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Speaker 1: Colson Media book Club, book Club, book Club, book Club,

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Speaker 1: book Club, book Club. I wonder how long I can

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Speaker 1: do that for book Club book Club. No, I should

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Speaker 1: probably stop do the rest of the introduction. Hello, and

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Speaker 1: welcome to Cools in the Media. Book Club, the only

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Speaker 1: book club where you don't have to do the reading

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Speaker 1: because I do it for you. I'm your host, Margaret Kiljoy.

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Speaker 1: And this week and today, this very day, the reading

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Speaker 1: that I'm doing is also writing that I did. This

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Speaker 1: is the second half of a story that I wrote

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Speaker 1: in twenty fifteen called Everything That Isn't Winter And if

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Speaker 1: you didn't listen to part one well with so much love?

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Speaker 1: What the fuck are you doing here? How does your

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Speaker 1: brain work? How do you tune into the second half

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Speaker 1: of a short story and think this is where I'm

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Speaker 1: going to come in on? I just don't understand you.

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Speaker 1: More power to you. This is that weird week between

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Speaker 1: Christmas in New Year's that feels like the last lap

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Speaker 1: in Mario, like not the third and final lap, but

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Speaker 1: the one that you drive afterward on autopilot while your

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Speaker 1: race stats play in the foreground, Or at least that's

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Speaker 1: sort of how it always feels here. It's a bizarre time.

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Speaker 1: But we're continuing the cozy energy of early winter with

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Speaker 1: a quote and I'm quoting Hazel here a surprisingly cozy

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Speaker 1: for how much gunfire is in it end quote story.

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Speaker 1: So hopefully this hits your post holiday malaise with a

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Speaker 1: fresh burst of energy, the kind of energy that will

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Speaker 1: make you shoot people. And to wait, I don't want

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Speaker 1: to spoil anything. Where we left off, we had our

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Speaker 1: main character, Aiden, who runs point on tactical for a

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Speaker 1: tea growing commune called The in Between during a belltaine celebration,

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Speaker 1: and yes, we know that that's Mayda, but stick with

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Speaker 1: us for the holiday theming, some of the collective's tea

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Speaker 1: fields are torched by raiders, and we follow Aiden and Bartley,

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Speaker 1: a fellow tracker and a tactical point, as they hunt

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Speaker 1: down and kill a speck. Aiden returns to a strained

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Speaker 1: relationship with their boyfriend, and we got some devastating dialogue

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Speaker 1: about the cracks that exist between the two of them.

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Speaker 1: Now we pick back up with Everything That Isn't Winter

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Speaker 1: by Margaret Kildren. There's a certain kind of peace on

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Speaker 1: a farm, and the tea leaves were emeralds in the moonlight,

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Speaker 1: the night birds sang in the forest. The trees stood

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Speaker 1: like crows on the horizon. There's a certain kind of

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Speaker 1: peace and holding a rifle as well. It shares the

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Speaker 1: same simplicity, the same honesty with that rifle. In those fields,

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Speaker 1: my intentions were bare. We worked the earth, We defended

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Speaker 1: the fruits of our labor. I walked our eastern perimeter

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Speaker 1: through rows of tea and through the burned scar where

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Speaker 1: so much of our tea had been ahead at the gatehouse,

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Speaker 1: electric lights spit out a flood of across the tracks

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Speaker 1: and into the hills. We used red to save our

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Speaker 1: night vision. We used lights at all because they made

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Speaker 1: a good distraction, made any potential attacker believe that our

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Speaker 1: attention was focused on the railroad. I'd learned every bit

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Speaker 1: I knew about tactics a hard way. There were more

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Speaker 1: bodies buried in our fields than there were people living

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Speaker 1: in the lodge. But that night, while I clutched a

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Speaker 1: radio in one hand and waited to hear from Bartley,

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Speaker 1: they didn't come for us from the trees. They didn't

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Speaker 1: come for us from the tracks, or over the Green River,

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Speaker 1: or from the mountains or the roads. They came for

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Speaker 1: us with artillery It took three seconds for two shots

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Speaker 1: to destroy the lodge. I saw them, those meteors as

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Speaker 1: they arked through the sky on a low trajectory and

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Speaker 1: reduced my home to rubble. They were tracer shells marked

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Speaker 1: to help their gun or aim, and they burned phosphorus

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Speaker 1: through the sky. They'd come from the east. They'd come

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Speaker 1: from Stampede Pass. I'd leveled trees older than my grandparents

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Speaker 1: to help build the lodge. I'd pedaled rebar eighty kilometers

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Speaker 1: up the tracks from the ruins of Tacoma to reinforce

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Speaker 1: the stone and mortar construction. And I'd killed two people,

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Speaker 1: a woman and a man who tried to rob me

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Speaker 1: on the way. I like to think I knew the

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Speaker 1: difference between the evil and the desperate, and those two

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Speaker 1: had just been desperate. I'd left their bones in the forest.

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Speaker 1: Three seconds, two shots, and all our work was gone.

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Speaker 1: With adrenaline in me, I don't consciously process sound or

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Speaker 1: scent or touch. Everything is visual, Everything is slow motion.

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Speaker 1: I ran through the green fields towards the shattered lodge

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Speaker 1: as people streamed out. People were shouting. I might have

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Speaker 1: been shouting. I saw Khalil walk across the road carrying

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Speaker 1: someone toward the bomb shelter. That man existed to help people,

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Speaker 1: to carry people to nurse. Green shoots up out of

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Speaker 1: the soil and into the light. I existed for other purposes.

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Speaker 1: I gave up on returning to the lodge. They could

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Speaker 1: rebuild without me, and Khalil was alive, and what good

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Speaker 1: would I do? And I was their guard, and I'd failed,

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Speaker 1: and I couldn't face Khalil, and I ran for the gate.

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Speaker 1: I set a rail cart onto the tracks, settled into

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Speaker 1: the saddle, put my feet on the pedals, then gave

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Speaker 1: a last look the lodge. Khalil was watching me, hands

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Speaker 1: on his hips, his chest heaved, He turned his head,

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Speaker 1: and he walked away. His gait told me more than

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Speaker 1: any words ever had. It was the gait of a

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Speaker 1: man who'd given up. I peddled east with my rifle

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Speaker 1: held out cross my lap. I pedaled until the adrenaline

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Speaker 1: cleared and the evening's fog grows thicker and thicker, and

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Speaker 1: I had the chance to realize what a mess I'd

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Speaker 1: just thrown myself into. A loone which was better than

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Speaker 1: acknowledging the mess from which I just fled. It didn't

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Speaker 1: make sense to destroy the lodge. It didn't make sense

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Speaker 1: to destroy the fields. It made sense to capture our holdings.

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Speaker 1: Whomever I was running off to try to shoot, I

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Speaker 1: didn't understand them. If you know your enemy, and you

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Speaker 1: know yourself, you need not fear one hundred battles. If

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Speaker 1: you know yourself and not your enemy, you will lose

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Speaker 1: as often as you win. If you know neither yourself

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Speaker 1: nor your enemy, you will never know victory. I'd pedaled

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Speaker 1: those tracks hundreds of times. The Cascade Range was my home.

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Speaker 1: I had grown up in its shadow. But fear creeps

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Speaker 1: into your system and renders the familiar into something alien.

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Speaker 1: The fog was milk thick, as thick as it had

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Speaker 1: ever been. My eyes tracked movement. I knew better than

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Speaker 1: to register the shifting of moonlight through wind blown branches,

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Speaker 1: the glint of light on the steel of the rails.

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Speaker 1: I passed a rusted junction box, still painted with pre

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Speaker 1: collapse graffiti, which meant the tunnel was only a few

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Speaker 1: hundred meters out. I stopped peddling, set the brakes of

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Speaker 1: the cart wouldn't roll back downhill, then dismounted as quietly

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Speaker 1: as I could. It's hard to disguise. The sounds of

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Speaker 1: heels on gravel. I heard my own, but there was

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Speaker 1: another footfall fainter right behind me. A hand clamped down

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Speaker 1: on my shoulder. I whirled, went for the knife on

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Speaker 1: my belt. Bartley she had one finger to her lips,

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Speaker 1: her eyes betraying sleepless exhaustion. We scrambled up the embankment,

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Speaker 1: pausing where we could just see the tracks at the

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Speaker 1: edge of our vision. My hands were on the bark

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Speaker 1: of a poplar. Its scent was in my head, and

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Speaker 1: I was grounded there in the tunnel. She said, she

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Speaker 1: was murmuring low into my ear. They've got military ordinance,

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Speaker 1: two big guns on two railcars, plus a whole train

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Speaker 1: of weaponry stretching into the tunnel. Who are they, don't know?

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Speaker 1: I've seen about twenty of them. Most of them are

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Speaker 1: camped inside the tunnel alongside the ordinance. Looks like they've

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Speaker 1: been there a few days. Uniforms, I asked, Nope, motive,

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Speaker 1: no idea. Bartley said they fired a couple artillery shells.

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Speaker 1: What they hit, They took out the lodge. I'd never

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Speaker 1: known Bartley to wear her heart on her sleeve, but

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Speaker 1: she took a breath at that, then another casualties. She asked,

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Speaker 1: I didn't stop to count. We should kill them all.

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Speaker 1: She wasn't judging their character, she was addressing a strategic concern.

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Speaker 1: How I mind the tunnel a couple years back? What

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Speaker 1: I asked that loud, switching for a moment into whisper

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Speaker 1: instead of murmur. I didn't tell anyone because I thought

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Speaker 1: people might get mad, and I figured our general Assembly

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Speaker 1: wouldn't go for it. How close do you have to

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Speaker 1: get to set it off? I asked? Close? Bartley said,

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Speaker 1: real close? Ten feet inside the front of the tunnel

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Speaker 1: against the south side wall. There's a rotted hunk of

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Speaker 1: plywood behind it, a cheap old breaker box. I put in,

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Speaker 1: switch the first three in the last three breakers and

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Speaker 1: then we've got two minutes to get clear. Well, that's

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Speaker 1: set off the ordinance on the train. Probably not. How

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Speaker 1: do we get there? I've got an idea. I'm not

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Speaker 1: gonna like it, am I, I asked, nope? But do

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Speaker 1: you know what you will like? You will like the

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Speaker 1: six savings on these products and services? What a deal?

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Speaker 1: What a deal? And reback? I'm here to negotiate our surrender.

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Speaker 1: The words were foreign in my throat and hung strangely

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Speaker 1: in the air. They weren't my words. They weren't words

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Speaker 1: I really knew how to say. But I said them

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Speaker 1: loud and attracted the ire of a number of armed

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Speaker 1: women and men, Women and men I hoped wouldn't object

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Speaker 1: too immediately and too violently to the rifle I still

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Speaker 1: slung across my back. The fog was thinner at the

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Speaker 1: base of the tunnel, and it calmed me down to

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Speaker 1: see the silhouette spires of the trees and the faint

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Speaker 1: glow of stars above me. Two flatbed railcars extended out

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Speaker 1: from the tunnel, each with an old world gun, larger

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Speaker 1: than some houses. Inside the tunnel, a string of box

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Speaker 1: cars stretched farther than I could see. A half dozen

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Speaker 1: people approached me, no older than the kid I'd shot

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Speaker 1: on the cliff side. I like to think I knew

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Speaker 1: the difference between the evil and the desperate, And these

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Speaker 1: people weren't desperate, not on the face of things. Each

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Speaker 1: had a rifle trained on me, Each watched me with

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Speaker 1: some mixture of indifference and malice. Evil isn't something we

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Speaker 1: do to one another. It's the way in which we

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Speaker 1: do it. It's why we do it. There were two

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Speaker 1: clear authorities, a man about ten years my senior with

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Speaker 1: gray flecked into his red hair, and a woman with

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Speaker 1: at least twenty years on him. The two conversed briefly,

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Speaker 1: and the man approached General Samuel john He said he

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Speaker 1: didn't offer his hand, Aden Jackson. I said, I didn't

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Speaker 1: offer my hand. Our terms are simple, the general said.

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Speaker 1: Anyone who leaves between now and noon tomorrow will not

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Speaker 1: be hunted down and shot. Who are you, I asked,

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Speaker 1: General of what army? The new Republic of Washington? He said,

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Speaker 1: another warlord. What's your claim on our land? I asked.

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Speaker 1: I knew his answer before he said it. I grew

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Speaker 1: more confident that I knew him, that I could outwit

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Speaker 1: or outshoot him. Small holdings like yours and the rest

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Speaker 1: of the New World are a relic of an era

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Speaker 1: we aim to put behind us. He said on script,

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Speaker 1: Washington has suffered too long without central authority. Mind, people,

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Speaker 1: is fun. It's kind of dangerous, how fun it is.

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Speaker 1: You're right, I said. We will drive this train to

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Speaker 1: the end of the line, laying waste to everything in

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Speaker 1: our path, and raise forth our savior from the coastal waters.

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Speaker 1: That was a pretty different script. We'll raise new cities,

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Speaker 1: the general said, his eyes rolled back. He held his

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Speaker 1: palms face up in front of him, pure cities built

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Speaker 1: of light and manna. And we will live in his

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Speaker 1: grace until the zombies. The older woman added, until the

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Speaker 1: zombies come and devour those of us who remain in

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Speaker 1: the cities. I looked around from bandit to band and

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Speaker 1: grins were painted on every face. You're screwing with me.

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Speaker 1: Of course, we're screwing with you, the general said. We're

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Speaker 1: not on some moral or religious quest. We've got artillery

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Speaker 1: and we want the pass so we can tax caravans,

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Speaker 1: and if you try to stop us, we'll kill you.

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Speaker 1: That's the world, now, that's always been the world. It's

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Speaker 1: a good world for people like me and mine, and

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Speaker 1: that's the only metric i'd judge by. We are going

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Speaker 1: to just tax you, you know, the woman said. A

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Speaker 1: little bit of fire, a little show of force, and

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Speaker 1: then we tax you. But I heard you shoot my grandson.

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Speaker 1: All eyes and guns were on me, which I wanted.

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Speaker 1: With a certain, very limited understanding of the word want,

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Speaker 1: I'd lwered them away from the mouth of the tunnel

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Speaker 1: behind the trumped up highwaymen. In the thin fog, Bartley

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Speaker 1: Lizard crawled toward the breaker box. I didn't feel like

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Speaker 1: lying anymore. You'll get yours, I said. There have always

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Speaker 1: been people who want power over others. There have always

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Speaker 1: been people who don't. The whole of our history is

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Speaker 1: the history of people like you killing people like me,

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Speaker 1: of people like me killing people like you. You'll live

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Speaker 1: a miserable shit life, distrustful and afraid, and you'll get yours.

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Speaker 1: I'll get mine in the end, the same as you.

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Speaker 1: But I'll have lived a life in a society of equals,

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Speaker 1: among people I love. I'll have loved them. Hey. One

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Speaker 1: of the bandits, a young man, turned in time to

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Speaker 1: see Bartley crawling into the tunnel. He raised his rifle

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Speaker 1: and fired at my friend. I turned and ran uphill,

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Speaker 1: perpendicular to the mouth of the tunnel. Always run uphill.

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Speaker 1: People don't like chasing uphill. I made it behind a

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Speaker 1: fixed stump twenty meters up the embankment, and bullets lodged

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Speaker 1: into the decades dead tree flesh. I unslung and unsafetied

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Speaker 1: my rifle, returning fire. Bartley made it to cover herself

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Speaker 1: on the far side of the train from the bandits.

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Speaker 1: They could keep me pinned down and outflank me. Put

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Speaker 1: a bullet than me, then turned their attention to Bartley.

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Speaker 1: I had two spare magazines, one friend, and no hope

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Speaker 1: for backup. I had no hope at all. I shouldn't

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Speaker 1: have been cruel to Khalil. That man had left his family,

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Speaker 1: left the safety and stability of Bainbridge Island to follow

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Speaker 1: me into the mountains and to the edge of the

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Speaker 1: new world. He'd followed his dreams. We'd met in the

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Speaker 1: winter every winter since the first one. We'd walked out

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Speaker 1: along the Green River to its source. We made a

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Speaker 1: week of it, sixty kilometers round trip, and we'd held

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Speaker 1: hands and stared at the breath of the sky, and

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Speaker 1: camped in the snow and walked out along the ice.

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Speaker 1: We'd never get the chance again. He worried about me.

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Speaker 1: He was right to worry about me. I was about

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Speaker 1: to die. Bartley caught my attention, then started banging on

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Speaker 1: the steel of the car with the butt of a rifle.

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Speaker 1: This drew all eyes, and they were out from cover,

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Speaker 1: moving to flank me. I squatted up, aimed, and picked

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Speaker 1: off the general with a round through his cheek, his

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00:16:08,160 --> 00:16:11,240
Speaker 1: head spun, his neck snapped, and his legs gave out.

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Speaker 1: The bandits turned away from Bartley, and she stood and

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Speaker 1: shot the older woman, the second in command perhaps or

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Speaker 1: maybe just the general's mother. Either way, she collapsed to

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Speaker 1: the hole in her sternum. A bullet grazed me, then

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00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:30,040
Speaker 1: it burned across my shoulder. Blood welled up. Stay and

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00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,920
Speaker 1: guard the train, one of the remaining women shouted into

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Speaker 1: the tunnel. The four remaining gunners were turned to cover.

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Speaker 1: Crouching by the wheels of the train, Bartley ran past

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Speaker 1: the train and forore the trees. She drew fire, but

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Speaker 1: not from every rifle. I took two quick, deep breaths,

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Speaker 1: let the oxygen fill me up, then rolled from cover.

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Speaker 1: I learned long ago not to let myself listen for

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Speaker 1: individual shots once I was committed. Fear is the antithesis

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Speaker 1: of action. I heard a scream, a woman's scream, and

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Speaker 1: I ran down the embankment into the dark of the tunnel.

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Speaker 1: There was the plywood behind it, the breaker box. It

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Speaker 1: was too dark to see, but I found the breakers

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Speaker 1: by touch and tried not to focus on the muzzle

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Speaker 1: flashes coming from outside and inside the tunnel. Alike. Bullets

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Speaker 1: are dangerous. I know that intimately, But most bullets aren't aimed,

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Speaker 1: not really, and unaimed bullets are like lightning in a field.

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Speaker 1: If you stay low, you'll survive more likely than not.

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Speaker 1: I hit the six breakers. Two of the gunners from

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Speaker 1: outside had crossed the tracks, and I saw their boots

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Speaker 1: as they worked their way down the other side of

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Speaker 1: the train. I'd be flanked. I rolled under the train

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Speaker 1: and took shots at the boots. Hit one was rewarded

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00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:50,840
Speaker 1: with a man falling prone, and I shot him in

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00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:55,120
Speaker 1: the temple. I crawled my forearms on the ties and gravel.

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00:17:55,720 --> 00:17:59,000
Speaker 1: The wound in my shoulder was beginning to protest. I

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Speaker 1: shot another woman in the foot, and the two remaining

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00:18:01,680 --> 00:18:07,840
Speaker 1: bandits outside fell without me firing. Bartley was alive. I

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Speaker 1: was almost to the mouth of the tunnel when the

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00:18:10,119 --> 00:18:13,600
Speaker 1: charges blew, and only the behemoth of steel above me

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00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:17,359
Speaker 1: saved me from the cascade of rock that followed. It

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00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:19,320
Speaker 1: was no good to think about the lives that were

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Speaker 1: about to end. Suffocating in the darkness behind me, it

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00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:26,359
Speaker 1: was no good to question whether or not I was evil.

300
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Speaker 1: In the dust and fog, I crawled forward toward the

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Speaker 1: faint moonlight. And do you know what else crawls towards

302
00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:39,800
Speaker 1: you through the firefight. It's the sonorous sounds of these

303
00:18:39,920 --> 00:18:46,800
Speaker 1: products and services at your whimsy, in your telephone on demand.

304
00:18:47,680 --> 00:19:06,320
Speaker 1: Here's the ads. Her back, Bartley had a hole in

305
00:19:06,359 --> 00:19:08,760
Speaker 1: her leg where muscle and fat and skin should have been,

306
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Speaker 1: and I got her onto the rail cart with a

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Speaker 1: tourniquet on her thigh. People say you can't use a

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00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:16,760
Speaker 1: tourniquet for more than a few minutes, but I'd learned

309
00:19:16,800 --> 00:19:18,600
Speaker 1: the bloody way that you could get away with one

310
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Speaker 1: for longer if you needed. Hey, do me a favor,

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00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:25,840
Speaker 1: she said, as I started to pedal. What's that? Don't

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Speaker 1: let me die? She said, that's all I asked, that's all,

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Speaker 1: don't let me die. You're not dying. Okay, I've got

314
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Speaker 1: another favor. What's that, Don't let me die? I really

315
00:19:38,840 --> 00:19:43,159
Speaker 1: don't want to die. I pedaled harder. It was downhill,

316
00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:45,720
Speaker 1: easy going, and we went in and out of fog banks,

317
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:47,480
Speaker 1: and Bartley went in and out of being in a

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Speaker 1: mood to talk when in and out of looking like

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00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:52,719
Speaker 1: she was going to make it. All I could think

320
00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:56,119
Speaker 1: about was Khalil, about how sure I'd been. I was

321
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Speaker 1: going to die about how sure i'd been. I'd never

322
00:19:58,840 --> 00:20:01,960
Speaker 1: see him again. It was a long half hour before

323
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:06,000
Speaker 1: he reached the ruins of the in between. Three people

324
00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,640
Speaker 1: met us at the gate, including the woman who'd come

325
00:20:08,680 --> 00:20:11,720
Speaker 1: for the harvest, the one who danced with Khalil. She

326
00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:14,639
Speaker 1: helped me carry Bartlett to the makeshift infirmary set up

327
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Speaker 1: on the road. Any awkwardness between us lost to more

328
00:20:17,960 --> 00:20:23,040
Speaker 1: pressing matters. Doc told Bartley that she'd live. I gave

329
00:20:23,040 --> 00:20:28,280
Speaker 1: a quick report, and that report spread quickly. Khalil wasn't around,

330
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Speaker 1: and a fear came over me, a fear worse than firefights.

331
00:20:32,119 --> 00:20:34,119
Speaker 1: He was okay. I'd seen him escape the lodge. I

332
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:36,879
Speaker 1: knew he was okay, but he wasn't okay with me.

333
00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:41,200
Speaker 1: I first met him when we'd both been visiting Tacoma

334
00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:44,359
Speaker 1: during the death days, when neither of us thought we'd

335
00:20:44,359 --> 00:20:47,520
Speaker 1: live to see twenty I'd loved him half my life,

336
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:52,040
Speaker 1: the half that mattered. I went down the concrete steps

337
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:54,879
Speaker 1: into the bomb shelter. It was full of people, and

338
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:56,920
Speaker 1: they were hurt and scared, and they wanted to talk

339
00:20:56,960 --> 00:20:59,480
Speaker 1: to me. But they all had the distinct disadvantage of

340
00:20:59,520 --> 00:21:03,840
Speaker 1: not being Khalil. I went to the lodge, what remained

341
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:06,800
Speaker 1: of the hall we'd built. There were people who weren't Khalil,

342
00:21:06,840 --> 00:21:10,320
Speaker 1: picking through the smoking rubble, shoring up the surviving walls,

343
00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:14,440
Speaker 1: digging for survivors and corpses. I went to the remnants

344
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:16,639
Speaker 1: of the bridge that at once in the old world

345
00:21:16,720 --> 00:21:19,560
Speaker 1: crossed the Green River. But there was no one there

346
00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:22,320
Speaker 1: to kiss me in the shadows of the ruins. No

347
00:21:22,400 --> 00:21:24,560
Speaker 1: one waiting in the river with his hand on the

348
00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:28,200
Speaker 1: small of my back, no one singing in sweet low tones.

349
00:21:29,240 --> 00:21:32,359
Speaker 1: I thought about walking into the river anyway, until the

350
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:35,920
Speaker 1: water took me. The river in spring is as cold

351
00:21:35,920 --> 00:21:40,120
Speaker 1: as snow. I went to the fields, and I found

352
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:43,080
Speaker 1: him in the northeast corner, the corner we'd seen from

353
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Speaker 1: our poster bed. His hands swept across the leaves. He

354
00:21:47,720 --> 00:21:53,720
Speaker 1: sang wordless serenades to the tea. Khalil. He heard me

355
00:21:53,920 --> 00:21:56,800
Speaker 1: because his body tensed, and he paused his song. But

356
00:21:56,880 --> 00:22:02,919
Speaker 1: he didn't turn around. Khalil, I'm sorry for what. He

357
00:22:03,000 --> 00:22:05,359
Speaker 1: was far enough away that I could scarcely hear his voice.

358
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:09,800
Speaker 1: For a lot of things. You do what you do.

359
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:13,920
Speaker 1: A breeze came across the fields, from the river, whispering

360
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:17,520
Speaker 1: against the tears of my cheeks. And I fought harder

361
00:22:17,560 --> 00:22:19,880
Speaker 1: to keep my voice level than I'd fought to stay

362
00:22:19,880 --> 00:22:25,040
Speaker 1: alive an hour prior. I don't want to just do

363
00:22:25,119 --> 00:22:29,359
Speaker 1: what I do, I said. He turned towards me, and

364
00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:32,480
Speaker 1: he was crying harder than I was. He always cried

365
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:37,080
Speaker 1: harder than I did. It's okay if you worry about me.

366
00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:42,440
Speaker 1: I said. You ran away tonight, he said. He didn't

367
00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:45,560
Speaker 1: try to disguise the pain in his voice. You went alone.

368
00:22:46,720 --> 00:22:48,920
Speaker 1: Maybe it's too much for me that you're not here

369
00:22:48,960 --> 00:22:51,600
Speaker 1: when I need you, That you're never safe, that you

370
00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:55,960
Speaker 1: take stupid risks. I had the distance between us and

371
00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:59,280
Speaker 1: he was just out of arm's reach. I was going

372
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:02,960
Speaker 1: to die tonight, I said. I sat down, hugged my knees.

373
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:05,600
Speaker 1: I was going to die, and I was never going

374
00:23:05,640 --> 00:23:08,199
Speaker 1: to see you again. And now I've survived. But what

375
00:23:08,240 --> 00:23:11,560
Speaker 1: if I never get to be with you again. He

376
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:15,760
Speaker 1: sat down across from me, mirrored my pose. You never

377
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:19,879
Speaker 1: talked to me, he said, I know. Why don't you

378
00:23:19,960 --> 00:23:24,400
Speaker 1: talk to me? I'm afraid, I said, But I said

379
00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:29,960
Speaker 1: it too quiet. What I'm afraid? I said louder I'm afraid.

380
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:32,720
Speaker 1: I'm afraid of you, and I'm afraid of us, and

381
00:23:32,760 --> 00:23:35,440
Speaker 1: I'm afraid of this new world we've built that one

382
00:23:35,520 --> 00:23:37,800
Speaker 1: day soon it'll be no place for me and everything

383
00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:40,840
Speaker 1: I've done and everything I am. I'm afraid of everything

384
00:23:40,920 --> 00:23:43,919
Speaker 1: that isn't winter, and I'm afraid of everything but dying.

385
00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:47,719
Speaker 1: My eyes were closed, and I couldn't see him, and

386
00:23:47,760 --> 00:23:49,919
Speaker 1: I couldn't hear him, and all I heard was my

387
00:23:50,040 --> 00:23:53,040
Speaker 1: heart beating out of sink. For a minute, at least,

388
00:23:53,800 --> 00:23:57,240
Speaker 1: it was all I heard. I didn't see him move,

389
00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,320
Speaker 1: but his arms wrapped all the way around me, my

390
00:24:00,400 --> 00:24:04,320
Speaker 1: knees and my back. He held me. I let myself go.

391
00:24:05,200 --> 00:24:07,200
Speaker 1: He kissed the top of my head, and I nuzzled

392
00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:10,440
Speaker 1: into his neck. You do what you do, he said,

393
00:24:10,960 --> 00:24:14,680
Speaker 1: and I love you for it. You love me, all stupid,

394
00:24:14,760 --> 00:24:19,840
Speaker 1: all covered in blood. I love you, he said. His

395
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:22,399
Speaker 1: hand went into my hair, and he held me like

396
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,000
Speaker 1: he used to, He held me like he wanted me.

397
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:28,000
Speaker 1: I took him by the beard and pulled his face

398
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:32,520
Speaker 1: against mine, felt his lips against mine, open mouthed, his

399
00:24:32,640 --> 00:24:36,400
Speaker 1: hands went to my hips. My fingers dug into his chest.

400
00:24:37,520 --> 00:24:40,760
Speaker 1: Smoke drifted up from the ruins of our home, and

401
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:43,480
Speaker 1: love was something in my gut and it made me

402
00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:49,600
Speaker 1: want to live the end. That's the end of the story. Okay,

403
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:54,480
Speaker 1: Hazel says, quote Hazel is a sap who just wants

404
00:24:54,520 --> 00:24:56,320
Speaker 1: to let go and find love at the end of

405
00:24:56,320 --> 00:24:58,639
Speaker 1: the world. It's very important that the listener know this

406
00:24:58,760 --> 00:25:01,359
Speaker 1: is written in all caps. That's what Hazel has to

407
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:06,359
Speaker 1: say about it. And yeah, what do I have to

408
00:25:06,400 --> 00:25:08,119
Speaker 1: say about it. It's funny because a lot of the

409
00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:12,520
Speaker 1: stuff I want to say about it is structural. But

410
00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:15,040
Speaker 1: that's not like the vibe, right, Like the point of

411
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:17,159
Speaker 1: the story isn't the structure of the story, you know,

412
00:25:17,400 --> 00:25:20,480
Speaker 1: no more than a the point of a home isn't

413
00:25:20,480 --> 00:25:23,760
Speaker 1: the fact that it's like built with two by four,

414
00:25:24,359 --> 00:25:26,639
Speaker 1: you know. But to talk about the two y fours

415
00:25:26,640 --> 00:25:31,440
Speaker 1: that built this house anyway, I guess I would say that. Okay.

416
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:34,399
Speaker 1: So there's this thing called the trifail sequence and story writing.

417
00:25:34,520 --> 00:25:36,760
Speaker 1: If anyone wants a crash course on writing short stories

418
00:25:36,800 --> 00:25:40,200
Speaker 1: in the Western tradition, here you go the absolute bare

419
00:25:40,240 --> 00:25:43,280
Speaker 1: bones of a traditional Western story. It's not the three

420
00:25:43,320 --> 00:25:46,840
Speaker 1: acts structure, it's not the hero's journey. It is the

421
00:25:46,880 --> 00:25:50,439
Speaker 1: trifail sequence. A character has a problem, they try to

422
00:25:50,440 --> 00:25:53,640
Speaker 1: solve that problem as intelligently as they can, and they

423
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:57,080
Speaker 1: fail and they make things worse. So then they try

424
00:25:57,119 --> 00:25:59,679
Speaker 1: to solve that problem again, and they fail and they

425
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Speaker 1: make the worse, and then they try again and then

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Speaker 1: they succeed. That is like the bare Bones story, right,

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Speaker 1: And if you want to get a little bit more

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00:26:07,359 --> 00:26:10,720
Speaker 1: complicated and a little better, they have an external problem

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00:26:10,840 --> 00:26:13,480
Speaker 1: and the reason that they're failing at solving their external

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00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:16,560
Speaker 1: problem is because they haven't addressed their internal problem. And

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Speaker 1: it's only by solving their internal problem they're able to

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Speaker 1: solve their external problem. And that's the trifil sequence. And

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Speaker 1: the thing that I really wanted to do with this

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Speaker 1: story was have two interlocking trifail sequences where Aiden, our protagonist,

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Speaker 1: has two problems. There's the attack on the lodge and

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00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:36,720
Speaker 1: the relationship with Khalil, And in a certain sense, you

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00:26:36,720 --> 00:26:39,280
Speaker 1: could say it's the internal versus the external problem, but

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Speaker 1: actually in this case it's inverted Aiden, who doesn't have

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Speaker 1: a gender marker. There's no pronoun for them anywhere in

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Speaker 1: the story. That was another technical thing that I worked

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00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:48,840
Speaker 1: really hard to do. They're not even avay them. They

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Speaker 1: just don't have a gender marker. But their internal problem,

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00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:57,520
Speaker 1: this relationship can't be solved until they deal with the

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Speaker 1: external problem. And that was like the fun thing to do,

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00:27:00,720 --> 00:27:03,359
Speaker 1: right they as a as a writer. But it was

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00:27:03,359 --> 00:27:07,600
Speaker 1: also like, you know, that's not what the story is about.

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00:27:08,200 --> 00:27:12,400
Speaker 1: The story is well love and how who we can

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00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:18,200
Speaker 1: be and how we're more than just this like simple

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00:27:18,240 --> 00:27:22,440
Speaker 1: part of ourselves and these things that we do. Yeah, anyway,

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00:27:23,040 --> 00:27:25,000
Speaker 1: I'm murder kiljoy. The world is ending in the stark

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00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:27,080
Speaker 1: all the time. But spend time with people you love

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00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,920
Speaker 1: and eat nourishing food. Rest up, We've got a good

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00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:31,679
Speaker 1: fight ahead of us, and see you in the new

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00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:38,400
Speaker 1: year and love you all. Bye. It could Happen here

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00:27:38,400 --> 00:27:41,080
Speaker 1: as a production of cool Zone Media. For more podcasts

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00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:43,960
Speaker 1: from cool Zone Media, visit our website cool zonemedia dot

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00:27:43,960 --> 00:27:46,920
Speaker 1: com or check us out on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts,

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00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:50,040
Speaker 1: or wherever you listen to podcasts. You can find sources

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00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:52,640
Speaker 1: where it Could Happen here, updated monthly at cool zone

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Speaker 1: Media dot com slash sources. Thanks for listening,