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Speaker 1: I love that you chatter pretelling you can like do

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Speaker 1: multiple things at are you ready to focus? I'm also

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Speaker 1: ready to oh my god on Google. Okay, So I'm

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Speaker 1: telling Chick this story about something that happened to me

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Speaker 1: this week, which is Bobby has been in every freaking

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Speaker 1: podcast lately, but it's also just making it more and

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Speaker 1: more famous. But it's because right now my life is

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Speaker 1: literally three to four days a week with him, and

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Speaker 1: so obviously stuff happened when you're traveling. So this week,

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Speaker 1: you know, we're filming American Idol, and one of the

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Speaker 1: things that happens when you're on these TV sets is

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Speaker 1: that you have this like really big sense of urgency

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Speaker 1: and there's you're super busy for a certain amount of time,

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Speaker 1: and then you have a waiting period. It's just like

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Speaker 1: that is set life. It's like hurry up and waiting.

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Speaker 1: It's probably more waiting than working, I mean sometimes, but

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Speaker 1: then it's like when it's showtime, you gotta go, right.

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Speaker 1: So we were sitting on the couch kind of waiting

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Speaker 1: I think for some the judges on American Idol to

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Speaker 1: do something. And I am always asking Bobby, like, what

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Speaker 1: are you looking for in a girl because I want to,

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Speaker 1: you know, I want him to find love, and he's

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Speaker 1: really on this mission right now to find love. So

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Speaker 1: he's telling me like an age range, and I mean,

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Speaker 1: if you know anything about our relationship, we just kind

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Speaker 1: of give each other ship all the time. And I

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Speaker 1: felt like he was going after girls that were very young.

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Speaker 1: So we get on Instagram, I get all my stories

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Speaker 1: and I'm trying to call him out on it. And

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Speaker 1: the age that he said was younger than you, well right,

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Speaker 1: he says, I'm thirty seven, and he says my age

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Speaker 1: might be a little old now, which I'm like, what

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Speaker 1: shots fine, but he wants kids, so he's you know,

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Speaker 1: he's thinking that way. He's also messing with me, but

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Speaker 1: he knows how to press my buttons. So anyway, I

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Speaker 1: pull him up on my inst to story and I say,

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Speaker 1: why don't we tell the people what you're looking for

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Speaker 1: in a woman, what age group? And he throws me

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Speaker 1: because this is what he does, and he says, oh,

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Speaker 1: you know, to sixty five. So I started dying laughing

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Speaker 1: because he's thirty nine, So no offense to any sixty

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Speaker 1: five year old out there. But it's probably not the

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Speaker 1: window that he's looking at you know, at least not

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Speaker 1: for marriage. What are you thinking? You hit it and

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Speaker 1: quit it? Okay, well whatever whatever floats your boat. No judgment, friend, La,

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Speaker 1: I don't know so um anyway, I start dying laughing,

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Speaker 1: and then I go, oh yeah, because I'm just like

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Speaker 1: it's the exact opposite of what we had just been

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Speaker 1: talking about. Of course, the people watching this video don't

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Speaker 1: know that, but I was like, oh yeah, I'm sure

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Speaker 1: they're in their sexual prime. So this is what I said. Okay,

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Speaker 1: don't don't do that's the wrong thing to say. One

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Speaker 1: year old and her sexual prime. So this lady writes

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Speaker 1: to me, and I'm going to read the message. She

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Speaker 1: was very mad. She says, you might not want to

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Speaker 1: disrespect his fans of any age. At least most of

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Speaker 1: his fans wouldn't make age related comments. And with respect

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Speaker 1: to sexuality, that was a pretty broad category categorization again

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Speaker 1: of your gender. Good to stick to topics you know about.

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Speaker 1: I like you, and I follow you, but I'm a

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Speaker 1: little shocked, frankly at your derogatory age discriminatory comments. Got

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Speaker 1: this message is so many more. That's no different than

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Speaker 1: commenting on marriage and being a parent, unless you've been there,

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Speaker 1: just truth. Well, uptight lady who is getting a lot

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Speaker 1: of asks. I mean, do you think she is I mean,

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Speaker 1: she's inferring it, or maybe she's just sticking up for

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Speaker 1: people her age. But I think it's important to remember

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Speaker 1: that this is just public discourse. You know, like, what

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Speaker 1: do you mean you weren't you weren't standing on a

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Speaker 1: soapbox pretending to be a sexual therapist who knows everything

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Speaker 1: about humanity and you know, every body and their sexual

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Speaker 1: liking my life's mission. I'm like, you know what, if

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Speaker 1: you're sixty five, you must not have sex anymore, tell

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Speaker 1: the world about anyway. But I also think, too, what

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Speaker 1: how did you respond? I mean, so I sat with

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Speaker 1: it for a minute and I was like, lady, oh my,

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Speaker 1: I mean I wanted to be like, can you just

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Speaker 1: act casual for a second. My intention was not to

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Speaker 1: offend anyone. I was actually just poking fun at Bobby

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Speaker 1: if anything, you know, just like funny banter between friends.

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Speaker 1: I wrote back, and I said, entitled to your opinion,

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Speaker 1: we were just joking, no harm, heart emoging. Yeah, look,

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Speaker 1: I think as long as you can quickly lay out

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Speaker 1: that that wasn't your intention, and do a quick apology.

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Speaker 1: Then I wouldn't lose an ounce of sleep over it.

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Speaker 1: But okay, so I'm gonna sort of felt bad. And

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Speaker 1: then there was a part of me that was like,

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Speaker 1: this is not my issue, like you were talking about her, right,

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Speaker 1: And I do think that what I've learned, the order

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Speaker 1: I've gotten is like when people are so offended a

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Speaker 1: lot of times it actually has nothing to do with

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Speaker 1: you or what you said or you know whatever. It's

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Speaker 1: like whatever they're going through in their life or their

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Speaker 1: personal experience. And I hear her when she's saying like,

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Speaker 1: I obviously have not been sixty five yet, so don't

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Speaker 1: speak to something you don't know about. But actually don't

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Speaker 1: even feel like I was really speaking. I don't know.

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Speaker 1: I was just well, I think the world is really diverse,

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Speaker 1: and this is an opportunity for you to grow too.

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Speaker 1: It's like, tell me, how well, when you're thinking out loud,

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Speaker 1: you're bound to make mistakes, right, you know, and by

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Speaker 1: someone calling you out for making a mistake, you you'll

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Speaker 1: think differently. Next time you're talking about the age range

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Speaker 1: of people in their sexual prime. I guess to like,

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Speaker 1: you know, being on a reality show the last two years,

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Speaker 1: you get so much hate and people right the meanest stuff,

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Speaker 1: and I've had to learn like it just doesn't matter.

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Speaker 1: And if I'm secure myself, like most of the time,

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Speaker 1: I can just laugh and be like, what are you doing,

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Speaker 1: troll like sitting behind your computer in the dark and

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Speaker 1: whatever room? And I think, you know, it's just as

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Speaker 1: important for you to be willing to apologize as it

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Speaker 1: also has to be the person who is easily offended

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Speaker 1: by things. They have to look at themselves too and

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Speaker 1: cut you a little slack, you know, because what if

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Speaker 1: she had she never offended anybody? I mean, I guess not.

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Speaker 1: It's like, come on, like like that wasn't directed at you.

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Speaker 1: It was a gross, you know, over generalization, and it

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Speaker 1: was just meant to be funny. Come on. Bobby started

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Speaker 1: singing a Golden Girls theme song. I was like, why

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Speaker 1: isn't she why wasn't he getting it right? Right? Well,

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Speaker 1: she probably slid into his d M S two and

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Speaker 1: send a nude I mean right, I'll show you. So

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Speaker 1: did you google something that was like how how do

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Speaker 1: I hand this? Or did I handle it? Okay? Was

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Speaker 1: that the right thing to do? From my Google box? Um? Yes,

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Speaker 1: if you handle it. Okay, um, there are I found

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Speaker 1: an article that you know, five five ways that you

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Speaker 1: can approach, um, sort of making reparations if you accidentally

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Speaker 1: offend someone. What does reparations mean? You always use these

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Speaker 1: words and I'm like what, um? And the first one

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Speaker 1: would be just to kill them with kindness? Okay, um?

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Speaker 1: You know, well that was why I said the heart imagines, right. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: It's like come on, um, And you know, sometimes people

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Speaker 1: are reading between the lines too, and they think that

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Speaker 1: you mean something that you didn't mean, and well write

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Speaker 1: like going into an over explanation. No, just say love

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Speaker 1: you love, you mean it? Don't you think that we

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Speaker 1: all make up stories in our head and that is

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Speaker 1: the reality that we live by. But it's just not

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Speaker 1: always reality true. But it could be your reality, you know.

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Speaker 1: That's what I'm saying. Everyone really true for that person

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Speaker 1: or whatever. But that is when I think you have

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Speaker 1: to kind of look at people's intentions, like were they

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Speaker 1: maliciously trying to harm me? Or were they like targeting

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Speaker 1: me you know, didn't have anything to do with me?

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Speaker 1: Actually no, it really didn't. And maybe she didn't mean

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Speaker 1: that either. Maybe she just meant like, hey, not all

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Speaker 1: sixty five year older that way, girl, like I would

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Speaker 1: it just said that are like, hey, I should tell

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Speaker 1: you about my sex sometime, wink wink or something. You

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Speaker 1: know what I mean, made a joke about it. Um,

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Speaker 1: If you're not willing to step number two, and if

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Speaker 1: you're not willing to kill somebody with kindness, you can

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Speaker 1: also just ignore them. Yeah, I could have done thought

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Speaker 1: about it. If you don't have the kind words to say, um,

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Speaker 1: the next thing you should do is to evaluate your position.

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Speaker 1: What do you mean? It says this is where you

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Speaker 1: have to put aside your ego and wonder if you

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Speaker 1: if the offended party may have a point. This requires

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Speaker 1: two actions that aren't easily always easy, having empathy for

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Speaker 1: others and accepting that you're not perfect. Okay, Okay, So

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Speaker 1: I can hear what she is saying that I was

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Speaker 1: making a generalization and made a joke on something I

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Speaker 1: don't know about, so my apologies for that. The fourth

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Speaker 1: one is kind of like the first is just apologize

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Speaker 1: quickly moving I did that, And then the fifth one

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Speaker 1: is just to communicate effectively. And I think that's more

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Speaker 1: about like moving forward, choose your words better. But I

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Speaker 1: also don't think that this was horribly offensive. Thankfully it wasn't,

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Speaker 1: because it could have been. You could have said something

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Speaker 1: that was much worse. It offended a much greater population.

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Speaker 1: And again, you know, we do. We live in a

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Speaker 1: really diverse world right now, It's like it would be

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Speaker 1: impossible for any of us to think that we can

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Speaker 1: have a perfect understanding of everyone's existence. I feel like

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Speaker 1: anything we say, even nice, could offend somebody that's like,

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Speaker 1: you have nice legs, and then suddenly a paraplegics is like,

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Speaker 1: why are nice legs important? You know what I mean?

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Speaker 1: That's probably that was an extreme example that you just pulled. Sorry, paraplegics.

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Speaker 1: I also just think that funk I just lost my

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Speaker 1: train of thoughts with a paraplegic story. I also think

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Speaker 1: that age is kind of a sensitive topic, especially for women,

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Speaker 1: because you know, like as we age, and I think

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Speaker 1: this is shifting luckily, but there's a lot of pressure

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Speaker 1: on us to stay young and vibrant, and our bodies

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Speaker 1: can't perform in some ways that they used to be

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Speaker 1: able to. I mean, I'm going through that now and

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Speaker 1: I'm thirty seven. You also don't know her story. She

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Speaker 1: could be recently divorced and like looking for a man.

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Speaker 1: You know, it's everyone's journey is a little bit different that.

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Speaker 1: Also in the same day, um I posted about this

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Speaker 1: guy had commented on one of my Instagram posts in

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Speaker 1: my feed and was like, damn, cougar, cougar, cougar. I

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Speaker 1: thought I had a couple of years till I was

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Speaker 1: a cogger. I mean, how old was he? I don't know,

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Speaker 1: so apparent I googled it and apparently cougar's you start

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Speaker 1: to be referred to as a cougar when you turn

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Speaker 1: thirty five, but the guy has to be nine years younger,

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Speaker 1: which okay, I've done once the Canadian but it's not

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Speaker 1: usually how I date. But someone called me daddy on

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Speaker 1: an app and I was like, did you like it?

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Speaker 1: But I wasn't. I wasn't offended by it. Yeah at

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Speaker 1: first I was. I really was like, because I feel young,

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Speaker 1: I feel like I act young. Yeah, you act so casual,

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Speaker 1: So casual, man. I do think it's just important for

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Speaker 1: us to learn how to laugh at ourselves. I read

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Speaker 1: on Elite Daily it says being able to laugh at

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Speaker 1: yourself as a sign of resiliency and mental toughness. It's

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Speaker 1: one thing to find humor in particular situations. It's another

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Speaker 1: to be reflective and self aware enough to laugh at yourself.

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Speaker 1: We all make mistakes in life, doing and saying things

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Speaker 1: we wish we could take back. Many of us likely

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Speaker 1: have certain person reality traits we'd like to overcome. But

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Speaker 1: nobody is perfect. There's no point in beating yourself up

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Speaker 1: for being human. A big part of what makes life

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Speaker 1: so beautiful and interesting is the fact that we are

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Speaker 1: all deeply flawed in our own ways. We can either

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Speaker 1: grieve about our imperfections or laugh about them. Yeah, I mean,

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Speaker 1: I think it's the second that we realize that we're

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Speaker 1: all flawed and can laugh about them. That doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: that we shouldn't work on our flaws and try and

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Speaker 1: improve where we can. But some of them we can't fix. Well,

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Speaker 1: like you can't stop aging. No, that is one thing

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Speaker 1: that well, I mean, some people are definitely trying, but

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Speaker 1: I mean, I guess I'll try every time I get

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Speaker 1: both of right. But um, you know, there's time is

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Speaker 1: going to chick on no matter what we do, and

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Speaker 1: so much is on. The Great Tracy Lawrence once said

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Speaker 1: our friend from our best friend. Um, yeah, I do.

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Speaker 1: I think It's like that was one thing I learned

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Speaker 1: with the cougar thing. At first, I was like, oh

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Speaker 1: my god, what and then I'm like, I'm just gonna

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Speaker 1: embrace it whatever. But also too, it's like they didn't

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Speaker 1: call you an old lady. They called you a cougar.

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Speaker 1: And then it was a hotness too, so like maybe

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Speaker 1: he was complimenting you good It's fine. Oh well, I

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Speaker 1: am very sorry that I offended anyone with that. It

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Speaker 1: was not my intention. Didn't you tell me a funny

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Speaker 1: story about Nancy Pelosi? Oh yeah, well I look, I

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Speaker 1: think too, when um, someone tries if you think someone's offending,

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Speaker 1: you flip flip the switch. Like yesterday she um she.

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Speaker 1: Donald Trump posted on Twitter a photo of Nancy Pelosi

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Speaker 1: standing across the table fro him, sort of berating him,

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Speaker 1: and he tried to flip the story that's in the

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Speaker 1: media about him having the meltdown to say, look, I

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Speaker 1: have photographic proof that she was the one that had

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Speaker 1: to melt down. And what did her team do? They

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Speaker 1: put it as the header of her Twitter account. I mean,

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Speaker 1: I think that's like, you know, she's a pretty like rigid,

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Speaker 1: you know, buttoned up person in a really important role

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Speaker 1: for our country. So the fact that she can even

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Speaker 1: take this like very serious situation and laugh about it

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Speaker 1: is a great example. I think. Doesn't it make you

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Speaker 1: immediately like people more? Yes, it totally makes me be

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Speaker 1: like they're just human, just like me. Anytime a celebrity

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Speaker 1: makes fun of themselves, I think the Kardashians are really

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Speaker 1: good at that. They Kylie is freaking made a billion

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Speaker 1: dollar company of people making fun of her lip injections. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean, and Kim let's not forget where hers started off,

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Speaker 1: and that could have been but with the sex tape, yeah,

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Speaker 1: I mean, the downfall of most people like hide under

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Speaker 1: a rock, Oh my god, I can't believe that that's

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Speaker 1: out there in the world. And she was like, well,

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Speaker 1: a lot of people know my name. Now she's going

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Speaker 1: to flip that switch. Right. Do you follow John B. Chris?

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Speaker 1: He's that comedian. I mean, I hadn't heard it. I

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Speaker 1: don't think I follow him, but I've never heard of

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Speaker 1: him until I started doing this, and then people said

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Speaker 1: I sounded like him, Oh yeah, forgot and then you

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Speaker 1: showed me that video that you love. Yes, okay, So

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Speaker 1: to me, that's the perfect example because he's a comedian.

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Speaker 1: I think he lives in Nashville. I'm assuming he was

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Speaker 1: dating Lauren and Lena for a while. But he made

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Speaker 1: this video about he does spoofs, and so this one

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Speaker 1: was about every Instagram influencer or something was the name

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Speaker 1: of it, and so he makes these videos basically acting

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Speaker 1: like one. And I mean, I'm sort of an influencer.

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Speaker 1: That's what people call us bloggers or whatever is influencers,

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Speaker 1: which is kind of a disgusting name, but oh, thank you.

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Speaker 1: I so appreciate that. Um So, anyway, we all do this.

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Speaker 1: I do this all the time. But he's in the video.

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Speaker 1: He starts and he's like, hey, guys with a Pea

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Speaker 1: sign up, and then he goes, um, I've been getting

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Speaker 1: so many messages, and it cuts into it him saying again,

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Speaker 1: I'm getting so many messages. I'm not gonna been getting

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Speaker 1: a lot of messages. I've been getting a lot of

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Speaker 1: messages about this, and is that not what we all

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Speaker 1: do a day? Swipe up, swipe up? And I actually

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Speaker 1: have even made fun of this one, like because I

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Speaker 1: do it, and I've heard other bloggers that I know

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Speaker 1: do it so much. I at first was like, have

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Speaker 1: you been getting all these messages though, like is this

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Speaker 1: really happening? I made a notepad of velvet edge notepad

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Speaker 1: that said that. But when I watched his video, it

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Speaker 1: was so true, like he's opening a fab fit fun box.

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Speaker 1: I mean, I guess I could have gotten offended. I

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Speaker 1: thought it was the funniest thing ever. So funny. You

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Speaker 1: have to laugh at yourself. You can't laugh at yourself.

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Speaker 1: What's the biggest time you've laughed at yourself? I mean,

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Speaker 1: I've done so many dumb things. I think you do

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Speaker 1: it all the time. Yeah, I mean, it's kind of

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Speaker 1: just it's it's just sort of like the way that

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Speaker 1: I live. I mean, I definitely like there are moments

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Speaker 1: where all clam up. But if give me a couple

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Speaker 1: of cocktails and then your body before wow, Well I

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Speaker 1: just want to say to that lady, I'm so sorry

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Speaker 1: if I offended you. Look, if you are out there

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Speaker 1: so in your oats, your wild oats, keep at it

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Speaker 1: five and I'm just like living my best sexual life.

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Speaker 1: I feel like that would be a great accomplishment. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: good for you, Good for you. Enjoy life at casual.

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Speaker 1: You know, all day I'm gonna be trying to at

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Speaker 1: casual and I just want to ask everyone else out there,

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Speaker 1: let's just all try to act casual and let's just

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Speaker 1: have a good laugh. Yeah, before you fire off some

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Speaker 1: nasty email, I like, think about who's receiving it too,

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Speaker 1: and I'm gonna watch my words. Okay, Happy Friday everyone,

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Speaker 1: and remember as always at Casual. Bye. Thank you for

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Speaker 1: listening to this week's episode of at Casual on Velvet's Edge.

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Speaker 1: We'll be back every Friday with your Act Casual topic

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Speaker 1: of the week. Remember to subscribe, rate, and review this

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Speaker 1: podcast to ensure that you are the first to hear

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Speaker 1: each episode. Also, we want to hear from you. What

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Speaker 1: are some things that make you want to scream act

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Speaker 1: casual or just topics you think we need to discuss.

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Speaker 1: Email us at act Casual at velvets edge dot com

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Speaker 1: and always remember act Casual.