1 00:00:00,720 --> 00:00:03,360 Speaker 1: Hey, this is Sam. This is John the og story 2 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:04,320 Speaker 1: Time podcast host. 3 00:00:04,360 --> 00:00:06,200 Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and we got some great stories coming up. 4 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,639 Speaker 2: But before that, we get a teeny two minute break 5 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:11,600 Speaker 2: from the sponsors that keep this show propped up like 6 00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:12,280 Speaker 2: a little house. 7 00:00:12,360 --> 00:00:16,400 Speaker 3: Oh you, I discovered my wife's conversation with the coworker 8 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:17,799 Speaker 3: and they're making fun of me. 9 00:00:18,040 --> 00:00:19,520 Speaker 1: Oh that's the worst. 10 00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:22,479 Speaker 3: A few days ago, I, thirty three male, noticed my 11 00:00:22,560 --> 00:00:25,800 Speaker 3: wife thirty one female, deleting a text thread, which is 12 00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:28,800 Speaker 3: something she has never done. I decided to check your 13 00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:31,560 Speaker 3: laptop as texts go through there, and I was shocked 14 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:36,519 Speaker 3: to find that she was having spicy, explicit conversations with 15 00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:39,760 Speaker 3: a coworker who also happens to be married and just 16 00:00:39,880 --> 00:00:44,279 Speaker 3: had a child a few months ago. Oooh no, dang. 17 00:00:45,159 --> 00:00:47,960 Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from Throway zero three, seven 18 00:00:48,000 --> 00:00:49,720 Speaker 3: thirty nine, two oh nine, And if you want to 19 00:00:49,720 --> 00:00:52,159 Speaker 3: smit your own stories, go to the arslash Okay, Storytime 20 00:00:52,200 --> 00:00:55,120 Speaker 3: severed it. I'm Sophia, I'm Riley, I'm Keon, and we're 21 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:56,760 Speaker 3: here to give good advice. Goofley, But we don't have 22 00:00:56,760 --> 00:00:58,920 Speaker 3: all the answers. We only know what we do, So 23 00:00:59,000 --> 00:00:59,920 Speaker 3: let us know what you would do in the com 24 00:01:00,840 --> 00:01:04,720 Speaker 3: andop says for context, we have been together for about 25 00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:07,679 Speaker 3: thirteen years and married for four. We both work in 26 00:01:07,720 --> 00:01:10,680 Speaker 3: demanding jobs and healthcare. Like any couple, we have had 27 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:14,160 Speaker 3: plenty of ups and downs. The last couple of years 28 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:17,000 Speaker 3: have really been a rut. It has felt like we 29 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:20,600 Speaker 3: are constantly more irritable with each other. Our intimacy has 30 00:01:20,640 --> 00:01:25,040 Speaker 3: been nearly gone for a while now. However, we both 31 00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:28,000 Speaker 3: felt this may be part of depression and hormonal issues 32 00:01:28,040 --> 00:01:30,319 Speaker 3: that we are having and working on. Another issue that 33 00:01:30,360 --> 00:01:33,040 Speaker 3: bothers me is that for the entirety of a relationship, 34 00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:36,400 Speaker 3: she has made jabs at how men always cheat and 35 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:38,080 Speaker 3: that I will someday cheat on her. 36 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:39,959 Speaker 1: She just wants it to happen. 37 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:43,600 Speaker 3: That I'm sorry that the whole relationship, she's been saying that, 38 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:45,480 Speaker 3: because that's a giant replug. 39 00:01:45,760 --> 00:01:48,600 Speaker 1: You're gonna cheat on me. No, if you say things 40 00:01:49,320 --> 00:01:51,680 Speaker 1: to put them out there, what's gonna happen, Sophia. 41 00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:52,320 Speaker 3: They make them come true. 42 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:55,000 Speaker 2: Kept saying that. But she never said I'm gonna cheat 43 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:55,120 Speaker 2: on you. 44 00:01:56,440 --> 00:01:57,320 Speaker 1: She forgot that part. 45 00:01:57,520 --> 00:02:01,080 Speaker 3: Her previous relationship before me ended with her boyfriend living 46 00:02:01,120 --> 00:02:03,880 Speaker 3: a complete second life with a different woman. 47 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:06,960 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, those are the best ones ready too. 48 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:08,520 Speaker 1: By the way, she used. 49 00:02:08,320 --> 00:02:10,200 Speaker 3: To go through my phone when she felt I was 50 00:02:10,240 --> 00:02:13,960 Speaker 3: texting a particular femail too much. Given all that, this 51 00:02:14,040 --> 00:02:16,960 Speaker 3: current situation just enrages me. The coworker of hers has 52 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:19,440 Speaker 3: always been a close friend for the last three years. 53 00:02:19,919 --> 00:02:21,920 Speaker 3: It's been obvious in the past that he had a 54 00:02:21,960 --> 00:02:24,960 Speaker 3: crush on my wife, but I have never seen any 55 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:29,440 Speaker 3: evidence that it was reciprocated. He has sent suggestive texts 56 00:02:29,440 --> 00:02:31,840 Speaker 3: in the past and she had shut it down, insisting 57 00:02:31,880 --> 00:02:33,280 Speaker 3: he likes to get a rise out of people. 58 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:35,280 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, no, no, no, And that's. 59 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:36,880 Speaker 3: What I'm saying. Hey, you should probably like go to 60 00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:37,400 Speaker 3: hr IF. 61 00:02:38,160 --> 00:02:41,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, so next time I want to, you know, have 62 00:02:41,480 --> 00:02:44,080 Speaker 1: some spicy related talks with the coworker, I just say, 63 00:02:44,400 --> 00:02:46,920 Speaker 1: she's the excuse, Well did you get the rise of here? 64 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:48,080 Speaker 3: They just look to get a rise though. 65 00:02:48,360 --> 00:02:50,280 Speaker 2: What didn't he just have a kid too? 66 00:02:50,600 --> 00:02:50,799 Speaker 3: Yeah? 67 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:53,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, he's got a few I would be. 68 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:55,520 Speaker 3: I want to be calling that out. In the last 69 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:57,919 Speaker 3: few days, I have seen texts of two of them 70 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:01,560 Speaker 3: complaining about their spicy sleep live talking about how much 71 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:03,720 Speaker 3: they want to have spicy sleep with each other. No 72 00:03:05,080 --> 00:03:10,200 Speaker 3: sending nudes. Oh. He even has sent an explicit photo 73 00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:14,040 Speaker 3: with part of his wife's face in it, claiming he 74 00:03:14,080 --> 00:03:15,400 Speaker 3: wishes it was my wife. 75 00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:20,440 Speaker 4: Oh my goodness, wild they are wrong, Oh my goodness. 76 00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:22,760 Speaker 1: She just likes the thrill, oh pie. She just wants 77 00:03:22,760 --> 00:03:24,839 Speaker 1: to thrill, and that's why she's so bored with you. 78 00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:27,359 Speaker 3: There has been a lot of complaining about me and 79 00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 3: about his partner. Now we do not spicily gratify them. Yeah, 80 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:33,799 Speaker 3: his partner who just had a baby. She's been trying 81 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:36,280 Speaker 3: to stay on top of deleting threads, but often does 82 00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:39,040 Speaker 3: not think to delete the stuff from bedtime to overnight. 83 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:44,000 Speaker 3: I am fairly confident nothing physical has happened, Yet part 84 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:46,040 Speaker 3: of me feels guilty for this. I have not been 85 00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:48,800 Speaker 3: a perfect husband by any means. I've always been the 86 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:51,200 Speaker 3: one to do all the tours at home, care for 87 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:54,560 Speaker 3: the pats, cook do our laundry, et cetera. I will admit, though, 88 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:57,880 Speaker 3: that I am not the most emotionally available husband. I'm 89 00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:01,280 Speaker 3: just not a cuddler or an overly spicy person. I 90 00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:04,040 Speaker 3: understand this affair is her choice and not mine, but 91 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:06,080 Speaker 3: I do feel like I pushed her into this, and 92 00:04:06,120 --> 00:04:08,080 Speaker 3: I feel the guilt of it. My problem is that 93 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:10,520 Speaker 3: I do not know how to approach this. At first, 94 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:14,320 Speaker 3: I was shocked and angry. Now I am numb and emotionless. 95 00:04:14,720 --> 00:04:16,600 Speaker 3: Part of me feels the writing was on the wall 96 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:18,520 Speaker 3: for this marriage a while ago, and this is the 97 00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:22,840 Speaker 3: final blow. Our family lives are insanely intertwined, and we 98 00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:25,000 Speaker 3: literally share the same friend group. Yeah. I mean, it's 99 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:27,599 Speaker 3: been thirteen years. I don't know if I should just 100 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:30,440 Speaker 3: be trying to move out and figure things out, or 101 00:04:30,520 --> 00:04:32,840 Speaker 3: if I should just be getting a divorce. At this point, 102 00:04:32,960 --> 00:04:34,960 Speaker 3: I know I will be gas lit when I finally 103 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:37,760 Speaker 3: confront her, and I don't even know how to confront her. 104 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:39,880 Speaker 3: I also don't know if I should tell the other 105 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:43,240 Speaker 3: guy's wife. Yes, I feel guilty given that they just 106 00:04:43,360 --> 00:04:48,800 Speaker 3: had a baby. You should tell her. HM. Reading this back, 107 00:04:48,839 --> 00:04:51,160 Speaker 3: I understand I probably look like an idiot for not 108 00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:55,120 Speaker 3: already having left, but I'm struggling. Any advice leave My 109 00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:59,240 Speaker 3: advice is leave hell that guy's wife, get your affairs 110 00:04:59,240 --> 00:05:04,039 Speaker 3: in order, get a lawyer, then leave. Edit. We do 111 00:05:04,120 --> 00:05:07,120 Speaker 3: not have kids, just pets. The relationship felt like it 112 00:05:07,200 --> 00:05:09,039 Speaker 3: was going south for a few years now, but this 113 00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:12,839 Speaker 3: was completely unexpected. I truly do not know if this 114 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:15,520 Speaker 3: is something I can forgive and move past or not 115 00:05:16,160 --> 00:05:18,440 Speaker 3: at it to. Another big issue of mine is the 116 00:05:18,440 --> 00:05:21,000 Speaker 3: amount of disrespect thrown at me in those chats which 117 00:05:21,000 --> 00:05:23,760 Speaker 3: she laughed along at me washing our panties that he 118 00:05:23,800 --> 00:05:27,920 Speaker 3: got thoked, or making them dinner while he does stuff 119 00:05:27,920 --> 00:05:31,080 Speaker 3: to her. Though I think it was physical, I don't 120 00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:34,240 Speaker 3: know if that's something I'll get over. I'm a non confrontational, 121 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:36,360 Speaker 3: pretty go with the flow guy, but these jokes are 122 00:05:36,400 --> 00:05:40,000 Speaker 3: pretty foul. Even if I get over the spicy text 123 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,159 Speaker 3: and crap, it's hard to process how she can laugh 124 00:05:42,200 --> 00:05:44,760 Speaker 3: along at stuff like that. That's like literally psycho behavior. 125 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:48,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, she's with the person that you're making fun of. 126 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:51,279 Speaker 1: Wait wait a second, Oh wait was this she with 127 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:53,599 Speaker 1: someone that also lived a second life? 128 00:05:53,839 --> 00:05:59,479 Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, she's has a second life. Now she is 129 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:02,400 Speaker 3: being with a person who now like she's there that 130 00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:05,920 Speaker 3: guy's second life because he has a kid and his wife. Uh, 131 00:06:05,960 --> 00:06:08,080 Speaker 3: and she's going to complain about someone doing that term 132 00:06:09,240 --> 00:06:10,440 Speaker 3: as bad as the person that did it to you. 133 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:12,400 Speaker 1: It's not gonna last. Whenever you break it, it's not 134 00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:13,200 Speaker 1: gonna last. 135 00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:17,640 Speaker 3: Comments Comment one. Most people commenting seem to think all 136 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:20,159 Speaker 3: the blame falls on your wife. I think you're wise 137 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:23,159 Speaker 3: to recognize the ways you have also failed in your marriage. 138 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:26,240 Speaker 3: It takes two for a marriage to disintegrate. I think 139 00:06:26,240 --> 00:06:28,080 Speaker 3: the best way to determine if your marriage can be 140 00:06:28,080 --> 00:06:30,599 Speaker 3: saved it can't be, is to talk to your wife 141 00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:32,640 Speaker 3: about what you read and state the things you wrote 142 00:06:32,680 --> 00:06:35,880 Speaker 3: here about the ways you wish you had behaved differently. Tella, 143 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:37,880 Speaker 3: you love and value her and want to work on 144 00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:40,680 Speaker 3: improving things. The just couple's therapy. I don't think it 145 00:06:40,720 --> 00:06:43,479 Speaker 3: can be saved. I don't think I could ever forget 146 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:44,360 Speaker 3: the text that she. 147 00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:47,560 Speaker 1: Sent if she wanted to save it. Yeah she would 148 00:06:47,600 --> 00:06:49,480 Speaker 1: have which, yeah she would have talked. 149 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:49,800 Speaker 5: A while ago. 150 00:06:49,880 --> 00:06:51,360 Speaker 1: Not anymore. We're done. 151 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:54,360 Speaker 3: And again I think all of those past red flags, 152 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:57,480 Speaker 3: even more so, kind of showed to me that this 153 00:06:57,560 --> 00:07:00,279 Speaker 3: cannot be saved because it isn't just this. It's the 154 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:04,920 Speaker 3: well least you don't have kids, man, at least, if 155 00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:08,279 Speaker 3: she really loves you, she'll come around. Opie says. A 156 00:07:08,320 --> 00:07:11,239 Speaker 3: big issue of mine is the amount of disrespect thrown 157 00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:14,440 Speaker 3: at me in those chats that she laughed along at 158 00:07:14,480 --> 00:07:18,120 Speaker 3: me doing stuff for her. I don't know if that's 159 00:07:18,120 --> 00:07:20,560 Speaker 3: something I'll ever get over. But there is an update 160 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:22,000 Speaker 3: one week later. 161 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:26,520 Speaker 1: I cannot see a world with where she comes back. 162 00:07:26,800 --> 00:07:29,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm really open. He like gets it all together 163 00:07:29,800 --> 00:07:30,560 Speaker 3: and divorces her. 164 00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:34,080 Speaker 2: The fact that she did all of that manipulated you 165 00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,320 Speaker 2: at the very beginning of your relationship of like, yeah, 166 00:07:36,560 --> 00:07:38,040 Speaker 2: like I think you're gonna cheat on me. I think 167 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:40,880 Speaker 2: you're gona cheat on me. And then also just the 168 00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,400 Speaker 2: cherry on top is she's making funny you while she's 169 00:07:43,480 --> 00:07:44,080 Speaker 2: cheating on you. 170 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:47,840 Speaker 3: Yeah, the audacity, it's weird. 171 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:50,560 Speaker 2: I think this is the time where you finally find 172 00:07:50,560 --> 00:07:54,200 Speaker 2: yourself op and the cowboy up. You get a spine 173 00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:58,480 Speaker 2: and you know what, you just get out there, get. 174 00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:02,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, there is an update one week later. I ended 175 00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:06,040 Speaker 3: up having the confrontation early last week. It wasn't exactly 176 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:09,000 Speaker 3: when I had planned it, but she knew something was up, 177 00:08:09,040 --> 00:08:11,600 Speaker 3: as I had emotionally checked out over the few days 178 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:14,960 Speaker 3: leading up to it. Some background info I learned Slash 179 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:18,080 Speaker 3: not provided in the original post. The texting had gone 180 00:08:18,120 --> 00:08:20,800 Speaker 3: about a week total. It turns out I had discovered 181 00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 3: it pretty early on Wow. Although they had texted a 182 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:26,080 Speaker 3: lot for the last few years, I've seen them in 183 00:08:26,080 --> 00:08:28,640 Speaker 3: the past, and there was nothing like this slash genuinely 184 00:08:28,800 --> 00:08:31,680 Speaker 3: just work related stuff. There was also a lot of 185 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:35,200 Speaker 3: remarks about the intimacy between us fizzling out, indicating that 186 00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:37,640 Speaker 3: it may be a sign of the affair being physical. 187 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:40,560 Speaker 3: Our intimacy has dried out for the last year or so. 188 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,920 Speaker 3: We had chalked it up to stress, were cormones depression 189 00:08:44,040 --> 00:08:46,960 Speaker 3: Up to this point. In terms of the confrontation, there 190 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,800 Speaker 3: was no arguing or fireworks. I laid out a lot 191 00:08:49,840 --> 00:08:53,640 Speaker 3: of grievances about the betrayal and the incredible disrespect I felt. 192 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,800 Speaker 3: I also pointed out the rage I felt over the 193 00:08:56,880 --> 00:09:00,400 Speaker 3: hypocrisy of accusing all men of cheating for years. She 194 00:09:00,480 --> 00:09:03,440 Speaker 3: swore up and down that nothing physical occurred between them. 195 00:09:03,600 --> 00:09:06,160 Speaker 2: Oh that makes it all good. We're all good then, Yeah. 196 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,599 Speaker 3: It's fine. Oh, thank goodness. 197 00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,560 Speaker 1: I think sending a photo is physical. 198 00:09:09,720 --> 00:09:12,360 Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree. I get it's naive of me to 199 00:09:12,400 --> 00:09:15,680 Speaker 3: believe it, but for various reasons I do. When I 200 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:18,360 Speaker 3: initially threatened to tell the other guy's wife was when 201 00:09:18,360 --> 00:09:21,960 Speaker 3: the first wave of defensiveness. You can't. She begged me 202 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,200 Speaker 3: not to ruin their family with a new baby and 203 00:09:24,240 --> 00:09:28,720 Speaker 3: focus on fixing our marriage instead, OPI wouldn't be ruining anything. 204 00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:32,360 Speaker 3: This guy already ruined his marriage and also is making 205 00:09:32,400 --> 00:09:35,600 Speaker 3: fun of his wife who just had a baby. 206 00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:36,959 Speaker 1: She's wanting to bring him back. 207 00:09:37,040 --> 00:09:39,920 Speaker 2: Is this I like how she said. Oh she said, Opie, 208 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:41,120 Speaker 2: you don't ruin that marriage. 209 00:09:41,160 --> 00:09:42,640 Speaker 3: You can't do that. You can't ruin them. 210 00:09:42,720 --> 00:09:46,160 Speaker 2: Mus when both you and that guy. 211 00:09:45,840 --> 00:09:48,000 Speaker 1: You ruined your own marriages, y'all, I think she's throwing 212 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:48,880 Speaker 1: a old Mary here. 213 00:09:49,200 --> 00:09:52,599 Speaker 3: So I was also told how the obs will definitely 214 00:09:52,679 --> 00:09:55,320 Speaker 3: tell all their coworkers and now both her home life 215 00:09:55,360 --> 00:10:00,720 Speaker 3: and work life will be ruined. Oh no, I heard, 216 00:10:01,120 --> 00:10:04,920 Speaker 3: Oh yes, they are both contractually bound to work together 217 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:07,640 Speaker 3: for the next five years. Her reasoning was that I 218 00:10:07,679 --> 00:10:10,280 Speaker 3: have not made her feel desired like a woman in 219 00:10:10,320 --> 00:10:13,679 Speaker 3: a long time, that she gave into hormones got up 220 00:10:14,240 --> 00:10:16,520 Speaker 3: as he was saying things that made her feel craved 221 00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:20,320 Speaker 3: multiple times. I did feel like the situation was minimized. 222 00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:24,120 Speaker 3: Statements such as nothing physical happened, it was just spicy 223 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:28,280 Speaker 3: chexting have not sat well with me. I also felt 224 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:31,720 Speaker 3: like I was being blamed for this. To clarify, we 225 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:33,679 Speaker 3: have talked in the past about trying to be more 226 00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:36,880 Speaker 3: romantic and stuff like that. I still feel like that 227 00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:40,880 Speaker 3: does not mean doing this crap is acceptable. It isn't. 228 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:44,560 Speaker 3: I admitted plenty of my shortcomings during the confrontation, but 229 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:48,240 Speaker 3: also reaffirmed that what she did was so insanely wrong. Oh. 230 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:49,960 Speaker 3: He's like, yeah, maybe I made a couple of mistakes, 231 00:10:49,960 --> 00:10:52,760 Speaker 3: but you cheated on me. So boom who really. 232 00:10:52,720 --> 00:10:55,280 Speaker 1: When roasted stopped pointing out my shortcomings. 233 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:59,480 Speaker 3: Oh. I also reached out to the guy. He was 234 00:10:59,520 --> 00:11:03,240 Speaker 3: clearly panicked and swore up and down nothing physical happened. 235 00:11:03,240 --> 00:11:05,559 Speaker 1: It was just a picture, man, is just a picture. 236 00:11:06,160 --> 00:11:08,080 Speaker 3: He begged me not to tell his wife and ruin 237 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:10,839 Speaker 3: his life. Dude, you ruined your own life. All of 238 00:11:10,920 --> 00:11:14,640 Speaker 3: these cheaters who always beg the person who finds out 239 00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:19,000 Speaker 3: not to tell their family, their wives, et cetera. Are 240 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:20,520 Speaker 3: so hypocritical. 241 00:11:20,679 --> 00:11:23,679 Speaker 1: Yep. It's that one word that defeats them all. M 242 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:25,160 Speaker 1: accountability Yep. 243 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:28,000 Speaker 3: Can't, can't, can't do it. He claimed his son is 244 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:31,920 Speaker 3: his entire world, literally not, which I rebuffed by saying 245 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:34,080 Speaker 3: all he did was complain about him to my wife. 246 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:36,480 Speaker 3: Not long after he blocked me on everything and was 247 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:38,959 Speaker 3: texting my wife to not let your roways been move 248 00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:42,240 Speaker 3: out and is he going to ruin my life? No love, dude, 249 00:11:42,280 --> 00:11:44,800 Speaker 3: you suck. I wish I could say that I took 250 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:47,360 Speaker 3: my pets and stormed off and moved out like I 251 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,240 Speaker 3: dreamt up in my head. Sadly, all I did was 252 00:11:50,280 --> 00:11:54,120 Speaker 3: move out of our room and demand time and space. Dude, 253 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:57,520 Speaker 3: he's still texting your wife. She has been saying she 254 00:11:57,559 --> 00:12:01,280 Speaker 3: will respect that, but has been persistently approached me asking 255 00:12:01,320 --> 00:12:04,120 Speaker 3: to talk about our marriage for the last several days. 256 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:06,160 Speaker 1: Why does she not block? Oh my gosh. 257 00:12:06,440 --> 00:12:08,280 Speaker 3: A few days ago, she asked me if I would 258 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,800 Speaker 3: be willing to see a marriage counselor with her. I 259 00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:14,439 Speaker 3: begrudgingly agreed. During our first session, I admitted I am 260 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:16,840 Speaker 3: unsure if I want to save this marriage or not. 261 00:12:17,480 --> 00:12:19,559 Speaker 3: I was not a very active participant, as I was 262 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:22,480 Speaker 3: quite checked out. It had only been like three days 263 00:12:22,520 --> 00:12:26,120 Speaker 3: since confrontation. We have more appointments coming. I have told 264 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:29,199 Speaker 3: her that I am unsure I will get over this betrayal. 265 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:31,920 Speaker 3: I have also told her it is clear we have 266 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:36,319 Speaker 3: significant incompatibilities. She's been begging me to try as we 267 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:39,200 Speaker 3: have been together for so long, so clearly something works 268 00:12:39,240 --> 00:12:44,120 Speaker 3: about us. Yeah, like complacency. Yeah, she has been trying 269 00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:46,600 Speaker 3: to be affectionate the last couple of days and getting 270 00:12:46,600 --> 00:12:49,880 Speaker 3: me to reciprocate, hold her hand, give her a kiss, 271 00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:50,679 Speaker 3: compliment her. 272 00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:52,960 Speaker 1: This is only going to last like two weeks. 273 00:12:52,840 --> 00:12:56,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, until like the guy hits her up again. I 274 00:12:56,679 --> 00:12:59,440 Speaker 3: have not told the other guy's wife yet. You need to. 275 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:03,120 Speaker 3: I have not decided if I will or won't. Morally, 276 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:06,640 Speaker 3: I know the absolute correct decision is to tell her. However, 277 00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:08,560 Speaker 3: as mad as I am at my wife, I'm not 278 00:13:08,600 --> 00:13:12,360 Speaker 3: trying to just ruin her entire life. This poor woman 279 00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:18,840 Speaker 3: rop is completely in the dark about the fact that 280 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:22,800 Speaker 3: she is being cheated on. While she is raising her 281 00:13:22,880 --> 00:13:24,240 Speaker 3: husband and HER's child. 282 00:13:24,360 --> 00:13:26,880 Speaker 2: She'll be living a lie that's ruining her life. 283 00:13:27,120 --> 00:13:27,439 Speaker 1: M M. 284 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:29,880 Speaker 3: I am not out to get revenge on people. This 285 00:13:29,920 --> 00:13:32,520 Speaker 3: isn't revenge. It's literally just the right thing to do. 286 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:35,480 Speaker 3: I grew up with enough confrontation and I'm definitely a 287 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:39,240 Speaker 3: non confrontational person now. I've also not ruled out telling 288 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:42,320 Speaker 3: her yet, but I'm just thinking on it. I apologize 289 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,760 Speaker 3: for how much this post is just a rambling mess 290 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:49,160 Speaker 3: on all Emotionally, I feel passed away. I have lost 291 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,600 Speaker 3: all joy in my life and I'm just doing the emotions. 292 00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:53,880 Speaker 3: I do not know if I'll be able to get 293 00:13:53,880 --> 00:13:56,040 Speaker 3: over this to save the marriage, and I do not 294 00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:59,080 Speaker 3: know if I want to save the marriage. Our lives 295 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:02,080 Speaker 3: are just so in twine that splitting will be such 296 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:05,880 Speaker 3: a difficult and miserable process. My closest friend is the 297 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:08,160 Speaker 3: only person who knows, and they have made it clear 298 00:14:08,320 --> 00:14:11,120 Speaker 3: that divorce would be their only choice if they were 299 00:14:11,120 --> 00:14:13,679 Speaker 3: in my shoes. I am lucky to have had their 300 00:14:13,679 --> 00:14:15,960 Speaker 3: support during this, but I do feel guilty for just 301 00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:19,480 Speaker 3: trauma dumping the situation. I know most replies will be 302 00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:22,440 Speaker 3: that I should have already started the divorce process, and 303 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:25,320 Speaker 3: I wish it was that easy. I will value advice, 304 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:28,080 Speaker 3: and I know quite a few people had asked for updates. 305 00:14:28,480 --> 00:14:30,720 Speaker 3: I definitely missed a lot of info and will try 306 00:14:30,800 --> 00:14:33,360 Speaker 3: to reply as I can. Thank you. What so there 307 00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:36,680 Speaker 3: is an edit for clarification. Yes, I have a large 308 00:14:36,800 --> 00:14:39,240 Speaker 3: chunk of these texts documented and saved. 309 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:40,640 Speaker 1: Okay, good. 310 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:43,320 Speaker 3: I do not know if I will ever get over this. 311 00:14:43,840 --> 00:14:45,440 Speaker 3: When I told her that I don't know if I'll 312 00:14:45,480 --> 00:14:48,200 Speaker 3: ever get past this, she told me she now she 313 00:14:48,320 --> 00:14:51,040 Speaker 3: knows that I hold grudges against people, Doude, Well, this 314 00:14:51,240 --> 00:14:55,320 Speaker 3: is not a grudge. She's manipulating you, referencing my poor 315 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:58,480 Speaker 3: relationship with my parents these days. I definitely feel like 316 00:14:58,520 --> 00:15:01,760 Speaker 3: there's been minimizing of the situationuation, but she frames it 317 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,480 Speaker 3: as trying to move forward and learn from the situation. 318 00:15:04,640 --> 00:15:07,200 Speaker 1: Dude, she's just using all this therapy. It's hard to 319 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:07,880 Speaker 1: get out of it. 320 00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:11,840 Speaker 3: Yeah. Two, I also just learned that he texted her 321 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:14,320 Speaker 3: last night to complain about some work situation. To her. 322 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:17,320 Speaker 3: I was told they were completely done speaking to each other, 323 00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:19,640 Speaker 3: but it turns out the only person getting blocked is 324 00:15:19,720 --> 00:15:21,880 Speaker 3: him blocking me after I confronted him, and there is 325 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:25,400 Speaker 3: a second update. I mean, like, how how could we 326 00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:28,600 Speaker 3: possibly continue the relationship when she is still talking. 327 00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:31,120 Speaker 2: To Who's more annoying your op or Opie's wife, both 328 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:33,360 Speaker 2: of them both. Who's who's more annoying? 329 00:15:33,360 --> 00:15:36,120 Speaker 1: I think the wife the guy. The guy's annoying the guy. 330 00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:40,400 Speaker 3: I think the wife is more annoying than op. Update two. 331 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:44,840 Speaker 3: At my breaking point, Now you're there. It's took you 332 00:15:44,880 --> 00:15:47,880 Speaker 3: a long time to get there. Five days later, I 333 00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:50,760 Speaker 3: truly feel like I've hit my breaking point. I feel 334 00:15:50,760 --> 00:15:53,000 Speaker 3: completely numb, half the time, and the other half there 335 00:15:53,040 --> 00:15:57,040 Speaker 3: is a deep, raging self hatred. I despise who I 336 00:15:57,080 --> 00:16:00,240 Speaker 3: am and my life, my entire life I've I've been 337 00:16:00,240 --> 00:16:03,320 Speaker 3: told nothing but what my faults are perfectionist parents who 338 00:16:03,400 --> 00:16:06,600 Speaker 3: never once helped me build any pride, but only tore 339 00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:10,080 Speaker 3: down any accomplishments. I recently found out my partner of 340 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:13,600 Speaker 3: fourteen years was having an affair with a coworker, and 341 00:16:13,680 --> 00:16:16,520 Speaker 3: I have been processing that as well, seeing all their 342 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:19,520 Speaker 3: texts and or reasoning only validating all those thoughts about 343 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,600 Speaker 3: how everything I touch or do is a failure. I 344 00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:25,040 Speaker 3: have almost no true, reliable friends. The worst part is 345 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,680 Speaker 3: I have a large group of fair weather friends who 346 00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,960 Speaker 3: are around when times are great. If I confide in 347 00:16:31,040 --> 00:16:33,600 Speaker 3: someone how I'm feeling, I can just feel the disgust 348 00:16:33,640 --> 00:16:37,440 Speaker 3: and repulsion. I work in a fairly depressing field in medicine. 349 00:16:37,560 --> 00:16:40,440 Speaker 3: Oh no, it seems like you're not happy in any 350 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:41,880 Speaker 3: parts of your life, and so we need. 351 00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:43,560 Speaker 1: To make a big change we do. 352 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:47,480 Speaker 3: I get fulfillment from my job, but it's constant passing 353 00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:48,880 Speaker 3: or people passing away. 354 00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:49,040 Speaker 2: No. 355 00:16:49,200 --> 00:16:52,480 Speaker 3: Wow, A not insignificant amount of my coworkers think my 356 00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:56,000 Speaker 3: specialties shouldn't even exist and that we just old Basian's 357 00:16:56,080 --> 00:16:59,400 Speaker 3: hand and listen to them cry. I find myself coming 358 00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:02,760 Speaker 3: home from world and just sleeping. I know I'm depressed. 359 00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:07,800 Speaker 3: I've always been depressed. I'm on antidepressants. I recently started therapy, 360 00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:11,000 Speaker 3: but I just feel done. I go to sleep every night. 361 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:14,480 Speaker 3: Oh my goodness. Who oh, he's in a very dark place. 362 00:17:14,880 --> 00:17:18,800 Speaker 3: Many my pets are probably the only thing keeping me 363 00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:20,760 Speaker 3: going at this point, because they rely on me to 364 00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:23,639 Speaker 3: be fed. Otherwise I have nothing. And there is an update. 365 00:17:24,080 --> 00:17:24,960 Speaker 1: Goodness gracious. 366 00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:28,000 Speaker 3: Okay, so he needs immediate therapy and also to get 367 00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:32,360 Speaker 3: out of this relationship honestly, maybe move, Maybe move, find. 368 00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:34,359 Speaker 2: A new job, start a new. 369 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:35,200 Speaker 3: Start a hobby. 370 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:37,560 Speaker 1: Yeah, see that that could definitely we. 371 00:17:37,520 --> 00:17:39,680 Speaker 3: Start over, because I don't think you're happy in any 372 00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:43,200 Speaker 3: area of your life. Update three. I've received a lot 373 00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:47,000 Speaker 3: of messages asking about updates. For background, we have been 374 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:50,480 Speaker 3: together for thirteen years and married for four no kids. 375 00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:53,240 Speaker 3: He does seem to be showing true remorse recently. 376 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:56,919 Speaker 1: Don't Nope, Nope, those aren't. Those are crocodile tears. 377 00:17:58,320 --> 00:18:01,160 Speaker 3: She has been very open about how badly she messed 378 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:05,080 Speaker 3: up and destroyed all our trust. I can't say whether 379 00:18:05,119 --> 00:18:07,600 Speaker 3: this remorse has moved me at all. I still feel 380 00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:10,359 Speaker 3: checked out. I've just been coming home from work and 381 00:18:10,440 --> 00:18:12,879 Speaker 3: sleeping the rest of the day. Tries to get me 382 00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:15,320 Speaker 3: to cuddle a rager, but honestly, I just feel so 383 00:18:15,440 --> 00:18:18,160 Speaker 3: empty at this point, it's just going through the motions. 384 00:18:18,840 --> 00:18:21,080 Speaker 3: I do actually feel bad about how I've been, but 385 00:18:21,160 --> 00:18:23,399 Speaker 3: this has just struck me so deeply. At this point, 386 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:26,439 Speaker 3: she has broken off all contact, it seems, with the 387 00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:29,280 Speaker 3: other guy. She's blocked him on everything and avoids him 388 00:18:29,280 --> 00:18:31,520 Speaker 3: at work. According to her, I've told her that I'm 389 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:33,359 Speaker 3: always going to have this bit of distrust in the 390 00:18:33,359 --> 00:18:36,440 Speaker 3: back of my mind. Now we have been continuing therapy, 391 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:39,320 Speaker 3: but honestly, it still feels like it's her trying to 392 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:42,720 Speaker 3: justify the circumstances that led to the affair. We have 393 00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:47,240 Speaker 3: clearly identified a lot of huge incompatibilities in our relationship. 394 00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:50,399 Speaker 3: She wants to fight to change and be stronger, and 395 00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:53,240 Speaker 3: I just don't even respond. Still, and there is an 396 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:55,879 Speaker 3: update twelve days later. 397 00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:58,159 Speaker 1: Oh no, so I'm obie. 398 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,840 Speaker 3: Last month has had me in amaraicter. I have continued 399 00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:04,800 Speaker 3: to feel like there's many, many moments of minimizing what happened, 400 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:09,560 Speaker 3: and many moments of true remorse. I became paralyzed by 401 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:12,480 Speaker 3: the stress and shut down. This week I made the 402 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:18,000 Speaker 3: decision to move out. Yay, woo, you did it. 403 00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:19,200 Speaker 1: You did it. 404 00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:22,960 Speaker 3: I packed the essentials and booked a hotel. Her parents 405 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:24,800 Speaker 3: paid a huge chunk of that house, so I'm not 406 00:19:24,840 --> 00:19:28,200 Speaker 3: asking her to leave. I've begun reflecting on everything, and 407 00:19:28,240 --> 00:19:30,400 Speaker 3: I see that our relationship has been trying to get 408 00:19:30,440 --> 00:19:35,080 Speaker 3: past some horrible incompatibilities. I finally have my answer that 409 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:36,920 Speaker 3: divorce is the right offtion. 410 00:19:37,080 --> 00:19:38,400 Speaker 1: Okay, we're here now. 411 00:19:38,480 --> 00:19:41,360 Speaker 3: We are not happy together. You cheated and I'll never 412 00:19:41,560 --> 00:19:44,720 Speaker 3: get over that. She's begging not to, but I will 413 00:19:44,760 --> 00:19:47,119 Speaker 3: be telling her that I am done, and for the 414 00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:50,800 Speaker 3: affair partner's wife, I will tell her too. Update five 415 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:53,360 Speaker 3: eleven days later from the previous updates. 416 00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:55,760 Speaker 1: Please please, please please please please tell me you are 417 00:19:56,040 --> 00:19:57,240 Speaker 1: somewhere else in a work field. 418 00:19:57,240 --> 00:20:01,520 Speaker 3: Please you're somewhere else. You're lying in the sun on 419 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:05,960 Speaker 3: the sand, drinking mohidos. A lot of people messaged me, 420 00:20:06,000 --> 00:20:08,960 Speaker 3: and I appreciate the support. The last month has been 421 00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,960 Speaker 3: pretty gosh darn miserable, to say the least regarding telling 422 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,320 Speaker 3: the other guys. Why if she knows? 423 00:20:14,359 --> 00:20:14,600 Speaker 1: Now? 424 00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,760 Speaker 3: Oh, I honestly thought she would just find out eventually. 425 00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:18,080 Speaker 2: Yeah. 426 00:20:18,160 --> 00:20:19,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, they didn't really see that. I was smart. But 427 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:20,520 Speaker 1: did you tell her? 428 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:24,080 Speaker 3: Yeah? Turns out he was texting similarly with two other 429 00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,280 Speaker 3: nurses at the hospital and she caught him. 430 00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:30,320 Speaker 1: Oh but she worked there, but you. 431 00:20:30,359 --> 00:20:34,920 Speaker 3: Didn't tell her? Yeah? She then found text messages from 432 00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:38,000 Speaker 3: my wife he had saved on his phone. We spoke briefly, 433 00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:40,600 Speaker 3: and I apologize for not telling her sooner, But yeah, 434 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:44,480 Speaker 3: she knows. Regarding my marriage, every single day I waffled 435 00:20:44,480 --> 00:20:45,480 Speaker 3: between divorce or not. 436 00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:49,600 Speaker 1: Why waffling needs to go down the divorce route. 437 00:20:49,880 --> 00:20:52,200 Speaker 3: There are some days where it feels like she's being 438 00:20:52,240 --> 00:20:55,920 Speaker 3: accountable and some days where there are nasty arguments. She 439 00:20:55,960 --> 00:20:59,280 Speaker 3: still gets mad when I say cheating as nothing physical happened. 440 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:01,520 Speaker 3: Start saying, you emotionally cheated on me. 441 00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:01,960 Speaker 1: Yep. 442 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:04,200 Speaker 3: If she keeps arguing about that, then you go, okay, fine, 443 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:05,320 Speaker 3: you emotionally cheated on me? 444 00:21:05,520 --> 00:21:07,119 Speaker 1: Or good a dictionary? I don't know. 445 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:09,720 Speaker 3: She still gets mad when I make it seem like 446 00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:12,920 Speaker 3: it's all her fault and I didn't contribute to it. Yesterday, 447 00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:14,679 Speaker 3: she told me that she should have after them, so 448 00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,600 Speaker 3: at least she would have gotten something out of it. 449 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:20,760 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, it's like she's blaming you for crashing 450 00:21:20,800 --> 00:21:23,439 Speaker 1: the car because the brakes weren't working, but she clearly 451 00:21:23,520 --> 00:21:25,359 Speaker 1: was driving the car off the cliff. 452 00:21:25,680 --> 00:21:28,120 Speaker 3: Yeah. Today she blew up on me for saying I'm 453 00:21:28,119 --> 00:21:30,240 Speaker 3: not being accountable for what I did to lead to 454 00:21:30,280 --> 00:21:35,960 Speaker 3: this happening. Yeah, not exactly the shining example of accountability shining. Yeah, 455 00:21:36,040 --> 00:21:37,120 Speaker 3: that's exactly my thought. 456 00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:38,880 Speaker 1: I don't want a final thought. 457 00:21:39,080 --> 00:21:40,720 Speaker 3: I just want you to divorce your wife. 458 00:21:40,840 --> 00:21:42,240 Speaker 2: Your ex wife's the final thought. 459 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:45,800 Speaker 3: Your ex at maker, your ex whoa Alma's got me? 460 00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:47,840 Speaker 3: Make her your eggs. 461 00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:50,439 Speaker 1: Please make your your eggs. Find a different life and 462 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:52,040 Speaker 1: be the mysterious guy at the barroom. 463 00:21:52,119 --> 00:21:56,600 Speaker 3: Yes, go to the sun, Go dive into the. 464 00:21:58,040 --> 00:21:59,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, a moha mint from your mouki. 465 00:22:00,720 --> 00:22:03,560 Speaker 3: She told a few of our friends and our family 466 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:07,200 Speaker 3: a very half budded story which excluded the affair entirely, 467 00:22:07,720 --> 00:22:11,560 Speaker 3: and that blamed me almost exclusively. It's gotten to the 468 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:14,280 Speaker 3: point where one person said it felt like a pr campaign. 469 00:22:14,760 --> 00:22:17,159 Speaker 3: She's shown her true colors. Whenever I tell her we 470 00:22:17,200 --> 00:22:20,359 Speaker 3: aren't going to recover, she shows a nasty and vile 471 00:22:20,480 --> 00:22:25,400 Speaker 3: she can get. I won't list the countless other examples anyways, Yeah, 472 00:22:25,480 --> 00:22:27,560 Speaker 3: I know plenty of people will feel like I'm being 473 00:22:27,600 --> 00:22:30,800 Speaker 3: a coward not having left already. I don't know why 474 00:22:30,840 --> 00:22:33,760 Speaker 3: I'm having this stupid paralysis with it. I do feel 475 00:22:33,800 --> 00:22:37,120 Speaker 3: bad as our pets were devastated when I temporarily moved out. 476 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:40,480 Speaker 3: I know that's not an excuse, but every stupid little 477 00:22:40,520 --> 00:22:44,639 Speaker 3: thing weighs on me. It's hard throwing away thirteen years 478 00:22:44,680 --> 00:22:47,280 Speaker 3: like this. But if any of my friends came to 479 00:22:47,320 --> 00:22:49,200 Speaker 3: me with this, I would recommend divorce. 480 00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:53,320 Speaker 1: That is, yes, look at that be like if your 481 00:22:53,320 --> 00:22:54,480 Speaker 1: friend came to you this. 482 00:22:54,720 --> 00:22:56,800 Speaker 3: Would you yeah? Would you tell them to accept that? 483 00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:57,240 Speaker 1: Yeah? 484 00:22:57,359 --> 00:22:59,800 Speaker 3: Or do you say, hey, hopefully I grow a pair 485 00:22:59,840 --> 00:23:02,520 Speaker 3: and just pull the band aid off soon. I appreciate 486 00:23:02,560 --> 00:23:05,160 Speaker 3: everyone's kind messages that I've got, And that is. 487 00:23:05,119 --> 00:23:09,040 Speaker 4: The what he hasn't actually done, don't you know, divorced, 488 00:23:09,359 --> 00:23:10,199 Speaker 4: We don't know. 489 00:23:11,160 --> 00:23:13,520 Speaker 2: Wow, he's in the pro I think. 490 00:23:13,320 --> 00:23:16,400 Speaker 3: He's I think he's getting there slowly, but. 491 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:18,320 Speaker 1: That is tough getting there, that is really tough. And 492 00:23:18,359 --> 00:23:19,240 Speaker 1: that's the end of the story. 493 00:23:19,400 --> 00:23:21,520 Speaker 5: We're gonna read the next one. 494 00:23:21,560 --> 00:23:24,400 Speaker 3: My husband refused to cut off his coworker, so I'm 495 00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:25,000 Speaker 3: leaving him. 496 00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:26,600 Speaker 1: Cut off the coworker. Dude. 497 00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:29,480 Speaker 3: Me forty female and my husband forty seven male, have 498 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:33,159 Speaker 3: been together for eleven and a half years, married for 499 00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:37,120 Speaker 3: four point five years, So here's my dilemma. Sorry for length. 500 00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:39,840 Speaker 3: We have been together for eleven and a half years, 501 00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,320 Speaker 3: married for four point five I have a twelve year 502 00:23:42,359 --> 00:23:45,720 Speaker 3: old twin boys from a previous relationship, and we have 503 00:23:45,760 --> 00:23:48,080 Speaker 3: a three year old girl together. By the way, this 504 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:50,280 Speaker 3: comes from Horror Princess five to seven. And if you 505 00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:51,800 Speaker 3: want to smit your own stories, go to the r 506 00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:55,159 Speaker 3: slash Okay, storytime, separate it. I'm Sophia, I'm Riley, I'm 507 00:23:55,240 --> 00:23:57,199 Speaker 3: key On, and we're here to give good advice. Goofy. 508 00:23:57,240 --> 00:23:59,119 Speaker 3: But we don't have all the answers. We only know 509 00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:01,120 Speaker 3: what we do, so let us know what you would 510 00:24:01,160 --> 00:24:04,719 Speaker 3: do in the comments and op says my husband has 511 00:24:04,760 --> 00:24:08,160 Speaker 3: traveled for work for about nine years now. At first, 512 00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:10,280 Speaker 3: he had work colleagues that he would travel with gone 513 00:24:10,280 --> 00:24:13,000 Speaker 3: for a week at a time, so obviously he traveled 514 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:17,040 Speaker 3: with both men and women. One woman in particular started 515 00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:20,560 Speaker 3: to become a problem. Within about four to five years, 516 00:24:20,560 --> 00:24:23,119 Speaker 3: of them working with her m It started that he 517 00:24:23,160 --> 00:24:26,200 Speaker 3: would bring her up in casual conversation all the time, 518 00:24:26,359 --> 00:24:28,480 Speaker 3: which I didn't really mind at first until it became 519 00:24:28,520 --> 00:24:31,480 Speaker 3: more frequent. Then, once I brought it up that it 520 00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:33,639 Speaker 3: made me uncomfortable. I had never had a problem with 521 00:24:33,680 --> 00:24:37,640 Speaker 3: her before, he stopped talking about her all together. Then 522 00:24:37,800 --> 00:24:40,120 Speaker 3: came when we would go on vacation, she would call. 523 00:24:40,760 --> 00:24:42,800 Speaker 3: She would call, you would press the accept button, and 524 00:24:42,880 --> 00:24:44,919 Speaker 3: before she had a chance to say anything, he would say, 525 00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:46,480 Speaker 3: the wife and the kids are here in the car, 526 00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:50,200 Speaker 3: which I thought was weird, but brushed it off. The 527 00:24:50,320 --> 00:24:52,960 Speaker 3: very first time she called, they talked for about twenty 528 00:24:52,960 --> 00:24:55,639 Speaker 3: to thirty minutes, and when they hung up, I asked 529 00:24:55,640 --> 00:24:57,960 Speaker 3: who that was. He says, Oh, it's x y Z 530 00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:01,479 Speaker 3: and then immediately goes to trash talking her. He's crazy, 531 00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:05,160 Speaker 3: Aga talks day match, gee dresses, wear, et cetera, which 532 00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:07,480 Speaker 3: to me was red flag number one. Yeah, he's like, 533 00:25:07,520 --> 00:25:11,360 Speaker 3: this woman sucks. Oh god, oh every time I think 534 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,479 Speaker 3: of her, Oh, I just want to throw up. 535 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:15,679 Speaker 1: Trying to unscent the trail. 536 00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:19,440 Speaker 3: Yeah. Then another time we were on vacation, same thing 537 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:21,800 Speaker 3: with the wife and kids were in the car and 538 00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:24,359 Speaker 3: they proceeded to talk for over an hour while you 539 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:25,200 Speaker 3: guys were in the car. 540 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:27,720 Speaker 1: That's kind of weird. That happened to me once on 541 00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:30,040 Speaker 1: a road trip, like why are we calling people? Why 542 00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:30,760 Speaker 1: aren't we just hanging out? 543 00:25:30,840 --> 00:25:33,080 Speaker 3: Sam does it all the time in the car? Ye, Sam, 544 00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:35,360 Speaker 3: I have to be like Sam, I want to talk 545 00:25:35,400 --> 00:25:38,280 Speaker 3: to you Sometimes I don't mind because it's someone I 546 00:25:38,320 --> 00:25:41,000 Speaker 3: want to talk to you too. Fast forward, I found 547 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:44,360 Speaker 3: out that they would stay in the same hotel. He 548 00:25:44,440 --> 00:25:47,200 Speaker 3: offered up this info and went out for dinner while 549 00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:49,679 Speaker 3: they traveled together. I found this out through the text 550 00:25:49,680 --> 00:25:51,639 Speaker 3: between them, which was fine at the time because I 551 00:25:51,760 --> 00:25:55,679 Speaker 3: trusted him. Then came the bad feeling like something was wrong. 552 00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,840 Speaker 3: So I went through his phone, seeing like some parts 553 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:02,800 Speaker 3: of conversation were missing, but otherwise normal office manter and worked. 554 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:06,679 Speaker 3: Sometime later, months and months, I get that bad feeling 555 00:26:06,720 --> 00:26:08,400 Speaker 3: again and go through his phone again. 556 00:26:09,040 --> 00:26:12,680 Speaker 1: I think there's though. Yeah, I feel like they wouldn't 557 00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:15,520 Speaker 1: say what they're doing. They just say work so much together. 558 00:26:15,880 --> 00:26:20,080 Speaker 3: If they're having hour long conversations while OPI's in the car, pretty. 559 00:26:19,800 --> 00:26:22,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, but they work together. Why can't they just wait 560 00:26:22,119 --> 00:26:23,560 Speaker 1: for that? Maybe he does love her? 561 00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:26,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, maybe he's in love with her, he just can't wait. 562 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:31,320 Speaker 3: So originally he had two separate names, two separate numbers, 563 00:26:31,359 --> 00:26:34,879 Speaker 3: and two separate conversations in there. The next time I 564 00:26:34,960 --> 00:26:38,639 Speaker 3: checked it, one name and conversation was completely gone, and 565 00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:42,000 Speaker 3: the other conversation in collogue was at least seventy five 566 00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:45,879 Speaker 3: percent deleted. His excuse was that he deleted them so 567 00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:48,800 Speaker 3: that I could see any new messages coming through easier. 568 00:26:49,160 --> 00:26:50,520 Speaker 3: That was red flag number two. 569 00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:51,280 Speaker 1: Oh boy. 570 00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:54,359 Speaker 3: More time passes and I bring it up again that 571 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:57,080 Speaker 3: I don't like this woman and whatever they have going 572 00:26:57,119 --> 00:27:00,399 Speaker 3: on makes me uneasy. He proceeds to tell me again 573 00:27:00,480 --> 00:27:03,520 Speaker 3: that she's grazious, she's jokes a friend, and he's pretty 574 00:27:03,520 --> 00:27:06,320 Speaker 3: sure she's into women. Also, this time he gets super 575 00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:09,480 Speaker 3: defensive and storms off. So that was red flag number three. 576 00:27:09,560 --> 00:27:11,800 Speaker 1: Oh man, he's not doing a good job at cheating. 577 00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:14,000 Speaker 1: We could write a book on how to cheat. 578 00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:16,119 Speaker 3: Yeah, that would be bad. That would be a bad 579 00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:19,560 Speaker 3: book to release. But we could, but we won't because 580 00:27:19,720 --> 00:27:21,800 Speaker 3: I think that would be using our powers for evil. 581 00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:24,400 Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, we can write the book. It's one page, don't. 582 00:27:24,200 --> 00:27:27,879 Speaker 3: Cheat, don't cheat. He also has been on two vacations 583 00:27:27,960 --> 00:27:32,879 Speaker 3: without me, Las Vegas. What of all places wait without you? Yeah, 584 00:27:32,920 --> 00:27:35,040 Speaker 3: he's been weird with his phone, like turning it away 585 00:27:35,040 --> 00:27:38,680 Speaker 3: when he texts texts with possible affair partner. He's been 586 00:27:38,720 --> 00:27:41,760 Speaker 3: short with our daughter also. One day, out of the blue, 587 00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:43,880 Speaker 3: he says, if we ever got divorced, you would take 588 00:27:43,880 --> 00:27:47,640 Speaker 3: full custody of our daughter. Right, oh my, just checking, 589 00:27:48,160 --> 00:27:55,119 Speaker 3: just literally totally hypothetical, all hypothetical here, but you you 590 00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:56,960 Speaker 3: would take our daughter when we get divorce. I mean, 591 00:27:57,000 --> 00:28:01,000 Speaker 3: if we get divorced, if I cheated a will, if 592 00:28:01,040 --> 00:28:02,760 Speaker 3: I were cheating on you, dude. 593 00:28:03,160 --> 00:28:05,480 Speaker 1: You know, he probably has a list of things to 594 00:28:05,560 --> 00:28:08,399 Speaker 1: ask why before getting divorced, and that was one of them. 595 00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:12,119 Speaker 3: Yeah, He's like, Okay, if we were divorced, would we 596 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:14,439 Speaker 3: have separate? Would we how am we separate our our 597 00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:15,000 Speaker 3: break of guns? 598 00:28:15,880 --> 00:28:18,320 Speaker 1: That's probably on that list. 599 00:28:19,359 --> 00:28:21,560 Speaker 3: One morning he got out of the shower. I was 600 00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:24,359 Speaker 3: getting dressed, and he walked in, grabbed his clothes and 601 00:28:24,400 --> 00:28:27,240 Speaker 3: got dressed in our master bathroom, which he has never 602 00:28:27,320 --> 00:28:29,320 Speaker 3: done to my knowledge, even though he tells me he 603 00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:33,040 Speaker 3: gets ready in there every morning before he leaves for work. Okay, well, 604 00:28:33,320 --> 00:28:34,320 Speaker 3: our leaves for the week. 605 00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:36,040 Speaker 1: What's weird for this, I don't know. 606 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:38,880 Speaker 3: I made a post on our anniversary and tagged him 607 00:28:38,880 --> 00:28:41,040 Speaker 3: in it, and none of his friends liked or commented 608 00:28:41,080 --> 00:28:43,840 Speaker 3: on it, which leads me to believe he didn't approve 609 00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:46,880 Speaker 3: it to show up on his feed. Same with the 610 00:28:46,880 --> 00:28:49,000 Speaker 3: fourth of July post I made and tagged him in 611 00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:51,960 Speaker 3: the time before when I brought things up again about 612 00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:56,680 Speaker 3: possible affair partner, he really offered no real solutions and 613 00:28:56,760 --> 00:28:58,880 Speaker 3: at the end said, we put this behind us, so 614 00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:01,600 Speaker 3: we don't have to talk about this in so everything 615 00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:03,000 Speaker 3: came to a head tonight. 616 00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:03,600 Speaker 1: Same. 617 00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:05,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, this guy is one cheating. 618 00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:09,800 Speaker 1: If he really wasn't cheating, how can I ease your 619 00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:11,040 Speaker 1: mind with this? Babe? 620 00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:12,160 Speaker 2: It's Vegas now. 621 00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:15,560 Speaker 3: This man is like cheating, cheating more than I don't know. 622 00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:18,680 Speaker 3: He's the cheating MC Cheaterson and he's the worst at 623 00:29:18,680 --> 00:29:19,080 Speaker 3: it too. 624 00:29:19,440 --> 00:29:20,560 Speaker 1: Just babe, he's the. 625 00:29:20,480 --> 00:29:21,480 Speaker 3: Worst cheater we've seen. 626 00:29:21,600 --> 00:29:23,600 Speaker 2: What happened stays in Vegas? 627 00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:26,960 Speaker 3: But oh no, but he's pretty bad. Yeah, he's like, no, Babe, 628 00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:29,440 Speaker 3: you don't understand nothing happened in Vegas because I can't tell. 629 00:29:29,280 --> 00:29:30,400 Speaker 1: You stay there. 630 00:29:30,400 --> 00:29:32,720 Speaker 2: It's like fight club there first rule I kill. 631 00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:35,800 Speaker 3: We went out in our garage to talk, and I said, 632 00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:38,040 Speaker 3: I don't know how to start this, so I'm just 633 00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:40,320 Speaker 3: going to say it. I need you to come clean. 634 00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:42,960 Speaker 3: I need to know everything that's been going on because 635 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:45,680 Speaker 3: I can't keep doing this and feeling like this, and 636 00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:48,760 Speaker 3: if you can't do that, I'm gonna leave. And he said, OMG, 637 00:29:49,280 --> 00:29:54,800 Speaker 3: what now? So I started in again, impossible a fair partner, 638 00:29:54,960 --> 00:29:58,280 Speaker 3: and he immediately got super defensive, saying that he doesn't 639 00:29:58,320 --> 00:30:00,640 Speaker 3: know what I want from him. There's nothing going on. 640 00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:03,600 Speaker 3: What do you want me to say? So we yell, 641 00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:07,040 Speaker 3: I'm crying. He asks what I want him to do, 642 00:30:07,320 --> 00:30:09,200 Speaker 3: but every time I tell him, he acts like he 643 00:30:09,240 --> 00:30:11,040 Speaker 3: doesn't have a choice and that he can't get rid 644 00:30:11,080 --> 00:30:13,720 Speaker 3: of her because they work together. They don't. They work 645 00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:16,800 Speaker 3: for the same company, but different departments now and no 646 00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:20,000 Speaker 3: longer travel together, and they live across the country from 647 00:30:20,040 --> 00:30:22,320 Speaker 3: each other. It ended with him telling me I'm not 648 00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:24,440 Speaker 3: going to get rid of her. If she calls her text, 649 00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:25,280 Speaker 3: I'm gonna answer. 650 00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:28,680 Speaker 1: Oh, there we go. There we go, digging deeper with her. 651 00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:31,440 Speaker 1: Keep the teater, keep digging op, You're close. 652 00:30:32,080 --> 00:30:34,440 Speaker 3: I should have gotten up right then and told him 653 00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:37,000 Speaker 3: that that was the end of the conversation because he's 654 00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:40,000 Speaker 3: obviously made his choice, and you did right. 655 00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:43,360 Speaker 2: You did right, right right now left. 656 00:30:43,560 --> 00:30:45,600 Speaker 3: We yelled a little more and he stormed off and 657 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:48,280 Speaker 3: left came back after about twenty to thirty minutes. 658 00:30:48,680 --> 00:30:50,400 Speaker 1: See, guys, there. 659 00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:52,800 Speaker 3: Are many, many more red flags. I just don't want 660 00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:55,280 Speaker 3: this to be any longer. He's like, don't worry, there's 661 00:30:55,280 --> 00:30:58,800 Speaker 3: actually a lot of worse stuff. I just it's getting 662 00:30:58,800 --> 00:30:59,080 Speaker 3: too long. 663 00:30:59,200 --> 00:31:02,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, this is a long enough story here, opey dang o. 664 00:31:04,040 --> 00:31:08,120 Speaker 1: The thing that sucks. Yeah, she doesn't really have definitive. 665 00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:10,680 Speaker 3: Proof, or at least enough proof for her to be like, well, 666 00:31:10,880 --> 00:31:11,840 Speaker 3: I now I know for. 667 00:31:11,760 --> 00:31:14,120 Speaker 1: Sure, and I can go through divorce pretty easily full 668 00:31:14,160 --> 00:31:15,080 Speaker 1: custody of everything. 669 00:31:15,680 --> 00:31:18,200 Speaker 3: It seems like you would give her full custody. That's 670 00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:21,640 Speaker 3: true based on the hypothetical. I know how bad this looks, 671 00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:23,360 Speaker 3: and in the back of my mind, I know what 672 00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:26,280 Speaker 3: I need to do. But starting over, especially as a 673 00:31:26,320 --> 00:31:30,000 Speaker 3: single mom, is terrifying. But I also can't keep living 674 00:31:30,040 --> 00:31:32,840 Speaker 3: this way, especially if he's not willing to be honest 675 00:31:32,960 --> 00:31:36,520 Speaker 3: and transparent with me. Also, I know I don't have 676 00:31:36,560 --> 00:31:40,720 Speaker 3: the smoking evidence, so leaving on a bad feeling and 677 00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:44,880 Speaker 3: some red flags doesn't quite sit right. Have you been 678 00:31:44,880 --> 00:31:47,520 Speaker 3: in this situation? What did you do? What would you 679 00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:51,160 Speaker 3: do if you were me? Any advice? Welcome? Thanks, and 680 00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:52,440 Speaker 3: there is an update. 681 00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:55,720 Speaker 1: But what do you think I'm stuck on? She lives 682 00:31:55,720 --> 00:31:56,720 Speaker 1: across the country. 683 00:31:56,880 --> 00:31:59,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, well, I feel like that's why they're calling and 684 00:31:59,320 --> 00:32:01,960 Speaker 3: texting someone. They're behaving as if they were in a 685 00:32:02,000 --> 00:32:03,320 Speaker 3: long distance relationship. 686 00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:04,640 Speaker 1: I see, I see. 687 00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:07,240 Speaker 3: I think that you have enough. I think that you 688 00:32:07,280 --> 00:32:09,800 Speaker 3: need to stop gaslighting yourself into thinking that you don't 689 00:32:09,800 --> 00:32:10,800 Speaker 3: have evidence, because you do. 690 00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:15,840 Speaker 1: There's a way to get better evidence, and you can. 691 00:32:16,240 --> 00:32:18,560 Speaker 3: If it helps you. You don't even have to make 692 00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:21,520 Speaker 3: this about cheating. You can say I have noticed that 693 00:32:21,640 --> 00:32:23,880 Speaker 3: anytime I try to bring up a conversation, you don't 694 00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:26,600 Speaker 3: want to have that conversation. I've noticed that you're pulling 695 00:32:26,640 --> 00:32:30,040 Speaker 3: away from me and our daughter. I have noticed these things, 696 00:32:30,120 --> 00:32:34,280 Speaker 3: like things that you can actually pinpoint that make you 697 00:32:34,360 --> 00:32:37,640 Speaker 3: mad or upset or uncomfortable, and you don't even bring 698 00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:40,160 Speaker 3: up the cheating. You say, you know what, regardless of 699 00:32:40,200 --> 00:32:42,080 Speaker 3: what I think about that, these are things that I've 700 00:32:42,120 --> 00:32:42,840 Speaker 3: actually seen. 701 00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:46,040 Speaker 1: That's tough, tough time. Oh good luck. 702 00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:51,160 Speaker 3: Update has been admitted to emotional affair. 703 00:32:51,360 --> 00:32:54,080 Speaker 1: Oh, I don't think it was just emotional. 704 00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:56,120 Speaker 3: I don't think so either. Well, maybe because they were 705 00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:56,720 Speaker 3: so far apart. 706 00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:58,440 Speaker 1: Well, they would travel together though. 707 00:32:59,280 --> 00:33:03,200 Speaker 3: Two weeks later, like title says, we sat and talked 708 00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:07,600 Speaker 3: and he finally admitted that they took the friendship too far. Oh, 709 00:33:07,720 --> 00:33:10,280 Speaker 3: and it crossed the line into an emotional affair. 710 00:33:10,360 --> 00:33:11,280 Speaker 1: Oh. 711 00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:13,040 Speaker 3: I don't know if I'll ever get the whole truth. 712 00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:15,680 Speaker 3: This is a woman that he traveled with for work. 713 00:33:15,880 --> 00:33:18,080 Speaker 3: He says he only traveled with her twelve times in 714 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:21,360 Speaker 3: five years, which I'm pretty sure is not true. But whatever, 715 00:33:21,880 --> 00:33:25,280 Speaker 3: they stayed in the same hotel. I found out they 716 00:33:25,280 --> 00:33:28,400 Speaker 3: would go to dinner when they were traveling together. Give 717 00:33:28,400 --> 00:33:30,520 Speaker 3: it to me straight. What are the odds he's telling 718 00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:33,920 Speaker 3: me all of it? Zero zero? He swears up and 719 00:33:33,960 --> 00:33:36,320 Speaker 3: down that he's only been with me spicily since we 720 00:33:36,400 --> 00:33:40,280 Speaker 3: got together. Will there still be trickle truth? I'll admit 721 00:33:40,360 --> 00:33:42,920 Speaker 3: I feel a weird sense of relief because at least 722 00:33:42,960 --> 00:33:45,520 Speaker 3: I know I'm not crazy now and my intuition wasn't wrong. 723 00:33:46,240 --> 00:33:48,560 Speaker 3: And at it. He says they haven't talked in forever, 724 00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:51,480 Speaker 3: that he doesn't even remember the last time they talked. 725 00:33:51,840 --> 00:33:53,600 Speaker 3: But just two weeks ago, he was willing to lose 726 00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:55,680 Speaker 3: everything for this woman. It's just not adding up. 727 00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:59,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, no, you lost them yeah, oh man, Yeah, that's 728 00:33:59,120 --> 00:33:59,960 Speaker 1: a tough one. 729 00:34:00,120 --> 00:34:03,040 Speaker 3: Yeah. Hess. If they had dinner together and we're traveling 730 00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:06,560 Speaker 3: together and staying in the same hotel, they were probably 731 00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:09,120 Speaker 3: having a physical affair at it. I don't know if 732 00:34:09,160 --> 00:34:12,600 Speaker 3: this matters, but he also recently got diagnosed with HPV. 733 00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:15,680 Speaker 3: I do know that HPV is super transmittable. I've done 734 00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:18,000 Speaker 3: a lot of research and that it can lay dormant 735 00:34:18,040 --> 00:34:21,359 Speaker 3: for years or even decades and doesn't necessarily get picked 736 00:34:21,440 --> 00:34:24,680 Speaker 3: up by spicy means. Although I think that's not the 737 00:34:24,719 --> 00:34:29,719 Speaker 3: majority of cases. Yeah, he definitely got it, but there 738 00:34:29,920 --> 00:34:31,759 Speaker 3: is an update a month later. 739 00:34:32,000 --> 00:34:34,800 Speaker 1: Oh boy, you get tested. 740 00:34:35,360 --> 00:34:38,920 Speaker 3: Yeah, divorce and get tested. One month later, I have 741 00:34:39,040 --> 00:34:42,400 Speaker 3: decided that we need to separate for however long we 742 00:34:42,520 --> 00:34:46,080 Speaker 3: each get individual therapy and go from there. Boy, I 743 00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:47,600 Speaker 3: don't like it. I don't like how that sounds. 744 00:34:47,920 --> 00:34:50,240 Speaker 1: He needs to tell the whole truth before you do that. Yeah. 745 00:34:50,640 --> 00:34:52,600 Speaker 3: This means that I will be moving back in with 746 00:34:52,640 --> 00:34:55,160 Speaker 3: my parents, which I don't want to do, but it's 747 00:34:55,200 --> 00:34:57,640 Speaker 3: better than being where I'm at and feeling how I'm feeling. 748 00:34:58,160 --> 00:35:00,319 Speaker 3: I feel that this will give me the clarity need 749 00:35:00,360 --> 00:35:02,480 Speaker 3: to make a decision to see if we can make 750 00:35:02,480 --> 00:35:05,319 Speaker 3: this work and we can truly reconcile, or if I 751 00:35:05,440 --> 00:35:07,719 Speaker 3: cannot move past it and we need to just ending. 752 00:35:08,040 --> 00:35:09,600 Speaker 3: I don't know why I feel this way, but I 753 00:35:09,640 --> 00:35:12,200 Speaker 3: truly am at a crossroads. The bigger side of me 754 00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:14,040 Speaker 3: wants to just rip off the band aid and get 755 00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:17,879 Speaker 3: a divorce, and the other side loves him. We have kids, 756 00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:20,520 Speaker 3: et cetera, and want to make this work. I don't 757 00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:23,320 Speaker 3: know if it's possible, though, I don't know any words 758 00:35:23,360 --> 00:35:25,960 Speaker 3: of encouragement or anything really is good divorce. 759 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:27,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's the end of the story. 760 00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:30,040 Speaker 5: We're going to read the next one. 761 00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:31,520 Speaker 3: Hey, it's Sam, your og host. 762 00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:32,760 Speaker 1: Here. We're gonna get back to the stories. 763 00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:35,000 Speaker 2: But here's three minutes of ads from our sponsors. 764 00:35:35,200 --> 00:35:38,160 Speaker 3: I confronted my roommate about cleaning and it caused her 765 00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:38,839 Speaker 3: to move out. 766 00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:40,600 Speaker 1: Looks like you just cleaned house. 767 00:35:40,840 --> 00:35:43,759 Speaker 3: I twenty two female, live with my boyfriend twenty two male, 768 00:35:43,880 --> 00:35:47,160 Speaker 3: and our roommate, twenty five female. We've lived together for 769 00:35:47,280 --> 00:35:49,320 Speaker 3: over a year, and I have been in our current apartment 770 00:35:49,400 --> 00:35:52,680 Speaker 3: for eight months. We originally had a six month lease 771 00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:55,719 Speaker 3: and just renewed it into a full year this September. 772 00:35:55,800 --> 00:35:57,400 Speaker 1: Congratulations. 773 00:35:57,800 --> 00:36:00,560 Speaker 3: By the way, this comes from FU statement twenty one 774 00:36:00,600 --> 00:36:02,320 Speaker 3: eighty three, and if you have spent your own stories, 775 00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:04,239 Speaker 3: go to the r slash Okay storytime separate it. 776 00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:06,359 Speaker 1: I'm Sophia, I'm Riley, I'm key On. 777 00:36:06,480 --> 00:36:08,279 Speaker 3: And we're here to give good advice. Goofy, but we 778 00:36:08,280 --> 00:36:10,399 Speaker 3: don't have all the answers. Me only know what we'd do, 779 00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:11,640 Speaker 3: So let us know what you would do in the 780 00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:16,640 Speaker 3: comments and OP says During the first six months, we 781 00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:19,840 Speaker 3: were good, but not best friends, but the type of 782 00:36:19,880 --> 00:36:22,759 Speaker 3: roommates who actually talk, tell each other about our day, 783 00:36:22,960 --> 00:36:27,279 Speaker 3: watch shows together, gossip, and even did matching Halloween costumes. 784 00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:29,160 Speaker 3: It was normal and comfortable. 785 00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:30,920 Speaker 1: That sounds like best friends. 786 00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:32,840 Speaker 3: I'm sorry, yeah, matching Halloween costume. 787 00:36:33,040 --> 00:36:36,279 Speaker 2: Everything seemed very plain and simple to matching hallow I did. 788 00:36:36,320 --> 00:36:39,239 Speaker 3: I did matching Halloween costumes with my roommates, and I 789 00:36:39,239 --> 00:36:40,800 Speaker 3: mean I I was close with them, but I wouldn't 790 00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:43,600 Speaker 3: say they were my best friends in college at the time. 791 00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:46,000 Speaker 3: I was still blessed with them. Near the end of 792 00:36:46,040 --> 00:36:48,399 Speaker 3: that first lease, I asked her to help out more 793 00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:52,200 Speaker 3: with basic chores dishes, trash wiping, counters because I have 794 00:36:52,239 --> 00:36:55,400 Speaker 3: a big midday window and don't mind deep cleaning, but 795 00:36:55,480 --> 00:36:57,879 Speaker 3: I can't do literally everything every day? 796 00:36:58,360 --> 00:36:58,440 Speaker 1: Do you? 797 00:36:58,520 --> 00:37:02,120 Speaker 3: Sent me a long, sweet message apologizing, agreeing she hadn't 798 00:37:02,200 --> 00:37:05,239 Speaker 3: been helping, promising to do better, and also saying my 799 00:37:05,320 --> 00:37:09,160 Speaker 3: decor makes her uncomfortable to clean around. I immediately asked 800 00:37:09,280 --> 00:37:11,520 Speaker 3: what she'd like me to move or change so she 801 00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:12,480 Speaker 3: could feel included. 802 00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:15,360 Speaker 1: She said she'd tell me lovely okay. 803 00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:18,880 Speaker 3: She also mentioned she had no social life because of 804 00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:22,400 Speaker 3: work and that's why she wasn't cleaning. Fast forward, we 805 00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:25,480 Speaker 3: sign a year lease. It's now the holiday season. I 806 00:37:25,560 --> 00:37:28,920 Speaker 3: work in a school and I'm swamped. Meanwhile, she stops 807 00:37:28,960 --> 00:37:33,439 Speaker 3: helping entirely. I mean entirely. You did the dishes once 808 00:37:33,480 --> 00:37:35,439 Speaker 3: in a full month, and I had to remind her 809 00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:38,279 Speaker 3: you'd leave food on plates and put them straight in 810 00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:41,960 Speaker 3: the dishwasher. Girls never heard out of dishwasher works. 811 00:37:42,520 --> 00:37:43,000 Speaker 1: Weird? What? 812 00:37:43,640 --> 00:37:46,839 Speaker 3: Then in October she stopped even pretending she's either here 813 00:37:46,840 --> 00:37:49,120 Speaker 3: with a guy at a guy's house or sleep calling 814 00:37:49,160 --> 00:37:51,880 Speaker 3: guys on the phone. Sleep calling guys on the phone, 815 00:37:51,960 --> 00:37:54,160 Speaker 3: which she's asleep while she's calling these guys. 816 00:37:54,920 --> 00:37:56,000 Speaker 1: Is she boy crazy? 817 00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:59,400 Speaker 3: She throws trash in the bathroom bin until it overflows 818 00:37:59,440 --> 00:38:02,640 Speaker 3: with us feminine products, leaves all her stuff out and 819 00:38:02,719 --> 00:38:06,200 Speaker 3: doesn't wipe a single counter. She meal preps, dumps everything 820 00:38:06,280 --> 00:38:09,560 Speaker 3: the sink, and leaves. She's barely home long enough to talk, 821 00:38:09,640 --> 00:38:11,920 Speaker 3: so I couldn't even bring up the mess again. So 822 00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:14,719 Speaker 3: last week I put up a note above the sink. Hey, 823 00:38:15,000 --> 00:38:17,880 Speaker 3: I'm sorry, but all dishes that can chain mold or 824 00:38:17,880 --> 00:38:21,960 Speaker 3: fly eggs and are left for over months will be tossed. 825 00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:24,040 Speaker 2: Mmm, lovely, that's gross. 826 00:38:24,640 --> 00:38:26,879 Speaker 3: She asked what I threw out. I told her nothing 827 00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:29,359 Speaker 3: this time, but it's a warning because my boyfriend found 828 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:33,120 Speaker 3: some truly disgusting dishes and clean them even though you 829 00:38:33,160 --> 00:38:35,759 Speaker 3: shouldn't have to. She says, I've been trying to be 830 00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:37,759 Speaker 3: on top of things. You haven't been trying that hard, 831 00:38:38,760 --> 00:38:41,520 Speaker 3: which really pissed me off because she absolutely is not. 832 00:38:42,160 --> 00:38:44,600 Speaker 3: I tell her calmly that the house is getting overwhelming, 833 00:38:45,040 --> 00:38:47,520 Speaker 3: my job is more demanding, and I can't keep doing 834 00:38:47,560 --> 00:38:51,040 Speaker 3: everything while getting zero effort back. I explain that she 835 00:38:51,239 --> 00:38:55,040 Speaker 3: uses my things without hesitation, but claims she can't clean 836 00:38:55,200 --> 00:38:57,359 Speaker 3: because my decor made her feel uncomfortable. 837 00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:58,520 Speaker 1: What makes you uncomfortable? 838 00:38:58,560 --> 00:38:59,920 Speaker 3: Literally, what are you talking about? 839 00:39:00,120 --> 00:39:00,840 Speaker 1: Is it the gnome? 840 00:39:01,120 --> 00:39:04,040 Speaker 3: She's like, you have a couch and oh, it just 841 00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:09,799 Speaker 3: scares me. Ah. I tell her it feels disrespectful and 842 00:39:09,880 --> 00:39:12,760 Speaker 3: one sided. She immediately replies with we should talk at person, 843 00:39:12,840 --> 00:39:15,480 Speaker 3: but then she texts completely out of nowhere. I'd also 844 00:39:15,560 --> 00:39:18,000 Speaker 3: like to talk about rearranging our rent and bill situation 845 00:39:18,640 --> 00:39:21,799 Speaker 3: for context, she pays four hundred dollars. I pay four 846 00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:24,879 Speaker 3: hundred dollars and my boyfriend pays utilities around three point 847 00:39:24,880 --> 00:39:27,600 Speaker 3: fifty because he's only home less than forty eight hours 848 00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:29,880 Speaker 3: every week due to his job. This has been the 849 00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:32,719 Speaker 3: agreement since the last apartment, and she agreed to it 850 00:39:32,840 --> 00:39:36,800 Speaker 3: multiple times. Suddenly, the moment I ask for basic help, 851 00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:40,560 Speaker 3: she wants to renegotiate the bills. I got mad, not 852 00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:44,239 Speaker 3: screaming mad, just fed up. I walked in and said, hey, 853 00:39:44,280 --> 00:39:47,359 Speaker 3: the bills aren't up for renegotiation. We can settle one 854 00:39:47,400 --> 00:39:49,799 Speaker 3: thing at a time or not at all. Then I 855 00:39:49,840 --> 00:39:52,279 Speaker 3: removed myself to calm down. When I came back out, 856 00:39:52,320 --> 00:39:54,520 Speaker 3: I said, what the f man, why are we doing this? 857 00:39:55,280 --> 00:39:59,000 Speaker 3: Not yelling, just exhausted. She instantly switches to a soft 858 00:39:59,120 --> 00:40:02,120 Speaker 3: victim voice and SAI, don't yell at me. I don't 859 00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:05,319 Speaker 3: deserve to be yell at. I immediately apologized for my 860 00:40:05,360 --> 00:40:08,400 Speaker 3: tone and said we could talk calmly. Then she says, 861 00:40:08,680 --> 00:40:10,680 Speaker 3: before we start, don't make fun of me. But I 862 00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:12,759 Speaker 3: don't have a therapist like you. So I talked to 863 00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:14,600 Speaker 3: Chatcheet and here's what it says. 864 00:40:15,040 --> 00:40:18,600 Speaker 1: No way, no way. Did I just call that for real? 865 00:40:19,080 --> 00:40:21,960 Speaker 3: Don't don't don't do that. Don't rely on CHATCHYBT for 866 00:40:22,000 --> 00:40:26,560 Speaker 3: your therapy, guys, because it's a yes man. Genuinely, it 867 00:40:26,640 --> 00:40:31,000 Speaker 3: might be worse than not having therapy. Dude, It just 868 00:40:31,080 --> 00:40:33,839 Speaker 3: kind of read. It just tells you what you want 869 00:40:33,840 --> 00:40:37,200 Speaker 3: to hear. At that point, I knew the conversation was doomed, 870 00:40:37,320 --> 00:40:40,960 Speaker 3: but I still tried. He then starts attacking my decor again. 871 00:40:41,320 --> 00:40:43,799 Speaker 3: Stuff she told me was fine and even awesome when 872 00:40:43,840 --> 00:40:47,040 Speaker 3: I asked before buying it. He complains about a bathroom 873 00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:50,319 Speaker 3: shelf and a small wine cabinet, saying she doesn't need 874 00:40:50,360 --> 00:40:53,880 Speaker 3: those things, that we shouldn't have them, not yours. I 875 00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:56,200 Speaker 3: tell her she has to communicate these things when they 876 00:40:56,239 --> 00:40:59,200 Speaker 3: have happen, not store them up for a meltdown. Months later, 877 00:41:00,200 --> 00:41:04,080 Speaker 3: she gets irate, raises her voice, starts talking about bills 878 00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:08,160 Speaker 3: again so intensely she accidentally spits in my face. I 879 00:41:08,280 --> 00:41:11,839 Speaker 3: ended it by saying we clearly can't communicate. Either I 880 00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:13,920 Speaker 3: need to leave or you need to leave because this 881 00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:18,359 Speaker 3: isn't working. Suddenly she spirals asking my boyfriend, why are 882 00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:21,000 Speaker 3: you guys trying to punt me out? He was literally 883 00:41:21,000 --> 00:41:23,759 Speaker 3: in the other room the whole time, not involved. She 884 00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:27,280 Speaker 3: storms out, slams her door, slams the front door, drives 885 00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:30,080 Speaker 3: to the river docks, then stays at her ex's house. 886 00:41:29,960 --> 00:41:32,520 Speaker 1: Then waver Docks ex's house. 887 00:41:33,239 --> 00:41:36,040 Speaker 3: I text her hours later saying I'm not trying to 888 00:41:36,080 --> 00:41:38,879 Speaker 3: avoid her. I'm willing to talk calmly. I just want 889 00:41:38,920 --> 00:41:44,760 Speaker 3: basic accountability and communication. She never replies. The next morning, 890 00:41:44,840 --> 00:41:48,000 Speaker 3: she comes home, sees me taking down the exact decorations 891 00:41:48,000 --> 00:41:51,360 Speaker 3: she screamed about, puts my heater from her room back 892 00:41:51,480 --> 00:41:54,840 Speaker 3: into the living room, slams her door, and goes silent. 893 00:41:55,280 --> 00:41:57,320 Speaker 3: So I took all of my belongings out of the 894 00:41:57,360 --> 00:42:01,920 Speaker 3: shared space. Food cleaning supplies cat bowls to core and everything. 895 00:42:02,080 --> 00:42:04,719 Speaker 3: It's all in my room now. It's been forty eight 896 00:42:04,719 --> 00:42:08,719 Speaker 3: hours it's the day after Thanksgiving. I'm almost certain she's 897 00:42:08,760 --> 00:42:11,000 Speaker 3: been packing to break the lease and move out before 898 00:42:11,040 --> 00:42:14,240 Speaker 3: the first I know Reddit will say that's best, but honestly, 899 00:42:14,280 --> 00:42:17,080 Speaker 3: I'm sad. We were friends. I didn't want it to 900 00:42:17,160 --> 00:42:19,600 Speaker 3: end with slam doors and me being avoided for asking 901 00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:23,600 Speaker 3: her to take out the trash sometimes so things escalated 902 00:42:23,600 --> 00:42:26,120 Speaker 3: in a way I couldn't have predicted, and honestly, at 903 00:42:26,160 --> 00:42:28,200 Speaker 3: this point, it feels like I'm living in a sitcom 904 00:42:28,200 --> 00:42:31,320 Speaker 3: written by someone who hates me. Here's the update. 905 00:42:31,840 --> 00:42:36,880 Speaker 1: Oh wait, update, Oh yeah, yeah, it's best. 906 00:42:37,120 --> 00:42:40,200 Speaker 3: It's sad. It's always sad when like a friendship breaks 907 00:42:40,239 --> 00:42:43,600 Speaker 3: down or you know, you lose that friend, but it 908 00:42:43,640 --> 00:42:46,440 Speaker 3: definitely is for the best because this person was not 909 00:42:46,480 --> 00:42:48,680 Speaker 3: going to change anyway. Here's the update. 910 00:42:48,880 --> 00:42:50,359 Speaker 1: Update, update they break up. 911 00:42:50,520 --> 00:42:52,839 Speaker 3: We got a ton of snow over the weekend. I'm 912 00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:56,160 Speaker 3: at the landlord's house, dog sitting. I shovel and tell 913 00:42:56,160 --> 00:42:58,319 Speaker 3: her to move her car because the landlords are on 914 00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:01,080 Speaker 3: their way home. She comes out, lears it off, but 915 00:43:01,200 --> 00:43:04,040 Speaker 3: just doesn't move it. My boyfriend says she's getting in 916 00:43:04,080 --> 00:43:08,279 Speaker 3: the bath, so I remind her again. She replies with please, 917 00:43:09,080 --> 00:43:12,640 Speaker 3: what Please? What? I quoted her own message from the 918 00:43:12,719 --> 00:43:15,360 Speaker 3: night before about moving her car to avoid plows and said, 919 00:43:15,800 --> 00:43:18,800 Speaker 3: you gave a statement, and so am I. She immediately 920 00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:21,560 Speaker 3: blows up, sends me messages about how the regret out 921 00:43:21,560 --> 00:43:24,960 Speaker 3: field later, it's got to be a thane ego passing 922 00:43:25,040 --> 00:43:28,960 Speaker 3: for you, demands my landlord's number, et cetera. I told 923 00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:31,680 Speaker 3: her they literally live next door and she can communicate 924 00:43:31,719 --> 00:43:35,360 Speaker 3: like an adult. She finally moves the car, then immediately 925 00:43:35,400 --> 00:43:40,239 Speaker 3: goes inside and starts screaming, slamming cabinets, yelling things like 926 00:43:40,320 --> 00:43:45,120 Speaker 3: she's broke, she's on EBT. I'm her last friend. She's disgusting. 927 00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:47,719 Speaker 3: I'm turning off the Wi fi. It's eight am, and 928 00:43:47,760 --> 00:43:50,000 Speaker 3: I'm going to jail today if I see her. It's 929 00:43:50,040 --> 00:43:53,319 Speaker 3: so over. She ruined all my pots and pants because 930 00:43:53,320 --> 00:43:54,840 Speaker 3: she has to cook it home every night instead of 931 00:43:54,880 --> 00:43:58,840 Speaker 3: just getting McDonald's like a normal first. Oh, that's so funny. 932 00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:00,480 Speaker 3: She's complaining that you cook at. 933 00:44:00,440 --> 00:44:01,840 Speaker 1: Home, dude. 934 00:44:01,920 --> 00:44:06,080 Speaker 4: Yeah, there's a lot like pots and pants, you don't 935 00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:06,560 Speaker 4: use them. 936 00:44:06,640 --> 00:44:09,880 Speaker 1: The rug, Oh my gosh, it has a pile under it. 937 00:44:09,960 --> 00:44:12,839 Speaker 1: We need to clear the pile out from under the rug. Oh, 938 00:44:12,840 --> 00:44:15,879 Speaker 1: it's way more disgusting. This is so yeah, we gotta 939 00:44:16,000 --> 00:44:16,440 Speaker 1: just throw out. 940 00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:19,720 Speaker 3: Let's put another rug on top of that rug, another rug. 941 00:44:20,160 --> 00:44:20,880 Speaker 3: That's what this is. 942 00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:22,640 Speaker 1: That we've looked at under the rug, and this is 943 00:44:22,640 --> 00:44:23,399 Speaker 1: what was under it. 944 00:44:23,680 --> 00:44:27,080 Speaker 3: My boyfriend was home and heard everything. When I told her, 945 00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:29,359 Speaker 3: she said she was glad. At that point, I gave 946 00:44:29,360 --> 00:44:31,880 Speaker 3: her the landlord's number if she wants to word vomit. 947 00:44:31,880 --> 00:44:33,719 Speaker 3: Her melt down at them while they're driving home at 948 00:44:33,760 --> 00:44:37,040 Speaker 3: eight am, be my guest. Then suddenly she calms down. 949 00:44:37,200 --> 00:44:37,880 Speaker 1: Oh my gosh. 950 00:44:38,040 --> 00:44:41,560 Speaker 3: My boyfriend apologizes for accidentally scratching her TV stand with 951 00:44:41,600 --> 00:44:44,440 Speaker 3: the box and offers to fix or replace it. She 952 00:44:44,520 --> 00:44:48,120 Speaker 3: responds with, thank you all it takes. It's some accountability. 953 00:44:48,280 --> 00:44:52,440 Speaker 1: Oh now, do we have an unreliable narrative? 954 00:44:53,560 --> 00:44:55,719 Speaker 3: I think that this person just doesn't understand what the 955 00:44:55,760 --> 00:44:59,280 Speaker 3: word accountability means. Immediately followed by telling him how angry 956 00:44:59,320 --> 00:45:02,480 Speaker 3: she was about shoveling for everyone and getting no thanks. 957 00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:05,040 Speaker 3: When he thanked her, she said, thank you. They'll ever 958 00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:09,560 Speaker 3: want it this entire time, just one thank you. Sorry girl, 959 00:45:09,760 --> 00:45:13,560 Speaker 3: new I'm not thanking you for shoveling snow into my car. 960 00:45:14,040 --> 00:45:16,680 Speaker 3: Then the plot twist. She has now changed the Wi 961 00:45:16,680 --> 00:45:19,319 Speaker 3: Fi passwords so my boyfriend can use it, but I'm 962 00:45:19,360 --> 00:45:22,279 Speaker 3: not allowed. She told the landlord she's planning to move 963 00:45:22,320 --> 00:45:26,120 Speaker 3: out in sixty to ninety days. That's so long. And 964 00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:28,359 Speaker 3: she told my boyfriend she's lowering her rent to three 965 00:45:28,440 --> 00:45:30,440 Speaker 3: hundred dollars until she goes no. 966 00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:33,800 Speaker 1: What's it's literally wun This guy's only here for like 967 00:45:33,880 --> 00:45:36,680 Speaker 1: two days. Oh great, lovely. 968 00:45:37,239 --> 00:45:40,439 Speaker 3: Which absolutely is not acceptable. She has paid the same 969 00:45:40,480 --> 00:45:42,879 Speaker 3: amount for eight months. You can't just take Wi Fi 970 00:45:42,920 --> 00:45:46,080 Speaker 3: hostage and reduce your rent. My dad thinks I don't 971 00:45:46,080 --> 00:45:48,879 Speaker 3: need to tell the landlords, but I'm gonna. I need 972 00:45:48,880 --> 00:45:51,760 Speaker 3: her move out date official and on record. My landlords 973 00:45:51,800 --> 00:45:54,480 Speaker 3: are family friends, so I'm keeping it factual and neutral, 974 00:45:54,800 --> 00:45:58,680 Speaker 3: not a whole drama dump. Just she changed a shared utility. 975 00:45:58,920 --> 00:46:01,799 Speaker 3: She said she's reducing her portion, and she claims she's 976 00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:02,480 Speaker 3: moving out. 977 00:46:02,360 --> 00:46:03,760 Speaker 1: There, we go keep it on record. 978 00:46:04,400 --> 00:46:07,400 Speaker 3: It's crazy, she's crazy. She's crazy. 979 00:46:07,719 --> 00:46:10,440 Speaker 1: I don't know. It sucks to see a friend go yeah, 980 00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:13,560 Speaker 1: but you know, living with people that don't upkeep, I 981 00:46:13,800 --> 00:46:16,920 Speaker 1: just it's hard. I had my brother didn't really upkeep. 982 00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:19,759 Speaker 1: I mean he did, okay, but I was it was 983 00:46:19,800 --> 00:46:22,120 Speaker 1: tough key on how is it living with people that 984 00:46:22,160 --> 00:46:24,600 Speaker 1: don't do upkeep sucks? Yeah? 985 00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:27,800 Speaker 3: For context on her mindset, here's what she has written 986 00:46:27,840 --> 00:46:31,160 Speaker 3: on the kitchen whiteboard. I have no prime. I will 987 00:46:31,160 --> 00:46:33,000 Speaker 3: evolve until I pass away. 988 00:46:33,360 --> 00:46:35,400 Speaker 1: Oh mean like Amazon problem. 989 00:46:36,880 --> 00:46:40,239 Speaker 3: Everyone gets the me they deserve. Those below you will 990 00:46:40,239 --> 00:46:42,759 Speaker 3: try to pull you down with them. Deny all that 991 00:46:42,880 --> 00:46:46,399 Speaker 3: deserves your peace. Access to me is a privilege. Four 992 00:46:46,440 --> 00:46:48,879 Speaker 3: four four eight eight eight five five five. 993 00:46:49,520 --> 00:46:51,680 Speaker 2: Is she the floating head from the hatted mansion? 994 00:46:51,760 --> 00:46:54,200 Speaker 3: I think don't let people crowd your lane, because that 995 00:46:54,320 --> 00:46:57,160 Speaker 3: too scared of the damage that caused, and they caused 996 00:46:57,160 --> 00:47:00,360 Speaker 3: in their own lane. My standards are high as I 997 00:47:00,400 --> 00:47:03,400 Speaker 3: can provide for myself. I don't need you. I choose you. 998 00:47:04,080 --> 00:47:05,480 Speaker 3: What is going on this fridge? 999 00:47:05,600 --> 00:47:09,719 Speaker 1: I I'm just gonna say it. I say for manifesto, 1000 00:47:10,200 --> 00:47:15,080 Speaker 1: she maybe bipolar, very good, but you didn't say it. 1001 00:47:15,640 --> 00:47:17,560 Speaker 3: No, But I think that's it. I mean, like, I 1002 00:47:17,560 --> 00:47:20,000 Speaker 3: can't diagnose sir, but I think there is some mental 1003 00:47:20,680 --> 00:47:21,480 Speaker 3: thing going on here. 1004 00:47:21,560 --> 00:47:23,759 Speaker 1: I have the power to diagnose any woman. 1005 00:47:24,200 --> 00:47:27,080 Speaker 3: The only women though. At this point, I'm convinced she's 1006 00:47:27,080 --> 00:47:30,719 Speaker 3: living in a motivational Instagram reel in her head. I'll 1007 00:47:30,760 --> 00:47:33,560 Speaker 3: update again when the dust settles. Honestly, I'm just counting 1008 00:47:33,600 --> 00:47:37,320 Speaker 3: down the sixty to ninety days. Any advice on hour 1009 00:47:37,400 --> 00:47:40,359 Speaker 3: what to do from here is much appreciated. I've never 1010 00:47:40,440 --> 00:47:42,880 Speaker 3: been in a situation like this, and ignoring it doesn't 1011 00:47:42,920 --> 00:47:45,360 Speaker 3: seem to be the most effective option. I don't know 1012 00:47:45,360 --> 00:47:47,319 Speaker 3: what I'm supposed to do for the next sixty to 1013 00:47:47,520 --> 00:47:52,560 Speaker 3: ninety days. That's so long, that's so long. 1014 00:47:52,760 --> 00:47:54,560 Speaker 2: Count him down, you count him down? 1015 00:47:54,920 --> 00:47:56,319 Speaker 3: Yeah, ooh, And. 1016 00:47:56,280 --> 00:47:58,000 Speaker 5: That's the end of the story. We're gonna read the 1017 00:47:58,040 --> 00:47:58,439 Speaker 5: next one. 1018 00:47:59,520 --> 00:48:00,719 Speaker 3: It's John here. 1019 00:48:00,760 --> 00:48:02,080 Speaker 1: We're gonna get back to the stories. But he's a 1020 00:48:02,160 --> 00:48:04,520 Speaker 1: quick three minute break of ass from our sponsors. My 1021 00:48:04,640 --> 00:48:08,160 Speaker 1: roommate disrespected my home after she moved in, so. 1022 00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:10,160 Speaker 3: I asked her to leave, get out of my house. 1023 00:48:10,800 --> 00:48:13,600 Speaker 1: I met my wits end, and I twenty seven female, 1024 00:48:13,760 --> 00:48:17,359 Speaker 1: desperately need any advice anyone could offer. So my old 1025 00:48:17,440 --> 00:48:19,960 Speaker 1: roommate recently moved out to move in with her boyfriend, 1026 00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:24,200 Speaker 1: and I'm already missing her so much giving the current circumstances. 1027 00:48:24,520 --> 00:48:26,560 Speaker 1: By the way, this comes from Breed Daniel and if 1028 00:48:26,560 --> 00:48:28,040 Speaker 1: you want my own stories, where you gotta go. 1029 00:48:28,080 --> 00:48:32,000 Speaker 3: Sofia, our slash Showcase story time. I'm Riley, I'm Sophia. 1030 00:48:31,800 --> 00:48:33,800 Speaker 2: I'm ke On, and we're here to give good advice. 1031 00:48:33,880 --> 00:48:36,319 Speaker 1: Goolfley, that's our job. Your job is to add any 1032 00:48:36,400 --> 00:48:38,960 Speaker 1: comments you want to add to the story down below, 1033 00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:42,359 Speaker 1: as Op says, my new roommate, who will call jan 1034 00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:47,040 Speaker 1: Ugh twenty seven female, moved in a few weeks ago. 1035 00:48:47,480 --> 00:48:49,960 Speaker 1: I met her on this roommate app that I've met 1036 00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:52,920 Speaker 1: all my former roommates on with no problems, and some 1037 00:48:53,120 --> 00:48:55,520 Speaker 1: might even keep in touch with. I asked her all 1038 00:48:55,600 --> 00:48:58,799 Speaker 1: the same questions I asked previously that have landed me 1039 00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:01,520 Speaker 1: some great roommates, and she seemed to be on the 1040 00:49:01,560 --> 00:49:03,799 Speaker 1: same page in the way that we both want to 1041 00:49:03,880 --> 00:49:07,640 Speaker 1: live as roommates and in a shared space. I thought 1042 00:49:07,880 --> 00:49:12,400 Speaker 1: she was perfect, so I extended her offer. She moved in. 1043 00:49:12,960 --> 00:49:15,799 Speaker 1: Important to note that even before she moved in, I 1044 00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:19,080 Speaker 1: met her in person after our FaceTime call so she 1045 00:49:19,120 --> 00:49:21,319 Speaker 1: could see the place. We went out for a couple 1046 00:49:21,360 --> 00:49:23,120 Speaker 1: of drinks to get to know each other, and we 1047 00:49:23,320 --> 00:49:26,920 Speaker 1: got along great and no outward red flax. The first 1048 00:49:26,960 --> 00:49:29,400 Speaker 1: night went fine. I came home from a work event, 1049 00:49:29,719 --> 00:49:31,799 Speaker 1: she was chilling in the living room. I made sure 1050 00:49:31,920 --> 00:49:35,120 Speaker 1: she was settling in Okay and answered any questions, and 1051 00:49:35,120 --> 00:49:37,840 Speaker 1: then I went to bed. I felt good about the decision. 1052 00:49:38,360 --> 00:49:42,799 Speaker 1: Then this second night came, Oh second I came. I 1053 00:49:42,840 --> 00:49:45,480 Speaker 1: had worked from home that entire day, so when she 1054 00:49:45,520 --> 00:49:48,120 Speaker 1: came home, we watched a movie and I went to bed. 1055 00:49:48,600 --> 00:49:50,960 Speaker 1: She knew I was home. This was around nine PM, 1056 00:49:51,440 --> 00:49:53,759 Speaker 1: an hour in. I hadn't fallen asleep yet when I 1057 00:49:53,880 --> 00:49:59,200 Speaker 1: hear her yelling loudly at her cat about something okay. 1058 00:49:59,200 --> 00:50:04,120 Speaker 3: Weird, like one in the morning. She's like, oh my gosh, Pickles, 1059 00:50:04,320 --> 00:50:08,759 Speaker 3: you can't keep throwing up. You're waking up everyone. 1060 00:50:08,960 --> 00:50:13,719 Speaker 2: You know how you hear like street cats. Yeah, she's 1061 00:50:13,760 --> 00:50:16,040 Speaker 2: also doing the same thing. Yeah. 1062 00:50:16,120 --> 00:50:16,640 Speaker 3: Yeah. 1063 00:50:16,719 --> 00:50:20,240 Speaker 1: She does this sporadically throughout the night, and I'm mentally thinking, 1064 00:50:20,560 --> 00:50:23,000 Speaker 1: oh no, because it's the middle of the night and 1065 00:50:23,040 --> 00:50:25,440 Speaker 1: she knows I'm trying to sleep. I make a note 1066 00:50:25,520 --> 00:50:27,279 Speaker 1: to talk to her in the morning about it and 1067 00:50:27,400 --> 00:50:31,120 Speaker 1: try to go to sleep. The random noises continue. Oh boy, 1068 00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:35,600 Speaker 1: oh boy, But I'm a heavy sleeper and I'm almost asleep. 1069 00:50:35,640 --> 00:50:38,279 Speaker 1: When I hear our front door buzzer go off and 1070 00:50:38,320 --> 00:50:40,680 Speaker 1: someone's at the door. I don't think much of it 1071 00:50:40,760 --> 00:50:44,080 Speaker 1: and assume maybe she just ordered food. That is, until 1072 00:50:44,120 --> 00:50:47,160 Speaker 1: a few minutes later I hear loud moaning coming from 1073 00:50:47,160 --> 00:50:48,280 Speaker 1: somewhere in the apartment. 1074 00:50:48,360 --> 00:50:53,840 Speaker 4: Okay, those cats, the cats again, they're getting frisky or she? 1075 00:50:54,360 --> 00:50:54,400 Speaker 3: No? 1076 00:50:54,640 --> 00:50:55,319 Speaker 2: Boy? All right? 1077 00:50:55,760 --> 00:50:58,760 Speaker 1: I shoot up in bed because I genuinely can't believe 1078 00:50:58,760 --> 00:51:02,040 Speaker 1: what I'm hearing, texting my sister because I don't know 1079 00:51:02,120 --> 00:51:04,080 Speaker 1: what to do. At this point, I'm hoping that was 1080 00:51:04,120 --> 00:51:06,120 Speaker 1: a quick slip up, and also hoping there was a 1081 00:51:06,160 --> 00:51:09,720 Speaker 1: man over, because the alternative would have been especially weird. 1082 00:51:10,160 --> 00:51:15,360 Speaker 1: But the loud moaning continues, and y'all, it's obnoxiously loud. 1083 00:51:15,760 --> 00:51:19,040 Speaker 1: Our apartment isn't that big. She knows I'm home and 1084 00:51:19,080 --> 00:51:22,080 Speaker 1: it's one am. At this point, I realize it's coming 1085 00:51:22,080 --> 00:51:24,200 Speaker 1: from her room, since it's right next to mine. 1086 00:51:24,200 --> 00:51:25,440 Speaker 3: Where did you think it was coming? 1087 00:51:26,080 --> 00:51:28,160 Speaker 1: So I poked my head out, intending to give a 1088 00:51:28,239 --> 00:51:31,600 Speaker 1: light knock on our door. Then I realized the noise 1089 00:51:31,680 --> 00:51:33,919 Speaker 1: is actually coming from the living No. 1090 00:51:34,640 --> 00:51:38,160 Speaker 3: Okay, I I was gonna say, if this is the 1091 00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:42,200 Speaker 3: first time it's happening, and it's one am, Honestly, you 1092 00:51:42,280 --> 00:51:44,239 Speaker 3: just kind of set that out and you're like, you 1093 00:51:44,360 --> 00:51:48,000 Speaker 3: just wait until it's done, but living room is wild. 1094 00:51:48,200 --> 00:51:49,560 Speaker 3: That's super so respectful. 1095 00:51:50,280 --> 00:51:51,560 Speaker 1: Should not do it in the living room. 1096 00:51:51,800 --> 00:51:54,040 Speaker 2: No, I mean like, that's a shared space, it's. 1097 00:51:53,920 --> 00:51:56,680 Speaker 3: A shared space. I think that's a shared space. I 1098 00:51:56,680 --> 00:51:57,520 Speaker 3: think that's kind of weird. 1099 00:51:57,719 --> 00:52:00,000 Speaker 2: Okay, no, dude, what does that mean Riley? 1100 00:52:00,400 --> 00:52:03,359 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's the second night that she's my roommate and 1101 00:52:03,680 --> 00:52:06,279 Speaker 1: she's having spicy sleep with this guy in the living 1102 00:52:06,360 --> 00:52:08,120 Speaker 1: room on my solo. 1103 00:52:08,600 --> 00:52:12,160 Speaker 3: Yeah. I think at that point, you wait, I probably 1104 00:52:12,160 --> 00:52:14,960 Speaker 3: would have a conversation and say, hey, like, you know, 1105 00:52:15,200 --> 00:52:17,680 Speaker 3: you're you're welcome to do whatever you want in your 1106 00:52:17,719 --> 00:52:21,720 Speaker 3: own space, but please don't do it in the communal space, 1107 00:52:21,760 --> 00:52:25,120 Speaker 3: because you can even be like sometimes I come out 1108 00:52:25,160 --> 00:52:27,520 Speaker 3: for water, like I come out and grab stuff in 1109 00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:28,880 Speaker 3: the middle of the night, and like I want to 1110 00:52:28,920 --> 00:52:29,560 Speaker 3: be able to do that. 1111 00:52:29,680 --> 00:52:30,840 Speaker 1: No, pro killow. 1112 00:52:31,280 --> 00:52:31,400 Speaker 3: No. 1113 00:52:31,520 --> 00:52:35,040 Speaker 2: I personally think maybe because she said that their rooms 1114 00:52:35,040 --> 00:52:37,880 Speaker 2: are close, yeah, that she was like, oh, she's gonna 1115 00:52:37,880 --> 00:52:40,200 Speaker 2: hear us if I'm in my room. What if we 1116 00:52:40,239 --> 00:52:40,960 Speaker 2: go to then. 1117 00:52:40,800 --> 00:52:43,359 Speaker 3: What if we go on the communal space? God? Hey, 1118 00:52:43,440 --> 00:52:44,000 Speaker 3: yay yi. 1119 00:52:44,560 --> 00:52:47,960 Speaker 1: I am furious but also shocked. Boy. I asked them 1120 00:52:47,960 --> 00:52:50,800 Speaker 1: if they could stop because it's late and they're being loud. 1121 00:52:50,960 --> 00:52:52,560 Speaker 2: Wow, you party pooper, opie. 1122 00:52:53,400 --> 00:52:57,080 Speaker 1: They acted embarrassed and covered up, but it's like they 1123 00:52:57,120 --> 00:53:00,440 Speaker 1: weren't embarrassed when they were purposely making all that noise 1124 00:53:00,520 --> 00:53:04,120 Speaker 1: knowing I'm home, and yes, they left the stain. 1125 00:53:03,920 --> 00:53:14,120 Speaker 3: Ew ew ew gross. No, I'm like, I'm getting so 1126 00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:16,960 Speaker 3: mad at that. I'm like, how dare you clean that? 1127 00:53:17,040 --> 00:53:18,759 Speaker 2: I would say, you're buying me a new couch. Yeah, 1128 00:53:18,760 --> 00:53:20,480 Speaker 2: you're buying me a freaking new couch or at least 1129 00:53:20,520 --> 00:53:21,080 Speaker 2: a new pillow. 1130 00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:24,480 Speaker 1: You're cleaning that whole thing, and I taped are yeah 1131 00:53:24,719 --> 00:53:28,399 Speaker 1: flame throwing the whole couch. Yeah, I'll go to bed 1132 00:53:28,560 --> 00:53:30,839 Speaker 1: and the next morning I call my mom, aunts and 1133 00:53:30,880 --> 00:53:33,960 Speaker 1: sister to get advice and have them walk me down. 1134 00:53:34,000 --> 00:53:35,240 Speaker 1: Why are we calling the whole family? 1135 00:53:35,360 --> 00:53:36,000 Speaker 3: Yeah, just. 1136 00:53:39,239 --> 00:53:41,160 Speaker 1: Half of them wants me to punt her out, and 1137 00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:43,600 Speaker 1: the other half says to talk to her and give 1138 00:53:43,600 --> 00:53:45,600 Speaker 1: it a month. I decided to talk to her and 1139 00:53:45,600 --> 00:53:48,040 Speaker 1: based on how I'd move forward depending on her reaction. 1140 00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:51,719 Speaker 1: I tell her that was extremely disrespectful and felt like 1141 00:53:51,800 --> 00:53:54,440 Speaker 1: she took advantage of my kindness and the fact that 1142 00:53:54,480 --> 00:53:57,080 Speaker 1: I'm chill, maybe too chill. If she thinks I'd be 1143 00:53:57,080 --> 00:54:00,680 Speaker 1: okay with this and that something like that can ever 1144 00:54:00,840 --> 00:54:05,360 Speaker 1: happen again. Jan is really remorseful and seems sincere. 1145 00:54:06,360 --> 00:54:07,800 Speaker 3: I don't believe it. 1146 00:54:08,080 --> 00:54:10,160 Speaker 1: I think this is her spicy relation. 1147 00:54:11,360 --> 00:54:15,560 Speaker 3: What a spicy desire. Yes, it could be, could. 1148 00:54:15,440 --> 00:54:17,239 Speaker 1: Be uh huh key on you smelling it. 1149 00:54:17,480 --> 00:54:20,759 Speaker 2: Ew don't smell it, spelling it. I'm seeing it. I'm 1150 00:54:20,760 --> 00:54:21,799 Speaker 2: probably feeling it. 1151 00:54:21,800 --> 00:54:28,919 Speaker 3: Ew gross, I'm hearing it, that's for sure. Up Mom. 1152 00:54:29,080 --> 00:54:32,279 Speaker 1: She genuinely seems embarrassed and says that she knows there 1153 00:54:32,320 --> 00:54:35,799 Speaker 1: was no excuse she was wasted, okay. I make sure 1154 00:54:35,800 --> 00:54:38,080 Speaker 1: to ask if she often does impulsive things like that 1155 00:54:38,200 --> 00:54:42,359 Speaker 1: when she's wasted, and she says no. I'm skeptical, and 1156 00:54:42,440 --> 00:54:45,400 Speaker 1: even though I'm still weird out that someone would think 1157 00:54:45,680 --> 00:54:49,040 Speaker 1: that would ever be okay, especially your second night as 1158 00:54:49,120 --> 00:54:52,719 Speaker 1: someone's new roommate, I thank her for the apology and 1159 00:54:52,840 --> 00:54:56,000 Speaker 1: try to move past it. Since then, everything's been okay. 1160 00:54:56,360 --> 00:55:00,080 Speaker 1: I guess she does annoying things that wouldn't bother me 1161 00:55:00,080 --> 00:55:03,120 Speaker 1: me as much, but they're grading on my nerves and 1162 00:55:03,200 --> 00:55:07,000 Speaker 1: stand out even more due to the incident. Still, nothing 1163 00:55:07,040 --> 00:55:10,160 Speaker 1: too out of the way until tonight, which prompted me 1164 00:55:10,320 --> 00:55:12,600 Speaker 1: to write this there's more. 1165 00:55:12,960 --> 00:55:15,759 Speaker 3: Oh I knew she would come back with ovengines. 1166 00:55:16,040 --> 00:55:19,400 Speaker 1: Oh No. I went out of town for a Memorial 1167 00:55:19,480 --> 00:55:22,440 Speaker 1: Day to visit my family. I left on Friday evening 1168 00:55:22,800 --> 00:55:25,600 Speaker 1: and came back on Monday night. I was a little worried, 1169 00:55:25,640 --> 00:55:29,239 Speaker 1: but walked into a seemingly well kept apartment. I took 1170 00:55:29,320 --> 00:55:31,480 Speaker 1: my suitcase to my room to sleep. As I was 1171 00:55:31,560 --> 00:55:33,880 Speaker 1: rolling past, her door was open and I saw she 1172 00:55:33,960 --> 00:55:38,160 Speaker 1: was using our throw blankets from the living room as curtains. 1173 00:55:38,560 --> 00:55:38,759 Speaker 3: What. 1174 00:55:39,760 --> 00:55:42,919 Speaker 1: I was a little annoyed, but again made a note 1175 00:55:43,000 --> 00:55:45,239 Speaker 1: to tell her tomorrow morning to put them back in 1176 00:55:45,280 --> 00:55:45,879 Speaker 1: the living room. 1177 00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:47,080 Speaker 3: She drying them. 1178 00:55:47,239 --> 00:55:49,480 Speaker 1: I didn't think about that. I thought did keep the 1179 00:55:49,520 --> 00:55:50,239 Speaker 1: sunshine out? 1180 00:55:50,400 --> 00:55:52,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, but like, wouldn't she just have curtains. 1181 00:55:52,800 --> 00:55:55,120 Speaker 1: I then go to the bathroom and see stains on 1182 00:55:55,160 --> 00:55:58,879 Speaker 1: the toilet seat. The seat itself is off centered and 1183 00:55:58,960 --> 00:56:01,920 Speaker 1: there are stains in the toilet. I had cleaned the 1184 00:56:01,960 --> 00:56:04,440 Speaker 1: toilet before I left. So how did you get this 1185 00:56:04,560 --> 00:56:09,680 Speaker 1: dirty in less than three days? One word dairy dow. 1186 00:56:10,320 --> 00:56:14,120 Speaker 1: The bathroom sink was also dirty. After cleaning the bowl, 1187 00:56:14,200 --> 00:56:16,600 Speaker 1: I go to the kitchen and get a chlorox wipe 1188 00:56:16,640 --> 00:56:20,640 Speaker 1: to clean the seat. When I see broken glass, My 1189 00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:24,880 Speaker 1: poor pink wine glass shattered and left in the dish 1190 00:56:25,000 --> 00:56:27,719 Speaker 1: drying rack, and also some shards on the floor. 1191 00:56:28,080 --> 00:56:31,520 Speaker 3: She just left glass yards on the floor. I just 1192 00:56:31,960 --> 00:56:35,239 Speaker 3: with John Salp cleaned up. I think that exploded like 1193 00:56:35,360 --> 00:56:37,560 Speaker 3: last thing that exploded in my while it was in 1194 00:56:37,600 --> 00:56:42,359 Speaker 3: my dishwasher. And it's difficult, but it's not that hard 1195 00:56:42,400 --> 00:56:44,840 Speaker 3: like if it was gone a dustbin. You're fine. 1196 00:56:45,160 --> 00:56:46,719 Speaker 1: Yeah, this just scares me. Yeah. 1197 00:56:46,960 --> 00:56:49,160 Speaker 3: Not cleaning glass off the floor is crazy. 1198 00:56:49,800 --> 00:56:52,680 Speaker 1: I understand the accidents happened, but I thought it was 1199 00:56:52,800 --> 00:56:55,640 Speaker 1: common knowledge not to leave fragile glass in a drying 1200 00:56:55,719 --> 00:56:59,920 Speaker 1: rack with heavier items. If you do, not, just leave it, 1201 00:57:00,600 --> 00:57:03,000 Speaker 1: What if I walked in barefoot and cut my foot. 1202 00:57:03,560 --> 00:57:06,520 Speaker 1: She had to have seen the glass. I also noticed 1203 00:57:06,520 --> 00:57:09,480 Speaker 1: our recycling bin is gone, so I texted her ask 1204 00:57:09,600 --> 00:57:11,920 Speaker 1: where it is and if she knows that there's broken 1205 00:57:11,960 --> 00:57:15,120 Speaker 1: glass in the dish drying rack. She ignores the glass question, 1206 00:57:15,560 --> 00:57:18,160 Speaker 1: says she's using a recycling container in her room to 1207 00:57:18,200 --> 00:57:21,280 Speaker 1: empty out her stuff, and asked me to please be 1208 00:57:21,400 --> 00:57:25,000 Speaker 1: patient with her during this process, not to mention she's 1209 00:57:25,040 --> 00:57:28,640 Speaker 1: still yelling loudly at the cat and slimming doors and 1210 00:57:28,720 --> 00:57:30,480 Speaker 1: it's past eleven PM. 1211 00:57:30,680 --> 00:57:34,360 Speaker 3: Yeah, she's gotta go, and if you can make that happen, 1212 00:57:34,480 --> 00:57:37,360 Speaker 3: then do it. Because it seems like, ohp he feels 1213 00:57:37,360 --> 00:57:41,560 Speaker 3: pretty confident in her ability to just like evict this person. Yeah, so, yeah, 1214 00:57:41,880 --> 00:57:42,800 Speaker 3: let's just get around. 1215 00:57:42,920 --> 00:57:46,480 Speaker 1: I feel as if I've been more than patient, possibly 1216 00:57:47,000 --> 00:57:50,040 Speaker 1: too patient, so being told to be patient after asking 1217 00:57:50,080 --> 00:57:53,560 Speaker 1: a reasonable question sent me over the edge. I want 1218 00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:55,800 Speaker 1: to talk to her at some point today, and I'm 1219 00:57:55,840 --> 00:57:59,560 Speaker 1: wondering if I should go over boundaries and expectations in 1220 00:57:59,720 --> 00:58:02,919 Speaker 1: pain mistaking detail, or go with my gut and tell 1221 00:58:02,920 --> 00:58:05,720 Speaker 1: her I don't think we're compatible and that she should 1222 00:58:05,760 --> 00:58:08,720 Speaker 1: plan to move out since she hasn't fully unpacked yet. 1223 00:58:08,960 --> 00:58:10,960 Speaker 1: I don't want to be harsh, but I think these 1224 00:58:11,000 --> 00:58:14,520 Speaker 1: are common things. I shouldn't have to set boundaries for. 1225 00:58:15,080 --> 00:58:18,680 Speaker 1: My aunt says common sense isn't so common. So should 1226 00:58:18,680 --> 00:58:20,040 Speaker 1: I give her the benefit of the doubt? 1227 00:58:20,480 --> 00:58:22,520 Speaker 3: I think after the fact of like her leaving glass 1228 00:58:22,520 --> 00:58:26,320 Speaker 3: on the floor and not even apologizing or even acknowledging it. 1229 00:58:28,280 --> 00:58:31,320 Speaker 1: Nope, don't do it. Do not do it. I don't 1230 00:58:31,360 --> 00:58:34,320 Speaker 1: think so. But I'm big on letting someone know the 1231 00:58:34,400 --> 00:58:38,120 Speaker 1: problems I have with them before abruptly ending a situation. 1232 00:58:38,640 --> 00:58:41,360 Speaker 1: I believe we're all adults and should be able to 1233 00:58:41,400 --> 00:58:45,280 Speaker 1: live without having to set rules, and I don't want 1234 00:58:45,320 --> 00:58:48,520 Speaker 1: to be someone else's mother. I would greatly appreciate any 1235 00:58:48,560 --> 00:58:50,920 Speaker 1: advice on this, or even what to say to her 1236 00:58:50,960 --> 00:58:53,080 Speaker 1: in the case of letting her know. I don't think 1237 00:58:53,080 --> 00:58:57,280 Speaker 1: we should continue living together anymore, giving her thirty days. Yeah, update, 1238 00:58:58,120 --> 00:58:58,640 Speaker 1: he's out. 1239 00:58:59,120 --> 00:59:02,280 Speaker 3: Well, he's out, I think so. I think she should be. 1240 00:59:02,440 --> 00:59:04,520 Speaker 2: I think she should be too, But I feel like 1241 00:59:04,520 --> 00:59:06,880 Speaker 2: she'd be like, nah, girl, you're crazy. I'm staying. 1242 00:59:07,080 --> 00:59:08,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's a cat thing for me. 1243 00:59:09,160 --> 00:59:10,520 Speaker 3: She keeps yelling at her cat. 1244 00:59:10,680 --> 00:59:11,720 Speaker 2: It's the everything for me. 1245 00:59:11,920 --> 00:59:14,960 Speaker 3: Stop yelling at your cat. It's so mean at eleven o'clock, 1246 00:59:15,840 --> 00:59:19,320 Speaker 3: slamming doors at like late at night. I don't know. 1247 00:59:19,360 --> 00:59:22,320 Speaker 3: I feel like most roommates, if you have a bad roommate, 1248 00:59:22,920 --> 00:59:26,480 Speaker 3: hide who they are. Initially, they're on their best behavior 1249 00:59:26,480 --> 00:59:28,480 Speaker 3: because you have that kind of honeymoon phase of being 1250 00:59:28,560 --> 00:59:31,600 Speaker 3: roommates where you want to show people like, oh, I'm 1251 00:59:31,640 --> 00:59:33,800 Speaker 3: a good roommate. I clean up after myself. And then 1252 00:59:33,800 --> 00:59:36,120 Speaker 3: it devolves and they become worse and they stopped doing 1253 00:59:36,120 --> 00:59:38,360 Speaker 3: the dishes and they stop doing all that stuff. The 1254 00:59:38,400 --> 00:59:41,800 Speaker 3: fact that this person started off bad is a huge 1255 00:59:41,880 --> 00:59:42,280 Speaker 3: red flag. 1256 00:59:42,600 --> 00:59:46,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't keep this going. Yeah, I really appreciate 1257 00:59:46,480 --> 00:59:49,000 Speaker 1: all the advice from y'all. And I was already pretty 1258 00:59:49,040 --> 00:59:51,040 Speaker 1: set on what I was going to do. And then 1259 00:59:51,040 --> 00:59:56,600 Speaker 1: about an hour ago, I hear dry heaving. No, maybe 1260 00:59:56,600 --> 01:00:01,880 Speaker 1: it's just a cat, maybe just ca pat out. I 1261 01:00:01,920 --> 01:00:03,720 Speaker 1: come out of my room to check. And so you're 1262 01:00:03,800 --> 01:00:08,920 Speaker 1: throwing up all over my living room because she's wasted 1263 01:00:09,480 --> 01:00:12,240 Speaker 1: at eleven am on a Tuesday. 1264 01:00:12,520 --> 01:00:14,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, out out out. 1265 01:00:14,800 --> 01:00:18,680 Speaker 1: By I'm done. I let her clean herself up. Yeah, 1266 01:00:18,720 --> 01:00:21,200 Speaker 1: and then tell her I don't think we're compatible as roommates. 1267 01:00:21,240 --> 01:00:22,960 Speaker 1: And then I'm giving her thirty days if i'd a 1268 01:00:23,000 --> 01:00:25,760 Speaker 1: new place and move out. Okay, So she gives a 1269 01:00:25,800 --> 01:00:28,160 Speaker 1: sob story about how she found out a couple of 1270 01:00:28,240 --> 01:00:31,200 Speaker 1: days ago that she has a heart condition and begs 1271 01:00:31,200 --> 01:00:33,160 Speaker 1: if I could give her one more month to show 1272 01:00:33,720 --> 01:00:35,959 Speaker 1: she's not like this because we live in New York 1273 01:00:36,320 --> 01:00:39,200 Speaker 1: and it's hard to find a place. No, you're bringing 1274 01:00:39,240 --> 01:00:40,240 Speaker 1: up the heart condition. 1275 01:00:40,040 --> 01:00:42,600 Speaker 3: Now, Yeah, I have a heart condition. That's fine. 1276 01:00:43,000 --> 01:00:44,840 Speaker 2: I mean the heart condition can lead I can see 1277 01:00:44,880 --> 01:00:46,800 Speaker 2: why you're getting wasted. 1278 01:00:47,000 --> 01:00:50,520 Speaker 3: But yeah, but that's an even the worse thing, Like 1279 01:00:50,600 --> 01:00:53,000 Speaker 3: she has a heart condition and she's actively getting like 1280 01:00:53,840 --> 01:00:54,400 Speaker 3: day draws. 1281 01:00:54,440 --> 01:00:56,080 Speaker 2: Is that what you want to do? Like, I get it, 1282 01:00:56,120 --> 01:00:58,240 Speaker 2: but like, girl, I don't think that's what you should 1283 01:00:58,240 --> 01:00:58,840 Speaker 2: be doing. 1284 01:00:59,480 --> 01:01:03,040 Speaker 1: I feel like if this was actually true, listen to 1285 01:01:03,080 --> 01:01:06,760 Speaker 1: the conversation, Like if I was the girl, not OPI 1286 01:01:07,280 --> 01:01:09,360 Speaker 1: I'd be like, oh my gosh, Okay, I'm so sorry 1287 01:01:09,720 --> 01:01:12,760 Speaker 1: that I'm doing this. Come back later, Hey, I found 1288 01:01:12,760 --> 01:01:16,080 Speaker 1: out I have a her condition. You have to let 1289 01:01:16,080 --> 01:01:18,920 Speaker 1: me say, yeah, talk to her about that. This is 1290 01:01:19,000 --> 01:01:21,960 Speaker 1: just like I'm not buying it. I say, I understand 1291 01:01:22,120 --> 01:01:25,000 Speaker 1: and genuinely sympathize about her condition, but that should have 1292 01:01:25,000 --> 01:01:28,680 Speaker 1: been thought of before disrespecting my space and peace. A 1293 01:01:28,760 --> 01:01:32,720 Speaker 1: spicy sleep on the sofa happened before the diagnosis, so 1294 01:01:32,720 --> 01:01:36,440 Speaker 1: sounds like an excuse, and she calls me disrespectful, and 1295 01:01:36,480 --> 01:01:39,400 Speaker 1: I point out that's the true. I've been more than 1296 01:01:39,480 --> 01:01:42,120 Speaker 1: fair and patient. While I'm in my room, I hear 1297 01:01:42,240 --> 01:01:45,800 Speaker 1: walking around yelling out that she's a dumb witch, she 1298 01:01:45,920 --> 01:01:48,280 Speaker 1: doesn't want to be around me, and that she can't 1299 01:01:48,320 --> 01:01:51,760 Speaker 1: stand me slamming doors even louder than she normally does. 1300 01:01:52,240 --> 01:01:54,440 Speaker 1: My aunt is flying up tomorrow to stay with me 1301 01:01:54,480 --> 01:01:58,560 Speaker 1: to make sure nothing goes too south. I'm honestly exhausted. 1302 01:01:58,800 --> 01:02:00,680 Speaker 1: At least I have some new question since the add 1303 01:02:00,720 --> 01:02:04,479 Speaker 1: one vetting roommates, Like, do you have a drinking problem? Yeah? 1304 01:02:04,520 --> 01:02:07,040 Speaker 1: Do you have a sleeping problem? Do you have a 1305 01:02:07,080 --> 01:02:09,680 Speaker 1: cat problem? Do you have a problem. 1306 01:02:09,440 --> 01:02:11,800 Speaker 3: Where you're in do you have problems? 1307 01:02:12,280 --> 01:02:13,640 Speaker 1: You have problems? Do you have a problem where you're 1308 01:02:13,680 --> 01:02:15,080 Speaker 1: in the living room and you're like, you have a problem. 1309 01:02:15,200 --> 01:02:16,360 Speaker 1: I need to do this right here. 1310 01:02:16,520 --> 01:02:19,040 Speaker 3: Yeah, because that's the problem with me and I don't 1311 01:02:19,040 --> 01:02:20,040 Speaker 3: want you as my roommate. 1312 01:02:20,160 --> 01:02:21,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right, and that's the end of the story.