1 00:00:00,200 --> 00:00:04,040 Speaker 1: When you trust someone, it means if you share your 2 00:00:04,080 --> 00:00:08,639 Speaker 1: emotions with them, you believe they'll take them seriously. When 3 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 1: you share your heart with them, you believe they'll hold 4 00:00:12,320 --> 00:00:16,560 Speaker 1: it gently. When you share your dreams with them, you 5 00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:20,960 Speaker 1: believe that they'll be excited for you. Trust is when 6 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:24,360 Speaker 1: you feel such a safe space that you can truly 7 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:28,680 Speaker 1: be yourself without holding back. The number one health and 8 00:00:28,720 --> 00:00:38,519 Speaker 1: wellness podcast, Say said he Everyone, welcome back to On Purpose. 9 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:42,320 Speaker 1: Thank you for tuning in for another episode. If you're 10 00:00:42,360 --> 00:00:45,080 Speaker 1: in a relationship and want to know if it's the 11 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:49,239 Speaker 1: right or wrong one, this episode is for you. If 12 00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:52,400 Speaker 1: you're newly dating and you're trying to figure out how 13 00:00:52,479 --> 00:00:56,400 Speaker 1: to build a deeper connection, this episode is for you. 14 00:00:57,040 --> 00:01:00,640 Speaker 1: And if you're exhausted of dating and it's feeling like 15 00:01:00,760 --> 00:01:04,960 Speaker 1: a job ature something you have to get to, this 16 00:01:05,400 --> 00:01:08,800 Speaker 1: episode is for you. Now. I want to start off 17 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:13,920 Speaker 1: by saying that dating has become extremely challenging. We know 18 00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:17,880 Speaker 1: it's hard, we know it's complicated. But here's the thing, 19 00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:22,200 Speaker 1: it's not that it's ever been that easy. Sure people 20 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:25,880 Speaker 1: may have found people quicker. Sure people may have found 21 00:01:26,040 --> 00:01:30,280 Speaker 1: people closer to them, easier that knew their family, But 22 00:01:30,400 --> 00:01:34,319 Speaker 1: that didn't mean it led to healthy, fulfilling relationships. I'm 23 00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:38,240 Speaker 1: sure you've seen aunts and uncles, maybe even parents, people 24 00:01:38,319 --> 00:01:42,440 Speaker 1: around you who didn't model or have the best relationships. 25 00:01:42,959 --> 00:01:47,400 Speaker 1: And therefore, finding connection is something that requires work. It 26 00:01:47,560 --> 00:01:50,760 Speaker 1: is something that requires time. And so I think sometimes 27 00:01:50,840 --> 00:01:55,120 Speaker 1: we have this nostalgia effect that everyone who came before 28 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:58,000 Speaker 1: us found love, and everyone who came before us found 29 00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:01,680 Speaker 1: the perfect person, and that for some reason, for us 30 00:02:01,960 --> 00:02:04,720 Speaker 1: it has got more hard. Now. I'm not saying that 31 00:02:04,840 --> 00:02:07,240 Speaker 1: the day to day may not feel harder. I'm not 32 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:09,639 Speaker 1: saying that the day to day isn't more challenging. And 33 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:14,760 Speaker 1: there are more aspects of ghosting and gaslighting and everything 34 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:19,520 Speaker 1: else that's happening. But I will add this, The possibility 35 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:25,720 Speaker 1: for you to attract love into your life exists every 36 00:02:26,120 --> 00:02:30,160 Speaker 1: single day, but it's important that we come at it 37 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:34,480 Speaker 1: from a place of love, not from a place of anxiety. 38 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:43,440 Speaker 1: Anxiety doesn't attract peace. Anxiety attracts more anxiety, It attracts 39 00:02:43,520 --> 00:02:49,399 Speaker 1: more nervousness, it attracts more awkwardness, it attracts more discomfort. 40 00:02:50,560 --> 00:02:53,440 Speaker 1: But when we're in a place of peace, we're able 41 00:02:53,520 --> 00:03:00,359 Speaker 1: to spot and attract more peace. Now, deeper connection and 42 00:03:00,760 --> 00:03:03,840 Speaker 1: my fascination with it is what led me to partner 43 00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:07,600 Speaker 1: up with Match. And something I've always loved about Match 44 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:10,920 Speaker 1: is that they've done their annual Singles in America study, 45 00:03:11,600 --> 00:03:15,080 Speaker 1: and last year they revealed the top traits singles are 46 00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:20,120 Speaker 1: looking for in a partner. Ninety four percent said someone 47 00:03:20,240 --> 00:03:25,480 Speaker 1: they can trust and confide in, ninety two percent said 48 00:03:25,560 --> 00:03:30,919 Speaker 1: someone who's comfortable communicating their wants and needs, ninety two 49 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:35,680 Speaker 1: percent said someone who is emotionally mature, and ninety two 50 00:03:35,800 --> 00:03:39,640 Speaker 1: percent said someone who can make them laugh. Now, I 51 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:41,560 Speaker 1: just want you to take a moment. If you've just 52 00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:45,960 Speaker 1: started dating, how many of you say this thing? But 53 00:03:46,160 --> 00:03:49,880 Speaker 1: then an it gets in the way when you're actually dating. 54 00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:53,680 Speaker 1: Maybe you don't like the fact that they wear jewelry, 55 00:03:54,240 --> 00:03:56,760 Speaker 1: maybe you don't like their dress sense, maybe you don't 56 00:03:56,880 --> 00:04:01,280 Speaker 1: like their hairstyle, maybe you don't like some weird quirk 57 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:04,640 Speaker 1: they have. But what has that got to do with 58 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:07,680 Speaker 1: someone you can trust and confide in. Sure, I'm not 59 00:04:07,840 --> 00:04:12,120 Speaker 1: saying to ignore attractiveness or chemistry, but so often we 60 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:17,360 Speaker 1: get fixated on this one element, this one idiosyncrasy of 61 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:20,520 Speaker 1: theirs that it kind of cascades across the rest of 62 00:04:20,560 --> 00:04:23,200 Speaker 1: who they are. How does the fact that they wear 63 00:04:23,320 --> 00:04:27,799 Speaker 1: jewelry affect whether they're comfortable communicating their wants and needs. 64 00:04:28,640 --> 00:04:30,839 Speaker 1: How does the fact that they have a terrible dress 65 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:36,560 Speaker 1: sense relate to them being emotionally mature or immature. It's 66 00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:40,000 Speaker 1: really interesting to me how we get caught up on 67 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:45,599 Speaker 1: these dis and these idiosyncrasies that just distract us away 68 00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:48,960 Speaker 1: from what we actually set out to look for, what 69 00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:52,520 Speaker 1: we actually set out to focus on. And we all 70 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:56,200 Speaker 1: know today more than ever are times valuable. The study 71 00:04:56,279 --> 00:04:59,840 Speaker 1: shows that seventy three percent of singles only want to 72 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:03,280 Speaker 1: go on in person dates with someone they already know 73 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:07,080 Speaker 1: they have good chemistry with. And this can be really 74 00:05:07,160 --> 00:05:11,440 Speaker 1: really challenging because how do you quickly figure out whether 75 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:16,680 Speaker 1: you have chemistry with someone? And I think chemistry has 76 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:21,000 Speaker 1: been the red herring or the distraction. Chemistry has been 77 00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:26,840 Speaker 1: that thing, that elusive ethereal idea that almost keeps us 78 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:30,560 Speaker 1: single because we keep looking for it, We keep searching 79 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:34,719 Speaker 1: for it. We want the relationship we wanted at sixteen 80 00:05:34,839 --> 00:05:39,440 Speaker 1: years old. We want the relationship we wanted at that age. 81 00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:43,159 Speaker 1: We want the person we were attracted to at that age. 82 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:46,320 Speaker 1: We want the person that we dreamt of at that age, 83 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:49,880 Speaker 1: and because we didn't find them at that age, we're 84 00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:53,720 Speaker 1: still looking for them today. So we're now thirty six 85 00:05:53,839 --> 00:05:57,320 Speaker 1: trying to date that sixteen year old. We're now twenty 86 00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:01,880 Speaker 1: eight trying to find that teenage romance that we were 87 00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,320 Speaker 1: looking for. There's a lot of us that are living 88 00:06:04,520 --> 00:06:09,120 Speaker 1: in a younger love story than our current age. We're 89 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:14,280 Speaker 1: living in a mental reality that's younger, that isn't real 90 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:19,400 Speaker 1: right now, and it's keeping us distracted and keeping us 91 00:06:20,600 --> 00:06:26,640 Speaker 1: fully fixated on the wrong things. So one of Match's 92 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:30,480 Speaker 1: most popular features that I worked on with them is 93 00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:35,320 Speaker 1: the Core Values feature, where singles can share what matters 94 00:06:35,360 --> 00:06:38,919 Speaker 1: to the most and find people who prioritize the same 95 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:42,120 Speaker 1: things as they do. Just for signing up, I will 96 00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:45,000 Speaker 1: send you my ten deep dive questions to get to 97 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:47,960 Speaker 1: know someone on a deeper level. We want to help 98 00:06:48,000 --> 00:06:51,960 Speaker 1: people shift from a superficial mindset to a values mindset. 99 00:06:52,520 --> 00:06:55,440 Speaker 1: In addition to our bespoke Core Values feature on Match, 100 00:06:55,839 --> 00:06:58,680 Speaker 1: we've added Deep Dives, a way to choose the topic 101 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:01,920 Speaker 1: and share what you want and share what you value 102 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:04,839 Speaker 1: and why it's important to you. I want to invite 103 00:07:04,880 --> 00:07:07,200 Speaker 1: you all to put these lessons into practice with me, 104 00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:10,480 Speaker 1: I'm partnering with Match to create something that has never 105 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,880 Speaker 1: been done before. To be the first to know more 106 00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:16,080 Speaker 1: about our new dating reset sign up for the waitlist 107 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:22,080 Speaker 1: at datingreset dot match dot com, Datingreset dot weightlist dot com. 108 00:07:22,520 --> 00:07:25,360 Speaker 1: Now that's so important to me because if we're saying 109 00:07:25,360 --> 00:07:27,560 Speaker 1: the number one thing we want is someone we can 110 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:31,720 Speaker 1: trust and confide in, well, that starts on day one, right, 111 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:37,520 Speaker 1: that starts on day one. And among the Match community, honesty, love, 112 00:07:37,680 --> 00:07:43,040 Speaker 1: and loyalty are currently the top values chosen across all demographics, 113 00:07:43,640 --> 00:07:46,360 Speaker 1: and that says a lot about what people really want 114 00:07:46,440 --> 00:07:49,240 Speaker 1: in a relationship. And hey, if you connect on that 115 00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:52,440 Speaker 1: at the beginning, you have the chance to build the 116 00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:54,400 Speaker 1: rest of it. I think this is the part that's 117 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:58,080 Speaker 1: really interesting for me, that you're with the right person 118 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 1: if you start in the right place. I'll give you 119 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:04,200 Speaker 1: an example. If I plant a seed and I plant 120 00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:08,640 Speaker 1: it in terrible soil, it's not fertile. I plant it 121 00:08:08,720 --> 00:08:10,360 Speaker 1: in a way where it's not going to get sunlight 122 00:08:10,520 --> 00:08:14,440 Speaker 1: or water. Sure it might grow, and sure I can 123 00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:17,240 Speaker 1: try and save it later, but I'm not giving it 124 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:19,960 Speaker 1: the best chance of success. And a lot of our 125 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:22,720 Speaker 1: relationships are like that. They start with the mind games. 126 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:25,880 Speaker 1: They may start with the manipulation, they start with the 127 00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:30,200 Speaker 1: playing hard to get. That's like having no sun, no water, 128 00:08:30,360 --> 00:08:34,199 Speaker 1: and no fertile soil and hoping that we're going to 129 00:08:34,240 --> 00:08:37,240 Speaker 1: grow love from it, and then we try and rescue it. 130 00:08:37,880 --> 00:08:40,719 Speaker 1: Right when we see a little glimmer of hope, we 131 00:08:40,840 --> 00:08:43,679 Speaker 1: start watering it, we start giving it the right sunlight, 132 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:46,800 Speaker 1: we start giving it everything else in needs. And we're 133 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:50,719 Speaker 1: almost always hanging on. But what if you're with the 134 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:54,960 Speaker 1: right person because you made it right. What if that's 135 00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:57,520 Speaker 1: what it meant to be with the right person, Not 136 00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:01,520 Speaker 1: that you found the right person, but you found a 137 00:09:01,760 --> 00:09:05,440 Speaker 1: person and decided to do it right, and you both 138 00:09:05,640 --> 00:09:08,600 Speaker 1: decided to do it right. That's actually what a healthy 139 00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:12,319 Speaker 1: relationship is. I think we're perplexed. Seventy two percent of 140 00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:16,079 Speaker 1: us believe in tosaulme. And when we say that, we 141 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:21,400 Speaker 1: mean that there's someone who's perfectly formed, perfectly created, perfectly 142 00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:27,520 Speaker 1: crafted just for us, destined for us. What we're saying 143 00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:31,320 Speaker 1: is we're going to potentially go through eight billion people 144 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:37,800 Speaker 1: to find that one person. The reality is that most 145 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:43,760 Speaker 1: healthy relationships are not perfect relationships. Most healthy relationships will 146 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:47,000 Speaker 1: agree that they weren't made for each other. They may 147 00:09:47,080 --> 00:09:50,920 Speaker 1: feel they were meant for each other, but they'll recognize 148 00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:54,160 Speaker 1: that there's the ability that they both choose to make 149 00:09:54,240 --> 00:10:00,760 Speaker 1: it right. Stop looking for the right person. Find your 150 00:10:00,880 --> 00:10:04,599 Speaker 1: person who wants to make it right with you, and 151 00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:07,960 Speaker 1: you want to make it right with them. You both 152 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:12,040 Speaker 1: want to make the right choices together, and that's why 153 00:10:12,160 --> 00:10:16,400 Speaker 1: you're right for each other. Not because you're perfect, not 154 00:10:16,559 --> 00:10:21,520 Speaker 1: because you were designed, made or crafted perfectly for each other, 155 00:10:22,520 --> 00:10:26,679 Speaker 1: but because you chose together to make good decisions. And 156 00:10:27,040 --> 00:10:29,240 Speaker 1: you know, I get it. Sometimes you're thinking, well, how 157 00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:30,959 Speaker 1: do I do this on a first date? Or if 158 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:33,200 Speaker 1: I just started seeing someone, how do I suddenly ask 159 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:36,599 Speaker 1: these questions? Don't they seem a bit too aggressive? And 160 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:40,079 Speaker 1: chances are you're probably right. At the same time, you 161 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:45,120 Speaker 1: want to ask curious questions that actually give the person 162 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:49,920 Speaker 1: the opportunity to say where they're at. So if you 163 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:53,240 Speaker 1: say to someone, hey, what's been you know, what's been 164 00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:56,160 Speaker 1: exciting for you lately and they talk about their job, 165 00:10:56,760 --> 00:10:59,200 Speaker 1: you're getting a sense that that's their top priority. Now, 166 00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:02,120 Speaker 1: if you say to someone what's your top priority in life? Sure, 167 00:11:02,240 --> 00:11:06,000 Speaker 1: that's a heavy question to just ask off the bat, right, 168 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:07,400 Speaker 1: you may ask that, and by the way, that's a 169 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:10,599 Speaker 1: great question to ask someone that you've been seeing for 170 00:11:10,679 --> 00:11:13,160 Speaker 1: a few months and getting to know quite deeply. And 171 00:11:13,280 --> 00:11:15,600 Speaker 1: you may say, what is your top priority in life? Now? 172 00:11:15,720 --> 00:11:17,719 Speaker 1: My answer would be you should actually already know that, 173 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:20,800 Speaker 1: And a lot of us don't actually know what our 174 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:24,599 Speaker 1: partner's top priority in life is. Or we believe what 175 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:26,959 Speaker 1: they say in answer to that question and not what 176 00:11:27,080 --> 00:11:31,000 Speaker 1: they do. We believe what people say and not how 177 00:11:31,120 --> 00:11:34,680 Speaker 1: they behave when their actions tell us so much more 178 00:11:34,760 --> 00:11:39,199 Speaker 1: about their priorities than their words. What someone does with 179 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:44,200 Speaker 1: their time, money, and energy shows you what they care about, 180 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:49,040 Speaker 1: not what they say they care about. What someone does 181 00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:53,120 Speaker 1: and how someone treats you says so much more than 182 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:57,520 Speaker 1: how they say they think about treating you. And so 183 00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:01,400 Speaker 1: I want you to ask yourself, why aren't you ready 184 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,880 Speaker 1: to ask that question? Hey, what's exciting you the most now? 185 00:12:03,920 --> 00:12:06,160 Speaker 1: When you say that, it could be their career, it 186 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:08,679 Speaker 1: could be their family, it could be a personal endeavor, 187 00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:11,960 Speaker 1: it could be anything. But you're actually learning so much more. 188 00:12:12,200 --> 00:12:14,959 Speaker 1: And here's the basic thing that we do when we 189 00:12:15,120 --> 00:12:18,599 Speaker 1: hear someone say, oh, I'm really really excited about, you know, 190 00:12:18,720 --> 00:12:21,040 Speaker 1: the holidays right now, We go, yeah, I love the holidays. 191 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:23,240 Speaker 1: Right We make it about the holidays, whereas we're not 192 00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:28,280 Speaker 1: recognizing that they're showing you what they prioritize. If someone says, oh, yeah, 193 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:31,000 Speaker 1: I'm absolutely loving this project at work right now, you 194 00:12:31,160 --> 00:12:33,480 Speaker 1: then reflect on what you're doing at work right now, 195 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:37,319 Speaker 1: rather than recognizing they're showing you it's a priority. And 196 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:40,199 Speaker 1: so I think questions start, hey, what's most exciting for 197 00:12:40,280 --> 00:12:44,359 Speaker 1: you right now and evolve into hey, what's your priority 198 00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,440 Speaker 1: in life right now? And then, by the way, if 199 00:12:46,440 --> 00:12:49,360 Speaker 1: you've been with someone for quite some time, it's what's 200 00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:53,720 Speaker 1: your priority this year? That same curious question, never stop. 201 00:12:54,200 --> 00:13:00,120 Speaker 1: It simply evolves, right, it simply evolves. Now. So, the 202 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,200 Speaker 1: study found that a top turn on with the new 203 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:08,160 Speaker 1: partner conversation thirty eight percent, and that included deep conversations, 204 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:14,680 Speaker 1: self disclosure, compliments, and debates. Right, that's what was considered 205 00:13:15,320 --> 00:13:19,599 Speaker 1: good conversation. And fifty two percent of singles feel a 206 00:13:19,679 --> 00:13:23,360 Speaker 1: potential partner is serious about dating them when they're willing 207 00:13:23,440 --> 00:13:27,599 Speaker 1: to talk about their feelings. Now, I find that a 208 00:13:27,679 --> 00:13:31,600 Speaker 1: lot of us struggle to talk to certain people. If 209 00:13:31,640 --> 00:13:34,040 Speaker 1: we're comfortable talking about our feelings. There's a lot of 210 00:13:34,080 --> 00:13:37,839 Speaker 1: people who aren't comfortable about talking about their feelings, and 211 00:13:37,960 --> 00:13:40,720 Speaker 1: that can often feel like they don't care about the relationship. 212 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:43,640 Speaker 1: And I just want to say something in defense of 213 00:13:43,760 --> 00:13:46,160 Speaker 1: all of those people, because I think a lot of 214 00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:49,120 Speaker 1: people are in that bucket where they just don't feel comfortable. 215 00:13:49,160 --> 00:13:51,480 Speaker 1: They've never been made to feel comfortable. And that doesn't 216 00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:53,440 Speaker 1: mean they don't care. It means that you may need 217 00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:55,920 Speaker 1: to be more patient with them. And this is something 218 00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:58,000 Speaker 1: I've realized over time. When we talk about the right 219 00:13:58,080 --> 00:14:02,439 Speaker 1: and wrong people at the time, the wrong person is 220 00:14:02,600 --> 00:14:06,120 Speaker 1: just someone that we're impatient with. I want to dissect 221 00:14:06,160 --> 00:14:09,720 Speaker 1: this for a second. When you're attracted to someone, you'll 222 00:14:09,760 --> 00:14:12,480 Speaker 1: be much more patient than when you're not attracted to them. 223 00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:18,319 Speaker 1: But the challenge is your patience isn't real. It's just 224 00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:22,080 Speaker 1: the halo effect. Because you're attracted to them, you assume 225 00:14:22,160 --> 00:14:25,480 Speaker 1: they have better qualities, and you really want it to work. 226 00:14:25,840 --> 00:14:28,280 Speaker 1: And we've got to be really careful about this bias 227 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:31,440 Speaker 1: because it actually can mislead us away from the person 228 00:14:31,440 --> 00:14:34,080 Speaker 1: who's good for us and towards the person who's not 229 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:37,600 Speaker 1: good for us. And so when you're talking about the 230 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:42,480 Speaker 1: right and wrong person, again, recognize that patience is something 231 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:45,040 Speaker 1: you need with anyone. Just make sure it's for the 232 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:48,400 Speaker 1: right person. And often we apply patients to the wrong 233 00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:53,360 Speaker 1: person because there's other qualities we have that we're enamored by. 234 00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:57,640 Speaker 1: I'll give you an example. Someone was telling me recently 235 00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:04,560 Speaker 1: that they can't see how their partner doesn't recognize that 236 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,840 Speaker 1: their friends don't give them good advice. And what I 237 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:09,760 Speaker 1: was saying to them is that, well, that person's been 238 00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:12,080 Speaker 1: friends with those people for like ten to fifteen years, 239 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:16,560 Speaker 1: and even if they are getting bad advice from their friends, 240 00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:19,520 Speaker 1: it may take them another ten to fifteen years to 241 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:21,960 Speaker 1: realize that. Now you may say, well, I don't have 242 00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:24,480 Speaker 1: that time, and that's totally fine, but you're going to 243 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:27,040 Speaker 1: find that the next person you meet may need ten 244 00:15:27,160 --> 00:15:31,160 Speaker 1: years of unwiring and unlearning their relationship with their parents. 245 00:15:31,760 --> 00:15:34,520 Speaker 1: Someone else may need to unwire their relationship with food. 246 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:38,760 Speaker 1: Someone else may need to unwire their relationship with something else. 247 00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:41,080 Speaker 1: So what I find is, whoever you end up with, 248 00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:44,520 Speaker 1: they're going to have to rewire their relationship with something, 249 00:15:44,520 --> 00:15:47,960 Speaker 1: and by the way, you do too. And often what 250 00:15:48,040 --> 00:15:50,000 Speaker 1: we're saying, is I just want to be with someone 251 00:15:50,080 --> 00:15:55,480 Speaker 1: who's not working on anything at all? And that doesn't 252 00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:59,400 Speaker 1: exist right. Everyone's healing. I remember in the monastery we 253 00:15:59,520 --> 00:16:05,560 Speaker 1: were told you're in a hospital. Everyone's healing, everyone's diseased, 254 00:16:06,400 --> 00:16:11,080 Speaker 1: everyone around you is on their own journey. And so 255 00:16:11,760 --> 00:16:14,400 Speaker 1: it's almost like the right partner is figuring it out. 256 00:16:15,200 --> 00:16:18,280 Speaker 1: Who are you okay healing with? Right? Who are you 257 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:23,400 Speaker 1: okay sharing an area with? Who are you okay sharing 258 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,760 Speaker 1: a space with? And when I say okay, I don't 259 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:28,760 Speaker 1: mean that it can't be beautiful and wonderful and amazing. 260 00:16:29,480 --> 00:16:32,760 Speaker 1: I mean that's a healthier question to ask. Is is 261 00:16:32,840 --> 00:16:37,280 Speaker 1: this someone that I trust that I can heal with? 262 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:40,760 Speaker 1: If I share my feelings with this person, are they 263 00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:43,720 Speaker 1: going to take them seriously? If I share my heart 264 00:16:43,800 --> 00:16:48,320 Speaker 1: with this person, are they going to hold it? Let 265 00:16:48,400 --> 00:16:53,240 Speaker 1: me really dig into this. When you trust someone, it 266 00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:57,720 Speaker 1: means if you share your emotions with them, you believe 267 00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:02,520 Speaker 1: they'll take them seriously. When you share your heart with them, 268 00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:08,600 Speaker 1: you believe they'll hold it gently. When you share your 269 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:13,800 Speaker 1: dreams with them, you believe that they'll be excited for you. 270 00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:19,119 Speaker 1: Trust is when you feel such a safe space that 271 00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:25,760 Speaker 1: you can truly be yourself without holding back and create 272 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:32,119 Speaker 1: that space for that person as well. So one of 273 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:36,720 Speaker 1: the ways in which you know that the place you're 274 00:17:36,760 --> 00:17:41,200 Speaker 1: in maybe challenging for you with a person is your 275 00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:43,320 Speaker 1: partner's opinions bother you. 276 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:44,400 Speaker 2: Right. 277 00:17:44,520 --> 00:17:47,240 Speaker 1: It could be anything, for example, the way they talk 278 00:17:47,280 --> 00:17:52,280 Speaker 1: about other people. It could be their political affiliations, it 279 00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:56,080 Speaker 1: could be about men and women's roles in society. It 280 00:17:56,160 --> 00:18:00,199 Speaker 1: could be how they treat someone at the restaurant. Right. 281 00:18:00,840 --> 00:18:04,960 Speaker 1: And these are all important things, but there are also 282 00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:08,119 Speaker 1: things that you can learn to address and have more 283 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:11,679 Speaker 1: thoughtful conversations about. And I think this is a challenge. 284 00:18:11,720 --> 00:18:13,840 Speaker 1: I think we're now living at a red flag's green 285 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:16,760 Speaker 1: flags time. And what I mean by this is we're saying, hey, 286 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:19,320 Speaker 1: if you take any of these red flags, you're out, 287 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:21,760 Speaker 1: and if you take any of these green flags, you're in. 288 00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:26,080 Speaker 1: And the crazy part about that is we're basically saying 289 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:30,120 Speaker 1: that there are amazing traits and terrible traits. What we're 290 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:34,400 Speaker 1: not recognizing is that everyone is complex and everyone's going 291 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,119 Speaker 1: to have some red flags. Like the fact that your 292 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:41,440 Speaker 1: partner has different opinions from you isn't a sign that 293 00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:44,200 Speaker 1: they're the wrong person. It's a sign that maybe you 294 00:18:44,359 --> 00:18:47,479 Speaker 1: need to engage deeper to actually understand them. And if 295 00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:50,520 Speaker 1: they're willing to, that's great, And if they're not willing to, 296 00:18:50,720 --> 00:18:53,720 Speaker 1: that's more of a sign. Right. Someone having different opinions 297 00:18:53,800 --> 00:18:58,200 Speaker 1: is not an issue. It's about whether that person's willing 298 00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:01,200 Speaker 1: to engage and you're willing to engage in a respectful way. 299 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,840 Speaker 1: So much of a relationship is about how you choose 300 00:19:04,920 --> 00:19:09,520 Speaker 1: to engage and respect as opposed to having the same 301 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:13,120 Speaker 1: ideas and the same thoughts and the same beliefs. Now, 302 00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:17,239 Speaker 1: one thing that you should never ignore is if your 303 00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:20,800 Speaker 1: friends have reservations, you should take them seriously. The reason 304 00:19:20,880 --> 00:19:22,639 Speaker 1: I say this is because a lot of friends and 305 00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:25,280 Speaker 1: you have to know your friends. A lot of your 306 00:19:25,440 --> 00:19:28,879 Speaker 1: friends will struggle to tell you the truth about your 307 00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:33,119 Speaker 1: relationship because they don't want to lose their relationship with you. 308 00:19:34,119 --> 00:19:36,560 Speaker 1: A lot of your friends may struggle to be honest 309 00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:42,720 Speaker 1: with you about your relationship because they're scared that you 310 00:19:43,000 --> 00:19:47,680 Speaker 1: may be hurt. A lot of your friends may not 311 00:19:47,880 --> 00:19:52,440 Speaker 1: be real with you about your relationship because they're wondering 312 00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:55,959 Speaker 1: if you choose to be in it forever. Then they 313 00:19:56,000 --> 00:19:58,280 Speaker 1: will also have to have a relationship with that person, 314 00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:01,720 Speaker 1: which is why if your friend opens up to you, 315 00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:05,720 Speaker 1: it's worth taking seriously. Which is why if they have 316 00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:09,959 Speaker 1: the courage to share something with you, it's worth listening 317 00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:12,760 Speaker 1: because it was so hard for them to do that 318 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:16,760 Speaker 1: in the first place. Now you have to know your friends. 319 00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,720 Speaker 1: You may also have friends you just love to have 320 00:20:18,840 --> 00:20:23,560 Speaker 1: opinions about anything, everyone, and everything, and that may not 321 00:20:24,080 --> 00:20:27,040 Speaker 1: be valued at the same level as what I was 322 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:29,640 Speaker 1: just talking about. But most of the time we call 323 00:20:29,840 --> 00:20:32,880 Speaker 1: people our friends for a reason. They know us. They've 324 00:20:32,920 --> 00:20:35,680 Speaker 1: seen us at our best and our worst. They know 325 00:20:36,080 --> 00:20:39,480 Speaker 1: everything about us. They might even know things about us 326 00:20:39,560 --> 00:20:42,959 Speaker 1: we're not even aware of ourselves. The point is our 327 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:46,159 Speaker 1: friends look out for our best interests and want us 328 00:20:46,200 --> 00:20:48,840 Speaker 1: to succeed most of the time. And that's why there 329 00:20:48,880 --> 00:20:52,920 Speaker 1: are friends. So why are they acting so strange around 330 00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:57,520 Speaker 1: your partner? Why do you find yourselves by mutual agreement 331 00:20:57,960 --> 00:21:02,040 Speaker 1: seeing your friend solo most of the time. Now, it's 332 00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:06,080 Speaker 1: really important to use that data to ask them because 333 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:08,959 Speaker 1: what most of us do, and this is another challenge. 334 00:21:09,040 --> 00:21:11,600 Speaker 1: This is how you know you're getting something wrong is 335 00:21:11,800 --> 00:21:14,600 Speaker 1: you isolate yourself. And by the way, it's natural when 336 00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:18,000 Speaker 1: you like someone you isolate yourself from your friends and 337 00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:22,040 Speaker 1: you only hang out with that partner. Right, And by 338 00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,520 Speaker 1: the way, we all do this, And if we're sitting 339 00:21:24,560 --> 00:21:26,840 Speaker 1: here going well, that person should be reminding me to 340 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:28,560 Speaker 1: spend time with my friends. I'm here to tell you 341 00:21:28,680 --> 00:21:31,640 Speaker 1: you should be reminding yourself and them to spend time 342 00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:34,600 Speaker 1: with their friends. If someone is too clingy, or if 343 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:38,280 Speaker 1: you're getting too clingy or attached, it's important you remind 344 00:21:38,359 --> 00:21:41,320 Speaker 1: each other, and most of all, you remind yourself that 345 00:21:41,440 --> 00:21:46,320 Speaker 1: it's important to keep deepening your other relationships. Right, it's 346 00:21:46,520 --> 00:21:49,679 Speaker 1: easy to get lost in a relationship with your partner. 347 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:52,600 Speaker 1: It's more important to make sure that you have other 348 00:21:52,680 --> 00:21:56,800 Speaker 1: friendships that are healthy as well. Now, an important part 349 00:21:57,080 --> 00:21:59,119 Speaker 1: of whether you're with the right person or not is 350 00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:03,520 Speaker 1: whether you're community pation needs match or don't match. Maybe 351 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:07,320 Speaker 1: you're someone who enjoys chronicling your day with another person, 352 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,560 Speaker 1: or maybe you're someone who likes checking in via text 353 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,239 Speaker 1: with your partner throughout the day. Are you and your 354 00:22:13,280 --> 00:22:15,919 Speaker 1: partner of the same mind about this or does your 355 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:18,640 Speaker 1: partner get annoyed when you text them? Or are something 356 00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:22,560 Speaker 1: important to say or worse, don't respond, or perhaps you're 357 00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:24,720 Speaker 1: a person who's upfront and honest about your feelings, and 358 00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:27,600 Speaker 1: you find yourself involved with someone who has a lot 359 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:32,080 Speaker 1: of buried, unexcavated stuff going on, or who seems defended 360 00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:36,200 Speaker 1: or uses humor to distract from their emotions. Maybe you 361 00:22:36,400 --> 00:22:39,240 Speaker 1: like to go deep, whereas there's someone who likes keeping 362 00:22:39,320 --> 00:22:42,600 Speaker 1: things light and superficial. Now, this isn't an issue in 363 00:22:42,680 --> 00:22:44,399 Speaker 1: the sense that you can't be in a relationship with 364 00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:48,640 Speaker 1: this person. But the question mark is are you patient 365 00:22:48,920 --> 00:22:52,000 Speaker 1: enough for them to change? And are you okay if 366 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:54,960 Speaker 1: they don't? That's really the question we have to ask 367 00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:59,879 Speaker 1: ourselves in a hard relationship. Are you patient enough to 368 00:23:00,119 --> 00:23:03,800 Speaker 1: wait for them to change? And are you okay if 369 00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:10,159 Speaker 1: they never change? That's the real truth, right, that's the 370 00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:15,159 Speaker 1: hard truth, And if you think about it carefully, this 371 00:23:15,359 --> 00:23:18,359 Speaker 1: is quite common. It's very normal for one person in 372 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:23,000 Speaker 1: the relationships to not be able to open up, and 373 00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:26,520 Speaker 1: a lot of the times the other person wants to 374 00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:28,919 Speaker 1: open up too much. Right, We're both at either end 375 00:23:28,960 --> 00:23:32,000 Speaker 1: of the spectrum. One person wants to talk about everything 376 00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:33,679 Speaker 1: all of the time and the other person doesn't want 377 00:23:33,720 --> 00:23:36,560 Speaker 1: to talk about anything. And so those are the areas 378 00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:38,800 Speaker 1: in our life where we have to strike a healthy balance. 379 00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:41,960 Speaker 1: We have to recognize that maybe some of our wanting 380 00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:45,080 Speaker 1: to check in all the time is anxiety based, and 381 00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:48,119 Speaker 1: maybe some of their not wanting to check in is 382 00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:51,960 Speaker 1: anxiety based. Right, that's the kicker. That's what's so interesting 383 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:54,000 Speaker 1: that we want to check in with them all the 384 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,920 Speaker 1: time and know what's going on because we're anxious, but 385 00:23:57,040 --> 00:23:59,240 Speaker 1: they don't want to talk about things because they're anxious 386 00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:02,720 Speaker 1: about something else. And this is what I really want 387 00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:08,160 Speaker 1: to encourage. Relationships are about healing as long as they're 388 00:24:08,200 --> 00:24:13,520 Speaker 1: not emotionally, verbally, physically abusive. Those are not including in 389 00:24:13,600 --> 00:24:16,600 Speaker 1: this conversation about what I'm talking about. Those are ones 390 00:24:16,680 --> 00:24:20,960 Speaker 1: that you should seek professional support, You should not stick 391 00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:25,680 Speaker 1: around out of pressure. But when you really think about it, 392 00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:28,800 Speaker 1: a lot of the stuff we have challenges with with 393 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:32,800 Speaker 1: our partner is because we're not letting them heal and 394 00:24:32,920 --> 00:24:38,160 Speaker 1: they're not letting us heal. Most relationships have a healing 395 00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:44,240 Speaker 1: problem that causes hurt as opposed to another type of problem. 396 00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:48,560 Speaker 1: It's a healing problem. We don't want to give the 397 00:24:48,640 --> 00:24:51,879 Speaker 1: person space to heal. We expect them to be healed, 398 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:57,040 Speaker 1: and they're not giving us the space to heal. And 399 00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:59,359 Speaker 1: the challenge is we think we're trying to heal and 400 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:04,119 Speaker 1: fix that person, not realizing we're being pulled and pushed 401 00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:08,480 Speaker 1: to heal parts of ourselves. That's really what's being demanded 402 00:25:08,520 --> 00:25:12,960 Speaker 1: in a relationship. What's really being demanded in most relationships 403 00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:18,639 Speaker 1: is can we heal right? Now? A relationship can be 404 00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:22,959 Speaker 1: the wrong relationship if they don't respect you right, if 405 00:25:23,000 --> 00:25:26,800 Speaker 1: they don't want to give you an opportunity to pursue 406 00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:30,480 Speaker 1: your career, if they don't care about your professional life, 407 00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:32,879 Speaker 1: if they expect you to support theirs, and these are 408 00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:38,199 Speaker 1: all common things. Sadly, I've known a lot of people who, 409 00:25:38,359 --> 00:25:43,840 Speaker 1: sadly where men in a patriarchal society have certain expectations 410 00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:47,320 Speaker 1: of women that are unfair. They expect that the woman 411 00:25:47,440 --> 00:25:50,760 Speaker 1: should not work, they expect the women should take care 412 00:25:50,800 --> 00:25:53,240 Speaker 1: of their parents. And there are all of these old 413 00:25:53,320 --> 00:25:57,760 Speaker 1: fashioned views, and they cause rifts in relationships because the 414 00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:01,520 Speaker 1: person doesn't feel heard. Do they treat you like a 415 00:26:01,680 --> 00:26:05,760 Speaker 1: human right? That has to be what the right relationship is. 416 00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:10,399 Speaker 1: And if your dreams are diminishing, you're in the wrong relationship. 417 00:26:11,080 --> 00:26:14,240 Speaker 1: Maybe you've always loved to travel, Maybe the future fantasy 418 00:26:14,280 --> 00:26:17,240 Speaker 1: of yourself and the wilderness. Maybe you've always wanted to 419 00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:19,639 Speaker 1: spend time in Italy, or you've had your eye on 420 00:26:19,760 --> 00:26:22,719 Speaker 1: taking a teacher training course in yoga, maybe you love 421 00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:26,080 Speaker 1: to dance, and maybe just maybe your partner isn't into 422 00:26:26,160 --> 00:26:30,480 Speaker 1: any of these things. But that's okay. But now they're 423 00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:35,520 Speaker 1: dismissing it. They dismiss it as an unrealistic fantasy. I 424 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:38,320 Speaker 1: think also, there are so many of us that just 425 00:26:38,400 --> 00:26:40,840 Speaker 1: don't feel our dreams are supported by a partner. Now 426 00:26:40,880 --> 00:26:47,240 Speaker 1: I don't mean financially, because that's a conversation, but what 427 00:26:47,320 --> 00:26:49,280 Speaker 1: I've realized is a lot of people don't believe in 428 00:26:49,359 --> 00:26:53,280 Speaker 1: our dreams because they don't believe in their own They 429 00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:56,080 Speaker 1: never had someone who believed in them, so they don't 430 00:26:56,119 --> 00:26:59,320 Speaker 1: have the capacity to believe in you. And the question 431 00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:03,520 Speaker 1: you have to ask yourself is am I willing to 432 00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:06,159 Speaker 1: be the one to shift because this person has so 433 00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:13,240 Speaker 1: much depth, this person has great qualities, great abilities, or 434 00:27:13,280 --> 00:27:16,240 Speaker 1: am I not ready to do that? And you're well 435 00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:20,520 Speaker 1: within your rights to make that choice, well within your 436 00:27:20,600 --> 00:27:24,240 Speaker 1: right to make that choice. This is why I think 437 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:27,280 Speaker 1: when you start dating or restart dating, or even if 438 00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:29,680 Speaker 1: you've been in a relationship for a while, find out 439 00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:37,640 Speaker 1: someone's values quick and that's why I created the valuesspace 440 00:27:37,720 --> 00:27:40,840 Speaker 1: on match dot com where you can actually find out 441 00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:45,440 Speaker 1: your values, your partner's values, and connect on that. And 442 00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:49,159 Speaker 1: I also want to say that in addition to our 443 00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:53,280 Speaker 1: bespoke Core Values feature on Match, we've added deep Dives, 444 00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:55,440 Speaker 1: a way to choose a topic and share what you 445 00:27:55,640 --> 00:27:58,760 Speaker 1: value and why it's important to you. And I want 446 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:01,120 Speaker 1: to invite you all to put these lessons into practice 447 00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:04,320 Speaker 1: with me. I'm partnering with Match to create something that 448 00:28:04,440 --> 00:28:07,640 Speaker 1: has never been done before. You will have the opportunity 449 00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:11,000 Speaker 1: to join other singles to date with intention based on 450 00:28:11,080 --> 00:28:13,879 Speaker 1: your values and a deeper connection. If you're not single, 451 00:28:14,119 --> 00:28:16,479 Speaker 1: please share this episode with a friend to help them 452 00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:21,280 Speaker 1: change their mindset. Join the waitlist at datingreset dot match 453 00:28:21,440 --> 00:28:26,320 Speaker 1: dot com datingreset dot waitlist dot com. And I'll say 454 00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:29,080 Speaker 1: this too, this episode's for anyone, even if you're with someone, 455 00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:31,880 Speaker 1: you're not with someone, because a lot of us don't 456 00:28:32,000 --> 00:28:36,560 Speaker 1: really know our partners that deeply, and it's never too 457 00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:40,440 Speaker 1: late to start. Thank you for listening. Remember I'm always 458 00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:42,880 Speaker 1: rooting for you and forever in your corner. I hope 459 00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:45,680 Speaker 1: this helps. If you love this episode, you're going to 460 00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:49,200 Speaker 1: love my conversation with Matthew Hussey on how to get 461 00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:52,680 Speaker 1: over your ex and find true love in your relationships. 462 00:28:52,920 --> 00:28:57,120 Speaker 2: People should be compassionate to themselves that extend that compassion 463 00:28:57,320 --> 00:29:01,320 Speaker 2: to your future self, because truly extending your compassion to 464 00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:04,360 Speaker 2: your future self is doing something that gives him or 465 00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:06,760 Speaker 2: her a shot at a happy and a peaceful life.