1 00:00:04,795 --> 00:00:21,315 Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. A 2 00:00:21,435 --> 00:00:24,635 Speaker 1: man who is his own lawyer has a fool for 3 00:00:24,715 --> 00:00:28,235 Speaker 1: a client. A man who has a non lawyer as 4 00:00:28,475 --> 00:00:32,875 Speaker 1: his lawyer has a fool in the mirror. Trump not 5 00:00:32,915 --> 00:00:35,795 Speaker 1: only missed the chance to avoid his arrest and prosecution 6 00:00:35,955 --> 00:00:39,595 Speaker 1: for compromising national security because he ignored his lawyers and 7 00:00:39,675 --> 00:00:42,755 Speaker 1: instead relied on the legal guidance of a liberal arts 8 00:00:42,795 --> 00:00:46,715 Speaker 1: major who isn't a lawyer named Tom Fitten. But he 9 00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:50,075 Speaker 1: is clearly still ignoring his lawyers and instead relying on 10 00:00:50,155 --> 00:00:54,035 Speaker 1: this Tom Fitton, whose only connection to the law is 11 00:00:54,075 --> 00:00:56,915 Speaker 1: that the right wing nuisance factory he runs is named 12 00:00:57,075 --> 00:01:01,235 Speaker 1: quote judicial Watch, and there is reason to believe Trump 13 00:01:01,315 --> 00:01:05,275 Speaker 1: relied on Fitten again last night when he demanded that 14 00:01:05,355 --> 00:01:10,115 Speaker 1: the Department of Justice give him back the documents he stole, 15 00:01:10,555 --> 00:01:12,835 Speaker 1: the ones that could send him to jail for the 16 00:01:12,835 --> 00:01:17,195 Speaker 1: rest of his life. At ten thirty five am Eastern yesterday, 17 00:01:17,355 --> 00:01:20,515 Speaker 1: Judicial Watch tweeted at Wall Street Journal quote from an 18 00:01:20,555 --> 00:01:24,515 Speaker 1: attorney insisting that quote the Presidential Records Act allows the 19 00:01:24,555 --> 00:01:27,795 Speaker 1: president to decide what records to return and what records 20 00:01:27,835 --> 00:01:30,595 Speaker 1: to keep at the end of his presidency. The archives 21 00:01:30,595 --> 00:01:34,035 Speaker 1: and Records administration can't do anything about it. I know 22 00:01:34,155 --> 00:01:37,915 Speaker 1: about it because I'm the lawyer who lost the Clinton 23 00:01:38,155 --> 00:01:42,955 Speaker 1: sock drawer case. A few hours later, Fitten retweeted that, 24 00:01:43,355 --> 00:01:46,555 Speaker 1: and then at five to ten pm Eastern, Trump posted quote, 25 00:01:47,115 --> 00:01:50,835 Speaker 1: So now that everyone understands that the Presidential Records Act 26 00:01:51,115 --> 00:01:56,915 Speaker 1: plus the Clinton socks case totally exonerated me, when are 27 00:01:56,955 --> 00:02:01,035 Speaker 1: they going to drop all charges against me, apologize and 28 00:02:01,275 --> 00:02:07,155 Speaker 1: return everything that was illegally taken. The answer, as any 29 00:02:07,235 --> 00:02:11,755 Speaker 1: lawyer or sane layperson could tell you, is they're not. 30 00:02:12,635 --> 00:02:17,995 Speaker 1: The Presidential Records Act does not exonerate Trump. Nobody understands 31 00:02:18,115 --> 00:02:22,235 Speaker 1: the species claims of exoneration. The Clinton socks case is 32 00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:24,835 Speaker 1: in irrelevant red herring, and it's not even called the 33 00:02:24,875 --> 00:02:29,275 Speaker 1: Clinton socks case. They aren't dropping the charges against Trump. 34 00:02:29,475 --> 00:02:34,355 Speaker 1: Nothing was illegally taken, and nothing is being returned to him. 35 00:02:34,835 --> 00:02:39,195 Speaker 1: But Trump isn't listening to that. He is listening to 36 00:02:39,195 --> 00:02:45,955 Speaker 1: Tom Fitten, pretend lawyer. At seven twenty pm Eastern, Fitten 37 00:02:46,035 --> 00:02:49,595 Speaker 1: went on Newsmax and said Trump had cooperated fully with 38 00:02:49,675 --> 00:02:54,795 Speaker 1: the Archives had returned documents. Fitten implied Trump returned all 39 00:02:54,835 --> 00:02:59,475 Speaker 1: the documents without ever actually saying all. Fitten claimed that 40 00:02:59,475 --> 00:03:02,755 Speaker 1: Trump was indicted because quote he didn't search properly or 41 00:03:02,835 --> 00:03:06,195 Speaker 1: hid documents from his own lawyers. You know, I didn't 42 00:03:06,235 --> 00:03:09,075 Speaker 1: think there was any persuasive evidence of that, so Trump 43 00:03:09,115 --> 00:03:14,835 Speaker 1: fully cooperated. Fitten then invoked the Clinton sock drawer case, 44 00:03:14,995 --> 00:03:18,515 Speaker 1: getting the name correct, and he said it decisively proved 45 00:03:18,515 --> 00:03:20,795 Speaker 1: that quote there was nothing anyone could do about a 46 00:03:20,835 --> 00:03:24,435 Speaker 1: president who took records with them and designated them as personal. 47 00:03:25,195 --> 00:03:28,675 Speaker 1: And of course that is also wildly untrue. The President 48 00:03:28,715 --> 00:03:32,755 Speaker 1: Clinton case was brought by Fitton's company in two thousand 49 00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:36,315 Speaker 1: and nine. The government had decided that some recordings for 50 00:03:36,355 --> 00:03:41,995 Speaker 1: a Clinton biography were indeed Clinton's personal property. Judicial Watch 51 00:03:42,315 --> 00:03:46,035 Speaker 1: sued to get them declared government property so it could 52 00:03:46,035 --> 00:03:49,795 Speaker 1: then claim Clinton had broken a law. The judge laughed 53 00:03:49,915 --> 00:03:53,355 Speaker 1: Judicial Watch out of court. So, in Tom Fitton's world, 54 00:03:53,435 --> 00:03:57,115 Speaker 1: Judicial Watch lost that case, not because Judicial Watch was 55 00:03:57,195 --> 00:04:01,035 Speaker 1: wrong on the law and they suck, but because no 56 00:04:01,235 --> 00:04:04,315 Speaker 1: president could ever be kept from keeping anything and everything 57 00:04:04,835 --> 00:04:11,515 Speaker 1: all time. You can picture this Fitton explaining this to Trump, 58 00:04:11,995 --> 00:04:16,315 Speaker 1: and Trump's beady little eyes glazing over to the point 59 00:04:16,355 --> 00:04:18,195 Speaker 1: where he couldn't even remember the full name of the 60 00:04:18,235 --> 00:04:22,155 Speaker 1: case the Clinton sock drawer case, because at five whole words, 61 00:04:22,275 --> 00:04:26,155 Speaker 1: it was way too long to imprint on Trump's malformed mind. 62 00:04:26,515 --> 00:04:28,835 Speaker 1: And Trump can still only remember four of the words, 63 00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:32,515 Speaker 1: and he keeps calling it the Clinton socks case because 64 00:04:32,755 --> 00:04:35,955 Speaker 1: Clinton had a cat named Socks, and Trump's brain does 65 00:04:35,955 --> 00:04:40,755 Speaker 1: not work properly. Besides which, he was distracted by what 66 00:04:40,795 --> 00:04:43,635 Speaker 1: Fitton was saying. The only thing he really wanted to 67 00:04:43,675 --> 00:04:47,915 Speaker 1: hear that he could keep the documents, that the documents 68 00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:54,355 Speaker 1: were his, his, his, his quote. Trump time and again 69 00:04:54,395 --> 00:04:57,355 Speaker 1: rejected the advice from lawyers and advisors who urged him 70 00:04:57,355 --> 00:05:01,235 Speaker 1: to cooperate, wrote The Washington Post Wednesday, in its story 71 00:05:01,275 --> 00:05:03,795 Speaker 1: about the attorney he had hired for a flat three 72 00:05:03,835 --> 00:05:08,115 Speaker 1: million dollars, Christopher Kaisse, who last October told Trump to 73 00:05:08,115 --> 00:05:10,795 Speaker 1: make a deal with the Justice Department whereby he would 74 00:05:10,875 --> 00:05:14,155 Speaker 1: really return all the documents in exchange for a guarantee 75 00:05:14,195 --> 00:05:17,755 Speaker 1: there'd be no charges quote, and instead took the advice 76 00:05:17,835 --> 00:05:23,035 Speaker 1: Tom Fitten offered. Advisers said Trump would often cite Fitten 77 00:05:23,075 --> 00:05:26,355 Speaker 1: to others, and Fitten told some of Trump's lawyers that 78 00:05:26,355 --> 00:05:31,315 Speaker 1: Trump could keep the documents if, like me, you were 79 00:05:31,515 --> 00:05:35,155 Speaker 1: thrown over last weekend, when Politico reported that Trump did 80 00:05:35,155 --> 00:05:37,475 Speaker 1: not think he would take a plea deal in this case, 81 00:05:37,515 --> 00:05:40,995 Speaker 1: but quote, he left open the possibility of doing so 82 00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:46,475 Speaker 1: where they pay me some damages. Unquote, I think I've 83 00:05:46,515 --> 00:05:50,035 Speaker 1: got a pretty good idea. Who did not tell him 84 00:05:50,475 --> 00:05:53,675 Speaker 1: that that was not the kind of plea deal they 85 00:05:53,675 --> 00:05:58,395 Speaker 1: were going to offer. At the core of all this, 86 00:05:59,075 --> 00:06:02,235 Speaker 1: of course, is the statement Trump has repeated again and 87 00:06:02,315 --> 00:06:04,595 Speaker 1: again in private and in public, and he made it 88 00:06:04,715 --> 00:06:08,275 Speaker 1: again at five ten pm yesterday on social media. Those 89 00:06:08,515 --> 00:06:12,875 Speaker 1: are his documents. When will you give back his documents 90 00:06:12,915 --> 00:06:16,915 Speaker 1: to him? They are his, not yours, not governments. No 91 00:06:17,115 --> 00:06:20,515 Speaker 1: law makes difference. He held them, have name on them, 92 00:06:20,795 --> 00:06:24,915 Speaker 1: put them in box, not that box, this box. This 93 00:06:25,075 --> 00:06:29,315 Speaker 1: is existential to Trump, to quote the Bugs money cartoon 94 00:06:29,355 --> 00:06:32,195 Speaker 1: about Daffy Duck and the Treasure of Ali Baba. It's mine, 95 00:06:32,195 --> 00:06:35,675 Speaker 1: you understand, mine all mine. Get back in there, down down, down, 96 00:06:35,875 --> 00:06:40,795 Speaker 1: go go go mine mind mine. If none of this 97 00:06:40,915 --> 00:06:43,755 Speaker 1: still makes any sense to you, congratulations, you have passed 98 00:06:43,795 --> 00:06:48,435 Speaker 1: the first screening test for good mental health. The New 99 00:06:48,515 --> 00:06:52,355 Speaker 1: York Times yesterday explained in depth the reference to Trump's 100 00:06:52,715 --> 00:06:57,755 Speaker 1: beautiful mind boxes that when it appeared in the indictment 101 00:06:57,795 --> 00:07:01,835 Speaker 1: document mystified so many while the rest of us immediately thought, uh, 102 00:07:01,835 --> 00:07:05,395 Speaker 1: the Russell Crowe movie. It was a difference, wrote The 103 00:07:05,395 --> 00:07:07,875 Speaker 1: Times to the title of a book and movie depicting 104 00:07:07,955 --> 00:07:11,315 Speaker 1: the life of John F. Nash Junior, the mathematician with 105 00:07:11,435 --> 00:07:16,035 Speaker 1: schizophrenia played in the film by Russell Crowe, who covered 106 00:07:16,035 --> 00:07:19,275 Speaker 1: his office with newspaper clippings, believing they held a Russian 107 00:07:19,355 --> 00:07:24,035 Speaker 1: code he needed to crack. The phrase had a specific connotation, 108 00:07:24,435 --> 00:07:27,475 Speaker 1: The aids employed at the Times wrote, to capture a 109 00:07:27,515 --> 00:07:30,915 Speaker 1: type of organized chaos that mister Trump insisted on the 110 00:07:30,955 --> 00:07:34,955 Speaker 1: collection and transportation of a blizzard of newspapers and official 111 00:07:34,995 --> 00:07:38,315 Speaker 1: documents that he kept close and that seemed to give 112 00:07:38,395 --> 00:07:42,755 Speaker 1: him a sense of security. One former White House official, 113 00:07:42,755 --> 00:07:45,355 Speaker 1: who was granted anonymity to describe the situation, said that 114 00:07:45,395 --> 00:07:50,195 Speaker 1: while the materials were disorganized, mister Trump would notice if 115 00:07:50,235 --> 00:07:54,795 Speaker 1: somebody had riffled through them, or they were not arranged 116 00:07:54,835 --> 00:07:58,155 Speaker 1: in a particular way. It was the person said, how 117 00:07:58,275 --> 00:08:04,635 Speaker 1: quote his mind worked, unquote, oh boy. In other words, 118 00:08:04,955 --> 00:08:09,195 Speaker 1: Trump kept dozens of boxes of stuff, dozens and dozens 119 00:08:09,315 --> 00:08:12,835 Speaker 1: and dozens of boxes of stuff, all of it seemingly 120 00:08:12,875 --> 00:08:16,875 Speaker 1: packed randomly yet he could tell you in which box 121 00:08:17,115 --> 00:08:22,115 Speaker 1: any specific document or artifact could be located. And crazier still, 122 00:08:22,355 --> 00:08:26,395 Speaker 1: if somebody took, say the seventy ninth item from the 123 00:08:26,395 --> 00:08:30,515 Speaker 1: top in the twenty third box, but they moved it 124 00:08:30,595 --> 00:08:32,875 Speaker 1: so it became the one hundred and twenty ninth item 125 00:08:32,915 --> 00:08:36,275 Speaker 1: from the top in that box, Trump would know. Trump 126 00:08:36,355 --> 00:08:40,075 Speaker 1: would know that his papers had been messed with. Quote. 127 00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:43,635 Speaker 1: He could point to specific boxes that he wanted to 128 00:08:43,715 --> 00:08:45,715 Speaker 1: take with him on Air Force one when he was 129 00:08:45,755 --> 00:08:50,075 Speaker 1: traveling and declined to take others. The Times added, appearing 130 00:08:50,315 --> 00:08:54,675 Speaker 1: aware of the contents inside the boxes he chose. Both 131 00:08:54,715 --> 00:08:59,515 Speaker 1: officials said, I have been saying this and writing this 132 00:08:59,555 --> 00:09:03,395 Speaker 1: since the year twenty sixteen as a rhetorical question. Could 133 00:09:03,435 --> 00:09:08,595 Speaker 1: Trump pass a sanity test? This is not just scary though, 134 00:09:08,635 --> 00:09:12,195 Speaker 1: on the sanity insanity level, and it's plenty scary on 135 00:09:12,235 --> 00:09:14,355 Speaker 1: that level. There's a reason that the fifty eighth word 136 00:09:14,355 --> 00:09:19,435 Speaker 1: in the Times pieces quote schizophrenia. It is also curtains 137 00:09:19,635 --> 00:09:24,875 Speaker 1: for Trump because this literally obsessive, compulsive awareness of exactly 138 00:09:24,955 --> 00:09:29,515 Speaker 1: where each one of thousands of documents would be inside 139 00:09:29,555 --> 00:09:32,515 Speaker 1: dozens and dozens of boxes means there is not one 140 00:09:32,635 --> 00:09:35,515 Speaker 1: chance Trump took any document out of the White House 141 00:09:35,555 --> 00:09:38,795 Speaker 1: by accident, and not one chance Trump didn't know where 142 00:09:38,795 --> 00:09:41,555 Speaker 1: those documents were at Mary Lago, and not one chance 143 00:09:41,635 --> 00:09:43,755 Speaker 1: Trump didn't know where the ones he hid from the 144 00:09:43,795 --> 00:09:49,795 Speaker 1: government and then from his attorney wound up in that situation. 145 00:09:49,955 --> 00:09:53,155 Speaker 1: The defendant is going to need a really, really good 146 00:09:53,235 --> 00:10:00,235 Speaker 1: lawyer to have any chance of not dying in prison. Instead, 147 00:10:00,715 --> 00:10:05,915 Speaker 1: he has Tom Fitten. It's mine, you understand mine? Oh mine, 148 00:10:05,915 --> 00:10:08,355 Speaker 1: Get back in there, down down, down, go go go 149 00:10:08,635 --> 00:10:15,195 Speaker 1: mine my mind. There is other Trump business to review 150 00:10:15,195 --> 00:10:17,715 Speaker 1: as well, Some of it important, some of it just weird, 151 00:10:18,635 --> 00:10:23,355 Speaker 1: not that weird. Human events like judicial Watch and outfits 152 00:10:23,355 --> 00:10:27,755 Speaker 1: seemingly created to harass President Clinton in the nineties. Reported 153 00:10:27,755 --> 00:10:30,595 Speaker 1: that after his arraignment, but before his speech at Bedminster 154 00:10:30,635 --> 00:10:34,475 Speaker 1: Tuesday night, Trump quote attempted to call into Fox News 155 00:10:34,515 --> 00:10:38,155 Speaker 1: in the eight pm block. The request was denied by Fox. 156 00:10:38,835 --> 00:10:44,995 Speaker 1: Me I'm thinking Trump called collect Forbes has done other 157 00:10:45,035 --> 00:10:48,395 Speaker 1: math Quote. From twenty seventeen to twenty twenty two, and 158 00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:52,035 Speaker 1: Trump had access to classified documents, initially as president and 159 00:10:52,155 --> 00:10:56,275 Speaker 1: ultimately as a formal official living at the club the 160 00:10:56,315 --> 00:11:00,595 Speaker 1: Mari Lago. People applied for temporary work permits as servers, cooks, 161 00:11:00,595 --> 00:11:05,675 Speaker 1: and housekeepers. Produced a few foreign nationals who probably weren't 162 00:11:05,675 --> 00:11:09,875 Speaker 1: screened for anything besides their skills at serving, cooking, and housekeeping. 163 00:11:10,435 --> 00:11:14,075 Speaker 1: Just a few flitting in and out of mari A Lago, 164 00:11:14,515 --> 00:11:16,595 Speaker 1: in and out of Florida, in and out of the 165 00:11:16,715 --> 00:11:19,355 Speaker 1: United States, all of them coming and going in perfectly 166 00:11:19,435 --> 00:11:22,955 Speaker 1: nice people. Only a few, only three hundred and eighty. 167 00:11:23,595 --> 00:11:26,675 Speaker 1: Only three hundred and eighty foreign national temp workers at 168 00:11:26,675 --> 00:11:31,635 Speaker 1: mari A Lago from TPM, another hint that someday we 169 00:11:31,675 --> 00:11:35,315 Speaker 1: will learn the full extent of Rudy Giuliani's weirdness, but 170 00:11:35,395 --> 00:11:38,515 Speaker 1: not yet. He has been sued for defamation by the 171 00:11:38,515 --> 00:11:42,155 Speaker 1: Georgia election workers Ruby Freeman and Shay Moss, and thanks 172 00:11:42,155 --> 00:11:45,075 Speaker 1: to filings in that case, TPM has discovered that during 173 00:11:45,475 --> 00:11:47,715 Speaker 1: his part of one of the many Trump coup attempts 174 00:11:47,755 --> 00:11:52,475 Speaker 1: in twenty twenty, Giuliani used the email address are Helen 175 00:11:53,395 --> 00:11:57,875 Speaker 1: zero five two eight at Gmail. A spokesman explains Helen 176 00:11:57,995 --> 00:12:00,395 Speaker 1: was the name of Rudy's late mother. He does not 177 00:12:00,475 --> 00:12:03,475 Speaker 1: explain why another email address has turned up in the filings, 178 00:12:03,595 --> 00:12:07,315 Speaker 1: Lucy three four one three at hushmail dot com, but 179 00:12:07,395 --> 00:12:10,635 Speaker 1: I would refer you to that videotape that we all 180 00:12:10,675 --> 00:12:13,355 Speaker 1: here in New York we knew about, but apparently his 181 00:12:13,475 --> 00:12:17,955 Speaker 1: news elsewhere. It's from a skit for a roast of 182 00:12:18,035 --> 00:12:20,835 Speaker 1: Giuliani at a charity event in the year two thousand 183 00:12:21,195 --> 00:12:24,635 Speaker 1: and In it, Juliani is dressed in full drag, I 184 00:12:24,675 --> 00:12:28,395 Speaker 1: mean full drag and using a falsetto, and he has 185 00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:31,835 Speaker 1: fake big breasts and a guy comes in and kisses 186 00:12:31,915 --> 00:12:36,195 Speaker 1: Juliani between the fake breasts, and the guy is Donald Trump. 187 00:12:37,275 --> 00:12:38,955 Speaker 1: And if you don't believe me, go look it up 188 00:12:38,955 --> 00:12:43,715 Speaker 1: on YouTube. And what was that again about schizophrenia? And 189 00:12:43,795 --> 00:12:46,555 Speaker 1: from the through the looking glass world of the GOP, 190 00:12:46,675 --> 00:12:49,035 Speaker 1: in which whatever Trump is accused of, Biden has had 191 00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:52,515 Speaker 1: to have done it first and worst. The FBI whistle 192 00:12:52,715 --> 00:12:58,915 Speaker 1: blower Barisma Foreign oligarch seventeen audio recordings rumor report allegation 193 00:12:59,075 --> 00:13:04,515 Speaker 1: tip this continues to melt in gooey wonder all over 194 00:13:04,555 --> 00:13:08,635 Speaker 1: the hands of the hill Billy f Lee Bailey representative 195 00:13:08,955 --> 00:13:14,955 Speaker 1: Jamie Comer, as Sean Hannity skeptically asked Comer about hearing 196 00:13:14,995 --> 00:13:17,795 Speaker 1: the recordings or at least confirming that they exist, or 197 00:13:17,795 --> 00:13:20,875 Speaker 1: at least confirming that the Oligarch exists, and yes, I 198 00:13:20,915 --> 00:13:25,075 Speaker 1: said Hannity skeptically. Comer admitted last night on Fox that 199 00:13:25,195 --> 00:13:31,955 Speaker 1: nobody has heard from the Oligarch in three years. Three years, 200 00:13:32,315 --> 00:13:35,155 Speaker 1: no contact with the guy who allegedly has the tape 201 00:13:35,195 --> 00:13:38,195 Speaker 1: that allegedly says this and allegedly is of these people 202 00:13:38,355 --> 00:13:43,115 Speaker 1: and allegedly allegedly allegedly And Comer still had a better 203 00:13:43,155 --> 00:13:46,795 Speaker 1: time on TV than did Senator Ron Johnson On Newsmax, 204 00:13:48,275 --> 00:13:51,795 Speaker 1: The Blonde news model t Johnson up perfectly on this 205 00:13:52,075 --> 00:13:57,315 Speaker 1: non story, non reality, and Johnson whiffed. 206 00:13:57,075 --> 00:14:00,555 Speaker 2: If indeed the seventeen audio tapes exist, it would be 207 00:14:00,555 --> 00:14:03,555 Speaker 2: in effect, really a smoking gun for the big guy. 208 00:14:03,875 --> 00:14:06,595 Speaker 2: So I want to ask you first, Senator, do you 209 00:14:06,635 --> 00:14:10,355 Speaker 2: think they exist? And if he has how to obtain them? 210 00:14:11,235 --> 00:14:11,755 Speaker 3: We don't know. 211 00:14:12,515 --> 00:14:15,475 Speaker 4: And you know, Senna Grassley has never said they exist. 212 00:14:15,515 --> 00:14:16,955 Speaker 1: He just said that there's. 213 00:14:16,795 --> 00:14:21,035 Speaker 4: An FBI report on a confidential human source. In that 214 00:14:21,115 --> 00:14:24,555 Speaker 4: confidential human source says that the person who were talking 215 00:14:24,595 --> 00:14:27,915 Speaker 4: to you said that he taped he recorded seventeen times, 216 00:14:27,915 --> 00:14:30,315 Speaker 4: fifteen times, one hundred twice with the Joe Biden. 217 00:14:30,355 --> 00:14:34,915 Speaker 1: But we don't know. That's one ugly Johnson, right, there. 218 00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:40,115 Speaker 1: And lastly, in the least surprising Trump's story of all time, 219 00:14:40,675 --> 00:14:43,835 Speaker 1: at least to anybody who knew him before, we have 220 00:14:43,995 --> 00:14:48,195 Speaker 1: the coda to his carefully staged fake post indictment and 221 00:14:48,275 --> 00:14:52,395 Speaker 1: birthday party at the Cuban Bakery Versaias in Miami on 222 00:14:52,475 --> 00:14:56,195 Speaker 1: Tuesday afternoon. Turns out it was not as carefully staged 223 00:14:56,395 --> 00:15:00,235 Speaker 1: as it might have been, as cameras rolled and Trump 224 00:15:00,315 --> 00:15:03,995 Speaker 1: apologists pawned and they sang him Happy Birthday, and only 225 00:15:04,035 --> 00:15:09,315 Speaker 1: one journal actually asked a question. Trump suddenly shouted food 226 00:15:09,555 --> 00:15:15,435 Speaker 1: for everyone, Food for everyone. You'll notice he did not 227 00:15:15,675 --> 00:15:21,475 Speaker 1: add on me, because it wasn't. The Miami New Times 228 00:15:21,515 --> 00:15:26,675 Speaker 1: reporting that moments after that shout, Trump left the Versias 229 00:15:26,755 --> 00:15:31,755 Speaker 1: Bakery without paying a dime. It was Ron philip Kowski 230 00:15:31,795 --> 00:15:34,075 Speaker 1: who said what many of us were thinking, that the 231 00:15:34,155 --> 00:15:36,755 Speaker 1: last person to promise the ordinary people free food at 232 00:15:36,835 --> 00:15:40,275 Speaker 1: Versaillas and then stick them with the bill was Marie Antoinette. 233 00:15:40,275 --> 00:15:48,035 Speaker 1: And look how good that turned out for her. And yes, 234 00:15:48,075 --> 00:15:52,395 Speaker 1: there are two different pronunciations. In France, it's Versailles or Versailles. 235 00:15:53,275 --> 00:15:57,995 Speaker 1: In Miami it's Versaias. Also of interest, here the wheels 236 00:15:58,035 --> 00:16:00,995 Speaker 1: are coming off at Fox They're continuing outrage at a 237 00:16:01,035 --> 00:16:04,355 Speaker 1: new Pride flag at the White House, which they say 238 00:16:04,835 --> 00:16:08,355 Speaker 1: is there to encourage grooming and pedophilia. They're actually reporting this. 239 00:16:09,115 --> 00:16:11,795 Speaker 1: Turns out Fox News did not know that the identical 240 00:16:11,835 --> 00:16:18,835 Speaker 1: flag was used last year at a Fox corporate event. Oops. 241 00:16:19,595 --> 00:16:22,395 Speaker 1: Just say oops and get out. That's next. This is 242 00:16:22,475 --> 00:16:24,595 Speaker 1: countdown food for everyone. 243 00:16:27,635 --> 00:16:44,155 Speaker 3: This is countdown with Keith Olberman, my crazy friend. This 244 00:16:44,875 --> 00:16:51,155 Speaker 3: is Sports Center. Wait, check that not anymore. This is 245 00:16:51,995 --> 00:16:58,035 Speaker 3: Countdown with Keith Olberman in sports Spiking the football. Everybody 246 00:16:58,075 --> 00:16:58,915 Speaker 3: knows what that means. 247 00:16:58,955 --> 00:17:02,155 Speaker 1: Everybody knows the term, as used in football and as 248 00:17:02,275 --> 00:17:06,875 Speaker 1: used in life. The football player generally credited with inventing 249 00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:12,115 Speaker 1: spiking the football has died. Homer Jones was an underappreciated 250 00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:14,835 Speaker 1: star with the worst of the New York Giants teams. Ever, 251 00:17:15,115 --> 00:17:17,915 Speaker 1: in the late nineteen sixties, he averaged twenty two point 252 00:17:17,995 --> 00:17:22,995 Speaker 1: three yards per catch, which is still the NFL record. Quote. 253 00:17:23,075 --> 00:17:25,355 Speaker 1: I had always said that when I made my first touchdown, 254 00:17:25,355 --> 00:17:26,915 Speaker 1: I was going to throw the ball in the stands, 255 00:17:27,355 --> 00:17:30,515 Speaker 1: Homer Jones said about the day on October seventeenth, nineteen 256 00:17:30,595 --> 00:17:32,795 Speaker 1: sixty five, when he pulled down. 257 00:17:32,595 --> 00:17:34,355 Speaker 3: An earl Morale throw for. 258 00:17:34,315 --> 00:17:38,155 Speaker 1: An eighty nine yard TD against Philadelphia. They changed the 259 00:17:38,275 --> 00:17:40,435 Speaker 1: rules in the off season to I think a five 260 00:17:40,515 --> 00:17:43,555 Speaker 1: hundred dollars fine for throwing the ball into the stands. 261 00:17:43,795 --> 00:17:45,875 Speaker 1: And as I crossed the goal line. My intention had 262 00:17:45,915 --> 00:17:47,795 Speaker 1: always been to throw that ball into the stands, but 263 00:17:47,835 --> 00:17:50,315 Speaker 1: I thought about the five hundred dollars and I threw 264 00:17:50,355 --> 00:17:53,155 Speaker 1: it on the ground. So that was the original spike 265 00:17:53,315 --> 00:17:57,595 Speaker 1: right there. Spiking the football was designed to save five 266 00:17:57,635 --> 00:18:02,355 Speaker 1: hundred dollars. Homer Jones was eighty two from baseball shock 267 00:18:02,435 --> 00:18:06,675 Speaker 1: after remarks from Commissioner Rob Manfred about the Oakland maybe 268 00:18:06,755 --> 00:18:10,715 Speaker 1: Las Vegas A's, and if Rob Manfred can still shock you, 269 00:18:10,795 --> 00:18:14,155 Speaker 1: he's really said something stupid. In fact, he said a 270 00:18:14,195 --> 00:18:17,355 Speaker 1: lot of things that are something stupid. Understand that for 271 00:18:17,395 --> 00:18:20,115 Speaker 1: at least five years, the A's have dragged their feet 272 00:18:20,155 --> 00:18:23,835 Speaker 1: and starved their franchise in order to justify moving out 273 00:18:23,875 --> 00:18:26,635 Speaker 1: of town. But that's not how Rob Manfred sees it. 274 00:18:26,955 --> 00:18:30,395 Speaker 1: Asked about the fans, Manfred told reporters yesterday, quote, I 275 00:18:30,475 --> 00:18:32,715 Speaker 1: feel sorry for the fans in Oakland. I do not 276 00:18:32,915 --> 00:18:35,755 Speaker 1: like this outcome. I understand why they feel the way 277 00:18:35,795 --> 00:18:39,315 Speaker 1: they do. He then suddenly pivoted. The real question is 278 00:18:39,595 --> 00:18:42,075 Speaker 1: what is it Oakland was prepared to do. There is 279 00:18:42,115 --> 00:18:45,075 Speaker 1: no Oakland offer. Okay, they never got to a point 280 00:18:45,075 --> 00:18:47,515 Speaker 1: where they had a plan to build a stadium, which 281 00:18:47,595 --> 00:18:53,635 Speaker 1: is just simply Rob Manfred, lying flat out lying Oakland 282 00:18:53,715 --> 00:18:57,395 Speaker 1: repeatedly present an A's owner John Fisher, with offers to 283 00:18:57,475 --> 00:19:01,995 Speaker 1: build a new stadium. Asked about unanimous studies of stadium 284 00:19:02,035 --> 00:19:05,795 Speaker 1: construction proving that new ballparks do not generate jobs or 285 00:19:05,835 --> 00:19:10,035 Speaker 1: economic growth, Banford answered, I love academics. They're great. Take 286 00:19:10,075 --> 00:19:12,915 Speaker 1: the areas where baseball stadiums had been built. Look at 287 00:19:12,955 --> 00:19:16,315 Speaker 1: what was around Truest Park in Atlanta before that was built. 288 00:19:16,675 --> 00:19:21,515 Speaker 1: Academics can say whatever they want. A Rob Manfred transferred 289 00:19:21,515 --> 00:19:24,075 Speaker 1: from le Moyne College to Cornell and then got a 290 00:19:24,155 --> 00:19:26,995 Speaker 1: law degree at Harvard, and he never fails to mention 291 00:19:27,115 --> 00:19:31,115 Speaker 1: this never so bad news, Rob academics. You are a 292 00:19:31,235 --> 00:19:35,515 Speaker 1: product of academics. Secondly, one economist said he could show 293 00:19:35,555 --> 00:19:39,355 Speaker 1: me four hours worth of formulas proving that new ballparks 294 00:19:39,395 --> 00:19:42,995 Speaker 1: do not create growth. They just shift jobs and businesses 295 00:19:43,155 --> 00:19:45,955 Speaker 1: from one part of an area or city to another 296 00:19:45,995 --> 00:19:49,075 Speaker 1: part of the same area or city. But he said, 297 00:19:49,075 --> 00:19:52,315 Speaker 1: This is the easier explanation. If new ballparks actually generated 298 00:19:52,355 --> 00:19:55,915 Speaker 1: more money for anybody, team owners would build all the 299 00:19:55,955 --> 00:19:59,515 Speaker 1: new ballparks themselves and keep the money. That's what owners do. 300 00:20:00,755 --> 00:20:03,875 Speaker 1: But the real shock in what Rob Manfred said was 301 00:20:03,915 --> 00:20:06,955 Speaker 1: when he in insulted the Oakland fans who are trying 302 00:20:06,995 --> 00:20:09,155 Speaker 1: to keep their team and their city. They held a 303 00:20:09,195 --> 00:20:12,955 Speaker 1: reverse boycott Tuesday night and got twenty seven, seven hundred 304 00:20:12,955 --> 00:20:15,115 Speaker 1: and fifty nine people to show up to see the 305 00:20:15,155 --> 00:20:18,875 Speaker 1: worst team in baseball in probably the last fifteen years. 306 00:20:19,395 --> 00:20:22,795 Speaker 1: Previous attendance in Oakland's Tuesday night games this season had 307 00:20:22,835 --> 00:20:27,395 Speaker 1: been four thousand. Rob Manfred's reaction, I mean it was great. 308 00:20:27,755 --> 00:20:29,995 Speaker 1: It's great to see what is this year almost an 309 00:20:30,035 --> 00:20:33,875 Speaker 1: average Major League Baseball crowd in the facility for one night. 310 00:20:34,315 --> 00:20:38,195 Speaker 1: That's a great thing. It's one thing to be condescending 311 00:20:38,395 --> 00:20:42,035 Speaker 1: if you're smart, which Rob Manfred isn't. It's one thing 312 00:20:42,035 --> 00:20:44,395 Speaker 1: to be arrogant if you do your job well, which 313 00:20:44,595 --> 00:20:47,875 Speaker 1: Rob Manfred isn't. The one thing to be snarky, of course, 314 00:20:47,875 --> 00:20:50,875 Speaker 1: if you're honest, which Rob Manfred isn't. But let's just 315 00:20:50,875 --> 00:20:54,115 Speaker 1: say he is all those things. If the A's do 316 00:20:54,315 --> 00:20:56,875 Speaker 1: move out of Oakland, there will be an entire fan 317 00:20:56,995 --> 00:21:00,635 Speaker 1: base there without any team, a baseball fan base that 318 00:21:00,715 --> 00:21:04,115 Speaker 1: as recently as twenty fourteen drew two million fans in 319 00:21:04,195 --> 00:21:08,275 Speaker 1: one season into a crap shack stadium. Now, if the 320 00:21:08,315 --> 00:21:11,155 Speaker 1: A's move, you're gonna lose a lot of those people forever. 321 00:21:11,795 --> 00:21:16,155 Speaker 1: But that crap shack ballpark is exactly fifteen miles from 322 00:21:16,195 --> 00:21:19,355 Speaker 1: another major League baseball stadium with another major League team 323 00:21:19,595 --> 00:21:22,475 Speaker 1: called the San Francisco Giants, And ordinarily you would be 324 00:21:22,555 --> 00:21:26,555 Speaker 1: at least pretending to show those fans some empathy in Oakland, 325 00:21:26,555 --> 00:21:30,675 Speaker 1: because the San Francisco Giants are down nine hundred thousand 326 00:21:30,795 --> 00:21:34,275 Speaker 1: fans a year from their glory days just a decade agoing, 327 00:21:34,355 --> 00:21:38,795 Speaker 1: maybe maybe you could convince some of those disgruntled, orphaned 328 00:21:38,875 --> 00:21:41,635 Speaker 1: A's fans to keep buying your product over there in 329 00:21:41,675 --> 00:21:44,475 Speaker 1: San Francisco, which is what you would try to do 330 00:21:44,995 --> 00:21:49,395 Speaker 1: if you were smart. As noted above, the Commissioner of 331 00:21:49,435 --> 00:22:26,595 Speaker 1: Baseball isn't thank you, Nancy Faust. You can't stop Nancy Faust. 332 00:22:26,715 --> 00:22:30,355 Speaker 1: You can only hope to contain her. Golf told you so. 333 00:22:31,035 --> 00:22:33,035 Speaker 1: They're not phrasing it this way, but the sale of 334 00:22:33,075 --> 00:22:35,515 Speaker 1: the PGA golf tour to the investment arm of the 335 00:22:35,515 --> 00:22:39,435 Speaker 1: Saudi Arabian government will be held up at least a year. 336 00:22:39,795 --> 00:22:42,875 Speaker 1: The Department of Justice has reportedly advised the PGA it 337 00:22:42,915 --> 00:22:45,915 Speaker 1: will investigate the so called merger with Live Golf on 338 00:22:46,075 --> 00:22:50,315 Speaker 1: anti trust grounds. The DOJ was already investigating just the 339 00:22:50,355 --> 00:22:53,755 Speaker 1: PGA on anti trust grounds. The alleged merger was announced 340 00:22:53,835 --> 00:22:55,715 Speaker 1: last week, and since then, not only has a Senate 341 00:22:55,755 --> 00:23:00,035 Speaker 1: Subcommittee on Homeland Security announced a probe, now the DOJ 342 00:23:00,275 --> 00:23:04,955 Speaker 1: has announced its separate probe. European anti trust investigators arensidering 343 00:23:04,995 --> 00:23:08,115 Speaker 1: yet a third probe. But the commissioner of the PGA 344 00:23:08,275 --> 00:23:12,675 Speaker 1: tour has virtually disappeared due to a quote medical situation 345 00:23:13,355 --> 00:23:15,515 Speaker 1: which required him to take a leave of absence just 346 00:23:15,555 --> 00:23:18,835 Speaker 1: before the start of the US Open in La yesterday. Now, 347 00:23:18,875 --> 00:23:21,475 Speaker 1: a top golf writer is suggesting the commissioner, who thought 348 00:23:21,475 --> 00:23:25,115 Speaker 1: the PGA Lives Saudi deal would be well received in 349 00:23:25,195 --> 00:23:29,355 Speaker 1: golf circles. He says the commissioner will not resume his duties. 350 00:23:29,995 --> 00:23:32,915 Speaker 1: Nobody is saying what ails Commissioner J Monahan, But I'm 351 00:23:32,955 --> 00:23:36,315 Speaker 1: betting on a case of tertiary surprise since he is 352 00:23:36,395 --> 00:23:38,315 Speaker 1: dealing with the Saudis. I guess we have to assume 353 00:23:38,315 --> 00:23:41,555 Speaker 1: there is the possibility. That's what ailing Commissioner Jay Monaghan 354 00:23:41,835 --> 00:24:00,795 Speaker 1: is bone sawing machines still ahead on countdown. It would 355 00:24:00,795 --> 00:24:03,715 Speaker 1: make a classic scene in a great movie. I hope 356 00:24:03,755 --> 00:24:06,235 Speaker 1: just by reading it I can do it. Justice Fridays 357 00:24:06,235 --> 00:24:10,155 Speaker 1: with Thurber and The Night the Bed Fell. Next, first, 358 00:24:10,195 --> 00:24:12,835 Speaker 1: the daily roundup of the miscrants, morons and Dunning Kruger 359 00:24:12,835 --> 00:24:17,275 Speaker 1: effect specimens who constitute today's worst persons in the world. 360 00:24:18,435 --> 00:24:22,675 Speaker 1: Le bronze right wing troll and advocate for a transgender purge. 361 00:24:22,675 --> 00:24:26,915 Speaker 1: Michael Knowles, the former quote actor unquote who portrayed a 362 00:24:26,995 --> 00:24:30,715 Speaker 1: gay man having sex in a movie with other men. 363 00:24:31,915 --> 00:24:34,835 Speaker 1: Downloads must be down for him because he's now announced 364 00:24:34,835 --> 00:24:37,875 Speaker 1: that quote the Pride flag is offensive to all normal 365 00:24:37,955 --> 00:24:41,115 Speaker 1: people unquote and should be banned quote because it's evil 366 00:24:41,155 --> 00:24:44,755 Speaker 1: and degenerate, and quote I want our civilization to be 367 00:24:44,795 --> 00:24:48,995 Speaker 1: as socially conservative as we were in twelve twenty, before 368 00:24:49,035 --> 00:24:54,955 Speaker 1: all the modern ideology started corroding our civilization. So the 369 00:24:55,035 --> 00:25:00,235 Speaker 1: year twelve twenty, he actually said, twelve twenty, where were 370 00:25:00,275 --> 00:25:03,955 Speaker 1: you and what did you enjoy? On January first, twelve 371 00:25:04,035 --> 00:25:08,595 Speaker 1: twenty before Europeans came to America, and when life expectancy 372 00:25:08,635 --> 00:25:10,995 Speaker 1: in Europe was thirty to thirty five years. So you 373 00:25:11,075 --> 00:25:15,755 Speaker 1: heard him, everybody off the continent go home and knowles 374 00:25:15,755 --> 00:25:18,395 Speaker 1: by the way, with that aged span thirty to thirty 375 00:25:18,395 --> 00:25:21,635 Speaker 1: five years, life expectancy NOLES is thirty three. So wrap 376 00:25:21,675 --> 00:25:25,115 Speaker 1: it up, boy, here done? Runner up? Pat, say Jack? 377 00:25:25,275 --> 00:25:27,275 Speaker 1: I told you so? Did I tell you so? Do 378 00:25:27,395 --> 00:25:29,875 Speaker 1: you see what happens? Do you see what happens? 379 00:25:29,955 --> 00:25:30,275 Speaker 3: Larry? 380 00:25:30,955 --> 00:25:33,675 Speaker 1: Pat say Jack announced the other day's retiring from Wheel 381 00:25:33,715 --> 00:25:37,195 Speaker 1: of Fortune, and everybody issued in naudlin weepy farewells. And 382 00:25:37,235 --> 00:25:40,475 Speaker 1: I said, God, I'm glad he's gone. And I said 383 00:25:40,515 --> 00:25:43,035 Speaker 1: he's a schmuck. And what do we find out from 384 00:25:43,115 --> 00:25:46,395 Speaker 1: Channel four in Detroit. Pat Sajack is now the chairman 385 00:25:46,755 --> 00:25:50,915 Speaker 1: of the board of Trustees of Hillsdale College in Michigan. 386 00:25:51,835 --> 00:25:55,755 Speaker 1: Sound familiar, well. Hillsdale takes no government money, It adbuys 387 00:25:55,875 --> 00:25:59,355 Speaker 1: by no government regulations, and when it was challenged on 388 00:25:59,435 --> 00:26:01,955 Speaker 1: its diversity, its president said people had come to the 389 00:26:01,995 --> 00:26:07,115 Speaker 1: campus looking for quote dark one. Jinny Thomas ran the 390 00:26:07,155 --> 00:26:11,195 Speaker 1: speakers series at Hillsdale. Clarence Thomas gave the commencement one year. 391 00:26:11,675 --> 00:26:14,955 Speaker 1: Ron DeSantis and Mike Fence and Christy Nome have been 392 00:26:14,955 --> 00:26:18,435 Speaker 1: pushing the charter prep schools Hillsdale's trying to establish around 393 00:26:18,435 --> 00:26:21,035 Speaker 1: the country, and the one in South Dakota would teach 394 00:26:21,075 --> 00:26:24,595 Speaker 1: about the World War Two service of Conservative South Dakota 395 00:26:24,595 --> 00:26:27,915 Speaker 1: Governor Joe Foss, but not the World War Two service 396 00:26:27,995 --> 00:26:31,475 Speaker 1: of and he was a genuine hero. Liberal South Dakota 397 00:26:31,515 --> 00:26:35,795 Speaker 1: Senator George McGovern pat say Jack is chairman of the 398 00:26:35,835 --> 00:26:40,275 Speaker 1: board of trustees of this indoctrination factory. But the good 399 00:26:40,315 --> 00:26:43,875 Speaker 1: news is Hillsdale's influence is still so on the periphery 400 00:26:44,275 --> 00:26:47,835 Speaker 1: that he has been chairman since twenty nineteen and most 401 00:26:47,835 --> 00:26:51,155 Speaker 1: people only found out about it yesterday. But the winner 402 00:26:51,235 --> 00:26:55,075 Speaker 1: is Fox quote news unquote with a tuffer still running 403 00:26:55,115 --> 00:26:58,355 Speaker 1: with this pride flag at the White House nonsense suggesting 404 00:26:58,395 --> 00:27:02,595 Speaker 1: there was quote a controversial new transgender flag that promotes 405 00:27:02,675 --> 00:27:07,035 Speaker 1: grooming and pedophilia and it had a coming out party 406 00:27:07,075 --> 00:27:08,675 Speaker 1: at the White House. They actually put this on and 407 00:27:08,755 --> 00:27:14,435 Speaker 1: kept pounding this story punchline. Fox took the identical flag 408 00:27:14,515 --> 00:27:17,195 Speaker 1: and wrapped it around a giant version of its corporate 409 00:27:17,275 --> 00:27:22,435 Speaker 1: logo at a Fox corporate event last year, Big Giant 410 00:27:22,635 --> 00:27:26,595 Speaker 1: Fox letters several feet high, wrapped in exactly the same 411 00:27:26,635 --> 00:27:31,075 Speaker 1: flag that Fox says promotes grooming in pedophilia. Fox wearned 412 00:27:31,115 --> 00:27:33,555 Speaker 1: nothing from the dominion case. The network on the company 413 00:27:33,755 --> 00:27:39,875 Speaker 1: need to be metaphorically burned to the ground, happily. Happily, 414 00:27:39,955 --> 00:27:42,595 Speaker 1: they seemed to be doing that themselves. Remember the split 415 00:27:42,635 --> 00:27:46,675 Speaker 1: screen of President Biden and Trump speaking simultaneously Tuesday Night, 416 00:27:46,755 --> 00:27:49,835 Speaker 1: one from exile in Jersey, the other from the White House. 417 00:27:49,875 --> 00:27:53,395 Speaker 1: The one where Brian Kilmead the Dope introduced Trump as 418 00:27:53,435 --> 00:27:56,195 Speaker 1: the president. The one where the full screen graphic read 419 00:27:56,235 --> 00:28:00,315 Speaker 1: for twenty seven seconds quote wanna be dictators speaks at 420 00:28:00,315 --> 00:28:05,275 Speaker 1: the White House after having his political rival arrested. Somebody 421 00:28:05,315 --> 00:28:07,075 Speaker 1: asked about it at the White House Press briefing the 422 00:28:07,075 --> 00:28:09,275 Speaker 1: next day while Fox was carrying the White House Press 423 00:28:09,275 --> 00:28:11,915 Speaker 1: Briefing live, and Fox cut away for the answer, It's 424 00:28:11,955 --> 00:28:14,355 Speaker 1: they let's do a story about a giant crocodile in 425 00:28:14,395 --> 00:28:17,995 Speaker 1: a swimming pool at a house in Florida. Fox has 426 00:28:18,155 --> 00:28:22,715 Speaker 1: ousted the producer who wrote it, The Daily Beast, and separately, 427 00:28:22,795 --> 00:28:27,875 Speaker 1: Tucker Carlson reporting that Alexander McCaskill wrote that Cairn and 428 00:28:27,955 --> 00:28:33,195 Speaker 1: now he's kai gone. Alexander mccaskell used to be Carlson's 429 00:28:33,275 --> 00:28:37,835 Speaker 1: managing editor and senior producer. Carlson says mccaskell had been 430 00:28:37,835 --> 00:28:39,835 Speaker 1: there ten years, and Carlson claims he was thought to 431 00:28:39,875 --> 00:28:42,035 Speaker 1: be one of the most capable people in the building. 432 00:28:42,555 --> 00:28:45,835 Speaker 1: But quoting Carlson, the women who run the network panicked. 433 00:28:46,555 --> 00:28:48,915 Speaker 1: How mccaskell could not have seen this coming. How Fox 434 00:28:48,955 --> 00:28:51,195 Speaker 1: could not have seen this coming? I don't know. He 435 00:28:51,315 --> 00:28:54,195 Speaker 1: is mentioned in the Abbe Grosberg lawsuit against Fox for 436 00:28:54,315 --> 00:29:00,275 Speaker 1: misogyny and cute anti semitism. At least before they fired him. 437 00:29:00,275 --> 00:29:05,515 Speaker 1: They reduced him to writing the fea creaking chirrons Fox 438 00:29:05,595 --> 00:29:10,555 Speaker 1: News and a partial score Biden administration two Fox News 439 00:29:10,635 --> 00:29:29,395 Speaker 1: nothing two days, worst persons in the world. I have 440 00:29:29,635 --> 00:29:33,035 Speaker 1: argued before that James Thurber is the greatest American humorist, 441 00:29:33,075 --> 00:29:35,315 Speaker 1: and it dawns on me that the argument is not 442 00:29:35,435 --> 00:29:38,915 Speaker 1: unlike the idea that Shohei Otani of the Los Angeles 443 00:29:38,955 --> 00:29:42,915 Speaker 1: Angels is almost automatically the most valuable player in baseball 444 00:29:42,955 --> 00:29:45,555 Speaker 1: each year because he is an All Star hitter and 445 00:29:45,635 --> 00:29:49,755 Speaker 1: an All Star pitcher in the same body. James Thurber 446 00:29:49,875 --> 00:29:52,355 Speaker 1: was a brilliant writer, and in his spare time he 447 00:29:52,475 --> 00:29:56,035 Speaker 1: was an equally brilliant, almost avant garde artist in the 448 00:29:56,075 --> 00:29:59,955 Speaker 1: same body. His simple drawings to pick the most complex 449 00:29:59,995 --> 00:30:04,275 Speaker 1: of emotions and comedic situations. His dogs are immortal, and 450 00:30:04,315 --> 00:30:07,195 Speaker 1: then they're were his captions. Well, I can't do anything 451 00:30:07,195 --> 00:30:09,675 Speaker 1: with his drawings in a podcast, so I'll just read 452 00:30:10,555 --> 00:30:12,515 Speaker 1: and I will read you now in this episode, what 453 00:30:12,635 --> 00:30:17,075 Speaker 1: is probably his most famous story from my life in 454 00:30:17,235 --> 00:30:23,675 Speaker 1: hard Times, The Night the bed fell James Thurber. I 455 00:30:23,795 --> 00:30:28,675 Speaker 1: suppose that the high water mark of my youth in Columbus, 456 00:30:28,675 --> 00:30:32,355 Speaker 1: Ohio was the night the bed fell on my father. 457 00:30:33,315 --> 00:30:36,355 Speaker 1: It makes a better recitation unless, as some friends of 458 00:30:36,355 --> 00:30:38,515 Speaker 1: mine have said, one has heard it five or six times, 459 00:30:38,835 --> 00:30:41,315 Speaker 1: than it does a piece of writing, for it is 460 00:30:41,355 --> 00:30:45,275 Speaker 1: almost necessary to throw furniture around, shake doors, and bark 461 00:30:45,355 --> 00:30:49,795 Speaker 1: like a dog to lend the proper atmosphere and verisimilitude 462 00:30:49,875 --> 00:30:55,275 Speaker 1: to what is admittedly a somewhat incredible tale. Still, it 463 00:30:55,355 --> 00:30:59,315 Speaker 1: did take place. It happened then that my father had 464 00:30:59,355 --> 00:31:01,675 Speaker 1: decided to sleep in the attic one night to be 465 00:31:01,715 --> 00:31:06,515 Speaker 1: away where he could think. Mother opposed the notion strongly 466 00:31:06,595 --> 00:31:09,795 Speaker 1: because she said the old wooden bed up there was unsafe. 467 00:31:09,835 --> 00:31:12,875 Speaker 1: It was wobbly, and the heavy headboard would crash down 468 00:31:12,875 --> 00:31:16,995 Speaker 1: on Father's head in case the bed fell and kill him. 469 00:31:17,675 --> 00:31:20,595 Speaker 1: There was no dissuading him, however, and at a quarter 470 00:31:20,635 --> 00:31:22,675 Speaker 1: past ten, he closed the attic door behind him and 471 00:31:22,675 --> 00:31:26,035 Speaker 1: went up the narrow, twisting stairs. We later heard a'm 472 00:31:26,075 --> 00:31:30,195 Speaker 1: in his creakings as he crawled into bed. Grandfather, who 473 00:31:30,275 --> 00:31:32,275 Speaker 1: usually slept in the attic bed when he was with us, 474 00:31:32,515 --> 00:31:36,195 Speaker 1: had disappeared some days before. On those occasions, he was 475 00:31:36,275 --> 00:31:39,395 Speaker 1: usually gone six or eight days, and returned growling and 476 00:31:39,435 --> 00:31:42,915 Speaker 1: out of temper with the news that the Federal Union 477 00:31:43,035 --> 00:31:45,715 Speaker 1: was run by a passel of blockheads, and that the 478 00:31:45,835 --> 00:31:47,995 Speaker 1: Army of the Potomac didn't have any more chance than 479 00:31:48,035 --> 00:31:52,955 Speaker 1: a fiddler's bitch. We had visiting us at the time, 480 00:31:53,075 --> 00:31:56,515 Speaker 1: a nervous first cousin of mine named Briggs Beale, who 481 00:31:56,555 --> 00:31:59,195 Speaker 1: believed that he was likely to cease breathing when he 482 00:31:59,235 --> 00:32:02,075 Speaker 1: was asleep. It was his feeling that if he were 483 00:32:02,075 --> 00:32:05,955 Speaker 1: not awakened every hour during the night, I die of suffocation. 484 00:32:07,035 --> 00:32:09,595 Speaker 1: He had been accustomed to setting an alarm clock to 485 00:32:09,715 --> 00:32:13,155 Speaker 1: ring at intervals until morning, but I persuaded him to 486 00:32:13,275 --> 00:32:16,555 Speaker 1: abandon this. He slept in my room, and I told 487 00:32:16,635 --> 00:32:19,035 Speaker 1: him that I was such a light sleeper that if 488 00:32:19,035 --> 00:32:21,315 Speaker 1: anybody quit breathing in the same room with me, I 489 00:32:21,355 --> 00:32:25,195 Speaker 1: would wake instantly. He tested me the first night, which 490 00:32:25,235 --> 00:32:29,315 Speaker 1: I had suspected he would, by holding his breath after 491 00:32:29,355 --> 00:32:32,675 Speaker 1: my regular breathing, had convinced him I was asleep. I 492 00:32:32,795 --> 00:32:37,115 Speaker 1: was not asleep, however, and called to him. This seemed 493 00:32:37,435 --> 00:32:40,755 Speaker 1: to allay his fears a little, but he took the 494 00:32:40,755 --> 00:32:44,635 Speaker 1: precaution of putting a glass of spirits of camphor on 495 00:32:44,715 --> 00:32:47,675 Speaker 1: a little table at the head of his bed in 496 00:32:47,755 --> 00:32:50,195 Speaker 1: case I didn't arouse him until he was almost gone. 497 00:32:50,355 --> 00:32:53,715 Speaker 1: He said he would sniff the camphor. A powerful reviver, 498 00:32:55,035 --> 00:32:57,275 Speaker 1: Briggs was not the only member of his family who 499 00:32:57,515 --> 00:33:01,995 Speaker 1: had his crotchets. Old Aunt Melissa Belle, who could whistle 500 00:33:02,075 --> 00:33:04,595 Speaker 1: like a man with two fingers in her mouth, suffered 501 00:33:04,795 --> 00:33:07,475 Speaker 1: under the premonition that she was destined to die on 502 00:33:07,555 --> 00:33:10,515 Speaker 1: South High Street because she had been born on South 503 00:33:10,555 --> 00:33:14,195 Speaker 1: High Street and married on South High Street. Then there 504 00:33:14,235 --> 00:33:17,395 Speaker 1: was Aunt Sarah Schauf, who never went to bed at 505 00:33:17,435 --> 00:33:20,315 Speaker 1: night without the fear that a burglar was going to 506 00:33:20,315 --> 00:33:23,795 Speaker 1: get in and blow chloroform under her door through a 507 00:33:23,835 --> 00:33:27,555 Speaker 1: tube to avert this calamity, For she was in greater 508 00:33:27,635 --> 00:33:30,395 Speaker 1: dread of anesthetics than of losing her household goods. She 509 00:33:30,475 --> 00:33:34,515 Speaker 1: always piled her money, silverware, and other valuables in a 510 00:33:34,555 --> 00:33:37,955 Speaker 1: neat stack just outside her bedroom, with a note reading, 511 00:33:38,035 --> 00:33:40,235 Speaker 1: this is all I have. Please take it and do 512 00:33:40,315 --> 00:33:42,875 Speaker 1: not use your chloroform, as this is all I have. 513 00:33:44,435 --> 00:33:47,795 Speaker 1: Aunt Gracie's chauf also had a burglar phobia, but she 514 00:33:47,915 --> 00:33:51,435 Speaker 1: met it with more fortitude. She was confident that burglars 515 00:33:51,435 --> 00:33:54,515 Speaker 1: had been getting into her house every night for forty years. 516 00:33:55,195 --> 00:33:58,155 Speaker 1: The fact that she never missed anything was to her 517 00:33:58,395 --> 00:34:00,995 Speaker 1: no proof. To the contrary, she always claimed that she 518 00:34:01,115 --> 00:34:04,075 Speaker 1: scared them off before they could take anything by throwing 519 00:34:04,315 --> 00:34:08,035 Speaker 1: shoes ooze down the hallway. When she went to bed, 520 00:34:08,155 --> 00:34:11,315 Speaker 1: she piled where she could get at them handily, all 521 00:34:11,355 --> 00:34:14,955 Speaker 1: the shoes there were about her house. Five minutes after 522 00:34:14,955 --> 00:34:16,675 Speaker 1: she had turned off the light, she would sit up 523 00:34:16,715 --> 00:34:22,035 Speaker 1: in bed and say hark. Her husband, who had learned 524 00:34:22,075 --> 00:34:24,795 Speaker 1: to ignore the whole situation as long ago as nineteen 525 00:34:24,875 --> 00:34:28,835 Speaker 1: o three, would either be sound asleep or pretend to 526 00:34:28,835 --> 00:34:32,315 Speaker 1: be sound asleep. In either case he would not respond 527 00:34:32,355 --> 00:34:35,795 Speaker 1: to her tugging and pulling, so that presently she would arise, 528 00:34:36,515 --> 00:34:39,115 Speaker 1: tiptoe to the door, open it slightly, and heave a 529 00:34:39,315 --> 00:34:42,555 Speaker 1: shoe down the hall in one direction, and its mate 530 00:34:42,675 --> 00:34:45,515 Speaker 1: down the hall in the other direction. Some nights she 531 00:34:45,635 --> 00:34:49,115 Speaker 1: threw them all, some nights only a couple of pear. 532 00:34:51,275 --> 00:34:54,475 Speaker 1: But I am straying from the remarkable incidents that took 533 00:34:54,475 --> 00:34:57,315 Speaker 1: place during the night that the bed fell on father. 534 00:34:57,835 --> 00:35:00,955 Speaker 1: By midnight we were all in bed. The layout of 535 00:35:00,995 --> 00:35:04,035 Speaker 1: the rooms and the disposition of their occupants is important 536 00:35:04,075 --> 00:35:07,435 Speaker 1: to an understand of what later occurred. In the front 537 00:35:07,515 --> 00:35:12,555 Speaker 1: room upstairs, just under father's attic bedroom, where my mother 538 00:35:12,635 --> 00:35:15,595 Speaker 1: and my brother Herman, who sometimes sang in his sleep, 539 00:35:15,715 --> 00:35:20,795 Speaker 1: usually marching through Georgia or onward Christian soldiers, briggs Beale 540 00:35:20,795 --> 00:35:23,235 Speaker 1: and myself were in a room adjoining this one. My 541 00:35:23,275 --> 00:35:26,115 Speaker 1: brother Roy was in a room across the hall from ours, 542 00:35:26,555 --> 00:35:30,595 Speaker 1: and our bull terrier Wrecks slept in the hall. My 543 00:35:30,675 --> 00:35:33,395 Speaker 1: bed was an army cot, one of those affairs which 544 00:35:33,395 --> 00:35:36,115 Speaker 1: were made wide enough to sleep on comfortably only by 545 00:35:36,155 --> 00:35:39,235 Speaker 1: putting up flat with the middle section the two sides 546 00:35:39,235 --> 00:35:41,995 Speaker 1: which ordinarily hang down like the sideboards of a drop 547 00:35:42,075 --> 00:35:46,195 Speaker 1: leaf table. When these sides are up, it is perilous 548 00:35:46,675 --> 00:35:50,155 Speaker 1: to roll too far toward the edge, for then the 549 00:35:50,195 --> 00:35:53,355 Speaker 1: cot is likely to tip completely over, bringing the whole 550 00:35:53,395 --> 00:35:58,915 Speaker 1: bed down on top of one with a tremendous banging crash. This, 551 00:35:59,115 --> 00:36:02,275 Speaker 1: in fact, is precisely what happened about two o'clock in 552 00:36:02,275 --> 00:36:04,995 Speaker 1: the morning. It was my mother who, in rec hauling 553 00:36:05,075 --> 00:36:07,275 Speaker 1: the scene later first referred to it as the night 554 00:36:07,315 --> 00:36:11,875 Speaker 1: the bedfellow on your father, Always a deep sleeper and 555 00:36:12,035 --> 00:36:16,715 Speaker 1: slow to arouse, I had lied to Briggs. I was 556 00:36:16,755 --> 00:36:20,155 Speaker 1: at first unconscious of what had happened when the ironcot 557 00:36:20,315 --> 00:36:22,915 Speaker 1: rolled me onto the floor and toppled over on me. 558 00:36:23,955 --> 00:36:26,635 Speaker 1: It left me still warmly bundled up and unheard, for 559 00:36:26,715 --> 00:36:29,475 Speaker 1: the bed rested above me like a canopy. Hence I 560 00:36:29,515 --> 00:36:32,755 Speaker 1: did not wake up, only reached the edge of consciousness 561 00:36:32,755 --> 00:36:36,435 Speaker 1: and went back. The racket, however, instantly awakened my mother 562 00:36:36,475 --> 00:36:39,275 Speaker 1: in the next room, who came to the immediate conclusion 563 00:36:39,675 --> 00:36:42,635 Speaker 1: that her worst dread was realized. The big wooden bed 564 00:36:42,715 --> 00:36:47,555 Speaker 1: upstairs had fallen on father. She therefore screamed, let's go 565 00:36:47,715 --> 00:36:51,755 Speaker 1: to your poor father. It was this shout, rather than 566 00:36:51,795 --> 00:36:54,875 Speaker 1: the noise of my cot falling. That awakened Herman in 567 00:36:54,875 --> 00:36:57,115 Speaker 1: the same room with her. He thought that mother had 568 00:36:57,115 --> 00:37:01,035 Speaker 1: become for no apparent reason, hysterical. You're all right, Mama, 569 00:37:01,395 --> 00:37:04,875 Speaker 1: he shouted, trying to calm her. They exchanged shout for 570 00:37:05,035 --> 00:37:09,235 Speaker 1: shout for perhaps ten seconds. Let's go to your poor father, 571 00:37:09,835 --> 00:37:14,915 Speaker 1: and you're all right. That woke up Briggs. By this 572 00:37:14,995 --> 00:37:17,515 Speaker 1: time I was conscious of what was going on in 573 00:37:17,555 --> 00:37:20,835 Speaker 1: a vague way, but did not yet realize that I 574 00:37:20,995 --> 00:37:25,995 Speaker 1: was under my bed instead of on it. Briggs, awakening 575 00:37:26,035 --> 00:37:28,435 Speaker 1: in the midst of loud shouts of fear and apprehension, 576 00:37:28,435 --> 00:37:31,235 Speaker 1: came to the quick conclusion that he was suffocating and 577 00:37:31,275 --> 00:37:34,395 Speaker 1: that we were all trying to bring him out. With 578 00:37:34,515 --> 00:37:38,755 Speaker 1: a low moan, he grasped the glass of camphor at 579 00:37:38,755 --> 00:37:40,995 Speaker 1: the head of his bed, and instead of sniffing it, 580 00:37:42,395 --> 00:37:46,355 Speaker 1: he poured it over himself. The room reeked of camphor 581 00:37:46,875 --> 00:37:50,675 Speaker 1: ugh ah choked Briggs like a drowning man, for he 582 00:37:50,675 --> 00:37:54,355 Speaker 1: had almost succeeded in stopping his breath under the deluge 583 00:37:54,395 --> 00:37:58,035 Speaker 1: of pungent spirits. He leaped out of bed and groped 584 00:37:58,115 --> 00:38:00,195 Speaker 1: toward the open window, but he came up against one 585 00:38:00,195 --> 00:38:04,315 Speaker 1: that was closed. With his hand, he beat out the glass, 586 00:38:04,835 --> 00:38:06,995 Speaker 1: and I could hear it crash and tinkle on the 587 00:38:06,995 --> 00:38:10,555 Speaker 1: alleyway below. It was at this juncture that I, in 588 00:38:10,675 --> 00:38:13,795 Speaker 1: trying to get up, had the uncanny sensation of feeling 589 00:38:13,875 --> 00:38:18,675 Speaker 1: my bed above me foggy with sleep. I now suspected, 590 00:38:18,675 --> 00:38:21,275 Speaker 1: in my turn that the whole uproar was being made 591 00:38:21,315 --> 00:38:24,395 Speaker 1: in a frantic endeavor to extricate me from what must 592 00:38:24,475 --> 00:38:27,275 Speaker 1: be an unheard of and perilous situation. Get me out 593 00:38:27,275 --> 00:38:29,995 Speaker 1: of this, I bawled, Get me out. I think I 594 00:38:30,035 --> 00:38:32,435 Speaker 1: had the night marrish belief that I was entombed in 595 00:38:32,515 --> 00:38:39,635 Speaker 1: a mine. Gasp Briggs, floundering in his camphor. By this time, 596 00:38:39,675 --> 00:38:43,835 Speaker 1: my mother, still shouting, pursued by Hermann, still shouting, was 597 00:38:43,875 --> 00:38:45,915 Speaker 1: trying to open the door to the attic in order 598 00:38:45,955 --> 00:38:48,755 Speaker 1: to go up and get my father's body out of 599 00:38:48,795 --> 00:38:54,915 Speaker 1: the wreckage. The door was stuck, however, and would not yield. 600 00:38:55,675 --> 00:38:58,315 Speaker 1: Her frantic pulls on it only added to the general 601 00:38:58,395 --> 00:39:01,315 Speaker 1: banging and confusion. Roy and the dog were now up, 602 00:39:01,395 --> 00:39:06,235 Speaker 1: the one shouting questions, the other barking. Farthest away and 603 00:39:06,395 --> 00:39:08,995 Speaker 1: soundest sleeper of all had by this time been awakened 604 00:39:08,995 --> 00:39:12,595 Speaker 1: by the battering on the attic door. He decided that 605 00:39:12,675 --> 00:39:18,995 Speaker 1: the house was on fire. Oh, comeing, okay, he wailed 606 00:39:19,035 --> 00:39:22,035 Speaker 1: in a slow, sleepy voice. It took him many minutes 607 00:39:22,075 --> 00:39:25,115 Speaker 1: to regain full consciousness. My mother, still believing he was 608 00:39:25,155 --> 00:39:28,875 Speaker 1: caught under the bed, detected in his I'm coming, the 609 00:39:29,035 --> 00:39:31,995 Speaker 1: mournful resigned note of one who was preparing to meet 610 00:39:32,035 --> 00:39:37,395 Speaker 1: his maker. He's dying, she shouted. I'm all right. Briggs 611 00:39:37,515 --> 00:39:40,595 Speaker 1: yelled to reassure her. I'm all right. He still believed 612 00:39:40,595 --> 00:39:43,635 Speaker 1: that it was his own closeness to death that was 613 00:39:43,715 --> 00:39:47,515 Speaker 1: worrying Mother. I found at last the light switch in 614 00:39:47,555 --> 00:39:49,675 Speaker 1: my room, unlocked the door, and Briggs and I joined 615 00:39:49,715 --> 00:39:52,715 Speaker 1: the others at the attic door. The dog, who never 616 00:39:52,755 --> 00:39:56,275 Speaker 1: did like Briggs, jumped for him, assuming that he was 617 00:39:56,275 --> 00:39:59,435 Speaker 1: the culprit in whatever was going on, and Roy had 618 00:39:59,435 --> 00:40:02,955 Speaker 1: to throw Rex and hold him. We could hear Father 619 00:40:03,075 --> 00:40:05,875 Speaker 1: crawling out of the bed upstairs. Roy pulled the attic 620 00:40:05,915 --> 00:40:08,315 Speaker 1: door open with a mighty jerk, and Father came down 621 00:40:08,315 --> 00:40:12,435 Speaker 1: the stairs, sleepy and irritable, but safe and sound. My 622 00:40:12,515 --> 00:40:15,635 Speaker 1: mother began to weep when she saw him. Rex began 623 00:40:15,715 --> 00:40:21,555 Speaker 1: to howl, What in the name of God is going 624 00:40:21,755 --> 00:40:27,555 Speaker 1: on here, asked father. The situation was finally put together 625 00:40:28,075 --> 00:40:32,155 Speaker 1: like a giant gigsaw puzzle. Father caught a cold from 626 00:40:32,195 --> 00:40:34,275 Speaker 1: prowling around in his bare feet, but there were no 627 00:40:34,355 --> 00:40:39,395 Speaker 1: other bad results. I'm glad, said Mother, who always looked 628 00:40:39,395 --> 00:40:43,755 Speaker 1: on the bright side of things, that your grandfather wasn't here. 629 00:40:57,675 --> 00:40:59,675 Speaker 1: I've done all the damage I can do here. Countdown 630 00:40:59,675 --> 00:41:01,835 Speaker 1: has come to you from the Vin Scully Studio at 631 00:41:01,835 --> 00:41:04,475 Speaker 1: the world headquarters of the Old Women Broadcasting Empire in 632 00:41:04,755 --> 00:41:07,635 Speaker 1: New York. Here are the credits. Most of the music 633 00:41:07,675 --> 00:41:09,955 Speaker 1: was arranged, produced and performed by Brian Ray and John 634 00:41:09,955 --> 00:41:13,555 Speaker 1: Phillip Shanel. They are the Countdown musical directors. All orchestration 635 00:41:13,595 --> 00:41:17,075 Speaker 1: and keyboards by John Phillip Shanel, Guitars, bass and drums 636 00:41:17,115 --> 00:41:20,915 Speaker 1: by Brian Ray, produced by Tko Brothers. Other Beethoven selections 637 00:41:20,915 --> 00:41:23,395 Speaker 1: have been arranged and performed by the group No Horns Allowed. 638 00:41:23,835 --> 00:41:26,755 Speaker 1: The sports music is the Olderman theme from ESPN two 639 00:41:27,075 --> 00:41:30,315 Speaker 1: and it was written by Mitch Warren Davis CURTISYVESPN Inc. 640 00:41:30,795 --> 00:41:34,795 Speaker 1: Musical comments by Nancy Fauss, the best baseball stadium organist ever. 641 00:41:35,235 --> 00:41:38,275 Speaker 1: Even when I talk over her, iur announced her today 642 00:41:38,315 --> 00:41:41,315 Speaker 1: was my friend Tony Korneiser. Everything else is pretty much 643 00:41:41,355 --> 00:41:43,595 Speaker 1: my fault. So that's countdown for this, the eight hundred 644 00:41:43,595 --> 00:41:46,675 Speaker 1: and ninety second day since Donald Trump's first attempted coup 645 00:41:46,995 --> 00:41:50,435 Speaker 1: against the democratically elected government of the United States. Arrest 646 00:41:50,515 --> 00:41:54,035 Speaker 1: him again while we still can. The next scheduled countdown 647 00:41:54,075 --> 00:41:57,115 Speaker 1: is Monday. Till then, I'm Keith Olberman. Good morning, good afternoon, 648 00:41:57,395 --> 00:42:00,075 Speaker 1: good night, and good luck. 649 00:42:01,435 --> 00:42:02,675 Speaker 3: Food for everyone. 650 00:42:04,795 --> 00:42:08,755 Speaker 1: Countdown with Keith Olderman is a production of iHeartRadio. For 651 00:42:08,915 --> 00:42:13,995 Speaker 1: more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, 652 00:42:14,075 --> 00:42:16,035 Speaker 1: or wherever you get your podcasts.