:11,840 --> 00:36:14,800 Speaker 1: are such a dumb animal. We don't even expect you 647 00:36:14,880 --> 00:36:17,040 Speaker 1: to be able to control the way that you feel 648 00:36:17,080 --> 00:36:19,239 Speaker 1: when you see a girl in a dress. So we're 649 00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:21,120 Speaker 1: not even gonna we're not even gonna put that out 650 00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:23,200 Speaker 1: of your plate. She's got it. We're gonna put a 651 00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:25,840 Speaker 1: blanket on her. We got it. And honestly, men should 652 00:36:25,840 --> 00:36:30,080 Speaker 1: be offended by that. Really, Oh, absolutely completely puts the 653 00:36:30,160 --> 00:36:35,399 Speaker 1: onus on the young woman two dress a certain way 654 00:36:35,400 --> 00:36:38,960 Speaker 1: to protect herself. It takes away like any kind of 655 00:36:39,280 --> 00:36:44,920 Speaker 1: responsibility or even agency from the young man or are 656 00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:48,320 Speaker 1: really anybody? Um? And I think I mentioned before on 657 00:36:48,360 --> 00:36:50,440 Speaker 1: the show that I grew up feeling I didn't I 658 00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:52,040 Speaker 1: didn't know how to vocalize it at the time, but 659 00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:54,319 Speaker 1: very scared of my own body, just because we get 660 00:36:54,360 --> 00:36:56,960 Speaker 1: those messages all the time, like your body is gross 661 00:36:57,360 --> 00:37:01,440 Speaker 1: and weird and dangerous to walk around it. Yeah, you're 662 00:37:01,480 --> 00:37:04,040 Speaker 1: going to attract their own kind of attention, and it 663 00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:07,080 Speaker 1: could be anything. It could be some something that you 664 00:37:07,200 --> 00:37:10,640 Speaker 1: thought was a super innocent, modest thing, but someone else 665 00:37:10,719 --> 00:37:14,040 Speaker 1: didn't see that, And that's on you. It's your responsibility. 666 00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:18,279 Speaker 1: And I think that's a very insidious message and we 667 00:37:18,320 --> 00:37:22,120 Speaker 1: should move away from that absolutely. Well you know who's 668 00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:26,600 Speaker 1: sort of leading that charge. Tweens. Yes, tweens are not 669 00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:30,960 Speaker 1: standing for that. BS. The generation below us is flat 670 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:34,240 Speaker 1: out rejecting those notions and those sort of insidious ideas 671 00:37:34,280 --> 00:37:37,200 Speaker 1: about their own bodies. At quite high school, they started 672 00:37:37,239 --> 00:37:40,160 Speaker 1: to change that organetition against the rigid dress code or 673 00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:44,800 Speaker 1: prom at their school. This dress code banned backless dresses 674 00:37:44,880 --> 00:37:48,160 Speaker 1: where the back dipped below the bra strap area, high slits, 675 00:37:48,400 --> 00:37:50,720 Speaker 1: and dresses that show a bare mid drift or contain 676 00:37:50,840 --> 00:37:54,480 Speaker 1: cutouts that which expose bare skin and that actually does 677 00:37:54,560 --> 00:37:57,800 Speaker 1: not sound super reasonable to me, Like a backless dress. 678 00:37:57,840 --> 00:38:00,960 Speaker 1: Your back is not genitals, you know, like your your 679 00:38:01,000 --> 00:38:03,840 Speaker 1: back is your back. Boys have backs like not to 680 00:38:03,920 --> 00:38:06,879 Speaker 1: mention it totally kind of pretends that there aren't people 681 00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:09,320 Speaker 1: who exist along the spectrum of a gender. And so 682 00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:11,759 Speaker 1: if you're saying, well, it's got to wear this, girl's 683 00:38:11,760 --> 00:38:14,440 Speaker 1: gotta wear this or girls can't wear this, it just 684 00:38:14,520 --> 00:38:18,479 Speaker 1: sort of reinforces this idea that there's just one type 685 00:38:18,520 --> 00:38:21,600 Speaker 1: of clothing or attire and girls are wearing this and 686 00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:23,560 Speaker 1: boys are wearing this, and we're gonna regulated as such, 687 00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:27,880 Speaker 1: which we know isn't true. Yeah. Um. It kind of 688 00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:31,920 Speaker 1: brings to mind the ultimate of ultimate all Time proms 689 00:38:32,239 --> 00:38:36,439 Speaker 1: Can Film Festival and Kristen Seart she just made news 690 00:38:36,520 --> 00:38:39,200 Speaker 1: by taking off her high heels because it's a woman. 691 00:38:39,280 --> 00:38:41,360 Speaker 1: You have to have high heels on the red carpet. 692 00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:45,640 Speaker 1: It can which is oh this I wanted how an 693 00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:49,879 Speaker 1: experience with well not can I wish? Similar to Cam 694 00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:53,400 Speaker 1: jay Z's forty forty club in Brooklyn, New York, I 695 00:38:53,520 --> 00:38:56,239 Speaker 1: went with my friends, and I if you met me 696 00:38:56,280 --> 00:38:58,279 Speaker 1: in real life, you know I'm tall. I'm like six 697 00:38:58,320 --> 00:39:02,000 Speaker 1: ft tall. I was not wearing heels because I warn 698 00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:05,000 Speaker 1: he sometimes, but I don't wear them often because I'm 699 00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:08,320 Speaker 1: already tall. And and also it's my business, like I 700 00:39:08,320 --> 00:39:10,920 Speaker 1: don't have to wear heels. And I got there and 701 00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:13,560 Speaker 1: and it's a it's a nightclubs. We were dressed in 702 00:39:13,719 --> 00:39:16,200 Speaker 1: club attire that I couldn't get in because I was 703 00:39:16,239 --> 00:39:17,800 Speaker 1: wearing I was not wearing heels, and so I was 704 00:39:17,880 --> 00:39:22,040 Speaker 1: wearing nice boots, like nice expensive boots, but they weren't heels, 705 00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:24,160 Speaker 1: and so yeah, I guess I don't know if it's 706 00:39:24,160 --> 00:39:27,920 Speaker 1: still the rule, But jay Z, your club rules are sexist, bro, 707 00:39:28,120 --> 00:39:31,480 Speaker 1: because I couldn't get into the club in my boots, 708 00:39:31,480 --> 00:39:33,839 Speaker 1: which were very nice and very expensive, because they were 709 00:39:33,880 --> 00:39:39,120 Speaker 1: not heels. And I think it's the so okay, contact 710 00:39:39,239 --> 00:39:44,279 Speaker 1: is crazy. You're listening. And I waited in line like that, 711 00:39:45,239 --> 00:39:47,719 Speaker 1: Me and my friends were all wearing heels so they 712 00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:49,279 Speaker 1: could all get into We had to have that moment 713 00:39:49,360 --> 00:39:52,600 Speaker 1: of well do you want where the night ends? I 714 00:39:52,680 --> 00:39:55,480 Speaker 1: think I was like we were Actually what ended up 715 00:39:55,520 --> 00:39:58,040 Speaker 1: happening was we were going for our friends like special 716 00:39:58,160 --> 00:39:59,719 Speaker 1: night out, and I didn't want to be the friend 717 00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:02,400 Speaker 1: who ruined everything, so I said, you guys go in, 718 00:40:03,200 --> 00:40:05,680 Speaker 1: I'll hit up a dive it's fine. And I drank 719 00:40:05,719 --> 00:40:07,480 Speaker 1: for myself in a dive bar and actually was a 720 00:40:07,520 --> 00:40:11,239 Speaker 1: fun night. Jaz, don't jay Z, don't call me fine. 721 00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:14,560 Speaker 1: This is so funny because if on the like chart 722 00:40:14,640 --> 00:40:17,560 Speaker 1: of what I discussed in a week of my life, 723 00:40:17,840 --> 00:40:20,200 Speaker 1: jay Z is off. I don't know what's going on. 724 00:40:20,440 --> 00:40:24,799 Speaker 1: He's come up in so many conversation. It's number one 725 00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:27,440 Speaker 1: in the charts right now. I don't know why or how, 726 00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:30,480 Speaker 1: but some the stars have aligned and jay Z is 727 00:40:30,560 --> 00:40:33,200 Speaker 1: just in like every conversation. My other show, food Stuff. 728 00:40:33,360 --> 00:40:35,560 Speaker 1: We asked him to contact us on There's Oh my god, 729 00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:39,759 Speaker 1: he might actually even touch if anyone knows him. Make 730 00:40:39,800 --> 00:40:42,759 Speaker 1: sure that he we he's like in the air, yeah yeah, yeah, 731 00:40:42,840 --> 00:40:46,120 Speaker 1: just make sure he's aware. Yeah. Anyway, back to prom. 732 00:40:48,080 --> 00:40:50,879 Speaker 1: It's weird because you're supposed to be sexy at prom, 733 00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:53,040 Speaker 1: but not too sexy. It's again, it's that tight rope 734 00:40:53,120 --> 00:40:56,360 Speaker 1: that we were expected to walk, and I'm glad that 735 00:40:56,440 --> 00:41:00,960 Speaker 1: we're the tweens are leading this charge away from it um, 736 00:41:01,960 --> 00:41:04,759 Speaker 1: and I hope to anyone listening is getting ready for 737 00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:08,480 Speaker 1: prom that you have a great experience. I remember how 738 00:41:08,560 --> 00:41:10,360 Speaker 1: exciting it was. I got my hair, like well, I 739 00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:11,640 Speaker 1: got my friend to do my hair. That was a 740 00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:14,000 Speaker 1: big deal for me and makeup and it was very exciting. 741 00:41:14,600 --> 00:41:18,480 Speaker 1: So I hope we continue to see this progress. And 742 00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:22,880 Speaker 1: I hope everyone has a safe but fun time. I 743 00:41:22,960 --> 00:41:25,360 Speaker 1: hope so too. I hope that you dance to whatever 744 00:41:25,520 --> 00:41:28,640 Speaker 1: your version of one more time by definitely get your 745 00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:30,839 Speaker 1: prom and it's amazing. You've a fun moment of looking 746 00:41:30,880 --> 00:41:33,359 Speaker 1: your man at your friends and everyone's happy. I also 747 00:41:33,400 --> 00:41:35,040 Speaker 1: want to say, if you're a young person listening and 748 00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:37,320 Speaker 1: you're someone for whom a big prom posal and a 749 00:41:37,400 --> 00:41:41,000 Speaker 1: big things prom and that is your jam, that is awesome. 750 00:41:41,239 --> 00:41:43,320 Speaker 1: Own that. If you're someone for whom that is not 751 00:41:43,440 --> 00:41:45,920 Speaker 1: the case, that is also fine. Don't feel pressured that 752 00:41:45,960 --> 00:41:49,200 Speaker 1: you have to be part of or not be part 753 00:41:49,280 --> 00:41:52,520 Speaker 1: of the spectacle of prom. Have it be your own thing, 754 00:41:52,600 --> 00:41:55,160 Speaker 1: whatever you feel comfortable doing. I wish there had been 755 00:41:55,200 --> 00:41:57,560 Speaker 1: someone that said that about a lot of things when 756 00:41:57,560 --> 00:41:59,279 Speaker 1: I was growing up, that it was okay, you can 757 00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:02,680 Speaker 1: dip it in about lean in, lean out whatever I felt, right, 758 00:42:02,960 --> 00:42:06,360 Speaker 1: you know, And yeah, where would you want if you 759 00:42:06,440 --> 00:42:08,600 Speaker 1: want to rock a suit? Do it if you want to, 760 00:42:09,080 --> 00:42:11,560 Speaker 1: you know, if you're like, just do your do your thing. 761 00:42:11,719 --> 00:42:13,680 Speaker 1: I think that we should be encouraging young people to 762 00:42:14,239 --> 00:42:15,880 Speaker 1: do their thing at prom, and if that thing is 763 00:42:16,760 --> 00:42:18,120 Speaker 1: I wish I if I could go back a new 764 00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:19,840 Speaker 1: prom again, I would have worn a suit because I 765 00:42:19,920 --> 00:42:22,480 Speaker 1: was much more aligned with how I felt. But I 766 00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:26,200 Speaker 1: didn't and my mom would never have allowed that. But yeah, 767 00:42:26,239 --> 00:42:28,960 Speaker 1: I wish that we had a place where we were 768 00:42:29,000 --> 00:42:32,000 Speaker 1: telling young people to you know, do you I guess 769 00:42:32,000 --> 00:42:35,759 Speaker 1: that's I guess that's the job. Yeah, yeah, absolutely, Like, 770 00:42:35,880 --> 00:42:38,120 Speaker 1: if you're listening to this and prom isn't your thing, 771 00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:41,200 Speaker 1: you don't want to go, don't go. I I didn't 772 00:42:41,239 --> 00:42:44,320 Speaker 1: go to it. Another we had like another kind of 773 00:42:44,400 --> 00:42:46,480 Speaker 1: prom adjacent thing and I didn't go, and I had 774 00:42:46,520 --> 00:42:48,759 Speaker 1: a great time eating pizza and watching bad horror movies 775 00:42:48,840 --> 00:42:51,200 Speaker 1: with my friends. Also, after I got kicked out of 776 00:42:51,200 --> 00:42:54,600 Speaker 1: that one from we went to go watch a horror 777 00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:59,040 Speaker 1: movie at a movie theater and I had my really 778 00:42:59,160 --> 00:43:00,719 Speaker 1: nice dress and I threw on a T shirt that 779 00:43:00,800 --> 00:43:02,600 Speaker 1: was so like email and goth I got from hot 780 00:43:02,680 --> 00:43:06,160 Speaker 1: topic over the dress, and I put on converses and 781 00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:08,200 Speaker 1: then we came out of the theater and it was 782 00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:11,240 Speaker 1: fast curfew and got to trouble again. Oh my god, 783 00:43:11,560 --> 00:43:15,719 Speaker 1: any you are just like I'm just trying to live 784 00:43:15,840 --> 00:43:18,640 Speaker 1: my life and making mistakes along the way. That's that's 785 00:43:18,680 --> 00:43:23,200 Speaker 1: our that's our motto. Tag us in all those prom 786 00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:26,400 Speaker 1: pictures on Instagram at stuff I've Never Told You, And 787 00:43:26,520 --> 00:43:29,279 Speaker 1: that's those prom related tweets at mom Stuff podcast and 788 00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:31,799 Speaker 1: as always, hit us up on email mom stuff at 789 00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:32,919 Speaker 1: how Stuff Work dot com.