Speaker 1: When you trust someone, it means if you share your
Speaker 1: emotions with them, you believe they'll take them seriously. When
Speaker 1: you share your heart with them, you believe they'll hold
Speaker 1: it gently. When you share your dreams with them, you
Speaker 1: believe that they'll be excited for you. Trust is when
Speaker 1: you feel such a safe space that you can truly
Speaker 1: be yourself without holding back. The number one health and
Speaker 1: wellness podcast, Say said he Everyone, welcome back to On Purpose.
Speaker 1: Thank you for tuning in for another episode. If you're
Speaker 1: in a relationship and want to know if it's the
Speaker 1: right or wrong one, this episode is for you. If
Speaker 1: you're newly dating and you're trying to figure out how
Speaker 1: to build a deeper connection, this episode is for you.
Speaker 1: And if you're exhausted of dating and it's feeling like
Speaker 1: a job ature something you have to get to, this
Speaker 1: episode is for you. Now. I want to start off
Speaker 1: by saying that dating has become extremely challenging. We know
Speaker 1: it's hard, we know it's complicated. But here's the thing,
Speaker 1: it's not that it's ever been that easy. Sure people
Speaker 1: may have found people quicker. Sure people may have found
Speaker 1: people closer to them, easier that knew their family, But
Speaker 1: that didn't mean it led to healthy, fulfilling relationships. I'm
Speaker 1: sure you've seen aunts and uncles, maybe even parents, people
Speaker 1: around you who didn't model or have the best relationships.
Speaker 1: And therefore, finding connection is something that requires work. It
Speaker 1: is something that requires time. And so I think sometimes
Speaker 1: we have this nostalgia effect that everyone who came before
Speaker 1: us found love, and everyone who came before us found
Speaker 1: the perfect person, and that for some reason, for us
Speaker 1: it has got more hard. Now. I'm not saying that
Speaker 1: the day to day may not feel harder. I'm not
Speaker 1: saying that the day to day isn't more challenging. And
Speaker 1: there are more aspects of ghosting and gaslighting and everything
Speaker 1: else that's happening. But I will add this, The possibility
Speaker 1: for you to attract love into your life exists every
Speaker 1: single day, but it's important that we come at it
Speaker 1: from a place of love, not from a place of anxiety.
Speaker 1: Anxiety doesn't attract peace. Anxiety attracts more anxiety, It attracts
Speaker 1: more nervousness, it attracts more awkwardness, it attracts more discomfort.
Speaker 1: But when we're in a place of peace, we're able
Speaker 1: to spot and attract more peace. Now, deeper connection and
Speaker 1: my fascination with it is what led me to partner
Speaker 1: up with Match. And something I've always loved about Match
Speaker 1: is that they've done their annual Singles in America study,
Speaker 1: and last year they revealed the top traits singles are
Speaker 1: looking for in a partner. Ninety four percent said someone
Speaker 1: they can trust and confide in, ninety two percent said
Speaker 1: someone who's comfortable communicating their wants and needs, ninety two
Speaker 1: percent said someone who is emotionally mature, and ninety two
Speaker 1: percent said someone who can make them laugh. Now, I
Speaker 1: just want you to take a moment. If you've just
Speaker 1: started dating, how many of you say this thing? But
Speaker 1: then an it gets in the way when you're actually dating.
Speaker 1: Maybe you don't like the fact that they wear jewelry,
Speaker 1: maybe you don't like their dress sense, maybe you don't
Speaker 1: like their hairstyle, maybe you don't like some weird quirk
Speaker 1: they have. But what has that got to do with
Speaker 1: someone you can trust and confide in. Sure, I'm not
Speaker 1: saying to ignore attractiveness or chemistry, but so often we
Speaker 1: get fixated on this one element, this one idiosyncrasy of
Speaker 1: theirs that it kind of cascades across the rest of
Speaker 1: who they are. How does the fact that they wear
Speaker 1: jewelry affect whether they're comfortable communicating their wants and needs.
Speaker 1: How does the fact that they have a terrible dress
Speaker 1: sense relate to them being emotionally mature or immature. It's
Speaker 1: really interesting to me how we get caught up on
Speaker 1: these dis and these idiosyncrasies that just distract us away
Speaker 1: from what we actually set out to look for, what
Speaker 1: we actually set out to focus on. And we all
Speaker 1: know today more than ever are times valuable. The study
Speaker 1: shows that seventy three percent of singles only want to
Speaker 1: go on in person dates with someone they already know
Speaker 1: they have good chemistry with. And this can be really
Speaker 1: really challenging because how do you quickly figure out whether
Speaker 1: you have chemistry with someone? And I think chemistry has
Speaker 1: been the red herring or the distraction. Chemistry has been
Speaker 1: that thing, that elusive ethereal idea that almost keeps us
Speaker 1: single because we keep looking for it, We keep searching
Speaker 1: for it. We want the relationship we wanted at sixteen
Speaker 1: years old. We want the relationship we wanted at that age.
Speaker 1: We want the person we were attracted to at that age.
Speaker 1: We want the person that we dreamt of at that age,
Speaker 1: and because we didn't find them at that age, we're
Speaker 1: still looking for them today. So we're now thirty six
Speaker 1: trying to date that sixteen year old. We're now twenty
Speaker 1: eight trying to find that teenage romance that we were
Speaker 1: looking for. There's a lot of us that are living
Speaker 1: in a younger love story than our current age. We're
Speaker 1: living in a mental reality that's younger, that isn't real
Speaker 1: right now, and it's keeping us distracted and keeping us
Speaker 1: fully fixated on the wrong things. So one of Match's
Speaker 1: most popular features that I worked on with them is
Speaker 1: the Core Values feature, where singles can share what matters
Speaker 1: to the most and find people who prioritize the same
Speaker 1: things as they do. Just for signing up, I will
Speaker 1: send you my ten deep dive questions to get to
Speaker 1: know someone on a deeper level. We want to help
Speaker 1: people shift from a superficial mindset to a values mindset.
Speaker 1: In addition to our bespoke Core Values feature on Match,
Speaker 1: we've added Deep Dives, a way to choose the topic
Speaker 1: and share what you want and share what you value
Speaker 1: and why it's important to you. I want to invite
Speaker 1: you all to put these lessons into practice with me,
Speaker 1: I'm partnering with Match to create something that has never
Speaker 1: been done before. To be the first to know more
Speaker 1: about our new dating reset sign up for the waitlist
Speaker 1: at datingreset dot match dot com, Datingreset dot weightlist dot com.
Speaker 1: Now that's so important to me because if we're saying
Speaker 1: the number one thing we want is someone we can
Speaker 1: trust and confide in, well, that starts on day one, right,
Speaker 1: that starts on day one. And among the Match community, honesty, love,
Speaker 1: and loyalty are currently the top values chosen across all demographics,
Speaker 1: and that says a lot about what people really want
Speaker 1: in a relationship. And hey, if you connect on that
Speaker 1: at the beginning, you have the chance to build the
Speaker 1: rest of it. I think this is the part that's
Speaker 1: really interesting for me, that you're with the right person
Speaker 1: if you start in the right place. I'll give you
Speaker 1: an example. If I plant a seed and I plant
Speaker 1: it in terrible soil, it's not fertile. I plant it
Speaker 1: in a way where it's not going to get sunlight
Speaker 1: or water. Sure it might grow, and sure I can
Speaker 1: try and save it later, but I'm not giving it
Speaker 1: the best chance of success. And a lot of our
Speaker 1: relationships are like that. They start with the mind games.
Speaker 1: They may start with the manipulation, they start with the
Speaker 1: playing hard to get. That's like having no sun, no water,
Speaker 1: and no fertile soil and hoping that we're going to
Speaker 1: grow love from it, and then we try and rescue it.
Speaker 1: Right when we see a little glimmer of hope, we
Speaker 1: start watering it, we start giving it the right sunlight,
Speaker 1: we start giving it everything else in needs. And we're
Speaker 1: almost always hanging on. But what if you're with the
Speaker 1: right person because you made it right. What if that's
Speaker 1: what it meant to be with the right person, Not
Speaker 1: that you found the right person, but you found a
Speaker 1: person and decided to do it right, and you both
Speaker 1: decided to do it right. That's actually what a healthy
Speaker 1: relationship is. I think we're perplexed. Seventy two percent of
Speaker 1: us believe in tosaulme. And when we say that, we
Speaker 1: mean that there's someone who's perfectly formed, perfectly created, perfectly
Speaker 1: crafted just for us, destined for us. What we're saying
Speaker 1: is we're going to potentially go through eight billion people
Speaker 1: to find that one person. The reality is that most
Speaker 1: healthy relationships are not perfect relationships. Most healthy relationships will
Speaker 1: agree that they weren't made for each other. They may
Speaker 1: feel they were meant for each other, but they'll recognize
Speaker 1: that there's the ability that they both choose to make
Speaker 1: it right. Stop looking for the right person. Find your
Speaker 1: person who wants to make it right with you, and
Speaker 1: you want to make it right with them. You both
Speaker 1: want to make the right choices together, and that's why
Speaker 1: you're right for each other. Not because you're perfect, not
Speaker 1: because you were designed, made or crafted perfectly for each other,
Speaker 1: but because you chose together to make good decisions. And
Speaker 1: you know, I get it. Sometimes you're thinking, well, how
Speaker 1: do I do this on a first date? Or if
Speaker 1: I just started seeing someone, how do I suddenly ask
Speaker 1: these questions? Don't they seem a bit too aggressive? And
Speaker 1: chances are you're probably right. At the same time, you
Speaker 1: want to ask curious questions that actually give the person
Speaker 1: the opportunity to say where they're at. So if you
Speaker 1: say to someone, hey, what's been you know, what's been
Speaker 1: exciting for you lately and they talk about their job,
Speaker 1: you're getting a sense that that's their top priority. Now,
Speaker 1: if you say to someone what's your top priority in life? Sure,
Speaker 1: that's a heavy question to just ask off the bat, right,
Speaker 1: you may ask that, and by the way, that's a
Speaker 1: great question to ask someone that you've been seeing for
Speaker 1: a few months and getting to know quite deeply. And
Speaker 1: you may say, what is your top priority in life? Now?
Speaker 1: My answer would be you should actually already know that,
Speaker 1: And a lot of us don't actually know what our
Speaker 1: partner's top priority in life is. Or we believe what
Speaker 1: they say in answer to that question and not what
Speaker 1: they do. We believe what people say and not how
Speaker 1: they behave when their actions tell us so much more
Speaker 1: about their priorities than their words. What someone does with
Speaker 1: their time, money, and energy shows you what they care about,
Speaker 1: not what they say they care about. What someone does
Speaker 1: and how someone treats you says so much more than
Speaker 1: how they say they think about treating you. And so
Speaker 1: I want you to ask yourself, why aren't you ready
Speaker 1: to ask that question? Hey, what's exciting you the most now?
Speaker 1: When you say that, it could be their career, it
Speaker 1: could be their family, it could be a personal endeavor,
Speaker 1: it could be anything. But you're actually learning so much more.
Speaker 1: And here's the basic thing that we do when we
Speaker 1: hear someone say, oh, I'm really really excited about, you know,
Speaker 1: the holidays right now, We go, yeah, I love the holidays.
Speaker 1: Right We make it about the holidays, whereas we're not
Speaker 1: recognizing that they're showing you what they prioritize. If someone says, oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm absolutely loving this project at work right now, you
Speaker 1: then reflect on what you're doing at work right now,
Speaker 1: rather than recognizing they're showing you it's a priority. And
Speaker 1: so I think questions start, hey, what's most exciting for
Speaker 1: you right now and evolve into hey, what's your priority
Speaker 1: in life right now? And then, by the way, if
Speaker 1: you've been with someone for quite some time, it's what's
Speaker 1: your priority this year? That same curious question, never stop.
Speaker 1: It simply evolves, right, it simply evolves. Now. So, the
Speaker 1: study found that a top turn on with the new
Speaker 1: partner conversation thirty eight percent, and that included deep conversations,
Speaker 1: self disclosure, compliments, and debates. Right, that's what was considered
Speaker 1: good conversation. And fifty two percent of singles feel a
Speaker 1: potential partner is serious about dating them when they're willing
Speaker 1: to talk about their feelings. Now, I find that a
Speaker 1: lot of us struggle to talk to certain people. If
Speaker 1: we're comfortable talking about our feelings. There's a lot of
Speaker 1: people who aren't comfortable about talking about their feelings, and
Speaker 1: that can often feel like they don't care about the relationship.
Speaker 1: And I just want to say something in defense of
Speaker 1: all of those people, because I think a lot of
Speaker 1: people are in that bucket where they just don't feel comfortable.
Speaker 1: They've never been made to feel comfortable. And that doesn't
Speaker 1: mean they don't care. It means that you may need
Speaker 1: to be more patient with them. And this is something
Speaker 1: I've realized over time. When we talk about the right
Speaker 1: and wrong people at the time, the wrong person is
Speaker 1: just someone that we're impatient with. I want to dissect
Speaker 1: this for a second. When you're attracted to someone, you'll
Speaker 1: be much more patient than when you're not attracted to them.
Speaker 1: But the challenge is your patience isn't real. It's just
Speaker 1: the halo effect. Because you're attracted to them, you assume
Speaker 1: they have better qualities, and you really want it to work.
Speaker 1: And we've got to be really careful about this bias
Speaker 1: because it actually can mislead us away from the person
Speaker 1: who's good for us and towards the person who's not
Speaker 1: good for us. And so when you're talking about the
Speaker 1: right and wrong person, again, recognize that patience is something
Speaker 1: you need with anyone. Just make sure it's for the
Speaker 1: right person. And often we apply patients to the wrong
Speaker 1: person because there's other qualities we have that we're enamored by.
Speaker 1: I'll give you an example. Someone was telling me recently
Speaker 1: that they can't see how their partner doesn't recognize that
Speaker 1: their friends don't give them good advice. And what I
Speaker 1: was saying to them is that, well, that person's been
Speaker 1: friends with those people for like ten to fifteen years,
Speaker 1: and even if they are getting bad advice from their friends,
Speaker 1: it may take them another ten to fifteen years to
Speaker 1: realize that. Now you may say, well, I don't have
Speaker 1: that time, and that's totally fine, but you're going to
Speaker 1: find that the next person you meet may need ten
Speaker 1: years of unwiring and unlearning their relationship with their parents.
Speaker 1: Someone else may need to unwire their relationship with food.
Speaker 1: Someone else may need to unwire their relationship with something else.
Speaker 1: So what I find is, whoever you end up with,
Speaker 1: they're going to have to rewire their relationship with something,
Speaker 1: and by the way, you do too. And often what
Speaker 1: we're saying, is I just want to be with someone
Speaker 1: who's not working on anything at all? And that doesn't
Speaker 1: exist right. Everyone's healing. I remember in the monastery we
Speaker 1: were told you're in a hospital. Everyone's healing, everyone's diseased,
Speaker 1: everyone around you is on their own journey. And so
Speaker 1: it's almost like the right partner is figuring it out.
Speaker 1: Who are you okay healing with? Right? Who are you
Speaker 1: okay sharing an area with? Who are you okay sharing
Speaker 1: a space with? And when I say okay, I don't
Speaker 1: mean that it can't be beautiful and wonderful and amazing.
Speaker 1: I mean that's a healthier question to ask. Is is
Speaker 1: this someone that I trust that I can heal with?
Speaker 1: If I share my feelings with this person, are they
Speaker 1: going to take them seriously? If I share my heart
Speaker 1: with this person, are they going to hold it? Let
Speaker 1: me really dig into this. When you trust someone, it
Speaker 1: means if you share your emotions with them, you believe
Speaker 1: they'll take them seriously. When you share your heart with them,
Speaker 1: you believe they'll hold it gently. When you share your
Speaker 1: dreams with them, you believe that they'll be excited for you.
Speaker 1: Trust is when you feel such a safe space that
Speaker 1: you can truly be yourself without holding back and create
Speaker 1: that space for that person as well. So one of
Speaker 1: the ways in which you know that the place you're
Speaker 1: in maybe challenging for you with a person is your
Speaker 1: partner's opinions bother you.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: It could be anything, for example, the way they talk
Speaker 1: about other people. It could be their political affiliations, it
Speaker 1: could be about men and women's roles in society. It
Speaker 1: could be how they treat someone at the restaurant. Right.
Speaker 1: And these are all important things, but there are also
Speaker 1: things that you can learn to address and have more
Speaker 1: thoughtful conversations about. And I think this is a challenge.
Speaker 1: I think we're now living at a red flag's green
Speaker 1: flags time. And what I mean by this is we're saying, hey,
Speaker 1: if you take any of these red flags, you're out,
Speaker 1: and if you take any of these green flags, you're in.
Speaker 1: And the crazy part about that is we're basically saying
Speaker 1: that there are amazing traits and terrible traits. What we're
Speaker 1: not recognizing is that everyone is complex and everyone's going
Speaker 1: to have some red flags. Like the fact that your
Speaker 1: partner has different opinions from you isn't a sign that
Speaker 1: they're the wrong person. It's a sign that maybe you
Speaker 1: need to engage deeper to actually understand them. And if
Speaker 1: they're willing to, that's great, And if they're not willing to,
Speaker 1: that's more of a sign. Right. Someone having different opinions
Speaker 1: is not an issue. It's about whether that person's willing
Speaker 1: to engage and you're willing to engage in a respectful way.
Speaker 1: So much of a relationship is about how you choose
Speaker 1: to engage and respect as opposed to having the same
Speaker 1: ideas and the same thoughts and the same beliefs. Now,
Speaker 1: one thing that you should never ignore is if your
Speaker 1: friends have reservations, you should take them seriously. The reason
Speaker 1: I say this is because a lot of friends and
Speaker 1: you have to know your friends. A lot of your
Speaker 1: friends will struggle to tell you the truth about your
Speaker 1: relationship because they don't want to lose their relationship with you.
Speaker 1: A lot of your friends may struggle to be honest
Speaker 1: with you about your relationship because they're scared that you
Speaker 1: may be hurt. A lot of your friends may not
Speaker 1: be real with you about your relationship because they're wondering
Speaker 1: if you choose to be in it forever. Then they
Speaker 1: will also have to have a relationship with that person,
Speaker 1: which is why if your friend opens up to you,
Speaker 1: it's worth taking seriously. Which is why if they have
Speaker 1: the courage to share something with you, it's worth listening
Speaker 1: because it was so hard for them to do that
Speaker 1: in the first place. Now you have to know your friends.
Speaker 1: You may also have friends you just love to have
Speaker 1: opinions about anything, everyone, and everything, and that may not
Speaker 1: be valued at the same level as what I was
Speaker 1: just talking about. But most of the time we call
Speaker 1: people our friends for a reason. They know us. They've
Speaker 1: seen us at our best and our worst. They know
Speaker 1: everything about us. They might even know things about us
Speaker 1: we're not even aware of ourselves. The point is our
Speaker 1: friends look out for our best interests and want us
Speaker 1: to succeed most of the time. And that's why there
Speaker 1: are friends. So why are they acting so strange around
Speaker 1: your partner? Why do you find yourselves by mutual agreement
Speaker 1: seeing your friend solo most of the time. Now, it's
Speaker 1: really important to use that data to ask them because
Speaker 1: what most of us do, and this is another challenge.
Speaker 1: This is how you know you're getting something wrong is
Speaker 1: you isolate yourself. And by the way, it's natural when
Speaker 1: you like someone you isolate yourself from your friends and
Speaker 1: you only hang out with that partner. Right, And by
Speaker 1: the way, we all do this, And if we're sitting
Speaker 1: here going well, that person should be reminding me to
Speaker 1: spend time with my friends. I'm here to tell you
Speaker 1: you should be reminding yourself and them to spend time
Speaker 1: with their friends. If someone is too clingy, or if
Speaker 1: you're getting too clingy or attached, it's important you remind
Speaker 1: each other, and most of all, you remind yourself that
Speaker 1: it's important to keep deepening your other relationships. Right, it's
Speaker 1: easy to get lost in a relationship with your partner.
Speaker 1: It's more important to make sure that you have other
Speaker 1: friendships that are healthy as well. Now, an important part
Speaker 1: of whether you're with the right person or not is
Speaker 1: whether you're community pation needs match or don't match. Maybe
Speaker 1: you're someone who enjoys chronicling your day with another person,
Speaker 1: or maybe you're someone who likes checking in via text
Speaker 1: with your partner throughout the day. Are you and your
Speaker 1: partner of the same mind about this or does your
Speaker 1: partner get annoyed when you text them? Or are something
Speaker 1: important to say or worse, don't respond, or perhaps you're
Speaker 1: a person who's upfront and honest about your feelings, and
Speaker 1: you find yourself involved with someone who has a lot
Speaker 1: of buried, unexcavated stuff going on, or who seems defended
Speaker 1: or uses humor to distract from their emotions. Maybe you
Speaker 1: like to go deep, whereas there's someone who likes keeping
Speaker 1: things light and superficial. Now, this isn't an issue in
Speaker 1: the sense that you can't be in a relationship with
Speaker 1: this person. But the question mark is are you patient
Speaker 1: enough for them to change? And are you okay if
Speaker 1: they don't? That's really the question we have to ask
Speaker 1: ourselves in a hard relationship. Are you patient enough to
Speaker 1: wait for them to change? And are you okay if
Speaker 1: they never change? That's the real truth, right, that's the
Speaker 1: hard truth, And if you think about it carefully, this
Speaker 1: is quite common. It's very normal for one person in
Speaker 1: the relationships to not be able to open up, and
Speaker 1: a lot of the times the other person wants to
Speaker 1: open up too much. Right, We're both at either end
Speaker 1: of the spectrum. One person wants to talk about everything
Speaker 1: all of the time and the other person doesn't want
Speaker 1: to talk about anything. And so those are the areas
Speaker 1: in our life where we have to strike a healthy balance.
Speaker 1: We have to recognize that maybe some of our wanting
Speaker 1: to check in all the time is anxiety based, and
Speaker 1: maybe some of their not wanting to check in is
Speaker 1: anxiety based. Right, that's the kicker. That's what's so interesting
Speaker 1: that we want to check in with them all the
Speaker 1: time and know what's going on because we're anxious, but
Speaker 1: they don't want to talk about things because they're anxious
Speaker 1: about something else. And this is what I really want
Speaker 1: to encourage. Relationships are about healing as long as they're
Speaker 1: not emotionally, verbally, physically abusive. Those are not including in
Speaker 1: this conversation about what I'm talking about. Those are ones
Speaker 1: that you should seek professional support, You should not stick
Speaker 1: around out of pressure. But when you really think about it,
Speaker 1: a lot of the stuff we have challenges with with
Speaker 1: our partner is because we're not letting them heal and
Speaker 1: they're not letting us heal. Most relationships have a healing
Speaker 1: problem that causes hurt as opposed to another type of problem.
Speaker 1: It's a healing problem. We don't want to give the
Speaker 1: person space to heal. We expect them to be healed,
Speaker 1: and they're not giving us the space to heal. And
Speaker 1: the challenge is we think we're trying to heal and
Speaker 1: fix that person, not realizing we're being pulled and pushed
Speaker 1: to heal parts of ourselves. That's really what's being demanded
Speaker 1: in a relationship. What's really being demanded in most relationships
Speaker 1: is can we heal right? Now? A relationship can be
Speaker 1: the wrong relationship if they don't respect you right, if
Speaker 1: they don't want to give you an opportunity to pursue
Speaker 1: your career, if they don't care about your professional life,
Speaker 1: if they expect you to support theirs, and these are
Speaker 1: all common things. Sadly, I've known a lot of people who,
Speaker 1: sadly where men in a patriarchal society have certain expectations
Speaker 1: of women that are unfair. They expect that the woman
Speaker 1: should not work, they expect the women should take care
Speaker 1: of their parents. And there are all of these old
Speaker 1: fashioned views, and they cause rifts in relationships because the
Speaker 1: person doesn't feel heard. Do they treat you like a
Speaker 1: human right? That has to be what the right relationship is.
Speaker 1: And if your dreams are diminishing, you're in the wrong relationship.
Speaker 1: Maybe you've always loved to travel, Maybe the future fantasy
Speaker 1: of yourself and the wilderness. Maybe you've always wanted to
Speaker 1: spend time in Italy, or you've had your eye on
Speaker 1: taking a teacher training course in yoga, maybe you love
Speaker 1: to dance, and maybe just maybe your partner isn't into
Speaker 1: any of these things. But that's okay. But now they're
Speaker 1: dismissing it. They dismiss it as an unrealistic fantasy. I
Speaker 1: think also, there are so many of us that just
Speaker 1: don't feel our dreams are supported by a partner. Now
Speaker 1: I don't mean financially, because that's a conversation, but what
Speaker 1: I've realized is a lot of people don't believe in
Speaker 1: our dreams because they don't believe in their own They
Speaker 1: never had someone who believed in them, so they don't
Speaker 1: have the capacity to believe in you. And the question
Speaker 1: you have to ask yourself is am I willing to
Speaker 1: be the one to shift because this person has so
Speaker 1: much depth, this person has great qualities, great abilities, or
Speaker 1: am I not ready to do that? And you're well
Speaker 1: within your rights to make that choice, well within your
Speaker 1: right to make that choice. This is why I think
Speaker 1: when you start dating or restart dating, or even if
Speaker 1: you've been in a relationship for a while, find out
Speaker 1: someone's values quick and that's why I created the valuesspace
Speaker 1: on match dot com where you can actually find out
Speaker 1: your values, your partner's values, and connect on that. And
Speaker 1: I also want to say that in addition to our
Speaker 1: bespoke Core Values feature on Match, we've added deep Dives,
Speaker 1: a way to choose a topic and share what you
Speaker 1: value and why it's important to you. And I want
Speaker 1: to invite you all to put these lessons into practice
Speaker 1: with me. I'm partnering with Match to create something that
Speaker 1: has never been done before. You will have the opportunity
Speaker 1: to join other singles to date with intention based on
Speaker 1: your values and a deeper connection. If you're not single,
Speaker 1: please share this episode with a friend to help them
Speaker 1: change their mindset. Join the waitlist at datingreset dot match
Speaker 1: dot com datingreset dot waitlist dot com. And I'll say
Speaker 1: this too, this episode's for anyone, even if you're with someone,
Speaker 1: you're not with someone, because a lot of us don't
Speaker 1: really know our partners that deeply, and it's never too
Speaker 1: late to start. Thank you for listening. Remember I'm always
Speaker 1: rooting for you and forever in your corner. I hope
Speaker 1: this helps. If you love this episode, you're going to
Speaker 1: love my conversation with Matthew Hussey on how to get
Speaker 1: over your ex and find true love in your relationships.
Speaker 2: People should be compassionate to themselves that extend that compassion
Speaker 2: to your future self, because truly extending your compassion to
Speaker 2: your future self is doing something that gives him or
Speaker 2: her a shot at a happy and a peaceful life.