Speaker 1: Hi, Welcome to Desperately Devoted, the Ultimate Desperate Housewives rewatch,
Speaker 1: hosted by me, Terry Hatcher, my on screen daughter Andrea Bowen,
Speaker 1: and my real life daughter Emerson Tenny.
Speaker 2: So we have to talk a little bit more about
Speaker 2: this particular episode, and I want to hone in on
Speaker 2: what I think and I think we can all agree
Speaker 2: is maybe one of the certainly one of the best
Speaker 2: scenes of the first season of Desperate Housewives, but maybe
Speaker 2: of the entire series, which is Lynette's big hallucination break
Speaker 2: down at the kitchen sink where she sees at Mary
Speaker 2: Alice appear and mary Alice extends her gun out to
Speaker 2: her and she's having this moment that basically crescendos into
Speaker 2: the broad theme of the episode, which is, gosh, is
Speaker 2: it hard to ask for help from people? And so
Speaker 2: I think there's a lot to talk about here.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm not good at asking for help. I'll just
Speaker 4: start with that.
Speaker 2: But I feel like that's an I'm Terry Hatcher and
Speaker 2: I'm not good at asking for help.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm Terry Hatcher and I'm not good asking for help.
Speaker 5: Ye, I did know, I mean episode eight Guilty.
Speaker 3: I do think an alternate title for guilty could have
Speaker 3: been I can't ask for help. But you know, actually,
Speaker 3: as I say it, I'm like that, No, that would
Speaker 3: be a bad title. And so they were right to
Speaker 3: call episode eight guilty, and I'm glad that they did.
Speaker 3: And I promise I am a fairly decent writer who
Speaker 3: comes up with clever things sometimes. But I do think
Speaker 3: I think it is really hard to ask for help
Speaker 3: a mom. I totally see you struggle with asking for help,
Speaker 3: especially as a single person who has, I would say,
Speaker 3: as an outsider, an abundant well of resource in terms
Speaker 3: of friends and family and people who are in your
Speaker 3: corner and love you and champion you, but who you,
Speaker 3: of your own admissions, say that you don't want.
Speaker 5: To burden by reaching out.
Speaker 4: Tom, there's an interesting trick that I think I actually
Speaker 4: talk to you about in regard to relationships.
Speaker 5: Oh, I know what you're gonna say, and you did,
Speaker 5: and I do think of this.
Speaker 4: Should I say it?
Speaker 5: Or do you want to say you said that you.
Speaker 6: Can go ahead?
Speaker 5: Well, no, you say it, you gave the advice. You
Speaker 5: say it.
Speaker 4: Well, I remember when you were dating. I remember in
Speaker 4: the beginning, and I remember saying to you that letting
Speaker 4: other people feel needed is a very important quality of
Speaker 4: a relationship.
Speaker 2: So you like said this to me, Oh I do. Yeah, Oh,
Speaker 2: this is great advice. I thought about it ever since
Speaker 2: you told me it.
Speaker 4: Wow, okay, well I have and what am I called?
Speaker 6: TV mom?
Speaker 1: Hey?
Speaker 6: Thanks TV Mom for the great advice.
Speaker 2: Yeah. We went to dinner and you shared this with me,
Speaker 2: and I thought it was really it has stuck with
Speaker 2: me since and that.
Speaker 6: Was years ago.
Speaker 4: Oh well, thank you, And I do think it's true,
Speaker 4: and I think about it like I think I still
Speaker 4: have to work on this actually, which is asking for help.
Speaker 4: Where you think it might be a weakness, you're actually
Speaker 4: allowing that other person in your life to show up
Speaker 4: in a way that makes them feel needed.
Speaker 3: Well, I mean, I think one of the biggest ways
Speaker 3: to strength and intimacy is to have the vulnerability to
Speaker 3: let someone in and tell them what you need and
Speaker 3: ask them for help. And as much as I am
Speaker 3: saying that now and I really do believe it and
Speaker 3: I try to practice it, it is still difficult. And
Speaker 3: it's difficult in this industry. It's difficult in every industry.
Speaker 3: But I think, speaking from my experience in the film industry,
Speaker 3: I do. And I wonder if you relate to this,
Speaker 3: Andrea or Mom. There is this kind of assumption, especially
Speaker 3: when you were early on in your career, that you
Speaker 3: are just supposed to know how to do things for
Speaker 3: the first time. I'm thinking about when I first graduated
Speaker 3: college and I moved back to la and it was
Speaker 3: right in the beginning of the pandemic in twenty twenty,
Speaker 3: and I was working as a tutor, and I was
Speaker 3: like starting to write my first script, speckscript, and I
Speaker 3: was looking for work, and I was looking for work
Speaker 3: in the industry. And I had a friend of mine
Speaker 3: who is a DP and he was working on this
Speaker 3: non union, really random documentary that was shooting all of
Speaker 3: the reenactments for the documentary between Vegas and reading California
Speaker 3: and ready He's like North, it's like almost like clog. Yeah,
Speaker 3: And they said, you know, we need a because it's
Speaker 3: super low budget. We need like a PA who can
Speaker 3: also drive a camera van and also do like COVID
Speaker 3: testing and are you free and would you do this?
Speaker 3: It's like a three week shoot. And I said, yeah, sure,
Speaker 3: of course I'll do it. And then of course the
Speaker 3: first thing I get is the gigantic camera van and
Speaker 3: I in LA that I need to drive to Vegas
Speaker 3: and then eventually drive from Vegas to Oregon basically, and
Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, I can drive that, like i've
Speaker 3: and I took the job.
Speaker 5: I drive. I made it in the van down to Vegas.
Speaker 3: We then have an excruciating week of only night shoots.
Speaker 3: We wrap out after like a week and a half
Speaker 3: of doing this and I am exhausted and I get
Speaker 3: into this big, like twenty foot camera van that I'm
Speaker 3: still not great at driving, and I plug in the
Speaker 3: address for where we're going and reading. It was like
Speaker 3: our day off, but it was a travel day, so
Speaker 3: it wasn't really a day off. And I think it's
Speaker 3: now like four thirty in the afternoon, and I plug
Speaker 3: in the address for reading and it says it's gonna
Speaker 3: take me sixteen hours to get there, and I started
Speaker 3: crying in the car. I was like, I, there's no
Speaker 3: way I'm gonna be like, I'm exhausted, I've been sleeping
Speaker 3: no hours. There's no way I'm gonna be able to
Speaker 3: drive this van there or but it would be safe. No,
Speaker 3: And it certainly was not safe. And I but I'm
Speaker 3: not asking anyone for help not admitting to anyone that
Speaker 3: I didn't know how to drive this van.
Speaker 5: Well, that I was exhausted because I'm like, well, what
Speaker 5: am I supposed to do? I took this job. I
Speaker 5: need to show up for it.
Speaker 3: I need to deliver what I said I could deliver,
Speaker 3: Like I'm getting paid. People are counting on me. The
Speaker 3: camera equipment has to be there, so I make it
Speaker 3: up there. I had like twelve hours to sleep, and
Speaker 3: the next day I didn't have to drive the camera van,
Speaker 3: but my job was again. Another night shoot was at
Speaker 3: five am when they were like wrapping up. The night
Speaker 3: shoot was to pick up talent in a mini van
Speaker 3: a different car and drive them from the bar where
Speaker 3: they were filming back to the hotel. And we're now
Speaker 3: in Reading, California, really small, like dark streets. A lot
Speaker 3: of streets have been closed, and all night that we'd
Speaker 3: been filming, we'd been hearing this train. We were right
Speaker 3: by these train tracks, and we've been hearing this train.
Speaker 5: Go by and go by.
Speaker 3: And I am coming back from having dropped off the
Speaker 3: first group of crews. I'm alone in the minivan and
Speaker 3: I'm looking at the GPS, but I'm like trying to
Speaker 3: figure out what ever, how to get there. A couple
Speaker 3: of roads have been closed because now it's so late
Speaker 3: at night, and it says, okay, make a left onto
Speaker 3: railroad Avenue. And I see okay, Railroad Avenue, and I
Speaker 3: go and I make a left and there was not
Speaker 3: enough light, and instead of turning onto the street, I
Speaker 3: turn onto the train track that I've just heard trains
Speaker 3: going down, and I like immediately nuserk reaction, pressed on
Speaker 3: the accelerator and the car sped further onto the train
Speaker 3: tracks and lodged like perpendicular to the train tracks. And
Speaker 3: I'm pressing on the gas and the wheels are spinning
Speaker 3: because now I'm on the train tracks, so the car
Speaker 3: is completely elevated, and I had this moment where I said,
Speaker 3: oh my god, this is how people get hit by trains.
Speaker 3: Like I'm pressing the gas. I know trains come down.
Speaker 3: I can't get the car off the train tracks. And
Speaker 3: I put on the hazards and I grabbed actually the
Speaker 3: backpack with the hard drives in it, and I because
Speaker 3: I'm such.
Speaker 6: A good oh my gosh, I gave the movie.
Speaker 3: I threw up in the car door and I ran
Speaker 3: off of the train tracks leaving the car there, and
Speaker 3: I immediately called nine one one and they were able
Speaker 3: to shut down the train before it came and hit
Speaker 3: the car.
Speaker 4: Wow.
Speaker 6: It took all of that to get you to call
Speaker 6: for help.
Speaker 3: And I was like, God, I need to be better
Speaker 3: about admitting when I'm in over my head.
Speaker 5: Wow, because I almost just got hit by train.
Speaker 4: Oh my god, what is the scariest way? You never
Speaker 4: asked for help?
Speaker 2: Oh gosh, Well, this shows up in my life in
Speaker 2: all kinds of ways. But listening to Emerson's story and
Speaker 2: then thinking about it in the context of work, I
Speaker 2: have definitely felt like I need to be better at
Speaker 2: asking for help in work environments. I've touched on this.
Speaker 2: I prided myself and I've throughout my life of being
Speaker 2: so prepared and so capable, you know, and that started
Speaker 2: from being young.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and it's an industry where maybe not now so much,
Speaker 4: but twenty years ago. I mean I showed up after
Speaker 4: having a miscarriage, I showed up with one hundred and
Speaker 4: three fever. I showed up having pneumonia, right like you basically.
Speaker 2: Must go on.
Speaker 6: Yeah, that's what we're taught.
Speaker 5: Honestly.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it still is like that. Maybe an intelliged in
Speaker 3: different language, but it's still like that.
Speaker 6: Yeah, And an example of that in my career.
Speaker 2: And I laugh about it now because there was so
Speaker 2: many funny things that came out of this particular experience.
Speaker 6: But I did. I was a guest star on the
Speaker 6: show The Ghost Whisper.
Speaker 2: I remember that show, yes, And I had a great
Speaker 2: experience in terms of, you know, working with everyone in
Speaker 2: the cast and the role I had initially auditioned for
Speaker 2: I didn't get and instead they they offered me what
Speaker 2: they said was the better role. They were like, oh,
Speaker 2: this is that You're now the featured ghost of the episode,
Speaker 2: you know, and so we were like, okay, great, And
Speaker 2: then I showed up to set and my in my
Speaker 2: trailer as a part of my costume was a burlap
Speaker 2: sack and we were confused as to what that was
Speaker 2: and they were like, that's to go on your head.
Speaker 2: And then I realized that for the majority of the episode,
Speaker 2: I had a burlap sack on my head.
Speaker 5: So that's this is.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 6: So that's a different story, but very funny. And then
Speaker 6: as the Ghost Whisper arc of the ghost in.
Speaker 2: The episode, does you find out their backstory and you
Speaker 2: find out how they died. And my particular character had
Speaker 2: died in a sorority hazing ritual where she had to
Speaker 2: wear a sack on her head and horrible. Yeah, yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: And we were filming an Angela's Crest National Forest out
Speaker 2: here in LA and what happens is that she has
Speaker 2: this thing on her head and then she ends up
Speaker 2: falling off of a cliff and kind of getting tangled
Speaker 2: with the tree and the sack and she hangs herself
Speaker 2: and and so that's the story of.
Speaker 6: How my ghost characters died.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 2: So to do this, we had to do a kind
Speaker 2: of a stunt. They put me up on a crane.
Speaker 2: They had a crane, you know, working, and they were
Speaker 2: gonna suspend me, and they did this, and because I
Speaker 2: didn't want to be difficult and I didn't want to
Speaker 2: challenge anyone, I just went along with this stunt that
Speaker 2: shouldn't I should not have performed, probably, but it wasn't
Speaker 2: set up correctly, and so I ended up losing my
Speaker 2: voice for several weeks after the episode and having some
Speaker 2: kind of like damn minor but present cord damage and
Speaker 2: visible bruising around my neck, which I showed up to
Speaker 2: work on desperate housals because I was filming at the
Speaker 2: same time, and our makeup and hair people were like,
Speaker 2: what happened to your neck?
Speaker 6: Like why do you have bruises on your neck?
Speaker 2: And I told them this story and they were horrified
Speaker 2: that I, you know, that that happened to me. But
Speaker 2: then also it was like, why didn't you say anything?
Speaker 2: And not that it was my fault. No one was
Speaker 2: insinuating it was my fault. But it really was a
Speaker 2: lesson of like it's okay to say, hey, this is uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: Hey I need someone to come help me, I don't
Speaker 2: feel safe or whatever. I didn't, and you know, I'm
Speaker 2: obviously fine, but but it was a lesson that stuck
Speaker 2: with me, and I've tried, really do try to be
Speaker 2: better now and I certainly like to spread the message
Speaker 2: to other actors and younger actors that you really need
Speaker 2: to advocate for yourself and asking for help is a
Speaker 2: form of a great form of advocating for us.
Speaker 4: A very short story that happened to me a thousand
Speaker 4: years ago, but I won't.
Speaker 5: Ever forget it.
Speaker 4: I pulled up at within a taxi at the George Sank,
Speaker 4: which is like the fanciest hotel in Paris, and I
Speaker 4: was by myself and the you know, the the valet
Speaker 4: guy from the hotel, you know, comes out, and the
Speaker 4: taxi's opening the thing. This is pre uber and and
Speaker 4: you know, the taxi guy gets the luggage out and
Speaker 4: the man says, you know, can I get your luggage
Speaker 4: for you? And I was like, oh no, that's okay,
Speaker 4: I've got it myself. And he says to me, if
Speaker 4: you don't let anyone and help you, no one ever will. Wow.
Speaker 5: Okay, Guardian angel VALI.
Speaker 2: Now I know why they charge so much for that
Speaker 2: hotel because it comes with advice.
Speaker 6: It comes with advice.
Speaker 3: Wow.
Speaker 4: Yeah, that was that stuck with me. But you know,
Speaker 4: it's still it's still hard and I and I and
Speaker 4: I circle back to I believe it's hard for us
Speaker 4: to ask for help because it's hard for us to
Speaker 4: admit that we can't do everything, because that challenges our
Speaker 4: own value. And I think we mistakenly sort of settle
Speaker 4: in this place of associating our value with independence, and
Speaker 4: that's where we go off the train tracks. We go
Speaker 4: off right there at the connection between value and doing
Speaker 4: it all by yourself. And I would argue that value
Speaker 4: is elevated by being vulnerable enough to ask for help,
Speaker 4: that that actually makes you more powerful. Yeah, that you
Speaker 4: can do that.
Speaker 3: And honestly, we also don't know what asking for help
Speaker 3: can lead to. I mean, we see even in this
Speaker 3: same episode eight with Rex and Brie when they agree
Speaker 3: to finally help each other dispose of Andrew's car. However, could,
Speaker 3: like you know, morally questionable. That may be it's this
Speaker 3: act of working together that is potentially going to maybe
Speaker 3: open the door for saving their marriage. And I do
Speaker 3: think there is there's so much strength that can come
Speaker 3: out of allowing ourselves to say.
Speaker 5: I can't do this alone.
Speaker 4: I feel like I feel like this is a really
Speaker 4: good example of where our three generations are make things
Speaker 4: really obvious, because I feel like my generation, my mother's generation,
Speaker 4: we did not ask for help, We did not say
Speaker 4: what was happening. We just we put up and shove
Speaker 4: up and carried on like that that was me. And
Speaker 4: I feel like your generation at least was having like
Speaker 4: the awareness of it, the the ability to sort of
Speaker 4: start to shift. And I feel like you are your
Speaker 4: generation is really in a place where you're like, we're
Speaker 4: not taking it anymore.
Speaker 2: And you know, this episode, just to wrap it all
Speaker 2: up with a bow, made me think of a beautiful
Speaker 2: quote from the amazing My Angelou and I think we
Speaker 2: should leave it with this, which is she said, when
Speaker 2: we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.
Speaker 4: Ah and I love bos.
Speaker 5: There you go and Maya Angelou.
Speaker 6: Yeah, we're just so devoted to My Angela.
Speaker 4: We are, and we're desperately devoted to you. So come
Speaker 4: back next week for for more, for more taps,