Speaker 1: What's going on everybody? Logan Ryan here back with the
Speaker 1: NFL Player podcast. Man, it's been a little minute since
Speaker 1: I made one of these. Uh had a lot go
Speaker 1: on in life. Obviously made a move down to the
Speaker 1: Tampa Bay Bucks. Excited about that I actually have a
Speaker 1: home um down in Florida and it's gonna work out,
Speaker 1: I think for my family especially and myself and be
Speaker 1: able to play with a really good team and have
Speaker 1: super Bowl ambitions. And it just shows you how quick
Speaker 1: things can change in the NFL. Never did I expect
Speaker 1: to see that coming or expect to see me playing
Speaker 1: for the Bucks this season, but that's just kind of
Speaker 1: how it shakes out. And was trying to make the
Speaker 1: best the situation that was put in, and that's football talk.
Speaker 1: That's what this podcast is about. But it's also about
Speaker 1: my journey and our journey of NFL players to show
Speaker 1: that we're more than just football players. And what makes
Speaker 1: this world go around is all the beautiful mother's out there.
Speaker 1: And I have a special guest to guests that I
Speaker 1: know really well, and I better say it's my favorite guest,
Speaker 1: but my wife, Ashley Ryan is joining us today and
Speaker 1: she's gonna spend a couple of minutes with us, and
Speaker 1: we're gonna talk about what it's like to be married
Speaker 1: to me and when I'm like off the field and
Speaker 1: some of my quirks and not the well put together
Speaker 1: a professional that you guys might hear see all the
Speaker 1: time kind of with the real and cut wrong me is, So,
Speaker 1: what's going on up? Yeah, there's there's a lot about
Speaker 1: logan you may not know, but we make it work
Speaker 1: and we're I'm happy to share. So me and you,
Speaker 1: we we met at Rutgers University. Ashley played short stop
Speaker 1: for the softball team. Can we hear a little bit
Speaker 1: about you know, your you were a highly talented player
Speaker 1: at Rutgers, I will say that. And you were a
Speaker 1: lot bigger deal than me at Rutgers when we first
Speaker 1: got there. So let's talk a little bit about your
Speaker 1: your softball journey and how you ended up getting the
Speaker 1: Rutgers and how we are a world aligned. Yeah, for
Speaker 1: you to say a softball player is a big deal
Speaker 1: is pretty cool. You know you don't hear it often. Um,
Speaker 1: I didn't hear it often at Rutgers, but nonetheless, so yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean I played softball my whole life from the
Speaker 1: time I could, the same story as you. The time
Speaker 1: I could was old enough to pick up a ball,
Speaker 1: I did, and that was the sport I chose. My
Speaker 1: dad played baseball. I never really had a huge interest
Speaker 1: in other sports. That I was just what I always
Speaker 1: wanted to do. Knew it early on, so played my
Speaker 1: whole life. I played baseball with the boys until they
Speaker 1: petitioned the league and told me I wasn't allowed to anymore,
Speaker 1: and switched over to softball. I think I think I
Speaker 1: was pretty good. How do you feel about that? How
Speaker 1: do you feel about when you're a girl and you're
Speaker 1: playing baseball with the boys and then they put a
Speaker 1: petition in the league to essentially kick you out of
Speaker 1: the league? Probably could you're kick in the boys? But
Speaker 1: how does that make you feel? What do you think? Yeah,
Speaker 1: I mean nowadays you would never get away with that.
Speaker 1: It was something back in the day that maybe it
Speaker 1: wasn't a big deal. I don't really see. I don't
Speaker 1: think I was dominating. I was I'm still small. I
Speaker 1: was small. I was holding my own but I think
Speaker 1: it made me a lot better, and I enjoyed playing
Speaker 1: with the boys. But yeah, I don't I don't think
Speaker 1: you could get away with it. Now, I don't know
Speaker 1: why it happened. Back then, I was super upset at
Speaker 1: the time. I remember crying to my parents, Um, this
Speaker 1: is kind of silly, but I didn't want to play
Speaker 1: softball because I saw how the pictures through and I
Speaker 1: thought that everybody had a throw like that underhand, underhand,
Speaker 1: So that was that was my idea of softball back then.
Speaker 1: So I fought it for as long as I could,
Speaker 1: but I end up switching over. Um, I think baseball
Speaker 1: really prepared me to be one of the better softball players,
Speaker 1: and I stuck with it, played through high school, won
Speaker 1: a state championship, and then ended up, you know, on
Speaker 1: a on a pretty good travel team and committing to
Speaker 1: Rutgers my junior year in high school. Okay, so you
Speaker 1: you come from the dominant state of Delaware, which I
Speaker 1: which I joke on a lot, I'm from New Jersey.
Speaker 1: Sports are a lot better in Jersey than they are
Speaker 1: in Delaware. Shout out Chris Godwin, shout out there on
Speaker 1: Harmon my boys, Shout out Della Don Darnell Savage. So
Speaker 1: you and Darnell Savas went to the same high school.
Speaker 1: We did not at the same time. But yeah, shout out.
Speaker 1: So you guys, Chris Godwin, you may not listen to this.
Speaker 1: You may be a guest probably in the future. Not
Speaker 1: you're my teammates. We should get them on here on
Speaker 1: your podcast. That's something. But you guys, are you guys
Speaker 1: are putting some respect on Delaware. I have been joke
Speaker 1: on it for a lot of years. So let's just
Speaker 1: say we met at the age of one. It might
Speaker 1: have been twenty. Let's just say twenty one. Let's just
Speaker 1: say we were at a party and I might have
Speaker 1: snuck a cheap vodka into a expensive Great Goose bottle
Speaker 1: to try to do the best I can on my
Speaker 1: college budget. And we met at a party, we met
Speaker 1: in class that we met at a already. We ended
Speaker 1: up hitting it off um and been together ever since.
Speaker 1: And that's ten years ago, right, ten years And then
Speaker 1: you know, I'm a red shirt junior and I decided
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go play pro football, and we're dating, and
Speaker 1: we had a decision to be made when I got
Speaker 1: drafted in New England Patriots, And it's kind of a
Speaker 1: decision of hey, we've been dating for a year or two,
Speaker 1: I'm going pro. Are you coming with me, are you not?
Speaker 1: I know you were a criminal justice major, So what
Speaker 1: were your plans in college? Yeah? You know, so I
Speaker 1: did major in criminal justice and psychology. As many athletes feel,
Speaker 1: I didn't really know where I wanted to go with
Speaker 1: any of that. I had an interest in it, but
Speaker 1: I wasn't sure. But my plans pre logan were to
Speaker 1: go back to Delaware and my home state, and I
Speaker 1: was going to coach. I was gonna do some stuff
Speaker 1: with my high school. I had an outline of a plan.
Speaker 1: Nothing major, um, but I had a good little setup.
Speaker 1: I had plans with the local software organization, and then
Speaker 1: you came into the picture and turned my my plans
Speaker 1: upside down. I throw a little wrench in it. I
Speaker 1: throw a little wrench in it, and we couldn't backtrack.
Speaker 1: When me and actually met, I was on the bench.
Speaker 1: I might have talked about this many times in this podcast,
Speaker 1: but true story, I literally was like the sixth string
Speaker 1: corner on the bench and we started dating, and I
Speaker 1: wanted to transfer, and I actually stayed for the spring
Speaker 1: because of me dating actually meeting her and want to
Speaker 1: see where that went, and to say, you know, let
Speaker 1: me just stick to it. I'm not a quitter, and
Speaker 1: let me just see if I can make this work.
Speaker 1: And we had a coach named Jeff Hapley who's the
Speaker 1: head coach at Boston College now come from pitt and
Speaker 1: he recently coached Derrell Reevers and that right there, you know,
Speaker 1: his coaching of Derrell Reeves and seeing what type of
Speaker 1: player Dearrell Revers was one of my favorite corners at
Speaker 1: the time. But this guy spoke so much positivity and
Speaker 1: confidence in me that I just didn't have. And I
Speaker 1: feel like I always had the work ethic and the drive,
Speaker 1: but I just didn't have the confidence at the time.
Speaker 1: You really need that to play defensive back at a
Speaker 1: college level, at the NFL level, and him come and
Speaker 1: really changed my career. And I went from being on
Speaker 1: the bench talking to the shortstop on a full ride
Speaker 1: on the softball team to you know, declared for the
Speaker 1: NFL Draft in a year or two. So it's a
Speaker 1: really a quick turnaround with Jeff Hafley gets a lot
Speaker 1: of credit, actually gets a ton of credit, a lot
Speaker 1: of tough nights talking to her figure out about this
Speaker 1: football journey, end up getting draft in New England Patriots
Speaker 1: in the third round. Actually makes a decision to come
Speaker 1: move up with your boy, and we ended up going
Speaker 1: to New England. And I know there was a tough
Speaker 1: time at first for you. It was very it was
Speaker 1: two different stories, are two different chapters. I would think
Speaker 1: at that point. I think a lot of people don't understand,
Speaker 1: you know, the NFL journey. It's not all rainbows and unicorns,
Speaker 1: as we know about life, but so talk about you know,
Speaker 1: the two different chapters that we were on maybe trajectories
Speaker 1: or whatever that may be. Yeah, So we moved up
Speaker 1: to New England. It was it was exciting. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's a huge moment for the logan. Um. You know,
Speaker 1: I was on board. I was ready to, you know,
Speaker 1: do what it took. I was gonna make my own
Speaker 1: way up there and figure it out. But what I
Speaker 1: didn't realize it was how tough the post athlete transition
Speaker 1: would be. Um. And I think that softball was my
Speaker 1: life for a really long time, and it's it was
Speaker 1: a lot of who I was, and I wasn't so
Speaker 1: sure who I was without it. So moving up there
Speaker 1: and I'm watching you live your dream. You get to
Speaker 1: continue playing your sport, you get to potentially make millions
Speaker 1: playing your sport, and I was supportive and I was
Speaker 1: a little at the same time envious, like I wish
Speaker 1: I could do that, and I'm going to be here
Speaker 1: and support you through it. But I had to figure
Speaker 1: out what the heck I'm gonna do next. So I
Speaker 1: dabbled in some things. I did some personal training. I
Speaker 1: settled in coaching and doing private lessons up there, and
Speaker 1: I really loved and enjoy did that, but it wasn't it,
Speaker 1: you know, it wasn't the It just didn't fulfill everything
Speaker 1: that I needed to fulfill at the time. So yeah,
Speaker 1: we were on really different paths, and eventually I was like,
Speaker 1: you know what I got I have to figure this out.
Speaker 1: And I ended up taking a job at Problems Animal
Speaker 1: Rescue League, and I didn't tell them who Logan was.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to be Logan Ryan's girlfriend, no friends.
Speaker 1: I loved being Logan Ryan's girlfriend, but I didn't want
Speaker 1: that to define who I was. So I took that job.
Speaker 1: Nobody there really knew who you were an animal shelter.
Speaker 1: An animal shelter, yeah, what our life was like outside
Speaker 1: of that. So I was cleaning kennels and changing letter
Speaker 1: boxes and doing really the dirty work. To grunt work
Speaker 1: at the shelter, and what was your income? Oh, I mean,
Speaker 1: I want to say, like twelve to fifteen bucks an hour,
Speaker 1: Like it was minimal, very minimal. And that's animal welfare.
Speaker 1: It's still the case that you don't make much in
Speaker 1: this field, but you do it because you love it.
Speaker 1: And I think I can hear and the viewer might
Speaker 1: not know this, but it's that's why I love you
Speaker 1: so much. As you said something how you refused to
Speaker 1: be just Logan Ryan's girlfriend and you took a job
Speaker 1: at an animal shelter at starting salary, not telling anybody
Speaker 1: who you were. Why that independence? Why the where does
Speaker 1: that come from? Where you don't want to be defined
Speaker 1: as just my girlfriend? You know, I just always I
Speaker 1: wanted to make my own way, and I appreciated what
Speaker 1: you did and I was super proud of what you
Speaker 1: did and who you were. Um, but you know, actually
Speaker 1: is cool too, Actually works hard to you know, I
Speaker 1: have my own thing and I wanted it to stay
Speaker 1: that way, and that's something I want. I'm still in
Speaker 1: our kids and and anybody I'm around just that. Like
Speaker 1: you know, you are great as well. You can do
Speaker 1: your own thing, You can make your own way. I
Speaker 1: don't need to rely on Logan being the superstar athletes
Speaker 1: still too, you know, carve my own path. So that's
Speaker 1: that's kind of what I was trying to do. And
Speaker 1: I don't know, it's just something that's been always been
Speaker 1: really important to me to know that I can rely
Speaker 1: on myself and have a supportive partner and have this
Speaker 1: relationship at the same time. But it wasn't everything. I
Speaker 1: paid the rent, but you paid all your own bills.
Speaker 1: I know, we had separate, separate cell phone bills, separate
Speaker 1: that separate that car. I mean, she wouldn't take nothing
Speaker 1: from me, Honestly, she literally was going to pay our
Speaker 1: own way. We were like two individuals living together like roommates.
Speaker 1: We look and we were also not engaged. We're also
Speaker 1: not married. It was still you know, we've been together
Speaker 1: for a couple of years at the time, but we
Speaker 1: still weren't exactly sure where. You know, we thought, we hey,
Speaker 1: we want to be together, we want to stay together,
Speaker 1: but we didn't know what our future was like. And
Speaker 1: with this huge change, I didn't want to be so
Speaker 1: stuck relying on your income and your career and who
Speaker 1: you are in my own life. That say, we decided
Speaker 1: to go separate paths. I had to be able to
Speaker 1: make it on my own too. Now, did you feel
Speaker 1: like you, as a college athlete or a person who's
Speaker 1: very into pendant, doesn't want to live off of my name,
Speaker 1: doesn't want to tell people who we even date, kind
Speaker 1: of want to go onto the radar and just kind
Speaker 1: of go about life and and find your own path
Speaker 1: and your own reason. Did you find that tough getting
Speaker 1: into the world of NFL wives, the hierarchy of some
Speaker 1: veterans and their wives. Tell me how that made you
Speaker 1: feel as a rookie girlfriend coming into the New England Patriots,
Speaker 1: the top of the top, um, you know, the NFL
Speaker 1: wide hierarchy, how that goes? Yeah, I can't lie. I
Speaker 1: had a hard time with it. Um. I think there
Speaker 1: was so much expectation from I don't know where it
Speaker 1: was from. You know. I think people hear NFL girlfriend,
Speaker 1: NFL wife, wag, all these titles, whatever you wanna call it,
Speaker 1: and expecting me to look and act a certain way,
Speaker 1: and I did not look or act that way. You know,
Speaker 1: the stereotypes. I don't really believe in them, and I
Speaker 1: don't think I think some people love to do those things,
Speaker 1: but I didn't. And you know, if you want to
Speaker 1: dress in those and we're makeup and you know, care
Speaker 1: about these certain things, that's great and some people love
Speaker 1: it and and that's who they are, but it wasn't
Speaker 1: who I am, and it kind of felt like maybe
Speaker 1: that I didn't belong. So you come in, you don't
Speaker 1: really I feel like you fit in. You're in a
Speaker 1: truly a slow moving place. Not slow moving, but I'm
Speaker 1: not a lot going on in Foxborough, mass a lot
Speaker 1: of grace. Guys. It's pretty gloomy, working at an animal slter,
Speaker 1: working at it, working on an animal shelter, chearing your boyfriends,
Speaker 1: starting on the New England Patriots on Sunday, that no
Speaker 1: one even knows you know who you did. So I
Speaker 1: kind of felt it was a very isolating time for you. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it was a transition. I just didn't know, you know.
Speaker 1: I was going through my own transition of trying to
Speaker 1: figure out who I was, what I wanted to do,
Speaker 1: what our relationship was, where that was going, and you
Speaker 1: throw the NFL on top of that, and looking back
Speaker 1: on it, I think it was a little bit unfounded.
Speaker 1: I don't think I needed to feel those expectations so much,
Speaker 1: and all of those women from New England, I'm still
Speaker 1: friends with so many of them, people who were very
Speaker 1: much like me and people who are complete opposite of me.
Speaker 1: So I think a lot of that expectation came from myself,
Speaker 1: and then I thought I had to be something, but
Speaker 1: that really probably wasn't the case. And I think that
Speaker 1: my first you know, two three years in the as
Speaker 1: an NFL girlfriend wife, would have been much easier if
Speaker 1: I just released that expectation and just would have been me. Yeah,
Speaker 1: you know, as we get into the next story here
Speaker 1: that we're gonna tell, and we fast forward, I'm a
Speaker 1: New York Johan and I signed up miss off training camp.
Speaker 1: I signed a week of the season, and it wasn't playned.
Speaker 1: I wasn't trying to skip training camp or anything. He
Speaker 1: literally just they had a young safety's Aver McKinney, who
Speaker 1: was a stud end up breaking his foot during training
Speaker 1: camp and they needed another player, and Joe Judge brought
Speaker 1: me in and U and brought me into lead and
Speaker 1: brought me into show these guys what I can do.
Speaker 1: And I really had a good time in that role.
Speaker 1: I really enjoyed that leadership position. I really enjoyed the
Speaker 1: young guys, and I think our world shifted upside down.
Speaker 1: It's Monday Night football. We're playing Tom Brady, my old
Speaker 1: friend from the Patriots. I intercepted him for Tennessee and
Speaker 1: beat the Patriots. He ends up going to Tampa. He's
Speaker 1: in Tampa. I'm in the Giants, and everything's completely different
Speaker 1: from our lass encounter. And I'm playing him on Monday
Speaker 1: Night Football and I'm part of the game planning. I'm
Speaker 1: trying to run everything to make his life difficult. Um
Speaker 1: from everything I learned in practice, everything he taught me,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to use against him to the best of
Speaker 1: my ability. And it's a really tight game. It's a
Speaker 1: really close game. We have a very important vote in
Speaker 1: our country at that time, right and during COVID we
Speaker 1: hadn't moved to Florida because we knew we weren't coming
Speaker 1: back to Tennessee, and we bought this dream house in
Speaker 1: Florida in Tampa, and we really wanted to say, hey,
Speaker 1: we're a tight unit. It's very tough leaven Nashville at
Speaker 1: the time. I don't know if I want to live
Speaker 1: here if not a tighten I'm really recognizable in the city.
Speaker 1: I get a lot of love, but it kind of
Speaker 1: hurts not playing here. Let's go somewhere fresh, Let's go
Speaker 1: somewhere together us. We picked Tampa, Florida. Plan was something unrelated,
Speaker 1: unrelated to football, which makes us a little ironic. Now
Speaker 1: wherever where I'm going to retire one day and and
Speaker 1: live life after football, warm sunshine, tax free beaches. There's
Speaker 1: no beaches in Tennessee and close to Disney World. We're
Speaker 1: big Disney people, So that was all in it. Um
Speaker 1: so as she's down in Florida to go vote. And
Speaker 1: while I was important for you to go to Florida
Speaker 1: and vote, it, honestly, I wanted to vote in Florida.
Speaker 1: I know Florida was somewhat of a swing state at
Speaker 1: the time, and um, the election was really important to me,
Speaker 1: and I wanted to go vote in person and make
Speaker 1: my vote count to the best of my ability. So
Speaker 1: I wanted to be there. I wanted to do it,
Speaker 1: and I wanted to check on our house and maybe
Speaker 1: get a little warm weather in the process. Right, So
Speaker 1: this is right around Halloween. I believe you're in Florida
Speaker 1: with your sister. You're going down at the check on
Speaker 1: our house to go vote. I'm gonna go play this
Speaker 1: game this Monday night football against Tom Brady. Our kids
Speaker 1: are down with my parents down in soft chairs. He's good.
Speaker 1: Benefit of playing for the Jags. My parents are. I
Speaker 1: grew up an hour fifteen minutes from the stadium. She always,
Speaker 1: she always does this thing where I like, don't even
Speaker 1: he underestimated. Yeah, so it's not fifty minutes our She'll say,
Speaker 1: our thirties hour fifteen minutes. Um, So we're good. Our
Speaker 1: kids are here, she's there, I'm there. My parents gonna
Speaker 1: bring the kids to me. The day after the game.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna watch him, so she gets back cool. We're
Speaker 1: all good. So we remember we like trick or treated
Speaker 1: all that. We go do our thing at the house
Speaker 1: because it was good, Yes, in house tricker treating, and
Speaker 1: I remember it's the it's the late night game. Tom
Speaker 1: Brady does the seam ball. I'm in cover three on
Speaker 1: the post SFET. I have a big hit with Tyler Johnson,
Speaker 1: I believe, and bam, I hit him. He hits me
Speaker 1: right down the scene and it's a tough spot for
Speaker 1: a city because I don't want to hit him in
Speaker 1: his head. Because that's appenalty. I don't want to cut
Speaker 1: his knees out because I'm just not that type of guy.
Speaker 1: So I hit him right in his trunk, in his
Speaker 1: midsection where all his weight is, and I took the
Speaker 1: brunt of the hit. Honestly, I think I I got
Speaker 1: a knee to my thigh. I had the worst ive bruise.
Speaker 1: I went to the I went to the tent. They
Speaker 1: checked me for a concussion. I didn't have a concussion.
Speaker 1: I come back in the game. I'm literally playing on
Speaker 1: one leg. A couple of players on out. They score
Speaker 1: a touchdown. Mike Evans catches a touchdown and win the
Speaker 1: game on that play. We played him really well, we
Speaker 1: played him really tight um, but we lost. I go back.
Speaker 1: I'm in the training room. It's again, it's probably midnight
Speaker 1: by the time the game gets done. I'm in the
Speaker 1: training room, and that's when I get a call from you. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I was home. I think this was the day
Speaker 1: before I was going to vote UM, laying in bed
Speaker 1: and I had felt stomach pain. It felt like crampy
Speaker 1: at first, and it would come and go, and I
Speaker 1: wasn't I didn't think much of it. I took some
Speaker 1: times and I was like, all right, I'm good. But
Speaker 1: by the time your game was over and it was
Speaker 1: time for us to talk, it had gotten really bad.
Speaker 1: And it was intermittent, so it will come and then
Speaker 1: it will go. But the pain had become closer together,
Speaker 1: and I was like, man, this doesn't feel right. I'm
Speaker 1: on web MD. I'm diagnosing myself with all kinds of stuff.
Speaker 1: But unlike most people who diagnosed themselves, I was kind
Speaker 1: of under diagnosing. I'm like, oh, I think I have
Speaker 1: kidney stones. Like I had no idea, And it was
Speaker 1: one o'clock in the morning, probably by this point, and
Speaker 1: I didn't want to get up and go to the
Speaker 1: e R. I didn't feel that emergent until it did.
Speaker 1: And after both kids you had kidney stones, I didn't.
Speaker 1: So we were used to you having kidneys and it
Speaker 1: was painful and it was terrible, and you called me,
Speaker 1: you said, your stomach is killing me. I'm walking out
Speaker 1: of the park a lot with Justin meyern and who's
Speaker 1: a trainer for the Giants, and he had just take
Speaker 1: care of my thigh Brews. He just took care of
Speaker 1: all my bumps and bruise. I'm the last player to
Speaker 1: leave the facility. I really stayed to get my body
Speaker 1: right to play in a short week. The next week,
Speaker 1: I get the call from Ashley that our stomach is
Speaker 1: killing her. I literally said, hey, let me call it
Speaker 1: just I was just with him my nose here, and
Speaker 1: he said, yeah, you know, women have a lot of
Speaker 1: different stuff going on down there than man, a lot
Speaker 1: more going on. And you know, I wouldn't take it lightly.
Speaker 1: I would have her go to any er, have to
Speaker 1: get it checked out. I'm like, man, it's midnight, stomach pains.
Speaker 1: Can she just go to sleep? Can she just sleep
Speaker 1: on ship? Yeah? And he really advised not too. He's
Speaker 1: talking the phone. We had a decision. I said, ash
Speaker 1: you know he's advising just just go, like, just be safe,
Speaker 1: let's just go. So she ends up. Luckily, my sister
Speaker 1: was with me last minute. She decided to fly down
Speaker 1: with me, and so I call her in the middle
Speaker 1: of night. She's upstairs and she's like, okay, I'm coming.
Speaker 1: We go to just the local urgent care because again
Speaker 1: I didn't think it was that serious, and they admit me,
Speaker 1: start running all the tests, go through all their questions. Um,
Speaker 1: it takes some blood work that was the first thing
Speaker 1: they feel around my Abdominalaria asked where the pain is,
Speaker 1: and you know, the one question he asked like, okay, well,
Speaker 1: is there any chance that you're pregnant? And I said
Speaker 1: absolutely not. I'm you know, on a contraceptive. There's just
Speaker 1: that much of a chance. So he's like okay. So
Speaker 1: he's thinking about what it may be and he's like,
Speaker 1: all right, let's wait, get blood work back and we'll
Speaker 1: determine maybe why you're feeling this pain if whever it
Speaker 1: comes back. And he goes back in the room, he says, hey,
Speaker 1: can I talk to you in private? I thought we
Speaker 1: were in private. My sister was there. I'm like, no,
Speaker 1: she's flying, she can hear anything. And he's like, okay,
Speaker 1: you're pregnant, which was shocked to the system because we
Speaker 1: didn't think that was possible. Um, well, yeah, definitely not
Speaker 1: planning actually planning not to be pregnant. We're taking the
Speaker 1: precautions not to be And it was less than one
Speaker 1: percent chance that I could be pregnant, was the iu
Speaker 1: D that I had, And there we were less than
Speaker 1: one percent. I get a call from her sister. Was
Speaker 1: it you? I got a call? Yeah, I get a
Speaker 1: call from you. It's got to be one or two
Speaker 1: in the morning. At this point, I'm just winding down.
Speaker 1: It's really hard to fall asleep from me after games,
Speaker 1: just because you're so amped up. But I was really
Speaker 1: tired after this game. I'm laying down in bed, Uh
Speaker 1: mind you getting up early for my kids to come
Speaker 1: back home or whatever and and handle that. And I
Speaker 1: get a call, Hey, we're pregnant. I'm like, what what
Speaker 1: do you mean we're pregnant. Yeah, we're pregnant. And I'm like, hey, okay,
Speaker 1: I'm at peace with it, like all right, at least
Speaker 1: we know the stomach pain is coming from. And she said, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get out of here and I'm gonna call
Speaker 1: you in the morning and then we can, you know,
Speaker 1: tell people when it's time or whatever. But that's what
Speaker 1: it is. So I'm like going to bed. I think
Speaker 1: about what life's like with three gonna be with life's
Speaker 1: like with three kids? Yeah, I think that we we
Speaker 1: weren't expecting it, but it was where we were good
Speaker 1: with it. It It was it was good news. That's you know,
Speaker 1: a child is generally not bad news. So we were excited.
Speaker 1: We went he went to bed happy, and it was
Speaker 1: all call in the morning, and then my brain started
Speaker 1: going like, wait a second, I've been pregnant. Pregnancy doesn't
Speaker 1: hurt like this, you know, like, Oh, We're just going
Speaker 1: to do an ultrasound check everything. And at that point
Speaker 1: I kind of knew. Once I was in the ultrasound,
Speaker 1: I knew something was up. Um. The tech was very quiet.
Speaker 1: She I was asking the questions and she just kept saying, well,
Speaker 1: I can't you know, I can't answer that for you,
Speaker 1: you know, I'd wait for the doctor and uh. And
Speaker 1: when she was performing the ultrasound, it was very painful.
Speaker 1: So I was like, Okay, something's going on. By the
Speaker 1: time I got back to my room, I was in
Speaker 1: pretty much constant pain. All the time. They were giving
Speaker 1: me some serious drugs. They were not touching the pain.
Speaker 1: And it turned out that the pregnancy was a topic.
Speaker 1: So it was in plants. It in the Filippian two.
Speaker 1: It wasn't viable and I needed emergency surgery. They said
Speaker 1: yesterday essentially as fast as possible to take care of it,
Speaker 1: because these things can go downhill very quickly, so they
Speaker 1: had to transmit over to the actual emergency room. I'm
Speaker 1: in an ambulance and that's when like everything kind of
Speaker 1: went crazy. It was super painful, everything, every bump the
Speaker 1: ambulance hit, it was painful. I was begging the guy
Speaker 1: in the ambulance to give me something else. I'm like, plea,
Speaker 1: use it to start so bad. And by the time
Speaker 1: I got in the room at the emergency room, I
Speaker 1: could barely talk like it was. The pain was that bad.
Speaker 1: I asked my sister to help me stand up to
Speaker 1: go to the bathroom and I couldn't lean forward enough
Speaker 1: to go to the bathroom. Um, to even get up,
Speaker 1: And yeah, so they were right. It did go downhill
Speaker 1: very quickly. It ended up that my tube had ruptured
Speaker 1: at some point from A to B and the surgery
Speaker 1: was super emergent at that point. And honestly, the rest
Speaker 1: is a blurb of pain and pain meds. And the
Speaker 1: next thing I know, I'm waking up from surgery and
Speaker 1: it was told it was a success, and um, I
Speaker 1: had to spend a good week or two recovering, but
Speaker 1: I was okay to fly home on Sunday and that
Speaker 1: was that. Yeah, So let mean rewind a little bit
Speaker 1: perspective and get my point of view again. This is
Speaker 1: a crazy story because so many different perspectives. But I
Speaker 1: go to bed thinking that we're going to have our
Speaker 1: third kid, and I was very excited, um and it
Speaker 1: kind of took the pain away that I was feeling
Speaker 1: from the bumps and brutis from the game. I get
Speaker 1: a call maybe an hour into my sleep, three three
Speaker 1: thirty from her sister, Hey lo Um Ashley is having
Speaker 1: a topic pregnancy and her Filipian two just ruptured and
Speaker 1: she's bleeding and she's going into emergency surgery and she's
Speaker 1: an ambulance and they got to do this procedure to
Speaker 1: save her life. And I'm like caught on what wait, wait, wait,
Speaker 1: And I'm literally like in the middle of a sleep
Speaker 1: kind of trying to process everything. And it just went
Speaker 1: from a feeling of we're gonna have a baby too,
Speaker 1: We're not having a baby and my wife may die
Speaker 1: um very quickly, and I'm thinking worried about the kids,
Speaker 1: what about this? What about that? And what about my wife?
Speaker 1: And what about the season, and just so many thoughts
Speaker 1: run to my head. And I said, all right, just
Speaker 1: keep me, like, keep me posted as fast as possible,
Speaker 1: let me know, And like she says, she gets she's
Speaker 1: In the end, she's in the back of an ambulance.
Speaker 1: Your stuff ruptures, right, what rupture for? Open to rupture?
Speaker 1: You're bleeding, internal bleeding. They go into emergency surgery. They
Speaker 1: end up saving your life. Obviously the baby was not salvageable.
Speaker 1: We lose the baby, and you make it through the night,
Speaker 1: and me and you don't talk maybe until because of
Speaker 1: the surgery. So we probably don't talk until nine or
Speaker 1: ten the next morning. I don't sleep at all. From
Speaker 1: at three o'clock. I'm waiting to get the call her
Speaker 1: sister telling me everything went um. The doctor said a success.
Speaker 1: Around seven or eight, I can get to talk to
Speaker 1: her until later. You're kind of on pain meds. We're talking.
Speaker 1: I had to call my parents and say they have
Speaker 1: to watch the kids until I figure out what's going on.
Speaker 1: And me and you talk and I don't. I just
Speaker 1: think we don't know how to feel. Honestly, I think
Speaker 1: I'm obviously very happy that I didn't lose you um,
Speaker 1: obviously was very sad that we lost a baby, and
Speaker 1: very very helpless that I can't not there. I end
Speaker 1: up calling Joe Judge that morning. Again, haven't slept more
Speaker 1: than one hour to the situation. Hey Joe, here's what's happening. Um,
Speaker 1: you know, I don't I think I have to go
Speaker 1: with Florida. And I don't know if I go to
Speaker 1: Florida because what about the protocol in COVID And will
Speaker 1: I'll be able to return to this bubble that we
Speaker 1: kind of have to play And I might miss the
Speaker 1: next game and I'll see if I can come back
Speaker 1: for the second one. And and he's like, logan, logan, logan,
Speaker 1: wait wait wait, wait wait, He's like, your family comes
Speaker 1: first and you need to go be with your wife.
Speaker 1: And if you don't play another game this season, I
Speaker 1: will understand. And you got the permission from me to
Speaker 1: do so. And that meant a lot. Man, I think
Speaker 1: we're still healing. I don't. I don't even think we're healed.
Speaker 1: I don't know. When you're ever held, it's a piece
Speaker 1: of you that's always missing. And that's the thing. And
Speaker 1: I really felt I think we really felt a lot
Speaker 1: of affects the following season. I think this past season
Speaker 1: we really felt that when things kind of got back
Speaker 1: to normal for us, it's and it's like, okay, well
Speaker 1: that was last year, Like you should be good now.
Speaker 1: I can't always say that I felt there mentally at
Speaker 1: times because of what the trauma that we went through,
Speaker 1: and we realized we're running off a lot of adrenaline,
Speaker 1: you know, for months. Yeah, my wife is at a
Speaker 1: commission essension for four weeks in our house, four or
Speaker 1: five weeks with two surgeries back to back, trying to
Speaker 1: just get back to walking, trying to get back to
Speaker 1: you couldn't pick up our son for for two months,
Speaker 1: my mom leaving her job. There were vocation of that household,
Speaker 1: her sister leaving work, everything that it took to support
Speaker 1: us just even play that season. I was exhausted, you
Speaker 1: know when the season got over, um, and kind of
Speaker 1: a little bit because of just everything we've been through
Speaker 1: and kind of just going back to reality. So it's
Speaker 1: definitely a process where I feel for everybody who's also
Speaker 1: a child. Um, it is not something that is that
Speaker 1: is just you get over. It's something that kind of
Speaker 1: lives with you. And I think we're able to channel
Speaker 1: it to to do some good. Yeah, And I think
Speaker 1: in perspective shifts a little bit. You know, you we were,
Speaker 1: I mean, the gratitude was a real we were we
Speaker 1: were living differently after this happened, and you know, it's
Speaker 1: sad to think that something like this has to happen
Speaker 1: for you to live that way. But man, we still
Speaker 1: to this day, I think, are living very differently and
Speaker 1: see life very differently and appreciate so much the people
Speaker 1: who were there for us to that process. And you know,
Speaker 1: your mom and well your dad, your family justed, my dad,
Speaker 1: my sister, Joe, Joe and Amber Judge and the way
Speaker 1: they handled that they didn't have to do they didn't
Speaker 1: have to do anything. And I didn't know any of
Speaker 1: the wives yet. It was COVID and we weren't even
Speaker 1: allowed to associate with each other. And Amber, you know,
Speaker 1: was checking in on me constantly and sending things and
Speaker 1: do you need something, and we barely knew each other,
Speaker 1: and that has turned into a really great friend for me.
Speaker 1: And obviously you and Joe were close, and regardless of
Speaker 1: what happens on the football field, that was our experience
Speaker 1: with the Giants and I'm grateful for it. Look, man,
Speaker 1: it's it's This is obviously a shout out to the
Speaker 1: Mother's and Mother's Day. And I've been with you so
Speaker 1: we were twenty years old, became parents together, we've had
Speaker 1: kids together. We had a kid born in Boston, had
Speaker 1: a kid born in Tennessee, and we lost a kid
Speaker 1: in Florida, New York. Um. We've lost them, we've had them,
Speaker 1: We've been through a lot. What's the overall perspective that
Speaker 1: you gained into being a mother and Mother's Day? I
Speaker 1: think for me especially, I mean, through all of that,
Speaker 1: it's just too you know, put your all into what
Speaker 1: you're doing as a parent. And you know, we have
Speaker 1: two kids and we are what they rely on to learn,
Speaker 1: and we're we are the main teachers of these tiny
Speaker 1: little human beings who then get to go out into
Speaker 1: the world and navigate it the same way we were
Speaker 1: figuring out. So I think just preparing them the best
Speaker 1: we can and look, like you said, it's not rainbows
Speaker 1: and unicorns all the time. There's tough things. There's tough days.
Speaker 1: There's some days where I don't want to fight outo
Speaker 1: to go to bed for an hour like we you know,
Speaker 1: did last and I don't want to have to do
Speaker 1: these things. We've got to do it anyway and do
Speaker 1: the best you can through it and just give your
Speaker 1: kids all the tools that they need to go navigate
Speaker 1: the same things that we've been through or you know,
Speaker 1: the things that they're going to go through in their lives.
Speaker 1: So whended like this, we obviously gave our daughter a
Speaker 1: bad rapple. This episode made it seem like she was
Speaker 1: just a terrible baby. But she's awesome. She's playing softball now,
Speaker 1: so mom's coaching. Dad is in the stance hyping them
Speaker 1: up straight spirit squad, And it's kind of full circle.
Speaker 1: We met because we're both athletes. She was the baddest
Speaker 1: and at Rutgers and and and a stud and I
Speaker 1: wanted to see what that or was about and get
Speaker 1: around and see if I can talk my way into
Speaker 1: get a date with her, and I did, And now
Speaker 1: to have our daughter play, it's just surreal. Also actually
Speaker 1: at me a picture of the day. I'm in Florida
Speaker 1: training during the during the week, she's up in New
Speaker 1: Jersey while the kids are in school again separated again.
Speaker 1: It's what this business brings sometimes and it is the
Speaker 1: hardest part for us as being a part um. But
Speaker 1: so you taught avery, so so you can explain it.
Speaker 1: What did you teach it? What was I think, in
Speaker 1: like teacher terms called regrouping in math, where you carry
Speaker 1: the number essentially UM. She was trying to learn how
Speaker 1: to add to your number. She's in first grade, they
Speaker 1: hadn't learned it yet. So I taught her on a
Speaker 1: white board and she came back to Jersey and went
Speaker 1: to school and was the teacher sent me a picture
Speaker 1: of her in front of the class teaching them all
Speaker 1: how to do it. So that was that was a
Speaker 1: moment for all of us. And it's pretty awesome. And
Speaker 1: Avery is a little shy. She gets a little nervous
Speaker 1: to be in front. She couldn't do this right now.
Speaker 1: She's a little nervous talking in front of people and
Speaker 1: even to her own classmates. So to see her doing
Speaker 1: that and be so confident in it was like a
Speaker 1: huge unting moment for us. And that's what that's what
Speaker 1: parent is about. Is is your your kids teacher, and
Speaker 1: you teach them ultimately how to be human beings. And
Speaker 1: I think we have each other lean on and hold
Speaker 1: each other accountable in terms of being good human beings,
Speaker 1: but also our kids. And for you to teach her
Speaker 1: something um in one day and then her to stand
Speaker 1: in front of class and teach her whole classmates that
Speaker 1: I think it kind of brought it all full circle
Speaker 1: for us because we were kids when we met and
Speaker 1: clearly so. Uh but yeah, man, that's it. My favorite
Speaker 1: guest us far. Obviously we had some you know, intimate
Speaker 1: personal stories there of losing a child Azzy obviously and
Speaker 1: um having children, UM, balancing the NFL with all that. Um,
Speaker 1: just a little perspective of how I operate as a
Speaker 1: player and as a human being out there, and hope
Speaker 1: you guys can see me more than just a player
Speaker 1: and just a safety for a team and how many
Speaker 1: Super Bowl rings I have, but also everything else that
Speaker 1: goes around it and what that takes and the sacrifice
Speaker 1: that takes day in and day out. Um, but the
Speaker 1: team that you need, and I have a great team.
Speaker 1: I got a great teammate with me. So this was
Speaker 1: a fun one. I appreciate it. Appreciate it. Appreciate you
Speaker 1: guys for listening and stay tuned. We have a lot
Speaker 1: more good ones coming up. Great guest list, and I'm
Speaker 1: rejuvenate and I'm ready to keep going and keep knocking
Speaker 1: us a great episode, So appreciate it. Thanks for joining
Speaker 1: us on the NFL Players Podcast. Don't forget to subscribe
Speaker 1: and follow at NFL Players Podcast on Instagram for the
Speaker 1: latest players stories and to connect with the NFL Players community.