1
00:00:05,720 --> 00:00:10,799
Speaker 1: Okay, my next guest Dad for the day, is moistured

2
00:00:11,440 --> 00:00:15,600
Speaker 1: up and down. And I'm so happy because we both

3
00:00:15,600 --> 00:00:19,760
Speaker 1: did the same thing before we started recording, which means

4
00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:23,040
Speaker 1: we really just might be kin. Hi guys, I may

5
00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:25,400
Speaker 1: goo odem and welcome to thanks Dad. I was raised

6
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,400
Speaker 1: by single mom. I do not have a relationship with

7
00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:30,040
Speaker 1: my dad, and I'm not gonna have a relationship with

8
00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:32,440
Speaker 1: him because, oh my gosh, he went and died.

9
00:00:33,400 --> 00:00:36,280
Speaker 2: So lord, oh my lord, oh my lord.

10
00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:38,479
Speaker 1: It's okay. Wait and it's okay. Don't be worried for me.

11
00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:39,599
Speaker 1: You look nervous now.

12
00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,920
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, no, that's what I've stepped into.

13
00:00:42,560 --> 00:00:44,080
Speaker 2: No, when I tell you, it's fine.

14
00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:47,720
Speaker 1: So on this podcast, I'm sitting down with father figures

15
00:00:47,720 --> 00:00:49,519
Speaker 1: who are old enough to be my dad or just

16
00:00:49,640 --> 00:00:52,520
Speaker 1: dads themselves. We will never say which category our guests

17
00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:54,480
Speaker 1: are in, and I'm gonna get to ask the questions

18
00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:56,760
Speaker 1: I've always wanted to ask a dad, like how do

19
00:00:56,840 --> 00:01:00,120
Speaker 1: I know if the guy I'm dating is right for me?

20
00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:02,440
Speaker 1: Or what should I look out for when I'm buying

21
00:01:02,480 --> 00:01:05,959
Speaker 1: a car? Or is it actually a wise investment to

22
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:06,720
Speaker 1: buy a house?

23
00:01:07,319 --> 00:01:08,520
Speaker 2: Is it really People.

24
00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:11,440
Speaker 1: Always say that but anyway, before we get into that

25
00:01:11,600 --> 00:01:14,320
Speaker 1: the hard stuff, you know, my next guest from the

26
00:01:14,319 --> 00:01:17,560
Speaker 1: Emmy winning television series whose line is it anyway, The

27
00:01:17,600 --> 00:01:21,080
Speaker 1: Wayne Brady Show and his newest reality series, Wayne Brady

28
00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:23,960
Speaker 1: The Family Remix, please welcome my Dad for the Day.

29
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:27,480
Speaker 1: You guessed it because I said it already, Wayne Brady.

30
00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:28,040
Speaker 2: Hi.

31
00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:32,280
Speaker 3: Hey, two things. Yes, the show Din Win the Emmys.

32
00:01:32,319 --> 00:01:35,039
Speaker 3: I won all the Emmys the showd In Win. That

33
00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:37,240
Speaker 3: was me. Just to clarify.

34
00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:40,000
Speaker 1: I am so glad you're clarifying. And I'm about to

35
00:01:40,040 --> 00:01:43,160
Speaker 1: throw someone under a big old bus because I didn't

36
00:01:43,160 --> 00:01:46,520
Speaker 1: write that intro. But you know, I love that you

37
00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:49,880
Speaker 1: have clarified because there is a difference and people outside

38
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:52,800
Speaker 1: the industry especially don't seem to know that. But you

39
00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:56,280
Speaker 1: won the Emmy and that's a huge deal. So yeah,

40
00:01:56,400 --> 00:01:58,880
Speaker 1: it's a big deal. And especially because i'm your dad

41
00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:00,200
Speaker 1: for the day.

42
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:02,680
Speaker 3: You know the thing that I've taught my daughter that

43
00:02:02,760 --> 00:02:05,360
Speaker 3: I will pass on to you as my daughter for

44
00:02:05,440 --> 00:02:09,440
Speaker 3: the day, which is always weird when a beautiful woman

45
00:02:09,840 --> 00:02:13,000
Speaker 3: calls you dad and then you're like, oh, which category

46
00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:15,800
Speaker 3: I fit in? Old enough to be your dad? Or dad? Dad? Advice?

47
00:02:15,840 --> 00:02:17,840
Speaker 3: As this is not daddy. Then it gets the changes,

48
00:02:17,840 --> 00:02:18,880
Speaker 3: the conversation.

49
00:02:18,760 --> 00:02:19,600
Speaker 2: Daddy get weird.

50
00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:23,040
Speaker 3: But yeah, the thing I'll tell you is for a

51
00:02:23,040 --> 00:02:25,000
Speaker 3: lot of my life, and I think that a lot

52
00:02:25,040 --> 00:02:29,360
Speaker 3: of black people and end up doing this is we

53
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:32,079
Speaker 3: work to be successful depending on the environment where you're from.

54
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:34,440
Speaker 3: You you were raised by a single mother. I was

55
00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:39,280
Speaker 3: raised by my grandmother Oka after my grandfather passed away

56
00:02:39,440 --> 00:02:42,920
Speaker 3: and my father was a distant, sad light, so I

57
00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:45,920
Speaker 3: was raised by her. So basically a single mom. And

58
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,920
Speaker 3: my folks is from the US Virgin Islands, so I

59
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:52,520
Speaker 3: have the island hustle and mentality of the immigrants. You struggle,

60
00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:54,000
Speaker 3: you work, you want to be the best. You want

61
00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,519
Speaker 3: to be the best. You kick assid things, but then

62
00:02:57,200 --> 00:03:00,680
Speaker 3: you can't always sound too proud of those things because

63
00:03:00,720 --> 00:03:04,080
Speaker 3: then somebody's like you arrogant or you can see that.

64
00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:05,880
Speaker 3: So I spent a lot of my life and a

65
00:03:05,880 --> 00:03:09,040
Speaker 3: lot of my career when someone would say, oh, you're

66
00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:12,200
Speaker 3: really good at this, I would downplay everything and I

67
00:03:12,200 --> 00:03:16,280
Speaker 3: would make myself small. Yeah, so I reached a point

68
00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:20,520
Speaker 3: where I went, you know what, if I truly did

69
00:03:20,560 --> 00:03:24,040
Speaker 3: win this accolade, and if I actually can do if

70
00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:28,400
Speaker 3: I actually can sing, dance, act right, produce, do this shit,

71
00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:30,320
Speaker 3: and that's my skill set and I do it well.

72
00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:33,600
Speaker 3: It's not arrogant for me in certain spaces to own

73
00:03:33,639 --> 00:03:36,360
Speaker 3: that because there are other people who have done far

74
00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:39,280
Speaker 3: less and have bigger mouths and they eat off of that.

75
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,080
Speaker 3: And I'm over here trying to be polite to make

76
00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:46,840
Speaker 3: the people in the room comfortable because they because I

77
00:03:46,880 --> 00:03:50,320
Speaker 3: don't want a rah rah. Well, that's why anytime that

78
00:03:50,400 --> 00:03:52,960
Speaker 3: my publicist I do a show, you better make sure

79
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:57,440
Speaker 3: that my introduction is five time Amy winning, two time

80
00:03:57,640 --> 00:04:03,480
Speaker 3: Grammy nominee Broadways Star, because those are things that I've done.

81
00:04:03,560 --> 00:04:05,920
Speaker 3: I cannot save your life. I'm not a doctor. I

82
00:04:05,960 --> 00:04:09,480
Speaker 3: can barely fix your car. I can't change a spare tire,

83
00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:13,040
Speaker 3: I can't really cook, okay, but I can do this shit.

84
00:04:13,400 --> 00:04:17,200
Speaker 3: So yes, dam so that's my lesson. Daughter, Walk in

85
00:04:17,240 --> 00:04:20,200
Speaker 3: your shine because you kill it. You are amazing and

86
00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:22,280
Speaker 3: the world needs to know that you're amazing, and that

87
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:23,279
Speaker 3: is not a problem.

88
00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:26,960
Speaker 1: You are so kind and so generous, and I love

89
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:29,920
Speaker 1: that I am talking to you right now because speaking

90
00:04:29,960 --> 00:04:33,159
Speaker 1: of not wanting to come across as arrogant, it's this

91
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:36,000
Speaker 1: interesting dance we do and it sounds like you did

92
00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:37,719
Speaker 1: for a long time where you go, oh, yeah, I

93
00:04:37,720 --> 00:04:39,440
Speaker 1: don't want to come off as arrogant and I don't

94
00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:42,880
Speaker 1: want to sound haughty, but you really worked towards these things,

95
00:04:42,920 --> 00:04:45,120
Speaker 1: and it's okay to be proud of them, and it's

96
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:48,800
Speaker 1: okay to own them. And shrinking doesn't help anybody, really,

97
00:04:49,120 --> 00:04:52,200
Speaker 1: And mind you, if people are uncomfortable because you're accomplished,

98
00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,360
Speaker 1: my mom might say in that moment, the discomfort belongs

99
00:04:55,440 --> 00:04:58,560
Speaker 1: to them. Yeah, there is nothing wrong with you celebrating

100
00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:01,880
Speaker 1: your achievements. So I'm sincerely, from the depths of my heart,

101
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:05,080
Speaker 1: so grateful that you clarified because you did that, you

102
00:05:05,160 --> 00:05:06,880
Speaker 1: work towards that, and no one handed any of that

103
00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:09,479
Speaker 1: to you. So to say, hey, let's acknowledge these things,

104
00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:11,279
Speaker 1: I don't have a problem with it. And I love

105
00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:14,919
Speaker 1: that my dad has all those statues, so listen, Well, well.

106
00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:17,040
Speaker 3: Thank you. That's a lesson that I had to teach

107
00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:20,159
Speaker 3: my daughter, especially being a young black woman. He's like, no,

108
00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:24,760
Speaker 3: you can be prot and she's so damn smart and talented,

109
00:05:24,839 --> 00:05:27,480
Speaker 3: and I'm never so at this age. She just turned

110
00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:30,880
Speaker 3: twenty two yesterday. I was like, I will not allow

111
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:34,960
Speaker 3: you to make yourself smaller. For your boss, for someone

112
00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:37,359
Speaker 3: you work force full, for anyone you work with, for

113
00:05:37,440 --> 00:05:40,080
Speaker 3: any man that is in your life. Do not make

114
00:05:40,080 --> 00:05:40,839
Speaker 3: yourself small.

115
00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:46,279
Speaker 1: That is wonderful, wonderful dad advice. And I'm just I'm truly,

116
00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:48,080
Speaker 1: I'm stopped in my tracks because I'm like, this is

117
00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:50,360
Speaker 1: what a young woman needs to hear and have instilled

118
00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:52,480
Speaker 1: in her from a very young age. And I feel

119
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,480
Speaker 1: very grateful that my mother did, I believe, a fantastic

120
00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:58,679
Speaker 1: job raising her four children to be confident and believe

121
00:05:58,680 --> 00:06:00,680
Speaker 1: they can do whatever it is they want to do.

122
00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:02,640
Speaker 1: I think I am a testament to that, and I

123
00:06:02,640 --> 00:06:05,880
Speaker 1: think my siblings are as well. You seem to have

124
00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:10,440
Speaker 1: now found such clarity and confidence on your own here, okay,

125
00:06:10,839 --> 00:06:14,520
Speaker 1: but was there a point where you had any relationship

126
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:15,680
Speaker 1: with your dad at all?

127
00:06:16,360 --> 00:06:16,480
Speaker 3: No?

128
00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:19,400
Speaker 2: Okay, no, And.

129
00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:23,320
Speaker 3: And here is the tragedy I feel, and a lot

130
00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:27,880
Speaker 3: of it. And to anybody watching, this is not to

131
00:06:27,880 --> 00:06:31,520
Speaker 3: perpetuate what I think is one of the most insidious

132
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:36,760
Speaker 3: and overtly horrible stereotypes about black men in this country,

133
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:40,440
Speaker 3: about black men are fathers and their absentee and they

134
00:06:40,600 --> 00:06:42,920
Speaker 3: leave and that it's not that I didn't have a

135
00:06:42,960 --> 00:06:45,840
Speaker 3: relationship with him because he was that. In fact, if anything,

136
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:49,000
Speaker 3: my father earlier I was very specific to say that

137
00:06:49,040 --> 00:06:52,520
Speaker 3: he was a satellite. My father was in the military.

138
00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:55,680
Speaker 3: He was in the US Army, and like, when I

139
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:57,719
Speaker 3: think of my dad, I think of like this black

140
00:06:57,880 --> 00:07:00,400
Speaker 3: Gi Joe type character, because that's who he was. He

141
00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:04,479
Speaker 3: was larger than life, like six two, big barrel chested dude,

142
00:07:04,839 --> 00:07:09,720
Speaker 3: bespoke multiple languages. My dad was brilliant because of where

143
00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:13,040
Speaker 3: he was and always being stationed someplace. He made the choice,

144
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,720
Speaker 3: he and my grandmother, so that I would have the

145
00:07:15,760 --> 00:07:19,760
Speaker 3: island upbringing that he had that instilled certain vagues in him.

146
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:22,640
Speaker 3: The downside of that is I didn't have a relationship

147
00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:25,560
Speaker 3: with him, and by the time that I became a

148
00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:30,120
Speaker 3: man and I was seeking that relationship, I remember clearly.

149
00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:32,360
Speaker 3: Oh and this turns into my Oprah moment.

150
00:07:32,760 --> 00:07:35,360
Speaker 2: Please please, I'm no Oprah, but please.

151
00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:38,240
Speaker 3: I started acting when I was sixteen. I was so

152
00:07:38,320 --> 00:07:40,280
Speaker 3: proud of it. But even before then I knew I

153
00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:45,200
Speaker 3: wanted to perform. But your folks that yes, yes, yes, okay,

154
00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:48,520
Speaker 3: then we come from the same claw where if you

155
00:07:48,600 --> 00:07:51,640
Speaker 3: tell somebody from the Islands, Mama, I want to go

156
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:55,200
Speaker 3: on stage and I want to sing and dance. Nonsense

157
00:07:55,240 --> 00:07:59,240
Speaker 3: that jump up and down nonsense That was not in

158
00:08:00,120 --> 00:08:04,000
Speaker 3: the plans for anyone. So even the relationship with my dad,

159
00:08:04,040 --> 00:08:05,560
Speaker 3: the closest that I got at one point as a

160
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,920
Speaker 3: teenager is because Dad was in the military and we

161
00:08:07,960 --> 00:08:11,280
Speaker 3: couldn't talk. We had nothing in common. I felt he

162
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:13,320
Speaker 3: was so big and masculine and I was this little,

163
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:17,160
Speaker 3: skinny torpye kid that loved books and loved to draw

164
00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:20,160
Speaker 3: and create and do voices. So the one thing that

165
00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:21,840
Speaker 3: I could do that I could be like my dad

166
00:08:22,080 --> 00:08:25,520
Speaker 3: is I joined the ROTC in my school right because

167
00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:28,040
Speaker 3: I was like, Dad, look, I'm going in the ROTC

168
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:30,800
Speaker 3: and I'm in a uniform too, and maybe we can

169
00:08:30,880 --> 00:08:32,800
Speaker 3: talk about things like that, and I can ask you

170
00:08:33,160 --> 00:08:36,079
Speaker 3: about my gigline and my head and all this stuff,

171
00:08:36,240 --> 00:08:38,600
Speaker 3: when really the theater kid in me was like, this

172
00:08:38,679 --> 00:08:43,400
Speaker 3: wasn't a uniform, It's a costume. And I loved to march.

173
00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:45,760
Speaker 3: I loved doing drills because that was the closest that

174
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:51,160
Speaker 3: I got to dancing. Oh, So that was my way

175
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:52,840
Speaker 3: of being close to him. And then we had a

176
00:08:52,840 --> 00:08:54,920
Speaker 3: big falling out when I graduated high school. Because I

177
00:08:54,920 --> 00:08:56,719
Speaker 3: didn't want to go to college. I got these scholarships

178
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:58,760
Speaker 3: that were pissed at me because I turned down these

179
00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,199
Speaker 3: these scholarships schools, and I said, I want to act,

180
00:09:01,240 --> 00:09:06,559
Speaker 3: and I went on tour and finally, when I was nineteen,

181
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:10,800
Speaker 3: I booked my first big guest starring role on this

182
00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:14,240
Speaker 3: show called In the Heat of the Night, this old drama,

183
00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:16,600
Speaker 3: and it was a two parter and it was directed

184
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:20,760
Speaker 3: by Carol O'Connor, who your viewers are so young, nobody's

185
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:23,320
Speaker 3: going to remember, like all in the family, but this

186
00:09:23,360 --> 00:09:26,280
Speaker 3: big sitcom and Carol O'Connor was a huge actor at

187
00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:28,280
Speaker 3: the time, and he's the one that cast me. It

188
00:09:28,320 --> 00:09:30,640
Speaker 3: was a big deal. I was in the paper back

189
00:09:30,679 --> 00:09:33,720
Speaker 3: in Orlando folks who are like local actor on a

190
00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:36,760
Speaker 3: big CBS show, blah blah blah. And we were shooting

191
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:40,920
Speaker 3: in Covington, Georgia, which is where my dad settled, and

192
00:09:41,000 --> 00:09:43,200
Speaker 3: I got a chance. As I was shooting, I called

193
00:09:43,280 --> 00:09:45,080
Speaker 3: up my dad and said, Dad, I would love to

194
00:09:45,080 --> 00:09:48,520
Speaker 3: come and visit you. And you know, so I drive

195
00:09:48,559 --> 00:09:51,080
Speaker 3: out and I see him and we sat down and

196
00:09:51,080 --> 00:09:53,480
Speaker 3: we talked, and it was the first time in my

197
00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:56,600
Speaker 3: life that I remembered that I sat down and I

198
00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:58,800
Speaker 3: was able to have a face to face talk that

199
00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:01,840
Speaker 3: I wasn't scared that I didn't think that the only

200
00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:03,800
Speaker 3: time he talked to me was to discipline me. It

201
00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:07,240
Speaker 3: was I could sit across from him, man to man,

202
00:10:07,280 --> 00:10:08,760
Speaker 3: and he accepted me as a man. One of the

203
00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:11,360
Speaker 3: first things he said when I sat down, he goes, Junior,

204
00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:14,960
Speaker 3: because that's Wayne Brady. You're seeing you, Junior. I just

205
00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:18,280
Speaker 3: saw that you're going beyond that show with Archie Bunker.

206
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,000
Speaker 3: I'm so proud of you. And he got on the

207
00:10:21,040 --> 00:10:24,920
Speaker 3: phone and he's calling different guys from his unit and

208
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:27,000
Speaker 3: he's like, yeah, my boy's going to be on TV.

209
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:29,560
Speaker 3: And he was asking me what it was like, ye

210
00:10:30,200 --> 00:10:32,080
Speaker 3: the process, and I said, oh, I'd love to have

211
00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:34,439
Speaker 3: you come out to set at some point and this

212
00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:37,120
Speaker 3: is what I do. And he hugged me. And it

213
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:39,040
Speaker 3: wasn't a very long visit. I remember that because I

214
00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:41,559
Speaker 3: had to drive back and then I didn't see him again.

215
00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:44,240
Speaker 3: And then I moved to Los Angeles and about a

216
00:10:44,360 --> 00:10:46,920
Speaker 3: year and a half to two years later, he passed

217
00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:51,240
Speaker 3: a massive coronary. So to this day, I have a

218
00:10:51,280 --> 00:10:57,520
Speaker 3: hole where I have so many unanswered questions I don't

219
00:10:57,559 --> 00:11:00,520
Speaker 3: know him, so there are pieces of myself and behaviors

220
00:11:00,559 --> 00:11:02,480
Speaker 3: that I do that I don't know where they come from.

221
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:07,000
Speaker 3: Right that, It's kind of like I wish that, you know,

222
00:11:07,280 --> 00:11:09,560
Speaker 3: I would have had my dad to be able to

223
00:11:09,679 --> 00:11:12,520
Speaker 3: walk walk walk me through life right right.

224
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:15,320
Speaker 1: First of all, I'm so sorry about that. I mean,

225
00:11:15,360 --> 00:11:17,080
Speaker 1: I'm right along for the ride, and I go, I

226
00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:18,839
Speaker 1: don't see it going that way. And I feel like,

227
00:11:18,880 --> 00:11:21,640
Speaker 1: oftentimes we feel like we have enough time, or we'll

228
00:11:21,640 --> 00:11:24,000
Speaker 1: have enough time for things to go differently, or for

229
00:11:24,160 --> 00:11:27,360
Speaker 1: relationships to shift with people, and then there are so

230
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:30,320
Speaker 1: many variables that are just outside of our control. And

231
00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:32,760
Speaker 1: I just feels that, Yeah, that feels tragic to me.

232
00:11:32,880 --> 00:11:35,560
Speaker 1: But thank you for being so open in that regard

233
00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:38,640
Speaker 1: and to your point about there's so many parts about

234
00:11:38,679 --> 00:11:40,240
Speaker 1: you now that you go, I wonder if this is

235
00:11:40,280 --> 00:11:43,520
Speaker 1: from him. A few years ago, I had read a

236
00:11:43,559 --> 00:11:47,560
Speaker 1: friend's obituary about her father and maybe more less of

237
00:11:47,559 --> 00:11:49,880
Speaker 1: an obituary, more of a tribute on Instagram, but it

238
00:11:49,920 --> 00:11:52,800
Speaker 1: was really beautiful and they had a pretty frault relationship,

239
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:55,960
Speaker 1: and in the caption I remember her saying, you know,

240
00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:58,360
Speaker 1: no matter who your father is, and she might have

241
00:11:58,400 --> 00:12:00,560
Speaker 1: been quoting someone and I might be bastard this, but

242
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:03,160
Speaker 1: it was no matter who your father is, he's part

243
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:05,000
Speaker 1: of you, and he's in.

244
00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:07,640
Speaker 2: The way you hold a cup or hold a pen.

245
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:10,000
Speaker 1: And I thought, that's so crazy, because I've never thought

246
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:14,400
Speaker 1: about my father in that regard because I feel whole myself.

247
00:12:14,440 --> 00:12:17,160
Speaker 1: But I go, surely there are parts of me that

248
00:12:17,280 --> 00:12:19,400
Speaker 1: are a reflection of him, even if he wasn't this

249
00:12:19,559 --> 00:12:23,280
Speaker 1: presence in my life, And so that mystery that you

250
00:12:23,400 --> 00:12:27,040
Speaker 1: have is one that I share with you. Are there

251
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:31,400
Speaker 1: parts of you that you feel inclined to think are

252
00:12:31,480 --> 00:12:32,040
Speaker 1: from him?

253
00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:32,600
Speaker 2: Though?

254
00:12:33,440 --> 00:12:40,040
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, and not always positive. Sure, to be completely honest,

255
00:12:40,480 --> 00:12:43,360
Speaker 3: I feel that the positive things that I've gotten from him,

256
00:12:43,800 --> 00:12:46,480
Speaker 3: especially as I got a little older, is I do

257
00:12:46,520 --> 00:12:50,280
Speaker 3: feel that he was a provider and a protector, which

258
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:53,560
Speaker 3: is why I really do hate that fucking pardon my French.

259
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:56,959
Speaker 3: You know you're allowed to cuss this for pardon that

260
00:12:56,960 --> 00:13:01,400
Speaker 3: that stereotype that really lives with us with so many others,

261
00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:05,840
Speaker 3: because if that dude did anything, he took care of

262
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:10,920
Speaker 3: his mother, who they had such an amazing relationship, which

263
00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:13,880
Speaker 3: thank God for my grandma. He took care of that

264
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:16,720
Speaker 3: woman he made sure that no matter where he was

265
00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:18,720
Speaker 3: in the world, even if she was married. And she

266
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:22,040
Speaker 3: was married, He's like, ma, I'm gonna take care of you.

267
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:26,280
Speaker 3: So you're married and you've got a husband and whatever

268
00:13:26,280 --> 00:13:28,880
Speaker 3: that money is, but I'm always going to make sure

269
00:13:28,880 --> 00:13:32,880
Speaker 3: that you have your own because if you ever need

270
00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:36,719
Speaker 3: to leave, you will always be independent, right. And I

271
00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:39,480
Speaker 3: was like, Oh, that is so deep that he loved

272
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:41,960
Speaker 3: his mother so much. So I am a provider and

273
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:45,480
Speaker 3: a protector and a nurturer, and I think that is

274
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:48,239
Speaker 3: a direct line from him. That is something that I

275
00:13:48,280 --> 00:13:53,559
Speaker 3: got from him. Yeah, I don't know who I get

276
00:13:53,559 --> 00:13:56,679
Speaker 3: my I've got a bit of a temper. I'm not

277
00:13:56,760 --> 00:13:58,960
Speaker 3: you know, like I don't go around kicking indoors, but

278
00:13:59,520 --> 00:14:03,360
Speaker 3: I definitely get frustrated very fast when people don't keep

279
00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:06,719
Speaker 3: up with the things that I see in my head.

280
00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:08,760
Speaker 3: And I saw that in him even when I was

281
00:14:08,800 --> 00:14:11,920
Speaker 3: a little kid, that your mind moves at such a

282
00:14:11,920 --> 00:14:15,200
Speaker 3: pace that you get angry at the world. And I

283
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:16,719
Speaker 3: definitely know that I have that.

284
00:14:17,320 --> 00:14:19,560
Speaker 1: Do you know that someone said to me recently, because

285
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:22,280
Speaker 1: I think I at times have a bit of frustration

286
00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,280
Speaker 1: as well, where I go, Oh, this thing seems so

287
00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:27,280
Speaker 1: plain to me. And someone recently was saying to me that,

288
00:14:27,800 --> 00:14:30,200
Speaker 1: you know, that might be a function of a high IQ.

289
00:14:30,280 --> 00:14:31,280
Speaker 1: And I was like, I don't think I have a

290
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:33,120
Speaker 1: high IQ and they're like, no, no, no, I'm dealing

291
00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:35,840
Speaker 1: with this thing with my son in school, and you know,

292
00:14:35,960 --> 00:14:39,760
Speaker 1: his teacher. He gets frustrated very easily because what's simple

293
00:14:39,800 --> 00:14:41,240
Speaker 1: to him is not simple to other people.

294
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:42,400
Speaker 2: And he's like, kind of keep up.

295
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:45,240
Speaker 1: And his teacher said, it might be a high IQ thing,

296
00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:47,680
Speaker 1: So shoot, we might just have high IQ's. I don't

297
00:14:47,680 --> 00:14:48,880
Speaker 1: think that's what's going on with.

298
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:49,720
Speaker 3: Me, but it might.

299
00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:50,720
Speaker 2: It could be.

300
00:14:50,880 --> 00:14:53,680
Speaker 3: What what what did I say? Own? My gosh, how

301
00:14:54,120 --> 00:14:57,240
Speaker 3: you do? How how can you not like what I

302
00:14:57,280 --> 00:14:59,520
Speaker 3: know of you and what I followed and I've seen

303
00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:01,840
Speaker 3: you in this Difer interviews, the way you carry yourself,

304
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:05,000
Speaker 3: there's no way, there's no way walking that you do

305
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:05,560
Speaker 3: not have a.

306
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:05,920
Speaker 1: High i Q.

307
00:15:06,120 --> 00:15:08,840
Speaker 3: Which, by the way, for those of you watching, calm

308
00:15:08,920 --> 00:15:12,040
Speaker 3: down that you're like, well, a high IQ is is

309
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:15,600
Speaker 3: merely a measurement of potential. It doesn't mean the fact

310
00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:19,480
Speaker 3: is you can you have more going on than a

311
00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:21,600
Speaker 3: lot of people. And I can recognize that.

312
00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:25,360
Speaker 1: So own that you are kind and generous, and thank you.

313
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:26,600
Speaker 1: You know what I will I'm going to try to

314
00:15:26,640 --> 00:15:29,200
Speaker 1: heed my dad for the day's advice throughout the rest

315
00:15:29,280 --> 00:15:32,640
Speaker 1: of this conversation. I'm going to try my damnedest to

316
00:15:32,720 --> 00:15:33,080
Speaker 1: do that.

317
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,560
Speaker 3: And because you don't spend enough time trying to tear

318
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:38,760
Speaker 3: you down in life, even if you're on TV, especially

319
00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:43,040
Speaker 3: if you got especially people spend enough time kicking you

320
00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:45,320
Speaker 3: in the ass that you've got to be your own

321
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:48,400
Speaker 3: hype man sometimes that I forget that I got to

322
00:15:48,480 --> 00:15:50,040
Speaker 3: reset every single day.

323
00:15:50,520 --> 00:15:54,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, that is such sound advice to be

324
00:15:54,760 --> 00:15:57,480
Speaker 1: your own hype man, because there are so many people

325
00:15:57,520 --> 00:16:00,960
Speaker 1: who are ready to tear another down. By the way,

326
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,200
Speaker 1: has nothing to do with you, the person who is

327
00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,600
Speaker 1: the target of those attacks. It has everything to do

328
00:16:05,640 --> 00:16:07,840
Speaker 1: with the other person. But you're still a person and

329
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,280
Speaker 1: you can feel that, and one thing you can do

330
00:16:09,320 --> 00:16:13,480
Speaker 1: to counter that is to hype yourself up. Okayllelujah. I

331
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:16,400
Speaker 1: like how this sounds, and I want to really really

332
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:29,680
Speaker 1: walk in it and live it. You have parts of

333
00:16:29,720 --> 00:16:31,720
Speaker 1: you that are your father that you acknowledge or you

334
00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:34,320
Speaker 1: feel inclined to think are parts of your father.

335
00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:36,120
Speaker 2: Did you ever feel.

336
00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:40,480
Speaker 1: Conflicted disappointed in the fact that your father was this

337
00:16:41,160 --> 00:16:43,400
Speaker 1: principled man who said, I'm going to be a provider

338
00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:45,360
Speaker 1: and a protector to my mother. That's important to me

339
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:48,440
Speaker 1: that she has that, but perhaps was not that for you.

340
00:16:50,480 --> 00:16:55,960
Speaker 3: No, I've never because I've never thought about my father

341
00:16:56,400 --> 00:17:00,880
Speaker 3: in the negative light of you aren't here for me,

342
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:04,760
Speaker 3: because a like I said, he did take care of

343
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:08,320
Speaker 3: my grandmother and he set up a system. He set

344
00:17:08,359 --> 00:17:11,840
Speaker 3: up a system, So yeah, it would have been nice

345
00:17:11,960 --> 00:17:15,880
Speaker 3: to spend more time with him, But I was raised

346
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:20,920
Speaker 3: from the time that I was three months old. Because

347
00:17:20,920 --> 00:17:22,480
Speaker 3: I don't want to go into my wholeback story because

348
00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:23,000
Speaker 3: that's in the book.

349
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:25,600
Speaker 2: Sure, go get the book. Everyone get the book.

350
00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:30,840
Speaker 3: When I write it that my grandmother and that system

351
00:17:30,920 --> 00:17:33,000
Speaker 3: was all I ever knew. So I knew that my

352
00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:35,720
Speaker 3: mother was in the world, and I knew that my

353
00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:39,240
Speaker 3: father was in the world, but my grandmother was everything.

354
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:41,159
Speaker 3: And I knew that my father took care of my

355
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:43,840
Speaker 3: grandmothers were there for visa VI. He was taking care

356
00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:46,040
Speaker 3: of me. So I never really missed out on that,

357
00:17:46,200 --> 00:17:48,879
Speaker 3: like I think for certain part of my life I

358
00:17:48,880 --> 00:17:51,760
Speaker 3: missed out on that. You know, hey, Dad play ball

359
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:54,480
Speaker 3: with me. I wish I could do, you know, then

360
00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:57,120
Speaker 3: that would have been cool. But I never resent him

361
00:17:57,119 --> 00:18:02,680
Speaker 3: for that because he was taking care of us, So

362
00:18:02,760 --> 00:18:05,280
Speaker 3: I did feel okay about that. My sister and I

363
00:18:05,320 --> 00:18:09,160
Speaker 3: may have different different recollections about that, because because I've

364
00:18:09,160 --> 00:18:11,199
Speaker 3: got a sister that was partially raised with me and

365
00:18:11,240 --> 00:18:14,600
Speaker 3: partially raised with him, so I know that she has

366
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:20,280
Speaker 3: a completely different relationship and intimacy level with him.

367
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,760
Speaker 1: Right, And I think to your point about what you

368
00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:28,280
Speaker 1: had always known from childhood, so you don't miss perhaps

369
00:18:28,280 --> 00:18:29,959
Speaker 1: what you didn't to know. So if it was like

370
00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,560
Speaker 1: my grandmother is raising me, that's just what I know

371
00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:35,760
Speaker 1: to be the case. And I'm not like in dire

372
00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:38,600
Speaker 1: need of this relationship that people are telling me that

373
00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:39,560
Speaker 1: I should have.

374
00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:42,680
Speaker 2: I say this because I felt that way growing up.

375
00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:44,880
Speaker 1: And namely, I don't think when I was a child

376
00:18:44,920 --> 00:18:46,520
Speaker 1: in any way anyone was trying to make me feel

377
00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:49,159
Speaker 1: like I was missing something. But as an adult in

378
00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:50,960
Speaker 1: early college, people will be like, you didn't have a

379
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:51,800
Speaker 1: relationship with your dad.

380
00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:53,080
Speaker 2: It must have been like this for you, and it

381
00:18:53,119 --> 00:18:53,680
Speaker 2: must have been.

382
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,760
Speaker 1: So painful when I was like, oh no, all I'd

383
00:18:56,760 --> 00:18:58,880
Speaker 1: ever know my parents got divorced when I was a baby,

384
00:18:59,119 --> 00:19:01,040
Speaker 1: like a true bay and so I'm like, all I've

385
00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:02,680
Speaker 1: ever known is my mom raised me, and I was

386
00:19:02,720 --> 00:19:05,239
Speaker 1: surrounded by love, and I felt fine about it. That

387
00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:08,040
Speaker 1: wasn't there wasn't some like dad shaped hole in my

388
00:19:08,119 --> 00:19:08,760
Speaker 1: heart as far.

389
00:19:08,680 --> 00:19:09,680
Speaker 2: As I could perceive.

390
00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:12,520
Speaker 1: Really, you made a really lovely point at the top

391
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:16,720
Speaker 1: of this conversation about not perpetuating a stereotype that's so

392
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:20,800
Speaker 1: nasty about black men and fatherhood. And it was important

393
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:23,480
Speaker 1: to me even doing this podcast, that I don't perpetuate

394
00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:27,000
Speaker 1: that stereotype because my dad was not part of my life,

395
00:19:27,080 --> 00:19:28,760
Speaker 1: but not because he was a black man. He went

396
00:19:28,800 --> 00:19:30,920
Speaker 1: on to remarry and was very much part of his

397
00:19:31,119 --> 00:19:35,679
Speaker 1: children's lives in his new marriage. And I think dad's

398
00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:38,639
Speaker 1: are human. There's one of the big messages of this podcast.

399
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:39,760
Speaker 2: All dads are.

400
00:19:39,720 --> 00:19:44,360
Speaker 1: Human, All parents are human, and that means absolutely imperfect.

401
00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:47,080
Speaker 1: But I want to have conversations like this with people

402
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:49,040
Speaker 1: because you and I I feel like, just in a

403
00:19:49,119 --> 00:19:51,800
Speaker 1: few minutes we've talked now have so much in common

404
00:19:51,840 --> 00:19:55,720
Speaker 1: in this regard and what we were accustomed to versus

405
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:59,240
Speaker 1: what maybe other people would have liked to see for.

406
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:03,159
Speaker 3: Us, right, well, yes, and to that that I was

407
00:20:03,280 --> 00:20:07,800
Speaker 3: never bothered right until it didn't hit me until later

408
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,080
Speaker 3: in life. And this is what I think is one

409
00:20:10,119 --> 00:20:12,480
Speaker 3: of the deeper things. Is is And now that I'm

410
00:20:12,520 --> 00:20:15,119
Speaker 3: glad that I've got a son that at this age.

411
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:17,120
Speaker 3: Now i have a two year old son, and I'm

412
00:20:17,119 --> 00:20:20,160
Speaker 3: looking forward to having conversations with him when he gets

413
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:25,000
Speaker 3: a little older. I didn't miss having my father truly

414
00:20:25,080 --> 00:20:33,760
Speaker 3: in my sphere until I was where was. I was backstage.

415
00:20:34,600 --> 00:20:39,200
Speaker 3: I was doing the play Fences, and I was playing

416
00:20:39,200 --> 00:20:43,640
Speaker 3: Cory the Sun, and I was a late bloomer in

417
00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:46,439
Speaker 3: all regards. So at this point, I think maybe I

418
00:20:46,520 --> 00:20:52,000
Speaker 3: was twenty twenty twenty one, I just started to get hair.

419
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:57,280
Speaker 3: I just started to So I'm backstage and everybody's getting

420
00:20:57,320 --> 00:20:59,440
Speaker 3: ready for the show. I remember this like it was yesterday,

421
00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:03,080
Speaker 3: and they're all, you know, it's all these brothers inside

422
00:21:03,119 --> 00:21:05,680
Speaker 3: the dressing room talking blah blah blah. It feels cool

423
00:21:05,720 --> 00:21:08,600
Speaker 3: to be in there with them. It's like the barber shop,

424
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:11,439
Speaker 3: except into our dressing room. And everybody's getting ready and

425
00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,800
Speaker 3: I see Eric, one of the cast members next to me.

426
00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:18,680
Speaker 3: He's liked and he and he gets ready and starts shaving.

427
00:21:19,800 --> 00:21:23,160
Speaker 3: I so I've got shaving stuff here, and I'm looking

428
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:27,680
Speaker 3: at Eric and like, okay, that's what men do. I'd

429
00:21:27,720 --> 00:21:28,440
Speaker 3: never shaved.

430
00:21:28,960 --> 00:21:30,920
Speaker 2: Oh well, yeah, I put.

431
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:33,439
Speaker 3: This thing on like okay, and I take the razor

432
00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:40,400
Speaker 3: and I go for what little hair that I had.

433
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,960
Speaker 3: I just kept doing that because I'm like, my logic

434
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:46,440
Speaker 3: is if hair grows this. This is when you talk

435
00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:51,680
Speaker 3: to someone who is so smart that they're stupid. I'm like, well,

436
00:21:51,720 --> 00:21:54,760
Speaker 3: the hair grows out the follicle like this, So if

437
00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:57,439
Speaker 3: I why would I go with the in the direction

438
00:21:57,520 --> 00:21:59,199
Speaker 3: of the hair with the hair, because then that just

439
00:21:59,240 --> 00:22:01,760
Speaker 3: means so if I shave up, the hair goes the

440
00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:04,159
Speaker 3: other way, that cuts it and it must pull it

441
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:06,840
Speaker 3: out and that would be a clean shave. Stupid ass,

442
00:22:06,840 --> 00:22:13,640
Speaker 3: Wayne Brady, stupid.

443
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:12,240
Speaker 2: That's the recipe for ingrown hairs.

444
00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:13,879
Speaker 3: And the Brady.

445
00:22:13,960 --> 00:22:16,679
Speaker 1: By the way, I was saying while you were describing that,

446
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:18,879
Speaker 1: because I was like the first time I shaved my

447
00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:22,359
Speaker 1: legs the way I shaved skin as well, because I

448
00:22:22,400 --> 00:22:25,280
Speaker 1: was rushed what you were you were doing the motion,

449
00:22:25,359 --> 00:22:26,800
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my goodness, so the man cut

450
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:28,120
Speaker 1: his face up before doing the.

451
00:22:28,080 --> 00:22:32,119
Speaker 3: Same thing, I like cut myself and then of course

452
00:22:32,280 --> 00:22:37,560
Speaker 3: immediately the next second, bumps my faces were. I start

453
00:22:37,840 --> 00:22:42,040
Speaker 3: freaking out right. No, buddy, he came over and they

454
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:44,920
Speaker 3: put put some tonic on my face to bring down

455
00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:47,760
Speaker 3: the bumps and ice and swelling. And and then lady

456
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:52,160
Speaker 3: was like, dude, brother, that is not how you do that.

457
00:22:52,640 --> 00:22:55,000
Speaker 3: And and and about a week later, once everything had

458
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:57,280
Speaker 3: calmed down and little little bit of hair started growing up,

459
00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:01,000
Speaker 3: he showed me how to shave. Another brother, a black

460
00:23:01,040 --> 00:23:04,200
Speaker 3: man stepped into that father figure role. Whether he knew

461
00:23:04,240 --> 00:23:07,520
Speaker 3: it or not, he stepped into that role and showed

462
00:23:07,560 --> 00:23:10,240
Speaker 3: me how to shave. When I was thirty, I was

463
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:14,119
Speaker 3: at the White House. I was singing at the White House.

464
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:18,679
Speaker 3: My barber, mister Buck, came came with me to clean

465
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:21,800
Speaker 3: me up. I couldn't tie my tie all those years

466
00:23:21,840 --> 00:23:25,040
Speaker 3: of being in rotc. I used clip ons, and at

467
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:27,040
Speaker 3: that point when I was doing my talk show and

468
00:23:27,040 --> 00:23:29,440
Speaker 3: my variety show and everything else, the stylist always tied.

469
00:23:29,880 --> 00:23:33,199
Speaker 3: I could not tie my tie. Mister Buck showed me

470
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:36,600
Speaker 3: there in the White House how to tie a windsor.

471
00:23:36,640 --> 00:23:38,199
Speaker 3: And to this day that's the only knot that I

472
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:40,600
Speaker 3: can tie. But it looks dope as hell. But a

473
00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:44,200
Speaker 3: black man stepped into that father figure role and showed

474
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:47,480
Speaker 3: me that I've had a few men of my community

475
00:23:47,840 --> 00:23:51,159
Speaker 3: step into those roles where And that's the only thing

476
00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:54,239
Speaker 3: I think I missed with my father is Wow, I

477
00:23:54,280 --> 00:23:56,600
Speaker 3: wish that my dad would have showed me how to

478
00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:59,320
Speaker 3: how to shave. I wish that I would have had

479
00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:01,679
Speaker 3: the sex talk with him. I wish I would have

480
00:24:01,680 --> 00:24:04,680
Speaker 3: had a relationship talk with him, which that's the part

481
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:06,520
Speaker 3: of him that I feel that I might have because

482
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:08,320
Speaker 3: I have never been able to make a relationship work

483
00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:10,920
Speaker 3: in my entire life, and I feel that it's because

484
00:24:10,920 --> 00:24:15,639
Speaker 3: of his behind. Yeah, so those are the positives. Is

485
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:18,000
Speaker 3: if you could find your tribe and maybe fill that role.

486
00:24:18,720 --> 00:24:21,439
Speaker 3: But then also you'll constantly there are things that you

487
00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:24,200
Speaker 3: do miss from certain interactions.

488
00:24:24,280 --> 00:24:25,000
Speaker 2: That makes sense.

489
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:26,600
Speaker 1: That makes sense, And I was going to ask you,

490
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:29,880
Speaker 1: even as you were describing the shaving story, my next

491
00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:31,639
Speaker 1: question was going to go, did you know how to

492
00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:33,040
Speaker 1: tie a tie? Where did you learn how to tie

493
00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:34,879
Speaker 1: a tie? Because I've actually never talked to anyone on

494
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:37,159
Speaker 1: the podcast about that, And these are things that I

495
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:39,679
Speaker 1: remember growing up watching sitcoms, and it was like the

496
00:24:39,760 --> 00:24:42,359
Speaker 1: moment the dad shows him how to tie a tie.

497
00:24:42,400 --> 00:24:45,199
Speaker 1: It's a real father son bonding moment and something that

498
00:24:45,240 --> 00:24:48,800
Speaker 1: sticks with you. And so of course it feels natural

499
00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:51,720
Speaker 1: though that those moments would happen and then you would go, oh,

500
00:24:52,080 --> 00:24:56,119
Speaker 1: this is something I wish my dad would have shown me.

501
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:59,720
Speaker 1: Is it important to you when you think about these moments,

502
00:24:59,720 --> 00:25:02,360
Speaker 1: from s shaving to tying a tie with your son

503
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:04,760
Speaker 1: who is too, Is it going to be important for you?

504
00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:06,240
Speaker 1: Do you feel like you're gonna go, I'm going to

505
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,200
Speaker 1: really take the time to teach my son these things

506
00:25:08,200 --> 00:25:09,520
Speaker 1: because these things really matter to me.

507
00:25:10,200 --> 00:25:15,439
Speaker 3: Hell yes, yeah, absolutely, those pieces of ritual just like

508
00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:19,760
Speaker 3: I'd imagine there are motherhood the rituals that you must

509
00:25:19,840 --> 00:25:25,400
Speaker 3: pass down. It's important both from a functional place right

510
00:25:25,480 --> 00:25:27,280
Speaker 3: that let me teach you how to tie this tie,

511
00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:30,200
Speaker 3: because if you go into a job that needs to tie,

512
00:25:30,480 --> 00:25:33,600
Speaker 3: here's how you tie to. Let me show you how

513
00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:37,920
Speaker 3: to shave, because you need to to. Let me talk

514
00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:41,600
Speaker 3: to you about sex. Let me talk to you about

515
00:25:41,880 --> 00:25:47,879
Speaker 3: relationships and women and manhood and masculinity and all of

516
00:25:47,920 --> 00:25:50,879
Speaker 3: these things even down down to and I'm not saying

517
00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:53,399
Speaker 3: that everyone's father because we all come from different places.

518
00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:55,440
Speaker 3: But you know what I would have loved to learn

519
00:25:55,520 --> 00:25:59,480
Speaker 3: early in my life. How to tip at a restaurant.

520
00:25:59,600 --> 00:26:02,600
Speaker 3: You know, certain things that are just life deals. How

521
00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:05,520
Speaker 3: how to change this tire, how to do things like that.

522
00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:09,680
Speaker 3: Oh there's a fuse out in the circuit box. Let

523
00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:11,679
Speaker 3: me show you how to do that. I learned to

524
00:26:11,760 --> 00:26:14,680
Speaker 3: do those things. But I learned because I was bumping

525
00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:16,040
Speaker 3: into walls.

526
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:18,879
Speaker 1: As opposed to someone going, hey, something happened in our house,

527
00:26:19,359 --> 00:26:22,119
Speaker 1: the shared roof, and I want to take this moment. Hey, Wayne,

528
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:24,040
Speaker 1: come and look at this, Come and look at this thing.

529
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:26,760
Speaker 1: Is your son, Wayne Brady the third?

530
00:26:27,240 --> 00:26:30,439
Speaker 3: No, no, no, no. I was going to four a second,

531
00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:33,879
Speaker 3: but then I wanted to And his mother was very

532
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:38,879
Speaker 3: gracious and let me name him Val, after my grandmother

533
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:42,520
Speaker 3: because I lost her a couple of years during during COVID,

534
00:26:43,000 --> 00:26:46,040
Speaker 3: So that was a big blow. Like, my grandmother was

535
00:26:46,119 --> 00:26:50,480
Speaker 3: my everything. So I named him Val, and his name

536
00:26:50,560 --> 00:26:54,240
Speaker 3: is Val Henry after her her father's will. So I

537
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:56,480
Speaker 3: get to so I get to think about her every

538
00:26:56,520 --> 00:26:57,160
Speaker 3: single day.

539
00:26:57,400 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 1: That's really beautiful. That's special. Man. Shout out to grandmothers.

540
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:03,040
Speaker 1: I don't think we've gotten to shout them out on

541
00:27:03,119 --> 00:27:05,240
Speaker 1: the podcast. I was very close to my grandmother too.

542
00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:06,919
Speaker 1: And you know, I don't know what it is to

543
00:27:06,920 --> 00:27:11,240
Speaker 1: be a grandmother, but I imagine because I see grandparents' relationships

544
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:15,600
Speaker 1: with their grandkids and parents saying, my parents are spoiling

545
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:18,399
Speaker 1: my children and letting them have whatever they want. And

546
00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:20,560
Speaker 1: I go, well, I guess that's the joy of being

547
00:27:20,560 --> 00:27:23,879
Speaker 1: a grandparent. I imagine is like I did my job raising

548
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:26,440
Speaker 1: my kid, and now I get to just be party time,

549
00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:28,359
Speaker 1: good time, good vibes over here.

550
00:27:28,800 --> 00:27:32,280
Speaker 3: Being a grandparent looks like the victory lap m right.

551
00:27:32,720 --> 00:27:34,400
Speaker 2: I feel like that's exactly the right way to look

552
00:27:34,400 --> 00:27:34,760
Speaker 2: at it.

553
00:27:34,840 --> 00:27:37,800
Speaker 1: Before we go into what your parenting style is like

554
00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:40,679
Speaker 1: any further, I do want to ask about the Wayne

555
00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:43,040
Speaker 1: Brady junior of it, for you did that in any

556
00:27:43,119 --> 00:27:45,840
Speaker 1: way to you feel like pressure to live up to

557
00:27:45,920 --> 00:27:48,359
Speaker 1: a name. I always wonder when I meet a junior.

558
00:27:48,480 --> 00:27:50,240
Speaker 1: And I don't know that I've asked this yet.

559
00:27:50,400 --> 00:27:55,040
Speaker 3: I think in the household because nobody else knows, but

560
00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:58,399
Speaker 3: around my family, there was definitely a pressure because, like

561
00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:00,840
Speaker 3: I was saying that to me, this is completely based

562
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:05,160
Speaker 3: off of the perceptions of a child into you know,

563
00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:10,879
Speaker 3: a teen teenager that my dad was one of those

564
00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:15,679
Speaker 3: dudes like He really was like when you think of black, tough,

565
00:28:16,440 --> 00:28:21,640
Speaker 3: seventies born guy, he was that dude. So the pressure

566
00:28:21,680 --> 00:28:25,840
Speaker 3: in my house was to live up to him, and well,

567
00:28:25,960 --> 00:28:30,800
Speaker 3: especially with my grandmother because he was so wonderful to

568
00:28:30,880 --> 00:28:33,520
Speaker 3: her and he did take care of things. What I

569
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:36,520
Speaker 3: always heard growing up in my household was about how

570
00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:41,200
Speaker 3: smart my dad was, about how he graduated from high

571
00:28:41,200 --> 00:28:44,400
Speaker 3: school early, and then he was raised in Puerto Rico,

572
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 3: A he and my aunt and they went to the

573
00:28:47,480 --> 00:28:51,800
Speaker 3: Albert Einstein Academy. There was a school, and how even

574
00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:54,880
Speaker 3: in the military, he was always getting these degrees and

575
00:28:55,040 --> 00:28:58,160
Speaker 3: dad can do this, And so there was the thing

576
00:28:58,200 --> 00:29:01,320
Speaker 3: of well, this is what your dad does, what are

577
00:29:01,360 --> 00:29:04,160
Speaker 3: you going to do? Why aren't you? And then when

578
00:29:04,160 --> 00:29:06,920
Speaker 3: I got got a little older and your teen, why

579
00:29:06,960 --> 00:29:12,000
Speaker 3: aren't you as tough as your dad? And they didn't

580
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:15,040
Speaker 3: do do it on purpose, but you know that generation

581
00:29:15,120 --> 00:29:17,160
Speaker 3: of parents sometimes they talk to you in a way

582
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:19,840
Speaker 3: that they think that it's helping you aspire to something

583
00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:23,920
Speaker 3: versus kicking you in the ass with it. So everything

584
00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:25,880
Speaker 3: that I did, I wanted to try to make sure. So,

585
00:29:26,080 --> 00:29:29,280
Speaker 3: I mean, I'm lucky enough that like in elementary school,

586
00:29:29,320 --> 00:29:31,840
Speaker 3: I was so proud that I went from kindergarten to

587
00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:35,240
Speaker 3: second grade. I was proud that I that I was

588
00:29:35,280 --> 00:29:37,840
Speaker 3: in this gifted program so I could say, Dad, it

589
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:40,200
Speaker 3: was just like you. I was proud that I made

590
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:44,160
Speaker 3: this state engineering program so I could be like him

591
00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:47,080
Speaker 3: because he was an army engineer, I could say, but

592
00:29:47,320 --> 00:29:50,240
Speaker 3: I didn't love any of those things. So the comparison

593
00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:54,600
Speaker 3: was a kick in the ass all the time until

594
00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:58,240
Speaker 3: I exploded when he passed. I yelled at my grandmother

595
00:29:58,280 --> 00:30:00,840
Speaker 3: the only time in my adult life, and never yell

596
00:30:00,880 --> 00:30:02,160
Speaker 3: at your mother or your grandmother.

597
00:30:02,360 --> 00:30:06,240
Speaker 1: You feel horrible, horrible, and you think about it forever

598
00:30:06,280 --> 00:30:08,840
Speaker 1: and ever, even if you've apologized.

599
00:30:08,400 --> 00:30:10,440
Speaker 3: Yes, all that shit came out, all of it. It's

600
00:30:10,520 --> 00:30:12,840
Speaker 3: like and Dad, and you always compared me, and I

601
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:14,960
Speaker 3: came all the way back and blah blah blah blah blah. Esh,

602
00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:17,760
Speaker 3: she's mourning her son. What a jerk. But that's what

603
00:30:17,840 --> 00:30:21,200
Speaker 3: happens when you're constantly getting compared to. You got to

604
00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:22,640
Speaker 3: build your own identity.

605
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:25,040
Speaker 1: Right, I'm hearing you as you say that you felt

606
00:30:25,080 --> 00:30:27,840
Speaker 1: the pressure of that comparison and it's what made you

607
00:30:27,880 --> 00:30:30,920
Speaker 1: pop off with or your grandmother. Would you say, ultimately

608
00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:33,880
Speaker 1: it was more important to you to make your grandmother

609
00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:35,240
Speaker 1: proud or your father proud?

610
00:30:35,680 --> 00:30:37,160
Speaker 2: Or is that like not a fair question.

611
00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:39,880
Speaker 3: Oh, it's not that, it's not fair, it's it was

612
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:42,920
Speaker 3: always important for me to make my grandmother proud because,

613
00:30:43,360 --> 00:30:46,200
Speaker 3: like I said, that was my son and moon. I

614
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:49,160
Speaker 3: wanted my dad to be proud of me in general. Yeah,

615
00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:51,720
Speaker 3: I absolutely wanted my dad to be proud. That's why

616
00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 3: I was glad to have that conversation with him before

617
00:30:53,840 --> 00:30:57,280
Speaker 3: he passed, right. I always wanted him to see what

618
00:30:57,400 --> 00:30:59,520
Speaker 3: I was doing. I think me wanting him to be

619
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:02,680
Speaker 3: proud of me was. I wanted him to see that

620
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:06,040
Speaker 3: I was doing my thing, which was acting, and I

621
00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:10,120
Speaker 3: wanted to be recognized for that within not just the

622
00:31:10,200 --> 00:31:13,600
Speaker 3: family sphere. But I wanted him to see that I

623
00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:16,040
Speaker 3: was doing my own thing and that I was going

624
00:31:16,120 --> 00:31:18,960
Speaker 3: to be all right. And more importantly, because he would

625
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,720
Speaker 3: always tell me this whenever my grandmother would say something

626
00:31:21,760 --> 00:31:24,120
Speaker 3: to him or he felt that because I was a

627
00:31:24,120 --> 00:31:28,080
Speaker 3: really good kid. But every kid mouths off sometimes he's like, Junior, look,

628
00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:31,400
Speaker 3: you don't put that old lady through no changes. It

629
00:31:31,520 --> 00:31:35,000
Speaker 3: was like changes that mean, yeah, changes, you never put

630
00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:37,720
Speaker 3: her through changes? You make sure that she is always

631
00:31:38,040 --> 00:31:40,280
Speaker 3: straight and level, because that's what I do. Don't you

632
00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:43,440
Speaker 3: put her through So I wanted to prove to him

633
00:31:43,440 --> 00:31:45,480
Speaker 3: that by acting, I'm not going to put her through

634
00:31:45,480 --> 00:31:47,400
Speaker 3: any changes. I'm going to take care of her. She

635
00:31:47,520 --> 00:31:49,360
Speaker 3: is going to be all right. That's what I wanted

636
00:31:49,400 --> 00:31:51,760
Speaker 3: him to be proud of me. So I guess in

637
00:31:51,800 --> 00:31:55,480
Speaker 3: a way I never got that because he did pass

638
00:31:55,560 --> 00:31:59,200
Speaker 3: before I achieved any real success. And that was my

639
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:01,520
Speaker 3: whole mission the rest my life until she passed. I said,

640
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:03,520
Speaker 3: I will always make sure that you are taking care

641
00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:05,480
Speaker 3: of old lady. There's not a thing that you will

642
00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:08,320
Speaker 3: ever want for And that was my promise to him.

643
00:32:08,800 --> 00:32:13,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, that is so powerful and moving, and I'm like,

644
00:32:13,280 --> 00:32:15,280
Speaker 1: I just want to be like Wayne Brady Junior, you

645
00:32:15,320 --> 00:32:15,680
Speaker 1: did it.

646
00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:17,520
Speaker 2: I feel you did it.

647
00:32:17,880 --> 00:32:20,120
Speaker 1: I want to take a moment to celebrate you and

648
00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:23,240
Speaker 1: all of your accomplishments. I feel like I call my mom,

649
00:32:23,240 --> 00:32:25,200
Speaker 1: who doesn't know a lot of celebrities, and be like, yeah,

650
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:27,480
Speaker 1: I know who Wayne Brady is and I'm like, she's

651
00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:30,160
Speaker 1: the barometer for me of like how famous is this person?

652
00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:32,360
Speaker 1: Has my mom heard of them? I'm like, that is

653
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:35,600
Speaker 1: a household name. Wayne Brady, you made that a household name.

654
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:38,239
Speaker 1: So I think you did both of them proud if

655
00:32:38,280 --> 00:32:39,000
Speaker 1: I'm allowed to.

656
00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:40,680
Speaker 3: Say thank you so much.

657
00:32:40,800 --> 00:32:44,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, I feel like you have such strong, clear values

658
00:32:44,800 --> 00:32:47,800
Speaker 1: as well. And so in terms of the relationship you

659
00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:49,400
Speaker 1: have with your kids, you have a twenty two year

660
00:32:49,400 --> 00:32:50,680
Speaker 1: old daughter two year old son.

661
00:32:51,080 --> 00:32:53,000
Speaker 2: What kind of father would you say you are?

662
00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:57,200
Speaker 3: M I would like to say, you know, blanket statement.

663
00:32:57,320 --> 00:32:59,479
Speaker 3: I'd like to say that I'm a good father. And

664
00:32:59,560 --> 00:33:04,040
Speaker 3: my daughter will attest to that. And she even left

665
00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:07,840
Speaker 3: me message yesterday you know, I love you. Not everybody

666
00:33:07,920 --> 00:33:10,960
Speaker 3: gets to hang out with their best friend and and

667
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:14,120
Speaker 3: she's best friend. Yeah, we lucked out. Not everyone has

668
00:33:14,120 --> 00:33:16,000
Speaker 3: a twenty two year old that actually wants to spend

669
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:20,720
Speaker 3: time with them. Yeah, so her mother and I we

670
00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:23,160
Speaker 3: lucked out. In fact, I'll even show you. We went

671
00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:26,239
Speaker 3: to the Grammys. She was my date because I was

672
00:33:26,360 --> 00:33:30,480
Speaker 3: performing for the opening ceremony, and we did this whole thing.

673
00:33:30,520 --> 00:33:33,840
Speaker 3: And and I love doing stuff like that just because

674
00:33:33,840 --> 00:33:37,440
Speaker 3: I get to show off my daughter and to show

675
00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:39,880
Speaker 3: that I have this buddy who still wants to hang out.

676
00:33:40,080 --> 00:33:41,080
Speaker 2: How cool? Twenty two?

677
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,520
Speaker 1: That is quite an accomplishment for her to want to

678
00:33:43,520 --> 00:33:45,360
Speaker 1: hang out with you guys at two.

679
00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:47,400
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, this is her right here. That's I don't

680
00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:52,600
Speaker 3: see beautiful, that's my girl. She is my palt. So

681
00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:54,720
Speaker 3: I think she'll say that I'm a good father. I

682
00:33:54,760 --> 00:33:58,080
Speaker 3: think she'll say that I am a especially when she

683
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:02,520
Speaker 3: was coming up. I'm a strict father, but I will

684
00:34:02,560 --> 00:34:06,120
Speaker 3: own like many people of my generation, I'm a very

685
00:34:06,320 --> 00:34:10,799
Speaker 3: flawed man, a flawed person, and so in doing the

686
00:34:10,800 --> 00:34:13,560
Speaker 3: therapeutic work, really doing a lot of therapy later in

687
00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:16,080
Speaker 3: life because of a lot of the baggage that you

688
00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:20,400
Speaker 3: end up accumulating, and even parenting, parenting through a filter,

689
00:34:20,719 --> 00:34:24,120
Speaker 3: and you're parenting through the filter of I come from

690
00:34:24,120 --> 00:34:27,440
Speaker 3: the generation of don't talk back to me if you

691
00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:30,560
Speaker 3: even look, don't even look sideway, because if you're not

692
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:33,399
Speaker 3: looking at me when I'm talking to you, right, don't

693
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:36,600
Speaker 3: let me snatch you. I'm gonna snatch you up a

694
00:34:36,719 --> 00:34:42,280
Speaker 3: very violent underturned discipline. I'm gonna snatch you up. Don't

695
00:34:42,320 --> 00:34:45,359
Speaker 3: make me come over there if I have to. Boy,

696
00:34:45,440 --> 00:34:49,400
Speaker 3: don't you ever and me forgetting that The reason that

697
00:34:49,480 --> 00:34:51,480
Speaker 3: I think to this day, I'm a very quiet person.

698
00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:54,160
Speaker 3: When I'm on a camera, I'm very quiet and very

699
00:34:54,239 --> 00:34:58,840
Speaker 3: introverted is because I learned early in my house, don't

700
00:34:58,920 --> 00:35:02,399
Speaker 3: talk back, even if something's wrong. You don't talk back

701
00:35:02,440 --> 00:35:05,040
Speaker 3: to me so much to the point that I remember

702
00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:07,839
Speaker 3: I have a sensation in my jaw and sounding all

703
00:35:07,920 --> 00:35:12,400
Speaker 3: artsy as an actor. If I ever need to summon frustration,

704
00:35:13,080 --> 00:35:17,000
Speaker 3: I just remember what my job he was like being

705
00:35:17,080 --> 00:35:19,960
Speaker 3: loved because I can't speak, so I would always remember,

706
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:24,200
Speaker 3: shut up, don't you say things. I realized that at

707
00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:28,040
Speaker 3: a certain point that I was enforcing some of those

708
00:35:28,080 --> 00:35:33,359
Speaker 3: things on her. For such a smart young lady and inquisitive.

709
00:35:33,719 --> 00:35:36,200
Speaker 3: So if you, as a parent sometimes don't have the answer,

710
00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:39,719
Speaker 3: it's either because I said so, But why do I

711
00:35:39,760 --> 00:35:42,000
Speaker 3: have to do that? Because I said so, because that's

712
00:35:42,040 --> 00:35:43,959
Speaker 3: what my mama did, and that's what I'm doing right now,

713
00:35:44,120 --> 00:35:49,640
Speaker 3: But why don't ask me? Why? So flawed? And I

714
00:35:49,719 --> 00:35:52,640
Speaker 3: own that. And we've had talks about that because the

715
00:35:52,680 --> 00:35:55,280
Speaker 3: whole family goes to therapy and we've had therapy together,

716
00:35:55,360 --> 00:35:57,920
Speaker 3: and so I've gotten a chance to apologize. I think

717
00:35:57,960 --> 00:35:59,640
Speaker 3: I'm a really good dad, but I also think that

718
00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:02,480
Speaker 3: I was parenting sometimes through through that filter.

719
00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:08,000
Speaker 1: That's incredible that you guys go to therapy together. I mean,

720
00:36:08,160 --> 00:36:10,520
Speaker 1: I'm just marveling at that because I'm like, how many

721
00:36:10,600 --> 00:36:13,040
Speaker 1: families would be healed if they would be willing to

722
00:36:13,080 --> 00:36:15,440
Speaker 1: go to therapy together. Because there might be parties who

723
00:36:15,480 --> 00:36:18,360
Speaker 1: are interested in it and open to it, but everyone's

724
00:36:18,400 --> 00:36:20,440
Speaker 1: got to be willing to go. And the fact that

725
00:36:20,480 --> 00:36:23,000
Speaker 1: you guys are able to do that. Is there something

726
00:36:23,040 --> 00:36:25,879
Speaker 1: that made you guys go to therapy? Is there an

727
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:29,200
Speaker 1: inciting incident or just period of time where it was like, Okay,

728
00:36:29,239 --> 00:36:30,880
Speaker 1: this is I think this is necessary.

729
00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:34,960
Speaker 3: I know that for me, my personal therapy became when

730
00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:38,360
Speaker 3: I owned up to the fact that I was going

731
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:42,560
Speaker 3: through depression and not just going through depression, that I

732
00:36:43,160 --> 00:36:46,480
Speaker 3: was that my behavior, which I also feel, you know

733
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:50,680
Speaker 3: now after years of therapy and even going to clinical doctors,

734
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:54,480
Speaker 3: and I know that I've had clinical depression, and I

735
00:36:54,560 --> 00:36:57,319
Speaker 3: know that my body chemistry, which I know that I've

736
00:36:57,320 --> 00:37:03,440
Speaker 3: inherited from my father makes me prone to depression, make

737
00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:07,879
Speaker 3: certain behaviors that I've done, especially in relationships, or even

738
00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:10,399
Speaker 3: the reason that I am very quiet and I stay

739
00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:15,399
Speaker 3: to myself and I isolate all those things. I had

740
00:37:15,400 --> 00:37:17,280
Speaker 3: to own up to that to a certain point because

741
00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:20,000
Speaker 3: I ran from it for years. I was able to

742
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:22,719
Speaker 3: get going. And you know, the hustle, like when you're

743
00:37:22,719 --> 00:37:24,239
Speaker 3: in the city and you're at first you're trying to

744
00:37:24,239 --> 00:37:27,680
Speaker 3: make it. I was too busy to notice depression or

745
00:37:27,719 --> 00:37:30,239
Speaker 3: any of the behaviors because I'm doing a show here,

746
00:37:30,360 --> 00:37:31,960
Speaker 3: auditioning there. I'm on a hustle. I'm on the grind.

747
00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:33,560
Speaker 3: I get up, I do this thing. But and then

748
00:37:33,600 --> 00:37:35,279
Speaker 3: you get some success and oh my god, I'm doing

749
00:37:35,320 --> 00:37:36,439
Speaker 3: this not I a little bit of money, a little

750
00:37:36,440 --> 00:37:37,880
Speaker 3: bit of money, I get this thing. Bah bah bah

751
00:37:37,880 --> 00:37:40,439
Speaker 3: bah bay by bab. The first chance that you get

752
00:37:41,160 --> 00:37:46,080
Speaker 3: when there's a and and and it catches up with you.

753
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:49,160
Speaker 3: And it did catch up with me. It really caught

754
00:37:49,239 --> 00:37:51,560
Speaker 3: up with me. I would say, like in my late thirties.

755
00:37:52,560 --> 00:37:56,279
Speaker 3: It hit me like a brick. It was either go

756
00:37:56,400 --> 00:38:00,719
Speaker 3: to therapy or be very unwell. And my wife, Mandy,

757
00:38:00,800 --> 00:38:02,440
Speaker 3: who is my best friend and if any of you

758
00:38:02,560 --> 00:38:04,719
Speaker 3: have seen the Family Remix are show on Hulu, which

759
00:38:04,760 --> 00:38:08,440
Speaker 3: is our family, she is Miley's mother. She made me

760
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:12,439
Speaker 3: go to therapy. She's like, you need there's so much

761
00:38:12,520 --> 00:38:16,319
Speaker 3: that you have not unlocked. I'm fine therapist for white people.

762
00:38:17,719 --> 00:38:17,919
Speaker 1: Yeah.

763
00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:20,000
Speaker 2: Was it high functioning depression? Perhaps?

764
00:38:20,120 --> 00:38:24,319
Speaker 1: Because the symptoms of depression as I understood them until

765
00:38:24,360 --> 00:38:27,080
Speaker 1: I had heard the term high functioning depression was like

766
00:38:27,480 --> 00:38:30,040
Speaker 1: you're having trouble getting out of bed and you're not

767
00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:34,239
Speaker 1: interested in your hobbies anymore. And I think it shows

768
00:38:34,320 --> 00:38:37,560
Speaker 1: up differently in different people. I am no expert at all,

769
00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:39,719
Speaker 1: but from what I understand now, I'm like, it just

770
00:38:39,800 --> 00:38:42,440
Speaker 1: shows up differently. And do you feel like that's what

771
00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:44,239
Speaker 1: it was? Because to still be able to do all

772
00:38:44,280 --> 00:38:46,680
Speaker 1: that you were doing and then entertain and you're making

773
00:38:46,719 --> 00:38:48,800
Speaker 1: people laugh. And I know this kind of hit you

774
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:51,120
Speaker 1: like a ton of bricks once you slowed down, but

775
00:38:51,440 --> 00:38:52,719
Speaker 1: it was there in the background.

776
00:38:53,080 --> 00:38:54,400
Speaker 2: Likely right, it.

777
00:38:54,480 --> 00:38:56,560
Speaker 3: Does present in a different way, and there's a whole

778
00:38:56,880 --> 00:39:01,080
Speaker 3: slew of issues which I love the TikTok and Instagram information, Uh,

779
00:39:01,440 --> 00:39:05,080
Speaker 3: the generation because you learned so much. Not only was

780
00:39:05,160 --> 00:39:10,759
Speaker 3: I suffering from from the chemical imbalance that needed to

781
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:14,279
Speaker 3: be corrected, but you know the things that I'd seen

782
00:39:14,400 --> 00:39:16,920
Speaker 3: as my superpower, which is kind of why even as

783
00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:19,680
Speaker 3: a kid I could play. I can imagine I could

784
00:39:19,719 --> 00:39:22,000
Speaker 3: do all these things. Why I felt so frustrated with

785
00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:25,160
Speaker 3: the world and then sometimes and that is also because

786
00:39:25,200 --> 00:39:31,279
Speaker 3: of undiagnosed ADHD and add that that I didn't know

787
00:39:31,840 --> 00:39:34,480
Speaker 3: even the depression, all those things I thought of as

788
00:39:34,600 --> 00:39:37,800
Speaker 3: my fuel, which there's a whole generation of us we

789
00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:40,640
Speaker 3: think of those behaviors as that's just the way that

790
00:39:40,719 --> 00:39:42,640
Speaker 3: it is. That's why if you go to a cookout

791
00:39:43,040 --> 00:39:45,880
Speaker 3: and there's always an Uncle Jimmy in the corner talking

792
00:39:45,960 --> 00:39:49,160
Speaker 3: to himself and he served either in Vietnam or or

793
00:39:49,239 --> 00:39:52,239
Speaker 3: an Iraq, and he's that's just Uncle Jimmy. Man, he

794
00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:56,920
Speaker 3: crazy is That's just no, he's he's unwell. He's unwell,

795
00:39:57,040 --> 00:40:00,480
Speaker 3: and it hasn't been documented because we don't do a work.

796
00:40:00,640 --> 00:40:04,640
Speaker 3: I had so much going on that I didn't notice

797
00:40:04,680 --> 00:40:06,640
Speaker 3: that the wheels are falling off until I took a

798
00:40:06,760 --> 00:40:09,840
Speaker 3: second and I knew that I needed to. The catalyst

799
00:40:09,920 --> 00:40:12,719
Speaker 3: of it was because I needed to be present for

800
00:40:13,239 --> 00:40:17,120
Speaker 3: my daughter. I couldn't be breaking down and having just

801
00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:19,760
Speaker 3: out of the blue, I'm fine, and then I'm crying

802
00:40:20,200 --> 00:40:22,799
Speaker 3: or I'm incredibly angry and I have to go pick

803
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:24,960
Speaker 3: my daughter and take her someplace, or she sees this

804
00:40:25,040 --> 00:40:28,279
Speaker 3: thing happening. I can't model that behavior. I have to

805
00:40:28,320 --> 00:40:31,840
Speaker 3: find out why. And that was my real impetus to

806
00:40:31,960 --> 00:40:35,960
Speaker 3: start therapy. And once she became old enough, I'm in therapy.

807
00:40:36,920 --> 00:40:40,960
Speaker 3: Her mom's in therapy, her mom's partner, Jason, is inpy therapy.

808
00:40:41,440 --> 00:40:44,280
Speaker 3: Therapy was the next step. Because people think of therapy

809
00:40:44,320 --> 00:40:46,680
Speaker 3: as you have to have something wrong. I like to

810
00:40:46,719 --> 00:40:49,200
Speaker 3: think of therapy as, especially as a child. Give this

811
00:40:49,440 --> 00:40:54,040
Speaker 3: child an outlet to talk, Give this child an outlet

812
00:40:54,120 --> 00:40:55,520
Speaker 3: to get what they need to get out in a

813
00:40:55,600 --> 00:40:58,319
Speaker 3: safe space, which is so they don't grow up being

814
00:40:58,360 --> 00:41:01,239
Speaker 3: able to feel tension and locked jaw and have like

815
00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:03,399
Speaker 3: my head. I swear that I've got these big old

816
00:41:03,440 --> 00:41:06,040
Speaker 3: things on the side the side of my head because

817
00:41:06,080 --> 00:41:09,719
Speaker 3: of all the stress that I kept in. So we

818
00:41:10,000 --> 00:41:12,520
Speaker 3: definitely gave her the option for therapy. And she's been

819
00:41:12,600 --> 00:41:14,960
Speaker 3: in it for thirteen years now.

820
00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:19,160
Speaker 1: That is incredible. That's incredible. I have so many questions.

821
00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:20,560
Speaker 1: I'm like trying to figure out which one I.

822
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:21,680
Speaker 2: Want to want to ask.

823
00:41:22,000 --> 00:41:24,360
Speaker 3: I feel like I've been talking so damn much. I

824
00:41:24,480 --> 00:41:26,560
Speaker 3: know it's a podcast, but I'm just like blah blah

825
00:41:26,600 --> 00:41:27,600
Speaker 3: blah blah blah.

826
00:41:27,600 --> 00:41:29,400
Speaker 1: And I'm trying to shut up because you're saying so

827
00:41:29,480 --> 00:41:32,440
Speaker 1: many wonderful things and so many rich things, and I'm like,

828
00:41:32,800 --> 00:41:35,640
Speaker 1: I'm grabbing onto all of them. Okay, the first one

829
00:41:35,680 --> 00:41:40,360
Speaker 1: I'll ask you is in terms of inheriting depression because

830
00:41:40,560 --> 00:41:44,080
Speaker 1: there's genetics, it related to mental health. Yeah, from your

831
00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:47,400
Speaker 1: father's side, was it diagnosed in him or is this

832
00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:49,400
Speaker 1: something you've then figured out when you go, oh, this

833
00:41:49,520 --> 00:41:50,960
Speaker 1: is the way he showed up in the world is

834
00:41:51,040 --> 00:41:53,400
Speaker 1: reflective of this mental illness.

835
00:41:53,920 --> 00:41:58,480
Speaker 3: We had to retro fit that, right, because I don't know,

836
00:41:58,680 --> 00:42:00,440
Speaker 3: and I also don't want to. I don't want to

837
00:42:00,480 --> 00:42:03,160
Speaker 3: sound like I'm either blaming my dad or I'm speaking

838
00:42:03,239 --> 00:42:06,560
Speaker 3: on something that he had because I don't know. All

839
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:09,640
Speaker 3: I do know, Like I do know for certain that

840
00:42:09,920 --> 00:42:13,560
Speaker 3: after he passed, and my sister at the time, she

841
00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:17,600
Speaker 3: was working in the medical field in a clerical way,

842
00:42:18,920 --> 00:42:21,680
Speaker 3: having access to his house because I was because I

843
00:42:21,719 --> 00:42:25,440
Speaker 3: was out of town. You know, he did have certain medications,

844
00:42:25,719 --> 00:42:30,160
Speaker 3: which I do believe after hearing them, that they were

845
00:42:30,560 --> 00:42:35,040
Speaker 3: to treat things related. Now, even that being said, I'm

846
00:42:35,040 --> 00:42:37,520
Speaker 3: pretty certain that my father did not go to therapy

847
00:42:37,560 --> 00:42:40,800
Speaker 3: because he was not of that generation. Sure, But what

848
00:42:40,960 --> 00:42:42,920
Speaker 3: I do know is that's a man that passed from

849
00:42:42,960 --> 00:42:46,920
Speaker 3: a massive coronary who he was not even when I

850
00:42:47,000 --> 00:42:50,480
Speaker 3: saw him. That one time I saw a man that

851
00:42:50,719 --> 00:42:54,600
Speaker 3: I make up. I saw somebody who was in a

852
00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:58,640
Speaker 3: bit of darkness who had a thing on him. And

853
00:42:58,719 --> 00:43:02,040
Speaker 3: I can recognize that because Game recognized Game. I know

854
00:43:02,239 --> 00:43:04,880
Speaker 3: that thing. Yeah. But even at that age, whenever I

855
00:43:04,960 --> 00:43:07,840
Speaker 3: felt that thing, I was like, Nope, let's go do

856
00:43:08,920 --> 00:43:13,520
Speaker 3: this improm make a laugh, make a laugh. So so

857
00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:17,880
Speaker 3: I wish that I would have known. So I speculate.

858
00:43:18,520 --> 00:43:21,400
Speaker 3: I speculate because a lot of the same behaviors is

859
00:43:21,440 --> 00:43:23,799
Speaker 3: because of some of his medical records. But I'll never

860
00:43:23,920 --> 00:43:28,680
Speaker 3: know for certain. But even in talking to the doctors,

861
00:43:28,800 --> 00:43:31,720
Speaker 3: like you say, you know that there are genetic markers

862
00:43:31,920 --> 00:43:34,800
Speaker 3: of of that and and it is what it is.

863
00:43:35,280 --> 00:43:37,840
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I don't even hear you placing any blame

864
00:43:37,880 --> 00:43:41,600
Speaker 1: because it's just science. The reality is, oftentimes your mental

865
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:44,080
Speaker 1: health can be a function of genetics. That's just the

866
00:43:44,200 --> 00:43:46,799
Speaker 1: science of it. And we don't actually get to pick

867
00:43:47,040 --> 00:43:49,800
Speaker 1: our genetics. It's always like, we don't get to pick it.

868
00:43:49,880 --> 00:43:51,120
Speaker 1: We just show up in the world and we got

869
00:43:51,200 --> 00:43:51,960
Speaker 1: we got what we got.

870
00:43:52,160 --> 00:43:52,279
Speaker 2: Now.

871
00:43:52,320 --> 00:43:55,240
Speaker 1: In terms of your daughter calling you her best friend,

872
00:43:55,560 --> 00:43:57,400
Speaker 1: which is man, that is beautiful.

873
00:43:57,680 --> 00:43:57,879
Speaker 2: Man.

874
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:00,840
Speaker 1: Thank you for sharing your dad with me today. But

875
00:44:01,239 --> 00:44:06,480
Speaker 1: do you find balancing that reality with the fact that

876
00:44:06,560 --> 00:44:10,160
Speaker 1: she thinks you were strict challenging? And what does that

877
00:44:10,280 --> 00:44:12,400
Speaker 1: even look like? Because if I hear like, dad is

878
00:44:12,440 --> 00:44:14,480
Speaker 1: my best friend, I'm like, Okay, dad's fun time, and

879
00:44:14,560 --> 00:44:15,839
Speaker 1: I feel like I can talk to Dad.

880
00:44:16,400 --> 00:44:18,920
Speaker 2: But then to hear that you're also strict, Yeah, how

881
00:44:18,960 --> 00:44:19,520
Speaker 2: does that look?

882
00:44:20,280 --> 00:44:23,640
Speaker 3: She can talk to me and we have amazing conversations.

883
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:27,600
Speaker 3: So I think that because her mother was even more

884
00:44:27,640 --> 00:44:32,440
Speaker 3: strict because her mom came from her father's Japanese so

885
00:44:32,960 --> 00:44:37,640
Speaker 3: she was raised in a very strict environment as well,

886
00:44:37,960 --> 00:44:41,120
Speaker 3: so she got double teamed in terms of the strictness.

887
00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:45,520
Speaker 3: But her mother was more strict than me, like super strict.

888
00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:49,000
Speaker 3: So I think that we found the balance. Yes, I

889
00:44:49,080 --> 00:44:50,919
Speaker 3: love you and I'm your best friend, but I don't

890
00:44:50,920 --> 00:44:52,840
Speaker 3: think that we're the best friend in a way because

891
00:44:52,960 --> 00:44:54,800
Speaker 3: I will be the first to say to some parents,

892
00:44:55,719 --> 00:44:59,279
Speaker 3: you can't be your child's literal best friend. And I

893
00:44:59,400 --> 00:45:01,600
Speaker 3: use that word in intentionally, like you see some people

894
00:45:01,640 --> 00:45:04,680
Speaker 3: that yes we're best ease and we go out, we

895
00:45:04,760 --> 00:45:07,280
Speaker 3: do everything together. Well, then your child has a different

896
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:09,920
Speaker 3: level of respect for you. The way I put it

897
00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:12,520
Speaker 3: as best friend is she respects me as her father.

898
00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:15,120
Speaker 3: She knows my rules and my policies and my stance,

899
00:45:15,600 --> 00:45:18,520
Speaker 3: but she also knows that as her friend, I have

900
00:45:18,680 --> 00:45:21,719
Speaker 3: her back in this life, and as her friend, I'm

901
00:45:21,760 --> 00:45:25,200
Speaker 3: not just gonna let you get away with nonsense. So

902
00:45:25,520 --> 00:45:28,200
Speaker 3: that's that's her best friend. Her best friend is the

903
00:45:28,239 --> 00:45:30,840
Speaker 3: person that has her best interest even when she doesn't

904
00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:33,080
Speaker 3: want to hear it. Sometimes I'm like, Miley, don't go

905
00:45:33,200 --> 00:45:35,840
Speaker 3: to that party, don't go do that thing. You just

906
00:45:35,880 --> 00:45:38,080
Speaker 3: don't want me to go have fun you I said, no,

907
00:45:38,360 --> 00:45:39,800
Speaker 3: I want you to go have all the fun in

908
00:45:39,840 --> 00:45:42,279
Speaker 3: the world. But I also want you to use common sense.

909
00:45:42,440 --> 00:45:44,800
Speaker 3: Why would you, as a single woman, walk into that

910
00:45:44,920 --> 00:45:49,000
Speaker 3: party downtown by yourself and park your car five blocks away?

911
00:45:49,280 --> 00:45:51,759
Speaker 3: Why not go with someone? Why not do these things?

912
00:45:52,200 --> 00:45:54,960
Speaker 3: I can't make you do things anymore, but I can

913
00:45:55,239 --> 00:45:58,399
Speaker 3: surely give you an informed opinion as somebody who loves

914
00:45:58,440 --> 00:45:59,480
Speaker 3: you more than anybody else.

915
00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:03,760
Speaker 1: Right, That makes sense. That is such a great distinction.

916
00:46:03,880 --> 00:46:06,640
Speaker 1: I haven't heard it distilled that way quite yet. Now,

917
00:46:06,760 --> 00:46:10,560
Speaker 1: in terms of considering one another best friends, I understand

918
00:46:10,680 --> 00:46:13,880
Speaker 1: that means I have her best interests at heart. Do

919
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:16,440
Speaker 1: you want Miley to be able to tell you and

920
00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:18,879
Speaker 1: talk to you about anything.

921
00:46:19,480 --> 00:46:23,319
Speaker 3: Yes, okay, And we really worked on that because because

922
00:46:23,360 --> 00:46:25,920
Speaker 3: of how strict I was, I realized that if I

923
00:46:25,960 --> 00:46:28,319
Speaker 3: would have gone down the same road that my grandmother did,

924
00:46:28,480 --> 00:46:30,480
Speaker 3: I would have ended up in a relationship with my

925
00:46:30,640 --> 00:46:33,399
Speaker 3: daughter where she would have found out about sex from

926
00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:37,319
Speaker 3: somebody else. She would have talked about heartbreak to somebody else.

927
00:46:37,880 --> 00:46:40,920
Speaker 3: And I was lucky enough that I caught it early

928
00:46:41,040 --> 00:46:44,640
Speaker 3: enough that now we're at a place where she can share,

929
00:46:45,239 --> 00:46:47,279
Speaker 3: and she shares with her her mom, and there are

930
00:46:47,280 --> 00:46:48,879
Speaker 3: some things that she probably doesn't share with me because

931
00:46:48,920 --> 00:46:51,520
Speaker 3: they have a different relationship, but she can come to me.

932
00:46:52,000 --> 00:46:56,359
Speaker 3: And even now she has a boyfriend. It's Newish. He's

933
00:46:56,400 --> 00:46:59,400
Speaker 3: a really good dude. She introduced me to him. She

934
00:46:59,560 --> 00:47:04,160
Speaker 3: asked me questions. She asked me about certain things going

935
00:47:04,280 --> 00:47:07,359
Speaker 3: into it, because I'd also witnessed her other, her first

936
00:47:07,440 --> 00:47:10,560
Speaker 3: love and how that went south, and I kept my

937
00:47:10,640 --> 00:47:13,879
Speaker 3: mouth shut. She trusts me now, she knows that there's

938
00:47:13,960 --> 00:47:17,120
Speaker 3: no judgment. And I had to earn that. Yeah, because

939
00:47:17,120 --> 00:47:19,200
Speaker 3: I think the way that I did parent she felt

940
00:47:19,239 --> 00:47:21,839
Speaker 3: there was judgment because I was constantly coming at her.

941
00:47:22,280 --> 00:47:23,160
Speaker 2: Yeah. I always say that.

942
00:47:23,280 --> 00:47:27,600
Speaker 1: In any relationship even with friends, my siblings, whatever. I'm

943
00:47:27,640 --> 00:47:30,719
Speaker 1: always like, it's nice when people are asking you questions

944
00:47:30,800 --> 00:47:34,480
Speaker 1: to understand and true curiosity versus asking you questions with

945
00:47:34,520 --> 00:47:36,920
Speaker 1: a little judgment on it, and you can feel it,

946
00:47:37,040 --> 00:47:38,120
Speaker 1: you can feel the difference.

947
00:47:39,000 --> 00:47:39,759
Speaker 3: That's who you like.

948
00:47:40,160 --> 00:47:42,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, all right.

949
00:47:42,840 --> 00:47:44,560
Speaker 1: And I don't want to go in on Miley and

950
00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:46,360
Speaker 1: I don't even know Miley, and I want to protect

951
00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:49,600
Speaker 1: Miley's business. But just as a dad, just hearing that

952
00:47:49,719 --> 00:47:52,200
Speaker 1: with her first love, you were like, I kept my

953
00:47:52,280 --> 00:47:52,759
Speaker 1: mouth shut.

954
00:47:53,400 --> 00:47:55,759
Speaker 2: Was that hard for you to do? And what made

955
00:47:55,840 --> 00:47:56,840
Speaker 2: you make that choice?

956
00:47:57,920 --> 00:48:00,520
Speaker 3: That was so hard to do? Because I didn't want

957
00:48:00,520 --> 00:48:03,759
Speaker 3: to be judgmental, and I realized that if I would

958
00:48:03,800 --> 00:48:06,000
Speaker 3: have opened my mouth and said some of the things

959
00:48:06,000 --> 00:48:07,920
Speaker 3: that I really wanted to say, which I said in

960
00:48:08,040 --> 00:48:12,279
Speaker 3: the beginning. In the beginning, I was very liberal with

961
00:48:12,480 --> 00:48:15,200
Speaker 3: my comment because I'm dead, I'll say say what's on

962
00:48:15,280 --> 00:48:20,240
Speaker 3: my mind. And I saw her begin to turn away

963
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:25,279
Speaker 3: or to maybe do things in c not do things

964
00:48:25,320 --> 00:48:29,239
Speaker 3: in secret, but she wasn't as forthcoming and maybe she

965
00:48:29,320 --> 00:48:32,839
Speaker 3: didn't talk about things. And I was like, oh, I'm

966
00:48:32,920 --> 00:48:36,680
Speaker 3: no longer a safe haven because I am judging her.

967
00:48:36,760 --> 00:48:38,839
Speaker 3: Even if I don't think that I'm judging her even

968
00:48:38,920 --> 00:48:41,839
Speaker 3: by having something to say about him, saying, Miley, it's

969
00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:44,560
Speaker 3: this isn't about you, but like one of my big

970
00:48:44,600 --> 00:48:46,920
Speaker 3: beefs with him, and she she's idating him now. So

971
00:48:47,120 --> 00:48:47,840
Speaker 3: he can suck it.

972
00:48:48,040 --> 00:48:49,960
Speaker 1: And he really can suck it. I don't even know him,

973
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:52,120
Speaker 1: but I can suck it as I can suck it

974
00:48:52,320 --> 00:48:57,080
Speaker 1: my non existent D but go D so he.

975
00:48:57,600 --> 00:49:03,160
Speaker 3: You know in my household, yes, sir, no, ma'am. When

976
00:49:03,239 --> 00:49:05,960
Speaker 3: you walk into somebody else's house, especially if you're younger

977
00:49:06,080 --> 00:49:11,120
Speaker 3: and they're your elders, you always greet them. You always

978
00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:15,400
Speaker 3: shake hands, or you say say hi, you always acknowledge.

979
00:49:15,960 --> 00:49:18,320
Speaker 3: The first couple of times that he came over, he

980
00:49:18,440 --> 00:49:21,000
Speaker 3: never did that. And the excuse was, Dad, stop, he's

981
00:49:21,080 --> 00:49:27,520
Speaker 3: just really shy. Okay, I get shy. And and I

982
00:49:27,640 --> 00:49:29,239
Speaker 3: went up to him. You know, it's a little bit

983
00:49:29,239 --> 00:49:30,840
Speaker 3: of ego. I'm like, well, you in my house or

984
00:49:30,880 --> 00:49:33,920
Speaker 3: you just to say and and he was nice. I

985
00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:35,879
Speaker 3: gave him that at first, you know, shake hands, blah

986
00:49:35,920 --> 00:49:38,320
Speaker 3: blah blah. But I had a problem with that. And

987
00:49:38,440 --> 00:49:41,680
Speaker 3: in my mind, when certain things are telling, if you're

988
00:49:41,719 --> 00:49:45,160
Speaker 3: not respectful, if you can't be respectful of her space

989
00:49:45,600 --> 00:49:48,520
Speaker 3: or of her parents, that's gotta be a little bit

990
00:49:48,560 --> 00:49:51,840
Speaker 3: of a flag of just a respect level in general.

991
00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:54,400
Speaker 3: If you can't be respectful of her folks, is he

992
00:49:54,480 --> 00:49:55,520
Speaker 3: going to be respectful of you?

993
00:49:56,080 --> 00:49:59,120
Speaker 2: Listen, Dad, I've heard it said.

994
00:49:59,200 --> 00:50:02,120
Speaker 1: The way you do anything is the way you do everything,

995
00:50:02,200 --> 00:50:05,399
Speaker 1: And you can really tell a lot by about a person,

996
00:50:05,480 --> 00:50:08,880
Speaker 1: I think in some of those moments, and that is

997
00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:11,359
Speaker 1: incredibly telling to me right off the bat. Now, if

998
00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:13,800
Speaker 1: I'm her and I'm kind of like, but I like

999
00:50:13,920 --> 00:50:17,040
Speaker 1: this guy and he's attractive, and we have this thing

1000
00:50:17,120 --> 00:50:19,879
Speaker 1: in common and we enjoy doing this one thing a lot,

1001
00:50:20,040 --> 00:50:21,759
Speaker 1: I go, Okay, I'm gonna make excuses for it.

1002
00:50:21,760 --> 00:50:22,840
Speaker 2: I'm gonna make excuses for it.

1003
00:50:23,120 --> 00:50:26,680
Speaker 1: And I do think ultimately, yes, even in friendship, if

1004
00:50:26,719 --> 00:50:29,160
Speaker 1: you can feel a friend starting to judge you, you

1005
00:50:29,800 --> 00:50:32,319
Speaker 1: pull away, even if that friend is right, even if

1006
00:50:32,360 --> 00:50:33,480
Speaker 1: you know that friend is right.

1007
00:50:33,560 --> 00:50:35,400
Speaker 2: By the way, especially.

1008
00:50:35,360 --> 00:50:36,960
Speaker 1: Especially if you know the friend is right, You're like,

1009
00:50:37,040 --> 00:50:39,480
Speaker 1: but I want to have my experience. So you were

1010
00:50:39,560 --> 00:50:44,080
Speaker 1: liberal up top, and then ultimately, how did you stopped

1011
00:50:44,400 --> 00:50:48,200
Speaker 1: saying things When I'm like, when's that sweet spot?

1012
00:50:49,120 --> 00:50:52,120
Speaker 3: It's when I realize that I'm pushing her away. Okay, okay,

1013
00:50:52,239 --> 00:50:55,279
Speaker 3: And and I can't even lie to you and say

1014
00:50:55,480 --> 00:50:58,680
Speaker 3: it's perfect yeah, because I still have a tendency to

1015
00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:02,759
Speaker 3: give my opinion because it's born out of care. Like

1016
00:51:03,040 --> 00:51:05,840
Speaker 3: like last night, she's an actress as well, and she

1017
00:51:07,000 --> 00:51:10,160
Speaker 3: and I was helping her do with self tape. I

1018
00:51:11,200 --> 00:51:15,200
Speaker 3: sometimes getting notes from me if I'm coaching her on something,

1019
00:51:16,320 --> 00:51:18,880
Speaker 3: or if I listened to her sing and I'm like,

1020
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:21,440
Speaker 3: oh that thing, blah blah blah. I'm coming from the

1021
00:51:21,560 --> 00:51:24,640
Speaker 3: viewpoint of I didn't have a parent in the business

1022
00:51:25,080 --> 00:51:27,880
Speaker 3: or somebody who did this to any success to help me.

1023
00:51:28,560 --> 00:51:31,719
Speaker 3: I just got bumped into walls and made it. You

1024
00:51:31,920 --> 00:51:34,879
Speaker 3: have me. I want to help you. I was put

1025
00:51:34,920 --> 00:51:37,000
Speaker 3: on this earth to help you. That's what I'm Oh, shit,

1026
00:51:37,080 --> 00:51:40,520
Speaker 3: I can do it. She hears You're not good enough

1027
00:51:40,600 --> 00:51:43,719
Speaker 3: like that blah blah blah blah blah. And I have

1028
00:51:43,880 --> 00:51:46,480
Speaker 3: to realize that even last night, I have to just go, oh,

1029
00:51:47,120 --> 00:51:49,239
Speaker 3: even if I'm right right now, I think I might

1030
00:51:49,320 --> 00:51:52,520
Speaker 3: be overloading her and this isn't the interaction that she wants.

1031
00:51:53,120 --> 00:51:55,800
Speaker 3: And I have to be respectful of that. I have

1032
00:51:55,920 --> 00:51:58,080
Speaker 3: to be respectful of that interaction.

1033
00:51:58,800 --> 00:51:59,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, so so so.

1034
00:52:00,200 --> 00:52:02,000
Speaker 3: Even now I've got to be respectful of what I

1035
00:52:02,040 --> 00:52:04,399
Speaker 3: say to her as an adult, even though she's my daughter.

1036
00:52:04,680 --> 00:52:08,240
Speaker 1: I feel like, again, parents, every parent is imperfect simply

1037
00:52:08,360 --> 00:52:12,520
Speaker 1: because they are human. But you seem to have mastered

1038
00:52:13,120 --> 00:52:16,480
Speaker 1: at least your north star in terms of the type

1039
00:52:16,520 --> 00:52:17,960
Speaker 1: of parent you want to be. And that's not to

1040
00:52:18,000 --> 00:52:19,640
Speaker 1: say you're going to get it right every time and

1041
00:52:19,719 --> 00:52:22,640
Speaker 1: in every moment. That would be impossible. But I think

1042
00:52:22,680 --> 00:52:24,960
Speaker 1: that is such a tight rope to walk, and I

1043
00:52:25,080 --> 00:52:27,799
Speaker 1: think you get it. I'm like, that's exactly the kind

1044
00:52:27,840 --> 00:52:29,560
Speaker 1: I see. I'm listening to you, and I go, I

1045
00:52:29,640 --> 00:52:31,520
Speaker 1: see why she calls you her best friend.

1046
00:52:31,760 --> 00:52:33,320
Speaker 2: I'm like, you get it. You get it.

1047
00:52:33,400 --> 00:52:36,560
Speaker 1: You respect the boundaries and understand she needs to have

1048
00:52:36,719 --> 00:52:39,160
Speaker 1: her experience and want her to be able to have

1049
00:52:39,280 --> 00:52:42,120
Speaker 1: the experiences she needs to have to flourish into the

1050
00:52:42,160 --> 00:52:45,600
Speaker 1: person she is. Is there any other example you can

1051
00:52:45,719 --> 00:52:49,800
Speaker 1: think of that where maybe you lacked a thing in

1052
00:52:49,960 --> 00:52:54,640
Speaker 1: childhood in terms of guidance in terms of a parent figure,

1053
00:52:55,040 --> 00:52:58,239
Speaker 1: and so you use that as your guide in how

1054
00:52:58,280 --> 00:53:02,120
Speaker 1: you parent Mley and your son. Where you go, I'm

1055
00:53:02,160 --> 00:53:03,800
Speaker 1: doing this thing, but now I'm realizing I'm doing it

1056
00:53:03,840 --> 00:53:05,400
Speaker 1: because I lacked it, and I don't even think you

1057
00:53:05,440 --> 00:53:06,840
Speaker 1: want it, actually.

1058
00:53:07,080 --> 00:53:11,919
Speaker 3: Oh absolutely, and I think I've got a chance with Val.

1059
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:16,719
Speaker 3: I already missed the boat with Miley, sadly. And it's

1060
00:53:16,800 --> 00:53:22,200
Speaker 3: where it comes to relationships. I never had healthy relationships,

1061
00:53:22,880 --> 00:53:25,239
Speaker 3: especially because my dad was not in the picture with

1062
00:53:25,440 --> 00:53:27,800
Speaker 3: my mom. They were divorced when I was ten, but

1063
00:53:27,840 --> 00:53:29,759
Speaker 3: even when they were married, I didn't live with them

1064
00:53:31,560 --> 00:53:37,480
Speaker 3: my grandmother. You know, once my grandfather passed my aunt's divorces,

1065
00:53:38,080 --> 00:53:41,600
Speaker 3: there was no one in my immediate sphere that had

1066
00:53:41,640 --> 00:53:45,040
Speaker 3: a healthy relationship. So, and coupled with the fact that

1067
00:53:45,120 --> 00:53:47,960
Speaker 3: we never talked about sex, we never talked about intimacy.

1068
00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:53,480
Speaker 3: You learn things on the school yard about girls, especially

1069
00:53:53,960 --> 00:53:55,920
Speaker 3: you know, in the hoods. You hear these things and

1070
00:53:56,040 --> 00:53:57,800
Speaker 3: this is what you're supposed to do, and this is

1071
00:53:57,880 --> 00:54:00,279
Speaker 3: what you say, and girls are like this and this

1072
00:54:00,400 --> 00:54:03,480
Speaker 3: is what they want and death. So I think that

1073
00:54:03,600 --> 00:54:08,480
Speaker 3: that stuck with me, and I never modeled a healthy

1074
00:54:08,560 --> 00:54:12,640
Speaker 3: relationship to Miley. Even when she was growing up. The

1075
00:54:12,680 --> 00:54:14,560
Speaker 3: only healthy thing that she ever saw was how I

1076
00:54:14,600 --> 00:54:17,680
Speaker 3: treated her mother. She knew that even though her mother

1077
00:54:17,719 --> 00:54:20,080
Speaker 3: and I were not together, anymore, and she's old enough

1078
00:54:20,080 --> 00:54:24,359
Speaker 3: to remember us being divorced. Never spoke ill about her mother.

1079
00:54:24,760 --> 00:54:26,520
Speaker 3: Always said that her mother was MY best friend and

1080
00:54:26,600 --> 00:54:28,200
Speaker 3: I was always going to take care of her, and

1081
00:54:28,360 --> 00:54:30,320
Speaker 3: that's something that she has seen to this day. But

1082
00:54:30,400 --> 00:54:34,200
Speaker 3: in terms of really having a relationship, my awkward ass

1083
00:54:34,320 --> 00:54:40,879
Speaker 3: way of learning about relationships and interaction cost me many

1084
00:54:40,920 --> 00:54:45,440
Speaker 3: relationships and how and the work that I never did

1085
00:54:46,000 --> 00:54:50,280
Speaker 3: therapeutically blew up so many relationships. And I never modeled

1086
00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:53,359
Speaker 3: what it was like to be in a healthy, good,

1087
00:54:53,680 --> 00:54:58,440
Speaker 3: loving relationship. So how could I give her relationship advice?

1088
00:54:58,880 --> 00:55:02,640
Speaker 3: So I kind of miss that boat. Sure, So that's

1089
00:55:02,719 --> 00:55:05,600
Speaker 3: something that I do feel bad about. But on the

1090
00:55:05,640 --> 00:55:08,160
Speaker 3: flip side, her mother did model that because she's been

1091
00:55:08,200 --> 00:55:11,120
Speaker 3: in an amazing relationship with Jason for like thirteen years

1092
00:55:11,160 --> 00:55:15,120
Speaker 3: and she's seen that, so it's never too late. I'm

1093
00:55:15,160 --> 00:55:15,720
Speaker 3: still trying.

1094
00:55:16,200 --> 00:55:19,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, you want to the opportunity, hopefully to

1095
00:55:19,560 --> 00:55:21,920
Speaker 1: show that to Vow. And in terms of just modeling

1096
00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:26,279
Speaker 1: it as opposed to imposing relationship advice as well, I

1097
00:55:26,400 --> 00:55:29,400
Speaker 1: think that is an important distinction. So I can't imagine

1098
00:55:29,600 --> 00:55:34,360
Speaker 1: even Miley or val later in life rejecting your modeling

1099
00:55:34,480 --> 00:55:36,640
Speaker 1: if you will, I guess they could. But it's when

1100
00:55:36,640 --> 00:55:38,400
Speaker 1: people impose. I think that's when you start to go

1101
00:55:38,840 --> 00:55:42,040
Speaker 1: you wanted this thing. You were lacking this thing in childhood,

1102
00:55:42,080 --> 00:55:44,640
Speaker 1: like a parent who was in the industry who could

1103
00:55:44,640 --> 00:55:45,120
Speaker 1: give advice.

1104
00:55:45,239 --> 00:55:46,799
Speaker 2: You lacked it. And so now you think I want

1105
00:55:46,840 --> 00:55:48,080
Speaker 2: all this advice. I don't want.

1106
00:55:48,400 --> 00:55:51,759
Speaker 1: I don't want your opinion about everything. But modeling a

1107
00:55:51,840 --> 00:55:55,120
Speaker 1: positive relationship, I do think I can only imagine is

1108
00:55:55,200 --> 00:55:57,640
Speaker 1: helpful and powerful, even though I do know some friends

1109
00:55:57,640 --> 00:56:00,440
Speaker 1: whose parents have healthy relationships, and they go, well, this

1110
00:56:00,560 --> 00:56:03,399
Speaker 1: feels like pressure. It feels like pressure to achieve this kind.

1111
00:56:03,600 --> 00:56:06,719
Speaker 1: So I'm telling you it's never quite right. It's never

1112
00:56:06,800 --> 00:56:08,399
Speaker 1: going to be perfect, it's never good.

1113
00:56:09,600 --> 00:56:11,879
Speaker 3: It's like to not sound trite and to use that thing,

1114
00:56:11,960 --> 00:56:16,239
Speaker 3: but it's all a work in progress. And especially being

1115
00:56:16,560 --> 00:56:19,680
Speaker 3: being a parent, here's the thing. You're never just when

1116
00:56:19,719 --> 00:56:22,600
Speaker 3: you feel even if you feel like you're hitting all

1117
00:56:22,640 --> 00:56:27,040
Speaker 3: the checkpoints and doing it right, because your child hits stages.

1118
00:56:28,400 --> 00:56:30,560
Speaker 3: You only got this part right, and now we're over here,

1119
00:56:31,000 --> 00:56:33,000
Speaker 3: and now you have to work on this and you

1120
00:56:33,120 --> 00:56:34,920
Speaker 3: probably never get that, and then you feel like you're

1121
00:56:34,960 --> 00:56:38,000
Speaker 3: in school and now you're two chapters behind, and this

1122
00:56:38,160 --> 00:56:42,520
Speaker 3: thing happened, and there's a big quiz, So the biggest

1123
00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:45,000
Speaker 3: win that you could take, Like, I have such pride

1124
00:56:45,040 --> 00:56:48,800
Speaker 3: in the basic fact that I've raised a great human

1125
00:56:49,200 --> 00:56:51,400
Speaker 3: and at twenty two years of age, I did my

1126
00:56:51,560 --> 00:56:55,320
Speaker 3: part in keeping a human alive. Yeah, for twenty two years,

1127
00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:57,160
Speaker 3: and now they're going to go out in the world.

1128
00:56:57,560 --> 00:57:00,640
Speaker 3: But I and her mother we did that. So that's

1129
00:57:00,680 --> 00:57:01,759
Speaker 3: the wind that I'm going to take.

1130
00:57:02,160 --> 00:57:05,000
Speaker 1: I love that, I love that perspective, and I love

1131
00:57:05,080 --> 00:57:06,960
Speaker 1: so many of the perspectives you shared with us. Now

1132
00:57:07,040 --> 00:57:09,279
Speaker 1: I'm going to take an opportunity to be a little

1133
00:57:09,360 --> 00:57:11,880
Speaker 1: more selfish and ask you for a piece of da advice.

1134
00:57:12,080 --> 00:57:12,360
Speaker 3: Please.

1135
00:57:12,480 --> 00:57:14,920
Speaker 1: You may or may not be an expert in the area,

1136
00:57:15,200 --> 00:57:17,280
Speaker 1: but because you're my dad, for the dad, like you

1137
00:57:17,400 --> 00:57:22,320
Speaker 1: to try like a dad would. Okay, buying property, So

1138
00:57:23,440 --> 00:57:27,560
Speaker 1: I bought a house. That's exciting, and I was thinking,

1139
00:57:28,080 --> 00:57:32,840
Speaker 1: should I just keep buying properties and buy investment properties

1140
00:57:32,880 --> 00:57:33,520
Speaker 1: and rent them out?

1141
00:57:33,600 --> 00:57:35,600
Speaker 2: Is that the best use of money?

1142
00:57:36,000 --> 00:57:37,720
Speaker 1: And it's not because I'm just swimming in it, but

1143
00:57:37,760 --> 00:57:39,800
Speaker 1: I'm like, let's plan for the day that I might

1144
00:57:39,840 --> 00:57:40,520
Speaker 1: be swimming in it.

1145
00:57:40,600 --> 00:57:43,919
Speaker 2: What would I do. What would I do? I don't

1146
00:57:43,920 --> 00:57:45,800
Speaker 2: you don't write would you do you do a bunch

1147
00:57:45,840 --> 00:57:46,480
Speaker 2: of properties?

1148
00:57:46,760 --> 00:57:49,440
Speaker 3: Or is that that is such a no, no no,

1149
00:57:49,840 --> 00:57:53,320
Speaker 3: never silly to want to plan for the future. I

1150
00:57:53,440 --> 00:57:57,000
Speaker 3: can only give you the advice that has been handed

1151
00:57:57,040 --> 00:57:59,400
Speaker 3: off to me. Now, if you look online, there's always

1152
00:57:59,440 --> 00:58:02,840
Speaker 3: some in or TikTok guru who they will either say

1153
00:58:03,280 --> 00:58:05,640
Speaker 3: buying is bad because it's a money pit and da

1154
00:58:05,720 --> 00:58:08,480
Speaker 3: da da, or somebody will go it's great, go online

1155
00:58:08,560 --> 00:58:11,080
Speaker 3: to the government website and find all these abandoned properties,

1156
00:58:11,120 --> 00:58:13,160
Speaker 3: and you too can be a slum lord. I think

1157
00:58:13,200 --> 00:58:16,439
Speaker 3: the truth is somewhere in the middle. Like what I'm

1158
00:58:16,600 --> 00:58:19,520
Speaker 3: even trying to do right now is even at this

1159
00:58:19,600 --> 00:58:22,000
Speaker 3: point in my life, I'm trying to build a portfolio

1160
00:58:22,120 --> 00:58:26,120
Speaker 3: of properties. I wasn't thinking that way in my late twenties,

1161
00:58:26,240 --> 00:58:28,880
Speaker 3: thirties and forties when I was acquiring things. Now I'm

1162
00:58:28,880 --> 00:58:30,440
Speaker 3: at a point where I want to be able to

1163
00:58:30,520 --> 00:58:32,200
Speaker 3: leave these things. And I look at people who are

1164
00:58:32,680 --> 00:58:35,440
Speaker 3: incredibly wealthy, and I'm talking out of show business wealthy

1165
00:58:35,840 --> 00:58:39,800
Speaker 3: talking about it's property. It's a different thing. So it's

1166
00:58:39,800 --> 00:58:43,480
Speaker 3: a different thing I have. I've started to invest. I'm

1167
00:58:43,480 --> 00:58:46,240
Speaker 3: with a commercial investment group that I've boffed that I've

1168
00:58:46,280 --> 00:58:50,320
Speaker 3: invested in, bought three big commercial properties. I'm in the

1169
00:58:50,400 --> 00:58:54,640
Speaker 3: midst of buying a couple smaller homes that I'll rent out.

1170
00:58:55,040 --> 00:58:56,880
Speaker 3: I think that if you are in a space to

1171
00:58:56,960 --> 00:59:00,880
Speaker 3: be able to do it and not going to take

1172
00:59:00,920 --> 00:59:05,080
Speaker 3: away from your living capital, I think you should. I

1173
00:59:05,120 --> 00:59:08,440
Speaker 3: think you should invest in property. Property is the one thing.

1174
00:59:08,520 --> 00:59:11,040
Speaker 3: And because I'm not an expert, mind you, that's why

1175
00:59:11,040 --> 00:59:16,640
Speaker 3: I have a business manager. But I'll be your your

1176
00:59:17,000 --> 00:59:21,320
Speaker 3: you're expert. I will say buying property, I think is

1177
00:59:21,400 --> 00:59:24,240
Speaker 3: like any other thing. Don't spend more than you have,

1178
00:59:25,480 --> 00:59:28,720
Speaker 3: Don't over extend yourself, because I also see people do that.

1179
00:59:28,800 --> 00:59:30,400
Speaker 3: They take out all these loans and there every extent,

1180
00:59:30,880 --> 00:59:33,720
Speaker 3: I've got twelve houses, and now what you're going to

1181
00:59:33,800 --> 00:59:38,640
Speaker 3: do unless the twelve houses are bringing in an incredible

1182
00:59:38,680 --> 00:59:40,520
Speaker 3: amount of rent? And then do you really want to

1183
00:59:40,560 --> 00:59:42,920
Speaker 3: be a Do you want to be a landlord to

1184
00:59:42,960 --> 00:59:45,280
Speaker 3: all these things? Or you're going to have to hire

1185
00:59:45,320 --> 00:59:49,240
Speaker 3: a property manager if you do, And you have to

1186
00:59:49,520 --> 00:59:54,320
Speaker 3: know that these zone or ordinances, you will be responsible

1187
00:59:54,400 --> 00:59:57,160
Speaker 3: to some to someone else. If you're okay with that,

1188
00:59:57,640 --> 01:00:03,280
Speaker 3: if you're really building in your future are slowly and location, location, location.

1189
01:00:03,800 --> 01:00:05,640
Speaker 3: You want to buy in a place that maybe is

1190
01:00:05,720 --> 01:00:08,360
Speaker 3: on the come up. You don't want the most expensive

1191
01:00:08,520 --> 01:00:10,840
Speaker 3: house on the street, even if it's the house that

1192
01:00:10,920 --> 01:00:13,160
Speaker 3: you buy to live in. Well, look what is I

1193
01:00:13,520 --> 01:00:16,200
Speaker 3: just dropped six million on this house. But yeah, but

1194
01:00:16,320 --> 01:00:17,919
Speaker 3: the guy down the road he has a house worth

1195
01:00:17,920 --> 01:00:21,320
Speaker 3: two hundred thousand dollars. So you've just taken a loss

1196
01:00:21,320 --> 01:00:23,920
Speaker 3: because you your house isn't going to bring up the value.

1197
01:00:24,360 --> 01:00:29,680
Speaker 3: So a spend what you can spend, Spend wisely, don't

1198
01:00:29,720 --> 01:00:34,600
Speaker 3: overextend yourself. Look for locations that are that are definitely

1199
01:00:34,720 --> 01:00:38,200
Speaker 3: on the come up. It all depends on the city

1200
01:00:38,480 --> 01:00:43,000
Speaker 3: it then it depends on is this a great neighborhood?

1201
01:00:43,560 --> 01:00:49,160
Speaker 3: Are are they gentrifying? Or is it already great? I

1202
01:00:49,240 --> 01:00:50,960
Speaker 3: think that those are the things that you have to

1203
01:00:51,080 --> 01:00:53,800
Speaker 3: think think about. But ultimately you're making the right move.

1204
01:00:54,480 --> 01:00:57,200
Speaker 3: Make those moves now while you're young enough to still

1205
01:00:57,280 --> 01:01:00,200
Speaker 3: have income coming in so that at some point your

1206
01:01:00,280 --> 01:01:02,720
Speaker 3: money can work for you instead of you working for money.

1207
01:01:02,920 --> 01:01:05,680
Speaker 1: Okay, I like that, and I've not heard it put

1208
01:01:05,800 --> 01:01:07,440
Speaker 1: quite that way. And I also just want to say

1209
01:01:07,520 --> 01:01:10,680
Speaker 1: it's so wild how the term location, location, location has

1210
01:01:11,000 --> 01:01:13,400
Speaker 1: been imprinted in our minds. I don't even know who

1211
01:01:13,520 --> 01:01:16,400
Speaker 1: said it first. Real estate agents said it first, but

1212
01:01:16,520 --> 01:01:18,760
Speaker 1: we hear it and we all know immediately what it means,

1213
01:01:19,120 --> 01:01:21,920
Speaker 1: and we know we're talking about buying property. That is

1214
01:01:21,960 --> 01:01:24,120
Speaker 1: sound advice you gave me. I'm not in a position yet,

1215
01:01:24,160 --> 01:01:27,560
Speaker 1: but I thought, what would Yeah? Is that smart to do?

1216
01:01:27,720 --> 01:01:30,200
Speaker 1: But I think you gave me great guidelines. I think

1217
01:01:30,240 --> 01:01:31,880
Speaker 1: you did great. Even if you want thank you. You

1218
01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:36,480
Speaker 1: sounded like an expert, sounded like a confident dad. Wade

1219
01:01:36,600 --> 01:01:39,280
Speaker 1: Brady Junior, Thank you so much for being here. Thank

1220
01:01:39,320 --> 01:01:40,720
Speaker 1: you for being my dad for the day. Is there

1221
01:01:40,760 --> 01:01:42,360
Speaker 1: anything you would like to plug.

1222
01:01:43,520 --> 01:01:45,480
Speaker 3: Let's see what's going on? Yeah, I would love to

1223
01:01:45,520 --> 01:01:47,800
Speaker 3: plug it. You know, I've got the latest season of

1224
01:01:48,320 --> 01:01:50,160
Speaker 3: Let's Make a Deal. We're getting ready to go back

1225
01:01:50,200 --> 01:01:54,560
Speaker 3: to work right right now. I will be on the

1226
01:01:54,720 --> 01:01:58,400
Speaker 3: road at some point this this year, touring with my

1227
01:01:58,560 --> 01:02:03,920
Speaker 3: improvised musical show called Making Sit Up. I'll be back

1228
01:02:03,960 --> 01:02:06,880
Speaker 3: on Broadway starting in July. I can't say which show yet,

1229
01:02:07,080 --> 01:02:09,560
Speaker 3: but definitely check out my Instagram.

1230
01:02:09,960 --> 01:02:11,880
Speaker 1: Thank you for doing this again. I want to say

1231
01:02:11,920 --> 01:02:13,800
Speaker 1: thank you so much to our listeners. We will be

1232
01:02:13,920 --> 01:02:16,880
Speaker 1: taking a brief hiatus on thanks Dad, as this is

1233
01:02:16,920 --> 01:02:19,840
Speaker 1: the season finale and what a way to end the

1234
01:02:20,000 --> 01:02:23,120
Speaker 1: season with a bang with you Wayne Brady as my

1235
01:02:23,280 --> 01:02:23,960
Speaker 1: dad for the day.

1236
01:02:24,280 --> 01:02:26,640
Speaker 2: Thank you again and we'll see you soon.

1237
01:02:27,000 --> 01:02:27,680
Speaker 3: Bye bye