1 00:00:01,320 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Hey, lady, is doctor dom here. If you like this 2 00:00:04,720 --> 00:00:07,240 Speaker 1: show and you want to make your own, let me 3 00:00:07,280 --> 00:00:10,840 Speaker 1: tell you about the free platform Anchor. It's a creation 4 00:00:11,000 --> 00:00:13,800 Speaker 1: tool that allows you to record and edit your podcast 5 00:00:13,920 --> 00:00:17,280 Speaker 1: right from your phone or computer. You can add songs 6 00:00:17,280 --> 00:00:21,000 Speaker 1: from Spotify and create any type of content that you 7 00:00:21,079 --> 00:00:24,400 Speaker 1: are looking for. Anchor will distribute it all for you 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 1: so it can be heard on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and more. 9 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,040 Speaker 1: Download the free Anchor app or go to anchor dot 10 00:00:32,159 --> 00:00:33,800 Speaker 1: fm to get started. 11 00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:39,080 Speaker 2: On this week's episode. In her Space, you are coping 12 00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:42,479 Speaker 2: with the fact that damn all those loved ones, you know, 13 00:00:42,520 --> 00:00:44,720 Speaker 2: like my mom and pop pop or you know, Uncle 14 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:47,760 Speaker 2: Mike or Uncle Johnny, whatever, whoever it might be, they're 15 00:00:47,840 --> 00:00:51,760 Speaker 2: not here anymore. And they kind of made the holiday 16 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:53,760 Speaker 2: season right because they were the group that stuff together. 17 00:00:53,800 --> 00:00:56,760 Speaker 2: I don't know if I'll ever experienced on the holiday 18 00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:58,600 Speaker 2: season the way that I deal with My grandparents were 19 00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,200 Speaker 2: here because they're home was the hub, you know. 20 00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:06,800 Speaker 1: Welcome to her Space, a podcast dedicated to uplifting women 21 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:11,440 Speaker 1: like you. We're your hosts Doctor Dominique Brussard, a college 22 00:01:11,480 --> 00:01:13,600 Speaker 1: professor and psychologist. 23 00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:16,840 Speaker 2: And Terry Lomax, a techie and motivational speaker in a 24 00:01:16,880 --> 00:01:21,040 Speaker 2: world where black women are often misrepresented and misunderstood. Please 25 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:25,160 Speaker 2: join us as we initiate authentic conversations on everything from 26 00:01:25,240 --> 00:01:28,039 Speaker 2: five boys to fake friends, and create a safe space 27 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:29,880 Speaker 2: where black women can just be. 28 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,720 Speaker 1: Tiends the season to be jolly, But how can I 29 00:01:34,760 --> 00:01:37,480 Speaker 1: be when I have nobody? Now, for those of you 30 00:01:37,959 --> 00:01:42,520 Speaker 1: out there, lady, who are really into R and B 31 00:01:43,040 --> 00:01:47,760 Speaker 1: holiday music, you automatically recognize. 32 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,440 Speaker 3: That verse or that quote. 33 00:01:50,920 --> 00:01:54,360 Speaker 1: That quote comes to us from the song what do 34 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:59,880 Speaker 1: the Lonely Do at Christmas? By the Emotions Team. I 35 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:05,320 Speaker 1: have my thoughts on what I think this song represents. 36 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:08,000 Speaker 1: But what comes up for you when you hear that? 37 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:12,480 Speaker 2: Well, for me, I feel like it makes me it 38 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:16,040 Speaker 2: just kind of brings back memories. One. It brings back 39 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:19,639 Speaker 2: memories from the holiday season and Christmas in particular, and 40 00:02:20,160 --> 00:02:23,200 Speaker 2: I think about when I was younger, you know, looking 41 00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:26,040 Speaker 2: back on those times, it was just such there were 42 00:02:26,080 --> 00:02:28,800 Speaker 2: so many good memories that I have of, you know, 43 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:32,200 Speaker 2: the family being together and everybody meeting at my grandmother's 44 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:35,080 Speaker 2: house for dinner and all that kind of stuff. But 45 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:36,800 Speaker 2: then at the same time, it makes me think about 46 00:02:36,840 --> 00:02:40,880 Speaker 2: now in adulthood, how the holiday season looks very different 47 00:02:41,040 --> 00:02:45,080 Speaker 2: than it did back then. And I can see how 48 00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:48,960 Speaker 2: folks can struggle with the holiday blues if you know, 49 00:02:49,240 --> 00:02:52,240 Speaker 2: things are just different, and how they remember the holidays 50 00:02:52,280 --> 00:02:55,520 Speaker 2: being growing up or years ago when family was there. 51 00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:58,160 Speaker 2: It may just be very different at this point in life. 52 00:02:58,160 --> 00:02:59,640 Speaker 2: And so it just makes me kind of think about 53 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:02,240 Speaker 2: it's just the winter blues in general. 54 00:03:03,880 --> 00:03:05,680 Speaker 3: Yes, the winter blues. 55 00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:10,320 Speaker 1: And the clinical term for when someone truly is experiencing 56 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:15,760 Speaker 1: the winter blues is called seasonal affective disorder ACTE, acronymed 57 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:22,800 Speaker 1: as SAD. So seasonal affective disorder is usually around during 58 00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:26,079 Speaker 1: this time of the year where the weather is colder 59 00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:30,000 Speaker 1: and the days are a lot shorter, and so people 60 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:35,600 Speaker 1: aren't being exposed to as much sunlight and as much 61 00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:41,840 Speaker 1: warm and when you factor in the holiday season, which 62 00:03:42,040 --> 00:03:45,800 Speaker 1: consists of if we think about like from Thanksgiving to 63 00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:50,200 Speaker 1: New Year's that's six weeks of time that's supposed to 64 00:03:50,280 --> 00:03:56,200 Speaker 1: be really festive. But oftentimes if you're in this period 65 00:03:56,440 --> 00:04:02,080 Speaker 1: of the weather isn't really that nice, and work may 66 00:04:02,160 --> 00:04:07,960 Speaker 1: seem to be really tough then or stressful, then everything 67 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:11,560 Speaker 1: can feel exponentially worse. 68 00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,480 Speaker 3: So the people around you are trying. 69 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:22,000 Speaker 1: To engage in all these holiday gatherings, whether that's at work, 70 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:25,120 Speaker 1: whether that's with an organization that you're involved in somewhere 71 00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:29,400 Speaker 1: in your community, your church, whatever, everybody seems to be 72 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:33,360 Speaker 1: Like you walk into the grocery store and you see 73 00:04:33,360 --> 00:04:36,559 Speaker 1: all these holiday decorations, Like I know, I started seeing 74 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:45,400 Speaker 1: holiday decorations before Halloween, and that can be overwhelming to 75 00:04:46,560 --> 00:04:51,120 Speaker 1: someone who isn't really in that spirit for whatever reason. 76 00:04:53,839 --> 00:04:56,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm with you there, I think that. I mean, 77 00:04:57,760 --> 00:05:00,479 Speaker 2: it's just tough because I feel like we have these 78 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:04,200 Speaker 2: commercialized you know, in some cases, we have manment holidays, 79 00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:07,279 Speaker 2: right that are it just enticed people to spend a 80 00:05:07,279 --> 00:05:09,839 Speaker 2: lot of money. And then we have these other holidays 81 00:05:09,839 --> 00:05:13,440 Speaker 2: that are commercialized so heavily where it's like if you 82 00:05:13,520 --> 00:05:16,120 Speaker 2: aren't doing stuff, you know, like let's say Valentine's Day 83 00:05:16,120 --> 00:05:19,520 Speaker 2: for instance, right, you see everybody else with their their 84 00:05:19,680 --> 00:05:22,360 Speaker 2: booth thing on social media and they got the roguses 85 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:23,960 Speaker 2: leading up to the bed and all these things, and 86 00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,760 Speaker 2: it kind of makes you feel like you got you 87 00:05:25,800 --> 00:05:27,640 Speaker 2: got a little case of fomo where it's like fear 88 00:05:27,680 --> 00:05:30,159 Speaker 2: of missing out, right, because you you know, holidays on 89 00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:33,000 Speaker 2: social media, we already know what we're gonna see around 90 00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:36,239 Speaker 2: holiday time. People are gonna be like, don't be posting 91 00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:39,320 Speaker 2: y'all cheap paper place with your nasty food, right, and 92 00:05:39,320 --> 00:05:41,120 Speaker 2: the other people are gonna be like, don't be posted. 93 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:43,200 Speaker 2: I always see posts like that, and then they're gonna 94 00:05:43,240 --> 00:05:46,120 Speaker 2: be like, don't be posted. You know your family pictures 95 00:05:46,160 --> 00:05:48,240 Speaker 2: with your big tree, and then some people don't have that. 96 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:50,640 Speaker 2: So it's just it's tough. You know, it could be 97 00:05:50,680 --> 00:05:53,560 Speaker 2: tough for you if you're on social media. But one 98 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:56,039 Speaker 2: day I want to really just touch on really quickly. 99 00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:59,240 Speaker 2: Do you remember what the holidays were like back when 100 00:05:59,279 --> 00:05:59,800 Speaker 2: you were younger? 101 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:05,760 Speaker 1: Yes, the holidays at least how I recall them now. 102 00:06:05,880 --> 00:06:10,159 Speaker 1: I choose to recall them fondly, like I don't. I 103 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:15,520 Speaker 1: don't have any negative memories of the holidays growing up, 104 00:06:15,839 --> 00:06:20,760 Speaker 1: like even something that could be perceived as oh, that's 105 00:06:20,839 --> 00:06:24,680 Speaker 1: that was rough, like why did you have to go 106 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:25,039 Speaker 1: to bed? 107 00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:25,680 Speaker 3: Like I remember? 108 00:06:25,839 --> 00:06:28,919 Speaker 1: So I grew up Catholic and we would go to 109 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:32,560 Speaker 1: midnight Mass, so in between Christmas, even Christmas morning, we 110 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:35,359 Speaker 1: would go to midnight Mass. But what that meant for 111 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:39,640 Speaker 1: us was that my mom would like wash and rollers, 112 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:43,320 Speaker 1: set our hair at like one o'clock in the afternoon, 113 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:45,880 Speaker 1: and then she would tell us, because you know, we 114 00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:48,839 Speaker 1: had to be awake during midnight Mass, she would tell 115 00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:53,080 Speaker 1: us that at like three o'clock, we're having to take 116 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:57,440 Speaker 1: a nap. And I remember being like eleven or twelve, 117 00:06:57,560 --> 00:06:58,640 Speaker 1: like the hell. 118 00:06:58,400 --> 00:07:03,400 Speaker 3: Is a nap? Like grown with this as well, right. 119 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:07,400 Speaker 1: As an adult now, I look back on that, and 120 00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:11,800 Speaker 1: I think about, like how how that was fun, like 121 00:07:12,440 --> 00:07:15,560 Speaker 1: to know that we had these traditions of like my 122 00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:18,640 Speaker 1: mom would do our you know, do our hair, and 123 00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:20,680 Speaker 1: we take a nap, and we get up and we 124 00:07:20,840 --> 00:07:24,360 Speaker 1: get dressed up in our you know, our Sunday's best 125 00:07:24,760 --> 00:07:27,760 Speaker 1: to go to midnight Mass, which usually involved like we 126 00:07:27,840 --> 00:07:31,080 Speaker 1: had to get there really at like eleven o'clock. 127 00:07:30,920 --> 00:07:32,880 Speaker 3: Because there was Christmas Carolyn by the. 128 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:37,640 Speaker 1: Choir, And we would usually stop at my grandparents' house 129 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:43,440 Speaker 1: first to have cookies and eggnog and so like little 130 00:07:43,520 --> 00:07:49,680 Speaker 1: things like that, like those memories, like being around so 131 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:53,960 Speaker 1: much of my family. You know, I'm the oldest of 132 00:07:56,000 --> 00:08:00,640 Speaker 1: an of grandkids. I can't I've lost too many, too many, 133 00:08:00,760 --> 00:08:01,960 Speaker 1: too many, but. 134 00:08:01,960 --> 00:08:05,480 Speaker 3: I remember at the peak of. 135 00:08:05,720 --> 00:08:11,000 Speaker 1: Like my childhood, it was, oh, it had to be 136 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:14,760 Speaker 1: like over ten of us in terms of grandkids in. 137 00:08:14,640 --> 00:08:17,400 Speaker 3: The house at one time. That's a lot of kids. 138 00:08:17,840 --> 00:08:21,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's a lot of presents, and that's a lot 139 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:24,760 Speaker 1: of excitement and a lot of good food and just 140 00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:25,960 Speaker 1: a lot of merriments. 141 00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:27,640 Speaker 3: That's how I recall it. 142 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,920 Speaker 2: What about you that sounds so amazing, And as you 143 00:08:30,960 --> 00:08:33,240 Speaker 2: were speaking, I was just like picture and everything, because 144 00:08:33,280 --> 00:08:35,720 Speaker 2: I feel like I'm torn. I don't have the I 145 00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:37,440 Speaker 2: don't have the same luxury as you don't. When I 146 00:08:37,440 --> 00:08:40,959 Speaker 2: think about the holiday season, it's very much bittersweet. There 147 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,400 Speaker 2: are good times, yes, but then there were also times 148 00:08:43,400 --> 00:08:46,120 Speaker 2: where it was like, oh, child, So in the beginning, 149 00:08:46,160 --> 00:08:48,240 Speaker 2: like when I was younger, there were times before my 150 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:50,560 Speaker 2: mom and dad had more kids and it was just 151 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:53,079 Speaker 2: being my older sister. We used to get so spoiled, 152 00:08:53,120 --> 00:08:55,400 Speaker 2: so we had our Christmas used to be lit. We 153 00:08:55,480 --> 00:08:57,520 Speaker 2: used to have so many toys under the tree. It 154 00:08:57,559 --> 00:09:00,640 Speaker 2: was just so fun. I remember these different Barbie and 155 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:03,120 Speaker 2: these different We used to have this thing called kitchen 156 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:05,880 Speaker 2: Littles where it's like a little mini kitchen and you 157 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:08,840 Speaker 2: literally have like food that looks I mean, it's like miniature, 158 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:10,400 Speaker 2: but it looks so real, So we used to have 159 00:09:10,480 --> 00:09:12,240 Speaker 2: that for the barbies. It was just really fun. We 160 00:09:12,240 --> 00:09:14,560 Speaker 2: got a lot of gifts, and as we got older 161 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:17,920 Speaker 2: and they had more kids, they had to get the 162 00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:20,160 Speaker 2: kids stuff and so we didn't get as many gifts. 163 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:23,400 Speaker 2: And so I remember for me being at my grandmother's 164 00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:27,160 Speaker 2: house because my maternal grandparents we call them my mom 165 00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:29,600 Speaker 2: and pop pop. Everybody went to their house for the 166 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:32,920 Speaker 2: holiday season. So for Thanksgiving Christmas, my grandmother was like slaving, 167 00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:36,119 Speaker 2: you know, over the soup, fixing that good food for everybody, 168 00:09:36,679 --> 00:09:39,040 Speaker 2: and we'd have family from all over just come to 169 00:09:39,080 --> 00:09:41,360 Speaker 2: her house and they would just be kind of filtering 170 00:09:41,440 --> 00:09:45,320 Speaker 2: through throughout the day. Now, because I lived with my grandmother, 171 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:47,719 Speaker 2: my siblings and I for a certain point down it 172 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:50,400 Speaker 2: was one of those situations where we had to help 173 00:09:50,679 --> 00:09:54,559 Speaker 2: clean up the house, clean all the bathrooms, sweep the stairs, 174 00:09:54,679 --> 00:09:58,080 Speaker 2: mop the floors, help, you know, help get things together 175 00:09:58,160 --> 00:10:01,439 Speaker 2: for everyone else to visit. We also had to help 176 00:10:01,480 --> 00:10:04,960 Speaker 2: clean up because everybody conveniently left and took their little 177 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:07,800 Speaker 2: to gold Plates, and because we lived there, we had 178 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,920 Speaker 2: to clean up. So that was a thing. I was 179 00:10:10,000 --> 00:10:12,800 Speaker 2: just like, I didn't really like that part, but girl, 180 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:13,760 Speaker 2: the food was so good. 181 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:15,760 Speaker 3: I couldn't. 182 00:10:16,520 --> 00:10:19,760 Speaker 1: I could imagine like not liking that part. 183 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, I was like that part. We could pass on 184 00:10:22,960 --> 00:10:25,760 Speaker 2: that for girl. The food my grandmother can cook, like 185 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:27,719 Speaker 2: good women in my family can cook so well. We 186 00:10:27,840 --> 00:10:31,320 Speaker 2: used to have macaroni and cheese, girl, nice and creamy 187 00:10:31,360 --> 00:10:35,760 Speaker 2: and cheesy. We had some sweet potatoes or yam sweet 188 00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:40,239 Speaker 2: potato pie, some turkey. She used to make everything, greens 189 00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:44,200 Speaker 2: and corn bread, I mean, all the good stuff. And 190 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:47,320 Speaker 2: we used to just eat until we couldn't button our 191 00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:49,360 Speaker 2: pants and we'd all have the itis and just fall 192 00:10:49,400 --> 00:10:50,280 Speaker 2: asleep wherever. 193 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:55,760 Speaker 1: Oh, I just got so hungry just now, just thinking 194 00:10:55,800 --> 00:10:59,080 Speaker 1: about as you were naming everything, like my mouth started watering. 195 00:10:59,120 --> 00:11:02,719 Speaker 1: I was salivating, like, oh my gosh, when are the 196 00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:05,720 Speaker 1: holidays coming so I can get some of this good Okay? 197 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:08,320 Speaker 2: And I'll tell you, although I changed up my diet, 198 00:11:08,360 --> 00:11:11,400 Speaker 2: I feel like Christmas in particular, but like the holiday 199 00:11:11,440 --> 00:11:15,719 Speaker 2: season maybe Thanksgiving. Those are times where I'm like, what diet? Like, 200 00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:17,800 Speaker 2: I'm eating all the stuff, you know, I mean, depending 201 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:19,440 Speaker 2: on who cooks it, because you know how that goes. 202 00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:21,960 Speaker 2: You got to figure out, okay, who made the potato salad, 203 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:24,360 Speaker 2: and then you might dig in, depending on who made it, 204 00:11:24,400 --> 00:11:28,520 Speaker 2: you know, right right Dom, that was like the good 205 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,440 Speaker 2: part of the holiday season. There were times where, you know, 206 00:11:32,559 --> 00:11:36,160 Speaker 2: my I know, the first Christmas after my dad passed 207 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:38,000 Speaker 2: away and my mom was locked up, that was a 208 00:11:38,040 --> 00:11:40,680 Speaker 2: really tough holiday season for my siblings and I And 209 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:43,440 Speaker 2: I think that was the year I turned eighteen, and 210 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:48,160 Speaker 2: that was a year where we had to get if 211 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:50,800 Speaker 2: our church helped us get gifts to make sure the 212 00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:52,280 Speaker 2: kids were okay. And I think I got like a 213 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:54,959 Speaker 2: pair of socks or something that year. But it was 214 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:56,719 Speaker 2: a point in time where I was like, oh, I 215 00:11:56,840 --> 00:12:00,120 Speaker 2: really realized that I guess, like what adulthood means. I 216 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:01,880 Speaker 2: was like, oh, okay. It was like my first glimpse 217 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:03,680 Speaker 2: into adulthood where it's like, yeah, you're not just going 218 00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:07,240 Speaker 2: to be getting gifts, you know, delivered to you. It's 219 00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:09,440 Speaker 2: really about trying to help out and make sure that 220 00:12:09,440 --> 00:12:12,400 Speaker 2: things are good for the younger people in the family. 221 00:12:12,440 --> 00:12:14,640 Speaker 2: And so that was kind of like a rude awakening 222 00:12:14,720 --> 00:12:17,480 Speaker 2: for me where it was like, oh, this is real life, 223 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:20,560 Speaker 2: Like this is what adulthood looks like, being more responsible 224 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:25,640 Speaker 2: and just moving different. I guess you could say, hmm. 225 00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:30,880 Speaker 3: And as you started to think about how. 226 00:12:32,240 --> 00:12:37,040 Speaker 1: How the holidays really are about not about the adults. 227 00:12:37,080 --> 00:12:42,160 Speaker 1: It's not for the adults, it's for the kids. How 228 00:12:42,160 --> 00:12:45,200 Speaker 1: did that kind of shift your perspective in terms of 229 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:47,599 Speaker 1: how you approach the holidays, because I could imagine that 230 00:12:47,679 --> 00:12:51,400 Speaker 1: that first holiday was pretty hard, but then after that 231 00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:53,880 Speaker 1: maybe there was some shift in perspective. 232 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:57,480 Speaker 2: Yes, that's a really good question. So for me, I 233 00:12:57,559 --> 00:13:00,320 Speaker 2: remember journaling about it. Actually, you know what, so that 234 00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:02,520 Speaker 2: was one holiday season. There was there were a few 235 00:13:02,640 --> 00:13:06,200 Speaker 2: holidays before that where my you know, one parent was 236 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:08,520 Speaker 2: incarcerated and then the other one had to kind of 237 00:13:08,920 --> 00:13:11,760 Speaker 2: handle everything else. And so I think for me it 238 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:13,640 Speaker 2: just put me in it really did put me in 239 00:13:13,679 --> 00:13:15,960 Speaker 2: adult mode where it was like, Okay, the holiday season, 240 00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:18,840 Speaker 2: it's not about what I'm getting. It's more about what 241 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:21,120 Speaker 2: experience can I create for the little people as we 242 00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:23,520 Speaker 2: called my siblings when they were little. And so for me, 243 00:13:23,559 --> 00:13:27,040 Speaker 2: it was all about just making things comfortable, making things 244 00:13:27,160 --> 00:13:30,160 Speaker 2: pleasant for the kids so they could have a good 245 00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:33,360 Speaker 2: holiday season. And then if they were happy and they 246 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:35,360 Speaker 2: got some of the things that they wanted, that made 247 00:13:35,400 --> 00:13:37,400 Speaker 2: me happy. So I got my joy came from a 248 00:13:37,440 --> 00:13:40,720 Speaker 2: different place. And I remember journaling one holiday season where 249 00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:42,520 Speaker 2: I was like, you know what, I can tell that 250 00:13:42,600 --> 00:13:45,480 Speaker 2: I'm really evolving, like I'm really growing up, because if 251 00:13:45,480 --> 00:13:48,000 Speaker 2: I would have gotten like one gift for Christmas in 252 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:50,600 Speaker 2: the past, I would have been I would have been 253 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:51,920 Speaker 2: so upset, you know what I mean. I would have 254 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:54,960 Speaker 2: been complaining and all that. But now I've realized that 255 00:13:55,000 --> 00:13:58,480 Speaker 2: there's a bigger meaning to it. And so yeah, I 256 00:13:58,480 --> 00:13:59,959 Speaker 2: think that's kind of what shifted for me. 257 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:02,800 Speaker 3: M okay. 258 00:14:03,160 --> 00:14:04,920 Speaker 1: And so one of the things that you mentioned in 259 00:14:04,960 --> 00:14:12,320 Speaker 1: there was finding joy in a new way, and so 260 00:14:12,520 --> 00:14:14,359 Speaker 1: I think that kind of brings. 261 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:14,439 Speaker 3: Us to. 262 00:14:16,160 --> 00:14:20,360 Speaker 1: Some of our tips for how to manage the holiday blues, 263 00:14:21,680 --> 00:14:23,840 Speaker 1: and so I kind of want us to start us 264 00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:29,480 Speaker 1: off with the first one where we talk about volunteering. 265 00:14:30,680 --> 00:14:34,760 Speaker 1: So I think, you know, one of the things that 266 00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:37,920 Speaker 1: I really took away from everything you said is that 267 00:14:38,320 --> 00:14:43,440 Speaker 1: the holiday season is not about you. It's about giving 268 00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:49,520 Speaker 1: to others, whether that's within your own family or your 269 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:56,680 Speaker 1: community at large. You can find joy in giving to 270 00:14:56,840 --> 00:15:00,640 Speaker 1: others and volunteering in some way. 271 00:15:01,040 --> 00:15:03,080 Speaker 2: Oh, hands down, I would agree with that. Down. I 272 00:15:03,120 --> 00:15:06,520 Speaker 2: think that just in general, when you're in a place 273 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:11,280 Speaker 2: that maybe is an ideal or you're kind of just 274 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,600 Speaker 2: struggling in your own way. I think volunteering is always 275 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,240 Speaker 2: a great way for us to shift energy, and so 276 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:21,920 Speaker 2: instead of really thinking about ourselves and really magnifying our predicament, 277 00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:25,400 Speaker 2: volunteering really allows us to put things in perspective. And 278 00:15:25,480 --> 00:15:28,280 Speaker 2: I've always been a huge fan and advocate of volunteering 279 00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:31,880 Speaker 2: because it has a way of shifting your mood. You know, 280 00:15:31,960 --> 00:15:34,400 Speaker 2: so instead of thinking about what you're lacking, you can 281 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:37,200 Speaker 2: help other people make them feel good, and turn, I 282 00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:39,520 Speaker 2: think that often makes you feel good. And so I 283 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:44,040 Speaker 2: know that you can look into there's like the VolunteerMatch 284 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:47,000 Speaker 2: dot com or Google Volunteer Opportunities, or even the United 285 00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:50,600 Speaker 2: Way has resources and you can learn more about volunteering 286 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:54,880 Speaker 2: at schools or soup kitchens, or hospitals or museums or 287 00:15:54,880 --> 00:15:58,280 Speaker 2: even places of worship to just help other people during 288 00:15:58,280 --> 00:16:00,640 Speaker 2: that season, especially if you don't have people to be with. 289 00:16:01,160 --> 00:16:03,680 Speaker 2: I know, for me, the holiday season and for many 290 00:16:03,720 --> 00:16:06,000 Speaker 2: of us, it looks very different from how it looked 291 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,560 Speaker 2: as you know, when we were children. Either you're sort 292 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:14,480 Speaker 2: of recreating your own holiday traditions or you are coping 293 00:16:14,560 --> 00:16:17,880 Speaker 2: with the fact that damn all those loved ones, you know, 294 00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:20,120 Speaker 2: like my mom and pop Pop or you know, Uncle 295 00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:23,280 Speaker 2: Mike or Uncle Johnny, whatever whoever might be. They're not 296 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:27,440 Speaker 2: here anymore, and they kind of made the holiday season 297 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,280 Speaker 2: right because they were the group that stuff together. I 298 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:32,520 Speaker 2: don't know if I'll ever experienced the holiday season the 299 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:34,600 Speaker 2: way that I deal with. My grandparents were here because 300 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,920 Speaker 2: their home was the hub, you know, they invited everyone 301 00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:40,200 Speaker 2: over and that was like a little family reunion. And 302 00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:43,640 Speaker 2: so it's different now, and so I think that volunteering 303 00:16:43,720 --> 00:16:47,080 Speaker 2: is a great way to just shift our focus. 304 00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:51,320 Speaker 1: You know, yeah, I completely agree with that. I think 305 00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:58,080 Speaker 1: shifting that focus and also realizing that you may be 306 00:16:58,560 --> 00:17:03,920 Speaker 1: in a new city, or you may be in a 307 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,960 Speaker 1: different well, we're all usually in different phases of life 308 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:07,760 Speaker 1: because as. 309 00:17:07,600 --> 00:17:08,560 Speaker 3: We grow and develop. 310 00:17:09,160 --> 00:17:14,199 Speaker 1: But being in this different phase in life means that 311 00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:19,200 Speaker 1: how you normally do things, what your normal routine may be, 312 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:22,440 Speaker 1: looks different than it did maybe five years ago when 313 00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:26,760 Speaker 1: you were a kid. And so I think one of 314 00:17:26,760 --> 00:17:30,040 Speaker 1: the way. Another way, our second tip on how to 315 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:34,000 Speaker 1: get through the holidays, and particularly if you're feeling sad, 316 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:39,040 Speaker 1: is to maintain as much of your normal routine as possible. 317 00:17:40,720 --> 00:17:42,840 Speaker 3: So if you know that, like you have. 318 00:17:42,760 --> 00:17:47,520 Speaker 1: To work out three days out of the week, and 319 00:17:49,520 --> 00:17:51,760 Speaker 1: you know that maybe let's say that perhaps you're not 320 00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:58,000 Speaker 1: traveling for the holidays, and if you maintain that routine 321 00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:00,000 Speaker 1: of like, okay, I'm gonna work out for three day 322 00:18:00,400 --> 00:18:02,720 Speaker 1: and that may mean okay, maybe your gym is closed 323 00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:05,960 Speaker 1: for part of that time, but you find other ways 324 00:18:06,359 --> 00:18:10,440 Speaker 1: to still get your exercise in so that as much 325 00:18:10,520 --> 00:18:13,720 Speaker 1: you can have as much normalcy as possible if you're 326 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:17,280 Speaker 1: but let's say the opposite is happening, and you are 327 00:18:17,400 --> 00:18:20,480 Speaker 1: traveling to go visit loved ones, or you're traveling out 328 00:18:20,520 --> 00:18:23,200 Speaker 1: of the country or whatever it is that you're doing, you're. 329 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:24,199 Speaker 3: Not going to be at home. 330 00:18:25,680 --> 00:18:28,200 Speaker 1: What we know is that when we maintain as much 331 00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:31,960 Speaker 1: of our normal routine as possible, that helps us maintain 332 00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:36,040 Speaker 1: our equilibrium, That helps us maintain our sense of balance, 333 00:18:36,119 --> 00:18:40,000 Speaker 1: and it reduces the amount of stress that we may 334 00:18:40,119 --> 00:18:45,119 Speaker 1: experience in a time that automatically induces stress and anxiety. 335 00:18:47,119 --> 00:18:49,040 Speaker 2: That's a really good point. Dom And I also think 336 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:52,199 Speaker 2: about how, you know, let's say that part of the 337 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:55,359 Speaker 2: sort of normal holiday routine for you was like eating 338 00:18:55,440 --> 00:18:58,159 Speaker 2: your you know, your grandmother or your nana's you know, 339 00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:04,119 Speaker 2: mac and cheese or her I don't know, banana pudding 340 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:07,159 Speaker 2: or something like that. You can always get you. I 341 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:12,399 Speaker 2: got you with that with Girls Girl, all these dishes 342 00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:15,040 Speaker 2: my grandmother made. She would really go in and I'm like, 343 00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:17,240 Speaker 2: you know what for this holiday season, you know, the 344 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:19,800 Speaker 2: holidays looks different for us, but I might make one 345 00:19:19,800 --> 00:19:22,080 Speaker 2: of those dishes just you know, sort of in her 346 00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:25,320 Speaker 2: honor and just to kind of create a little piece 347 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:28,159 Speaker 2: of that sort of routine that we've had in the family. 348 00:19:28,160 --> 00:19:29,440 Speaker 2: And so I just want to put it out there 349 00:19:29,880 --> 00:19:32,880 Speaker 2: down We'll have to add some links in the show notes, 350 00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:36,359 Speaker 2: but I have three recipes that I've shared on my blog. 351 00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:38,840 Speaker 2: So one is corn bread, and do you just want 352 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:41,119 Speaker 2: to add that the corn bread recipe, it went viral 353 00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,720 Speaker 2: on Pinchest Girl, Like, if you're looking for some high 354 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,240 Speaker 2: quality corn bread it's nice and moist, we got you. 355 00:19:46,359 --> 00:19:48,920 Speaker 2: I'm gonna add that. We're gonna add that this show notes. 356 00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:50,840 Speaker 2: And then the other one that's mac and cheese and 357 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:54,240 Speaker 2: then candy ams. So those are all three recipes. Yes, 358 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:56,520 Speaker 2: So if you're looking to do that and add a 359 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,480 Speaker 2: little bit of you know, your past sort of holiday 360 00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:02,360 Speaker 2: experience into this year, we'll add that in the show 361 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,840 Speaker 2: notes for you, so you can get in that kitchen 362 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:05,639 Speaker 2: and start cooking. 363 00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:10,320 Speaker 1: Ooh, you are getting me all like, oh excited. I 364 00:20:10,359 --> 00:20:13,320 Speaker 1: can't Oh, I can't wait. And so I think the 365 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,600 Speaker 1: thing too with that, Like, as we're talking about like 366 00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:16,480 Speaker 1: maintaining that. 367 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:18,320 Speaker 3: Routine, is. 368 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:25,600 Speaker 1: Maintaining a normal level of food consumption, right, and alcohol 369 00:20:25,640 --> 00:20:30,520 Speaker 1: consumption as well, because when we're going through the holiday season, 370 00:20:31,040 --> 00:20:35,400 Speaker 1: there's a tendency starting with thanks well for some people, Halloween, right, 371 00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:39,280 Speaker 1: because if you have kids, or if you have allowed 372 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,400 Speaker 1: kids to come to your door for trigger treating, then 373 00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,880 Speaker 1: you're giving away tons of candy, right, And so you're 374 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:49,040 Speaker 1: having all this candy that you wouldn't normally consume in 375 00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:52,439 Speaker 1: that amount, in that quantity. And then you fast forward 376 00:20:52,480 --> 00:20:56,360 Speaker 1: a few weeks and then we have Thanksgiving, and if 377 00:20:56,359 --> 00:21:02,080 Speaker 1: you're celebrating Thanksgiving, then chances are like you're cooking or 378 00:21:02,359 --> 00:21:07,280 Speaker 1: you're enjoying the huge meal full of food that you 379 00:21:07,359 --> 00:21:12,159 Speaker 1: don't eat to that degree on a normal day. So 380 00:21:12,280 --> 00:21:14,520 Speaker 1: as you were talking about getting the itis right, like 381 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:19,560 Speaker 1: and filling up until like you're busting out of your pants, Well, 382 00:21:19,600 --> 00:21:23,280 Speaker 1: if you know that you have like multiple parties like 383 00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:24,280 Speaker 1: back to back. 384 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,200 Speaker 3: That might not be the. 385 00:21:27,320 --> 00:21:31,159 Speaker 1: Healthiest option for you, especially if you have been working 386 00:21:31,200 --> 00:21:36,440 Speaker 1: all year on certain like nutritional weight loss goals. That 387 00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:40,879 Speaker 1: could completely derail you from those goals and then send 388 00:21:40,960 --> 00:21:46,520 Speaker 1: you into a space of anxiety or depression because you've 389 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:49,600 Speaker 1: messed up on those goals that you've worked so hard on. Right, 390 00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:51,760 Speaker 1: and then you get into this space of. 391 00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:53,800 Speaker 3: Like being upset with yourself. 392 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:59,080 Speaker 1: So figure out, as you're navigating the holidays, how to 393 00:21:59,440 --> 00:22:02,320 Speaker 1: allow yourself to still enjoy. 394 00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:07,000 Speaker 3: All that good food but without overdoing it. 395 00:22:09,119 --> 00:22:13,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's I aspire to get to that point. Oh, 396 00:22:13,080 --> 00:22:14,520 Speaker 2: I guess I'm there now. I was gonna say, back 397 00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:18,080 Speaker 2: in the day, girl, there were no there were no rules. 398 00:22:18,119 --> 00:22:20,960 Speaker 2: You just ate. Oh man, you just ate until you 399 00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:23,240 Speaker 2: couldn't eat no more. So I think that's a really 400 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:26,960 Speaker 2: good tip. I'm just like, okay, I'm just thinking about it, like, oh, 401 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,520 Speaker 2: I wondered what my old self would have said. But 402 00:22:29,720 --> 00:22:31,440 Speaker 2: that's a good one, Domina. I think that kind of 403 00:22:31,840 --> 00:22:35,280 Speaker 2: leads us into tip number three, which is find healthy 404 00:22:35,359 --> 00:22:39,720 Speaker 2: ways to cope with the recent breakup. Breakups are always tough, 405 00:22:39,760 --> 00:22:41,840 Speaker 2: but I feel like around the holiday season it is 406 00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:44,919 Speaker 2: even more challenging, right, because you're reminded of, you know, 407 00:22:45,000 --> 00:22:49,480 Speaker 2: past memories. You may have had somebody ghost you right 408 00:22:49,520 --> 00:22:52,040 Speaker 2: before they were able to give you a gift, and 409 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:54,200 Speaker 2: maybe you feel a little salty about that because you 410 00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,240 Speaker 2: know how that goes. Sometimes people are like, you know what, 411 00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:58,959 Speaker 2: let me go ahead, and I don't want to have 412 00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:00,600 Speaker 2: to get a gift. Let me go ahead and just 413 00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:03,320 Speaker 2: break this off. So you know, it's just it's a lot. 414 00:23:03,440 --> 00:23:05,760 Speaker 1: It can be a lot, and then they pop right 415 00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:08,080 Speaker 1: back up after Valentine. 416 00:23:07,640 --> 00:23:08,120 Speaker 2: You know what. 417 00:23:08,800 --> 00:23:12,760 Speaker 3: You know what, Yeah, that is a thing. That is 418 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:13,320 Speaker 3: a thing. 419 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:16,000 Speaker 1: And I think about but you know, when I when 420 00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:19,840 Speaker 1: we talk about this, like about finding healthy ways to 421 00:23:19,880 --> 00:23:21,600 Speaker 1: cope after break up, like I think some of the 422 00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:24,359 Speaker 1: things that also could come up is, let's say that 423 00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:29,159 Speaker 1: you've been with this person for an extremely for a 424 00:23:29,240 --> 00:23:33,119 Speaker 1: long amount of time, right, and you all maybe have 425 00:23:33,240 --> 00:23:40,240 Speaker 1: established had established some holiday traditions, right right that. 426 00:23:40,240 --> 00:23:42,880 Speaker 3: Or like you go to your oh go ahead. 427 00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:44,080 Speaker 2: No, I was just gonna say that, or you go 428 00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:46,320 Speaker 2: to your family's house and people are like, oh, how 429 00:23:46,359 --> 00:23:49,639 Speaker 2: are you and you know, Marquee, what's going on with that? 430 00:23:49,680 --> 00:23:51,720 Speaker 2: And you're like, God, damn it, we just broke up 431 00:23:51,760 --> 00:23:53,560 Speaker 2: and like, you don't really know what to say because 432 00:23:53,560 --> 00:23:54,120 Speaker 2: it's awkward. 433 00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:57,280 Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, it's still it's still really raw. 434 00:23:57,760 --> 00:23:59,800 Speaker 1: And so the thing is is to think about it 435 00:23:59,800 --> 00:24:03,439 Speaker 1: ahead of time, to think plan ahead on a couple 436 00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:06,639 Speaker 1: of quick responses that you can give to family. You 437 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:11,560 Speaker 1: can easily set a boundary with family or whoever, and say, 438 00:24:12,600 --> 00:24:13,679 Speaker 1: me and our keys. 439 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:17,600 Speaker 3: Are no longer together. I'm not in the space to really. 440 00:24:17,359 --> 00:24:22,280 Speaker 1: Talk about it right now, and I appreciate you checking. 441 00:24:21,960 --> 00:24:22,439 Speaker 3: In on me. 442 00:24:24,680 --> 00:24:27,520 Speaker 1: I will reach out when I'm ready to share more. 443 00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:29,040 Speaker 1: If I'm ready to share more. 444 00:24:29,680 --> 00:24:32,120 Speaker 2: That sounds good to me. And don't feel bad about 445 00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:34,399 Speaker 2: it either, because breakups, I mean, we've all experienced it. 446 00:24:34,480 --> 00:24:36,639 Speaker 2: Just because everyone doesn't talk about it doesn't mean that 447 00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:39,640 Speaker 2: you know, it's just you. I feel like sometimes it's 448 00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,800 Speaker 2: shameful because we feel like, oh, either you know, if 449 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:45,240 Speaker 2: it's a long relationship, oh I felt at this relationship, 450 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:47,359 Speaker 2: or you know, it didn't work out and people didn't 451 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:48,840 Speaker 2: think it was and I wanted to prove it wrong. 452 00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:51,480 Speaker 2: I mean, sometimes we beat ourselves up so much. Don't 453 00:24:51,480 --> 00:24:53,400 Speaker 2: beat yourself up like it happens, you know what I mean. 454 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:56,800 Speaker 2: And I think sometimes shame comes along with that, especially 455 00:24:56,840 --> 00:24:58,879 Speaker 2: when people are asking questions and we have to face 456 00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:00,800 Speaker 2: that exactly. 457 00:25:01,040 --> 00:25:05,400 Speaker 1: And so be forgiving of yourself, be compassionate with yourself, 458 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:09,959 Speaker 1: and know that it's okay to set that boundary that 459 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:14,440 Speaker 1: like you said that we've all been through a breakup 460 00:25:15,200 --> 00:25:20,080 Speaker 1: and this is an opportunity for you to find other 461 00:25:20,160 --> 00:25:26,000 Speaker 1: ways to enjoy the holidays. So, like we mentioned in 462 00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:30,959 Speaker 1: tip one, volunteering, so that can also not only is 463 00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:34,960 Speaker 1: it allowing you to give back and help other people, 464 00:25:35,560 --> 00:25:38,760 Speaker 1: it could give you that little bit of a distraction 465 00:25:39,160 --> 00:25:43,680 Speaker 1: time that you may need so that you're not necessarily 466 00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:48,960 Speaker 1: focused on oh, I'm not doing this with Marquise today, 467 00:25:49,200 --> 00:25:52,440 Speaker 1: or you know, it gives you an opportunity to get 468 00:25:52,480 --> 00:25:54,520 Speaker 1: outside of yourself for a little while. 469 00:25:55,960 --> 00:25:57,920 Speaker 2: Love it, love it and what's our next one? 470 00:25:57,960 --> 00:26:05,320 Speaker 1: Don So our next tip ties into this coping healthily 471 00:26:05,600 --> 00:26:10,400 Speaker 1: from a breakup is to let yourself feel the feelings right. 472 00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:14,879 Speaker 1: And this applies not just to a breakup, but let's 473 00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:19,240 Speaker 1: say that you have a family member who is incarcerated. 474 00:26:19,720 --> 00:26:23,040 Speaker 1: You are warning the death of a loved one, so 475 00:26:23,080 --> 00:26:27,520 Speaker 1: this is your first holiday without that loved one around. 476 00:26:28,600 --> 00:26:32,520 Speaker 1: Whatever the feelings are that come up around the holidays. 477 00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:38,280 Speaker 1: Give yourself the space and time to feel those feelings. 478 00:26:39,680 --> 00:26:43,000 Speaker 1: And we've set this in a previous episode that it's 479 00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:47,480 Speaker 1: okay to feel the feelings. It's how you respond or 480 00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:52,520 Speaker 1: behave to those feelings that can cause the problem. So 481 00:26:54,359 --> 00:26:57,640 Speaker 1: going back to our example of Marquise, so we you know, 482 00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:02,680 Speaker 1: we're sad about not being able to spend Thanksgiving, Christmas, 483 00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:07,720 Speaker 1: and New Year's with Marquis. And our song from the 484 00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:10,160 Speaker 1: quote of the day comes on, right and let's say 485 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:11,879 Speaker 1: we're driving around town. 486 00:27:12,359 --> 00:27:14,800 Speaker 3: And we hear what do the Lonely Do? 487 00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:20,240 Speaker 1: And all of a sudden, we're at the stoplight and 488 00:27:20,359 --> 00:27:23,920 Speaker 1: tears that start running down our face because we really 489 00:27:24,040 --> 00:27:26,359 Speaker 1: are sad, like we're not. 490 00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:31,600 Speaker 3: Gonna get to spend Christmas with Marquise. Let yourself feel those. 491 00:27:31,400 --> 00:27:37,639 Speaker 1: Tears, know that it is okay to feel those tears. 492 00:27:39,400 --> 00:27:46,680 Speaker 1: Let those tears come out, and then you acknowledge them 493 00:27:47,240 --> 00:27:50,800 Speaker 1: and you say, you know what, I am sad that 494 00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:54,399 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna spend Christmas with Marquise, but there are 495 00:27:54,560 --> 00:27:56,440 Speaker 1: ways in which I can still enjoy. 496 00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:59,959 Speaker 3: The holidays and you couldn't. 497 00:28:00,000 --> 00:28:04,280 Speaker 1: And that's with friends and family. You connect with people 498 00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:07,960 Speaker 1: that are going to uplift you and make you feel 499 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:09,880 Speaker 1: supported and loved and valued. 500 00:28:11,200 --> 00:28:13,600 Speaker 2: Yes, And I feel like even if you have to, 501 00:28:14,119 --> 00:28:18,800 Speaker 2: you know, self self soothe, that's important too. Like that's 502 00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:21,520 Speaker 2: something I've cultivated over the years. Where it's like maybe 503 00:28:21,560 --> 00:28:25,080 Speaker 2: you're going that breakup, or you're missing someone, or you know, 504 00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:30,720 Speaker 2: you're you're just dealing with your non traditional holiday season. 505 00:28:31,560 --> 00:28:34,879 Speaker 2: I think that it's important to in feeling those feelings, 506 00:28:35,320 --> 00:28:37,159 Speaker 2: knowing that it's okay if you have to, you know, 507 00:28:37,840 --> 00:28:40,760 Speaker 2: talk yourself through something, or just self soothed in like 508 00:28:40,800 --> 00:28:44,760 Speaker 2: a way that might be a little different, like journaling 509 00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:48,240 Speaker 2: or you know, I don't know. I think sometimes for 510 00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,640 Speaker 2: me now but what I used to do during those times, 511 00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:53,120 Speaker 2: journaling would be key for me. But also just kind 512 00:28:53,120 --> 00:28:56,840 Speaker 2: of talking myself through a situation to let remind myself 513 00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:59,200 Speaker 2: that it's going to be okay, or just processing certain 514 00:28:59,240 --> 00:29:01,840 Speaker 2: details about you know, an interaction or something in general. 515 00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:05,520 Speaker 2: But I think that sometimes we like to distract ourselves, right, 516 00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:07,640 Speaker 2: so it's like oh, I'm gonna I'm going to take 517 00:29:07,640 --> 00:29:10,320 Speaker 2: a couple of shots, or I'm going to just suppress 518 00:29:10,360 --> 00:29:12,320 Speaker 2: it and put it down. But I think just letting 519 00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:15,720 Speaker 2: yourself feel everything that comes up, and just being gracious 520 00:29:15,720 --> 00:29:18,360 Speaker 2: with yourself is really important because that way you can 521 00:29:18,720 --> 00:29:21,520 Speaker 2: let it come up and it doesn't become stagnant within 522 00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:26,280 Speaker 2: within you. And also realizing that there's nothing wrong if 523 00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:28,000 Speaker 2: you don't feel jolly this season. 524 00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:28,200 Speaker 1: Right. 525 00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:32,000 Speaker 2: You may hear Christmas music and maybe you're cringing, Right, 526 00:29:32,160 --> 00:29:34,760 Speaker 2: it's okay, Like everyone doesn't have to be in this 527 00:29:34,840 --> 00:29:38,600 Speaker 2: space of you know, have a holly, jolly Christmas like that. 528 00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:41,360 Speaker 2: Everyone's not going to be in that space, okay, and 529 00:29:41,400 --> 00:29:44,200 Speaker 2: it's okay. I think a lot of people do experience 530 00:29:44,240 --> 00:29:47,680 Speaker 2: sadness and feelings of lost during the holidays because things 531 00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:50,520 Speaker 2: have changed so drastically from how we may have remembered them. 532 00:29:50,560 --> 00:29:54,240 Speaker 2: So again, just be kind with yourself, seek support, and 533 00:29:54,600 --> 00:29:58,320 Speaker 2: even laugh at yourself or other people you know every 534 00:29:58,400 --> 00:29:59,920 Speaker 2: now and then to kind of lighten the movi. 535 00:30:01,400 --> 00:30:01,520 Speaker 3: Right. 536 00:30:02,480 --> 00:30:07,680 Speaker 1: And so I think that leads into our tip number five, 537 00:30:07,920 --> 00:30:12,560 Speaker 1: which is to set boundaries and be true to yourself. Right. 538 00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:17,880 Speaker 1: So whether that's giving yourself that space to self soothed 539 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:23,920 Speaker 1: and letting family and friends know that, hey, I know 540 00:30:24,000 --> 00:30:27,400 Speaker 1: you are expecting me to be happy and marry right now, 541 00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:33,480 Speaker 1: but this isn't happening for me right now, and asking 542 00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:36,960 Speaker 1: for them to give you that space to not be 543 00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:40,880 Speaker 1: okay for a little bit, or to not be fully 544 00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:44,800 Speaker 1: excited even though you may be present, you're not it's 545 00:30:44,840 --> 00:30:49,320 Speaker 1: hard to be excited because either you're upset about the 546 00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:56,959 Speaker 1: breakup or it's hard to be at mama's house and 547 00:30:57,520 --> 00:31:02,320 Speaker 1: Mamma isn't here. Let yourself feel those feelings and communicate 548 00:31:02,360 --> 00:31:06,320 Speaker 1: that that's a boundary for you and be and that 549 00:31:06,400 --> 00:31:10,360 Speaker 1: allows you to truly honor yourself and your space and 550 00:31:10,400 --> 00:31:13,920 Speaker 1: your feelings. Another way that we in which we can 551 00:31:14,000 --> 00:31:17,680 Speaker 1: also set boundaries and be true to ourselves. Let's say, 552 00:31:18,360 --> 00:31:20,040 Speaker 1: and I know that this has come up a lot 553 00:31:20,160 --> 00:31:26,080 Speaker 1: for new parents, that you've just had a baby, and 554 00:31:27,520 --> 00:31:31,320 Speaker 1: normally you and your partner will fly across the country 555 00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:36,480 Speaker 1: to be with your families, but you're hesitant to get 556 00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:40,959 Speaker 1: on the plane with a new baby, or maybe you 557 00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:45,720 Speaker 1: are too exhausted from adjusting to new parenting that you 558 00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:50,920 Speaker 1: don't have the energy to pack bags and plan a 559 00:31:50,960 --> 00:31:55,480 Speaker 1: cross country trip with an infant, which your family is 560 00:31:55,520 --> 00:32:00,000 Speaker 1: expecting you because the tradition is that everybody shows up 561 00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:05,360 Speaker 1: at mama's house. Well, if that is not within you 562 00:32:05,440 --> 00:32:09,440 Speaker 1: this year, it is okay to set that boundary and 563 00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:14,680 Speaker 1: say I'm gonna miss not being able to be present 564 00:32:15,960 --> 00:32:21,280 Speaker 1: all for the big semi family reunion at Mama's house, 565 00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:24,160 Speaker 1: but right now. 566 00:32:25,800 --> 00:32:26,760 Speaker 3: We can't do it. 567 00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:32,440 Speaker 1: We want to spend the holidays in our own house. 568 00:32:35,760 --> 00:32:38,440 Speaker 2: Yep. And I think your peace of mind is more 569 00:32:38,480 --> 00:32:41,440 Speaker 2: important than you know how someone feels about what you said. 570 00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:43,800 Speaker 2: You gotta do what's best for you, and that reminds 571 00:32:43,840 --> 00:32:45,640 Speaker 2: me also, Dom and we talked about this in our 572 00:32:45,680 --> 00:32:48,160 Speaker 2: boundary episode. I forget what season it was in, but 573 00:32:48,680 --> 00:32:51,880 Speaker 2: check the archives for that Boundary episode for more details here. 574 00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:55,320 Speaker 2: But one other thing is, you know, when you're meeting 575 00:32:55,320 --> 00:32:58,760 Speaker 2: with family, sometimes you got that. Usually for me, it's like, 576 00:32:59,000 --> 00:33:01,040 Speaker 2: you know, you might have a a creepy uncle that 577 00:33:01,080 --> 00:33:02,960 Speaker 2: everybody I felt like everybody talks about having like a 578 00:33:02,960 --> 00:33:04,680 Speaker 2: creepy uncle, or they're trying to hug up on you 579 00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:07,200 Speaker 2: and you're like, uh, you're doing too much. So setting 580 00:33:07,200 --> 00:33:10,360 Speaker 2: a boundary there. I think one that works well if 581 00:33:10,400 --> 00:33:12,280 Speaker 2: you're looking for one is you know, as soon as 582 00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:13,960 Speaker 2: you walk in, just oh, I'm fun a little under 583 00:33:14,000 --> 00:33:16,360 Speaker 2: the weather, and you just kind of put that out there. 584 00:33:16,400 --> 00:33:18,080 Speaker 2: So if anyone tries to reach for a hug, that's 585 00:33:18,440 --> 00:33:20,160 Speaker 2: the go to. Yeah, it might be a white lie, 586 00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:22,640 Speaker 2: but whatever whatever allows you to set that boundary so 587 00:33:22,720 --> 00:33:25,680 Speaker 2: no one has to touch you unnecessarily. Oh I'm under 588 00:33:25,680 --> 00:33:28,520 Speaker 2: the weather. Kind of giving the elbow or you know, 589 00:33:28,600 --> 00:33:30,280 Speaker 2: shake hands or whatever you might want to do is 590 00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:33,040 Speaker 2: opposed to hugging. And that might be a way to 591 00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:35,480 Speaker 2: set a boundary so that you can respect to yourself, 592 00:33:35,520 --> 00:33:37,240 Speaker 2: to your person, and also be true to you. 593 00:33:39,000 --> 00:33:44,840 Speaker 1: Yes, And I think as you continue to be true 594 00:33:44,880 --> 00:33:47,640 Speaker 1: to you and set those boundaries, what that may mean 595 00:33:48,000 --> 00:33:54,920 Speaker 1: is our final tip being open to new traditions. So 596 00:33:55,120 --> 00:33:58,760 Speaker 1: t I'm gonna look to you because you've been married 597 00:33:58,800 --> 00:34:03,640 Speaker 1: for a little bit, right, m h, what are some 598 00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:08,160 Speaker 1: new traditions that you and your husband kind of established 599 00:34:08,200 --> 00:34:09,480 Speaker 1: after you all got married. 600 00:34:10,480 --> 00:34:13,120 Speaker 2: Girl, that's a good one because we have totally gone 601 00:34:13,200 --> 00:34:17,440 Speaker 2: non traditional. Let's see, for us, we've been going to 602 00:34:17,520 --> 00:34:21,359 Speaker 2: the movies on Christmas on Christmas Day, which I didn't 603 00:34:21,400 --> 00:34:24,480 Speaker 2: realize that's actually a thing like people. That's like people 604 00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:26,560 Speaker 2: do that for me. Growing up, we used to always 605 00:34:26,640 --> 00:34:28,520 Speaker 2: just be in church, so I never knew what anybody 606 00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:30,319 Speaker 2: else is doing. I was like this is where we at, 607 00:34:30,600 --> 00:34:32,760 Speaker 2: but we've started going to the movies, and the movies 608 00:34:33,280 --> 00:34:36,000 Speaker 2: it's usually jam packed, right. We might go to breakfast 609 00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:38,920 Speaker 2: that's usually packed, people are out having breakfast, and then 610 00:34:39,440 --> 00:34:41,960 Speaker 2: we go to the movies to see what's opening. You know, 611 00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:44,960 Speaker 2: it's coming out own on Christmas Day, And that's one 612 00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:48,880 Speaker 2: virtual We've also been staying home for us, home in 613 00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:51,080 Speaker 2: San Francisco, as opposed to us being on the East 614 00:34:51,120 --> 00:34:53,600 Speaker 2: Coast where we're both from, and so we used to 615 00:34:53,680 --> 00:34:56,440 Speaker 2: go see our families during the Christmas or the holiday season, 616 00:34:56,480 --> 00:34:58,520 Speaker 2: but now we stay at our place and we just 617 00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:02,080 Speaker 2: do whatever we feel. So whether I cook for the 618 00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:04,200 Speaker 2: holiday or we're like, oh, we're just gonna go out, 619 00:35:04,200 --> 00:35:05,799 Speaker 2: we just do whatever we feel. And we don't really 620 00:35:05,800 --> 00:35:08,279 Speaker 2: put a lot of expectations around us, so we go 621 00:35:08,360 --> 00:35:10,600 Speaker 2: with the flow. But I think that when we have 622 00:35:10,640 --> 00:35:13,920 Speaker 2: a little person, we'll probably it'll probably look even more different. Right, Well, 623 00:35:13,960 --> 00:35:16,719 Speaker 2: then have new traditions based on that the you know, 624 00:35:16,760 --> 00:35:20,080 Speaker 2: the baby. So for now it's pretty low key and chill. 625 00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:26,279 Speaker 1: Well, I think what you said was about going with 626 00:35:26,360 --> 00:35:30,759 Speaker 1: the flow and doing things non traditionally. Sounds like that 627 00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:34,360 Speaker 1: is a tradition for y'all is too. Each year we 628 00:35:34,560 --> 00:35:39,040 Speaker 1: do something that is based on being true to ourselves. 629 00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:41,359 Speaker 1: And so that's your tradition, is to just be true 630 00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:41,680 Speaker 1: to you. 631 00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:46,680 Speaker 2: Yep, that's right, girl, that's right, and I love it 632 00:35:46,719 --> 00:35:50,200 Speaker 2: because just in general, when it comes to ginger roles 633 00:35:50,239 --> 00:35:53,960 Speaker 2: and chores and just different things that we do, we 634 00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:56,319 Speaker 2: we don't really listen to what other people, you know, 635 00:35:56,520 --> 00:35:59,359 Speaker 2: say people should do, or you know, what society says. 636 00:35:59,400 --> 00:36:03,480 Speaker 2: I think really setting a president for what works for you, 637 00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:05,719 Speaker 2: you know, and I think just being true to that 638 00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:07,480 Speaker 2: and being okay with it because it's your life. At 639 00:36:07,520 --> 00:36:08,920 Speaker 2: the end of the day, you have to live with it. 640 00:36:09,280 --> 00:36:12,560 Speaker 2: And so just to do a quick recap for our 641 00:36:12,640 --> 00:36:15,520 Speaker 2: six ways to manage the holiday blues, we have volunteering 642 00:36:15,600 --> 00:36:18,640 Speaker 2: for number one, we have number two, maintain as much 643 00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:21,879 Speaker 2: of your normal routine as possible. Number three is fine 644 00:36:21,960 --> 00:36:25,160 Speaker 2: healthy ways to cope with the recent and breakup. Number 645 00:36:25,200 --> 00:36:28,080 Speaker 2: four let yourself feel the feelings when they come up 646 00:36:28,080 --> 00:36:31,319 Speaker 2: as you cope with different things in life. Number five 647 00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:33,920 Speaker 2: is set boundaries and be true to yourself. And number 648 00:36:33,960 --> 00:36:35,399 Speaker 2: six is be open. 649 00:36:35,560 --> 00:36:40,960 Speaker 1: To new traditions and Lady, as you are moving into 650 00:36:41,000 --> 00:36:46,600 Speaker 1: this holiday season, we hope that your holiday season is 651 00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:51,560 Speaker 1: filled with all of the things that make you feel 652 00:36:51,680 --> 00:36:54,040 Speaker 1: like you whatever that looks like. 653 00:36:55,239 --> 00:36:58,239 Speaker 2: And I do want to say, y'all have to check 654 00:36:58,320 --> 00:37:01,479 Speaker 2: out these holiday sees the memes dom Have you seen 655 00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:03,960 Speaker 2: some of these memes that come up every holiday season? 656 00:37:05,360 --> 00:37:08,760 Speaker 2: One of the hashtags is Thanksgiving with black Families? 657 00:37:09,520 --> 00:37:14,600 Speaker 1: Oh yes, yes that I mean that has me cracking 658 00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:15,840 Speaker 1: up every year. 659 00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:16,959 Speaker 2: Every year. 660 00:37:17,680 --> 00:37:24,520 Speaker 1: Adding a little comedy into your holidays Twitter, hashtags, Instagram 661 00:37:24,760 --> 00:37:29,520 Speaker 1: is a way to find the comedy around the holidays. 662 00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:31,480 Speaker 2: And I just want to say one of my all 663 00:37:31,600 --> 00:37:34,759 Speaker 2: time favorites is a picture where they have I think 664 00:37:34,760 --> 00:37:38,160 Speaker 2: it's like a bunch of family members with their eyes 665 00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:42,120 Speaker 2: are red and then the caption said something like when 666 00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:45,319 Speaker 2: when you and your uncle say you're gonna go to 667 00:37:45,360 --> 00:37:47,640 Speaker 2: the store real quick, you know how that goes. We 668 00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:49,160 Speaker 2: are like, oh, we'll have to go to the store, 669 00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:51,080 Speaker 2: and they come back and it's like everybody's high what 670 00:37:51,120 --> 00:37:55,160 Speaker 2: the hell y'all doing on the way to That is 671 00:37:55,200 --> 00:37:57,120 Speaker 2: one of my favorite memes. I'm like, oh, that is 672 00:37:57,160 --> 00:37:59,360 Speaker 2: like my family right there. I can resonate with that deeply. 673 00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:02,319 Speaker 2: But I also do want to shout out anyone that 674 00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:05,120 Speaker 2: just had one of those interesting holiday situations. So, whether 675 00:38:05,160 --> 00:38:07,920 Speaker 2: you're a single mom, a single dad, you have a 676 00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:10,960 Speaker 2: family member in jail, or you're just coping, you know, 677 00:38:11,000 --> 00:38:12,759 Speaker 2: with the loss of loved ones, or you're just by 678 00:38:12,800 --> 00:38:15,440 Speaker 2: yourself for the holiday season, you know, just shout out 679 00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:19,520 Speaker 2: to you or send you positive vibes and light and 680 00:38:19,560 --> 00:38:22,080 Speaker 2: we hope that you have a great holiday season. You 681 00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:24,480 Speaker 2: still have a few weeks to prepare, so get your 682 00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:26,360 Speaker 2: game plan in place, use some of the tips that 683 00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:29,319 Speaker 2: we've used, and try to find a self care plan 684 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:33,760 Speaker 2: for yourself as you tackle this interesting season. 685 00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:38,840 Speaker 1: Thanks for joining us today in her Space. Please note 686 00:38:38,920 --> 00:38:43,320 Speaker 1: that our show may contain conversations about self help, advice, 687 00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:47,120 Speaker 1: self empowerment, and mental health, but it is by no 688 00:38:47,280 --> 00:38:50,560 Speaker 1: means meant to be a substitute for an ongoing formal 689 00:38:50,640 --> 00:38:55,360 Speaker 1: relationship with a trained mental health provider. If you or 690 00:38:55,360 --> 00:38:58,280 Speaker 1: someone you know is in need of mental health care, 691 00:38:58,800 --> 00:39:02,560 Speaker 1: please visit the the PEO for Black Girls directory Psychology 692 00:39:02,560 --> 00:39:05,360 Speaker 1: Today or contact your insurance provider. 693 00:39:06,040 --> 00:39:07,719 Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard and want to keep 694 00:39:07,719 --> 00:39:11,120 Speaker 2: the conversation going, connect with us on Facebook, Instagram, and 695 00:39:11,239 --> 00:39:16,279 Speaker 2: Twitter at Herspace podcast, or check out our website at 696 00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:20,480 Speaker 2: herspace podcast dot com. And before we meet again, repeat 697 00:39:20,520 --> 00:39:23,480 Speaker 2: after me, I know that everything is working out for 698 00:39:23,560 --> 00:39:26,600 Speaker 2: my good, even when things don't go as planned. 699 00:39:27,160 --> 00:39:28,560 Speaker 1: We'll see you next week, lady,