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Speaker 1: Hi, Welcome to Desperately Devoted, the Ultimate Desperate Housewives rewatch,

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Speaker 1: hosted by me, Terry Hatcher, my on screen daughter Andrea Bowen,

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Speaker 1: and my real life daughter Emerson Tenny.

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Speaker 2: So we have to talk a little bit more about

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Speaker 2: this particular episode, and I want to hone in on

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Speaker 2: what I think and I think we can all agree

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Speaker 2: is maybe one of the certainly one of the best

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Speaker 2: scenes of the first season of Desperate Housewives, but maybe

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Speaker 2: of the entire series, which is Lynette's big hallucination break

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Speaker 2: down at the kitchen sink where she sees at Mary

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Speaker 2: Alice appear and mary Alice extends her gun out to

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Speaker 2: her and she's having this moment that basically crescendos into

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Speaker 2: the broad theme of the episode, which is, gosh, is

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Speaker 2: it hard to ask for help from people? And so

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Speaker 2: I think there's a lot to talk about here.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm not good at asking for help. I'll just

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Speaker 4: start with that.

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Speaker 2: But I feel like that's an I'm Terry Hatcher and

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Speaker 2: I'm not good at asking for help.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm Terry Hatcher and I'm not good asking for help.

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Speaker 5: Ye, I did know, I mean episode eight Guilty.

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Speaker 3: I do think an alternate title for guilty could have

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Speaker 3: been I can't ask for help. But you know, actually,

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Speaker 3: as I say it, I'm like that, No, that would

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Speaker 3: be a bad title. And so they were right to

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Speaker 3: call episode eight guilty, and I'm glad that they did.

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Speaker 3: And I promise I am a fairly decent writer who

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Speaker 3: comes up with clever things sometimes. But I do think

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Speaker 3: I think it is really hard to ask for help

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Speaker 3: a mom. I totally see you struggle with asking for help,

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Speaker 3: especially as a single person who has, I would say,

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Speaker 3: as an outsider, an abundant well of resource in terms

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Speaker 3: of friends and family and people who are in your

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Speaker 3: corner and love you and champion you, but who you,

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Speaker 3: of your own admissions, say that you don't want.

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Speaker 5: To burden by reaching out.

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Speaker 4: Tom, there's an interesting trick that I think I actually

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Speaker 4: talk to you about in regard to relationships.

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Speaker 5: Oh, I know what you're gonna say, and you did,

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Speaker 5: and I do think of this.

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Speaker 4: Should I say it?

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Speaker 5: Or do you want to say you said that you.

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Speaker 6: Can go ahead?

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Speaker 5: Well, no, you say it, you gave the advice. You

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Speaker 5: say it.

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Speaker 4: Well, I remember when you were dating. I remember in

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Speaker 4: the beginning, and I remember saying to you that letting

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Speaker 4: other people feel needed is a very important quality of

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Speaker 4: a relationship.

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Speaker 2: So you like said this to me, Oh I do. Yeah, Oh,

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Speaker 2: this is great advice. I thought about it ever since

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Speaker 2: you told me it.

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Speaker 4: Wow, okay, well I have and what am I called?

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Speaker 6: TV mom?

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Speaker 1: Hey?

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Speaker 6: Thanks TV Mom for the great advice.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. We went to dinner and you shared this with me,

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Speaker 2: and I thought it was really it has stuck with

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Speaker 2: me since and that.

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Speaker 6: Was years ago.

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Speaker 4: Oh well, thank you, And I do think it's true,

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Speaker 4: and I think about it like I think I still

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Speaker 4: have to work on this actually, which is asking for help.

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Speaker 4: Where you think it might be a weakness, you're actually

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Speaker 4: allowing that other person in your life to show up

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Speaker 4: in a way that makes them feel needed.

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Speaker 3: Well, I mean, I think one of the biggest ways

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Speaker 3: to strength and intimacy is to have the vulnerability to

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Speaker 3: let someone in and tell them what you need and

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Speaker 3: ask them for help. And as much as I am

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Speaker 3: saying that now and I really do believe it and

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Speaker 3: I try to practice it, it is still difficult. And

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Speaker 3: it's difficult in this industry. It's difficult in every industry.

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Speaker 3: But I think, speaking from my experience in the film industry,

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Speaker 3: I do. And I wonder if you relate to this,

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Speaker 3: Andrea or Mom. There is this kind of assumption, especially

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Speaker 3: when you were early on in your career, that you

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Speaker 3: are just supposed to know how to do things for

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Speaker 3: the first time. I'm thinking about when I first graduated

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Speaker 3: college and I moved back to la and it was

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Speaker 3: right in the beginning of the pandemic in twenty twenty,

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Speaker 3: and I was working as a tutor, and I was

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Speaker 3: like starting to write my first script, speckscript, and I

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Speaker 3: was looking for work, and I was looking for work

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Speaker 3: in the industry. And I had a friend of mine

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Speaker 3: who is a DP and he was working on this

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Speaker 3: non union, really random documentary that was shooting all of

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Speaker 3: the reenactments for the documentary between Vegas and reading California

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Speaker 3: and ready He's like North, it's like almost like clog. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: And they said, you know, we need a because it's

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Speaker 3: super low budget. We need like a PA who can

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Speaker 3: also drive a camera van and also do like COVID

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Speaker 3: testing and are you free and would you do this?

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Speaker 3: It's like a three week shoot. And I said, yeah, sure,

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Speaker 3: of course I'll do it. And then of course the

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Speaker 3: first thing I get is the gigantic camera van and

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Speaker 3: I in LA that I need to drive to Vegas

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Speaker 3: and then eventually drive from Vegas to Oregon basically, and

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Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, I can drive that, like i've

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Speaker 3: and I took the job.

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Speaker 5: I drive. I made it in the van down to Vegas.

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Speaker 3: We then have an excruciating week of only night shoots.

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Speaker 3: We wrap out after like a week and a half

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Speaker 3: of doing this and I am exhausted and I get

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Speaker 3: into this big, like twenty foot camera van that I'm

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Speaker 3: still not great at driving, and I plug in the

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Speaker 3: address for where we're going and reading. It was like

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Speaker 3: our day off, but it was a travel day, so

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Speaker 3: it wasn't really a day off. And I think it's

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Speaker 3: now like four thirty in the afternoon, and I plug

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Speaker 3: in the address for reading and it says it's gonna

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Speaker 3: take me sixteen hours to get there, and I started

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Speaker 3: crying in the car. I was like, I, there's no

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Speaker 3: way I'm gonna be like, I'm exhausted, I've been sleeping

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Speaker 3: no hours. There's no way I'm gonna be able to

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Speaker 3: drive this van there or but it would be safe. No,

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Speaker 3: And it certainly was not safe. And I but I'm

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Speaker 3: not asking anyone for help not admitting to anyone that

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Speaker 3: I didn't know how to drive this van.

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Speaker 5: Well, that I was exhausted because I'm like, well, what

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Speaker 5: am I supposed to do? I took this job. I

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Speaker 5: need to show up for it.

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Speaker 3: I need to deliver what I said I could deliver,

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Speaker 3: Like I'm getting paid. People are counting on me. The

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Speaker 3: camera equipment has to be there, so I make it

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Speaker 3: up there. I had like twelve hours to sleep, and

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Speaker 3: the next day I didn't have to drive the camera van,

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Speaker 3: but my job was again. Another night shoot was at

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Speaker 3: five am when they were like wrapping up. The night

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Speaker 3: shoot was to pick up talent in a mini van

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Speaker 3: a different car and drive them from the bar where

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Speaker 3: they were filming back to the hotel. And we're now

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Speaker 3: in Reading, California, really small, like dark streets. A lot

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Speaker 3: of streets have been closed, and all night that we'd

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Speaker 3: been filming, we'd been hearing this train. We were right

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Speaker 3: by these train tracks, and we've been hearing this train.

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Speaker 5: Go by and go by.

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Speaker 3: And I am coming back from having dropped off the

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Speaker 3: first group of crews. I'm alone in the minivan and

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Speaker 3: I'm looking at the GPS, but I'm like trying to

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Speaker 3: figure out what ever, how to get there. A couple

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Speaker 3: of roads have been closed because now it's so late

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Speaker 3: at night, and it says, okay, make a left onto

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Speaker 3: railroad Avenue. And I see okay, Railroad Avenue, and I

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Speaker 3: go and I make a left and there was not

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Speaker 3: enough light, and instead of turning onto the street, I

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Speaker 3: turn onto the train track that I've just heard trains

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Speaker 3: going down, and I like immediately nuserk reaction, pressed on

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Speaker 3: the accelerator and the car sped further onto the train

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Speaker 3: tracks and lodged like perpendicular to the train tracks. And

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Speaker 3: I'm pressing on the gas and the wheels are spinning

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Speaker 3: because now I'm on the train tracks, so the car

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Speaker 3: is completely elevated, and I had this moment where I said,

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Speaker 3: oh my god, this is how people get hit by trains.

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Speaker 3: Like I'm pressing the gas. I know trains come down.

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Speaker 3: I can't get the car off the train tracks. And

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Speaker 3: I put on the hazards and I grabbed actually the

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Speaker 3: backpack with the hard drives in it, and I because

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Speaker 3: I'm such.

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Speaker 6: A good oh my gosh, I gave the movie.

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Speaker 3: I threw up in the car door and I ran

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Speaker 3: off of the train tracks leaving the car there, and

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Speaker 3: I immediately called nine one one and they were able

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Speaker 3: to shut down the train before it came and hit

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Speaker 3: the car.

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Speaker 4: Wow.

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Speaker 6: It took all of that to get you to call

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Speaker 6: for help.

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Speaker 3: And I was like, God, I need to be better

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Speaker 3: about admitting when I'm in over my head.

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Speaker 5: Wow, because I almost just got hit by train.

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Speaker 4: Oh my god, what is the scariest way? You never

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Speaker 4: asked for help?

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Speaker 2: Oh gosh, Well, this shows up in my life in

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Speaker 2: all kinds of ways. But listening to Emerson's story and

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Speaker 2: then thinking about it in the context of work, I

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Speaker 2: have definitely felt like I need to be better at

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Speaker 2: asking for help in work environments. I've touched on this.

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Speaker 2: I prided myself and I've throughout my life of being

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Speaker 2: so prepared and so capable, you know, and that started

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Speaker 2: from being young.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and it's an industry where maybe not now so much,

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Speaker 4: but twenty years ago. I mean I showed up after

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Speaker 4: having a miscarriage, I showed up with one hundred and

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Speaker 4: three fever. I showed up having pneumonia, right like you basically.

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Speaker 2: Must go on.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, that's what we're taught.

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Speaker 5: Honestly.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it still is like that. Maybe an intelliged in

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Speaker 3: different language, but it's still like that.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, And an example of that in my career.

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Speaker 2: And I laugh about it now because there was so

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Speaker 2: many funny things that came out of this particular experience.

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Speaker 6: But I did. I was a guest star on the

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Speaker 6: show The Ghost Whisper.

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Speaker 2: I remember that show, yes, And I had a great

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Speaker 2: experience in terms of, you know, working with everyone in

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Speaker 2: the cast and the role I had initially auditioned for

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Speaker 2: I didn't get and instead they they offered me what

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Speaker 2: they said was the better role. They were like, oh,

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Speaker 2: this is that You're now the featured ghost of the episode,

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Speaker 2: you know, and so we were like, okay, great, And

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Speaker 2: then I showed up to set and my in my

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Speaker 2: trailer as a part of my costume was a burlap

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Speaker 2: sack and we were confused as to what that was

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Speaker 2: and they were like, that's to go on your head.

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Speaker 2: And then I realized that for the majority of the episode,

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Speaker 2: I had a burlap sack on my head.

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Speaker 5: So that's this is.

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Speaker 1: I know.

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Speaker 6: So that's a different story, but very funny. And then

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Speaker 6: as the Ghost Whisper arc of the ghost in.

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Speaker 2: The episode, does you find out their backstory and you

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Speaker 2: find out how they died. And my particular character had

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Speaker 2: died in a sorority hazing ritual where she had to

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Speaker 2: wear a sack on her head and horrible. Yeah, yeah, okay,

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Speaker 2: And we were filming an Angela's Crest National Forest out

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Speaker 2: here in LA and what happens is that she has

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Speaker 2: this thing on her head and then she ends up

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Speaker 2: falling off of a cliff and kind of getting tangled

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Speaker 2: with the tree and the sack and she hangs herself

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Speaker 2: and and so that's the story of.

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Speaker 6: How my ghost characters died.

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Speaker 3: Right.

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Speaker 2: So to do this, we had to do a kind

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Speaker 2: of a stunt. They put me up on a crane.

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Speaker 2: They had a crane, you know, working, and they were

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Speaker 2: gonna suspend me, and they did this, and because I

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Speaker 2: didn't want to be difficult and I didn't want to

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Speaker 2: challenge anyone, I just went along with this stunt that

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Speaker 2: shouldn't I should not have performed, probably, but it wasn't

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Speaker 2: set up correctly, and so I ended up losing my

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Speaker 2: voice for several weeks after the episode and having some

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Speaker 2: kind of like damn minor but present cord damage and

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Speaker 2: visible bruising around my neck, which I showed up to

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Speaker 2: work on desperate housals because I was filming at the

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Speaker 2: same time, and our makeup and hair people were like,

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Speaker 2: what happened to your neck?

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Speaker 6: Like why do you have bruises on your neck?

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Speaker 2: And I told them this story and they were horrified

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Speaker 2: that I, you know, that that happened to me. But

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Speaker 2: then also it was like, why didn't you say anything?

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Speaker 2: And not that it was my fault. No one was

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Speaker 2: insinuating it was my fault. But it really was a

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Speaker 2: lesson of like it's okay to say, hey, this is uncomfortable.

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Speaker 2: Hey I need someone to come help me, I don't

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Speaker 2: feel safe or whatever. I didn't, and you know, I'm

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Speaker 2: obviously fine, but but it was a lesson that stuck

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Speaker 2: with me, and I've tried, really do try to be

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Speaker 2: better now and I certainly like to spread the message

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Speaker 2: to other actors and younger actors that you really need

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Speaker 2: to advocate for yourself and asking for help is a

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Speaker 2: form of a great form of advocating for us.

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Speaker 4: A very short story that happened to me a thousand

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Speaker 4: years ago, but I won't.

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Speaker 5: Ever forget it.

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Speaker 4: I pulled up at within a taxi at the George Sank,

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Speaker 4: which is like the fanciest hotel in Paris, and I

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Speaker 4: was by myself and the you know, the the valet

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Speaker 4: guy from the hotel, you know, comes out, and the

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Speaker 4: taxi's opening the thing. This is pre uber and and

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Speaker 4: you know, the taxi guy gets the luggage out and

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Speaker 4: the man says, you know, can I get your luggage

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Speaker 4: for you? And I was like, oh no, that's okay,

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Speaker 4: I've got it myself. And he says to me, if

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Speaker 4: you don't let anyone and help you, no one ever will. Wow.

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Speaker 5: Okay, Guardian angel VALI.

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Speaker 2: Now I know why they charge so much for that

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Speaker 2: hotel because it comes with advice.

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Speaker 6: It comes with advice.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, that was that stuck with me. But you know,

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Speaker 4: it's still it's still hard and I and I and

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Speaker 4: I circle back to I believe it's hard for us

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Speaker 4: to ask for help because it's hard for us to

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Speaker 4: admit that we can't do everything, because that challenges our

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Speaker 4: own value. And I think we mistakenly sort of settle

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Speaker 4: in this place of associating our value with independence, and

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Speaker 4: that's where we go off the train tracks. We go

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Speaker 4: off right there at the connection between value and doing

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Speaker 4: it all by yourself. And I would argue that value

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Speaker 4: is elevated by being vulnerable enough to ask for help,

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Speaker 4: that that actually makes you more powerful. Yeah, that you

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Speaker 4: can do that.

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Speaker 3: And honestly, we also don't know what asking for help

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Speaker 3: can lead to. I mean, we see even in this

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Speaker 3: same episode eight with Rex and Brie when they agree

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Speaker 3: to finally help each other dispose of Andrew's car. However, could,

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Speaker 3: like you know, morally questionable. That may be it's this

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Speaker 3: act of working together that is potentially going to maybe

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Speaker 3: open the door for saving their marriage. And I do

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Speaker 3: think there is there's so much strength that can come

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Speaker 3: out of allowing ourselves to say.

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Speaker 5: I can't do this alone.

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Speaker 4: I feel like I feel like this is a really

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Speaker 4: good example of where our three generations are make things

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Speaker 4: really obvious, because I feel like my generation, my mother's generation,

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Speaker 4: we did not ask for help, We did not say

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Speaker 4: what was happening. We just we put up and shove

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Speaker 4: up and carried on like that that was me. And

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Speaker 4: I feel like your generation at least was having like

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Speaker 4: the awareness of it, the the ability to sort of

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Speaker 4: start to shift. And I feel like you are your

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Speaker 4: generation is really in a place where you're like, we're

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Speaker 4: not taking it anymore.

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Speaker 2: And you know, this episode, just to wrap it all

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Speaker 2: up with a bow, made me think of a beautiful

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Speaker 2: quote from the amazing My Angelou and I think we

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Speaker 2: should leave it with this, which is she said, when

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Speaker 2: we give cheerfully and accept gratefully, everyone is blessed.

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Speaker 4: Ah and I love bos.

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Speaker 5: There you go and Maya Angelou.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, we're just so devoted to My Angela.

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Speaker 4: We are, and we're desperately devoted to you. So come

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Speaker 4: back next week for for more, for more taps,