Speaker 1: Wine down with Janna Kramer and I heard radio podcast.
Speaker 1: Oh I'm so excited. Why to be back? I was like, who,
Speaker 1: what is she planning? I was in a life for
Speaker 1: way too long. Yeah, I concur that was like a
Speaker 1: week you really, um, you really bounce back quick. I
Speaker 1: thought about that today, like you're like podcast tomorrow, and
Speaker 1: I was like, you're not even in the state yet.
Speaker 1: It's crazy. Like when I get back from those long trips,
Speaker 1: I feel like I need like forty eight hours of
Speaker 1: silence and decompression. And we got in it like what
Speaker 1: two am? Yeah, we got it like yeah, two and
Speaker 1: then I couldn't fall asleep to like about like three am.
Speaker 1: And then this would never work for old Janna. I
Speaker 1: was always taking the early flights, I know, but old
Speaker 1: Janna would be like two am. That is way past
Speaker 1: my bedtime. For sure. It was. It would be like
Speaker 1: eight oh nine here, and we were all like frantically
Speaker 1: cleaning up. It's time to go a fifteen. You know why,
Speaker 1: I'm a grandma. I like to go to bed early.
Speaker 1: What can I say? I know, but Nujiana doesn't go
Speaker 1: to bed early all the time, not all the time.
Speaker 1: She needs to. She nothing good happens after midnight? Isn't
Speaker 1: that what they say? That is a very good point.
Speaker 1: I haven't really pulled a midnighter. But anyways, we're getting
Speaker 1: off topic here. I have something I'd like to talk
Speaker 1: about that really has bugged me. I'm nervous. That's why
Speaker 1: I said, why are you excited? I knew it was
Speaker 1: something I can tell, But why do you guys go
Speaker 1: straight to it's y'all? Well, because you were like, I
Speaker 1: have something to talk about, hit record, I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: that that gives us no chance of the process. That
Speaker 1: kind of feels like an am and Marcus here's that's
Speaker 1: even extra terrifying, Marcus counting on it. No, I have
Speaker 1: zero friend is shoes. I have the best queendom ever
Speaker 1: you guys, although I didn't feel a little attacked yesterday
Speaker 1: on our queendom text message because of my I went
Speaker 1: on a few dates in l A and UM and
Speaker 1: marks like material here for it? Y I know a little?
Speaker 1: Is it? The person I'm familiar with? My body is
Speaker 1: not a wonderland. I can't talk anymore because I'm just eased.
Speaker 1: Please don't edit it out so good. I'm blushing blushing
Speaker 1: that but it wasn't even about that. It was it
Speaker 1: was about uh something else that he was Why don't
Speaker 1: even bring up queendom. There's nothing that goes on in
Speaker 1: that chat we can talk about. I found the one
Speaker 1: thing and I posted it. It It was like the yeah
Speaker 1: you about yeah, literally, well and so, but you guys
Speaker 1: were like calling me out basically because there was one
Speaker 1: thing with one guy where I said, you know, he's okay,
Speaker 1: mm hmmm, he likes the color blue. Okay, Okay, got it,
Speaker 1: what you have to use, He's not going to enjoy
Speaker 1: it until it's politically incorrect. I could get possibly because
Speaker 1: it's a belief system, okay, And so maybe I would
Speaker 1: well know, everyone knows I'm a Christian, Okay, so you
Speaker 1: went out with somebody who didn't, who wasn't a Christian?
Speaker 1: Is that fair to say that's it? Yes? Great? And
Speaker 1: so I had just look at Mark like he's a dad.
Speaker 1: I'm like, tell us, yes, no. But I realized how
Speaker 1: important that is for me for the other person to
Speaker 1: have that same quality or same belief, same belief, same
Speaker 1: belief for not only what I want in my life,
Speaker 1: but like my children. And why am I like tiptoeing
Speaker 1: over like the fact of them when you get canceled
Speaker 1: for that, like, I shouldn't feel tiptoeing over like what
Speaker 1: my belief is. Tanya has talked about this at length
Speaker 1: to Tanya is now dating a Jewish person. She's very
Speaker 1: shocked by that because she always said she would never
Speaker 1: date a non Christian and so that's been an adjustment
Speaker 1: for her. But that's been a very interesting storyline for
Speaker 1: her coming around to that. The person that I went
Speaker 1: on a date with was Jewish, okay, and so thank
Speaker 1: you for like, because I'm like, I just feel like
Speaker 1: you can't say and I'm like, I'm like, why can't
Speaker 1: I talk about my faith without And so I'm I hope,
Speaker 1: I'm glad that Tanya has talking about that. That's great.
Speaker 1: It makes me feel a little better. Um, but yeah,
Speaker 1: And so I basically went into my queendom chat and said,
Speaker 1: I'm now realizing how much this means to me. And
Speaker 1: we sat down and we had a really this guy
Speaker 1: is like great, you know, like really good dude, and
Speaker 1: um and he's Jewish and it has nothing and I
Speaker 1: have no problem with that. The only problem not problem,
Speaker 1: but it's like what I want from my family and
Speaker 1: my kids and is it can we pray to the
Speaker 1: different things and that's still work in a relationship for
Speaker 1: what I want now because before I could probably give
Speaker 1: I wouldn't care at all. Um, not that I won't
Speaker 1: care at all, but like I could never date an atheist,
Speaker 1: just because that would be really tough for me, so
Speaker 1: staring at me. So I basically went into queendom and
Speaker 1: said like, hey, guys, like everything checked boxes, but this
Speaker 1: was like a big thing, and this is a big
Speaker 1: thing for me. But then Pam's like, well, then why
Speaker 1: haven't you got rid of the other dude that is
Speaker 1: also Jewish? So why is that one My beef with
Speaker 1: other dude is not that he's Jewish? Suck? So I
Speaker 1: think that that's a pamelin and the defense attorney. All
Speaker 1: she was doing was saying, here's one way we can
Speaker 1: get rid of this guy once and for all, because
Speaker 1: everyone's every time I'm like, oh, look at he texted,
Speaker 1: and they're all like snows, like they're sending like snooze
Speaker 1: emojis and like he's so boring. Like if people knew
Speaker 1: how mean we are to you sometimes chat, I don't
Speaker 1: mean though, I was just like, wait, how did I
Speaker 1: miss this. I don't know. I don't think. I don't
Speaker 1: think I'm a tough love girl. I'm just saying I
Speaker 1: have a lot of jokes in there, but I don't
Speaker 1: think I. I was just more shocked that I missed
Speaker 1: this huge piece of information and like why, I'm like
Speaker 1: the last few people I've not continued having more dates
Speaker 1: because they of their faith based Yeah, Pamelan was just going, listen,
Speaker 1: this guy's gotta go. If you're gonna do it for when,
Speaker 1: we gotta do it for the other. And I'm going,
Speaker 1: whatever gets this guy out of this group chat once
Speaker 1: and for all, because I'm so over him. This is
Speaker 1: like the most this is the least interesting human I've
Speaker 1: never talked to in my entire life. If you're a
Speaker 1: guy of a guy equivalent of a corporate email. Every
Speaker 1: time he texts thank you Janna, that was lovely. I'm like,
Speaker 1: we can't have Christmas with this guy. I'm friends giving sucks.
Speaker 1: I'm bored already. We are all dating him, it matters.
Speaker 1: That's the thing you have to understand. Because we were
Speaker 1: all dating him, we don't want to invite him the Easter,
Speaker 1: and now we can't any I wish I could say
Speaker 1: his nickname because his nickname describes how I feel about him.
Speaker 1: But it's sucking transcends religion. What sucking transcends all religions.
Speaker 1: So the question is why are you still with him?
Speaker 1: For or not? Not? You know with him, but why you?
Speaker 1: Why is he still in your life? If your friends
Speaker 1: can't stand him? To me, that would be a major
Speaker 1: red flag. He's not fun Jewish guy. I can do
Speaker 1: fun Jewish guy. I'm excited for fun Jewish guys. The
Speaker 1: other one is fun Jewish guy. I don't even know
Speaker 1: that the other one Jewish. We went on one day.
Speaker 1: We don't even know him. We don't know any of them,
Speaker 1: but we don't, but some of us felt like we
Speaker 1: knew the first one. So this is boring Jewish guy,
Speaker 1: the most boring human b j G. Okay, that has
Speaker 1: nothing to do with Ian boring. But what but Jan,
Speaker 1: it doesn't that affect you that your friends have this
Speaker 1: opinion of him? That's a really good question. That's actually
Speaker 1: a really good question. Mark, what we're with? Mark? Always
Speaker 1: when Mark asked, she has to answer it? Actually doesn't
Speaker 1: I do that answer? And and every other person I
Speaker 1: would I would want if they didn't like my whatever
Speaker 1: exploit like which you know they ended up not but
Speaker 1: like I would be like peace out. But there's something
Speaker 1: about this guy, or if there's something about this moment
Speaker 1: in your life. It's a nat Gio episode and we
Speaker 1: are here for the chase. It's a huntress on the
Speaker 1: prowl to lock this boring assid he's not interested or
Speaker 1: he's playing hard to get, he's playing impossible. So he
Speaker 1: gives enough this I've carefully to sect did dissected, dissected. Um.
Speaker 1: He gives her enough, but it's not anything, but it's enough.
Speaker 1: Like I saw it yesterday, bread crumbing. Uh huh yeah,
Speaker 1: what's smaller than a bread but very unavailable bread crumbing. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's like disappearing bread crumbs. I'm like, I think that
Speaker 1: was it. It's gone. I can't tell. I don't know.
Speaker 1: Now I'm lost in the woods and we're still we're
Speaker 1: still here, but you really don't. You didn't let us
Speaker 1: talk to him, like every other guy was like, oh
Speaker 1: I want you to meet him, I want you to
Speaker 1: talk to him. He's like this one's like off limits. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Like when he would ever FaceTime, I would run away
Speaker 1: normally anyone else on FaceTime I'd be like, well, these
Speaker 1: are my friends, and I like I run in the
Speaker 1: other room. What does that say, Mark? Yeah, is that
Speaker 1: because you know he sucks and they're going to get
Speaker 1: your patient about it? Or you want to keep this
Speaker 1: just you and him? You want to keep this private.
Speaker 1: What's the motivation here? Why is this different from other guys?
Speaker 1: That's what I'm trying to get at. So he started
Speaker 1: off as just he was the start of my like
Speaker 1: hawk grow summer, just very fun. We had fun, flew
Speaker 1: out to meet him a few times. We had fun,
Speaker 1: like it was. It was a good time. But there's
Speaker 1: something very mysterious and um impossible. I mean there definitely
Speaker 1: is like deep deep, deep deep down, there's definitely something
Speaker 1: in me that's like, of course I want to be
Speaker 1: the one that like he chooses because he's such a
Speaker 1: hard one to get, like he's so unavailable that I'm
Speaker 1: like and this is like, this is my issues from
Speaker 1: like way back in my twenties. So there's a little
Speaker 1: piece of me that that Janet that kind of comes up.
Speaker 1: There's a piece that just wants to have fun and
Speaker 1: know that that's which is what it is. Like my
Speaker 1: therapist is like when it stops being fun. You need
Speaker 1: to like stop. But like, there's also the other piece
Speaker 1: of me. It's like, well, maybe like because I know
Speaker 1: that I'm the longest person he's hung out with since
Speaker 1: his divorce. But don't you think that if you did
Speaker 1: land him whatever that means to you, it would immediately
Speaker 1: get not fun and boring? Can I answer that? Like?
Speaker 1: Why are we hunting him? I know I'm done, I'm done.
Speaker 1: I am I'm done. I'm over it that when I
Speaker 1: got the black heart the other day, I'm done, I'm done.
Speaker 1: I deserve better. You do deserve absolutely deserved. He sent
Speaker 1: you a black heart because he has a black heart. No, no,
Speaker 1: I sound like this cute little like video when I
Speaker 1: was on set the other day and then all these
Speaker 1: times back was just a black heart? Wait you, it's
Speaker 1: not engaging. Did I realize that it was a video
Speaker 1: that I sent queendom? Realized that you've actually sent it
Speaker 1: to him and he sent you a black Hearty? What
Speaker 1: does that mean? You have to go get a black heart?
Speaker 1: There's intention there? What does that mean? I don't know.
Speaker 1: Let's call him up? Could we not? Because I already
Speaker 1: fell asleep? Thank you? No? It did it? Didn't know
Speaker 1: we we had it. We actually did have a conversation
Speaker 1: and um, and he was like, you know, I'm like
Speaker 1: protecting you from like my personal detachment issues. And so
Speaker 1: I'm like it was basically the call like I'm into you,
Speaker 1: but I'm just not that into you kind of call.
Speaker 1: So I'm like, I get it now. So I'm I'm
Speaker 1: I'm detaching. You do what seem like? You're detached? You
Speaker 1: don't see Mark? Do you want to get on the
Speaker 1: queendom chat? Oh my god, if Mark was on chat
Speaker 1: you would die. Um No, I am you can detacht
Speaker 1: like you can care about him, and then you can
Speaker 1: also make him go away. I promise you. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I know that he's not my person. That I can
Speaker 1: one thousand percent say with certainty and clarity. That's why
Speaker 1: you probably don't care what we think. Yeah, because it's
Speaker 1: not like you think you're actually going to ultimately end
Speaker 1: up with him. Can I go back? I mean I
Speaker 1: wish I could say I don't know what's his nickname.
Speaker 1: You know what it is, but it says his name,
Speaker 1: so I can't. It's not like Waddle Like with Swaddle,
Speaker 1: I could talk about spattle right now and Swaddle doesn't
Speaker 1: know who saddle that one. We had to wrap up
Speaker 1: like a little baby and hold him. We needed Jana
Speaker 1: really bad, right, uh huh, So what's what's the end game?
Speaker 1: Or maybe it's changed, but what was the end game?
Speaker 1: If you knew he wasn't your guy? Well, so I
Speaker 1: don't reach out to him anymore. Yeah, yeah, so I'm
Speaker 1: just like, but what was the end It was really
Speaker 1: attractive to her. The goal was the fling. He was
Speaker 1: really fun for Hot Girl summer. Yeah, great connection. We
Speaker 1: had a great connectical connection. Yeah, physical connection. We have
Speaker 1: good deep conversations. Did you shake your head when we
Speaker 1: talk when we're together, Yeah, when we like, I love
Speaker 1: like he's very intellectually and like intelligent and so that was.
Speaker 1: And he's older, you know, he's upper forties, so um yeah,
Speaker 1: it was like it was it was and I will
Speaker 1: say this too, because he was always kind of busy working.
Speaker 1: I was able to go to these really cool places
Speaker 1: and then just be alone during the day and me
Speaker 1: like have fun in the city and I got to
Speaker 1: write and like I really got to Like I sent
Speaker 1: the girls a photo when I went to um this
Speaker 1: one part of California, and I was just like if anything,
Speaker 1: like he gave me like this adventure piece of me,
Speaker 1: Like I got to really adventure and fly alone and
Speaker 1: be alone all day, you know, almost all night to
Speaker 1: just like having fun and like you know, just exploring
Speaker 1: new cities. B Yeah, for sure. So it sounds like
Speaker 1: he was great for this season of your life. But
Speaker 1: it's fall now. Yeah yeah, hawk Girl Summers over fall
Speaker 1: in love is here and we cannot fall in love
Speaker 1: with boring guy. No, no, no. And he he basically
Speaker 1: kind of said it to like, you know, he's like
Speaker 1: I'm dating other people, and you know, he basically gave
Speaker 1: me that like I'm into you, but not that into you. Well,
Speaker 1: if he was into you wouldn't have to. Yeah, so
Speaker 1: I'm over it. Having said that, I'm over it, I am.
Speaker 1: I'm over it. I haven't. I haven't contacted him anymore,
Speaker 1: just you know, since Yester, since yesterday at three pm. No,
Speaker 1: but I'm done. I'm not going to reach out to
Speaker 1: him again. Yeah. That's well, all relationships what they come
Speaker 1: into your life for a reason. This season for a lifetime,
Speaker 1: you know, he was he was a really fun season.
Speaker 1: But the whole point was my girlfriends were like, why
Speaker 1: are you like, because he was Jewish. So she's like,
Speaker 1: they're like, why are you? But again to me, I know,
Speaker 1: he wasn't my forever, so like, I don't, I didn't care.
Speaker 1: You're just it's a different reason, Like you're literally going
Speaker 1: out for different reasons with different guys. You know what
Speaker 1: I mean? A reason a sports season or a lifetime.
Speaker 1: Oh man, you know what. I feel like we almost
Speaker 1: should save my other topic for another day because we
Speaker 1: have an amazing guess coming. But it's just so good.
Speaker 1: Did she hear yet? Oh she's not here? Okay, great,
Speaker 1: we're gonna talk about. This involves someone that I had
Speaker 1: a season with last year, right I I am a
Speaker 1: little peeved. Yeah, I said the word peeved. I'm furious
Speaker 1: you heard it here at first. So when this person
Speaker 1: and I were hanging out, I named his beer company?
Speaker 1: Is this the tell all part of it? I named it?
Speaker 1: I've proof. Okay. Now, this person also got very angry
Speaker 1: that he named someone else's business and wasn't getting compensated
Speaker 1: for It's not it's not it's not uncommon to be
Speaker 1: upset about that. It's not uncommon to be upset about
Speaker 1: I cannot handle all of that today. I love this
Speaker 1: much about that. So I even gave the whole like
Speaker 1: what it stands for, how you should promote it? And
Speaker 1: then he would send me what is this design? I
Speaker 1: was like, this design looks great. So then I get
Speaker 1: a call from Decker Jesse James because I also told her,
Speaker 1: and she goes, oh, it's out, and I go he
Speaker 1: did not use the name, oh and the same design
Speaker 1: and my promo for it. So here's my thing. I'm
Speaker 1: not asking for a check, you know, like, I get it.
Speaker 1: It's fine. He could have at least email here's my
Speaker 1: beef email and say, you know what, thank you for
Speaker 1: the name. We're going forward with it, and I appreciate it.
Speaker 1: That's all I wanted is branding genius. But like, is
Speaker 1: that wrong of me to be upset about that? Or no,
Speaker 1: call me out? Please call me out. I'm never going
Speaker 1: to call you out because this happens to me every
Speaker 1: day of my freaking life. What do you mean? People
Speaker 1: take my words all the time, so and it annoys me.
Speaker 1: I had a friend of mine who named their son
Speaker 1: Legend unfriend who in Michigan. But I was like, it
Speaker 1: was like two months after he was born, and I
Speaker 1: was like Bye, I don't think this is I don't
Speaker 1: this is my life. I'm the ghostwriter. I do not.
Speaker 1: I think you have every right to be annoyed, and
Speaker 1: I think you should have gotten anymail. Yeah, I agree,
Speaker 1: and ey's the email for legal reasons. But if he
Speaker 1: says an email, he's admitting that you came up with it.
Speaker 1: I have proofs between him and his partner saying I
Speaker 1: think doesn't have two choices. I think you pursue financial
Speaker 1: compensation or you have to let it go. But could
Speaker 1: I actually pursue financial compensation if you have I would
Speaker 1: talk to an attorney about that. But if you have proof,
Speaker 1: then probably what if they have an ambassador program? She
Speaker 1: could link it and get her money back because I
Speaker 1: don't like a beer. Okay. All I'm saying is it
Speaker 1: just would if I'm not going to go after money
Speaker 1: like although because again I was in this very brief
Speaker 1: relations wouldn't call it a relationship, very brief dating stint
Speaker 1: with this person. It just would be nice to say hey,
Speaker 1: because I mean people steal not strongs, but like songs,
Speaker 1: different song titles all the time, and how many songs
Speaker 1: are they're like, um, whiskey or what? What whatever, but
Speaker 1: like just something being like I mean, wine down wasn't
Speaker 1: even close to that one girls, but I still was like,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, and you know, like how can we make
Speaker 1: this or because I didn't even know, but this person
Speaker 1: knew took what something my name that I made for it.
Speaker 1: But then also I did give it to this person.
Speaker 1: But then my thing is, I'm like, then, why were
Speaker 1: you so upset about the other person's business that you named?
Speaker 1: So it's a little bit of hypocrisy on his on
Speaker 1: his side, but that's part of the reason he's no
Speaker 1: longer in the roster anyways, hypocrisy Mark, What do you
Speaker 1: think talk to a lawyer or just let it go?
Speaker 1: I think I think you have to let it go
Speaker 1: unless you want to pursue a legal action. That's different.
Speaker 1: But if if not, I don't think it's worth reaching
Speaker 1: out to him. I don't think you know, it's like
Speaker 1: they say, you'll be much happier if you accept the
Speaker 1: apology that you never received. I think you have to
Speaker 1: go to that mode right now. And I think a
Speaker 1: break from legal action sounds really good for all of us.
Speaker 1: I agree, and also I just I also I would
Speaker 1: have just loved an email that's it. That's all I
Speaker 1: would have what goes when it comes around though, I
Speaker 1: really do believe that. Mm hmm. Well anyways, um, let's
Speaker 1: take a break and then we're going to get Lisa on,
Speaker 1: who is just an angel. I gotta go grab a beer.
Speaker 1: Okay here, I'll give it to It's for free, so
Speaker 1: I know. Well, first of all, we have a massive
Speaker 1: off air catchup to do because we we Oh my god,
Speaker 1: I can't wait to hear all of it. Um. So
Speaker 1: Lisa has been like my I mean, you've truly just
Speaker 1: been like been on the journey with me and I've
Speaker 1: just been it's been such an honor to be um
Speaker 1: just you know, with your words and um going through
Speaker 1: what we both have been going through. And I just
Speaker 1: I've I've looked up to you for so long, so
Speaker 1: much so that Christen to my friend here, she just screamed,
Speaker 1: knowing that she didn't know that you were coming on.
Speaker 1: I didn't know it was you. I needed a minute
Speaker 1: to get myself together, right because she's epic. Yeah, I've
Speaker 1: bought a lot of your books for a lot of
Speaker 1: my friends. Thank you. That's so kind. And I wish
Speaker 1: I was there in the studio with you, but in
Speaker 1: your lap it would be awkward. She really really UM. Okay,
Speaker 1: so you have your new book out right now, but
Speaker 1: first I just want to say, like, how how are
Speaker 1: you doing? I want to just do you have a
Speaker 1: little heart check in first, a little heart check? Thank you?
Speaker 1: I love heart checks. UM. I feel like I'm sitting
Speaker 1: with my therapist right now because he always says, let's
Speaker 1: do a check in. So, um, you know I'm doing
Speaker 1: really well, Janna, I UM. I think healing from relational trauma. UM,
Speaker 1: whatever relationship it is, is long, and I think it
Speaker 1: it takes a while, and it should take a while.
Speaker 1: I think to the level that you love people is
Speaker 1: to the level that you're going to experience hurt. And
Speaker 1: so when you love deeply, you hurt deeply. And I
Speaker 1: think that there will be layers of this that I
Speaker 1: unpacked for years to come, because for me, it's not
Speaker 1: just the facts of what happened. The longer part of
Speaker 1: my healing journey has been the impact that all of
Speaker 1: this has had on me, and so well, I think
Speaker 1: I can forgive and and quickly more quickly moved through
Speaker 1: the facts of what happened. That's like accepting it and
Speaker 1: grieving it and deciding to move on from it as
Speaker 1: I've moved moved through it. But I think the impact
Speaker 1: of this is going to be something that leaks into
Speaker 1: my life for years to come. And I think that's okay, Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's it's interesting you say that too. I was just
Speaker 1: talking to UM. I was on a panel the other
Speaker 1: day and we were saying UM, and even with my
Speaker 1: therapist too. You know, people say, UM, like do you
Speaker 1: think you have to be over it? And I'm like,
Speaker 1: in today's society, it's like, why haven't you moved on yet?
Speaker 1: Or the person that hurts you? Why haven't you moved
Speaker 1: on yet? If this happened whatever, like get over it,
Speaker 1: move on. And it's like grief and trauma and UM.
Speaker 1: You know, things that hurt can come up in different
Speaker 1: times in your life and different moments, and it can
Speaker 1: be you have you have to process that, you know,
Speaker 1: instead of shoving it down. And I think people just
Speaker 1: think it's like, all right, be be over it, be
Speaker 1: done with it, and it's like it doesn't work that way.
Speaker 1: Well I wish it was. I wish it would, UM,
Speaker 1: but I just I haven't seen that to be the case.
Speaker 1: I mean, things in my life too. I'm like, why
Speaker 1: am I now just feeling these emotions? And my therapist
Speaker 1: is like, that's grief, like, and that's that's you know,
Speaker 1: those are experiences that you had with your X and
Speaker 1: they're gonna come up at different times and you're gonna
Speaker 1: feel different things. But then I don't know about you,
Speaker 1: but I'm like, I shame myself and go I should
Speaker 1: be over this. Why am I crying? Does this mean
Speaker 1: I'm not healed? Or does this mean I'm like going
Speaker 1: the wrong way? So how do you kind of navigate that? Well? Also,
Speaker 1: I think part of it is that we get triggered
Speaker 1: in our pain. I'm not really sure why my iPhone
Speaker 1: sends me memory pictures like this this on this day
Speaker 1: four years ago, and then this this picture or this
Speaker 1: movie that they've set to like this lovely music, and
Speaker 1: you know, those memories used to be my greatest gift
Speaker 1: and now sometimes they're my greatest struggle. And I think
Speaker 1: memories work that way. You know. Grief to me is
Speaker 1: like dreaming in reverse. And what I mean by that
Speaker 1: is like, well, usually when you dream, you're looking forward
Speaker 1: to something, but when you're grieving, you look back at
Speaker 1: what you thought was or maybe what was, and you
Speaker 1: want to try to go backwards, but you can't go backwards.
Speaker 1: So that's why, to me, grief is like dreaming in
Speaker 1: reverse and it it's it's a process. But also what
Speaker 1: complicates it for me is those triggers. So like when
Speaker 1: a memory pops up on my phone and I didn't
Speaker 1: invite it. I didn't go shopping for pain and I
Speaker 1: didn't look for it. It just comes and all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, I'm in the grocery store and I find
Speaker 1: myself bending over, like putting my head down on the
Speaker 1: banana display, and the poor underpaid fruit attendant is looking
Speaker 1: at me like, ma'am, back away from my bananas. You
Speaker 1: know he doesn't. He doesn't get paid enough to deal
Speaker 1: with women like me, and um, you know, those triggers.
Speaker 1: We can't time them. That's part of the issue with triggers.
Speaker 1: They just hit us apre at the grocery store, or
Speaker 1: if we're helping our kids with their home work, or
Speaker 1: if we're out having a you know, a lovely dinner
Speaker 1: with our friends. You can't time a trigger. I wish
Speaker 1: I could schedule triggers hitting me like I wish it
Speaker 1: could be like Tuesday night, I'm going to be in
Speaker 1: a bubble back taking communion and uh, you know, having
Speaker 1: like crazy music on and all, you know, and just
Speaker 1: like and then I can just cry and cry and
Speaker 1: cry it all out. But you can't time triggers. But
Speaker 1: I started to look at it now, Jamna, is that's
Speaker 1: a grace from God because it's letting those triggers, are
Speaker 1: really letting the full impact of this leak into our
Speaker 1: life in bite sized pieces where we can deal with it,
Speaker 1: because maybe God knows, if the full impact would have
Speaker 1: hit us all at once, it may have really killed us. M.
Speaker 1: I've used it too, is like a way to show
Speaker 1: up for myself a little bit like the ambush. Um.
Speaker 1: So I've been heavy into grief and trauma therapy for
Speaker 1: like the last how many months five um. But one
Speaker 1: of the things she had mentioned to me was to
Speaker 1: sit and give, you know, like I give my kids
Speaker 1: fifteen minutes of floor time a day, and so she said,
Speaker 1: to give your grief fifteen minutes of floor time of day,
Speaker 1: like turned towards it, ask what it needs from you.
Speaker 1: So when the triggers happen, it feels like an ambush
Speaker 1: to me because I'm like, I didn't. I'm not looking
Speaker 1: at you right now, I'm not asking for you right now.
Speaker 1: But I feel like the stronger part of me is
Speaker 1: is showing up for myself in the way that like
Speaker 1: when I do get triggered, I say it, or I'm
Speaker 1: dealing with it because I'm a compartmentalizer, you know, like
Speaker 1: I'll just go, Okay, well that hurts, and then I
Speaker 1: swallow it's hard to swallow, and then I put it away.
Speaker 1: But if I can, you know, turn to my husband
Speaker 1: or whoever's with me and say like, you know, I
Speaker 1: don't like this, or this hurts my heart, or this
Speaker 1: is making me feel this way. It's like really standing
Speaker 1: in my own self and showing up for myself a
Speaker 1: little bit more than I had before instead of just
Speaker 1: going that's obnoxious. And I do want to get to
Speaker 1: my bubble bath at Tuesday night at eight p m.
Speaker 1: And I'll cry about it. Then. I love that thought
Speaker 1: of turning toward it and asking, you know, the grief,
Speaker 1: what what do you need for me? I really love
Speaker 1: how you phrase that. I'm going to use that thank you.
Speaker 1: You should use that. You're a magical human. I have
Speaker 1: a question to you because you've written so many obviously
Speaker 1: you know forgiving what you can't forget, and I mean,
Speaker 1: there's there's so many amazing books you've written. But is
Speaker 1: there something in there where you're like, I still struggle
Speaker 1: with this piece of it, where you almost feel like
Speaker 1: I wrote this, But am I not not a hypocrite?
Speaker 1: But like, um, like that you still struggle with that piece. Yes,
Speaker 1: of course, I give myself permission to still be on
Speaker 1: a journey. And I'm pretty clear in my books like
Speaker 1: this is not this is not like an art to perfect.
Speaker 1: This is a journey to take and you are going
Speaker 1: to have setbacks. I'm going to have setbacks. And I
Speaker 1: think acknowledging that to my reader even while they're reading
Speaker 1: the book gives them permission to understand that they're going
Speaker 1: to have setbacks too. And it's it's not about having
Speaker 1: a setback. It's really about taking the setbacks as they
Speaker 1: come and determining to still get back up and if
Speaker 1: you need to lay down for a while, lay down
Speaker 1: for a while, but but then don't get stuck there, like,
Speaker 1: let's get back up, Let's get back on track toward
Speaker 1: the goal of of healing from this and and not
Speaker 1: only healing from it. But I think we all have
Speaker 1: a choice when we go through something hard, is this
Speaker 1: going to be something that permanently add something to me
Speaker 1: or permanently subtracts something from me? And I feel like
Speaker 1: when you go through relational trauma, it's already taking enough.
Speaker 1: So I'm not willing to let this subtract anything from me.
Speaker 1: I am willing to let this add things to me,
Speaker 1: like even more compassion for other people and even more
Speaker 1: compassion for myself. And so, yeah, I have setbacks, but
Speaker 1: I also have compassion for myself when I have those.
Speaker 1: M H. I mean, obviously, I know we talked um
Speaker 1: during your very public breakup, and how are you with
Speaker 1: that now? Walking through that with especially you know, the
Speaker 1: um being so heavy in the Christian world, and like,
Speaker 1: how how are you dealing with outside opinions and voices
Speaker 1: that I know you know you've at times struggled with. Yeah, Well,
Speaker 1: one thing I did proactively, I'll answer how I'm doing
Speaker 1: a second, but I want to get this little part in.
Speaker 1: One thing I did proactively was some of the Bible
Speaker 1: verses that I felt like maybe weaponized against me or
Speaker 1: I've heard weaponized against other people, such as God hates divorce. Okay,
Speaker 1: that's a really tough verse from Malachi. And what I
Speaker 1: decided to do is, you know, get proactive and really
Speaker 1: look into the real meaning, intention, and context of those verses,
Speaker 1: so that I didn't hear statements like that and get defensive,
Speaker 1: but rather I was already educated to be able to
Speaker 1: answer them intelligently. And here's what's interesting about that particular
Speaker 1: verse is that in the original language, before the King
Speaker 1: James version, that interpretation of that scripture was never there.
Speaker 1: It only started God hates divorce only started at the
Speaker 1: King James version before that, what that verse actually said,
Speaker 1: when a man hates and divorces his wife, he does
Speaker 1: violence against the one he should protect. So you see
Speaker 1: me being educated on that when people say, well, you know,
Speaker 1: and people not a lot of people have said this
Speaker 1: to me, but I've heard it so much that I
Speaker 1: can hear it in my head, people saying it's me,
Speaker 1: God hates divorce. I do believe God hates what divorce
Speaker 1: does two people. And I think we've all kind of
Speaker 1: heard that sidestep, you know, But I wanted to be
Speaker 1: educated and say, did you know, like what in some
Speaker 1: versions of the Bible have discorrect interpretation. So I say,
Speaker 1: let's get several versions of the Bible and let's actually
Speaker 1: open it up to that verse in Malachi. And they're
Speaker 1: shocked when they see that in some versions it says
Speaker 1: God hates divorced, but in other versions it says when
Speaker 1: a man hates and divorces his wife, he does violence
Speaker 1: against the one he should protect. So me being educated
Speaker 1: makes me a whole lot less defensive and a whole
Speaker 1: lot more intelligent in my response to that. And I
Speaker 1: think I've felt empowered to be able to talk about
Speaker 1: how I'm doing now using some of that intelligence, because
Speaker 1: this is both a heart thing and a head thing.
Speaker 1: Um for me, Um, I will always be sad that
Speaker 1: my marriage of thirty years ended. I will I will
Speaker 1: always be sad, But I look at it now that
Speaker 1: while that is a part of my life, it is
Speaker 1: not the sum total of my life. And you know,
Speaker 1: it is scary to try to figure out where do
Speaker 1: I go from here? You know, I'm not young like
Speaker 1: you are. At least this is why we have to
Speaker 1: have our after talk, because I told you, like you,
Speaker 1: you've got to stop doing that to yourself, like you're beautiful,
Speaker 1: you're successful. There I'm She always says, like, you're younger,
Speaker 1: You've got time. I'm like, you've got just as much
Speaker 1: time to find someone that is going to love you
Speaker 1: and treat you the way that you deserve to be treated.
Speaker 1: I agree with and that like breaks me when you
Speaker 1: sit because I'm like, I'm like, I gotta I wish
Speaker 1: you could. I could you could see yourself from like
Speaker 1: how we see you, and like how I know someone
Speaker 1: that is deserving and will love you will see you.
Speaker 1: And I don't know how old you are, but I
Speaker 1: don't know how old you are, but I will tell
Speaker 1: you this, I would rather find a man in the
Speaker 1: older years of life to date. Like to me, I
Speaker 1: don't even know, so say you're say you're forty. I
Speaker 1: would rather be dating forty and up than to try
Speaker 1: to do this at thirty because I feel like there's
Speaker 1: some wisdom if you can find the right one. Let's like,
Speaker 1: but there is some wisdom that salt and pepper wisdom
Speaker 1: is what I call it in our house. But like
Speaker 1: you know, there's something that you gain as you get older,
Speaker 1: whether you're a man or a woman, and I would
Speaker 1: rather date that or lean towards that. Well, you also
Speaker 1: know yourself so much better. Yeah, it's like, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm going through divorce after fifteen years and I'm thirty eight,
Speaker 1: and it's like, man, I am such a different person
Speaker 1: when I last date it. You know, it's like I
Speaker 1: don't even know what to do because I'm just it's
Speaker 1: just all new, which is scary. Yeah, I mean, it's
Speaker 1: absolutely scary. But the best part of my life was
Speaker 1: after my divorce. I was divorced once before, Jake from
Speaker 1: State Farm, not the popular one Lisa, and my whole
Speaker 1: life was on the other side of that, and it
Speaker 1: was the darkest time of my life. M M. I'm
Speaker 1: sor during it daring dark. There's shame that comes with divorce,
Speaker 1: people saying they were disappointed, and just I felt like
Speaker 1: I was already down and they just kept kicking and
Speaker 1: I was. I was like, I'm I don't even like
Speaker 1: it was like I surrender, you know, Yeah, I understand that,
Speaker 1: and I'm I just grieve every time someone has this
Speaker 1: as part of their journey. So thank you for sharing
Speaker 1: both of you that I um, you know I want
Speaker 1: I'm fifty three, just so let's just put that on
Speaker 1: the way. I don't know what you're up to and
Speaker 1: let's put that in the after show. You're so sweet. Um, So,
Speaker 1: I guess what I mean by I'm older now. What
Speaker 1: I mean by that is, you know, being married almost
Speaker 1: thirty years, I had so cemented in my brain where
Speaker 1: my life was going. And so when I say I'm
Speaker 1: old now, it's not that I feel like I'm too
Speaker 1: old or past the stage where you know, I can
Speaker 1: still find, you know, a different version of my life
Speaker 1: that will be happy and joyful and wonderful and all
Speaker 1: of that. I think what I mean is it's it's
Speaker 1: a very hard shift to make when you really thought
Speaker 1: your life was going this way, and it had been
Speaker 1: for three decades this way, and then now my life
Speaker 1: is going this way, and I I am working really
Speaker 1: hard to make sure that my in goal here is
Speaker 1: not to find another man or another husband or anything.
Speaker 1: I If that happens, that's amazing, and I'm open to
Speaker 1: it now, which I think in some of our earlier conversations, Jana,
Speaker 1: I was not open at all. And that's all I
Speaker 1: want you to have. I just want you to be open. Well,
Speaker 1: hope deferred makes the heart sick, so we don't need
Speaker 1: the hope deferred Okay, well, thank you for sharing that.
Speaker 1: I'm so glad my kids are listening to this because
Speaker 1: they are huge wind down. Okay, well for the people
Speaker 1: in the back, but I'll just say that, Um, you know,
Speaker 1: I'm open to it, but I don't see that as
Speaker 1: the ultimate sign of redemption. I can. I can find
Speaker 1: redemption by living a life that still is honorable to
Speaker 1: my kids and um, and that still honors who God
Speaker 1: cre needed me to be. I love that so much.
Speaker 1: I think that's like where I've finally, Lisa, I've gotten
Speaker 1: to where I'm like, I the man doesn't define my
Speaker 1: worth or my redemption story. It's like, my redemption story
Speaker 1: is the healed, happier version with me and my kids,
Speaker 1: And like how like that that is? Like, and I
Speaker 1: think that's the same. It's going to be the same
Speaker 1: for you. I mean, if you keep looking for your
Speaker 1: worth and a man, you're never gonna you're never gonna
Speaker 1: find it, or that that to be there, like look
Speaker 1: and I'm finally happy. It's like, no, I'm actually finally
Speaker 1: happy who I am today without being like yeah, of course,
Speaker 1: you know, I love would love the companionship, but the
Speaker 1: right companion, the right companionship, and I want to be
Speaker 1: settled in my heart. You know, it's like more than
Speaker 1: just happiness. I want to be settled because you know,
Speaker 1: when you've got these feelings that I'm longing for something
Speaker 1: and I need that something to make me feel settled. Um.
Speaker 1: I want to feel settled on my own before I
Speaker 1: get into any kind of future relationship if that's in
Speaker 1: store for me. UM, so that I'm not looking to
Speaker 1: have them right some of my wrongs or or how
Speaker 1: I've been wronged, or even to make me feel a
Speaker 1: certain way. I want to feel a certain way so
Speaker 1: that I can bring that into a relationship and grow
Speaker 1: a relationship from there. Absolutely, I really feel like the
Speaker 1: dusted off version of you is going to be your
Speaker 1: most favorite version of you. M thank you, and it
Speaker 1: keeps coming to me. So I just have to say it,
Speaker 1: thank you. I'm gonna rub that in my heart, do it.
Speaker 1: I can't handle what's happening. Autographed my baby Lisa. So
Speaker 1: you have a new book out called Good Boundaries and Goodbyes,
Speaker 1: UM Loving Others without Losing It's a release date. It's
Speaker 1: November eight. So you have a new book coming out
Speaker 1: in November eight. Good boundaries and goodbyes, loving others without
Speaker 1: losing the best of who you are and to art.
Speaker 1: Is there a pre sale link that we can we
Speaker 1: can link to it right now? Yes, yes, absolutely, Um,
Speaker 1: it's available for free sale at you know, many different retailers.
Speaker 1: For sure. I am really excited about this message, And
Speaker 1: let me tell you why. The number one reason I'm
Speaker 1: so excited about this message is because I lived a
Speaker 1: long portion of my life misunderstanding boundaries and almost feeling
Speaker 1: as a Christian woman that I didn't have permission to
Speaker 1: draw the same kind of boundaries that other people could
Speaker 1: draw because maybe it was on con or maybe it
Speaker 1: was a little bit un Christian or whatever. I had
Speaker 1: so many misunderstandings. So I lived a life before I
Speaker 1: understood boundaries, and now I'm living a life now that
Speaker 1: I have a proper understanding of boundaries. And I am
Speaker 1: so grateful for what I've learned in the research and
Speaker 1: the writing of this book. And probably the biggest lesson
Speaker 1: is boundaries are not just a good idea, They're actually
Speaker 1: God's idea. So if there are Christians that are listening,
Speaker 1: you know to that have the same feeling of like
Speaker 1: resistance to boundaries, or anybody listening that has resistance to boundaries,
Speaker 1: I just want to say that they are so foundational
Speaker 1: to even the way that God created the earth. In creation,
Speaker 1: God had boundaries the very first conversation God ever had
Speaker 1: with another human, in his first recorded conversation with Adam.
Speaker 1: The whole purpose of the conversation was to establish a
Speaker 1: boundary where the room lines were and where they were not.
Speaker 1: And so I just feel like I have been so
Speaker 1: set free, and I'm I'm so eager for other people
Speaker 1: to have access to this information, and I just think
Speaker 1: it's life transformative. And then also the goodbyes part is,
Speaker 1: in all the years of me growing and learning, I've
Speaker 1: never been taught how to say a good goodbye, and
Speaker 1: I've fumbled that quite often in previous goodbyes. And now
Speaker 1: I just feel better equipped. Even if the good and
Speaker 1: the goodbye has nothing to do with the other person,
Speaker 1: even if that goodbye in essence was really awful and
Speaker 1: hard and everything in my heart, I can settle it
Speaker 1: as I'm going to give a good goodbye even if
Speaker 1: I never get that back in return. But I'm going
Speaker 1: to walk away with this and from this, and I'm
Speaker 1: not going to add the added burden of regretting how
Speaker 1: I said goodbye. So I think both sides of it,
Speaker 1: the good boundaries and goodbyes are just going to be
Speaker 1: very profoundly helpful for people. They have been for me.
Speaker 1: I think I can't wait. I can't wait just because
Speaker 1: I'm getting better with boundaries, but I feel like I
Speaker 1: struggle where I still don't want to upset someone someone
Speaker 1: else's feelings. So it's sometimes I've gotten I mean, way better,
Speaker 1: but it's still I go to the well I don't
Speaker 1: want them to be upset or I don't want them
Speaker 1: to be hurt. So I'm gonna just kind of and again,
Speaker 1: I've gotten better, but I still feel like I do
Speaker 1: that in certain situations. And you know what, Dinna, I
Speaker 1: think it's so interesting that you're saying that, because I
Speaker 1: have felt that too. I still feel that tension a
Speaker 1: little bit. Um. I don't want to disappoint people and so,
Speaker 1: and I guess to some extent, I have been afraid
Speaker 1: if I don't do this, then they're going to be
Speaker 1: upset with me, They're going to be disappointed in me,
Speaker 1: they may reject me, they might walk away from me.
Speaker 1: But if that thought hops into my head that that
Speaker 1: person is going to be disappointed in me, um that
Speaker 1: they may reject me, they big walk away from me.
Speaker 1: Then that's an indication that I'm in a relationship with
Speaker 1: that person probably eventually is going to disappoint you know,
Speaker 1: see me as a disappointment, reject me, and walk away
Speaker 1: from me. So that can't be my reason not to
Speaker 1: draw a boundary. Healthy people appreciate healthy boundaries. It's only
Speaker 1: unhealthy dynamics and and unhealthy people that resist boundaries. And
Speaker 1: usually it's the people who need boundaries the most to
Speaker 1: respect them the least. And so I personally think that
Speaker 1: when we say boundaries, it can feel like, oh, I'm
Speaker 1: putting this boundary on someone else, and ultimately we know
Speaker 1: we can't control another person, So that's that's a wrong
Speaker 1: tactic to put it a boundary on someone else. What
Speaker 1: we really need to do is to boundary are our self,
Speaker 1: and it's not to be controlling or manipulous. It's so
Speaker 1: that we can keep ourselves safe and healthy, so that
Speaker 1: we can give the very best to that relationship. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've I've kind of started rephrasing because for some reason,
Speaker 1: boundaries to me just sounds like harsh or like hard.
Speaker 1: So I feel like, now I'm kind of going more like, Okay,
Speaker 1: how do I honor myself in this moment? Like what
Speaker 1: do what do I actually need? Do I want to
Speaker 1: be alone? Like? So sometimes I over a plan with
Speaker 1: like three different people, you know, and then I'm just
Speaker 1: like I didn't really want to be doing any of
Speaker 1: this stuff, but I don't want to sound like, Okay,
Speaker 1: what what is honoring myself look like in this moment?
Speaker 1: Do I do I want to go out tonight or
Speaker 1: do I want to just stay in and be alone?
Speaker 1: So it's like I think sometimes that helps me in
Speaker 1: a way rephrase it because I don't know why boundaries
Speaker 1: just seem so like negative to me, and I that's
Speaker 1: that's my own, my own issue, and I know I
Speaker 1: need to work past that to look at boundaries as
Speaker 1: a healthy thing. I've read somewhere that I um it is,
Speaker 1: boundaries are not against anyone, but they are for you. Well,
Speaker 1: but see, I think you know what I think just
Speaker 1: came up and saying that is in my relationship with
Speaker 1: my ex husband, boundaries were made to be so negative.
Speaker 1: And so you know, it's like because I had to
Speaker 1: set certain boundaries and I was and I was made
Speaker 1: to feel terrible for those boundaries, even though it was
Speaker 1: something for his recovery. Was it really your boundaries though?
Speaker 1: Or were his boundaries? Well? I had some of my own,
Speaker 1: Like I don't want you to go to a strip club.
Speaker 1: I don't want you to be boundary in the morning,
Speaker 1: not you. But either way, the boundary got in a
Speaker 1: negative and then it's my fault for having those boundaries.
Speaker 1: So that's where like I need to almost retrain that
Speaker 1: I'm madly in love with boundaries and has no negative
Speaker 1: context to me at all. It is like everything the
Speaker 1: people that expect them. I love the word it's hot
Speaker 1: to me. Actually the whole title boundaries and good boundaries
Speaker 1: and goodbyes. Well, I've never heard anyone say that one
Speaker 1: of my book titles was hot. So thank you this.
Speaker 1: You definitely don't know Christian but Lesa. You understand though,
Speaker 1: right like having to feel that I do, I do.
Speaker 1: So let me give you three new words that um
Speaker 1: that have really helped me a lot. It's access, responsibility,
Speaker 1: and consequences. So to the level that I give someone
Speaker 1: access to me is to the level that I need
Speaker 1: to require them to be responsible with that kind of access.
Speaker 1: So let's focus on these two words first. So if
Speaker 1: I give someone level ten access to me, but they're
Speaker 1: only willing or capable of bringing level three responsibility, the
Speaker 1: distance between the amount of access I'm giving me giving
Speaker 1: them and the level of responsibility they're giving me, that
Speaker 1: distance is dysfunction. So and it's also a need for
Speaker 1: a boundary. But I know that I cannot force the
Speaker 1: other person. I can ask them to lift up their
Speaker 1: level of responsibility, but to the level of access I've
Speaker 1: given them. But if they are unwilling or incapable of
Speaker 1: anything more than a level three responsibility, then it's my
Speaker 1: responsibility to put a boundary on myself and reduce their
Speaker 1: level of access down to a level three. So there's
Speaker 1: equilibrium in the relationship again. Otherwise the third word consequences.
Speaker 1: Otherwise we are both going to suffer consequences because of
Speaker 1: the difference between the access and the responsibility. And that
Speaker 1: has helped me so much. And what I mean by
Speaker 1: access is how much access am I giving someone physically
Speaker 1: to me? How much access am I giving someone emotionally
Speaker 1: to me? And a actually um financially um, even in
Speaker 1: my capacity, you know, like you gave a good example,
Speaker 1: like I've agreed to go out with three different friends tonight,
Speaker 1: but I really just want to stay at home. So
Speaker 1: you've given them access to capacity and you can express
Speaker 1: to them I don't have the capacity to do this.
Speaker 1: But if they sort of are demanding back, then they're
Speaker 1: not being responsible with what you have said, and that
Speaker 1: is I have limited capacity. So part of it is
Speaker 1: our responsibility to communicate what we need for someone to
Speaker 1: have responsibility for the level of access that we've given them.
Speaker 1: But once we communicate that, then if they do not
Speaker 1: honor it, then we can't keep trying to get them
Speaker 1: to up their responsibility. We must then be responsible enough
Speaker 1: for ourselves to reduce the access been explained ever by
Speaker 1: are That's why she's like, my like soul, like, this
Speaker 1: is why boundaries are hot, because it's just it's the
Speaker 1: excess regulator. That's all it is. Do you feel better?
Speaker 1: Do we have circled back the hot? We're going to
Speaker 1: keep doing that. So there's that, that's right. I told her.
Speaker 1: I was like, I go way one of my kids
Speaker 1: this weekends. I'm like, we're going out, We're getting dressed up,
Speaker 1: I'm doing your makeup, We're going like the town, so
Speaker 1: maybe to Florida. I don't know. We'll talk and I
Speaker 1: will give you a little tidbit because this year I've
Speaker 1: focused on working on myself rather than spending so much
Speaker 1: time trying to talk to other people into being responsible
Speaker 1: with the access that I've given them. It's freed up
Speaker 1: enough time for me to get really healthy, and I've
Speaker 1: lost over forty pounds for you. Actually reports today I'm
Speaker 1: actually wearing being shorts at the beach. You are as
Speaker 1: long as I love you, I just I just want
Speaker 1: you to feel good because you are just You're beautiful
Speaker 1: inside now and I just so thankful for our friendship.
Speaker 1: And I cannot wait to read this new hot book
Speaker 1: spoke out. Um, can we please please please please please
Speaker 1: please catch up off air this weekend. I would love Okay,
Speaker 1: I will call you this weekend. Um, but thank you
Speaker 1: so much for coming on. Girls. Do you have anything else?
Speaker 1: I mean there's a million things, but we've already just
Speaker 1: add the book to cart Yeah, I know. I'm like,
Speaker 1: I wanted to write down a couple of things you said,
Speaker 1: and I was like, it's okay, it's recorded. Yeah. Um,
Speaker 1: thank you so much, friend, and I will I'll call
Speaker 1: you this weekend. That's awesome. Okay, and hey, if either
Speaker 1: of you want to call me too, we're now all
Speaker 1: three friends after that day. Absolutely that she just gave
Speaker 1: her might not I'm going to talk about healthy accent, Lisa,
Speaker 1: for giving what you can't that you're going to be
Speaker 1: responsible with the accent. I am super responsible, but I
Speaker 1: love really hard. I'm not intent all the time, but
Speaker 1: once I know I can be intense. She just snuggled.
Speaker 1: I love your confessional. Let's do more of that great
Speaker 1: girls trip here we come. All right, friend, thank you
Speaker 1: so much. Thank you all right by Henny. So beautiful,
Speaker 1: isn't she inside? I know what. I just shorts Lisa
Speaker 1: hot shorts. I just I love um. She's because I
Speaker 1: called her when UM we connected, because we did Mike
Speaker 1: and I did a podcast with her and then I
Speaker 1: called her UM. I don't know if I can share
Speaker 1: it yet, but I did write about it in something
Speaker 1: that I'm working on UM, and I gotta ask for
Speaker 1: her permission even for that, but she gave me so
Speaker 1: much good advice and information, and since then, like we've
Speaker 1: just become like we have like checkens. I love that
Speaker 1: because she's just and I just love, you know, the
Speaker 1: Christian woman that she is, and like I've leaned obviously
Speaker 1: more into that and so just to have her voice
Speaker 1: and um strength and opinions and then like I love
Speaker 1: how vulnerable because like we're all, you know, we're all
Speaker 1: all that little peace in us that just feels like
Speaker 1: we might not we might be done. I'm like, you're not.
Speaker 1: And that's I was like, oh, I was like, you know,
Speaker 1: you're not done. It's not don't worry about your age
Speaker 1: or you know. It just feel overwhelming though too, you know,
Speaker 1: like the rebuild, but even though tears that she brought here,
Speaker 1: and it's like I just like I feel because I like,
Speaker 1: you know if I don't know if you ever feel
Speaker 1: it too, cat like being you know, almost divorced. Now
Speaker 1: it's like you just we're all okay alone, but there's
Speaker 1: still the yearning for that little bit of that love.
Speaker 1: And I was like, I'm going to adopt a child
Speaker 1: and I will just never be married. That's what I thought.
Speaker 1: Well that's what I think. Well, that's definitely what I mean.
Speaker 1: I think it was game over, not interested, But I
Speaker 1: mean it's interesting hearing her say like her age or whatever,
Speaker 1: and like, well I'm older than you, Janna, like you
Speaker 1: can still go out. Well, you know, I have it
Speaker 1: in my head, well I'm not as pretty as you, Janna,
Speaker 1: like you can still go out. You know. We all
Speaker 1: have like something something there that's like you feel like
Speaker 1: it's holding you back, you know. So it's all very
Speaker 1: It's good to hear someone like that, And from the
Speaker 1: Christian point of view, I love that because there is
Speaker 1: a lot of pressure in the church. There's a lot
Speaker 1: of a lot of darkness and divorce to for Christians.
Speaker 1: Like I felt the weight and heaviness of it the
Speaker 1: minute she said it. It It just all came back to me.
Speaker 1: It was just like this shame like knockdown, knockdown, knockdown.
Speaker 1: And I think it's gotten better a little bit probably
Speaker 1: then from even went through it. But yeah, I mean
Speaker 1: it's it's tough, and our quality of friendships is different.
Speaker 1: Can you imagine to like someone who is you know,
Speaker 1: she speaks so much in that world, than to have
Speaker 1: to be faced with that and it's like in something
Speaker 1: she didn't want. Yeah, you know, this wasn't He was
Speaker 1: not faithful, he was not a good man to her,
Speaker 1: and it's like having not stripped from her too, even
Speaker 1: though she heard she tried and worked on it's like
Speaker 1: it's like it's so that the I was good, Like
Speaker 1: that unfair. But also there's there is redemption. It's not
Speaker 1: with the other man. It's redemption and like the beautiful
Speaker 1: person that she is and who she's helping, like that's
Speaker 1: that's that's the story, that's the redemption, Like that's the
Speaker 1: Christian story. A perfect life is not a Christian story.
Speaker 1: It's the growth and the redemption, forgiveness and boundaries. Hot
Speaker 1: Hot Love founder by Guys