1 00:00:01,880 --> 00:00:05,359 Speaker 1: Wine down with Janna Kramer and I heard radio podcast. 2 00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:11,440 Speaker 1: Oh I'm so excited. Why to be back? I was like, who, 3 00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: what is she planning? I was in a life for 4 00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:17,400 Speaker 1: way too long. Yeah, I concur that was like a 5 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:21,239 Speaker 1: week you really, um, you really bounce back quick. I 6 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:24,639 Speaker 1: thought about that today, like you're like podcast tomorrow, and 7 00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:26,960 Speaker 1: I was like, you're not even in the state yet. 8 00:00:27,120 --> 00:00:29,440 Speaker 1: It's crazy. Like when I get back from those long trips, 9 00:00:29,480 --> 00:00:31,720 Speaker 1: I feel like I need like forty eight hours of 10 00:00:32,080 --> 00:00:35,120 Speaker 1: silence and decompression. And we got in it like what 11 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:38,600 Speaker 1: two am? Yeah, we got it like yeah, two and 12 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:40,800 Speaker 1: then I couldn't fall asleep to like about like three am. 13 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:45,800 Speaker 1: And then this would never work for old Janna. I 14 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:47,920 Speaker 1: was always taking the early flights, I know, but old 15 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:50,440 Speaker 1: Janna would be like two am. That is way past 16 00:00:50,479 --> 00:00:54,160 Speaker 1: my bedtime. For sure. It was. It would be like 17 00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:56,200 Speaker 1: eight oh nine here, and we were all like frantically 18 00:00:56,400 --> 00:01:00,440 Speaker 1: cleaning up. It's time to go a fifteen. You know why, 19 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:02,280 Speaker 1: I'm a grandma. I like to go to bed early. 20 00:01:02,280 --> 00:01:04,240 Speaker 1: What can I say? I know, but Nujiana doesn't go 21 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:06,080 Speaker 1: to bed early all the time, not all the time. 22 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:09,920 Speaker 1: She needs to. She nothing good happens after midnight? Isn't 23 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:12,479 Speaker 1: that what they say? That is a very good point. 24 00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:15,640 Speaker 1: I haven't really pulled a midnighter. But anyways, we're getting 25 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:18,280 Speaker 1: off topic here. I have something I'd like to talk 26 00:01:18,319 --> 00:01:23,360 Speaker 1: about that really has bugged me. I'm nervous. That's why 27 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:25,560 Speaker 1: I said, why are you excited? I knew it was 28 00:01:25,640 --> 00:01:30,240 Speaker 1: something I can tell, But why do you guys go 29 00:01:30,319 --> 00:01:32,600 Speaker 1: straight to it's y'all? Well, because you were like, I 30 00:01:32,640 --> 00:01:34,600 Speaker 1: have something to talk about, hit record, I'm like, oh, 31 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:37,160 Speaker 1: that that gives us no chance of the process. That 32 00:01:37,240 --> 00:01:40,479 Speaker 1: kind of feels like an am and Marcus here's that's 33 00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:47,080 Speaker 1: even extra terrifying, Marcus counting on it. No, I have 34 00:01:47,200 --> 00:01:50,120 Speaker 1: zero friend is shoes. I have the best queendom ever 35 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:54,240 Speaker 1: you guys, although I didn't feel a little attacked yesterday 36 00:01:54,240 --> 00:01:57,760 Speaker 1: on our queendom text message because of my I went 37 00:01:57,800 --> 00:02:01,360 Speaker 1: on a few dates in l A and UM and 38 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:06,000 Speaker 1: marks like material here for it? Y I know a little? 39 00:02:06,280 --> 00:02:08,600 Speaker 1: Is it? The person I'm familiar with? My body is 40 00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:16,919 Speaker 1: not a wonderland. I can't talk anymore because I'm just eased. 41 00:02:20,840 --> 00:02:30,399 Speaker 1: Please don't edit it out so good. I'm blushing blushing 42 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:38,040 Speaker 1: that but it wasn't even about that. It was it 43 00:02:38,240 --> 00:02:44,119 Speaker 1: was about uh something else that he was Why don't 44 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:46,560 Speaker 1: even bring up queendom. There's nothing that goes on in 45 00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:49,320 Speaker 1: that chat we can talk about. I found the one 46 00:02:49,360 --> 00:02:51,400 Speaker 1: thing and I posted it. It It was like the yeah 47 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:56,360 Speaker 1: you about yeah, literally, well and so, but you guys 48 00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:59,400 Speaker 1: were like calling me out basically because there was one 49 00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:04,120 Speaker 1: thing with one guy where I said, you know, he's okay, 50 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:09,920 Speaker 1: mm hmmm, he likes the color blue. Okay, Okay, got it, 51 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:16,240 Speaker 1: what you have to use, He's not going to enjoy 52 00:03:16,240 --> 00:03:19,480 Speaker 1: it until it's politically incorrect. I could get possibly because 53 00:03:19,520 --> 00:03:25,120 Speaker 1: it's a belief system, okay, And so maybe I would 54 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:29,800 Speaker 1: well know, everyone knows I'm a Christian, Okay, so you 55 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:31,880 Speaker 1: went out with somebody who didn't, who wasn't a Christian? 56 00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:36,280 Speaker 1: Is that fair to say that's it? Yes? Great? And 57 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:38,960 Speaker 1: so I had just look at Mark like he's a dad. 58 00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:44,560 Speaker 1: I'm like, tell us, yes, no. But I realized how 59 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,320 Speaker 1: important that is for me for the other person to 60 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:52,400 Speaker 1: have that same quality or same belief, same belief, same 61 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:56,720 Speaker 1: belief for not only what I want in my life, 62 00:03:56,720 --> 00:03:59,600 Speaker 1: but like my children. And why am I like tiptoeing 63 00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:01,080 Speaker 1: over like the fact of them when you get canceled 64 00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:03,200 Speaker 1: for that, like, I shouldn't feel tiptoeing over like what 65 00:04:03,280 --> 00:04:06,600 Speaker 1: my belief is. Tanya has talked about this at length 66 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:08,720 Speaker 1: to Tanya is now dating a Jewish person. She's very 67 00:04:08,760 --> 00:04:10,560 Speaker 1: shocked by that because she always said she would never 68 00:04:10,640 --> 00:04:12,800 Speaker 1: date a non Christian and so that's been an adjustment 69 00:04:12,840 --> 00:04:14,880 Speaker 1: for her. But that's been a very interesting storyline for 70 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:19,839 Speaker 1: her coming around to that. The person that I went 71 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:23,800 Speaker 1: on a date with was Jewish, okay, and so thank 72 00:04:23,800 --> 00:04:25,440 Speaker 1: you for like, because I'm like, I just feel like 73 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,080 Speaker 1: you can't say and I'm like, I'm like, why can't 74 00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:29,719 Speaker 1: I talk about my faith without And so I'm I hope, 75 00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:32,159 Speaker 1: I'm glad that Tanya has talking about that. That's great. 76 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:35,680 Speaker 1: It makes me feel a little better. Um, but yeah, 77 00:04:35,720 --> 00:04:38,080 Speaker 1: And so I basically went into my queendom chat and said, 78 00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:41,440 Speaker 1: I'm now realizing how much this means to me. And 79 00:04:41,480 --> 00:04:43,360 Speaker 1: we sat down and we had a really this guy 80 00:04:43,440 --> 00:04:46,800 Speaker 1: is like great, you know, like really good dude, and 81 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:50,800 Speaker 1: um and he's Jewish and it has nothing and I 82 00:04:50,839 --> 00:04:53,359 Speaker 1: have no problem with that. The only problem not problem, 83 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:55,960 Speaker 1: but it's like what I want from my family and 84 00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:57,800 Speaker 1: my kids and is it can we pray to the 85 00:04:58,360 --> 00:05:04,120 Speaker 1: different things and that's still work in a relationship for 86 00:05:04,200 --> 00:05:07,160 Speaker 1: what I want now because before I could probably give 87 00:05:07,320 --> 00:05:10,000 Speaker 1: I wouldn't care at all. Um, not that I won't 88 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,240 Speaker 1: care at all, but like I could never date an atheist, 89 00:05:12,320 --> 00:05:15,840 Speaker 1: just because that would be really tough for me, so 90 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,359 Speaker 1: staring at me. So I basically went into queendom and 91 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:23,000 Speaker 1: said like, hey, guys, like everything checked boxes, but this 92 00:05:23,080 --> 00:05:24,440 Speaker 1: was like a big thing, and this is a big 93 00:05:24,480 --> 00:05:27,160 Speaker 1: thing for me. But then Pam's like, well, then why 94 00:05:27,240 --> 00:05:29,840 Speaker 1: haven't you got rid of the other dude that is 95 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:34,120 Speaker 1: also Jewish? So why is that one My beef with 96 00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:39,800 Speaker 1: other dude is not that he's Jewish? Suck? So I 97 00:05:39,839 --> 00:05:43,719 Speaker 1: think that that's a pamelin and the defense attorney. All 98 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:47,320 Speaker 1: she was doing was saying, here's one way we can 99 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:50,159 Speaker 1: get rid of this guy once and for all, because 100 00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:52,360 Speaker 1: everyone's every time I'm like, oh, look at he texted, 101 00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:55,040 Speaker 1: and they're all like snows, like they're sending like snooze 102 00:05:55,040 --> 00:05:57,960 Speaker 1: emojis and like he's so boring. Like if people knew 103 00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:01,239 Speaker 1: how mean we are to you sometimes chat, I don't 104 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:04,000 Speaker 1: mean though, I was just like, wait, how did I 105 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:07,640 Speaker 1: miss this. I don't know. I don't think. I don't 106 00:06:07,640 --> 00:06:09,280 Speaker 1: think I'm a tough love girl. I'm just saying I 107 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,320 Speaker 1: have a lot of jokes in there, but I don't 108 00:06:11,360 --> 00:06:14,279 Speaker 1: think I. I was just more shocked that I missed 109 00:06:14,360 --> 00:06:16,760 Speaker 1: this huge piece of information and like why, I'm like 110 00:06:16,839 --> 00:06:20,599 Speaker 1: the last few people I've not continued having more dates 111 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:25,440 Speaker 1: because they of their faith based Yeah, Pamelan was just going, listen, 112 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:26,960 Speaker 1: this guy's gotta go. If you're gonna do it for when, 113 00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:28,440 Speaker 1: we gotta do it for the other. And I'm going, 114 00:06:28,480 --> 00:06:31,320 Speaker 1: whatever gets this guy out of this group chat once 115 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:35,560 Speaker 1: and for all, because I'm so over him. This is 116 00:06:35,600 --> 00:06:39,120 Speaker 1: like the most this is the least interesting human I've 117 00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:42,240 Speaker 1: never talked to in my entire life. If you're a 118 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:45,279 Speaker 1: guy of a guy equivalent of a corporate email. Every 119 00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:48,800 Speaker 1: time he texts thank you Janna, that was lovely. I'm like, 120 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:53,120 Speaker 1: we can't have Christmas with this guy. I'm friends giving sucks. 121 00:06:53,160 --> 00:06:57,400 Speaker 1: I'm bored already. We are all dating him, it matters. 122 00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:00,760 Speaker 1: That's the thing you have to understand. Because we were 123 00:07:00,839 --> 00:07:03,920 Speaker 1: all dating him, we don't want to invite him the Easter, 124 00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:11,520 Speaker 1: and now we can't any I wish I could say 125 00:07:11,560 --> 00:07:14,000 Speaker 1: his nickname because his nickname describes how I feel about him. 126 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:20,880 Speaker 1: But it's sucking transcends religion. What sucking transcends all religions. 127 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:23,080 Speaker 1: So the question is why are you still with him? 128 00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,320 Speaker 1: For or not? Not? You know with him, but why you? 129 00:07:25,480 --> 00:07:27,440 Speaker 1: Why is he still in your life? If your friends 130 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,239 Speaker 1: can't stand him? To me, that would be a major 131 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:31,600 Speaker 1: red flag. He's not fun Jewish guy. I can do 132 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:35,160 Speaker 1: fun Jewish guy. I'm excited for fun Jewish guys. The 133 00:07:35,240 --> 00:07:37,280 Speaker 1: other one is fun Jewish guy. I don't even know 134 00:07:37,320 --> 00:07:39,440 Speaker 1: that the other one Jewish. We went on one day. 135 00:07:39,520 --> 00:07:42,280 Speaker 1: We don't even know him. We don't know any of them, 136 00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:44,640 Speaker 1: but we don't, but some of us felt like we 137 00:07:44,680 --> 00:07:50,920 Speaker 1: knew the first one. So this is boring Jewish guy, 138 00:07:51,280 --> 00:07:59,360 Speaker 1: the most boring human b j G. Okay, that has 139 00:07:59,600 --> 00:08:02,800 Speaker 1: nothing to do with Ian boring. But what but Jan, 140 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:04,560 Speaker 1: it doesn't that affect you that your friends have this 141 00:08:04,600 --> 00:08:07,480 Speaker 1: opinion of him? That's a really good question. That's actually 142 00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:13,200 Speaker 1: a really good question. Mark, what we're with? Mark? Always 143 00:08:13,200 --> 00:08:19,600 Speaker 1: when Mark asked, she has to answer it? Actually doesn't 144 00:08:20,080 --> 00:08:23,560 Speaker 1: I do that answer? And and every other person I 145 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:26,720 Speaker 1: would I would want if they didn't like my whatever 146 00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:29,040 Speaker 1: exploit like which you know they ended up not but 147 00:08:29,120 --> 00:08:33,720 Speaker 1: like I would be like peace out. But there's something 148 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:35,920 Speaker 1: about this guy, or if there's something about this moment 149 00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:41,040 Speaker 1: in your life. It's a nat Gio episode and we 150 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,480 Speaker 1: are here for the chase. It's a huntress on the 151 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:52,280 Speaker 1: prowl to lock this boring assid he's not interested or 152 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:57,160 Speaker 1: he's playing hard to get, he's playing impossible. So he 153 00:08:57,200 --> 00:09:04,120 Speaker 1: gives enough this I've carefully to sect did dissected, dissected. Um. 154 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:09,839 Speaker 1: He gives her enough, but it's not anything, but it's enough. 155 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:13,959 Speaker 1: Like I saw it yesterday, bread crumbing. Uh huh yeah, 156 00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:18,280 Speaker 1: what's smaller than a bread but very unavailable bread crumbing. Yeah, 157 00:09:18,280 --> 00:09:20,200 Speaker 1: it's like disappearing bread crumbs. I'm like, I think that 158 00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:21,960 Speaker 1: was it. It's gone. I can't tell. I don't know. 159 00:09:23,040 --> 00:09:26,560 Speaker 1: Now I'm lost in the woods and we're still we're 160 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:30,600 Speaker 1: still here, but you really don't. You didn't let us 161 00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:32,920 Speaker 1: talk to him, like every other guy was like, oh 162 00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 1: I want you to meet him, I want you to 163 00:09:34,480 --> 00:09:36,720 Speaker 1: talk to him. He's like this one's like off limits. Yeah. 164 00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:39,439 Speaker 1: Like when he would ever FaceTime, I would run away 165 00:09:39,480 --> 00:09:41,920 Speaker 1: normally anyone else on FaceTime I'd be like, well, these 166 00:09:41,920 --> 00:09:43,520 Speaker 1: are my friends, and I like I run in the 167 00:09:43,559 --> 00:09:48,760 Speaker 1: other room. What does that say, Mark? Yeah, is that 168 00:09:48,840 --> 00:09:50,760 Speaker 1: because you know he sucks and they're going to get 169 00:09:50,760 --> 00:09:52,679 Speaker 1: your patient about it? Or you want to keep this 170 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:55,280 Speaker 1: just you and him? You want to keep this private. 171 00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:59,120 Speaker 1: What's the motivation here? Why is this different from other guys? 172 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:02,079 Speaker 1: That's what I'm trying to get at. So he started 173 00:10:02,080 --> 00:10:05,360 Speaker 1: off as just he was the start of my like 174 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:08,920 Speaker 1: hawk grow summer, just very fun. We had fun, flew 175 00:10:08,960 --> 00:10:11,480 Speaker 1: out to meet him a few times. We had fun, 176 00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:13,559 Speaker 1: like it was. It was a good time. But there's 177 00:10:13,600 --> 00:10:23,160 Speaker 1: something very mysterious and um impossible. I mean there definitely 178 00:10:23,240 --> 00:10:25,880 Speaker 1: is like deep deep, deep deep down, there's definitely something 179 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:27,680 Speaker 1: in me that's like, of course I want to be 180 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:30,040 Speaker 1: the one that like he chooses because he's such a 181 00:10:30,080 --> 00:10:34,480 Speaker 1: hard one to get, like he's so unavailable that I'm 182 00:10:34,520 --> 00:10:36,280 Speaker 1: like and this is like, this is my issues from 183 00:10:36,280 --> 00:10:38,000 Speaker 1: like way back in my twenties. So there's a little 184 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:40,040 Speaker 1: piece of me that that Janet that kind of comes up. 185 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,040 Speaker 1: There's a piece that just wants to have fun and 186 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:43,480 Speaker 1: know that that's which is what it is. Like my 187 00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:45,480 Speaker 1: therapist is like when it stops being fun. You need 188 00:10:45,520 --> 00:10:49,000 Speaker 1: to like stop. But like, there's also the other piece 189 00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,720 Speaker 1: of me. It's like, well, maybe like because I know 190 00:10:51,800 --> 00:10:54,040 Speaker 1: that I'm the longest person he's hung out with since 191 00:10:54,040 --> 00:10:57,080 Speaker 1: his divorce. But don't you think that if you did 192 00:10:57,559 --> 00:11:00,480 Speaker 1: land him whatever that means to you, it would immediately 193 00:11:00,520 --> 00:11:07,199 Speaker 1: get not fun and boring? Can I answer that? Like? 194 00:11:07,320 --> 00:11:12,000 Speaker 1: Why are we hunting him? I know I'm done, I'm done. 195 00:11:12,679 --> 00:11:14,480 Speaker 1: I am I'm done. I'm over it that when I 196 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:16,439 Speaker 1: got the black heart the other day, I'm done, I'm done. 197 00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:20,520 Speaker 1: I deserve better. You do deserve absolutely deserved. He sent 198 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:25,360 Speaker 1: you a black heart because he has a black heart. No, no, 199 00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:28,640 Speaker 1: I sound like this cute little like video when I 200 00:11:28,679 --> 00:11:31,000 Speaker 1: was on set the other day and then all these 201 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:35,720 Speaker 1: times back was just a black heart? Wait you, it's 202 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:39,560 Speaker 1: not engaging. Did I realize that it was a video 203 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,600 Speaker 1: that I sent queendom? Realized that you've actually sent it 204 00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:44,840 Speaker 1: to him and he sent you a black Hearty? What 205 00:11:44,880 --> 00:11:47,120 Speaker 1: does that mean? You have to go get a black heart? 206 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:49,440 Speaker 1: There's intention there? What does that mean? I don't know. 207 00:11:50,960 --> 00:11:54,559 Speaker 1: Let's call him up? Could we not? Because I already 208 00:11:54,559 --> 00:11:57,959 Speaker 1: fell asleep? Thank you? No? It did it? Didn't know 209 00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:00,000 Speaker 1: we we had it. We actually did have a conversation 210 00:12:00,040 --> 00:12:03,160 Speaker 1: and um, and he was like, you know, I'm like 211 00:12:03,240 --> 00:12:06,720 Speaker 1: protecting you from like my personal detachment issues. And so 212 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,240 Speaker 1: I'm like it was basically the call like I'm into you, 213 00:12:09,280 --> 00:12:10,719 Speaker 1: but I'm just not that into you kind of call. 214 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:12,760 Speaker 1: So I'm like, I get it now. So I'm I'm 215 00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:17,800 Speaker 1: I'm detaching. You do what seem like? You're detached? You 216 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,320 Speaker 1: don't see Mark? Do you want to get on the 217 00:12:19,400 --> 00:12:22,480 Speaker 1: queendom chat? Oh my god, if Mark was on chat 218 00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:26,640 Speaker 1: you would die. Um No, I am you can detacht 219 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:30,160 Speaker 1: like you can care about him, and then you can 220 00:12:30,200 --> 00:12:34,040 Speaker 1: also make him go away. I promise you. I'm like, 221 00:12:34,280 --> 00:12:37,839 Speaker 1: I know that he's not my person. That I can 222 00:12:37,960 --> 00:12:42,240 Speaker 1: one thousand percent say with certainty and clarity. That's why 223 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:44,640 Speaker 1: you probably don't care what we think. Yeah, because it's 224 00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:47,400 Speaker 1: not like you think you're actually going to ultimately end 225 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:53,920 Speaker 1: up with him. Can I go back? I mean I 226 00:12:53,960 --> 00:12:57,280 Speaker 1: wish I could say I don't know what's his nickname. 227 00:12:57,480 --> 00:12:59,040 Speaker 1: You know what it is, but it says his name, 228 00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:00,920 Speaker 1: so I can't. It's not like Waddle Like with Swaddle, 229 00:13:00,920 --> 00:13:02,720 Speaker 1: I could talk about spattle right now and Swaddle doesn't 230 00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:05,120 Speaker 1: know who saddle that one. We had to wrap up 231 00:13:05,160 --> 00:13:06,920 Speaker 1: like a little baby and hold him. We needed Jana 232 00:13:07,040 --> 00:13:16,480 Speaker 1: really bad, right, uh huh, So what's what's the end game? 233 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:19,000 Speaker 1: Or maybe it's changed, but what was the end game? 234 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:20,480 Speaker 1: If you knew he wasn't your guy? Well, so I 235 00:13:20,520 --> 00:13:22,559 Speaker 1: don't reach out to him anymore. Yeah, yeah, so I'm 236 00:13:22,600 --> 00:13:25,040 Speaker 1: just like, but what was the end It was really 237 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:31,960 Speaker 1: attractive to her. The goal was the fling. He was 238 00:13:32,559 --> 00:13:35,680 Speaker 1: really fun for Hot Girl summer. Yeah, great connection. We 239 00:13:35,720 --> 00:13:39,120 Speaker 1: had a great connectical connection. Yeah, physical connection. We have 240 00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:44,000 Speaker 1: good deep conversations. Did you shake your head when we 241 00:13:44,040 --> 00:13:47,200 Speaker 1: talk when we're together, Yeah, when we like, I love 242 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:50,800 Speaker 1: like he's very intellectually and like intelligent and so that was. 243 00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:57,480 Speaker 1: And he's older, you know, he's upper forties, so um yeah, 244 00:13:57,559 --> 00:14:01,719 Speaker 1: it was like it was it was and I will 245 00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:04,040 Speaker 1: say this too, because he was always kind of busy working. 246 00:14:04,080 --> 00:14:06,480 Speaker 1: I was able to go to these really cool places 247 00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:09,520 Speaker 1: and then just be alone during the day and me 248 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:12,400 Speaker 1: like have fun in the city and I got to 249 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,640 Speaker 1: write and like I really got to Like I sent 250 00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:17,760 Speaker 1: the girls a photo when I went to um this 251 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:21,600 Speaker 1: one part of California, and I was just like if anything, 252 00:14:21,640 --> 00:14:24,400 Speaker 1: like he gave me like this adventure piece of me, 253 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:27,320 Speaker 1: Like I got to really adventure and fly alone and 254 00:14:27,520 --> 00:14:30,720 Speaker 1: be alone all day, you know, almost all night to 255 00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:35,440 Speaker 1: just like having fun and like you know, just exploring 256 00:14:35,480 --> 00:14:40,120 Speaker 1: new cities. B Yeah, for sure. So it sounds like 257 00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:42,680 Speaker 1: he was great for this season of your life. But 258 00:14:42,760 --> 00:14:46,600 Speaker 1: it's fall now. Yeah yeah, hawk Girl Summers over fall 259 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:48,320 Speaker 1: in love is here and we cannot fall in love 260 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:50,840 Speaker 1: with boring guy. No, no, no. And he he basically 261 00:14:50,920 --> 00:14:52,320 Speaker 1: kind of said it to like, you know, he's like 262 00:14:52,320 --> 00:14:55,440 Speaker 1: I'm dating other people, and you know, he basically gave 263 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:58,400 Speaker 1: me that like I'm into you, but not that into you. Well, 264 00:14:58,440 --> 00:15:01,440 Speaker 1: if he was into you wouldn't have to. Yeah, so 265 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:10,880 Speaker 1: I'm over it. Having said that, I'm over it, I am. 266 00:15:10,920 --> 00:15:15,560 Speaker 1: I'm over it. I haven't. I haven't contacted him anymore, 267 00:15:16,000 --> 00:15:18,920 Speaker 1: just you know, since Yester, since yesterday at three pm. No, 268 00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,080 Speaker 1: but I'm done. I'm not going to reach out to 269 00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:25,560 Speaker 1: him again. Yeah. That's well, all relationships what they come 270 00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:28,400 Speaker 1: into your life for a reason. This season for a lifetime, 271 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:30,440 Speaker 1: you know, he was he was a really fun season. 272 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:33,320 Speaker 1: But the whole point was my girlfriends were like, why 273 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:35,720 Speaker 1: are you like, because he was Jewish. So she's like, 274 00:15:36,000 --> 00:15:39,920 Speaker 1: they're like, why are you? But again to me, I know, 275 00:15:40,000 --> 00:15:43,000 Speaker 1: he wasn't my forever, so like, I don't, I didn't care. 276 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:47,000 Speaker 1: You're just it's a different reason, Like you're literally going 277 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:49,520 Speaker 1: out for different reasons with different guys. You know what 278 00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:52,760 Speaker 1: I mean? A reason a sports season or a lifetime. 279 00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,720 Speaker 1: Oh man, you know what. I feel like we almost 280 00:15:59,720 --> 00:16:01,800 Speaker 1: should save my other topic for another day because we 281 00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:06,840 Speaker 1: have an amazing guess coming. But it's just so good. 282 00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:09,320 Speaker 1: Did she hear yet? Oh she's not here? Okay, great, 283 00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:15,360 Speaker 1: we're gonna talk about. This involves someone that I had 284 00:16:16,040 --> 00:16:22,760 Speaker 1: a season with last year, right I I am a 285 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:29,800 Speaker 1: little peeved. Yeah, I said the word peeved. I'm furious 286 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:34,160 Speaker 1: you heard it here at first. So when this person 287 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:42,000 Speaker 1: and I were hanging out, I named his beer company? 288 00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:46,880 Speaker 1: Is this the tell all part of it? I named it? 289 00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:52,880 Speaker 1: I've proof. Okay. Now, this person also got very angry 290 00:16:52,920 --> 00:16:57,119 Speaker 1: that he named someone else's business and wasn't getting compensated 291 00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:02,240 Speaker 1: for It's not it's not it's not uncommon to be 292 00:17:02,440 --> 00:17:10,159 Speaker 1: upset about that. It's not uncommon to be upset about 293 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:12,920 Speaker 1: I cannot handle all of that today. I love this 294 00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:17,280 Speaker 1: much about that. So I even gave the whole like 295 00:17:17,440 --> 00:17:20,199 Speaker 1: what it stands for, how you should promote it? And 296 00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:22,679 Speaker 1: then he would send me what is this design? I 297 00:17:22,720 --> 00:17:24,880 Speaker 1: was like, this design looks great. So then I get 298 00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:27,640 Speaker 1: a call from Decker Jesse James because I also told her, 299 00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:32,639 Speaker 1: and she goes, oh, it's out, and I go he 300 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:37,240 Speaker 1: did not use the name, oh and the same design 301 00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:43,160 Speaker 1: and my promo for it. So here's my thing. I'm 302 00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:47,560 Speaker 1: not asking for a check, you know, like, I get it. 303 00:17:47,560 --> 00:17:50,480 Speaker 1: It's fine. He could have at least email here's my 304 00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:54,240 Speaker 1: beef email and say, you know what, thank you for 305 00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:57,640 Speaker 1: the name. We're going forward with it, and I appreciate it. 306 00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:04,080 Speaker 1: That's all I wanted is branding genius. But like, is 307 00:18:04,119 --> 00:18:06,439 Speaker 1: that wrong of me to be upset about that? Or no, 308 00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:08,800 Speaker 1: call me out? Please call me out. I'm never going 309 00:18:08,840 --> 00:18:11,080 Speaker 1: to call you out because this happens to me every 310 00:18:11,160 --> 00:18:13,320 Speaker 1: day of my freaking life. What do you mean? People 311 00:18:13,359 --> 00:18:16,399 Speaker 1: take my words all the time, so and it annoys me. 312 00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:18,000 Speaker 1: I had a friend of mine who named their son 313 00:18:18,119 --> 00:18:24,919 Speaker 1: Legend unfriend who in Michigan. But I was like, it 314 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:26,960 Speaker 1: was like two months after he was born, and I 315 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,920 Speaker 1: was like Bye, I don't think this is I don't 316 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:32,919 Speaker 1: this is my life. I'm the ghostwriter. I do not. 317 00:18:33,119 --> 00:18:34,919 Speaker 1: I think you have every right to be annoyed, and 318 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,600 Speaker 1: I think you should have gotten anymail. Yeah, I agree, 319 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:40,000 Speaker 1: and ey's the email for legal reasons. But if he 320 00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:43,120 Speaker 1: says an email, he's admitting that you came up with it. 321 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:48,000 Speaker 1: I have proofs between him and his partner saying I 322 00:18:48,000 --> 00:18:51,280 Speaker 1: think doesn't have two choices. I think you pursue financial 323 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:54,120 Speaker 1: compensation or you have to let it go. But could 324 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:57,080 Speaker 1: I actually pursue financial compensation if you have I would 325 00:18:57,119 --> 00:18:59,000 Speaker 1: talk to an attorney about that. But if you have proof, 326 00:18:59,040 --> 00:19:01,879 Speaker 1: then probably what if they have an ambassador program? She 327 00:19:01,920 --> 00:19:05,480 Speaker 1: could link it and get her money back because I 328 00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:08,520 Speaker 1: don't like a beer. Okay. All I'm saying is it 329 00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:10,600 Speaker 1: just would if I'm not going to go after money 330 00:19:10,640 --> 00:19:16,600 Speaker 1: like although because again I was in this very brief 331 00:19:16,680 --> 00:19:19,679 Speaker 1: relations wouldn't call it a relationship, very brief dating stint 332 00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:23,520 Speaker 1: with this person. It just would be nice to say hey, 333 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:26,000 Speaker 1: because I mean people steal not strongs, but like songs, 334 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:28,920 Speaker 1: different song titles all the time, and how many songs 335 00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:32,240 Speaker 1: are they're like, um, whiskey or what? What whatever, but 336 00:19:32,359 --> 00:19:36,960 Speaker 1: like just something being like I mean, wine down wasn't 337 00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:40,120 Speaker 1: even close to that one girls, but I still was like, 338 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:43,200 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, and you know, like how can we make 339 00:19:43,240 --> 00:19:45,560 Speaker 1: this or because I didn't even know, but this person 340 00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:48,919 Speaker 1: knew took what something my name that I made for it. 341 00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:50,919 Speaker 1: But then also I did give it to this person. 342 00:19:52,280 --> 00:19:53,960 Speaker 1: But then my thing is, I'm like, then, why were 343 00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:57,080 Speaker 1: you so upset about the other person's business that you named? 344 00:19:58,119 --> 00:20:00,159 Speaker 1: So it's a little bit of hypocrisy on his on 345 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,959 Speaker 1: his side, but that's part of the reason he's no 346 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:07,359 Speaker 1: longer in the roster anyways, hypocrisy Mark, What do you 347 00:20:07,359 --> 00:20:09,199 Speaker 1: think talk to a lawyer or just let it go? 348 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:11,439 Speaker 1: I think I think you have to let it go 349 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:13,600 Speaker 1: unless you want to pursue a legal action. That's different. 350 00:20:13,640 --> 00:20:15,399 Speaker 1: But if if not, I don't think it's worth reaching 351 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,320 Speaker 1: out to him. I don't think you know, it's like 352 00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:20,399 Speaker 1: they say, you'll be much happier if you accept the 353 00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,639 Speaker 1: apology that you never received. I think you have to 354 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:24,159 Speaker 1: go to that mode right now. And I think a 355 00:20:24,160 --> 00:20:26,560 Speaker 1: break from legal action sounds really good for all of us. 356 00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:32,960 Speaker 1: I agree, and also I just I also I would 357 00:20:33,000 --> 00:20:34,720 Speaker 1: have just loved an email that's it. That's all I 358 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:36,639 Speaker 1: would have what goes when it comes around though, I 359 00:20:36,680 --> 00:20:41,880 Speaker 1: really do believe that. Mm hmm. Well anyways, um, let's 360 00:20:41,920 --> 00:20:44,080 Speaker 1: take a break and then we're going to get Lisa on, 361 00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:46,879 Speaker 1: who is just an angel. I gotta go grab a beer. 362 00:20:47,000 --> 00:21:03,560 Speaker 1: Okay here, I'll give it to It's for free, so 363 00:21:03,640 --> 00:21:06,360 Speaker 1: I know. Well, first of all, we have a massive 364 00:21:06,920 --> 00:21:11,280 Speaker 1: off air catchup to do because we we Oh my god, 365 00:21:13,600 --> 00:21:16,080 Speaker 1: I can't wait to hear all of it. Um. So 366 00:21:16,320 --> 00:21:20,280 Speaker 1: Lisa has been like my I mean, you've truly just 367 00:21:20,320 --> 00:21:22,560 Speaker 1: been like been on the journey with me and I've 368 00:21:22,600 --> 00:21:26,639 Speaker 1: just been it's been such an honor to be um 369 00:21:26,680 --> 00:21:30,040 Speaker 1: just you know, with your words and um going through 370 00:21:30,600 --> 00:21:32,879 Speaker 1: what we both have been going through. And I just 371 00:21:33,040 --> 00:21:34,639 Speaker 1: I've I've looked up to you for so long, so 372 00:21:34,720 --> 00:21:37,360 Speaker 1: much so that Christen to my friend here, she just screamed, 373 00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:39,080 Speaker 1: knowing that she didn't know that you were coming on. 374 00:21:39,240 --> 00:21:41,200 Speaker 1: I didn't know it was you. I needed a minute 375 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:45,160 Speaker 1: to get myself together, right because she's epic. Yeah, I've 376 00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:46,919 Speaker 1: bought a lot of your books for a lot of 377 00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:51,240 Speaker 1: my friends. Thank you. That's so kind. And I wish 378 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:54,439 Speaker 1: I was there in the studio with you, but in 379 00:21:54,440 --> 00:22:02,359 Speaker 1: your lap it would be awkward. She really really UM. Okay, 380 00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,000 Speaker 1: so you have your new book out right now, but 381 00:22:04,080 --> 00:22:05,520 Speaker 1: first I just want to say, like, how how are 382 00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:08,040 Speaker 1: you doing? I want to just do you have a 383 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:11,240 Speaker 1: little heart check in first, a little heart check? Thank you? 384 00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:14,159 Speaker 1: I love heart checks. UM. I feel like I'm sitting 385 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:17,720 Speaker 1: with my therapist right now because he always says, let's 386 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:21,600 Speaker 1: do a check in. So, um, you know I'm doing 387 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:29,560 Speaker 1: really well, Janna, I UM. I think healing from relational trauma. UM, 388 00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:34,199 Speaker 1: whatever relationship it is, is long, and I think it 389 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:36,480 Speaker 1: it takes a while, and it should take a while. 390 00:22:36,960 --> 00:22:40,240 Speaker 1: I think to the level that you love people is 391 00:22:40,359 --> 00:22:44,480 Speaker 1: to the level that you're going to experience hurt. And 392 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:47,760 Speaker 1: so when you love deeply, you hurt deeply. And I 393 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:50,600 Speaker 1: think that there will be layers of this that I 394 00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:53,639 Speaker 1: unpacked for years to come, because for me, it's not 395 00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:57,639 Speaker 1: just the facts of what happened. The longer part of 396 00:22:57,680 --> 00:23:00,760 Speaker 1: my healing journey has been the impact that all of 397 00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:03,200 Speaker 1: this has had on me, and so well, I think 398 00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:07,960 Speaker 1: I can forgive and and quickly more quickly moved through 399 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:11,720 Speaker 1: the facts of what happened. That's like accepting it and 400 00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:16,640 Speaker 1: grieving it and deciding to move on from it as 401 00:23:16,640 --> 00:23:20,080 Speaker 1: I've moved moved through it. But I think the impact 402 00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:22,000 Speaker 1: of this is going to be something that leaks into 403 00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:25,640 Speaker 1: my life for years to come. And I think that's okay, Yeah, 404 00:23:25,680 --> 00:23:27,600 Speaker 1: it's it's interesting you say that too. I was just 405 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:29,600 Speaker 1: talking to UM. I was on a panel the other 406 00:23:29,680 --> 00:23:32,159 Speaker 1: day and we were saying UM, and even with my 407 00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:35,800 Speaker 1: therapist too. You know, people say, UM, like do you 408 00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:37,239 Speaker 1: think you have to be over it? And I'm like, 409 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:41,560 Speaker 1: in today's society, it's like, why haven't you moved on yet? 410 00:23:41,640 --> 00:23:43,320 Speaker 1: Or the person that hurts you? Why haven't you moved 411 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:45,520 Speaker 1: on yet? If this happened whatever, like get over it, 412 00:23:45,680 --> 00:23:50,600 Speaker 1: move on. And it's like grief and trauma and UM. 413 00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:53,159 Speaker 1: You know, things that hurt can come up in different 414 00:23:53,200 --> 00:23:55,640 Speaker 1: times in your life and different moments, and it can 415 00:23:55,680 --> 00:23:58,240 Speaker 1: be you have you have to process that, you know, 416 00:23:58,280 --> 00:24:00,359 Speaker 1: instead of shoving it down. And I think people just 417 00:24:00,359 --> 00:24:02,000 Speaker 1: think it's like, all right, be be over it, be 418 00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,200 Speaker 1: done with it, and it's like it doesn't work that way. 419 00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:07,359 Speaker 1: Well I wish it was. I wish it would, UM, 420 00:24:07,400 --> 00:24:09,720 Speaker 1: but I just I haven't seen that to be the case. 421 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:12,520 Speaker 1: I mean, things in my life too. I'm like, why 422 00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,040 Speaker 1: am I now just feeling these emotions? And my therapist 423 00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:17,199 Speaker 1: is like, that's grief, like, and that's that's you know, 424 00:24:17,240 --> 00:24:19,480 Speaker 1: those are experiences that you had with your X and 425 00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:21,320 Speaker 1: they're gonna come up at different times and you're gonna 426 00:24:21,359 --> 00:24:23,000 Speaker 1: feel different things. But then I don't know about you, 427 00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:25,920 Speaker 1: but I'm like, I shame myself and go I should 428 00:24:25,960 --> 00:24:27,520 Speaker 1: be over this. Why am I crying? Does this mean 429 00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:30,200 Speaker 1: I'm not healed? Or does this mean I'm like going 430 00:24:30,520 --> 00:24:34,800 Speaker 1: the wrong way? So how do you kind of navigate that? Well? Also, 431 00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:38,120 Speaker 1: I think part of it is that we get triggered 432 00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:41,840 Speaker 1: in our pain. I'm not really sure why my iPhone 433 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:46,880 Speaker 1: sends me memory pictures like this this on this day 434 00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:50,480 Speaker 1: four years ago, and then this this picture or this 435 00:24:50,600 --> 00:24:54,040 Speaker 1: movie that they've set to like this lovely music, and 436 00:24:54,200 --> 00:24:56,880 Speaker 1: you know, those memories used to be my greatest gift 437 00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:59,520 Speaker 1: and now sometimes they're my greatest struggle. And I think 438 00:24:59,600 --> 00:25:02,399 Speaker 1: memories work that way. You know. Grief to me is 439 00:25:02,440 --> 00:25:05,760 Speaker 1: like dreaming in reverse. And what I mean by that 440 00:25:05,920 --> 00:25:08,639 Speaker 1: is like, well, usually when you dream, you're looking forward 441 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:12,080 Speaker 1: to something, but when you're grieving, you look back at 442 00:25:12,200 --> 00:25:15,840 Speaker 1: what you thought was or maybe what was, and you 443 00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:19,000 Speaker 1: want to try to go backwards, but you can't go backwards. 444 00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:21,199 Speaker 1: So that's why, to me, grief is like dreaming in 445 00:25:21,280 --> 00:25:23,720 Speaker 1: reverse and it it's it's a process. But also what 446 00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:26,520 Speaker 1: complicates it for me is those triggers. So like when 447 00:25:26,520 --> 00:25:28,679 Speaker 1: a memory pops up on my phone and I didn't 448 00:25:28,680 --> 00:25:30,639 Speaker 1: invite it. I didn't go shopping for pain and I 449 00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:32,840 Speaker 1: didn't look for it. It just comes and all of 450 00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:34,639 Speaker 1: a sudden, I'm in the grocery store and I find 451 00:25:34,640 --> 00:25:38,040 Speaker 1: myself bending over, like putting my head down on the 452 00:25:38,040 --> 00:25:41,760 Speaker 1: banana display, and the poor underpaid fruit attendant is looking 453 00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:45,359 Speaker 1: at me like, ma'am, back away from my bananas. You 454 00:25:45,400 --> 00:25:47,920 Speaker 1: know he doesn't. He doesn't get paid enough to deal 455 00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:52,520 Speaker 1: with women like me, and um, you know, those triggers. 456 00:25:52,600 --> 00:25:56,240 Speaker 1: We can't time them. That's part of the issue with triggers. 457 00:25:56,280 --> 00:25:58,199 Speaker 1: They just hit us apre at the grocery store, or 458 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,680 Speaker 1: if we're helping our kids with their home work, or 459 00:26:01,080 --> 00:26:04,560 Speaker 1: if we're out having a you know, a lovely dinner 460 00:26:04,680 --> 00:26:07,560 Speaker 1: with our friends. You can't time a trigger. I wish 461 00:26:07,600 --> 00:26:10,359 Speaker 1: I could schedule triggers hitting me like I wish it 462 00:26:10,359 --> 00:26:12,080 Speaker 1: could be like Tuesday night, I'm going to be in 463 00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:17,800 Speaker 1: a bubble back taking communion and uh, you know, having 464 00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:21,439 Speaker 1: like crazy music on and all, you know, and just 465 00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:23,879 Speaker 1: like and then I can just cry and cry and 466 00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,840 Speaker 1: cry it all out. But you can't time triggers. But 467 00:26:26,920 --> 00:26:29,240 Speaker 1: I started to look at it now, Jamna, is that's 468 00:26:29,280 --> 00:26:34,320 Speaker 1: a grace from God because it's letting those triggers, are 469 00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:37,520 Speaker 1: really letting the full impact of this leak into our 470 00:26:37,560 --> 00:26:40,480 Speaker 1: life in bite sized pieces where we can deal with it, 471 00:26:40,800 --> 00:26:44,320 Speaker 1: because maybe God knows, if the full impact would have 472 00:26:44,359 --> 00:26:46,720 Speaker 1: hit us all at once, it may have really killed us. M. 473 00:26:47,560 --> 00:26:49,360 Speaker 1: I've used it too, is like a way to show 474 00:26:49,440 --> 00:26:53,080 Speaker 1: up for myself a little bit like the ambush. Um. 475 00:26:53,119 --> 00:26:55,359 Speaker 1: So I've been heavy into grief and trauma therapy for 476 00:26:55,480 --> 00:27:01,320 Speaker 1: like the last how many months five um. But one 477 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:02,879 Speaker 1: of the things she had mentioned to me was to 478 00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:05,160 Speaker 1: sit and give, you know, like I give my kids 479 00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:08,080 Speaker 1: fifteen minutes of floor time a day, and so she said, 480 00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:10,400 Speaker 1: to give your grief fifteen minutes of floor time of day, 481 00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:13,000 Speaker 1: like turned towards it, ask what it needs from you. 482 00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:16,000 Speaker 1: So when the triggers happen, it feels like an ambush 483 00:27:16,000 --> 00:27:17,760 Speaker 1: to me because I'm like, I didn't. I'm not looking 484 00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:20,320 Speaker 1: at you right now, I'm not asking for you right now. 485 00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:24,959 Speaker 1: But I feel like the stronger part of me is 486 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:27,720 Speaker 1: is showing up for myself in the way that like 487 00:27:27,760 --> 00:27:29,640 Speaker 1: when I do get triggered, I say it, or I'm 488 00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:32,639 Speaker 1: dealing with it because I'm a compartmentalizer, you know, like 489 00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:34,840 Speaker 1: I'll just go, Okay, well that hurts, and then I 490 00:27:34,880 --> 00:27:37,600 Speaker 1: swallow it's hard to swallow, and then I put it away. 491 00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:41,160 Speaker 1: But if I can, you know, turn to my husband 492 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:43,600 Speaker 1: or whoever's with me and say like, you know, I 493 00:27:43,640 --> 00:27:45,720 Speaker 1: don't like this, or this hurts my heart, or this 494 00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:48,080 Speaker 1: is making me feel this way. It's like really standing 495 00:27:48,119 --> 00:27:49,879 Speaker 1: in my own self and showing up for myself a 496 00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:51,879 Speaker 1: little bit more than I had before instead of just 497 00:27:51,960 --> 00:27:54,439 Speaker 1: going that's obnoxious. And I do want to get to 498 00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:56,320 Speaker 1: my bubble bath at Tuesday night at eight p m. 499 00:27:56,400 --> 00:28:00,440 Speaker 1: And I'll cry about it. Then. I love that thought 500 00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:04,879 Speaker 1: of turning toward it and asking, you know, the grief, 501 00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:06,800 Speaker 1: what what do you need for me? I really love 502 00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:08,840 Speaker 1: how you phrase that. I'm going to use that thank you. 503 00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:14,919 Speaker 1: You should use that. You're a magical human. I have 504 00:28:14,960 --> 00:28:17,120 Speaker 1: a question to you because you've written so many obviously 505 00:28:17,280 --> 00:28:19,159 Speaker 1: you know forgiving what you can't forget, and I mean, 506 00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:23,119 Speaker 1: there's there's so many amazing books you've written. But is 507 00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:25,320 Speaker 1: there something in there where you're like, I still struggle 508 00:28:25,400 --> 00:28:27,880 Speaker 1: with this piece of it, where you almost feel like 509 00:28:28,600 --> 00:28:31,000 Speaker 1: I wrote this, But am I not not a hypocrite? 510 00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:36,440 Speaker 1: But like, um, like that you still struggle with that piece. Yes, 511 00:28:36,480 --> 00:28:39,960 Speaker 1: of course, I give myself permission to still be on 512 00:28:40,000 --> 00:28:43,120 Speaker 1: a journey. And I'm pretty clear in my books like 513 00:28:43,800 --> 00:28:49,440 Speaker 1: this is not this is not like an art to perfect. 514 00:28:50,440 --> 00:28:54,520 Speaker 1: This is a journey to take and you are going 515 00:28:54,560 --> 00:28:56,880 Speaker 1: to have setbacks. I'm going to have setbacks. And I 516 00:28:56,920 --> 00:29:01,360 Speaker 1: think acknowledging that to my reader even while they're reading 517 00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:05,680 Speaker 1: the book gives them permission to understand that they're going 518 00:29:05,720 --> 00:29:08,440 Speaker 1: to have setbacks too. And it's it's not about having 519 00:29:08,440 --> 00:29:14,240 Speaker 1: a setback. It's really about taking the setbacks as they 520 00:29:14,320 --> 00:29:18,400 Speaker 1: come and determining to still get back up and if 521 00:29:18,440 --> 00:29:20,240 Speaker 1: you need to lay down for a while, lay down 522 00:29:20,240 --> 00:29:23,120 Speaker 1: for a while, but but then don't get stuck there, like, 523 00:29:23,200 --> 00:29:26,040 Speaker 1: let's get back up, Let's get back on track toward 524 00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,640 Speaker 1: the goal of of healing from this and and not 525 00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:32,480 Speaker 1: only healing from it. But I think we all have 526 00:29:32,480 --> 00:29:34,880 Speaker 1: a choice when we go through something hard, is this 527 00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:39,200 Speaker 1: going to be something that permanently add something to me 528 00:29:39,600 --> 00:29:43,080 Speaker 1: or permanently subtracts something from me? And I feel like 529 00:29:43,080 --> 00:29:45,880 Speaker 1: when you go through relational trauma, it's already taking enough. 530 00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:49,000 Speaker 1: So I'm not willing to let this subtract anything from me. 531 00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:51,720 Speaker 1: I am willing to let this add things to me, 532 00:29:51,880 --> 00:29:55,880 Speaker 1: like even more compassion for other people and even more 533 00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:59,280 Speaker 1: compassion for myself. And so, yeah, I have setbacks, but 534 00:29:59,440 --> 00:30:02,320 Speaker 1: I also have compassion for myself when I have those. 535 00:30:03,400 --> 00:30:17,640 Speaker 1: M H. I mean, obviously, I know we talked um 536 00:30:17,720 --> 00:30:23,840 Speaker 1: during your very public breakup, and how are you with 537 00:30:23,880 --> 00:30:26,760 Speaker 1: that now? Walking through that with especially you know, the 538 00:30:27,720 --> 00:30:32,240 Speaker 1: um being so heavy in the Christian world, and like, 539 00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:36,520 Speaker 1: how how are you dealing with outside opinions and voices 540 00:30:37,440 --> 00:30:41,920 Speaker 1: that I know you know you've at times struggled with. Yeah, Well, 541 00:30:42,360 --> 00:30:45,600 Speaker 1: one thing I did proactively, I'll answer how I'm doing 542 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:47,840 Speaker 1: a second, but I want to get this little part in. 543 00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:52,240 Speaker 1: One thing I did proactively was some of the Bible 544 00:30:52,360 --> 00:30:58,440 Speaker 1: verses that I felt like maybe weaponized against me or 545 00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:02,840 Speaker 1: I've heard weaponized against other people, such as God hates divorce. Okay, 546 00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:08,120 Speaker 1: that's a really tough verse from Malachi. And what I 547 00:31:08,160 --> 00:31:13,000 Speaker 1: decided to do is, you know, get proactive and really 548 00:31:13,040 --> 00:31:17,200 Speaker 1: look into the real meaning, intention, and context of those verses, 549 00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:21,040 Speaker 1: so that I didn't hear statements like that and get defensive, 550 00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:23,360 Speaker 1: but rather I was already educated to be able to 551 00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:27,200 Speaker 1: answer them intelligently. And here's what's interesting about that particular 552 00:31:27,320 --> 00:31:33,640 Speaker 1: verse is that in the original language, before the King 553 00:31:33,720 --> 00:31:37,000 Speaker 1: James version, that interpretation of that scripture was never there. 554 00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:40,640 Speaker 1: It only started God hates divorce only started at the 555 00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:45,160 Speaker 1: King James version before that, what that verse actually said, 556 00:31:45,280 --> 00:31:48,080 Speaker 1: when a man hates and divorces his wife, he does 557 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:52,960 Speaker 1: violence against the one he should protect. So you see 558 00:31:53,040 --> 00:31:57,360 Speaker 1: me being educated on that when people say, well, you know, 559 00:31:57,600 --> 00:31:59,640 Speaker 1: and people not a lot of people have said this 560 00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:02,880 Speaker 1: to me, but I've heard it so much that I 561 00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:05,200 Speaker 1: can hear it in my head, people saying it's me, 562 00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:09,320 Speaker 1: God hates divorce. I do believe God hates what divorce 563 00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:11,800 Speaker 1: does two people. And I think we've all kind of 564 00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:15,360 Speaker 1: heard that sidestep, you know, But I wanted to be 565 00:32:15,480 --> 00:32:20,200 Speaker 1: educated and say, did you know, like what in some 566 00:32:20,320 --> 00:32:23,960 Speaker 1: versions of the Bible have discorrect interpretation. So I say, 567 00:32:24,040 --> 00:32:26,360 Speaker 1: let's get several versions of the Bible and let's actually 568 00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:28,840 Speaker 1: open it up to that verse in Malachi. And they're 569 00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:31,840 Speaker 1: shocked when they see that in some versions it says 570 00:32:32,040 --> 00:32:34,960 Speaker 1: God hates divorced, but in other versions it says when 571 00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:37,360 Speaker 1: a man hates and divorces his wife, he does violence 572 00:32:37,360 --> 00:32:40,560 Speaker 1: against the one he should protect. So me being educated 573 00:32:40,920 --> 00:32:43,160 Speaker 1: makes me a whole lot less defensive and a whole 574 00:32:43,200 --> 00:32:46,800 Speaker 1: lot more intelligent in my response to that. And I 575 00:32:46,800 --> 00:32:51,440 Speaker 1: think I've felt empowered to be able to talk about 576 00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:56,880 Speaker 1: how I'm doing now using some of that intelligence, because 577 00:32:56,920 --> 00:32:59,880 Speaker 1: this is both a heart thing and a head thing. 578 00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:05,840 Speaker 1: Um for me, Um, I will always be sad that 579 00:33:06,680 --> 00:33:09,480 Speaker 1: my marriage of thirty years ended. I will I will 580 00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:15,400 Speaker 1: always be sad, But I look at it now that 581 00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:21,360 Speaker 1: while that is a part of my life, it is 582 00:33:21,480 --> 00:33:26,880 Speaker 1: not the sum total of my life. And you know, 583 00:33:26,960 --> 00:33:30,360 Speaker 1: it is scary to try to figure out where do 584 00:33:30,400 --> 00:33:34,400 Speaker 1: I go from here? You know, I'm not young like 585 00:33:34,480 --> 00:33:37,000 Speaker 1: you are. At least this is why we have to 586 00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:39,280 Speaker 1: have our after talk, because I told you, like you, 587 00:33:39,280 --> 00:33:41,920 Speaker 1: you've got to stop doing that to yourself, like you're beautiful, 588 00:33:42,000 --> 00:33:45,000 Speaker 1: you're successful. There I'm She always says, like, you're younger, 589 00:33:45,000 --> 00:33:47,280 Speaker 1: You've got time. I'm like, you've got just as much 590 00:33:47,320 --> 00:33:49,239 Speaker 1: time to find someone that is going to love you 591 00:33:49,280 --> 00:33:52,160 Speaker 1: and treat you the way that you deserve to be treated. 592 00:33:53,040 --> 00:33:55,080 Speaker 1: I agree with and that like breaks me when you 593 00:33:55,080 --> 00:33:57,200 Speaker 1: sit because I'm like, I'm like, I gotta I wish 594 00:33:57,240 --> 00:33:59,200 Speaker 1: you could. I could you could see yourself from like 595 00:33:59,400 --> 00:34:02,160 Speaker 1: how we see you, and like how I know someone 596 00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:04,760 Speaker 1: that is deserving and will love you will see you. 597 00:34:05,280 --> 00:34:09,360 Speaker 1: And I don't know how old you are, but I 598 00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:11,160 Speaker 1: don't know how old you are, but I will tell 599 00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:15,560 Speaker 1: you this, I would rather find a man in the 600 00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:20,080 Speaker 1: older years of life to date. Like to me, I 601 00:34:20,080 --> 00:34:23,480 Speaker 1: don't even know, so say you're say you're forty. I 602 00:34:23,520 --> 00:34:27,319 Speaker 1: would rather be dating forty and up than to try 603 00:34:27,360 --> 00:34:30,880 Speaker 1: to do this at thirty because I feel like there's 604 00:34:30,880 --> 00:34:33,839 Speaker 1: some wisdom if you can find the right one. Let's like, 605 00:34:33,960 --> 00:34:37,400 Speaker 1: but there is some wisdom that salt and pepper wisdom 606 00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:38,799 Speaker 1: is what I call it in our house. But like 607 00:34:38,920 --> 00:34:41,520 Speaker 1: you know, there's something that you gain as you get older, 608 00:34:42,360 --> 00:34:44,120 Speaker 1: whether you're a man or a woman, and I would 609 00:34:44,200 --> 00:34:48,440 Speaker 1: rather date that or lean towards that. Well, you also 610 00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:51,640 Speaker 1: know yourself so much better. Yeah, it's like, you know, 611 00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:55,439 Speaker 1: I'm going through divorce after fifteen years and I'm thirty eight, 612 00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:58,640 Speaker 1: and it's like, man, I am such a different person 613 00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:01,400 Speaker 1: when I last date it. You know, it's like I 614 00:35:01,440 --> 00:35:03,960 Speaker 1: don't even know what to do because I'm just it's 615 00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:06,680 Speaker 1: just all new, which is scary. Yeah, I mean, it's 616 00:35:06,680 --> 00:35:10,239 Speaker 1: absolutely scary. But the best part of my life was 617 00:35:10,280 --> 00:35:13,520 Speaker 1: after my divorce. I was divorced once before, Jake from 618 00:35:13,560 --> 00:35:19,040 Speaker 1: State Farm, not the popular one Lisa, and my whole 619 00:35:19,120 --> 00:35:21,440 Speaker 1: life was on the other side of that, and it 620 00:35:21,560 --> 00:35:26,200 Speaker 1: was the darkest time of my life. M M. I'm 621 00:35:26,239 --> 00:35:33,000 Speaker 1: sor during it daring dark. There's shame that comes with divorce, 622 00:35:33,239 --> 00:35:37,319 Speaker 1: people saying they were disappointed, and just I felt like 623 00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:40,160 Speaker 1: I was already down and they just kept kicking and 624 00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:42,920 Speaker 1: I was. I was like, I'm I don't even like 625 00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:47,960 Speaker 1: it was like I surrender, you know, Yeah, I understand that, 626 00:35:48,080 --> 00:35:51,840 Speaker 1: and I'm I just grieve every time someone has this 627 00:35:51,960 --> 00:35:54,280 Speaker 1: as part of their journey. So thank you for sharing 628 00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:59,400 Speaker 1: both of you that I um, you know I want 629 00:35:59,680 --> 00:36:01,960 Speaker 1: I'm fifty three, just so let's just put that on 630 00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:06,480 Speaker 1: the way. I don't know what you're up to and 631 00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:12,520 Speaker 1: let's put that in the after show. You're so sweet. Um, So, 632 00:36:12,680 --> 00:36:17,399 Speaker 1: I guess what I mean by I'm older now. What 633 00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:22,560 Speaker 1: I mean by that is, you know, being married almost 634 00:36:22,640 --> 00:36:29,360 Speaker 1: thirty years, I had so cemented in my brain where 635 00:36:29,400 --> 00:36:32,600 Speaker 1: my life was going. And so when I say I'm 636 00:36:32,640 --> 00:36:34,680 Speaker 1: old now, it's not that I feel like I'm too 637 00:36:34,680 --> 00:36:38,399 Speaker 1: old or past the stage where you know, I can 638 00:36:38,480 --> 00:36:42,280 Speaker 1: still find, you know, a different version of my life 639 00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:44,759 Speaker 1: that will be happy and joyful and wonderful and all 640 00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:47,480 Speaker 1: of that. I think what I mean is it's it's 641 00:36:47,520 --> 00:36:51,080 Speaker 1: a very hard shift to make when you really thought 642 00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:53,120 Speaker 1: your life was going this way, and it had been 643 00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:56,359 Speaker 1: for three decades this way, and then now my life 644 00:36:56,400 --> 00:37:00,280 Speaker 1: is going this way, and I I am working really 645 00:37:00,280 --> 00:37:03,680 Speaker 1: hard to make sure that my in goal here is 646 00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:09,080 Speaker 1: not to find another man or another husband or anything. 647 00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:13,359 Speaker 1: I If that happens, that's amazing, and I'm open to 648 00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:16,920 Speaker 1: it now, which I think in some of our earlier conversations, Jana, 649 00:37:16,960 --> 00:37:20,120 Speaker 1: I was not open at all. And that's all I 650 00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,439 Speaker 1: want you to have. I just want you to be open. Well, 651 00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:25,319 Speaker 1: hope deferred makes the heart sick, so we don't need 652 00:37:25,360 --> 00:37:28,560 Speaker 1: the hope deferred Okay, well, thank you for sharing that. 653 00:37:28,640 --> 00:37:30,720 Speaker 1: I'm so glad my kids are listening to this because 654 00:37:30,760 --> 00:37:36,560 Speaker 1: they are huge wind down. Okay, well for the people 655 00:37:36,560 --> 00:37:42,880 Speaker 1: in the back, but I'll just say that, Um, you know, 656 00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:45,640 Speaker 1: I'm open to it, but I don't see that as 657 00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:49,240 Speaker 1: the ultimate sign of redemption. I can. I can find 658 00:37:49,320 --> 00:37:55,480 Speaker 1: redemption by living a life that still is honorable to 659 00:37:55,560 --> 00:37:59,759 Speaker 1: my kids and um, and that still honors who God 660 00:37:59,760 --> 00:38:03,680 Speaker 1: cre needed me to be. I love that so much. 661 00:38:03,840 --> 00:38:06,479 Speaker 1: I think that's like where I've finally, Lisa, I've gotten 662 00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:10,719 Speaker 1: to where I'm like, I the man doesn't define my 663 00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:14,200 Speaker 1: worth or my redemption story. It's like, my redemption story 664 00:38:14,400 --> 00:38:17,680 Speaker 1: is the healed, happier version with me and my kids, 665 00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:20,279 Speaker 1: And like how like that that is? Like, and I 666 00:38:20,280 --> 00:38:21,560 Speaker 1: think that's the same. It's going to be the same 667 00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:23,279 Speaker 1: for you. I mean, if you keep looking for your 668 00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:25,239 Speaker 1: worth and a man, you're never gonna you're never gonna 669 00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:27,560 Speaker 1: find it, or that that to be there, like look 670 00:38:27,560 --> 00:38:29,880 Speaker 1: and I'm finally happy. It's like, no, I'm actually finally 671 00:38:29,920 --> 00:38:34,839 Speaker 1: happy who I am today without being like yeah, of course, 672 00:38:35,120 --> 00:38:38,400 Speaker 1: you know, I love would love the companionship, but the 673 00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:41,840 Speaker 1: right companion, the right companionship, and I want to be 674 00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:45,080 Speaker 1: settled in my heart. You know, it's like more than 675 00:38:45,200 --> 00:38:47,920 Speaker 1: just happiness. I want to be settled because you know, 676 00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:52,800 Speaker 1: when you've got these feelings that I'm longing for something 677 00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:57,600 Speaker 1: and I need that something to make me feel settled. Um. 678 00:38:57,760 --> 00:39:01,759 Speaker 1: I want to feel settled on my own before I 679 00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:06,120 Speaker 1: get into any kind of future relationship if that's in 680 00:39:06,200 --> 00:39:10,319 Speaker 1: store for me. UM, so that I'm not looking to 681 00:39:10,440 --> 00:39:15,120 Speaker 1: have them right some of my wrongs or or how 682 00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:18,680 Speaker 1: I've been wronged, or even to make me feel a 683 00:39:18,760 --> 00:39:21,719 Speaker 1: certain way. I want to feel a certain way so 684 00:39:21,800 --> 00:39:25,040 Speaker 1: that I can bring that into a relationship and grow 685 00:39:25,440 --> 00:39:28,920 Speaker 1: a relationship from there. Absolutely, I really feel like the 686 00:39:29,000 --> 00:39:30,920 Speaker 1: dusted off version of you is going to be your 687 00:39:30,960 --> 00:39:34,160 Speaker 1: most favorite version of you. M thank you, and it 688 00:39:34,239 --> 00:39:35,920 Speaker 1: keeps coming to me. So I just have to say it, 689 00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:39,080 Speaker 1: thank you. I'm gonna rub that in my heart, do it. 690 00:39:39,480 --> 00:39:57,640 Speaker 1: I can't handle what's happening. Autographed my baby Lisa. So 691 00:39:57,719 --> 00:40:02,359 Speaker 1: you have a new book out called Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, 692 00:40:03,760 --> 00:40:06,520 Speaker 1: UM Loving Others without Losing It's a release date. It's 693 00:40:06,520 --> 00:40:08,839 Speaker 1: November eight. So you have a new book coming out 694 00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:12,680 Speaker 1: in November eight. Good boundaries and goodbyes, loving others without 695 00:40:12,760 --> 00:40:18,520 Speaker 1: losing the best of who you are and to art. 696 00:40:20,880 --> 00:40:23,040 Speaker 1: Is there a pre sale link that we can we 697 00:40:23,080 --> 00:40:28,120 Speaker 1: can link to it right now? Yes, yes, absolutely, Um, 698 00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:32,319 Speaker 1: it's available for free sale at you know, many different retailers. 699 00:40:32,360 --> 00:40:37,440 Speaker 1: For sure. I am really excited about this message, And 700 00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:40,239 Speaker 1: let me tell you why. The number one reason I'm 701 00:40:40,280 --> 00:40:44,319 Speaker 1: so excited about this message is because I lived a 702 00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:51,120 Speaker 1: long portion of my life misunderstanding boundaries and almost feeling 703 00:40:51,120 --> 00:40:53,960 Speaker 1: as a Christian woman that I didn't have permission to 704 00:40:54,800 --> 00:40:57,719 Speaker 1: draw the same kind of boundaries that other people could 705 00:40:57,800 --> 00:41:00,920 Speaker 1: draw because maybe it was on con or maybe it 706 00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:03,359 Speaker 1: was a little bit un Christian or whatever. I had 707 00:41:03,400 --> 00:41:06,840 Speaker 1: so many misunderstandings. So I lived a life before I 708 00:41:06,920 --> 00:41:09,799 Speaker 1: understood boundaries, and now I'm living a life now that 709 00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:15,120 Speaker 1: I have a proper understanding of boundaries. And I am 710 00:41:15,440 --> 00:41:19,799 Speaker 1: so grateful for what I've learned in the research and 711 00:41:19,840 --> 00:41:23,960 Speaker 1: the writing of this book. And probably the biggest lesson 712 00:41:24,120 --> 00:41:27,200 Speaker 1: is boundaries are not just a good idea, They're actually 713 00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:31,200 Speaker 1: God's idea. So if there are Christians that are listening, 714 00:41:31,760 --> 00:41:35,440 Speaker 1: you know to that have the same feeling of like 715 00:41:35,640 --> 00:41:41,080 Speaker 1: resistance to boundaries, or anybody listening that has resistance to boundaries, 716 00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:45,120 Speaker 1: I just want to say that they are so foundational 717 00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:48,360 Speaker 1: to even the way that God created the earth. In creation, 718 00:41:48,440 --> 00:41:52,720 Speaker 1: God had boundaries the very first conversation God ever had 719 00:41:53,000 --> 00:41:56,320 Speaker 1: with another human, in his first recorded conversation with Adam. 720 00:41:56,520 --> 00:41:58,960 Speaker 1: The whole purpose of the conversation was to establish a 721 00:41:59,000 --> 00:42:01,520 Speaker 1: boundary where the room lines were and where they were not. 722 00:42:02,040 --> 00:42:04,160 Speaker 1: And so I just feel like I have been so 723 00:42:05,400 --> 00:42:09,120 Speaker 1: set free, and I'm I'm so eager for other people 724 00:42:09,160 --> 00:42:12,520 Speaker 1: to have access to this information, and I just think 725 00:42:12,600 --> 00:42:16,239 Speaker 1: it's life transformative. And then also the goodbyes part is, 726 00:42:16,960 --> 00:42:21,399 Speaker 1: in all the years of me growing and learning, I've 727 00:42:21,520 --> 00:42:25,560 Speaker 1: never been taught how to say a good goodbye, and 728 00:42:26,280 --> 00:42:29,799 Speaker 1: I've fumbled that quite often in previous goodbyes. And now 729 00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:33,680 Speaker 1: I just feel better equipped. Even if the good and 730 00:42:33,719 --> 00:42:36,600 Speaker 1: the goodbye has nothing to do with the other person, 731 00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:41,160 Speaker 1: even if that goodbye in essence was really awful and 732 00:42:41,239 --> 00:42:45,239 Speaker 1: hard and everything in my heart, I can settle it 733 00:42:45,360 --> 00:42:50,000 Speaker 1: as I'm going to give a good goodbye even if 734 00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:52,400 Speaker 1: I never get that back in return. But I'm going 735 00:42:52,480 --> 00:42:54,839 Speaker 1: to walk away with this and from this, and I'm 736 00:42:54,880 --> 00:42:58,600 Speaker 1: not going to add the added burden of regretting how 737 00:42:58,719 --> 00:43:02,719 Speaker 1: I said goodbye. So I think both sides of it, 738 00:43:02,800 --> 00:43:05,400 Speaker 1: the good boundaries and goodbyes are just going to be 739 00:43:05,520 --> 00:43:07,960 Speaker 1: very profoundly helpful for people. They have been for me. 740 00:43:08,760 --> 00:43:11,800 Speaker 1: I think I can't wait. I can't wait just because 741 00:43:12,640 --> 00:43:14,400 Speaker 1: I'm getting better with boundaries, but I feel like I 742 00:43:14,400 --> 00:43:18,120 Speaker 1: struggle where I still don't want to upset someone someone 743 00:43:18,120 --> 00:43:22,800 Speaker 1: else's feelings. So it's sometimes I've gotten I mean, way better, 744 00:43:22,880 --> 00:43:25,080 Speaker 1: but it's still I go to the well I don't 745 00:43:25,080 --> 00:43:26,520 Speaker 1: want them to be upset or I don't want them 746 00:43:26,560 --> 00:43:29,920 Speaker 1: to be hurt. So I'm gonna just kind of and again, 747 00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:32,080 Speaker 1: I've gotten better, but I still feel like I do 748 00:43:32,160 --> 00:43:35,719 Speaker 1: that in certain situations. And you know what, Dinna, I 749 00:43:35,719 --> 00:43:39,240 Speaker 1: think it's so interesting that you're saying that, because I 750 00:43:39,280 --> 00:43:42,200 Speaker 1: have felt that too. I still feel that tension a 751 00:43:42,239 --> 00:43:46,600 Speaker 1: little bit. Um. I don't want to disappoint people and so, 752 00:43:46,800 --> 00:43:50,759 Speaker 1: and I guess to some extent, I have been afraid 753 00:43:51,160 --> 00:43:53,600 Speaker 1: if I don't do this, then they're going to be 754 00:43:53,680 --> 00:43:55,480 Speaker 1: upset with me, They're going to be disappointed in me, 755 00:43:55,760 --> 00:43:57,880 Speaker 1: they may reject me, they might walk away from me. 756 00:43:58,840 --> 00:44:01,560 Speaker 1: But if that thought hops into my head that that 757 00:44:01,640 --> 00:44:04,960 Speaker 1: person is going to be disappointed in me, um that 758 00:44:05,040 --> 00:44:07,560 Speaker 1: they may reject me, they big walk away from me. 759 00:44:08,120 --> 00:44:11,400 Speaker 1: Then that's an indication that I'm in a relationship with 760 00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:15,840 Speaker 1: that person probably eventually is going to disappoint you know, 761 00:44:16,080 --> 00:44:18,759 Speaker 1: see me as a disappointment, reject me, and walk away 762 00:44:18,760 --> 00:44:21,000 Speaker 1: from me. So that can't be my reason not to 763 00:44:21,080 --> 00:44:25,399 Speaker 1: draw a boundary. Healthy people appreciate healthy boundaries. It's only 764 00:44:26,360 --> 00:44:31,200 Speaker 1: unhealthy dynamics and and unhealthy people that resist boundaries. And 765 00:44:31,600 --> 00:44:34,640 Speaker 1: usually it's the people who need boundaries the most to 766 00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:40,440 Speaker 1: respect them the least. And so I personally think that 767 00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:43,120 Speaker 1: when we say boundaries, it can feel like, oh, I'm 768 00:44:43,200 --> 00:44:47,239 Speaker 1: putting this boundary on someone else, and ultimately we know 769 00:44:47,320 --> 00:44:50,000 Speaker 1: we can't control another person, So that's that's a wrong 770 00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:53,680 Speaker 1: tactic to put it a boundary on someone else. What 771 00:44:53,719 --> 00:44:58,759 Speaker 1: we really need to do is to boundary are our self, 772 00:44:59,200 --> 00:45:01,680 Speaker 1: and it's not to be controlling or manipulous. It's so 773 00:45:01,760 --> 00:45:05,080 Speaker 1: that we can keep ourselves safe and healthy, so that 774 00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:08,080 Speaker 1: we can give the very best to that relationship. Yeah, 775 00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:10,800 Speaker 1: I've I've kind of started rephrasing because for some reason, 776 00:45:10,840 --> 00:45:14,480 Speaker 1: boundaries to me just sounds like harsh or like hard. 777 00:45:15,360 --> 00:45:18,240 Speaker 1: So I feel like, now I'm kind of going more like, Okay, 778 00:45:18,719 --> 00:45:20,680 Speaker 1: how do I honor myself in this moment? Like what 779 00:45:20,760 --> 00:45:22,880 Speaker 1: do what do I actually need? Do I want to 780 00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:25,400 Speaker 1: be alone? Like? So sometimes I over a plan with 781 00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:27,520 Speaker 1: like three different people, you know, and then I'm just 782 00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:29,440 Speaker 1: like I didn't really want to be doing any of 783 00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:30,840 Speaker 1: this stuff, but I don't want to sound like, Okay, 784 00:45:30,880 --> 00:45:33,320 Speaker 1: what what is honoring myself look like in this moment? 785 00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:35,120 Speaker 1: Do I do I want to go out tonight or 786 00:45:35,120 --> 00:45:37,120 Speaker 1: do I want to just stay in and be alone? 787 00:45:37,200 --> 00:45:39,560 Speaker 1: So it's like I think sometimes that helps me in 788 00:45:39,600 --> 00:45:41,960 Speaker 1: a way rephrase it because I don't know why boundaries 789 00:45:42,000 --> 00:45:46,120 Speaker 1: just seem so like negative to me, and I that's 790 00:45:46,239 --> 00:45:48,200 Speaker 1: that's my own, my own issue, and I know I 791 00:45:48,239 --> 00:45:50,600 Speaker 1: need to work past that to look at boundaries as 792 00:45:50,600 --> 00:45:53,840 Speaker 1: a healthy thing. I've read somewhere that I um it is, 793 00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:58,000 Speaker 1: boundaries are not against anyone, but they are for you. Well, 794 00:45:58,000 --> 00:45:59,600 Speaker 1: but see, I think you know what I think just 795 00:45:59,640 --> 00:46:02,799 Speaker 1: came up and saying that is in my relationship with 796 00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:07,040 Speaker 1: my ex husband, boundaries were made to be so negative. 797 00:46:07,400 --> 00:46:09,680 Speaker 1: And so you know, it's like because I had to 798 00:46:09,719 --> 00:46:12,640 Speaker 1: set certain boundaries and I was and I was made 799 00:46:12,719 --> 00:46:15,759 Speaker 1: to feel terrible for those boundaries, even though it was 800 00:46:15,800 --> 00:46:19,279 Speaker 1: something for his recovery. Was it really your boundaries though? 801 00:46:19,360 --> 00:46:22,160 Speaker 1: Or were his boundaries? Well? I had some of my own, 802 00:46:22,360 --> 00:46:23,920 Speaker 1: Like I don't want you to go to a strip club. 803 00:46:24,000 --> 00:46:26,400 Speaker 1: I don't want you to be boundary in the morning, 804 00:46:26,760 --> 00:46:29,640 Speaker 1: not you. But either way, the boundary got in a 805 00:46:29,719 --> 00:46:33,600 Speaker 1: negative and then it's my fault for having those boundaries. 806 00:46:35,160 --> 00:46:37,440 Speaker 1: So that's where like I need to almost retrain that 807 00:46:38,600 --> 00:46:43,200 Speaker 1: I'm madly in love with boundaries and has no negative 808 00:46:43,239 --> 00:46:45,719 Speaker 1: context to me at all. It is like everything the 809 00:46:45,800 --> 00:46:50,359 Speaker 1: people that expect them. I love the word it's hot 810 00:46:50,400 --> 00:46:55,040 Speaker 1: to me. Actually the whole title boundaries and good boundaries 811 00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:58,440 Speaker 1: and goodbyes. Well, I've never heard anyone say that one 812 00:46:58,480 --> 00:47:00,600 Speaker 1: of my book titles was hot. So thank you this. 813 00:47:02,840 --> 00:47:06,440 Speaker 1: You definitely don't know Christian but Lesa. You understand though, 814 00:47:06,560 --> 00:47:10,719 Speaker 1: right like having to feel that I do, I do. 815 00:47:10,880 --> 00:47:17,640 Speaker 1: So let me give you three new words that um 816 00:47:17,680 --> 00:47:22,840 Speaker 1: that have really helped me a lot. It's access, responsibility, 817 00:47:23,040 --> 00:47:28,960 Speaker 1: and consequences. So to the level that I give someone 818 00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:32,560 Speaker 1: access to me is to the level that I need 819 00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:36,560 Speaker 1: to require them to be responsible with that kind of access. 820 00:47:37,600 --> 00:47:39,640 Speaker 1: So let's focus on these two words first. So if 821 00:47:39,640 --> 00:47:43,279 Speaker 1: I give someone level ten access to me, but they're 822 00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:48,719 Speaker 1: only willing or capable of bringing level three responsibility, the 823 00:47:48,840 --> 00:47:52,440 Speaker 1: distance between the amount of access I'm giving me giving 824 00:47:52,600 --> 00:47:55,600 Speaker 1: them and the level of responsibility they're giving me, that 825 00:47:55,680 --> 00:48:02,120 Speaker 1: distance is dysfunction. So and it's also a need for 826 00:48:02,160 --> 00:48:06,920 Speaker 1: a boundary. But I know that I cannot force the 827 00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:09,839 Speaker 1: other person. I can ask them to lift up their 828 00:48:09,920 --> 00:48:13,680 Speaker 1: level of responsibility, but to the level of access I've 829 00:48:13,680 --> 00:48:16,759 Speaker 1: given them. But if they are unwilling or incapable of 830 00:48:16,920 --> 00:48:21,279 Speaker 1: anything more than a level three responsibility, then it's my 831 00:48:21,480 --> 00:48:27,919 Speaker 1: responsibility to put a boundary on myself and reduce their 832 00:48:28,040 --> 00:48:31,080 Speaker 1: level of access down to a level three. So there's 833 00:48:31,120 --> 00:48:36,440 Speaker 1: equilibrium in the relationship again. Otherwise the third word consequences. 834 00:48:36,840 --> 00:48:41,600 Speaker 1: Otherwise we are both going to suffer consequences because of 835 00:48:42,360 --> 00:48:46,040 Speaker 1: the difference between the access and the responsibility. And that 836 00:48:46,080 --> 00:48:49,759 Speaker 1: has helped me so much. And what I mean by 837 00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:56,080 Speaker 1: access is how much access am I giving someone physically 838 00:48:56,239 --> 00:48:59,200 Speaker 1: to me? How much access am I giving someone emotionally 839 00:48:59,239 --> 00:49:04,239 Speaker 1: to me? And a actually um financially um, even in 840 00:49:04,320 --> 00:49:07,680 Speaker 1: my capacity, you know, like you gave a good example, 841 00:49:07,800 --> 00:49:10,920 Speaker 1: like I've agreed to go out with three different friends tonight, 842 00:49:11,000 --> 00:49:13,520 Speaker 1: but I really just want to stay at home. So 843 00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:18,440 Speaker 1: you've given them access to capacity and you can express 844 00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:21,640 Speaker 1: to them I don't have the capacity to do this. 845 00:49:21,840 --> 00:49:24,520 Speaker 1: But if they sort of are demanding back, then they're 846 00:49:24,560 --> 00:49:27,840 Speaker 1: not being responsible with what you have said, and that 847 00:49:27,960 --> 00:49:30,880 Speaker 1: is I have limited capacity. So part of it is 848 00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:35,279 Speaker 1: our responsibility to communicate what we need for someone to 849 00:49:35,360 --> 00:49:38,880 Speaker 1: have responsibility for the level of access that we've given them. 850 00:49:38,920 --> 00:49:43,759 Speaker 1: But once we communicate that, then if they do not 851 00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:47,480 Speaker 1: honor it, then we can't keep trying to get them 852 00:49:47,560 --> 00:49:51,759 Speaker 1: to up their responsibility. We must then be responsible enough 853 00:49:51,800 --> 00:49:59,799 Speaker 1: for ourselves to reduce the access been explained ever by 854 00:50:00,000 --> 00:50:05,680 Speaker 1: are That's why she's like, my like soul, like, this 855 00:50:05,719 --> 00:50:08,880 Speaker 1: is why boundaries are hot, because it's just it's the 856 00:50:09,160 --> 00:50:12,080 Speaker 1: excess regulator. That's all it is. Do you feel better? 857 00:50:12,400 --> 00:50:16,440 Speaker 1: Do we have circled back the hot? We're going to 858 00:50:16,560 --> 00:50:23,279 Speaker 1: keep doing that. So there's that, that's right. I told her. 859 00:50:23,320 --> 00:50:25,000 Speaker 1: I was like, I go way one of my kids 860 00:50:25,040 --> 00:50:27,799 Speaker 1: this weekends. I'm like, we're going out, We're getting dressed up, 861 00:50:27,840 --> 00:50:31,200 Speaker 1: I'm doing your makeup, We're going like the town, so 862 00:50:31,239 --> 00:50:35,239 Speaker 1: maybe to Florida. I don't know. We'll talk and I 863 00:50:35,280 --> 00:50:38,959 Speaker 1: will give you a little tidbit because this year I've 864 00:50:39,000 --> 00:50:43,480 Speaker 1: focused on working on myself rather than spending so much 865 00:50:43,520 --> 00:50:47,040 Speaker 1: time trying to talk to other people into being responsible 866 00:50:47,080 --> 00:50:49,480 Speaker 1: with the access that I've given them. It's freed up 867 00:50:49,560 --> 00:50:51,719 Speaker 1: enough time for me to get really healthy, and I've 868 00:50:51,760 --> 00:50:59,040 Speaker 1: lost over forty pounds for you. Actually reports today I'm 869 00:50:59,080 --> 00:51:04,279 Speaker 1: actually wearing being shorts at the beach. You are as 870 00:51:04,320 --> 00:51:06,799 Speaker 1: long as I love you, I just I just want 871 00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:09,040 Speaker 1: you to feel good because you are just You're beautiful 872 00:51:09,080 --> 00:51:11,960 Speaker 1: inside now and I just so thankful for our friendship. 873 00:51:12,040 --> 00:51:14,479 Speaker 1: And I cannot wait to read this new hot book 874 00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:20,439 Speaker 1: spoke out. Um, can we please please please please please 875 00:51:20,480 --> 00:51:24,200 Speaker 1: please catch up off air this weekend. I would love Okay, 876 00:51:24,480 --> 00:51:26,600 Speaker 1: I will call you this weekend. Um, but thank you 877 00:51:27,120 --> 00:51:29,439 Speaker 1: so much for coming on. Girls. Do you have anything else? 878 00:51:29,960 --> 00:51:32,080 Speaker 1: I mean there's a million things, but we've already just 879 00:51:32,239 --> 00:51:34,360 Speaker 1: add the book to cart Yeah, I know. I'm like, 880 00:51:34,400 --> 00:51:35,960 Speaker 1: I wanted to write down a couple of things you said, 881 00:51:35,960 --> 00:51:40,160 Speaker 1: and I was like, it's okay, it's recorded. Yeah. Um, 882 00:51:40,239 --> 00:51:42,440 Speaker 1: thank you so much, friend, and I will I'll call 883 00:51:42,480 --> 00:51:46,160 Speaker 1: you this weekend. That's awesome. Okay, and hey, if either 884 00:51:46,239 --> 00:51:48,960 Speaker 1: of you want to call me too, we're now all 885 00:51:49,040 --> 00:51:52,959 Speaker 1: three friends after that day. Absolutely that she just gave 886 00:51:53,000 --> 00:51:59,040 Speaker 1: her might not I'm going to talk about healthy accent, Lisa, 887 00:51:59,200 --> 00:52:03,880 Speaker 1: for giving what you can't that you're going to be 888 00:52:03,960 --> 00:52:07,080 Speaker 1: responsible with the accent. I am super responsible, but I 889 00:52:07,120 --> 00:52:09,920 Speaker 1: love really hard. I'm not intent all the time, but 890 00:52:10,000 --> 00:52:13,840 Speaker 1: once I know I can be intense. She just snuggled. 891 00:52:15,600 --> 00:52:19,320 Speaker 1: I love your confessional. Let's do more of that great 892 00:52:19,360 --> 00:52:22,680 Speaker 1: girls trip here we come. All right, friend, thank you 893 00:52:22,760 --> 00:52:27,440 Speaker 1: so much. Thank you all right by Henny. So beautiful, 894 00:52:27,920 --> 00:52:30,920 Speaker 1: isn't she inside? I know what. I just shorts Lisa 895 00:52:31,239 --> 00:52:36,480 Speaker 1: hot shorts. I just I love um. She's because I 896 00:52:36,520 --> 00:52:41,640 Speaker 1: called her when UM we connected, because we did Mike 897 00:52:41,719 --> 00:52:44,560 Speaker 1: and I did a podcast with her and then I 898 00:52:44,640 --> 00:52:47,960 Speaker 1: called her UM. I don't know if I can share 899 00:52:48,000 --> 00:52:49,919 Speaker 1: it yet, but I did write about it in something 900 00:52:49,960 --> 00:52:52,440 Speaker 1: that I'm working on UM, and I gotta ask for 901 00:52:52,480 --> 00:52:55,680 Speaker 1: her permission even for that, but she gave me so 902 00:52:55,760 --> 00:52:58,759 Speaker 1: much good advice and information, and since then, like we've 903 00:52:58,800 --> 00:53:02,160 Speaker 1: just become like we have like checkens. I love that 904 00:53:02,200 --> 00:53:04,080 Speaker 1: because she's just and I just love, you know, the 905 00:53:04,160 --> 00:53:06,480 Speaker 1: Christian woman that she is, and like I've leaned obviously 906 00:53:06,480 --> 00:53:10,360 Speaker 1: more into that and so just to have her voice 907 00:53:10,719 --> 00:53:14,000 Speaker 1: and um strength and opinions and then like I love 908 00:53:14,040 --> 00:53:17,600 Speaker 1: how vulnerable because like we're all, you know, we're all 909 00:53:17,880 --> 00:53:20,000 Speaker 1: all that little peace in us that just feels like 910 00:53:20,040 --> 00:53:21,960 Speaker 1: we might not we might be done. I'm like, you're not. 911 00:53:22,000 --> 00:53:24,359 Speaker 1: And that's I was like, oh, I was like, you know, 912 00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:27,400 Speaker 1: you're not done. It's not don't worry about your age 913 00:53:27,480 --> 00:53:31,120 Speaker 1: or you know. It just feel overwhelming though too, you know, 914 00:53:31,200 --> 00:53:34,279 Speaker 1: like the rebuild, but even though tears that she brought here, 915 00:53:34,280 --> 00:53:36,040 Speaker 1: and it's like I just like I feel because I like, 916 00:53:36,120 --> 00:53:37,480 Speaker 1: you know if I don't know if you ever feel 917 00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:39,759 Speaker 1: it too, cat like being you know, almost divorced. Now 918 00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:43,879 Speaker 1: it's like you just we're all okay alone, but there's 919 00:53:43,880 --> 00:53:46,479 Speaker 1: still the yearning for that little bit of that love. 920 00:53:46,680 --> 00:53:48,319 Speaker 1: And I was like, I'm going to adopt a child 921 00:53:48,360 --> 00:53:51,480 Speaker 1: and I will just never be married. That's what I thought. 922 00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:53,560 Speaker 1: Well that's what I think. Well, that's definitely what I mean. 923 00:53:53,600 --> 00:53:55,640 Speaker 1: I think it was game over, not interested, But I 924 00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:58,480 Speaker 1: mean it's interesting hearing her say like her age or whatever, 925 00:53:58,600 --> 00:54:00,719 Speaker 1: and like, well I'm older than you, Janna, like you 926 00:54:00,760 --> 00:54:02,040 Speaker 1: can still go out. Well, you know, I have it 927 00:54:02,040 --> 00:54:04,000 Speaker 1: in my head, well I'm not as pretty as you, Janna, 928 00:54:04,080 --> 00:54:05,600 Speaker 1: like you can still go out. You know. We all 929 00:54:05,760 --> 00:54:09,560 Speaker 1: have like something something there that's like you feel like 930 00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:12,120 Speaker 1: it's holding you back, you know. So it's all very 931 00:54:12,239 --> 00:54:14,640 Speaker 1: It's good to hear someone like that, And from the 932 00:54:14,719 --> 00:54:17,279 Speaker 1: Christian point of view, I love that because there is 933 00:54:17,320 --> 00:54:19,440 Speaker 1: a lot of pressure in the church. There's a lot 934 00:54:19,520 --> 00:54:23,640 Speaker 1: of a lot of darkness and divorce to for Christians. 935 00:54:23,680 --> 00:54:26,799 Speaker 1: Like I felt the weight and heaviness of it the 936 00:54:26,840 --> 00:54:28,520 Speaker 1: minute she said it. It It just all came back to me. 937 00:54:28,640 --> 00:54:32,040 Speaker 1: It was just like this shame like knockdown, knockdown, knockdown. 938 00:54:32,160 --> 00:54:35,760 Speaker 1: And I think it's gotten better a little bit probably 939 00:54:35,760 --> 00:54:38,440 Speaker 1: then from even went through it. But yeah, I mean 940 00:54:38,480 --> 00:54:41,200 Speaker 1: it's it's tough, and our quality of friendships is different. 941 00:54:42,560 --> 00:54:45,440 Speaker 1: Can you imagine to like someone who is you know, 942 00:54:45,480 --> 00:54:48,960 Speaker 1: she speaks so much in that world, than to have 943 00:54:49,160 --> 00:54:50,680 Speaker 1: to be faced with that and it's like in something 944 00:54:50,800 --> 00:54:53,239 Speaker 1: she didn't want. Yeah, you know, this wasn't He was 945 00:54:53,320 --> 00:54:56,000 Speaker 1: not faithful, he was not a good man to her, 946 00:54:56,719 --> 00:54:59,560 Speaker 1: and it's like having not stripped from her too, even 947 00:54:59,560 --> 00:55:01,239 Speaker 1: though she heard she tried and worked on it's like 948 00:55:01,280 --> 00:55:03,600 Speaker 1: it's like it's so that the I was good, Like 949 00:55:03,640 --> 00:55:06,719 Speaker 1: that unfair. But also there's there is redemption. It's not 950 00:55:06,760 --> 00:55:08,920 Speaker 1: with the other man. It's redemption and like the beautiful 951 00:55:09,120 --> 00:55:11,120 Speaker 1: person that she is and who she's helping, like that's 952 00:55:11,239 --> 00:55:14,480 Speaker 1: that's that's the story, that's the redemption, Like that's the 953 00:55:14,560 --> 00:55:18,000 Speaker 1: Christian story. A perfect life is not a Christian story. 954 00:55:19,200 --> 00:55:25,480 Speaker 1: It's the growth and the redemption, forgiveness and boundaries. Hot 955 00:55:26,040 --> 00:55:29,240 Speaker 1: Hot Love founder by Guys