WEBVTT - #188 Remember The Day 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:13.320 The Nicky Glazers Here, Nicky, Hello here, I am welcome. 0:00:13.480 --> 0:00:18.439 It's the Nicky Glazer Podcast. We're back in St. Louis, Missouri. Well, 0:00:18.440 --> 0:00:21.439 Noah is in Arizona, but Andrew and I are back 0:00:21.640 --> 0:00:25.000 in the Loo. No one really calls it that, do 0:00:25.120 --> 0:00:29.840 they know? Um, Nelly did? I'm from the Loop and 0:00:29.880 --> 0:00:31.720 I'm proud that the first time you ever heard it? 0:00:32.040 --> 0:00:36.879 I think so. Yeah, I think Kirkwood High School. No, well, 0:00:36.920 --> 0:00:39.160 I don't think it was. But maybe I wasn't really aware. 0:00:39.159 --> 0:00:42.360 I didn't have a lot of like hometown pride back 0:00:42.640 --> 0:00:44.960 when I was a teen, you know, like you're just 0:00:45.000 --> 0:00:49.360 like everywhere, like like everywhere's better than here, like you 0:00:49.440 --> 0:00:51.440 just want to get out. I wasn't like St. Louis 0:00:51.560 --> 0:00:57.080 is the best, but I wasn't like small Pound. No, No, St. 0:00:57.120 --> 0:00:59.600 Louis is the I think it's the most populous city 0:00:59.600 --> 0:01:04.360 of six that's pretty up there. Yeah it is, um 0:01:04.400 --> 0:01:07.040 And I feel like I traveled enough as a child 0:01:07.080 --> 0:01:09.720 that I saw like, oh this is I didn't feel 0:01:09.720 --> 0:01:11.920 like you know, when people hear Missouri, they think it's 0:01:11.959 --> 0:01:15.360 like farmland, which a lot of it is. But um no. 0:01:15.440 --> 0:01:17.400 But in regards that you said you wanted to get out, 0:01:17.600 --> 0:01:20.840 That's why, because I just wanted to like be, I 0:01:20.880 --> 0:01:23.119 wanted to do like Felicity and like go to New 0:01:23.200 --> 0:01:26.440 York and like there's there's bigger things out there, Like 0:01:26.520 --> 0:01:29.840 I just I just wanted to do something. I just 0:01:29.880 --> 0:01:32.080 wanted to be. Like that was my way of like rebelling, 0:01:32.080 --> 0:01:34.520 even though there's no rebellion. There are things you know 0:01:34.560 --> 0:01:38.520 about St. Louis that like three things and no one 0:01:38.600 --> 0:01:43.800 would know being from here. Like, um, I I say 0:01:43.840 --> 0:01:45.600 that saying that I could live in a place for 0:01:45.600 --> 0:01:48.600 thirty years and no less than someone that just does 0:01:48.760 --> 0:01:51.560 want tour. Well, I feel like there's nothing that I 0:01:51.600 --> 0:01:54.800 know like historically that is that my dad could like 0:01:54.840 --> 0:02:00.400 really I think St. Louis? Yeah, yeah, like a guy, 0:02:00.960 --> 0:02:04.320 what's the story. I don't know my grant grandfather's name. 0:02:04.440 --> 0:02:07.160 I'm not going to know the history of St. Louis. 0:02:07.240 --> 0:02:10.120 I know Lewis and Clark came through here. Oh is 0:02:10.120 --> 0:02:14.320 that the Lewis I know that. I don't know. I 0:02:14.400 --> 0:02:17.280 literally don't know anything about St. Louis at all, about 0:02:17.320 --> 0:02:20.120 the founding of it. I don't know when where I'm 0:02:20.120 --> 0:02:23.560 from Missouri was made into a state. I don't know 0:02:23.600 --> 0:02:25.600 if it was part of the Louisiana purchase. I don't 0:02:25.880 --> 0:02:29.320 know anything. It's so embarrassing Missouri part of the South 0:02:29.440 --> 0:02:32.640 or the north. It's like in the middle. It's the Midwest. 0:02:33.960 --> 0:02:36.359 It's not the South. Even though if you get into 0:02:36.400 --> 0:02:38.880 the bootheel, which I think that you assumed we were 0:02:38.919 --> 0:02:41.720 in prior to like a week ago, that's when you're 0:02:41.720 --> 0:02:46.440 getting down to Arkansas. Arkansas's house. Yeah, how is it 0:02:46.480 --> 0:02:49.560 being back for you? What? Just the last day? It 0:02:49.680 --> 0:02:51.680 was good? Yeah, I mean we got in last night 0:02:51.680 --> 0:02:54.240 at like eight or nine o'clock the l Yeah, I 0:02:54.240 --> 0:02:56.600 mean it was a long day travel. I was pretty 0:02:56.680 --> 0:02:59.359 You know when you get off a plane and you're like, oh, 0:02:59.400 --> 0:03:01.680 I'm whine a week. I'm like with it, but then 0:03:01.720 --> 0:03:03.640 you're kind of also out of it at the same time, 0:03:03.680 --> 0:03:06.240 like you're tired or didn't you even know. I think 0:03:06.280 --> 0:03:09.600 that's kind of what I was. But had Brandon picked 0:03:09.600 --> 0:03:12.720 me up, it is nice. We uh had some Thai 0:03:12.840 --> 0:03:17.120 food when I got back waiting for me, which is nice, unreal, 0:03:17.160 --> 0:03:19.959 and then we took a shower. Dude, I don't know 0:03:20.000 --> 0:03:24.079 what your water pressure situation was in Mexico. The water 0:03:24.120 --> 0:03:27.679 pressure of this building is fantastic. Yeah, they're wasting a 0:03:27.720 --> 0:03:32.160 lot of while it's great. Yeah, I want a waterfall. 0:03:32.200 --> 0:03:36.440 I want fucking Niagara, just come in, yes, very much. 0:03:37.080 --> 0:03:42.800 I didn't really like a three spouts. Yes, you know 0:03:42.880 --> 0:03:45.200 you could change it on the think yeah, but just 0:03:45.240 --> 0:03:46.920 it gets worse. You think it's like on the worst 0:03:46.920 --> 0:03:48.880 setting already, and then you twist it and it's like, 0:03:48.920 --> 0:03:51.440 oh this it's I guess I should have appreciated what 0:03:51.480 --> 0:03:54.040 I had. But then you go back and it's not 0:03:54.160 --> 0:03:56.680 the same. No, it's not. It's never the same. So 0:03:57.160 --> 0:03:59.480 I was on that three clicks where I thought it 0:03:59.520 --> 0:04:02.440 was better hour together. That was like the you ate 0:04:02.480 --> 0:04:06.480 and then you took a shower together. She uh. We 0:04:06.520 --> 0:04:12.600 did this thing where we um, what's the bathrub the whatever, 0:04:12.720 --> 0:04:16.080 like the kind of like a loof of but it 0:04:16.120 --> 0:04:19.479 has like little exfolians in it. And we did that 0:04:19.560 --> 0:04:21.520 to each other's backs, and it's just like a nice 0:04:21.560 --> 0:04:24.440 thing because you don't wash your I don't wash my back. 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:27.440 I haven't watched I don't think I've ever washed my back. 0:04:27.480 --> 0:04:30.719 It's not getting washed. No, I don't even know. My 0:04:30.839 --> 0:04:33.280 legs don't get washed unless I shave them. And that's 0:04:33.320 --> 0:04:36.400 just because I squeegee them with the um or I'm 0:04:36.480 --> 0:04:38.760 getting spray tand off. But I don't ever wash my 0:04:38.839 --> 0:04:40.800 legs or I don't wash my feet either. Well, they 0:04:40.800 --> 0:04:43.279 make that thing for your back, Yeah, I bought a 0:04:43.279 --> 0:04:47.120 lot of those. People do, like dry scrubs. People's the 0:04:47.120 --> 0:04:50.680 amount of time people spend on things that Like when 0:04:50.680 --> 0:04:52.840 I start getting on TikTok, that's where I start going, 0:04:53.600 --> 0:04:56.320 I'm out because I start thinking I'm not a good 0:04:56.400 --> 0:04:58.359 enough woman. I'm not like I don't care about like 0:04:58.440 --> 0:05:01.520 essential oils. I don't care about exfoliating. I don't do 0:05:01.600 --> 0:05:03.520 all those things that I'm supposed to do. I was 0:05:03.560 --> 0:05:05.600 supposed to have a I bought like a brush that 0:05:05.600 --> 0:05:07.760 are you're supposed to do like a dry brush first 0:05:07.760 --> 0:05:09.800 and scrape all the skins, wire your skins dry. No, 0:05:09.880 --> 0:05:11.159 what do you do all that stuff? Do you do 0:05:11.200 --> 0:05:15.880 a dry brush? Um? I just recently started doing one. 0:05:15.920 --> 0:05:19.880 But it's more for like circulation. Okay, yeah that's what 0:05:19.920 --> 0:05:23.080 they say too. So what's your shower routine? Like, how 0:05:23.120 --> 0:05:25.680 do you like prepare your let's talk about body. Let's 0:05:25.680 --> 0:05:28.000 like go away from face because that's a whole difference. 0:05:29.360 --> 0:05:33.160 You know, I do wash my back. I remember from 0:05:33.200 --> 0:05:37.479 the U Up days, Anya was like perplexed that you 0:05:37.520 --> 0:05:39.880 don't wash your legs, and I was like, do I 0:05:39.920 --> 0:05:42.080 wash my legs? So I always pay attention to just 0:05:42.120 --> 0:05:46.479 like wash everything ever since that show. Yeah, I'm just 0:05:46.560 --> 0:05:52.720 do pits um pussy ass crack and that's all I do. Yeah, 0:05:52.720 --> 0:05:55.720 all the pitch of my body, I just get those 0:05:55.760 --> 0:05:57.640 because those are the smelly places the rest of my 0:05:57.760 --> 0:06:00.919 my skin. Like it doesn't I don't know. I just 0:06:00.920 --> 0:06:05.520 don't feel like watching anything like that. It proves my 0:06:05.560 --> 0:06:08.560 back doesn't stinct, like fucking dogshit. Maybe I get it 0:06:08.600 --> 0:06:11.320 from the soap from washing. I feel like if I 0:06:11.560 --> 0:06:14.279 didn't have all the rundown from the shampoo and the 0:06:14.279 --> 0:06:17.720 condition and everything. And also shaving my legs does feel 0:06:17.760 --> 0:06:20.599 squeegee esque where you like you put on I put 0:06:20.600 --> 0:06:23.960 on conditioner just because it's like sometimes I run out 0:06:23.960 --> 0:06:25.960 of body wash and I just that is a continual 0:06:26.080 --> 0:06:28.560 thing that I forget and forget and forget to replenish. 0:06:28.680 --> 0:06:31.159 How important is water pressure? Do you you really get 0:06:31.200 --> 0:06:34.360 upset if it's too strong because you think it's absolutely 0:06:34.400 --> 0:06:37.080 I do well. I take really quick showers. I get 0:06:37.200 --> 0:06:40.120 upset just because I know that everyone else is really 0:06:40.160 --> 0:06:42.320 wasting so much water in here because I know how 0:06:42.480 --> 0:06:46.800 long men shower to like someone that it gets recycled, 0:06:47.200 --> 0:06:50.080 that it doesn't matter. I don't know that that's true, 0:06:50.160 --> 0:06:52.040 but you can tell yourself that. But yeah, water pressure 0:06:52.120 --> 0:06:56.400 is so important. I'm always grateful for it when it's ridiculous, 0:06:56.400 --> 0:06:59.120 but I like it, was so happy when I got 0:06:59.160 --> 0:07:03.440 into it. Yeah, like New York, when I would go, yeah, sorry, 0:07:03.800 --> 0:07:06.359 is it important to you if it's um if the 0:07:06.720 --> 0:07:08.960 like shower head is just a head, or do you 0:07:09.000 --> 0:07:13.000 need like with the with the cord. No, I've never 0:07:13.080 --> 0:07:14.800 used a chord, and I think that's where we're talking 0:07:14.800 --> 0:07:17.600 about getting the back real good if you have a chord. 0:07:18.040 --> 0:07:20.280 I would also say the cord with like women being like, 0:07:20.400 --> 0:07:24.080 I don't need a man, I've got this. Well, I 0:07:24.120 --> 0:07:28.360 can't understand how that could be. Yeah, like a cod. 0:07:29.000 --> 0:07:32.560 I I it's necessary to have the handheld one with 0:07:32.600 --> 0:07:35.720 the cord because I can't get my undercarriage otherwise I 0:07:35.760 --> 0:07:38.800 feel like it's not clean. Well, I just go and 0:07:38.800 --> 0:07:41.200 then I like cut water and I go like I 0:07:41.320 --> 0:07:44.800 bring the water to my vagina. I use that thing 0:07:44.920 --> 0:07:48.000 as a mike before and done like an hour set 0:07:48.160 --> 0:07:52.720 and yeah, you killed, I wouldn't say I killed. Yeah, 0:07:52.720 --> 0:07:56.320 you know there's a lot of pressure in there. Yeah, dude, 0:07:56.320 --> 0:07:58.800 I'm telling you. I would go to New York and 0:07:58.800 --> 0:08:01.000 when I would look at apartment, my first thing I 0:08:01.000 --> 0:08:04.360 would do is run in the bathroom, and the real 0:08:04.440 --> 0:08:06.760 estate agent would always look at me like weird a 0:08:06.800 --> 0:08:09.160 little bit, and I'm like, this is the most this 0:08:09.240 --> 0:08:11.400 is top three, the most important thing. We look for 0:08:11.440 --> 0:08:15.520 the mic thing. Oh no, no, no, oh yeah, yeah, 0:08:15.520 --> 0:08:17.720 that's so important if it got hot right away. I 0:08:17.760 --> 0:08:20.720 did that on this on this apartment, for sure. I 0:08:20.840 --> 0:08:23.600 ran it, and I remember, yeah, the real estate agent 0:08:23.680 --> 0:08:25.000 kind of being like, what are you doing? It's like 0:08:25.360 --> 0:08:28.920 that is so crucial. That's that's more crucial than like 0:08:29.400 --> 0:08:31.360 staying at a place to see if there's planes flaying 0:08:31.360 --> 0:08:33.000 overhead are going to wake you up all night or 0:08:33.040 --> 0:08:34.880 some kind of train going by, because that's I can 0:08:34.880 --> 0:08:36.839 always get white noise, but I can't get white water. 0:08:37.800 --> 0:08:40.120 I want white I want I want to feel like 0:08:40.160 --> 0:08:44.720 I'm going like standing under Niagara falls from pressure. It 0:08:44.760 --> 0:08:49.800 feels great. Head. That's what I want. Yeah, so you 0:08:49.880 --> 0:08:53.120 got in the shower, you did a scrub down, nice 0:08:53.160 --> 0:08:57.560 scrub and then um what we then we got in bed. 0:08:57.600 --> 0:08:59.880 I mean you start making love in the shower or 0:09:00.080 --> 0:09:03.800 you does it happen before? Now? We we we did 0:09:03.840 --> 0:09:06.760 the bed, we made love, but after you but I 0:09:06.840 --> 0:09:10.080 was tired. I was tired. I wish I was like 0:09:10.520 --> 0:09:13.200 I wanted to fucking be rabbiged. Sometimes I want to 0:09:13.240 --> 0:09:17.280 just ravish, you know. But my body's like, huh, I 0:09:17.280 --> 0:09:21.400 think you us combined radish and rabbage. Yeah, which word 0:09:21.520 --> 0:09:26.320 is it? Ravage? And you said ravish like it's yeah, 0:09:27.120 --> 0:09:30.240 you'll hear that for sure. Ye want to hear him 0:09:30.280 --> 0:09:32.200 say it again if you want to hear exactly what 0:09:32.240 --> 0:09:35.680 you said. Sometimes you do want to wrap radish ravish 0:09:35.840 --> 0:09:38.680 a radish sometimes radishes with a little salt on them. 0:09:38.760 --> 0:09:41.439 And like we used to make this thing called garbage. 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:43.600 I don't know why we called a garbage. But every 0:09:43.800 --> 0:09:45.640 Sunday when there was golf on, and we would go 0:09:45.679 --> 0:09:47.240 for like a family hike and then we'd come back 0:09:47.280 --> 0:09:49.280 and leave. My parents would watch golf, which it's just 0:09:49.360 --> 0:09:51.280 very calming just to hear golf in the background, and 0:09:51.320 --> 0:09:54.439 I could just sit and kind of like binge on this. 0:09:54.520 --> 0:10:00.400 Like we would cut up radishes, green onions, carrots and celery, 0:10:00.800 --> 0:10:03.280 and you put in a big bowl of with water 0:10:03.280 --> 0:10:04.520 and you put a bunch of ice in it, so 0:10:04.559 --> 0:10:07.320 it's like ice cold all these veggies. And then you 0:10:07.360 --> 0:10:09.320 do a plate and you put salt on the plate 0:10:09.320 --> 0:10:10.920 and you take it out and you just swirl it 0:10:10.960 --> 0:10:13.480 on the plate and just eat. We called it garbage. 0:10:13.520 --> 0:10:16.720 I don't know what what why. That was no dip 0:10:17.200 --> 0:10:20.520 that we weren't like trying to diet or anything either, 0:10:20.600 --> 0:10:22.640 Like let me be clear, like this is a family 0:10:22.720 --> 0:10:24.800 that was not that way at all. But that was 0:10:24.840 --> 0:10:26.679 just a thing we did where and I would hear 0:10:26.720 --> 0:10:35.160 just golf tones on TV and he's chipping and golfing 0:10:35.200 --> 0:10:37.240 was associating, and then all of a sudden, two hours 0:10:37.320 --> 0:10:42.000 later it would be tonight on sixty minutes, I'm Leslie Stall, 0:10:42.559 --> 0:10:45.120 I'm Marley Safer, and then it would be like fuck, homework, 0:10:45.160 --> 0:10:47.320 got gotta go to school tomorrow. That was kind of 0:10:47.320 --> 0:10:53.640 the Sunday yeah, yeah minutes. The guy with the eyebrows, 0:10:53.640 --> 0:10:57.040 he was I always say that I have uh, oh 0:10:57.280 --> 0:11:01.679 you mean Andy Rooney. Yeah. See what I don't understand 0:11:02.120 --> 0:11:04.360 is air ports. And he was the first like kind 0:11:04.400 --> 0:11:08.320 of disgruntled comic. Oh my god, speaking of this just 0:11:08.360 --> 0:11:10.520 reminded me of what I wanted to remember last week 0:11:10.559 --> 0:11:12.520 where I totally lost my train of thought on the 0:11:12.520 --> 0:11:15.760 show we're talking about, I think we're probably talking about 0:11:15.840 --> 0:11:18.559 Ukraine or just like people like making things about themselves. 0:11:19.600 --> 0:11:21.520 I loved this one post that you sent me of 0:11:21.640 --> 0:11:25.120 someone who was like calling out comedians. There's a lot 0:11:25.120 --> 0:11:28.480 of that's going on right now on TikTok and Instagram 0:11:28.520 --> 0:11:35.720 reels of people making fun of celebrities for doing things 0:11:36.040 --> 0:11:39.439 to make Ukraine about themselves because they're like, oh fuck, 0:11:39.640 --> 0:11:42.920 I can't I can't post about myself. Like so there's 0:11:42.920 --> 0:11:44.760 soho there. You know, there's just a bunch of videos 0:11:44.800 --> 0:11:49.400 mocking celebrities about how they're gonna make it about themselves 0:11:49.440 --> 0:11:51.040 and like like acting like they're tearing up and all 0:11:51.040 --> 0:11:53.920 the stuff. I just want to say, as a creative 0:11:53.960 --> 0:11:58.400 person who often writes jokes that are is mocking other people, 0:11:58.960 --> 0:12:02.680 I want to say a lot of times that thing 0:12:02.800 --> 0:12:06.680 that you're mocking, you think of it because you are 0:12:06.840 --> 0:12:10.600 the thing. So like you sent me an example of 0:12:10.640 --> 0:12:13.640 someone that was like, sorry, comedians, not gonna be able 0:12:13.640 --> 0:12:17.440 to make this about yourself? Today, ha sucks something like 0:12:17.480 --> 0:12:23.560 that some edgy fucking tweet And I knew instantly it 0:12:23.640 --> 0:12:28.240 was No, it sounded like using tweet, this freaking tweet 0:12:28.320 --> 0:12:31.280 over here. Yeah, this fucking edgy tweet. Oh my god, 0:12:31.320 --> 0:12:34.040 that is it almost does sound like a derogatory term. 0:12:34.400 --> 0:12:38.520 So this edgy tweeter, he is, like, you know, doing 0:12:38.720 --> 0:12:43.160 calling up comics. I know the genesis of that observation. 0:12:44.000 --> 0:12:47.240 He woke up that day wanting to post something about 0:12:47.320 --> 0:12:51.480 himself and he couldn't, and he thought, it sucks, I 0:12:51.480 --> 0:12:55.920 can't post about myself today. He then felt the embarrassment 0:12:55.960 --> 0:13:00.400 of having that thought and decided to project it onto others. 0:13:00.920 --> 0:13:03.120 So I just want to say that when you thy 0:13:03.200 --> 0:13:06.280 doth protest too much or whatever the sake experience Slash 0:13:06.280 --> 0:13:09.679 Taylor swift lyrics. Thing is takes a test. I think 0:13:09.720 --> 0:13:16.560 it's what's the word takes a test? No, I like 0:13:16.640 --> 0:13:19.640 that aof takes a test? If like, that's when someone 0:13:19.640 --> 0:13:22.400 that's called productive will say that when it's projecting. Now, 0:13:22.440 --> 0:13:27.280 adof takes a test. It's like, it's because to do that, 0:13:27.840 --> 0:13:29.680 because I've seen you do. I've seen your like I 0:13:29.800 --> 0:13:31.600 sometimes try to trace your mind and how you get 0:13:31.640 --> 0:13:34.000 to things. And sometimes I'll be like, because I will 0:13:34.000 --> 0:13:36.960 do it, I will write a joke calling out some 0:13:37.040 --> 0:13:39.960 behavior that I'm like, I do that, And for instance, 0:13:40.360 --> 0:13:44.679 um models who pretend to eat on camera, or like 0:13:44.800 --> 0:13:46.440 I love pizza and I did a joke about it 0:13:46.440 --> 0:13:48.320 where they like take a bite and they say refreshing, 0:13:48.360 --> 0:13:50.840 and You're like, have you never eaten pizza? That's because 0:13:50.920 --> 0:13:52.959 I used to be antorexic and not want to eat 0:13:52.960 --> 0:13:56.160 things on camera, and I used to be fucking like 0:13:56.400 --> 0:13:59.280 losing my mind about how am I going to do this, 0:13:59.440 --> 0:14:02.480 and like I would always want to just I was 0:14:02.520 --> 0:14:04.480 scared to have to eat on camera, Like it came 0:14:04.600 --> 0:14:08.200 from me being that. Yeah, like me making fun of 0:14:08.320 --> 0:14:11.880 edgy comedians part of me. I don't want to go 0:14:12.040 --> 0:14:14.120 as far as like what my edge character is, but 0:14:14.200 --> 0:14:16.480 I do think sometimes I will maybe hold back and 0:14:16.520 --> 0:14:20.800 I'm there might be a jealousy of their freedom of 0:14:21.000 --> 0:14:24.280 going where they go. But when some of them I 0:14:24.320 --> 0:14:26.800 feel like, do it in a way that's still intelligent 0:14:26.960 --> 0:14:30.800 and like not just shocking but actually very funny still, 0:14:31.520 --> 0:14:34.920 but sometimes I feel like maybe because I feel it's 0:14:34.960 --> 0:14:36.400 like an easy way out and they get to do 0:14:36.440 --> 0:14:38.960 that and you don't get to let's mock it. Yeah, 0:14:39.960 --> 0:14:42.800 I like I've been doing. I've just like I gotta 0:14:42.840 --> 0:14:46.080 get back into like being a more mindful and like 0:14:46.440 --> 0:14:48.880 less egotistical. Like I've been just kind of like in 0:14:48.880 --> 0:14:52.000 this ugly state of mind of just hating things and 0:14:52.080 --> 0:14:55.960 judging them and being like and it's all if I 0:14:56.000 --> 0:14:59.520 liked myself and felt confident I don't care about anyone else. 0:14:59.560 --> 0:15:01.200 I really you don't have every wrong with anyone else. 0:15:01.720 --> 0:15:06.480 Last night I received some like just some like light 0:15:06.920 --> 0:15:10.920 concern or like just checking in on like hey, like 0:15:10.960 --> 0:15:14.240 with this music thing you're doing, like I just want 0:15:14.240 --> 0:15:16.600 to make sure like you're not like you gotta you 0:15:16.600 --> 0:15:19.400 gotta work really hard at this before you like release stuff. 0:15:19.400 --> 0:15:22.200 And I like got so defensive of like, of course 0:15:22.240 --> 0:15:24.000 I know that I'm not going to release stuff, but 0:15:24.480 --> 0:15:27.800 I caveat everything that I do music wise with I 0:15:27.920 --> 0:15:30.400 suck so much. And I know that and any besties 0:15:30.440 --> 0:15:32.640 that's listening right now that's ever seen me on Instagram 0:15:32.680 --> 0:15:35.600 live knows that it is crutched and book ended to 0:15:35.640 --> 0:15:38.000 the point where people are like stop saying that it's 0:15:38.000 --> 0:15:40.800 so funny because people either say you're stating on yourself, 0:15:40.840 --> 0:15:43.360 just do it, or they go, God, she thinks she's 0:15:43.400 --> 0:15:46.160 so good, so you can't really win. So you're not 0:15:46.200 --> 0:15:48.640 supposed to ever disparage yourself because you're supposed to like 0:15:48.680 --> 0:15:51.000 be you. But then the second you do or the 0:15:51.040 --> 0:15:52.840 second you don't, and you're like, hey, I think I 0:15:52.880 --> 0:15:54.760 sound good, people are like, hey, you know you don't 0:15:54.800 --> 0:15:57.640 sound good, right, like, don't put this out. And I'm 0:15:57.680 --> 0:16:01.720 struggling with like the fact that I creating music and 0:16:01.760 --> 0:16:04.440 I want to share it with not the world and 0:16:04.480 --> 0:16:06.840 be like this is my opus and I'm done and 0:16:06.880 --> 0:16:08.680 I'm as good as Taylor Swift and sign me up 0:16:08.680 --> 0:16:12.600 for a Grammy. I I'm doing everything from like I'm 0:16:12.600 --> 0:16:15.080 a twelve year old that just started like I'm I'm 0:16:15.120 --> 0:16:17.520 eighteen year old, Nikki Glazer just started doing comedy like 0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:21.200 judge me against one year doing this and um, and 0:16:21.240 --> 0:16:23.400 I was getting so defensive and I just was in 0:16:23.440 --> 0:16:27.600 this loop of arguing like someone it was like someone 0:16:27.640 --> 0:16:32.440 in my like a close like family, and I was 0:16:32.560 --> 0:16:36.600 just couldn't stop like just being like but I want 0:16:36.640 --> 0:16:38.240 you to know that, I know that, and it was 0:16:38.280 --> 0:16:40.400 just never going anywhere. And then I just for a second, 0:16:40.600 --> 0:16:43.360 I'm reading this book called The pers The Pursuit of 0:16:43.360 --> 0:16:46.200 Happiness or the Art of Happiness by the Dalai Lama, 0:16:47.280 --> 0:16:50.960 and I was like, wait a second, let me just 0:16:51.160 --> 0:16:53.120 take my ego out of this and see what it 0:16:53.160 --> 0:16:55.920 looks like like, let me just do an experience. Um. 0:16:56.040 --> 0:16:58.280 She was like talking to me about like what her 0:16:58.320 --> 0:17:00.680 perception of me doing music was in trying to explain 0:17:00.760 --> 0:17:02.680 her side of things, and while she was talking, I 0:17:02.720 --> 0:17:04.919 just kind of drifted off and was like, what is 0:17:04.960 --> 0:17:07.560 this conversation with not my ego, not involved, with me 0:17:07.640 --> 0:17:10.320 not being like but I want her to understand that 0:17:10.400 --> 0:17:12.760 I'm not this without me being like, what are people 0:17:12.760 --> 0:17:16.720 going to say? And honestly, the conversation is mood. It 0:17:16.840 --> 0:17:20.280 doesn't matter because what she was coming with of I'm 0:17:20.320 --> 0:17:23.640 worried about people thinking one thing about you when you've 0:17:23.680 --> 0:17:25.600 just like it's kind of my mom's concern of when 0:17:26.200 --> 0:17:28.479 I was in the Gay Straight Alliance in high school 0:17:28.680 --> 0:17:30.160 and she was like, people are gonna think you're gay, 0:17:30.520 --> 0:17:33.480 and I'm like, but and I almost wanted. I wanted 0:17:33.520 --> 0:17:35.040 to be gay in high school because I wanted to 0:17:35.280 --> 0:17:37.840 be something that my mom would be like I could 0:17:37.880 --> 0:17:39.800 prove that she didn't want me to do this thing 0:17:39.880 --> 0:17:42.600 that's just who I am, you know, like it just 0:17:42.800 --> 0:17:44.960 because when you're gay. I knew that it was just 0:17:45.000 --> 0:17:46.359 who you are, and I knew that she would have 0:17:46.359 --> 0:17:48.320 a problem with it, but she always said her problem 0:17:48.359 --> 0:17:51.600 was I don't want other people be judging you, which 0:17:51.600 --> 0:17:53.720 is a lot of parents who accept their gay kids 0:17:53.800 --> 0:17:58.120 say that. But that bothered me because it was always like, well, 0:17:58.160 --> 0:18:02.000 I'm but this person was explaining to me, Nikki, I 0:18:02.040 --> 0:18:03.879 just want to protect I don't if you want to 0:18:03.880 --> 0:18:05.840 do what you do and not care what people say. 0:18:05.920 --> 0:18:07.679 I don't care what people say about you. I know 0:18:07.720 --> 0:18:10.280 where you're coming from with this. I don't want I 0:18:10.320 --> 0:18:12.640 know how sensitive you are when people talk about you. 0:18:12.960 --> 0:18:14.560 I don't want to have to. I don't want to 0:18:14.560 --> 0:18:16.960 see you go through the pain of people misinterpreting what 0:18:17.000 --> 0:18:19.119 you're doing and thinking you think you're cool or whatever. 0:18:19.840 --> 0:18:22.879 And I was like, wow, if I take my that's 0:18:22.920 --> 0:18:26.639 all their ego, that's all they're like worrying about me. 0:18:26.880 --> 0:18:29.359 Like they're worrying about me is not even my issue, 0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:31.680 Like you know, if you take your ego out of things, 0:18:31.720 --> 0:18:33.920 which is just this new experiment I'm doing, because the 0:18:33.960 --> 0:18:36.720 ego is hard to even understand what it is. It's 0:18:36.760 --> 0:18:39.040 just a sense of self. It's just thinking that you're 0:18:39.080 --> 0:18:41.959 an individual who when you're not. Really you're just a 0:18:42.000 --> 0:18:46.359 big mass of cells that's gonna die someday. Sorry. And 0:18:46.440 --> 0:18:48.639 you may have a soul, but yourself is just a 0:18:49.200 --> 0:18:51.320 it's just an illusion. And so when you take that 0:18:51.320 --> 0:18:55.320 away and you go, what what would I feel right 0:18:55.320 --> 0:18:59.560 now if I didn't if I really if there was 0:18:59.640 --> 0:19:01.800 no ache in this for me of what people thought, 0:19:01.840 --> 0:19:03.840 what would I do? How would I act? And it's 0:19:03.880 --> 0:19:07.159 like I don't know. It was almost like an exorcism, 0:19:07.200 --> 0:19:09.639 and I was like, this conversation is over. This is 0:19:09.760 --> 0:19:13.040 all about my ego. I'm being sensitive because I want 0:19:13.119 --> 0:19:15.480 people to be nice to me, but I also want 0:19:15.480 --> 0:19:17.800 them to understand that I don't think I'm cool and 0:19:17.840 --> 0:19:22.160 I it's just all it's all ego, and I really 0:19:22.160 --> 0:19:25.159 want to free myself of that because it's just in 0:19:25.320 --> 0:19:27.480 the argument we've ever gotten. In the second you and 0:19:27.520 --> 0:19:31.840 I just say, would set aside our egos, it would 0:19:31.840 --> 0:19:35.680 be done. It would be done. It literally it makes 0:19:35.840 --> 0:19:41.360 everything cease to any argument cease to exist. Putin fucking Trump, 0:19:42.080 --> 0:19:46.160 anyone who argues with anything. It's all about ego. You're 0:19:46.240 --> 0:19:49.120 taking from me, You're making me look bad, And it's like, 0:19:49.600 --> 0:19:52.119 but if you like yourself, no one can make you 0:19:52.160 --> 0:19:55.280 look bad. I guess the flip side of that is like, 0:19:56.000 --> 0:20:01.520 can ego protect you from, like I don't know, putting 0:20:01.520 --> 0:20:05.000 out things like for me, like sometimes I don't have 0:20:05.040 --> 0:20:07.399 any egos, so I'll just put out anything, you know, 0:20:07.840 --> 0:20:09.600 So like I guess the flip side of that is 0:20:09.640 --> 0:20:13.080 like do I put out ship when it's not good 0:20:13.200 --> 0:20:16.040 enough to where I could even make it? Because I 0:20:16.080 --> 0:20:18.320 have no ego in regards to that. Like there's a 0:20:18.359 --> 0:20:20.359 line I think between right, like where I get mad 0:20:20.400 --> 0:20:22.239 at you're putting something out too soon, where I'm like, oh, 0:20:22.240 --> 0:20:23.960 if you just like tweaked a little bit, it would 0:20:24.000 --> 0:20:26.720 be amazing, and you're just rushing it. So maybe have 0:20:26.720 --> 0:20:28.639 a little bit more ego of thinking what people are 0:20:28.640 --> 0:20:31.400 gonna think. That's interesting. So but my point like, yeah, 0:20:31.440 --> 0:20:34.119 so with your music, it's like also it's like people 0:20:34.119 --> 0:20:39.479 are putting doing something outside of whatever their thing is, 0:20:39.960 --> 0:20:42.920 their fear of that. Yes, they're putting that on you, 0:20:43.040 --> 0:20:45.639 on you and if you don't because last night I 0:20:45.680 --> 0:20:48.920 was telling her, I was like, I'm okay, people can 0:20:48.960 --> 0:20:51.160 say Nikki think she's sweets, she thinks she sounds good. 0:20:51.440 --> 0:20:54.560 I know that. I don't. I know that I think 0:20:54.560 --> 0:20:56.200 I sound good for a year. And I think that's 0:20:56.240 --> 0:20:59.359